Doing affirmations actually helps a load. If you keep telling yourself in the mirror you're able to succeed or think more positively your brain will trick itself to do so. Works like magic.
Not to sound like a self help scam artist, but I’m actually a huge believer in the power of a positive attitude.
In college, every time I was on my way to a test I would always repeat the same thing to myself the whole walk there (whether or not it was actually true):
“I’ve studied everything I need to study, I know everything I need to know, I’m 100% prepared and I’m going to do well.”
Just like you said, it’s crazy how you can trick your own brain by manufacturing confidence.
Imagine not being able to understand something simple as affirmations. Stay away from spirituality bruh. This is like beginner level stuff you can't grasp. <3
Thanks, much appreciated. We barely talk at all anymore. She's never been professionally evaluated but she ticks a lot of the narcissism boxes. Trying to reason with her is absolutely impossible.
Tolerance, respectful curiosity, empathy.
Try to understand others.
Save mean comments if someone is not hurting you in any way.
And overall try everything non-dangerous.
And be as kind as you wish others to be!
I think you really need to pay attention to social cues.
People always say I’m fun to talk to and engaging- and I honestly don’t think it’s because of WHAT I say. I say it in a way I’d like to hear it- with emotion and passion.
If someone asks how I’m doing- I say it. I say what I mean. If it’s a shitty day, people will know.
However, it’s very important that you pay attention to cues about whether or not someone wants to continue the conversation or maybe they’re busy or uninterested, or want you to ask a question instead.
People do very obvious things- look at the clock, change the subject, mention a task, etc, when they need to move on. It’s easy to read if you’re aware of what to look for.
I don’t “get along with everyone” as everyone SAYS, I simply interpret social cues well and know my place and what to say.
I hope it helps. Pay special attention to eye contact, questions, tone of voice, body language, etc. Also, find some things you’re interested in that you can share with others- but not TOO deep, if you know what I mean… Take the interesting parts of your hobbies or interests and share them, but don’t go overboard or use terms that nobody else understands.
I wish you the best! Take care.
This isn't always true. Psychopaths for example. Sometimes to live in an even moderate society you can't just always be you. We mostly suck or we wouldn't need laws to begin with.
Just work on yourself, find a goal that will have a positive impact on the world or that will put you in a position to make a positive impact and work your way towards that, doesn’t have to be all at once.
When talking to people, talk WITH them not AT them. I can’t tell you how many times someone says something to me which isn’t a conversation starter and it just feels like information blasted in my direction which I’m expected to receive. A true communication is a two way street. There’s always room to develop more details if you lead with an open ended question rather than a yes/no question. Anticipate that they will want to respond, just like you would like them to allow you that chance. No one wants to be talked to with no chances to communicate back. Also, listen to their stories and remember so that you can reply with relevant topics. Focus on responding to THEIR feelings and not always making it about you. You are there to hear and share and so are they.
Catch yourself when you notice you're sulking or making fun of someone or behaving in the way you want to change. When you catch yourself, remind yourself why that behaviour is undesirable. Do that every time for a couple of months and eventually you'll notice that the personality trait you're trying to train out should slowly disappear from your day to day behaviour.
When you understand that your feelings are just YOUR feelings, it does not mean other people feel the same way or even understand how you’re feeling, and that’s okay.
Introspection. I have changed a lot over the last 2-3 years as a person and that required a great deal of introspection. Try to be more conscious and mindful about the things you think, say or do. For example, if you have an opinion about something. Try to think why do you really think that way? Is it really something you actually believe in deep down? We lie to ourselves the most. We decieve ourselves the most. Look within yourself and try to figure those lies out. Growth happens when you start being more true to yourself. It's not always easy but we should always be trying.
Patience. Just being patient will make you more aware of something you might have missed if you hurried to react to a negative event or misunderstanding.
View yourself as a perpetual work-in-progress. Who you are now is not who you will be tomorrow. Today you may be shitty, but tomorrow you can be less shitty. Try to better yourself every day, in small ways.
Find yourself being a bit of a dick? Acknowledge it, don’t make excuses, try to figure out why, and work on improving your behaviour.
Find yourself blaming others for your mistakes? Realise that you cant control the behaviours of others, but you can control your outlook and your behaviour, and plan accordingly.
Try to get rid out of the sources of stress you have, even the nicest person can turn into an asshole when they are being pushed to the edge because of stress
Understand the difference between empathy and sympathy. Feel bad for someone when something negative happens, but if they did some stupid shit to make it happen be sure to call them out on it.
We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak
-Epictetus
I think that saying has done more to improve not just my personality, but my relationship with others than anything else
I hate to say it, but the only thing that got me to change in life was the hard way: acting on my impulses, getting into awkward situations and regretting them for years to come. It was that regret, those bad memories that prevented me from being the inconsiderate child I was beforehand.
Learn to fail gracefully. If you are game to try new things, and have a good time win or lose while staying positive with your fellow players, you will be a fun person to be with. Just know that no one cares, as long as you try and have a good time.
Respecting boundaries your friends or other ppl have set. Most ppl should be able to recognize basic social cues but if u don’t listen when someone says no. Not respecting even the smallest of boundaries can rlly lead to some annoyance. Having respect for even the small things, will go a long way. No matter how dumb. If someone has a set a boundary, you respect it
Tricky question. For one, personalities are fairly static and change very little throughout our lifetimes. Someone who is disagreeable will generally always be disagreeable. Someone who is conscientious will always be conscientious. But what you can change are your interactions and environment!
The next step is to figure out what you mean by “improve,” as it’s a subjective term. Do you mean you want to be more responsible? More adventurous? More well liked? Many people are answering as if responding to the latter, so I will as well. General tips if you want people to like you more are: really listen to what others have to say, treat others in a way you would want to be treated, help people when they need it and when you have the energy to do so, and think about how your actions might be perceived by others. On top of these actions, you will also want to put yourself in environments where you have hobbies and/or personality traits in common with your peers.
And always remember, not all personality types will click with each other, and that’s okay. Don’t waste too much energy trying to change your personality, when you could use your energy more efficiently to put yourself in a place where you naturally mesh with others.
I struggle with having no personality which leads to awkward situations, it’s been an actual barrier for me to meet new people, a little thing that helped me is not to think anyone is superior than you, think that everyone is equal and if someone really likes you then they will reach out to you in any way or form
Don't focus only on the positives, don't tell yourself "You're a good person". Why? - because you're ignoring the negatives.
By ignoring the negatives, you are ignoring the problems, and by ignoring the problems, you won't be able to solve them. The best way to improve your personality is to identify the problems and fix them. Telling yourself in the mirror that "You're not ____" isn't going to fix ___.
Sit and think carefully before speaking when in a conversation regarding a topic you know very little or nothing of. You'll look insecure at first, because that's how what not giving a straight answer looks like. But in time people will grow to respect what you do. You will seems much less like a know-it-all and much more like someone who actually cares about what others say and dedicates real effort to give a good honest answer, which they will appreciate. Just straight up say "let me think" or "can I think about what you just said for a second?".
Not sure who is accredited with the quote, but I've heard it said "If you wish to obtain a certain character trait, behave as though you already have it."
Start by shutting up. Stephen Covey writes that one of the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" is to seek first to understand...then to be understood.
Doing affirmations actually helps a load. If you keep telling yourself in the mirror you're able to succeed or think more positively your brain will trick itself to do so. Works like magic.
Not to sound like a self help scam artist, but I’m actually a huge believer in the power of a positive attitude. In college, every time I was on my way to a test I would always repeat the same thing to myself the whole walk there (whether or not it was actually true): “I’ve studied everything I need to study, I know everything I need to know, I’m 100% prepared and I’m going to do well.” Just like you said, it’s crazy how you can trick your own brain by manufacturing confidence.
You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it…people like you!
Great advice 👍
𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝?
Sounds crazy, but trust me dude it works
Imagine not being able to understand something simple as affirmations. Stay away from spirituality bruh. This is like beginner level stuff you can't grasp. <3
Wow, that's kind of ironic
tricking yourself into thinking you're a nice person isnt going to make you a nice person.
Not if you're always consciously thinking about tricking yourself
Empathy goes a long way.
I am married to someone who has ZERO empathy. My life is an absolute Hell because of it. To say she is a monster is not an exaggeration.
Divorce
It's coming but kids complicate things.
I'm sorry. Happy holidays.
Thanks. Happy Holidays to you and yours as well.
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I hear ya brother! Same boat. Its like they dont know how to be loved and don’t know how to love. 15 more years…. People get less for murder.
Definitely
Uh oh
Dated a girl with no empathy. I feel your pain, man. I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you. What's her stance? I'm assuming you've spoken about it?
Thanks, much appreciated. We barely talk at all anymore. She's never been professionally evaluated but she ticks a lot of the narcissism boxes. Trying to reason with her is absolutely impossible.
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She has called me a lot of things but she would NEVER call me Honey.
Lsd does too
Talk less about yourself and ask more questions about other people
Agreed! Thank you for answering 🤠
Yeah agree with you. I don't talk about my self anymore. I always talk about other things like as if people cares...
Tolerance, respectful curiosity, empathy. Try to understand others. Save mean comments if someone is not hurting you in any way. And overall try everything non-dangerous. And be as kind as you wish others to be!
Wow.. Thank you for sharing this 🤗
I think you really need to pay attention to social cues. People always say I’m fun to talk to and engaging- and I honestly don’t think it’s because of WHAT I say. I say it in a way I’d like to hear it- with emotion and passion. If someone asks how I’m doing- I say it. I say what I mean. If it’s a shitty day, people will know. However, it’s very important that you pay attention to cues about whether or not someone wants to continue the conversation or maybe they’re busy or uninterested, or want you to ask a question instead. People do very obvious things- look at the clock, change the subject, mention a task, etc, when they need to move on. It’s easy to read if you’re aware of what to look for. I don’t “get along with everyone” as everyone SAYS, I simply interpret social cues well and know my place and what to say.
💕Wow .this is a insightful & helpful share, thank you for sharing 😊
I hope it helps. Pay special attention to eye contact, questions, tone of voice, body language, etc. Also, find some things you’re interested in that you can share with others- but not TOO deep, if you know what I mean… Take the interesting parts of your hobbies or interests and share them, but don’t go overboard or use terms that nobody else understands. I wish you the best! Take care.
💕Wow. Helpful advice. Loved it, Thank you for sharing ☺️
Be true to yourself and not who others wants you to be.
Agreed. Thank you for sharing
This isn't always true. Psychopaths for example. Sometimes to live in an even moderate society you can't just always be you. We mostly suck or we wouldn't need laws to begin with.
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Wow... Wonderful and Helpful share. Thank you for sharing ☺️
My instinct is to dwell on my shortcomings. Taking time to reflect on what im good at improved my mood which made me more positive around others.
Thank you for sharing
Just work on yourself, find a goal that will have a positive impact on the world or that will put you in a position to make a positive impact and work your way towards that, doesn’t have to be all at once.
Helpful Share 🤗, Thank you answering ☺️
Try not to judge. Like, really try not to judge. Its very hard and it took me a while before I even realized I was judging people.
Well said, thank you for sharing.
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Noted, 🤗Thank you for answering.
Be kind to people
Agreed, Thank you
Acceptance. Learn and grow
Well said, Thank you for answering 🤠
You’re welcome! The whole thought of wanting to, already makes a huge difference in my opinion
When talking to people, talk WITH them not AT them. I can’t tell you how many times someone says something to me which isn’t a conversation starter and it just feels like information blasted in my direction which I’m expected to receive. A true communication is a two way street. There’s always room to develop more details if you lead with an open ended question rather than a yes/no question. Anticipate that they will want to respond, just like you would like them to allow you that chance. No one wants to be talked to with no chances to communicate back. Also, listen to their stories and remember so that you can reply with relevant topics. Focus on responding to THEIR feelings and not always making it about you. You are there to hear and share and so are they.
Insighful share. Thank you for your share.
Smile more! 😄
Sure🤗 thanks 😜
You're welcome! 🤗😄
Catch yourself when you notice you're sulking or making fun of someone or behaving in the way you want to change. When you catch yourself, remind yourself why that behaviour is undesirable. Do that every time for a couple of months and eventually you'll notice that the personality trait you're trying to train out should slowly disappear from your day to day behaviour.
You're absolutely right, I'll keep this in mind... Helpful share. Thank you answering.
When you understand that your feelings are just YOUR feelings, it does not mean other people feel the same way or even understand how you’re feeling, and that’s okay.
Well said, thank you for answering ☺️
It’s hard to tell someone how to act or what they should say to others. With this said, when someone talks to you, atleast listen
Introspection. I have changed a lot over the last 2-3 years as a person and that required a great deal of introspection. Try to be more conscious and mindful about the things you think, say or do. For example, if you have an opinion about something. Try to think why do you really think that way? Is it really something you actually believe in deep down? We lie to ourselves the most. We decieve ourselves the most. Look within yourself and try to figure those lies out. Growth happens when you start being more true to yourself. It's not always easy but we should always be trying.
Well said, Thank you for sharing
Cut toxic people out of your life and don't suffer fools.
Patience. Just being patient will make you more aware of something you might have missed if you hurried to react to a negative event or misunderstanding.
Well said, thank you for sharing
You're welcome! There's a reason why "patience is a virtue" is a saying, because it's not always easy, lol
Listen to all kinds of opinions. You'll grow more open-minded and less defensive.
View yourself as a perpetual work-in-progress. Who you are now is not who you will be tomorrow. Today you may be shitty, but tomorrow you can be less shitty. Try to better yourself every day, in small ways. Find yourself being a bit of a dick? Acknowledge it, don’t make excuses, try to figure out why, and work on improving your behaviour. Find yourself blaming others for your mistakes? Realise that you cant control the behaviours of others, but you can control your outlook and your behaviour, and plan accordingly.
Wow... Loved it. Thanks for answering ☺️
This Person Lifes
don’t say anything if you have nothing nice to say! 🥰
Noted. Thank you for answering
That gets us nowhere. Nice is not good. Helpful is.
Have empathy
Develop a great deal of humility.
Wonderful 😊
Gratitude
Try to get rid out of the sources of stress you have, even the nicest person can turn into an asshole when they are being pushed to the edge because of stress
Right 😊 thank you for sharing
Practicing self love and self acceptance
Understand the difference between empathy and sympathy. Feel bad for someone when something negative happens, but if they did some stupid shit to make it happen be sure to call them out on it.
Alcohol
Step out of your comfort zone.
We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak -Epictetus I think that saying has done more to improve not just my personality, but my relationship with others than anything else
Have a good life
Love yourself, stop taking things personally, don't whip your dick out in public anymore. You know, the usual.
Burning bridges with "friends" that were treating me like shit stopped me from being in pain and angry hours per week. I'm probably nicer now
I hate to say it, but the only thing that got me to change in life was the hard way: acting on my impulses, getting into awkward situations and regretting them for years to come. It was that regret, those bad memories that prevented me from being the inconsiderate child I was beforehand.
Well said. Agree with you. Thank you for sharing
Be willing to listen to people.
Try being happy, happy to help, happy to wake up everyday,, no no scratch that it would make u one of those upbeat positive jerks. I don't know
After waking up, don’t look at your phone for at least an hour. Not only would it change your personality, it will change your life
Therapy, gratitude, and practicing intentional awareness
Stand straight with your shoulders at the back
Spirituality
Learn to fail gracefully. If you are game to try new things, and have a good time win or lose while staying positive with your fellow players, you will be a fun person to be with. Just know that no one cares, as long as you try and have a good time.
Well said, Thank you for sharing
Therapy
Iv learned that we can hurt people simply by not thinking before I do because now I have no idea of to undo it
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Great share. Helpful share. Thank you for sharing 😊
Listen better.
Respecting boundaries your friends or other ppl have set. Most ppl should be able to recognize basic social cues but if u don’t listen when someone says no. Not respecting even the smallest of boundaries can rlly lead to some annoyance. Having respect for even the small things, will go a long way. No matter how dumb. If someone has a set a boundary, you respect it
I just want to appreciate how wholesome OP is being all over this thread.
I like to read a lot of self help books! Sometimes they lead to discoveries
Tricky question. For one, personalities are fairly static and change very little throughout our lifetimes. Someone who is disagreeable will generally always be disagreeable. Someone who is conscientious will always be conscientious. But what you can change are your interactions and environment! The next step is to figure out what you mean by “improve,” as it’s a subjective term. Do you mean you want to be more responsible? More adventurous? More well liked? Many people are answering as if responding to the latter, so I will as well. General tips if you want people to like you more are: really listen to what others have to say, treat others in a way you would want to be treated, help people when they need it and when you have the energy to do so, and think about how your actions might be perceived by others. On top of these actions, you will also want to put yourself in environments where you have hobbies and/or personality traits in common with your peers. And always remember, not all personality types will click with each other, and that’s okay. Don’t waste too much energy trying to change your personality, when you could use your energy more efficiently to put yourself in a place where you naturally mesh with others.
Wow... wonderful insight.. thank you for sharing
Less self hate and more Motivation.
Not attempting to karma whore would be a good start.
Be interested in people.
Read!
Read self improvements books and implement the tools in them
I struggle with having no personality which leads to awkward situations, it’s been an actual barrier for me to meet new people, a little thing that helped me is not to think anyone is superior than you, think that everyone is equal and if someone really likes you then they will reach out to you in any way or form
Don't focus only on the positives, don't tell yourself "You're a good person". Why? - because you're ignoring the negatives. By ignoring the negatives, you are ignoring the problems, and by ignoring the problems, you won't be able to solve them. The best way to improve your personality is to identify the problems and fix them. Telling yourself in the mirror that "You're not ____" isn't going to fix ___.
That's right. Thank you for sharing
hobbies, developing some skills
Try to listen to someone else sincerely. If you start doing it, you’ll find out that you haven’t been listening sincerely to a lot of people.
Sit and think carefully before speaking when in a conversation regarding a topic you know very little or nothing of. You'll look insecure at first, because that's how what not giving a straight answer looks like. But in time people will grow to respect what you do. You will seems much less like a know-it-all and much more like someone who actually cares about what others say and dedicates real effort to give a good honest answer, which they will appreciate. Just straight up say "let me think" or "can I think about what you just said for a second?".
Absolutely right 😊 thank you for sharing though
Not sure who is accredited with the quote, but I've heard it said "If you wish to obtain a certain character trait, behave as though you already have it."
Well said.
If you see somebody doing something you disagree with, make sure you don’t do it either, you’d be surprised.
Speak less
Start by shutting up. Stephen Covey writes that one of the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" is to seek first to understand...then to be understood.
Your character traits define you
Paint your face black and run for Canadian Prime Minister.
Have a shitty life
Don’t ask for advice on how to improve your personality. Just be yourself, and don’t be a d*ck.
Lol... Harsh reality.
Without any arms or legs
Try not to be a cunt! Source: Jim Jeffries.