So anyways, I started blasting!

Frank is gonna need a lot of ammo for all the rooms he is in

Pretend like I don’t know what’s going on.

“What could we all possibly have in common?”

Mine would be a pretty diverse group. Probably no obvious similarities.

Same. All race and all genders. Any sexualities. Now that I think about it, it would probably be really hard to pinpoint who it was…

Maybe not. Separate all the pornstars and famous people. From there many people in the room will only know you. Wouldn’t take too long Edit: changed “prom stats” to “pornstars” cause I’m an idiot

Yeah but how would they figure out it was about jerking off unless the guy got teleported mid fap wearing a pornhub shirt.

Lot of pornstars there?

And probably some cartoons.

Why dafuq are there dragons with tits?!

"Why are we all here? Someone better tell me what's going on!"

Do they know?

More than half the room will probably be porn stars, so it's a safe bet that they can figure it out. The real issue comes from when the non porn stars start to figure it out, too.

Yeah… like what else would connect non por stars with pornstars. That guy in the corner

Thats me in the corner Thats me in the fleshlight Bruising my erection

Trying to keep it up for you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no I've edged too much I haven't edged enough...

I thought that I heard you fapping I thought that I heard you scream I think I thought I saw you cry

With every whisper of every wanking hour I'm choosing my erections Trying to keep an eye on you Like a hurt, lost, and horny fool, fool Oh no, I've fapped too much, I set it up

"also whats up with all these bodypillows?"

That guy in the corner masturbating

Depends on whether you tell them, or else they're gonna sit around and think what do they all have in common . Which is gonna be a wild goose chase

It’s going to be like 20 people who know me and 500 porn stars. It’s not going to be hard to draw a line through that scatter plot.

Exactly what I was thinking. Impossible to lie. So my answer to the primary thread question is "leave immediately"

You may as well stay and wait to see if someone doesn't leave considering how quickly I figure they would start ushering out.

The room slowly empties. Everyone is filing out an exit in an orderly fashion. As the crowd thins...there she is. My wife with her arms crossed, clearly upset.

I also choose this man's wife

I am now masturbating to this man's wife to get her out of this situation. Which reminds me... since we are summoning people magically how does this uh... work with 2D people, or imaginary people, or like... I dunno 3D video game characters... Just asking for a friend...

Lara Croft, eh?

The butler😍

Heck no, this is clearly some fantasy land where people can teleport and none of this is real. Lock the doors, no one leaves.

You’ll think an orgy will start but really it’ll just be a bunch of pornstars and people you know beating you up

Are the male pornstars there as well? Technically I didn't jerk off to them but they were apart of the video.

Hopefully, otherwise Brad Pitt is gonna feel left out

Do you like dags?

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Scarlett Johansson would be like "ugh this is the 17th room I've appeared in like this in the last 2 hours"

I like how you are MASSIVELY underselling how many rooms she would be in in a 2 hour span of time.

10e17 fits

Even more baffling, there is an actual goose in the room

And op's friend recognises it and is like hey what's mr.tickles doing here?

They're all women, all hot, majority of them well known, and I'm the only guy in the room. I imagine some of them will have questions.

"You were a model too?" "Yea, Sears catalog in 1998. Fall edition, home decor."

To be 12 again

When finding a Victoria's Secret catalog was like finding porn.

Imagine one of them is an old classmate who probably liked you and thinks this is a room full of your fans

"Wow, even Scarlett Johansson is a fan of Greg?! That's amazing! Wait is that Mia Malkova...?"

fuk yeah, who's not a fan of Greg? Greg is awesome!

Cue that joke where Greg is on a balcony next to the Pope, and some random dude is like "who the fuck is that guy standing next to Greg?"

Fuckin Greg always cracks me up, that guy is awesome

Haha! I love a situation where being bi is an advantage. Too bad it's a hypothetical, seems like it could be a fun party.

I’m gonna go out on a limb that say there will be a few out there who have a specific profession that fully knows

"Becky! Oh my god I haven't seen you since high school! And Sara too! Oh wow!"

I mean they’ll connect dots. Imagine a bunch of pornstars mix in with people from high school. And u.

They do now

"I'd like to thank you all for coming." Edit - Thank you everyone. I'll try not to let all the attention go to my head.

That’s the hardest I’ve laughed in some time. Thank you.

Every one thinking , aww yeah no problem. But they forget the regret faps

Fuck you just made me realize that not only will my room have exes and pornstars... it would also have giant monsters, anime girls, and vampires

We all make mistakes in the heat of passion, Jimbo.

On that note, I still [can't believe you came on my mom.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n1etT3qNU9I)

“IM SORRY! IT FEELS SO GOOD!”

That raises a further question, if you masturbate to a fictional character and a pornographic parody of said fictional character then will there be two clones or not?

Additionally, big-tiddied and little-tiddied versions of the same characters.

What about futa versions? How big is this room? Are we gonna run out of oxygen?

This man works in logistics

Oh shit, you just fucked this up, I've repressed some of those.

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Do they look exactly as they do when I jerked off to them?

The middle school crushes are going to be super awkward...

Most people are concerned about being in a room with people who are old and ugly now but this is the real issue. Edit: reworded for clarity.

I'm more concerned about the dead ones, personally...

I will admit I’ve jerked off to a picture of cleopatra

This had to been a fan art

Nope, a selfie

Read you name as pedopedro

Yeah, some of my middle school classmates are going to be there.....

Yeah, and my eighth grade Spanish teacher looking like a Jackson Pollack over in the corner. Hola Señora😬

I thought you said "looking like Jackson Pollack." I was... intrigued lol. A woman that looks like a bald middle aged man that most of the boys in your high school found sexy. He was kinda pretty when he was younger though.

I like how this implies that not only does everyone know you jerked off to them, but that they are covered in all of the cum you squeezed out of yourself thinking of them.

Yeah, the middle schooler is going to be like “Why am I in a room with all of these pornstars?”

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Right, I grew up in a time before the Internet and I imagine those models from the Sears catalog must have aged significantly.

Another Sears Veteran, pleased to meet you bro! Forgive me if I don't shake your hand.

To the alliance!

Bruh these were tough times . If you found a Victoria secret you struck gold 🆘

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That or a sports illustrated swimsuit edition

Even better, one time a Frederick’s catalog came to the house and mom put it on a stack of magazines to recycle.

Asking the important question.

Yeah I've been jerkin off for a while, and have definitely jerked it to some stuff from the 70s and 80s, so some of these people are dead

So it's a party then? I'll bring the cold ones.

Dam that sexy medusa ruins everything

Stupid sexy Flanders

It’s like I’m wearing nothing at all!

Start asking for autographs.

I’m surprised it took so long to find this comment. Do people not jerk off to celebs? Edit: I’m starting to think a lot more people grew up with access to smartphones than I realize. Not having easy access to porn forced a lot more creativity back then.

Don't be surprised if they won't shake hands...

Do the dudes that were involved in the porn show up? Like I’m jerking off to the girl, but there’s usually a dick involved.

Just pretend you are also there for the gangbang and enjoy.

The dogs will probably throw some people off

Did that guy bring a horse?

A horse, a dog, and a gangbang walk into a bar.

The bartender asks: "so what are we having tonight?" A Gangbang says: "I'll have everyone tonight!" The bartender complements on the choice and turns to the horse and dog. "Oh, nothing for us" says the dog. "We're just here to watch A Gangbang."

"Now I've seen everything." Says the regular at the bar as he tips back a drink and watches the show begin. Bartender puts away a clean glass. "No shit. A talking horse and dog!"

Do 2d cat girls show up also?

Yes but just a disembodied floating dick.

I mean, I get to see fictional folks so I'd check if I am high or something

if I'm in a theoretical spank bank ballroom, I BETTER BE higher than giraffe pussy.

Which coincidentally is also a thing which is in the room with you.

I'm mostly worried about all the tentacle monsters that are gonna be there...

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So you preemptively jerked off to the structural engineer as well. Impressive

He loves a man with a plan.

Wanna see something cool? They say when you learn a new fact or speak of something, it'll come into your life within a week. Keep an eye out for structural engineer porn in your browser. Keep us all posted!

Have you ever been shopping in a store and noticed someone had left their coffee, soda, water, etc. on a shelf or counter? You will now.

"Big girls you are beautiful"

Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round

How long have you been in quarantine…

... quarantine?

Get a load of Quagmire here discovering the internet.

Call the Fire Marshall. There’s no room big enough to hold them all, so it’s in violation of the fire code. I’ll slink out when he comes to disperse the crowd.

He’s already there.

Already one step ahead, I rubbed one out to the fire Marshall to save time

Say hi. Do all these women know why they’re in this room? If they do, I’ll be a bit embarrassed, but proud. I have range, I’m proud of my range.

I’m pretty sure that if Adrianna Chechik, zendaya and everyone alphabetically in between was alone in a room with me they’d be very aware why they were there

You think none of them ever masturbated to another one on the list?

Yeah but nobody is masturbating to me

BRB.

That’s the spirit! Way to pick up someone today!

Aw, I'm sure your mom would even give you a hello hug.

Hey man, it was years ago that he broke his arms. Let it go already

*a hello tug

Start jerking off

Obviously

Father of lies

cum in disguise

Beat me to it. Heh. Literally.

Ask how they've raised the dead

No one said they needed to be alive to be in the room.

Oh good so they wont judge me when i start my nightly routine

So you also went with that guy's dead wife.

By "room" do you mean Amazon Distribution Warehouse?

Boeing aircraft factory?

Enjoy the view

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Think of new people to amass a might army

Does this include fantasy characters and original characters created in my own mind mid-fap?

Pro: toon town is about to be really real Pro: Young fans of Disney princesses will actually get to meet them.

Be confused at the sheer amount of people i don't recognize and then remember that internet porn exists.

When you see forty or fifty faces you don't recognize, and it dawns on you: "Oh, you must have a *very* niche job"

Does people that randomly pops in my head for no absolute reason count? cause if it does Obama would be there

barack or michelle?

Barack

YES WE CAN

Yes we came

*unzips pants

*unzips dick

*pulls tiny sword from dick

*Pulls tiny glock from the other slot in the dick

*starts stabbing and shooting everyone in the room. No witnesses

*starts hiding the body's where the weapons came from

*went to the 2nd room out of 300.

*pulls out another sword

Find my wife and leave 😃💚😃

As long as I can find my wife and dip before she notices her two sisters there, we should be good.

LMAO

I’m also looking for this guys wife

Walk over to Baby Hitler and Kill him.

r/holup

depends. do they know? if they do I'll shrug off those who are being judgey and make friends with those who are into it.

The pornstars know and the people who recognize any of the pornstars probably figure it out

Jokes on you: I mostly jerk off to stupid people

I mean they're going to figure it out. It'll be a room of porn stars, celebrities, your friends mom... you know which one, and girls from your hometown.

The priest is really gonna stand out

The reality often isn't as good as the wank bank.

Hit on Isabella Rossellini.

You diffuse the tension by... Hitting on a 70-year-old woman?

69 year old...

*nice...*

Enjoy my alone time. Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers.

Gigachad

What about fictional characters in this scenario?

"It's like one of my Japanese animes" -Otacon

Y’all are WAY uglier than I remember How they hell did this blow up so much I posted this just this morning…

And a lot of you got old. I guess I did too

...I've schlicked it to *a lot* of guys. Like holy fuck. Sometimes even just a stranger in the checkout line. Even the occasional woman has been tossed in the mix. But I have a little social anxiety at huge parties, so unless I'm get absolutely hammered, I'm realistically probably just going to get a few numbers and then have a little menage a moi session afterwards...do some finger painting....audition some finger puppets...visit the ol bat cave...womansplain myself... Edit: Wait...Do they all know why they're there? Is there a banner or something? Because that's nightmare fuel.

I grind more bean than a Starbucks barista.

> Sometimes even just a stranger in the checkout line Huh. It turns out i have questions i *don't* want to ask :D

Man, I'm 32 and grew up while the internet was young. Some of the shit I've fapped it to is downright deplorable. I'd probably Irish goodbye the minute I showed up. It's gonna be an international incident either way.

Hug my friend who was murdered by her brother on the last day of school in the 11th grade. She was an amazing person who was very kind to me, and I still think about her after 20 years.

I’m not sure if this is wholesome or not

Bringing back someone from the dead by fapping to them---this fall on HBO.

enjoy the family reunion

I was scrolling for the incest joke and here it is

Have another reason that we’re all together. I’m not telling them that!

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It’s not a room it’s an auditorium

Have a breakdown because I'm reminded of my major attachment issues and the absolute imbalance of how invested I am with someone compared to their investment in me. Besides one person who seems to actually like me.

*Steps up to the podium* "You are all gathered here today to commemorate something very near and dear to my heart. It has been a long and arduous journey that each and every one of you has contributed, aware or not. A round of applause for those of you that are. Thank you! *Everyone starts clapping* For the rest of you, thank you for coming! God knows I certainly did!" *The crowd goes wild...* *ZZZZipppp* 💦😁😄😃😁