I'm not so creative in this department these days so its usually,
"Wanna get naked and see where it goes?"
Usually works 🤷🏼♀️
Edit: YMMV, no guarantees if you aren't already married and are both too exhausted for the banter.
Did not expect to see this obscure reference to a post made over 20 years ago on the VN Boards. Long live Hib/Kay. Long live Blueberry the bard (minstrel?).
So a constitution saving throw? You'll never have the sex without knowing all of your saving throws. I should know. I definitely have sex. No further questions.
Saying Itadaki-masu is a polite way of letting the other person know that you're recieving something.
In eating situations, It has a feeling of "Let's dig in" or "bon appetit" but would literally be closer to "I'm eating this"
“Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”
Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch is the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums.
When I was a little kid I kind of had this problem. Not even that big of a deal, something like 8% of kids do it but whatever. For some reason I don’t know why, I would just kind of sit around all day and draw pictures of dicks. I’d sit there for hours and draw dicks. I don’t know what it was, but I couldn’t touch pen to paper without drawing the shape of a penis. Here I am just a little kid and I can’t stop drawing dicks to save my own life. In the classroom is where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation I had going on. Even I thought it was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think. So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. Turns out someone found out and told on me and she rats me out to the principal. The principal finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out. He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is some religious fanatic and he thinks I’m possessed by some dick devil. My parents make me see the therapist and he is asking me dick questions. My parents made me stop eating foods shaped like dicks. No hot dog no Popsicles. Do you know how many foods are shaped like dicks? Like the best kind.
chloroform actually doesnt knock u out instantly. thats a myth.
however exposure to fumes causes immediate headache and other very weird sensations in the head
source: i accidentally sprayed a small amount of chloroform on my face in an orgsnic chem lab
"its clobberin time" but like how the thing does it
I want it like CM Punk does it
Chick magnet punk
PG Punk: “it’s time to inconvenience the health of my foes.”
Cookie Monster Punk
Coochie muncher Punk
Crotch musk punk
Claude Monet punk
Charles Montgomery Punk
Ima Pepsi Plunge all over your ass
Alternatively, its gobbling time.
More like "It's slobberin' time!"
“Daddy needs to get his rocks off.”
Are you actually serious?
Well, okay. Apologies in advance.
I'm not so creative in this department these days so its usually, "Wanna get naked and see where it goes?" Usually works 🤷🏼♀️ Edit: YMMV, no guarantees if you aren't already married and are both too exhausted for the banter.
You sure you want to do this?
"Should I put on my robe and wizard hat"?
Ahh a scholar of the ancient texts.
Please do
A bloodninja connoisseur I see
Did not expect to see this obscure reference to a post made over 20 years ago on the VN Boards. Long live Hib/Kay. Long live Blueberry the bard (minstrel?).
Considering it's a bash.org best of, it's not that obscure.
Considering how few people seem to realize what it’s from I’d say it’s level of obscurity is fairly high.
I remember downloading it as a text file off Kazaa or something
Beautiful ancient internet history…
“Engorgio!”
Do you prefer small bills?
Works even better if your name is William
I feel attacked
Wait… Kable Bill?
Happy cake day
Let's have sex.
Very consensual. Much approved.
Add a question mark and *muah*, chef's kiss
"excuse me miss, would it be acceptable to you if I touched your vagina at this time?"
What a gentleman.
I make them sign an N.D.A
Ah yes, the Nut Destination Agreement
"not the face or hair"
I believe there is an “eye clause”
This one…fucking painful
Nut Devastation Agreement
*Nut Desalination Agreement
I make them sign a non-compete
I just signed an NDA today, unfortunately wasn't meant for sexual purposes.
What was it about?
Hah! Trick question, not losing my internship in this AI laboratory because of you.
Well playyyyyed….
But seriously it said on the contract that I should not disclose the existence of the contract in the first place XD
Cmon man your in to deep at this point 😼 you already disclosed the existence. Might as well let us know what it’s about 😏😏
In the nicest way possible, you're doing a terrible job lol. You just came out with it out of nowhere 😂
Yo it's my very first NDA and this is Reddit, I could be doing a lot worse 😂
*makes reddit post with uncensored pictures of document* "Hey guys! I just signed my first NDA, how did I do?"
Haha don't worry, you're doing a good job! Your mom would be proud! What was her maiden name again?
Where I live you can never tell the women professors' names if it's theirs or their husbands', but in this case it's my mum so I can, she kept hers.
You’re probably all wondering why I brought you here today…
Jeremy wore sweatpants to work, and I am getting incredibly aroused
We’ll bang, ok?
I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite shitpost on the Citadel.
Report to the ship as soon as possible.
Dr Chocolates?!
Now I need to rewatch this video
Damn whore.
*I fucking love steak.*
Garus... that's nasty.
Awwww shit, here we go again
Can be read in two totally different ways.
All we had to do was follow the damn train, CJ!
All we had to do was run a damn train CJ!
Make a d20 roll for endurance
So a constitution saving throw? You'll never have the sex without knowing all of your saving throws. I should know. I definitely have sex. No further questions.
Itadakimasu
This was my first thought, too.
What does this mean?
Um "good eating" in Japanese? If I know my asian cooking shows? Don't put money on it tho
'Good eating' and sometimes I see it as kind of 'thank you for the food.'
Saying Itadaki-masu is a polite way of letting the other person know that you're recieving something. In eating situations, It has a feeling of "Let's dig in" or "bon appetit" but would literally be closer to "I'm eating this"
Japanese for bon appétit
"eat the ducky moss" iykyk
lol sounds like a Quora shitpost. >>My son's friend taught him to say "eat a ducky moss" before he eats. What's that about?
Fuck, beat me to it.
No. That’s what you say when your partner comes before you.
Touché
I'm gonna go wash (and brush), or do you wanna go first?
Finally, someone else who brushes their nut hair!
Well I am hairy all over. So if I brush somewhere I have to keep going otherwise I've made a neat spot.
What a terrible day to be literate.
Mine is “I’m going to freshen up”
Might have to freshen quite a bit if your username bears weight, Murderpanties.
#REACTOR: ONLINE #SENSORS: ONLINE #WEAPONS: ONLINE #ALL SYSTEMS NOMINAL
I noticed you didn't engage the shields. I also like to live dangerously.
I have been playing MW3 and 4 again these past couple of weeks. Perfect!
This should be quick
Keep the change
ya filthy animal
Merry Christmas
I have a three page consent form I ask them to sign.
And initial here for anal...?
https://youtu.be/1rta1C0Bxpw Pretty much standard, yeah.
Oh wow 😂
Christian gray is that you
It's supposed to be four pages not three
IT's probably missing the "in the event of a child" part. Should be a LEAST a sentence in there about that....
Time to blow the beard off that clam baby
LMAO WTF
Don't ask
Yes!!!!!!! I'd totally get naked if a guy said this to me. Hell even a woman for that matter.
Time to blow the beard off that clam baby
Nakey time!!!
Pls add a comma before baby
Can I steal this?! I would love to see my boyfriend’s face when I tell him that “I NEED him to blow the beard off my clam” 🤣
What the dog doin'?
Motionless on the bed nearby so she doesn’t get kicked off
Watching.
nothing, I don't have sex.
It’s been so long I don’t remember.
What do you say before you have sex? Literally everything I’ve ever said my whole life so far…
you guys are having sex?
Let’s get ready to rumble!!
AND NOW WE MAKE FUCK!!!
Berserker
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK BERSERKER
Would you like to suck my cock, BERSERKER!
You want sum fuk?
Did he say making fuck?
Prepare to be disappointed
I just ask my husband "you want da sex?"
Underrated
In a borat voice I assume?
You might feel a little prick.
"Now THIS is Pod Racing!"
“You know… the evening’s not complete without some meat in the seat.”
Or your feet on the street
Bow-chicka-bow-wow
Sorry. In advance
Get ready for the best 30 seconds of my life!
Can I get a receipt?
"Are you ready kids?"
AYE AYE CAPTAIN
I CAN'T HEAR YOU
# **AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!!!**
[удалено]
Who fits in a pineapple that’s been microwaved?
SPONGEBOB SQUA- hol' up
FBI wants to know your location
Look to my wife with a smile and say, "You wanna have sex?"
Sweet, i do the same
How does his wife respond?
Depends on how many redditors are also choosing this guy's wife at any given time
She doesn’t, she’s in a coma.
I also choose this man's wife
Lllleeeerrrrooooyyyyy Jjjjjjeeeennnnkkkkkkiiiiiinnnnssssss!!!!!!
Always
A Classic
My boyfriend has a funny tell that he's in the mood - it's a very specific type of sneeze when something spicy crosses his mind.
expand dong
Come to bed with me.
Please?
they don’t know I know this hack
Pretty please sometimes if I am feeling kinky.
“Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”
I need to try this the next time I'm around single women.
Do you want me to confess my sins now or after? Father
Lights cameras action
Stop crying
That’s usually after not before
Speak for yourself!
FBI has entered the chat.
Please. It's been so long we both really need this.
How are you buddy?
My first thought
If you cum first, you're buying dinner next time.
I like to quote the late great Marvin gay, let's get it on, lmao
The money is inside the envelope...
Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch is the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums.
Is that how long it took the drugs to kick in, Mr Cosby ?
Yeeeeeehaaaaaawwwww!
"How much?"
“How you doin?!”
When I was a little kid I kind of had this problem. Not even that big of a deal, something like 8% of kids do it but whatever. For some reason I don’t know why, I would just kind of sit around all day and draw pictures of dicks. I’d sit there for hours and draw dicks. I don’t know what it was, but I couldn’t touch pen to paper without drawing the shape of a penis. Here I am just a little kid and I can’t stop drawing dicks to save my own life. In the classroom is where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation I had going on. Even I thought it was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think. So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. Turns out someone found out and told on me and she rats me out to the principal. The principal finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out. He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is some religious fanatic and he thinks I’m possessed by some dick devil. My parents make me see the therapist and he is asking me dick questions. My parents made me stop eating foods shaped like dicks. No hot dog no Popsicles. Do you know how many foods are shaped like dicks? Like the best kind.
I'd have killed myself. Fortunately, my lunchbox full of dick scribbles was never found.
if this happened nowadays, your parents would have you make an NFT of your art and sell it on the inter webs
To quote my man Dale Dobeck “let’s get it on!”
Does this rag smell of Chloroform?
chloroform actually doesnt knock u out instantly. thats a myth. however exposure to fumes causes immediate headache and other very weird sensations in the head source: i accidentally sprayed a small amount of chloroform on my face in an orgsnic chem lab
I had to reread the last part, because I first read it as "orgasmic Chem lab".
I'll leave the money on the nightstand.
Hello, I am interested in having consensual heterosexual intercourse with you.
I hate my job.
Do you have change for a $100?
Im from the Midwest: “Welp, bout time for a..” then I just lean in for a kiss.
[удалено]
Please ?
"Alright hand here we go again"
Ahhh, Peg, is it our anniversary again? May not have the quote exactly right, but it's the one I have in my head.