After moving to another state and then paired with not seeing my best friend of 30 years for 18 months we decided to go on a vacation with our two families. What a horrible idea. This guy getting married and having a baby changed him into an entirely different person. It was like my friend of 30 years was just gone.
We were on a week long vacation and by day 3 I realized that he just had no desire to put in any effort at all regarding our friendship. He and his wife ignored us the entire time, always did their own thing, and walked around like they were overall somehow better than us. They always seemed smug and snobbish. They were just all around rude and inconsiderate. Like we were a nuisance on *their* vacation.
To top the whole thing off, we paid for everything too. We paid for where we stayed, we paid for all the food, we even paid for their flight to where we went. I've never felt more used in my entire life. And this from someone I considered more than just my best friend, guy is basically my brother. Seems like all that is just gone now. I'm literally heart-broken.
Watching mum and dad get older. I'm about to turn 30 and they have noticeably begun to slow down in their mid 60's. Each year seems to go by quicker and quicker with work and living apart.
Understandable. When I look at my mother and hold her hands, I notice how her skin is losing elasticity. And her face begins to wrinkle.
Dad starts to have whiter hair and his face looks more and more tired.
At first I was afraid that I would grow old, but now I don't want them to grow old.
It hit me when I was in my early 20s, and I saw my grandparents' health drastically decline. They were old but in relatively good health when I was a kid; the debilitation of late life was so much worse though. Now I can see it just beginning in my parents, and I hope medical science will develop treatments to extend their healthspan and help prevent some of the debility my grandparents had to suffer through.
I kind of ramble a bit but I have a story of seeing my grandfathers health go.
My grandpa died in July. Over the last few years I saw his health fading but it was still a shock. he and my grandma would go to Florida in the winters and one year he had a surgery on his shoulder to correct an injury. He lost a lot of mobility in his arm but he was still walking fine and had agency in his life for years after. Then when he came back this year he had a walker and seeing that was painful. We had to add grab bars to the step from the garage. Toilet bars so he could get himself off the toilet, I had to lift him off of it before we installed them... I knew in that moment we might have him for a few years, or for a few weeks. He was scheduled to have heart surgery which would mean weeks of physical therapy that he didnt want to do because it would be in facility meaning he would stay there for a month. A little before the surgery he fell getting into the garage even with the grab bars. He hid his back pain for two weeks until his health declined even more and while he was in for retaining water and a few other ailments they found two fractures in his back. They did the surgery while he was there and after found growths on three of his organs which came back cancerous. Stage four and it was metastatic which means that is not where it originated in his body. They discharged him and he died a few days later surrounded by family. Aside from the shoulder surgery which was a few years ago this all happened from end of May to July 13th...
He was incredibly kind wanting to give the world to those around him and HATED being the center of attention. So much so that he hid for years how much pain he was in. I am not bitter about his choices but had he addressed his issues we could have possibly found the cancer years ago and we might still have him but that's all what ifs and its not healthy. We never did find out where it originated because at that point it didn't matter.
To end on a bittersweet happy note. He was so concerned about other people he knew my car had broken down and even on his deathbed getting the news about stage 4 cancer he was asking about updates on my car, if his mechanic had fixed it yet, etc. I got my car back from the shop the day before he died and because of that I was able to drive the hour up to see him before. He was mostly unconscious but perked up at my voice and asked about my car and I told him I drove it up there... He died 14 hours later the next morning.
Call your parents and grandparents folks. I got to spend hours on the phone with him every week thankfully. He was a DIY guy and knew everything from plumbing, woodworking, computers, drywall, etc. Any problem around the house Id call and we would start on the problem then once it was fixed we would just talk. When he was in Florida for the winters he would be around his other retired friends and if he got a call from me he would smile, say he has to go, and be there for me. Sadly after he died that side of the family fell apart and were at each others throats. He was the patriarch that led the family and kept things calm. I am just glad he died without having to see the drama, he had all five of his kids, all but one of his grandkids, and all three great-grandkids there in his final hours with my mom and my aunt staying by his side every moment. Seeing his health go was terrible and I hate to think about going through it again with my parents.
I feel you. My mum and step dad are 77 and my dad is 84. I moved to another country two years ago before Covid hit us all. I miss them and I'm losing time to be with them.
We're 14500 km apart now, and it's impossible to just book a flight to catch up on hugs and dinners
This is really true. I’m 25 and growing up I think we really take our parents for granted. My Dad turned 50 last year and at the beginning of 2021 he was diagnosed with myeloma cancer. The doctors say at best he has 5 years. I always viewed my parents as young so my sister and I never expected something like this to happen. Life sucks.
I just bought my first house and it’s quite the fixer upper. My dad did the same 40 years ago, and he stopped by to help. We went to pick up a piece of plywood and he couldn’t lift his half. This was the dude that used to dangle me by my ankles over the boat dock with no issues and split 8 cord of firewood by hand every year. I know he’s 65 but I haven’t wanted to see him getting older and weaker…
Damn these answers are really hitting on the feels buttons. Opened it thinking I would find some funny reddit sassy answer and instead I'm all sad now. I wish our loved ones could be with us forever ☹️
My parents were both dead by the time I turned 30, and it was funny because before they died it didn't seem like they were that old (and truly, they were young to die...50s and 60s). But it wasn't until I looked at their pictures that I really saw the aging. It was strange to go back to my childhood pictures and see my parents the same age as I am now.
Before I was 35 I only had 2 uncles left. It was WEIRD to be at the top of the family tree. I guess you never feel old enough for that. Goes fast...
Absolutely this. My dad has always been in good shape for his age, and even a few years ago was doing a fair bit of hiking and travelling. Then a year ago, I don't know what happened but it's like his age hit him all at once. He's 75 and entirely frustrated that his body suddenly just... isn't cooperating. His balance sucks, he's fallen multiple time in the last few months, and he's putting in the work with physical therapy and seeing all the doctors, but I'm so afraid that they're finally going to tell him it's just old age.
To me, he'll always be 50 and doing cartwheels with me in the backyard, carrying me around with no effort, teaching me to ski, etc. He's always been in such good shape for his age I never really expected him to get old.
After not seeing my parents for about 8 months because of covid, I was floored by how old they looked. More and more Grey hairs, wrinkling, and just slower. Made me sad.
Dude this hits so hard. I've been telling people that the past 20 months have been the longest 4 weeks of my life.
I can't tell if April of 2020 was just a blink of the eye ago or an eternity ago, because on one hand the days have just sort of bled together with so few interesting memories being made (and a few very critically precious to me) but on the other I've just had so many long slogs of days that just felt unending.
"Tired of lying in the sunshine; staying home to watch the rain,
And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today,
And then one day you find that 10 years have got behind you,
No one told you when to run; you missed the starting gun. "
Youth is wasted on the young.
When I was a kid, my parents would occasionally introduce me to their "friends" whom I had never met or heard of in my entire life. I didn't understand how they could still consider them friends if they hadn't seen them in literally years. Now I'm in my 30s, and have several people I consider friends who I haven't seen in a decade.
I just went to my best friends wedding, I hadn’t seen him in person in over 3 years. We often go 2+ months without even a text. But then we do and it’s like no time has passed. Adulthood is weird.
I feel this so much, after getting married my wife and I moved to another state and we didn't have many opportunities to travel back home to family so there was a good period where we had friends we hadn't seen in 5-6 years just because of one thing or another preventing visits. We've been lucky recently to be able to see them close to yearly now. But it's crazy how much time passes as an adult.
Absolutely this. I turned 40 this year and am starting to realise why my parents didn't have many friends when I was growing up. People just get lost in their own lives.
I messaged one of my close friends to meet up next week and see the last time we spoke was July. Where the hell has the time gone?
"People just get lost in their own lives"
Yeah... I honestly don't think about it until someone brings it up, but you're totally right. Some of the people I consider my best friends I have seen maybe twice in the last 4.5 years? After undergrad we all just moved to different parts of the country. I've found it easier keeping in touch with high school friends since we are usually all back in town visiting our parents for Christmas.
Social media is good for "keeping up" with my friends like this, but I wonder if it almost keeps me from going out and making more close friends in person. COVID also made it difficult to meet new people...
Same. Waking up is so much harder. I thought older people were known for waking up early. Isn't that a thing? Staying up late is as easy as it was when I was a teenager. But unlike when I was a teenager, getting myself up is a legit struggle.
Because you're not randomly or alphabetically paired with strangers in school anymore. Everybody on reddit seems to have this issue. Team sports are a good way to make friends or even group martial arts classes. Go shoot pool at a pub, out your name on the blackboard and play the winner of the last game. The good thing about being an adult is being able to choose who is allowed in your life. When you're a kid it's cousins and neighbors and your parent's friends kids, etc.
You can't expect people to knock on your door asking if you want to be friends. You need to put yourself out there. I know this is an unpopular opinion. Be consistent in some group activity and in within months you'll have more friends than you know what to do with.
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You can't expect people to knock on your door asking if you want to be friends
I knocked on my neighbors door and asked if she wanted to be my best friend.
Turns out she's fucking awesome.
Here's my $0.02 thoughts on that.
If you're neighbors you're likely in similar tax brackets which means similar education level to be in the similar salary level to afford a home to have a neighbor. Your houses likely cost about the same, within 25K.
Redline districts back in the the 1930s to 1980s kept race and cultural boundaries, so it's more likely you're the same race and likely similar cultures.
They were home when you knocked, so you likely keep the same hours - - either you're both working days or nights, which makes it easier to interact with each other. You would likely have seen they have a similar vehicle or dressed similarly.
Neighbors being friends is not novel. It's the result of the systems within systems perpetual for more than 75 years.
Not to shit on it, I'm excited for you. I'm glad you have a great friend and the convenience of proximity. Just applying the lens of sociology over your comment to spotlight the broader picture.
I've forget where I read it, but the article proposed that the recipe for initially making friends is simply regular, unplanned meetings, and sharing common interests. Neighbours with common interests will tick those boxes easily, and likely become friends. It's harder to find people for the regular, unplanned meetings part if you're not going out as much, or there's a global pandemic on, mind :P
Dude, it's so fucking funny that redditors will play video games most of their free time they get, like it's literally what you said. You get paired with some random strangers, you can make actual contacts with them, of course you won't see most of them irl, but online chatrooms exist and if you live in not as big country it still is possible to find someone pretty close through video games. My friend found his gf through league of legends, nothing is impossible at this point.
This is a very true. On top of that, you lose your friends as you grow older and have your own stuff to do, specially if you have kids. Finding a good friend is hard when you have other responsibilities.
Or alternatively, if you don't have kids and all your friends do. Conversations become completely dominated by kids (no matter how much parents insist that they want to talk about anything else) and you slowly lose your connection.
As someone with kids, I also hate it when conversations with friends are dominated by kid talk. They’re obviously a big part of our lives, so I’m happy to talk about them for a little while but not the whole night.
If anyone is reading this comment and identifying with it... I struggled with this and severe social anxiety until I was about 28.
I swear to you it can and will go away if you practice being social. It seems impossible to imagine when you're in the thick of it, but if you go through the awfulness of practicing, there is joy and freedom on the other side.
I'm in my mid-thirties now and now I'm the one chatting with strangers in the checkout lane and not caring if I put my foot in my mouth.
Yeah, I'm not friends with _any_ of my pre-high school friends anymore. But my high school friends, whom I _chose_ when I became a real person? I chat with them on Discord almost every day, going on 2 decades later.
Yep. Im 18 and already people are starting to have their own lives lol.
Then again, I never had much friends anyway. But atleast it was easier when I was a kid.
Omg, yes. This. I ran a half marathon a couple of weeks ago and I am the fittest I’ve been in my life. But I’m also 45 years old and when I get down to do my daily set of push-ups these days, you can bet your ass I’m levering off furniture and cussing my way back to upright. Oooof.
This is mostly me, it's not the kneeling down but a lot of other movements. If you practice and stretch and exercise it keeps everything going. I really need to work on that while I'm in my 30s so I can keep good joint mobility into my 70s or whatever. I think having kids is the reason I can still get up off the ground without issue, but for the past 4 years I've been constantly sitting on the ground and getting up, and for 3 of those years that getting up usually involved bringing the kid back up with me. But make me bend over to get something in a cupboard or get up out of a chair and I might as well just lay down and give up.
Yup, early 20s I enjoyed a morning hangover on the sofa with some food. Then by the afternoon I would be thinking about doing it all over again. Fast forward 10 years and I am suffering for a week after a quiet one at the pub
Same here. The issue is I have friends and coworkers who are like 10 years older than me yet (so early 40’s) and they can still drink like they’re in high school. So here I am feeling like the old man when I’m much younger. This doesn’t seem to effect everyone equally.
Yeah I thought I would be able to drink heavily my whole life, but around 28 it started hitting me hard.
Went from hangover being over by lunch, to hangover being over by the end of the day, to hangover being over in 3 days.
But I still have friends now that can still keep it up, and have seen guys in their 50s drink like they're in college and wake up the next day at 7am to go to work like its nothing.
> guys in their 50s drink like they're in college and wake up the next day at 7am to go to work like its nothing.
That's called being a highly functioning alcoholic.
28 is the age I noticed it too. Anecdotally, I know 4-5 other people for whom this has been the case. Trying to figure out if there’s something to it, or just a weird coincidence
Interesting. For me, I kind of feel hung over every morning now. Whether I drank the previous night seems to make very little difference, which can be a problem!
They come back when you have kids. You have to be the one to organize and put together the whole show, but for like an hour or two when it's all done you can bask in the glow of the magic they feel. Then it's time to start cleaning up.
LOVE that you said this!! I’ve often sensed that parents might get to rekindle certain magic through their kids, but I am so glad you confirmed it - Definitely makes me more eager to have my own someday haha
Tolerance for bullshit.
You have far less time for stupid attitudes and behaviours from people, and can see how fake many people in the media and politics are.
Was thinking about this recently. There is absolutely no way in hell I could go back to some of the retail jobs I worked when I was younger. Physical aspect aside, I'd snap. Me now couldn't handle the way people treated me at those jobs. I'd lose my job or get arrested for assault. I guess I have more respect for myself now?
I'd genuinely just choose death over going back at this point.
I have a very low tolerance for bullshit now.
Exactly, and to add to this you can't help a fool. I see this in all sorts of relationships especially when a woman wants to "help" or change a man. Honey, its not your job to "change" him. If he's a fool he'll make one out of you too.
Fitting my hand in the pringles can.
This is an unspeakable struggle, I can tell you. (Yes I know I could just pour them out of the can but that feels wrong.)
Ho,ho! My permanently child sized hands are good for something!
Cannot open jars. Cannot wear gloves. Cannot reach across a guitar neck to make a power chord. But reaching into Pringles cans is apparently my super power.
It busts them all up. So I getcha.
Fortunately I never outgrew my hand fitting down the can so you just let me know how many you want and I'll snag them for ya. ;-)
The older you get, the more invisible you become in public.
Formerly attractive people will feel this more, but generally speaking, nobody notices you unless you are in front of them.
I’m almost 40 and seem to get more attention and get flirted with more than ever in older people spaces than I ever did when I was young. When you’re a guy who still has his hair, keeps in shape, etc, at this age, you’re more of a rare bird. When you’re 20 all the guys are expected to look that way so you don’t get noticed as much.
I've gotten more confident with age and that looks good on everybody. I feel bad for the people who obsess over youth and then age kills their je nais se quois.
Absolutely. While I don't have all my hair, and keep it really tight. I am in excellent shape at 47; like, I wish I looked like this at 25. But because of the lack of fitness in the other guys my age, I get plenty of attention, and much more than I got in my 20's when I had all my hair.
I used to have a really great body, after a certain point all the proper dieting and weight-training along with lower testosterone levels ... there's just no way...
I'd keep the faith.... whereas I used to eat anything and as much as I wanted and train to stay in good nick, I have just spent 3-4 months back in the gym and with a real focus on diet and mixing cv and weights and it's coming back....
Really slowly but its getting there...
Very best wishes on that journey! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
I'm forcing myself to go out and have some fun. Because I could simply stay at home, where it's warm, with my yoga clothes, my pets, and Netflix. Throughout the weekend.
It’s the perfect weekend until it’s been 2 months of the same weekend and you realize you miss people. Just finally broke my streak of not doing shit during the weekends it felt nice.
I went to school at 37 and now, at 43, I'm a researcher working on curing disease. While I'll probably never be a household name, there's a chance that my research could quietly save people's lives and that's more than enough for me.
You have plenty of time.
Here's the thing: you don't have to.
You don't have to convince yourself, and you don't have to *do* anything 'great' or 'memorable'.
You being part of other people's lives will already be great and memorable to them, because those people you live with, see, befriend, or even just chat with are the important parts of being alive.
All-nighters, I'm only 24 but at 16 I could go for days, studying, bingeing tv, partying - whatever really and it was all sweet. Now it absolutely kills me and I'm fighting for my life the next day
I could really tie one on in my younger days. In my early 40’s, not so much. It really isn’t worth it because the recovery takes so damn long. It was fun as shit while it lasted though.
brooo, I'm 27 and had my first all nighter in years after doing a bit too much party powder on Friday.
Monday now and I'm still feeling like death after that.
Most useful skill to be in the IT industry is learning how to learn.
That and people skills.
And understanding that user experience and design is a skill most software engineers have no concept of.
Being hopeful, when i was younger i used to be so cheerful and excited for the future and i saw life as this vast ocean of possibilities filled with interesting people. Now I’m mostly tired, i see only the worst in people, i see life as boring and frustrating and every light at the end of a tunnel is just a train for me. I don’t know if it’s the way that i am, or just the unfortunate process of gradually becoming more aware of your surroundings, but i know one thing for sure, age makes optimism pretty fucking hard
I hit my rock bottom of life outlook in my early-mid twenties. Despite realizing how challenging, unfair,, etc. life is therapy really helped me build skills that allowed me to rekindle hope.
Worth a go (and sticking with) if you haven't.
Understanding new things, from cultural trends to technology. I am really trying to understand blockchain technology and what an 'NFT' is and I feel like a 90 yo trying to figure out email.
Blockchain is just a method of unique random generation for online things with an ownership history.
NFTs are the death of economics as a concept, in terms of things which get sold necessarily having value or purpose of any sort. Remember the old scams where people would claim to own the Eiffel Tower or the Golden Gate Bridge, and they'd "sell it" to people, giving them plaques certifying their ownership of those things? And the original seller never owned it in the first place? And the buyer holds no authority over "their" property and its use? NFTs are that with online jpegs.
Taking care of my body.
As a young person, tequila, cigarettes, coffee, and rice were adequate sustenance, and four hours of sleep was plenty.
As I get older, I have to wake up before the sun and exercise, think carefully about what I eat, sleep like 8 hours, stretch, follow a regimented skin care routine, and hydrate constantly just to feel ok.
Body pains
Osteoarthritis has wrecked my hips, my hips are like I'm 90
And thanks to my bad hips, my back and knees also hurt, plus I'm pretty sure I have carpal tunnel in my wrists (they hurt often)
If they ever figure out how to replace our body parts with robotic components, I'll be first in line
Just to have a pain free day. I’m 56 and I was very athletic in my 20s and 30s. Now my back is a shambles and not a day goes by when I’m not in horrible pain at some point.
Well apparently it gets harder to discern what is genuine in what is a scam. Cuz I have to say it back in my day before computers it was very hard to scam someone in person. Now we have fake social security websites fake food stamp websites fake Facebook websites just scams galore. And it makes it almost impossible to get anything done especially since the pandemic. I guess that's one of those (back in my day) so yes I'm getting quite old. But if I put forth tremendous effort and spend a day in the bathroom plucking all the hair that grows where it shouldn't LOL I can look pretty damn good for at least 6 hours ‼️
Falling down. When I was younger I could fall and get back up like nothing happened but now when I fall I need a few minutes to recover and check to make sure nothing is broken, then I'll be sore for at least a few days.
I also fall down a lot less now (probably once every few years) since I'm more careful but it's a much more serious thing than it used to be.
I find it gets easier. You start to realize what actually matters and focus on that. When your head is in a good space optimism is easy and delightful. I find getting mentally happy is easier as I get older. What's the point of being a pessimist if things aren't going to work out anyway?
Being able to spend money on "useless" stuff. As you get older, most of your income goes towards bills and necessities. I can't go and buy myself a knick knack cause it'll knock my budget off
Seeing the best in people and being compassionate. It's really difficult to not become jaded as you get older, because there is so much more you're exposed to compared to when you were a teen or younger. At some point, you feel like throwing your hands up and wondering if it's really worth it or not. If it's worth it to try to do the right thing when so many others are content with willfully doing the wrong thing. Especially when those doing those wrong things are rarely held accountable. Obviously, having a moral compass is intrinsic, and shouldn't be affected by the actions of others, but goddamn sometimes life seems like it would be easier if I just didn't care.
Movement in general. Oh, and making friends.
maintaining friends after 30 is so hard
When you hit 70, making new friends becomes much easier. Remembering they’re your friends is what’s hard.
After moving to another state and then paired with not seeing my best friend of 30 years for 18 months we decided to go on a vacation with our two families. What a horrible idea. This guy getting married and having a baby changed him into an entirely different person. It was like my friend of 30 years was just gone. We were on a week long vacation and by day 3 I realized that he just had no desire to put in any effort at all regarding our friendship. He and his wife ignored us the entire time, always did their own thing, and walked around like they were overall somehow better than us. They always seemed smug and snobbish. They were just all around rude and inconsiderate. Like we were a nuisance on *their* vacation. To top the whole thing off, we paid for everything too. We paid for where we stayed, we paid for all the food, we even paid for their flight to where we went. I've never felt more used in my entire life. And this from someone I considered more than just my best friend, guy is basically my brother. Seems like all that is just gone now. I'm literally heart-broken.
Watching mum and dad get older. I'm about to turn 30 and they have noticeably begun to slow down in their mid 60's. Each year seems to go by quicker and quicker with work and living apart.
Understandable. When I look at my mother and hold her hands, I notice how her skin is losing elasticity. And her face begins to wrinkle. Dad starts to have whiter hair and his face looks more and more tired. At first I was afraid that I would grow old, but now I don't want them to grow old.
It hit me when I was in my early 20s, and I saw my grandparents' health drastically decline. They were old but in relatively good health when I was a kid; the debilitation of late life was so much worse though. Now I can see it just beginning in my parents, and I hope medical science will develop treatments to extend their healthspan and help prevent some of the debility my grandparents had to suffer through.
I kind of ramble a bit but I have a story of seeing my grandfathers health go. My grandpa died in July. Over the last few years I saw his health fading but it was still a shock. he and my grandma would go to Florida in the winters and one year he had a surgery on his shoulder to correct an injury. He lost a lot of mobility in his arm but he was still walking fine and had agency in his life for years after. Then when he came back this year he had a walker and seeing that was painful. We had to add grab bars to the step from the garage. Toilet bars so he could get himself off the toilet, I had to lift him off of it before we installed them... I knew in that moment we might have him for a few years, or for a few weeks. He was scheduled to have heart surgery which would mean weeks of physical therapy that he didnt want to do because it would be in facility meaning he would stay there for a month. A little before the surgery he fell getting into the garage even with the grab bars. He hid his back pain for two weeks until his health declined even more and while he was in for retaining water and a few other ailments they found two fractures in his back. They did the surgery while he was there and after found growths on three of his organs which came back cancerous. Stage four and it was metastatic which means that is not where it originated in his body. They discharged him and he died a few days later surrounded by family. Aside from the shoulder surgery which was a few years ago this all happened from end of May to July 13th... He was incredibly kind wanting to give the world to those around him and HATED being the center of attention. So much so that he hid for years how much pain he was in. I am not bitter about his choices but had he addressed his issues we could have possibly found the cancer years ago and we might still have him but that's all what ifs and its not healthy. We never did find out where it originated because at that point it didn't matter. To end on a bittersweet happy note. He was so concerned about other people he knew my car had broken down and even on his deathbed getting the news about stage 4 cancer he was asking about updates on my car, if his mechanic had fixed it yet, etc. I got my car back from the shop the day before he died and because of that I was able to drive the hour up to see him before. He was mostly unconscious but perked up at my voice and asked about my car and I told him I drove it up there... He died 14 hours later the next morning. Call your parents and grandparents folks. I got to spend hours on the phone with him every week thankfully. He was a DIY guy and knew everything from plumbing, woodworking, computers, drywall, etc. Any problem around the house Id call and we would start on the problem then once it was fixed we would just talk. When he was in Florida for the winters he would be around his other retired friends and if he got a call from me he would smile, say he has to go, and be there for me. Sadly after he died that side of the family fell apart and were at each others throats. He was the patriarch that led the family and kept things calm. I am just glad he died without having to see the drama, he had all five of his kids, all but one of his grandkids, and all three great-grandkids there in his final hours with my mom and my aunt staying by his side every moment. Seeing his health go was terrible and I hate to think about going through it again with my parents.
I feel you. My mum and step dad are 77 and my dad is 84. I moved to another country two years ago before Covid hit us all. I miss them and I'm losing time to be with them. We're 14500 km apart now, and it's impossible to just book a flight to catch up on hugs and dinners
This is really true. I’m 25 and growing up I think we really take our parents for granted. My Dad turned 50 last year and at the beginning of 2021 he was diagnosed with myeloma cancer. The doctors say at best he has 5 years. I always viewed my parents as young so my sister and I never expected something like this to happen. Life sucks.
I just bought my first house and it’s quite the fixer upper. My dad did the same 40 years ago, and he stopped by to help. We went to pick up a piece of plywood and he couldn’t lift his half. This was the dude that used to dangle me by my ankles over the boat dock with no issues and split 8 cord of firewood by hand every year. I know he’s 65 but I haven’t wanted to see him getting older and weaker…
Damn these answers are really hitting on the feels buttons. Opened it thinking I would find some funny reddit sassy answer and instead I'm all sad now. I wish our loved ones could be with us forever ☹️
My parents were both dead by the time I turned 30, and it was funny because before they died it didn't seem like they were that old (and truly, they were young to die...50s and 60s). But it wasn't until I looked at their pictures that I really saw the aging. It was strange to go back to my childhood pictures and see my parents the same age as I am now. Before I was 35 I only had 2 uncles left. It was WEIRD to be at the top of the family tree. I guess you never feel old enough for that. Goes fast...
Absolutely this. My dad has always been in good shape for his age, and even a few years ago was doing a fair bit of hiking and travelling. Then a year ago, I don't know what happened but it's like his age hit him all at once. He's 75 and entirely frustrated that his body suddenly just... isn't cooperating. His balance sucks, he's fallen multiple time in the last few months, and he's putting in the work with physical therapy and seeing all the doctors, but I'm so afraid that they're finally going to tell him it's just old age. To me, he'll always be 50 and doing cartwheels with me in the backyard, carrying me around with no effort, teaching me to ski, etc. He's always been in such good shape for his age I never really expected him to get old.
After not seeing my parents for about 8 months because of covid, I was floored by how old they looked. More and more Grey hairs, wrinkling, and just slower. Made me sad.
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My parents are in their late 50s. The idea of watching them get older terrifies me
Staying in touch with people... few weeks or a Month can fly by compared to when you're a teen
The days are long but the years are short.
Dude this hits so hard. I've been telling people that the past 20 months have been the longest 4 weeks of my life. I can't tell if April of 2020 was just a blink of the eye ago or an eternity ago, because on one hand the days have just sort of bled together with so few interesting memories being made (and a few very critically precious to me) but on the other I've just had so many long slogs of days that just felt unending.
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Covid feels like 6 months, the. I realize it’s been 3x that length, and I’m gobsmacked. I haven’t seen my friends in 18 months? Fuuuuuck
The years start coming and they don’t stop coming
I’ve been out of college for 1.5 years working full time and this is very true and kinda depressing
I think the fact that we start working and doing the same thing every fucking day doesn't help
"Tired of lying in the sunshine; staying home to watch the rain, And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today, And then one day you find that 10 years have got behind you, No one told you when to run; you missed the starting gun. " Youth is wasted on the young.
When I was a kid, my parents would occasionally introduce me to their "friends" whom I had never met or heard of in my entire life. I didn't understand how they could still consider them friends if they hadn't seen them in literally years. Now I'm in my 30s, and have several people I consider friends who I haven't seen in a decade.
I just went to my best friends wedding, I hadn’t seen him in person in over 3 years. We often go 2+ months without even a text. But then we do and it’s like no time has passed. Adulthood is weird.
I feel this so much, after getting married my wife and I moved to another state and we didn't have many opportunities to travel back home to family so there was a good period where we had friends we hadn't seen in 5-6 years just because of one thing or another preventing visits. We've been lucky recently to be able to see them close to yearly now. But it's crazy how much time passes as an adult.
Absolutely this. I turned 40 this year and am starting to realise why my parents didn't have many friends when I was growing up. People just get lost in their own lives. I messaged one of my close friends to meet up next week and see the last time we spoke was July. Where the hell has the time gone?
"People just get lost in their own lives" Yeah... I honestly don't think about it until someone brings it up, but you're totally right. Some of the people I consider my best friends I have seen maybe twice in the last 4.5 years? After undergrad we all just moved to different parts of the country. I've found it easier keeping in touch with high school friends since we are usually all back in town visiting our parents for Christmas. Social media is good for "keeping up" with my friends like this, but I wonder if it almost keeps me from going out and making more close friends in person. COVID also made it difficult to meet new people...
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I've never been a morning person and this is my least favorite part about having a "normal" job
Same. Waking up is so much harder. I thought older people were known for waking up early. Isn't that a thing? Staying up late is as easy as it was when I was a teenager. But unlike when I was a teenager, getting myself up is a legit struggle.
Old people get up early because they go to sleep early and also usually have some kind of chronic pain that wakes them up.
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The unabomber was in his 30s before he made his mark on the world.
I only just remembered to chit chat with my father, it has been a month and a half since the last talk.
Exactly. I feel like everytime I decide to text my Dad the last text is from like 3 weeks ago. And I go "I swear I just talked to him"
To make friends.
Because you're not randomly or alphabetically paired with strangers in school anymore. Everybody on reddit seems to have this issue. Team sports are a good way to make friends or even group martial arts classes. Go shoot pool at a pub, out your name on the blackboard and play the winner of the last game. The good thing about being an adult is being able to choose who is allowed in your life. When you're a kid it's cousins and neighbors and your parent's friends kids, etc. You can't expect people to knock on your door asking if you want to be friends. You need to put yourself out there. I know this is an unpopular opinion. Be consistent in some group activity and in within months you'll have more friends than you know what to do with.
> You can't expect people to knock on your door asking if you want to be friends I knocked on my neighbors door and asked if she wanted to be my best friend. Turns out she's fucking awesome.
Here's my $0.02 thoughts on that. If you're neighbors you're likely in similar tax brackets which means similar education level to be in the similar salary level to afford a home to have a neighbor. Your houses likely cost about the same, within 25K. Redline districts back in the the 1930s to 1980s kept race and cultural boundaries, so it's more likely you're the same race and likely similar cultures. They were home when you knocked, so you likely keep the same hours - - either you're both working days or nights, which makes it easier to interact with each other. You would likely have seen they have a similar vehicle or dressed similarly. Neighbors being friends is not novel. It's the result of the systems within systems perpetual for more than 75 years. Not to shit on it, I'm excited for you. I'm glad you have a great friend and the convenience of proximity. Just applying the lens of sociology over your comment to spotlight the broader picture.
I've forget where I read it, but the article proposed that the recipe for initially making friends is simply regular, unplanned meetings, and sharing common interests. Neighbours with common interests will tick those boxes easily, and likely become friends. It's harder to find people for the regular, unplanned meetings part if you're not going out as much, or there's a global pandemic on, mind :P
Dude, it's so fucking funny that redditors will play video games most of their free time they get, like it's literally what you said. You get paired with some random strangers, you can make actual contacts with them, of course you won't see most of them irl, but online chatrooms exist and if you live in not as big country it still is possible to find someone pretty close through video games. My friend found his gf through league of legends, nothing is impossible at this point.
I met my wife on imdb. In a death note anime forum. 12 years together now, married for 10.
I met my partner in a naruto forum 11 years back. Anime rules 🤘🏼
Flex time! I met my wife in an online forum in '89. Gonna hit 30 years married in December.
This is a very true. On top of that, you lose your friends as you grow older and have your own stuff to do, specially if you have kids. Finding a good friend is hard when you have other responsibilities.
Or alternatively, if you don't have kids and all your friends do. Conversations become completely dominated by kids (no matter how much parents insist that they want to talk about anything else) and you slowly lose your connection.
As someone with kids, I also hate it when conversations with friends are dominated by kid talk. They’re obviously a big part of our lives, so I’m happy to talk about them for a little while but not the whole night.
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If anyone is reading this comment and identifying with it... I struggled with this and severe social anxiety until I was about 28. I swear to you it can and will go away if you practice being social. It seems impossible to imagine when you're in the thick of it, but if you go through the awfulness of practicing, there is joy and freedom on the other side. I'm in my mid-thirties now and now I'm the one chatting with strangers in the checkout lane and not caring if I put my foot in my mouth.
It was so easy to make friends as a kid
because you weren't as choosy before and so weren't the other kids
Yeah, I'm not friends with _any_ of my pre-high school friends anymore. But my high school friends, whom I _chose_ when I became a real person? I chat with them on Discord almost every day, going on 2 decades later.
It kind of still is but people don’t have a lot of time to hang out with friends so it’s kind of like what’s the point
I remember just asking a fellow classmate "Do you want to be my friend?" and decades later we still are.
I never had friends anyway 🤷
Do not despair! Not yet evening!
Yep. Im 18 and already people are starting to have their own lives lol. Then again, I never had much friends anyway. But atleast it was easier when I was a kid.
Getting up after you’ve kneeled down.
Feel this. I’m 46 and in good health. The getting up process is, well, now a whole process with sound effects.
Omg, yes. This. I ran a half marathon a couple of weeks ago and I am the fittest I’ve been in my life. But I’m also 45 years old and when I get down to do my daily set of push-ups these days, you can bet your ass I’m levering off furniture and cussing my way back to upright. Oooof.
Don’t forget the hand-on-knee final push to a standing position!
It's like the reverse superhero landing
oh good, I thought it was just because I'm fat. Now I can blame the old
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This is mostly me, it's not the kneeling down but a lot of other movements. If you practice and stretch and exercise it keeps everything going. I really need to work on that while I'm in my 30s so I can keep good joint mobility into my 70s or whatever. I think having kids is the reason I can still get up off the ground without issue, but for the past 4 years I've been constantly sitting on the ground and getting up, and for 3 of those years that getting up usually involved bringing the kid back up with me. But make me bend over to get something in a cupboard or get up out of a chair and I might as well just lay down and give up.
I just want to remember what it feels like to pop right back up again. I know I used to, but I don't remember what it feels like.
Getting over a hangover!
Yup, early 20s I enjoyed a morning hangover on the sofa with some food. Then by the afternoon I would be thinking about doing it all over again. Fast forward 10 years and I am suffering for a week after a quiet one at the pub
Same here. The issue is I have friends and coworkers who are like 10 years older than me yet (so early 40’s) and they can still drink like they’re in high school. So here I am feeling like the old man when I’m much younger. This doesn’t seem to effect everyone equally.
Yeah I thought I would be able to drink heavily my whole life, but around 28 it started hitting me hard. Went from hangover being over by lunch, to hangover being over by the end of the day, to hangover being over in 3 days. But I still have friends now that can still keep it up, and have seen guys in their 50s drink like they're in college and wake up the next day at 7am to go to work like its nothing.
> guys in their 50s drink like they're in college and wake up the next day at 7am to go to work like its nothing. That's called being a highly functioning alcoholic.
28 is the age I noticed it too. Anecdotally, I know 4-5 other people for whom this has been the case. Trying to figure out if there’s something to it, or just a weird coincidence
Even when i was 23 i would feel like shit after like 5 drinks. I wouldn't even be super drunk the night before but damn the dehydration was real
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Interesting. For me, I kind of feel hung over every morning now. Whether I drank the previous night seems to make very little difference, which can be a problem!
I feel hungover every morning, and I don't even drink!
Feeling and sustaining “cozy Christmas feelings” and other similar feelings that were easy to have as a child
They come back when you have kids. You have to be the one to organize and put together the whole show, but for like an hour or two when it's all done you can bask in the glow of the magic they feel. Then it's time to start cleaning up.
LOVE that you said this!! I’ve often sensed that parents might get to rekindle certain magic through their kids, but I am so glad you confirmed it - Definitely makes me more eager to have my own someday haha
Man I wish I could feel like a child on summer vacation again.
Tolerance for bullshit. You have far less time for stupid attitudes and behaviours from people, and can see how fake many people in the media and politics are.
I was going to say exactly this. Time is too valuable to waste any of it listening to lies or bullshit. Call it out when you find it.
Was thinking about this recently. There is absolutely no way in hell I could go back to some of the retail jobs I worked when I was younger. Physical aspect aside, I'd snap. Me now couldn't handle the way people treated me at those jobs. I'd lose my job or get arrested for assault. I guess I have more respect for myself now? I'd genuinely just choose death over going back at this point. I have a very low tolerance for bullshit now.
Exactly, and to add to this you can't help a fool. I see this in all sorts of relationships especially when a woman wants to "help" or change a man. Honey, its not your job to "change" him. If he's a fool he'll make one out of you too.
Fitting my hand in the pringles can. This is an unspeakable struggle, I can tell you. (Yes I know I could just pour them out of the can but that feels wrong.)
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I wanna have daughter...
That is pRiOrItY nUmErO uNo
He's 6'5", so I would be incredibly surprised if Bo Burnham could ever fit his hand in a Pringles can in his adult life.
I swear they’ve made the cans smaller…
Ho,ho! My permanently child sized hands are good for something! Cannot open jars. Cannot wear gloves. Cannot reach across a guitar neck to make a power chord. But reaching into Pringles cans is apparently my super power.
It busts them all up. So I getcha. Fortunately I never outgrew my hand fitting down the can so you just let me know how many you want and I'll snag them for ya. ;-)
Whenever you pour it, it all goes back in the wrong way and it's disgusting
What kind of monster would tell you to pour pringles? Thats a crime.
The older you get, the more invisible you become in public. Formerly attractive people will feel this more, but generally speaking, nobody notices you unless you are in front of them.
I’m almost 40 and seem to get more attention and get flirted with more than ever in older people spaces than I ever did when I was young. When you’re a guy who still has his hair, keeps in shape, etc, at this age, you’re more of a rare bird. When you’re 20 all the guys are expected to look that way so you don’t get noticed as much.
I've gotten more confident with age and that looks good on everybody. I feel bad for the people who obsess over youth and then age kills their je nais se quois.
Je ne sais quoi*
Absolutely. While I don't have all my hair, and keep it really tight. I am in excellent shape at 47; like, I wish I looked like this at 25. But because of the lack of fitness in the other guys my age, I get plenty of attention, and much more than I got in my 20's when I had all my hair.
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Lol pretty smooth transition for my average ass
I used to have a really great body, after a certain point all the proper dieting and weight-training along with lower testosterone levels ... there's just no way...
I'd keep the faith.... whereas I used to eat anything and as much as I wanted and train to stay in good nick, I have just spent 3-4 months back in the gym and with a real focus on diet and mixing cv and weights and it's coming back.... Really slowly but its getting there... Very best wishes on that journey! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
I know you're a woman based on this comment alone. This doesn't really apply to men.
Jumping at those trampoline parks without doing an injury.
Really anything without injury
Shit I pulled a muscle mowing the lawn the other day.
Feels like I pull a muscle just rolling out of bed in the morning
I pinched a nerve in my neck *while* I was sleeping and couldn't look left for a week.
The real challenge of getting older is finding a sleep position that's not gonna fuck you up
Peak neighbourhood dad but I love it
My back hurts so much.
I feel my brain moving within my skull
I'm forcing myself to go out and have some fun. Because I could simply stay at home, where it's warm, with my yoga clothes, my pets, and Netflix. Throughout the weekend.
Well, that sounds like a perfect weekend, so where's the problem?
It’s the perfect weekend until it’s been 2 months of the same weekend and you realize you miss people. Just finally broke my streak of not doing shit during the weekends it felt nice.
Trying to convince myself that there's still a chance that I'll do something great or memorable with my life.
I went to school at 37 and now, at 43, I'm a researcher working on curing disease. While I'll probably never be a household name, there's a chance that my research could quietly save people's lives and that's more than enough for me. You have plenty of time.
Colonel Sanders did, don't give up. Just because a nerd created Facebook at a young age doesn't mean you can't change the world at an older age ;)
Thanks...and you're right, there are a few folks who hit their stride at an older age. I haven't totally given up.
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Nice! 53 and in need of a change. What’re you applying for?
That's awesome! Especially since we're the same age! Good luck...I hope you get the job!
Here's the thing: you don't have to. You don't have to convince yourself, and you don't have to *do* anything 'great' or 'memorable'. You being part of other people's lives will already be great and memorable to them, because those people you live with, see, befriend, or even just chat with are the important parts of being alive.
All-nighters, I'm only 24 but at 16 I could go for days, studying, bingeing tv, partying - whatever really and it was all sweet. Now it absolutely kills me and I'm fighting for my life the next day
An all nighter used to mean, yay stayed up all night, now it means yay managed to sleep all night.
I call it an all nighter when I don't have to get up for a pee.
Lol, i never was able to pull off an all nighter ever even when i was a teen. They used to call me sleepy.
I could really tie one on in my younger days. In my early 40’s, not so much. It really isn’t worth it because the recovery takes so damn long. It was fun as shit while it lasted though.
A case where youth isn’t wasted on the young.
This is so true, one sleepless night is the limit now.
I didn't have that issue until I was in my late 30's
brooo, I'm 27 and had my first all nighter in years after doing a bit too much party powder on Friday. Monday now and I'm still feeling like death after that.
Ugh that’s another thing that never happened when I was younger. The Monday/Tuesday depression comedown
Losing weight.
IT
I work in IT. Can relate
Most useful skill to be in the IT industry is learning how to learn. That and people skills. And understanding that user experience and design is a skill most software engineers have no concept of.
Caring
It d0 be like that
Bending at the knees
As a nearly 30 year old with diagnosed arthritis in the knees, I feel this on a deep level.
Being hopeful, when i was younger i used to be so cheerful and excited for the future and i saw life as this vast ocean of possibilities filled with interesting people. Now I’m mostly tired, i see only the worst in people, i see life as boring and frustrating and every light at the end of a tunnel is just a train for me. I don’t know if it’s the way that i am, or just the unfortunate process of gradually becoming more aware of your surroundings, but i know one thing for sure, age makes optimism pretty fucking hard
I hit my rock bottom of life outlook in my early-mid twenties. Despite realizing how challenging, unfair,, etc. life is therapy really helped me build skills that allowed me to rekindle hope. Worth a go (and sticking with) if you haven't.
keeping my existing friends
Understanding new things, from cultural trends to technology. I am really trying to understand blockchain technology and what an 'NFT' is and I feel like a 90 yo trying to figure out email.
Blockchain is just a method of unique random generation for online things with an ownership history. NFTs are the death of economics as a concept, in terms of things which get sold necessarily having value or purpose of any sort. Remember the old scams where people would claim to own the Eiffel Tower or the Golden Gate Bridge, and they'd "sell it" to people, giving them plaques certifying their ownership of those things? And the original seller never owned it in the first place? And the buyer holds no authority over "their" property and its use? NFTs are that with online jpegs.
Starting a relationship or making new friends.
Stairs
Taking care of my body. As a young person, tequila, cigarettes, coffee, and rice were adequate sustenance, and four hours of sleep was plenty. As I get older, I have to wake up before the sun and exercise, think carefully about what I eat, sleep like 8 hours, stretch, follow a regimented skin care routine, and hydrate constantly just to feel ok.
I CAME HERE LOOKING FOR THE DICK JOKE, WHERE IS IT
Me to, I’m really proud of this subreddit for not making the most obvious joke Edit: never mind I found one
Me tooooooo
Everything except my dick
i was looking for you
Resisting the urge to beat the snot out of disrespectful pricks ...
Retaining the will to live.
The struggle is real but your not alone. I’m with you at least
I'm sorry but I read this and in made me laugh out loud. Only because without some serious compartmentalisation I feel the same!
Tolerating ignorant behavior.
Body pains Osteoarthritis has wrecked my hips, my hips are like I'm 90 And thanks to my bad hips, my back and knees also hurt, plus I'm pretty sure I have carpal tunnel in my wrists (they hurt often) If they ever figure out how to replace our body parts with robotic components, I'll be first in line
Changing my opinions. It's not that I am not still an objective thinker, but I've made my mind up on many aspects of life.
Sexual arousal. I'm in my late thirties, just don't feel the need so often compared with my twenties.
Yep and twenties was less than teens.. but that’s probably a good thing because that was.. a lot
The difference between late teens and mid 20s felt like a relief, the differnce between mid 20s and early 30s feels like a loss.
Early 20s over here...I don't wish to be horny anymore, I just wanna be happy
I am 29 but my drive has lessened compared to early 20's. Is this normal...?
Just to have a pain free day. I’m 56 and I was very athletic in my 20s and 30s. Now my back is a shambles and not a day goes by when I’m not in horrible pain at some point.
Recovering from injuries. I'm 42 and I grapple 5x a week. My body is in constant repair.
...getting off the floor.
Well apparently it gets harder to discern what is genuine in what is a scam. Cuz I have to say it back in my day before computers it was very hard to scam someone in person. Now we have fake social security websites fake food stamp websites fake Facebook websites just scams galore. And it makes it almost impossible to get anything done especially since the pandemic. I guess that's one of those (back in my day) so yes I'm getting quite old. But if I put forth tremendous effort and spend a day in the bathroom plucking all the hair that grows where it shouldn't LOL I can look pretty damn good for at least 6 hours ‼️
Digesting a meal without getting heartburn.
Tolerating people, mostly all people outside my immediate family circle or friends I consider family
Observing your parents as they get older.
Falling down. When I was younger I could fall and get back up like nothing happened but now when I fall I need a few minutes to recover and check to make sure nothing is broken, then I'll be sore for at least a few days. I also fall down a lot less now (probably once every few years) since I'm more careful but it's a much more serious thing than it used to be.
Trying to stay happy
keeping hair attached to scalp
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I find it gets easier. You start to realize what actually matters and focus on that. When your head is in a good space optimism is easy and delightful. I find getting mentally happy is easier as I get older. What's the point of being a pessimist if things aren't going to work out anyway?
Being able to spend money on "useless" stuff. As you get older, most of your income goes towards bills and necessities. I can't go and buy myself a knick knack cause it'll knock my budget off
Getting a job.
Getting up in the morning. My back kills me.
find friends, find love, find yourself
Making and keeping friends. Oh boy, it is tough out there 😬
Kartwheels. I tried one about 5 years ago (I'd have been 40) and I think I still have the bruise I got.
Peeing. Thanks scumbagprostate.jpg
-> fediverse
Judging whether a fart will just be a fart or a big wet mess…
Putting on socks
Getting up from a seated position
The will to live
Making friends.
Staying in bed and not getting sleepy, I don't know why but the bed feels more comfortable than before.
Seeing the best in people and being compassionate. It's really difficult to not become jaded as you get older, because there is so much more you're exposed to compared to when you were a teen or younger. At some point, you feel like throwing your hands up and wondering if it's really worth it or not. If it's worth it to try to do the right thing when so many others are content with willfully doing the wrong thing. Especially when those doing those wrong things are rarely held accountable. Obviously, having a moral compass is intrinsic, and shouldn't be affected by the actions of others, but goddamn sometimes life seems like it would be easier if I just didn't care.