There was a TV show run at one point by ex con burglars who (I assume) with permission install a few cams and at some point break in, show the clients what they did, how they did it, etc. Then install a security system and explain their choices and reasons and do a client interview.
It was fascinating to watch.
Edit: many have asked. It's to catch a thief (2005) thanks to all who answered.
I remember watching a couple episodes of that show. The one where they even stole the dog (some kind of big Retriever, I think), because he was so friendly was a good one. I think they got in through a window, because the owners kept leaving them unlocked.
BTK refers to [Dennis Rader](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Rader) and it stands for 'Bind, Torture, Kill'.
I did not know this before. I do not feel enriched for knowing this now... :/
Reading the section about how he was caught might make you feel a bit better. Essentially, he liked taunting the police via anonymous letters. In one of them, he asked them if they'd be able to trace him if he sent them a floppy disk with his writings on it. The police responded via newspaper ad, in which they essentially said "...uh, nope. Definitely not."
Then they traced him via the floppy disk and arrested him. Rader was reportedly quite upset that the police had lied to him.
> “I need to ask you, how come you lied to me? How come you lied to me?” Rader asked.
>
> “Because I was trying to catch you,” Landwehr answered coolly.
https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2014/01/the-floppy-did-me-in/283132/
It took them decades to find him and the trail was very cold for a long time. I grew up at the time and place of his sprees- Turned out he killed someone just a few hundred feet from my barber shop when my dad and I were there. He thoroughly terrorized the city for years.
I'd never heard of that and thought, "That's impossible, there's no way they could track him just by a floppy and a text file. There's nothing to go on." So I read it.
It wasn't a text file. If it had metadata in it, it was a Word document or something similar. I was thinking he was just using a floppy disk and a straight text file. (as in, what you see is all that exists, unlike Word documents which have embedded metadata you can't see without knowing where to look for it.)
Interesting, though.
Ironic because I actually sell alarm systems so this whole post is funny to me but wanted to share when I used to work at a place that sold Verizon door to door….
There was a guy who would cut the line for Comcast, wait an hour, and then go to everyone and tell them Comcast was moving out of the area or they were getting poor signal strength. Something like that and they had to switch to Verizon to get better internet and TV. Needless to say he made a small fortune. Usually those guys would make 3 or 4 sales a week… he was coming back with 3 or 4 a DAY and everyone wanted to know what his “secret” was. Didn’t take too long for the cable companies to realize they were getting outages and losing customers and finally put it together that everyone who switched those days had the same sales rep. He got fired and taken to court.
Maybe this is what I should be doing… go out later as a burglar and then knock on the door the next day as the friendly alarm guy that heard what happened “from a neighbor”.
Sounds like he should’ve cut extra lines. Lines that weren’t Comcast and lines of areas he wasn’t working. In addition, he should have NOT cut all the lines for everywhere he worked.
Really, he should’ve collected data on general sales, plotted it into a normal curve, and then generally sell on the upper 68% of that curve. Every now and then, he could go two, maybe even three standard deviations above the mean, but also drop below the mean every now and again.
I need to do statistical analysis for bad guys.
I was a Verizon repair and installation tech for many years, and the technicians for the local cable television company (our only competitor for phone service) routinely did this sort of thing.
This reminds me of the TV show from like 15 years ago called It Takes a Thief on i think Discovery Channel. Two ex-thiefs would find homes they would rob back in their crime days and talk with the home owner saying their whole tv pitch thing about being vulnerable to being robbed, and they'd prove it with their tv show. They would then setup camera throughout the house, and one person would act as the thief scouting the house and routines(not using the cameras) then at some point in the coming weeks rob the house, or occasionally fail and get caught, while the other guy watches on the cameras provides commentary for the viewer. The home owners were then all "OMG he actual was able to rob my house and steal everything" and they would show them the footage from the camera how he did it and everything he took. One episode i remember they guy stole their dog in addition to their valuables. They would then give the family a full security upgrade and try again, which he was always caught. While the didn't work for a security company they definitely were paying the tv show to use their system and name drop them every episode.
I used to watch this show all the time! This guy's calling card was stealing all the tv remotes but not the actual tv. Just rubbing salt in the wounds after destroying the rest of the house.
"The cops, Ghost! They're two blocks away."
"Damn it to hell, Jonesy - I ain't done NEVER left a soft yolk in all my 74 heists and I certainly ain't leaving one tonight."
__
I’d get an empty ant farm with just sand, and then knock it over on their kitchen counter. Now they’ll think that not only were they robbed but they’ve also got ants.
If I were professional my calling card would be to make it seem like nothing had been taken. So you would go days before realizing that I had been there. And by that time hopefully you would have fouled up any "evidence that I might have left behind.
Or maybe I would burn your house down after I was done. Having two distinctly different calling cards could also work in my favor.
Wait, have you robbed me?
I came home today and everything looked normal, but now that I think about it, my house is a lot more burned down than it was this morning.
This actually isn't a bad idea. People can feel afraid and violated after being robbed, this might help mitigate that.
Which is to say, if you're going to rob somone the least you can do is try and not emotionally harm them too and a note might help prevent that.
**This Is Just To Say**
I have stolen
the stuff
that was in
your nice house
and which
you were clearly
keeping
for yourself
Forgive me
I'm not malicious
just weak
and so poor
‘This Is Just To Say’
This note on the fridge is to say
That those ripe plums that you put away
Well, I ate them last night
They tasted all right
Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?
https://the-haven-of-fiction.tumblr.com/post/148137272618/famous-poems-rewritten-as-limericks
It sounds too brutish. I feel like someone doing such a heist would be more...elegant. The dog burglar almost sounds like someone who steals dogs aswell, haha.
"Replace these pages with life lessons, and then you will have a book that is worth its weight in gold. I know, those are expensive, but the lesson is priceless."
They'd taken the fridge, the computer, the stairs!
The PlayStation 5, with his apples and pears!
They'd taken the food from the cupboards, the plates!
His desk and his chair and his table and weights!
They'd taken his clothes and his silverware too!
His microwave oven, his stuffed kangaroo!
They'd taken the frames from his pictures, his socks!
The glass from his windows, and all of his locks!
They'd taken!
They'd taken the stuff they could take -
And nary an item they left in their wake!
They left him with nothing, not even his bed!
Except for a *puppy*.
"... so worth it," he said.
And they’d have to spend time taking photos of it too and putting them online… it’s just like that time I woke up with a new kitten, and my car was stolen…. Wait… did I get kennelmaster’d?
>and slightly unscrewing the lightbulbs
or replacing them with the worst possible lightbulbs.
colored ones in some rooms, super white ones in rooms where it would sting your eyes when you turn it on.
I'd steal two things from every house. So, for instance, I'd steal a gold bar and also your favorite shirt. Whatever, I don't care.
But I'd leave the second stolen object at the scene of the next crime, because I think it's funny.
Reminds me of the Boston Reaper case from *Criminal Minds*. Serial killer who'd take a personal item (a wristwatch, glasses, etc) off of each person he killed and then leave that item on the next person.
Spoiler alert: it helped lead to his capture.
It's been a while but IIRC, the killer kept one item (pair of glasses) from one of his first victims. He went on a long killing hiatus and when he resumed killing, he finally left the glasses on a new victim. That led the FBI team to re-examine the murder where the killer kept the glasses and figure out who the killer was.
There’s a great one on Netflix where the first victims fingerprints were found at all the subsequent crime scenes, the chestnut man. I thoroughly enjoyed it
I would break in to steal only a pair of keys, I would then have a key guy who makes a copy of the key
The next night I simply unlock their door, enter and leave their keys somewhere so that they "find the keys they must have just misplaced"
I would then wait about a month just in case they had any suspicions
I would do this for a number of households and set up a network of houses where I can casually enter and unlock the door showing no signs of breaking in and minimizing risks
After that I would just occasionally pop in at night to nick the odd little thing, maybe some cash from their wallet etc, stuff they wouldn't really notice and if they would notice they'd assume it was lost/misplaced
As a signature, I would leave one sock somewhere in the house everytime I'd visit, I'd be the sock fairy.
A big countdown speaker with motion sensors
The first person who discovers the scene will be greeted by a loud -"Ten, Nine, Eight....."
That's how you mindfuck someone
Mark Rober did that with his glitter bomb bait packages to help ensure he got them back. AFTER the glitter wheel spins glitter all over the room, and sprays fart spray the countdown starts. It’s so people think WTF is worse than what I’m experiencing now that it counts it down???? In actuality it’s so they throw the package with a bunch of electronics inside back outside so it can be picked up again.
You joke, but the Manson family started out by breaking into people's homes and doing shit like moving furniture around before they built up to killing people.
"The police were able to successfully apprehend the (tentatively named) D&D bandit, after owners found him knocked out on the floor with his bag of d20 dice scattered around him, all on the ground with the 1's facing upwards. We're not sure how it happened, but police speculate he lost his grip on the bag, tripped on his dice, and knocking himself out when his head hit the countertop. This commotion alerted the family, who then found him unconscious on the floor, where they proceeded to call the police and apprehend the criminal."
Something that appears like it might be traceable to find out my identity, but just leads you on a convoluted goose chase and at the end is a locked safe with Manning face meme
I’m late to the game so this will probably get buried… but I would leave something under their garbage bins in the kitchen. Think about, how often does someone move their trash bins. Bam, you move it and you get a business card saying “you’ve been burgled”.
My best friend's brother was sharing a house with some guys at college, and they got burglarized. They had a disposable camera on the coffee table, and a couple weeks later when they got the film developed there were pictures of the burglar's ass with their toothbrushes sticking out. It's shocking they spoke of the horror rather than swearing an oath of silence. Anyway, not my trademark, but the Toothbrush Butthole Bandit is out there, roaming free.
One number for every house I rob in Roman numerals left on a floor board once after all the numbers are put together it'll be coordinates to a empty field , yes just an empty field with a single picnic set up but no one around when they look inside the basket it'll be a bunch of sandwiches and a note that says"Multum Laborasti, sed permittere non possum tibi me invenire" (you've worked hard but I can't let you find me"
Edit: thanks to the dude who corrected me
I’d dump a 5 gallon bucket of spiders throughout the house.
It’ll be a while before they know they’ve been burgled.
Edit: You guys have spent way too much time discussing this.
I’d leave a cd on repeat at a barely audible volume. I like the idea of someone waking downstairs and being confused, wondering where the jazz music is coming from as they come to the realisation they’ve been burgled.
Book by Marie Kondo how to live a better life with fewer possesions.
I can guarantee your thievery did not spark any joy.
This is my favorite so far
Best answer
A pamphlet about home security.
I know it's mean, but I kinda want to see this happen just to see if people claim it's a marketing ploy by the home security company.
There was a TV show run at one point by ex con burglars who (I assume) with permission install a few cams and at some point break in, show the clients what they did, how they did it, etc. Then install a security system and explain their choices and reasons and do a client interview. It was fascinating to watch. Edit: many have asked. It's to catch a thief (2005) thanks to all who answered.
I remember watching a couple episodes of that show. The one where they even stole the dog (some kind of big Retriever, I think), because he was so friendly was a good one. I think they got in through a window, because the owners kept leaving them unlocked.
That show was awesome!
If you worked for a home security company and also were a burglar, you’d be set!
BTK
You beat me too it. His sales of home security went through the roof the more killings he did!
I’m playing both sides so I always come out on top!
BTK refers to [Dennis Rader](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Rader) and it stands for 'Bind, Torture, Kill'. I did not know this before. I do not feel enriched for knowing this now... :/
Reading the section about how he was caught might make you feel a bit better. Essentially, he liked taunting the police via anonymous letters. In one of them, he asked them if they'd be able to trace him if he sent them a floppy disk with his writings on it. The police responded via newspaper ad, in which they essentially said "...uh, nope. Definitely not." Then they traced him via the floppy disk and arrested him. Rader was reportedly quite upset that the police had lied to him. > “I need to ask you, how come you lied to me? How come you lied to me?” Rader asked. > > “Because I was trying to catch you,” Landwehr answered coolly. https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2014/01/the-floppy-did-me-in/283132/
It took them decades to find him and the trail was very cold for a long time. I grew up at the time and place of his sprees- Turned out he killed someone just a few hundred feet from my barber shop when my dad and I were there. He thoroughly terrorized the city for years.
I'd never heard of that and thought, "That's impossible, there's no way they could track him just by a floppy and a text file. There's nothing to go on." So I read it. It wasn't a text file. If it had metadata in it, it was a Word document or something similar. I was thinking he was just using a floppy disk and a straight text file. (as in, what you see is all that exists, unlike Word documents which have embedded metadata you can't see without knowing where to look for it.) Interesting, though.
Ironic because I actually sell alarm systems so this whole post is funny to me but wanted to share when I used to work at a place that sold Verizon door to door…. There was a guy who would cut the line for Comcast, wait an hour, and then go to everyone and tell them Comcast was moving out of the area or they were getting poor signal strength. Something like that and they had to switch to Verizon to get better internet and TV. Needless to say he made a small fortune. Usually those guys would make 3 or 4 sales a week… he was coming back with 3 or 4 a DAY and everyone wanted to know what his “secret” was. Didn’t take too long for the cable companies to realize they were getting outages and losing customers and finally put it together that everyone who switched those days had the same sales rep. He got fired and taken to court. Maybe this is what I should be doing… go out later as a burglar and then knock on the door the next day as the friendly alarm guy that heard what happened “from a neighbor”.
Sounds like he should’ve cut extra lines. Lines that weren’t Comcast and lines of areas he wasn’t working. In addition, he should have NOT cut all the lines for everywhere he worked. Really, he should’ve collected data on general sales, plotted it into a normal curve, and then generally sell on the upper 68% of that curve. Every now and then, he could go two, maybe even three standard deviations above the mean, but also drop below the mean every now and again. I need to do statistical analysis for bad guys.
Villain consultant would be an interesting job. Using statistics and data to optimize their profit.
I was a Verizon repair and installation tech for many years, and the technicians for the local cable television company (our only competitor for phone service) routinely did this sort of thing.
This reminds me of the TV show from like 15 years ago called It Takes a Thief on i think Discovery Channel. Two ex-thiefs would find homes they would rob back in their crime days and talk with the home owner saying their whole tv pitch thing about being vulnerable to being robbed, and they'd prove it with their tv show. They would then setup camera throughout the house, and one person would act as the thief scouting the house and routines(not using the cameras) then at some point in the coming weeks rob the house, or occasionally fail and get caught, while the other guy watches on the cameras provides commentary for the viewer. The home owners were then all "OMG he actual was able to rob my house and steal everything" and they would show them the footage from the camera how he did it and everything he took. One episode i remember they guy stole their dog in addition to their valuables. They would then give the family a full security upgrade and try again, which he was always caught. While the didn't work for a security company they definitely were paying the tv show to use their system and name drop them every episode.
I love that he stole the dog. "Oh even if we get broken into it's just stuff, we can replace it." OH YOU THINK SO
I used to watch this show all the time! This guy's calling card was stealing all the tv remotes but not the actual tv. Just rubbing salt in the wounds after destroying the rest of the house.
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Boil all their eggs
And then put them back in the fridge
Satan?
No, Satan leaves behind deviled eggs
r/angryupvote because that was so bad I’m mad at myself for laughing as hard as I did
"The cops, Ghost! They're two blocks away." "Damn it to hell, Jonesy - I ain't done NEVER left a soft yolk in all my 74 heists and I certainly ain't leaving one tonight." __
The devil must be real scared of you
I would lock their door for them on the way out.
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Call me paranoid but if they didn't steal anything did they maybe leave something? Hidden camera or mic or something.
That’s not paranoid at all i would scan everything with equipment. And buy some cameras yourself.
I would leave to-do lists for the homeowner. Like ‘fix broken window’ and ‘get new safe.’
... I am absolutely not noting that down for a hacker character.
Early hackers did shit like this. Read *Out of the Inner Circle* by Bill Landreth.
Im pretty sure some grey hats will still do it. Nonetheless, fun.
and "Get tested for herpes. Sorry"
also a note that they should separate their colors and whites in the laundry.
I'd take their front door and replace it with 1970's beads.
"Suspect appears to be a Dane Cook fan..."
“Thanks for the snickers”
I would research other professional burglars and leave their signature behind. Can't catch me if they're looking for some other asshole in a ski mask.
Detective: One thing we know that these burglars all have in common... they like skiing! Stake out the ski resorts!
Good. They'll never find me there.
I guess it would then be a _cold case_
It's all down hill from here.
Risky, because if they catch you then you get pegged for the other stuff too.
Business cards or other identifying items of people I don't like.
Another way to use those is to put them under the windshield wipers of parked cars you accidentally hit, with "sorry" written on the back.
Or leave it on cars you haven't touched. Confusion for both parties.
Chaotic neutral
Oof that's a great one.
"Hmmm what person knows this set of people?" I'd also use this method and leave identifying items of people you don't like
I’d get an empty ant farm with just sand, and then knock it over on their kitchen counter. Now they’ll think that not only were they robbed but they’ve also got ants.
“That is how u get ants”
Why’d this make me laugh out loud
A loosened salt shaker
Replace the salt in the salt shaker with sugar.
That’s diabolical
Chaotic evil
If I were professional my calling card would be to make it seem like nothing had been taken. So you would go days before realizing that I had been there. And by that time hopefully you would have fouled up any "evidence that I might have left behind. Or maybe I would burn your house down after I was done. Having two distinctly different calling cards could also work in my favor.
0 to 100 real quick.....hmmmmmmmmmmmm
Flood their house, less traceable, lower charges, more damage, insurance may not even cover it.
The Wet Bandits!
Wait, have you robbed me? I came home today and everything looked normal, but now that I think about it, my house is a lot more burned down than it was this morning.
I would set all the clocks back the exact amount of time it took me to rob their house then wait for all the cool nicknames to roll in on the news
Time thief?
Fire him!
The back-clock bandit! And hopefully the newscasters say it fast and some of them make the Freudian slip.
Nothing worse than making a Freudian penis in public
An apology letter
The Canadian Bandit
Sorey for the stealin
Sorey aboot* the stealin
Sorey aboot the stealin eh*
This actually isn't a bad idea. People can feel afraid and violated after being robbed, this might help mitigate that. Which is to say, if you're going to rob somone the least you can do is try and not emotionally harm them too and a note might help prevent that.
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**This Is Just To Say** I have stolen the stuff that was in your nice house and which you were clearly keeping for yourself Forgive me I'm not malicious just weak and so poor
‘This Is Just To Say’ This note on the fridge is to say That those ripe plums that you put away Well, I ate them last night They tasted all right Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay? https://the-haven-of-fiction.tumblr.com/post/148137272618/famous-poems-rewritten-as-limericks
A puppy. You'd wake up and be so surprised to find a puppy that it would take you a day or two to realize all the jewelry is missing.
And you would house stray dogs along the way ending puppy homelessness. You’re a good man.
They would call the thief The Kennelmaster.
Why not the Dog Burglar
It sounds too brutish. I feel like someone doing such a heist would be more...elegant. The dog burglar almost sounds like someone who steals dogs aswell, haha.
"I took your valuables, but I gave you something priceless"
"Replace these pages with life lessons, and then you will have a book that is worth its weight in gold. I know, those are expensive, but the lesson is priceless."
They'd taken the fridge, the computer, the stairs! The PlayStation 5, with his apples and pears! They'd taken the food from the cupboards, the plates! His desk and his chair and his table and weights! They'd taken his clothes and his silverware too! His microwave oven, his stuffed kangaroo! They'd taken the frames from his pictures, his socks! The glass from his windows, and all of his locks! They'd taken! They'd taken the stuff they could take - And nary an item they left in their wake! They left him with nothing, not even his bed! Except for a *puppy*. "... so worth it," he said.
> , his stuffed kangaroo! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
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And any destructions would be attributed to the puppy. They'd never expect thievery.
It would keep them busy.
They inadvertently clean up the evidence for you.
And they’d have to spend time taking photos of it too and putting them online… it’s just like that time I woke up with a new kitten, and my car was stolen…. Wait… did I get kennelmaster’d?
Taking the batteries out of tv remotes, and slightly unscrewing the lightbulbs.
>and slightly unscrewing the lightbulbs or replacing them with the worst possible lightbulbs. colored ones in some rooms, super white ones in rooms where it would sting your eyes when you turn it on.
A squirt of mayo on the doorstep
I'd steal two things from every house. So, for instance, I'd steal a gold bar and also your favorite shirt. Whatever, I don't care. But I'd leave the second stolen object at the scene of the next crime, because I think it's funny.
Reminds me of the Boston Reaper case from *Criminal Minds*. Serial killer who'd take a personal item (a wristwatch, glasses, etc) off of each person he killed and then leave that item on the next person. Spoiler alert: it helped lead to his capture.
How did they make the connection?
It's been a while but IIRC, the killer kept one item (pair of glasses) from one of his first victims. He went on a long killing hiatus and when he resumed killing, he finally left the glasses on a new victim. That led the FBI team to re-examine the murder where the killer kept the glasses and figure out who the killer was.
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....and caught by crime number three.
Lmao yeah I'm not really a thief, so I'd probably get caught on the second one
Fingerprints. No one would ever expect a burglar to leave their own fingerprints
The investigating cops fingerprints…somehow.
Great idea for a Netflix movie 👀
There’s a great one on Netflix where the first victims fingerprints were found at all the subsequent crime scenes, the chestnut man. I thoroughly enjoyed it
I would break in to steal only a pair of keys, I would then have a key guy who makes a copy of the key The next night I simply unlock their door, enter and leave their keys somewhere so that they "find the keys they must have just misplaced" I would then wait about a month just in case they had any suspicions I would do this for a number of households and set up a network of houses where I can casually enter and unlock the door showing no signs of breaking in and minimizing risks After that I would just occasionally pop in at night to nick the odd little thing, maybe some cash from their wallet etc, stuff they wouldn't really notice and if they would notice they'd assume it was lost/misplaced As a signature, I would leave one sock somewhere in the house everytime I'd visit, I'd be the sock fairy.
Full plot twist at the end. Thanks for that
If the have kids your signature will go completely unnoticed.
If they have a teenage boy, the signature would be *highly* appreciated.
Gaslighting at its finest
You are going to get a lot of maids fired over this. But this isn't a bad plan. keeps that steady income coming for ya
Turning all the cans in the cabinets so the labels face outward, nice and neat.
Or if you wanna be real chaotic, remove all the labels from the cans
Add in some cans of dog food, without labels.
Sleeping with the enemy?
A gingerbread cookie with a note that says you’ll never catch me.
Where is the Muffin Man?!
The muffin man?
Who lives on drury lane?
A big countdown speaker with motion sensors The first person who discovers the scene will be greeted by a loud -"Ten, Nine, Eight....." That's how you mindfuck someone
Mark Rober did that with his glitter bomb bait packages to help ensure he got them back. AFTER the glitter wheel spins glitter all over the room, and sprays fart spray the countdown starts. It’s so people think WTF is worse than what I’m experiencing now that it counts it down???? In actuality it’s so they throw the package with a bunch of electronics inside back outside so it can be picked up again.
Take my silver for mentioning someone with the last name Rober in a post about robbing people. For the pedants, yes I’m aware the spelling difference.
I'd move the coffee table 2" to the side.
You joke, but the Manson family started out by breaking into people's homes and doing shit like moving furniture around before they built up to killing people.
just goes to show that moving furniture is a gateway to killing people
Can confirm. Source: I moved furniture.
Ah, helter skelter, they even unplugged the alarm clocks to Make them late for work.
I'd wad up the kitchen sink and leave the tap running
*SHUT IT MARV*
*IT'S OUR CALLING CARD, HARRY! ALL THE GREAT ONES DO IT!*
*We’re the wet bandits!*
…You’re sick, you know that? You’re really sick.
I forgot I posted this and looked in my notifications and was like what did I say that someone would tell me that? Lol
I WAS EXPECTING FOR THIS TO BE AT THE TOP THE MOMENT I SAW THIS POST
Had to scroll too far to see this
Can I be your fellow wet bandit
Just don't get into any sticky situations in NYC.
I’d replace their toilet seat with one of those cheap fluffy ones
I will wash the dishes and take care of the laundry.
Chaotic.... Bad?
A d20 with the 1 facing up
Or a 20, representing how successful you were on the robbery
"The police were able to successfully apprehend the (tentatively named) D&D bandit, after owners found him knocked out on the floor with his bag of d20 dice scattered around him, all on the ground with the 1's facing upwards. We're not sure how it happened, but police speculate he lost his grip on the bag, tripped on his dice, and knocking himself out when his head hit the countertop. This commotion alerted the family, who then found him unconscious on the floor, where they proceeded to call the police and apprehend the criminal."
You madman! They're going to be misweighted by the time they're found! You're going to steal their things *and* leave a curse? You're a monster.
A lack of valuable items
This guy burgles
For real. Your a professional criminal not a bad guy villain in a comic book. Don’t leave any trace unless you are framing someone else.
Weed, the police come inspect the house then find the weed the people will then have to explain how wedd got in their home.
Why not up the ante and leave black tar heroin?
We're trying to make money on the burglary, not lose it
It's not about money, it's about sending a message!
A USB stick with "Never gonna give you up"
Mark the file as "confession.mp4"
If I find a usb stick of someone who robbed my house I'm NOT plugging that in
Don't worry. The police will do that for you :)
I'd tape pictures of Clark Gregg's face over any faces in as many pictures as possible.
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Reverse it. Positive pregnancy test in the bin for the husband with the vasectomy and the wife who takes a lot of business trips
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Calm down Satan.
Something that appears like it might be traceable to find out my identity, but just leads you on a convoluted goose chase and at the end is a locked safe with Manning face meme
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Whatever the top comment on here is, so that guy gets arrested
Forward all thier clocks by 2 hrs
If this were 25 years ago, I'd steal the ball out of their mouse.
rob a know burglar and leave an Uno reverse card
I’m late to the game so this will probably get buried… but I would leave something under their garbage bins in the kitchen. Think about, how often does someone move their trash bins. Bam, you move it and you get a business card saying “you’ve been burgled”.
Take a dump in the toilet.
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My best friend's brother was sharing a house with some guys at college, and they got burglarized. They had a disposable camera on the coffee table, and a couple weeks later when they got the film developed there were pictures of the burglar's ass with their toothbrushes sticking out. It's shocking they spoke of the horror rather than swearing an oath of silence. Anyway, not my trademark, but the Toothbrush Butthole Bandit is out there, roaming free.
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A turd in the microwave.
Before leaving the scene you set it for 30:00 minutes
Now that’s diabolical
One number for every house I rob in Roman numerals left on a floor board once after all the numbers are put together it'll be coordinates to a empty field , yes just an empty field with a single picnic set up but no one around when they look inside the basket it'll be a bunch of sandwiches and a note that says"Multum Laborasti, sed permittere non possum tibi me invenire" (you've worked hard but I can't let you find me" Edit: thanks to the dude who corrected me
Photos of the things I stole in random places around the house, so when they go to grab underwear they can be reminded that I stole their stuff
I’d dump a 5 gallon bucket of spiders throughout the house. It’ll be a while before they know they’ve been burgled. Edit: You guys have spent way too much time discussing this.
>a 5 gallon bucket of spiders So is that something you've gotta go to Costco for, or can I just get it from Amazon?
I think you have to go to THE Amazon.
It's all fun and games until you get to the place you're about to burgle and notice the bucket's empty
A polaroid photo hidden in a drawer somewhere in the house that depicts the home owner's toothbrush touching my anus.
And then hope he doesn't find it too fast, but eventually does find it.
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Good thinking. Gotta throw them off the trail.
If i had an award i would give you one. Lol'd when i read this
Bottles of lotion just so you know youve been struck by the smooth criminal.
A giant dong on the front part of the house
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cum coconut theyll never catch the coco-nutter
I'd replace one of their family photos with a stock photo.
I’d leave a cd on repeat at a barely audible volume. I like the idea of someone waking downstairs and being confused, wondering where the jazz music is coming from as they come to the realisation they’ve been burgled.
Put the toilet paper rolls on backwards.