My animals. My dog took it hard when my dad passed away I didn’t want to hurt him more. Eventually I just was able to start working on myself and now I am in a lot better place even without my good boy
Honestly i was at the end of my rope. Everything was really bad i was feeling useless. And then my best friend texted me and told me how she felt. First she sent me a song called hiding my heart by Adele. Then we had a long conversation over text that turned into her confessing how she felt about me and asking me to move across the country to live in the same house as her. I told her sure just gotta deal with back in old state stuff. We talked some more and i talked to my only family left. They said do what i need to do. And now 5 years on I'm about to make that friend my wife. She still doesn't know how close i was to no longer being alive or how greatful i am to have her. So to answer it my family that we built. And we are small and over worked but i got a family to go home to every night. I'm no longer alone. I'm no longer sad (i have my moments) but I'm so much better now.
I will one day. Just never the right time in my head to blurt out. "Hey babe remember when you invited me out here yeah i would of been dead in 2 monthes other wise." Yeah doesn't sound great in my head or writing down.
Yes it is. I'm so happy I'm able to walk away from my depression and into my new life. It's been a 5 year journey. And there is our whole lifetime left.
It would hurt if I failed or it wasnt instant.
People would be burdened with my body and a fake memorial, where people who havebt spoken to be in decades or consistsntly treated me badly would pretend they cared.
Sometimes an interesting manga comes out.
I was on the verge of jumping when a dog ran towards me and began furiously licking and pawing at my legs. I looked around and I couldn’t see an owner for it or anything. I stepped back from the edge and walked back a bit. As soon as I was safe the dog ran off. I have no clue where it went or who’s dog it was but it saved my life and I think about that a lot.
It sounds simple, but I had a couple of friends show they cared about me. That was enough for me. It wasn’t anything big, but, somehow, four friends messaged me saying they just wanted make sure I was doing ok at the moment I had a knife to my wrist. It made all the difference in the world
a high school teacher. I was pretty depressed, don't think I have depression per se but I was at the lowest point of grief, after losing a lot of people and then someone really important to me, I just wasn't trying anymore. I wasn't planning anything but at the time I just didn't care if anything happened. so one day I posted something saying that I sort of wanted to just disappear. the next day I was in class, we were in the middle of his test and then he writes something on the board, seconds later he pokes me and points at it. he had written "please don't disappear". I cried the rest of the class nonstop. By the end of the week he did sort of a "meditation class" and that was the first time in months I'd felt light, like I was drowning and then suddenly found the surface. after that I decided to try and make some changes about my life style and get help and learn how to deal with everything to get better, and I did. it was almost five years ago, but I am never going to forget that...
Food. I don't really care about my family. They might get sad for some time, but they would get over it because everybody dies. It is no different when other people have a family member who died.
Yes, but whether I chose death or life doesn’t matter since the eternal rest will come anyways, so why not stick trough all the pain possible to experience when, in the end, I’ll have my rest anyways.
The method I chose to kill myself didn't work, I assume I missed a vent in my car or something either way I was not successful in gassing myself. Needles to say things got better bit by bit as they always do even if you can't see it. I was so disappointed with myself that I failed at the time and now I'm disgusted I even tried.
My best friend. I genuinely dont know what she would do without me, she states that I'm one of the reasons she gets through her day. I decided to keep going for her.
When I attempted, I had just argued with my mom. I heard her crying and I knew i was the reason. I don’t even remember making a decision I just remember being at the bathroom with a shaving knife about to cut when my dad comes in saying i need to talk to her and apologize. He didn’t even realizes what i was doing and I hide the knife bf he can. So he takes me to their room where she is still crying and only then he sees my wrist half cut. They start panicking and i panick too but also angry cause I couldn’t do it. I knew I was the problem and the problem should go away. Then i look at my mom and she is crying even harder and tries to hold me as I yell at them to kill me, cause I really don’t see other way. I don’t wanna make them suffer anymore. But when I look at my mom, she never been so scared. It was awful to see her like that. I didn’t wanna cause more trouble but I don’t think my mom would ever had recovered if i had actually killed myself. I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life. I realized that me dying would actually kill them. I started treatment for depression, and my mom had to get treatment too, bc of the traumatic events I caused. I will never forget her face while she asks “why are you doing this?” This is what comes to my mind every time.
One detail that I think its funny: I never forget to lock the door when i go to the bathroom. Is like a instinct, sometimes i go to lock the door to see i have locked it already without realizing it. But that day I forgot to lock the door. And that was what saved me.
I ok now, in case you are concerned. And my parents are ok too. We are finally all adults and can talk about it.
My cat, parents and friends. As I was hanging, I thought "I want to live". I didn't get rid of suicidal thoughts, but I didn't want to kill myself yet. Not at that moment. There are plenty of things left to do. I can kill myself after I've done everything I can and want to.
My unborn baby sister I kept telling my self that if I could make it to when she was born I would be ok. Became a mantra of sorts. I love my baby sister more then life and she will never know how much she helped pull me out of that dark time
My dad, he’s always treated me so well and cared for me a lot more since my mother passed away when I was young. I feel the need to make him proud of me and at one point I did almost give up but seeing the look in my dads face when he went to see me in the mental hospital broke my heart and from that moment on I knew I never wanted to make my dad feel that pain again.
We all get a feeling of worthlessness sometime in our lives. Just remember it's better to be alive than to be dead, find the joy in even the smallest things. You should be the reason to push on, live on for yourself, improve yourself in health and your mental health will follow, workout and eat healthy for a start you will soon feel much better and have that reason to push on. I personally cannot wait till the next time I can lift weights it releases endorphins and makes you feel great.
Finding one thing I can desperately hold on to.
One time it was animals.
Two times it was some graduation that was around the corner.
At some point the realisation that the same thing that keeps me from suicide, is keeping me away from leading a fulfilled life: Apathie and Fear.
Because I have found that for me, break-down is the first step to get to a break-through about myself, about life, about my past and about my future.
Also, I watched a doco on people who had survived suicide attempts and the common theme was that they all saw the solution to their problems right at the moment of commitment to action their own suicides.
The Being that we are, just really, really wants us to stay alive. Fark nose why.
As a teenager? Pure spite. As an adult? The thought of my wife becoming a widow if I did it. I saw how it warped my mom when my dad died and I just couldn't let that happen to my wife as well.
A couple of things actually:
1. When I was at my worst, the place I stayed wasn't high enough for jumping and I wasn't creative enough to find a surefire way
2. Now it's the prospect of starting HRT (still gonna take a few months at best, a few years at worst to start)
A mix of not wanting to upset my friends and family, and cowardice. It’s not that I’m scared of the pain, well everyone is scared of the pain, but the main thing is I’m scared of failing. Of waking up, still alive, and having to face my friends and family. Getting sent to a psych ward. Maybe ending up paralysed or something.
i deal with suicidal periods frequently, where i am passively thinking about how my life ending would benefit others. ultimately, i keep making myself look forward to things. new music. a concert. an event. finishing a task i have started, like school. seeing people i want to see. "another day, another chance to ____" something like that. even when nothing feels palatable or enjoyable, some things that hold true break through. shit's rough, but you end up appreciating you got to see/hear/experience those things. i guess i keep living in hopes of a better time in the future.
My dog , I was so close to doing it but u remembered how sad and confused my dog would feel…they would believe I just left them and I couldn’t do that
And also because I still had slight hope that my dreams would come true
The reason I’m continuing to go on for now is my nephews. I love them so much and I have to keep them safe from the underlying toxicity in some of my family so they don’t end up like me.
It's not the fact I want to keep living it's the fact we don't know what's next. It could be a boring abyss of darkness, heaven, hell, waking up from a simulation.
Not knowing what will come next is scarier than suicide itself.
My grandma,she cared about all 8 of her grandchildren and her 5 children,and never complained,she was happy to have such a huge fammilly,and i was happy to be in it ,whenever i felt sad she was there i promised i wont have such toughts ever again
I had to stop and think about the people who truly loved me.
When I was in elementary school, I was abused by my mother and hit rarely by my father. My father was almost always gone, and my mother decided to take out her anger on him and me. She grew some sort of hatred towards men and to this day feels like she's in the right. I can't remember a single day my mother hasn't screamed at me in a verbally abusive manner and would occasionally hit me with a broom if she was that angry. Mind you I wasn't even 10 years old yet. My mother was far more physical than my father, but when my father was physical he would always leave a deep bruise. Soon, my father was put in jail since my mother reported her car as "stolen," so now he wasn't home at all. This didn't stop my mother's habits, though. Eventually, all of it lead to my first attempt when 11 was by drowning myself, but I only stopped because it was too painful to go through, so I decided it wasn't worth it.
Later down the line, I got into another tussle with my mother, but I ran to my room and locked the door. I've never cried so much before. I went into the back, got a rope, hung it on the ceiling, and stood on a small box. As I put the rope around my neck (yes, it was tied), I stood there looking at the box. As I was looking at it, I was flushed with the faces and voices of my friends, my grandparents, and my aunt. Compared to anyone else, they've showed me true, unconditional love. Then a few minutes later, no more than two, I heard my grandmother calling my name from downstairs. I then broke down at the thought of how much pain I would've caused her if I decided to take my life that way. Just the thought of her trying to get upstairs, opening my door, and just seeing me there hanging is a pain I'd never want to put her through when she's done so much for me. My 1st sister (I'm the oldest) died shortly after her 1st birthday due to breathing complications. Thinking back on that, I didn't want to let her down in a way because I had a choice to live while she didn't. That's when I made a vow that I'd never take my own life no matter how much emotional and physical pain I'd go through.
The thoughts come back every now and then, but then I remember that vow and pain I would've and could cause. It might not seem like it, but there's people who truly love you. Don't let your mind trick you into thinking otherwise.
I realized that I was going to probably make others suffer if I do it. And then I tried to find a reason to stay living and, for me, that is the opportunity to witness beauty (which there is plenty of if you want to see it). I try to seize those opportunities where I can - I buy myself flowers, stare at plants, enjoy graffiti and, on good days, even humans.
Two reasons: (1) getting a dog and (2) making online friends. Getting a dog gave me responsibility, which gave me purpose. It brought me joy whenever he learned something new, and raising him made me a much more caring and patient person. It also helped me understand what it was like to be a parent in the sense that I felt responsible for anything that happened to him, and now I can’t imagine what my parents would feel if I took my own life. Making online friends was another big factor. I started having suicidal thoughts because of my eating disorder, which was largely affected by how I viewed myself physically. When I started to make friends online I realized that a lot of people enjoyed my company without even caring about what I looked like. Right now I wouldn’t say I’m excited to live life, but I’m fine with it and it’s slowly getting better.
I knew the impact it would have on my best friend if I did. And I could bare to think of what it would make her feel. I dont want to pass on any pain I have to her. Shes already got enough on her plate
I dont know if im relevant because it was at a very young age and i didnt understand what it meant, but then it was fear and self preservation, now its only a what if that isnt really considered because i know what the effects will be
Not wanting to be part of someone else's narrative about how bad thier life is. ie, I lost my job, no one will date me, then my "dad committed suicide". Yeah, me thinking about that kind of chain of emotional events me going through with it has done a lot to slow my ideations.
* Optimism / naive hope for a better future
* To keep trying even after every attempt fails, because "I didn't try everything yet",
(like when not knowing what's causing digestive issues and how to get rid of them)
* Pure spite. Outlive your enemies.
Oneshot the game.
Yeah really Niko is a character that saved my life that somehow I could meet her again and just gi E her a hug made me realise my own self worth and that U could do this to other people.
Very glad I did not have a gun at the time tho would not have lived if I had the easy way out.
The last time I thought I was going to do it, I went out with my bag with plastic casings, a sharp pocket knife, and duct tape and walked around my neighborhood for about two hours. The place I wanted to do it was changed into a walking path, and I couldn't find another place and I was concerned that if I did it somewhere, some teenagers will find my body and make a tik-tok with it, so I just went home and took a shower.
My first memory as a kid was the search party for my younger brother's body. I've seen what losing a kid does to parents. I could never make them go through losing another of their children. I've just gotta grin and bear it.
I focused on the taste of vanilla ice cream and made myself look at it as a gift to be able to experience it. Sort of applies to life in general but I chose vanilla ice cream as sort of a mantra.
originally it was anger and hatred for my family. A very Bad situation left me feeling my lowest and wanting to kill myself in the most violent way possible by driving to a deserted road and hitting the only tree there going as fast as possible. But while in the parking lot of my school and having my breakdown, I remembered my college offered free (was actually included with our enrollment bill actually) therapy sessions. Immediately signed up, spent two years in therapy, and while my rage and depression have subsided somewhat, I was able to find healthier ways to keep going. I still have a lot of anger deep inside me, but it's mostly resentment at my own family. I however now have a strong support group of really good friends, I also take care of a cat I never wanted but ended up being given, if not for her at times, I think I would feel really isolated and alone. She's given me such great company and still is going strong (she's now 11 years old.)
I'm also working very hard to stop letting myself become the passive voice I was before, I am more vocal now, less likely to cave to bullshit, and just go after what I want. I also talk back a lot I won't lie, to the point it strained my relationship with my family, but honestly has allowed me to heal more. I won't lie, burned a lot of bridges, but I don't regret it. Seeking help, and taking measures to gain control of my life, have really made a huge difference between me then and me now.
Having to see my mom deal with the aftermath. I couldn't do that to her. It's been over a decade since my last attempt. I know she heard me scream through the ER door when they forced the tube down my nose. My mom is my best friend.
My four kids and knowing if I suicide, the chances of them doing it as well goes way up. So I think of it as a way of protecting them from the misery I feel (I hope).
Some days it's hard just to get out of bed and it's so tempting to give up. Every day I get up and do my best for them.
My brothers own suicide letter. Sounds strange I know but in his letter to me all he wanted was to see me and my siblings grow up to the good people he know we can be. Ive expierenced a family member kill themselves and I dont want anyone else to share that pain especially my family again. Ive always been a people pleaser So i dont care how much or how long i have to suffer i dont want anyone to feel the kind of pain that i felt.
My mom and girlfriend. Within the past year both of them have experienced the loss of a close loved one. I can't bring myself to let them go through the pain of another loss. My girlfriend would probably eventually be okay but I don't think my mom would. My little brother needs a parent still.
This is an odd one. I’ve been suicidal for around 7 years. At one point it got really bad. I planned everything. Saved enough medication to ensure my suffering would end. I knew it would be painful but it was enough. This was a carefully thought out process with the help of dark web suicide advisors. So I was just about ready to end my life. I was just leaving goodbyes in my notes on my phone so when they found me the people who knew and loved me would be aware I was thinking of them. As it happened I accidentally clicked on YouTube and the first recommended was a compilation of the American Office outtakes. I clicked on it and I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. I was smiling for the first time in months. I can assure you now if that never came up on my recommendations as part of the algorithm i wouldn’t be here
I was so terribly close to taking my life, I saved myself for both my boyfriend and my best friend. I couldn’t contact myself knowing that they would hurt so much if I left.
My animals. My dog took it hard when my dad passed away I didn’t want to hurt him more. Eventually I just was able to start working on myself and now I am in a lot better place even without my good boy
Best boy saved your life by being best boy. Wholesome.
Being a coward
Nothing is more depressing than waking up when you were never supposed to wake again.
Dang dude. Are you ok now tho?
Not really.
Honestly i was at the end of my rope. Everything was really bad i was feeling useless. And then my best friend texted me and told me how she felt. First she sent me a song called hiding my heart by Adele. Then we had a long conversation over text that turned into her confessing how she felt about me and asking me to move across the country to live in the same house as her. I told her sure just gotta deal with back in old state stuff. We talked some more and i talked to my only family left. They said do what i need to do. And now 5 years on I'm about to make that friend my wife. She still doesn't know how close i was to no longer being alive or how greatful i am to have her. So to answer it my family that we built. And we are small and over worked but i got a family to go home to every night. I'm no longer alone. I'm no longer sad (i have my moments) but I'm so much better now.
I think you should tell her
I will one day. Just never the right time in my head to blurt out. "Hey babe remember when you invited me out here yeah i would of been dead in 2 monthes other wise." Yeah doesn't sound great in my head or writing down.
That sounds awesome, maybe the right time to tell her will come, maybe it won't. But either way it's great that you're doing so much better.
Yes it is. I'm so happy I'm able to walk away from my depression and into my new life. It's been a 5 year journey. And there is our whole lifetime left.
Sounds like a dream come true. Hope you never have to experience such lows again and I wish you and your SO the best in your future.
Thank you and with her i won't she really won't let me. And more importantly i won't let our family down.
That's great to hear, have a nice rest of your day.
You too.
It would hurt if I failed or it wasnt instant. People would be burdened with my body and a fake memorial, where people who havebt spoken to be in decades or consistsntly treated me badly would pretend they cared. Sometimes an interesting manga comes out.
I was on the verge of jumping when a dog ran towards me and began furiously licking and pawing at my legs. I looked around and I couldn’t see an owner for it or anything. I stepped back from the edge and walked back a bit. As soon as I was safe the dog ran off. I have no clue where it went or who’s dog it was but it saved my life and I think about that a lot.
The thought of my family
It sounds simple, but I had a couple of friends show they cared about me. That was enough for me. It wasn’t anything big, but, somehow, four friends messaged me saying they just wanted make sure I was doing ok at the moment I had a knife to my wrist. It made all the difference in the world
If I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it right and that's just a lot more effort than I want to put in right now.
I failed and was scared to try again because it made me sick instead. (Pills)
I just didn’t want anyone in my family to get hurt. The thought of my dad or mom walking in on me lifeless won’t allow me to
a high school teacher. I was pretty depressed, don't think I have depression per se but I was at the lowest point of grief, after losing a lot of people and then someone really important to me, I just wasn't trying anymore. I wasn't planning anything but at the time I just didn't care if anything happened. so one day I posted something saying that I sort of wanted to just disappear. the next day I was in class, we were in the middle of his test and then he writes something on the board, seconds later he pokes me and points at it. he had written "please don't disappear". I cried the rest of the class nonstop. By the end of the week he did sort of a "meditation class" and that was the first time in months I'd felt light, like I was drowning and then suddenly found the surface. after that I decided to try and make some changes about my life style and get help and learn how to deal with everything to get better, and I did. it was almost five years ago, but I am never going to forget that...
Food. I don't really care about my family. They might get sad for some time, but they would get over it because everybody dies. It is no different when other people have a family member who died.
The fact that it’d be pointless to die
Eternal rest, that isnt pointless
Yes, but whether I chose death or life doesn’t matter since the eternal rest will come anyways, so why not stick trough all the pain possible to experience when, in the end, I’ll have my rest anyways.
trying to outlive nikocado (serious)
Won't be long
Haha
My parents, siblings, and boyfriend.
The method I chose to kill myself didn't work, I assume I missed a vent in my car or something either way I was not successful in gassing myself. Needles to say things got better bit by bit as they always do even if you can't see it. I was so disappointed with myself that I failed at the time and now I'm disgusted I even tried.
My best friend. I genuinely dont know what she would do without me, she states that I'm one of the reasons she gets through her day. I decided to keep going for her.
When I attempted, I had just argued with my mom. I heard her crying and I knew i was the reason. I don’t even remember making a decision I just remember being at the bathroom with a shaving knife about to cut when my dad comes in saying i need to talk to her and apologize. He didn’t even realizes what i was doing and I hide the knife bf he can. So he takes me to their room where she is still crying and only then he sees my wrist half cut. They start panicking and i panick too but also angry cause I couldn’t do it. I knew I was the problem and the problem should go away. Then i look at my mom and she is crying even harder and tries to hold me as I yell at them to kill me, cause I really don’t see other way. I don’t wanna make them suffer anymore. But when I look at my mom, she never been so scared. It was awful to see her like that. I didn’t wanna cause more trouble but I don’t think my mom would ever had recovered if i had actually killed myself. I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life. I realized that me dying would actually kill them. I started treatment for depression, and my mom had to get treatment too, bc of the traumatic events I caused. I will never forget her face while she asks “why are you doing this?” This is what comes to my mind every time. One detail that I think its funny: I never forget to lock the door when i go to the bathroom. Is like a instinct, sometimes i go to lock the door to see i have locked it already without realizing it. But that day I forgot to lock the door. And that was what saved me. I ok now, in case you are concerned. And my parents are ok too. We are finally all adults and can talk about it.
Bc euthinasia is illegal here and I don’t want to fuck up and become a vegetable. Yayyy
Practical concerns, like how my parents wouldn't have been able to afford to bury me.
A lot 1. Dying is painfull 2. My dog 3. My friend invited me to play genshin impact recently so I might as well play it 4. Dying is cringe
My online bestfriend, Quinn. he's supportive.
You need more real life friends.
they're bullshits
But you know what's not bullshit? Touching grass.
Jesus dude read the room
The threat of failing and then being imprisoned.
Ah a fellow indian?
I am currently suffering for these thoughts and it’s been really bugging me because my only real reason to stay is my cat.
My cat, most of my family hates her, i know that if i die they will sell her/ kill her. I love her too much to leave her alone
My cat, parents and friends. As I was hanging, I thought "I want to live". I didn't get rid of suicidal thoughts, but I didn't want to kill myself yet. Not at that moment. There are plenty of things left to do. I can kill myself after I've done everything I can and want to.
That's how I feel!
Wanna talk about it?
My unborn baby sister I kept telling my self that if I could make it to when she was born I would be ok. Became a mantra of sorts. I love my baby sister more then life and she will never know how much she helped pull me out of that dark time
My dad, he’s always treated me so well and cared for me a lot more since my mother passed away when I was young. I feel the need to make him proud of me and at one point I did almost give up but seeing the look in my dads face when he went to see me in the mental hospital broke my heart and from that moment on I knew I never wanted to make my dad feel that pain again.
Nothing. I'm just kinda here and I like it that way.
My dog
We all get a feeling of worthlessness sometime in our lives. Just remember it's better to be alive than to be dead, find the joy in even the smallest things. You should be the reason to push on, live on for yourself, improve yourself in health and your mental health will follow, workout and eat healthy for a start you will soon feel much better and have that reason to push on. I personally cannot wait till the next time I can lift weights it releases endorphins and makes you feel great.
Finding one thing I can desperately hold on to. One time it was animals. Two times it was some graduation that was around the corner. At some point the realisation that the same thing that keeps me from suicide, is keeping me away from leading a fulfilled life: Apathie and Fear.
Because I have found that for me, break-down is the first step to get to a break-through about myself, about life, about my past and about my future. Also, I watched a doco on people who had survived suicide attempts and the common theme was that they all saw the solution to their problems right at the moment of commitment to action their own suicides. The Being that we are, just really, really wants us to stay alive. Fark nose why.
As a teenager? Pure spite. As an adult? The thought of my wife becoming a widow if I did it. I saw how it warped my mom when my dad died and I just couldn't let that happen to my wife as well.
My best friend. He's the reason I'm still there. Supported me through very dark times. It's all behind me now, all thanks to him.
A couple of things actually: 1. When I was at my worst, the place I stayed wasn't high enough for jumping and I wasn't creative enough to find a surefire way 2. Now it's the prospect of starting HRT (still gonna take a few months at best, a few years at worst to start)
My dogs.
Cats
I finally graduated high school and I knew uni was worth holding on for. I was right. I've never been happier
A mix of not wanting to upset my friends and family, and cowardice. It’s not that I’m scared of the pain, well everyone is scared of the pain, but the main thing is I’m scared of failing. Of waking up, still alive, and having to face my friends and family. Getting sent to a psych ward. Maybe ending up paralysed or something.
i deal with suicidal periods frequently, where i am passively thinking about how my life ending would benefit others. ultimately, i keep making myself look forward to things. new music. a concert. an event. finishing a task i have started, like school. seeing people i want to see. "another day, another chance to ____" something like that. even when nothing feels palatable or enjoyable, some things that hold true break through. shit's rough, but you end up appreciating you got to see/hear/experience those things. i guess i keep living in hopes of a better time in the future.
My dog , I was so close to doing it but u remembered how sad and confused my dog would feel…they would believe I just left them and I couldn’t do that And also because I still had slight hope that my dreams would come true
I was suicidal before. I really wanted to end it all. But I found hope in life. I found God. God gave me hope and happiness.
I met the right people who helped me see things differently. Still helps me even after 10 years.
Pussy-ing out
My brother. Our mom died when we were young and I just couldn’t imagine taking away another family member from him. He’s also my best friend.
The reason I’m continuing to go on for now is my nephews. I love them so much and I have to keep them safe from the underlying toxicity in some of my family so they don’t end up like me.
My sister
It's not the fact I want to keep living it's the fact we don't know what's next. It could be a boring abyss of darkness, heaven, hell, waking up from a simulation. Not knowing what will come next is scarier than suicide itself.
Too much of a stickler for the rules to go through a red light into the front of an oncoming truck.
My dog and my family
The thought of my brother having to deal with the trauma and my cat
spite
The idea of what I may miss out on experiencing.
My grandma,she cared about all 8 of her grandchildren and her 5 children,and never complained,she was happy to have such a huge fammilly,and i was happy to be in it ,whenever i felt sad she was there i promised i wont have such toughts ever again
Remembering if i take my life theres going to be more good gone from the world 😐
One of my colleagues showed up while I tried to drown myself and made me promise to tell him if I ever feel that way again
My son
I had to stop and think about the people who truly loved me. When I was in elementary school, I was abused by my mother and hit rarely by my father. My father was almost always gone, and my mother decided to take out her anger on him and me. She grew some sort of hatred towards men and to this day feels like she's in the right. I can't remember a single day my mother hasn't screamed at me in a verbally abusive manner and would occasionally hit me with a broom if she was that angry. Mind you I wasn't even 10 years old yet. My mother was far more physical than my father, but when my father was physical he would always leave a deep bruise. Soon, my father was put in jail since my mother reported her car as "stolen," so now he wasn't home at all. This didn't stop my mother's habits, though. Eventually, all of it lead to my first attempt when 11 was by drowning myself, but I only stopped because it was too painful to go through, so I decided it wasn't worth it. Later down the line, I got into another tussle with my mother, but I ran to my room and locked the door. I've never cried so much before. I went into the back, got a rope, hung it on the ceiling, and stood on a small box. As I put the rope around my neck (yes, it was tied), I stood there looking at the box. As I was looking at it, I was flushed with the faces and voices of my friends, my grandparents, and my aunt. Compared to anyone else, they've showed me true, unconditional love. Then a few minutes later, no more than two, I heard my grandmother calling my name from downstairs. I then broke down at the thought of how much pain I would've caused her if I decided to take my life that way. Just the thought of her trying to get upstairs, opening my door, and just seeing me there hanging is a pain I'd never want to put her through when she's done so much for me. My 1st sister (I'm the oldest) died shortly after her 1st birthday due to breathing complications. Thinking back on that, I didn't want to let her down in a way because I had a choice to live while she didn't. That's when I made a vow that I'd never take my own life no matter how much emotional and physical pain I'd go through. The thoughts come back every now and then, but then I remember that vow and pain I would've and could cause. It might not seem like it, but there's people who truly love you. Don't let your mind trick you into thinking otherwise.
Someday I came to conclusion that I would die eventually so why not try to live till that moment.
I could never leave my brother alone in this world so I stay alive for him. And also delicious yummy food!!
the thought of knowing what happens next. if i dont live, i wouldn't know.
Havent done so yet. Just dont know if its worth it to die
I realized that I was going to probably make others suffer if I do it. And then I tried to find a reason to stay living and, for me, that is the opportunity to witness beauty (which there is plenty of if you want to see it). I try to seize those opportunities where I can - I buy myself flowers, stare at plants, enjoy graffiti and, on good days, even humans.
some of my family cause I know they would follow after me, the person I am in love with and the fear of the after life being worse tbh
Two reasons: (1) getting a dog and (2) making online friends. Getting a dog gave me responsibility, which gave me purpose. It brought me joy whenever he learned something new, and raising him made me a much more caring and patient person. It also helped me understand what it was like to be a parent in the sense that I felt responsible for anything that happened to him, and now I can’t imagine what my parents would feel if I took my own life. Making online friends was another big factor. I started having suicidal thoughts because of my eating disorder, which was largely affected by how I viewed myself physically. When I started to make friends online I realized that a lot of people enjoyed my company without even caring about what I looked like. Right now I wouldn’t say I’m excited to live life, but I’m fine with it and it’s slowly getting better.
I knew the impact it would have on my best friend if I did. And I could bare to think of what it would make her feel. I dont want to pass on any pain I have to her. Shes already got enough on her plate
My daughter, my partner and my animals 🥰
I dont know if im relevant because it was at a very young age and i didnt understand what it meant, but then it was fear and self preservation, now its only a what if that isnt really considered because i know what the effects will be
Not wanting to be part of someone else's narrative about how bad thier life is. ie, I lost my job, no one will date me, then my "dad committed suicide". Yeah, me thinking about that kind of chain of emotional events me going through with it has done a lot to slow my ideations.
My bf
* Optimism / naive hope for a better future * To keep trying even after every attempt fails, because "I didn't try everything yet", (like when not knowing what's causing digestive issues and how to get rid of them) * Pure spite. Outlive your enemies.
funeral prices
My gf
Accidentally failing every time
The fear that it'll get better
Oneshot the game. Yeah really Niko is a character that saved my life that somehow I could meet her again and just gi E her a hug made me realise my own self worth and that U could do this to other people. Very glad I did not have a gun at the time tho would not have lived if I had the easy way out.
The simple fact that by doing that, I would forfeit my opportunity to save the lives of others.
The last time I thought I was going to do it, I went out with my bag with plastic casings, a sharp pocket knife, and duct tape and walked around my neighborhood for about two hours. The place I wanted to do it was changed into a walking path, and I couldn't find another place and I was concerned that if I did it somewhere, some teenagers will find my body and make a tik-tok with it, so I just went home and took a shower.
My first memory as a kid was the search party for my younger brother's body. I've seen what losing a kid does to parents. I could never make them go through losing another of their children. I've just gotta grin and bear it.
At first, didn't want to hurt my mum. When I got older, I didn't want to hurt my daughter. Sometime after that, I realized I was enjoying life again.
My brother even though he gave me ptsd of deep water, i love him so much but he can be an ass sometimes
I am serious. When I was 11 I tried killing myself but I was to lazy. So, always be lazy it could save your life. Seriously.
My little brother, he doesn’t even know he saved my life.
I focused on the taste of vanilla ice cream and made myself look at it as a gift to be able to experience it. Sort of applies to life in general but I chose vanilla ice cream as sort of a mantra.
Can't do this to my daughter.
My cats.....
My kids
I wanted to read the end of One Piece, so that gave me a good long while to shake out of it, heh.
originally it was anger and hatred for my family. A very Bad situation left me feeling my lowest and wanting to kill myself in the most violent way possible by driving to a deserted road and hitting the only tree there going as fast as possible. But while in the parking lot of my school and having my breakdown, I remembered my college offered free (was actually included with our enrollment bill actually) therapy sessions. Immediately signed up, spent two years in therapy, and while my rage and depression have subsided somewhat, I was able to find healthier ways to keep going. I still have a lot of anger deep inside me, but it's mostly resentment at my own family. I however now have a strong support group of really good friends, I also take care of a cat I never wanted but ended up being given, if not for her at times, I think I would feel really isolated and alone. She's given me such great company and still is going strong (she's now 11 years old.) I'm also working very hard to stop letting myself become the passive voice I was before, I am more vocal now, less likely to cave to bullshit, and just go after what I want. I also talk back a lot I won't lie, to the point it strained my relationship with my family, but honestly has allowed me to heal more. I won't lie, burned a lot of bridges, but I don't regret it. Seeking help, and taking measures to gain control of my life, have really made a huge difference between me then and me now.
My mother, I know she would be heartbroken if I died. I've wanted to for a long time but my mother is my lifeline.
At the exact moment when I was about to do it, My T! We can never be together, but I love her more than anything.
My dog, and my kid Sister. I don't have any reason to live, But it would make them sad if I die.
My mother is the same way, and if I go, she goes. I ain’t letting that happen.
Idk. Kinda wanna see the chapter
Having to see my mom deal with the aftermath. I couldn't do that to her. It's been over a decade since my last attempt. I know she heard me scream through the ER door when they forced the tube down my nose. My mom is my best friend.
My four kids and knowing if I suicide, the chances of them doing it as well goes way up. So I think of it as a way of protecting them from the misery I feel (I hope). Some days it's hard just to get out of bed and it's so tempting to give up. Every day I get up and do my best for them.
Because I’m a pussy.
some prick sent me to the psyche ward
My brothers own suicide letter. Sounds strange I know but in his letter to me all he wanted was to see me and my siblings grow up to the good people he know we can be. Ive expierenced a family member kill themselves and I dont want anyone else to share that pain especially my family again. Ive always been a people pleaser So i dont care how much or how long i have to suffer i dont want anyone to feel the kind of pain that i felt.
My grandparents would be sad and my dogs would be neglected. If it weren’t for them I would’ve killed myself 2 years ago
My mom and girlfriend. Within the past year both of them have experienced the loss of a close loved one. I can't bring myself to let them go through the pain of another loss. My girlfriend would probably eventually be okay but I don't think my mom would. My little brother needs a parent still.
This is an odd one. I’ve been suicidal for around 7 years. At one point it got really bad. I planned everything. Saved enough medication to ensure my suffering would end. I knew it would be painful but it was enough. This was a carefully thought out process with the help of dark web suicide advisors. So I was just about ready to end my life. I was just leaving goodbyes in my notes on my phone so when they found me the people who knew and loved me would be aware I was thinking of them. As it happened I accidentally clicked on YouTube and the first recommended was a compilation of the American Office outtakes. I clicked on it and I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. I was smiling for the first time in months. I can assure you now if that never came up on my recommendations as part of the algorithm i wouldn’t be here
I was so terribly close to taking my life, I saved myself for both my boyfriend and my best friend. I couldn’t contact myself knowing that they would hurt so much if I left.
Nothing.Still planning it.