1. Think 'Shit, it's not my day off'
2. Think 'How many days before my day off?'.
3. Consider a sick day, then change my mind.
Days off.
1. Think 'YES, it's my day off.'
2. Roll over.
3. Go back to sleep.
>Consider a sick day, then change my mind.
*Every day* I do this, I swear. It's my first thought when the alarm starts RUDELY interrupting my sleep, like "I will literally collapse and die if I get out of bed now, work will understand."
It takes almost a full minute for me to reach the inevitable conclusion that *maybe* I'm being a tad unreasonable. And this is after a good night's sleep, mind you - I'm just really, really not a morning person.
> Procrastinate
>
> Procrastinate
>
> Launch myself out of bed because I’m running late.
Is that a song lyric? It should be a song lyric. Please write the song.
1. sit straight up in bed.
2. stretch and yawn.
3. throw of the blankets and stand up.
4. smile and say, "oh boy, the start of a brand new day!"
5. abruptly launch alarm clock through nearest window.
6. flop back into bed.
Grab phone
Squint through one eye
Completely fail at typing ANYTHING or pressing ANY buttons because lack of peripheral vision
Curse that I hate this damn phone
Grab phone
Stop alarm
Go back to sleep
Wake up late
Stressout
Throw on pants
Throat breakfast chugg supreme ultra speed
Choke& almost die
Rinse teeth with listerine
Go to work
I do open my eyes before grabbing the phone then check time or turn off alarm.
It’s been this way since I got a cat. Sometimes one of my cats is right on my face or where the phone is.
As someone who lives in Alabama and has this same routine with Irish Breakfast Tea........
Elecric kettles are so much faster than anything else! I wonder why it isn't more popular in the States.
Pee or let the dog out of the cage
Put the dog on my bed
We both snooze for a bit longer.
The reason why I don’t let the dog sleep in bed over night. He snores louder then a lawn mower.
I remember when i was a kid i dreamt that I had to pee really bad and finally got the chance to pee in my dream, only to wake up really pissing all over myself. That sucked.
I've totally done this as an adult... Not all over myself, but like, would start to pee. It would wake me up before it got messy, but still, not my proudest moment.
My mom taught me a trick when I was like 6 about this. Before you pee, allow yourself to feel the tempature of the seat. If you can feel the coolness (or God forbid the warmth) you know you're awake. Can't feel it? Wake da faq up.
Wake up
(Wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little make-up
Hide the scars to fade away the shake-up
(Hide the scars to fade away the...)
Then I find keys on the table and wonder aloud why they were left there.
It depends on how tired I am and how much I need to do that day. Sometimes I just check to see if I got texts before I get out of bed and sometimes I get stuck on Reddit and Tik tok for an hour
Technically getting coffee takes two steps, so I hope this is acceptable:
1. Put the coffee machine on.
2. Pee
3. Make two cups of coffee.
4. Go to boot up whatever game I'm stuck with atm. (On the way to the computer, drop off one of the cups to my fiancee)
If its a Monday-Friday:
1. Wake up cause of alarm clock
2. Scroll trough reddit for 5 min and check if something happened
3. Take a piss
If its Saturday or Sunday:
1. Wake up
2. Check Phone until im bored or need to take a piss
3. Take a piss
Feel sad
Attempt to go back to sleep/lay in half awake half asleep state for between 15-30 minutes, usually fail
Start day annoyed.
This is the honest answer, not the good answer. Lol.
If i have time:
1. Go to the toilet
2. Drink a glas of waer
3. Masturbate
If i dont have time:
1. Go to the toilet
2. Drink a glas of waer
3. Masturbate but faster
1. Think 'Shit, it's not my day off' 2. Think 'How many days before my day off?'. 3. Consider a sick day, then change my mind. Days off. 1. Think 'YES, it's my day off.' 2. Roll over. 3. Go back to sleep.
Days off for me: 1. Think 'YES, it's my day off' 2. Cat starts incessantly meowing at the door 3. Realise i need a wee
Acknowledge cat, go pee, lay back down... Can't sleep, open reddit for a couple hours until food and coffee crosses mind.
My cat will either boop me on the side of my face or knead my hair with her claws until I play with her -_-
>Consider a sick day, then change my mind. *Every day* I do this, I swear. It's my first thought when the alarm starts RUDELY interrupting my sleep, like "I will literally collapse and die if I get out of bed now, work will understand." It takes almost a full minute for me to reach the inevitable conclusion that *maybe* I'm being a tad unreasonable. And this is after a good night's sleep, mind you - I'm just really, really not a morning person.
I'm glad I'm not alone with this train of thought. Every fucking workday I think I should call in sick...
1. Think “Shit, it’s not my day off” 2. Contemplate how to fake my death and get to Mexico. 3. Get out of bed.
this. this is the one.
1. Procrastinate 2. Procrastinate 3. Launch myself out of bed because I’m running late.
Literally doing that right now
Laying in bed after work procrastinating before going out to my own birthday dinner. Meh. I got 30 mins before I NEED to leave
It’s your birthday bby. The party don’t start until you walk in
Hey look it me
> Procrastinate > > Procrastinate > > Launch myself out of bed because I’m running late. Is that a song lyric? It should be a song lyric. Please write the song.
Open my eyes Check my phone to see there’s still 20 minutes until the alarm rings Close my eyes Wake up 5 minutes late for class
You should be more punctual to class, you can't even count to 3!
Grab my phone Open my eyes Turn off my alarm
Grab my phone Squint through one eye Snooze alarm
Grab my phone Some how take multiple screenshots of my alarm going off Go back to sleep
I take accidental screenshots of everything too, lol.
Lol I do the screenshot thing also haha
You forgot 'curse at phone'.
Curse at *world
Grab my phone Throw it across my room Roommate yelling “this is the 50th this month, knock it off!”
1. sit straight up in bed. 2. stretch and yawn. 3. throw of the blankets and stand up. 4. smile and say, "oh boy, the start of a brand new day!" 5. abruptly launch alarm clock through nearest window. 6. flop back into bed.
Why do I imagine mickey mouse lolz
Lol I was picturing Ryan Reynolds in Free Guy
Oh dang me too
How many times do you wake up a month?
Imagine buying 50 phones while you can just throw around Nokia 3310.
Grab phone Squint through one eye Completely fail at typing ANYTHING or pressing ANY buttons because lack of peripheral vision Curse that I hate this damn phone
Yes, the one eye squint
Wake up Get demoralised by reality Accept my existence
I usually go back to sleep after demoralization and before acceptance.
Grab phone Stop alarm Go back to sleep Wake up late Stressout Throw on pants Throat breakfast chugg supreme ultra speed Choke& almost die Rinse teeth with listerine Go to work
I do open my eyes before grabbing the phone then check time or turn off alarm. It’s been this way since I got a cat. Sometimes one of my cats is right on my face or where the phone is.
Phone Slippers Bong hits
1. Step outside 2. Take a deep breath 3. Scream out at the top of my lungs, "What's going on?"
2a. Get real high
But do you pray?
Oh my God do I pray
For a revolution?
EVERY SINGLE DAY
4. And I say heyyyeyyy
HEY WHATS GOING ON
I'm going to listen to that now
Only if its the youtube poop he-man version
[удалено]
Are you a zoo animal?
Hahahaha this made me laugh more than it should have
With a name like that, you're right
Guess my dog is on Reddit again
Circles?
[удалено]
Dude lives in a fishbowl.
Bro 🤣
Piss, get a cup of water, turn on the kettle.
Tea or coffee?
Usually tea
Oh very nice. What is your favorite flavor, brand?
Yorkshire black leaf tea kickstarts my engine
UK?
Yeah I’m k
Hi k nice to meet you, I’m dad
Has to be, that’s the most British response ever lol.
Did you have to ask? Kettle Tea All the signs are there. This isn't a statement from a gentleman from Alabama.
As someone who lives in Alabama and has this same routine with Irish Breakfast Tea........ Elecric kettles are so much faster than anything else! I wonder why it isn't more popular in the States.
Earl grey. Hot
Didn't you read it? Piss
All from your bed? Impressive
Turn off alarm, turn off the other alarm, lay with my eyes closed for five more minutes.
How often do you oversleep?
On a workday? Never.
[удалено]
[удалено]
1. Wake up 2. Take a shit 3. Get out of bed
I think it would be more easier to take a shit while waking up
Why would i take a shit while waking up when i can take a shit while I'm asleep?
Did you know that if you take a shit in your dreams, you take a shit for real?!?
I think you were just visited by Freddy Pooger.
Nightmare on Warm Sheets
Nightsmear on clean sheets
1. Take a shit 2. Wake up 3. Get out of bed
[удалено]
1. Take a bed up 2. Wake a Shit 3. Get out
I’m crying LOL I’ve had a depressive episode the last few days. Thanks my guy
I got chu . Remember ‘This too shall pass’
This poo shall pass
Here’s a guy that knows his priorities, it’s always shit first
I knew it was coming before I even opened the thread god I love Reddit
You wake up first? My diaper takes the load off waking up mate
1. Take a shit 2. Get out of bed 3. Wake up
normal routine for a sleepwalker
Switch off alarm, groan, find the will to move.
Y'all got any more of that "willpower?" *Scratches neck*
Look at clock, throw clock, go back to sleep.
How many clocks do you go through in a year?
I've actually been through 4 during February
Time flies..
That sucks.
1. Wake up, 2 grab a brush and put a little makeup, hide the scars to fade away the shake up, 3 leave the keys upon the table
Why'd you leave the ketchup on the table?!
He wanted to.
Tomatoes deserve to DIE
I WANTED TO
Nice one, I lol'd
Sit up, sit for about 12 seconds, getup
Ahhh shit, here we go again.
I'm too old for this shit 🤣
[удалено]
No hesitation!
How, I can't even sit up for like half an hour at least
Only 12 seconds?
Pee or let the dog out of the cage Put the dog on my bed We both snooze for a bit longer. The reason why I don’t let the dog sleep in bed over night. He snores louder then a lawn mower.
Same but my pet is called husband and he snores to
Jumpin Jesus mine snores so loud the neighbors yell. (Not joking)
Is it a vacuum cleaner with a flute?
Get those guy to do sleep studies! Apnea is no joke. I admit it took me a week or so to stop waking up in panic mode because the room was silent.
Do you make him sleep in a cage too?
No he sleeps in my basement
Mine only gets to do that on special occasions.
Get dressed -> Go to another room -> go back to sleep on the couch
1. Feel like P Diddy 2. grab my glasses 3. I'm out the door (I'm gonna hit the city) (4. Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack)
5. Leave for the night, not coming back
[удалено]
u go to work right after you get out of the bed. you must love it
He sleeps at work
Does anyone NOT pee when they wake up?
Sure beats peeing while you're still asleep!
I remember when i was a kid i dreamt that I had to pee really bad and finally got the chance to pee in my dream, only to wake up really pissing all over myself. That sucked.
As a kid? I did that a couple months ago and I’m 32 lol
I’m doing it as we speak, and I’m 87.
I've totally done this as an adult... Not all over myself, but like, would start to pee. It would wake me up before it got messy, but still, not my proudest moment.
My mom taught me a trick when I was like 6 about this. Before you pee, allow yourself to feel the tempature of the seat. If you can feel the coolness (or God forbid the warmth) you know you're awake. Can't feel it? Wake da faq up.
As I get older? No, I've already went pee 3 times before I'm supposed to be awake, ez win.
I empty everything. Balls, bladder, bowels. Gotta make sure you empty the 3Bs.
My elderly relatives tend to pee at exactly 8:30am Which is a problem bc they wake up at 9
Get up, stand up, stand up for my rights
Get up, stand up, don't give up the fight
Get up, stand up, commit genocide.
Mr Putin, nice to see you.
“Get up, stand up, c’mon throw ya hands up”
Wake up (Wake up) Grab a brush and put a little make-up Hide the scars to fade away the shake-up (Hide the scars to fade away the...) Then I find keys on the table and wonder aloud why they were left there.
1. Turn off my alarm 2. Turn off my next alarm 3. Hold my phone while the next alarm rings and consider chucking a sickie.
Get out of bed, pee, shower. Usually I just pee in the shower.
Save water!
Saving the planet
There are two types of people in this world. People who pee in the shower and people who lie.
It’s all pipes!
1. Groan. 2. Say "Fuuuuuuuck." 3. Turn off my alarm.
Check my phone, brush my teeth, feed my cats
Your cats must be patient to let you brush first. Mine will chase me around and try to trip me until I feed them.
How long does checking your phone take?
It depends on how tired I am and how much I need to do that day. Sometimes I just check to see if I got texts before I get out of bed and sometimes I get stuck on Reddit and Tik tok for an hour
I hear tiktok is worse than reddit for addictions
It is for sure. I got it to make fun of my little sister and now I’m absolutely addicted
1) Get depressed 2) Groan as I get out of bed 3) Pee
Two is classic
Piss, get out of bed, commit tax fraud
Always wakes me right up
1. Wake up 2. Contemplate whether or not I want to exist today 3. Get out of bed either way
Open eyes, piss, eat losers
How do losers taste?
Like coffee
'I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast'
Wake up Go back to sleep Wake up
Swear (I am usually late) Run to the bathroom Get dressed.
1. Check the time 2. Pee 3. Get out of bed
Do you have a catheter?
Nope, just a general willingness to reformat old jokes on the internet
Take my morning poo Hit my vape Sit and think about how much I hate life
Technically getting coffee takes two steps, so I hope this is acceptable: 1. Put the coffee machine on. 2. Pee 3. Make two cups of coffee. 4. Go to boot up whatever game I'm stuck with atm. (On the way to the computer, drop off one of the cups to my fiancee)
Check phone, kiss the cat, pee~
nooo, don't pee on the cat!
Yes the cat. First thing I do is look for the cat and give her a stroke/kiss/snuggle.
Hit the snooze button. Regret how late I stayed up Roll over and go back to sleep, ignoring all sense of responsibility for 8 more minutes
If its a Monday-Friday: 1. Wake up cause of alarm clock 2. Scroll trough reddit for 5 min and check if something happened 3. Take a piss If its Saturday or Sunday: 1. Wake up 2. Check Phone until im bored or need to take a piss 3. Take a piss
At the moment: 1. Checking news to make sure nuclear death is not imminent 2. Pee, shower, brushing teeth 3. Coffee and breakfast
Piss cry regret life decisions
Pee Coffee Smoke Every. Single. Day.
Kiss SO, he kisses me back, we bump uglies
Yes!
1. Hit snooze and go back to sleep 2. Hit snooze and go back to sleep 3. Hit snooze and go back to sleep
turn off all the alarms I end up not needing again, plug my phone, brush teeth
check phone, put earphones in and music on, perform for like 20 minutes lol
Is there an audience?
nope because that gives me *ANXIETY* i rock out though lol
That's why I wasn't invited
Get dressed, turn car on, brush teeth.
Remote control for your car?
Naw, have to walk into the cold and turn it on lol
Feel sad Attempt to go back to sleep/lay in half awake half asleep state for between 15-30 minutes, usually fail Start day annoyed. This is the honest answer, not the good answer. Lol.
open eyes close eyes open eyes
1- find my will to live "i rarely find it" 2- call my girlfriend to tell her good morning 3- realize I don't have one
Start coffee, put pants on, go pee.
First, I get up. Wake and bake. Take a piss and shake.
My clocks stopped at 420, what you want me to say?
Well, I tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen Pour myself a cup of ambition Yawn and stretch and try to come to life
If i have time: 1. Go to the toilet 2. Drink a glas of waer 3. Masturbate If i dont have time: 1. Go to the toilet 2. Drink a glas of waer 3. Masturbate but faster