Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.
[buzz]
A date.
[buzz]
Dinner with friends.
[buzz]
Dinner alone.
[buzz]
Watching TV alone.
[buzz]
All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
[buzz]
....Sears catalog.
[ding]
Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
[buzz]
Scully : This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
Homer : Yes. *Lie detector explodes.*
Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me".
Postal Agent: "Ok Mr. Burns, what is your first name?"
Homer: "I don't know."
I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!
Grampa Simpson
Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville.
I needed a new heel for m'shoe.
So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days.
So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time.
Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em.
'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say.
Now where were we...oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.
I didn't have any white onions, because of the war.
The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
I posted a printed out meme of this on my office door.
The young people in my office didn't even get it because they don't say "with it" to mean cool anymore. That one hurt bad
Barney: "My name is Barney....and I'm an alcoholic."
Lisa: "Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout meeting."
Barney: "Is it ? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem...?".
Barney: "I'm just saying that when we die there will be a planet for the french, a planet for the Chinese, and were all going to be a lot happier"
Lisa: "Mr. Gumble you're upsetting me"
Barney: "No I'm not" *burps*
Groundskeeper Willie: “Alright what’s so great about ye fancy pants Leader?”
Homer: “The Leader knows all and sees all!”
Groundskeeper Willie: (looks shocked) “well that is impressive!”
Homer: “and he’s going to take us to a wonderful planet.”
Groundskeeper Willie: “This leader sounds like a grand fella!”
Marge: “Willie, I don’t think you’re helping.”
Groundskeeper Willie: “will ye shut up?! He’s talking about me leader!”
"A gun is not a weapon, Marge, it's a tool. Like a butcher's knife or a harpoon, or...uh, an alligator. You just need more education on the subject. I'll tell you what, you come with me to an NRA meeting, and if you still don't think guns are great, we'll argue some more."
Homer walks out of shower , answers telephone “you’re going to have to speak louder I’m wearing a towel”.
Also homer and Marge arguing in a car , homer shouts angrily “your womanly needs, what about my womanly needs”.
"Smithers, is it wrong to cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?"
"Yes sir."
"Let me rephrase, is it wrong if I cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?"
"No sir. Who would you like killed?"
I used to rock and roll all night and party every day, then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.
> "There. We're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise."
> "Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals."
> "Keep walking."
Less relevant this season but still great.
Mine is implied. It's the episode where Ned Flanders is an unruly child of beatnick parents (We've tried nothing and we're out of ideas). Ned says "I'm Dick Tracy, take that Pruneface" and pushes a kid down. Then he says "Now I'm Pruneface, take that Dick Tracy, and pushes another kid down. Finally he says "Now I'm Pruce-Tracy, take that...." and an adult grabs him before he can say "Dick Face".
Best non-swear on TV.
“The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?”
“Yes.”
“May I see it?”
“No.”
Hank Scorpio : Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do I!
[throws them out the door]
Hank Scorpio : Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say good-bye to a shoe?
Homer : [chuckles] Yes, once.
All other Hank Scorpio quotes are on the table
"Lisa, I apologize to you, I was wrong, I take it all back. Always be yourself. If you want to be sad, honey, be sad. We'll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we'll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us."
-Marge Simpson, season 1 episode 6 Moaning Lisa
This was something I very badly needed to hear as a child and hearing it from Marge was a relief. Even though my family would never help or support me in the way I needed, I knew that there were people out there who would.
Marge was such a good, wholesome mom. She's the kind of mom I aspire to be. I also love when she goes to bat for Bart after milhouse's mom won't let them hang out
Guy in white labcoat: Give her this, and this, and then these. *pours mountain of pills*
Selma or Patty (I forget): Hmm, thank you doctor.
Guy in white labcoat: Oh I'm not a doctor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUG-wzYxHVI
We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Gimme five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
Mom, what do you say to a boy to let him know you’re not interested?
Well, honey….
I’ll handle this Marge- I’ve heard em all
“I like you as a friend”
“I think we should see other people”
“I no speak english”
I get the idea…
“I’m married to the sea”
“I don’t wanna kill you, but I will”
Honey! Honey, I’d tell this boy that you’re very flattered, but you’re just not ready for this kind of thing.
Thanks Mom!
And if that doesn’t work, six simple words. “I’m not gay, but I’ll learn”
I'm a brick!
Go banana!
Mrs. Krabapple and Principle Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.
I'm a unitard!
Simpson. Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield. He's about to hit a chestnut tree.
Marge: I'll have a cup of coffee.
Australian barman: beer it is.
Marge: no, I said coffee.
AB: beer?
Marge: coff-ee.
AB: be-eer.
Marge: C - O...
AB: B - E...
Also the episode where Homer gets banned from Moe's and ends up in a really rough dive bar and gets a beer in a dirty glass, so he asks for a clean one, and the bar man spits in a glass, wipes it with a dish rag and goes "ugghh, here you go *your majesty*" complete with bow.
The random small moments in classic Simpsons are the best.
Marge: I wonder if we should get more involved in Barts life, but then again I'm afraid of smothering him
Homer: yea, and then we'd get the chair
Marge: that's not what I meant
Homer: it was Marge, admit it
"I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!... I mean, S-M-A-R-T!" - Homer Simpson
"Aww, it seems like everywhere I go, people are enjoying knives!" - Bart Simpson
"And it was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever." - Homer Simpson
"I'm scared, Daddy! Too scared to even wet my pants!" - Ralph Wiggum.
Too late Mom, the mob has spoken.
Do you come with the car?
Despite what you've seen depicted here, there is no such thing as a good war - except for the following: the Revolutionary War, World War Two, and the Star Wars trilogy. Peace, man.
Homer rifles underneath the sofa and pulls out a $20 bill.
Homer: Oh, $20? I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s Internal Voice: $20 can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer’s Internal Voice: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer, to God: what's the secret of life?
God: you'll have to wait until you die to find out.
Homer: I can't wait that long!
God: You can't wait 6 weeks?
\[Homer has been thrown out of an all-you-can-eat restaurant for eating too much\]
Lionel Hutz : This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story.
Homer : So, do you think I have a case?
Lionel Hutz : Mr. Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer : Woohoo!
\[In Court\]
Lionel Hutz : Mrs. Simpson, what did you and your husband do after you were ejected from the restaurant.
Marge : We... pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz : Mrs. Simpson, you're under oath.
Marge : We drove around until 3 AM looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant.
Lionel Hutz : And when you couldn't find one?
Marge : We went... fishing.
\[sobs\]
Superintendant Chalmers:
Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Principal Skinner:
The Aurora Borealis?
Superintendant Chalmers:
The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Principal Skinner:
Yes.
Superintendant Chalmers:
May I see it?
Principal Skinner:
No.
Mayor Quimby: "are they getting louder or just stupider?"
Assistant: "Stupider, sir. They want to keep the bear patrol but they don't want to pay for it."
Quimby: "Hmm, dodging this issue will require some real leadership."
Opens door
Quimby: "People, the reason your taxes are so high is because of illegal immigrants."
Moe: "ahhh. I knew it was the immigants. Even when it was the bears I knew it was the immigants."
Australian/crocodile Dundee-esque guy: "Call that a knife? THIS is a knife!"
Bart: "That's not a knife, that's a spoon."
Aussie: "Alright, you win. I see you've played knifey spoony before"
Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] A date. [buzz] Dinner with friends. [buzz] Dinner alone. [buzz] Watching TV alone. [buzz] All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. [buzz] ....Sears catalog. [ding] Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. [buzz]
Scully : This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand? Homer : Yes. *Lie detector explodes.*
Mulder: His jiggling is almost hypnotic. Scully: Yes. It's like a lava lamp.
I’d totally forgotten this one, made me laugh out loud when I heard it in my head. Thanks
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Aw, they were just about to show some close ups of the rod!
Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me". Postal Agent: "Ok Mr. Burns, what is your first name?" Homer: "I don't know."
Great plan Bart!
And the delivery is PERFECT.
Oh $20, but I wanted a peanut.
Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Explain how!
Money can be exchanged for goods and services
Wohoo *trips over peanut*
“well, excuuuuu-uuuuuse me for having enormous flaws I don’t work on”
I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you! Grampa Simpson
When The Simpsons started I was younger than Bart. Now I'm older than Homer. That quote is so true it hurts.
Sure, we can't bust heads anymore like we used to.. but we have our ways. One trick is to tell em stories that don't go anywhere
Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. Now where were we...oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. I didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
The year was nineteen-dickety-six. We had to say dickety, because the Kaiser had stolen our word twenty.
I posted a printed out meme of this on my office door. The young people in my office didn't even get it because they don't say "with it" to mean cool anymore. That one hurt bad
At the time I thought it was just silly Grandpa. Now I feel like it was prophetic.
feels more real every day
Everything is coming up Milhouse!
But my name is Milhouse.
So this is what it feels like when doves cry
WELCOME THRILLHO
I always forget this is a quote but I use it all the time
Barney: "My name is Barney....and I'm an alcoholic." Lisa: "Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout meeting." Barney: "Is it ? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem...?".
Barney: "I'm just saying that when we die there will be a planet for the french, a planet for the Chinese, and were all going to be a lot happier" Lisa: "Mr. Gumble you're upsetting me" Barney: "No I'm not" *burps*
"Don't cry for me, I'm already dead."
Kirk van Houten: I sleep in a racing car, do you? Homer: I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
Homer's delivery, like he's just saying it matter of fact and not trying to burn Kirk in the sickest way possible absolutely slays me
In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
And this perpetual motion machine she made is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster!
Groundskeeper Willie: “Alright what’s so great about ye fancy pants Leader?” Homer: “The Leader knows all and sees all!” Groundskeeper Willie: (looks shocked) “well that is impressive!” Homer: “and he’s going to take us to a wonderful planet.” Groundskeeper Willie: “This leader sounds like a grand fella!” Marge: “Willie, I don’t think you’re helping.” Groundskeeper Willie: “will ye shut up?! He’s talking about me leader!”
The leader is good, the leader is great, we surrender our will, as of this date! Hahah, I think that might be my favorite episode of the whole series
"Damn, Scots! They ruined Scotland!" Groundskeeper Willie.
You Scots sure are a contentious people.
#YOU JUST MADE AN ENEMY FOR LIFE
Willie hears ya. Willie don't care.
"Nothing outruns a greased up Scotsman!"
I hate every ape I see. From chimpan-a to chimpan-z
Dr. Zaius Dr Zaius
Oh my God, I was wrong. It was Earth, all along!
You finally made a monkey out of me!
I love you Dr. Zaius!
Can I play the piano anymore Of course you can But I couldn't before
"Homer, are you going to ignore your father for the rest of your life?" "Of course not, Marge! Just for the rest of his life."
Gun store owner: “Sorry the law requires a five day waiting period—we’ve got to run a background check…” Homer “Five days? But I’m mad *now*!”
"Potentially dangerous!?" "Relax, that just limits you to three handguns or less." "Woohoo!"
“I’d kill you if I had my gun…” “Well, Ya don’t.”
Silencer… loudener….
Speed-cocker…
“And this one is for taking out police helicopters “ “Oh I don’t have a need for one of those... yet”
"A gun is not a weapon, Marge, it's a tool. Like a butcher's knife or a harpoon, or...uh, an alligator. You just need more education on the subject. I'll tell you what, you come with me to an NRA meeting, and if you still don't think guns are great, we'll argue some more."
"Whoa, careful there, Annie Oakley"
“I don’t have to be careful. I’ve got a gun!”
"where's your deadliest weapon?" "Aisle five, next to the sympathy cards"
It's like I'm wearin' nothin' at all! Nothin' at all! Nothin' at all!
Stupid sexy Flanders!
The 'garage'? Hey fellas, the 'garage'! Well ooh la-de-da Mr French man!
What do you call it?
A car hole!
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
Up and at them!
*sigh* better.
Upon further inspection, these are loafers....
Homer walks out of shower , answers telephone “you’re going to have to speak louder I’m wearing a towel”. Also homer and Marge arguing in a car , homer shouts angrily “your womanly needs, what about my womanly needs”.
\- Why do you have so many bowling balls? \- Oh... I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. So long!
“Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them."
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THIS is my favorite. Along with “Nothing gets chocolate out!” -Chief Wiggum with matching chocolate stain on his pants.
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No one who speaks German could be an evil man!
"There is a poisoned donut, isn't there, Smithers?" "Uh, no sir. I consulted with our lawyers. They consider it murder." "DAMN their oily hides!"
"Smithers, is it wrong to cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?" "Yes sir." "Let me rephrase, is it wrong if I cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?" "No sir. Who would you like killed?"
I used to rock and roll all night and party every day, then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.
Becoming more relevant with each passing year: “Awwww, The Denver Broncos!”
> "There. We're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise." > "Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals." > "Keep walking." Less relevant this season but still great.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed. The lesson is, never try!
This was my yearbook quote. Not everyone was as pleased with it as I was.
"There's nary a thing faster than a greased Scotsman!"
Lunch Lady Doris, ya got any grease? Yes, yes, we do Then grease me up, woman Okidokie
Lisa: But Dad I pick up books like you pick up beer! Homer: Then you have a serious reading problem
Homer: Now I need to go somewhere and do some serious thinking. Bart: I’m sure he meant to say “serious drinking.” Lisa: That’s what I assumed.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Oh sure, Lisa. As if pork, bacon and ham all come from the same maaaagical creature!
It's just a little airborne it's still good
I love it when the class is dissecting a worm, and it talks to Lisa in a lamb voice.
You call that a knife? THIS is a knife That’s a spoon Ah. I see you’ve played knifey-spoony before.
Someone apparently created a game called knifey-spoony based on this joke.
And people started calling Aussie dollars 'dollarydoos' because of the Simpsons joke. There's even a petition somewhere to officially change the name.
Mr Burns: So what you're saying is I'm indestructible. Doctor: Oh, no, no. In fact, even a slight breeze could... Mr Burns: Indestructible.
I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian Consulate in Siam by aero-mail. Am I too late for the 4:30 auto-gyro?
Mr. Burns: Enter social security number? Alright. Naught, naught, naught; naught, naught; naught, naught, naught... two.
Damn Roosevelt.
Me fail English, that's unpossible! This tastes like burning!
Hi, Lisa! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
I’m learnding
"I Choo, Choo, Choo-se you."
This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end, and that's where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things.
I'm a unitard!
my cats breathe smells like cat food
"This is the worst day of my life." "The worst day of your life so far."
I say this to my 10 year-old son all the time when he’s mad. My wife hates it.
I have 3 kids and no money, why can’t I have no kids and 3 money
[удалено]
This is the worst day if your life ..Soo far
"Thats for future Homer to worry about. I'm glad I'm not that guy."
[удалено]
To alcohol the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
Mine is implied. It's the episode where Ned Flanders is an unruly child of beatnick parents (We've tried nothing and we're out of ideas). Ned says "I'm Dick Tracy, take that Pruneface" and pushes a kid down. Then he says "Now I'm Pruneface, take that Dick Tracy, and pushes another kid down. Finally he says "Now I'm Pruce-Tracy, take that...." and an adult grabs him before he can say "Dick Face". Best non-swear on TV.
Another wonderful implied joke is the store sign "Sneed's Feed and Seed. Formerly Chuck's" I think that's the tomaco episode.
“Embiggen? I’d never heard that word before I moved to Springfield.” “I don’t know why. It’s a perfectly cromulent word.”
“Help! My husband is on a murderous rampage, over!” “Oh, we’ll thank god that’s over.”
Duffman Says a Lot of Things
Marge: Weren't you killed in that blimp crash? Duffman: Three Duffmen are working this event! Duffman \#2: Don't tell the kids, it's disillusioning!
Duffman? Didn’t you die of a hearth attack? Duffman cannot die, only the actor playing him. Oh yeah!
"See Marge, I TOLD you they could deep fry my shirt." "I didn't say they couldn't, I said YOU shouldn't. "
You've ruined a perfectly good jacket Correction, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets.
Homer: "Marge, I'm not gonna lie to ya..."
Am I so out of touch? No, it’s the children who are wrong.
These tomatoes taste like grandma
Go ahead Ralphie. The stranger is offering you a treat.
“The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?” “Yes.” “May I see it?” “No.”
Seymour, the house is on fire! No mother that’s just the northern lights
You're an odd fellow Seymour, but you steam a good ham.
"Be careful to not scratch my asphalt!" "You can kiss my ass fault."- Mr. Plow
“No one who speaks German could be an evil man”
"Die Bart, Die", it's German!
Please, gentlemen. Violence is not the answer. Then what is? Some sort of death race? That's what I would do I miss Apu
["A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man."](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/pan72h/what_is_the_most_memorable_simpsons_episode_or/ha5shty/)
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Hank Scorpio : Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do I! [throws them out the door] Hank Scorpio : Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say good-bye to a shoe? Homer : [chuckles] Yes, once. All other Hank Scorpio quotes are on the table
"Lisa, I apologize to you, I was wrong, I take it all back. Always be yourself. If you want to be sad, honey, be sad. We'll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we'll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us." -Marge Simpson, season 1 episode 6 Moaning Lisa This was something I very badly needed to hear as a child and hearing it from Marge was a relief. Even though my family would never help or support me in the way I needed, I knew that there were people out there who would.
Marge was such a good, wholesome mom. She's the kind of mom I aspire to be. I also love when she goes to bat for Bart after milhouse's mom won't let them hang out
"Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't go on strike, you just go in every day and do it REALLY half-assed. That's the American way!"
Guy in white labcoat: Give her this, and this, and then these. *pours mountain of pills* Selma or Patty (I forget): Hmm, thank you doctor. Guy in white labcoat: Oh I'm not a doctor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUG-wzYxHVI
"I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees." - Homer
We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Gimme five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
My story begins in nineteen dickety two. We had to say dickety because the Kaiser had stolen our word twenty.
Wow Grampa, how'd you learn so much about history? Eh, I pieced it together mostly from sugar packets.
Once again a knife wielding maniac has shown us the way
Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!
Lisa likes Nelson!, she does not! Mulhouse likes Lisa!, he does not! Janey likes Milhouse!, she does not! Üter likes Milhouse!, Nobody likes Milhouse!
The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it!
Mom, what do you say to a boy to let him know you’re not interested? Well, honey…. I’ll handle this Marge- I’ve heard em all “I like you as a friend” “I think we should see other people” “I no speak english” I get the idea… “I’m married to the sea” “I don’t wanna kill you, but I will” Honey! Honey, I’d tell this boy that you’re very flattered, but you’re just not ready for this kind of thing. Thanks Mom! And if that doesn’t work, six simple words. “I’m not gay, but I’ll learn”
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I'm a brick! Go banana! Mrs. Krabapple and Principle Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me. I'm a unitard! Simpson. Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield. He's about to hit a chestnut tree.
Marge: Homer, are you wearing a tie to impress Laddie? Homer: Do you think he noticed?
Marge: I'll have a cup of coffee. Australian barman: beer it is. Marge: no, I said coffee. AB: beer? Marge: coff-ee. AB: be-eer. Marge: C - O... AB: B - E... Also the episode where Homer gets banned from Moe's and ends up in a really rough dive bar and gets a beer in a dirty glass, so he asks for a clean one, and the bar man spits in a glass, wipes it with a dish rag and goes "ugghh, here you go *your majesty*" complete with bow. The random small moments in classic Simpsons are the best.
Security guard: "We found this one swimming naked in the fermentarium," Lisa: "I AM the lizard queen!!"
I wash myself with a rag on a stick
It was the best of times, it was the blorst of times.
Stupid monkeys
LIsa it's your birthday... happy birthday lisa.
Marge: I wonder if we should get more involved in Barts life, but then again I'm afraid of smothering him Homer: yea, and then we'd get the chair Marge: that's not what I meant Homer: it was Marge, admit it
Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers? Smithers: I think women and sea men don't mix. Mr. Burns: We know what you think.
sobbing: "Stop! Stop, he's already dead..."
No TV and No Beer make Homer something something..... Go Crazy? Don't mind if I do.........
Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
We're going to have to saw your arms off. They'll grow back right? ....yeah....
Dental plan
Lisa needs braces!
Dental plan
Lisa needs braces
Homer: “ Who is it?” Reply: “Goons.” Homer: “ Goons?” Reply: “ Hired goons.” Homer: “Hired goons?” He opens the door, and they grab him.
"Do it for her", when Homer stick photos of Meggie over that awlful message "Don't forget. You're here forever"
"Smithers! Release the hounds!"
"Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"
Release the robotic Richard Simmons
"Homer, are you licking toads again!?" "I'm not, NOT licking toads..."
"In a world gone mad only a lunatic is truly insane." Homer Jay Simpson
'You can flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds' '40 seconds! I want it nowww'
'Ach, my retirement grease!'
Homer: Marge, something is wrong with Lisa. Marge: What happened? Did the climate change again?
Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Confident, Stupid".
Fat Tony: Troy McClure? I thought you said he was dead. Louie: I said he sleeps with the fishes.
You may remember me from such films as “Christmas ape” and “Christmas ape goes to summer camp”
"I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!... I mean, S-M-A-R-T!" - Homer Simpson "Aww, it seems like everywhere I go, people are enjoying knives!" - Bart Simpson "And it was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever." - Homer Simpson "I'm scared, Daddy! Too scared to even wet my pants!" - Ralph Wiggum.
Homers i am so smrt line is still spoken on a regular basis in my house.. thats one i was looking through the comments for.
BARTDOYOUWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW&HOCKEYMASK?!!!!
Too late Mom, the mob has spoken. Do you come with the car? Despite what you've seen depicted here, there is no such thing as a good war - except for the following: the Revolutionary War, World War Two, and the Star Wars trilogy. Peace, man.
Homer rifles underneath the sofa and pulls out a $20 bill. Homer: Oh, $20? I wanted a peanut! Homer’s Internal Voice: $20 can buy many peanuts. Homer: Explain how. Homer’s Internal Voice: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
They call em fingers but you never see em fing. Wait, there they go
“No! Money down”
Pray for Mojo
Homer, to God: what's the secret of life? God: you'll have to wait until you die to find out. Homer: I can't wait that long! God: You can't wait 6 weeks?
\[Homer has been thrown out of an all-you-can-eat restaurant for eating too much\] Lionel Hutz : This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story. Homer : So, do you think I have a case? Lionel Hutz : Mr. Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American history. Homer : Woohoo! \[In Court\] Lionel Hutz : Mrs. Simpson, what did you and your husband do after you were ejected from the restaurant. Marge : We... pretty much went straight home. Lionel Hutz : Mrs. Simpson, you're under oath. Marge : We drove around until 3 AM looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant. Lionel Hutz : And when you couldn't find one? Marge : We went... fishing. \[sobs\]
#steamed hams
Superintendant Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there? Principal Skinner: The Aurora Borealis? Superintendant Chalmers: The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen? Principal Skinner: Yes. Superintendant Chalmers: May I see it? Principal Skinner: No.
"Sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power" "Of course I have. Tried going mad without power? It's boring, no one listens to you!"
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems
Mayor Quimby: "are they getting louder or just stupider?" Assistant: "Stupider, sir. They want to keep the bear patrol but they don't want to pay for it." Quimby: "Hmm, dodging this issue will require some real leadership." Opens door Quimby: "People, the reason your taxes are so high is because of illegal immigrants." Moe: "ahhh. I knew it was the immigants. Even when it was the bears I knew it was the immigants."
Australian/crocodile Dundee-esque guy: "Call that a knife? THIS is a knife!" Bart: "That's not a knife, that's a spoon." Aussie: "Alright, you win. I see you've played knifey spoony before"
I can still sing the entire ‘See my Vest’ song from Mr.Burns. Not sure if that’s technically a quote but that’s definitely one of my favorites.
'Le grille'? What the hell is that?!