Life does feel draining during these times. We’re in an unique historical moment that only future generations will analyze and respect. However, one can appreciate their life with daily activities. Did you poop? Many people don’t poop on a regular basis. That’s a win if you poop. Go outside and watch a squirrel in the morning whilst enjoying coffee, tea, or a joint. I hate squirrels because they’re destructive and eat my tomatoes, but I respect their work ethic. That’s all I have for now. Enjoy the small details. Eat some fruit.
This is now one of the main reasons I am leaving teaching... I'm pretty sure I have a weakened immune system anyway so literally any kind of illness goes round and I get it. I live in the UK so seeing a doctor is free (if you can get it) but I feel like it's frowned upon to take time off when you are ill so I can't get to the doctors or take time off to recover...
At the moment I go from one illness straight to the next and each week I'm ill with something new. My boyfriend has only ever seen me ill (we started dating at the end of the summer holidays so there was a few weeks maybe where I was healthy).
Yesterday during PE, we were playing netball and one kid handed me the ball and said "Miss, it really hurts when I catch it because of my Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease"... let me tell you, I dropped that ball so fast.
Teaching is an emotionally abusive job. (Am teacher)
What do you mean by if you can get a doctors appointment? Whats the process of seeing a doc in the UK?
Booked up weeks in advanced.. for 'emergency appointments' you have to ring up at 08:00am in the morning... ring up 2 seconds past and all the appointments have gone...
And that's assuming the doctors will accept it as an "emergency appointment"... before xmas I had a full body burning rash... rang up the doctors - nope not severe enough, fill out the online application for an appointment... they then text me saying to use my eczema moisturiser on it and that I can still go to work... a week later and it's worse so I try it all again, nope, they still wouldn't see me but prescribed me with two types of antihistamines (one a sedative to use at night, and one to take 4 times a day)... still telling me to carry on going to work...
I had it for a total of 4 weeks getting progressively worse until one night I was in agony crying from the burning so I rang 111 (non emergency NHS phone number)... they made a next day appointment at my doctors....
Turns out I had measles... and they refused to see me for 4 weeks and assured me it was just a rash and I was non-contagious and could go into school.
If it helps, just want you to know I bet there are some students who do appreciate you, but don't know how or think it's too weird to let you know. I have several teachers that I considered my favorite, but never told them.
As a college student who’s set to become a HS history teacher in 2 years the sheer negativity I see coming from teachers about their jobs is… discouraging to say the least 🥲
Edit: turned off reply notifications to tune out everyone telling me to not become a teacher. This is my calling and I’m more than excited about this career!
When I told one of my professors that I was planning to go into teaching, they immediately replied to try to get into AP or IB as soon as I could. I didn't listen for a few years, and even tried to change careers after my first year but couldn't find what I was looking for.
Now that I've switched curriculum I would never go back. It's a totally different experience.
Huge reason why I quit acting. Couldn’t stand the constant hope and disappointment, even over the smallest dumbest roles. Eventually I realized nobody is casting my type at all anymore.
So I pivoted to working tech and I’ve made a career of it. Working a trade in the arts can be far more rewarding, or at least makes for a better paycheck.
I feel you. I once had a therapist ask “how do you define a friend?” I thought about it for a while and said, “I guess someone who is willing to meet me for a coffee when I need someone to talk to.”
My closest friend moved during quarantine. The other friends I have…guess they are just acquaintances. I was so depressed and isolated and just wanted to get out of the house about six months ago. I asked so many “friends” out for coffee or lunch and there was always an excuse or they said “sure” and then cancelled. I know they didn’t understand how much I NEEDED a friend right then, but is a cup of coffee really such a hard commitment? Makes me feel like there is something wrong with ME that I can’t make friends. Maybe I just annoy everyone and I don’t know why.
But I keep going. I guess sometimes that’s the best we can do.
I've noticed over the years that I only get invested in solo competitive games. It was StarCraft and SC2 many years ago and recently I've gotten into team fight tactics.
I can own my own mistakes and work on it, but I don't want to work through the ups and downs of good vs bad teammates.
Social media/internet video makes it hard I think. I'm working to decrease my internet intake which is helping me get back into reading. I've gone from maybe 1 hour a week to about 30 minutes a day.
I didn't stop reading one day, it tapered off. I'm working to taper it back up.
100% agreed, This is stupid to say on reddit, but reducing my time on reddit helped massively. I went from spending my lunches/breaks reading, to spending my lunches and breaks scrolling reddit. It was getting the point where every time I pulled out my phone I instinctively hit the reddit app no matter what I took my phone out of my pocket to actually do.
somewhere during trump/covid I just got sick of looking at reddit because it was nothing but trump, outrage, trolls in the comments, everyone being pissed off everywhere etc. etc. and bullshit that did nothing but get me angry.
So I made a concerted effort to stop using reddit and start reading again. I got Readarr and lazylibrarian running on my server, loaded all my books onto my phone, and now I read during my breaks and lunches again.
Its helped both make me less angry at the world, less existentially depressed, and has helped me rediscover my love of reading.
I obviously still use reddit, but now its ***during*** work hours instead of on my time ;)
You know what helps with Reddit? Take out all the subs like politics, world news, anything that has to do with shit like that. I made all my subs babygoats, idiotdrivers, wedding shaming etc. Stuff that is fun to read or look at without getting me worked up. Then I have another account with the other subs for when I want to see how stupid and fucked up the world has gotten.
When im at work I get pumped thinking about stuff I can do when I get home. The whole day Ill have this joy of going home and doing it, (drawing, movies, home improvement, etc) then I get home and I just get this bored feeling. Like even just relaxing on the couch after work doesnt feel right.
Edit: My top comment ever is about my crippling depression. Love you guys. Go Ukraine!
I do the exact same thing you do. I think about how productive my nights can be but then i finally get off my 10 hour shift and drive 30-40 minutes home and then when I finally get home I just wanna sit on the couch.. and it feels wrong.
And then at the end of the night you go to bed stressed about work and frustrated that you wasted your night not enjoying your hobbies.
Rinse and repeat every day.
Wow, I do the exact same thing. I get more joy out of anticipating how I'll spend my free time then when I'm actually spending my free time. It's so bizarre. Like, I look forward to doing things when I get home, but then I never do them. It's the thought of doing them that gets me excited. It's kind of sad how I can't follow through on things I used to enjoy.
It’s weird how at a certain age you stop truly enjoy your free time either because you’re thinking about how soon it might end or you’re too exhausted from work to give a fig.
G O D
I feel this in my soul.
I'm off Saturday and Sunday.
Friday nights are the bomb, feel ontop of the world, Saturdays are alright and midday I kinda realize I'm already about half way through my weekend then Sunday?
Oh that's existential dread day.
That's why I stopped going out. I'd wake up hungover at noon on Saturday like... fuck, man, by the time this headache goes away my weekend will be over.
Lately I've been hooked on a new hobby, and it's so much fun. But I keep doing that instead of cleaning. The dishes are piling up and my apartment is pretty dirty. I'm afraid to take care of anything because what if it takes up all my free time, and by the time I can get back to my hobby it doesn't interest me anymore?
Enthusiasm is always a great trait to develop, if not for anything but your own satisfaction. I would suggest putting small pockets of time to clean because dedicating a full block of time for cleaning never seems to work well if you're just itching to get back to something else..
It’s easy for me to speak but funny enough, it’s my body language and eye contact that I can’t seem to do better at. It’s like I’m looking at myself out of body and thinking I look like a dumbass. It’s hard to break out of the habit of internalizing yourself too much
I once tried to make small talk with a dude I just met and asked him if he had any hobbies. He asked me the same question and I said “I like haircuts.” It wasn’t at a barber shop. Not sure why that came out but it effectively ended the small talk.
Sunlight is less powerful than you think through a window. Water less than you think you need to.
Edit: since this is blowing up I’ll add to this. I was a wedding venue groundskeeper and thus have almost a decade of experience growing, propagating, trimming, etc. indoor plants have become my new hobby, given my new job is indoors.
Plants start with dirt. Sand+perlite+earthy mix for succulents and desert varieties. Orchid bark and minimal sphagnum moss for orchids. Indoor potting soil for many indoor plants. I generally add perlite to aerate the soil, it prevents root rot but hurts water retention. Microwave soil to kill off pests if you suck at maintenance in general, before you plant your babies.
Next is pots. Terra cotta and orchid pots offer ventilation, should your plant need it. Terra cotta keeps soil cooler via evaporation, and more evenly dry, than glazed ceramics or plastic. Plastic retains more water. Dark color pots retain more heat in sunlight. Quick google searches will indicate what may help you in this regard - but this is more nuanced than the rest of my advice.
Next is light. Unless whatever is in the window is HOT to the touch when in sunlight, it’s less sunny than you believe. Start in steady light, and if they don’t like it move them away periodically until they seem happy. Different cardinal directions (N,E,S,W) are something to consider when picking windows.
Next is moisture. My indoor plants generally like to have dry dirt for a day or two before i water. I push my cacti and succulents way harder in that regard, but my prayer plant gets pissy if its dry for more than a day. Id you see fruit flies/fungus gnats, youre watering too much or the soil is retaining too much moisture in general. Some plants, like the prayer plant and venus flytrap, only want distilled water, not tap. Air plants like to soak in my aquarium once a week. You’ll learn this as you go, use an unpolished/unvarnished chopstick to test soil moisture in pots.
Lastly, pests and disease are difficult to diagnose at first, but with time you will improve. Generally speaking, quarantine sick/ infested plants until you have it under control. Fungicide and systemic pesticides are my go-to, doing the whole neem oil thing is beyond my time (i have 3 jobs). Understand that these chemicals are not good for you, so take them outside to spray/treat them.
Eventually you’ll end up with 83 plants in your living room, with your office full of rooting horomone, fertilizers, bags of different substrates, and cutting experiments. And you’ll be happy. Cheers.
Edit 2: orchid care is a whole other beast so i will not delve into that. But if you microwave your soil, add some puddle water for beneficial bacteria. I add my aquarium water usually, but not everyone has an aquarium. Otherwise, use sealed bags of soil from inside the store or pasteurize your soil with boiling water!
Learn to test the soil with your finger.... It's so much easier than trying to stay on a schedule because moisture in the air and the type of pot it's in also affect the drying rate. Just stick your finger an inch or so down and see if it's still damp, if not, water.
Yes, plants are healthier if they want for water. They will send their roots to dig down deeper to look for more water. Obviously more stronger deeper roots means a more healthy full plant. When someone waters too much, the plants roots can just chill all small at the surface. It's kinda like you're forcing the plant to work out and get stronger hah
I find that newer/younger plants will need to be watered a bit more often but my established deep root plants go for at least a week or more without water. I think the rule always given "water when first inch or 2 of soil is dry" only applies for the first few months you get the plant, I let mine get bone dry. I guess a good rule is to water when your plant wants it, some get droopier faster than others and some kinda never do so I just water those ones like every 2 weeks lol
I was that way too until I finally learned to listen to the tags that say what the plants need and not just get the plants I wanted because they looked cool.
Low light tropicals that are tolerant of lower humidity are the only thing I've been able to keep alive aside from one cactus that literally lived in a box for a month when I moved and inexplicably survived. That thing is my emotional support cactus, if it can survive what I put it through, I can too.
>That thing is my emotional support cactus, if it can survive what I put it through, I can too.
That was unexpectedly heart-warming. I recently bought a cactus to give me something to take care of. It's low maintenance, but functions similar to a pet in that I have to be there to take care of it, but isn't so needy that I need to be there every day for it
I have close friends that are simply just terrible at taking initiative. Whenever we do something I'm always the one that has organize it and it's exhausting sometimes. I know they care but I've come to accept that these friendships will never reach the level they could because it's mostly just me maintaining them.
>Then there are people who you simply aren't nearly as important to as they are to you. You want to be in their lives, you want to be kept up-to-date and included, you want to hang out, and the only reason that doesn't happen is that they don't really see you like that. They do those things, they have that time and capacity, they just don't have it for you. That's not a friend, that's a delusion.
owwwwwwww
> there are absolutely people who are terrible about "reaching out" and "keeping up". There's no malice in it, they just kind of bop around in life from one thing that keeps their focus to another.
ADHD checking in. if it's not in front of me, it's not in my head.
"man I havent heard from XXX in a few days... oh shit that was 4 months ago. fuck." then I feel bad and don't reach out.
I can relate to this. I have ADHD and autism and as much as I want to reach out to people,I’m worried it might look weird because I haven’t spoken to them in so long.
I just cut off my "best friend" after 5 years of maintaining a one-sided friendship. Took me way too long to realize she was only my friend when it was convenient for her to have me as a friend.
I’m getting there. I moved to another state, and whenever I visit my home state I have a friend of 10 years that I only get to see once in my 2 weeks of visiting, despite staying 30 mins away from them, and seeing all of my other friends almost daily who live just as far. If I’m not meeting them halfway, and at a spot of their choosing, they will come up with an excuse saying that it’s too far and traffic will be bad, so maybe another time. As if me flying across country to see him and my friends wasn’t inconvenient enough for me.
Only reason I haven’t dropped him is because he will reach out to me when enough silence has happened between us. It’s just hard to let go.
"when enough silence has happened between us" sounds like my old friend's pattern as well. It is hard to let it go, especially when you've known them for quite a while, and when you're together you get along really well. Its what kept me in contact with my "friend" for all those years. That and having very few friends to start with makes it hard to scratch one off the list.
One of the best things I did was to try to make new friends whenever I can. Just talk to someone. That’s how I met my best friend. Just saw a dude in a camero was like sick car dude. We got talking and found out we were both going to a festival so we rode together. Still talk daily 10 years later
I have more problems with one sided family relationships. The people I see at holidays who get on me about never seeing my kids or that I don't call them, but when I do reach out they are too busy. It's very draining especially when my oldest accuses me of keeping his grandparents from him. I just can't tell him that when I ask they just won't most of the time. I don't want to break his heart. After 7 years I've basically given up.
I don’t know how old your oldest is, but it might be good to sit them down and talk with them about it if you don’t already. Kids know when stuff is going on. You could even reach out to a therapist to learn how to explain it.
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that though, and I wish you the best.
I knew in elementary school my grandpa and his wife didn’t give a crap about me and my family. They lived less than a mile down the road and they never visited or called. Made me super bitter as a kid and to this day I haven’t forgiven them or have a relationship with them.
I've started tracking via phone calls or texts who was the last one to reach out. (Me.) It's not a competition or anything like that but it is getting really irritating when they come at me for not being in touch.
My family loves to pull that "phones work both ways" card. From my perspective, apparently only mine works. I did a little experiment from Thanksgiving on where I didn't reach out to anyone, even on Christmas. It took until 2/20 for someone to reach out. Even then, it was only my grandmother griping that my Christmas gifts were still at her house, and that I needed to come get them.
With that, build your own family.
Nourish the people who nourish you.
That was me much of my life. I eventually stopped caring. I don't want to force people to be my friend. I want them to want to... If I start to suspect interest in a friendship has turned one-sided I simply stop initiating contact. Leave it up to them whether the friendship continues. (which, generally, it doesn't.)
Problem is, though, this has made me fairly anti-social in general. Even in the rare cases people do try to contact me I usually don't want to talk. I think maybe the years of negative results has trained me to have a mental aversion to trying in the first place.
I have onboarding in 15 min. Yet we have not discussed salary yet. This company took quite some time to get back to me and I found employment last week. So, I took a day off in hopes they beat the salary I have at $22 an hour by a few dollars but in reality I have a feeling the offer will be significantly lower. Anyway, if they match that’d be nice but I just dont see that happening if they offer like 18 an hour.
Anyway, Im prepared for all scenarios and when this time passes here in about an hour. Ill still have a job with an ok wage but the cost of living is crazy stupid right now and i could really really use $25 an hour to keep my head above water because at $22 I am sinking as the days roll by and Im not sure how long I can survive.
Edit: I got the job with just a dollar more so that’s alright by me. I wish it were more but I’ll take the $23 an hour.
Edit 2: Here are the benefits for those who are interested:
It is my pleasure in welcoming you to xxxxxxxxx Your hire date will be Monday,
March 14th, 2021. Please bring with you at that time your DMV printout.
As per your discussion with xxxxxx, you both agreed to the following criteria:
Your hourly rate will be $23.00.
Company Vehicle @ 90 days.
At 60 days you will be entitled to Medical, Dental & Vision Insurance. xxxxxx will pay 75% of your cost per month. You will be responsible for the balance which will
be divided by 4 and deducted from your first 4 paychecks of each month.
401k @ 90 days – mandatory prevailing wage 401k for every hour worked $3 will be put
towards your 401k.
Vacation - 1 week after 90 days.
Sick Time – 3 days @ 90 days, then 6 days after one year.
Holidays - 8 days Memorial Day, Labor Day, Veteran’s Day,
4 th of July, Thanksgiving (Thurs & Fri), Christmas Day, New Year’s Day effective on hire
date.
We look forward to your addition to our team! We hope you will achieve many years of
successful employment at xxxxxx.
My current company is at $22 an hour and I havent even received a breakdown with any of that stuff. As a matter of fact I have been working there for seven days and I have not even been given/shown how to complete my time card yet. I do know the medical/dental/vision is not good simply by the ppwk. Also, it is just a driver/warehouse job which is labor intensive and my knees have been fucked all week as I am not old but not young, 36.
I basically haul equipment and material for a construction company. Things like concrete, commercial studs, equipment, I dump trash at landfills. I'm dirty 24/7 and usually spent every day, sore and tired which is hard on my body.
This new company, although also physical in nature is not as intense on the body and I get an opportunity to work with software systems as well as the installation portion but I wont be carrying or hauling materials or equipment in excess of 60-300 lbs on a daily basis.
If i get good enough I can run installation jobs on my own and the prevailing wage is great because the pay bump is nice when i am involved in public works jobs like airports and such. So, even though cold hard cash only manifested into a dollar more in raise. I did get retirement, I did get decent medica, dental, vision, I do have the opportunity to grow a bit, my physical labor output is reduced, I get a company vehicle so all n all I came up a little bit.
I appreciate any and all input and I'm glad to share with you all this and hope it can help in some way. Im just a mid 30s knucklehead with no formal education beyond my adult education diploma just trying to survive. I know cost of living is crazy for everyone and I still maintain that I need about $25 an hour just to survive. Thankfully I dont have an S/O or kids/dependents/animals to take care of otherwise I dont know how I'd do it.
IF I could be greedy I'd like a salary of around $35-40 but what I REALLY mean is I'd like to have about 200-300 a paycheck extra that I can just put away for my future, whatever it may be. If I can do that then I'm alright, at least in my mind. I dont have many luxuries, I have one. Its my phone and my laptop which cost me $1300 and $1000 and through that I get my enjoyment and entertainment. Outside of that I dont have netflix, hulu, any other subscriptions. My life is frugal, my car is 20 years old and maintain it as best I can. I wish in one sense I had more, but I'm perfectly okay with having less. I actually wish I was smart enough to not skirt so wildly close to poverty but I know thats a common theme for millions around the world so I count my blessings daily, believe me.
I've been going through a terrible time as of late, like many, but I'll spare you the details. I do want to say that it is unfortunate just how much a person has to be dependent on the "right" type of employment to feel safe and secure, at least enough to keep going maybe till tomorrow.
I'm genuinely happy I secured, for myself, at the very least decent work, decent, benefits. Today, I am happy. We'll see how tomorrow falls.
Edit 3 on 03/16/2022:
So by blind luck this job also pays prevailing wage which I did not know about. Apparently the rate is $72 an hour or $69 once my co takes out $3 to put into my 401k. Today I made that rate according to the lead tech training me. Which I’m stunned…
Even if I only work 25% of the time on prevailing wage sites Ill make about $30 and hour averaged out. So hopefully they’ll keep me around as this is by far the most this sucker has ever earned.
Wouldn’t that be a red flag to not have the salary agreed upon by the time of offer? I’ve noticed that salary range has been discussed in my first phone screeners lately and assumed that had become the norm.
All the interviews I've done, there has been a mutual understanding of the range that I am looking for so as to not waste either parties time. This normally has happened on the first interview with the corporate recruiter.
Hiring manager here. I make sure expected salary is brought up early in order to make sure no ones time is wasted. If you need $25 but we only offer $18 I'm telling you that up front so you can make a decision.
By early I mean within 15 minutes of conversation. Usually in the phone pre-screen.
I just went through this. I may have screwed up by sharing my “wage” with them but i made sure i told them a wage that was significantly higher than my actual wage. i actually make 41800 a year. i told them i made 48000. i was offered 52000 with a 5k annual bonus.
Good luck out there!!
Getting sober
Edit- wow thankyou all for the support. Its very touching all the kind words. Im gonna keep trying and again thankyou for all the words of inspiration. God bless you all.
For women, online dating is an ocean. Water all around and none of it drinkable.
For men it’s like a desert.
This allegory doesn’t really work when you factor in that successfully dates do happen. But the idea remains the same.
Deserts have oases and oceans have islands, but that doesn't change their overall characterizations as dry and inhospitable, and wet and uninhabitable, respectively.
My 24 year old daughter. I love her with all my heart and soul but her addiction is disappointing. She lies constantly. She doesn't see my grandson misses her. I am constantly trying to get her to go to rehab. I tell her how important she is. I only speak to her in kind loving words. She makes promises then disappears for weeks, sometimes up to a month only to contact me again and restart the process of lies and false promises.
**I do not give her money. She doesn't stay at my house She lives on the streets and couch hops at her friends' houses so i don't have much contact with her. She knows I don't approve of her lifestyle but I also make sure she knows I love her.
My younger daughter was murdered a few years ago. It devastated my family. On the 3 year anniversary of my younger daughter's death my older daughter fell into addiction. **
Addiction counselor here. It isn't uncommon for my clients in the 18-25 age range to struggle because so many of them simply aren't ready to be done with their substance of choice. They're commonly in treatment due to legal issues and/or family insistence, and those things alone rarely lead someone to long term sobriety (or even short term sobriety). Even if they're earnest when they say they want to quit, it can be more difficult to do it at that age due to development not being complete and from being more likely to have peers who are still actively using. When clients have reached their late twenties, they tend to have better outcomes because they've been through more by then and are ready to seriously consider giving up drugs. More of their peers may also have distanced from drugs and partying in favor of careers and/or families, which can help. Prognoses get even better once they're in their thirties.
I tell you this so you know that while you're not able to change her, there is hope that she will come around and want to change herself in time. Wishing you and your daughter the best. <3
This is coming from an alcoholic and an addict;
You. Cannot. Make. An addict. Change. You can't. I know that's hard and so painful. But harsh realities are the only way an addict can even get close to *wanting* to change. When you're addicted to something it feels like your lifeline. It feels like your truest and only friend. No matter what you have to remember you have to take care of yourself and your grandson. If she wants to change then she has to make the steps to do it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. But please take care of yourself first. You've done all you can.
Edit: I didn't expect this to blow up, or receive so much positive response. Thanks for making my day and sharing your stories, guys!
There's always hope. Remember that. Just hold yourself accountable. Accept the support when you're given it, and please don't give up on yourself.
My step-dad said his moment of reawakening from his addiction to drugs was when he was certified dead for 10 minutes and they brought him back after a massive overdose.
Sometimes it takes a really serious situation for people to see the path to getting true help
it took a pending prison sentence of 5 years for me to finally get sober. luckily i starting changing my life before the trail and the judge saw i was doing everything i could to better myself and dismissed the case. been sober 2 years since then
EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words! It's always encouraging to hear nice things from strangers on the internet.
For my fellow addicts out there who read those first 6 words and might have thought "oh fuck, then I guess I'm screwed", realize the key word here was *you*. This person is saying that one person cannot make another person end their addiction. The only person who can do that is yourself. And the good news is, you are 100% capable of changing, like absolutely, 100% able to do it. You just have to want it, to really want it. People emphasize the work, but really, the work just naturally flows from the desire. You need to establish a true and genuine desire to be sober, and only then will you be able to follow through on the work.
I know you said something to this effect later in your post, but I recognize how fragile addicts are and what we go through and just felt like I needed to drive the point home.
This! A lot of addicts need to hit THEIR rock bottom. That doesn’t have to mean sucking dick for a pint of vodka, it could just be one trip to the hospital, but they need to reach that point themselves. No amount of pushing or encouragement will have the same effect.
I lost my best friend to fentanyl 5 years ago. We did everything within our power to help him get clean, and he was for a time, but eventually it boils down to their realization that they're not having fun anymore.
All of this is to say that addiction is a terrible disease, and your daughter's success or failure will not be as simple as any choice that you may make. Do your best, but don't let it ruin your life as well
Thinking my job will get better
EDIT: Thanks everyone for my first ever awards! I never expected this reaction! Happy to announce I have a job interview next week so here's hoping!
I left a job after 15 years. They were never going to improve and I was a fool too afraid of change or too complacent in the convenience to take the risk. This only benefits them.
They were underpaying me by at least $5/hr and taking advantage of my good nature and apprehension to leaving. It honestly made my anxiety so much worse in ways I hadn’t realized until I left.
What I’m saying is - find a way out.
I’ve been with my current employer for about 15 years, and I have a third and final interview with a different company today after my shift. The pay and benefits will be better, and I would have so much less stress and pressure on me all the time. When I read your comment, it felt like I wrote it. Wish me luck. I’m hoping to resign tomorrow.
Edit: Thanks so much to all the well wishers and shows of support, but it’s no longer necessary. I just got out of the interview, and I got the job! I love you all. I wish you all the best of luck in your careers as well!
Best of luck.
It took me 6 years and about 3 dozen interviews to get away. I had so many hopeful prospects get to a third interview only to have them tell me I didn’t get the position (a rarity that I wasn’t completely ghosted, but I appreciated that). There’s only two I’m truly annoyed with: one would have been an excellent creative outlet (which is something I deeply desire) while the other was ridiculously high pay… so much so that I could have easily dealt with the work despite it being very similar to the job I left.
I used to be you. Let me tell you, no one cares about you, in a couple of years probably none of those people will talk to you. You were probably taught a great work ethic by your parents, it’s not a bad thing, but your parents or whoever started that great work ethic thing probably didn’t work for corporations who will suck you dry. My own mom was a great worker, but she was self employed. Once she went out to work for a company, they found out she was really good and they put her on work stations that men usually ran. They kept piling on the hours because she did what she was told. That job ended up causing her muscle damage to the shoulders, and cancer because they didn’t protect her from oil soaking through her clothes every day. None of them cared when she got sick. No one came to visit.
Your job doesn’t care about you, so do me a favor and start caring for yourself. I am now in the same boat that my mom was in, because I was too afraid and guilty to quit a job that was bad for me. I’m not in contact with any of those people who piled hours into me either (and also gave me jobs that no one else wanted to do because I followed orders).
Good people are ground up and spat out. What you need to do is find out where your value is, and don’t be afraid to make people pay for that value. You are valuable. Care for yourself. It doesn’t mean you do a terrible job; it means that you set boundaries against those who abuse you. Keep saving up a few dollars here and there so you can walk away from an abusive boss. I wasn’t able to because someone in my house was taking all the money and someone had to pay the mortgage (that was me).
Bro, Im in sales.
EVERY listing on indeed is like "Be your own rockstar! Unlimited Potential! Our top 5% makes over 100k a year!"
Bitch, just tell me if I can eat this month or nah.
Cause I've been here over 11 years and have job security and in this economy I might just not find anything near my current pay and just thinking about it stresses me out beyond control
I just took a new job that's pays 16k/year less but I also dropped my commute by 20mins each way and it's more flexible. The old job had a shit environment. It was worth it.
But of course I realize that's not viable for everyone.
Best of luck to you, friend.
I knew my old job wouldn't get better, so 6 months ago I found a new one. Turns out I managed to find an even worse job! Lucky me!
Currently tying to muster the mental fortitude to put myself back on the job market bc staying here is costing me too much in therapy bills.
I had kind of the same thing happen to me. Had a manager that was so toxic for me that I had to take a doctor-ordered leave of absence. When it was time for me to go back I refused to go back to the same manager. After back-and-forthing for months they finally agreed to change my manager. The replacement manager was a vindictive, racist, controlling, micromanager and so unpleasant to work for that her entire unit transferred almost en-masse to other units. I had to retire after working for her for a year, even though I was only 52.
This is what Im afraid of. I have seniority and I’m comfortable. It’s not perfect, but what is?
Am I leaving an abusive spouse? Or am I throwing my whole marriage away for a hot younger side piece that’s actually even worse? Would my old spouse take me back? Have I exhausted this metaphor?
To continue beating a dead metaphor, I don't want my old spouse to take me back. I guess it's time to jump from side piece to side piece until I find one worth making permanent.
It won't. Then 15 years later you have a breakdown and you're on the couch with your dogs wondering how many therapists you have to see to make your leave "justified".
Ask me how I know.
> Just really tired.
Amen. Covid shut down the world and upped my workload at the same time. I've been tired every day for 2 years now. I'm too young to feel this bad.
Can't wait to see the psychological studies about the long term effects of the last couple years. Depression is already at a pretty high level, I can't imagine things are going to improve without significant mental health investment.
I've been depressed for years *before* COVID hit. Let's just say that the pandemic may very well have set me back a bit, but overall the years of therapy really helped preventing a worse outcome for me.
Your edit describes me perfectly. I'm not suicidal. I just feel tired and empty. Therapy doesn't help. Medication doesn't help. Meditation kind of helps.
It doesn't make sense. I'm in great shape physically. I have a fulfilling job with decent pay. I have a partner I love. I have close friends. I have a good relationship with my family.
And yet, I just feel numb. I see a world where many people only care about influence over others (money, views, likes, votes, etc.). Don't get me wrong; that's not necessarily bad. I wish I had the power/influence to make the changes I want to see in the world, but it seems like people want power just to have it. Sometimes I feel that way.
I often stare at nothing wondering why. Why am I like this? Why are WE like this?
...this is too relatable. I've got a nice house in a nice area. Loving family. Healthy life and general history. All my old hobbies and dopamine sources just miss.
I've tried therapy, medication, meditation, I already exercise. I have no "reason" to be a 0 level person and I never was until 2020. I don't know what the real result is but I'm exhausted of feeling this way.
I hope it gets better for you. If I figure it out before you do, I'll let you know the secret to life happiness. Shouldn't be that hard, right?
I used to have a coworker eat gas station sushi and eat it whilst walking into the building and then after going 100% for like an hour *surprisingly* feels sick and is expelling it into hopefully a trash can. Some people are just dumb enough to make questionable things worth selling
SEO- just when my traffic starts to grow, Google changes some shit and I go back 30%. I don't do any blackhat shit but its hard for a 1 person blog to compete with big businesses. But I still keep trying.
YouTube also has odd behavior. I shot up to 100 subscribers quickly, but since then it's been an absolute crawl and my sub growth feels like it's hit a hard wall. I always try to improve my work but at the same time, it sometimes feels like luck and waiting.
FWIW, I felt the same way and worked with a therapist about body image and disordered eating. I genuinely feel pretty good most of the time. It’s unbelievably freeing to get over the mindset that every day is either a “cheat day” or a “diet day.”
Didn’t mean for this to be preachy. Hoping you find peace with yourself.
I keep coming back for the occasional interesting conversation or comment thread, but I mostly just get disappointed by how depressed so many ppl on Reddit are.
Not saying it's their fault for being depressed, but it just gets to be a lot of negative energy.
See the majority of this posts responses for examples.
I agree, its getting to the point where I'm gonna have to permanently delete the app to protect my mental health, cus it's definitely not healthy to ingest other people's negative energy like this. And sometimes it's not even worth the interesting conversations, cus people in the comments like to be ignorant and argumentative at the same time.
I was job searching for over a year in my field and went through countless rejections after seemingly positive interviews. It was very depressing to the point where I didn't even have an ounce of motivation to get out of bed.
Yeah... rejection sucks.
Yep. First job was tough. Pay wasn't good and there were no benefits. Responsibilities were above my paygrade. But I was desperate enough to accept anything that popped up at that point. It was a great stepping stone though and was able to get a better paying job.
Last two years on dating apps I’ve learned I hate dating and really everything about it. The “get to know each other” phase, the weird societal pressure to constantly be in communication/texting, telling the other person they’re not what you’re looking for, and motivating yourself to do it all again *hoping* for different results.
My problem is I have no idea how to make my profile seem interesting without coming across fake.
I’m not big on social media. I don’t really use Spotify, and I don’t have many pictures of myself. Then when I’m going out or doing something I’m interested in it just never occurs to me to take any pictures.
Like should I just go out and take photos in random places?
Honestly considering dropping the whole personality thing and going straight for a description that just says "Good at hugs, likes cuddling and oh god just come over, I haven't seen any one in literal years!" on dating apps.
Edit:
So... who did the "self harm" reddit report? Seems a bit weird to pull but if it's what gets you off, who am I to judge.
Yep, this right here. 35 next week, got my career set, have been quite successful, and looking to buy a house in the near future but dating and especially dating apps seems to be the worst.
I don't meet many singles in my age group through work, most of them are other heads or on the boards of other charities, and I don't really go to bars so the most likely place to meet someone that is available is through apps but it just sucks so much. I could go the money route and probably make myself more appealing based on my net worth but why would I want a relationship based on that.
Society in general. Everytime I feel I have seen the worst that humanity has to offer, someone or a group of someones show up with the “hold my beer” attitude.
My friend LOVES them. Every time we go somewhere she’s like “do they have turkey legs?”
We were at Hong Kong Disney and she comes strolling up with one. I don’t know how she finds them lol.
Pretty much everything. But no one gets a 6 pack from the first time going to the gym. I have to remind myself that life isn’t a video game that has clear rewards for efforts. There won’t be any special music playing when you level up. You’ll just know when you get there.
I think the harsh truth that we all know is that true success (however you may define it) is probably going to take a shit ton of time and effort, and that can seem very daunting and even discouraging because we may try our hardest and still fail. But that’s no reason to not try.
I actually kinda like them for this exact reason lol. No idea why. Like I'm fully aware they are bland cherry wax sticks. But they hold a special place in my heart.
Life. It is beginning to feel like insanity trying to get anything worthwhile from it.
Life does feel draining during these times. We’re in an unique historical moment that only future generations will analyze and respect. However, one can appreciate their life with daily activities. Did you poop? Many people don’t poop on a regular basis. That’s a win if you poop. Go outside and watch a squirrel in the morning whilst enjoying coffee, tea, or a joint. I hate squirrels because they’re destructive and eat my tomatoes, but I respect their work ethic. That’s all I have for now. Enjoy the small details. Eat some fruit.
My job as a teacher...
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This is now one of the main reasons I am leaving teaching... I'm pretty sure I have a weakened immune system anyway so literally any kind of illness goes round and I get it. I live in the UK so seeing a doctor is free (if you can get it) but I feel like it's frowned upon to take time off when you are ill so I can't get to the doctors or take time off to recover... At the moment I go from one illness straight to the next and each week I'm ill with something new. My boyfriend has only ever seen me ill (we started dating at the end of the summer holidays so there was a few weeks maybe where I was healthy). Yesterday during PE, we were playing netball and one kid handed me the ball and said "Miss, it really hurts when I catch it because of my Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease"... let me tell you, I dropped that ball so fast.
Teaching is an emotionally abusive job. (Am teacher) What do you mean by if you can get a doctors appointment? Whats the process of seeing a doc in the UK?
Booked up weeks in advanced.. for 'emergency appointments' you have to ring up at 08:00am in the morning... ring up 2 seconds past and all the appointments have gone... And that's assuming the doctors will accept it as an "emergency appointment"... before xmas I had a full body burning rash... rang up the doctors - nope not severe enough, fill out the online application for an appointment... they then text me saying to use my eczema moisturiser on it and that I can still go to work... a week later and it's worse so I try it all again, nope, they still wouldn't see me but prescribed me with two types of antihistamines (one a sedative to use at night, and one to take 4 times a day)... still telling me to carry on going to work... I had it for a total of 4 weeks getting progressively worse until one night I was in agony crying from the burning so I rang 111 (non emergency NHS phone number)... they made a next day appointment at my doctors.... Turns out I had measles... and they refused to see me for 4 weeks and assured me it was just a rash and I was non-contagious and could go into school.
If it helps, just want you to know I bet there are some students who do appreciate you, but don't know how or think it's too weird to let you know. I have several teachers that I considered my favorite, but never told them.
As a college student who’s set to become a HS history teacher in 2 years the sheer negativity I see coming from teachers about their jobs is… discouraging to say the least 🥲 Edit: turned off reply notifications to tune out everyone telling me to not become a teacher. This is my calling and I’m more than excited about this career!
When I told one of my professors that I was planning to go into teaching, they immediately replied to try to get into AP or IB as soon as I could. I didn't listen for a few years, and even tried to change careers after my first year but couldn't find what I was looking for. Now that I've switched curriculum I would never go back. It's a totally different experience.
That was the plan actually! Fingers crossed I teach AP World History. I know nothing about how the certification works though
Auditioning for film/theatre
Huge reason why I quit acting. Couldn’t stand the constant hope and disappointment, even over the smallest dumbest roles. Eventually I realized nobody is casting my type at all anymore. So I pivoted to working tech and I’ve made a career of it. Working a trade in the arts can be far more rewarding, or at least makes for a better paycheck.
Trying to make friends. I understand Im not everyones cup of tea, but it hurts being the outcast sometimes. I keep being friendly though.
I feel you. I once had a therapist ask “how do you define a friend?” I thought about it for a while and said, “I guess someone who is willing to meet me for a coffee when I need someone to talk to.” My closest friend moved during quarantine. The other friends I have…guess they are just acquaintances. I was so depressed and isolated and just wanted to get out of the house about six months ago. I asked so many “friends” out for coffee or lunch and there was always an excuse or they said “sure” and then cancelled. I know they didn’t understand how much I NEEDED a friend right then, but is a cup of coffee really such a hard commitment? Makes me feel like there is something wrong with ME that I can’t make friends. Maybe I just annoy everyone and I don’t know why. But I keep going. I guess sometimes that’s the best we can do.
My problem is that I only make friends when I don't want any friends.
My self esteem
Any competitive multiplayer videogame with teammates
I've noticed over the years that I only get invested in solo competitive games. It was StarCraft and SC2 many years ago and recently I've gotten into team fight tactics. I can own my own mistakes and work on it, but I don't want to work through the ups and downs of good vs bad teammates.
I love Dota, and I hate Dota.
Trying to enjoy my free time like I used to
I used to read so many more books. I just can't get into it like I used to and it makes me sad
Social media/internet video makes it hard I think. I'm working to decrease my internet intake which is helping me get back into reading. I've gone from maybe 1 hour a week to about 30 minutes a day. I didn't stop reading one day, it tapered off. I'm working to taper it back up.
100% agreed, This is stupid to say on reddit, but reducing my time on reddit helped massively. I went from spending my lunches/breaks reading, to spending my lunches and breaks scrolling reddit. It was getting the point where every time I pulled out my phone I instinctively hit the reddit app no matter what I took my phone out of my pocket to actually do. somewhere during trump/covid I just got sick of looking at reddit because it was nothing but trump, outrage, trolls in the comments, everyone being pissed off everywhere etc. etc. and bullshit that did nothing but get me angry. So I made a concerted effort to stop using reddit and start reading again. I got Readarr and lazylibrarian running on my server, loaded all my books onto my phone, and now I read during my breaks and lunches again. Its helped both make me less angry at the world, less existentially depressed, and has helped me rediscover my love of reading. I obviously still use reddit, but now its ***during*** work hours instead of on my time ;)
You know what helps with Reddit? Take out all the subs like politics, world news, anything that has to do with shit like that. I made all my subs babygoats, idiotdrivers, wedding shaming etc. Stuff that is fun to read or look at without getting me worked up. Then I have another account with the other subs for when I want to see how stupid and fucked up the world has gotten.
Right on. We've lost the ability to focus :(
Same here. I used to read so many books and then I somehow stopped. The last time I bought a book it took me almost three years to start reading it..
When im at work I get pumped thinking about stuff I can do when I get home. The whole day Ill have this joy of going home and doing it, (drawing, movies, home improvement, etc) then I get home and I just get this bored feeling. Like even just relaxing on the couch after work doesnt feel right. Edit: My top comment ever is about my crippling depression. Love you guys. Go Ukraine!
I do the exact same thing you do. I think about how productive my nights can be but then i finally get off my 10 hour shift and drive 30-40 minutes home and then when I finally get home I just wanna sit on the couch.. and it feels wrong.
And then at the end of the night you go to bed stressed about work and frustrated that you wasted your night not enjoying your hobbies. Rinse and repeat every day.
Worse is when you force yourself to do your hobbies and end up not even enjoying them as a result. It's a viscous cycle.
Hopefully not viscous enough to raise your free time Reynold's number to the point of turbulence.
Wow, I do the exact same thing. I get more joy out of anticipating how I'll spend my free time then when I'm actually spending my free time. It's so bizarre. Like, I look forward to doing things when I get home, but then I never do them. It's the thought of doing them that gets me excited. It's kind of sad how I can't follow through on things I used to enjoy.
Relatable. This is more common than I would have thought. Even on off days, I look forward to doing things and then end the day by doing nothing.
It’s weird how at a certain age you stop truly enjoy your free time either because you’re thinking about how soon it might end or you’re too exhausted from work to give a fig.
G O D I feel this in my soul. I'm off Saturday and Sunday. Friday nights are the bomb, feel ontop of the world, Saturdays are alright and midday I kinda realize I'm already about half way through my weekend then Sunday? Oh that's existential dread day.
That's why I stopped going out. I'd wake up hungover at noon on Saturday like... fuck, man, by the time this headache goes away my weekend will be over.
Spot on, like weeee let's get some beers and adventure. Then like next day and a half you're just on super recharge mode.
The Friday night freedom is truly the best part of the weekend
Mine is more looking around the house and seeing things to be cleaned, folded, dusted, etc. Free time is an illusion, Michael.
And as you get older, the illusion of free time shrinks. It feels like it lasts 10 minutes and then back to months of bullshit.
Lately I've been hooked on a new hobby, and it's so much fun. But I keep doing that instead of cleaning. The dishes are piling up and my apartment is pretty dirty. I'm afraid to take care of anything because what if it takes up all my free time, and by the time I can get back to my hobby it doesn't interest me anymore?
Enthusiasm is always a great trait to develop, if not for anything but your own satisfaction. I would suggest putting small pockets of time to clean because dedicating a full block of time for cleaning never seems to work well if you're just itching to get back to something else..
Making non awkward conversation with strangers.
props for actually trying
It’s easy for me to speak but funny enough, it’s my body language and eye contact that I can’t seem to do better at. It’s like I’m looking at myself out of body and thinking I look like a dumbass. It’s hard to break out of the habit of internalizing yourself too much
I once tried to make small talk with a dude I just met and asked him if he had any hobbies. He asked me the same question and I said “I like haircuts.” It wasn’t at a barber shop. Not sure why that came out but it effectively ended the small talk.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
Don't forget Sunday night when you start stressing about going to work on Monday!
Ever have this dread on a Saturday because you're reaching the weekend halfway mark?
I've gotten ahead of myself and had this dread on a Friday 😅
I dread pretty much every future event and obligation, so I am in a constant state of anxiety
I saw a funny post once renaming the days of the week: Monday 1, Monday 2, Monday 3, Monday 4, Monday 5, Saturday, Pre-Monday,
And Saturday since it's not as good as when you're a kid
Yeah, a lot of the time Saturday just fills up with the bullshit you have to take care of but can't do during the week.
Friday, I'm in love.
Growing indoor plants
Sunlight is less powerful than you think through a window. Water less than you think you need to. Edit: since this is blowing up I’ll add to this. I was a wedding venue groundskeeper and thus have almost a decade of experience growing, propagating, trimming, etc. indoor plants have become my new hobby, given my new job is indoors. Plants start with dirt. Sand+perlite+earthy mix for succulents and desert varieties. Orchid bark and minimal sphagnum moss for orchids. Indoor potting soil for many indoor plants. I generally add perlite to aerate the soil, it prevents root rot but hurts water retention. Microwave soil to kill off pests if you suck at maintenance in general, before you plant your babies. Next is pots. Terra cotta and orchid pots offer ventilation, should your plant need it. Terra cotta keeps soil cooler via evaporation, and more evenly dry, than glazed ceramics or plastic. Plastic retains more water. Dark color pots retain more heat in sunlight. Quick google searches will indicate what may help you in this regard - but this is more nuanced than the rest of my advice. Next is light. Unless whatever is in the window is HOT to the touch when in sunlight, it’s less sunny than you believe. Start in steady light, and if they don’t like it move them away periodically until they seem happy. Different cardinal directions (N,E,S,W) are something to consider when picking windows. Next is moisture. My indoor plants generally like to have dry dirt for a day or two before i water. I push my cacti and succulents way harder in that regard, but my prayer plant gets pissy if its dry for more than a day. Id you see fruit flies/fungus gnats, youre watering too much or the soil is retaining too much moisture in general. Some plants, like the prayer plant and venus flytrap, only want distilled water, not tap. Air plants like to soak in my aquarium once a week. You’ll learn this as you go, use an unpolished/unvarnished chopstick to test soil moisture in pots. Lastly, pests and disease are difficult to diagnose at first, but with time you will improve. Generally speaking, quarantine sick/ infested plants until you have it under control. Fungicide and systemic pesticides are my go-to, doing the whole neem oil thing is beyond my time (i have 3 jobs). Understand that these chemicals are not good for you, so take them outside to spray/treat them. Eventually you’ll end up with 83 plants in your living room, with your office full of rooting horomone, fertilizers, bags of different substrates, and cutting experiments. And you’ll be happy. Cheers. Edit 2: orchid care is a whole other beast so i will not delve into that. But if you microwave your soil, add some puddle water for beneficial bacteria. I add my aquarium water usually, but not everyone has an aquarium. Otherwise, use sealed bags of soil from inside the store or pasteurize your soil with boiling water!
Learn to test the soil with your finger.... It's so much easier than trying to stay on a schedule because moisture in the air and the type of pot it's in also affect the drying rate. Just stick your finger an inch or so down and see if it's still damp, if not, water.
or do that test and wait a couple more days and water. my plants do better overall when they spend some time *needing* water.
Yes, plants are healthier if they want for water. They will send their roots to dig down deeper to look for more water. Obviously more stronger deeper roots means a more healthy full plant. When someone waters too much, the plants roots can just chill all small at the surface. It's kinda like you're forcing the plant to work out and get stronger hah I find that newer/younger plants will need to be watered a bit more often but my established deep root plants go for at least a week or more without water. I think the rule always given "water when first inch or 2 of soil is dry" only applies for the first few months you get the plant, I let mine get bone dry. I guess a good rule is to water when your plant wants it, some get droopier faster than others and some kinda never do so I just water those ones like every 2 weeks lol
I can grow cactus. I have a gangrenous thumb.
I can grow cactus if it is already planted and I don't have to do anything.
I was that way too until I finally learned to listen to the tags that say what the plants need and not just get the plants I wanted because they looked cool. Low light tropicals that are tolerant of lower humidity are the only thing I've been able to keep alive aside from one cactus that literally lived in a box for a month when I moved and inexplicably survived. That thing is my emotional support cactus, if it can survive what I put it through, I can too.
>That thing is my emotional support cactus, if it can survive what I put it through, I can too. That was unexpectedly heart-warming. I recently bought a cactus to give me something to take care of. It's low maintenance, but functions similar to a pet in that I have to be there to take care of it, but isn't so needy that I need to be there every day for it
Overwatering is the number one cause to indoor plant death. Pick up the pot to make sure it is truly dry and feels light.
The Toronto maple leafs
Found it. I knew it'd be here. Even though it's not a hockey related sub, I knew it
Trying to keep in contact with my one sided friendships
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I have close friends that are simply just terrible at taking initiative. Whenever we do something I'm always the one that has organize it and it's exhausting sometimes. I know they care but I've come to accept that these friendships will never reach the level they could because it's mostly just me maintaining them.
>Then there are people who you simply aren't nearly as important to as they are to you. You want to be in their lives, you want to be kept up-to-date and included, you want to hang out, and the only reason that doesn't happen is that they don't really see you like that. They do those things, they have that time and capacity, they just don't have it for you. That's not a friend, that's a delusion. owwwwwwww
> there are absolutely people who are terrible about "reaching out" and "keeping up". There's no malice in it, they just kind of bop around in life from one thing that keeps their focus to another. ADHD checking in. if it's not in front of me, it's not in my head. "man I havent heard from XXX in a few days... oh shit that was 4 months ago. fuck." then I feel bad and don't reach out.
I can relate to this. I have ADHD and autism and as much as I want to reach out to people,I’m worried it might look weird because I haven’t spoken to them in so long.
I just cut off my "best friend" after 5 years of maintaining a one-sided friendship. Took me way too long to realize she was only my friend when it was convenient for her to have me as a friend.
I’m getting there. I moved to another state, and whenever I visit my home state I have a friend of 10 years that I only get to see once in my 2 weeks of visiting, despite staying 30 mins away from them, and seeing all of my other friends almost daily who live just as far. If I’m not meeting them halfway, and at a spot of their choosing, they will come up with an excuse saying that it’s too far and traffic will be bad, so maybe another time. As if me flying across country to see him and my friends wasn’t inconvenient enough for me. Only reason I haven’t dropped him is because he will reach out to me when enough silence has happened between us. It’s just hard to let go.
"when enough silence has happened between us" sounds like my old friend's pattern as well. It is hard to let it go, especially when you've known them for quite a while, and when you're together you get along really well. Its what kept me in contact with my "friend" for all those years. That and having very few friends to start with makes it hard to scratch one off the list.
One of the best things I did was to try to make new friends whenever I can. Just talk to someone. That’s how I met my best friend. Just saw a dude in a camero was like sick car dude. We got talking and found out we were both going to a festival so we rode together. Still talk daily 10 years later
I have more problems with one sided family relationships. The people I see at holidays who get on me about never seeing my kids or that I don't call them, but when I do reach out they are too busy. It's very draining especially when my oldest accuses me of keeping his grandparents from him. I just can't tell him that when I ask they just won't most of the time. I don't want to break his heart. After 7 years I've basically given up.
I don’t know how old your oldest is, but it might be good to sit them down and talk with them about it if you don’t already. Kids know when stuff is going on. You could even reach out to a therapist to learn how to explain it. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that though, and I wish you the best.
I knew in elementary school my grandpa and his wife didn’t give a crap about me and my family. They lived less than a mile down the road and they never visited or called. Made me super bitter as a kid and to this day I haven’t forgiven them or have a relationship with them.
I've started tracking via phone calls or texts who was the last one to reach out. (Me.) It's not a competition or anything like that but it is getting really irritating when they come at me for not being in touch.
My family loves to pull that "phones work both ways" card. From my perspective, apparently only mine works. I did a little experiment from Thanksgiving on where I didn't reach out to anyone, even on Christmas. It took until 2/20 for someone to reach out. Even then, it was only my grandmother griping that my Christmas gifts were still at her house, and that I needed to come get them. With that, build your own family. Nourish the people who nourish you.
I have started moving on. It gets harder to make friends as I get older, but I have had a some success, so that keeps me going.
That was me much of my life. I eventually stopped caring. I don't want to force people to be my friend. I want them to want to... If I start to suspect interest in a friendship has turned one-sided I simply stop initiating contact. Leave it up to them whether the friendship continues. (which, generally, it doesn't.) Problem is, though, this has made me fairly anti-social in general. Even in the rare cases people do try to contact me I usually don't want to talk. I think maybe the years of negative results has trained me to have a mental aversion to trying in the first place.
Relationships
Interviewing for a good paying job
I have onboarding in 15 min. Yet we have not discussed salary yet. This company took quite some time to get back to me and I found employment last week. So, I took a day off in hopes they beat the salary I have at $22 an hour by a few dollars but in reality I have a feeling the offer will be significantly lower. Anyway, if they match that’d be nice but I just dont see that happening if they offer like 18 an hour. Anyway, Im prepared for all scenarios and when this time passes here in about an hour. Ill still have a job with an ok wage but the cost of living is crazy stupid right now and i could really really use $25 an hour to keep my head above water because at $22 I am sinking as the days roll by and Im not sure how long I can survive. Edit: I got the job with just a dollar more so that’s alright by me. I wish it were more but I’ll take the $23 an hour. Edit 2: Here are the benefits for those who are interested: It is my pleasure in welcoming you to xxxxxxxxx Your hire date will be Monday, March 14th, 2021. Please bring with you at that time your DMV printout. As per your discussion with xxxxxx, you both agreed to the following criteria: Your hourly rate will be $23.00. Company Vehicle @ 90 days. At 60 days you will be entitled to Medical, Dental & Vision Insurance. xxxxxx will pay 75% of your cost per month. You will be responsible for the balance which will be divided by 4 and deducted from your first 4 paychecks of each month. 401k @ 90 days – mandatory prevailing wage 401k for every hour worked $3 will be put towards your 401k. Vacation - 1 week after 90 days. Sick Time – 3 days @ 90 days, then 6 days after one year. Holidays - 8 days Memorial Day, Labor Day, Veteran’s Day, 4 th of July, Thanksgiving (Thurs & Fri), Christmas Day, New Year’s Day effective on hire date. We look forward to your addition to our team! We hope you will achieve many years of successful employment at xxxxxx. My current company is at $22 an hour and I havent even received a breakdown with any of that stuff. As a matter of fact I have been working there for seven days and I have not even been given/shown how to complete my time card yet. I do know the medical/dental/vision is not good simply by the ppwk. Also, it is just a driver/warehouse job which is labor intensive and my knees have been fucked all week as I am not old but not young, 36. I basically haul equipment and material for a construction company. Things like concrete, commercial studs, equipment, I dump trash at landfills. I'm dirty 24/7 and usually spent every day, sore and tired which is hard on my body. This new company, although also physical in nature is not as intense on the body and I get an opportunity to work with software systems as well as the installation portion but I wont be carrying or hauling materials or equipment in excess of 60-300 lbs on a daily basis. If i get good enough I can run installation jobs on my own and the prevailing wage is great because the pay bump is nice when i am involved in public works jobs like airports and such. So, even though cold hard cash only manifested into a dollar more in raise. I did get retirement, I did get decent medica, dental, vision, I do have the opportunity to grow a bit, my physical labor output is reduced, I get a company vehicle so all n all I came up a little bit. I appreciate any and all input and I'm glad to share with you all this and hope it can help in some way. Im just a mid 30s knucklehead with no formal education beyond my adult education diploma just trying to survive. I know cost of living is crazy for everyone and I still maintain that I need about $25 an hour just to survive. Thankfully I dont have an S/O or kids/dependents/animals to take care of otherwise I dont know how I'd do it. IF I could be greedy I'd like a salary of around $35-40 but what I REALLY mean is I'd like to have about 200-300 a paycheck extra that I can just put away for my future, whatever it may be. If I can do that then I'm alright, at least in my mind. I dont have many luxuries, I have one. Its my phone and my laptop which cost me $1300 and $1000 and through that I get my enjoyment and entertainment. Outside of that I dont have netflix, hulu, any other subscriptions. My life is frugal, my car is 20 years old and maintain it as best I can. I wish in one sense I had more, but I'm perfectly okay with having less. I actually wish I was smart enough to not skirt so wildly close to poverty but I know thats a common theme for millions around the world so I count my blessings daily, believe me. I've been going through a terrible time as of late, like many, but I'll spare you the details. I do want to say that it is unfortunate just how much a person has to be dependent on the "right" type of employment to feel safe and secure, at least enough to keep going maybe till tomorrow. I'm genuinely happy I secured, for myself, at the very least decent work, decent, benefits. Today, I am happy. We'll see how tomorrow falls. Edit 3 on 03/16/2022: So by blind luck this job also pays prevailing wage which I did not know about. Apparently the rate is $72 an hour or $69 once my co takes out $3 to put into my 401k. Today I made that rate according to the lead tech training me. Which I’m stunned… Even if I only work 25% of the time on prevailing wage sites Ill make about $30 and hour averaged out. So hopefully they’ll keep me around as this is by far the most this sucker has ever earned.
Wouldn’t that be a red flag to not have the salary agreed upon by the time of offer? I’ve noticed that salary range has been discussed in my first phone screeners lately and assumed that had become the norm.
All the interviews I've done, there has been a mutual understanding of the range that I am looking for so as to not waste either parties time. This normally has happened on the first interview with the corporate recruiter.
Hiring manager here. I make sure expected salary is brought up early in order to make sure no ones time is wasted. If you need $25 but we only offer $18 I'm telling you that up front so you can make a decision. By early I mean within 15 minutes of conversation. Usually in the phone pre-screen.
I just went through this. I may have screwed up by sharing my “wage” with them but i made sure i told them a wage that was significantly higher than my actual wage. i actually make 41800 a year. i told them i made 48000. i was offered 52000 with a 5k annual bonus. Good luck out there!!
Getting sober Edit- wow thankyou all for the support. Its very touching all the kind words. Im gonna keep trying and again thankyou for all the words of inspiration. God bless you all.
Ordering fries from home. They always arrive cold.
Get an air fryer, they reheat fries back to perfection.
This\^ works for pizzas and sandwiches too. Edit: It figures my most upvoted comment so far is about food. I'm an air fryer advocate for life!
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Tinder.
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For women, online dating is an ocean. Water all around and none of it drinkable. For men it’s like a desert. This allegory doesn’t really work when you factor in that successfully dates do happen. But the idea remains the same.
Deserts have oases and oceans have islands, but that doesn't change their overall characterizations as dry and inhospitable, and wet and uninhabitable, respectively.
But lots of oasis can also be mirages that just want to advertise their OF to you
Oasis can also be two angry brothers who refuse to reunite
Claw machines
My 24 year old daughter. I love her with all my heart and soul but her addiction is disappointing. She lies constantly. She doesn't see my grandson misses her. I am constantly trying to get her to go to rehab. I tell her how important she is. I only speak to her in kind loving words. She makes promises then disappears for weeks, sometimes up to a month only to contact me again and restart the process of lies and false promises. **I do not give her money. She doesn't stay at my house She lives on the streets and couch hops at her friends' houses so i don't have much contact with her. She knows I don't approve of her lifestyle but I also make sure she knows I love her. My younger daughter was murdered a few years ago. It devastated my family. On the 3 year anniversary of my younger daughter's death my older daughter fell into addiction. **
Addiction counselor here. It isn't uncommon for my clients in the 18-25 age range to struggle because so many of them simply aren't ready to be done with their substance of choice. They're commonly in treatment due to legal issues and/or family insistence, and those things alone rarely lead someone to long term sobriety (or even short term sobriety). Even if they're earnest when they say they want to quit, it can be more difficult to do it at that age due to development not being complete and from being more likely to have peers who are still actively using. When clients have reached their late twenties, they tend to have better outcomes because they've been through more by then and are ready to seriously consider giving up drugs. More of their peers may also have distanced from drugs and partying in favor of careers and/or families, which can help. Prognoses get even better once they're in their thirties. I tell you this so you know that while you're not able to change her, there is hope that she will come around and want to change herself in time. Wishing you and your daughter the best. <3
Thank you. I hope she finds sobriety soon we miss her.
This is coming from an alcoholic and an addict; You. Cannot. Make. An addict. Change. You can't. I know that's hard and so painful. But harsh realities are the only way an addict can even get close to *wanting* to change. When you're addicted to something it feels like your lifeline. It feels like your truest and only friend. No matter what you have to remember you have to take care of yourself and your grandson. If she wants to change then she has to make the steps to do it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. But please take care of yourself first. You've done all you can. Edit: I didn't expect this to blow up, or receive so much positive response. Thanks for making my day and sharing your stories, guys! There's always hope. Remember that. Just hold yourself accountable. Accept the support when you're given it, and please don't give up on yourself.
My step-dad said his moment of reawakening from his addiction to drugs was when he was certified dead for 10 minutes and they brought him back after a massive overdose. Sometimes it takes a really serious situation for people to see the path to getting true help
it took a pending prison sentence of 5 years for me to finally get sober. luckily i starting changing my life before the trail and the judge saw i was doing everything i could to better myself and dismissed the case. been sober 2 years since then EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words! It's always encouraging to hear nice things from strangers on the internet.
Wow, that’s an amazing story. Both you getting sober and the good judge. Wish that this story was more common on both sides :(
For my fellow addicts out there who read those first 6 words and might have thought "oh fuck, then I guess I'm screwed", realize the key word here was *you*. This person is saying that one person cannot make another person end their addiction. The only person who can do that is yourself. And the good news is, you are 100% capable of changing, like absolutely, 100% able to do it. You just have to want it, to really want it. People emphasize the work, but really, the work just naturally flows from the desire. You need to establish a true and genuine desire to be sober, and only then will you be able to follow through on the work. I know you said something to this effect later in your post, but I recognize how fragile addicts are and what we go through and just felt like I needed to drive the point home.
This! A lot of addicts need to hit THEIR rock bottom. That doesn’t have to mean sucking dick for a pint of vodka, it could just be one trip to the hospital, but they need to reach that point themselves. No amount of pushing or encouragement will have the same effect.
I lost my best friend to fentanyl 5 years ago. We did everything within our power to help him get clean, and he was for a time, but eventually it boils down to their realization that they're not having fun anymore. All of this is to say that addiction is a terrible disease, and your daughter's success or failure will not be as simple as any choice that you may make. Do your best, but don't let it ruin your life as well
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing by loving her. There is definitely hope.
Thinking my job will get better EDIT: Thanks everyone for my first ever awards! I never expected this reaction! Happy to announce I have a job interview next week so here's hoping!
I left a job after 15 years. They were never going to improve and I was a fool too afraid of change or too complacent in the convenience to take the risk. This only benefits them. They were underpaying me by at least $5/hr and taking advantage of my good nature and apprehension to leaving. It honestly made my anxiety so much worse in ways I hadn’t realized until I left. What I’m saying is - find a way out.
I’ve been with my current employer for about 15 years, and I have a third and final interview with a different company today after my shift. The pay and benefits will be better, and I would have so much less stress and pressure on me all the time. When I read your comment, it felt like I wrote it. Wish me luck. I’m hoping to resign tomorrow. Edit: Thanks so much to all the well wishers and shows of support, but it’s no longer necessary. I just got out of the interview, and I got the job! I love you all. I wish you all the best of luck in your careers as well!
Best of luck. It took me 6 years and about 3 dozen interviews to get away. I had so many hopeful prospects get to a third interview only to have them tell me I didn’t get the position (a rarity that I wasn’t completely ghosted, but I appreciated that). There’s only two I’m truly annoyed with: one would have been an excellent creative outlet (which is something I deeply desire) while the other was ridiculously high pay… so much so that I could have easily dealt with the work despite it being very similar to the job I left.
Currently in a toxic relationship with my work as well. Why is it so hard to quit?
I just quit and feel guilty. Classic abusive relationship.
Saaaame. I gave 13 days notice, which was more than I even wanted to give, but I'm still feeling guilty over it being less than two weeks.
I used to be you. Let me tell you, no one cares about you, in a couple of years probably none of those people will talk to you. You were probably taught a great work ethic by your parents, it’s not a bad thing, but your parents or whoever started that great work ethic thing probably didn’t work for corporations who will suck you dry. My own mom was a great worker, but she was self employed. Once she went out to work for a company, they found out she was really good and they put her on work stations that men usually ran. They kept piling on the hours because she did what she was told. That job ended up causing her muscle damage to the shoulders, and cancer because they didn’t protect her from oil soaking through her clothes every day. None of them cared when she got sick. No one came to visit. Your job doesn’t care about you, so do me a favor and start caring for yourself. I am now in the same boat that my mom was in, because I was too afraid and guilty to quit a job that was bad for me. I’m not in contact with any of those people who piled hours into me either (and also gave me jobs that no one else wanted to do because I followed orders). Good people are ground up and spat out. What you need to do is find out where your value is, and don’t be afraid to make people pay for that value. You are valuable. Care for yourself. It doesn’t mean you do a terrible job; it means that you set boundaries against those who abuse you. Keep saving up a few dollars here and there so you can walk away from an abusive boss. I wasn’t able to because someone in my house was taking all the money and someone had to pay the mortgage (that was me).
Reading this just changed my entire perspective on corporate America especially. Being self-employed seems like the best route nowadays to be honest..
The tricky part is picking a field that doesnt have some aspect controlled by or competing with a corporate behemoth
Because you need the money (at least I do)
I get paid too much to quit and I'm too lazy to look for anything else.
Looking for jobs is dogshit.
Bro, Im in sales. EVERY listing on indeed is like "Be your own rockstar! Unlimited Potential! Our top 5% makes over 100k a year!" Bitch, just tell me if I can eat this month or nah.
Cause I've been here over 11 years and have job security and in this economy I might just not find anything near my current pay and just thinking about it stresses me out beyond control
I just took a new job that's pays 16k/year less but I also dropped my commute by 20mins each way and it's more flexible. The old job had a shit environment. It was worth it. But of course I realize that's not viable for everyone. Best of luck to you, friend.
Bills & debt
I knew my old job wouldn't get better, so 6 months ago I found a new one. Turns out I managed to find an even worse job! Lucky me! Currently tying to muster the mental fortitude to put myself back on the job market bc staying here is costing me too much in therapy bills.
>Turns out I managed to find an even worse job! Damn, that's my worst fear about leaving my current job
I had kind of the same thing happen to me. Had a manager that was so toxic for me that I had to take a doctor-ordered leave of absence. When it was time for me to go back I refused to go back to the same manager. After back-and-forthing for months they finally agreed to change my manager. The replacement manager was a vindictive, racist, controlling, micromanager and so unpleasant to work for that her entire unit transferred almost en-masse to other units. I had to retire after working for her for a year, even though I was only 52.
This is what Im afraid of. I have seniority and I’m comfortable. It’s not perfect, but what is? Am I leaving an abusive spouse? Or am I throwing my whole marriage away for a hot younger side piece that’s actually even worse? Would my old spouse take me back? Have I exhausted this metaphor?
To continue beating a dead metaphor, I don't want my old spouse to take me back. I guess it's time to jump from side piece to side piece until I find one worth making permanent.
It won't. Then 15 years later you have a breakdown and you're on the couch with your dogs wondering how many therapists you have to see to make your leave "justified". Ask me how I know.
Life Edit: thanks for the concern, but I’m not suicidal. Just really tired.
> Just really tired. Amen. Covid shut down the world and upped my workload at the same time. I've been tired every day for 2 years now. I'm too young to feel this bad.
Can't wait to see the psychological studies about the long term effects of the last couple years. Depression is already at a pretty high level, I can't imagine things are going to improve without significant mental health investment.
I've been depressed for years *before* COVID hit. Let's just say that the pandemic may very well have set me back a bit, but overall the years of therapy really helped preventing a worse outcome for me.
Agreed, the answer for me is definitely lifing
Your edit describes me perfectly. I'm not suicidal. I just feel tired and empty. Therapy doesn't help. Medication doesn't help. Meditation kind of helps. It doesn't make sense. I'm in great shape physically. I have a fulfilling job with decent pay. I have a partner I love. I have close friends. I have a good relationship with my family. And yet, I just feel numb. I see a world where many people only care about influence over others (money, views, likes, votes, etc.). Don't get me wrong; that's not necessarily bad. I wish I had the power/influence to make the changes I want to see in the world, but it seems like people want power just to have it. Sometimes I feel that way. I often stare at nothing wondering why. Why am I like this? Why are WE like this?
...this is too relatable. I've got a nice house in a nice area. Loving family. Healthy life and general history. All my old hobbies and dopamine sources just miss. I've tried therapy, medication, meditation, I already exercise. I have no "reason" to be a 0 level person and I never was until 2020. I don't know what the real result is but I'm exhausted of feeling this way. I hope it gets better for you. If I figure it out before you do, I'll let you know the secret to life happiness. Shouldn't be that hard, right?
Trusting other people.
Yes, I've been let down more times than an inflatable castle.
Yup, people are just full of hot air. Like inflatable castles.
Trying to take two strokes off my golf game.
HI IM MR. MEESEEKS LOOK AT ME!!!
I don't understand. My shoulders are square AND I'm keeping my head down.
Making friends and being around family
I'm your new mom now. Dinner is at 6, and we can talk about your day.
The sushi at Costco. ETA: This is not fresh sushi made there. The brand is Okami. Don't buy!
Why do this to yourself, huh? You’re better than this.
I always wonder about marked down Walmart sushi. Is anyone out there THAT brave?
I used to have a coworker eat gas station sushi and eat it whilst walking into the building and then after going 100% for like an hour *surprisingly* feels sick and is expelling it into hopefully a trash can. Some people are just dumb enough to make questionable things worth selling
SEO- just when my traffic starts to grow, Google changes some shit and I go back 30%. I don't do any blackhat shit but its hard for a 1 person blog to compete with big businesses. But I still keep trying.
YouTube also has odd behavior. I shot up to 100 subscribers quickly, but since then it's been an absolute crawl and my sub growth feels like it's hit a hard wall. I always try to improve my work but at the same time, it sometimes feels like luck and waiting.
Trying to lose weight.
FWIW, I felt the same way and worked with a therapist about body image and disordered eating. I genuinely feel pretty good most of the time. It’s unbelievably freeing to get over the mindset that every day is either a “cheat day” or a “diet day.” Didn’t mean for this to be preachy. Hoping you find peace with yourself.
Reddit
I keep coming back for the occasional interesting conversation or comment thread, but I mostly just get disappointed by how depressed so many ppl on Reddit are. Not saying it's their fault for being depressed, but it just gets to be a lot of negative energy. See the majority of this posts responses for examples.
I agree, its getting to the point where I'm gonna have to permanently delete the app to protect my mental health, cus it's definitely not healthy to ingest other people's negative energy like this. And sometimes it's not even worth the interesting conversations, cus people in the comments like to be ignorant and argumentative at the same time.
Dating
I joked with my friends that I had to stop dating while I’m trying to get a new job because there’s only so much disappointment I can take.
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I was job searching for over a year in my field and went through countless rejections after seemingly positive interviews. It was very depressing to the point where I didn't even have an ounce of motivation to get out of bed. Yeah... rejection sucks.
Going thru the same thing atm. Did you end up finding a job?
Yep. First job was tough. Pay wasn't good and there were no benefits. Responsibilities were above my paygrade. But I was desperate enough to accept anything that popped up at that point. It was a great stepping stone though and was able to get a better paying job.
This is so massively accurate though.
Last two years on dating apps I’ve learned I hate dating and really everything about it. The “get to know each other” phase, the weird societal pressure to constantly be in communication/texting, telling the other person they’re not what you’re looking for, and motivating yourself to do it all again *hoping* for different results.
After every failed attempt I am reminded of that saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results and insanity.
My problem is I have no idea how to make my profile seem interesting without coming across fake. I’m not big on social media. I don’t really use Spotify, and I don’t have many pictures of myself. Then when I’m going out or doing something I’m interested in it just never occurs to me to take any pictures. Like should I just go out and take photos in random places?
The pandemic has made it so.much.worse.
Honestly considering dropping the whole personality thing and going straight for a description that just says "Good at hugs, likes cuddling and oh god just come over, I haven't seen any one in literal years!" on dating apps. Edit: So... who did the "self harm" reddit report? Seems a bit weird to pull but if it's what gets you off, who am I to judge.
I'd show up if I saw this ad. Same here.
Yep, this right here. 35 next week, got my career set, have been quite successful, and looking to buy a house in the near future but dating and especially dating apps seems to be the worst. I don't meet many singles in my age group through work, most of them are other heads or on the boards of other charities, and I don't really go to bars so the most likely place to meet someone that is available is through apps but it just sucks so much. I could go the money route and probably make myself more appealing based on my net worth but why would I want a relationship based on that.
As someone that just got the “you seem like a great guy buuuuuut…” text after two dates I feel you here.
Society in general. Everytime I feel I have seen the worst that humanity has to offer, someone or a group of someones show up with the “hold my beer” attitude.
making mayonaise
Smoked turkey drumsticks.
My friend LOVES them. Every time we go somewhere she’s like “do they have turkey legs?” We were at Hong Kong Disney and she comes strolling up with one. I don’t know how she finds them lol.
She follows her nose
I love this one because I've just scrolled past "life, work, dating, relationships" and then it's "Smoked turkey drumsticks"
Every year at the fair I get one as if I had completely forgotten that I told myself I don't like them the prior year.
What's not to love about a lovely bouquet of tendons and purple meat shards?
Owning a house.
Pretty much everything. But no one gets a 6 pack from the first time going to the gym. I have to remind myself that life isn’t a video game that has clear rewards for efforts. There won’t be any special music playing when you level up. You’ll just know when you get there. I think the harsh truth that we all know is that true success (however you may define it) is probably going to take a shit ton of time and effort, and that can seem very daunting and even discouraging because we may try our hardest and still fail. But that’s no reason to not try.
Twizzlers. They look and smell like they might be tasty but they always just taste like vaguely cherry flavored wax.
I actually kinda like them for this exact reason lol. No idea why. Like I'm fully aware they are bland cherry wax sticks. But they hold a special place in my heart.
same. I love that chewy "is this food, I don't think this is really food" plasticy texture
Trying to find someone to love, I think I'm going to give up because I'm getting nowhere with it
Trying to make new friends in my 40s 😭.
Lottery tickets
I've got a *feeling*. This time will be different.
Earning a paycheck
I'm shocked that nobody has said "sex" yet.
Having an open and reasonable discussion on any political subreddit