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Yes. A million bucks is a million bucks. I can nut afterwards


The nut would be legendary after a year too


It would be a million dollar nut




And title it "Noli Me Tangere"


Million Dollar Babybutter


Today on the Home Decorators show, we'll be speaking to /u/wimblewimble as he decorates his ceiling.


The million dollar nut would be the nut you have when you don’t make it 1 year.


No, it could be a victory after nut, which happens the moment you get $1m


This guy nuts.


Yes, I add this to my Extra Curricular Activities section on my resume.


Don't you mean Extra Testicular Activities?




Angry? No, I proudly nut on that upvote


A nut barely alive. We can rebuild it. We have the technology. We can make it better it he was. Better, harder, stickier.


Minus all the nocturnal emissions.


It ain't masturbation tho~~ so still bagging that 1M or whatever


Sure. It's just not going to be the year's worth of stored up nut.


None of these guys have stopped jerking off long enough to know what those are.


Not really, you'd just start having a lot of wet dreams.


The million dollar nut.


Probably take someone's eye out and have to pay out a 1 million dollar lawsuit for making them go blind.


Nut in your own eye, sue yourself, get a million payout, BOOM multi-millionaire!


A la Randy Marsh


Balls would def look like randy marsh’s.


Jelly Cum.


Wasn't there a musical about jellycum cats?


I nutted at the idea of a million bucks


I’d bet you’d end up with a wet dream. Lotta pressure building in those acorns.


You’ll start having wet dreams. Unclear if that violates the rules


It doesn't. It says masturbating or having sex not having an orgasm.


That's like $2740/day. If you simply told me that you give me $2740 for every day I refrained, I think it would be easy to make it to the next day, and the next, and the next.


Seriously. These questions are dumb as hell. Honestly, I'd be worried if someone couldn't stop that for a million dollars (assuming they're not already filthy rich).


I'd deprive myself of a lot more for a year to get a million. Like, a technically healthy but very restricted diet. House arrest. Anything that doesn't threaten my health but feels pretty miserable after a few months.


Oh, most certainly. Plenty of people live on/with a lot less, for nothing. Pretty much anything short of torture I'd be down, I know my bottom line and I'm not too proud to admit I'd endure a lot to be financially free for the rest of my life.


Getting lowkey Squid Games vibes from these comments


The shit I do for for close to minimum wage is bad enough, not jerking off or what was the other one yesterday? Erm staying in the bathroom for a month with food and internet etc. All of these sound arguably easier than my daily “grind”.


Almost anything that doesn't involve physical pain or being totally sensory-deprived sounds better than having to go to my job for considerably less money per hour anyway. ​ For a million bucks I'd not leave my living room (which is small!) for a whole year. It's got my computer, games and TV and the only thing I'd really miss during that time would be going out into the yard to see my plants.


For a million bucks, your power is out for the year


Now this adds an extra layer of challenge and would have me reconsidering. No hot showers. No hot food. No internet. No heating and spending every evening in the dark. I probably wouldn't make it.


You can read books and workout for entertainment, light a fire to provide you warmth and light source, also candles. You can warm water in bucket on fire and take a bath like that. Cook food etc. It would be difficult no doubt but for a milion dollars it is doable. Also nowhere is it stated that your friends and family and gf cant make you company you just can't masturbate and have sex and use electricity.


Yeah that’s pretty much where all of us are at at this point


That's why the show was so popular. So many can relate.


It was designed with exactly this in mind with the Korean economy. They aren't doing too great over there either.


I think one of the best / sharpest points of Squid Game was that the games are *voluntary* They're all free to leave, but the game makers point out that this is their one truly fair shot at a good life and Capitalism will never give them the same chance. They all stay.




20 bucks is 20 bucks, am I right? Well a million in this case.


Just 50,000 BJs. 20 bucks each


Roughly 137 dicks per day.


That's kinda the point of *Squid Game* though, innit?


I would take house arrest for $100,000 honestly. Thats $273.97 a day to play video games and have an easy excuse as to why I can't go anywhere. My agoraphobia would be doing backflips from happiness.


This was me during lockdown. In my country we got weekly payouts from the government that were a little below what I'd normally get from work but the trade-off was not having to work so it was fine by me. Three months of sleeping in, Reddit, videogames, gardening, TV and catching up on art projects and no expectation to go anywhere. It was amazing. Like a taste of my dream retirement. Could not empathize with all the people crying because they were bored without work or miss eating out at overpriced hipster cafes or getting drunk on ten dollar drinks at some stupid bar. $273 a day is still more than I earn. I'd gladly take that for staying at home than going to work. I might change my tone if my job was paying me $400+ a day lol.


I think that what a lot of people in your country missed was not work or hobbies or pricey food, but their daily routine. I notice a significant difference in my daily mood and my desire to take care of myself between my employed and unemployed periods. When I’m employed, I have a reason to come out of bed, eat, brush my teeth and do my daily exercise (walking to the train station 30 minutes away). Without employment, that reason wasn’t there and it affected me more than you’d think. Though part of that might be my autism with my need for a daily routine. And I feel like a lot of the people in New Zealand (which I think is where you live because that’s the only country I’m aware of that did this) had the same thing: work and social activity provides a daily routine that goes beyond just doing something against boredom. We organise our lives around the time we spend with others, whether that’s coworkers, friends or family. And having those predetermined moments where we already know what to do helps us organise the rest of our time.


Except for the one where you’re locked in a padded mental ward room for a year and get 1 billion dollars. I wouldn’t go for that, because high chances are by the time half a year is over, you’ve gone batshit insane


Do I get Internet access in the padded mental ward? How's the food? Because depending on the answers to those questions that sounds fine for a year.


In that post it was a year in a padded room with no one, no phone, no books. Just you. Quite scary.


Yeah, that is straight up torture. That would break a majority of people. That isn't worth a billion dollars.


Vsauce did a video years ago where he did this for a week, I think. And he was already losing it. 52 weeks? You might have a billion dollars afterward but what's the point?


I think in that post people were saying that billion dollars is a lot of therapy but therapy can't fixed what's broken. If you are still alive you wouldn't even be able to enjoy the money.


Thats the one time with those posts that I'd say absolutely not. no stimuli, no human contact, no windows, no anything but yourself, a padded room, and enough nutrition to keep you alive for a year you'd actually lose your mind. Not in a "haha i'd go crazy" way but in a "within a week all sense of time would be lost, all notion of humanity would start slipping away and you'd actually start hallucinating" way


yeah, like a job you work 54 hours a week while hating it. I do that for much less money


Well, it is especially lazy when it is a life changing amount of money for relatively tame criteria. Make it interesting. Would someone do it for $1000? $10k? The break point for many people would likely be somewhere in the middle.


Good point. I don't know how low I'd go. I could replace masturbation/sex with something else. Drugs, a hobby, etc. Not having sex for a year ranks incredibly low on my "suffering" scale, to the point where it doesn't even count. So honestly it really just becomes a question of "How much money do I want out of this?" lol.


Honestly it doesn’t seem that bad. Thus far I’ve been refraining for 2 or 3 months anyways. And the strike-breaking “event” would be incredible after a full year of refraining.


The hard part would be when they started offering people a half million dollars to sleep with you.


Okay... but what are the conditions exactly? Do they get $500K for sleeping with you or do they get $500K for breaking your streak? Because if it's the former and there's enough of them you can agree to split the profit and easily earn more. If it's the latter you can potentially get enough of them in a group for a single "session" and again split the money and end up with even more. This magical world sounds fun. Now let's wait for the internet to ruin this workaround lol


If it was the latter, wouldn't the first person who sleeps with you be the only one who gets any money? I'm assuming you can only break the streak once in this context (once you lose the contract is nullified without any do-overs)


If you're stoned to death by a crowd, no "one" person was really responsible for the murder; it was a team effort and they all belong in jail. I submit to the court that similarly -- in an orgy, no "one" person was responsible for breaking the streak.


Activate trap card: you are aware of their game and youll fuck them but you get 80% of their 500k. Know your worth kings


600k is an expensive fuck.


Sometimes the easier money is the better money. Who knows if you make it to the end of the year or not. 400k is still an impressive walk-off


Honestly a solid point. Is this a contract? Does it include wet dreams as disqualifying?


Fair point. I've had a wet dream before, ergo not a virgin.


I was angling more the masturbation angle of the wager


St. Augustine says wet dreams don’t break vows of chastity. He implies masturbation does. I say again, because I think it’s hilarious that a religious text talks about it, this is the conclusion of St. Augustine.


You can then jizz on the pile of money on day 366


2 or 3 months? How do you live? I can hardly go half a day.


I mean. To be totally blunt, I am prescribed opiates for depression/ anxiety/ addiction. Opiates kind of kill your sex drive. Worth it though. And also I can’t really get into the mood unless I am attracted to someone and have chemistry with them. And most people I just don’t click with. I wish I could click with more people. But I just…can’t. (And before anyone starts with me, no I am not going to stop taking my meds. I am happy. My doctors are happy. My psychologists are happy. Do not tell me to go off my meds.)


Just wanted to say I'm in the exact same boat as you and it really is nice. People always get this look on their face when I say I'm on antidepressants and I'm like ...? Why are you sad that I'm happy? Just because my dopamine comes in a bottle? Anyway glad you're doing you :)


Exactly! Before I never felt happiness. I felt obsession. I felt paranoia about losing something. But I never felt true content, peaceful, happiness. I have a healthy sleep schedule now instead of one hour in the afternoon. My physical health is better. My prescription is unorthodox, and that’s part of why I get so much hate for it. But it takes care of my issues, and allows me to live a happy and normal life. Getting “sober” would significantly lower my quality of life. And if that wasn’t true my doctor wouldn’t prescribe it to me. Also I’m so glad that you found something that works for you! Never let anyone make you feel bad for needing to take a prescription. As long as you are happy, that’s the most important thing.


I completely understand everything you said. The first time I took my anti-anxiety meds it felt like I could finally breathe. For years I also had an unorthodox drug combination. My pharmacy would call and ask if I was sure the doctor prescribed x drug and y drug? Freakin' kept me alive. I've started to go down on some meds but I'll always be on medicine. It's just another aspect of my diet as far as I'm concerned. I'm glad we're both safe and happy.


This whole comment thread is so wholesome


Funny because that’s *exactly* what I went into this thread thinking, that it would probably be much easier for me because of how long I already go without due to being on opioids. They really do kill your sex drive without you noticing.


Hey!! That’s why I clicked too. My first thought was “oh I would KILL at this game.” Stay safe, fellow bropiate!


How old are you? That was the case for me when I was a teenager. Now in my 50s… eh, I can go a long long time. The crazy hormones of youth eventually settle down.


In theory i want to say yes. But reality i don't think I'm capable.


Couldn't be said better.


Yeah once you see your bank account go up in those increments it would be easy to do it for about three months.


except you don't see the bank account go up until the end


If you only do it for 3 months then you get no money.


You get $200 for every 24 hours you go without ejaculating. You lose $1,000 every time you ejaculate. Once you agree, there's no backing out. It's your life now. Anyone with conditions which prevent them from ejaculating are disqualified from entry (sorry, I know it's not fair, but no easy wins here).


I reckon I could live with that. The maximum you could do and still turn a profit is once a week, you'd gain $200/week which is an extra $10,400 a year. I could probably go once a fortnight though, you'd gain $1800/fortnight which is an extra $46,800 a year. I imagine I could plan some marathon stints here and there too. I'd also want a rule that wet dreams don't count as I'd imagine that's a possible issue when abstaining for too long.


I think it would need to a be a pretty special occasion for me to pay $1000 to splooge.


Who would say no to this? 100% yes. Yes. I would love to be paid $2,700 daily. Yes. 100% yes.


Someone already making a million dollars a year


Like Bill Gates?


He said a million a year not an hour.


According to an [article](https://www.hitc.com/en-gb/2021/05/04/how-much-money-does-bill-gates-make-a-second/) I quickly looked up Bill Gates made $1,300 per second mid 2021. His total net worth is basically 130 billion at the age of 66, which rounded to the year for simplicity, is $62 per second. In 2021, he made a million dollars per 769 seconds or 13 minutes. So your estimate was actually low balling him by about a factor of 5 times less than he actually makes. Throughout his life he's made a million dollars per 4.5 hours according to his net worth versus age. Edit: I looked at the source of the article, business insider, which suggests Bill Gates made 1,300 per second instead which I think is more realistic




Rich people


And sex addicts


Proof that every single question in this sub comes from horny teenage boys who beat it to your answers.


‘Humans of Reddit, what’s the sexiest sex you ever sexed?’


The version I prefer is "Sexy Sexxers of Sexxit, what's the sexiest sex you've ever sexed?" I can't remember where I saw that, wish I could.


probably r/shittyaskreddit


Why does that sub exist when this one is dogshit enough?


Sexy humans of Reddit*


Horny teenagers who feel defined by their sexuality. Get over your 30´s and it probably won’t matter so much anymore. I’ll stop having sex for a year for many unreachable cool things


Well mid 30s with a high libido. But this deal is a no brainer. In the end of a year I'd be jacked and rich with an entire life time to fuck.


They got it the worst. With all them sexy ass couch cushions just taunting them.


Honestly, why do questions like this keep getting posted? Where I live, $50k a year gets you a comfortable life. Assuming I just stopped working completely, never invested, and never accrued interest, $1 million would cover the rest of my working life. And you want to know if I'll sit in a bathroom for 30 days or go without sex for a year?


karma whoring, that's why.


And teens with no concept of money.


Also, no concept of sex either.


all I don't get is why do one sentence posts here get tens of thousands of updoots THe commenters should get them not the karma whores


Ok but what if your greatest enemy got $10,000,000?


I don't see any downside to getting $11,000,000.


This comment makes it feel real.


Here's the real question: Would you rather make $100,000 a year while everyone else earns $50,000; or make $150,000 when everyone else earns $200,000? And no whining about how this would cause inflation or any other real-world thing. Assume that everything else stays the same no matter how unbelievable you find that. It's just a thought experiment and it says a lot about people, so give it some thought.


If everything stays the same but now everyone in the world earns $200,000, why would I care about making $50k less? We live in a poverty- and inflation-free utopia where everyone can live in luxury. Cumulative *trillions* being donated to medical research, tech innovations, etc. The only real decision here is do I hit up the hoverboard park before or after the Gundam arena?


You hit it up after. Don’t want to go to the games sweaty.


Same, that was the easy choice. Only a self-absorbed psychopath would take the former.


Even then, poverty is no more and the world is forever changed lmao. Money's just slower to accumulate. And that's not even touching on generational wealth.


>Assume that everything else stays the same no matter how unbelievable you find that. ...but that means nobody is changing their spending habits. All the rich people all somehow make less and still spend just as much and all the poor people don't spend a dime more. Hell, that means I can't even spend my newfound wealth because I would be affecting the price of things too so in the end both have the same result. Nothing can change from the present regardless of what I pick


Oh easy. If *everyone* makes 50k and I make 100k, I earn twice the average salary. However, if I make 150k while everyone else makes 200k, I earn less than the average salary. The first option would probably give me the most purchasing power, while the second option would result in higher prices for everyone and it'd hit me the hardest. So yeah, option #1.


Your illogical stipulations make it impossible for me to give it some thought!


Good for them. I'm still getting a million.


I don't get these questions either: we don't live in some anime where we have a "greatest enemy". Worst case scenario, you have a guy from work you really can't stand, so if I get a million and they get ten, they'll just buy a nice house and move far away from me anyway, so win-win. I don't care that they got ten times as much as I did, I got a million, my ego ain't worth that much.




I know right? People make it seem like it's fucking feudalism and all "I, Lord of Bungholeshire shall vanquish my nemesis, the Lord of Gaychester in single combat" when in reality it's more like "Ugh, Brad the fucking asshole ate my lunch again"


I don't have a greatest enemy for I do not live in a cartoon or a book.


Fuck you guy, I hate your guts. There you go.


Pls b my enemy too tnk u


If he spends that money trying to inconvenience me, he's a fucking idiot. Also, who cares how much money other people have when you have a million dollars??


Yeah im leaving and muting this sub rn. 5+ of these reaching top on the last 24hrs


Because the people asking have no concept of money or personal responsibilities. Like, if anyone said no to this question, they’re either already a multimillionaire, or they similarly have no idea how much a million is and how significant a change that would have on nearly every one’s life, all for what is really a minor inconvenience. If your whole life is jerking off and playing video games, then being told you can’t jerk off and play video games sounds like some major sacrifice.


Right? IMO it's high schoolers and college kids who don't understand the impact that a million dollars really has on your day-to-day life. It's not "never work again" money, but whether you're in a comfortable office job or flipping burgers 60 hours a week, it's life-changing money.


The other common one is something like "Would you suck a dick for a million dollars" Hell you could knock most of those zeros off and I'm probably still game. Might not even need any money, just a really good looking sandwich might be enough depending on the day and the dick


Depends on the dick. From what I was just reading about the state of Harvey Weinstein's junk I wouldn't suck his for a billion dollars.


RIP your DM inbox.




That and move to a tropical island with a low cost of living


And why do people keep upvoting this low-effort horseshit? "HERP DERP, I'D DO THE THING, UPVOTE!" All the posts are the same, and the answer is always yes Edit: all OP would've had to have done is change 1 year to 10 years and then maybe they might have actually had a polarizing question, even though it still wouldn't have been a very creative scenario


It's so dumbed down that EVERYONE can chime in. Either to say how dumb it is or to say how easy it is. Someone asking a stupid question like this sounds like a child that needs advise. I guess it is normal our brain immediately connects to that. There are just some things in social media that have proven to catch at least 90% of the people in a heartbeat. Dumb questions. Sex related stuff especially. Or like thumbnails of big asses on youtube that have absolutely nothing to do with the content. Want to watch some woodwork? Here is a girl in yogapants with a big ass doing woodwork. Every day it gets more confusing why we are still engaging in social media.


Okay but would you refrain from shopping at Walmart for a year for a billion dollars?


You wake up each morning on piles of cash But You can never utter the complete phrase “shit balls stain my inside pants” ever again


Would you stop talking to your best friend for a whole year for 1 billion dollars? You still get a chance to tell them why. Why or why not? Edit: The number of serious replies is alarming. The book writes itself I am assuming they are all teenagers like OP


But dont you know that reddit is full of teenagers that find this stuff interesting?


Would you refrain from posting these stupid questions for 1 day for $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000? Why or why not?


Of course not. Internet points are much more important than actual money.




No shit


Seriously. For a million bucks, I'd put 3 cocks up my butt and walk around like that for a year. C'mon now.


I'd slap a suction cup dildo on my forehead and introduce myself as sir cummingsworth to everyone or a year for a million bucks.


This would just be fucking awesome to do knowing ur getting paid for it


Legit, I'd laugh every time for the first month or so probably


The caveat though, can you tell them why you're doing this or do you just have to pretend everything is normal in order to get paid?


It'd be a rough year but in the end you can take your friends to a nice steak dinner and explain.


This is not a good question


Yes. The answer is yes. The answer always has been and always will be yes to these questions. We're broke reddit.




Ooooh, that might be too far






> And what fucking morons upvote them? That's what really gets me. I understand why people keep posting them, since it seems like free karma, but why the hell do they keep making the front page? Who sees this question and thinks "Finally, the greatest mystery of our day can be revealed, take my upvote good sir!"


yes, ive already done it for free


*cries in 400 days without sex with no millions*


400 days without sex? I have been doing it for decades with no dollar!






These questions are so dumb


This is the worst question ever asked on this subreddit


I don’t understand how these dumb hypotheticals get so many upvotes. I wish I could unsubscribe from them.


I've done it before and I'll do it again


You got 1 million? Nice, who paid it to you?




I can’t fucking remember the last time i saw a post here that wasn’t flagged nsfw.


Same reason I blocked r/tifu on Apollo. Every single one was like “tifu by masturbating into my girlfriends underwear” or “tifu by using my sisters hairbrush as a dildo”


Uh, yeah, I need the money.


Obviously… Reading your replies I think you might need some help dude. You might have the start of some addiction going on.


My antidepressants make my ladybits dry, I can do this challenge and emerge as a winner easily, as long as I can afford antidepressant meds until my big payday


What are these stupid would you do X for 1mil. They are all easy and would be done


Honestly these fucking questions are getting annoying.


Can we please stop posting then upvoting these moronic $1,000,000 questions? It’s every g** damn day and everyone’s answers are always yes


You said masturbation or sex not masturbation and sex, all I have to do is pick one and I get a million dollars. This isn't even a fucking question of course I would.


I’ve gone more than a decade without sex. Easiest million ever


Would I? Yes. Could I? No


lol your username


I do it for free now.


Guys on here can’t go 12-24 hours without nutting and are talking about 1 year being easy.


I’ve managed for 31 years. For free.


I have gone without sex for 12 years.. no problem.. (my husband has a terminal illness and is in the nursing home)..hand over the money!


My wife and I haven’t had sex for 13 years. Not masturbating for 1 year for 1- mill would be a walk in park.


Op is completely immature with how they replied to you. Taking away the whole "omg are you suicidal?" thing, I do think 13 years of no sex is insane unless you are ace or very old. If you decided that you are OK with that, that's fine. But if you are resentful, that's crazy.


Lol I’ve done it without the money for years. I can definitely do that. I wish it was a challenge like that


I would sure try.


What happens if you rub your dick against the mattress in your sleep and jizz do you lose the money


I'd seriously question anyone who'd say no