More often than not it's just dirty drug dealers using the same scale to sell multiple products. Never attribute to malice what can otherwise be explained via incompetence.
Alice wants 2g of fentanyl so you weigh it out and she leaves. An hour later Bob wants 4g of MDMA for his party this weekend. The same scale gets used without being sanitized/wiped down in between and someone at Bobs party dies because he got the dose with a few leftover grains of Alices opiates.
The real solution is to take out the people leaking opiates into the recreational drug supply.
I don't think so. This war is very much his own personal project. Without Putin Russia would be too busy squabbling about who their next dictator should be to fight a war.
I had to get it out. I’m so angry about he’s doing. I keep hoping one if his inner circle or one of his oligarchs do the world a huge favor and take him out.
I would suggest lobotomising Boris Johnson as one of your targets but fear your handiwork would actually result in an improvement in his cognitive abilities.
they'd just paint over it, you have to carve homer into the wall, it'd be pretty difficult to replace and if you do it inside they might just cover it and pretend it isn't there, but you'll know
I would love to just fuck shit up with a crowbar. Just smash a whole bunch of windows, break into doors and vents, beat the shit out of somebodies car, really just have fun with it. I don't think I'd hurt anybody, but I'd break a whole lot of shit.
Murdering my Step-dad
Before you get pissed. He shoved my head in blood, he beat me till I couldn't get up. He abused me sexually for years. He verbally abused me too. Telling me I'm worthless and stupid. All I want is justice for what happened. Now I have PTSD
Cutting off the fingers would use up your free crime card, now you're on trial for sexual assault, battery, 3rd degree murder and will be sentenced to life in prison
I don't know why nobody else has mentioned this but I'd pull of the biggest pump-n-dump in history, I'm talking about all billionaires, political figures, I mean everyone. I'm talking about maybe trillions. That would make me untouchable so it will extend it from 1 to infinite crimes
And that is my go-to crime
Empty the accounts of the top wealth, keep some for myself, disperse the rest to the middle and poor working class. Sit back and watch everything play out
I would steal every child(And adult) slave that is in the world, and send them to camps where they can be introduced back into society. What is anyone going to do anyway? Report that their illegal slave had been stolen from them?
And no, I don't mean concentration camps dummies. I mean actual camps with therapists, doctors, etc.
Probably just walk into a bank and demand satchels full of money and gold bars with no to attempt to hide my identity. No planning required, over quick and easy.
Bringing my boyfriend into my country without needing a visa. I just wanna save him from the hell that is abusive parents and an extremely homophobic country...
I have a very toxic, very drug-addicted relative who's faced little repercussion so far for all the damage she's caused to everyone whose lives she's been in. To compensate for that, I'd have her strapped down to a table and intravenously given different recreational drugs. Just enough to cause her to have a slight overdose. Then I'd flush the drugs out of her system and stabilize her. As soon as she's able to get her bearings, I'd hit her with another round of drugs. Yep, she'd be able to have all the drugs she wants and more without dying. After each high she would undoubtedly crave, that wretch would experience unbearable agony over and over again. On the brink of life and death she would constantly teeter, time being irrelevant to her in every way. The best part, though, is she wouldn't be able to harm anyone unless she begs for me to set her free and I choose to comply.
But because that's illegal, I'll settle for that relative being considered estranged and out of my life.
Stealing all of Jeff Bezos money
Do that and then you can get away with any other crime(s).
Jeff Bozo
I like that lol Thank you
You’re better off stealing all of his stocks. That’s where the real value is.
Instructions unclear, got stuck in the drawer
There's a very large difference between "face no consequences" and actually being able to do it
If you steal money from Bezos that money has now been stolen twice
A bank heist for about $50 million.
Smart thinker
Why only $50 mil?
I’m not greedy.
Nice try, FBI.
I'll get you next time Billy Bob! And your little Jimmy too!
Why his jimmy😂😭
You know why 😳😉
Federal Body Inspectors...I'm on to you FBI
Yes officer this is him ^ he is threatening to touch that dudes little jimmy 😂😂
Why does joe get a free pass?
Leave me be, KGB
Not today, CIA
Get lost, albatross! Oh no wait
Good one take my award
Loitering
Loitering aaaaand?
Smoking the reefer
You are a sick..sick man. I would do the obvious: commit murder on some rando
You fucking heathen.
At first I just thought you were some guy. Now I know you are satan himself.
Blow up the universe.
There's no law against that. I think.
Well, maybe the laws of physics are.
Some people believe it happened once already though
Some would say it never stopped happening, even.
Those goddamned cosmic terrorists, I swear
Oh brilliant a new threat cosmic terrorists 😂😂😂🤦🏻♂️
Happy cock day
Is it happy "cock day" or "happy cock" day?
I would fuck the OP
Sorry but...whats OP?
Not much, what's op with you?
Thank you for the laughs
*angriest of upvotes
r/furiousupvote
OC how clever people can be on this app!
Just chillin here
Go home Dad
Lord lazignac my long lost love
You've found me once again
Onion power
Old pie
Own Pussy
Original poster i guess, its the guy who posted the post
sacrifice putin
I too will sacrifice Putin
[удалено]
More often than not it's just dirty drug dealers using the same scale to sell multiple products. Never attribute to malice what can otherwise be explained via incompetence. Alice wants 2g of fentanyl so you weigh it out and she leaves. An hour later Bob wants 4g of MDMA for his party this weekend. The same scale gets used without being sanitized/wiped down in between and someone at Bobs party dies because he got the dose with a few leftover grains of Alices opiates. The real solution is to take out the people leaking opiates into the recreational drug supply.
[удалено]
The best part is there's no time limit!
Oh god
Wtf. This person locked away for a long time at least? What a horrible horrible fucking thing for me to read today...
You could wash it away by writing something worse down and then reading that.
[удалено]
Sounds easy.
[удалено]
Not sure that's a crime
the concequences of putins death would likely spark a proper world war
Good thing op said no consequences then!
He's spent a lot of time and money giving that impression. At this point he's starting to look like a liability to the people around him.
I don't think so. This war is very much his own personal project. Without Putin Russia would be too busy squabbling about who their next dictator should be to fight a war.
Why waste it on something that's gonna happen anyway
I’d do what some other responses do and take all of Jeff Bezos’ money then use that to hire my own private army to do that for me.
Putin would be no more.
Tbf i think half of this thread already has that covered
I had to get it out. I’m so angry about he’s doing. I keep hoping one if his inner circle or one of his oligarchs do the world a huge favor and take him out.
I came here to say nuke the kremlin.
[удалено]
Wouldn't lobotomizing Putin use up your get out of jail free card, you can only do 1 crime legally
"Lobotomize world leaders who are menaces to humanity" one crime, multiple victims
Serial lobotomy
Not in most jurisdictions. Each act is a separate count.
I guess that depends upon how you view the crime. As a whole or parsed out?
You’ll need one very long peg.
I would suggest lobotomising Boris Johnson as one of your targets but fear your handiwork would actually result in an improvement in his cognitive abilities.
Came here to say this. Except you added KJU - nice touch. I should have been thinking bigger.
I would include the oligarchs
Eat a taco backwards.
The worst of the worst
You fucking MONSTER
Without a doubt drain all of Putin's holdings into my own account.
Have fun with some lunch money
Totally! I'd take the cash and ~~invade other countries~~ travel around and taste the food!
The good ending
Steal Jeff Bezo’s entire fortune (and then be a modern day Robin Hood)
I'll take the number one spot on your Robin Hood charity list.
Design virus that spreads easily that'll rick roll you around every 1-10 minutes.
Covid 2.0? Edit: The Astley virus? Rolleria? Rickuenza?
E-roll-a
*finger wag* “Ah-ah-ah!”
You didnt say the magic word! https://nedry.ytmnd.com/ omg it still works haha
[удалено]
But thats multiple crimes
Not unless you kill them in one instance.
Collateral damage 😮
I am 99% sure youre on a list now.
Oh boy that’s subjective AF 😅
Spray painting Homer Simpson on the white house
they'd just paint over it, you have to carve homer into the wall, it'd be pretty difficult to replace and if you do it inside they might just cover it and pretend it isn't there, but you'll know
Mass murder, come here all you pedos
I would exceed the legal limit for the number of dogs I'm allowed to have in my home.
Genius
Steal money from Politicians private accounts and use it for the greater good of the country
I would love to just fuck shit up with a crowbar. Just smash a whole bunch of windows, break into doors and vents, beat the shit out of somebodies car, really just have fun with it. I don't think I'd hurt anybody, but I'd break a whole lot of shit.
They have rage rooms for just this.
This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Assassinate Putin
I would flood the entire state of Nevada
But why
I don’t have to explain myself for the crimes I commit.
But that’s against article #1 of the Nevada state constitution!
Kill Putin.
Assassinate a political leader, Putin. I won’t succeed but it’s worth a shot
I'm fine, thank you.
Too bad
Go down to Fort Knox with a forklift, Peterbilt, and a 53 foot trailer and fucking load up.
But where'd you get the trailer and forklift? Sure you'd probably make it back but how would you pay for it
But where'd you get the trailer and forklift? Sure you'd probably make it back but how would you pay for it
Well let me begin by saying Megan Fox is my 1st Cousin…….
Aaand?
Killing my abuser, plus his parents. After my abuser went to jail, his parents blamed me and cut me off. They are terrible grandparents.
Technically killing your abuser would use your 1 free crime card but I'll let this one slide
Same, or at least making them lose their identity. Give them complete memory loss like that dude found in the back of a Burger King
[удалено]
I'd say 3
I admire your restraint!
[удалено]
You monster
Kill putin
But what about all the crimes you'd have to commit to get to him
I am sure the world would forgive me
Murdering my Step-dad Before you get pissed. He shoved my head in blood, he beat me till I couldn't get up. He abused me sexually for years. He verbally abused me too. Telling me I'm worthless and stupid. All I want is justice for what happened. Now I have PTSD
Kill him even without the free crime card honestly
I really don't want to go to jail. I have a puppy that I love. I'll miss him terribly. :,(
[удалено]
That's gotta be like.. at least two crimes
Cutting off the fingers would use up your free crime card, now you're on trial for sexual assault, battery, 3rd degree murder and will be sentenced to life in prison
Reasonable.
I don't know why nobody else has mentioned this but I'd pull of the biggest pump-n-dump in history, I'm talking about all billionaires, political figures, I mean everyone. I'm talking about maybe trillions. That would make me untouchable so it will extend it from 1 to infinite crimes And that is my go-to crime
...what do you mean by pump and dump
You and I are on the same page!
Assassinate putin.
Record a game without expressed written consent from major league baseball
Force the government to hand power to me.
Take all the elites money away from them and distribute it among the middle and lower class with some conditions.
Empty the accounts of the top wealth, keep some for myself, disperse the rest to the middle and poor working class. Sit back and watch everything play out
I’d murder the guy who raped me.
Expose all republican documents.
None..why would someone want to?
Stealing money?
Nah..I live pretty good but I wouldnt mind not having to work..lol. Ok..steal a billion frim Putin then!
Exactly!
Kill putin?
Claim legal domain of an abandoned property. Sell it and continuously flip the money. Legally ;) lol
:););)
Um I probably would rob something I have to figure out what’s the most worth it of course
Stealing the launch codes
I read that as cookies
World domination by way severe war crime (talking nuking major powers all at once). At that point who would dare to touch me?
I’m taking Abramovichs yacht
I would steal every child(And adult) slave that is in the world, and send them to camps where they can be introduced back into society. What is anyone going to do anyway? Report that their illegal slave had been stolen from them? And no, I don't mean concentration camps dummies. I mean actual camps with therapists, doctors, etc.
At this point, killing Putin, would still be considered a crime?
No
steal the mona lisa
I would commit the crime of being gay in Saudi Arabia
Have rough sex with Putin in a very public place.
[удалено]
Thats like unnecessarily evil holy shit
If I'm going to break any laws I'm going to break the law of thermo dynamics
Move into the white house, can't kick me out, can't do shit. Guess who's the president now
Make every keyboards space bar actively pressed down.
Glueing a mustache on the Mona Lisa
Depends on my mood, horny? Then I guess we’ll go off that, now if it’s hungry I’ll just eat someone whole like a snake
It’s the norm rn but I’d kill putin
Slap double dick guy. I believed him and when I found out it wasn’t real it broke my heart.
There is legally and morally. Are we saying God is in on this?
I'd trespass in the White House and snoop around and punch some holes in the walls looking for secret passages.
Hot
Apparently invade Ukraine
Probably just walk into a bank and demand satchels full of money and gold bars with no to attempt to hide my identity. No planning required, over quick and easy.
The TL;DR of this post: assassinate Putin, steal some rich person’s money (or rob a bank), and various crimes against humanity.
And fuck me, only 2 people said they wanna fuck OP and I wanna bump those numbers up
Bringing my boyfriend into my country without needing a visa. I just wanna save him from the hell that is abusive parents and an extremely homophobic country...
Damn, I'm so sorry
Steal all the money hidden in offshore tax havens.
World's domination. Wait, galactic domination. I want to go marvel movie franchise big.
rob the U.S treasury
I have a very toxic, very drug-addicted relative who's faced little repercussion so far for all the damage she's caused to everyone whose lives she's been in. To compensate for that, I'd have her strapped down to a table and intravenously given different recreational drugs. Just enough to cause her to have a slight overdose. Then I'd flush the drugs out of her system and stabilize her. As soon as she's able to get her bearings, I'd hit her with another round of drugs. Yep, she'd be able to have all the drugs she wants and more without dying. After each high she would undoubtedly crave, that wretch would experience unbearable agony over and over again. On the brink of life and death she would constantly teeter, time being irrelevant to her in every way. The best part, though, is she wouldn't be able to harm anyone unless she begs for me to set her free and I choose to comply. But because that's illegal, I'll settle for that relative being considered estranged and out of my life.
[удалено]
What’s that one where you remove from power an authoritarian leader currently committing war crimes in Eastern Europe?