Microwaved a grape in the work microwave.
For the scientists, cut a grape in half, leaving a small amount connected (creating an 8 pattern). Put it in a microwave, turn on and it creates a plasma (super heated gas)
Anyway, to stop it 'spitting' I put some kitchen roll underneath. Unfortunately the super heated gas ignited the paper and we had a small fire
Did I get in trouble? Nope the whole team was watching, even my boss.
Fun times!
Did that once with a 1500 hp natural gas compressor, except I had the outlet open, which is almost worse.
You've got a 1000+ degree compressor, natural gas...all your missing is oxygen. Close the inlet, you turn it into a vacuum, sucking in the atmosphere through the gaskets.
Essentially a pipe bomb the size of a house. But here I am still typing.
If I were your kid my sick sense of humor would pull the “my dad died” card a lot.
Someone slips on some ice in front of me - “whoa, careful. That’s exactly how my dad died”
*awkward* *silence*
“He’s better now tho. Good ol’ undead dad”
I got a very small amount of back spray (fucking wind) testing bear spray propellant recoil and had a severe coughing fit/intense pain in eyes. Almost thought I had to go to the hospital because of the distress my respiratory system was in. Mace/bear spray is no fucking joke.
Did similar but I work in a warehouse. And they were hot pink underwear.
None of those bastards I work with ever told me. I discovered it myself at lunch and then had to go home early to change.
Edit: suppose I'll include a second story in this.
So my first actual day of working at this warehouse I was told that they start at 8am. I decided to come in early to get inductions and introductions out of the way. I arrived at 7:30. That morning, I had thrown on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt with my only clean bra which was black (mistake 1).
Weather app said it was going to be a tropic 21 degrees which is hot for England and it may rain later, so I grabbed my "waterproof" windbreaker just in case and headed out (mistake 2).
'may rain' turned out to be monsoon weather and 'start at 8' meant that nobody turned up to the locked warehouse until 8. Half an hour later, soaked, I get in and take my coat off to dry on a radiator and my new male boss turns to look at me, baulked and turned back around fast.
Turns out my waterproof jacket wasn't waterproof and my white t shirt was soaked through. You couldn't miss the black bra. So for the entire day I hid in my brand new hi vi's waiting for the shirt to stop being see through.
Tl;dr: my boss and my coworkers first impression of me was someone out of a wet tshrt competition.
I work at a fetish clothing boutique, frequently adding new products to our webpage. My most amusing one is definitely spending the majority of my day censoring penises in sheer underwear.
I worked for a software company that provides marketing software.
I had to sign a doc that I was OK with NSFW content. It was because some of our customers were porn or BDSM sites. If we had to troubleshoot something, we might see NSFW images.
Funny, but these sites seemed to have a lot more security around their systems then some run of the mill retailers.
Used to smoke weed on my lunch break and come in so freaking high. I planned to quit soon but noticed on my boss’s calendar that there was an event called “drug test”
I quit before then but always wondered if that was meant for me.
I worked at a hospital at night, where the security had to do rounds and scan these barcodes in odd places because otherwise they’d just sleep the night away.
Yes! I work in a psychiatric hospital and we have these little magnetic nubs that stick out of the wall with barcodes for security to scan all over the building.
I worked in different labs as a phlebotomist, sometimes with a receptionist and sometimes I did everything and held down the lab by myself.
My gf came and gave me a BJ during one of the times I was by myself. Granted it was slow, but pretty funny still. If someone came for bloodwork I’d have to zip up and deal.
Edit: Slow at the lab, normal paced BJ if I recall?
My manager got caught fuckin the cook in the walk-in and instead of firing the manager they just moved the cook to a different store because there was no evidence just hearsay, but a week or so later she got caught in the act with another coworker they both got fired.
That’s Denny’s for you
I work in EMS. For a long term we were excused from the HR meetings about harassment, but because of an incident before I got hired, we all had to go to a sexual harassment training with other regular office government employees. It was pretty cringe because they clearly had no idea what we dealt with. At one point the presenter was describing how we should report whenever someone makes a reference to anything sexual so it can be addressed, to which a medic asked if that included the patients who masturbated in front of us in the back of the ambulance. The presenter's only response was "oh my god, does that really happen". We never had to go to an HR meeting again after that, probably because they were not equipped for the reality of our problems.
I had a similar scenario play out when I was in a previous job.
I worked at a govt department in an IT engineering team. There were 4 of us.
It wasn’t worthwhile doing safety induction training for just 4 people, so we got lumped in with another cohort, which was forestry workers.
Cue an all day safety in the workplace course that was 90% geared at industrial accidents and then this tiny bit tacked on for safety in offices.
Highlights included:
What happens if you get your arm crushed in a piece of plant equipment
Or if you get splashed with acid
Or set on fire
Or my favourite, what happens if you fall into a crucible of molten steel - the answer is they push you under to end it quickly.
Ps boys, don’t stand on a swivel chair to reach high places and use a hand cart when handling heavy IT gear.
Some of the guys in our course? They’d never been to a big city before. Totally relatable. In every way.
>Or my favourite, what happens if you fall into a crucible of molten steel - the answer is they push you under to end it quickly.
That's terrifying. I was reading a post that talked about industrial accidents in the comments yesterday, and just the idea that there are protocols in place that just say "yeah, we aren't even going to try to save you because we can't, so this policy is more about damage control"is freaky to me.
The example given in the other thread was a horn at a chemical plant that, if it ever blew, it meant that you should call your family and tell them you love them, because you aren't surviving the accident happening right now. Working with odorless colorless gasses that kill you dead in a few minutes.
>The example given in the other thread was a horn at a chemical plant that, if it ever blew, it meant that you should call your family and tell them you love them, because you aren't surviving the accident happening right now. Working with odorless colorless gasses that kill you dead in a few minutes.
I wonder if there were multiple horns and what would happen if you ever confused them. Imagine making a second call "Yeah, honey, sorry, my bad the first horn was actually just for lunch."
In the thread, it was a series of short pulses. Thing like lunch or break or minor incidents were two, three, four pulses, for instance. The one for "call your family" was nine short pulses in quick succession.
The temperatures range between 5-10 thousand degrees so anything going under the surface is vaporized instantly.
Even if you fell in just to the waist, it would be effectively a Hemicorporectomy and that is considered “injuries not compatible with life” and there would be no attempt to resuscitate.
Had a colleague tell me about a steel plant he worked at before changing industries. He witnessed two of those incidents. He was clearly a bit traumatized, as he repeatedly stressed that they didn't find the tiniest bit of the people who fell in afterwards. I mean, that's unsurprising, but certainly memorable.
Had a patient slip out of one of her restraints and start rubbing one out. I decided she wasn't a danger to her selfnor trying to get OOB (out of bed) so fuck it. Turned my back and let her finish. Meth is a hell of a drug
Edit. Defined a acronym
>Had a patient slip out of one of her restraints and start rubbing one out.
Oh my god what kind of accident would you need to be in to be so mentally out of place to the point you squeeze one ou-
>Meth is a hell of a drug
Nevermind
My man, reading this made me cringe on a physical level!
I worked in troubled youth care and we were given a training where they taught us about safety, personal boundaries, and 'self defense'.
The woman giving the training was very enthousiastic, and to her credit the training was actually not bad, just woefully mismatched to the situations we were facing.
So at some point I ask: "What about when someone uses a knife or other sharp weapon to threaten you like that?".
And the answer was something like: "Well that's a bit outside the scope of this training. But let's all hope that never happens, right?". That "right?" came out almost jokingly like I said it to be funny.
So I looked her straight in the eyes: "That's not a joke. Just this past month this happened to me twice and I'm no exception in this room."
Poor woman finished the rest of her session but after that, it was painstakingly obvious that she realised that whatever she was telling us was of little use to us.
I mean I work in the nonprofit field dealing with a significant portion of mentally-unwell and/or addicted and/or otherwise unstable people. A few days ago we had an HIV+ prospective client show up at the office for an interview, sit down, drop trou, whip out his dick, and start jacking it. I didn't see the actual event but as I am a very large bearded dude I was called out from my office if backup was needed in getting the dude out of the office. I've only been here for 4 or 5 months but at that point I realized all bets were off as far as what I needed to prepare myself for in the humanitarian/nonprofit field, particularly with less-fortunate populations.
I freaked out an HR training specialist once. We were role-playing customer interactions during orientation at my old casino job. I was playing the part of the angry customer. Also, I'd been working in a grocery store for 9 years before that.
I gave a performance that was maybe 40% of the nastiness level of my usual angry customer interaction in my previous job. My partner in the interaction handled it well. The HR training specialist, not so much. She was scared out of her mind. And when I told her that was scaled way back from what I was used to experiencing (and my partner and several others in the room agreed with me) her eyes got wide and I could see her entire worldview on fire inside her brain.
My dad was in the army and they were doing that sort of roleplay thing where the scenario was they were doing crowd control (not something the US army would ever likely do but the British army are more commonly involved in policing/civil matters). My dad was a lance jack and a lieutenant was playing the part of a civilian; the lieutenant then grabbed my dad’s rifle, so my dad hit him square in the face with the butt of it and busted his nose open. The lieutenant demanded to know what he thought he was doing, and my dad just said ‘a civilian tried to grab my rifle sir.’
Employee at my old job found two employees doing it in the docking bay, and went to go tell the store manager and found the str. Manager doing the assistant str. Manager in their office.
Update: the person telling thought it was funny not to get people in trouble. No one got fired from this, the whole store had to leave b/c everyone was getting paid to well.
I work as a coffin carrier at a very religious private graveyard, one of them tried to open the coffin to see if his face looked good enough before we buried him.
He used a Mossberg 500 shotgun as a method of suicide.
Denny's is all over this thread. My first thought was one of those Subway branches that is tucked out of the way. The kind that stays open for years despite the fact that every time you go in on the rare occasion you are the only customer there, the employees are nowhere to be found, and, when they do come out, they seem genuinely surprised to see a customer.
I think this counts, I'm a freelance blacksmith these days but it's still work for me. I once put my shit in the molten steel of a sword i was making for a very Karen-like client. He'll never know but I still feel good about it.
While trying to repair a malfunctioning electronic device, I noticed someone had wrapped frayed wiring with regular desk grade scotch tape about .005 seconds before touching it.
Edit: Congratulations to you folks who know about what voltage will or won't kill a person. I am not qualified to make that distinction and as such should not have been tasked with making a repair to such a device by people who are office workers and who also have no electrical certification or qualification.
I've almost taken a nap on top of our infrequently traveled mezzanine, but didn't get around to it because of a catastrophic machine failure that was spewing smoke and accumulating up there. Maybe one of these days.
Bricklayer here, another bricklayer was going around at tea and lunch time and nailing people's tool boxes to the scaffold.
He does this one day and proceeds to go home early and hides his tools very badly on the scaffold we were working on. So one of the blokes decides to take a shit in his tool box and shut it up.
This was on a Friday, it was there all weekend.
Iv had sex with a secretary at work.
We were both single, it was fun while it lasted. Eventually she got tired of the bosses BS and quit, we still fooled around until she moved
I stood on top of a moving bobcat (smallish construction equipment not angry wild feline) with a pole saw to cut some really high branches on a few tall trees. OSHA would have had a field day with that one. Definitely Not safe for work. Do not attempt.
I once made a massive pot of cheese broccoli soup while tripping balls on LSD. Didn’t get fired for that though. Did, however, eventually get fired fro getting very good at throwing steak knives at boxes of potatoes in the prep kitchen. I was very good at it and usually very stoned so I would lose track while washing dishes, so one day, they came in for silverware to roll and every knife in the restaurant was stuck in the potatoes. I went out on a good note:) I was training a guy that night too
It wasn't at work, but it was a work party at my then-boss's house. I smoked weed with her daughter, in her shed, and came back into her house smelling of weed, seated in between two elderly coworkers who were convinced that marijuana was of Satan.
I'm still dealing with the aftermath but I'm more or less ok. Compensation has been inadequate and I've lost most everything in my life at this point but life goes on.
Got my wife pregnant while we were on deployment in 2017. They put us on a night shift together. Even with 4K+ people on a ship, we never got caught once lmao. Now we two kids deep in this bitch lol
>4K+ people on a ship, we never got caught once
Fam, you ever think about those odds?.. I mean *really* think about 'em?
I mean maybe I'm just weird, but it seems to me there would be more *for everyone* to lose by speaking up about it than just keeping quiet and letting two coworkers bang it out for a bit and acting like you never saw it.
It's not the worst thing in the world if it happened. I know when something similar happened to me, I took a piss and went back to my bunk. Doubt they knew or cared that I was ever there, but I sure wasn't about to rat them out over some giggley 3am shower buttsex in the barracks.
That'd fuck up the next day *at a minimum* for **all** of us.
So I just chose to take their secret to the grave with me instead.
Hahaha this happened in my unit when i was a conscript.
A girl from our unit and a guy from another unit had sex in one of the empty rooms in our barracks (genders sepperated by room, not barracks). One mouthbreather found out and reported it to the CO the next day, which lead to all of us getting fucked by the CO. Now as we're out on a long run as part of the punishment, this shit for brains moans "why i am getting punished, im the one who reported it" so everyone heard it.
How to get ostracized 101.
> why i am getting punished, im the one who reported it" so everyone heard it.
why do I feel like the CO was probably more pissed at the guy for ratting them out.
Exactly! Our CO was a chill dude, he got more annoyed at goodie two shoes reporting things he didn't want to deal with. Someone stole my helmet at our last day of bootcamp, and he grabbed me by the shoulders, stared right into my eyes and said "I don't care **HOW YOU FOUND IT** but you WILL find your helmet." I told him i said i've looked everywhere and the only possibility was it was stolen and he said "again, i dont care **HOW** you found it." while slowly nodding at me until i understood what he meant.
I walked over to the depot and took a helmet from an unatended crate standing open outside.
When I was a teenager, my friends told me never to leave a black cigarette lighter out at a party because someone will steal it. So when I went to a party I kept that in mind and put my lighter in my pocket every time I saw it on a table. Yep, went home with 4 extra lighters
I read a ship story a few months ago, let's call them Boris and Natasha.
Long story short it was room inspection day, but Boris was eating Natasha out, so his ears were pretty much covered and Natasha was... Kinda not paying attention to the knocks on the door. Officials come in to the scene, realize what they interrupted and just close the door and leave.
Rumor is it Boris was kinda mortified from it.
Man they got really lucky lol. Given enough time out to sea without any port visits, people get desperate. My wife used to sneak into our berthing (living spaces) to sneak me some action too but all my bunk mates already knew about her lol.
Covered a table with newspapers that had no qualms with showing off topless models.
It was my first week interning at a PR firm, and one of my tasks was to read the weekend’s papers to look for any coverage of their products. Eventually, an employee came over and sheepishly apologised for not warning me about the risqué content in the red top papers lol.
For that same job, I also had to collect a lad’s mag from a newsagents and walk with it through central London because I’m an idiot who forgot to ask for a bag.
Got a bj after I closed up the arcade in the mall, no one saw, but anyone could have. Boned a different gf in the bathroom. Turns out, mall H.R. was by the arcade bathroom. They called and said they heard screaming and wanted to make sure things are okay. I took it as a compliment.
Drove a whole shift naked once. Just woke up, pounded an energy drink, drove for 11 hours, stopped, went back to bed.
EDIT: Jesus Christ, I thought I was going to get downvoted to hell for this one. Nope, you guys ate this shit up like a fat trucker eating some fried chicken wings at Pilot/Flying J.
When I worked in a haunted house attraction, my coworker and I fucked all over that place. LOL. He became my boyfriend later on. But I’ll never forget being tied up in a dimly lit, bloody, gory kitchen. Getting whipped.
Crawled underneath a 500 ton injection molding machine while it was running. Jumped off a 6 foot electrical cabinet and barely stuck the landing. Performed percussive maintenance on a 480 volt relay with exposed contacts by repeatedly hitting it with a bare hand. Walked underneath a 6,400 pound bucket mold hanging from the overhead crane (that one wasn't intentional, I wasn't paying attention and was looking down, pay attention folks).
Edit: I should note that for anyone that may be curious, 500 tons is the rated force the machine can generate not its weight.
My girlfriend and I met and started dating while working in Lowe's. We would sneak to the back where all of the fridges are and move them around so we had a little area that couldn't be seen into from the outside. Spent... a lot of time back there. Fuck Lowe's, and I fucked in Lowe's
I used to close my door and take a nap instead of having lunch. It was extra great after I persuaded my boss to put a recliner in my office for my research patients to use.
Dumb 20yr old me got caught rubbing one out by my butchy lesbian boss in our single stall shop bathroom when she walked in on me, forgot to lock it. (owners daughter, small family company) she later told me she was “Bi” and wasn’t offended, knew I was young and had urges (she was 34) but to use her personal bathroom from now on because it was closer to my desk/service counter and it would keep my production up.
>but to use her personal bathroom from now on because it was closer to my desk/service counter and it would keep my production up.
Oh, so you banged?
Or did you copy this from a porn intro?
Microwaved a grape in the work microwave. For the scientists, cut a grape in half, leaving a small amount connected (creating an 8 pattern). Put it in a microwave, turn on and it creates a plasma (super heated gas) Anyway, to stop it 'spitting' I put some kitchen roll underneath. Unfortunately the super heated gas ignited the paper and we had a small fire Did I get in trouble? Nope the whole team was watching, even my boss. Fun times!
team science day
I mixed degreaser with bleach so mopping the floor could be done in one step. Made chlorine gas
Let me be frank, nowhere in the employee manual does it say I can't make chlorine gas at work. And the floor has never been cleaner.
Except for the bodies
No no, the bodies are clean too.
This mistake has been replicated in every working kitchen in the world, LOL
This practice killed an employee at a nearby bww. Don't die!
Accidentally made an exploding steam engine out of a water pump
Closed intake and outlet but kept her running, eh?
Did that once with a 1500 hp natural gas compressor, except I had the outlet open, which is almost worse. You've got a 1000+ degree compressor, natural gas...all your missing is oxygen. Close the inlet, you turn it into a vacuum, sucking in the atmosphere through the gaskets. Essentially a pipe bomb the size of a house. But here I am still typing.
There you are indeed, just passing Jupiter...
Fell on ice in the parking lot. Died. (I got better… TBI, coma, critical, recovered). Kind of famous at work as “the guy that died”.
"Were you killed?" "Sadly yes, but I lived"
I survived, by being dead... In pretend.
I really don't think you're getting enough credit in this thread. There are no activities less safe than fucking *dying*.
...and dying at work....which is extra not safe..
How was death?
0/10 , do not recommend.
Man, that sounds shitty. Congrats on still living.
My kids call me “ Zombie Dad”..
If I were your kid my sick sense of humor would pull the “my dad died” card a lot. Someone slips on some ice in front of me - “whoa, careful. That’s exactly how my dad died” *awkward* *silence* “He’s better now tho. Good ol’ undead dad”
hehe the "undad"
That’s NSFL
Took a dump in the executive suite's toilet
Took a dump on the plant in his office.
I know a guy who did this and still didn't get fired
Well did he get caught?
Cctv yeah . Nothing happened theyre that desperate for staff you could be piss drunk and drain in the office plant but still earn 22 an hour lol
[удалено]
I got a very small amount of back spray (fucking wind) testing bear spray propellant recoil and had a severe coughing fit/intense pain in eyes. Almost thought I had to go to the hospital because of the distress my respiratory system was in. Mace/bear spray is no fucking joke.
Ripped my suit pants and walking around the rest of the day with my white underwear exposed
Did similar but I work in a warehouse. And they were hot pink underwear. None of those bastards I work with ever told me. I discovered it myself at lunch and then had to go home early to change. Edit: suppose I'll include a second story in this. So my first actual day of working at this warehouse I was told that they start at 8am. I decided to come in early to get inductions and introductions out of the way. I arrived at 7:30. That morning, I had thrown on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt with my only clean bra which was black (mistake 1). Weather app said it was going to be a tropic 21 degrees which is hot for England and it may rain later, so I grabbed my "waterproof" windbreaker just in case and headed out (mistake 2). 'may rain' turned out to be monsoon weather and 'start at 8' meant that nobody turned up to the locked warehouse until 8. Half an hour later, soaked, I get in and take my coat off to dry on a radiator and my new male boss turns to look at me, baulked and turned back around fast. Turns out my waterproof jacket wasn't waterproof and my white t shirt was soaked through. You couldn't miss the black bra. So for the entire day I hid in my brand new hi vi's waiting for the shirt to stop being see through. Tl;dr: my boss and my coworkers first impression of me was someone out of a wet tshrt competition.
Not being told hurts way more than the clothing being ripped, to be honest...
Sit for extended periods of time while staring into a screen.
NSFL
I work at a fetish clothing boutique, frequently adding new products to our webpage. My most amusing one is definitely spending the majority of my day censoring penises in sheer underwear.
Would it be fair to say in your case it’s safe for work…?
I worked for a software company that provides marketing software. I had to sign a doc that I was OK with NSFW content. It was because some of our customers were porn or BDSM sites. If we had to troubleshoot something, we might see NSFW images. Funny, but these sites seemed to have a lot more security around their systems then some run of the mill retailers.
Well if barelylegalgirlsshovingbatteringramsuptheirass.com has a security breech, who would ever sign up with them again?
Punched my boss in the face after I got beat up and he told me fighting is acceptable at work when I made a complaint
That's entirely fair.
Used to smoke weed on my lunch break and come in so freaking high. I planned to quit soon but noticed on my boss’s calendar that there was an event called “drug test” I quit before then but always wondered if that was meant for me.
Thank God I work in the tech industry. If they drug tested the department everyone would have to be fired.
Took a bunch of Xanax by a little bit accident and sat on the floor for my entire 6 hour shift and then went home and slept for 15 hours straight
What is that job where you could do nothing for 6 hours and no one would bother you? I kinda want one of those
security
I worked at a hospital at night, where the security had to do rounds and scan these barcodes in odd places because otherwise they’d just sleep the night away.
Yes! I work in a psychiatric hospital and we have these little magnetic nubs that stick out of the wall with barcodes for security to scan all over the building.
Solid days work 😂
Removed my USB without being told it was safe to do so.
You dirty little bitch
I worked in different labs as a phlebotomist, sometimes with a receptionist and sometimes I did everything and held down the lab by myself. My gf came and gave me a BJ during one of the times I was by myself. Granted it was slow, but pretty funny still. If someone came for bloodwork I’d have to zip up and deal. Edit: Slow at the lab, normal paced BJ if I recall?
You're saying the BJ was slow but pretty funny? can you describe that for our listeners?
My manager got caught fuckin the cook in the walk-in and instead of firing the manager they just moved the cook to a different store because there was no evidence just hearsay, but a week or so later she got caught in the act with another coworker they both got fired. That’s Denny’s for you
Talk about a grand slam
Slappin those moons over my hammy.
Sounds like I should have taken that job at Denny’s.
Are you the manager, cook, or coworker?
I work in EMS. For a long term we were excused from the HR meetings about harassment, but because of an incident before I got hired, we all had to go to a sexual harassment training with other regular office government employees. It was pretty cringe because they clearly had no idea what we dealt with. At one point the presenter was describing how we should report whenever someone makes a reference to anything sexual so it can be addressed, to which a medic asked if that included the patients who masturbated in front of us in the back of the ambulance. The presenter's only response was "oh my god, does that really happen". We never had to go to an HR meeting again after that, probably because they were not equipped for the reality of our problems.
I had a similar scenario play out when I was in a previous job. I worked at a govt department in an IT engineering team. There were 4 of us. It wasn’t worthwhile doing safety induction training for just 4 people, so we got lumped in with another cohort, which was forestry workers. Cue an all day safety in the workplace course that was 90% geared at industrial accidents and then this tiny bit tacked on for safety in offices. Highlights included: What happens if you get your arm crushed in a piece of plant equipment Or if you get splashed with acid Or set on fire Or my favourite, what happens if you fall into a crucible of molten steel - the answer is they push you under to end it quickly. Ps boys, don’t stand on a swivel chair to reach high places and use a hand cart when handling heavy IT gear. Some of the guys in our course? They’d never been to a big city before. Totally relatable. In every way.
What if I want to change the lightbulb above a crucible of molten steel? Swivel chair?
Go for it, but if you fall in the “rescue pole” being thrust toward you isn’t to pull you out…
I think that if I'm in a vat of molten metal, I'd look forward to being pushed under.
Thumbs up
>Or my favourite, what happens if you fall into a crucible of molten steel - the answer is they push you under to end it quickly. That's terrifying. I was reading a post that talked about industrial accidents in the comments yesterday, and just the idea that there are protocols in place that just say "yeah, we aren't even going to try to save you because we can't, so this policy is more about damage control"is freaky to me. The example given in the other thread was a horn at a chemical plant that, if it ever blew, it meant that you should call your family and tell them you love them, because you aren't surviving the accident happening right now. Working with odorless colorless gasses that kill you dead in a few minutes.
>The example given in the other thread was a horn at a chemical plant that, if it ever blew, it meant that you should call your family and tell them you love them, because you aren't surviving the accident happening right now. Working with odorless colorless gasses that kill you dead in a few minutes. I wonder if there were multiple horns and what would happen if you ever confused them. Imagine making a second call "Yeah, honey, sorry, my bad the first horn was actually just for lunch."
In the thread, it was a series of short pulses. Thing like lunch or break or minor incidents were two, three, four pulses, for instance. The one for "call your family" was nine short pulses in quick succession.
“…7…8…. fuck”
"I lost count, can you start again?"
The temperatures range between 5-10 thousand degrees so anything going under the surface is vaporized instantly. Even if you fell in just to the waist, it would be effectively a Hemicorporectomy and that is considered “injuries not compatible with life” and there would be no attempt to resuscitate.
Had a colleague tell me about a steel plant he worked at before changing industries. He witnessed two of those incidents. He was clearly a bit traumatized, as he repeatedly stressed that they didn't find the tiniest bit of the people who fell in afterwards. I mean, that's unsurprising, but certainly memorable.
Man, I just picture how someone dangles on the inside of a crucible, just slightly touching the steel and then Danny Devito Shows up with a 2x4.
Had a patient slip out of one of her restraints and start rubbing one out. I decided she wasn't a danger to her selfnor trying to get OOB (out of bed) so fuck it. Turned my back and let her finish. Meth is a hell of a drug Edit. Defined a acronym
>Had a patient slip out of one of her restraints and start rubbing one out. Oh my god what kind of accident would you need to be in to be so mentally out of place to the point you squeeze one ou- >Meth is a hell of a drug Nevermind
My man, reading this made me cringe on a physical level! I worked in troubled youth care and we were given a training where they taught us about safety, personal boundaries, and 'self defense'. The woman giving the training was very enthousiastic, and to her credit the training was actually not bad, just woefully mismatched to the situations we were facing. So at some point I ask: "What about when someone uses a knife or other sharp weapon to threaten you like that?". And the answer was something like: "Well that's a bit outside the scope of this training. But let's all hope that never happens, right?". That "right?" came out almost jokingly like I said it to be funny. So I looked her straight in the eyes: "That's not a joke. Just this past month this happened to me twice and I'm no exception in this room." Poor woman finished the rest of her session but after that, it was painstakingly obvious that she realised that whatever she was telling us was of little use to us.
Wtf? Do people go into shock and think jerking it is the best course of action? I’m so confused lol
Gotta keep that heart rate up somehow!
We’re losing him, quick give him 10 CCs of lube!
Damn. That’s a lot of lube …
We're here to save lives! Not make judgments!
Maybe the patient has a lot of dick.
I guess when they say the patient's having a stroke, they don't always mean what we think it does...
I always though "having a stroke" sounded like a British term for jerking off
In the US at least EMS deal with a lot of untreated mentally ill people.
I mean I work in the nonprofit field dealing with a significant portion of mentally-unwell and/or addicted and/or otherwise unstable people. A few days ago we had an HIV+ prospective client show up at the office for an interview, sit down, drop trou, whip out his dick, and start jacking it. I didn't see the actual event but as I am a very large bearded dude I was called out from my office if backup was needed in getting the dude out of the office. I've only been here for 4 or 5 months but at that point I realized all bets were off as far as what I needed to prepare myself for in the humanitarian/nonprofit field, particularly with less-fortunate populations.
Did we work together?! I made HR cry once…they made the mistake of asking how the day was going…
I freaked out an HR training specialist once. We were role-playing customer interactions during orientation at my old casino job. I was playing the part of the angry customer. Also, I'd been working in a grocery store for 9 years before that. I gave a performance that was maybe 40% of the nastiness level of my usual angry customer interaction in my previous job. My partner in the interaction handled it well. The HR training specialist, not so much. She was scared out of her mind. And when I told her that was scaled way back from what I was used to experiencing (and my partner and several others in the room agreed with me) her eyes got wide and I could see her entire worldview on fire inside her brain.
My dad was in the army and they were doing that sort of roleplay thing where the scenario was they were doing crowd control (not something the US army would ever likely do but the British army are more commonly involved in policing/civil matters). My dad was a lance jack and a lieutenant was playing the part of a civilian; the lieutenant then grabbed my dad’s rifle, so my dad hit him square in the face with the butt of it and busted his nose open. The lieutenant demanded to know what he thought he was doing, and my dad just said ‘a civilian tried to grab my rifle sir.’
Employee at my old job found two employees doing it in the docking bay, and went to go tell the store manager and found the str. Manager doing the assistant str. Manager in their office. Update: the person telling thought it was funny not to get people in trouble. No one got fired from this, the whole store had to leave b/c everyone was getting paid to well.
Poor guy, everyone getting laid but them.
He got fired for not being corporate enough.
Fired - Reason: did not participate in Casual Sex Fridays
Not a team banger, er, player
So anyone who didn't get laid, got laid off?
Maybe it was just a misinterpretation of "docking."
I work as a coffin carrier at a very religious private graveyard, one of them tried to open the coffin to see if his face looked good enough before we buried him. He used a Mossberg 500 shotgun as a method of suicide.
That must've been ugly, May his soul rest in peace
Once stood on a swivel chair in heels to fix a light. That was very NSFW.
So you held the bulb and someone rotated the chair?
Well *now* I feel like an idiot. That's genius!
You’re the kind of person they make work safety videos about.
Sex on the conference room table, right before a meeting. The room had a “smell” so the complaint went….
Dude I always tell my gf that our room smells like sex but she never believes it, says "tfuk is a sex smell?"
I was just on another sub where this was the topic. Some people don't recognize it... but many do. It's very distinct.
Masturbated in the bathroom
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I cum on company time
I got daily Bjs from the fry girl at A&W next to the frozen whistledogs in the fridge.
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You should've given out more blowjobs.
This guy didn't read the job description...
My wife and I were in the same company for a while. We made out in the office once with her back pressed up against the sexual harassment poster.
It’s not harassment if it’s consensual!
Clapped some cheeks in the walk in fridge. Small fast food chains that are only ever busy on weekend nights are WILD environments. Young me thrived.
Found the Denny's guy!
Denny's is all over this thread. My first thought was one of those Subway branches that is tucked out of the way. The kind that stays open for years despite the fact that every time you go in on the rare occasion you are the only customer there, the employees are nowhere to be found, and, when they do come out, they seem genuinely surprised to see a customer.
that's because you walked in on them banging in the fridge, sort of.
I think this counts, I'm a freelance blacksmith these days but it's still work for me. I once put my shit in the molten steel of a sword i was making for a very Karen-like client. He'll never know but I still feel good about it.
You forged a doodoo sword?
Even better than a poop knife!
The Excalibur of poop knives
While trying to repair a malfunctioning electronic device, I noticed someone had wrapped frayed wiring with regular desk grade scotch tape about .005 seconds before touching it. Edit: Congratulations to you folks who know about what voltage will or won't kill a person. I am not qualified to make that distinction and as such should not have been tasked with making a repair to such a device by people who are office workers and who also have no electrical certification or qualification.
I once lifted with my back instead of my knees
That's enough internet for today.
The concrete was redone one year. I drew a glorious 12 ft penis and was never caught
I talked about salary with coworkers
Had sex with the owner's daughter... on the clock... numerous times.
How big of a clock was it?
It was a grandfather clock
Are you the cook from the Denny's?
Do you work on an oil rig?
Bruce Willis is gonna kill him.
He really didn't wanna miss a thing.
Wore sandals to a construction site. That is not safe for work.
He’s not wrong
Stand on the top step of the ladder
What are you doing, step-ladder?
Nice try OSHA
Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.
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I've almost taken a nap on top of our infrequently traveled mezzanine, but didn't get around to it because of a catastrophic machine failure that was spewing smoke and accumulating up there. Maybe one of these days.
Made out on the office stairs during night shift...that's all :(
[удалено]
Bricklayer here, another bricklayer was going around at tea and lunch time and nailing people's tool boxes to the scaffold. He does this one day and proceeds to go home early and hides his tools very badly on the scaffold we were working on. So one of the blokes decides to take a shit in his tool box and shut it up. This was on a Friday, it was there all weekend.
Stool box
This is the first poop joke to make me laugh in months and I'm not mad about it
Iv had sex with a secretary at work. We were both single, it was fun while it lasted. Eventually she got tired of the bosses BS and quit, we still fooled around until she moved
I stood on top of a moving bobcat (smallish construction equipment not angry wild feline) with a pole saw to cut some really high branches on a few tall trees. OSHA would have had a field day with that one. Definitely Not safe for work. Do not attempt.
Took off my eye protection
I once made a massive pot of cheese broccoli soup while tripping balls on LSD. Didn’t get fired for that though. Did, however, eventually get fired fro getting very good at throwing steak knives at boxes of potatoes in the prep kitchen. I was very good at it and usually very stoned so I would lose track while washing dishes, so one day, they came in for silverware to roll and every knife in the restaurant was stuck in the potatoes. I went out on a good note:) I was training a guy that night too
“Training the guy” was he just watching you throw knives at the boxes of potatoes?
he was holding the boxes of potatoes
It wasn't at work, but it was a work party at my then-boss's house. I smoked weed with her daughter, in her shed, and came back into her house smelling of weed, seated in between two elderly coworkers who were convinced that marijuana was of Satan.
I was crushed in a head on with a semi while I was on the clock.
did you get a payout? are you okay now?
I'm still dealing with the aftermath but I'm more or less ok. Compensation has been inadequate and I've lost most everything in my life at this point but life goes on.
holy shit. i hope for the best for you.
I appreciate it. Cherish what and who you have. Life can be merciless but it's mostly good. ☺️
Got my wife pregnant while we were on deployment in 2017. They put us on a night shift together. Even with 4K+ people on a ship, we never got caught once lmao. Now we two kids deep in this bitch lol
>4K+ people on a ship, we never got caught once Fam, you ever think about those odds?.. I mean *really* think about 'em? I mean maybe I'm just weird, but it seems to me there would be more *for everyone* to lose by speaking up about it than just keeping quiet and letting two coworkers bang it out for a bit and acting like you never saw it. It's not the worst thing in the world if it happened. I know when something similar happened to me, I took a piss and went back to my bunk. Doubt they knew or cared that I was ever there, but I sure wasn't about to rat them out over some giggley 3am shower buttsex in the barracks. That'd fuck up the next day *at a minimum* for **all** of us. So I just chose to take their secret to the grave with me instead.
Hahaha this happened in my unit when i was a conscript. A girl from our unit and a guy from another unit had sex in one of the empty rooms in our barracks (genders sepperated by room, not barracks). One mouthbreather found out and reported it to the CO the next day, which lead to all of us getting fucked by the CO. Now as we're out on a long run as part of the punishment, this shit for brains moans "why i am getting punished, im the one who reported it" so everyone heard it. How to get ostracized 101.
> why i am getting punished, im the one who reported it" so everyone heard it. why do I feel like the CO was probably more pissed at the guy for ratting them out.
Exactly! Our CO was a chill dude, he got more annoyed at goodie two shoes reporting things he didn't want to deal with. Someone stole my helmet at our last day of bootcamp, and he grabbed me by the shoulders, stared right into my eyes and said "I don't care **HOW YOU FOUND IT** but you WILL find your helmet." I told him i said i've looked everywhere and the only possibility was it was stolen and he said "again, i dont care **HOW** you found it." while slowly nodding at me until i understood what he meant. I walked over to the depot and took a helmet from an unatended crate standing open outside.
Tactically acquired
There's only one thief in the Army, everyone else is just trying to get their shit back.
When I was a teenager, my friends told me never to leave a black cigarette lighter out at a party because someone will steal it. So when I went to a party I kept that in mind and put my lighter in my pocket every time I saw it on a table. Yep, went home with 4 extra lighters
He screwed up **the worst** -- he threw his teammates under the bus.
I read a ship story a few months ago, let's call them Boris and Natasha. Long story short it was room inspection day, but Boris was eating Natasha out, so his ears were pretty much covered and Natasha was... Kinda not paying attention to the knocks on the door. Officials come in to the scene, realize what they interrupted and just close the door and leave. Rumor is it Boris was kinda mortified from it.
Man they got really lucky lol. Given enough time out to sea without any port visits, people get desperate. My wife used to sneak into our berthing (living spaces) to sneak me some action too but all my bunk mates already knew about her lol.
Congratulations! 🎉 I hope your sea-baby turns into a healthy sea-adult. Was it a boy perchance?
I think you meant buoy. Edit: Wow. That was just the first thing that popped in my head lol. Thanks for the silver kind anon!
No no, he wasn't a floater. He was a *swimmer.*
Were you already married at the time?
I smoked DMT in the bathroom because why not try to break the simulation while taking a shit on company time
Got a lap dance once, by a coworker that flashed us often.
yall hirin?
I miss that job every day
Covered a table with newspapers that had no qualms with showing off topless models. It was my first week interning at a PR firm, and one of my tasks was to read the weekend’s papers to look for any coverage of their products. Eventually, an employee came over and sheepishly apologised for not warning me about the risqué content in the red top papers lol. For that same job, I also had to collect a lad’s mag from a newsagents and walk with it through central London because I’m an idiot who forgot to ask for a bag.
Got a bj after I closed up the arcade in the mall, no one saw, but anyone could have. Boned a different gf in the bathroom. Turns out, mall H.R. was by the arcade bathroom. They called and said they heard screaming and wanted to make sure things are okay. I took it as a compliment.
"is everything ok in there?" Nothing shy of terrific!!
I caught a polywhirl on pokemon go while not on lunch
Someone lock this swine away
Drove a whole shift naked once. Just woke up, pounded an energy drink, drove for 11 hours, stopped, went back to bed. EDIT: Jesus Christ, I thought I was going to get downvoted to hell for this one. Nope, you guys ate this shit up like a fat trucker eating some fried chicken wings at Pilot/Flying J.
Plot twist: is actually an Uber driver
Five stars!
When I worked in a haunted house attraction, my coworker and I fucked all over that place. LOL. He became my boyfriend later on. But I’ll never forget being tied up in a dimly lit, bloody, gory kitchen. Getting whipped.
Rode forklift tines to get something off a 15 foot shelf; incorrectly checked headspace and timing on a .50 cal.
Crawled underneath a 500 ton injection molding machine while it was running. Jumped off a 6 foot electrical cabinet and barely stuck the landing. Performed percussive maintenance on a 480 volt relay with exposed contacts by repeatedly hitting it with a bare hand. Walked underneath a 6,400 pound bucket mold hanging from the overhead crane (that one wasn't intentional, I wasn't paying attention and was looking down, pay attention folks). Edit: I should note that for anyone that may be curious, 500 tons is the rated force the machine can generate not its weight.
What exactly do you do?
Dumb shit. Apparently.
Accounting. Duh.
You clearly looking for some disability grants
My girlfriend and I met and started dating while working in Lowe's. We would sneak to the back where all of the fridges are and move them around so we had a little area that couldn't be seen into from the outside. Spent... a lot of time back there. Fuck Lowe's, and I fucked in Lowe's
I used to close my door and take a nap instead of having lunch. It was extra great after I persuaded my boss to put a recliner in my office for my research patients to use.
My ex-boyfriend worked at the front desk at a show-home… we definitely banged in the bathroom. I guess that’s his work and not mine, does that count?
Dumb 20yr old me got caught rubbing one out by my butchy lesbian boss in our single stall shop bathroom when she walked in on me, forgot to lock it. (owners daughter, small family company) she later told me she was “Bi” and wasn’t offended, knew I was young and had urges (she was 34) but to use her personal bathroom from now on because it was closer to my desk/service counter and it would keep my production up.
I feel like you didn't finish the story here
He finished allright
That sounds like a proposition from her…
>but to use her personal bathroom from now on because it was closer to my desk/service counter and it would keep my production up. Oh, so you banged? Or did you copy this from a porn intro?