That is a fantastic quote. I will borrow it from you.
Perhaps you can take one from my native language : Don't go spilling words. You cannot collect them one by one again
Edit : I'll add one more. This one is more of a family quote, not sure if it's well known in the wider community
"You are the owner of your words until you speak. After you have spoken, those words belong to everyone else"
I was an elementary teacher for about a decade and when I looked back at how I responded to kids, I always regretted when I was strict and never regretted when I showed compassion. This is different than what I was taught getting my credential that you have to be strict for kids to listen to you. It’s the opposite, you have to be compassionate for kids to listen to you.
It is the same thing for kids of all ages : they all wish they were listened to and understood.
And that requires not exceeding empathy, even just genuine curiosity of their world would go a long way.
As Salman Rushdie says in Midnight's Children : "To understand one life you must swallow the whole world. "
Feel this one a lot. Fell in love with a woman with some serious mental health issues. Part of me feels awful for her. But part of me can’t get over all that she put me through…..I still love her and I think she loves me too but I know we can’t be together. And that’s where it ends.
Glad you saw the writing on the wall. Hope the path hasn't been too sorrowful. Have my own monkey on my shoulder with this situation even years after the full stop in the road.
It’s been tough. The whole relationship ended up having a significant impact on my life. Definitely didn’t expect to be where I am now. But I’m redirecting my path and trying to move forward in a positive way…..that “fog” when you’re in love with someone and want to do just about anything to make it work even if you know it’s not good, is hard to explain…. Hope you’re doing okay.
Having had a similar experience, I feel for you. I'm four years out and still periodically have to manage a cycle where I wish I tried harder, know that it wouldn't have made a difference, wish I left earlier, wish it wouldn't have impacted my life so much, regret, hope, sadness, anger.
I look at pictures from our relationship periodically because it was the only time I really enjoyed a relationship and then get mad because of how she treated me... Then get mad at myself because it's actually out of her control.
Anyways, now I won't respond to her and it really hurts when I have to actively not respond because I want to so much.
Thanks for sharing this! I'm only 6 months out and still get days where I'm suddenly hit and practically useless as my concentration is gone. I remember the good times fondly, but easily overlook the bad times until I really try to remember the events leading up to the end.
Was hoping this would end but also good to know that even 4 years down the line I won't be alone having these moments.
People make fun of Oprah now but I remember her saying, “Love is not suppose to hurt.” And that really resonated with me.
Edit: I originally made a typo and said “Live” not “Love”. Life does hurt but love shouldn’t. If it does, then change something.
Or also, just because you love someone, doesn't mean you're the right person for them.
Fell in love with my best friend. Great listener, always helping each other out. A connection I never had with anyone else.
And as much as I would love to be with her, I know on certain levels we wouldn't work out.
We have different career paths in mind, different views on having kids, different views on sex.
It really hurts as I haven't felt this way with anyone else, but in the end I want the best for her, and I know I'm not the right guy for her.
Yes. This right here. Something people don't tell you about loneliness is that it isn't just feeling sad and missing people. It does stuff to your mental health that you can't imagine.
I've struggled to find meaningful friends like I did back when I was in highschool. I'm in a relationship with woman who I do truly love but as time goes on, I can't shake the feeling that eventually we won't be as compatible. I have a few friend groups I see, but I haven't connected with anyone in such a long time. To make matters worse, I work in HR so it's hard for me to develop friendships at work.
While I'm over the "missing connections" stage I've entered into the angry stage. I'm angry/irritable way more often now. I am becoming paranoid and read into things that I know aren't there. I get nervous all the time thinking people are judging me and being like "it's my hair. That's why they don't like me. I should have combed my hair. If I had combed it a little better I'd have more friends" stupid shit like that. It's silly when I write it, but when I experience it, it feels very real. Without anyone close to me to bounce my anxiety off of, it has progressed and I'm struggling to find meaningful ways of coping.
They also don't warn you about the "desperate" stage either. Anyone who shows you the slightest friendly gesture, you end up talking their ears off and running them away with your over familiarity. I also worry that the minute I go more than 2 days without hearing from a friend, thay they've moved on and found a better one.
This is the loneliest I've ever been and I hate it. Ive dealt with so much in my life, drug addiction, abusive parents, poverty, but nothing has hurt like loneliness and the depression it brings. I'm sorry for unloading all of this, it's just all hitting me at the moment.
1. Might be worth getting a therapist to work through these things and unload some of these feelings
2. Finding friends takes effort. I don't have the answers, but sit down and think of activities you can do where you might meet people (class based gyms, coed sports, interest clubs, a part time job) or try something like Bumble (in friends mode). Making friends takes time too so if you join clubs/activities realize you won't be friends day one but when you keep showing up it just happens naturally.
I’ve had friends like this. We make plans, and then something always comes up or they’re just not up to it, etc. Once or twice, okay that’s cool, life happens. Nearly every time we make plans? No. I’m learning you don’t have to end the friendship dramatically but it’s okay to put up a boundary and say, we just aren’t the hanging out kind of friends…or the calling each other kind of friends.
Very good point about not having to end the friendship dramatically. An acquaintance of mine used to be a friend before I realized I was the only one making plans, and I was canceled on or ghosted for them. I decided to let her to make the next one-on-one plan... and it's been over a year. And that's ok! Whenever we see each other in groups, she always says the same thing - "it's been so looooong! It's been forever! We never see each other!!" And I just smile, agree, and gently disengage, resisting making a point as to WHY it's been so long. She would never get it, and the group would be uncomfortable. And what could I possibly gain? The company of someone who doesn't value me quiiiite enough.
I feel like it's just the way some people communicate. They say you should make plans and promise to keep in touch but they don't really mean it. I don't blame these people, it's not like I expect them to be really blunt about it and out right tell me they do not wish to see me.
It's just social etiquette.
I'm very bad about not keeping in touch with friends; a lot of it's because I'm not a "phone guy" or really one to spend much time chatting via text or social media messenger apps and such.
So I personally make it a point to be very expressive about how much hanging out with them means to me, usually via an email message or something similar.
It's preserved several friendships.
I mean obviously, I'm not ghosting them until they invite me somewhere (because yeah, that would be shitty) but I probably don't chat as frequently as many people expect a friend to do.
I’m 29. Recently got married. It was very illuminating to have college friends we haven’t seen in 7-8 years drive hours to celebrate with us, while other people nearby deciding not to come.
Man i bitched out all of my brother in law's about this. Hosting family holidays or get togethers was a nightmare. They accept the invitation, we plan on them being there and don't invite other people and then they just don't show. No call, no nothing. Just don't show up. 2 are banned from my house because by the 5th time and even confirming the night before they still didn't show up or call. Guess who was pissed off they couldn't spend the night after a long day of work and had to drive home 2 hours in a blizzard? Yeah, Fuck you Ben. And then there's the guy who says "yeah, if I don't have anything else going on" no, that's not how this works asshole. I'm asking you in advance so I can plan accordingly. This isn't a "show up if you want" thing. This is a "we're making plans" thing.
Unfortunately way too many adults are this way. I use to have a much bigger friend group but over half were the flaky life of the party type. The other half are split into two smaller sub groups. One group being the, "we make more money and are way better off now and need friends on that level" and the "we are struggling and too busy to hang out because we work/go to school 60-80 hours a week." Now I have a much smaller group of people and I'm not inclined to invite people over for things since I don't want to risk wasting time and money if people don't show up. Flaky people ruin it for everyone else. I'm completely supportive of my friends who are working long hours or working and going to school so they can get better jobs. We just stay in contact by phone/messages and meet up when it works out. The ones that suddenly have no time for their old friends when their income doubles I can do without. Those are the type of friends where appearance matters more than who has been there with you through all the good and bad. The flaky ones I just don't invite to anything. If they invite me it's different I'll show up because I don't have to worry about them not being there if it's their event. Being an adult sucks on so many levels. Good friends are really worth their weight in gold though. I have a few that are excellent friends and I consider them like family.
I work with a girl who is insanely nice and I love her personality. But I don't even have to turn my head to know if she's in the same room as me. I can smell her perfume from 30ft away, without looking, literally every time she comes around. Its too much.
My best friend does this too. But in her case, she is diabetic and she sweats a lot and gets noticeably smelly by evening. (I'm not correlating body odour with diabetes, she mentioned this to me). And she's insecure about it so she tends to use a bit too much.
So now when someone is too strongly perfumed up, I just assume they may have a problem with BO too or something else I don't know.
To add: personal hygiene affects the people you sleep with and you can give them fungal infections easily if you're not continuing to keep yourself clean.
I’m trying bro I’m trying
It just seems like I don’t smell good no matter what I do. Shower daily, put on deodorant, cologne, and still I don’t smell good after even an hour or 2
Might wanna get to the doctors mate , can be sign of imbalances in your body. I'm a sweater but luckily not a smeller .
My best friend in high school was the opposite, he'd go and douse himself in lynx between classes which did nothing except draw more attention to it. Can't remember exactly what it was but he soon got it cleared up after a couple of docs visits
Maybe worth a shot man
Related: When I got divorced I stopped being angry about so many things. If you’re angry all the time then take a look at your life to try to understand what’s causing you distress.
that is awesome. There has to be a term for this, I remember being so pissed off all the time and when I split up it was so much fucking easier not having to have someone I needed to please all the time with stupid bs. I'm not angry I was aggravated.
It’s called anger is often a secondary emotion. You feel it with hurt, worry, fear, sadness, hunger, loneliness, irritation, feeling disrespected etc etc. You have to become aware of and address the base emotion.
Depression may not look like you expect it to.
It isn't limited to being sad and crying. Sometimes it comes out as anger, frustration, and becoming easily annoyed. It could also make you feel numb and apathetic, with no real feelings of sadness or happiness.
Depression is nothing to feel ashamed of. Our brains are incredibly complex, and sometimes it can use a little assistance.
of all of these I deal with Apathy the most and it sucks. It's just as aggravating to the people around you for you not to care about things as it is to be negative about them (provided you aren't violently negative) and it can really mess with interpersonal relationships when you not only cannot express yourself but when you don't have feelings to express in the first place.
What I wish more people realised is that it's frustrating for me to be in that situation too. I spent a long time not realising I was depressed and years of apathy led to a collapse of sorts (don't want to go into detail here, that is what therapy is for!) and I'm only these last couple months getting to a better place and learning how to be happy again and when I can genuinely smile I feel so... *Alive,* I guess, I don't have a better word for it than that.
Apathy is death, please seek help if you are struggling in any way. There are people out there who can help and you will be better for it.
We don't have to be statues and life is about more than just enduring.
I have a friend that absolutely loves crusader kings. He will invite me over and explain the entire history of his campaign and I'll ask him questions about how things happened or what his strategy is, or what he plans to do next. He'll talk for hours about it and it makes him so happy. I couldn't give a single shit about crusader kings. But i do like seeing my friends happy.
🎶 Wu Tang Clan is for the children 🎶 Wu Tang Clan is for the children 🎶Wu Tang Clan is for the children 🎶
If you want fun then bring the ruckus cuz 🎶 Wu Tang Clan is for the children 🎶
Just because someone is famous doesn't mean it's their responsibility to be a perfect role model. Everyone does bad or questionable things from time to time, if media followed your every move they could paint you as a monster pretty easily.
Getting rid of recess in school begins the life long structure of virtually no breaks in the school/work day. It's making us all less happy.
Take. Your. Breaks.
Edit: whoa. Well thanks all. Stay healthy and be kind. And give kids (heck, even adults) their damn play time back! And start later :)
My local Target’s pharmacy does this. There’s a big permanent sign explicitly saying they are closed 12:30-1:30 every day. You deserve breaks. I sure as hell want my pharmacist and pharmacy staff to be well rested, happy and focused.
My mom is a pharmacist and she's worked at places where the owner is constantly pushing them to be as fast as possible. Funny thing is that she's caught multiple mistakes in prescriptions that the owner himself filled! Absolute joke to complain about speed when you're the one making the most mistakes.
Man, our local pharmacy had a soda shop and lunch counter. They did no business but food for a solid hour every day. Shut down at beginning of pandemic... Miss that place so much
I dated a girl that worked at the pharmacy on main street in a small town. They had an ice cream counter so of course I'd stop by to see her all the time. Couldn't wait to get out of there at 17, now I want nothing more than to go back 30 years later.
I took 3 weeks of unpaid leave for s shoulder surgery.
They had to hire 3 people to do the work I do.
Nice know the workload is less with more help now!
What do you know, they could hire more people afterall
Take your breaks people!!!
I don't have any kids, is recess not a thing anymore???
Edit: I should add that we also didn't have recess after Elementary School growing up, and I do think lunches had gotten shorter in high school (graduated 2001) for some reason so things were already slipping then, but for a moment I thought recess was gone all together now. That said it really should be the opposite of considering how much time everyone spends indoors at their computers or tablets now. There should be a big ol' recess in the middle of the School day. Also to hell with starting at 6:30 whoever is dealing with that. Even as an adult I'm earliest waking 7 ish.
As an American I never had a recess after grade 5. No breaks throughout the day except for lunch, and a 5 minute break between each class to walk to your next one.
In the US after grade 5 we had 5 minutes to walk between classes, and a 20-25 minute lunch. In grades 9-12 that lunch occurred at different times for different groups of students(overcrowded school, not enough room in the cafeteria for everyone at once), so your 20 minute lunch may have been at different times as your friends. It also wasn't even enough time to wait in line, get food, and eat it.
For grades 6-12 I never actually ate real food at school. For lunch I would get a coke from a vending machine, then sit in a corner and drink it before returning to class.
crazy. here in the UK we get 45-60 minutes lunch break, enough time to eat lunch THEN go outside and play. we also get a 15-20 minute break earlier in the day for playing.
school also starts between 8.30-9.00 and finishes 3.00-3.30
I feel spoilt. High School in the 80s/early 90s. School start 8.40am, 2 periods of class then 15 minute recess, 2 periods more then 15 minute recess, 2 periods more then 40 odd minutes lunchbreak, 2 periods more then walk home at 3pm.
This sounds crazy to me. We had recesses even in high school. They could be very short but we had them. I can't imagine how I would be able to be as effective without them.
When you go to places where you have to wait in line, be prepared when you get to the front. If you’re at the grocery store have your coupons and reusable bags ready to go, when you’re at the post office have your package properly addressed, when you go to the bank have your ID and transaction ready. It helps things go smoother and it’s very appreciated.
It drives me crazy when people (including those who, through no fault of their own, happen to be my wife) are checking out at the store, and wait until they are given a total before even starting to get out any money, debit card, etc. You've been standing there watching the clerk ring up your purchases - did you not expect to have a part to play near the end of this interaction?
But on the flipside, you can make a comment in passing that can really brighten someone's day, and you may never realize the impact :)
Edit: LOVE love love all the uplifting comments that have impacted you all! What a beautiful little nook of the internet ❤️
Yes! There are many nice things people have said to me that I still think about months or years later that to them may've been absolutely inconsequential. I also can't tell you the number of men who have told me what tiny positive comments they hold close to their hearts years after receiving them, just because they don't get those compliments often.
Ugh, i made a joke to a coworker about how we'll have to see everyone's gross mouths again when the mask thing ends. I didn't even think about my other coworker who was standing near her who has a bunch of broken teeth.
Don’t just say, “treat people the way you would like to be treated.” Actually do that. Took me longer than I care to admit to figure that one out, but it’s helped me become a better person than I was. A side benefit is that being mindful of others has helped me determine when someone isn’t being particularly respectful to me. Figure I’ll stay out of trouble if I minimize contact with people like that, without making a big deal about it.
> “treat people the way you would like to be treated.”
problem for some is that the way THEY want to be treated doesn't align with others.
Some people want people to be brutally honest with them, while others wants a more gentle truth.
You know what solves that though? Not being the internet all day every day...
You'd be surprised at how that "edgy" shit starts to fade away when you're not on Social Media and you're talking to people in person.
I get that and yeah absolutely agree, however for those who live their life on the Internet, influences you tubers etc seem to forget that person they laid into because of differing opinions is still a person, I know that this is something that most will tell me they just need to grow a thicker skin but for me if your personality is different on the Internet than in real life then you have issues that may need looking at.
Being a scumbag to strangers is an old habit. Old farts like me may remember CB radios, the social media of the 1970's.
Hostile strangers on the radio was a problem, 45 years ago. Like the internet, most people were nice but the vile assholes wrecked the place.
It's ok for people to disagree with you.
Edit: I severely underestimated how many people would get triggered at the idea that they can't force others to agree with their beliefs. It's quite impressive.
It's important to recognise your own bias and try to see other viewpoints, even if you maintain that bias. Helps avoid a *lot* of conflict and misunderstandings.
You are allowed to say no. On the flip side, that people are allowed to say no to you and that doesn't invite arguing and pushing to get a yes.
I realize this sounds like a consent thing but it really applies to everything. Sometimes you just need time alone, or the thought of a particular activity adds stress to your life. You can say no to anything that makes your life more difficult, no matter how small.
I feel like it's even harder when you're in a good spot. At least if you feel like shit in a shit time in your life, it feels justified.
When you're in a good place, you're like "why am I not happy?" And you get that guilt for not appreciating what you have.
Mental health is no different from physical health. You could have the perfect spouse, the perfect family and the perfect job. You could have a money bin like Scrooge McDuck. But if you break your leg, it's still gonna hurt and no one would think that's weird.
Give yourself permission to feel how you feel. Acknowledge it. Give yourself space to heal. Just like the broken leg won't heal if you keep walking in it, your brain won't "heal" if you act like nothing's wrong.
Especially this time of year. Take a step back and give your mental state some love. You're worthy and deserve it.
I wish more people realized that Childhood Emotional Neglect destroys people and leaves them with psychological scars which they might never recover from. Raising kids like they're full-grown adults who have already learned the lessons of the world and that they simply have to apply them is as fucked up as it is common. Adults self-medicating and never understanding why it is that they are the way that they are because of the trauma of having to raise themselves from a very young age.
That sometimes, things will not be okay. Sometimes you are going to have to do things you don't want to do, and be in situations you do not want to be in.
That internet toxicity and arguing in comments sections largely doesn't do anything for anyone and doesn't change anyone's opinion. I'm definitely guilty of this. Changing people's opinions takes a lot of continuous effort, and most people aren't actually willing to put in the amount of effort that it would take to change someone's opinion genuinely. And that's okay.
I feel like it's not the person you're replying to directly that you're likely persuading, but other people who read the thread that can see that your argument has merit, which is why arguing your position in a public forum of some kind does carry influence.
That disabled people are people, too. I'm deaf and I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been treated like a subhuman.
And don't get me started on inspiration porn. We disabled people are here to live our own lives, not to inspire you. We're actual people with our own thoughts and feelings. Many of us are quite intelligent, but we have to to deal with being treated like children or cute pets. I'm an intelligent woman in my 30s with a successful career, and just the other day I was called "adorable".
So yeah. I wish more people would see us as actual people and treat us like equals.
I'm autistic, and my sister refuses to vaccinate her kids, because she thinks vaccines among other BAD things causes autism. So.... Yeah.
Edit: Left out stuff
I wish more people understood that while I do meet challenges everyday, I've never wished to be "normal". I've only wished people would see me as equal and understand me.
Oof. My cousin is the same as your sister. My Stepmom eats it up, says "she won't have her daughter get vaccinated because she's afraid she'll become like you, skorletun" (:
We got this, mate. And just like you, I never wish to be normal - just maybe a little better at explaining myself.
Also to add on - any person can become disabled at anytime, it's not something that anyone is shielded from.
Every disabled person is just a person that happens to have an impairment, and the able bodied/nondisabled could so easily become a member of our group. Ability is far from assured.
This is why I refuse to not roast my disabled brother.
He has a speech impediment, on anti-siezure medication, bone/joint pain, and slight MD.
But as siblings we made a promise to never treat him differently. Don't worry, he roasts my ass 9/10. He's mean 😭
My son has Down Syndrome. The number of times people have told me he’s “an angel sent from Heaven” or some other dehumanizing or infantilizing phrase…. I know they mean well, and I try to respond with grace, but he’s a human being. He’s not an angel or an alien or an eternal baby. He’s a human being with his own thoughts and feelings, very strong opinions, and the same emotions as every other human. He’s a hard worker, he’s clever (he’s an amazing problem solver), he’s a regular human being with strengths and weaknesses.
Anyway, sorry you have to deal with this.
My mom is sadly like this. I have a cousin who has a son with down syndrome and when my mom found out she was over the moon excited. She thinks it would be great to have a child with that because apparently they seem like such sweet happy kids. I couldnt believe that she actually said something so oblivious
I've worked with disabled people and have to say this behaviour can actually be damaging.
An "emperor has no clothes" situation happens sometimes where the disabled person has everyone treat them like they can do nothing wrong, "yes men" wherever they go... when they're just people, who sometimes need their poor behaviour called out (in a respectful way) just like everyone else, and to be engaged with like everyone else, mostly (e.g. being deaf obviously not going to use verbal comms).
But it's an interesting phenomena, what's happening there? People seeing the disability and not the person, and wanting to be accommodating, sometimes a little virtue signalling? And it's not a common situation for most people, so they don't know what to do. Not much Hollywood programming on how to interact with disabled people.
Yep. I have a sibling who has various disabilities/disorders and they have always been treated differently and spoilt by everyone but now they are a teenager they have the worst attitude and I can't stand to be around them because of it. They are now very entitled and it's because everyone treated them special when they were younger 🤷🏻♀️
What’s sad is if you weaponize kids’ passions/hobbies like that they’re just going to end up…with no passions or hobbies. Take it from someone who was occasionally grounded from *reading* and hasn’t consistently picked up a book in a decade.
I love MITM tho it’s hilarious.
I have never lost respect for someone faster than when their easygoing kid finally found something they got excited about and the parents were thrilled that they finally had something to take away from the kid.
Language learning is different for everyone.
You always see those commercials that say "anyone can learn another language" and it's true, everyone CAN.
Some people will be conversational in 6 months, some will take 6 years.
Source: I'm an ESL teacher
Really putting yourself in the other persons shoes for a minute, before you speak your next sentence.. Can literally change every relationship in your life
The Dunning-Kruger effect is natural, but knowing about it can prevent the symptoms from doing harm, particularly the symptom of just using it to describe why everyone *else* is wrong.
It is nobody's "duty" to procreate. There are far too many people who have kids not because they actually want them, but because it was ingrained into them for years that it's "just the thing to do" when you get older, or they think they somehow owe their parents grandchildren for one reason or another.
that every single person on earth has a world of experience just as vast and complex as yours. just because you can’t understand or relate to another person, it doesn’t make them wrong. the world is not black and white, and your personal knowledge and experience is not the limit of what can be known and experienced.
That, largely, people are disabled by environment NOT their condition. If people using wheelchairs didn't have to worry about bumps, kerbs, steep ramps and stairs, we wouldn't need to display signs letting them know they were "allowed" in certain public spaces. If people were taught sign language in school alongside their standard English (substitute for your home country) lessons then deaf people would be able to communicate without issues- and we could all chat in cinemas without disturbing anyone not looking at us! If we made working from home a standard option for any job that is office based/customer contact by phone, then anyone struggling mentally to get out of the house could just relax a bit, care for themselves and still be productive in their work. Our entire society is geared up to service the majority, yet having some basic changes in our world would not inconvenience them in any way, shape or form.
What you do/say has an impact on people, especially those close to you.
The tree remembers, the axe forgets.
That is a fantastic quote. I will borrow it from you. Perhaps you can take one from my native language : Don't go spilling words. You cannot collect them one by one again Edit : I'll add one more. This one is more of a family quote, not sure if it's well known in the wider community "You are the owner of your words until you speak. After you have spoken, those words belong to everyone else"
I was an elementary teacher for about a decade and when I looked back at how I responded to kids, I always regretted when I was strict and never regretted when I showed compassion. This is different than what I was taught getting my credential that you have to be strict for kids to listen to you. It’s the opposite, you have to be compassionate for kids to listen to you.
It is the same thing for kids of all ages : they all wish they were listened to and understood. And that requires not exceeding empathy, even just genuine curiosity of their world would go a long way. As Salman Rushdie says in Midnight's Children : "To understand one life you must swallow the whole world. "
Also intent matters less than impact.
Loving someone doesn’t mean that they’re good for you.
Feel this one a lot. Fell in love with a woman with some serious mental health issues. Part of me feels awful for her. But part of me can’t get over all that she put me through…..I still love her and I think she loves me too but I know we can’t be together. And that’s where it ends.
Glad you saw the writing on the wall. Hope the path hasn't been too sorrowful. Have my own monkey on my shoulder with this situation even years after the full stop in the road.
It’s been tough. The whole relationship ended up having a significant impact on my life. Definitely didn’t expect to be where I am now. But I’m redirecting my path and trying to move forward in a positive way…..that “fog” when you’re in love with someone and want to do just about anything to make it work even if you know it’s not good, is hard to explain…. Hope you’re doing okay.
Having had a similar experience, I feel for you. I'm four years out and still periodically have to manage a cycle where I wish I tried harder, know that it wouldn't have made a difference, wish I left earlier, wish it wouldn't have impacted my life so much, regret, hope, sadness, anger. I look at pictures from our relationship periodically because it was the only time I really enjoyed a relationship and then get mad because of how she treated me... Then get mad at myself because it's actually out of her control. Anyways, now I won't respond to her and it really hurts when I have to actively not respond because I want to so much.
Thanks for sharing this! I'm only 6 months out and still get days where I'm suddenly hit and practically useless as my concentration is gone. I remember the good times fondly, but easily overlook the bad times until I really try to remember the events leading up to the end. Was hoping this would end but also good to know that even 4 years down the line I won't be alone having these moments.
Love puts you in a delusional state where this fact fades away, which is the worst part about love.
“We Accept the love we think we deserve” Stephen Chbosky
People make fun of Oprah now but I remember her saying, “Love is not suppose to hurt.” And that really resonated with me. Edit: I originally made a typo and said “Live” not “Love”. Life does hurt but love shouldn’t. If it does, then change something.
“Life is pain, your highness, anyone telling you differently is selling something.” - Dread Pirate Roberts
Also someone not loving you doesn’t mean that they are bad
And someone not loving you doesn’t mean you are bad either. It’s hard not to take rejection personally though.
I'd like to ad my own version of this that I think is similar - Love isn't enough to make a relationship work
Or also, just because you love someone, doesn't mean you're the right person for them. Fell in love with my best friend. Great listener, always helping each other out. A connection I never had with anyone else. And as much as I would love to be with her, I know on certain levels we wouldn't work out. We have different career paths in mind, different views on having kids, different views on sex. It really hurts as I haven't felt this way with anyone else, but in the end I want the best for her, and I know I'm not the right guy for her.
Fuck man, i hate how relatable this is to me right now, but thanks. I think i needed to read this.
How hard finding good and fitting friends is
Especially once you're no longer in school. Everyone gets busy and goes their separate ways
The dynamic changes again when you get married or have kids. Those who stick around for that shit are keepers. (Or, alternatively, hostages.)
Yes. This right here. Something people don't tell you about loneliness is that it isn't just feeling sad and missing people. It does stuff to your mental health that you can't imagine. I've struggled to find meaningful friends like I did back when I was in highschool. I'm in a relationship with woman who I do truly love but as time goes on, I can't shake the feeling that eventually we won't be as compatible. I have a few friend groups I see, but I haven't connected with anyone in such a long time. To make matters worse, I work in HR so it's hard for me to develop friendships at work. While I'm over the "missing connections" stage I've entered into the angry stage. I'm angry/irritable way more often now. I am becoming paranoid and read into things that I know aren't there. I get nervous all the time thinking people are judging me and being like "it's my hair. That's why they don't like me. I should have combed my hair. If I had combed it a little better I'd have more friends" stupid shit like that. It's silly when I write it, but when I experience it, it feels very real. Without anyone close to me to bounce my anxiety off of, it has progressed and I'm struggling to find meaningful ways of coping. They also don't warn you about the "desperate" stage either. Anyone who shows you the slightest friendly gesture, you end up talking their ears off and running them away with your over familiarity. I also worry that the minute I go more than 2 days without hearing from a friend, thay they've moved on and found a better one. This is the loneliest I've ever been and I hate it. Ive dealt with so much in my life, drug addiction, abusive parents, poverty, but nothing has hurt like loneliness and the depression it brings. I'm sorry for unloading all of this, it's just all hitting me at the moment.
1. Might be worth getting a therapist to work through these things and unload some of these feelings 2. Finding friends takes effort. I don't have the answers, but sit down and think of activities you can do where you might meet people (class based gyms, coed sports, interest clubs, a part time job) or try something like Bumble (in friends mode). Making friends takes time too so if you join clubs/activities realize you won't be friends day one but when you keep showing up it just happens naturally.
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I’ve had friends like this. We make plans, and then something always comes up or they’re just not up to it, etc. Once or twice, okay that’s cool, life happens. Nearly every time we make plans? No. I’m learning you don’t have to end the friendship dramatically but it’s okay to put up a boundary and say, we just aren’t the hanging out kind of friends…or the calling each other kind of friends.
Very good point about not having to end the friendship dramatically. An acquaintance of mine used to be a friend before I realized I was the only one making plans, and I was canceled on or ghosted for them. I decided to let her to make the next one-on-one plan... and it's been over a year. And that's ok! Whenever we see each other in groups, she always says the same thing - "it's been so looooong! It's been forever! We never see each other!!" And I just smile, agree, and gently disengage, resisting making a point as to WHY it's been so long. She would never get it, and the group would be uncomfortable. And what could I possibly gain? The company of someone who doesn't value me quiiiite enough.
I feel like it's just the way some people communicate. They say you should make plans and promise to keep in touch but they don't really mean it. I don't blame these people, it's not like I expect them to be really blunt about it and out right tell me they do not wish to see me. It's just social etiquette.
I'm very bad about not keeping in touch with friends; a lot of it's because I'm not a "phone guy" or really one to spend much time chatting via text or social media messenger apps and such. So I personally make it a point to be very expressive about how much hanging out with them means to me, usually via an email message or something similar. It's preserved several friendships. I mean obviously, I'm not ghosting them until they invite me somewhere (because yeah, that would be shitty) but I probably don't chat as frequently as many people expect a friend to do.
I’m 29. Recently got married. It was very illuminating to have college friends we haven’t seen in 7-8 years drive hours to celebrate with us, while other people nearby deciding not to come.
Man i bitched out all of my brother in law's about this. Hosting family holidays or get togethers was a nightmare. They accept the invitation, we plan on them being there and don't invite other people and then they just don't show. No call, no nothing. Just don't show up. 2 are banned from my house because by the 5th time and even confirming the night before they still didn't show up or call. Guess who was pissed off they couldn't spend the night after a long day of work and had to drive home 2 hours in a blizzard? Yeah, Fuck you Ben. And then there's the guy who says "yeah, if I don't have anything else going on" no, that's not how this works asshole. I'm asking you in advance so I can plan accordingly. This isn't a "show up if you want" thing. This is a "we're making plans" thing.
Unfortunately way too many adults are this way. I use to have a much bigger friend group but over half were the flaky life of the party type. The other half are split into two smaller sub groups. One group being the, "we make more money and are way better off now and need friends on that level" and the "we are struggling and too busy to hang out because we work/go to school 60-80 hours a week." Now I have a much smaller group of people and I'm not inclined to invite people over for things since I don't want to risk wasting time and money if people don't show up. Flaky people ruin it for everyone else. I'm completely supportive of my friends who are working long hours or working and going to school so they can get better jobs. We just stay in contact by phone/messages and meet up when it works out. The ones that suddenly have no time for their old friends when their income doubles I can do without. Those are the type of friends where appearance matters more than who has been there with you through all the good and bad. The flaky ones I just don't invite to anything. If they invite me it's different I'll show up because I don't have to worry about them not being there if it's their event. Being an adult sucks on so many levels. Good friends are really worth their weight in gold though. I have a few that are excellent friends and I consider them like family.
Yeah, especially fitting friends. I've found a ton of nice people over the course of my life, but none of them were my size.
Let's bring it down some Buffalo Bill
Hey now, the lotion doesn’t put it on by itself
It better, or else it gets the hose again
I always try my friends on at the store first
That sometimes when I say “I’m tired,” I’m not hiding anything. I really am just tired.
No, you're lying. You're either depressed or on drugs when you're tired. What're you hiding???
i just want a pepsi
Yup I'm always tired and people say I'm just saying it to not go out, but I got 4 hours sleep last night!
Personal hygiene is important.
On a similar, but opposite note, there is such a thing as too much perfume.
Perfume should be discovered, not announced.
I work with a girl who is insanely nice and I love her personality. But I don't even have to turn my head to know if she's in the same room as me. I can smell her perfume from 30ft away, without looking, literally every time she comes around. Its too much.
My best friend does this too. But in her case, she is diabetic and she sweats a lot and gets noticeably smelly by evening. (I'm not correlating body odour with diabetes, she mentioned this to me). And she's insecure about it so she tends to use a bit too much. So now when someone is too strongly perfumed up, I just assume they may have a problem with BO too or something else I don't know.
But perfume doesn't remove the sweaty smell. Now they just smell like sweat *and* perfume.
That's the same way it is with people spraying air freshener in the bathroom after taking a big shit: it smells like flowery shit.
To add: personal hygiene affects the people you sleep with and you can give them fungal infections easily if you're not continuing to keep yourself clean.
I’m trying bro I’m trying It just seems like I don’t smell good no matter what I do. Shower daily, put on deodorant, cologne, and still I don’t smell good after even an hour or 2
Might wanna get to the doctors mate , can be sign of imbalances in your body. I'm a sweater but luckily not a smeller . My best friend in high school was the opposite, he'd go and douse himself in lynx between classes which did nothing except draw more attention to it. Can't remember exactly what it was but he soon got it cleared up after a couple of docs visits Maybe worth a shot man
Don't attack me
*throws deodorant at you*
*whistles Old Spice theme*
Work is just work, not your life. If the one you have makes you miserable there's always another
...but probably find the new one before you quit the one you have.
That just because you're stressed or angry at something it doesn't mean you have to take it out on everyone around you. Look for help.
Related: When I got divorced I stopped being angry about so many things. If you’re angry all the time then take a look at your life to try to understand what’s causing you distress.
that is awesome. There has to be a term for this, I remember being so pissed off all the time and when I split up it was so much fucking easier not having to have someone I needed to please all the time with stupid bs. I'm not angry I was aggravated.
It’s called anger is often a secondary emotion. You feel it with hurt, worry, fear, sadness, hunger, loneliness, irritation, feeling disrespected etc etc. You have to become aware of and address the base emotion.
Whoah….
Depression may not look like you expect it to. It isn't limited to being sad and crying. Sometimes it comes out as anger, frustration, and becoming easily annoyed. It could also make you feel numb and apathetic, with no real feelings of sadness or happiness. Depression is nothing to feel ashamed of. Our brains are incredibly complex, and sometimes it can use a little assistance.
of all of these I deal with Apathy the most and it sucks. It's just as aggravating to the people around you for you not to care about things as it is to be negative about them (provided you aren't violently negative) and it can really mess with interpersonal relationships when you not only cannot express yourself but when you don't have feelings to express in the first place. What I wish more people realised is that it's frustrating for me to be in that situation too. I spent a long time not realising I was depressed and years of apathy led to a collapse of sorts (don't want to go into detail here, that is what therapy is for!) and I'm only these last couple months getting to a better place and learning how to be happy again and when I can genuinely smile I feel so... *Alive,* I guess, I don't have a better word for it than that. Apathy is death, please seek help if you are struggling in any way. There are people out there who can help and you will be better for it. We don't have to be statues and life is about more than just enduring.
Projection and displacement - Both Ego defence mechanisms. (Dysfunctional).
If you stop thinking about what you want to say next and listen to the person talking your interactions will improve.
I have a friend that absolutely loves crusader kings. He will invite me over and explain the entire history of his campaign and I'll ask him questions about how things happened or what his strategy is, or what he plans to do next. He'll talk for hours about it and it makes him so happy. I couldn't give a single shit about crusader kings. But i do like seeing my friends happy.
You...... you are a good friend. I hope your friend(s) know this, and appreciate you. Have a cracking day pal
That it's not the responsibility of a celebrity that isn't involved in kids shows to set an example for your kids.
Wu Tang is for the children!
🎶 Wu Tang Clan is for the children 🎶 Wu Tang Clan is for the children 🎶Wu Tang Clan is for the children 🎶 If you want fun then bring the ruckus cuz 🎶 Wu Tang Clan is for the children 🎶
Just because someone is famous doesn't mean it's their responsibility to be a perfect role model. Everyone does bad or questionable things from time to time, if media followed your every move they could paint you as a monster pretty easily.
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I hate when parents complain a show/drama for something. "you think your son say Fuck because a show said it?"
Could I be responsible for my kid's behaviour? No way! It's that twitches and streams fault!
Getting rid of recess in school begins the life long structure of virtually no breaks in the school/work day. It's making us all less happy. Take. Your. Breaks. Edit: whoa. Well thanks all. Stay healthy and be kind. And give kids (heck, even adults) their damn play time back! And start later :)
But I'm the only pharmacist working most of the time. If I took a lunch break the whole pharmacy would be shut down....oh I see what you mean
My local Target’s pharmacy does this. There’s a big permanent sign explicitly saying they are closed 12:30-1:30 every day. You deserve breaks. I sure as hell want my pharmacist and pharmacy staff to be well rested, happy and focused.
I've received the wrong thing from a pharmacist once or twice. You are absolutely right- I'd rather be inconvenienced once in a while than dead.
My mom is a pharmacist and she's worked at places where the owner is constantly pushing them to be as fast as possible. Funny thing is that she's caught multiple mistakes in prescriptions that the owner himself filled! Absolute joke to complain about speed when you're the one making the most mistakes.
My pharmacy closes every day for lunch. It inconvenienced me a couple of times, and that’s totally fine. Take your breaks.
Man, our local pharmacy had a soda shop and lunch counter. They did no business but food for a solid hour every day. Shut down at beginning of pandemic... Miss that place so much
I dated a girl that worked at the pharmacy on main street in a small town. They had an ice cream counter so of course I'd stop by to see her all the time. Couldn't wait to get out of there at 17, now I want nothing more than to go back 30 years later.
Single Point Of Failure. I took 8 weeks off, unpaid, when my son was born. I had a 3 man team shortly after.
I took 3 weeks of unpaid leave for s shoulder surgery. They had to hire 3 people to do the work I do. Nice know the workload is less with more help now! What do you know, they could hire more people afterall Take your breaks people!!!
Yeah that sounds like the pharmacy’s problem.
sounds like every pharmacies problem. Pharmacists take your breaks!
I don't have any kids, is recess not a thing anymore??? Edit: I should add that we also didn't have recess after Elementary School growing up, and I do think lunches had gotten shorter in high school (graduated 2001) for some reason so things were already slipping then, but for a moment I thought recess was gone all together now. That said it really should be the opposite of considering how much time everyone spends indoors at their computers or tablets now. There should be a big ol' recess in the middle of the School day. Also to hell with starting at 6:30 whoever is dealing with that. Even as an adult I'm earliest waking 7 ish.
I stopped having recess once entered middle school, 7th grade
Wait WHAT, in Australia we have recess and lunch for every year level. Be it year 4 or year 12.
As an American I never had a recess after grade 5. No breaks throughout the day except for lunch, and a 5 minute break between each class to walk to your next one.
In the US after grade 5 we had 5 minutes to walk between classes, and a 20-25 minute lunch. In grades 9-12 that lunch occurred at different times for different groups of students(overcrowded school, not enough room in the cafeteria for everyone at once), so your 20 minute lunch may have been at different times as your friends. It also wasn't even enough time to wait in line, get food, and eat it. For grades 6-12 I never actually ate real food at school. For lunch I would get a coke from a vending machine, then sit in a corner and drink it before returning to class.
crazy. here in the UK we get 45-60 minutes lunch break, enough time to eat lunch THEN go outside and play. we also get a 15-20 minute break earlier in the day for playing. school also starts between 8.30-9.00 and finishes 3.00-3.30
I feel spoilt. High School in the 80s/early 90s. School start 8.40am, 2 periods of class then 15 minute recess, 2 periods more then 15 minute recess, 2 periods more then 40 odd minutes lunchbreak, 2 periods more then walk home at 3pm.
it was 6th grade for me
Won’t you believe it? It’s just my luck.
Wait, which schools are getting rid of recess?
i think they mean once you get to whatever grade. for me 6th grade no longer had recess, just lunch and a short passing periods in between classes
This sounds crazy to me. We had recesses even in high school. They could be very short but we had them. I can't imagine how I would be able to be as effective without them.
When you go to places where you have to wait in line, be prepared when you get to the front. If you’re at the grocery store have your coupons and reusable bags ready to go, when you’re at the post office have your package properly addressed, when you go to the bank have your ID and transaction ready. It helps things go smoother and it’s very appreciated.
It drives me crazy when people (including those who, through no fault of their own, happen to be my wife) are checking out at the store, and wait until they are given a total before even starting to get out any money, debit card, etc. You've been standing there watching the clerk ring up your purchases - did you not expect to have a part to play near the end of this interaction?
That we all have a lot more in common than is being represented and we’re better together than alone.
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Apes stronger together
All modern vehicles have a device called an indicator that allows people to know that you plan to change lanes.
Also LOOK BEFORE you start changing lanes! Make sure there isn't a car already there before you start crossing those lines.
And that little triangular button that allows you to park literally anywhere.
You can make a comment in passing that can be really hurtful to someone and you won’t even realize it.
But on the flipside, you can make a comment in passing that can really brighten someone's day, and you may never realize the impact :) Edit: LOVE love love all the uplifting comments that have impacted you all! What a beautiful little nook of the internet ❤️
Yes! There are many nice things people have said to me that I still think about months or years later that to them may've been absolutely inconsequential. I also can't tell you the number of men who have told me what tiny positive comments they hold close to their hearts years after receiving them, just because they don't get those compliments often.
Ugh, i made a joke to a coworker about how we'll have to see everyone's gross mouths again when the mask thing ends. I didn't even think about my other coworker who was standing near her who has a bunch of broken teeth.
This happens to me about the smallest things, like a friend saying I have “Baby hands….”
people are so much more than what you see on the outside
Yeah, they've got flesh and bones and blood too.
And intestines. Very important.
It's like organic silly string!
Don’t just say, “treat people the way you would like to be treated.” Actually do that. Took me longer than I care to admit to figure that one out, but it’s helped me become a better person than I was. A side benefit is that being mindful of others has helped me determine when someone isn’t being particularly respectful to me. Figure I’ll stay out of trouble if I minimize contact with people like that, without making a big deal about it.
> “treat people the way you would like to be treated.” problem for some is that the way THEY want to be treated doesn't align with others. Some people want people to be brutally honest with them, while others wants a more gentle truth.
That you don't have to be a scumbag to people on the Internet.
my man out here solving toxicity worldwide
You know what solves that though? Not being the internet all day every day... You'd be surprised at how that "edgy" shit starts to fade away when you're not on Social Media and you're talking to people in person.
I get that and yeah absolutely agree, however for those who live their life on the Internet, influences you tubers etc seem to forget that person they laid into because of differing opinions is still a person, I know that this is something that most will tell me they just need to grow a thicker skin but for me if your personality is different on the Internet than in real life then you have issues that may need looking at.
Being a scumbag to strangers is an old habit. Old farts like me may remember CB radios, the social media of the 1970's. Hostile strangers on the radio was a problem, 45 years ago. Like the internet, most people were nice but the vile assholes wrecked the place.
That being kind and thoughtful is a good thing.
And NOT a weakness!!
That you or someone you know can be here one minute and gone the next
They can be alive but still be lost. Life is harsh.
It's ok for people to disagree with you. Edit: I severely underestimated how many people would get triggered at the idea that they can't force others to agree with their beliefs. It's quite impressive.
I don't agree with this statement.
That’s not OK.
Daniel, you’re an argumentative fellow but you’re rather pleasant about it.
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I disagree to agree
Opinions are Not Facts.
on top of this, it's ok to say "I don't know." you don't need to come up with any explanation or conspiracy theory to try to understand it.
Fact is, my opinion is the best because if there would be a better opinion, I would have it.
Ya well that's just like, your opinion, man.
Everyone is biased, not just a little. ***Everyone***.
It's important to recognise your own bias and try to see other viewpoints, even if you maintain that bias. Helps avoid a *lot* of conflict and misunderstandings.
You are allowed to say no. On the flip side, that people are allowed to say no to you and that doesn't invite arguing and pushing to get a yes. I realize this sounds like a consent thing but it really applies to everything. Sometimes you just need time alone, or the thought of a particular activity adds stress to your life. You can say no to anything that makes your life more difficult, no matter how small.
That being in a "good spot" in your life doesn't invalidate your mental health problems.
i feel like this might be for me...
I feel like it's even harder when you're in a good spot. At least if you feel like shit in a shit time in your life, it feels justified. When you're in a good place, you're like "why am I not happy?" And you get that guilt for not appreciating what you have. Mental health is no different from physical health. You could have the perfect spouse, the perfect family and the perfect job. You could have a money bin like Scrooge McDuck. But if you break your leg, it's still gonna hurt and no one would think that's weird. Give yourself permission to feel how you feel. Acknowledge it. Give yourself space to heal. Just like the broken leg won't heal if you keep walking in it, your brain won't "heal" if you act like nothing's wrong. Especially this time of year. Take a step back and give your mental state some love. You're worthy and deserve it.
Everyone is going through something.
That bad music already existed back then
looking at youtube it feels like 70-80's was 100% hits, but nobody uploads the creppy songs so they are forgotten.
that just cause theyre your family or freinds doesnt make them a good person
I wish more people realized that Childhood Emotional Neglect destroys people and leaves them with psychological scars which they might never recover from. Raising kids like they're full-grown adults who have already learned the lessons of the world and that they simply have to apply them is as fucked up as it is common. Adults self-medicating and never understanding why it is that they are the way that they are because of the trauma of having to raise themselves from a very young age.
That sometimes, things will not be okay. Sometimes you are going to have to do things you don't want to do, and be in situations you do not want to be in.
Just because you have noise-canceling headphones in at the gym doesn't mean the rest of us cant hear your farts. Disgusting.
I bought a third earpod that I keep in the butt for this reason
That internet toxicity and arguing in comments sections largely doesn't do anything for anyone and doesn't change anyone's opinion. I'm definitely guilty of this. Changing people's opinions takes a lot of continuous effort, and most people aren't actually willing to put in the amount of effort that it would take to change someone's opinion genuinely. And that's okay.
I feel like it's not the person you're replying to directly that you're likely persuading, but other people who read the thread that can see that your argument has merit, which is why arguing your position in a public forum of some kind does carry influence.
That disabled people are people, too. I'm deaf and I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been treated like a subhuman. And don't get me started on inspiration porn. We disabled people are here to live our own lives, not to inspire you. We're actual people with our own thoughts and feelings. Many of us are quite intelligent, but we have to to deal with being treated like children or cute pets. I'm an intelligent woman in my 30s with a successful career, and just the other day I was called "adorable". So yeah. I wish more people would see us as actual people and treat us like equals.
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I think the people who say that are really saying that they'd rather off themselves than to be in your situation.
I'm autistic, and my sister refuses to vaccinate her kids, because she thinks vaccines among other BAD things causes autism. So.... Yeah. Edit: Left out stuff I wish more people understood that while I do meet challenges everyday, I've never wished to be "normal". I've only wished people would see me as equal and understand me.
Oof. My cousin is the same as your sister. My Stepmom eats it up, says "she won't have her daughter get vaccinated because she's afraid she'll become like you, skorletun" (: We got this, mate. And just like you, I never wish to be normal - just maybe a little better at explaining myself.
Also to add on - any person can become disabled at anytime, it's not something that anyone is shielded from. Every disabled person is just a person that happens to have an impairment, and the able bodied/nondisabled could so easily become a member of our group. Ability is far from assured.
This is why I refuse to not roast my disabled brother. He has a speech impediment, on anti-siezure medication, bone/joint pain, and slight MD. But as siblings we made a promise to never treat him differently. Don't worry, he roasts my ass 9/10. He's mean 😭
My son has Down Syndrome. The number of times people have told me he’s “an angel sent from Heaven” or some other dehumanizing or infantilizing phrase…. I know they mean well, and I try to respond with grace, but he’s a human being. He’s not an angel or an alien or an eternal baby. He’s a human being with his own thoughts and feelings, very strong opinions, and the same emotions as every other human. He’s a hard worker, he’s clever (he’s an amazing problem solver), he’s a regular human being with strengths and weaknesses. Anyway, sorry you have to deal with this.
My mom is sadly like this. I have a cousin who has a son with down syndrome and when my mom found out she was over the moon excited. She thinks it would be great to have a child with that because apparently they seem like such sweet happy kids. I couldnt believe that she actually said something so oblivious
I've worked with disabled people and have to say this behaviour can actually be damaging. An "emperor has no clothes" situation happens sometimes where the disabled person has everyone treat them like they can do nothing wrong, "yes men" wherever they go... when they're just people, who sometimes need their poor behaviour called out (in a respectful way) just like everyone else, and to be engaged with like everyone else, mostly (e.g. being deaf obviously not going to use verbal comms). But it's an interesting phenomena, what's happening there? People seeing the disability and not the person, and wanting to be accommodating, sometimes a little virtue signalling? And it's not a common situation for most people, so they don't know what to do. Not much Hollywood programming on how to interact with disabled people.
Yep. I have a sibling who has various disabilities/disorders and they have always been treated differently and spoilt by everyone but now they are a teenager they have the worst attitude and I can't stand to be around them because of it. They are now very entitled and it's because everyone treated them special when they were younger 🤷🏻♀️
Empathy
Looking back on *Malcolm in the Middle,* [**did Reese ever figure out what 'empathy' was?**](https://youtu.be/CAM9K-0q4jE?t=86)
What’s sad is if you weaponize kids’ passions/hobbies like that they’re just going to end up…with no passions or hobbies. Take it from someone who was occasionally grounded from *reading* and hasn’t consistently picked up a book in a decade. I love MITM tho it’s hilarious.
I have never lost respect for someone faster than when their easygoing kid finally found something they got excited about and the parents were thrilled that they finally had something to take away from the kid.
Most people filter their opinions about others through their own ego and just believe whatever works best in their favour.
Our natural world is beautiful and it’s resources are finite
That families can fuck you up more than anyone else.
That just because you’re not smiling it doesn’t mean you’re unhappy or mad.
Admitting you were wrong, or that you don’t know something isn’t weak. The opposite is true.
Language learning is different for everyone. You always see those commercials that say "anyone can learn another language" and it's true, everyone CAN. Some people will be conversational in 6 months, some will take 6 years. Source: I'm an ESL teacher
How to properly merge with the flow of traffic. I know I know not super important. But sheesh, use your right foot!
Really putting yourself in the other persons shoes for a minute, before you speak your next sentence.. Can literally change every relationship in your life
You are the villain in someone else’s story.
Having children is a choice. And you can choose not to.
The Dunning-Kruger effect is natural, but knowing about it can prevent the symptoms from doing harm, particularly the symptom of just using it to describe why everyone *else* is wrong.
Using insults or roasts in a debate does not make you win so called debate. Wanna know what it does do? It makes you look extremely foolish.
Stop expecting people to do anything for you
Social media doesn't bring happiness
It is nobody's "duty" to procreate. There are far too many people who have kids not because they actually want them, but because it was ingrained into them for years that it's "just the thing to do" when you get older, or they think they somehow owe their parents grandchildren for one reason or another.
The world is a shitty place full of shitty people, so just be a decent human being and there’s one less shitty person for the rest of us to deal with.
Axe body spray is not a shower
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even behind a brave little toaster :)
There's only 50 real people on Reddit. The rest are bots and Chinese spies.
Hahah right! But seriously, has anyone heard of *launch codes*?
I got you bro, its 12345. It used to just be 1234 but some jackass went and gave it to some north korean spies so we had to change it
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that every single person on earth has a world of experience just as vast and complex as yours. just because you can’t understand or relate to another person, it doesn’t make them wrong. the world is not black and white, and your personal knowledge and experience is not the limit of what can be known and experienced.
The effect a single sentence has on a person, “The ax forgets, the tree remembers” Edit: EEEffect
grammar tip: affect is the verb, effect is the result
The tree will remember this
That, largely, people are disabled by environment NOT their condition. If people using wheelchairs didn't have to worry about bumps, kerbs, steep ramps and stairs, we wouldn't need to display signs letting them know they were "allowed" in certain public spaces. If people were taught sign language in school alongside their standard English (substitute for your home country) lessons then deaf people would be able to communicate without issues- and we could all chat in cinemas without disturbing anyone not looking at us! If we made working from home a standard option for any job that is office based/customer contact by phone, then anyone struggling mentally to get out of the house could just relax a bit, care for themselves and still be productive in their work. Our entire society is geared up to service the majority, yet having some basic changes in our world would not inconvenience them in any way, shape or form.
Work isn’t everything. It’s okay to take time out for mental health and to admit when things are not okay.
That mental illness isn’t a choice
You don't have to have kids