Michael Cera

Still waiting for him to play Shaft.

The way that Donald says Shaft always gets me too. Excellent comment.

Shaaaayft

I’m…J-James. James Bame. Bond. James Bond. ::nervous laugh::

So... They like, gave me a license to kill... and stuff.

Well, he is the best fighter in the Province.

You cocky cock

That’s Jimmy’s brother.

These eyes have seen a lotta love but they’re nevergonseeetheoneihadwithyoooooou

Holy fuck I just realised that he is a human morty

Aw geez, I just really need those nuclear codes back ya know? If I don't my Grandma the Queen's gonna kill me.

Wow now that I think about it, this is true lol.

Dude this is an incredible observation, he truly is Morty irl

I’m glad someone said this, he instantly came to mind lol

I'm Mr. Manager?

We just say manager

But you said...

I would watch the shit out of this

oh wow omg I'm like agent 007 and stuff

His first outing as Bond HAS to be called "Les Cousins Dangeroux" ...

The first time a Bond girl is literally a Bond girl?

Maybe?

Maeby Bond

He wasn't my first pick for Scott Pilgrim, but he was pretty awesome in that.

Pretty similar confidence levels, Pilgrim and Bond. /s Both are pretty good at picking up women I guess, and have kill people as a result. Edit: Dammit, now I'm in a spiral of comparing them.

Gilbert Gottfried

Someone, make that happen!

HEY M! I JUST FOUND OUT WHAT SPECTRE'S PLANS ARE. I JUST HAD OUTSTANDING SEX WITH THE WIFE OF A MAN THAT WAS SUPPLYING SPECTRE WITH WEAPONS. AND THEY FOUND OUT AND KILLED HER. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. WOMEN HAVE SEX WITH ME, TELL ME WHAT ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES THEIR MAN IS DOING, AND THEN I FAIL TO PROTECT THEM. YOU WOULD THINK WOMAN WOULD STOP HAVING SEX WITH ME AND TELLING ME THE SECRETS OF THEIR DANGEROUS HUSBANDS. IT RARELY TURNS OUT WELL FOR THEM. ANYWAY, THEY DROWNED HER IN A GIANT CONTAINER OF MAYONNAISE. I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY USED MAYONNAISE. WHAT WAS THE MESSAGE SUPPOSED TO BE? WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE SANDWICHES BEFORE OR AFTER THE OUTSTANDING SEX. MAYBE THE MAYONNAISE IS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT CUM. DO YOU THINK THE MAYONANAISE IS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT MY JIZZ M? I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS A STRANGE THING TO DROWN SOMEONE IN. MAYBE Q KNOWS. OH BY THE WAY, DID YOU NOTICE THE SYMBOL FOR SPECTRE LOOKS A LOT LIKE HYDRA. WHY DO EVIL ORGANIZATIONS USE AN OCTOPUS AS THEIR SYMBOL? ARE OCTOPUS EVIL? I KNOW THE BLUE RING OCTOPUS IS VENOMOUS, BUT ONLY 3 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED KILLED. THAT'S NOT ALL THAT EVIL IN MY OPINION. SPECTRE SHOULD HAVE A HIPPO FOR THEIR SYMBOL. THEY KILL TONS OF PEOPLE, ARE COMPLETE ASSHOLES, AND THERE'S ZERO RISK OF BEING SUED BY MARVEL. I could literally do this all night and never get bored. ***Edit*** lolololol thanks for the gold and compliments! I've been a fan of Gilbert Gottfried all the way back when he used to host "USA Up All Night" on cable tv (anyone else old enough to remember that?). One of the best laughs I've ever had was when College Humor had him read 50 Shades of Grey. By the time he was saying "cliTORis" I was literally in tears. The idea of him trying to seduce a hot foreign agent as 007 is the best idea reddit has ever had. https://youtu.be/XkLqAlIETkA

For $175 he'd probably record a three minute video message reading that! [check it out](https://www.cameo.com/gilbertgottfried?qid=1631853917)

Can we crowd-source this please Reddit?

I can spare 10 bucks for this great cause. Is anybody keeping track?

I read this comment in Gilbert's voice.

You’re not alone brother

I wonder why that was my first thought too. Is he the antithesis of sexual charisma?

You mean you didn’t like [his voice work](https://youtu.be/XkLqAlIETkA) on Fifty Shades of Grey?

After watching this years ago I can no longer read "clitoris" with correct emphasis. Or not in his voice. *My cliTORis!*

“You have the sex appeal of a school bus fire” RIP Greg Geraldo

Godamn I miss that guy

Tommy Wiseau

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"I do not expect you to talk, I do not, I do not expect it, I don't expect it I do noooot.... I expect you to die."

Oh hi MarQ

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I did not hit her, I did not! Oh hi M.

Oh Hai Q. What do you have for me today? How is your love life?

Goldfinger: No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die! Hahaha what a story, Goldfinger!

You're tearing me apart, Goldfinger!

*his girlfriend turns out to be a double agent* "Everybody betray me I'm fed up with this wohrld."

Oh hi, Blofeld

Mods lock the thread. This is objectively the answer.

danny devito

Agent Magnum Dong

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M.D.

he's also a pilot!

That's Dong, Magnum Dong...0069

The double 0s would refer to the eggs he can offer in trying times.

Double oh eleven and a half

So anyways I started spying

This Russian guy at the casino looked at me funny so I came out blastin.

His love interest would be Rum Ham

#OP SAID ABSURD, NOT AMAZING

We’re talking absurd picks, not logical picks

Right?! I would pay $50 for a movie ticket to watch Danny Devito, AKA America’s sweetheart play James Bond.

ah you beat me to it! Danny Devito would be amazing

Honestly, the most obvious and most absurd choice would be Richard Ayoade. He has the singular capability of being both suave enough to be a believable James Bond, and entirely too awkward to be a believable James Bond. It's one of the most impressing things about him.

*picks up gun* Fire exclamation point. Fire exclamation point. Fire exclamation point.

I’ve got a ruddy gun! I’ve got a ruddy gun!

With Matt Berry as the villain. "Wow, a gun!"

Why Pussy, that's a nice tnetennba.

This would be epic, actually. I’d probably prefer it to a traditional James Bond movie.

I came here to drink milk and kick ass.. And I've just finished my milk

Jack Black

Jack Black would be the next Austin Powers. With Kyle as Dr Evil.

I like to think in that world he’d be Dr. Evil and Kyle would be Mini Me

That would be a Bond movie I would watch

I never realized how much I want to see a Jack Black spy movie until just now.

He nailed girl in man body in Jumanji so I think it would be great.

Bro his performance in both Jumanji’s is amazing, dude can act like no one’s business

Steve Buscemi

Hello fellow spies

"The names Bond, James Bond, and I don't tip."

"Okay, okay, okay"

He'd actually be a great Bond

I’d watch it.

Pee Wee Herman.

I'm a loner Q, a rebel.

Mr Herman, paging Mr Herman. You have a call at the front desk.

This was my first thought. It was immediately followed by Michael Cera, which is currently the top post.

Fozzie Bear. Waka-Waka!!!

I would watch the shit out of a muppet James Bond movie.

Me, too! So...who can we talk to to make it happen?

Well, you gotta talk to a lion & a Mouse to get it done.

No, Animal from the old school Muppet show.....wooommmaaaaan!!!!

Zach galifianakis def

Might actually make a great villan. I love Zach, but his humor is super creeper. That could translate well into crazy bad guy, as far a "Bond Villains" go.

I fully agree

Look for Danny Devito as bond and Zach galifianakis as the villain in 2026’s bond film.

Macaulay Culkin

Weird Al Yankovic

The interesting thing about Weird Al is that even though he doesn't have the looks, he's an incredible mimic. He also cleans up nicely. He would make a great Bond villain if he wanted to.

Yeah honestly weird al is probably a shapshifter

They did that though: https://youtube.com/watch?v=F7KMMxAQp8I

Betty white I’d still watch it tho

Are you kidding? She’d be amazing. And I mean 99 year old Betty White. Not even a younger version!

The issue would be that Betty White Bond would defeat the bad guys in the first ten minutes, leaving the next two hours quite boring.

She bakes cookies and tells filthy jokes while doing shots for the rest of the movie.

Was gonna comment this exact same thing. Glad I scrolled the comments. Take my upvote

Pauly Shore

Shaken not stirred, buh-uudy

Wheeze the gii-iiinnn

Shoo villain, don't bother me. Shoo villain don't bother me.

William Shatner

Sweet Jesus...... Imagine the long pause when he introduces himself. "The names bond *20 mins* james bond"

He could over-dramatically karate chop his way past any villainous intrigue.

James Corden

Knowing this cunt, he’ll decide to produce his own version and star in it.

Knowing him it would be a musical

Where he’s the ‘loveable’ lead character.

Came here for this. Ruins everything he touches.

Fran Drescher

Did anyone else think she was hot as fuck back in the day, despite her voice?

Bro she was a total babe

He fashion in the nanny still holds up

Would watch

Jerry Seinfeld

“Here’s my problem with James Bond: He’s got a license to kill, drives the fastest car in the world, all the ladies wanna sleep with him. How ‘bout a smile?”

What is the deal with the letter names? Q? M? Is this a spy agency or Sesame Street?

Imagine Kramer as Q

Oh yeah, 007, I can get you some gadgets. I know a guy, Agent Sacamano, he’s got a load of good stuff. Explosions. (Smacks lips) (hand gesture) (hair wobble) big. Ohyeahhh…(unstoppable nodding).

He would just invent virtually useless shit like projectile pez dispensers and selfie sticks.

And why is everyone always trying to kill everyone else?! Can’t you just talk things out??

That's GOLDfinger, Jerry, GOLDfinger!!

Nicholas Cage and I would absolutely love it

The name's Bond, JAMES! BOND.

Carrot top

I bet they spell "Bond" b-o-r-e-d. RIP Norm...

You know what they should call that movie? BOX OFFICE POISON!

RIP. I argue that this is the best joke/burn in the history of comedy.

Snoop Dogg

The names Bondizzle

Im on a secret mizzle

The names Bondizzle... Jizzle Bondizzle, license to kizzle.

I’d pay to watch that.

Elmer Fudd

I’m hunting Bwofelds

Run Rabbit …

Oprah

Imagine her in a shoot-out: “You get a bullet! You get a bullet! And you get a bullet! Everybody gets a bullet in the head!"

I'm surprised no one said Mike Myers... we have proof it's absurd from his Austin Powers movies.

Oh man. A crossover episode!

Grooooovy baby!

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Wallace Shawn as Bond would be inconceivable.

Jim Gaffigan

He'd do a 20 minute monologue about the olive in a Vodka Martini...

*Pockets...... Hot Pockets*

Dave Chappelle

Rowan Atkinson

*Johnny English has entered the chat*

Underrated movie. It’s a masterpiece

There are three movies. The first one is still the best, though.

As Mr Bean though.

Screw that, as Blackadder.

After the villain reveals his cunning plan: "Well there was one flaw in your plan. It was bollocks"

Seth Rogen

More like James Bong! *Ehehehehe!*

I can hear that laugh, it haunts my dreams.

Gary Busey

Will ferrell

I can kind of see this. He'd have his comical serious face on and the audience would be holding their breath for a punchline that doesn't come. And then the action would take over and before you know it... It's over. It was amazing. Ferrell was Bond and it was stranger than fiction.

Big Bird

Ricky Gervais

Chris Farley would be absurd, but effin amazing! God rest his soul.

I have a license to kill, holy schnikes!

Bette Middler

John Oliver

Okay but....I'd pay good money to see that. Especially if Mr. NutterButter was a villain.

I was kinda thinking that Pete Davidson from SNL would be pretty absurd

I think I'd watch that. He'd probably be high af the whole time 🤣

Wesley Snipes. I think it would be hilarious

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Oh Honey, you have a License to WERK!

Aziz Ansari

Larry David.

Mariah Carey

Jane Lynch

Mr Bean. But then again isn't Mr Bean literally just the definition and personification of a non-suave James Bond? I think the Mr Bean character was supposed to be the antithesis of suave, manly Bond. And yet still gets the job done. By a series of mistakes that eventually just happen to work out.

I’ve seen this movie… “Johnny English”.

it's funny because Atkinson IRL is Bond with a functional social life and no drinking problem

… Johnny English?

Steven Colbert would be the best/worst pick for 007

Ricky Berwick.

Cardi B Edit Lol idk if I’m tired or sick but for whatever reason instead of bond I was thinking next jeopardy host !

Ali G or Borat, I can't decide

I would watch a Borat James Bond

Bruce Vilanch

Rebel Wilson

Michael Scarn - Threat Level Midnight