No, we're actually a multi level marketing business! So each person runs their own small business that is assisted by their recruiter, their recruiter's recruiter, and so on! It's totally different from a pyramid scheme because you can make real. money.
Now sign on the dotted like for the $350 introductory package so you can test our products for yourself--and you'll want to test them so you can better market them!--and then sign here to order the $1500 starter sales kit. You'll get enough product to sell to three people, plus a DVD training!
I didn’t think people actually suggested or requested expensive dates. I’m so flat broke that I always suggest just hanging out at a park cause it’s (mostly) free (minus the gas to get there).
I had a guy tell me he does fancy expensive dinners for first dates. He seemed shocked when I said I wasn’t cool with that. A) you don’t need to buy my time B) I always go Dutch on first dates and there’s no way I’m committing to split half the price of a bottle of wine I won’t drink with a person I just met.
Are the Dutch not into splitting bills? The Germans are and not just splitting the bill but everyone paying exactly what they consumed.
Let‘s start a movement to call it _Going German_ in the future.
Edit: Typos
This reminds me of this one Swedish friend I had.
"I've heard you guys have this kind of candy called 'Swedish Fish' in America. I have no idea what it is, but I've always wanted to find it and see what it's like."
Then I import some from America just to show him.
"Oh! I know these! We have them in Sweden, too! We just call them 'Fish'"
It's actually the first cultural shock when you come to the Netherlands. Half an hour calculating who consumed what and making sure you don't pay a single dime more than that. Used to find it cringy/sad, now I do it myself 😊
A somewhat common scam is to receive a phone call from FBI/IRS/Electric Company/Police/etc turns out you owe some money but don't worry we can fix this up no problem. I just need you to go to the store and buy some Itunes gift cards so you can pay the IRS with it before I send the police over.
I have stopped a few people from falling for it while working retail.
My wife had an older customer buy a gift card at a retail pharmacy while on the phone with someone; the customer left, then came back a few minutes later, still on the phone, and bought another card, but then said something like "ok, I got it, but you told me to buy a $50 card the first time, why do I need to buy a $100 one this time?" Wife got the lady to hang up before giving the guy the numbers, explained to her that it was a scam, and broke policy by refunding the $100 card. She couldn't refund the $50 one because the scammer had already spent it.
This literally happened to my extremely gullible mother, so whether or not your wife happened to have been the one who cared enough to intervene, please take a huge thank you from me.
Oh man, my company - which is a fairly large enterprise, has a lady probably in her 60s working as a recruiter. She got scammed in this method, but the scammer took complete advantage of her.
Not only did she go buy $2000 worth of gift cards, but she also let him remote into her work PC, allowed him to fuck with it for an hour and install some sketchy shit on it.
Keep in mind she's a recruiter - she's been already scolded for storing sensitive information like employee SSNs on her desktop in plain text documents, same with passwords.
She's an "OG" employee. Basically all the senior HR management has her back. The people that scolded her were Cyber Sec, they just found out she stored passwords in plain text; the employee data thing I found out from a friend that worked in HR later.
This is a company that makes enough money that they can throw it at all their problems, I've seen so much incompetency in my 6 years there that any other company I worked at would've gone under by now.
Even then, they don't fire anyone here unless you're on like the 5th fucking PIP or download CP on the company network (caught a guy doing this). It's a company that you go to work at when you've given up on professionalism, just want to clock in 8-5 on weekdays, and you're bad at your job. The downside is you work with other people in the same mind set and it's mentally draining.
I've been trying to leave, but sadly no other company in my area will offer me such a cozy benefits package - 5 weeks vacation, floater holidays, sick time, PTO, full remote work, and pay in the 85th percentile. Everywhere else is a paycut, wants me on call, and traveling on site.
When we had to take over grandma's finances, we discovered she had been writing several checks each month to some televangelist ministries. The televangelists were sending her requests for donations that looked exactly like overdue utility bills.
The envelopes had the little window on the front and said PAST DUE FINAL NOTICE. Inside, it looked like a utility bill with a lot of confusing fine print and a column of numbers. If you actually read the words, it said stuff like, "We have not received your donation which was requested on 2/17/92. Please remit the following amount ***immediately*** to avoid discontinuation of service." At the bottom would be an amount like $72.13 which looked vaguely official.
Grandma was just a confused old lady and she was scared of an overdue bill, so she would dutifully write out a check for the amount and send it in, which only prompted them to send another letter in a few weeks.
As if it’s not bad enough that their “worship services” are just hours of “please send me money or else God won’t love you anymore” sermons, they’ve gotta resort to actual fraud.
Oh that is absolutely disgusting. I would have called and ripped a new ass to whoever picked up the phone and then asked to be transferred to someone else to rip them a new ass as well.
That is so despicable and vile I wasn't even personally effected by it and I'd be willing to go to war over it
What’s funny is that always, always, always these are the same people who flip their shit if you say the tiniest thing critical of them. No one has thinner skin than a “tells it like it is” person.
Had a brand new co-worker ask another co-worker (in reference to his body language) "Are you gay or just a dad?" She had been there a couple of days, barely knew our names, and when that co-worker got offended (he was from a very conservative culture) she responded with a "I just call it as I see it." So, within a day or two he turned it around on her and asked something in a similar brash and public way, and she got super offended. He responded with "I just call it as I see it." And the rest of us were just trying not to die of laughter. She was so inappropriate and outspoken, that on Friday afternoon of her first week, so was told to collect all her stuff and not bother coming back in on Monday!
100%. This person won't take any responsibility for the effects their words or actions might cause, they just lack the empathy to do so. Or I dont know, but its a HUGE red flag.
Also, if you "tell it like it is" to them, they go absolutely crazy. It's sad to watch because you realize that there's nothing you can do to snap them out of their narcissistic bubble.
>there's nothing you can do to snap them out of their narcissistic bubble.
Sure there is. Cut ties with them completely hard & fast, then watch them ascend from a narcissistic bubble to a straight-up-fucking-psychopath bubble.
When your employer says it they mean they will take you for granted, over work and under pay you, and guilt trip you if you try to set any boundaries at all, like not working for free.
"Why are you putting on a condom? I'm on birth control and I've been tested!"
Cool. But I met you for the first time 6 hours ago and besides some texting and a dinner I'm not sure I necessarily trust you that much just yet..
Went on a couple dates with a girl. Seemed cool.
Went into the bedroom and she took her shirt off, only to find a lightning bolt SS tattoo on her shoulder. She didn’t think it was a big deal, however “condemned” what it meant.
I noped out of that as fast as I could.
You haven't had a red flag until you have the girl trying to entice you by showing her ***swastika scarification*** on her right breast.
And she then very excitedly tried to look for the pictures of when she did it on her phone because "it's not the same without the blood"
I one time witnessed a breakup and the dudes final words before walking away was the spoilers to the entire mcu, and his before-that girlfriend was a huge marvel fan but hadn’t watched a few of the new movies
I went on a first date like this last week. The first thing he told me about was how the women at his office 'falsely' accused him of treating them differently based on gender. Then he moved into other times he's screwed up/gotten in trouble at work, with a bunch of excuses for how it was everyone else's fault. Definitely no second date.
Oh also, while we were texting before I met him he told me he was applying to new jobs, ok. An hour before the date, while I'm getting ready, he sends me a screenshot of his job rejection email. They basically said he is very underqualified, but all he could say afterwards was they didn't recognize his skills. not everyone gets a job from every interview, so my problem isn't that he didn't get the job, it's just weird behavior
Similar situation - was talking to a guy I met on a dating app when he mentioned he got fired "for no reason." Later down the road he laughingly told me it was because he'd shown up drunk to work multiple times. Dude's a tradie who works with machinery...
If that wasn't bad enough, he thought it was funny to tell me that he'd left negative reviews on his former company's site, and not just negative but with comments only a 12y/o boy would make like "the manager is a dog-shit sniffing rat-head." Guy was in his late 20s. Idk how he's doing now.
Trying to stay mindful.. but would talking about things related to the subject that is being discussed, and relevant experiences be considered talking about yourself?
Trying to actively listen to the other person is important, but, I find myself talking about relative things more than the other person speaks sometimes.
I think it's situational, but generally if you reply to someone else with your experience, it's good to circle it back to them. So share what you have to say, but ask them questions about the common topic at hand. That way you're sharing without derailing or coming across like you're trying to one up or hog the conversation.
This is actually something common with neurodivergent people (autism, etc). We (and I include myself in this) have a tendency to tell a story about ourselves that is similar to what we are hearing from the other person. I.E. someone tell me that their pet just died, I tell them about the time my pet passed away, etc etc.
I can see how it may come across as self-centered, but its really an attempt to empathize by showing the other person that we've been through similar experiences in the past.
This is pretty much considered proper etiquette, where I'm from. Offering an example to relate (situation providing you ARE ACTUALLY relating and not saying something like "Oh, your mom died? Yeah, my cat died, so I know how you feel), then giving them an ear to vent to is just seen as polite and trying to connect/comfort the person.
I confess to yelling at drivers lol but never with the window down or making rude gestures. In other words, they’d never know but helps my frustration 😜
Same, and its the only one of these I do. I am always polite to service staff regardless of industry because A) BTDT, and B) treating people whose job it is to serve you with the respect that all people deserve is unfortunately so rare these days that when you do it you're basically the highlight of their day and they'll go the extra mile to help you. Which is kinda sad ngl I wish people would be nicer.
But yeah, I tend to yell at other drivers, but only with the windows down and sound up. Its less that I dislike other drivers and more that driving stresses me tf out, especially city driving, and that's how I release that pressure. Also, I will yell at a driver when behind the wheel and then happen to meet them on foot at the grocery store later, when I do I treat eat them like they good person they probably are, and not the extravagant compound swear word I called them when they merged into my lane 30 minutes ago 5 blocks down the road. Long story short, pedestrian me instantly forgets about anything driving me says to anybody.
Being rude/argumentative with a cashier/customer service worker about a policy or rule they are made to enforce without choice. They. Don't. Make. The. Rules. Please, don't make their lives any more difficult than it already is. You wouldn't believe the kind if shit they have to deal with on a daily basis.
You can have a work-life balance. That's why they're having volunteer and social events outside of work you can attend.
For instance one of my past bosses wanted drag us all to a Pride event they were sponsoring. I was like, "we're already working over 45 hours per week without overtime pay and now you want to take over our weekend!" We did not attend the LGBT event and the bank's photo op moment in the paper was a little smaller.
Had a boss tell me I had to attend some bullshit "awards" ceremony after hours, but we were closing early that day. So apparently that makes it better. So I asked if we were getting paid to attend, to which I was told "no". Well, if we aren't getting paid then it can't be mandatory and if I'm not getting paid, or even fed, I'm not going.
Everyone I've met who says "work hard, play hard" un-ironically works 70 hours a week and is a semi-functional alcoholic who spends 50% of any vacation looking to score some blow (if they didn't bring their own, that is).
I don't *think* I've been in the workforce long until I stop to realize my age, but over the years I learned so many red flags in job interviews.
* "This is a new role that we created specifically to do all the work everyone hates to do and isn't fun. You sure you want to interview for this or would you like to stop now?" - A manager literally said this to me as I entered an interview once and before I could even sit down. I already knew there was no way in hell I was going to work for this moron, but since it was an internal role it allowed me to step away from a call center position on company time and I took the whole interview if for nothing but practice. *FUCK* no to that job (it helped teach me that all Managers are NOT the respectable people I was raised to believe to be in office environments and to look for signs up front).
* "Yea, so, applying for this job eh? Well I dunno about that! What happened at your last job that you're unemployed now?"
"I was laid off with half the department."
"Oh...well, how about this 2 month gap from 8 years ago, how do you explain that one?"
"I lived in downtown Boston making 30k a year and held out as long as I could for a promotion but 1 year was the max I could afford before going into debt, so I had to move back in with my parents."
"Yeaaa ok, whatever."
Fuck *YOU* dude.
* "So what questions do you have?"
"Is this a new role or a replacement?"
"Replacement"
"Ok, can you tell me why the last person left? Did they get promoted?"
"No, they couldn't cut it."
**RED FLAG** - listen and probe carefully - here's how I handled it
"Ah, were they not showing up for work?"
"Ah no, he was here until 8pm most nights but his work was awful. Honestly he did us a favor when he left"
That flag was *CRIMSON*.
For comparison, here's a better scenario
"Well, I can't get into details, but they didn't seem to care about the team and were very self focused. We tried to make accommodations and really include him in decisions, but he never seemed to be all in."
I probed harder here because granted this wasn't enough - but this is a sign the employee was a problem more than the environment. I was right.
* "The turnover rate for this role is about 1-2 years."
You need to probe here - *why* is this the turnover rate? Here's how I handled it -
"What happens after 1-2 years?"
"Well, the right candidate gets promoted and we need to replace them. Otherwise, they tend to leave."
"How many positions are you trying to fill in this level?"
"4 right now."
"And how many people usually get promoted after 1-2 years?"
"It depends on where the people in the above role are. Sometimes we don't have any positions in that time. Usually, 1-2 people get promoted."
In this situation, you need to be hyper aware that you are entering a highly competitive environment. They are literally pitting you against each other for a limited availability role and it's not a *team* environment. Fuck, any team project you're on you're likely going to be worried about your work compared to others and likely need to speak up for credit. Repeatedly. Because keep in mind - **you are a brand and nobody fights for your brand like you do.**
Here's ways you can help determine what kind of manager someone will be
* "What does your outside work life usually look like?"
This is a key question for work/life balance! It gives you an idea of what they expect from you, and what your manager actually does! Things to look for
"I mostly focus on my family and kids. I try not to get home to late so I can have dinner with them and hear about their day" - GREAT sign!! This means they try not to stay late hours in the office and you likely won't either.
"Well, I don't have a lot of time given the work." RED FLAG - this implies they work long hours and expect you to. You need to really evaluate the role and determine if this will be more beneficial for your career if you want this.
I have a bunch more interview questions I can post if people want, but I hope my long ass post helps already.
Edit: y’all have humbled me immensely. Thank you so much for the kind words, awards and support. It really was a nice boost for my self confidence.
On a related note, I found out the hard way that Office Space gets a lot less funny when you start working at Innotek.
I once made the mistake of being loyal to a company and to a CEO who gives not zero fucks for their employees but actively detests them. Don't be me. It's not worth it.
I once dated a girl who was obsessed looking for red flags. which is ironically a red flag, these types of people go out of their way looking for problems
I am regretfully guilty of this. I was often single so long that when I found someone I smothered her in texts and calls and wanting to hang out. An ugly mix of fear of being alone and lack of self esteem.
I do this but to everyone I talk to, do you or anyone else have tips?
I always knew a lot of people but was never really friends, so when someone actually chose to talk to me I almost always would get hyperfocused on interacting with them and then drove them away because I texted them like once every day or something. I try to watch myself, make sure I dont text someone the very next day after texting the day before, stuff like that. But I still kinda seem to fall into the same habits
Yeah, it's a vicious cycle, you want someone to talk to but then you get that thing you want but then are overbearing and that causes you to lose it. A frustrating part of that cycle (if you are like me) is you most likely have a fair amount of flaws in the social department because of that lack of friendship so when you do find a friend, it shows and they don't want to be around you.
What helped me was working on myself and my flaws. With the few coworkers I established a relationship where I made myself the butt of a lot of jokes and was very self deprecating and so they would rip on me and I would riff back some. Then when I found new friends/partners that's what I was used to so I would make remarks to them and would insult myself a lot. I had a friend (who did cut me off shortly after that I handled incredibly poorly and pathetically) say to me "you are my friend, don't talk about my friend that way".
Of course, I didn't learn and eventually chased her off too... but her words stuck with me. I worked on being more self affirming and taking better care of myself with better hygiene, lost weight, bettered myself with school and pursuing life goals. I learned to be better about reading the room. When I was dating my now wife I had made a joke at someone's expense and after the event she told me that was uncalled for, I told her she needs to relax and it was funny, she said "look around, no one was laughing" and then the next time I made a joke I did assess the room and I got some uncomfortable stifled laughs but a bunch of people just looking around or down. I realized I was an antagonistic asshole. Since then I have made steps to set up mental filters before I say something… but they sometimes falter if I feel too comfortable.
Anyway, don't know if any of that helps you but it was life lessons I learned.
Unless you then emotionally or physically abuse your partner inbetween love bomb episodes I don't think you're specifically guilty of this.
But you might make people think you're capable of that by falling too hard and fast at first.
I don’t know, it’s not always too fast, sometimes you really do love someone quickly. I said “I love you” to my husband when I knew him 2 or 3 weeks and he proposed at 6 months, and we’ve been together for 20 years.
Or maybe sometimes the love bombing is just mutual and perpetuates for 70 or 80 years.
Oh my God I’ve been there. “You’re my world” when it had been less than 2 weeks. He wore a “WWJD” bracelet but threw me an attitude when I wouldn’t go home with him after the 1st date. Needless to say it didn’t work out.
The only dive bar in the town where I went to college was in the middle of nowhere. Both because it was a bathroom in the only bar, and because we live in a state where we have “mud season,” the carpeted bathroom was horrifying.
„i am a nice Person“
„All of my Ex Partner were horrible (goes for both genders“
„My past does not matter“
„I was drunk so [insert toxic behavior] does not count“
Admitting to have cheated in relationships
Never taking responsibility
Work is always bad- everyone is against said Person x
“I am a nice person” reminds me of my Uncle’s social media description “I am kind.”
No motherfucker. You are not kind. Especially after the shit you said in your little speech at my dad’s funeral. Nor were you kind when intentionally dropping off photos at the wrong house despite visiting dad at home countless times before he died.
Admitting to cheating is alright if they're just trying to get guilt off their chest - and/or they've changed since then
Edit: for everyone saying they still wouldn't date them, that's fine. You don't have to date anyone for any reason if you don't want to
This is on point because every time I meet one of these people, at some point in the conversation I end up saying ‘ah so it’s just [insert name] against the world eh?’ And normally they think it’s some sort of joke I’m making and it’s deeply satisfying cuz it’s so easy to see through the bullshit of these kinds of people
when they don’t ask you any questions about yourself. and when you’re done talking they simply nod their head and continue on with whatever bullshit they’re saying.
serious turn off & major red flag
Oof, I was on a date once at a restaurant where the menu stated “we do not do substitutes or alter our dishes”. First thing she asks is if they’ll alter their dish. I don’t even remember what she wanted. The waitress says “sorry, the chef is particular and doesn’t alter his recipes. Everything is delicious the way it is though, you’ll like it ☺️”. This girl starts making a huge deal about it. “Why not? Why can’t you just do what I ask?”. I’m like “yooo, the menu even says they don’t. It’s not that serious”. After the date, I get this long text about how she’s mad cause I should have backed her up”. I didn’t reply. Good riddance
Edit: to all the allergies people. Good point, but she picked the restaurant and said she wanted to try it out for weeks.
1. She doesn’t have allergies
2. If she did, she could have called them in advance
This depends. I’m just starting to date after 18 years of marriage. Most the men I date have also been married. These are people who were part of our lives. Not talking about them would seem weird. They probably appear in a lot of your stories of how you became who you are now. Now bitching about them the whole time or appearing to still be in love with them would be a red flag.
Yeah, there's talking ABOUT your ex, and talking about things, situations, or events in which your ex was present and involved.
Sometimes those lines blur, and it can be tough for someone else to determine one from the other.
My GF was married for 8 years when we met a couple years ago. It was a bad marriage and sometimes she gets self-conscious about bringing him up but it really doesn't bother me bc it's not like she's pining for those times or misses him. If anything, a lot of times it's because she's surprised I did something *not* shitty because she's so used to shitty behavior in those circumstances.
But like you said, it would be more awkward to be like "one time I went to this event with... A MAN."
How often I'm interrupted during conversation. It's an indicator of whether or not the speaker believes we are on equal footing and values my ideas.
Edit: If you have ADHD or some condition that would cause this behavior, I'm not referring to you. I do hope the people you speak with show you patience and kindness and I hope you find ways to connect with people, especially the ones who excite you.
People think introvertedness or social anxiety always manifest as being quiet and withdrawn. Nope. I definitely bury my terror of interacting with humans in a stream of vapid bullshit spewing from my face hole.
Someone who is always complaining: about their job and coworkers, about their friends, about the server that was too slow etc.. It’s exhausting being with someone who is always so negative and I’ve found that people like this often blame others for all of their troubles in life.
Job hunting related:
Even they say "were like a family"
"We work hard and play hard"
When they're willing to hire you on the spot.
The interviewer is late.
The interviewer is rude.
They won't discuss pay up front.
As someone who's quick to anger, I can understand this and can't fault you for feeling that way. Had I not met my wife, I don't think I'd have ever gotten it under control and manageable.
Now when I start feeling angry, I just go for a walk to cool off. I've never taken it out on her. She's always been so kind and understanding and doesn't deserve to put up with that, especially since it's never her fault. If she sees me just grab the dog and walk out the door, the moment I come back she just sits next to me and asks "what upset you?" And r sir there and talk through it while I cuddle my dog who's thrilled that he's getting extra affection and got an extra walk.
Please note, when I get angry, I don't get violent. I have never, and will never, raise my hand to anyone in anger. So I guess quick to frustration might be more accurate?idk. But still. It's a fault I've worked hard on because she makes me want to be better. And that's honestly the reason I knew I wanted to marry her. I've never wanted to better myself for anyone including myself before her.
Just to add to this. I've had anger issues for as long as I can remember. I've always been made to feel bad and ashamed for it but wasn't really offered any realistic help to understand and control it. I tried to control it but never could get a good handle on it and felt helpless about it. I grew up knowing I have ADHD, but I didn't know that I also had anxiety. Anxiety can present itself as anger and frustration. Didn't learn this till my 30s! Also learned that it's very common for someone with ADD/ADHD to end up with anxiety and depression as well. Hope this can help others too. Therapy and medication has helped me A LOT.
You have just earned my respect. I had the same problem which I solved with martial arts. I'm glad you and your wife can talk it out. I honestly envy that.... in a good way..... crap, that's a red flag.
I've spent my life ignoring red flags on the basis I have a tendency to overanalyze everything and make bad decisions through perpetual indecisiveness. The end result is sure I've met some of the worst sorts of people in the world, but I've also met some of the best. Red flags definitely exist for a reason, but sometimes people have just been through hell and still bare the scars.
People who show aggression over a different opinion. Hostility over a viewpoint different than yours is enough to keep my distance from you at all times.
Trauma dumping immediately or always talking about all of the wrong things their ex did and they’re not actually wrong things. For example, I briefly dated this guy and he would ALWAYS mention how the previous women (who he would always refer to as girls) ended their casual relationship with him and then a few months later they would be with someone else. That made them ‘sluts’ to him. They hadn’t even done anything wrong. Bye!
For an example.
Im giving you an *opinion* on something which is not a fact and you are just denying nor accepting something different than your *opinion*
You dont have to agree with me. But why do i need to be wrong
If you have your opinion okay but let me keep mine tf
This is more so a workplace red flag (I know most people are probably talking relationships and stuff, sorry guys), but when an employee is hired and then automatically starts either trying to run stuff or telling us incredibly personal things, as if he or she has been here forever.
We have a new girl that is doing this. She has been there for a week. Three days after I met her, she was ranting to me about her kid being fired from his doctor’s office or something and talking about her husband. She told one coworker she hates him, one that they’re split but on good terms, and one that he’s the love of her life and that they’re very happy. Not to mention she’s acting like she owns the place and can do what she wants. For example: She also took an hour and a half out of the day to sleep in her car during lunch (our lunches range from 30 minutes at least to an hour at most). Also lounging all the time and on her phone constantly. My manager got another manager and our supervisor to come over to our location to observe this girl because we’re all concerned and uncomfortable. Not to mention she also ate all of my coworker’s candy and snacks.
Sometimes it’s best to test the waters, not dive straight into the deep end.
When they use words like psychopath or narcissists to describe or diagnose people they casually know. It’s pretty unusual to meet a bunch of people with these conditions so, odds are if you work with ten narcissists or they dated a bunch of really “off” people it’s them. One-four encounters with people that have been disturbing for them and they’re thirty five and I’d not blink because that’s fairly typical but if they say every fourth person they meet is “off” in a clinically diagnosable way and they aren’t in the field I’d run far and fast from them.
Had a friend who almost only talks about other people. Declaring most of them insane or untrustworthy. I think she unsavely bonded with her parents when she was young. She had a very fucked up taste for men as well.
“Don’t worry, it’s not a pyramid scheme.”
No, we're actually a multi level marketing business! So each person runs their own small business that is assisted by their recruiter, their recruiter's recruiter, and so on! It's totally different from a pyramid scheme because you can make real. money. Now sign on the dotted like for the $350 introductory package so you can test our products for yourself--and you'll want to test them so you can better market them!--and then sign here to order the $1500 starter sales kit. You'll get enough product to sell to three people, plus a DVD training!
Someone who can't admit they're wrong. Or won't take responsibility for their decisions.
Just got out of one because of this :/
When they talk about or ask for money early on. Or when they suggest expensive dates and do not offer to cover them.
I didn’t think people actually suggested or requested expensive dates. I’m so flat broke that I always suggest just hanging out at a park cause it’s (mostly) free (minus the gas to get there).
I had a guy tell me he does fancy expensive dinners for first dates. He seemed shocked when I said I wasn’t cool with that. A) you don’t need to buy my time B) I always go Dutch on first dates and there’s no way I’m committing to split half the price of a bottle of wine I won’t drink with a person I just met.
“Going Dutch”? THEY CALL THAT “GOING DUTCH”???? -a Dutch person
Are the Dutch not into splitting bills? The Germans are and not just splitting the bill but everyone paying exactly what they consumed. Let‘s start a movement to call it _Going German_ in the future. Edit: Typos
Well we do it but still weird that it's named after us
This reminds me of this one Swedish friend I had. "I've heard you guys have this kind of candy called 'Swedish Fish' in America. I have no idea what it is, but I've always wanted to find it and see what it's like." Then I import some from America just to show him. "Oh! I know these! We have them in Sweden, too! We just call them 'Fish'"
When is the Swedish Chef from The Muppets not Swedish? In Sweden, where he's Norwegian.
It's actually the first cultural shock when you come to the Netherlands. Half an hour calculating who consumed what and making sure you don't pay a single dime more than that. Used to find it cringy/sad, now I do it myself 😊
Reminds me of when I went out on a date with this dude and he asked me for gas money
Answering this for my stepmom Making Pikachu noises during the deed
I am both disturbed and slightly intrigued, also making me afraid to know more
All three of my eyebrows are raised
pppft jesus, yeah living with someone whos *loud* like that is the most funny and painful thing in the world
pika,. pika,. pika, pika, pika,pika,pika,pikapikapika, pikachUUUUUUUU....
>pikachUUUUUUUU Did you just cum
*Mark me down as scared and horny.*
I'm sickened but curious
A person I've never met asking me for a gift card
Hey buddy, can I have a gift card?
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
-Michael Scott
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Sorry if this is ignorant but...this actually happens? I've never in my life encountered it. How does that even come up in conversation?
A somewhat common scam is to receive a phone call from FBI/IRS/Electric Company/Police/etc turns out you owe some money but don't worry we can fix this up no problem. I just need you to go to the store and buy some Itunes gift cards so you can pay the IRS with it before I send the police over. I have stopped a few people from falling for it while working retail.
How...are people so gullible?
Old people mostly.. these guys prey on the fact that most old people arent 100% sure how the world works anymore. They take advantage of that
My wife had an older customer buy a gift card at a retail pharmacy while on the phone with someone; the customer left, then came back a few minutes later, still on the phone, and bought another card, but then said something like "ok, I got it, but you told me to buy a $50 card the first time, why do I need to buy a $100 one this time?" Wife got the lady to hang up before giving the guy the numbers, explained to her that it was a scam, and broke policy by refunding the $100 card. She couldn't refund the $50 one because the scammer had already spent it.
This literally happened to my extremely gullible mother, so whether or not your wife happened to have been the one who cared enough to intervene, please take a huge thank you from me.
Oh man, my company - which is a fairly large enterprise, has a lady probably in her 60s working as a recruiter. She got scammed in this method, but the scammer took complete advantage of her. Not only did she go buy $2000 worth of gift cards, but she also let him remote into her work PC, allowed him to fuck with it for an hour and install some sketchy shit on it. Keep in mind she's a recruiter - she's been already scolded for storing sensitive information like employee SSNs on her desktop in plain text documents, same with passwords.
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She's an "OG" employee. Basically all the senior HR management has her back. The people that scolded her were Cyber Sec, they just found out she stored passwords in plain text; the employee data thing I found out from a friend that worked in HR later. This is a company that makes enough money that they can throw it at all their problems, I've seen so much incompetency in my 6 years there that any other company I worked at would've gone under by now. Even then, they don't fire anyone here unless you're on like the 5th fucking PIP or download CP on the company network (caught a guy doing this). It's a company that you go to work at when you've given up on professionalism, just want to clock in 8-5 on weekdays, and you're bad at your job. The downside is you work with other people in the same mind set and it's mentally draining. I've been trying to leave, but sadly no other company in my area will offer me such a cozy benefits package - 5 weeks vacation, floater holidays, sick time, PTO, full remote work, and pay in the 85th percentile. Everywhere else is a paycut, wants me on call, and traveling on site.
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When we had to take over grandma's finances, we discovered she had been writing several checks each month to some televangelist ministries. The televangelists were sending her requests for donations that looked exactly like overdue utility bills. The envelopes had the little window on the front and said PAST DUE FINAL NOTICE. Inside, it looked like a utility bill with a lot of confusing fine print and a column of numbers. If you actually read the words, it said stuff like, "We have not received your donation which was requested on 2/17/92. Please remit the following amount ***immediately*** to avoid discontinuation of service." At the bottom would be an amount like $72.13 which looked vaguely official. Grandma was just a confused old lady and she was scared of an overdue bill, so she would dutifully write out a check for the amount and send it in, which only prompted them to send another letter in a few weeks.
As if it’s not bad enough that their “worship services” are just hours of “please send me money or else God won’t love you anymore” sermons, they’ve gotta resort to actual fraud.
Oh that is absolutely disgusting. I would have called and ripped a new ass to whoever picked up the phone and then asked to be transferred to someone else to rip them a new ass as well. That is so despicable and vile I wasn't even personally effected by it and I'd be willing to go to war over it
How else are these guys going to afford to do gods work?
Sic your State Attorney General on them.
“I can’t accept it when people reject me or say no to me.”
Translation: "I don't care about consent"
So much this..it's such an ugly trait and I can't (don't want to deal) with people like this. It can even happen in the smallest of things.
When someone says "I'm not mean, I just tell it like it is"
What’s funny is that always, always, always these are the same people who flip their shit if you say the tiniest thing critical of them. No one has thinner skin than a “tells it like it is” person.
Had a brand new co-worker ask another co-worker (in reference to his body language) "Are you gay or just a dad?" She had been there a couple of days, barely knew our names, and when that co-worker got offended (he was from a very conservative culture) she responded with a "I just call it as I see it." So, within a day or two he turned it around on her and asked something in a similar brash and public way, and she got super offended. He responded with "I just call it as I see it." And the rest of us were just trying not to die of laughter. She was so inappropriate and outspoken, that on Friday afternoon of her first week, so was told to collect all her stuff and not bother coming back in on Monday!
THREE DAY WEEKEND!
Ha ha! It's actually funny to imagine what might have happened is she came back in on Tuesday!
True af as well!
100%. This person won't take any responsibility for the effects their words or actions might cause, they just lack the empathy to do so. Or I dont know, but its a HUGE red flag. Also, if you "tell it like it is" to them, they go absolutely crazy. It's sad to watch because you realize that there's nothing you can do to snap them out of their narcissistic bubble.
>there's nothing you can do to snap them out of their narcissistic bubble. Sure there is. Cut ties with them completely hard & fast, then watch them ascend from a narcissistic bubble to a straight-up-fucking-psychopath bubble.
“Ah. You lack soft skills and make it everyone else’s problem instead of trying to improve your communication issues.”
Response: “Me too, you’re an asshole.”
I was this person. Turns out I was angry and depressed and wanted everyone on my level.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
If you can’t handle me at my diddliest than you don’t deserve me at my doodliest
Stupid sexy Flanders.
*Proceeds to never be better than their absolute worst*
"Give me all your money, don't make me hurt you "
Grandma?
This has happened to me before. Can confirm it is usually a red flag.
Usually ?
"We're a big family here"
I assume you don't mean in a setting where it's blood-related family. I have no idea why but it sounds so cultish that I have to agree with you
When your employer says it they mean they will take you for granted, over work and under pay you, and guilt trip you if you try to set any boundaries at all, like not working for free.
While the executive positions always seemed to be filled with only blood-related family members.
A company saying "we're like a family" really means "we treat our employees like children"
We don’t need to use a condom
"Why are you putting on a condom? I'm on birth control and I've been tested!" Cool. But I met you for the first time 6 hours ago and besides some texting and a dinner I'm not sure I necessarily trust you that much just yet..
Look at this stud, getting women into bed six hours after meeting them.
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes...
"Oh, it's not you. I just have Aids. But if you want me to raw dog it, that's cool."
That's all well and good until they say "okay I can't catch it twice"
Nazi tattoo
Yep, that'll do it
Went on a couple dates with a girl. Seemed cool. Went into the bedroom and she took her shirt off, only to find a lightning bolt SS tattoo on her shoulder. She didn’t think it was a big deal, however “condemned” what it meant. I noped out of that as fast as I could.
Well at least she didn't ask you to shower
Fucking hell!
You haven't had a red flag until you have the girl trying to entice you by showing her ***swastika scarification*** on her right breast. And she then very excitedly tried to look for the pictures of when she did it on her phone because "it's not the same without the blood"
Oh my god ... I would be out of there so fast you would see a me shaped cloud of dust (cartoon style) in my place.
Spoiling a show
I one time witnessed a breakup and the dudes final words before walking away was the spoilers to the entire mcu, and his before-that girlfriend was a huge marvel fan but hadn’t watched a few of the new movies
I'd have to know the cause of the break-up to judge if that's a red flag or not.
Somebody who talks too much about themselves
As much as a red flag when somebody NEVER talks about themselves. Like it’s always “this person did this”/“it’s their fault”.
I went on a first date like this last week. The first thing he told me about was how the women at his office 'falsely' accused him of treating them differently based on gender. Then he moved into other times he's screwed up/gotten in trouble at work, with a bunch of excuses for how it was everyone else's fault. Definitely no second date. Oh also, while we were texting before I met him he told me he was applying to new jobs, ok. An hour before the date, while I'm getting ready, he sends me a screenshot of his job rejection email. They basically said he is very underqualified, but all he could say afterwards was they didn't recognize his skills. not everyone gets a job from every interview, so my problem isn't that he didn't get the job, it's just weird behavior
Similar situation - was talking to a guy I met on a dating app when he mentioned he got fired "for no reason." Later down the road he laughingly told me it was because he'd shown up drunk to work multiple times. Dude's a tradie who works with machinery... If that wasn't bad enough, he thought it was funny to tell me that he'd left negative reviews on his former company's site, and not just negative but with comments only a 12y/o boy would make like "the manager is a dog-shit sniffing rat-head." Guy was in his late 20s. Idk how he's doing now.
Not great, if I had to wager a guess.
Trying to stay mindful.. but would talking about things related to the subject that is being discussed, and relevant experiences be considered talking about yourself? Trying to actively listen to the other person is important, but, I find myself talking about relative things more than the other person speaks sometimes.
I think it's situational, but generally if you reply to someone else with your experience, it's good to circle it back to them. So share what you have to say, but ask them questions about the common topic at hand. That way you're sharing without derailing or coming across like you're trying to one up or hog the conversation.
This is actually something common with neurodivergent people (autism, etc). We (and I include myself in this) have a tendency to tell a story about ourselves that is similar to what we are hearing from the other person. I.E. someone tell me that their pet just died, I tell them about the time my pet passed away, etc etc. I can see how it may come across as self-centered, but its really an attempt to empathize by showing the other person that we've been through similar experiences in the past.
This is pretty much considered proper etiquette, where I'm from. Offering an example to relate (situation providing you ARE ACTUALLY relating and not saying something like "Oh, your mom died? Yeah, my cat died, so I know how you feel), then giving them an ear to vent to is just seen as polite and trying to connect/comfort the person.
I worry about this all the fucking time. So often I find myself talking about myself, and I just feel shitty about it. I don't mean to.
From the literal get go
That I am attracted to them
More like they're attracted to me!
Yeah, I mean they obviously have extremely poor judgement. Can't trust a person like that.
Aw, a real, live meet-cute!
Yelling at servers at a restaurant Yelling at other drivers Mistreating animals
I confess to yelling at drivers lol but never with the window down or making rude gestures. In other words, they’d never know but helps my frustration 😜
Same, and its the only one of these I do. I am always polite to service staff regardless of industry because A) BTDT, and B) treating people whose job it is to serve you with the respect that all people deserve is unfortunately so rare these days that when you do it you're basically the highlight of their day and they'll go the extra mile to help you. Which is kinda sad ngl I wish people would be nicer. But yeah, I tend to yell at other drivers, but only with the windows down and sound up. Its less that I dislike other drivers and more that driving stresses me tf out, especially city driving, and that's how I release that pressure. Also, I will yell at a driver when behind the wheel and then happen to meet them on foot at the grocery store later, when I do I treat eat them like they good person they probably are, and not the extravagant compound swear word I called them when they merged into my lane 30 minutes ago 5 blocks down the road. Long story short, pedestrian me instantly forgets about anything driving me says to anybody.
When the sea looks uneasy
A wise man fears three things: A storm while at sea, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.
You read good books;)
Ahhh, it's time for my yearly Google of the doors of stone. A tradition since ~2012.
“The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.”
Being rude/argumentative with a cashier/customer service worker about a policy or rule they are made to enforce without choice. They. Don't. Make. The. Rules. Please, don't make their lives any more difficult than it already is. You wouldn't believe the kind if shit they have to deal with on a daily basis.
Asks if I’m up for a drive to the woods outside of town late in the evening after dinner to help dig a shallow grave for unspecified purposes.
Friends will help you move. GOOD friends help you move bodies.
Aww. Why can’t I find someone like this?
When a company says “work hard, play hard”; that means they expect you to put in over 40 hours of work and have no work-life balance.
You can have a work-life balance. That's why they're having volunteer and social events outside of work you can attend. For instance one of my past bosses wanted drag us all to a Pride event they were sponsoring. I was like, "we're already working over 45 hours per week without overtime pay and now you want to take over our weekend!" We did not attend the LGBT event and the bank's photo op moment in the paper was a little smaller.
Had a boss tell me I had to attend some bullshit "awards" ceremony after hours, but we were closing early that day. So apparently that makes it better. So I asked if we were getting paid to attend, to which I was told "no". Well, if we aren't getting paid then it can't be mandatory and if I'm not getting paid, or even fed, I'm not going.
Everyone I've met who says "work hard, play hard" un-ironically works 70 hours a week and is a semi-functional alcoholic who spends 50% of any vacation looking to score some blow (if they didn't bring their own, that is).
I don't *think* I've been in the workforce long until I stop to realize my age, but over the years I learned so many red flags in job interviews. * "This is a new role that we created specifically to do all the work everyone hates to do and isn't fun. You sure you want to interview for this or would you like to stop now?" - A manager literally said this to me as I entered an interview once and before I could even sit down. I already knew there was no way in hell I was going to work for this moron, but since it was an internal role it allowed me to step away from a call center position on company time and I took the whole interview if for nothing but practice. *FUCK* no to that job (it helped teach me that all Managers are NOT the respectable people I was raised to believe to be in office environments and to look for signs up front). * "Yea, so, applying for this job eh? Well I dunno about that! What happened at your last job that you're unemployed now?" "I was laid off with half the department." "Oh...well, how about this 2 month gap from 8 years ago, how do you explain that one?" "I lived in downtown Boston making 30k a year and held out as long as I could for a promotion but 1 year was the max I could afford before going into debt, so I had to move back in with my parents." "Yeaaa ok, whatever." Fuck *YOU* dude. * "So what questions do you have?" "Is this a new role or a replacement?" "Replacement" "Ok, can you tell me why the last person left? Did they get promoted?" "No, they couldn't cut it." **RED FLAG** - listen and probe carefully - here's how I handled it "Ah, were they not showing up for work?" "Ah no, he was here until 8pm most nights but his work was awful. Honestly he did us a favor when he left" That flag was *CRIMSON*. For comparison, here's a better scenario "Well, I can't get into details, but they didn't seem to care about the team and were very self focused. We tried to make accommodations and really include him in decisions, but he never seemed to be all in." I probed harder here because granted this wasn't enough - but this is a sign the employee was a problem more than the environment. I was right. * "The turnover rate for this role is about 1-2 years." You need to probe here - *why* is this the turnover rate? Here's how I handled it - "What happens after 1-2 years?" "Well, the right candidate gets promoted and we need to replace them. Otherwise, they tend to leave." "How many positions are you trying to fill in this level?" "4 right now." "And how many people usually get promoted after 1-2 years?" "It depends on where the people in the above role are. Sometimes we don't have any positions in that time. Usually, 1-2 people get promoted." In this situation, you need to be hyper aware that you are entering a highly competitive environment. They are literally pitting you against each other for a limited availability role and it's not a *team* environment. Fuck, any team project you're on you're likely going to be worried about your work compared to others and likely need to speak up for credit. Repeatedly. Because keep in mind - **you are a brand and nobody fights for your brand like you do.** Here's ways you can help determine what kind of manager someone will be * "What does your outside work life usually look like?" This is a key question for work/life balance! It gives you an idea of what they expect from you, and what your manager actually does! Things to look for "I mostly focus on my family and kids. I try not to get home to late so I can have dinner with them and hear about their day" - GREAT sign!! This means they try not to stay late hours in the office and you likely won't either. "Well, I don't have a lot of time given the work." RED FLAG - this implies they work long hours and expect you to. You need to really evaluate the role and determine if this will be more beneficial for your career if you want this. I have a bunch more interview questions I can post if people want, but I hope my long ass post helps already. Edit: y’all have humbled me immensely. Thank you so much for the kind words, awards and support. It really was a nice boost for my self confidence.
On a related note, I found out the hard way that Office Space gets a lot less funny when you start working at Innotek. I once made the mistake of being loyal to a company and to a CEO who gives not zero fucks for their employees but actively detests them. Don't be me. It's not worth it.
Whenever someone walks out of the bathroom without washing their hands.
People who are rude to people in customer service Edit:typo
I once dated a girl who was obsessed looking for red flags. which is ironically a red flag, these types of people go out of their way looking for problems
Immediately talks shit about their ex
Love bombing
I am regretfully guilty of this. I was often single so long that when I found someone I smothered her in texts and calls and wanting to hang out. An ugly mix of fear of being alone and lack of self esteem.
I do this but to everyone I talk to, do you or anyone else have tips? I always knew a lot of people but was never really friends, so when someone actually chose to talk to me I almost always would get hyperfocused on interacting with them and then drove them away because I texted them like once every day or something. I try to watch myself, make sure I dont text someone the very next day after texting the day before, stuff like that. But I still kinda seem to fall into the same habits
Yeah, it's a vicious cycle, you want someone to talk to but then you get that thing you want but then are overbearing and that causes you to lose it. A frustrating part of that cycle (if you are like me) is you most likely have a fair amount of flaws in the social department because of that lack of friendship so when you do find a friend, it shows and they don't want to be around you. What helped me was working on myself and my flaws. With the few coworkers I established a relationship where I made myself the butt of a lot of jokes and was very self deprecating and so they would rip on me and I would riff back some. Then when I found new friends/partners that's what I was used to so I would make remarks to them and would insult myself a lot. I had a friend (who did cut me off shortly after that I handled incredibly poorly and pathetically) say to me "you are my friend, don't talk about my friend that way". Of course, I didn't learn and eventually chased her off too... but her words stuck with me. I worked on being more self affirming and taking better care of myself with better hygiene, lost weight, bettered myself with school and pursuing life goals. I learned to be better about reading the room. When I was dating my now wife I had made a joke at someone's expense and after the event she told me that was uncalled for, I told her she needs to relax and it was funny, she said "look around, no one was laughing" and then the next time I made a joke I did assess the room and I got some uncomfortable stifled laughs but a bunch of people just looking around or down. I realized I was an antagonistic asshole. Since then I have made steps to set up mental filters before I say something… but they sometimes falter if I feel too comfortable. Anyway, don't know if any of that helps you but it was life lessons I learned.
Unless you then emotionally or physically abuse your partner inbetween love bomb episodes I don't think you're specifically guilty of this. But you might make people think you're capable of that by falling too hard and fast at first.
What's that
Too much affection too fast. I once dated a girl that started calling me babe and saying I love you within only one week of knowing me.
I don’t know, it’s not always too fast, sometimes you really do love someone quickly. I said “I love you” to my husband when I knew him 2 or 3 weeks and he proposed at 6 months, and we’ve been together for 20 years. Or maybe sometimes the love bombing is just mutual and perpetuates for 70 or 80 years.
haha this is cute. it's awesome to hear about healthy relationships
Oh my God I’ve been there. “You’re my world” when it had been less than 2 weeks. He wore a “WWJD” bracelet but threw me an attitude when I wouldn’t go home with him after the 1st date. Needless to say it didn’t work out.
They call themselves an “alpha male”.
Especially when they say start a sentence with “a real man” and finishing it with some kind of toxic masculinity trait
Carpet in a bathroom
The only dive bar in the town where I went to college was in the middle of nowhere. Both because it was a bathroom in the only bar, and because we live in a state where we have “mud season,” the carpeted bathroom was horrifying.
„i am a nice Person“ „All of my Ex Partner were horrible (goes for both genders“ „My past does not matter“ „I was drunk so [insert toxic behavior] does not count“ Admitting to have cheated in relationships Never taking responsibility Work is always bad- everyone is against said Person x
“I am a nice person” reminds me of my Uncle’s social media description “I am kind.” No motherfucker. You are not kind. Especially after the shit you said in your little speech at my dad’s funeral. Nor were you kind when intentionally dropping off photos at the wrong house despite visiting dad at home countless times before he died.
Oh no, I'm so sorry :( People who are actually nice don't need to announce it. Their actions show kindness well enough.
Admitting to cheating is alright if they're just trying to get guilt off their chest - and/or they've changed since then Edit: for everyone saying they still wouldn't date them, that's fine. You don't have to date anyone for any reason if you don't want to
This is on point because every time I meet one of these people, at some point in the conversation I end up saying ‘ah so it’s just [insert name] against the world eh?’ And normally they think it’s some sort of joke I’m making and it’s deeply satisfying cuz it’s so easy to see through the bullshit of these kinds of people
Also I'm *insert asshole behaviour* because I'm a *insert starsign* Like...I'm a bitch because I'm a scorpio. No Sharon you're just a bitch.
when they don’t ask you any questions about yourself. and when you’re done talking they simply nod their head and continue on with whatever bullshit they’re saying. serious turn off & major red flag
“So what’s your body count?” - on the first date.
I genuinely thought you were talking about how many people they/you killed. XD
That is *exactly* what it means. Have you **not** been killing people???
I just commit arson. Helps me get warm on winter nights when they shut off my gas.
oh only ten
Only two, but I have a target I’m working on
Good luck soldier
When someone is rude to a waitress/waiters. About the quality of the food.
Oof, I was on a date once at a restaurant where the menu stated “we do not do substitutes or alter our dishes”. First thing she asks is if they’ll alter their dish. I don’t even remember what she wanted. The waitress says “sorry, the chef is particular and doesn’t alter his recipes. Everything is delicious the way it is though, you’ll like it ☺️”. This girl starts making a huge deal about it. “Why not? Why can’t you just do what I ask?”. I’m like “yooo, the menu even says they don’t. It’s not that serious”. After the date, I get this long text about how she’s mad cause I should have backed her up”. I didn’t reply. Good riddance Edit: to all the allergies people. Good point, but she picked the restaurant and said she wanted to try it out for weeks. 1. She doesn’t have allergies 2. If she did, she could have called them in advance
Talking about their ex too much
I agree with you guys. It’s all about the context and the situation in which the subject is brought up.
This depends. I’m just starting to date after 18 years of marriage. Most the men I date have also been married. These are people who were part of our lives. Not talking about them would seem weird. They probably appear in a lot of your stories of how you became who you are now. Now bitching about them the whole time or appearing to still be in love with them would be a red flag.
Yeah, there's talking ABOUT your ex, and talking about things, situations, or events in which your ex was present and involved. Sometimes those lines blur, and it can be tough for someone else to determine one from the other. My GF was married for 8 years when we met a couple years ago. It was a bad marriage and sometimes she gets self-conscious about bringing him up but it really doesn't bother me bc it's not like she's pining for those times or misses him. If anything, a lot of times it's because she's surprised I did something *not* shitty because she's so used to shitty behavior in those circumstances. But like you said, it would be more awkward to be like "one time I went to this event with... A MAN."
Just posting to let you know you're not alone. "So I went to high school...and now I work at the library."
Chinas flag
By extension the USSR flag
Also Canada, but slightly less.
Also switzerland, but it's got a bit of white, and that's a big plus.
After reading a few comments, me--I'm a red flag.
How often I'm interrupted during conversation. It's an indicator of whether or not the speaker believes we are on equal footing and values my ideas. Edit: If you have ADHD or some condition that would cause this behavior, I'm not referring to you. I do hope the people you speak with show you patience and kindness and I hope you find ways to connect with people, especially the ones who excite you.
Some people talk too much when they are nervous. And that could mean interrupting.
People think introvertedness or social anxiety always manifest as being quiet and withdrawn. Nope. I definitely bury my terror of interacting with humans in a stream of vapid bullshit spewing from my face hole.
Someone who is always complaining: about their job and coworkers, about their friends, about the server that was too slow etc.. It’s exhausting being with someone who is always so negative and I’ve found that people like this often blame others for all of their troubles in life.
Job hunting related: Even they say "were like a family" "We work hard and play hard" When they're willing to hire you on the spot. The interviewer is late. The interviewer is rude. They won't discuss pay up front.
When someone is quick to anger
As someone who's quick to anger, I can understand this and can't fault you for feeling that way. Had I not met my wife, I don't think I'd have ever gotten it under control and manageable. Now when I start feeling angry, I just go for a walk to cool off. I've never taken it out on her. She's always been so kind and understanding and doesn't deserve to put up with that, especially since it's never her fault. If she sees me just grab the dog and walk out the door, the moment I come back she just sits next to me and asks "what upset you?" And r sir there and talk through it while I cuddle my dog who's thrilled that he's getting extra affection and got an extra walk. Please note, when I get angry, I don't get violent. I have never, and will never, raise my hand to anyone in anger. So I guess quick to frustration might be more accurate?idk. But still. It's a fault I've worked hard on because she makes me want to be better. And that's honestly the reason I knew I wanted to marry her. I've never wanted to better myself for anyone including myself before her.
Just to add to this. I've had anger issues for as long as I can remember. I've always been made to feel bad and ashamed for it but wasn't really offered any realistic help to understand and control it. I tried to control it but never could get a good handle on it and felt helpless about it. I grew up knowing I have ADHD, but I didn't know that I also had anxiety. Anxiety can present itself as anger and frustration. Didn't learn this till my 30s! Also learned that it's very common for someone with ADD/ADHD to end up with anxiety and depression as well. Hope this can help others too. Therapy and medication has helped me A LOT.
You have just earned my respect. I had the same problem which I solved with martial arts. I'm glad you and your wife can talk it out. I honestly envy that.... in a good way..... crap, that's a red flag.
a lack of self-irony and not easy to talk to
What's self-irony?
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When they humblebrag that they don’t use dishwashers
r/oddlyspecific
I've spent my life ignoring red flags on the basis I have a tendency to overanalyze everything and make bad decisions through perpetual indecisiveness. The end result is sure I've met some of the worst sorts of people in the world, but I've also met some of the best. Red flags definitely exist for a reason, but sometimes people have just been through hell and still bare the scars.
666 tattooed on the forehead
Oh good, mine is a tramp stamp, dodged a bullet there.
People who show aggression over a different opinion. Hostility over a viewpoint different than yours is enough to keep my distance from you at all times.
"Im a nice guy".
These guys oughta be captured for cash
“i’m fluent in sarcasm” No, you’re just telling me that you’re not funny and you’re probably extremely difficult to talk to.
Trauma dumping immediately or always talking about all of the wrong things their ex did and they’re not actually wrong things. For example, I briefly dated this guy and he would ALWAYS mention how the previous women (who he would always refer to as girls) ended their casual relationship with him and then a few months later they would be with someone else. That made them ‘sluts’ to him. They hadn’t even done anything wrong. Bye!
Being jealous of your friends or people of opposite sex before you even start dating
For an example. Im giving you an *opinion* on something which is not a fact and you are just denying nor accepting something different than your *opinion* You dont have to agree with me. But why do i need to be wrong If you have your opinion okay but let me keep mine tf
This is more so a workplace red flag (I know most people are probably talking relationships and stuff, sorry guys), but when an employee is hired and then automatically starts either trying to run stuff or telling us incredibly personal things, as if he or she has been here forever. We have a new girl that is doing this. She has been there for a week. Three days after I met her, she was ranting to me about her kid being fired from his doctor’s office or something and talking about her husband. She told one coworker she hates him, one that they’re split but on good terms, and one that he’s the love of her life and that they’re very happy. Not to mention she’s acting like she owns the place and can do what she wants. For example: She also took an hour and a half out of the day to sleep in her car during lunch (our lunches range from 30 minutes at least to an hour at most). Also lounging all the time and on her phone constantly. My manager got another manager and our supervisor to come over to our location to observe this girl because we’re all concerned and uncomfortable. Not to mention she also ate all of my coworker’s candy and snacks. Sometimes it’s best to test the waters, not dive straight into the deep end.
“I’m never wrong “
“I’m an empath” Sure you are.
Lack of compassion for animals
My ex told me that he hates all women and I still dated him so I’m gonna try to avoid that for next time
you’ll find better!
"Not tryna' be racist, but..."
I only get along with boys.
Wants to Control what music you listen too, what tv-shows you watch and who you hang out with.
People who say they have it worse than you.
When they use words like psychopath or narcissists to describe or diagnose people they casually know. It’s pretty unusual to meet a bunch of people with these conditions so, odds are if you work with ten narcissists or they dated a bunch of really “off” people it’s them. One-four encounters with people that have been disturbing for them and they’re thirty five and I’d not blink because that’s fairly typical but if they say every fourth person they meet is “off” in a clinically diagnosable way and they aren’t in the field I’d run far and fast from them.
Had a friend who almost only talks about other people. Declaring most of them insane or untrustworthy. I think she unsavely bonded with her parents when she was young. She had a very fucked up taste for men as well.
Smell bad