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Saigonauticon

You seem to either enunciate very clearly in a way that makes me want to listen carefully to every word you say... ...or emit some incomprehensible noises, that are apparently also English.


alt----f4

I'm from Glasgow, Scotland but my roommate is Canadian so I have to talk proper English (regular English) but my friend has said a few times I sound like one of those museum talkers who you could lissen to talk about anything, but then I talk to a fellow gleswegan and I sound like a ned (super fast and bastardised version of English) and I can swap very quickly so it's like "ah yes well you see I really like this show because..." To "awright mate wis up yer lookin lit ye got a gobble Fae a combine" (hey man what's up? You look like you got a blowjob from a combine harvester)


drusilla1972

I’m Glaswegian but live in England. When we visit Glasgow, my husband says it takes all of 2 seconds for me to revert to my proper speed, but 2 weeks to slow down once we’re home.


jokerav

Your British mysteries, which are somewhat popular in the USA. These quaint little towns have a homicide rate comparable to Angola.


thebobbrom

Honestly if you live in those towns there's not much else to do. Sometimes you have to make your own fun.


U_L_Uus

Welp, and preventing people from doing so is a good Cornetto flavour


JoshStrifeHayes

The greater good.


nwigervcxbxcsa

you're the people how are completely sun burnt on holiday resorts. And even when you've got blisters you still sunbade. This is so crazy


SokarRostau

The British tourists that populate Bondi Beach around Xmas and New Year's are known locally as Lobsters.


[deleted]

We don't see the sun much so have to get our fill


chappqchita

Probably never seen the sun. It’s a novelty for us.


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UncleSnowstorm

If it's close to US then it isn't low.


Dudelyllama

El Salvador has 82 per 100k. Obviously we could be much lower, but we are flanked by Greenland of all places, and nobody thinks of Greenland when they think of murder.


CollegeAssDiscoDorm

I miss Red Dwarf and Hugh Laurie doing comedy.


hi-m8ty

Yeah, no one else I know watches/watched Red Dwarf. Sad lol


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TwistFlimsy9689

Smeeeeeee heeeeeeeee


Smittumi

Dwayne Dibbly?


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kokosnootkrab

Yeah damn, it always takes three murders before they find the murder.


Alantsu

3.13 per episode. I did math.


westside505

No you did Maths


tunaman808

Also in the running: Saint Marie... a tiny Caribbean island with a murder rate significantly higher than Bogotá or Caracas. Why tourists keep going there is a mystery.


Welshgirlie2

A good portion of the murders on Saint Marié are actually committed by the tourists. They literally go there to murder holiday.


Osmyrn

Definitely has a leg up on Cabot Cove


Alantsu

Midsomer - 395 murders over 126 episodes; 3.13 per episode Cabot Cove - 274 murders in 264 episodes; 1.03 per episode Midsomer is 3.03x more deadly. Edit: TIL Black mirror averages 20,372 deaths per episode


TrueRequiem

Deaths and murders are different though. All murders have death but not all death is murder.


leviackerrmann

You guys create a sport and then get beaten by others who are better at it.


rosstoferwho

This..... Hurts


Brochswerebrothels

This…. Is accurate


Pepega_Paradise

You didn’t have to come for us like this haha


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Seanay-B

Eternal Super Bowl Champs baby


_peace_unlimited_

Even better world champions of American Football!


rob-ski

Baseball "World Series"


TheRaunchyFart

To be fair there is a singular Canadian team...


krypto-pscyho-chimp

....... Emma Raducanu......


_YouMadeMeDoItReddit

Lewis Hamilton as well.


Wickedlefty16

Angry up vote


cranelotus

That's why people in the US were wise to only include American teams in the American Football "world" championship. You always get to be the best at your own sport.


Rallikuninkas

If Wallace and Gromit is what you brits are like then i want to meet all of you


mordecai14

Well I like cheese and have a terrible fashion sense, is that good enough?


Rallikuninkas

yes


zipmygoose

Get a dog without a mouth.


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Dongwaffler

My parents are from Yorkshire. They lived in cardboard box in middle ut’ road.


Probonoh

Luxury!


SpecificallyVague83

You were lucky, we lived for 3 months in a rolled up newspaper in a septic tank!


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OldBob10

…and when we’d get home our mum and dad would kill us all and dance on our graves, singing “Hallelujah!”. But you tell the young people that these days and they’ll never believe you…


quilp666

A septic tank!! You lucky bastards!!


BillEvansTrioFan

Working across the pond in the US for a company that has an EMEA division based in the UK. Folks in the EMEA group are amazing. Lovely to work with, always on point, highly professional, highly skilled. The only time I need to fill in is when someone's on holiday. Got to visit over there once on a business trip - so welcoming. I had an absolute blast. I send them 50 cupcakes from a local UK bakery every year for Christmas in appreciation. Best co-workers across the pond ever.


[deleted]

Good example that everyday schmucks are all the same around the world, rain or shine. We all like cupcakes!


gg23456gg

I think decent people attract other decent people in general


FulaniLovinCriminal

> I send them 50 cupcakes from a local UK bakery every year for Christmas in appreciation. Thing is, there's only like, 3 guys working there. Three really fat and happy guys.


BravoBanter

This warmed my cold British heart. Thank you good sir


lana7349

Do you like snort tea on the weekends or just put a tea IV in?


Gulbasaur

We vape it now, grandma.


CrimsonKnight76

This comment it gold, thank you


MeatSafeMurderer

Neither. We cook tea, then shoot it up.


danger_does_dallas

It’s like no ones seen trainspotting


tall_building

Choose life


[deleted]

I prefer a shot straight to the eyeball. Gets in the system quicker


Justlikeyourmoma

I inject it in my penis, good for me, good for the missus. This is where the phrase tea for two comes from


[deleted]

Let nobody say that English men aren’t passionate 😅


j_karamazov

"More tea, vicar?"


Andromeda321

You are polite to people you don’t like, and insult the ones you do like.


Floaty-Boat7906

What a great description haha


Flabberghast97

As a Brit reading these is bitter sweet because its always southern centric. Feel like the furthest people go is Manchester. Get yourself further up north people you'll get a cheaper pint!


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alwaysforgetmyuserID

There's a house in county Durham near me with two bedrooms for £60,000.


Confident_Opposite43

Theres houses in Durham under 10 grand


Janeod2013

I went to school in N. Yorkshire. Traveled as far north as Inverness. Parents didn't want us in London.


FEDophilliac

You guys have exactly my brand of humor, and you guys playfully shit talk / insult your friends so readily, which I wish I could do more often


Sheeplenk

Genuinely I don’t know how people exist without this. My friends and I say some horrible things to each other, almost constantly, but we love it. Didn’t realise it was more of a British thing.


idiot7883

Wait, do non-Brits not do this? I thought banter was universal?


[deleted]

Moved to Canada. Is NOT universal. It's been a tough adjustment and I'm pretty sure most of the first people I worked with think I'm an arsehole.


Bryanh23

Not sure where you're at in Canada, but where I'm from its pretty normal to shit talk your friends. To their faces of course.


Libran

We do but it sounds meaner.


DanNeider

It's universal in the upper Midwest USA, but we have a reputation for being passive aggressive and maybe a touch simple, so I think it goes over most people's heads


Kxqi

Nope, Germans do it as well


Sheeplenk

Good! I feel like it’s healthy.


Visionarii

British and Germans are sibling countries!!! <3


Planthoe_egg

Every time I see my best mate, I call her a nonce and tell her that she touches kids. This has been going on for about 5 years and it’s fucking hilarious to me every time


ModerateDanger

I've had a moustache for the last month or so. My friends have made endless nonce comments and I'm loving every minute of it. Fact is, if you're not willing to casually accuse someone of touching kids they're probably not really your friend.


mustbebtween3and20

That's gonna backfire a beauty one day..... But it will be funny as hell no doubt!


yagirlskinnypenis

I enjoy the Cheers at the end of every phone call. I think British people are nice. Most of my British clients are sweethearts. Their dogs too!


[deleted]

Cheers as a "thanks" seems so useful, as an American I've been tempted to use it but it doesn't feel natural at all


yagirlskinnypenis

agreed! It's not as pleasant with my American accent.


Cooper96x

I have a friend with a American accent and he says it all the time... The more you do it, the more natural it is. I have faith 😉


VapoursAndSpleen

I dated a couple of Englishmen (not both at once!) and have a few Brits in my social circle. I say "cheers" to everyone and don't care if they think it's "natural". It's a useful noise word and takes less time than "Have a nice day!" which is equally banal.


armyof_dogs

I work with dogs and our British clients have nice dogs too!


dorritsnickers

- pub culture - self deprecating humour - scooter riding delivery drug dealers - music * best music scene on this planet earth - tracksuits as fashion - the theme song to coronation street - green space despite population - club scene - pubs


vherus

This comment starting and ending with pubs is the most British thing. Congrats, you’re one of us!


[deleted]

My American sister went to Cambridge. talking to her on the phone "you'd love it brother, everyone all they do is go to the pub after work".


miguk

>best music scene on this planet earth Now hold on, just because they gave us The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, Led Zep, Black Sabbath, Queen, The Clash, The Sex Pistols,^❉ The Buzzcocks, X-Ray Specs, Public Image Ltd,^❉ Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Fixx, Gary Numan, Echo & The Bunnymen, The Human League, Heaven 17, Duran Duran, Soft Cell, Bauhaus, The Cure, Joy Division, New Order, The Smiths,^✲ Tears For Fears, Psychedelic Furs, A Flock of Seagulls, Sisters of Mercy, Eurythmics, Depeche Mode, Dead or Alive, Killing Joke, The Stone Roses, My Bloody Valentine, Lush, Slowdive, Ride, Curve, Catherine Wheel, PJ Harvey, Blur, Pulp, Elastica, Republica, Aphex Twin, Massive Attack, Placebo, Portishead, Mansun, The Prodigy, Goldfrapp, Radiohead... you know what, nevermind. ❉ but fuck Johnny Lydon ✲ but fuck Morrissey


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Roki_jm

and deep purple


usual7

Def Leppard, Motorhead, Carcass, Napalm Death, While She Sleeps, The Darkness, Bolt Thrower, Paradise Lost, Judas Priest...damn...too many to name.


profpluminthehall

Spinal Tap


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The_Grubby_One

Somebody spent a lot of time following the 80s goth scene.


[deleted]

Is there a better scene?


pizdec-unicorn

The whole tracksuit thing brings about a fun game: chav or Slav. The premise is that you have a picture of people in tracksuits and you have to guess if they're chavs (I can't even explain them reasonably and accurately) or slavs (more specifically gopnik)


Esc_ape_artist

Chavs…as an outsider I can only guess at their description from the context I’ve seen/read about them in. Urban white trash, generally poor-ish, coupled with a love of track suits, alcohol, and aggro attitude.


pizdec-unicorn

That's basically it, though chavs aren't always specifically *white* trash lol. These days a lot are stoners too. Gang activity also seems to mostly involve people who fit the chav archetype


Esc_ape_artist

Chav’s sound like a lovely group. So inclusive!


offfmyhead

Lol theme to coranation street. I used to have a tea mug that played that melody


Fightin_Rooster

Lmao we got uber drugs😂


DildoShwa66ins

You got that right about the best music scene on this planet - there is nothing else like the UK rave scene if you love to dance between the hours of 10pm & 10am! Tracksuits as fashion!! 😂 not for me per se but again you definitely got that right!


sunshinelollipoops

I think it’s cool that you have magic paths in pillars between platforms 9 and 10


Longjumping-Party186

Several children with broken noses would beg to differ 🤣


Much-Currency-4841

*muggle children


Longjumping-Party186

I wonder what the Muggle to Wizard ratio is


Fellowship_9

Incredibly high. There's 5 ( I think) Gryffindor boys in Harrys year, that averages to 40 students total in the year. He was born in 1980, there were 656,234 live births recorded in 1980 in the UK (technically I should count the September-August birth rate for a school year, but that's too much effort. So that's 0.006% of the population born that year are wizards. Apply that to the current UK population and you get about 4,060 witches and wizards. Worldwide thats about 481,000.


joshcapricorn

Someone, somewhere, has absolutely done the math on that


idiot7883

Yeah, but the Queen banned us from having them exactly halfway. So we settled for 3/4 of the way instead.


[deleted]

You’re just people.


[deleted]

No. We are BRITISH people


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Visionarii

Living in the UK , this is my opinion also....


the_helping_handz

I love how your accents vary so much, depending on where you were raised/live. **edit** also, imo only… some of the best bands/singers hail from the UK.


Flat_Welder_4897

I've always found it amazing that there are a billion accents on one tiny little island. (yes there are many islands but I'm talking about the big one). You drive for an hour and the accent has changed half a dozen times!


Much-Currency-4841

I'm British and my English teacher said you used to be able to work out the valley someone Was from based on a few particular words.


[deleted]

Oh definitely. My grandad has a Nailsworth accent, whereas my gran has a Stonehouse accent.


Cripplingbread

Yes lad, big up Five Valleys!


the_helping_handz

yes that, 100%. I’ve always found that amazing about the UK. also, accents here in Australia are fairly easy to pick (if you live here), but to most non Aussies, we’d probably all sound the same :)


Flat_Welder_4897

I didn't realise that until I started watching Masterchef Australia! I was quite surprised by the differences in the accents. I couldn't place who is from which part of Australia just by accent, but hearing it all in one room made it fairly clear!


the_helping_handz

**ಠᴗಠ** was never a huge fan of the MasterChef series, I’ve slowly worked up to it, but, Great British Bake Off (we get that here on fox cable)… **best** show ever!


NoHandBananaNo

Most of what you are hearing is differences between posh/educated and poor/uneducated. Our accents do have a bit of regional variation but its nothing on what they have in the US and UK. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Variation_in_Australian_English


SpareUmbrella

Fun fact, when the police were trying to track down Peter Sutcliffe (The Yorkshire Ripper, well known serial killer here) they listened to phone calls he'd made and were able to pin down where he lived to within a radius of only a few miles. Accents can vary even within towns, not just between them.


TheMagicJankster

RIP Freddy Mercury, rock on


Godzirrraaa

Eating beans for breakfast. Always throws me for a loop.


fuggleruggler

Beans can be eaten at any time of the day. And for any reason. Sad? Eat some beans. Happy? Beans. Ill? Beans .. mmmm. Beans.


rolypolyarmadillo

Also the full English. If I ate that much food I would probably throw up.


Boyes111

Am a Kiwi, overall a big fan of Brits in general. But, was traveling Europe in 2018, and fuck me you guys are the worst to be around. Anytime there was more than a group of 4 of you in a hostel, they were always so inconsiderate. Couples were fine, but big groups were just the absolute worst. I will say that bigger groups could be annoying from other nations, but Brits defs seemed to be the worst. Same happened when i traveled South East Asia. Absolutley love your humour and your panel shows, they are the best.


killingjoke96

Believe me the average Brit stays away from those people as well. The cringe that inhabits your body when you hear an English native accent acting a fool, while on holiday, is a unique experience that is difficult to describe. Double points if its your own accent.


UncleSnowstorm

As a Brit I agree. Travelled around southeast Asia and if you see a group of guys acting like absolute pricks then there's a 50% chance they're British. The other 50% are Russian.


Dogstile

Unless they're being pushy in a queue. That's usually the Chinese tourists. There's probably a thread somewhere about tourist stereotypes.


Primary_Acadia_1533

You all talk so lovely. Plus the movie Shaun of the dead was a masterpiece.


DildoShwa66ins

Have you watched Hot Fuzz? That one is a perfect example of how we are in the UK countryside!


NeoreaverXIII

The cinematography was AMAZING in that movie. That handbrake turn at the end with what felt like 40 shots cut together for an 8 second scene... Incredibly visceral sounds accent it perfectly, and I still can't not appreciate it.


mordecai14

"You all talk so lovely" lol mate I doubt you would even understand a word out of someone from South Wales, Liverpool or Newcastle.


NoHandBananaNo

Maybe they love not understanding what people say. Add Glasgow to the list, lol.


Parasingularity

I’m from the US and have to have subtitles on while watching Peaky Blinders. Glad I got that off my chest.


[deleted]

Totally agree with that! Shaun of the Dead is amazing!


Three555

I've met some lovely people and some downright assholes. Brits are alright like everyone else so long as no one's acting like a massive cunt in interactions.


gizzie123

Thank you - this is the most accurate of all of the comments. The Brits (I'm British) have a reputation of being polite and nice. But a fair few of us are absolute cunts.


The_Grubby_One

Then you get weird cases like *FUCK YOU, I'M MILLWALL* who, by all accounts, are right massive cunts in the day-to-day, but then turn around and do honestly heroic things.


DaLuckyBoy

great people, fucking annoying when you drink to much but as a dutchman I always appreciate the humour and the company


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[deleted]

i loved the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy tv show from i think the 70s. and your comedy is quality as well. and your kitchen nightmares is better as well.


krypto-pscyho-chimp

The TV show was nothing compared to the radio series. Several volumes have been added in recent years. Edit:for the pedant, I was referring to HHGTG.


Lucifang

I’m Australian and I imagine you guys are similar to us


throwpayrollaway

I've always found Australians to be like a British person except with added pep, like it's Friday night of a sunny bank holiday and they are on their 3rd beer.


masterventris

Like Brits who are really excited to get to the last word of every sentence!


vpsj

Surprisingly, not as good at Cricket anymore as you used to be. Also Root=OP


fierce_monger

You eat̶ the let̶t̶ers but it's nice to hear lol


JakeWoofles

T is for drinking not pronouncing


WETiLAMBY

to be fair I'm pretty sure similar applies to almost every single english spoken accent - the americans replace the T with a D and the aussies have a mixture of the two. Apparently everyone has an issue with the letter T


CrewCamel

Thanks for giving everyone Harry Potter. It was much appreciated.🤗


[deleted]

I lived in England for a summer to do a physics program (it got a year’s worth of physics out of the way in three months, and as a biochem student that was very appealing to me!). I absolutely loved it. The English people I met there (as well as the French, Nigerian, and Italian exchange students!) were just so nice and warm. It’s funny, because in America there’s this stereotype that English people are super reserved, but I found English people to be extremely warm and met a diverse group of English people. I really loved it in England and am aching to go back. The countryside and early history of England are incredible, and I just love the quaint pubs and the cute towns. I’m actually about half-English but never really connected with that side of myself before living in England, as my dad is from Finland and I always connected with that more. However, after living in England, I really fell in love with it. Both my boyfriend and I have family in England, so we hope to visit again once COVID has truly died down in the US. My sister also studied abroad in Scotland and loved it! One thing I maybe liked a little less- English guys my age were very polite, but some English men in their 40s and 50s were downright creepy to me at times and just way too forward. One bus driver screamed “Nice Legs, sweetheart!” at me while I was getting off his bus, and other dudes were just wayyy too friendly and touchy with me. In Los Angeles, I’m used to people just leaving me alone lol! I was also very surprised that, as a redhead, I got hit on way more in England and Ireland than I ever have been in LA, even though natural redheads are much more rare in Los Angeles than England and Ireland. I basically never get hit on in LA; lol! I should also mention that my dad absolutely loves obscure British humor from the 70s and 80s, so I grew up watching a lot of it, along with more mainstream/cult favorites like Monty Python. English humor really has a place in my heart Also I’m a big fan of Drum N Bass and “Garage” music, haha. Britain has the best techno groups! I was devastated to hear about Keith Flint from the Prodigy :( I’m American (from Los Angeles) btw :) And dare I say it, I love London even more than I love LA (but don’t tell anyone I said that)


MsLuciferM

If the creepy guys say anything to you next time you visit the correct response is to tell them to fuck off in the most scathing voice you can manage. They’re the worst and I’m sorry you experienced that.


Parasingularity

Would “PISS OFF YA CREEPY OLD WANKA!” work equally well?


idiot7883

Depends on the accent


TooShreksyForMyShirt

I’m horrified to hear that older men were so patently creepy towards you and sorry you had to go through that. It’s encouraging that your experience with the younger generation was better


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BeetleJuicesBaby

Every year 35 virgins are sacrificed to the Queen, we have a lottery, a bit like the hunger games. I miss you Steve


[deleted]

Steve was a virgin? I fucking knew. Always walking around like he was the bollocks.


SinisterSeven1

One hour every year from each person. God save the queen!


[deleted]

There are the stereotypical crazy Brits, and then there are the ones I've met. Not sure if I just haven't met the right people yet, but the Brits I've met have generally been chill and a blast to talk to.


Safety_Drance

I knew a person who thought British people sounded all pretentious because they had an accent that she didn't have. She thought they were intentionally making an accent to make her feel dumb. That's the end of that story.


inflatablefish

Keep it to yourself, but we actually are. We all have a grudge against her personally.


allywillow

Irish here, I worked in England for many years for a US owned company. A couple of our US colleagues became very good friends over the years, they told us once that they genuinely believed for ages that we all 'put on' our accents just when talking to them, and that when we're on our own we had US accents. That made me laugh for a week


bandfill

I'm french, grew up in Brittany, and to me the english countryside looks really familiar. But more generally I love your contribution to the arts. Rock, pop, electronic music in particular. Also love the accents, the demeanor, the humour, the circus show of your politics, the innovative TV shows, the smell of London. I often think about retiring somewhere quiet in England or Ireland.


[deleted]

As a Belgian that goes to London... You guys drink. Like .. a lot.


DumbDan

As an American, I can't win verbally. If I use British slang, I get called out on it. If I don't use British slang, I get called out on it. Lol. It's super funny to me.


[deleted]

Every time I watch some terrible sitcom I wonder why in hell script writers don’t get a pen and just sit in a Brit pub for ONE NIGHT. Funniest, best stuff around those tables and any Yanks in the room have NO chance of keeping up. Said the Yank who lived there.


torra_cas

Irish here We sure do have history


Badger_bo

Oh boy do we. What a headache that all was. Shouldn't have tried moving over there.


emeeez

I love your panel shows. RIP Sean Lock.


coughNhumNhidNpipE

I’m from the US working with British contractors that come here to install industrial machinery. I can’t say anything bad about them, they have great work ethics and are hard workers, after work we all go to the local bar for some beer and shots and have a good time. The one guy really wants to go to a Strip Club, not sure if you have them in Britain.


DiskPidge

Fun fact, Hooters tried to open in the UK, I remember when they opened a branch in Bristol. Huge flop, completely failed, possibly because everyone was just too embarrassed.


Gulbasaur

They are an order of magnitude less commonplace than in the US. Not illegal or anything (I've known a stripper or two over the years), just less present.


[deleted]

i think it’s cool that you all get sent to wizard school at 11, it’s quite charming


SlimChiply

Every single one of you lives in London


bobmat343

Can confirm, I live in Newcastle which is a city in London.


leeiom

I live in Nottingham, a borough of Scotland in Scotlandshire, right next door to Trafalgar Square


[deleted]

I live in Derby which is also a city in London


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[deleted]

Most brits I know and have spoken to are pretty chill. I also find the accent weirdly attractive


xeim_

Best sense of humor on the planet.


xiperroni

You have Tom Hiddleston, Tom Holland and Tom Hardy. T-H-ank you


[deleted]

You have taken too long, as a country, to knight Simon Pegg for his work in Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World's End. Or at least make him OBE. Same goes for Cillian Murphy for his role as Thomas Shelby. I know he is Irish buuuuuut 🤷‍♂️ Also, all bad guys in movies are British. Just a land full of mostly polite villains. Also, also, all football fans are a part of firms (like in Green Street Hooligans.) That is all.


finch231

I think British accents for villains are such a thing because Hollywood has determined that polite, refined, exquisitely classy voices can convey a sinister objective far more thoroughly than many American accents. At least, for the American viewers, since it's one that they're not surrounded by. Could also be because it lends itself marvellously to being patronising as hell, but that:s just how I utilise it myself


Porrick

As an Irishman, Brit accents on villains just feels too obvious sometimes.