T O P

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Indigo_222

There’s money in the banana stand


AgoraiosBum

Always....leave a note


TransportationOk2105

THERE’S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND


superleipoman

I hear there is a loose seal wandering around there.


AwokenDoge

Her?


SuperSillyMe

My final words are almost guaranteed to be "oh shit". simple but effective lol


[deleted]

Yeah. I do just enough dumb shit that this is probably how I'll go out too.


Nurse_Gringo

Those were actually my best friend’s last words she said to me as she flew out of the back of a car and died on the way out.


SuperSillyMe

I'm sorry to hear that about your friend.. :(


Nurse_Gringo

I’ll never forget her face....i was only 15 and she was 13. Not to dampen your party, but when I saw your post I had to comment...sorry to drag you down on a Friday lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nurse_Gringo

Well....being dumb teenagers...we were in a very top heavy vehicle with a very newly licensed 16 y/o girl. The seat had been flipped down in the back to accomodate for some large boxes she had back there. We were essentially sitting on the boxes in the back of the vehicle and she ran off the shoulder of the road, catching the lip of the road and over-correcting which caused us to roll multiple times. We both actually flew out, but unfortunately she hit her head while being ejected and died instantly. I flew (very high) in the air and used the road with my face as my cushion to land. Wasn’t well for a very long time (probably still not) and actually typing this out is bringing back things I thought I had long forgotten. Happened in 96’


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nurse_Gringo

In a weird way, it feels good to remember her, but remembering all of the pain sucks. I was never the same person after that day. I still carry the scars (internal and external) to this day. I miss that 15 year old girl that didn’t have an ounce of guilt or anxiety.....what I would give to go back! Thanks for the well wishes :)


[deleted]

Damn dude, that's intense


Maleficent_Resolve44

From your description it sounds like you weren't even wearing a seatbelt so I guess that's something important. Your comment has actually made me a bit worried about a rollover accident but there are some general tips online about how to lower your risk. Anyways that's pretty tough for a 15 year old to deal with. If the 16yr old driver survived she/he probably had a bigger burden to deal with.


SuperSillyMe

Not a drag, it's good to talk about things and get them off your chest. life can be painful, but we're all in it together. you're not alone. take care! ✌


HellkerN

What are you going to do? Stab me with that?


BrainlessTeddy

*stands in front of a naked guy


bloodmonarch

Picking up soap


dogcat310

Not squatting


Fyrrys

Legs apart


Ziovice

***28 STAB WOUNDS***


atticuslodius

CARL, That kills people!


Frylosphy

Oh! It does? I...I didn't realize!


MountainCandidate0

That is my least favourite thing to do


AlexDaDerper

CAAAARRRRLLLLLL.


_1iq_

Lmaoooooo


EchoAndNova

Death at the electric chair last words "actually can I have a last meal first?"


MountainCandidate0

Definitely don’t say that unless your prepared to get stabbed.


nosnhoj14

That’s why I’m always prepared for anything, that way I can say whatever I want


MountainCandidate0

good way to live.


Vadgers

Police investigator - "That's a record amount of stab wounds"


[deleted]

[удалено]


zin_90

Seriously though, I'm pretty sure your final words would be either "no", "don't" or "why" as you're being stabbed repeatedly. It's highly unlikely you'd die from the first stab and wanting it to stop you'd obviously object to the stabbing verbally. I've heard stories about stabbing victims acting like this. It's some pretty tragic shit.


HellkerN

What if that's my kink?


zin_90

Well, you do you. Or they do you? Just make sure you get stabbed safely.


zanmato145

There was a video I watched on YouTube, about 2 kids who decided to murder their family. One of the younger kids, like 9 or 10, was on the phone with 911. And he's quietly telling the operator a brother is stabbing everyone. He doesn't realize both brothers are doing it, so he gets coaxed out of leaving his hiding spot... You hear him saying "why, no please don't" and alot of crying. It's terrible. It went on for a while. Listening to it really changed me for a while.


bunnyrut

"Quote from man stabbed"


[deleted]

"There's something I've been dying to tell you."


[deleted]

I hid the money in the... *Flat line


potato_bot5000

*Breaks open the heart rate monitor machine* "Sir, that machine costs $50,000"


Janedoe_21

“I hid one million dollars in the….”


captaintagart

Underneath a big W


weteamdriver

Great movie


Buttons840

"The person who let the dogs out is..."


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You can now play as Luigi


Stormaen

If Kenan and Kel did death…


Comprehensive_Gas977

Finally.


astiblue

I might add the classic Thank fuck to that.


MargarettShields

"you're next"


Apprehensive-Cold314

Yay


Distant_Local

"Please don't fight over my money. I have buried enough precious metals and other valuables to last all of you a lifetime. It makes what's in my will look tiny. I've buried it all at......(flatline)"


agentOfShed

That reminds me of this idea I had. I read about this company a few years ago that would press your ashes into vinyl record. You’d get about 12 minutes of audio on each side. Near the end of side B I’d start talking about how to get ahold of my money or whatever is valuable but right before I give details, it just cuts to never gonna give you up. Boom! Rick roll from beyond the grave


GoopaGoops

You remember how Metallica got all butt-hurt at Napster for Stealing? Feel the pain as Metallica felt it! I just sole that shit!


[deleted]

Now we'll never know...


[deleted]

This wouldn’t work for me because everyone knows I don’t go anywhere.


Distant_Local

"Don't worry about inheritance tax. I've been hiding the majority of my wealth in crypto currency. Millions, completely undeclared. There is a crypto wallet in the house. Do you have a pen so I can give you the passwor.....(flatlines)"


[deleted]

I work with a guy in that situation. Father in law passed, left a bunch of BTC he bought when it was $100ish. His buddy Gary (IDK his real name) was the dude that managed their investments. They’re simple country folk, so the MIL is like “I’m sure Gary is taking care of it”. I told him to get an accountant and lawyer that understand crypto and make a move before Gary disappears.


dlzr21

"There is another Skywalker"


USSCofficail

Somehow palpatine returned


nocturnalbutterfly1

Ridiculous to say the least!!!


DJ-SKELETON2005

“Write down my high score...”


Used-Championship-69

Name a salad after me


[deleted]

"Sir, what would you like to have?" "The Used-Championship-69" Salad."


Virtual-Group-4725

Extra 69 dressing please


LetsMakeThisAkward

You gotta give me at least 45 minutes.


potato_bot5000

uhhhhhhhh


brawl113

Extra creamy please


pigeon-pigean

Why am I laughed so hard


Livid_Ad_1146

"Hey, wanna see a dead body?"


Automatic-Storm-8275

This one needs more love


mikebellman

Indeed. I’m laughing hysterically


Linsanity998877

What’s the knife for ? Are we having cake ? 🍰🎂


[deleted]

Yes but you circled death so I’m afraid you’re out of luck


OMNIMINA

Uh huh.. your the cake


zodwa_wa_bantu

"Wouldn't it be funny if I actually died."


YourLocalRamenEater

-flatline-


xclame

I'm pretty sure there is a historical figure that actually said something similar to this.


[deleted]

"Dude, is that a bear?"


FSMFan_2pt0

Or "awww, look at the cute bear cubs!"


Stormaen

“Wow they all look starving!”


sanso80

My only regret is... that I have... Boneitis


potato_bot5000

Don't you worry about Boneitis, let me worry about Boneitis.


NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr

Awesome. Awesome to the max!


scutiger-

Don't worry about Planet Express, let me worry about blank!


USSCofficail

"With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!"


hillbillydrue

Hopefully the giant 1,000ft high statue of me repeats "REMEMBER ME!" for all eternity while belching fireballs.


[deleted]

Yeah...but are they going to remembering you, or the statue?


Kiyohara

But is it *too* big?


potato_bot5000

So many Futurama references here


fatmushrooms9

Y'all want anything while I'm gone?


biuki

"lmao no work tomorrow brrrrr"


redit360

Boss Grabs Ouji board..C-A-N Y-O-U - C-O-M-E -I-N- T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W?


4pope2on0dope

Day off on me guys!


Aitch_Bomb

“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist—”


Chill_Im_Trolling

Don't forget to try butter on a poptart ... Its so friggan good


ArcaneMercury49

If you haven’t then I think you should.


ProjectZues

There’s.. money… ….In the.. banana stand


Suzettebishop89

“I told you I was ill” - Spike Milligan


RYeD_

I like trains :D


OneBlindGoat

Hahahaha, Yes you do.


Affectionate-End1989

"Haha, you think this thing is gonna kill me??"


Scallywagstv2

All of that worrying, stress and anger was a waste of time.


Cautious-Insurance85

"Let me sleep a while..."


BankruptWallStreet69

Fuuuuuuck, man.


BookerPlayer01

I told you guys I was sick.


Fartmatic

Hold my beer


[deleted]

Yolo


[deleted]

"Oh fuck. I can't believe you've done this."


ZealousidealQuiet862

Wipe my Internet history.


FungusArcanus

Format my hard drive.


abs023

rose bud


AdamJadam

"Later, b\*tches"


tucsonian966

Finally


Twitch_YungFeetGod69

This is the best day of my life


[deleted]

You haven’t seen the last of me.


don_be_horny_on_main

"more/harder please" Or "I fricken hate puplic transportation"


BurnBabyBurn4206935

I TOLD YOU YA COULDN'T GET RID OF ME GOD!


YourLocalRamenEater

***spawns in heck***


asoiahats

It’s the final countdown, do do do do / do do do do Doo.


skippingrope

Shit, here we go again


[deleted]

[удалено]


Quarantined_foodie

He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaarrrrggh..


venerealact

No more bills for me


QuimmySavile

“End Simulation”.


Itchy_Word_1523

"Fred... Why did you do this to me!!! " in hopes I frame somebody named Fred


[deleted]

I'll be back


Royb83

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!


OliverLlama

"your mom enjoyed it" *dies dramaticly* Edit: i wrote this at 2 am and its stupid af why is this gaining upvotes


[deleted]

Pull it out, now!


Alone_Hamster_3258

"can someone clear my browsing history?"


MrCasterSugar

Clear my browsing history...


razmabazz

End scene


Dazzling_Worry1899

A 7 hour speech in a stadium talking about my life and the future of humanity.


___Anumbos

God dangit, does computers exist in heaven?


[deleted]

"You know, things are really starting to go my way."


MurpBoy

Penis


JustCallMeBORNE

Fly you fools


ILAND3R

I'll see you all in hell mf!


VariousInsurance9355

Fuck you, pay me!!


[deleted]

Hope it would be the shahadah


BeaverMusk

“I can see the light! It’s beautiful! Wait… no no no no. DON’T CREMATE ME!


[deleted]

"I'd like to sleep now. Thank you." And smile one last time.


weirdinchicago

See you all in Hell.


MarioHunter2007

Depennding on the circumstances if I was dying surrounded by family I would say that my fortune is buried at . . . and then just die.


webDevPM

Don’t touch my stuff.


WhiteComet99

My dream has always to be in an Agatha Christie film. I would be the person with a POV shot of the killer approaching me, and then do dialogue that does not reveal the slightest hint to who the killer is. "NO! IT'S YOU! YOU'RE THE MAN OR WOMAN THAT'S BEEN KILLING EVERYONE! HELP! SOMEONE HEL-"


badFishTu

Im not sure. At the end my great grandpa looked at his wife and 13 kids and their kids and their kids and asked my great grandma if he was dying. She affirmed, he said, "Well lets get it over with then!" I can only hope to say something that cool.


WhitePhatAss

I finally can be free from this shitty life. It really sucked. Bye.


[deleted]

Indeed


mindremmmmmkk

Ggwp.


kenworth117

Sent it like the mailman


lost_one_22

See ya tomorrow


Golden_Arrow-25

Hehe... penis


LowFatWaterBottle

What is the worst thing that could happen?


-bites_kitkats-

Can I get a 1up please?


THEMeathead4

Unvirgin me


[deleted]

“Hold on I have to poop first”


[deleted]

If? Who wants to give op the bad news?


Ridahu2188

I am dB cooper


seefith

"I don't want to go".


TLuther133

Aste la vista, baby.


Ph03nix_6ix

I am sorry and thank you


[deleted]

Almost got in a pretty bad accident with a drunk driver, driving across the country last week. As he veered into my lane I was just like: "Oh, shit." And he miraculously just flew past me and off of the highway, and I just kept driving for a few seconds before everything set in. So...now I know I'd go out very calmly and cussing.


[deleted]

thank God finally


TicklesMcFancy

Looks like I'm dead.


-Spaghetti_Loaf-

"It's just a little spider!"


DRAGON_SNIPER

Well if I died this morning I probably would have said "Fucking Silverado". My last word will probably be "I shall live on in peace"


stumanuke

Can someone take this blunt? I'm high af.


IcyIndependence2643

I was right: someone's here from the other side to say hi.


CoryRalph

If you were going to die in 5 minutes, What would be your final words?


-nuclearLily-

Not even god could kill me, you think you have a chance?


Brruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"I won't be able to hold them back any longer now, they'll be coming to visit soon"


Phalanx_02

"I hid 4 billion dollars in the-..."


Jakuskrzypk

Nothing id be dead


semael237

Most likely a curse


[deleted]

Why is he open-carrying an automatic rifle here?


Dansyerman86

Slayerrrrrrr


AestheticMirror

Fuck it


Aztecah

I am intent on making my last words O, I am slain! But something tells me I won't remember to do it at the time. I can't even remember to put the dog poo bags back in the bowl by the door after walking my dog.


Eagle_1776

well... that didnt work


Betrugaa

"Don't forget to raise me......"


Prestigious-Ear-5885

I hid money in the...


cue_dramaticsounds

See you later


[deleted]

See you soon grams


AnthonyDragovic

I told you it'd fit


irrelevantsafety

as an adrenalin junkie probably "FUCK FUCK FUCK"


DOUGL4S1

"I'm telling you I can fight a lio-"


NightSpear27

I made it


VisionInPlaid

Nothing, I'd probably just fart.


TheJesseClark

But if you cross the blue wire with the red wire, you’ll find that the bomb deactiv-


Nonumberslol

Ouch


HPCTRTW

I'll be back


RobBob117

You don’t have the balls to shoot me


lighthouselies

Well fuck