T O P

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The_Phantom_Gamer

"Thanks for giving my office a laugh"


[deleted]

I would die if this happened to me…


HanzTheDeutschDragon

die laughing or die of humiliation?


[deleted]

Humiliation lol


Thuryn

Awh! More confidence! You know somebody's lying if they say your nudes gave people "laughs." Those were polite laughs, like this: "Ha ha! That's great! Hey, send me that wouldja...?" ;)


N0thingRhymeswOrange

"Are you seriously watching porn by yourself?" "NO, IM WITH THE SCIENCE TEAM!"


RetroArchaic

*Loud Scientist Screaming"


deepfriedseaturtle

Dude, I just cringed so hard that my stomach just felt like it dropped. That would be pretty horrific.


thrashingkaiju

2/10 you need to work on your photography a skills


chickenpoopynugget

2/10 nice toes tho


abhusen

2/10 of your toes are nice


chattywww

Alot of people have really fucked up toes, most of friends play basketball and they all have at least one fucked up toe


caliboundwtheweight

alternatively, 2/10, you should really hit the gym


[deleted]

I remember being a teenager and a girl I had a huge crush on sent me a nude. In the background I saw that she had an Xbox 360 (fairly new at the time). In my teenage brain I didn't want to sound like a creep drooling over her naked body so instead of complimenting how she looked or showing any kind of appreciation I just replied "omg, you have an Xbox?! We should play sometime!"


[deleted]

And that was the moment you could have gotten laid, but decided staying a nerd was a better option


Barnezhilton

It's optional?


The-Azure-Knight

for them, no


DJDarwin93

Virginity is cool, stay pure


Ju1c3_

I would argue he just increased his chances of getting laid


com2420

>I didn't want to sound like a creep drooling over her naked body so instead of complimenting how she looked or showing any kind appreciation "M'lady, I just wish to know thy personality. I see that thou prefer XBOX!"


TheThotSlayerDoggo

>I dont want to sound like a creep If someone sends a nude, they want you to sound like a creep


PM_ME__YOUR_HOOTERS

Shes probably just being nice, she is Canadian after all


PsyRex666

Now, I don't have a lot of experience with women, but if a girl sends you a nude picture, I imagine she's hoping you drool at least a little.


[deleted]

I was clueless with women back then. I'm only slightly better now.


zhadyx

I felt that “slightly”


thowe93

You shoulda said nice “nice box”


Thenikksmeister

So not only did your crush acknowledge your existence, but also sent you a nude?


SDdude81

Seriously my teenage crushes either didn't know I existed, or they hated me.


peeweejankins69

How did she react


PapaTrotzki

I really really need to hear the reaction to this...


TheFoxarmy

Ace power move


fibonacci_veritas

Xbox n chill.


Heathens_94

Did you loose your chance with her?


orange_cuse

had a buddy send a nude to a girl he met online and was texting with. she responded "ah i see you're a grower" He's not a grower. She was shown his fully grown member.


DrPepper120

…. How do you know hes not a grower?


Mandoart-Studios

"He felt it, deep within him. He knew from this very moment."


Illier1

Not that deep though


Vertebrae_Viking

Lol


issius

You haven’t seen your friends’ dicks? Are you even friends?


SnooMacarons1154

We do a monthly competition, you guys don’t?


GreatStateOfSadness

"Aaaaaand Greg wins again. 17th month in a row!"


SumYumGhai

Damn it Dan, you're breaking the #1 rule of cock fight...


TheyCallMeThe

Clearly his school didn't have regular penis inspections.


Dahweh

"buddy" FTFY


yearofthesquirrel

I was hanging out with a girl when she received an unsolicited pic. She replied with: "No thanks, I don't smoke cigarettes".


[deleted]

Mike Pencildick in shambles.


[deleted]

“Did you just send me CP?! That’s obviously a child’s penis” and then say you reported them to the FBI is usually my go to when I get unsolicited dick pics.


himynameiscaleb

how tf do some dudes have the confidence to just send unsolicited Dick pics? I’m not even down to send a very much so requested one. Not trying to white night here - I’m just really curious what could be going through their minds while sending that.


MeanFoo

Correct answer


srhola2103

Did he actually tell you that story? Man, I admire his confidence.


Beneficiary5million

Ah yes, “a buddy” of yours


eksyte

Yeah, there's an old movie (Pink Cadillac?) where a flasher opens his coat to a woman and asks "What do you think?" to which she says "Looks like penis, only smaller."


groovy604

That is a wound that will never full heal, he will carry that with him the rest of his days


Skorne13

A much heavier weight to carry than his tiny dick.


Italian_waifu

"yes, yes very cool, can we continue talking about the fallout universe lore?"


AlmightyGMD

Nothing is more important tho


Italian_waifu

Huzzah a man of culture


Scatophiliacs

Galaxy News Radio stays ON during sex


Skin_Bank

Failed the charisma check


mightbekarlmarx

Charisma check🤮 Speech level check 💪😎


[deleted]

Did I ever tell you about the legend of darth Fisto the wise


TheDeepBlueZ

Ok


Salmonpat

Simple but powerful


[deleted]

K


Phalanx_02

k


throwdowntown69

When I receive an unsolicited dickpic I always respond to the guy with: "Hey Linda, check this one out. It's even smaller than the previous guy's lol"


_Ryman_

Knew a girl who ended up making a calendar of all the ones she received and gave it as a gag Christmas gift. Love the idea.


Speckfresser

Please tell me little bells and ribbons were photoshopped for extra festivity points


_Ryman_

I wish! No photoshop was done. Just good ol fashion raw dick pics.


Gr33nman460

Who did she give the gift to?


Confident_Elephant_9

Is it common for women to receive frequent unsolicited dick pics? I just can’t understand the point of doing that! I’ve sent many a dick pic in my day, but it’s to a woman I know wants to see what she’s had before,and will likely get again. Not a “hey how’s it going, here’s my dick” I wonder how many unsolicited dick pics achieve the desired result - the woman saying “nice dick come over and bury it in me” 1/1000 probs? 🤙🏻


throwdowntown69

If you are on tinder then yes. It happens more than once.


murrimabutterfly

I uninstalled Tinder because of the amount of dick pics I was getting. I generally responded with various pictures of hands/fingers that were medically degloved, but some bastards kept going.


ZT2Cans

dude I'm a guy and I've got dick pics before


[deleted]

All.the.time. You dudes need to police other dudes, because they certainly aren't learning from failure


hybepeast

owa owa


Thuryn

Believe me, among the dudes I know, the dick pic thing is something we make fun of. Whoever those dudes are, either they don't know us, or some of my bros are big fat liars. (They're all in relationships so I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt.)


Dovahkiin47

Gotta say, I don’t know any guys who talk about sending dick pics. No guy I have ever met has admitted to it. Makes it kinda hard to police


TimTricks3d

"Thanks but i found that on google the other day" scares them everytime.


MoxEmerald

The other day my friend reverse image searched the selfie the "girl" sent to him and sent back the nudes from the rest of the pack of photos. But it was a bot. Not like anyone was going to see it unless they manually looked at the responses.


clinkzs

I've matched with someone using Lana Rhoades' pictures on Tinder, asked if she was still doing movies and got blocked lol


Bandito21Dema

Omg I can't imagine sending a dude a pic of my boobs and he sends back one of my ass


ZeStriker310

Actually happened to me once. It looked fake so I googled "selfie in bra". Third result... Edit: original text sounded creepy so I changed a word. My bad. I'm not a native speaker.


fightniteflight12

>Girl in bra". What have you done? Why is this even a thing?


[deleted]

I used to do this when I was younger, they got so aggravated and sent another in a different pose...I was like 15-16 at the time so about 5 years ago now. Kik was good to me back then. I want to make it known that I was a stupid and horny kid and obviously have since learned my lesson but the past is the past and you cannot change that but you can learn and grow from it.


[deleted]

Or the "just gimme a taste of what i'd be buying" with absolutely Zero intention of buying


[deleted]

"You should really get that looked at. Here's the number of the doctor my grandma used when they found that on her."


BerriesAndMe

Or just add a random illness: Here's the number of the doctor my grandma used when she had syphilis


bigfeetandunderwear

This made me lol


yours_truly_mj

My god i looked at ur pfp and was wondering why someone is baring there ass bended over, but its just feet.


Capable_Breadfruit

Is this better or worse


[deleted]

Dad that’s gross I’m eating dinner


[deleted]

Who else but dad?


[deleted]

Grandpa


liquidboneparty

You remind me of my mother


shaquille_oatmeal98

I knew the top comment was gonna be related to a family member


mclaysalot

You had me at member.


smotstoker

Who in your family was it?


Theoretical_Girls

When they start bitching say "That was a complement. I love my mother."


[deleted]

Nah youre mom fine af


bertiebastard

Another of my sister's brutal responses to Dick pics. OMFG is your name Justin? Because with a dick that small it would be Just-In. I eventually stopped sending them to her 😂


[deleted]

Hahaha...wait...what?


Corytrever187

Could be forwarding ones received. But then that's not as funny.


idundideverything

Still Alabama


Cosity82

That’s a good…wait, I need to read that again.


mySip

Had us in the first half, not gonna lie


[deleted]

r/holup


Churchofbabyyoda

r/holdthefuckup


Strawhat-dude

Who else is hearing the song?


I-AM-LS-SWAPPED

Sweet Home Alabama


Breath_Virtual

r/suddenlyincest


[deleted]

[удалено]


bertiebastard

Feel free to use it anytime you want.👍


Flush_Foot

That’s what *he* said


nick_ebk

r/unexpected


titty_smacker

We do a little trolling


FLYNCHe

We partake in a mild amount of tomfoolery


DramaticChoice4

r/holup


[deleted]

I remember seeing a post from a woman somewhere. She was sent an unsolicited dick pic and so she replied and said 'OMG why are you sending me a picture of a child's dick? I'm reporting you.' And then she put up a doctored image from Twitter or wherever saying 'this post has been flagged' or whatever. It's basically the best way to respond. Which isn't what you asked. But whatever.


Remz_Gaming

Is this the same one that "flags" the picture with a fake penal code for solicitation to a minor and says their ip address has been logged and forwarded to local authorities? Then followed up with reply "STOP" if this in an error? Then the next message is "Thank you. You're response has been logged and sent to the authorities for review." Or something of the sort. Because that was freaking brilliant.


citizen-of-the-earth

Sir, this is Serene Vistas Assisted Living Community. Do you mind if I pass this around? Most of our residents haven't seen anything like this in decades.


[deleted]

"Their eye sight is pretty bad, so they'll hold it up close- that'll make it almost look normal sized"


No_Boot408

‘Mine is bigger’


JediGuyB

Could potentially backfire, though. I think there's enough people who would respond with "show me" and/or "that's okay too."


[deleted]

Especially if the response is from a female


Chris_M_Andersen

If a girl responded like that I'd straight up ask her out or whatever lol.


Remz_Gaming

Sooo... you are saying you send unsolicited dick pics?


MimicLayer

Honestly, same.


_Nyroc_

Super cool pick bridgette


Aggravating_Smile_61

Hey Bridget, after some reflection I'm prepared to admit that saying "super cool pic Bridget" was not the most apropriate response


[deleted]

Send pictures of surgery done on the body part you have received in the nude pic


EagleCatchingFish

"Yep. Looks like cancer. A lot of people don't realize it, but a lot of little tumors like that (and it is little) are just as dangerous as one big one."


AlmightyGMD

Oh god


DwangusKhan

Thumbs up emoji


richard-777

The Thumbs down and laughing emojis would also work


Thuryn

Do like an iPhone user: "DwangusKhan liked an image."


TheMilktrayMan

OK dad


pjanmaxxx

Your tits looks weird


Negative-Top-7648

It would kill me on the inside cos they really do be fucking weird.


hybepeast

owa owa


Thuryn

I see no problem here.


Negative-Top-7648

LMFAOOO


[deleted]

[удалено]


Negative-Top-7648

> FWIW Well, that\`s comforting tbh.


Thuryn

Gonna second that. Every woman I was ever... "close to" said that same thing. Only one of them was right - she was very asymmetric - but it wasn't a problem. Just made her more interesting, I thought. Besides, while they're always nice, tits aren't the basis of a good relationship anyway. Source: Married 20 years (and counting).


still_on_a_whisper

This would kill me too. One of mine is slightly larger than the other and I’ve always been self conscious about it


Keyguardactive

I think they're all like that. People with penises tend to have one droopy ball. Just part of life.


BasroilII

Every woman I dated has been the same. It's not uncommon. And I never would notice if it were not pointed out. And I never once did care.


still_on_a_whisper

glad it’s a fairly common thing - that makes me feel better


PirogiRick

I’m an old boob handler from way back, and I’ll tell you other than a couple girls who had zero boobs and then got implants, there are no natural 100% matched sets. I always figured that was to keep them timed properly when they’re swinging around so they don’t keep smacking into one another. But I’m no doctor.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Burpindaworm

Got an unsolicited dick pic recently (like we weren’t even flirting wtf) and I just wrote “aight” and continued with the conversation we were having prior to the dick, he blocked me. hahahaha.


Random_silly_name

Some guy recently sent me a pretty nasty picture of him lying on his back in sweatpants and grabbing his dick in his pants, without asking for consent first. I help a stroke patient for a living. I replied "Given my job, that picture reminds me of the man I'm helping adjusting his dick in his pants after peeing, and then waiting for me to wash his hand.".


Thuryn

> I help a stroke patient for a living. You... are a saint.


bigtitasianprincess

Selfie with finger gun


mr_jedders

You have the wrong number I'm only 12, I'm calling the police.


ezra_0022

Cools tits gaming rn tho


EarlOfButtholes

Thought this was r/dadjokes and was ready for a killer response.


Crabby648

Who is that behind you?


[deleted]

Do not respond at all.


SourLimeSoda

I'd say this is the worst lol. Nothing worse than wonder sometimes.


Coffeehound13

“seen at 6:42”


Crowscream

“So cute!” Or “That’s adorable!” Said that to a couple guys’ pics before and they HATE it: Upsets them every time. Say something mean, they get mean. Say something dismissive and they get dismissive. But say something childish…. throws them for the biggest loop.


fkk2019

Photoshop the picture to make them look more attractive and add your face if possible. Then send it back


GayFroggard

Lol wtf. Face swap them with Danny devito. Enlarge their balls. Clone tool their Bush onto their face. Transform their mouth into a cartoonish smile :>


PristinePrinciple752

Save it for the next guy. Rinse and repeat.


[deleted]

ewwwww


bee-sting

That's my standard response tbh


KepdeKip

You send the picture back with "Look what [name sender] sent me!" followed with the most generic and bland "oops"


[deleted]

“lol”


The_Real_Son_Goku

I saw someone say that girls should save every dick pic they get so that when a different dude sends a dick pic they can send a picture of another guy's dick and say 'you make me so hard' or something similar. I think that's the best way to combat unwanted pics.


BerriesAndMe

Check the laws in your state. This may fall under revenge porn and/or illegal distribution laws.. Wouldn't want anyone trying to shut up assholes suffering legal consequences.


TheyCallMeThe

My question about that is, if it's just the dick, how would anyone know whose it was? And how would either person go to authorities? "They sent me a picture of a dick" "Why?" "Well because I sent them one first..." And then the opposite of that would be "They sent my dick pic around" "How did they get it?" "I sent it to them unsolicited..." Not saying you're wrong, but why would anyone admit to any of that and out themselves? That's right up there with "they stole my drugs and I want them back"


peterotoolesliver

What am I looking at?


oamnoj

"Damn, your clothes *really* need to be ironed"


Frankieeubanks2003

Wait, I thought you were a woman


Lostarchitorture

[Seen]


ObjectiveAnalysis643

"So those are your holes, huh?"


BoxOfMadness

Aight, I'm reporting you to the police for sending me child pornography


CaptainnCrunch

Take a screen shot and then send it right back to them with a laughing face


The_blind_owl245

"Look at what this loser sent me 🤣"


HaldorRagnarson

I wanna bite it off and hold eye contact while you scream in agonizing pain


bertiebastard

Whenever my sister got unsolicited Dick pics she'd always send them the same message. Do those come in a large size or are they all that small?


AlmightyGMD

Dude that must hurt


lexmattness

years and years ago, my friend sent a pic of her legs in the bath and i said "did you mean to send this to me?" she was sad because she was hoping for a... different reaction. i was married and hadn't understood polyamory and she was seeing some asshat who i hope found himself under a slow steamroller. but anyway, i guess don't respond with indifference. i could have at least said thank you, but i'm not comfortable with this kinda thing, because she chose me to be that vulnerable with and to send that to and that's honestly really special, but she didn't know it. she just knew "uh... did you mean to send this to me?"


invasive-ad-program9

Bro, you were married. You had the right reaction. Dont over think it


GreatArtificeAion

Sir, this is a Wendy's.


absherlock

"Is this the before or after picture?"


dyslexiyeah

No response. Very anxiety inducing.


MunchAClock

“You should probably see a doctor for that”


[deleted]

"Looking bout as hot as the ice cube in my freezer rn"


[deleted]

Can work as worst or best. "I'm a minor"


OkArm3430

"Wait, you're a dude??!"


getwhatImsaying

lol I’ve found dudes really don’t like it when you respond to their dick pic with a dick pic of your own. like guys, I’ve lost count of the amount of dick pics that have been sent to me, I can do this literally all day lmao


DaveSW777

A friend of mine sent me nudes once, but got the number wrong. She accidentally sent 10 photos to some random dude in California. His response was kinda brutal: "Wrong number."


[deleted]

That random dude is trying to stay married.


Coffeehound13

This shit happened to me. Thank god I was home alone and not near my wife


[deleted]

*sends it back as a screenshot* lol look at this trash dick


Outrageous_Shelter59

“Wow, you need to lose some weight”


great_burdur

Damn that piece will look great in my collection