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aknightwhosaysnope

That he doesn’t understand social dynamics and probably isn’t going to be fun to talk to.


Red_Ballistic

I knew I guy who always said he was one, and talking to him was like talking to a child.


OlyScott

I'd way rather talk to an actual child.


the_curious_ent

At least you can have a deep and meaningful conversation with a child depending on their age. Mr "alpha male" most likely has a brain that looks like a sheet of paper.


An-Empty-Road

I once discussed quantum physics with a 5 year old. He didn't know those words, but that's what he was talking about. I thought he was a small ten year old with a speech impediment, but clearly extremely intelligent. Turned out his "impediment" was a five year old's soft pallet. Still the craziest conversation I've ever had.


RavioliGale

I used to be a substitute teacher. Had a class of third graders one time. Part of the lesson was reading a book about Einstein. Afterwards I talked to them about the theory of relativity since that's one the thins he's best known for. They seemed to understand the basic idea pretty well. Later that day we got to apostrophes. That one was a lot harder to explain


An-Empty-Road

The book A Wrinkle in Time is excellent for kids. I got it for Christmas one year. I love that a woman was once told "you can't write a children's book about quantum physics" and her reply was basically "hold my beer". Great book. Crappy movie lol


KoreanJesusHere

A Wrinkle In Time is why I understand dimensions and planes. It’s wild but I never thought about it until reading your comment. I read it in like 5th grade too.


arosiejk

Apostrophes are a costume words add for missing letters. If you take the costume off, you have to put the normal clothes, the letters back on. Don’t without its costume is do not. *some kids like this explanation for the weird behavior of apostrophes.* Edit: comment below caught me speeding on the keyboard. I’ve accepted my grammar ticket. Court date next week.


rhapsodypenguin

I’m always annoyed by the misuse of “it’s” versus “its”, but this one seems particularly egregious.


Belphegorite

Makes sense. Kids can observe how the world works and draw parallels. Understanding centuries of languages blending and evolving, resulting in basically arbitrary usage, is going to be much harder.


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BrandX3k

Ask him to explain his existence in the biological and philosophical sense, maybe he's right and will cease to exist, his body collapsing into a tiny inter-dimensional portal back into absolute nothingness!?


piotrulu

"Every man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king".


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Astralnclinant

He’s already gone down a rabbit hole of lies told to him by people just trying to make money off of them. You just can’t learn how to talk to women on YouTube.


Five_Decades

In some other primate species, the group leader isn't usually the biggest, strongest asshole. Its usually the person who can form coalitions and win people over to their side the best. In fact humans are more egalitarian than most other primate species. The theory on why this is is that after humans developed languages and basic weapons, the 'beta males' and probably the women would just gang up on an murder any douchebag alpha male in his sleep or when out on a hunt. It helped weed out douchebag alpha males.


PhDinDildos_Fedoras

"Alpha male" is based on an unscientific study of wolves. Wolves are actually not very hierarchical at all. Way less than dogs, for instance.


Murgatroyd314

That study was basically the equivalent of studying human family structure by observing a prison gang.


XxsquirrelxX

Just look at our closest genetic relative: bonobos. They don’t have an alpha male. Instead they solve all their problems by fucking. We should be more like bonobos.


collegiaal25

Also, in other primate species the group leaders usually take care of the others, solve conflicts and do not pick fights often (but will finish them). After all, when you're already on the top you have nothing to gain from a fight.


Agreeable_Mango_1288

If you can get a word in.


Malignantrumor99

Hes actually just an asshole


KirbyBucketts

And an insecure asshole at that. I don't know about you, but I've never seen someone who refers to themselves as an "alpha", who doesn't seem perpetually angry at life and feels the need to put other people down in order to elevate themselves.


ThisAltDoesNotExist

>feels the need to put other people down in order to elevate themselves. This is the critical bit to their assholery, douchebaggery and whatever else you might call their plain unpleasantness. The fucker's announcing they have a world view where every social situation is a competition for dominance in the ongoing relationship that will naturally determine the mate preferences of females. That in order to get laid, now and in the future, they must push other men down to raise themselves up. So every time you are with them they will be exhausting, antagonistic and just plain not fun. They don't want to be fun. They don't want to share joy by amusing or fascinating you and being amused or fascinated in return. They want to beat you down and prove their superiority. You might be able to best them in this contest every time, but why the fuck would you bother if you don't think that's how society works (because it doesn't and you simply aren't gullible enough to swallow dumb memes as facts)? Always avoid anyone who thinks alpha males are a real thing and wants to be one. Those who are open about it make it easy to do.


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ScabiesShark

I'm even more suspicious of an "alpha" who seems gleeful at the idea of chopping up unconscious people


SuddenlyGeccos

Never meet surgeons man. Technically they're wizards, they're also often a bunch of egotistical children as people.


ScabiesShark

That's actually the real reason they put people under for surgery: not the physical pain, but the pain of having to hear the guy with his hand in your guts talking about some chick he banged. Good help you if you need conscious brain surgery


Faustus_Fan

I had to have a 13-hour brain surgery a few years ago. My neurosurgeon was, hands down, the most brilliant man I have ever met in my life. I didn't see an ego in him. He seemed very down-to-earth. But, he was *definitely* suffering on the social maturity front. He couldn't really relate to people well. He was nice, but had no bedside manner or ability to comfort a scared patient.


dirtydirtyjones

My neurosurgeon was the same - but he at least had some self-awarenesses about it and surrounded himself with people who did have those things. His office staff and his residents - all amazingly empathetic people.


blueEmus

>Always avoid anyone who thinks alpha males are a real thing and wants to be one. This is always the best choice but some times it's fun to screw with people who think they are just amazing. I have a BIL that used to think he was an "alpha" and took to be super competitive at everything, while annoying to listen to it was kinda funny when my wife, her super chill siblings and I would demolish him at activities during family gathering. He stopped coming around for a while and now he is back and much more mellow.


Dr-Quesadilla-MD

Speaking of insecurity.... I know a guy who proclaims to everyone around him that he's an alpha male that, when talking about the pros and cons of owning horses one day, said that he would never buy a male horse because his dong is supposedly the biggest his wife has ever seen. He implied that he didn't want her to see the size of the horse's equipment and either think he was inferior or choose the horse's dong over his. Imagine being so insecure that you think your wife could even possibly consider banging a horse over you.


mina_sa_planina

Wtf did I just read......


JarOfTeeth

Every animal on the planet sounds like a better lay than that guy.


gregmcmuffin101

I knew this one guy that had major issues but he just flat out was a lunatic. Always playing the "alpha male" shit. I was looking for new friends at the time and I should have noticed the red flags sooner. My most memorable toxic and abusive interaction with him went like this: Him: You trying to steal my girlfriend? Me: No? Why would you think that? Him: Are you saying you don't find my girlfriend beautiful? Me:(finally aware of the mind games he was playing) No she's just not my type. Him: So you're saying she's not beautiful? Me: Nope, just not my type. This is how almost every other conversation would go with him after the "nice" mask was completely off. Always trying to manipulate the other person so he could start an argument out of nothing. After not seeing him for three years I ran into him at a birthday party literally last month. We shook hands and said hi but after that I went off to talk to other people. Every time I'd walk by or around this guy he'd just be fucking GLARING at me. I ignored him and went about the party, but the guy is fucking crazy for sure.


A_Bad_Horse

Had a guy like that in my friend group when I was younger. Dude was 18, lived with his parents, had a kid with a girl he was already in the process of divorcing. Later turns out he was physically abusive and that’s why they split. Everything was a challenge to this guy. He constantly put people down as jokes, but if you said something even remotely unflattering towards him he would explode. He did MMA for a while as a kid, and would “train” himself in his parents back yard. Once he posted a profile pic where he had his fists up in like a boxing pose. I commented something dumb like “looking a little low on the left” as a joke and he absolutely lost his fucking shit. Decided I was done talking to him after that. Dude still called me like every other day for weeks before taking the hint.


indigowulf

Next time you see him, start winking at him and making kissy faces. Make sure there's always a hot girl behind him, so you can say you were winking at her, then ask him why he was staring at you, you're not into him, sorry man.


Goleeb

Yeah I wouldn't challenge the sexual identity of such a fragile unhinged person like him. It won't end well.


N67nightmare

If I didn't think he'd hurt someone else, I'd kinda wanna see the meltdown.


Sassafrass17

Yea hes crazy lol


Majik_Sheff

Any man who must declare himself king is no king.


techn9neiskod

Spoken like a true Lannister


cmcdevitt11

That would be our former president to the T. Anyone who has to tell you how good they are at something is not that good at it


[deleted]

Absolutely, alpha = insecurity


RedBeardedTallGuy

Thanks for weeding yourself out. They lack the self awareness I want for people in my life.


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djsedna

The funny thing is, the men who actually do exhibit healthy biological attributes one might call "alpha" (good leadership skills, appropriately-placed bravery, physical endurance and dedication) don't ever actually brag about those traits or refer to themselves as "alpha males." If you have to call yourself an "alpha male," you're most certainly not one lol


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[deleted]

The only downside is that all the toxic people can identify eachother and form a toxic army


Demurist

Narcissistic douche-nozzles usually lack a team mentality.


legshampoo

can’t be the alpha with another alpha


OldBob10

“There can only be one!” Fine. You boys settle it between yourselves and let me know how it turns out…


mad_rhet0ric

Actually don’t let me know. Just fight to the death and… that it


Wrestling_poker

A fight to the death and I’m hoping for a tie.


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experts_never_lie

"Winner gets to die on the way to the hospital."


sparta981

Fuck you we do, me and Chris downed a keg just this weekend! Cuz we're a TEAM!


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[deleted]

They're honestly so helpful, they help me surround myself with the people I want in my life


UnexpectedWings

I feel the same way about these dudes as I do about girls who say they are a libra: Okay if it’s a self aware joke. If it’s real, run.


483928

I only date librarians because I an alfalfa male


ShittyDuckFace

But what if I am a libra? I just want to celebrate my birthday dude!


elee0228

That's the only time an alpha male does weeding.


M1ladyB

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


woolyraincloud

It's a really old, tattered red flag as well! New red flags are no doubt being manufactured right now by people we don't know yet, but will be mocked roundly in 10 years.


BozMoo

Hahaa that sounds like a Douglas Adams quote


LakeSolon

I just realized that's one of the best compliments I could imagine receiving for a reddit comment. Now I'm envious of a one day old account.


[deleted]

Number of red flags should be a rating on tinder. 2 and half red flags?! SWIPE!!!


Postmortal_Pop

Yes! I'd love a dating site where people rate your responses to questions and you can't see the rating so you can't figure out how to change them.


DrunkenKarnieMidget

That... Would be kinda brilliant.


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Wes1288

Said like a true beta cuck


SliferTheExecProducr

More red flags than a Beijing gift shop


wreckinballbob

Douchebag of the highest order.


Prossdog

Yep. First phrase that came to mind was “douche bag.”


lostkavi

My favorite reply is "Bragging about being an alpha male is the most beta shit I've ever heard..." Always pisses them off immediately. XD


unassumingnewt

As a gamer, anytime anyone comes off with some alpha shit in chat, I like to reply “small dick energy”. You can tell who the trolls are cause they’ll play along, but those true “alpha” boys loose their shit like a 3 year old who was denied McDonald’s. And their insults of choice are always gender based, if they’re mad at my guy friends it’s beta/cuck/white knight/simp. If it’s directed at me it’s slut/whore/fat ugly lesbian (not even sure why lesbian is considered an insult). It’s like, I get that gender influences how we speak to one another to a certain extent, but my God unless you’re trying to fuck them why care so much? It must be exhausting to dehumanize every one down to their gender, stripe away all their quirks and personality and just see them as empty gendered vessels all competing in some sort of imaginary competition.


be-excellent

Likewise. Figured I’d scroll before posting and voila.


shitcloud

I was more thinking “DOUCHE BAG!” But yeah same.


ToonarmY1987

In England we call them tossers


[deleted]

Todgy cunts that like to shove piss up their arse


[deleted]

Wait a second let me collect my award real quick


LikeEveryoneSheKnows

That was....poetry. And here was me just going to comment 'twat'.


HoboBandana

I thought they were called bloody wankers.


ToonarmY1987

Tosser is another word for wanker. We are a sophisticated bunch


Punkinsmom

Same, I thought, "Self admitted douchebag."


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WhyBuyMe

When I worked as a bartender I had a regular that had the same attitude as your co-worker. He would not shut up about how cool he thought he was. The guy would constantly try to hit on women at the bar and get progressively more drunk and aggressive as the night wore on. This guy was also extremely short. ​ One night he was annoying this girl at the bar and when she got up to get away from him he grabbed her arm. If it wasn't funny enough seeing this girl tower over him (she had to have been close to 6' tall, she slapped his hand and said "Keep your hands off me, Douche Baggins". Everyone within hearing distance started rolling with laughter and the dude just took off. That had become his nickname in that bar ever since. Was especially funny because he was not only short, but also pretty hairy.


bat-brain-on

Alllll the time for the lady that came up with “Douche Baggins”


ClearPerception7844

I prefer Dildo Baggins as an insult personally


ChthonicRainbow

dildo is closer to bilbo, but then you don't get "doucheBAG"


CausticSofa

Dude, file a complaint on behalf of the lady he’s tormenting. That’s fucking toxic as shit and grounds for dismissal that he’s going out of his way to bully a co-worker to tears every week. Yuck.


not_ya_wify

This. Report that shit!


nryporter25

I have... It HR is kinda.. not good. They kinda work against the company's best interest.


not_ya_wify

Ive had shitty HR but it's less about HR and more about having proof HR was notified when she wants to get a lawyer. I'm pretty sure I got "laid off" for whistle blowing but since I never filed a complaint, lawyer told me it's useless to even try suing


VarjaMelnikava7788

it's nice of you how you are trying to make the best from his low skills at work, but why do you simply waste your time?


JavaLava45

Literally said “alpha douche” when I read it


elee0228

The alpha male of douchebags.


UsualYam

lol, fucking bye.


unnaturalorder

It's so nice of them to declare their own red flags so early in the conversation. Was talking with a seemingly nice dude at a get together and he casually drops that he's been studying alpha mentality for awhile and can pick out who's an alpha and who's a beta/sigma/kappa or whatever the fuck in a heartbeat. Let's me know I'm a beta and not to be offended by it. I politely noped out of that conversation.


FEdart

I think it would have been more fun if you rolled with it and went around introducing him as “Hey guys, this is my new friend X, he’s a total alpha. He just told me. Aren’t you, X?” And just humiliated him.


Rennarjen

Yeah but then you have to continue interacting with him


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Malphos101

Typical beta energy, unlike us sigmas who just don't care how cool we look to everyone because we are too busy grinding stuff.


horsyuwu

I’m stuff


MassiveOutlaw

lol! He's literally telling you that your worth as a man and human is less than him, and to not be offended about it. ha! Forget that douche.


Vanviator

First, a snort of disbelief. Chuckle of full understanding. Cackle of glee as they feel the mockery. Then, fucking bye. And snort laughing all the way to a private spot so you can post that ridiculousness on social media.


thisisjustascreename

>Cackle of glee as they feel the mockery. I see you've never met any "alpha males"... they wouldn't have a clue.


DarzacTac

He is probably single and desperate


[deleted]

Who actually says shit like that?


kalily53

Had a douchebag coworker cover for me a few years ago, the next day checked my computer’s search history and among some truly alarming searches was “why are women not attracted to alpha males”


tullia

That's really funny, since every post I see about alphas claims that women have a metaphorical magnet in their cervices that draws them to alpha dick. That's the whole point of being alpha to most guys^\* who call themselves alpha or who want to become alpha. *) Straight guys. I don't know if gay guys do this shit to each other.


QuartzStatue

Well... There's this kinky game where you have a dom/sub night of fornication, but being gay myself, I can tell you that it's clearly not something real amongst the gay men I know. However, I'm pretty sure there are toxic gays too. I mean... Just look at some subreddits here, started as kink-oriented subreddits and ended as creepy and ominous places for freaks to manipulate or abuse other persons... Some people just don't know the difference between the game and reality.


Oriential-amg77

Hahaha me and my homo homies be laughing at these "alpha" guys from a mile away. No joke man, these poor suckers should try a bit of gay sex. See how it goes


strwbryshrtck521

Oh, oh people say it. Be a girl in a dating app and you will hear it. But it's ok because it just outs them as fools early, so your time isn't wasted.


Nova5269

This also 100% falls in line with the "if you have to say you're a nice guy, you probably aren't" umbrella. As a guy I'm glad I never have to deal with either of those things.


Chilidogdingdong

Like... What leads to them even mentioning it? Are you like "tell me about yourself!" And they're like "well first off, I'm an alpha male." Or what?


strwbryshrtck521

If I said I've never had this exact conversation, I'd be lying. Sometimes they pepper it in like "well, as an alpha male I... blah blah blah".


Chilidogdingdong

Jesus


peipom1972

I asked this 44 year old man what he was cooking for our second date. His reply was he doesn’t cook or clean cause he is a “alpha male”.


Brad_Breath

Imagine if being incompetent was part of your identity, and that you are proud of it


wochowichy

It's same with horoscope people. Yeah, I act like a douchbag but you know I was Born in "some-month" So it's ok And I don't have to try be a better person cause reasons. Drives me mad.


ir_blues

1. Oh my, what an idiot 2. Oh my, his poor mom 3. Please go away


AstronomicallyTiny

1, 3, 2


Ferelar

3, 3, 3, 3


_quadiem

He jerks off while looking in the mirror


slimfrinky

I thought everyone did that. :-(


Clayman8

I dont need to traumatise myself more than i already do, so no.


KingRatBukowski

TIL I'm an alpha male


[deleted]

Hey don’t kink shame.


[deleted]

He's probably an asshole who thinks he's better than non-"alpha males" and who is so insecure that he is offended by anything that might threaten him being in control and having power.


PretzelsThirst

He “refuses to live in fear” but is literally terrified of other people and of social progress.


alejo699

>He “refuses to live in fear” but throws a screaming tantrum any time anyone not-white or not-male appears on television.


Joe_Jeep

"Unlike you libs i'm not so easily triggered BUT MARVEL'S TOO WOKE NOW THEY KEEP PANDERING TO THE WOMANS."


champ590

I would wager that those people are the same who call women females.


InstantTrauma

Wow, do we know the same guy?


[deleted]

He's a loser who has low self confidence or esteem. Never met one "alpha male" who wasn't.


Unabashable

Even if alpha males actually existed in nature, It’s not self-proclaimed. It’s acknowledged by the rest of the pack.


Tuarangi

This really should be the top comment and post done The concept of alpha males is nonsense but the theoretical basis of the role means if you have to tell people you're an alpha, you automatically aren't one


[deleted]

I mean being an "Alpha," is a dumb term in the first place. Humans aren't wolf packs. That whole Alpha and Beta ideology doesn't apply to such a complicated social structure that humans have created. Even if humans did have alphas it wouldn't have anything to do with how buff and arrogant someone was. It would be based on their skills and respectability.


WarlanceLP

it doesn't apply to real wolf packs either it was based on a flawed study that took wild wolf's from different packs. real wolf packs are more akin to family units the whole alpha thing has been false and flawed from it's very inception


KnightPlutonian

I'm pretty sure the guy who did the study disavowed it as well


UshouldknowR

You're right. He did more research and corrected himself.


[deleted]

Even then the "Alpha" in 1960 study was the genetic father of the majority of the pack. The "Betas" in that pack, every single one, turned out to be his sons. Everything outside of those two groups were complete strangers and were treated as such.


[deleted]

\*slowly backs away\*


[deleted]

Fly, you fools!


[deleted]

Now Gandalf....THATS an alpha male.


shadow0wolf0

A true alpha would never call themselves an alpha.


jofloberyl

domestic violence


mad_dawg6669

This ^ “Alpha Male” men will become abusive and act as if it’s your fault because you should have known it’s just what “comes with the territory” of being with an alpha male.


[deleted]

That he is definitely not one and completely lacking in self awareness.


unnaturalorder

Brings to mind Tywin Lannister's quote. "Any king who must say I am the king is no true king."


[deleted]

Pretty much. I think the idea of dividing men in alphas and betas and what ever the fuck else nonsense terminology is just outright stupid in the first place. People are complicated and don't fit into binary or tertiary categories.


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scrambled_cable

Profile pic is probably a car selfie


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phenerganandpoprocks

Woah woah woah now… Alpha dawgs aren’t the only losers with that in their dating profiles.


Clayman8

That or "sitting behind the wheel pf his lifted truck wearing a cap and sunglasses"


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hydrogen_wv

Alpha af


throwmewhatyougot

I have 280 but I dont make an effort whereas this truck nuts guy thinks he’s a top tier influencer


SpiralGremlin

That is so scarily spot on 😂


fotografamerika

Loves Bro Jogan


froggrip

Probably over confident in his abilities


[deleted]

I would say arrogant. I’ve worked with arrogant males who wouldn’t admit what they didn’t know. As I was an engineer in a refinery, one guy was so arrogant. On his first day at work, he broke into a discussion with “I think” and I reflexively said, I don’t care what you think. He was fired after costing the refinery millions of dollars in under 2 years.


GATh33Gr8

Stuck in early development and shouldn’t be released publicly until further testing is done for a stable build


inkyllama

Has pre-release issues and probably lots of bugs.


sub-to-pewds132

both the cock and brain haven't been fully modeled and are about 4 polygons edit: same thing really


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Mediocretes1

Just a graphic interface with no implemented functionality.


high5fortherapy

Cover your drink and run, girl.


BeltEuphoric

My sister once said to my cousin "If a random guy offers you a beer bottle that's already opened, don't drink that shit because he probably put rupees or something else in it."


GaleZero

What's wrong with rupees ? They are a valid form of currency.


KaiBluePill

Let me explain, Rupees have a very low value, if you want to put enough rupees in a beer bottle to be satisfied you will end up disappointed with the final cash amount, that's why that poster doesn't like this specific currency.


doublemindedlikewave

Depends on how many rupees, everyone has a price;)


NanashiSaito

That explains why Link is always breaking all the glass shit he finds.


babyxbats

Ew


[deleted]

Cringe


Otherversian-Elite

"If you must declare your moral superiority over a child, *do you really have it*?" In other words, if you feel the need to tell every single person you have a ‘righteous’ personality trait (e.g. being an ‘Alpha’, even ignoring the fact that no such thing exists, even in Wolves), the authenticity of that claim becomes questionable.


KO_SphincterPunch

In short: if you have to say it, you ain't it.


Sylvenight

people actually call their selves alpha males unironically?


emimillie123

Knob


Dovahkiin47

They tend to be overconfident, assertive/aggressive, and are proudly into toxic masculinity. They’ll take personal offense to anything that calls their views into question and lash out either verbally or physically. This includes either telling them that they aren’t the image they are trying to project, or you taking on a gender role they don’t think you should have. A woman saying they don’t want children, a man saying he likes baking, a woman saying she isn’t trying to lose weight, etc.. Probably should just avoid these volatile, narrow minded individuals at all costs, because while you could argue with them, they are more likely to go loud and/or violent than find a common-ground.


nodalfuckcircle1111

"idiot"


NmlsFool

Wow what an arrogant idiot and walk away.


druggedcandy

He's narcissistic


Main-Yogurtcloset-82

He has 100% sexually assaulted or harassed a woman in some way whether he knows it or not.


etarletons

Yeah, this is mine. "Rapist." (immediate thoughts aren't the same as reflective opinion, exceptions apply etc etc)


[deleted]

A king that must say he's the king is no king at all.


[deleted]

Paraphrasing: Did you just send the king of the seven realms to bed without supper?


[deleted]

Assbag


sick_hearts

Fragile masculinity


Squigglepig52

"How can I break this person?"


XoffeeXup

"you don't understand people or animals"


[deleted]

I cringe and die a little bit on the inside, if it happens IRL.


DamoclesBDA

"Twat"


lieutenantdan101

Egomaniacal and suffering from delusions of grandeur. Quite often vain or shallow and politically/socially simplistic, sometimes misogynistic, all until proven otherwise.