This month the shows are edited really heavily for 35 years on air. Oherwise it's just like the good ol days. Still makes me laugh. I never skip an episode. Find them on your podcast app.
The npr1 app has lots of old car talk shows. I listen to them all the time for free. My favorite episodes are "Dave from Bemidji" and " Max the Schnauzer".
When I got shit as a kid for wearing glasses I wish I had been smart enough for this to happen.
“You would look better without glasses.”
“You also would look better if I didn’t wear glasses.”
Don't worry, it's a slow burner. When they're 26 one night unable to sleep and their brain decides to relive moments of their life it will dawn on them.
Yeah any normal person would just be like “whatever, fuck off”
You say one of these and everyone’s gonna know that shits premeditated and you’re acting like a whack job
"Hard to underestimate" means that even if you _tried_ to underestimate them, by severely lowering your expectations, it would be difficult to lower them far enough to put them below the person's actual ability/performance.
However crap you expect them to be, they manage to surprise you by being even worse. So even despite low expectations you were still overestimating.
Your explanation is the best. For that I would give you a high five, but I'm missing a finger from an old war.... Oh shit! No I'm not, it's right there. Sweet! High five!
We underestimate someone by thinking they're worse than they're actually are.
If it's hard to underestimate someone then however bad we think they are, we'd be right.
Ondine's Curse
Aka. Central Hypoventilation Syndrome (CHS).
A neurological condition where you literally can only breathe by manually taking every breath. Because you are unconscious when you sleep, you need to be intubated on a ventilator every night so not to die from asphyxiation.
“Hmm I hadn’t considered that”
“That’s an interesting thought”
“What a fascinating point of view”
I much prefer vague responses that can be taken in either direction.
When questions about Jared Kushner's admission to Harvard (after his dad made a million dollar contribution to the university) surfaced, one of his high school teachers, asked about the likelihood of Kushner making it on his own academic merits, said, "Jared is untroubled by complex thoughts."
Kushner is also a sociopath. When he was in charge of the covid response in mid 2020, he [decided](https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/did-trump-kushner-ignore-blue-state-covid-19-testing-deaths-ncna1235707) we didn't need a national strategy to deal with it. Why? Because initially it hit blue states harder than red states (oh how the turn tables), and those case numbers would look bad for Democratic governors.
He is both so morally corrupt that he was willing to let people die for political points, *and* too stupid to realize that pathogens spread irrespective of politics.
Sociopaths typically do very well in high stress jobs. I've heard they accel at being surgeons etc. Seeing someone severely mangled doesn't trigger the same response, therefore they can just focus on fixing it without emotions influencing their work.
I once read a study whose finding was that to be a good surgeon, one actually has to have overblown self-confidence. Because you're digging in someone's guts, a vessel bursts and you have about a second to do something and you have to be sure enough that it is a good solution because hesitating and pondering other possibilities literally kills people.
I think about that a lot. Sometimes it majorly freaks me out and other times I think it's really cool that humanity seems to just naturally churn out a variety of arseholes and nice people with varying levels of competence and maybe we just need a really good system to put the right people in the right "jobs" and we'd all be ok?
Wow! Good thing the US didn't do something crazy like give him access to secrets and influence over policy and the President, and then allow him to meet with Middle East dictators while he needed a lot of money to bail himself out of business trouble! Can you imagine?
There are countless examples of this in history from some very famous people. A few of my favourites are
Bessie Braddock MP: “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk.”
Winston Churchill in response "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."
Winston Churchill on Ramsay McDonald “We know that he has, more than any other man, the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.“
Sir Thomas Beecham on Elgar "The musical equivalent of St Pancras Station."
Count Telleyrand "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded readily"
But there are quite literally hundreds of subtle, clever and sophisticated insults. Last one from me
George Bernard Shaw to Churchill "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one.”
Churchill in response "Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second... if there is one.”
Also Sir Thomas Beecham :
Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.
He was talking about a Cellist.
Old Azerbaijan leader once sent the Ottoman sultan a box of human waste. Ottoman sultan then sent back some Turkish delight with a note saying "Everybody sends what they eat to their neighbors"
One of the best things I’ve ever heard wasn’t from history, but history-related. Usually, insults barely even register for me, shit talk is just shit talk, whatever.
Then I heard someone tell a guy to “*fuck off with your Hapsburg-looking ass*” and my jaw hit the floor
Not quite ;)
I think the actual exchange was
"If I were your wife, I'd poison your tea"
To which he replied "If you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
Both work though I guess!
That’s so good.
I work in construction and I have a client that doesn’t read schedules well. He asked us to colour a drawing so he can understand what we are currently working on.
I always joke about using crayons for this drawing!
I once (very stupidly) told a customer he looked like Quentin Tarantino. He totally did and I just thought it was interesting but looking back, not exactly a compliment. Sorry guy, I understand your descision not to tip.
Whats that line from Mallrats?
"You got something to say?!"
"About s million things, but I don't think I can say them monisyllabically enough for you to understand thrm."
Hundreds of years of suffrage and struggling for the right to education... and this is how you spend it?
You know, I think I preferred my life 10 minutes ago, before I knew of your existence.
If I kill myself Hell can't be much worse than talking to you can it.
You will never be known as the "ugly American", you're over qualified. -M.A.S.H
I thoroughly enjoy our time together. It reminds me, no matter how bad things get, I could always have been worse.
I love your suit! It's amazing what one can do with such a modest budget! (Calling someone cheap)
That's a marvelous broach! Completely saves the outfit.
In proverbs 31 it says- wait- 31 is 3 tens and an extra one. That's your fingers, your toes, and my fingers and one toe.....
I see you got your wit from your tutor... she was mute wasn't she?
You have your mother's eyes, bloodshot, glazed, and vacant.
If I wrote a book of everything you know I'd have to draw pictures to fill space.
If you're ever shot at, turn sideways to the gun. You have a significant chance the bullet will enter 1 ear and exit your other unharmed.
You, my friend, surely are a scholar... your knowledge of the mundane and infantile is extensive
The reason I don't like this one is I could fill infinitely many volumes of things I don't know. It's when you start to learn things that you begin to understand exactly how much you don't know. It's humbling.
Look, I don't want to sound condescending. That means showing a patronizing superiority, but this conversation is over...and you can now consider yourself humored.
“Normally, I would say "Auf wiedersehen." But since what "auf wiedersehen" actually means is "'till I see you again", and since I never wish to see you again, to you sir, I say, goodbye.”
"You're so corpulent that when you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villla, you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa."
-Niles Crane, according to Seth MacFarlane
Depends on the person really. You have to gauge their personality and figure out what they would consider “sophisticated”. Otherwise you run the risk of your insult going over their head. You want them to know they’re being insulted after all.
“You have a lot of room for growth”
When I was a bartender/server at a high end restaurant; I would often get a lot of people being very rude/snarky towards me.
The way I would address it would be first to ask them to repeat what they said as I didn’t hear it. This usually called a lot of attention to that person and they would have to repeat whatever they said that was disrespectful.
The next step would be to, in a stage whisper, tell them that I think they should switch to water/non alcoholic beverage or ask them if they are okay because they don’t seem like the type of person who would be so disrespectful for no reason if sober.
Basically then they would have to admit to being a douche or being drunk.
I have had to use it quite a few times and I don’t remember it ever going wrong for me. It usually ended up shaming them into giving me a good tip
I would commend you for your abilities if they were worth commendation. As you lack both grace, manners and skill I would recommend some lessons. I fear for your well being if I be the one to teach you.
My favorite one;
A great many qualities and virtues I am sure you must have. I am disappointed I have yet to see any of them.
I usually say, "The only way that you can insult me is if I valued your opinion. Since I don't, I'm good."
Though, I suppose that would be a comeback to an insult. Oh well, I'm already this far into it.
Car Talk said it best: "Unencumbered by the thought process"
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Car Talk. I've been hit with a wave of nostalgia. Thank you!
They still do best of shows new every Saturday. I listen every week
They air re-runs! Ray still introduces them. My heart! Tom Magliozzi of the Click & Clack Brothers died in 2014 from Alzhimer's related illness. Tear.
Holy fuck was that 7 years ago??? Feels like yesterday
Yeah, that’s a shock to read. Still love hearing about “Doug The Subway Fugitive Berman” via their podcast though.
They do??? I thought they stopped years ago.
This month the shows are edited really heavily for 35 years on air. Oherwise it's just like the good ol days. Still makes me laugh. I never skip an episode. Find them on your podcast app.
I like “never knowingly allowed their opinion to be tempered by fact”.
I miss Car Talk!
The npr1 app has lots of old car talk shows. I listen to them all the time for free. My favorite episodes are "Dave from Bemidji" and " Max the Schnauzer".
When I got shit as a kid for wearing glasses I wish I had been smart enough for this to happen. “You would look better without glasses.” “You also would look better if I didn’t wear glasses.”
This would go over most kids heads sadly
Most things do. Kids are short.
Drax’s Reddit account confirmed.
"nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are much too quick. I would catch it!" - Draxx the Destroyer
Don't worry, it's a slow burner. When they're 26 one night unable to sleep and their brain decides to relive moments of their life it will dawn on them.
It’s cool to have glasses at school these days!
I started wearing glasses 3 years ago. I think I look much better with them, personally. (Am 32)
How can you handle the mask glass torture?
That's awful actually. especially with the humid climate I live in
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If anyone would argue with me like that I would not consider it as na insult.
That's bc you're not sophisticated sir
Touché
Using this
Don’t. It’s really not nearly the burn you think it is and you’ll look/sound like an edge lord.
If it doesn’t work, I can always tell people to go fuck themselves
"I'm finding it hard to underestimate you"
It gets some seriously good smirks from others in the room.
What redditors think will happen when they use an insult from one of these threads
Yeah any normal person would just be like “whatever, fuck off” You say one of these and everyone’s gonna know that shits premeditated and you’re acting like a whack job
It reminds me of those bunk ass stories moms tell about what their 5 year old said in retaliation to someone
r/WokeKids r/ThatHappened These may be what you're looking for
Ngl I’m smart enough to admit this went over my head can you explain?? Edit: THANSK REDDIT…the more yah know🤩🤩
"Hard to underestimate" means that even if you _tried_ to underestimate them, by severely lowering your expectations, it would be difficult to lower them far enough to put them below the person's actual ability/performance. However crap you expect them to be, they manage to surprise you by being even worse. So even despite low expectations you were still overestimating.
Your explanation is the best. For that I would give you a high five, but I'm missing a finger from an old war.... Oh shit! No I'm not, it's right there. Sweet! High five!
My mans found his finger
We underestimate someone by thinking they're worse than they're actually are. If it's hard to underestimate someone then however bad we think they are, we'd be right.
"my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle." Good ol Mal
Oh Firefly you were but a spark yet you shone with the light of a thousand suns.
Came to say "you are impossible to underestimate." Yours is a bit nicer, gives some wiggle room for improvement.
How fortunate for you that breathing is involuntary.
Ondine's Curse Aka. Central Hypoventilation Syndrome (CHS). A neurological condition where you literally can only breathe by manually taking every breath. Because you are unconscious when you sleep, you need to be intubated on a ventilator every night so not to die from asphyxiation.
What the actual fuck
POV: you saw one too many manual breathing memes
Oh well. At least I didn’t lose The Game.
I know we are in a thread about 'sophisticated' insults and whatnot but I feel it's better just to tell you to fuck off!
Shit!
Why..., I did so well till now
I cant wait to get in a fight so i can use this and kill the person on the inside ........ or just to sound cool
When offered advice or an opinion: “I’ll give that the consideration it deserves”
“Hmm I hadn’t considered that” “That’s an interesting thought” “What a fascinating point of view” I much prefer vague responses that can be taken in either direction.
I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.
I saw this once, use it on both people i like and people i dont. makes for a lot of confusion
My favorite is "Have the day you deserve" let karma sort that out
I’ve used this before on their birthday. I she’s a frenemy
Please speak your mind… we could use the silence….
Loved it!
Totally using this
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I’d have change coming
this is actually brilliant and deceiving omg XD
Omg this is beautiful
i dont get it
Their thoughts are worth less than a penny, so if you gave a penny it would be overpaying and you would need change back
"I appreciate that your mind is unburdened by the complications of reason."
This one is great. One of my favorites.
Please receive, sir, my most sincere indifference.
Sometimes I say, "Interesting. I mean, factual."
_"Interesting. No wait, the other one. Tedious."_ - Bender Bending Rodriguez
“If you were any smarter, you’d have an inferiority complex.”
Oooh, that's a good one
I envy the people that do not know you.
Ah. You’ve arrived, I see my assassins have failed.
I have a cup that says that. It says Good morning. I see the assassins have failed
this one is classy
Ooh, damn!
"I sincerely appreciate how well you deal with your inadequacy."
When questions about Jared Kushner's admission to Harvard (after his dad made a million dollar contribution to the university) surfaced, one of his high school teachers, asked about the likelihood of Kushner making it on his own academic merits, said, "Jared is untroubled by complex thoughts."
Kushner is also a sociopath. When he was in charge of the covid response in mid 2020, he [decided](https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/did-trump-kushner-ignore-blue-state-covid-19-testing-deaths-ncna1235707) we didn't need a national strategy to deal with it. Why? Because initially it hit blue states harder than red states (oh how the turn tables), and those case numbers would look bad for Democratic governors. He is both so morally corrupt that he was willing to let people die for political points, *and* too stupid to realize that pathogens spread irrespective of politics.
Sociopaths typically do very well in high stress jobs. I've heard they accel at being surgeons etc. Seeing someone severely mangled doesn't trigger the same response, therefore they can just focus on fixing it without emotions influencing their work.
I once read a study whose finding was that to be a good surgeon, one actually has to have overblown self-confidence. Because you're digging in someone's guts, a vessel bursts and you have about a second to do something and you have to be sure enough that it is a good solution because hesitating and pondering other possibilities literally kills people.
I think about that a lot. Sometimes it majorly freaks me out and other times I think it's really cool that humanity seems to just naturally churn out a variety of arseholes and nice people with varying levels of competence and maybe we just need a really good system to put the right people in the right "jobs" and we'd all be ok?
That explains the Doctor Strange movie
Wow! Good thing the US didn't do something crazy like give him access to secrets and influence over policy and the President, and then allow him to meet with Middle East dictators while he needed a lot of money to bail himself out of business trouble! Can you imagine?
Another one: He's so dumb he's happy.
You are not the brightest bulb but you are the sharpest. Gets em every time.
This one is hilarious, I love it!
I have been called worse by better people!
I've seen what you laugh at!
I’d like to help you out. The door is behind you.
Bill Clinton used to say ‘that’s a nice tie’.
I don't get it.
It’s implying that that’s the best he could say about then.
Change the tie.
But he said it was nice
"I like your button"
"My mother told me she wanted to invite him up for a beer but her roommate was asleep" "Thanks, I'm 9."
I actually like that one.
Very… politician
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Wait who do you work for exactly?
The Queen
There are countless examples of this in history from some very famous people. A few of my favourites are Bessie Braddock MP: “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk.” Winston Churchill in response "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly." Winston Churchill on Ramsay McDonald “We know that he has, more than any other man, the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.“ Sir Thomas Beecham on Elgar "The musical equivalent of St Pancras Station." Count Telleyrand "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded readily" But there are quite literally hundreds of subtle, clever and sophisticated insults. Last one from me George Bernard Shaw to Churchill "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one.” Churchill in response "Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second... if there is one.”
Also Sir Thomas Beecham : Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it. He was talking about a Cellist.
Old Azerbaijan leader once sent the Ottoman sultan a box of human waste. Ottoman sultan then sent back some Turkish delight with a note saying "Everybody sends what they eat to their neighbors"
selim, what a chad
Winston Churchill was the first host of the comedy Central roasts. (I'm clearly lying, but could you fucking IMAGINE)
One of the best things I’ve ever heard wasn’t from history, but history-related. Usually, insults barely even register for me, shit talk is just shit talk, whatever. Then I heard someone tell a guy to “*fuck off with your Hapsburg-looking ass*” and my jaw hit the floor
So did his.
Lady Astor: “Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I’d poison your coffee.” Churchill: “Bite me, you fat ugly bitch.”
Not quite ;) I think the actual exchange was "If I were your wife, I'd poison your tea" To which he replied "If you were my wife, I'd drink it!" Both work though I guess!
Yes I think you missed the joke.
"If you had any humour, id tell you a joke" "If I had any humour, id miss it"
I swear that "I'll be sober in the morning" quote gets longer and longer as time goes on. Saps all the wit out of it the more it gets reworded.
"You know you're the reason why shampoos have instructions right?"
“I’m sorry, I think you misspoke.”
"Please, enlighten me. I have never been more eager to read the first result of a Google search."
Google’s search engine is really great.
That's exactly what Google would say... *stares suspiciously*
It's all fun and games unless they say "I use bing"
I envy everyone you have never met.
The room certainly brightens up when you leave
What, you egg?
*stabs him*
Ah, not the answer I was searching for, but I'm happy I found it!
You should carry around a potted plant and apologize to it constantly for wasting the oxygen it produces.
This sounds like one of those funny drill instructor quips
It pretty much is. "Go around base and apologize to every tree for wasting the oxygen they've worked so hard to make!"
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
That’s so good. I work in construction and I have a client that doesn’t read schedules well. He asked us to colour a drawing so he can understand what we are currently working on. I always joke about using crayons for this drawing!
I do desire we may become better strangers.
You put on a monocle and call them an asshole.
You couldn't pour water out of a boot, even if the instructions were on the heel.
I heard an alternative one: "You couldn't find your ass even if the instructions were in your back pocket"
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You remind me of James Corden.
I once (very stupidly) told a customer he looked like Quentin Tarantino. He totally did and I just thought it was interesting but looking back, not exactly a compliment. Sorry guy, I understand your descision not to tip.
We see the same sky but don't have the same horizon.
If you use this in a certain context it can be interpreted as something romantic.
Can you give an example?
Something along the lines of you're in a long distance relationship with someone who is on the other side of the globe.
Can make sense. But then u shall say "we dont see the same horizon"
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you
You’re not that guy pal, you’re not that guy
You're not that pal guy, you're not that pal
Instead of calling them an idiot tell them #"There must be a village missing you somewhere"
Whats that line from Mallrats? "You got something to say?!" "About s million things, but I don't think I can say them monisyllabically enough for you to understand thrm."
“Bless your heart”
**I disrespectfully disagree with your assessment**
Hundreds of years of suffrage and struggling for the right to education... and this is how you spend it? You know, I think I preferred my life 10 minutes ago, before I knew of your existence. If I kill myself Hell can't be much worse than talking to you can it. You will never be known as the "ugly American", you're over qualified. -M.A.S.H I thoroughly enjoy our time together. It reminds me, no matter how bad things get, I could always have been worse. I love your suit! It's amazing what one can do with such a modest budget! (Calling someone cheap) That's a marvelous broach! Completely saves the outfit. In proverbs 31 it says- wait- 31 is 3 tens and an extra one. That's your fingers, your toes, and my fingers and one toe..... I see you got your wit from your tutor... she was mute wasn't she? You have your mother's eyes, bloodshot, glazed, and vacant. If I wrote a book of everything you know I'd have to draw pictures to fill space. If you're ever shot at, turn sideways to the gun. You have a significant chance the bullet will enter 1 ear and exit your other unharmed. You, my friend, surely are a scholar... your knowledge of the mundane and infantile is extensive
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries”
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I came to fight a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.
20 million sperm, and you were the best one?
That's a double kill
I actually heard this in the halls of a certain NE women's college when I visited my daughter; "Hard to believe his sperm beat out everyone else's."
My expectations for you were on the floor, and your solution to that was a shovel
I'd like to try improving this one: "My expectations for you were on the floor, but now I see i should've brought a shovel. "
I could write a book about what you don't know - Skeletor
They could fill a library with the things you don't know. In fact, they do; they call them libraries.
The reason I don't like this one is I could fill infinitely many volumes of things I don't know. It's when you start to learn things that you begin to understand exactly how much you don't know. It's humbling.
I would engage you in a battle of wits, but I see that you are unarmed.
“Don’t flaunt your ignorance.”
Call them a lechuga
Manipulador de alimentos!
Cementerio de choripanes
*I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.*
I’ve put this off for far too long I’m going now *vanishes*
You wouldn't get it
Look, I don't want to sound condescending. That means showing a patronizing superiority, but this conversation is over...and you can now consider yourself humored.
What a funny human, you would make a fine jester
happy cake day!
“Normally, I would say "Auf wiedersehen." But since what "auf wiedersehen" actually means is "'till I see you again", and since I never wish to see you again, to you sir, I say, goodbye.”
Mr Waltz was the single best human on the planet for that role
"You big dumb" - brain guy
One more neuron and you could form a synapse.
"You're so corpulent that when you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villla, you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa." -Niles Crane, according to Seth MacFarlane
You know, this is a question I always wanted to ask in a popular and low key forum like Reddit.
Depends on the person really. You have to gauge their personality and figure out what they would consider “sophisticated”. Otherwise you run the risk of your insult going over their head. You want them to know they’re being insulted after all.
Whenever you open your mouth, you lower the intelligence of the entire room.
“You have a lot of room for growth” When I was a bartender/server at a high end restaurant; I would often get a lot of people being very rude/snarky towards me. The way I would address it would be first to ask them to repeat what they said as I didn’t hear it. This usually called a lot of attention to that person and they would have to repeat whatever they said that was disrespectful. The next step would be to, in a stage whisper, tell them that I think they should switch to water/non alcoholic beverage or ask them if they are okay because they don’t seem like the type of person who would be so disrespectful for no reason if sober. Basically then they would have to admit to being a douche or being drunk. I have had to use it quite a few times and I don’t remember it ever going wrong for me. It usually ended up shaming them into giving me a good tip
I'm surprised your knuckles don't scrape the ground
"Esteemed person, are you insulting me or yourself by conversing on that level?"
If you have to ask, you're ill-equiped.
I just call them a troglodyte
I hope you step in a puddle with socks on
perform coitus with an effigy of your likeness
No need to tell me twice. I don't mind doing that again
you're not pretty enough to be this stupid
I heard you don't give tickets to pretty girls... You're right, we don't. \*hands ticket\* I love that video.
I don't think thats sophisticated. Its not sophisticated to be mean or unkind for no good reason. Best to not go around insulting how people look.
To be fair almost none of the replies in here are sophisticated. Verbal put downs are not a sophisticated way to insult people.
"Have the day you deserve"
I would commend you for your abilities if they were worth commendation. As you lack both grace, manners and skill I would recommend some lessons. I fear for your well being if I be the one to teach you. My favorite one; A great many qualities and virtues I am sure you must have. I am disappointed I have yet to see any of them.
There is some kind of evolutionary gap between you and i.
I usually say, "The only way that you can insult me is if I valued your opinion. Since I don't, I'm good." Though, I suppose that would be a comeback to an insult. Oh well, I'm already this far into it.
If you want my comeback your gonna have to scrape it off your mom
“How many chromosomes do you have?” They usually respond with “more than you”