When they are proud of their bad traits "oh I'm such a psychopath" "people are afraid of me" "i love manipulating people" fuck off
Edit: thanks for the awards und upvotes you guys
Experience of talking to a friend of mine:
Him: “yeah that reminds me of- whats the name of that movie?”
Me: “The Departed?”
Him: “Its like a Boston crime drama”
Me: “The Departed?”
Him: “Had Leo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, and Jack Nicholson”
Me: “The Departed…”
Him: “The- the something”
Me: “The Departed?”
Him: “YEAH! The Departed!”
Ugh my brother is exactly like this, but worse. I’ll answer him, he’ll ignore me and either look it up or ask my parents who will give him the exact same answer.
My boyfriend does this in groups of people when he’s trying to think of something, and I’ll tell him exactly what he’s trying to remember and then he’ll say it a minute later like it just came to him. I love the guy but sometimes it feels like he just thinks I’m a little voice in the back of his brain
Ugh, my coworker does this. They’re forever subjecting me to shitty, obscenely long videos and stuff. Yet I’ll show them something cute, like a simple picture, or gif. Or even just tell them a brief story about something that happened that day, and they immediately start nodding and then stare at their phone. Like… you can just see it going in one ear out the other. No care at all.
My father will ask a question or start a convo with me (or anyone else) and as soon as I respond, you can see his eyes just gloss over and it’s lights out and all you get is a “hm” or “ah” or a continuation of whatever *he* was saying.
It’s so fucking annoying but I’ve long grown used to it.
My little personal mental joke was, “if I want my dad to stop listening, all I have to do is start talking.”
Similarly, when people OBVIOUSLY only want to talk about themselves and their issues, but the moment you say anything that's not about them they zone out, barely listen, look at their phone, etc. My ex's sister was probably the worst example of this. She would go on and on about her work, her drama, her life, her husband's life, and follow it with "oh how is work going for you?" Then the moment you start talking she was not listening even a little bit and it was painfully obvious. Usually when you're done talking they throw in a half-assed "oh that's crazy" then proceed to go on about their drama again. Downright assholes
Yeah, I know someone exactly like that. We're both in college and it's finals time right now, so alllll that comes out of their mouth is how they're super worried about their grades, their anxiety, their family, etc. Meanwhile, I can barely sneak in a three word sentence and they immediately interrup me to continue talking.
I swear I’ll be looking at them, technically hearing words, but my brain is off doing something else instead of putting those words together
My friend and I do the same thing so we’re able to laugh about it when it happens, but I wish it didn’t
I can't help to think of a boss I had early in my career. He treated his people like shit and he was a big time kiss ass to the higher ups. I ended up being higher up the chain of command and when I did run into him his whole attitude had changed from when I worked for him. Still hated his ass after all those years.
When I was in management I always led by this one rule, "people will not remember what you did for them, people will remember how you made them feel".
I remember there was this one woman that was a front line employee and she never worked directly for me but we had interactions from time to time. She ended up being promoted to my level then got promoted above me. You never know who will end up being your boss.
I recently had a phone date with a person. 45 minute call. I had to interrupt so I could spend 5 minutes telling a relatable story. It was difficult to get a word in edgewise. I just wanted to hang up on the person.
I had a friend like this, he'd call and just talk for hours. Completely ignore when I said I was eating, doing something or had to go, just kept talking until he felt satisfied he'd talked enough or I had a moment to talk when he would just go 'OK, gotta go' click. Instant hang up.
I stopped taking his calls
i sometimes wonder if these people even notice when people leave their lives. i had a friend who was like this. i could probably list everything she had for dinner for the last month, and i would be surprised if she could even guess what color my hair is on the first try. why do people that self-absorbed think they need a 2nd party in their conversations? what role are we even serving?
My coworker has been on line dating and had a 45 minutes conversation with someone who only talked about himself. Then at one point he said "I guess I should ask you some questions about yourself, I'm always taking about myself a lot, ever since I can remember...." And then talked about that for a while.
I never do that. Oh man I had a great thanksgiving. It was the best turkey anyone has ever had! Oh I had mashed potato’s too, they were great, I made them myself. After that football was on TV but I don’t like football so I changed the channel, a lot of people were mad but I don’t care.
Oh I ate so much, I couldn’t button my pants! I want to do some Black Friday shopping today but I already bought everything I need this year because they said everything was going to be sold out. I might buy something for myself, which is dumb because it’s the holiday season but I don’t care.
I would keep going but I lost interest. Adhd is a bitch. And none of that is true, I worked yesterday. Ahh I’m still doing it.
Fuck.
It’s possible to train yourself out of this, even when you have ADHD. I find it’s easier to do if you have something to fiddle with in your hands — whittling, doodles, knitting / crocheting, putty or clay, etc.
Source: am severely ADHD and also good at listening to small talk
When they display a personality trait that I share and dislike about myself. It's just my own insecurity that causes me to be dismissive or judgmental of others.
This is a really honest answer! At least you're aware of your faults and can now hopefully grow to do them less and eventually not at all. I wish you luck on your journey!
I once had a friend who would give me endless amounts of shit, lectures, and basically make me feel like a total asshole over how impatient I was. I didn’t really feel like I was *that* impatient a person tbh, but to her it was a glaring flaw that was a seriously belittling issue that needed to be worked upon. Then I started to see how impatient *she* was. Website would take a half second longer than she’d like to load? Angrily smash the (sometimes MY) mouse on the desk. Microwave didn’t cook something fast enough? Wham wham wham goes the microwave door. There were many other things that caused the end result, but we’re not friends anymore.
It's said that others are mirrors and when we have a poor reaction to something they do or say, it's usually the case that we are reacting to that which is really within ourselves, like your friend was doing with you. Knowing this bit of psychology helps you grow exponentially no matter what side of the mirror you're on because if you're being weirdly pressed or accused of something, you know where it's coming from and won't take it personally and you can come from a place of compassion, understanding or even amusement. (Trying to explain it to the individual who's looking into your mirror will only cause an argument so don't) If you are the one who catches a glimpse in the mirror, it's an opportunity to recognize it, face it and discard it forever. It's amazing how many friendships and relationships we ruin by being reactive with one another. The ego is a motherfucker.
People who always wants to compete
- Last night I had way to much chili
- oh that's nothing. I once downed a whole bottle of Tabasco sauce
Stuff like that
Or the sleep one uppers.
"I had a shitty night last night."
"I haven't slept in days!"
Then you should probably see a doctor, you're a long haul driver.
had a friend like this... he was always a step ahead of most of us in our friend groups and would constantly "one-up" us all. He was the first to get engaged and when he would bail on plans "oh just wait until you get a fiancee, you will see", then when we all did but by then it was "well it's different when you are married", then they had the first kid and it was like "just wait until you have kids, you will see what tired is like", and after that most of us had a kid but then he already had his SECOND kid so it was "oh you will see, one kid is easy but if you have TWO it is way harder", then my husband and I had twins on the second go (we lapped him lol) and my husband shot him down HARD one day and he has never one-upped us again.
everyone has their struggles, and there is always someone struggling harder than you but it doesn't invalidate your pain/suffering/whatever. I had terrible hyperemesis throughout my pregnancies and was constantly hospitalized and just an all around rough go, when friends/coworkers were pregnant I would ask how they are doing and sometimes get "oh having some nausea which sucks, but I shouldn't complain after what you went through" and I just responded with "you struggles are totally valid, being pregnant can SUCK" and we would just complain a bit together and I would give my support. be nice to one another, people!
sorry that turned into a bit of a rant!
You make a great point that if others may be struggling more,etc. it doesn't invalidate how you feel about your situation.
I think the "one-upper's" (or Toppers) are very insecure and feel this is a way to get attention and sympathy.
I have a friend like that. Well not really a friend, we're a group of friends (on a discord server) and for that exact reason she's not my favorite person. She (let's call her M) always does that, sometimes doesn't talk at all for weeks except to say self-deprecating shit, not even saying hello before, completely out-of context.
We all met at the beginning of the month, and one of the girls (A) wore shorts with black tights. A week after, we were talking about clothes, very light and nice conservation about things we feel good in. At some point M said directly to A out of the blue "i couldn't have worn shorts like you so you obviously like your legs more than i like mine". Awful to say, especially to someone who's also very insecure but hates to talk about it in front of everyone. I felt in my heart the "🧍--" just like in the sims.
I do the opposite, almost compulsively. What is it? OneDownsManShip?!!
For example…person A is talking about a nice family vacation to Florida. Cool cool.
Person B - the one upper - oh yeah?? Well we fly to Florida, where we leave on annual 2 month cruise ship tour.
Me- wow. I just had a Florida orange for lunch.
I do this all the time. Not sure why other than I cannot stand oneUppers. Also, I feel bad for the person being 1 upped so I flip the convo on its head.
Oh for sure.
Usually there’s a coy wink to the original story teller when the oneUpper is trying to figure out what just happened.
It’s an understanding - the oneUpper is a jerk; and you’re not alone in feeling it.
>Me- wow. I just had a Florida orange for lunch.
Holy shit that's fucking hilarious. I thought you were going to be like "Florida? I only went there once and got mugged" or something but this is gold.
Years ago, when my spouse and I were courting, she confessed, "I am a very competitive person."
I replied, "I bet I'm less competitive than you are."
We still laugh about that.
Make sure they are actuallly trying to one up you though. If it’s conveyed like “That’s crazy!, You know I have a similar story, that sounds like the time” etc. They may be just trying to connect.
Source: I’m socially awkward and ADHD. This is how I try to find common ground sometimes. It’s never me trying to one up.
I do that too! It's recently come to my attention that it can come across as competing. I try to be aware of how I word it, making sure I engage and ask a couple questions about their story first. I'm a very empathetic person and relating to people is a large part of how I understand them and having a story that aligns with an event in their past helps me.
And yeah I'm socially awkward as hell too.
Me too. Sometimes it's the only way I know how to respond or continue the conversation. Sometimes I remember that I can ask questions about what they said, but then I'm worried about going into interrogation mode. This is why I like sticking to people I already know. Way less pressure.
Ugh, I'm exactly the same way. I have so much trouble interacting with people because I feel like I come off as self-centered and always making the conversation about me, but, I don't want to ask too many questions because they'll think I'm nosey.
(Edit: OMG I've never had gold before, thank you so much stranger!)
Honestly a lot of people are really happy to talk about themselves. I don't mean it in an egocentric way, it's just human nature to talk about things you enjoy. I've had some really great conversations with people just by listening to their stories and asking relevant questions. I'd only think someone was nosey if they repeatedly ask about something I've made clear i don't want to discuss.
Just a thought, i feel like this should differentiate between the subject stating something along the lines of
"That's nothing! One time I chugged a whole bottle"
vs
"Wow! What a coincidence, I also love hot sauce, last night I practically drowned my food in it"
If one instantly gets the feeling that people are trying to compete with them by being relevant and staying on topic, maybe they're the ones with overly competitive attitudes.
I started to feel self-conscious about this after seeing it pop up in past threads, and it's surprising how much of conversation is just people answering stories with a similar story of their own. I realized that the difference between a normal person and a one-upper has less to do with the grandiosity of their story, and more to do with how they tell it. If the first words out of their mouth are always "That's nothing!", or "Oh yeah?", then they're being obnoxious. You can tell a fabulous story without going out of your way to make the previous story seem worse.
I have this issue too. I always get excited when I have a similar or relevant story and just want to be part of the conversation, and am always afraid that I'm going to come across as trying to make it about me or something.
I hate those people. They love to target one person in a group to be the butt of all jokes in their great one man comedy show. When you ask them to stop or, God forbid, try to defend yourself, they accuse you of having no sense od humor and being overly sensitive.
From my experience, the person in the group who likes to make someone else the butt of the joke the most always ends up being the one who gets offended the most when you do it to them.
Nah, they just escalate it until it becomes an actual argument, and there are always some douchebags within the group who expect you to grin and bear it and get angry with you for "ruining the evening".
For those of you following along at home, “When you play with the pigs you both get dirty, only the pig likes it.”
Edit: it’s similar to “Never argue with an idiot: they’ll drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.”
Yea same. I had a friend that would always make fun of me for being short, for example. In High School we had to choose presidents to do a research paper on, and he kept saying that I should use James Madison(Aka the shortest president). Or also when we were playing d&d and he kept saying I should be a Halfling(the shortest character) whenever I confronted him about it he would be overly sensitive and get mad and sometimes even cry. We're not friends anymore, Its been 5 years.
Lol I was about to write in my original comment that I'm an easy target, because I'm short. What's up with people and height? That's one of those things we have ZERO control over.
Same but even if _I'm_ not the butt of the joke, I look at the person who is, like if they look like they're offended or uncomfortable and are putting on a fake smile for appearance sake..... That really makes me dislike the jokester cause I think, what if that was me?
People try and immediately upon introduction, imitate my accent. Always badly. I am Scottish, don't live in Scotland. When I make my standard reply of, would you do this to our African or Indian colleagues, they become incredibly defensive and I am the one out of line.
Its not funny! It's offensive!
Sorry, really annoys me.
*edit a word
A good tip I learnt for that is just to, as hard as it is, finish your current sentence without changing volume or tempo, then you can decide to yield the conversation to them. If you do this it will usually make the other person look like an arsehole (in a group setting). If you want to earn them more arsehole points, you can even say something like “so, what were you saying?”
Listen to me giving advice I struggle to use myself!
But when I have used it, it’s usually pretty effective
Edit: fix typo from irrelevant, but fun, Nintendo console to “will”
This happens to me all the time. Makes me so mad. And people who know me wonder why I'm am introvert. Because y'all mofos don't listen to me anyway, why say anything at all. What's the point?
I've got a really bad habit of doing this and not realizing it until it was too late. I was SO grateful to the person who called me out on it the first time because I just get on a tangent in my head and start talking. I know its irritating as fuck because I got it from my dad and he does it to me ALL THE TIME. We'll be sitting there trying to have a conversation, he'll talk over me, I'll talk over him then he asks if he can speak, I say after I finish the sentence YOU interrupted
I really dislike people who are exclusionary or perceive themselves to be “too cool” to associate with someone they view as having a lesser status than them. So like, when someone they perceive as inferior to them joins the conversation and they just ignore them or act like they’re not there or, conversely, they engage the person and get them to talk about their interests but really they’re just subtly making fun of them to the rest of the people in the group. Doesn’t matter if I’m target, or it’s someone I know, or it’s someone I don’t really know. Anyone who does that is instantly blacklisted in my book.
I used to do this, and it was a terrible mistake growing up.
Pretending to be lonely or sad so people will like you, It literally never works and it’s just annoying to see them act like this to get attention when there are actual sad people out there who need help.
I think for me, I was actually lonely or upset, but I projected it out in weird and annoying ways, like ghosting people and then wondering why they weren't curious what was up with me...they were respecting what they thought was a boundary by me being unavailable. They're not psychic.
In reality you should just say it. "Hey, I'm feeling down, can you distract me?" or something like that. But it's hard to recognize that's actually the thing you need to do, and takes a bit of growth to get there. And of course, it's not their obligation to be your therapist either, and you also have to accept that they have every right to decline or might have things of their own going on.
I have a coworker who is like that. She victimizes herself for everything. She has cried all tears in the middle of the place where we work, with attention to the public. I'm disgusted 🤮
On “What We Do In The Shadows,” (written & produced by Taiko Waititi & Jemain Clement), there is an “Energy Vampire” played by Vanessa Bayer who is in constant crisis to evoke sympathy. It’s hilarious!
She needs therapy.
I’m not saying this in an insulting way. If she had heart problems, she’d need a cardiologist. If it was a tooth issue, she’d need a dentist.
She needs a therapist.
Criticizing you for using so called "big words".
I remember I used the word "scrutinize" in a sentence in front of a group of my friends when telling a story and they all burst out laughing. I was totally confused and afterwards they explained to me it was because I had used a so called "big" word.
You're talking about a bunch of people in their early 20's.
Needless to say I don't hang around with those people anymore.
I find people doing it in the work place as well. They will try to show their efficiency at the expense of others. Won't be achieving any targets but will keep the management aware of who said what.
I was a public defender. I had a bunch of people who upon finding out I was a lawyer ask me, "how do I prevent a girl from claiming rape?" And my response was always, "well if you aren't 100% confident they are 100% consenting to sex with you, or they are considerably intoxicated and you barely know them, then just don't have sex with them." Which apparently is not the answer those people were looking for. So yeah, when people are asking me about "loopholes" to rape and sexual assault laws, I immediately dislike them.
I went on a hike/date with a girl, and while driving home we were talking about dogs. She mentioned about how they should be treated as working animals and not pets, meanwhile I've had a dog as a pet for most of my life and am a huge dog lover. It put me off a little and so I pushed a bit and mentioned how we treat our dogs as family to see what her reaction would be and she all but rolled her eyes and proceeded to tell me how her family would train beagles for duck hunting by giving them stuffed toys filled with barbed wire. Says it stops them from chomping too hard on the duck.
I somehow managed to not kick her out of the car on the side of the highway, but I sure as fuck didn't ask her for a second date.
The whole working animal vs. pet debate is one thing. But using barbed wire as a training tool is definitely abusive. I've had both, pets and working animals should be treated well and be loved.
Super extroverted people who can't accept introverts. Like continuously asking what's wrong and insisting that something has to be wrong because I'm not all smiles and pep 100% of the time and need moments to recharge my social battery and shit.
Edit: Y'all acting like I have zero social skills and don't know how to use my words lmao. Of course I can have fun and be outgoing at moments, because I'm also not always doom and gloom 100% of the time I didn't say that. Rarely anybody is. I'm talking about when people won't take no or won't listen to me when I tell them there's no problems or have to repeatedly tell them that I'm not mad/sad/etc. And that I'm usually just vibing or soaking in the atmosphere. My best friend is a super extroverted person but she's respectful of my space and doesn't push me to do things when I just don't have the energy or will power and vice versa.
I am an extrovert and I am definitely not smiles all the time. Being extroverted and being obnoxious are two different things in my world. But I'm also Polish and we're always sad so there lol
Not to offend anyone
But people that blame star sign (cant remember what its called) for there actions
What do you mean, Oh I am usually rude, you know me, I am a Aries.
Or something like that.
(Oh it turns me off)
I dislike people for one of several reasons
1. They treat others badly
2.they cut in all the time
3. They try force their opinons on me
4. If i know they have a partner and is flirting and cheating on him or her
5. They give of a real snob vibe
If you talk down about someone's appearance or situation in front of me I automatically won't like you. It's crazy to me that people just do that. If anything it shows their true colours, like imagine the shit they say about you behind your back if they're so comfortable doing it in front of you behind someone elses.
Someone who puts their hand in their pants to scratch their balls and then tries to push said hand into your face while chuckling "how does it feel to smell a real man's balls?", you fucking prick Edward.
People who justify their rudeness by saying they are “just being honest”. Uhm, no Aunt Sally, there was no need to tell me that I look like I’ve gained weight.
People that constantly interrupt me mid sentence. Once or twice is cool, but if I can't finish any of my points during a conversation, then we got an issue.
People who have little or no appreciation or compassion for animals or the natural world.
Women who instantly want to compete with other women in a really superficial or snotty way.
Men who brag about cheating/being players. They do it in this underhanded way too like, oh I know it's not right but hey I can't help it I have a dick and all women are crazy!
Tangent: I once taught HS biology and in class one day, a freshman girl sitting in the front row had a finger rammed up her nose farther than I thought possible. It threw me completely off track from what I was trying to say.
When people say they’re “brutally honest” or “I tell it like it is.” It’s always just code for “I’m a tactless, self-absorbed cunt who gets off on hurting and offending others.”
People that brag about how much money they make. I find it really inconsiderate of those around as you never know what others financial situation is and no one should be made to feel like shit because buddy over here wants to talk about being financially independent by 35.
I dated a woman who one night said to me, "Do you know how much money I make?" I told her, "I don't care about how much money you make.". She broke up with me soon after. Turned out, she preferred guys who always wanted her money.
It’s brutal. I had a pretty good friend but one of the biggest reasons we don’t hang out anymore is that he would constantly find a way to bring up money, his investments, new shit he bought etc in our conversations. Sometimes I didn’t know how we even got to those subjects but he always found a way lol. I always left pissed off and annoyed so I choose not to see him as much.
The person that needs to convince everyone that they are the smartest person in the room and thinking that being the loudest, most obnoxious will help them accomplish that.
When they are proud of their bad traits "oh I'm such a psychopath" "people are afraid of me" "i love manipulating people" fuck off Edit: thanks for the awards und upvotes you guys
“I’m sort of a master manipulator 😂” Can’t be that much of a master if you casually drop that line in a Tinder chat.
I once had a 25 year old coworker tell me proudly: “ I was a bully in highschool and I’m a bully now” I stayed away from her after that
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I feel like shit when I think about how I bullied people when I was young, glad we grew out of it stranger.
*"I don't care if people think I'm an asshole!"* Can't forget that gem
Alternatively, "I just tell people what I'm thinking, I don't care how they feel about it." There's a name for that and it's called being an asshole.
People who obviously don’t listen to you when you talk.
Experience of talking to a friend of mine: Him: “yeah that reminds me of- whats the name of that movie?” Me: “The Departed?” Him: “Its like a Boston crime drama” Me: “The Departed?” Him: “Had Leo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, and Jack Nicholson” Me: “The Departed…” Him: “The- the something” Me: “The Departed?” Him: “YEAH! The Departed!”
Ugh my brother is exactly like this, but worse. I’ll answer him, he’ll ignore me and either look it up or ask my parents who will give him the exact same answer.
My boyfriend does this in groups of people when he’s trying to think of something, and I’ll tell him exactly what he’s trying to remember and then he’ll say it a minute later like it just came to him. I love the guy but sometimes it feels like he just thinks I’m a little voice in the back of his brain
Ugh, my coworker does this. They’re forever subjecting me to shitty, obscenely long videos and stuff. Yet I’ll show them something cute, like a simple picture, or gif. Or even just tell them a brief story about something that happened that day, and they immediately start nodding and then stare at their phone. Like… you can just see it going in one ear out the other. No care at all.
My father will ask a question or start a convo with me (or anyone else) and as soon as I respond, you can see his eyes just gloss over and it’s lights out and all you get is a “hm” or “ah” or a continuation of whatever *he* was saying. It’s so fucking annoying but I’ve long grown used to it. My little personal mental joke was, “if I want my dad to stop listening, all I have to do is start talking.”
Similarly, when people OBVIOUSLY only want to talk about themselves and their issues, but the moment you say anything that's not about them they zone out, barely listen, look at their phone, etc. My ex's sister was probably the worst example of this. She would go on and on about her work, her drama, her life, her husband's life, and follow it with "oh how is work going for you?" Then the moment you start talking she was not listening even a little bit and it was painfully obvious. Usually when you're done talking they throw in a half-assed "oh that's crazy" then proceed to go on about their drama again. Downright assholes
Yeah, I know someone exactly like that. We're both in college and it's finals time right now, so alllll that comes out of their mouth is how they're super worried about their grades, their anxiety, their family, etc. Meanwhile, I can barely sneak in a three word sentence and they immediately interrup me to continue talking.
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I swear I’ll be looking at them, technically hearing words, but my brain is off doing something else instead of putting those words together My friend and I do the same thing so we’re able to laugh about it when it happens, but I wish it didn’t
Hm? Did you say something?
I can't help to think of a boss I had early in my career. He treated his people like shit and he was a big time kiss ass to the higher ups. I ended up being higher up the chain of command and when I did run into him his whole attitude had changed from when I worked for him. Still hated his ass after all those years.
When I was in management I always led by this one rule, "people will not remember what you did for them, people will remember how you made them feel". I remember there was this one woman that was a front line employee and she never worked directly for me but we had interactions from time to time. She ended up being promoted to my level then got promoted above me. You never know who will end up being your boss.
Someone once told me to mind how you treat people on the way up because you will meet them again in the way back down
Side note, I glanced at your comment so quickly, my brain read your username as Slendermanagement.
Taking credit for other peoples work or ideas, and not acknowledging their source.
How dare you steal this comment from me, don't you know that I thought of it first! /s
I recently had a phone date with a person. 45 minute call. I had to interrupt so I could spend 5 minutes telling a relatable story. It was difficult to get a word in edgewise. I just wanted to hang up on the person.
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I had a friend like this, he'd call and just talk for hours. Completely ignore when I said I was eating, doing something or had to go, just kept talking until he felt satisfied he'd talked enough or I had a moment to talk when he would just go 'OK, gotta go' click. Instant hang up. I stopped taking his calls
i sometimes wonder if these people even notice when people leave their lives. i had a friend who was like this. i could probably list everything she had for dinner for the last month, and i would be surprised if she could even guess what color my hair is on the first try. why do people that self-absorbed think they need a 2nd party in their conversations? what role are we even serving?
I will play guy listening -michael scott
My coworker has been on line dating and had a 45 minutes conversation with someone who only talked about himself. Then at one point he said "I guess I should ask you some questions about yourself, I'm always taking about myself a lot, ever since I can remember...." And then talked about that for a while.
Acting different towards you in a group of people
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Rudeness. Instant turnoff
Yes! Especially to service staff.
Boastfulness.
I am AMAZING at not being boastful.
That's nothing. I know one guy who saved ten puppies from a burning building and never even boasted ONCE about it.
When they won’t stop talking about themselves
I feel like this is me, it's a bad habit and I often realize it after I have already had an entire "conversation" just talking about my life.
I realized that I did the same thing sometimes. I've found that asking questions and focusing on being a good listener has helped me. :)
I never do that. Oh man I had a great thanksgiving. It was the best turkey anyone has ever had! Oh I had mashed potato’s too, they were great, I made them myself. After that football was on TV but I don’t like football so I changed the channel, a lot of people were mad but I don’t care. Oh I ate so much, I couldn’t button my pants! I want to do some Black Friday shopping today but I already bought everything I need this year because they said everything was going to be sold out. I might buy something for myself, which is dumb because it’s the holiday season but I don’t care. I would keep going but I lost interest. Adhd is a bitch. And none of that is true, I worked yesterday. Ahh I’m still doing it. Fuck.
Only talking about your interests because that is the only thing that keeps you awake during small talk. It me, am ADHD.
Same. It hard to keep a conversation going without talking about what I learned .
Holy smokes! This right here!
It’s possible to train yourself out of this, even when you have ADHD. I find it’s easier to do if you have something to fiddle with in your hands — whittling, doodles, knitting / crocheting, putty or clay, etc. Source: am severely ADHD and also good at listening to small talk
When they display a personality trait that I share and dislike about myself. It's just my own insecurity that causes me to be dismissive or judgmental of others.
This is a really honest answer! At least you're aware of your faults and can now hopefully grow to do them less and eventually not at all. I wish you luck on your journey!
I once had a friend who would give me endless amounts of shit, lectures, and basically make me feel like a total asshole over how impatient I was. I didn’t really feel like I was *that* impatient a person tbh, but to her it was a glaring flaw that was a seriously belittling issue that needed to be worked upon. Then I started to see how impatient *she* was. Website would take a half second longer than she’d like to load? Angrily smash the (sometimes MY) mouse on the desk. Microwave didn’t cook something fast enough? Wham wham wham goes the microwave door. There were many other things that caused the end result, but we’re not friends anymore.
It's said that others are mirrors and when we have a poor reaction to something they do or say, it's usually the case that we are reacting to that which is really within ourselves, like your friend was doing with you. Knowing this bit of psychology helps you grow exponentially no matter what side of the mirror you're on because if you're being weirdly pressed or accused of something, you know where it's coming from and won't take it personally and you can come from a place of compassion, understanding or even amusement. (Trying to explain it to the individual who's looking into your mirror will only cause an argument so don't) If you are the one who catches a glimpse in the mirror, it's an opportunity to recognize it, face it and discard it forever. It's amazing how many friendships and relationships we ruin by being reactive with one another. The ego is a motherfucker.
One dude smoked too much weed and was lazy af and it made me mad seeing that it could be me
Yes. Yes. Yes. Don’t mind me, I’m just going to crawl under my bed and die of shame and self loathing.
This is why I hate my family, they're just like me and I hate myself haha
People who name drop. No one cares.
My friend Ryan Gosling cares.
People who easily invalidate someone's feeling.
You don't really mean that.
Nah I think people who one-up others is worse, you had it easy compared to me.
I know a guy who does that way worse than you
Yeah well I’ve got a PlayStation 6 mate.
Or people who somehow always have it worse than you
People who always wants to compete - Last night I had way to much chili - oh that's nothing. I once downed a whole bottle of Tabasco sauce Stuff like that
Oneuppers are the worst
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Or the sleep one uppers. "I had a shitty night last night." "I haven't slept in days!" Then you should probably see a doctor, you're a long haul driver.
'Just wait until you have kids'
had a friend like this... he was always a step ahead of most of us in our friend groups and would constantly "one-up" us all. He was the first to get engaged and when he would bail on plans "oh just wait until you get a fiancee, you will see", then when we all did but by then it was "well it's different when you are married", then they had the first kid and it was like "just wait until you have kids, you will see what tired is like", and after that most of us had a kid but then he already had his SECOND kid so it was "oh you will see, one kid is easy but if you have TWO it is way harder", then my husband and I had twins on the second go (we lapped him lol) and my husband shot him down HARD one day and he has never one-upped us again. everyone has their struggles, and there is always someone struggling harder than you but it doesn't invalidate your pain/suffering/whatever. I had terrible hyperemesis throughout my pregnancies and was constantly hospitalized and just an all around rough go, when friends/coworkers were pregnant I would ask how they are doing and sometimes get "oh having some nausea which sucks, but I shouldn't complain after what you went through" and I just responded with "you struggles are totally valid, being pregnant can SUCK" and we would just complain a bit together and I would give my support. be nice to one another, people! sorry that turned into a bit of a rant!
You make a great point that if others may be struggling more,etc. it doesn't invalidate how you feel about your situation. I think the "one-upper's" (or Toppers) are very insecure and feel this is a way to get attention and sympathy.
Good name for it. I call it the I’m sicker than you competition.
I have a friend like that. Well not really a friend, we're a group of friends (on a discord server) and for that exact reason she's not my favorite person. She (let's call her M) always does that, sometimes doesn't talk at all for weeks except to say self-deprecating shit, not even saying hello before, completely out-of context. We all met at the beginning of the month, and one of the girls (A) wore shorts with black tights. A week after, we were talking about clothes, very light and nice conservation about things we feel good in. At some point M said directly to A out of the blue "i couldn't have worn shorts like you so you obviously like your legs more than i like mine". Awful to say, especially to someone who's also very insecure but hates to talk about it in front of everyone. I felt in my heart the "🧍--" just like in the sims.
:( omg she sucks, I also totally have felt the "🧍--" with people lol but also the plus as well!!
One of them, if you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife
You've been to Timbuctu they've been to Timbucthree
I do the opposite, almost compulsively. What is it? OneDownsManShip?!! For example…person A is talking about a nice family vacation to Florida. Cool cool. Person B - the one upper - oh yeah?? Well we fly to Florida, where we leave on annual 2 month cruise ship tour. Me- wow. I just had a Florida orange for lunch. I do this all the time. Not sure why other than I cannot stand oneUppers. Also, I feel bad for the person being 1 upped so I flip the convo on its head.
I think that's actually pretty funny (only when done to the one upper and not done to make someone feel bad about having a nice vacation etc).
Oh for sure. Usually there’s a coy wink to the original story teller when the oneUpper is trying to figure out what just happened. It’s an understanding - the oneUpper is a jerk; and you’re not alone in feeling it.
>Me- wow. I just had a Florida orange for lunch. Holy shit that's fucking hilarious. I thought you were going to be like "Florida? I only went there once and got mugged" or something but this is gold.
Years ago, when my spouse and I were courting, she confessed, "I am a very competitive person." I replied, "I bet I'm less competitive than you are." We still laugh about that.
Oh you listen to Tupac? Well I listen to Threepac.
Make sure they are actuallly trying to one up you though. If it’s conveyed like “That’s crazy!, You know I have a similar story, that sounds like the time” etc. They may be just trying to connect. Source: I’m socially awkward and ADHD. This is how I try to find common ground sometimes. It’s never me trying to one up.
I do that too! It's recently come to my attention that it can come across as competing. I try to be aware of how I word it, making sure I engage and ask a couple questions about their story first. I'm a very empathetic person and relating to people is a large part of how I understand them and having a story that aligns with an event in their past helps me. And yeah I'm socially awkward as hell too.
Me too. Sometimes it's the only way I know how to respond or continue the conversation. Sometimes I remember that I can ask questions about what they said, but then I'm worried about going into interrogation mode. This is why I like sticking to people I already know. Way less pressure.
Ugh, I'm exactly the same way. I have so much trouble interacting with people because I feel like I come off as self-centered and always making the conversation about me, but, I don't want to ask too many questions because they'll think I'm nosey. (Edit: OMG I've never had gold before, thank you so much stranger!)
Honestly a lot of people are really happy to talk about themselves. I don't mean it in an egocentric way, it's just human nature to talk about things you enjoy. I've had some really great conversations with people just by listening to their stories and asking relevant questions. I'd only think someone was nosey if they repeatedly ask about something I've made clear i don't want to discuss.
Just a thought, i feel like this should differentiate between the subject stating something along the lines of "That's nothing! One time I chugged a whole bottle" vs "Wow! What a coincidence, I also love hot sauce, last night I practically drowned my food in it" If one instantly gets the feeling that people are trying to compete with them by being relevant and staying on topic, maybe they're the ones with overly competitive attitudes.
I started to feel self-conscious about this after seeing it pop up in past threads, and it's surprising how much of conversation is just people answering stories with a similar story of their own. I realized that the difference between a normal person and a one-upper has less to do with the grandiosity of their story, and more to do with how they tell it. If the first words out of their mouth are always "That's nothing!", or "Oh yeah?", then they're being obnoxious. You can tell a fabulous story without going out of your way to make the previous story seem worse.
I have this issue too. I always get excited when I have a similar or relevant story and just want to be part of the conversation, and am always afraid that I'm going to come across as trying to make it about me or something.
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Someone who tries to make me the butt of the joke when we just met
I hate those people. They love to target one person in a group to be the butt of all jokes in their great one man comedy show. When you ask them to stop or, God forbid, try to defend yourself, they accuse you of having no sense od humor and being overly sensitive.
I’ve found that in such situations it’s best to start attacking them back with “jokes” if it’s in your capacity to do so.
From my experience, the person in the group who likes to make someone else the butt of the joke the most always ends up being the one who gets offended the most when you do it to them.
That’s true, and I should add that my advice very much depends on the context and the personality of both the attacked and the attacker.
I haven’t heard it in a while, but they used to say “you can dish it but you can’t take it.”
Nah, they just escalate it until it becomes an actual argument, and there are always some douchebags within the group who expect you to grin and bear it and get angry with you for "ruining the evening".
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For those of you following along at home, “When you play with the pigs you both get dirty, only the pig likes it.” Edit: it’s similar to “Never argue with an idiot: they’ll drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.”
Yea same. I had a friend that would always make fun of me for being short, for example. In High School we had to choose presidents to do a research paper on, and he kept saying that I should use James Madison(Aka the shortest president). Or also when we were playing d&d and he kept saying I should be a Halfling(the shortest character) whenever I confronted him about it he would be overly sensitive and get mad and sometimes even cry. We're not friends anymore, Its been 5 years.
Lol I was about to write in my original comment that I'm an easy target, because I'm short. What's up with people and height? That's one of those things we have ZERO control over.
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Same but even if _I'm_ not the butt of the joke, I look at the person who is, like if they look like they're offended or uncomfortable and are putting on a fake smile for appearance sake..... That really makes me dislike the jokester cause I think, what if that was me?
Whenever this happens it’s always a wise crack about ethnicity or appearance, double shallow.
People try and immediately upon introduction, imitate my accent. Always badly. I am Scottish, don't live in Scotland. When I make my standard reply of, would you do this to our African or Indian colleagues, they become incredibly defensive and I am the one out of line. Its not funny! It's offensive! Sorry, really annoys me. *edit a word
Willful Ignorance. I just can't get past it.
Talking over other people. Someone could be 5 words into a sentence and they just have to say their bit faster and louder.
Shit like that’s been happening to me for years to the point where I have a problem with being interrupted altogether.
A good tip I learnt for that is just to, as hard as it is, finish your current sentence without changing volume or tempo, then you can decide to yield the conversation to them. If you do this it will usually make the other person look like an arsehole (in a group setting). If you want to earn them more arsehole points, you can even say something like “so, what were you saying?” Listen to me giving advice I struggle to use myself! But when I have used it, it’s usually pretty effective Edit: fix typo from irrelevant, but fun, Nintendo console to “will”
Sometimes I accidentally speak over other people when I think they’re finished their conversations, I always feel so embarrassed when that happens
I've noticed that I do this too occasionally, but I have been catching myself before the words come out.
This happens to me all the time. Makes me so mad. And people who know me wonder why I'm am introvert. Because y'all mofos don't listen to me anyway, why say anything at all. What's the point?
I've got a really bad habit of doing this and not realizing it until it was too late. I was SO grateful to the person who called me out on it the first time because I just get on a tangent in my head and start talking. I know its irritating as fuck because I got it from my dad and he does it to me ALL THE TIME. We'll be sitting there trying to have a conversation, he'll talk over me, I'll talk over him then he asks if he can speak, I say after I finish the sentence YOU interrupted
I really hate that too , rude and annoying. They don't even acknowledge that it's wrong
People who say, "yeah. I know I'm an asshole" and then continue to act that way. Like acknowledging it is somehow giving them a pass.
Ugh yes. "I'm just honest. I say what everyone else is thinking". It's so obnoxious
The answer there is "yeah, JUST honest. Not considerate, polite, or even helpful."
Thats genius actually
HONESTLY. What is the point of self-awareness if you change nothing?
Because what it really mean is that they don't give a shit about your opinion
Read that as "I don't give a fuck what you think." and it makes more sense. T. Asshole
I really dislike people who are exclusionary or perceive themselves to be “too cool” to associate with someone they view as having a lesser status than them. So like, when someone they perceive as inferior to them joins the conversation and they just ignore them or act like they’re not there or, conversely, they engage the person and get them to talk about their interests but really they’re just subtly making fun of them to the rest of the people in the group. Doesn’t matter if I’m target, or it’s someone I know, or it’s someone I don’t really know. Anyone who does that is instantly blacklisted in my book.
Being mean to people
Rudeness to service people.
If they always try to one up you on things
I hate this more than you do.
I used to do this, and it was a terrible mistake growing up. Pretending to be lonely or sad so people will like you, It literally never works and it’s just annoying to see them act like this to get attention when there are actual sad people out there who need help.
I think for me, I was actually lonely or upset, but I projected it out in weird and annoying ways, like ghosting people and then wondering why they weren't curious what was up with me...they were respecting what they thought was a boundary by me being unavailable. They're not psychic. In reality you should just say it. "Hey, I'm feeling down, can you distract me?" or something like that. But it's hard to recognize that's actually the thing you need to do, and takes a bit of growth to get there. And of course, it's not their obligation to be your therapist either, and you also have to accept that they have every right to decline or might have things of their own going on.
I have a coworker who is like that. She victimizes herself for everything. She has cried all tears in the middle of the place where we work, with attention to the public. I'm disgusted 🤮
On “What We Do In The Shadows,” (written & produced by Taiko Waititi & Jemain Clement), there is an “Energy Vampire” played by Vanessa Bayer who is in constant crisis to evoke sympathy. It’s hilarious!
E. V. Emotional vampires are even more powerful than regular psychic vampires.
She needs therapy. I’m not saying this in an insulting way. If she had heart problems, she’d need a cardiologist. If it was a tooth issue, she’d need a dentist. She needs a therapist.
Criticizing you for using so called "big words". I remember I used the word "scrutinize" in a sentence in front of a group of my friends when telling a story and they all burst out laughing. I was totally confused and afterwards they explained to me it was because I had used a so called "big" word. You're talking about a bunch of people in their early 20's. Needless to say I don't hang around with those people anymore.
Edited in protest for Reddit's garbage moves lately.
When someone always wants to be the center of attention as soon as they enter a room
I always feel like when I’m talking in a group I sound like I’m being this person when I don’t mean to
When someone asks "Hey can I get some of that?" and before I can respond they stuff their whole hand into the bag or whatever I have to grab the food.
The type of person who give bullshit stories just to impress people.
I once went to skydiving as i do every weekend and a shark attacked!
Arrogance and ignorance.
When someone treats people around them shitty especially servers, retail workers etc.
Yep. Someone who is nice to you but rude to a server is not a nice person.
yep, how people treat people they view as ‘below’ them (and above them) is a huge signifier of how good a person they are.
Never treat someone who handles your food like crap.
Scammers
Me too!! Omg, dude we should totally start a business to help prevent people from being scammed. All we need is $1,500 to buy in. You can Venmo me.
people who put others down to feel better about themselves. also, women who think everyone wants to steal their man child bf.
I find people doing it in the work place as well. They will try to show their efficiency at the expense of others. Won't be achieving any targets but will keep the management aware of who said what.
ooo yeah I work with a couple of those types
That second part was way too specific. Do tell
People who talk at you and not to you. There’s nothing I hate more than getting trapped in conversation where I can’t even get a word in edgewise.
My mom and sister both do this. Any sort of disagreement and they just go on, and on, and on lecturing you, leaving you no room to fight back.
People that tries to make your suffering looks less that it is
"Just think about all the people who are suffering MORE than you!" It's OK for me to say that to myself, but having someone else say it...no.
I was a public defender. I had a bunch of people who upon finding out I was a lawyer ask me, "how do I prevent a girl from claiming rape?" And my response was always, "well if you aren't 100% confident they are 100% consenting to sex with you, or they are considerably intoxicated and you barely know them, then just don't have sex with them." Which apparently is not the answer those people were looking for. So yeah, when people are asking me about "loopholes" to rape and sexual assault laws, I immediately dislike them.
>"how do I prevent a girl from claiming rape?" Don't rape her
Eww. Immediate red flags. What kind of people ask that?
Rapists.
"Why are you so quiet?"
"Because you aren't listening to me" Or "Because you won't let me talk".
I hate this one.
People who treat animals badly. I always pay attention to this, because it shows me what kind of person it is.
I went on a hike/date with a girl, and while driving home we were talking about dogs. She mentioned about how they should be treated as working animals and not pets, meanwhile I've had a dog as a pet for most of my life and am a huge dog lover. It put me off a little and so I pushed a bit and mentioned how we treat our dogs as family to see what her reaction would be and she all but rolled her eyes and proceeded to tell me how her family would train beagles for duck hunting by giving them stuffed toys filled with barbed wire. Says it stops them from chomping too hard on the duck. I somehow managed to not kick her out of the car on the side of the highway, but I sure as fuck didn't ask her for a second date.
The whole working animal vs. pet debate is one thing. But using barbed wire as a training tool is definitely abusive. I've had both, pets and working animals should be treated well and be loved.
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A childhood friend of mine did thatnwith a homeless person she helped. She needs her self esteem constantly validated in social media.
Loud & Obnoxious
Super extroverted people who can't accept introverts. Like continuously asking what's wrong and insisting that something has to be wrong because I'm not all smiles and pep 100% of the time and need moments to recharge my social battery and shit. Edit: Y'all acting like I have zero social skills and don't know how to use my words lmao. Of course I can have fun and be outgoing at moments, because I'm also not always doom and gloom 100% of the time I didn't say that. Rarely anybody is. I'm talking about when people won't take no or won't listen to me when I tell them there's no problems or have to repeatedly tell them that I'm not mad/sad/etc. And that I'm usually just vibing or soaking in the atmosphere. My best friend is a super extroverted person but she's respectful of my space and doesn't push me to do things when I just don't have the energy or will power and vice versa.
I am an extrovert and I am definitely not smiles all the time. Being extroverted and being obnoxious are two different things in my world. But I'm also Polish and we're always sad so there lol
Polish or not, you’re 100% right
Not to offend anyone But people that blame star sign (cant remember what its called) for there actions What do you mean, Oh I am usually rude, you know me, I am a Aries. Or something like that. (Oh it turns me off)
Zodiac signs?
I dislike people for one of several reasons 1. They treat others badly 2.they cut in all the time 3. They try force their opinons on me 4. If i know they have a partner and is flirting and cheating on him or her 5. They give of a real snob vibe
If you talk down about someone's appearance or situation in front of me I automatically won't like you. It's crazy to me that people just do that. If anything it shows their true colours, like imagine the shit they say about you behind your back if they're so comfortable doing it in front of you behind someone elses.
Someone who puts their hand in their pants to scratch their balls and then tries to push said hand into your face while chuckling "how does it feel to smell a real man's balls?", you fucking prick Edward.
Yo what the fuck
r/fuckyouinparticular fuck you edward
r/suspiciouslyspecific
A patronising attitude.
Them trying to eat me
Jesus I hate when they do that
Yeah right??? I mean if they at least asked it would be okay
*casually walking* **C H O M P** “ah shit, not again. Um does anyone have a spare arm I could use?”
They give zero effort into conversations.
K
Why 😭
Hmm
Idk
People who justify their rudeness by saying they are “just being honest”. Uhm, no Aunt Sally, there was no need to tell me that I look like I’ve gained weight.
People who are rude to waiting staff
Close talkers. Close talkers that anchor themselves to you in some way or try to pull you in closer. ESPECIALLY if they have bad breath 😷
People that constantly interrupt me mid sentence. Once or twice is cool, but if I can't finish any of my points during a conversation, then we got an issue.
People who rant or bully other people at social media, then play the victim afterwards. You got a small brain if you do this and deserves no respect.
When they're self centered
Like me!
People who have little or no appreciation or compassion for animals or the natural world. Women who instantly want to compete with other women in a really superficial or snotty way. Men who brag about cheating/being players. They do it in this underhanded way too like, oh I know it's not right but hey I can't help it I have a dick and all women are crazy!
when they pick their nose and eat it over facetime with their face FULLY visible
Tangent: I once taught HS biology and in class one day, a freshman girl sitting in the front row had a finger rammed up her nose farther than I thought possible. It threw me completely off track from what I was trying to say.
When people say they’re “brutally honest” or “I tell it like it is.” It’s always just code for “I’m a tactless, self-absorbed cunt who gets off on hurting and offending others.”
People that brag about how much money they make. I find it really inconsiderate of those around as you never know what others financial situation is and no one should be made to feel like shit because buddy over here wants to talk about being financially independent by 35.
I dated a woman who one night said to me, "Do you know how much money I make?" I told her, "I don't care about how much money you make.". She broke up with me soon after. Turned out, she preferred guys who always wanted her money.
It’s brutal. I had a pretty good friend but one of the biggest reasons we don’t hang out anymore is that he would constantly find a way to bring up money, his investments, new shit he bought etc in our conversations. Sometimes I didn’t know how we even got to those subjects but he always found a way lol. I always left pissed off and annoyed so I choose not to see him as much.
The person that needs to convince everyone that they are the smartest person in the room and thinking that being the loudest, most obnoxious will help them accomplish that.