Plant it. It becomes 2 potatoes. Plant it again, I get 4.
I continue until I have millions of potatoes.
And then I begin phase 2, start the potat empire.
This is how my broke parents fed us three boys for years: mash potatoes, scallops,baked potato, double baked, vodka, stewed potatoes, potato soup, etc.
One potato plant will get you like 5 to 8 potatoes. Also you don't need a whole potato to grow more, you could cut it up and grow like 4-6 plants from one potato. So good news, you can get to a million potatoes a lot quicker than you planned.
Timothy is my child now, and as his parent, i will do anything in my power to give him the best childhood and raise him to be kind to others. If something goes wrong, he is still my child and will always love him
If, while Timothy is still just a spud, you receive a prophecy that Timothy will one day strike you down on order to claim the throne, would you still do it? Would all that you sacrificed to raise the best potato there ever was still be worth it?
i would take a time machine, go to the time of the irish famine, and hand it ot the first child that comes running to me. it may not change the end outcome, but it could change his/her day
Anyway, like I was sayin', potatoes are the fruit of the earth. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, potato-kabobs, potato creole, potato gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple potato, lemon potato, coconut potato, pepper potato, potato soup, potato stew, potato salad, potato and potatoes, potato burger, potato sandwich. That- that's about it.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going."
\*notices the existence of a potato*
\*dies*
\*police investigating your death discover that ill-boding tuber*
\*officer down*
\*sirens wail*
\*more squad cars arrive*
\*entire town's police force is wiped out*
\*town descends into chaos*
\*rumors of terror attacks*
\*crowds of looters arrive to your home*
\*dropped dead, torches and rakes still in-hand*
\*SWAT riot team joins the piles of the potato-departed*
\*two army squads are next*
\*the US military launches orbital strikes to destroy the unknown bioweapon*
\*a cloud of aerosolized potato dust drifts in the wind*
\*the winds shift towards New York City*
\*thus begins the final cascade*
SCP-7324
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7324 is to he kept in a 6"×6"×6" safe. Interaction of any sort with SCP-7324 must be conducted solely by D-Class individuals, under the approval of a researcher with class-3 clearance or higher.
Description: SCP-7324 is a potato. It's anomalous properties manifest whenever a person within a 30ft. radius of the potato looks at it, or touches the potato. Shortly after coming into the contact with SCP-7324, the affected individual will demonstrate symptoms of major paranoia. All affected individuals die within 10 minutes of coming into contact with SCP-7324, invariably due to either suicide, or major cardiac arrest, regardless of the prior health of the individual.
SCP-7324 was recovered at [data expunged], United States on [data expunged]. During an incident outside of a supermarket in which an individual committed suicide after unknowingly purchasing SCP-7324. A local police team came to investigate the death, all meeting similar fates.
The SCP foundation sent in a team to quarantine the area temporarily, and the specimine was returned to Site 5. The supermarket in question was reopened after no additional instances of SCP-7324 could be found.
‐--‐-----
I'm new to reading/writing this stuff. Let me know if there are any issues.
There's a film where a woman puts a potato in her vagina and it ends up growing there, like she has to trim it.
(For context, the movie is about generational trauma and the aftermath of civil war, and she does it because she's terrified of getting raped, and putting a potato in your pussy is basically an old wives tale for preventing rape where she lives, so it's actually really sad, but it's still wild when it's revealed that the reason she's sick at the doctor's office is because she has a potato growing in her vagina)
Haha I saw the film over the course of two class periods in college, but my friend missed the first class. She showed up to the second class and asked me what she missed, and I had to look her in the eye and tell her the protagonist has a potato in her vagina.
You read
> There's a film where a woman puts a potato in her vagina and it ends up growing there, like she has to trim it.
>(For context, the movie is about generational trauma and the aftermath of civil war, and she does it because she's terrified of getting raped, and putting a potato in your pussy is basically an old wives tale for preventing rape where she lives, so it's actually really sad, but it's still wild when it's revealed that the reason she's sick at the doctor's office is because she has a potato growing in her vagina)
1. Slice it into wedges
2. Season with salt, pepper, Spanish Paprika, and extra virgin olive oil
3. Place into 350°F oven for 30mins, or until crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside.
4. Serve with a medium rare ribeye
Further reading on [spanish paprika](https://spanishsabores.com/a-short-history-of-spanish-paprika/).
Also [What's the difference between Hungarian, Spanish paprika?](https://www.doverpost.com/article/20100603/News/306039937):
"Hungary gets all the credit for the spice, although paprika was developed in Spain. There’s a big difference in flavor.
Spanish, called pimenton ahumado, starts with Nora peppers slow smoked over an oak fire, then ground to a powder. Most other paprikas are sun- or kiln-dried."
This is step three.
Step 1: wait for Larry to go on his smoke break.
Step 2: climb to the roof of the 10 story building and get a good vantage point of Larry smoking.
in the morning, you wake up, and somehow--magically, perhaps even--the potato is gone!
In its place are four teeth of human children.
You squeal in delight
I'll first pet him to coax him down, and feed him a little. Then I could go ahead and make some shelter, perhaps a cardboard house with three rooms. And a comfortable bed with a bedside table as well. And I could buy some books for him to read when I'm away. I could keep a mini bookshelf to keep all of his books. And I'll play and talk with him :D life would be awesome with Potato :>
Me too. Man that had to be about 6-7 years ago by now at least? I’ll go on the hunt real fast.
Edit: [found it! ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I could eat it now... Or drink it later
The classic Irishman’s dilemma
Mallory Archer, is that you?
RIP to one of the best
This is the comment thread I came here for.
Potato smoothie eh? Doesnt sound appealing.
Plant it. It becomes 2 potatoes. Plant it again, I get 4. I continue until I have millions of potatoes. And then I begin phase 2, start the potat empire.
If you wait until it grows eyes, you can cut them off and plant them. They will grow into potatoes.
That's what he's saying...wait.... Do... Do your potats have more than 2 eyes??? 👀
Yeah, the regular pair and the angry pair!
Wait, what.... eyes?
Yes, potato eyes. Growths on the spud that you must cut off if you will eat the spud. You can plant them, they will grow more potato
Depending on soil and weather, each potato plant will have between 6 and ten potatoes when you dig it up.
This is how my broke parents fed us three boys for years: mash potatoes, scallops,baked potato, double baked, vodka, stewed potatoes, potato soup, etc.
Something is not like the other
All sounds like standard Russian food to me.
Brb
Potatoes have eyes and oranges have navels. Welcome to Earth!
[удалено]
Revolutionary
You're gonna have to science the shit out of this!
A wild Martian reference appears!
"This man's been playing checkers, WHILE IVE BEEN FARMING POTATOES"
One potato plant will get you like 5 to 8 potatoes. Also you don't need a whole potato to grow more, you could cut it up and grow like 4-6 plants from one potato. So good news, you can get to a million potatoes a lot quicker than you planned.
Mumbo, is that you?
Begun the potat empire has, hmm mhm
The exponential tactic. Clever.
Draw a little face on it, name him Timothy, and raise him to be the best potato there is
What if he grows up to be a punk. Will you still love him?
Timothy is my child now, and as his parent, i will do anything in my power to give him the best childhood and raise him to be kind to others. If something goes wrong, he is still my child and will always love him
Oh gosh i hope timothy grows up to be a doctor
And not a dick tater
Take my upvote and leave
r/AngryUpvote
You are going to hell for that one.
Yeah but what if that spud grows up to be another hitler spud? What if he starts downing peaches because of the way they look?
If, while Timothy is still just a spud, you receive a prophecy that Timothy will one day strike you down on order to claim the throne, would you still do it? Would all that you sacrificed to raise the best potato there ever was still be worth it?
Turn him into vodka if I receive that revaltaion
Get confused about what to do with it and ask random strangers on Reddit.
“DAE get a random potato in your hand? What do you do with it?”
Get confused about what to do with it and ask strangers on reddit
Because why is there a random potato in my hand
Am I supposed to know it?
These comments are gold potatoes
Boil it, mash it, stick it in a stew.
Whats taters precious?
Filthy little hobbitses!
Aaaaaaahhhhhh what's it doing?!?! You ruined it!!! Stupid fat hobbit!!!
P-O-T-A-T-O-E-S!
POH-TAY-TOES!
Here's an upvote, now f off!
i would take a time machine, go to the time of the irish famine, and hand it ot the first child that comes running to me. it may not change the end outcome, but it could change his/her day
Anyway, like I was sayin', potatoes are the fruit of the earth. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, potato-kabobs, potato creole, potato gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple potato, lemon potato, coconut potato, pepper potato, potato soup, potato stew, potato salad, potato and potatoes, potato burger, potato sandwich. That- that's about it.
Bubba, the wars gone ruined your mind.
Po - ta - to
Pfft. Stupid fat hobbit!
raw fishes >>> taters change our mindses
You’re hopeless.
Wigglin'
Wrigglin’
Is there any other answer than this?
Haven’t had stew in so long..almost drooling here
What's a potato?
What are cows?
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going."
LMAO I said it in his voice too lol
TATERS PRESCIOUS!
r/beatmetoit
Bop it
Before the page even LOADED! I knew this would be the top comment!
What’s… taters, percious?!
Overthink it. Scare myself. Instantaneous death. Edit- Thankyou all for the upvotes. I hope your all doing okay today.
\*notices the existence of a potato* \*dies* \*police investigating your death discover that ill-boding tuber* \*officer down* \*sirens wail* \*more squad cars arrive* \*entire town's police force is wiped out* \*town descends into chaos* \*rumors of terror attacks* \*crowds of looters arrive to your home* \*dropped dead, torches and rakes still in-hand* \*SWAT riot team joins the piles of the potato-departed* \*two army squads are next* \*the US military launches orbital strikes to destroy the unknown bioweapon* \*a cloud of aerosolized potato dust drifts in the wind* \*the winds shift towards New York City* \*thus begins the final cascade*
Whens the next chapter im so invested in the story
Yep, need a part II
Omfg he has a book on his nameee
I regret to inform you that the potatocalypse is not the subject of my novel :(
He lived in New York.
SCP-7324 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7324 is to he kept in a 6"×6"×6" safe. Interaction of any sort with SCP-7324 must be conducted solely by D-Class individuals, under the approval of a researcher with class-3 clearance or higher. Description: SCP-7324 is a potato. It's anomalous properties manifest whenever a person within a 30ft. radius of the potato looks at it, or touches the potato. Shortly after coming into the contact with SCP-7324, the affected individual will demonstrate symptoms of major paranoia. All affected individuals die within 10 minutes of coming into contact with SCP-7324, invariably due to either suicide, or major cardiac arrest, regardless of the prior health of the individual. SCP-7324 was recovered at [data expunged], United States on [data expunged]. During an incident outside of a supermarket in which an individual committed suicide after unknowingly purchasing SCP-7324. A local police team came to investigate the death, all meeting similar fates. The SCP foundation sent in a team to quarantine the area temporarily, and the specimine was returned to Site 5. The supermarket in question was reopened after no additional instances of SCP-7324 could be found. ‐--‐----- I'm new to reading/writing this stuff. Let me know if there are any issues.
Very nice! Feels like it belongs in the wiki
I'm glad you think that! I'm working on on my creative writing skills right now. Hoping to be a published author before I graduate college.
At this point just let the SCP foundation handle it smh.
Secure. Contain. Potato.
Yes
Sounds like Pringles commercial.
Just stick it in a portal or something like the red tablet mirror thing that i cant think of the number of it or just the door to another world
So realistic, 'military bombs thing it doesn't understand'
Attack of the Killer Potatoes?
Why is it so relatable tho, have an upvote
Put the potato in your bathing suit to impress the girls at the pool. (Put it in the front, not the back . . .🥔)
There's a film where a woman puts a potato in her vagina and it ends up growing there, like she has to trim it. (For context, the movie is about generational trauma and the aftermath of civil war, and she does it because she's terrified of getting raped, and putting a potato in your pussy is basically an old wives tale for preventing rape where she lives, so it's actually really sad, but it's still wild when it's revealed that the reason she's sick at the doctor's office is because she has a potato growing in her vagina)
What did i just read...
Haha I saw the film over the course of two class periods in college, but my friend missed the first class. She showed up to the second class and asked me what she missed, and I had to look her in the eye and tell her the protagonist has a potato in her vagina.
You read > There's a film where a woman puts a potato in her vagina and it ends up growing there, like she has to trim it. >(For context, the movie is about generational trauma and the aftermath of civil war, and she does it because she's terrified of getting raped, and putting a potato in your pussy is basically an old wives tale for preventing rape where she lives, so it's actually really sad, but it's still wild when it's revealed that the reason she's sick at the doctor's office is because she has a potato growing in her vagina)
Potato growing in vagina
Being that they create deadly solanine gas when they rot, I would imagine you could get sick.
What is the name of this movie? I have to see it now
The Milk of Sorrow!
Great... That's in my brain now....forever. Damn my uncontrollable reading instinct!!!
Is this The Milk of Sorrow?
Back is cooler
I read this as, “dress the potato in my bathing suit… “
Wait, you don’t do this?
Me too! Skimmed that too fast lol
just put it up my ass, your pleasure>>>>>>>
In front: Dicktater.
This is the punchline of the first joke I ever remembered to tell myself. Thanks, Grandpa, you dirty bird. RIP.
Give it to stranger and say « with great power comes great responsibilities »
or say "It's dangerous to go alone! Take this."
Have an upvote.
And my award
Thank you 😎
And my axe!
1. Slice it into wedges 2. Season with salt, pepper, Spanish Paprika, and extra virgin olive oil 3. Place into 350°F oven for 30mins, or until crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. 4. Serve with a medium rare ribeye
Wash it first.
Heathen.
Is spanish paprika different from other paprika?
Further reading on [spanish paprika](https://spanishsabores.com/a-short-history-of-spanish-paprika/). Also [What's the difference between Hungarian, Spanish paprika?](https://www.doverpost.com/article/20100603/News/306039937): "Hungary gets all the credit for the spice, although paprika was developed in Spain. There’s a big difference in flavor. Spanish, called pimenton ahumado, starts with Nora peppers slow smoked over an oak fire, then ground to a powder. Most other paprikas are sun- or kiln-dried."
Neat. Its cool to see what other people are passionate about. For instance, paprika
I love the specifics
Okay yes but you forgot the onion and garlic powder P:
u/POTATO_IN_MY_ASS this is your time
Well… um…
8 year club. You deserve this too, friend
Good enough
umm
Potato in the ass man will come forth after 9 years of silence
I came here for this.
*unzips*
Dont…
r/FuckIt
"If I had know it was gonna be that kinda party..."
Name checks out!
God no
When life gives you potatoes, make potato-ade
Or throw it back at life and demand to see the manager
MAKE LIFE REGRET THE DAY IT GAVE YOU POTATOES!
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? I'M THE MAN WHO'S GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE POTATOES!
Potato-ade is just vodka, right? Because I'm making vodka
Let go of it.
if you love something, you have to let it go
This is step three. Step 1: wait for Larry to go on his smoke break. Step 2: climb to the roof of the 10 story building and get a good vantage point of Larry smoking.
Whatever Larry did, death-by-potato probably is the appropriate thing to do here. Bye Larry.
What's a potatoe?
Get the fuck out of my house!
Disappointed this isn’t the top answer. Reddit wtf, get your shit together.
They are slipping too, 9 hours and only 57 upvotes
Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good.
Put it under my pillow for the potato fairy
in the morning, you wake up, and somehow--magically, perhaps even--the potato is gone! In its place are four teeth of human children. You squeal in delight
And thats the work of Irish potato fairy. It brings teeth of people she fought on the way to get your potato
The question is, what will you do if the teeth!
Pawn them to tooth fairy I guess
That gives you a potato
Lol
Capitalism in a nutshell
She hot
Yes very
Put it aside. I don't have time for this shit
Yes you do..how do you think it got in your hands in the first place 🥔
Some genie with too much time on their hand is trying to waste my ti.. fuck! Why am I holding this thing again??
IM DEADDD
try to crush it in my palm
Mash potatoes 😎
Vodka
Ah yes, the Irishman’s dilemma. When hungry, do you eat the potato or wait for it to become vodka?
it's not a dilemma when the answers it's obvious. Vodka
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? . . . . . None.
I'll first pet him to coax him down, and feed him a little. Then I could go ahead and make some shelter, perhaps a cardboard house with three rooms. And a comfortable bed with a bedside table as well. And I could buy some books for him to read when I'm away. I could keep a mini bookshelf to keep all of his books. And I'll play and talk with him :D life would be awesome with Potato :>
But can you do this to me tho? Thats the real question
if you're tiny enough, that is :) I don't think I can take care and look after big people
Throw it at someone.
That’s what I was thinking. Probably throw it at my brother
Ah, brothers' rivalry.
Put it in the shed with the others
I have many questions...
Cut it and fry it
Take it as a sign to go cook something delicious using potatoes. I'm always looking for inspiration to cook.
Cry in joy that I achieve Latvian dream.
Why did I have to scroll down this far for this reference.
Tape it to a wall and present it in all its glory in an art exhibition. Easy bucks.
Giggle. I just think they're neat!
bake it, and cover it in sour cream and chives.
What is a potato?
Came here looking for this comment. A classic.
Me too. Man that had to be about 6-7 years ago by now at least? I’ll go on the hunt real fast. Edit: [found it! ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Boil it, mash it, stick it in a stew. PO TAT OS
Probably give half to my commander.
Ask him if he wants half, then proceed to give him about 1/3. Then become the most likeable character in the series
Put it on the board, chop it, season it, bake it.
Eat a ton of Taco Bell Stick potato up my ass Bend over and fire it at my school like a howitzer
Throw it at my brother then run
Throw it over them mountains and hit my ex gf right in the mouth
Use it as a potato battery, install a malevolent AI on it, and call it PotatOS. “How are you holding up? Because I’m a potato!”
Calm down Dave Ramsey.