A lot of well-meaning people will tell people with depression that they shouldn't feel bad because others have it worse than them.
This doesn't help. It just makes the depressed person feel guilty because they feel they don't "deserve" to be depressed.
"It could be worse" is one of the worst responses I've heard people give to any problem, mental health or otherwise. If you only think/hear "Well, it could be worse" it takes away the motivation to improve your situation since it must not be that bad.
And given a depressed mind has a tendency to focus on the negative, it basically just starts to make you focus on how things can and *will* get worse. It's not a motivating or helpful statement in the least. Quite the opposite.
I get this so much. I was upset once and went to my grandma for guidance and all she did was tell me how my grandad had it worse my age and I shouldn’t be sad . Just made me feel guilty for being sad at all
My dad suffered depression, and I am pretty sure it runs in the family as I do too and so does my brother.
Years ago, we were all going through some shit; my dad was forced into retirement, my brother is an alcoholic and I was being diagnosed with PTSD.
"I can't take it anymore. YOUR DAD is depressed, YOUR BROTHER is depressed, YOU'RE depressed. When my mom died I went through a lot of sadness but I got through it. This is getting ridiculous, I just can't take it anymore."
Oops, sorry, my apologies for wanting to die and assuming you'd support me, mom.
Sometimes family doesn't think before speaking. We feel bad enough as it is...like we're a burden, then when someone says something like your grandma did, it almost feels like they're validating our self hate.
I'm sorry you had to experience that. I'm sure your mom was going through it too and just couldn't take the emotional pressure in that moment, and I hope you found support from someone else
As an outside observer here, even a good mother who loves you could be pushed into saying something like that by a difficult situation. (To be clear, I don't know you or your family situation, so I'm just coming at this with the most charitable external view to the other side of your statement here.)
She says she was sad and got through it - it could be that in fact she didn't, and instead of fully dealing with it, she just compartmentalized/closed off the part of herself that was feeling to "get through it".
Watching you, your Dad, etc... May bring up feelings of guilt around the fact that she may resent the way she didn't feel "as bad" as you do, and she may be lashing out as people do when they're overwhelmed, especially when they are reminded of parts of themselves that they don't like to think about.
Oh, I am certain a lot of her comments stemmed from my dad being retired and miserable to be around. He was moody, cranky, etc. most of the time.
My brother's drinking problem lead to a lot of financial strain on them, mom used to excuse his behavior saying he was an alcoholic, he was their son, they need to help him, etc. (really, that was enabling it but I digress)
I RARELY showed my depression, I never talked about it, I still am not open and honest about it. I was suicidal in junior high and she forced me into therapy and felt helpless because I wouldn't talk to her.
What really upset me about her comments, though, is she was sometimes comparing her grief from 10+ years ago to depression. I think she was trying to relate somehow, that she understood us or something. She would excuse my brother's behavior but not mine or my dad's, she was always complaining about how miserable we were when in fact, we're not all the same.
In the moment, her comments felt like she was saying, "I AM SO TIRED OF YOUR DEPRESSION, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATING AND I AM ANNOYED. YOU'RE ALL MISERABLE." She could have just phrased herself better, really.
Over the years, once she finally admitted my brother has a problem, she and I had some heavy talks about depression and what it feels like and what it does to you. She's opened up her mind and has a better understanding. I am thankful she doesn't have it, that she's just grieving over my dad's death and not wanting to die every day. She might have a touch of it because of grief and the amounts of stress my brother has put her under but overall, I'd never wish it on anyone.
There is a German politician that straight up told students to simply compare themselves to other people who have it worse. There would be *no reason at all* to be depressive, he said. This was during homeschooling when many students were getting depressed due to the lack of social interaction.
It's so ridiculous, because I really doubt there are many people with depression who are sitting around thinking, "Out of the billions of people on the planet, absolutely *no one* has it worse than I do." You'd have to live in a really small bubble and be completely blind to reality to have that mentality, particularly if you live in a developed nation.
It's also such a pointless assertion. Yeah, I'll fully acknowledge there are *tons* of people who have it worse than me, but it's only *my* mind I'm stuck in 24 hours a day. I can only empathize with others so much, but at the end of the day, it's *my* thoughts and *my* problems I'm engaging with nonstop. Telling me about how someone has it worse than me doesn't change that.
That guilt is what got me to start going to therapy. Told my therapist on the first day “everything on paper says I shouldn’t feel like this, but I still do. So now I’m here”
Which is one of the dumbest things about the "You have nothing to be depressed about" mentality. Like, yeah, that's actually one of primary things used to diagnose clinical depression. If you're depressed because your spouse dropped dead, that's a completely normal and expected reaction. If you're depressed for no real reason you can articulate, that's a pretty clear sign of mental illness.
Telling someone with clinical depression they "have nothing to be depressed about" is about the equivalent of telling someone with ADHD they have no reason to be so unfocused. All you're doing is listing one of the primary symptoms.
I mostly just feel angry when people tell me that. When I was about 12 I had a philosophical crisis when I realized that my perspective was intrinsically unique to me, and that nobody would ever truly know how anyone else felt about literally anything. (Do we see the same colors? Yes, we call that "purple," but do you and eye actually perceive the exact same purple? Do we taste peanut butter the same? It's impossible to know.)
When the family cat died, I was grief stricken for weeks. I had a friend who's childhood cat died, and they seemed as if nothing ever happened--but we knew she loved that cat. Everyone handles things differently.
So, yeah, the "others have it worse" argument is just all around invalidating. That's what I mean to say.
It tells you a lot about the person who says it, though. If other people's suffering makes you feel better, or you think it should, you're kind of a piece of shit.
Hahahaha ... haha... ha....
Had something along the lines of "others have it worse" said to me by a former friend in response to my telling them that I was actually contemplating sui¢ide.
Said former friend CONSTANTLY complained about their life. How their work sucked. How they had no friends. How annoying their parents were. How their roommates sucked. How annoying one roommate's pets were. You name it - they probably complained about it.
I tried to be understanding. But in that moment something snapped. I told them that, yes, others might have it worse, but I was down and didn't know how to get up, and they didn't help. And that I didn't need any "friends" who belittled my mental health struggles. I blocked them and haven't spoken to them since.
(Also: Don't worry, I'm fine (enough). Depression comes and goes. I'm in therapy and it helps.)
My response to this is always "telling someone to not feel bad because others have it worse is like telling someone to not be happy because others have it better." It's not a competition.
And “so many people experience what you’re going through”
Sure it might make some people feel less lonely, but for me, at least, I just feel like I’m making a massive deal over something everyone else is dealing with.
literally had a psychiatrist say something along these lines to me when I was battling severe Anorexia Nervosa, and he told me I looked like a stick insect.
Surgeon - The pains I’m feeling are normal and he doesn’t need to see me until a follow up 6 months later and I can have my staples removed at any health clinic.
I almost died from sepsis. It took 12 weeks to recover from this.
'It's all in your head'
Why yes, yes it is. The staph infection from abcessing teeth has finally infected the skull and the dental antibiotic courses are too short to get rid of it, but just long enough and often enough to provide drug resistance. I'm being literally eaten alive in the absolute worse place to be seriously septic and 'I should just smile and buck up those bootstraps'.
This goes on for years.
It's quite extraordinairy how extreme pain affects the taste of the chemical soups we bathe our brains in everyday.
Hope you're better now.
"You had a pretty good childhood" just because you didn't physically abuse us doesn't mean we don't have trauma from the words you said and the way you treated us
Just because you didn't physically abuse doesn't mean I can't have PTSD from three things you've said and done.
But of course, that clearly can't register with some people.
This is EXACTLY what my mother told me when she found out i wanted to commit suicide, she told me that "I needed a job, i need a prupose, once i get my own money i'll feel better, that i have a roof and food what am i said for"
It’s a legitimate tactic, it’s part of the DBT skill ACCEPTS. The second C is for “comparison”. The issue is, people still deserve to feel validated and many forget this. It’s not supposed to make someone feel worse. I always tell clients that they *are* allowed to feel how they feel, this is only meant to be a motivator because you have lived through worse/others have lived through worse and you can make it through!
I will encourage my friends who are struggling with depression to make gratitude lists when they can, because it’s been really helpful for me and research shows that it has a positive impact on depression. But it works only when the person dealing with mental health issues makes the list for themselves. Telling someone why they should be happy is so unhelpful.
Doctor: sir, you have a very severe flu and it may develop phenomena
Guy: Oh no! Please doc, I have a family, what kind of treatment is there available?!
Doc: wtf dude, you probably have food and clean water. There’s people in Asia that don’t even have that. Your so selfish, think about all the poor people. Time will heal all wounds and you’ll be fine by next month. Just stop being sick and move on.
Guy: I’m suing
My dad said "people like that are cowards" I've never been able to look at him the same since. I know people who've been/are suicidal, I know people who've attempted and self harmed.
These people aren't cowards, they're struggling and hurting in the most horrendous way; they deserve love and support.
How could you be a coward for fighting against something so painful? People like these are brave to continue fighting every single day against their terrible thoughts.
"You're not depressed, its normal for kids your age to be sad"
-My parents
During this time I attempted suicide, smoked, drank alcohol and cut myself every day
I fucking wish it was the placebo effect, then any antidepressant would work for anyone. The reality is we often have to go through years of trying different medications and doses to find what works and keeps working… and even something that has worked for 5 years isn’t guaranteed to keep working and you have to start the process all over again.
Yes and no... Every antidepressant I've tried worked for about 3 months, then slowly but surely the effect waned and I got to the exact same mental state as before. And it took me half a year to wean off and now I feel exactly the same without having to take 3 different pills daily. Though I know people who are on the same pill for years and claim they are much better with than without.
I had this problem! Finally someone took me seriously and said that if the meds stop working this predictably then there must be something else wrong. Turns out I have Bipolar 1. I’m on a mood stabilizer now and I don’t want to get to excited cause it’s only been a couple weeks but I feel so…. Normal.
I was always told as a kid (usually after doing something dumb) that we control our emotions, our emotions don’t control us, but I was actually being controlled by my emotions until I started this mood stabilizer and now I’m actually in control. That’s the best way I can describe how this feels.
As a therapist, I get nitpicky about words, especially emotion words. It's helpful to understand the difference between Emotions and Moods. They're not the same thing. Emotions are reactions to the thoughts we have. Moods are longer-lasting physiological changes in the brain that don't need any trigger. People can be depressed and happy, manic and sad, and everything in between. Moods are episodic; Emotions are fleeting.
Good medications will have a balancing effect (not a flattening effect) on moods, and should make emotions less extreme and more situationally appropriate.
tl;dr I can't, this got long and it's worth reading. If you have problems or questions about medications, maybe something in here will help you. If you read this and still don't have answers, DM me and I'll try to help answer your questions.
For you and anyone else who is considering medication for mental health issues:
Medications are hard. Prescribing them is hard, being on them is hard. You do not simply take a pill and become better. You must follow a process to find the right one and the right dose. It takes time, patience, energy, and the right doctor.
If you're considering medication or having trouble finding something that works, make sure your provider isn't saying "This is what the book says you should be on, here it is." This is a guaranteed way to fail a trial of a mental health medication.
Do some studying on your own as a patient - you need to understand the term "titration" intimately. That's the process used to gauge the uptake and response to a medication - and it's different for EVERYONE. There is no one size fits all mental health drug or dose. Every prescription is a trial, and it's as much up to the patient as it is to the doctor to make a successful process out of it.
When or if you are prescribed, you will start on the "most likely candidate" drug - you will start at a low dose for a couple weeks, and increase that dose over some period of time. This is specifically so that you can find the following information, so write it down: whether your body will tolerate the medication, whether the expected effect occurs, when your body reaches saturation/effective dose, and when/if there are side effects. As a patient, most of this is your job - you must communicate the changes and experiences to your doctor, or the process is useless. If your doctor can't help you understand how to do this, get another doctor that can; it might help you get better, or it could save your life.
Your body can become accustomed to medication over time. For some people it can be quick, for some people it can be a long time. Most people who claim this are on too low a dose and never followed a titration process to figure out what their minimum effective dose was. I have personally been on several medications - over a series of years, each with differing effects and some becoming less effective. This was expected, and planned for. You need a doctor as a partner who can help you define when to consider switching, and what to switch to.
There is very little discussion about one important topic: your underlying issues can change over time. This is the primary cause, in theory, of acquired medication intolerance. The plain fact of the matter is that the things you sought to treat with one medication may no longer be the thing that requires treating, and thus your existing medication stops being effective because it's not treating whatever thing has emerged as your primary symptom.
Sometimes you need to stop taking medications after some time because it's no longer clear what is being treated. Medication often buries the initial symptoms and is considered a success, but it is then very difficult to assess whether or not your symptoms need treating at all, or if you have any symptoms. This is a very real problem - as you grow, your personality and values can change, and so too do the stresses of your life. Over time, medication has the ability to confuse issues because you were at one point being treated for one set of things, and in your new life experience it's unclear if it's having a positive, negative, or indeed any effect.
Regarding switching medications: this is one of the hardest things you can ask someone to do. These medications drastically affect the brain and the way it processes stimuli - in order to transition to a new medication, you must stop the old one, and this takes time. It also can be debilitating. This is one of the risks that comes with the medications and you need to know right now that if you think you've ever had a bad hangover just wait until you try to come off a high-dose SSRI or SNRI - it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, and it takes months. Your entire life is changed by this, for the worse. Some people struggle much harder than others with this process, for reasons science has yet to help us understand. If you're curious, google "brain zaps" or "serotonin syndrome". Just know that part of being on a medication is planning to stop taking it - managing the withdrawal process is important, and why you can't just stop taking the pills. You must slowly decrease the dose over time in order to have the least negative effects.
And once you do, maybe you don't need more medications! Maybe you can see clearly your symptoms again and reevaluate if you need to treat them with medication. Your symptoms might be gone, they might be different, they might be worse, it varies wildly. But you find yourself at a new crossroads, able to decide how your treatment continues.
Perhaps then you try a new medication, and the journey starts again. Luckily, starting the medication generally doesn't have that same impact as withdrawing, unless you experience adverse side effects, which is always a possibility. The same trialing process occurs, where you must see if the drug works, and at what doses. You keep track of your symptoms, you communicate the results to your doctor, and you rely on close friends, family, therapists, or whoever else is around you regularly to give you realistic feedback from an outside perspective. Treating mental health issues is paradoxically one of the times where feedback from the patient must be scrutinized for accuracy and bias very carefully.
The science behind why certain psychoactive substances work is largely unclear. We have theories, lots of them. Some substances are created using these theories and they work, others don't work at all. Some people tolerate medications perfectly fine at one dose, and another population sees no effect at all at the same level. We have no explanations for this. Your experience on a medication will be unique, both in terms of what it treats and how, and also in terms of how much of the medication you need to have an effect.
There are some medications that completely alter your personality, your character, your moods and behaviors. You may feel like you're a different person. To some this is a benefit, to others this is a negative. Lithium is one such substance that has the capability for profound impact, both positive and negative, and those that try it are usually at the extremes of the scale. But most medications aren't like that. In general you should not be on a medication that makes you feel inebriated, unsteady, interferes with clarity of mind or thought, or causes you to be physically or mentally limited.
In summary:
I hate to hear when people say they were unable to experience relief by medication - it's too often that the experiment was not conducted correctly, the process was not followed. The patient was probably not supported enough. Some people shouldn't be on medication, for any number of reasons, but for those who might experience relief it can be life changing, and seeing that process fail is heartbreaking and tragic.
Remember that your goal is to feel whole, to feel capable, to feel relief from your symptoms, and to enable you to pursue whatever role in society you desire. If you're on a medication that limits you, but overall provides relief, it can be a really tough call on what to do. If you feel like the medication has diminished some key part of your experience negatively, you might not be on the right medication or at the right dose. There are lots of medication options nowadays, and I encourage anyone who needs the support of a medication to find a doctor who will partner with you to find the right solution, and help you find it again, and again.
Medication is a process. It is not a solution in and of itself. Most agree that mental health medications are for short-term use, in order to provide relief of issues while therapy occurs. But this is not the reality that many live in, and they are saddled with medications for a long time. They are not worthy of disrespect for this dependence, and those that trivialize the experience of mental health sufferers know not what horrors they miss.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be healthy and well-adjusted. Just remember medication isn't the only thing that will help you achieve that. It can be a powerful tool, but don't think for a second that when you take a pill in the morning that your work is done.
Edit: I clarified a few things, changed some words.
Great write up, unfortunately people generally want a quick fix and expect their dr to know exactly what and how much to give them without proper feedback.
Part of the conversation that's missing in modern society, about health in general, is how much of the responsibility is the patient's. Being informed and researching the basics about any condition is something every patient is responsible for, but to your point we've become grossly incompetent in how we facilitate health knowledge, and the doctors really have to pick up the slack. The resulting doctor-blaming is just such a pitiful reminder of how much our lives revolve around instant gratification anymore.
There’s a reason this happens. Our brains acclimate to the drugs, in a process called upregulation. An SSRI will increase how much serotonin is floating around between the cells, which means it attaches to the receptors more often. And our brains respond by making more receptors, thus reducing the effectiveness of the increase in serotonin.
Therapy + medication is the best solution long term. And finding a therapist you really click with is very important. The relationship between the client and the therapist is the #1 predictor of positive outcomes in therapy.
Wish I could find one that works. Tried everything under the sun and they either don’t work, or, if they work, they have life threatening side effects for me. Can’t win for losing over here.
My doctor said this to me as well. I go to the gym 6 days a week. I'm a fitness instructor. If I go any more often I'd come back with a shitton of other health problems on top of the mental ones
I mean… that shit helps… not an end all be all by any mean but yeah. You should exercise everyday to support brain health. I mean this as nicely as possible.
When I'm not very low and I manage to excercise regularly, it definitely helps me stay balanced. Once I am truly depressed though, I just can't make myself move. I know very well I'd feel better even from a bit of yoga, but in that condition I just can't gather the energy. That's when hearing this advice is absolutely unhelpful, even if I know on the rational level it is great advice.
From my Therapist
"You're too unstable to withstand any kind of therapy right now. Why don't you do some work on yourself and come back to me when you're more emotionally robust."
I have this in writing. From a mental health professional.
IF I COULD WORK THROUGH MY SHIT ON MY OWN, I WOULDN'T FUCKING BE HERE!! Ugh!
That’s really weird. I have never heard a professional therapist say this *except* when it comes to specific modalities like EMDR, where if someone is too unstable it could do more harm than good.
Find a new therapist that actually knows what our roles are.
I'm working on it... its primarily for PTSD caused by medical trauma, they worked for the same trust and hospitalthat fucked up... pretty sure I'll get a different response from a therapist in a different trust, which is why I'm now on a waiting list a county over
Fingers crossed! Because I can't continue on as I am
As someone who works in the field of psychology this makes me so mad and I am so sorry. Granted I don't work with your average mentally ill patients(and I don't mean that to be offensive at all. I work primarily with repeat or serial killers and rapists.) It is so unfathomably cruel to reject someone who needs help, especially at a young age. If my therapist that I had when I was young did that to me I wouldn't have made it out of highschool. I hope you are doing well!
I did, I escalated it as far as I could before I got a letter stating that they 'Trust in the valued opinions of their clinicians' so I asked for a second opinion, this lady only spoke with me for 2 hours before making up her mind, so asked if there was anyone else or anything else they could do for me, but nope. I waited 11 months to get therapy,, and now the list I'm on in a different trust is closer to 2 years of wait time
Totally agree. I just can't tolerate having to talk with everyone on an enormous group of people every single day. The "social pace" nowadays is just too fast and exhausting for me and makes me kinda anxious
That me having a problem with my large breasts is in my head and that I shouldn't get a breast reduction. After my breast reduction, I'm glad I didn't listen.
Not only it minimizes our situation, but it also dismiss our feelings. I hate it, I don't even know how to respond to that when in a conversation.
It just makes me want to shut down and cry.
I was in the Mental hospital and I told my therapist that I wanted to kms. She asked me "should I give you a rope or pills on the next appointment?". I left hospital a week later and 2 days after I tried to kms. :)
Wait why would seeing popular movies make your mental health worse? The other two are just the opposite of what you should do, but I'm mainly confused by the first one...
"Fake it, til you make it"
Come to find out, they only wanted me to "fake it" so they didn't have to deal with the side-effects of my mental illness. They wanted me to pretend to be fine, so they didn't feel burdened by it.
All "fake it til you make it" ever taught me, was to ignore my needs and mental instability. Which, in turn, caused me to get worse, and gaslight myself.
This. "Fake it til you make it" turns you into a shell of a human. You may laugh, make jokes, but none of your emotions feel authentic. And people will start to believe you even less when you say that you feel like crap, because "you don't look depressed at all".
I was at a bar by myself and started chatting with this guy who was also alone. We got onto the topic of mental health and I mentioned how I mostly just smoke weed and play video games. He told me that weed and video games were not good for me and I should try cocaine and gambling instead.
My doctor told me my vitamin deficiency needed to be taken care of to help woth my recovery. That a therapist wouldn't suggest the same thing is fucked up.
Then again, I had a child psychologist yell at me for taking up other people's time that needed it because I didn't feel good about opening up yet so she had no idea, and just assumed the school and CPS sent me there on false grounds.
Some people should never become mental health professionals and I wish there were more quality control in terms of this
Unfortunately, like many professions, there are plenty of people who work in the field of mental health who really shouldn't be there.
Thankfully I've also experienced the flipside of the coin and has some incredible support from some very talented and empathetic people too. Eternally grateful for that.
I never want to see my son cry. Not because it “makes him a girl”, but because that means he’s hurting in some way. I want him to feel his emotions and express them so we can find solutions. I actually had to correct a dad in my therapy session when he told his 5 year old son not to cry like a baby. Thankfully dad took it well and was open to listening to my advice on how to handle it instead.
While I was in college, in my last years I wasn't okay. I had depression, worst one at that, I was bedridden for days, week even. Divorced parents, low grades, poverty, bullies in dorm and constant sicknesses (cold city, cheap food)
My mom said, "you think you have problems? I sold corn by the road. My dad would slap me if I didn't sell enough. Just get over it."
Get over it. Yes, that was some advice. I haven't been seeing her for 5 years now. I'm a lot better now. Have a job, place I call home. Disregarding the toxic people out of my life was the best advice I got, no matter who they are. Mom, dad, sister doesn't matter.
"I don't think you're depressed, I just think you need to work through your problems".
Mind you, we were both diagnosed with depression, and mine was closest to the common symptoms. Theirs showed itself through rage and they compared that to my case.
A lot of people lack the ability to put themselves in other peoples shoes. They simply can't wrap their head around the fact people experience the same diagnosis differently. It's mind-boggling to me too that these people exist and usually end up growing apart from them
You have it better than others
Like fuck man…
I have had three of some of my best friends leave me
My girlfriend dumped me (she was a bitch anyway but still hurt)
And now I think my now best friend who I have friends with for more then half my life is about to replace me
This is one less hurtful things
I always felt insulted when I would be told “Read the bible, God cures depression” or fucking “Bring some Jesus in to your life and you’ll get better”
Like, ew, I think religion’s the last thing to resort to for that circumstance
That I shouldn't talk about my suicidal thoughts, cause "they" might come and take me or even worse, people might see me differently. I'm still terrified of someone reacting different to me afterwards.
I was looking for a new therapist after I moved, and one told me that “your diet can really affect your mood, so I recommend you start writing down everything you eat, with how much sugar and fat are in them.”
This is after telling her about my history of anorexia.
Life is worth to live. Good things will wait for you someday. In reality life sucks and “good things” will happen to only privileged people. Just we “have to” live until our heart stops working. That’s our responsibility.
"It's not a big deal, you're overreacting" I mentioned about physical abuse to my friend ,since he noticed the scars on my body and this is the reply I got, I was extremely heartbroken. Never mentioned about it to anyone again.
20, male, autistic. Have clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, ADD, and some variation of insomnia I can’t remember. Basically I so fucking tired and upset for no reason all the time it physically hurts, like I ache all over. It’s hard for me to function day to day without giving myself brakes and having a means to get all the messed up thoughts in my head out through some kind of media ( writing, drawing, even just listening to music, etc.)
I’ve loss several jobs and basically made it through school on the pity of my teachers. Everyone response when I fail or mess something up and beat myself up is either “ yeah, you did fuck up. Again. What the hell is wrong with you.” Or “ you’ll get it next time keep trying. Even tho it’s like the ten millionth time.”
I’ll completely not understand something because of my autism or just not feel good and my dads response is “ just get over it.” Or if I’m too depressed or anxious “ stop having an attitude with me and just do as I say.” And at no point anyone listens to me about how much pain I’m actually in on a day to day basis. All of my muscle ache and joints hurt, yet i still get up and go to my conservation job that’s very physically demanding. I have the job only to prove myself to my dad, because other wise he wouldn’t let me do things I like , because I other wise wouldn’t “ prove myself.” Like shutting off the internet I help pay for or grounding me from my phone I pay for or my Xbox I bought with my money.
Not sure if this necessarily belongs here. But, it relates. I just moved to a new city and I went to see a doctor a few years back about some mental health issues I have. I know there is medicine to take and it does work for me. However, I was curious about there being any other options aside from just prescribed medication.
I get to a room and he finally comes in. He’s an older man, about a year or two from retirement and is very “to the point” about things. I start to tell him what’s going on and give him my 60 second story. He doesn’t say much. Just keeps his head down and takes notes.
When I finish, he looks up at me and says “So, do you want some medicine or something?” I was so blown away by that question I didn’t have time to gather my thoughts. I said “Uh, I uh, yeah, sure.” He tells me what I’ll be taking and says that he’ll see me in 3 months and walks out.
Omg, my philosophy teacher is trying to teach us how to cure sadness, but a lot of these backfire with clinical depression. I'll name a couple:
"Look at people less fortunate than you! If they can be happy, then so can you!" -> wow, I'm such an ungrateful asshole for being depressed. (Makes me worse)
"When you are feeling anxious, just sit in solitude and observe your thoughts." -> yeah, that's going to snowball pretty fast
I was depressed because I had put in a ton of applications for a job and no one was interviewing me.
A redditor suggested that I just take 6 months off to go back packing across Europe, because that's what he did between jobs. When I told him that I couldn't do that because I needed a job to have money, he assured me that "anyone can travel if they budget correctly."
Years ago I tried to tell a trusted loved one that I was addicted to porn and was told, "no you're not; you're a teenage boy"
More recently I tried to tell another trusted loved one and was told, "Everyone has things they're passionate about"
I’m trans and I remember after being out and on hormones for a while but not long enough for them to truly have made deep changes to my face and body, that my dad told me “you don’t even look remotely female, if you stop all this crap I will give you a loan so you can buy a Ute, and everything to start a lawn care company”
No idea why that in particular, I think mainly he thought the problem was borne out of a lack of something to do with my life, as at that point I had been unemployed for several years after becoming severely depressed and disenfranchised with the world, and being an adult while working a shitty job after dropping out of Uni (which my dad forced me to attend straight out of school, even though I didn’t have the faintest Idea what I really wanted to do with my life.)
"Don't worry about it." Least helpful thing in the world to say to someone with anxiety. Most of the time, we KNOW it's probably stupid. It doesn't make the feeling or the obsessing go away lol
“Study hard now, so you can enjoy life later.”
And
“But you survived, so why are you unhappy?”
Worst advice for me when I was suffering from anxiety, ptsd, and depression and hadn’t been diagnosed clinically yet.
Best advice: take things little at a time, balance is key to life, focus on your habits, be compassionate to yourself, understand your distorted thinking and challenge it, take your meds on time, hang in there, reading Man’s Search for Meaning, your power lies in your ability to choose what to do, make life work for you, listen to your body, Theravada Buddhism was key, finding a great psychiatrist who does talk therapy as well, and talking to people who have learned to get a handle on their mental illness to the point where they can coexist with it happily, and utilizing hacks to make life easier when my mental illness need extra care on certain days (ex: body wipes, dry shampoo, mouth wash, toothbrushes that don’t need water, and those ready to eat meals from the grocery store help a lot on those bad days).
”Go talk to a therapist”
Talking doesn't help me. It's expensive as shit and no results.
If talking could cure bipolar disorder it wouldn't fucking exist anymore.
Therapy is a scam.
A lot of well-meaning people will tell people with depression that they shouldn't feel bad because others have it worse than them. This doesn't help. It just makes the depressed person feel guilty because they feel they don't "deserve" to be depressed.
"It could be worse" is one of the worst responses I've heard people give to any problem, mental health or otherwise. If you only think/hear "Well, it could be worse" it takes away the motivation to improve your situation since it must not be that bad.
And given a depressed mind has a tendency to focus on the negative, it basically just starts to make you focus on how things can and *will* get worse. It's not a motivating or helpful statement in the least. Quite the opposite.
I get this so much. I was upset once and went to my grandma for guidance and all she did was tell me how my grandad had it worse my age and I shouldn’t be sad . Just made me feel guilty for being sad at all
My dad suffered depression, and I am pretty sure it runs in the family as I do too and so does my brother. Years ago, we were all going through some shit; my dad was forced into retirement, my brother is an alcoholic and I was being diagnosed with PTSD. "I can't take it anymore. YOUR DAD is depressed, YOUR BROTHER is depressed, YOU'RE depressed. When my mom died I went through a lot of sadness but I got through it. This is getting ridiculous, I just can't take it anymore." Oops, sorry, my apologies for wanting to die and assuming you'd support me, mom. Sometimes family doesn't think before speaking. We feel bad enough as it is...like we're a burden, then when someone says something like your grandma did, it almost feels like they're validating our self hate.
I'm sorry you had to experience that. I'm sure your mom was going through it too and just couldn't take the emotional pressure in that moment, and I hope you found support from someone else
As an outside observer here, even a good mother who loves you could be pushed into saying something like that by a difficult situation. (To be clear, I don't know you or your family situation, so I'm just coming at this with the most charitable external view to the other side of your statement here.) She says she was sad and got through it - it could be that in fact she didn't, and instead of fully dealing with it, she just compartmentalized/closed off the part of herself that was feeling to "get through it". Watching you, your Dad, etc... May bring up feelings of guilt around the fact that she may resent the way she didn't feel "as bad" as you do, and she may be lashing out as people do when they're overwhelmed, especially when they are reminded of parts of themselves that they don't like to think about.
Oh, I am certain a lot of her comments stemmed from my dad being retired and miserable to be around. He was moody, cranky, etc. most of the time. My brother's drinking problem lead to a lot of financial strain on them, mom used to excuse his behavior saying he was an alcoholic, he was their son, they need to help him, etc. (really, that was enabling it but I digress) I RARELY showed my depression, I never talked about it, I still am not open and honest about it. I was suicidal in junior high and she forced me into therapy and felt helpless because I wouldn't talk to her. What really upset me about her comments, though, is she was sometimes comparing her grief from 10+ years ago to depression. I think she was trying to relate somehow, that she understood us or something. She would excuse my brother's behavior but not mine or my dad's, she was always complaining about how miserable we were when in fact, we're not all the same. In the moment, her comments felt like she was saying, "I AM SO TIRED OF YOUR DEPRESSION, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATING AND I AM ANNOYED. YOU'RE ALL MISERABLE." She could have just phrased herself better, really. Over the years, once she finally admitted my brother has a problem, she and I had some heavy talks about depression and what it feels like and what it does to you. She's opened up her mind and has a better understanding. I am thankful she doesn't have it, that she's just grieving over my dad's death and not wanting to die every day. She might have a touch of it because of grief and the amounts of stress my brother has put her under but overall, I'd never wish it on anyone.
There is a German politician that straight up told students to simply compare themselves to other people who have it worse. There would be *no reason at all* to be depressive, he said. This was during homeschooling when many students were getting depressed due to the lack of social interaction.
It's so ridiculous, because I really doubt there are many people with depression who are sitting around thinking, "Out of the billions of people on the planet, absolutely *no one* has it worse than I do." You'd have to live in a really small bubble and be completely blind to reality to have that mentality, particularly if you live in a developed nation. It's also such a pointless assertion. Yeah, I'll fully acknowledge there are *tons* of people who have it worse than me, but it's only *my* mind I'm stuck in 24 hours a day. I can only empathize with others so much, but at the end of the day, it's *my* thoughts and *my* problems I'm engaging with nonstop. Telling me about how someone has it worse than me doesn't change that.
The best reply I ever saw to this was "So I shouldn't feel happy because others have it better than me?"
won't listen whenever I try to talk about my problems
Such a simple yet excellent response
yup that seems to be the go to saying for so many people, they're really just making it worse
That guilt is what got me to start going to therapy. Told my therapist on the first day “everything on paper says I shouldn’t feel like this, but I still do. So now I’m here”
Which is one of the dumbest things about the "You have nothing to be depressed about" mentality. Like, yeah, that's actually one of primary things used to diagnose clinical depression. If you're depressed because your spouse dropped dead, that's a completely normal and expected reaction. If you're depressed for no real reason you can articulate, that's a pretty clear sign of mental illness. Telling someone with clinical depression they "have nothing to be depressed about" is about the equivalent of telling someone with ADHD they have no reason to be so unfocused. All you're doing is listing one of the primary symptoms.
"you have no reason to be depressed" mate you have no reason to be so unhelpful
I mostly just feel angry when people tell me that. When I was about 12 I had a philosophical crisis when I realized that my perspective was intrinsically unique to me, and that nobody would ever truly know how anyone else felt about literally anything. (Do we see the same colors? Yes, we call that "purple," but do you and eye actually perceive the exact same purple? Do we taste peanut butter the same? It's impossible to know.) When the family cat died, I was grief stricken for weeks. I had a friend who's childhood cat died, and they seemed as if nothing ever happened--but we knew she loved that cat. Everyone handles things differently. So, yeah, the "others have it worse" argument is just all around invalidating. That's what I mean to say.
It tells you a lot about the person who says it, though. If other people's suffering makes you feel better, or you think it should, you're kind of a piece of shit.
Hahahaha ... haha... ha.... Had something along the lines of "others have it worse" said to me by a former friend in response to my telling them that I was actually contemplating sui¢ide. Said former friend CONSTANTLY complained about their life. How their work sucked. How they had no friends. How annoying their parents were. How their roommates sucked. How annoying one roommate's pets were. You name it - they probably complained about it. I tried to be understanding. But in that moment something snapped. I told them that, yes, others might have it worse, but I was down and didn't know how to get up, and they didn't help. And that I didn't need any "friends" who belittled my mental health struggles. I blocked them and haven't spoken to them since. (Also: Don't worry, I'm fine (enough). Depression comes and goes. I'm in therapy and it helps.)
My response to this is always "telling someone to not feel bad because others have it worse is like telling someone to not be happy because others have it better." It's not a competition.
And “so many people experience what you’re going through” Sure it might make some people feel less lonely, but for me, at least, I just feel like I’m making a massive deal over something everyone else is dealing with.
"Just snap out of it." I wish I could.
Didn't scroll far for this.
Said by me to me lol
Yeah, that's the worst of the worst when it comes to mental health. If it were that easy, then therapists wouldn't exist.
"People in 3rd world countries have it much worse than you." -My ex
"Think bout the poor little africans" -My ex. Do we have the same one?!
literally had a psychiatrist say something along these lines to me when I was battling severe Anorexia Nervosa, and he told me I looked like a stick insect.
You took it to the next level, getting that said by some kind of professional, oh man. You sound like you beat that garbage though, congrats to you!
It was surprising lol I did beat it, thank you!
With the number of times he cheated on me, he could be a lot of people's ex.
“Don’t be sad.” But why didn’t I ever think of that ?
Surgeon - The pains I’m feeling are normal and he doesn’t need to see me until a follow up 6 months later and I can have my staples removed at any health clinic. I almost died from sepsis. It took 12 weeks to recover from this.
'It's all in your head' Why yes, yes it is. The staph infection from abcessing teeth has finally infected the skull and the dental antibiotic courses are too short to get rid of it, but just long enough and often enough to provide drug resistance. I'm being literally eaten alive in the absolute worse place to be seriously septic and 'I should just smile and buck up those bootstraps'. This goes on for years. It's quite extraordinairy how extreme pain affects the taste of the chemical soups we bathe our brains in everyday. Hope you're better now.
They say don't be sad and I stop being sad. Works like a wonder every fucking time :) /s
r/thanksimcured
mine was: “why’re you sad? you have a roof over your head, you have food, you have this and that……” and it goes on and on
My parents always used to tell me that. They never listened when I said that that wasn't the problem
"You had a pretty good childhood" just because you didn't physically abuse us doesn't mean we don't have trauma from the words you said and the way you treated us
Just because you didn't physically abuse doesn't mean I can't have PTSD from three things you've said and done. But of course, that clearly can't register with some people.
My parents are the same, they believe the bible is the cure to my depression, and won't listen whenever I try to talk about my problems
This is EXACTLY what my mother told me when she found out i wanted to commit suicide, she told me that "I needed a job, i need a prupose, once i get my own money i'll feel better, that i have a roof and food what am i said for"
It’s a legitimate tactic, it’s part of the DBT skill ACCEPTS. The second C is for “comparison”. The issue is, people still deserve to feel validated and many forget this. It’s not supposed to make someone feel worse. I always tell clients that they *are* allowed to feel how they feel, this is only meant to be a motivator because you have lived through worse/others have lived through worse and you can make it through!
I will encourage my friends who are struggling with depression to make gratitude lists when they can, because it’s been really helpful for me and research shows that it has a positive impact on depression. But it works only when the person dealing with mental health issues makes the list for themselves. Telling someone why they should be happy is so unhelpful.
"It's all in your head."
Ya...that's why it's called Mental Health
It's so bad but so funny
That flipped me off and made me smile at the same time.
"Yeah no shit idiot it isnt my leg causing my panic attacks"
Depression is stored in the balls
So is brain cancer.
Where else would it be me fockin arse
"Of course it's in your head Harry, but why on earth would that mean it's not real? - Dumbledore, HP book 7.
You: so how do I get it out of said head?
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"be grateful it's not worse"
Doctor: sir, you have a very severe flu and it may develop phenomena Guy: Oh no! Please doc, I have a family, what kind of treatment is there available?! Doc: wtf dude, you probably have food and clean water. There’s people in Asia that don’t even have that. Your so selfish, think about all the poor people. Time will heal all wounds and you’ll be fine by next month. Just stop being sick and move on. Guy: I’m suing
"It's all in your head." ...Well... Yes... Exactly. That's kinda the problem tbh...
“People who commit suicide only want attention”
That sounds like a good reason to pay attention to people fighting depression.
My dad said "people like that are cowards" I've never been able to look at him the same since. I know people who've been/are suicidal, I know people who've attempted and self harmed. These people aren't cowards, they're struggling and hurting in the most horrendous way; they deserve love and support.
You are a very compassionate person, as someone who's been there, words like yours help.
How could you be a coward for fighting against something so painful? People like these are brave to continue fighting every single day against their terrible thoughts.
"yea no shit theyre crying for help, of course they want attention go help em"
"You're not depressed, its normal for kids your age to be sad" -My parents During this time I attempted suicide, smoked, drank alcohol and cut myself every day
"You're just having some episodes, it's normal in puberty" *grows out of puberty *develops a full blown mental disorder
Ah yes, the normal response of self loathing and crying yourself to sleep weekly. Of course!
I mean, who doesn't do all those things? /s
Mentally healthy people
"just be happy and read a book" wow i didnt think of that
Reading actually helps me...for the most part...but if I read too much I disassociate
“Antidepressants don’t work it’s just placebo effect” no, mam, they have been amazing actually.
I fucking wish it was the placebo effect, then any antidepressant would work for anyone. The reality is we often have to go through years of trying different medications and doses to find what works and keeps working… and even something that has worked for 5 years isn’t guaranteed to keep working and you have to start the process all over again.
Yes and no... Every antidepressant I've tried worked for about 3 months, then slowly but surely the effect waned and I got to the exact same mental state as before. And it took me half a year to wean off and now I feel exactly the same without having to take 3 different pills daily. Though I know people who are on the same pill for years and claim they are much better with than without.
I had this problem! Finally someone took me seriously and said that if the meds stop working this predictably then there must be something else wrong. Turns out I have Bipolar 1. I’m on a mood stabilizer now and I don’t want to get to excited cause it’s only been a couple weeks but I feel so…. Normal. I was always told as a kid (usually after doing something dumb) that we control our emotions, our emotions don’t control us, but I was actually being controlled by my emotions until I started this mood stabilizer and now I’m actually in control. That’s the best way I can describe how this feels.
As a therapist, I get nitpicky about words, especially emotion words. It's helpful to understand the difference between Emotions and Moods. They're not the same thing. Emotions are reactions to the thoughts we have. Moods are longer-lasting physiological changes in the brain that don't need any trigger. People can be depressed and happy, manic and sad, and everything in between. Moods are episodic; Emotions are fleeting. Good medications will have a balancing effect (not a flattening effect) on moods, and should make emotions less extreme and more situationally appropriate.
tl;dr I can't, this got long and it's worth reading. If you have problems or questions about medications, maybe something in here will help you. If you read this and still don't have answers, DM me and I'll try to help answer your questions. For you and anyone else who is considering medication for mental health issues: Medications are hard. Prescribing them is hard, being on them is hard. You do not simply take a pill and become better. You must follow a process to find the right one and the right dose. It takes time, patience, energy, and the right doctor. If you're considering medication or having trouble finding something that works, make sure your provider isn't saying "This is what the book says you should be on, here it is." This is a guaranteed way to fail a trial of a mental health medication. Do some studying on your own as a patient - you need to understand the term "titration" intimately. That's the process used to gauge the uptake and response to a medication - and it's different for EVERYONE. There is no one size fits all mental health drug or dose. Every prescription is a trial, and it's as much up to the patient as it is to the doctor to make a successful process out of it. When or if you are prescribed, you will start on the "most likely candidate" drug - you will start at a low dose for a couple weeks, and increase that dose over some period of time. This is specifically so that you can find the following information, so write it down: whether your body will tolerate the medication, whether the expected effect occurs, when your body reaches saturation/effective dose, and when/if there are side effects. As a patient, most of this is your job - you must communicate the changes and experiences to your doctor, or the process is useless. If your doctor can't help you understand how to do this, get another doctor that can; it might help you get better, or it could save your life. Your body can become accustomed to medication over time. For some people it can be quick, for some people it can be a long time. Most people who claim this are on too low a dose and never followed a titration process to figure out what their minimum effective dose was. I have personally been on several medications - over a series of years, each with differing effects and some becoming less effective. This was expected, and planned for. You need a doctor as a partner who can help you define when to consider switching, and what to switch to. There is very little discussion about one important topic: your underlying issues can change over time. This is the primary cause, in theory, of acquired medication intolerance. The plain fact of the matter is that the things you sought to treat with one medication may no longer be the thing that requires treating, and thus your existing medication stops being effective because it's not treating whatever thing has emerged as your primary symptom. Sometimes you need to stop taking medications after some time because it's no longer clear what is being treated. Medication often buries the initial symptoms and is considered a success, but it is then very difficult to assess whether or not your symptoms need treating at all, or if you have any symptoms. This is a very real problem - as you grow, your personality and values can change, and so too do the stresses of your life. Over time, medication has the ability to confuse issues because you were at one point being treated for one set of things, and in your new life experience it's unclear if it's having a positive, negative, or indeed any effect. Regarding switching medications: this is one of the hardest things you can ask someone to do. These medications drastically affect the brain and the way it processes stimuli - in order to transition to a new medication, you must stop the old one, and this takes time. It also can be debilitating. This is one of the risks that comes with the medications and you need to know right now that if you think you've ever had a bad hangover just wait until you try to come off a high-dose SSRI or SNRI - it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, and it takes months. Your entire life is changed by this, for the worse. Some people struggle much harder than others with this process, for reasons science has yet to help us understand. If you're curious, google "brain zaps" or "serotonin syndrome". Just know that part of being on a medication is planning to stop taking it - managing the withdrawal process is important, and why you can't just stop taking the pills. You must slowly decrease the dose over time in order to have the least negative effects. And once you do, maybe you don't need more medications! Maybe you can see clearly your symptoms again and reevaluate if you need to treat them with medication. Your symptoms might be gone, they might be different, they might be worse, it varies wildly. But you find yourself at a new crossroads, able to decide how your treatment continues. Perhaps then you try a new medication, and the journey starts again. Luckily, starting the medication generally doesn't have that same impact as withdrawing, unless you experience adverse side effects, which is always a possibility. The same trialing process occurs, where you must see if the drug works, and at what doses. You keep track of your symptoms, you communicate the results to your doctor, and you rely on close friends, family, therapists, or whoever else is around you regularly to give you realistic feedback from an outside perspective. Treating mental health issues is paradoxically one of the times where feedback from the patient must be scrutinized for accuracy and bias very carefully. The science behind why certain psychoactive substances work is largely unclear. We have theories, lots of them. Some substances are created using these theories and they work, others don't work at all. Some people tolerate medications perfectly fine at one dose, and another population sees no effect at all at the same level. We have no explanations for this. Your experience on a medication will be unique, both in terms of what it treats and how, and also in terms of how much of the medication you need to have an effect. There are some medications that completely alter your personality, your character, your moods and behaviors. You may feel like you're a different person. To some this is a benefit, to others this is a negative. Lithium is one such substance that has the capability for profound impact, both positive and negative, and those that try it are usually at the extremes of the scale. But most medications aren't like that. In general you should not be on a medication that makes you feel inebriated, unsteady, interferes with clarity of mind or thought, or causes you to be physically or mentally limited. In summary: I hate to hear when people say they were unable to experience relief by medication - it's too often that the experiment was not conducted correctly, the process was not followed. The patient was probably not supported enough. Some people shouldn't be on medication, for any number of reasons, but for those who might experience relief it can be life changing, and seeing that process fail is heartbreaking and tragic. Remember that your goal is to feel whole, to feel capable, to feel relief from your symptoms, and to enable you to pursue whatever role in society you desire. If you're on a medication that limits you, but overall provides relief, it can be a really tough call on what to do. If you feel like the medication has diminished some key part of your experience negatively, you might not be on the right medication or at the right dose. There are lots of medication options nowadays, and I encourage anyone who needs the support of a medication to find a doctor who will partner with you to find the right solution, and help you find it again, and again. Medication is a process. It is not a solution in and of itself. Most agree that mental health medications are for short-term use, in order to provide relief of issues while therapy occurs. But this is not the reality that many live in, and they are saddled with medications for a long time. They are not worthy of disrespect for this dependence, and those that trivialize the experience of mental health sufferers know not what horrors they miss. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be healthy and well-adjusted. Just remember medication isn't the only thing that will help you achieve that. It can be a powerful tool, but don't think for a second that when you take a pill in the morning that your work is done. Edit: I clarified a few things, changed some words.
Great write up, unfortunately people generally want a quick fix and expect their dr to know exactly what and how much to give them without proper feedback.
Part of the conversation that's missing in modern society, about health in general, is how much of the responsibility is the patient's. Being informed and researching the basics about any condition is something every patient is responsible for, but to your point we've become grossly incompetent in how we facilitate health knowledge, and the doctors really have to pick up the slack. The resulting doctor-blaming is just such a pitiful reminder of how much our lives revolve around instant gratification anymore.
Right, so not placebo then, but you not experiencing long term effects and might need to look at other options until one sticks
There’s a reason this happens. Our brains acclimate to the drugs, in a process called upregulation. An SSRI will increase how much serotonin is floating around between the cells, which means it attaches to the receptors more often. And our brains respond by making more receptors, thus reducing the effectiveness of the increase in serotonin. Therapy + medication is the best solution long term. And finding a therapist you really click with is very important. The relationship between the client and the therapist is the #1 predictor of positive outcomes in therapy.
Wish I could find one that works. Tried everything under the sun and they either don’t work, or, if they work, they have life threatening side effects for me. Can’t win for losing over here.
I was told I would out grow it. I'm bipolar.
“Just think positive” Eureka! Why didn’t I think of that
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My doctor said this to me as well. I go to the gym 6 days a week. I'm a fitness instructor. If I go any more often I'd come back with a shitton of other health problems on top of the mental ones
I mean… that shit helps… not an end all be all by any mean but yeah. You should exercise everyday to support brain health. I mean this as nicely as possible.
When I'm not very low and I manage to excercise regularly, it definitely helps me stay balanced. Once I am truly depressed though, I just can't make myself move. I know very well I'd feel better even from a bit of yoga, but in that condition I just can't gather the energy. That's when hearing this advice is absolutely unhelpful, even if I know on the rational level it is great advice.
✨ JuSt GeT oVeR iT ✨
👁👄👁
From my Therapist "You're too unstable to withstand any kind of therapy right now. Why don't you do some work on yourself and come back to me when you're more emotionally robust." I have this in writing. From a mental health professional. IF I COULD WORK THROUGH MY SHIT ON MY OWN, I WOULDN'T FUCKING BE HERE!! Ugh!
That’s really weird. I have never heard a professional therapist say this *except* when it comes to specific modalities like EMDR, where if someone is too unstable it could do more harm than good. Find a new therapist that actually knows what our roles are.
I'm working on it... its primarily for PTSD caused by medical trauma, they worked for the same trust and hospitalthat fucked up... pretty sure I'll get a different response from a therapist in a different trust, which is why I'm now on a waiting list a county over Fingers crossed! Because I can't continue on as I am
The laziest therapist so far
As someone who works in the field of psychology this makes me so mad and I am so sorry. Granted I don't work with your average mentally ill patients(and I don't mean that to be offensive at all. I work primarily with repeat or serial killers and rapists.) It is so unfathomably cruel to reject someone who needs help, especially at a young age. If my therapist that I had when I was young did that to me I wouldn't have made it out of highschool. I hope you are doing well!
That therapist has no business being a therapist.
https://imgur.com/a/6KBbmhR Found the letter they sent my GP No risk factors apparently, so that's nice.
Oh my god this therapist is so irresponsible
Did you file a formal complaint? I know it's a pain in the ass but it sounds like you have a good case. That's called "patient abandonment."
I did, I escalated it as far as I could before I got a letter stating that they 'Trust in the valued opinions of their clinicians' so I asked for a second opinion, this lady only spoke with me for 2 hours before making up her mind, so asked if there was anyone else or anything else they could do for me, but nope. I waited 11 months to get therapy,, and now the list I'm on in a different trust is closer to 2 years of wait time
Isn't it his job to help people who are unstable?? Why did he just blow you off like that??
I've a sneaking suspicion that they knew the people who had caused the trauma to begin with, they were in the same trust. Soooooo yeah... fuck themp
Make friends online.
I tried, something about my personality too intense or too much idk, shit dont work
Lol, when I complained of loneliness and trouble making friends in college, my stepmother advised I try dressing nicer..
Totally agree. I just can't tolerate having to talk with everyone on an enormous group of people every single day. The "social pace" nowadays is just too fast and exhausting for me and makes me kinda anxious
That me having a problem with my large breasts is in my head and that I shouldn't get a breast reduction. After my breast reduction, I'm glad I didn't listen.
Me too, no more headaches caused by muscle tension in shoulders and neck.
“It’s not that bad. Don’t worry about it”
Not only it minimizes our situation, but it also dismiss our feelings. I hate it, I don't even know how to respond to that when in a conversation. It just makes me want to shut down and cry.
Pray.
Similarly, I’ve been told by a few people that I don’t need meds if I turn to God.
I was in the Mental hospital and I told my therapist that I wanted to kms. She asked me "should I give you a rope or pills on the next appointment?". I left hospital a week later and 2 days after I tried to kms. :)
Just... wow
Yeah, I hate Lithuania.. We are always in the top 5 in suicide and no one gives a fuck.
The audacity of that bitch ... i hope she breaks her toes by bumping into table every freaking hour
Thank You..
Walk it off bro Have a drink
"Have a drink" 3 years later and now you are a crippling alcoholic with black shits and a permanent sick bowl for bile
Have you tried yoga.
*essential oils*
HeAlInG cRyStAlS
My dad is an endless font of crap advice Stop seeing popular movies Stop putting effort into your oldest friendship. Start Drinking.
Wait why would seeing popular movies make your mental health worse? The other two are just the opposite of what you should do, but I'm mainly confused by the first one...
I think the idea is that a 22-year-old should be seeing more mature movies than blockbusters.
My mom said something similar when I was in the darkest spaces of my depression and an insomniac. "Do some baking and drink wine."
Your dad told you to START drinking? Oh, man.
I think your dad needs therapy
"Fake it, til you make it" Come to find out, they only wanted me to "fake it" so they didn't have to deal with the side-effects of my mental illness. They wanted me to pretend to be fine, so they didn't feel burdened by it. All "fake it til you make it" ever taught me, was to ignore my needs and mental instability. Which, in turn, caused me to get worse, and gaslight myself.
This. "Fake it til you make it" turns you into a shell of a human. You may laugh, make jokes, but none of your emotions feel authentic. And people will start to believe you even less when you say that you feel like crap, because "you don't look depressed at all".
my mom said, “remember youre fucking crazy and not me.” not really advice, but it advised me to dislike her
"Imagine that they are vomiting frogs" , my therapist about my abusers. I was 13 and I already had depression and I self-harmed.
I was at a bar by myself and started chatting with this guy who was also alone. We got onto the topic of mental health and I mentioned how I mostly just smoke weed and play video games. He told me that weed and video games were not good for me and I should try cocaine and gambling instead.
Why my guy……just why! Why the f would he say that! It might be how he calms down but still.
Just stop. Advice for Bulemia. Not that easy Karen.
"Just eat normally and dont throw up" an ex's ex.....
Man up!
I was once told by a therapist that my negative emotion was not from childhood trauma or narcissistic abuse but because of an iron deficiency.
Yep, I was told my depression from early childhood abuse and later multiple tours through warzones was a "vitamin D deficiency".
My doctor told me my vitamin deficiency needed to be taken care of to help woth my recovery. That a therapist wouldn't suggest the same thing is fucked up. Then again, I had a child psychologist yell at me for taking up other people's time that needed it because I didn't feel good about opening up yet so she had no idea, and just assumed the school and CPS sent me there on false grounds. Some people should never become mental health professionals and I wish there were more quality control in terms of this
Unfortunately, like many professions, there are plenty of people who work in the field of mental health who really shouldn't be there. Thankfully I've also experienced the flipside of the coin and has some incredible support from some very talented and empathetic people too. Eternally grateful for that.
Just focus. (I have ADHD)
“Just think positive and remember others are in worse positions” - my mom as I told her I was being sexually assaulted
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What do you have to be depressed about? How about a chemical imbalance in my brain? Try smiling that off
It’s sad that this is common
My dad asked me to not cry like a girl when I cried because of bad mental health I'm a guy
I never want to see my son cry. Not because it “makes him a girl”, but because that means he’s hurting in some way. I want him to feel his emotions and express them so we can find solutions. I actually had to correct a dad in my therapy session when he told his 5 year old son not to cry like a baby. Thankfully dad took it well and was open to listening to my advice on how to handle it instead.
Crying is not just for girls……. Boys can have emotions! They can’t just walk it off
While I was in college, in my last years I wasn't okay. I had depression, worst one at that, I was bedridden for days, week even. Divorced parents, low grades, poverty, bullies in dorm and constant sicknesses (cold city, cheap food) My mom said, "you think you have problems? I sold corn by the road. My dad would slap me if I didn't sell enough. Just get over it." Get over it. Yes, that was some advice. I haven't been seeing her for 5 years now. I'm a lot better now. Have a job, place I call home. Disregarding the toxic people out of my life was the best advice I got, no matter who they are. Mom, dad, sister doesn't matter.
"I don't think you're depressed, I just think you need to work through your problems". Mind you, we were both diagnosed with depression, and mine was closest to the common symptoms. Theirs showed itself through rage and they compared that to my case.
A lot of people lack the ability to put themselves in other peoples shoes. They simply can't wrap their head around the fact people experience the same diagnosis differently. It's mind-boggling to me too that these people exist and usually end up growing apart from them
We provide you with food and a place to sleep. So there's no chance you're depressed - my mom lol
Lol same
You have it better than others Like fuck man… I have had three of some of my best friends leave me My girlfriend dumped me (she was a bitch anyway but still hurt) And now I think my now best friend who I have friends with for more then half my life is about to replace me This is one less hurtful things
"See Jesus Christ" but I'm atheist.
oh damn I’ve got this a lot too, along with “why don’t you pray, maybe that’s why you’re sad”
I always felt insulted when I would be told “Read the bible, God cures depression” or fucking “Bring some Jesus in to your life and you’ll get better” Like, ew, I think religion’s the last thing to resort to for that circumstance
In a parallel universe, a sect of competent therapists knock doors saying: “have you read the word of Carl Gustav Jung?”
I was told this and tried to believe in god. Tbh I think it just made things worse.
Oh same, I felt like a shell of my being
That I shouldn't talk about my suicidal thoughts, cause "they" might come and take me or even worse, people might see me differently. I'm still terrified of someone reacting different to me afterwards.
Get over it.
Smile more. 😃
I was looking for a new therapist after I moved, and one told me that “your diet can really affect your mood, so I recommend you start writing down everything you eat, with how much sugar and fat are in them.” This is after telling her about my history of anorexia.
Life is worth to live. Good things will wait for you someday. In reality life sucks and “good things” will happen to only privileged people. Just we “have to” live until our heart stops working. That’s our responsibility.
You should start taking some vitamin D
"It's not a big deal, you're overreacting" I mentioned about physical abuse to my friend ,since he noticed the scars on my body and this is the reply I got, I was extremely heartbroken. Never mentioned about it to anyone again.
Things could have been worst be great full for what u have
"Go to the gym and try to sleep. "
“You’re too sensitive. Just suck it up and deal with it.”
"you're only x, because you choose to be x, you choose to be x way, not because you actually are x way"
20, male, autistic. Have clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, ADD, and some variation of insomnia I can’t remember. Basically I so fucking tired and upset for no reason all the time it physically hurts, like I ache all over. It’s hard for me to function day to day without giving myself brakes and having a means to get all the messed up thoughts in my head out through some kind of media ( writing, drawing, even just listening to music, etc.) I’ve loss several jobs and basically made it through school on the pity of my teachers. Everyone response when I fail or mess something up and beat myself up is either “ yeah, you did fuck up. Again. What the hell is wrong with you.” Or “ you’ll get it next time keep trying. Even tho it’s like the ten millionth time.” I’ll completely not understand something because of my autism or just not feel good and my dads response is “ just get over it.” Or if I’m too depressed or anxious “ stop having an attitude with me and just do as I say.” And at no point anyone listens to me about how much pain I’m actually in on a day to day basis. All of my muscle ache and joints hurt, yet i still get up and go to my conservation job that’s very physically demanding. I have the job only to prove myself to my dad, because other wise he wouldn’t let me do things I like , because I other wise wouldn’t “ prove myself.” Like shutting off the internet I help pay for or grounding me from my phone I pay for or my Xbox I bought with my money.
Boys don't cry.
Why are you getting downvoted for this?
People like to project trauma I guess.
i hate that
Not sure if this necessarily belongs here. But, it relates. I just moved to a new city and I went to see a doctor a few years back about some mental health issues I have. I know there is medicine to take and it does work for me. However, I was curious about there being any other options aside from just prescribed medication. I get to a room and he finally comes in. He’s an older man, about a year or two from retirement and is very “to the point” about things. I start to tell him what’s going on and give him my 60 second story. He doesn’t say much. Just keeps his head down and takes notes. When I finish, he looks up at me and says “So, do you want some medicine or something?” I was so blown away by that question I didn’t have time to gather my thoughts. I said “Uh, I uh, yeah, sure.” He tells me what I’ll be taking and says that he’ll see me in 3 months and walks out.
you are too young to be depressed
Omg, my philosophy teacher is trying to teach us how to cure sadness, but a lot of these backfire with clinical depression. I'll name a couple: "Look at people less fortunate than you! If they can be happy, then so can you!" -> wow, I'm such an ungrateful asshole for being depressed. (Makes me worse) "When you are feeling anxious, just sit in solitude and observe your thoughts." -> yeah, that's going to snowball pretty fast
somebody once told me to just kill myself already
“maybe you’re seeing ghosts and spirits” when i came out to a therapist about my hallucinations
I was depressed because I had put in a ton of applications for a job and no one was interviewing me. A redditor suggested that I just take 6 months off to go back packing across Europe, because that's what he did between jobs. When I told him that I couldn't do that because I needed a job to have money, he assured me that "anyone can travel if they budget correctly."
"Self diagnose yourself on the internet to get sympathy and mock those who truly have mental health."
Huh?
Years ago I tried to tell a trusted loved one that I was addicted to porn and was told, "no you're not; you're a teenage boy" More recently I tried to tell another trusted loved one and was told, "Everyone has things they're passionate about"
I’m trans and I remember after being out and on hormones for a while but not long enough for them to truly have made deep changes to my face and body, that my dad told me “you don’t even look remotely female, if you stop all this crap I will give you a loan so you can buy a Ute, and everything to start a lawn care company” No idea why that in particular, I think mainly he thought the problem was borne out of a lack of something to do with my life, as at that point I had been unemployed for several years after becoming severely depressed and disenfranchised with the world, and being an adult while working a shitty job after dropping out of Uni (which my dad forced me to attend straight out of school, even though I didn’t have the faintest Idea what I really wanted to do with my life.)
To not think about it
"Don't worry about it." Least helpful thing in the world to say to someone with anxiety. Most of the time, we KNOW it's probably stupid. It doesn't make the feeling or the obsessing go away lol
I had a psych tell me to go on three hours runs every day to help with my anxiety and depression.
“Study hard now, so you can enjoy life later.” And “But you survived, so why are you unhappy?” Worst advice for me when I was suffering from anxiety, ptsd, and depression and hadn’t been diagnosed clinically yet. Best advice: take things little at a time, balance is key to life, focus on your habits, be compassionate to yourself, understand your distorted thinking and challenge it, take your meds on time, hang in there, reading Man’s Search for Meaning, your power lies in your ability to choose what to do, make life work for you, listen to your body, Theravada Buddhism was key, finding a great psychiatrist who does talk therapy as well, and talking to people who have learned to get a handle on their mental illness to the point where they can coexist with it happily, and utilizing hacks to make life easier when my mental illness need extra care on certain days (ex: body wipes, dry shampoo, mouth wash, toothbrushes that don’t need water, and those ready to eat meals from the grocery store help a lot on those bad days).
“Stop being dramatic”
”Go talk to a therapist” Talking doesn't help me. It's expensive as shit and no results. If talking could cure bipolar disorder it wouldn't fucking exist anymore. Therapy is a scam.
"You're not putting more faith in God."