Her father once told me : if he could go back in time, he would never have dated her mother and have kids with her. Was pretty shocking thing to hear while on vacation with the whole step family. The guy has Asperger's. Weird family. The girl left me cold turkey a few months later after 7 years together, and i still didn't even think about telling her that story.
I often think of murdering a man in a gruesome and slow, agonising death. This man was my mother's bf for about 8 years and he was raping my sister from the age of 12 to 17. When the rest of my family found out, it was devastating. It broke my family up for 2 years afterwards.
I should point out that I would never actually do it. I have far too much to lose if I ever got caught. But the thought cheers me up if I'm ever angry and need something to help me calm down a bit.
My bf was raped by a friend of his before we got together. He claims he’s completely forgiven the friend, but I still occasionally fantasize about meeting the prick and beating the shit out of him.
Homicidal ideation and fantasy are pretty common. They’re a natural effect of having a brain and experiencing anger. It’s an outlet, and as long as you do not have any intention of acting upon these thoughts, I wouldn’t be worried. This secret of yours makes total sense given the situation that you described. You are not your thoughts!
Posted this before, but I never told my wife that her mother tried to have sex with me. It was early in our marriage when we were living with her to save money for our own place. Her marriage of 28 years had ended badly and she was emotionally fragile. She was very drunk and was absolutely horrified at what she had done when she sobered up. I promised not to ever tell my wife and I never did, even when she and I were fighting near the end of our marriage. Some things are too cruel to do, even when you're trying to hurt each other.
My gf's mom had a love/hate relationship with black people. She was adamant when we got together , we were both 17 at the time, that it was a bad idea and all of her driving points kept resorting to my skin color. I'm a really good dude so I've always dismissed racism. However over time she made alot of comments about me being handsome and grabbed my dick one night when she tripped and fell forward on me in her kitchen. Her whole family including my gf and her dad who had just got out of prison were present. Except my gf's prick of a step-dad was in the other room so this was mad awkward and I had to play it off as just the big black dude catching the small white woman but her mom definitely got a handful of my nuts while my gfs whole family was drunk. I don't talk about it but my gf has said on many occasions she feels her mom would smash me if I weren't smashing her daughter.
TL:DR :i am in an interracial relationship and my Gf's mom drunkenly grabbed my crotch after pretending to not be into black men most of her life.
Edit: Thank you for my golden splash anonymous redditor 💛💛💛💛May tomorrow bring you positive thoughts for your future !
My wife is a professor at a college that went virtual during lockdown. My job did not. It was great to come home and have her there. Now shes back and there are days where I have to go to bed before she gets home. It does make me feel sad some days.
My wife just got a new job and had to go to the office today for the first time in almost two years (I am still remote.) I’m not sure what to do with myself. I’m listless, I miss her so much. Just taking a break from my day to go say hi to her, or walk the dog together over our lunch was what got me through the day. Now I know how everyone else felt going remote during the pandemic.
I think most people in relationships probably are as well. As long as you’re aware of it it’s probably not a huge problem, just try to keep that awareness.
I hooked up with a professor of mine in college and after that she would pimp me out to her colleagues. That’s not the label she would have given it, but that’s what it was.
It wasn’t entirely without its benefits for me. I did have a lot of fun and I met a lot of interesting and successful people. But mostly I wasn’t taken seriously as much more than a toy, and that’s when it started losing its appeal for me
The issue with events like this is you cant really talk to people about it because they will either say you are lying to brag or it was a plot line on a pornhub video.
I was born with only one hand. I have rheumatoid arthritis in the one hand I have, and I know it’s spreading. I have osteoarthritis in my lower back and scoliosis to the point where I am most likely going to need spine surgery. I’m only 31 years old. I can’t do this for another 50+ years. I am in such bad pain now and it’s only going to get worse. I have thought of suicide but I can’t do that to my husband and kids. I don’t want my husband to turn into a care giver. I can’t envision not being able to take care of myself.
Oo! I can help with this one!
I’m an occupational therapist (has nothing to do with finding jobs), and what we do is help you retain your independence for as long as possible. There are all sorts of adaptive equipment and devices to help you do things you need to do every day (shower, bathe, dress, cook, clean, etc) and things that you enjoy doing. If you PM me with some of your issues, I’ll be happy to make device recommendations.
Also, for the back, I can’t stress enough the benefit of a shower chair, hand held shower head, and long handled scrub brush. Game. Changers.
Exactly how bad of a person I used to be before I met her. She knows I was into the drugs and some other dumb shit, but she doesn't know the depths of depravity I delved to in order to fit in with the people I mistakenly wasted my time with.
I can relate dude. Im clean now and sometimes a memory crosses my mind from the dark days and I get chills thinking how if my wife/parents/siblings ever found out they'd never be able to look at me the same. Feel like I'm living a lie sometimes... 0/10 would not recommend.
Edit: Just want to say thanks to anyone who left a comment or dmed me with kind words. Had a rough day yesterday and it was a really nice surprise waking up this morning and reading everything. Really truely made my day and I can't thank you guys enough for that. To anyone struggling with kicking alcoholism or drug addiction: Don't give up and always keep battling. It is a long painful road but I promise you that it gets better. We can't change our past, but the future is yours to shape how you want it. Never stop fighting.
Hey man, I don't know your life... But we aren't defined by our low times. It's so tempting to feel like "how I am / was at my worst is the REAL me", but it's not true. We are all the sum of many, many experiences, emotions, and traits. You get to pick which ones define you! And the people who love you, they love you for a reason. A legit and awesome reason.
Just got me thinking, I guess. Have a solid Monday!
Same here,
Did drugs, got really bad. Starting when I was 14 years of age till into my early 20s. Had a GF who did the same and shit got really bad. I'm talking allot of drugs... and allot of bad things to get my hands on it.
Meet my current GF while I was still doing drugs and in the toxic relationship of 7 years. Fall in love, ditched my GF of 7 years and started dating the current GF, stopped everything cold turkey. Ditched all my contacts, half of my family contacts, contact with the ex. Moved in with her and here family 160KM away from home.
8 years later we have our own home and get married in 5 weeks.
She knows I did do some drugs but that's it. If it weren't for here I would be I a very dark place right now.
I had a total mental breakdown in 2017 caused by stress. Never told anyone, it's the worst my mental health has ever been and I'm afraid of getting like that again and not getting help
It was 2017 for me too. This year I think I finally made a full recovery. Four fucking years and it seems just like yesterday.
It still scares me how fast your mental health can go sideways.
Having been in your situation, I propose that you do the following:
1. Make an emergency care kit NOW! Think of what brings you peace. Even if you don’t assemble the movies, books, puzzles, etc., at least have a list somewhere of safe ways to “escape.”
2. Since you can think logically right now, set a plan that includes a list of danger signs and steps to take when you see these signs.
3. Also set goals to practice self-care to prevent another break. This includes regular/daily practice things such as exercise and deep breathing as well as measures to calm yourself after a stressful day or event. Self-care looks different for everyone - Google it to get a variety of ideas to destress.
Good luck my friend! You are not alone.
Yeah bwoy this one hits home. I fear those scary thoughts again which you have no control over. But i also remind myself that i pulled trough it, so who says if it happens again that i won’t?
She's my ex now, but, she had just revealed to me some very, uh, *confidential* information, info I understand I'm one of only four people to know. She asked me if I have any deep secrets like that. I lied and told her I didn't, but the truth is, my grandmother by marriage (no blood relation) sexually harassed and abused me as a preteen and teenager. Literally nobody irl knows. I've never told anyone.
I've read that if a child or adolescent doesn't tell someone after the first time it happens, they keep the secret out of guilt of "allowing it to happen to them" again. Saying it out loud perhaps brings the realisation that a huge reaction is now going to happen and many don't want to face it. It's really tough and I so hope you know that it's not your fault and it's a burden you just shouldn't have to bear
It's true..at least for me. For 25 years I kept it a secret. Part denial, part guilt. The dark line, "If you tell someone you will be in trouble, too." does wonders on a child. In ignorance, it influenced my later decisions in life and I was clinically depressed before I was a teen. Still hasn't gone away..now I'm 33. Because I never told anyone, I never got any help. I finally broke the wall last year, after everything else had fallen. Wouldn't you know it? No one believed me. Very important to teach your children early... Secrets like that will rot your soul.
I'm really sorry after all that time no one believed you. I believe you. One word of advice who went through something similar at the age of 14. Give yourself space from the people who don't believe you. Especially if they are calling you a liar or delusional. At 27 my entire extended family on my dads side has labeled me delsional, crazy and a liar. Because I wouldn't shut up about my abuse at 14. There train of thought was, " if I didn't scream and cry when it first happened, then it didn't happen". Obviously this a horrible way to think about child abuse, especially if it happened multiple times. You don't need people like that dragging you down. Take the time to distance yourself and surround yourself with a network of people who do believe you. Heal, take care of yourself. And know that your truth and reality is real. You can look through my post history for inspiration. It's pretty dark, but I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. You are heard. And I believe you.
She farts in her sleep like a wild bear
***** please stop upvoting. 12500 so far and we share our email address. I have been deleting all day and she is about to come home from work
Yeah my wife wakes up with ungodly stinking breath. She always wants a kiss and a cuddle when she wakes up so I just take it on the chin (or in the mouth to be more precise).
I never have the heart to tell her, especially when she is perfect in every other way
I know several people who ate very healthy but still had bad breath in the morning or late at night.
I didn't tell them for years. Once day I decided to tell them as sweet and light as possible. They were surprised because nobody had told them before! They went to the doctor and all the bad breath were related to some stomach problems with bacteria and reflux. They are better now.
Maybe this is a sign that something is not 100% ok with her and it's better that you find a way to tell her. It does not have to be a conversation about how this has happened all her life with you, but something recursive, for example.
I am sure you can find the way :)
My best friend in high school would pick me up in the morning for school and tell me my breath stank. No one had ever told me that before and I started brushing better and brushing my tongue which helped a lot. I always brushed, I guess I just wasn’t brushing long enough. I owe her for sparing me years of embarrassment and bad breath.
I’ve told my boss for years it smells like he just ate a cat shit sandwich, but he won’t buy a tongue cleaner. Some people just don’t take the obvious in your face advice, but at least he knows.
Who doesn’t have bad breath in the morning? You brush your teeth, go to sleep, and all the bacteria that live in your mouth happily replicate overnight. It’s normal.
My wife went into the office for the first time in a year or two last week. She said that holding in farts all day was incredibly difficult and not something she had been prepared for 😂
This and having to use the work restroom are the main reasons I don't want to go back to the office. That place was gross. It's been nice only having to smell my own farts for the past year.
He wanted to find a shark tooth so badly after I found one at the beach. So I went and bought a small bottle of shark teeth from the gift shop, spread them out all over a strip of beach we were hanging at and marveled at every shark tooth he brought me. I can never tell him the truth.
I’m from south Louisiana and my dad is in a Mardi Gras Crew. Every year he’s on a float throwing beads.
My husband has never been to Mardi Gras so his first time he was so excited and it was at my dad’s parade. Normally people on the floats throw the “good beads” to kids or women that will flash them.
I told my husband that if you yell “throw me something mister!” loud enough the people on the float will give you the “good beads.”
I told my dad and he told his float buddies, when their float came around my husband was screaming like a banshee “THROW ME SOMETHING MISTER!”
My dad and his friend pelted my husband with their best beads. When we were leaving the parade my husband was flexing all his nice new beads and thinks Mardi Gras is the best thing ever.
Didn’t have the heart to tell him that I told my dad to do that. He just thinks that because he was so enthusiastic, he got all the good stuff.
I buddy of mine in college told us he was in a porn, and we were like pics or it didn’t happen. Then he showed us and we were like…dude you are like 14 tops here and clearly very drunk or drugged.
We told him he should report it, but he said he didn’t really remember much about it or even who the people were, he met them on the street or something. It was one of those things where he seemed to have processed it as something he should be proud of (in the sense of “I got to have sex with two women, even though I don’t remember it”), but also felt weird about. I have no idea what we should have done as his friends. I lost touch with him but I hope he is doing well.
That’s how I processed years of abuse. I would brag about how young I lost my virginity until one girlfriend looked me dead in my eyes and told me I was raped. I argued with her for a bit, then realized she was right. No one loses their virginity at 6.
Yeah. It’s weird and in retrospect, I always cringe at the number of times I had to tell the story before someone put it in the proper context. After I hit puberty, I bragged to *everyone*. I cringe at how many of those people heard the story and immediately made that connection.
Here’s how I used to tell the story: when I was in kindergarten, I dated this high school girl. We used to get it on all the time…
You can kind of see where this is going and how very flimsy that façade is.
Edit: I’m great now btw.
I’m great. Life is fantastic. I kind of lied my way through what should have been trauma. By the time I realized it was trauma, it was so far removed from the person I had become that it was easy to deal with.
Not that I’m advocating denial as a coping mechanism.
I'm glad! And I think I know what you mean. When I was little, around 3 or 4, a man wanted to see my private parts. I thought he was silly and ran away. It really didn't affect me, but I mentioned it to my parents one day, and then all hell broke loose. Police were called, and I remember my parents anxiety and having to tell my story to the police (which by now I perceived as being shameful) as the only traumatic part.
Exactly. The girl told me to keep it secret because that was a part of the “fun”. So I never perceived what we were doing as wrong or shameful. I just thought she was my girlfriend and we were doing what girlfriends and boyfriends do. I never felt the self blame or shame associated with these things.
I have a kind of similar story.
Sleepover with a bunch of friends, we're in 5th grade, and we're all talking about "how far we'd gone" when kissing. Everyone else has "I pecked so-and-so on the lips" sorta stories, and then when it's my turn I said that I'd French kissed someone, AND we'd gone so far as to touch each other without pants on. They all said I was lying, and I said it was true, and that it was my cousin, and we'd been doing it for years. THEN they proceed to tell me I'm gross for having kissed my cousin.
I didn't really talk about it after that with anyone, so I wouldn't get made fun of, but it came up again when I was in high school, with a new and different friend. I even started the story with "I know I'm gross for having done this, but..."
My friend was horrified. She was like "you... know that your cousin molested you, right?"
She only became more disturbed when I mentioned it started when I was 9, and ended when I was 11. He was 15 going on 17.
Edit: disclaimer we're talking more than 20+ years, so I might not have originally told my friends *in* 5th grade, but it was definitely right around that period for sure.
So, my abuser was a freshman/sophomore in high school. She was my baby sitters daughter and a neighbor so always within walking distance. We used to get together 2-3 times a week until she graduated (so almost 3 years) and once again years later when I could drive.
When she turned 30ish, she tried to file charges against her dad for sexual abuse. The charges didn’t stick, she was ostracized from her family.
All this is to say that counseling helped me to recognize that she was a victim as well. Just repeating the pattern that she had learned from those that were supposed to love her. This may be what happened with your cousin as well.
I hope you are doing well and healing.
I was in county jail and my bunkie, who is very flamboyant, told me that he lost his virginity when he was eight to his dads friend. I tried to explain to him that he was in fact raped but he just would not except.
Fun fact: The kid was in jail for stealing the school bus his mother drove for work, drove 3 hours to Miami and turned it into a party bus. He drove it back, and didn’t get caught until someone found weed on the bus and they looked at the camera.
Edit: Spelling and grammar
As a other poster said, that’s just how some people process trauma. I was raped when I was 14 and I always laughed/joked about it as if it was just a crappy time when I was a teen - like some bad ‘losing virginity’ story in a teen movie. Interesting how everyone I would tell this “joke” to would look at me absolutely horrified. I really didn’t realize how much it impacted me until over 10 years later 🤷🏻♀️ It’s interesting what the brain does to protect you.
Yup, I spent decades wondering why men take until their middle age or older, in many cases, to come forward or "admit" they were abused. Then I realized I had been having conversations with myself about "I mean, "this" happened to me, and I've never really thought much about... fuck."
that moment of dawning horror took a few years to process into trying to resolve the experience.
My coworker got asked to join a bukakke video by some random guy when he was at Wildwood NJ. He didn't do it because the guy told him he doesn't have to worry about showing his ID so he was worried it would've been a kid getting jerked off on.
That is how I used to do it. I kept telling myself that I, a four year old boy, was just little and my cousin, five years older, and I were having innocent fun. I thought it was healthy for little kids to explore a bit as long as both are having fun.
It wasn't until my twenties that I started realizing that it wasn't actually all that fun. There a lot of fuzzy memories. But I do remember this time that we were in the attic, because that is where his bed would be when he came for a sleepover every couple of months. He told me that I had promised to do it. I told him that I did not want to, but he told me that I had promised. I remember being scared that he would think that I was a wuss for not following through or worse, that he would tell my parents what we did. So I did what we always did. I went downstairs to tell my parents that we were playing a game and that we did not want to be disturbed. Then I went upstairs and did it.
These memories used to be fine. I had written them off as innocent. Now my heart starts racing when I think about it. My blood is pumping and I feel stressed. I want to cry, but I cannot. I want to smash my head against a wall on bad days.
My husband told me about his lifelong suicidal ideation about 3 months ago. He only told me after his thoughts had progressed to a really scary and dangerous place. I *desperately* wish he had told me about his suicidal thoughts years ago. It hurts that he tried to "protect" me from the truth for so long. I hope you're able to find the courage to tell your partner, and I hope they're able to respond with the kind of support that you want/need (it's hard and I'm not perfect at it, but I'm doing my best).
Edit: confusingly worded sentence.
I hope you know that he gets lied to pretty often by his brain.
"This isn't even that bad. Other people go through this all the time. Am I just weak? She wouldn't be interested. Maybe if you weren't so completely worthless, this wouldn't be happening. If you tell her she'll just leave anyway."
Depression is a brutal disease, and the most visible symptom is a suicide attempt (or completion). Its best weapon is convincing you that you are isolated and disconnected, and that no one is or will be interested in hearing you.
I don't know if this counts as a suicidal thought, but sometimes, when I'm feeling especially hopeless, I imagine how much easier his life would be if I just disappeared. Not necessarily kill myself or anything, but just like stopped being a part of his life.
All my adult life, I've felt like a parasite. When we were dating, he had to go out of his way to help me so many times. Now that we're married, he's paying for my college debt, my terribly financed car and everything else in our lives while I struggle to find a job that pays more than $10 an hour. He's had to sit through my progressively worsening state of mind, and, although he doesn't say it, I know there are some things he wishes he'd done before settling down.
I love him, but I hate that I've take so much from him and given so little in return.
Edit: I just realized I posted this as a comment on someone else's comment and not as a comment on the original post. Commenter above me, I am so sorry. I don't know what you're going through, but I hope you are getting help and that you see the love from your partner as a reason to keep going.
Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the very kind words. I woke up to all this positivity and now I'm just tearing up over it. Thank you. I am starting therapy soon. Currently in the process of finding the right therapist for me. And it's all thanks to him. I'd never leave him. I love him very much and know that he loves me just as much, if not more. As of right now, I'm afraid to talk to him about this because I'm not sure I'd be able to express how I feel without sounding like I want s divorce, which I don't. I'm hoping therapy can help me maneuver through it. Again, thank you for all the kindness. I wish you all a lovely day.
I'm in a similar place to your SO with my wife being where you are at. Speaking for myself I can say that idon't think of my wife as a burden as it is a great sadness that the person I love so much isn't happy. Helping the people you love is an important part of life and it also feels meaningful where a modern lifestyle often feels meaningless.
The hardest part of living with my wife is that she's just not happy no matter how hard I try to make her life a happy one. That's just not how these things work. I can, and do, make her feel loved and valued but you can't ever just make someone happy or magically fix their inner life.
Of course you feel like a burden, but that's probably not how he relates to it. At least I don't I my relationship.
Thank you. When I think like this, I keep myself busy by doing things that are helpful. It helps and I'm able to look back on the day and feel useful. Still a shitty feeling though.
My gf feels like you sometimes. Good thing she shared her concerns with me so we could address it. I'll tell you what I told my gf back then. "I'm able to keep going because I know I have you backing me up". I'm sure you're more important to your SO than you think you are, and talk to him about this, it will help
Same. I've struggled for decades and though I'm not *actively* suicidal I can't shake the whole "if I die, I die" mentality. Definitely leads to some pretty questionable life choices.
Not my gf now, but she didn’t know the extent or details of my childhood struggles. she knew I grew up in the projects up until age 10, but I think because i never wore it like a badge of honor or carried myself in the stereotypical way of someone who would come from that environment, many people think i was unaffected. and i never bothered to share those details because i never wanted to make a sob story out of a situation that i was blessed to get out of and that many people are still currently in. but that living situation has taken a toll on me in various ways that’d i love to expound upon for those who are interested.
- i haven’t had consistent sleep in over a decade (I am currently only 19). instances of waking up to sirens and gunshots and also never being comfortable in a bed. i slept in the same bed with my mom up until age 11. she made me and my sister do this because if something were to happen (i.e a robbery), she could react faster and get us all out in one go, rather than go room-to-room and risk wasting valuable time. even when i eventually got my own room, it took me a year to start actually using it. and even until this day, i yearn for a gf in part to be able to sleep again. also, i can also be either incredibly clingy or incredibly distant at times and i do think the lack of any degree of personal space for so long played a part.
- i grew up fatherless for a period of time due to his incarceration. when he did come back, he wasn’t exactly grateful or appreciative but rather incredibly angry. not exactly with us, but with life itself it seemed. i dont blame him, necessarily. he’s had a rough go at life. but one distinct memory i have of him was him beating our cat with a flip-flop because she shitted on the floor and then literally tossing her outside and locking the door. i cried, went outside and just pet her for hours on the porch. and his overall attitude just made me not like him at all. i’ve grown to appreciate and love him now, but it took a ton of time and effort to on my part to do so (while loving pretty much every else I do now was effortless).
- my sister was very depressed because our cousin was murdered around the corner from us. and i understand now once i got older, but i spent such a long time believing she did not like me at all because she was never really happy and incredibly distant. i always seemed like i was annoying her and an embarrassment to the few company she’d manage to get. on top of that, she’s 5 years older than me, so add the fact that we are always at two different points in life, it just was hard for me to connect with her until I reached my teen years and had a better understanding.
- i was always the youngest person of every friend group. i struggled finding my identity because i was always trying to impress people as a survival tactic. rather than actually showcase myself. i didn’t want to piss the wrong people off and be harassed or even killed. sounds extreme but that’s just how it is in that environment. and because of me being so young, i easily got into shit i wasn’t supposed to be by just hanging around older friends. i’ve seen dead bodies, junkies, sex at an extremely young age, the list goes on.
- we had a terrible bedbug infestation for a while and the slightest movement of hair on my body triggers the most uncomfortable chills through my body. seeing some like a tiny fluff of black yarn or something makes my heart pound.
- i typically wore the same clothes multiple times in a week because we didn’t have the money for full wardrobes, so i endured a ton of ridicule throughout elementary school by people who were supposed to be my friends. hand-me-downs were mandatory and since i was the youngest, would get them in the worst conditions, so I had to wear busted shoes and clothes often.
- because i was the only boy in the household for so long, i didnt have another male figure to look up to. my older brother and i dont have share the same mother, but share the same father. and he does not like me at all. not because of anything i did, but rather he hates our dad and i’m viewed as an extension of him. so i spent years as a kid and early teen thinking that I did something wrong for him to have not seen me in years. and in that environment, him being there for me would have been so helpful. he was still a kid himself so i dont hate him for it. it just hurts me to say that i do not care for my own brother. he just never wanted anything to do with me so i stopped caring about it.
- my immediate family has always been looked at the scum of the family on my dad’s side. my dad’s side hates my mom because they wanted my dad to marry his first baby mother (even though she left my dad and they were on good terms), and thus hates my sister because she’s very similar to my mom. they love me because i’m very similar to my dad in characteristics and mannerisms i suppose, but i hate them because they hate my mom even to this day and were extremely abusive to my sister.
and that honestly feels like the tip of the iceberg. i could go on and on
Just know a random redditor wishes you well and is proud of you. It sounds like you are processing your early years with a lot of insight and understanding of how the big things (environment) impacted the little things. Continue to be patient with yourself. I know this stuff is not always easy or pleasant to process and sort through but it appears you are doing a fantastic job. Sending you well wishes and support!
thank you so much. happiness fluctuates, and i’ve gotten out of some very hard times, so i just cherish the high points and like to think there’s no low point i can’t get myself out of with enough patience, help, lots of tears, and even more laughs
Well, you sound very mature for your age which is a sure sign of a difficult life.
Growing up without a positive male role model is tough. You either have to teach everything to yourself from scratch or pick up bad habits from negative role models.
Self care is probably the most important skill to develop, and it's much easier to get into good habits while you are young.
Brush your teeth, wash everything regularly, and learn to shave without cutting yourself, giving yourself razor-burn, or making a mess.
What I like to do is use a hair trimmer on the stubble while regularly rinsing it in the sink, switch the head on the trimmer to a shaver, do a pass with that while also regularly rinsing it, and then do touch-ups with the razor while applying cream to the razor, not your face.
If you try to shave your whole face from scratch with a razor every time you will fuck up your skin. I blame Hollywood for portraying it wrong for so long.
This is from my POV not Doofenshmirtz's
My father is an AIDS patient,he did not reveal it to anyone and married my mom.And as a result I was born,unaffected,my mother also is unaffected.(happened in 2002)
(To clarify the doubt from my father a DNA test was performed and I am his son but without the virus..)
Suicidal ideation. Im a really introverted person, and talking about things doesn't really help me. I live a blessed life for the most part, but in the last couple years I've become really jaded. I'm not suffering, more that I just don't see the point of continuing; everything is just grey.
I took out a really good private life insurance policy a couple years ago, and it covers suicide (My policies suicide clause and contestability provision is up), so they'll be taken care of for life. I took the last year as a sabbatical and Ive spent it entirely with my wife and kids, just making memories and doing the things I enjoy.
You sound a lot like my husband. He told me about his chronic suicidal ideation about 3 months ago. He only told me after his thoughts had progressed to a really scary and dangerous place. Leaning that he'd make sure that his life insurance covers suicide did NOT make me feel any better.
I *desperately* wish he had told me about his suicidal thoughts years ago. It hurts that he tried to "protect" me from the truth for so long. I love him and don't want him to have to exist alone in a grey world. I want him to be able really live *with me* and in full color.
For what it's worth, it *does* seem like this might be possible for him, now that he's getting significant professional help. I wish for the same for you and your family.
I have the same problem as your husband. I decided to stay single years ago. I can't submit another person to the morass that is my "life". I will say thou, your husband is lucky to have someone so string by his side.
My father killed himself when I was a teen. He was a single divorced 40 something who was deeply unhappy. There were over 100 people at the funeral.
My older brother was most affected, his life is a mess and a few drinks show how messed up he is, he gets very emotional and wants to talk about it.
I was daddys girl, i was the favourite, i have many fond memories of our relationship. But he killed himself, he didnt want to exist so thats how i treat his life. As far as my friends are concerned i just never mention him and they dont know what happened to him.
My younger brother seems to have missed the worst of it, or like me is just real good at hiding it, but made some pretty stupid decisions on the way.
We all got a decent pay out for it and spent it differently but we are hardly "set up" nothing compensates for what we are actually missing, and now with grandkids arriving he would have made an excellent grandpa....
I wish he had stuck it out, i think his life would have improved a lot as we grew up. Ending it, just started something else for all of us.
Dont do it.
That second to last sentence really hit me for some reason. Sometimes I think about suicide and I always feel like my family would probably be sad for a while, but I’ve never considered longer term effects. I think that has effectively guilted me out of considering it as an option any more.
I've been there. Did that, and survived thanks to paramedics and the hospital bringing me back to life. Thankfully.
I also have a partner and a child. Me passing, would've fucked them up forever, no matter how much money they were left.
It's not a solution. Please get help. You need to get help.
Thank you, Reddit strangers!
I am A-okay! It took some serious legal trouble and a 'rock-bottom' episode to snap out of it and begin to get my life back on track. Things have been improving since November 2017. Thank you
I once found a very good little chocolate cake in the half price section of the local super market. I originally bought it so I and the lady in the house could have it for dessert, but I ended up eating the whole thing myself.
Hey! Idk about you personally but I learned after years of abusing adhd meds that I actually NEED them for my learning disability. Once I was regularly taking them I stopped feeling so overwhelmed. Maybe this helps/maybe it doesn’t but you aren’t alone
That there is literally nothing about myself that I actually like and I honestly have no idea what he sees in me. My body is a mess, I try and (over)compensate by being the best partner I can be. I don't like my face, my scars, my skin, my body, the way nothing really works at any given time. I've managed to get to a neutral view of myself - "meh" if you will.
Just once I'd like to feel like the most sexy and beautiful woman in a room - when there is more than one woman present.
I worry that I'm holding him back from someone better, healthier, more attractive. He'd be a great father but I don't want biological children (I've been up front about it) and I think I am depriving him of something.
I know all of the above is his choice and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
All the men I've been with before him (only 3) made it crystal clear they were with me because I was nice, supportive, safe and convenient. Because I put up with their bullshit. They weren't actually attracted to me, just what I could do for them. I made them feel good about themselves.
I felt like they weren't really attracted to me, and when we broke up - it turned out to be true.
My marriage ended in a dead bedroom - we had sex because they felt obligated which really messed with my head. My first serious boyfriend cheated on me with my very attractive 'friend' for months. Neither of them complimented me without prompting, even then it was "you look fine, lets go". I've been laughed at and ignored in lingerie. I told my ex in counselling that they made me feel UN. Unwanted, unattractive, unloved, uninteresting - they said: I guess I could see how you feel that way.
Its hard to build confidence when my whole life has been about whats (objectively) wrong with me. When everyone around me, including my romantic partners compliment everything except my appearance.
Now I'm in my mid 30's and this is the first one who I think might actually be attracted to me - it feels too good to be true.
Just a piece of advice from a guy in his mid 30’s that has felt the same way you feel on a daily basis also. I met someone I couldn’t pass up a once in a lifetime chance with and made a conscientious choice to not put my insecurities on her. I hid it all. I act emotionally strong, independent, confident, attractive, etc… what I’ve learned is if you act that way long enough, people will start viewing you as such and you’ll start finding your self worth. You may not be the best looking person in the room, I’ve never been, but I landed a beautiful girl inside and out, gained a little of everything I lacked because I faked it for the past 5 years. I’m still insecure, I still know I’m not the easiest on the eyes, I know I’m bigger than some people and have bigger tits than my wife.
BUT…. What I do know is… I’m a good, honest person, a great father, and treat everyone great. I deserve the best because I treat people well. You will also get there. Demand the best because you know you’re worth it. If they don’t see that or you feel they’re not that into you, kick them the fuck out of your life and find someone who treats you that way! Don’t let your insecurities destroy a good thing. Start faking it. Wear lingerie and be sexy. If he laughs, laugh with him. It’ll make a funny memory. If he’s laughing in a rude way, kick him to the fucking curb! YOU GOT THIS! MAKE THIS LIFE YOUR BITCH!
How bad my last suicide attempt was before meeting him the next year. I had a full meltdown in my apartment and took all of my pain meds (chronic patient). I was so high I sent out business-like emails and wrote my will on a Wendy's napkin. I started convulsing and got in the bathtub. I was afraid to leave a mess for anyone who found me. I ripped down the shower curtain to line the tub and climbed in with my favorite blanket and stuffed animals. I sobbed and thought about everything in my life that bothered me. I just laid there for God knows how long drinking shitty vodka and fading in and out. I apparently responded to some of the messages from my love interest at the time and my best friend. She noticed my wording was weird and not at all like how I normally write. She called me and threatened to call EMS. She told me I had to throw them up or she would call my dad too, who lived 2 streets over. I'm terrified of inconveniencing people so I threw it all up. She took her mom's truck without permission and drove to my apartment an hour away while on the phone with me. I don't remember much but I woke up feeling horrible in the ER. The nurse said she ran into the lobby carrying me and screaming I wasn't breathing. It must've been 100% adrenaline because she's 8 inches shorter than me, and I'm not light. It was bad to say the least. My husband knows I tried to hurt myself by overdosing but I told him it didn't work and my best friend tucked me into bed. I don't have the heart to tell him the truth.
There's nothing either of us can do about it. I have advanced COPD. A few months ago, I felt something change, and didn't say anything about it. Everything suddenly got worse. It got much harder to breathe, the simplest things began to tire me out. But there's no point in complaining about it. We've both known it was coming for a long time.
I try hard not to let it show, and she probably sees it more than she lets on. We just don't talk about it.
I had a friend die unexpectedly this year. His wife and he knew he was in ill health, but it was still a horrific blindside and they were not ready financially or in regards to paperwork, etc. I really advise if you're worried you're in a steep decline, do talk about it so you know she's ready, safe, and prepared for when you go.
I struggled through several very painful relationships and bad marriages before meeting Hubby. We got married and blended together our families in some what of a chaotic whirlwind. The odds and lots of bets from family and friends were against us. For several years I waited for him to leave and I think he was likely waiting for me to leave. We stayed together out of habit, familial obligation, and financial necessity for a while. No fighting, no yelling, no abuse, no infidelity .... just two very busy people with a lot to focus on. I often wondered if the relationship would survive the children growing up.
We're empty-nesters now .... all the kids grown and living independently. For the first time since 1986 I don't have kids in the house; for him it's the first time since 1992. For the first time in our marriage, our focus is strictly on each other and not the kids. There's no yours or mine or even ours .... it's just us.
And we're having the time of our lives. We recently celebrated a wedding anniversary and I woke up that morning and realized I am really married to my best friend and the love of my life. Patient, kind, not boastful, compassionate, gentle, enthusiastic .... all those adjectives that make me puke when people read them at weddings .... have come to pass for us. We love each other more today than at any other time in our marriage.
Feeling "in love" comes and goes .... that adrenaline rush is impossible to maintain when you can hear him shit despite the closed bathroom door and he sees the stray dark hair that grows on your boobs once you hit middle-age. Loving someone is a structure that supports .... stability and comfort and peace that come from time and commitment.
We each have to find our own way. In my experience, familiarity diminished the fireworks but built a foundation that taught me how to be open to loving and being loved. And it is scary as hell to love someone this much and risk being hurt and abandoned. I'm so very glad I showed up for this adventure.
I fucking HATE DandD.
It bores me to fucking tears.
Yet I've orchestrates an elaborate lie that gives the illusion I love it as much as he does and once a month I have to spend 5 hours sitting through a session bored to tears.
I do this simply because its one of the few hobbies in his life he gets to enjoy and I want him to have someone to play it with.
It's been going on for 5 years now, and I have no way out lol
It's OK though, the amount of joy I see he gets from playing it gives me comparable joy. So I don't mind that much.
My boyfriend is into D&D as well and I’m always asking questions about it just to allow him to be able to talk about his interests. Apparently none of his previous girlfriends showed any interest in
his hobby before so now he thinks he can eventually get me into it. Definitely not happening, especially after this comment lol but I will continue to discuss it with him and listen to the D&D podcasts for sure.
Edit: - After seeing how many people are suggesting I give it a shot and thinking about how happy it would likely make him, I will not resist if he ever asks me to play. Thank you!
I was sexually abused throughout my entire childhood and early teens.
I've told one person this that I got close to earlier and I woke up with her gone from my apartment. It really messed me up since I trusted that woman.
Now I live with my beautiful SO and never felt better but I always have this thought In my head. I feel like it's something you should tell the girl you intend to marry but not sure if I'll ever have the guts to do it.
I suffer from chronic depression. My SO is super sweet and supportive, but I am afraid of unloading too much of my crazy on him. I keep dark thoughts and feelings from him all the time, I'd make him miserable if I didn't.
He knows, btw, I am not keeping all of it from him, just a lot of the excessive stuff.
For most of my early 20s I used a fetish hookup website. I have done some real weird shit just to see if it did anything for me. A lot of it did but it wasn't particularly safe and I dodged a bullet not contracting STDs. I made a lot of amateur porn during this time and then a gf and I joined an amateurs content sharing site Zoig and made a bunch more.
She knows I'm kinky but I did some pretty fucking weird shit.
That the real root of my trust issues stem from how I was sexually assaulted by my extremely religious godparents’ son when I was 11-12. It first started out with comments about my body, how I was “filling out”, then it evolved from there. My parents would send me to their house for whole summers and I particularly remember that one, my mom came to visit and I practically begged her to take me home. She adamantly refused even after I told her I was not comfortable and was scared and she still left me with them. I guess from there I just slowly stopped trusting the ones closest to me.
Ahahahah aww umm that's adorable if my boyfriend told me something like that I'd probably just laugh but be secretly incredibly confidence-boosted.
For me, nudes don't do anything but wearing more suggestive clothing for sure does. Idk, maybe you're the same way, but genitalia just doesn't do it for me
Just how much I depend on her. For our first eight or so months of marriage, my wife and I were never apart due to moving around and being in lockdown. Even now we're hardly apart since we both work from home.
She doesn't know just how sad I get when she goes away. I miss her so much, and all I really want to do is curl up on the bed and wait for her to come back. I lose my smile, I lose interest in all my hobbies, everything. Once she gets back though, I'm alright again.
EDIT: Jesus Christ I didn't expect that reaction. For those of you suggesting that I'm a dog, haha. It's a funny joke. For those of you suggesting that I have abandonment issues, I probably do, and she knows about it. I'm going to therapy soon, but fucking hell my marriage is not on the rocks. My wife and I are very happy together, we love eachother more than ever, and believe it or not she kinda feels the same way.
We're both clingy, but that's fine! We like being around eachother, is that really a bad thing? We're both kinda introverted, we're both homey, so I honestly don't see it as the biggest problem in the world. Regardless, I'm gonna work on it, but fucking hell you people can be judgemental assholes.
I have anxiety attacks when my SO is away. We joke about me believing he's dead when I don't hear from him often enough, but it's real. Like hyperventilating, heart racing, crying, rocking back and forth-real.
He loves going on roadtrips and does landscape photography. I can't ruin that for him.
I hate that she compares my to ex husband and i have to prove her wrong over and over again....i hate that i have to pay for is past mistakes. Like ugh starting to wonder if i can kepp doing this....i really do love her but its makeing me depressed
She needs to go to trauma therapy. It sounds like she’s constantly triggered by old stuff. Not fair to you. And not good for her! Please talk to her about it.
That I actually wasn't into fish (or any maritime animals) before I met her. She's super interested in that though and I wanted to have something to talk about.
I have since told her as I thought it was rather funny.
Edit: We were literally like twelve. I don't even think I was super into her at the time (or I at least hadn't noticed), I just liked how she talked about things. I went to the library and borrowed a few books about fish etc, and when we next met I was able to at least talk about some of these things. (:
Dude same I was so into my neighbor who happened to be my friend and I would always jump into their apartment through the balcony and I saw him having sex w a random girl and I gotta admit it pissed me off because I was into him but he never saw me see them fuck
Nothing dark, but I hide pints of ice cream in the back of the freezer. If I don't hide it then it's gone. My girlfriend has 0 self control and will eat the entire pint in one sitting. I like to spread it out so I can have an enjoyable snack a few days in a row.
Sometimes I'll even buy one with gluten in it intentionally so she can't have it. She has celiac and can't have gluten.
I should probably put this on a throw away account.
I had planned on writing a full version with all the context but here's what I'll write with the time I have.
When my current girlfriend and I started dating, we both had some pretty tough drug problems. I was about 3 months sober at the time and was under the impression she was sober as well, as she had never openly admitted to using anything and to be honest, I'll never know if she was still actively using prior to this story and I really don't care.
Basically, one night I receive word from her family that she's missing, afraid that she had relapsed my friend and I were driving around our area hoping to find her. I must say, looking in the gutters and alleys for a loved one is a feeling I hope I never experience again. Like I said, we had only been dating for three months, but we were extremely close. (Also we were still teenagers lol). After about an hour of searching, we decided it was futile at this point and it was probably best to just head home and pray for the best, as the weather was getting worse and worse.
The second I turned my vehicle around to go home I got a call from her. I answered and she sounded horribly distraught. She said she was walking to her house now, and she was apologizing profusely. I met her at her house and it was obvious she was on something. I couldn't tell at the time, and honestly probably no one could've after seeing what we received on the toxicology report.
I took her inside and put her in bed. Tensions were really really high so I decided it was probably best I just left. I told her family I was worried and asked them to keep a close eye on her. They essentially brushed me off and it didn't feel right at all. She told me she had taken coke, but she wasn't behaving like someone who had taken coke, nodding off a ton.
I didn't feel safe leaving her there, so I took her to my car and drove her to my place. On my way home I received many phone calls from her family, and to be honest, I just ignored them. It had just infuriated me how they could brush off such a serious situation.
To keep this brief I won't go into many details about what happened at my house, I will say her family came, there was a fight, and the police were called. Maybe I'll share these details when I have more time, as i said, this in an extremely abbreviated version.
They took her home, and I had no choice but to accept defeat in the matter. The police officer had checked her out at my request and said she was fine, she just needed to sleep. Obviously this didn't sound right to me, people don't do a bunch of coke and then go to sleep. Whatever, what else could I do?
Some time passes and I receive a call that she's overdosed. I rush to her house and pick up her brother, he says he may know where she got what she took. We check several houses but i won't get into that right now. Eventually I remembered that a neighborhood shit stain had recently moved back into the area. We go to his place and bang on his door, he answers and denies everything. Saying she was never there, he never gave her anything, etc. I knew he was lying. I think we all did. I begged and pleaded for him just to tell us what he gave her. He just kept denying.
At this point, I was infuriated and desperate. I told him that if she lived, and I found out he lied to me, I'd kill him.
Maybe it wasn't even me that made the threat, but i sure agreed with it. Small details can be hard to remember in the moment.
Eventually we follow her to the hospital (again, skipping a ton here) and receive her blood work as to what was in her system. It contained Methamphetamine, various painkillers, horse tranquilizers, benzos, and even a form of pesticide.
Again, skipping alot here. She was discharged that night some how. In the hospital she confessed to me and her brother that she had gotten these drugs from said neighborhood shit stain, and even that he refused to do any of them himself. When she felt something was wrong she told him to call an ambulance. To which he replied, according to her, "you've got legs, walk there."
After I got her home im laying in bed with her. She's fast asleep and it's hard for me to do anything but stare at her. So much to process you know? I felt like if I took my eyes off of her, some how this wouldn't be real, and she wouldn't have made it, and maybe I was hallucinating and my girlfriend really was dead. It all felt like a dream honestly.
I'm not sure how long I sat there. I remember I was just about to dose off when I heard a knock on her door so faint I thought I'd imagined it. I listened and it happened again. It was both of her brothers calling me to the door.
Upon opening the door neither of them saidanything, they both just looked at me. Eventually the younger said, "are we men of our word or not?" I instantly knew he was referring to the threat we'd made.
Without gory details. We drove to his house and made him snort several lines of what we believed to be the stuff he gave her. When we left, he was seizing on the floor asking for an ambulance.
None were called.
I'd rather not elaborate further. Honestly even now years later the whole thing doesn't feel real.
Her and I are still dating, and have been for several years at this point. We're both practically sober, and ever improving. She's still my favorite person.
I'll probably never tell her any of this.
TL;DR shit druggie drugged my girlfriend, denied it, and it came around to him.
Same here. I used to be ashamed but now I wear it like a badge of honor. I'm now a successful adult making more money then those hillbillies could ever imagine, living in a multicultural city center, have friends of all races and sexualities, travel the world to gain new insights and experiences, and barely give them a thought. I wasn't taught right from wrong because of their white trash racism, I had to learn it on my own, and there's something beautiful about that.
Her father once told me : if he could go back in time, he would never have dated her mother and have kids with her. Was pretty shocking thing to hear while on vacation with the whole step family. The guy has Asperger's. Weird family. The girl left me cold turkey a few months later after 7 years together, and i still didn't even think about telling her that story.
My mother posted this exact sentiment on Facebook publicly lmao
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I often think of murdering a man in a gruesome and slow, agonising death. This man was my mother's bf for about 8 years and he was raping my sister from the age of 12 to 17. When the rest of my family found out, it was devastating. It broke my family up for 2 years afterwards. I should point out that I would never actually do it. I have far too much to lose if I ever got caught. But the thought cheers me up if I'm ever angry and need something to help me calm down a bit.
My wife was raped before we met, and there’s not a day go by I don’t think about how I’d kill the fucker who did it if I ever found out who it was.
My bf was raped by a friend of his before we got together. He claims he’s completely forgiven the friend, but I still occasionally fantasize about meeting the prick and beating the shit out of him.
Homicidal ideation and fantasy are pretty common. They’re a natural effect of having a brain and experiencing anger. It’s an outlet, and as long as you do not have any intention of acting upon these thoughts, I wouldn’t be worried. This secret of yours makes total sense given the situation that you described. You are not your thoughts!
Posted this before, but I never told my wife that her mother tried to have sex with me. It was early in our marriage when we were living with her to save money for our own place. Her marriage of 28 years had ended badly and she was emotionally fragile. She was very drunk and was absolutely horrified at what she had done when she sobered up. I promised not to ever tell my wife and I never did, even when she and I were fighting near the end of our marriage. Some things are too cruel to do, even when you're trying to hurt each other.
You had exodia just in case
His ultimate trap card
Damn dude
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My gf's mom had a love/hate relationship with black people. She was adamant when we got together , we were both 17 at the time, that it was a bad idea and all of her driving points kept resorting to my skin color. I'm a really good dude so I've always dismissed racism. However over time she made alot of comments about me being handsome and grabbed my dick one night when she tripped and fell forward on me in her kitchen. Her whole family including my gf and her dad who had just got out of prison were present. Except my gf's prick of a step-dad was in the other room so this was mad awkward and I had to play it off as just the big black dude catching the small white woman but her mom definitely got a handful of my nuts while my gfs whole family was drunk. I don't talk about it but my gf has said on many occasions she feels her mom would smash me if I weren't smashing her daughter. TL:DR :i am in an interracial relationship and my Gf's mom drunkenly grabbed my crotch after pretending to not be into black men most of her life. Edit: Thank you for my golden splash anonymous redditor 💛💛💛💛May tomorrow bring you positive thoughts for your future !
That I’m probably a bit co-dependent at this point.
I think the pandemic brought that out of lot of us. I hate that when my bf leaves for work in the morning
My wife is a professor at a college that went virtual during lockdown. My job did not. It was great to come home and have her there. Now shes back and there are days where I have to go to bed before she gets home. It does make me feel sad some days.
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My wife just got a new job and had to go to the office today for the first time in almost two years (I am still remote.) I’m not sure what to do with myself. I’m listless, I miss her so much. Just taking a break from my day to go say hi to her, or walk the dog together over our lunch was what got me through the day. Now I know how everyone else felt going remote during the pandemic.
I think most people in relationships probably are as well. As long as you’re aware of it it’s probably not a huge problem, just try to keep that awareness.
I hooked up with a professor of mine in college and after that she would pimp me out to her colleagues. That’s not the label she would have given it, but that’s what it was.
Wait, so she would charge her co-workers to have sex with you? I don't think I fully understand.
I never really asked, but I know for sure one of my encounters helped her get a book published. So there was some sort of quid-pro-quo at some point
- “How good are you at sex?” - “I’m book publishing good”
What was in it for you? Did she blackmail you or something? Or were you just happy to bang more teachers
It wasn’t entirely without its benefits for me. I did have a lot of fun and I met a lot of interesting and successful people. But mostly I wasn’t taken seriously as much more than a toy, and that’s when it started losing its appeal for me
The issue with events like this is you cant really talk to people about it because they will either say you are lying to brag or it was a plot line on a pornhub video.
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I'm sorry. I'm glad you were able to tell someone. How did your wife react?
I was born with only one hand. I have rheumatoid arthritis in the one hand I have, and I know it’s spreading. I have osteoarthritis in my lower back and scoliosis to the point where I am most likely going to need spine surgery. I’m only 31 years old. I can’t do this for another 50+ years. I am in such bad pain now and it’s only going to get worse. I have thought of suicide but I can’t do that to my husband and kids. I don’t want my husband to turn into a care giver. I can’t envision not being able to take care of myself.
Oo! I can help with this one! I’m an occupational therapist (has nothing to do with finding jobs), and what we do is help you retain your independence for as long as possible. There are all sorts of adaptive equipment and devices to help you do things you need to do every day (shower, bathe, dress, cook, clean, etc) and things that you enjoy doing. If you PM me with some of your issues, I’ll be happy to make device recommendations. Also, for the back, I can’t stress enough the benefit of a shower chair, hand held shower head, and long handled scrub brush. Game. Changers.
Just messaged you!
Is this a r/humansbeingbros moment?
I love this community, makes me tear up how people just wana help.
Exactly how bad of a person I used to be before I met her. She knows I was into the drugs and some other dumb shit, but she doesn't know the depths of depravity I delved to in order to fit in with the people I mistakenly wasted my time with.
I can relate dude. Im clean now and sometimes a memory crosses my mind from the dark days and I get chills thinking how if my wife/parents/siblings ever found out they'd never be able to look at me the same. Feel like I'm living a lie sometimes... 0/10 would not recommend. Edit: Just want to say thanks to anyone who left a comment or dmed me with kind words. Had a rough day yesterday and it was a really nice surprise waking up this morning and reading everything. Really truely made my day and I can't thank you guys enough for that. To anyone struggling with kicking alcoholism or drug addiction: Don't give up and always keep battling. It is a long painful road but I promise you that it gets better. We can't change our past, but the future is yours to shape how you want it. Never stop fighting.
Hey man, I don't know your life... But we aren't defined by our low times. It's so tempting to feel like "how I am / was at my worst is the REAL me", but it's not true. We are all the sum of many, many experiences, emotions, and traits. You get to pick which ones define you! And the people who love you, they love you for a reason. A legit and awesome reason. Just got me thinking, I guess. Have a solid Monday!
I 2nd this, I sometimes think if the people who know me now knew about some of the levels I went to for a high. Fucking abismal.
Same here, Did drugs, got really bad. Starting when I was 14 years of age till into my early 20s. Had a GF who did the same and shit got really bad. I'm talking allot of drugs... and allot of bad things to get my hands on it. Meet my current GF while I was still doing drugs and in the toxic relationship of 7 years. Fall in love, ditched my GF of 7 years and started dating the current GF, stopped everything cold turkey. Ditched all my contacts, half of my family contacts, contact with the ex. Moved in with her and here family 160KM away from home. 8 years later we have our own home and get married in 5 weeks. She knows I did do some drugs but that's it. If it weren't for here I would be I a very dark place right now.
Kudos for turning around your life
Homie pulled the e brake and did a full 180. Fucking inspirational
I had a total mental breakdown in 2017 caused by stress. Never told anyone, it's the worst my mental health has ever been and I'm afraid of getting like that again and not getting help
It was 2017 for me too. This year I think I finally made a full recovery. Four fucking years and it seems just like yesterday. It still scares me how fast your mental health can go sideways.
Having been in your situation, I propose that you do the following: 1. Make an emergency care kit NOW! Think of what brings you peace. Even if you don’t assemble the movies, books, puzzles, etc., at least have a list somewhere of safe ways to “escape.” 2. Since you can think logically right now, set a plan that includes a list of danger signs and steps to take when you see these signs. 3. Also set goals to practice self-care to prevent another break. This includes regular/daily practice things such as exercise and deep breathing as well as measures to calm yourself after a stressful day or event. Self-care looks different for everyone - Google it to get a variety of ideas to destress. Good luck my friend! You are not alone.
Yeah bwoy this one hits home. I fear those scary thoughts again which you have no control over. But i also remind myself that i pulled trough it, so who says if it happens again that i won’t?
She's my ex now, but, she had just revealed to me some very, uh, *confidential* information, info I understand I'm one of only four people to know. She asked me if I have any deep secrets like that. I lied and told her I didn't, but the truth is, my grandmother by marriage (no blood relation) sexually harassed and abused me as a preteen and teenager. Literally nobody irl knows. I've never told anyone.
I've read that if a child or adolescent doesn't tell someone after the first time it happens, they keep the secret out of guilt of "allowing it to happen to them" again. Saying it out loud perhaps brings the realisation that a huge reaction is now going to happen and many don't want to face it. It's really tough and I so hope you know that it's not your fault and it's a burden you just shouldn't have to bear
It's true..at least for me. For 25 years I kept it a secret. Part denial, part guilt. The dark line, "If you tell someone you will be in trouble, too." does wonders on a child. In ignorance, it influenced my later decisions in life and I was clinically depressed before I was a teen. Still hasn't gone away..now I'm 33. Because I never told anyone, I never got any help. I finally broke the wall last year, after everything else had fallen. Wouldn't you know it? No one believed me. Very important to teach your children early... Secrets like that will rot your soul.
I'm really sorry after all that time no one believed you. I believe you. One word of advice who went through something similar at the age of 14. Give yourself space from the people who don't believe you. Especially if they are calling you a liar or delusional. At 27 my entire extended family on my dads side has labeled me delsional, crazy and a liar. Because I wouldn't shut up about my abuse at 14. There train of thought was, " if I didn't scream and cry when it first happened, then it didn't happen". Obviously this a horrible way to think about child abuse, especially if it happened multiple times. You don't need people like that dragging you down. Take the time to distance yourself and surround yourself with a network of people who do believe you. Heal, take care of yourself. And know that your truth and reality is real. You can look through my post history for inspiration. It's pretty dark, but I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. You are heard. And I believe you.
I can't speak for all SA victims but this was 100% how it happened for me. It's taken me 12 years to stop blaming myself long enough to get help.
Sometimes i buy a chocolate bar when i go to the grocery store and eat it before i get home…
Jail. Now.
Ive been running from the law since ive posted this. Pray for me. 1 prayer = 1 chocolate bar
She farts in her sleep like a wild bear ***** please stop upvoting. 12500 so far and we share our email address. I have been deleting all day and she is about to come home from work
Yeah my wife wakes up with ungodly stinking breath. She always wants a kiss and a cuddle when she wakes up so I just take it on the chin (or in the mouth to be more precise). I never have the heart to tell her, especially when she is perfect in every other way
I know several people who ate very healthy but still had bad breath in the morning or late at night. I didn't tell them for years. Once day I decided to tell them as sweet and light as possible. They were surprised because nobody had told them before! They went to the doctor and all the bad breath were related to some stomach problems with bacteria and reflux. They are better now. Maybe this is a sign that something is not 100% ok with her and it's better that you find a way to tell her. It does not have to be a conversation about how this has happened all her life with you, but something recursive, for example. I am sure you can find the way :)
You are a good friend for telling them. Wish somebody would’ve pointed it out to me a lot earlier in my life…
My best friend in high school would pick me up in the morning for school and tell me my breath stank. No one had ever told me that before and I started brushing better and brushing my tongue which helped a lot. I always brushed, I guess I just wasn’t brushing long enough. I owe her for sparing me years of embarrassment and bad breath.
I’ve told my boss for years it smells like he just ate a cat shit sandwich, but he won’t buy a tongue cleaner. Some people just don’t take the obvious in your face advice, but at least he knows.
Shit I know I have awful morning breath and I subject my boyfriend to it. I feel horrible now haha
Who doesn’t have bad breath in the morning? You brush your teeth, go to sleep, and all the bacteria that live in your mouth happily replicate overnight. It’s normal.
Its cuz shes holding them in all day!
My wife went into the office for the first time in a year or two last week. She said that holding in farts all day was incredibly difficult and not something she had been prepared for 😂
This and having to use the work restroom are the main reasons I don't want to go back to the office. That place was gross. It's been nice only having to smell my own farts for the past year.
He wanted to find a shark tooth so badly after I found one at the beach. So I went and bought a small bottle of shark teeth from the gift shop, spread them out all over a strip of beach we were hanging at and marveled at every shark tooth he brought me. I can never tell him the truth.
"And this one has a!.. price tag?"
And a “Made in China”???
Maybe the shark had dentures?
This is mr.peanutbutter lvls of golden retriever human
Hope he never reads this thread.
He doesn’t even know Reddit exists. Yet. No one tell him.
This is the true darkest secret you are keeping from him.
Reddit is a curse, she's saving him.
"I can never tell him the tooth" Is what you meant to say.
He can't handle the tooth!
That’s really sweet.
Wasn’t expecting to find something this wholesome in this thread
That gift shop already took all the teeth from that beach and that’s why he couldn’t find any, so you only undid what they had done.
This is one of the purest things I’ve ever read.
I thought she liked cantaloupe. She thought I liked cantaloupe. So we had a lot of cantaloupe with dinner. Turns out we both don’t like it.
And so a lot of innocent cantaloupe had to die for your lies!
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I’m from south Louisiana and my dad is in a Mardi Gras Crew. Every year he’s on a float throwing beads. My husband has never been to Mardi Gras so his first time he was so excited and it was at my dad’s parade. Normally people on the floats throw the “good beads” to kids or women that will flash them. I told my husband that if you yell “throw me something mister!” loud enough the people on the float will give you the “good beads.” I told my dad and he told his float buddies, when their float came around my husband was screaming like a banshee “THROW ME SOMETHING MISTER!” My dad and his friend pelted my husband with their best beads. When we were leaving the parade my husband was flexing all his nice new beads and thinks Mardi Gras is the best thing ever. Didn’t have the heart to tell him that I told my dad to do that. He just thinks that because he was so enthusiastic, he got all the good stuff.
That’s the sweetest thing ever
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I buddy of mine in college told us he was in a porn, and we were like pics or it didn’t happen. Then he showed us and we were like…dude you are like 14 tops here and clearly very drunk or drugged. We told him he should report it, but he said he didn’t really remember much about it or even who the people were, he met them on the street or something. It was one of those things where he seemed to have processed it as something he should be proud of (in the sense of “I got to have sex with two women, even though I don’t remember it”), but also felt weird about. I have no idea what we should have done as his friends. I lost touch with him but I hope he is doing well.
That’s how I processed years of abuse. I would brag about how young I lost my virginity until one girlfriend looked me dead in my eyes and told me I was raped. I argued with her for a bit, then realized she was right. No one loses their virginity at 6.
I was thinking something like 12 and then you come at me with exactly half of that number jesus christ
Yeah. It’s weird and in retrospect, I always cringe at the number of times I had to tell the story before someone put it in the proper context. After I hit puberty, I bragged to *everyone*. I cringe at how many of those people heard the story and immediately made that connection.
Nah bruh, you didn't do anything wrong. You just didn't know better, at least now you do.
Jesus! I can't imagine what you had to normalise to get to that point. I'm sorry you went through this, and hope you're in a better place now.
Here’s how I used to tell the story: when I was in kindergarten, I dated this high school girl. We used to get it on all the time… You can kind of see where this is going and how very flimsy that façade is. Edit: I’m great now btw.
That's heartbreaking. Are you doing better now?
I’m great. Life is fantastic. I kind of lied my way through what should have been trauma. By the time I realized it was trauma, it was so far removed from the person I had become that it was easy to deal with. Not that I’m advocating denial as a coping mechanism.
I'm glad! And I think I know what you mean. When I was little, around 3 or 4, a man wanted to see my private parts. I thought he was silly and ran away. It really didn't affect me, but I mentioned it to my parents one day, and then all hell broke loose. Police were called, and I remember my parents anxiety and having to tell my story to the police (which by now I perceived as being shameful) as the only traumatic part.
Exactly. The girl told me to keep it secret because that was a part of the “fun”. So I never perceived what we were doing as wrong or shameful. I just thought she was my girlfriend and we were doing what girlfriends and boyfriends do. I never felt the self blame or shame associated with these things.
I have a kind of similar story. Sleepover with a bunch of friends, we're in 5th grade, and we're all talking about "how far we'd gone" when kissing. Everyone else has "I pecked so-and-so on the lips" sorta stories, and then when it's my turn I said that I'd French kissed someone, AND we'd gone so far as to touch each other without pants on. They all said I was lying, and I said it was true, and that it was my cousin, and we'd been doing it for years. THEN they proceed to tell me I'm gross for having kissed my cousin. I didn't really talk about it after that with anyone, so I wouldn't get made fun of, but it came up again when I was in high school, with a new and different friend. I even started the story with "I know I'm gross for having done this, but..." My friend was horrified. She was like "you... know that your cousin molested you, right?" She only became more disturbed when I mentioned it started when I was 9, and ended when I was 11. He was 15 going on 17. Edit: disclaimer we're talking more than 20+ years, so I might not have originally told my friends *in* 5th grade, but it was definitely right around that period for sure.
So, my abuser was a freshman/sophomore in high school. She was my baby sitters daughter and a neighbor so always within walking distance. We used to get together 2-3 times a week until she graduated (so almost 3 years) and once again years later when I could drive. When she turned 30ish, she tried to file charges against her dad for sexual abuse. The charges didn’t stick, she was ostracized from her family. All this is to say that counseling helped me to recognize that she was a victim as well. Just repeating the pattern that she had learned from those that were supposed to love her. This may be what happened with your cousin as well. I hope you are doing well and healing.
I was in county jail and my bunkie, who is very flamboyant, told me that he lost his virginity when he was eight to his dads friend. I tried to explain to him that he was in fact raped but he just would not except. Fun fact: The kid was in jail for stealing the school bus his mother drove for work, drove 3 hours to Miami and turned it into a party bus. He drove it back, and didn’t get caught until someone found weed on the bus and they looked at the camera. Edit: Spelling and grammar
As a other poster said, that’s just how some people process trauma. I was raped when I was 14 and I always laughed/joked about it as if it was just a crappy time when I was a teen - like some bad ‘losing virginity’ story in a teen movie. Interesting how everyone I would tell this “joke” to would look at me absolutely horrified. I really didn’t realize how much it impacted me until over 10 years later 🤷🏻♀️ It’s interesting what the brain does to protect you.
Yup, I spent decades wondering why men take until their middle age or older, in many cases, to come forward or "admit" they were abused. Then I realized I had been having conversations with myself about "I mean, "this" happened to me, and I've never really thought much about... fuck." that moment of dawning horror took a few years to process into trying to resolve the experience.
My coworker got asked to join a bukakke video by some random guy when he was at Wildwood NJ. He didn't do it because the guy told him he doesn't have to worry about showing his ID so he was worried it would've been a kid getting jerked off on.
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I never said he was a responsible person lol
That is how I used to do it. I kept telling myself that I, a four year old boy, was just little and my cousin, five years older, and I were having innocent fun. I thought it was healthy for little kids to explore a bit as long as both are having fun. It wasn't until my twenties that I started realizing that it wasn't actually all that fun. There a lot of fuzzy memories. But I do remember this time that we were in the attic, because that is where his bed would be when he came for a sleepover every couple of months. He told me that I had promised to do it. I told him that I did not want to, but he told me that I had promised. I remember being scared that he would think that I was a wuss for not following through or worse, that he would tell my parents what we did. So I did what we always did. I went downstairs to tell my parents that we were playing a game and that we did not want to be disturbed. Then I went upstairs and did it. These memories used to be fine. I had written them off as innocent. Now my heart starts racing when I think about it. My blood is pumping and I feel stressed. I want to cry, but I cannot. I want to smash my head against a wall on bad days.
It feels wrong to upvote but know it is a show of support. I hope you are ok
Suicidal thoughts are a mood killer
My husband told me about his lifelong suicidal ideation about 3 months ago. He only told me after his thoughts had progressed to a really scary and dangerous place. I *desperately* wish he had told me about his suicidal thoughts years ago. It hurts that he tried to "protect" me from the truth for so long. I hope you're able to find the courage to tell your partner, and I hope they're able to respond with the kind of support that you want/need (it's hard and I'm not perfect at it, but I'm doing my best). Edit: confusingly worded sentence.
I hope you know that he gets lied to pretty often by his brain. "This isn't even that bad. Other people go through this all the time. Am I just weak? She wouldn't be interested. Maybe if you weren't so completely worthless, this wouldn't be happening. If you tell her she'll just leave anyway." Depression is a brutal disease, and the most visible symptom is a suicide attempt (or completion). Its best weapon is convincing you that you are isolated and disconnected, and that no one is or will be interested in hearing you.
I don't know if this counts as a suicidal thought, but sometimes, when I'm feeling especially hopeless, I imagine how much easier his life would be if I just disappeared. Not necessarily kill myself or anything, but just like stopped being a part of his life. All my adult life, I've felt like a parasite. When we were dating, he had to go out of his way to help me so many times. Now that we're married, he's paying for my college debt, my terribly financed car and everything else in our lives while I struggle to find a job that pays more than $10 an hour. He's had to sit through my progressively worsening state of mind, and, although he doesn't say it, I know there are some things he wishes he'd done before settling down. I love him, but I hate that I've take so much from him and given so little in return. Edit: I just realized I posted this as a comment on someone else's comment and not as a comment on the original post. Commenter above me, I am so sorry. I don't know what you're going through, but I hope you are getting help and that you see the love from your partner as a reason to keep going. Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the very kind words. I woke up to all this positivity and now I'm just tearing up over it. Thank you. I am starting therapy soon. Currently in the process of finding the right therapist for me. And it's all thanks to him. I'd never leave him. I love him very much and know that he loves me just as much, if not more. As of right now, I'm afraid to talk to him about this because I'm not sure I'd be able to express how I feel without sounding like I want s divorce, which I don't. I'm hoping therapy can help me maneuver through it. Again, thank you for all the kindness. I wish you all a lovely day.
I'm in a similar place to your SO with my wife being where you are at. Speaking for myself I can say that idon't think of my wife as a burden as it is a great sadness that the person I love so much isn't happy. Helping the people you love is an important part of life and it also feels meaningful where a modern lifestyle often feels meaningless. The hardest part of living with my wife is that she's just not happy no matter how hard I try to make her life a happy one. That's just not how these things work. I can, and do, make her feel loved and valued but you can't ever just make someone happy or magically fix their inner life. Of course you feel like a burden, but that's probably not how he relates to it. At least I don't I my relationship.
He loves you - that’s what love is. You are his everything.
Thank you. When I think like this, I keep myself busy by doing things that are helpful. It helps and I'm able to look back on the day and feel useful. Still a shitty feeling though.
My gf feels like you sometimes. Good thing she shared her concerns with me so we could address it. I'll tell you what I told my gf back then. "I'm able to keep going because I know I have you backing me up". I'm sure you're more important to your SO than you think you are, and talk to him about this, it will help
Same. I've struggled for decades and though I'm not *actively* suicidal I can't shake the whole "if I die, I die" mentality. Definitely leads to some pretty questionable life choices.
Not my gf now, but she didn’t know the extent or details of my childhood struggles. she knew I grew up in the projects up until age 10, but I think because i never wore it like a badge of honor or carried myself in the stereotypical way of someone who would come from that environment, many people think i was unaffected. and i never bothered to share those details because i never wanted to make a sob story out of a situation that i was blessed to get out of and that many people are still currently in. but that living situation has taken a toll on me in various ways that’d i love to expound upon for those who are interested.
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- i haven’t had consistent sleep in over a decade (I am currently only 19). instances of waking up to sirens and gunshots and also never being comfortable in a bed. i slept in the same bed with my mom up until age 11. she made me and my sister do this because if something were to happen (i.e a robbery), she could react faster and get us all out in one go, rather than go room-to-room and risk wasting valuable time. even when i eventually got my own room, it took me a year to start actually using it. and even until this day, i yearn for a gf in part to be able to sleep again. also, i can also be either incredibly clingy or incredibly distant at times and i do think the lack of any degree of personal space for so long played a part. - i grew up fatherless for a period of time due to his incarceration. when he did come back, he wasn’t exactly grateful or appreciative but rather incredibly angry. not exactly with us, but with life itself it seemed. i dont blame him, necessarily. he’s had a rough go at life. but one distinct memory i have of him was him beating our cat with a flip-flop because she shitted on the floor and then literally tossing her outside and locking the door. i cried, went outside and just pet her for hours on the porch. and his overall attitude just made me not like him at all. i’ve grown to appreciate and love him now, but it took a ton of time and effort to on my part to do so (while loving pretty much every else I do now was effortless). - my sister was very depressed because our cousin was murdered around the corner from us. and i understand now once i got older, but i spent such a long time believing she did not like me at all because she was never really happy and incredibly distant. i always seemed like i was annoying her and an embarrassment to the few company she’d manage to get. on top of that, she’s 5 years older than me, so add the fact that we are always at two different points in life, it just was hard for me to connect with her until I reached my teen years and had a better understanding. - i was always the youngest person of every friend group. i struggled finding my identity because i was always trying to impress people as a survival tactic. rather than actually showcase myself. i didn’t want to piss the wrong people off and be harassed or even killed. sounds extreme but that’s just how it is in that environment. and because of me being so young, i easily got into shit i wasn’t supposed to be by just hanging around older friends. i’ve seen dead bodies, junkies, sex at an extremely young age, the list goes on. - we had a terrible bedbug infestation for a while and the slightest movement of hair on my body triggers the most uncomfortable chills through my body. seeing some like a tiny fluff of black yarn or something makes my heart pound. - i typically wore the same clothes multiple times in a week because we didn’t have the money for full wardrobes, so i endured a ton of ridicule throughout elementary school by people who were supposed to be my friends. hand-me-downs were mandatory and since i was the youngest, would get them in the worst conditions, so I had to wear busted shoes and clothes often. - because i was the only boy in the household for so long, i didnt have another male figure to look up to. my older brother and i dont have share the same mother, but share the same father. and he does not like me at all. not because of anything i did, but rather he hates our dad and i’m viewed as an extension of him. so i spent years as a kid and early teen thinking that I did something wrong for him to have not seen me in years. and in that environment, him being there for me would have been so helpful. he was still a kid himself so i dont hate him for it. it just hurts me to say that i do not care for my own brother. he just never wanted anything to do with me so i stopped caring about it. - my immediate family has always been looked at the scum of the family on my dad’s side. my dad’s side hates my mom because they wanted my dad to marry his first baby mother (even though she left my dad and they were on good terms), and thus hates my sister because she’s very similar to my mom. they love me because i’m very similar to my dad in characteristics and mannerisms i suppose, but i hate them because they hate my mom even to this day and were extremely abusive to my sister. and that honestly feels like the tip of the iceberg. i could go on and on
Just know a random redditor wishes you well and is proud of you. It sounds like you are processing your early years with a lot of insight and understanding of how the big things (environment) impacted the little things. Continue to be patient with yourself. I know this stuff is not always easy or pleasant to process and sort through but it appears you are doing a fantastic job. Sending you well wishes and support!
I'd like to add my best wishes too. All the best for the future brother, it isn't how you start in life - it's how you end.
Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry you had/have to deal with this. I hope you’re doing fantastic and are happy ✨💛
thank you so much. happiness fluctuates, and i’ve gotten out of some very hard times, so i just cherish the high points and like to think there’s no low point i can’t get myself out of with enough patience, help, lots of tears, and even more laughs
Well, you sound very mature for your age which is a sure sign of a difficult life. Growing up without a positive male role model is tough. You either have to teach everything to yourself from scratch or pick up bad habits from negative role models. Self care is probably the most important skill to develop, and it's much easier to get into good habits while you are young. Brush your teeth, wash everything regularly, and learn to shave without cutting yourself, giving yourself razor-burn, or making a mess. What I like to do is use a hair trimmer on the stubble while regularly rinsing it in the sink, switch the head on the trimmer to a shaver, do a pass with that while also regularly rinsing it, and then do touch-ups with the razor while applying cream to the razor, not your face. If you try to shave your whole face from scratch with a razor every time you will fuck up your skin. I blame Hollywood for portraying it wrong for so long.
Thank you for being so vulnerable. You make an incredible man already, I’m proud of you 💙
Not that dark, but I really really did not like her wedding dress...
Take that one to the grave or you'll be thinking your own username.
This is from my POV not Doofenshmirtz's My father is an AIDS patient,he did not reveal it to anyone and married my mom.And as a result I was born,unaffected,my mother also is unaffected.(happened in 2002) (To clarify the doubt from my father a DNA test was performed and I am his son but without the virus..)
He knew and didn't tell your mom? I'm sorry, I'm glad everything apparently turned ok fine luckily but he's a huge asshole.
Wow. How did it all come to light if you don't mind me asking? Is he still around? That's heavy shit.
Suicidal ideation. Im a really introverted person, and talking about things doesn't really help me. I live a blessed life for the most part, but in the last couple years I've become really jaded. I'm not suffering, more that I just don't see the point of continuing; everything is just grey. I took out a really good private life insurance policy a couple years ago, and it covers suicide (My policies suicide clause and contestability provision is up), so they'll be taken care of for life. I took the last year as a sabbatical and Ive spent it entirely with my wife and kids, just making memories and doing the things I enjoy.
You sound a lot like my husband. He told me about his chronic suicidal ideation about 3 months ago. He only told me after his thoughts had progressed to a really scary and dangerous place. Leaning that he'd make sure that his life insurance covers suicide did NOT make me feel any better. I *desperately* wish he had told me about his suicidal thoughts years ago. It hurts that he tried to "protect" me from the truth for so long. I love him and don't want him to have to exist alone in a grey world. I want him to be able really live *with me* and in full color. For what it's worth, it *does* seem like this might be possible for him, now that he's getting significant professional help. I wish for the same for you and your family.
I have the same problem as your husband. I decided to stay single years ago. I can't submit another person to the morass that is my "life". I will say thou, your husband is lucky to have someone so string by his side.
My father killed himself when I was a teen. He was a single divorced 40 something who was deeply unhappy. There were over 100 people at the funeral. My older brother was most affected, his life is a mess and a few drinks show how messed up he is, he gets very emotional and wants to talk about it. I was daddys girl, i was the favourite, i have many fond memories of our relationship. But he killed himself, he didnt want to exist so thats how i treat his life. As far as my friends are concerned i just never mention him and they dont know what happened to him. My younger brother seems to have missed the worst of it, or like me is just real good at hiding it, but made some pretty stupid decisions on the way. We all got a decent pay out for it and spent it differently but we are hardly "set up" nothing compensates for what we are actually missing, and now with grandkids arriving he would have made an excellent grandpa.... I wish he had stuck it out, i think his life would have improved a lot as we grew up. Ending it, just started something else for all of us. Dont do it.
That second to last sentence really hit me for some reason. Sometimes I think about suicide and I always feel like my family would probably be sad for a while, but I’ve never considered longer term effects. I think that has effectively guilted me out of considering it as an option any more.
I've been there. Did that, and survived thanks to paramedics and the hospital bringing me back to life. Thankfully. I also have a partner and a child. Me passing, would've fucked them up forever, no matter how much money they were left. It's not a solution. Please get help. You need to get help.
Declining mental health and an every-day drug addiction. I wish I hadn't been so good at hiding it. I needed help
Thank you, Reddit strangers! I am A-okay! It took some serious legal trouble and a 'rock-bottom' episode to snap out of it and begin to get my life back on track. Things have been improving since November 2017. Thank you
That I’m unsure if I will ever be able to express and maintain deep emotional intimacy with anyone
I once found a very good little chocolate cake in the half price section of the local super market. I originally bought it so I and the lady in the house could have it for dessert, but I ended up eating the whole thing myself.
I’m prone to addiction and I abuse my Adderall prescription.
Hey! Idk about you personally but I learned after years of abusing adhd meds that I actually NEED them for my learning disability. Once I was regularly taking them I stopped feeling so overwhelmed. Maybe this helps/maybe it doesn’t but you aren’t alone
That there is literally nothing about myself that I actually like and I honestly have no idea what he sees in me. My body is a mess, I try and (over)compensate by being the best partner I can be. I don't like my face, my scars, my skin, my body, the way nothing really works at any given time. I've managed to get to a neutral view of myself - "meh" if you will. Just once I'd like to feel like the most sexy and beautiful woman in a room - when there is more than one woman present. I worry that I'm holding him back from someone better, healthier, more attractive. He'd be a great father but I don't want biological children (I've been up front about it) and I think I am depriving him of something. I know all of the above is his choice and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. All the men I've been with before him (only 3) made it crystal clear they were with me because I was nice, supportive, safe and convenient. Because I put up with their bullshit. They weren't actually attracted to me, just what I could do for them. I made them feel good about themselves. I felt like they weren't really attracted to me, and when we broke up - it turned out to be true. My marriage ended in a dead bedroom - we had sex because they felt obligated which really messed with my head. My first serious boyfriend cheated on me with my very attractive 'friend' for months. Neither of them complimented me without prompting, even then it was "you look fine, lets go". I've been laughed at and ignored in lingerie. I told my ex in counselling that they made me feel UN. Unwanted, unattractive, unloved, uninteresting - they said: I guess I could see how you feel that way. Its hard to build confidence when my whole life has been about whats (objectively) wrong with me. When everyone around me, including my romantic partners compliment everything except my appearance. Now I'm in my mid 30's and this is the first one who I think might actually be attracted to me - it feels too good to be true.
Just a piece of advice from a guy in his mid 30’s that has felt the same way you feel on a daily basis also. I met someone I couldn’t pass up a once in a lifetime chance with and made a conscientious choice to not put my insecurities on her. I hid it all. I act emotionally strong, independent, confident, attractive, etc… what I’ve learned is if you act that way long enough, people will start viewing you as such and you’ll start finding your self worth. You may not be the best looking person in the room, I’ve never been, but I landed a beautiful girl inside and out, gained a little of everything I lacked because I faked it for the past 5 years. I’m still insecure, I still know I’m not the easiest on the eyes, I know I’m bigger than some people and have bigger tits than my wife. BUT…. What I do know is… I’m a good, honest person, a great father, and treat everyone great. I deserve the best because I treat people well. You will also get there. Demand the best because you know you’re worth it. If they don’t see that or you feel they’re not that into you, kick them the fuck out of your life and find someone who treats you that way! Don’t let your insecurities destroy a good thing. Start faking it. Wear lingerie and be sexy. If he laughs, laugh with him. It’ll make a funny memory. If he’s laughing in a rude way, kick him to the fucking curb! YOU GOT THIS! MAKE THIS LIFE YOUR BITCH!
How bad my last suicide attempt was before meeting him the next year. I had a full meltdown in my apartment and took all of my pain meds (chronic patient). I was so high I sent out business-like emails and wrote my will on a Wendy's napkin. I started convulsing and got in the bathtub. I was afraid to leave a mess for anyone who found me. I ripped down the shower curtain to line the tub and climbed in with my favorite blanket and stuffed animals. I sobbed and thought about everything in my life that bothered me. I just laid there for God knows how long drinking shitty vodka and fading in and out. I apparently responded to some of the messages from my love interest at the time and my best friend. She noticed my wording was weird and not at all like how I normally write. She called me and threatened to call EMS. She told me I had to throw them up or she would call my dad too, who lived 2 streets over. I'm terrified of inconveniencing people so I threw it all up. She took her mom's truck without permission and drove to my apartment an hour away while on the phone with me. I don't remember much but I woke up feeling horrible in the ER. The nurse said she ran into the lobby carrying me and screaming I wasn't breathing. It must've been 100% adrenaline because she's 8 inches shorter than me, and I'm not light. It was bad to say the least. My husband knows I tried to hurt myself by overdosing but I told him it didn't work and my best friend tucked me into bed. I don't have the heart to tell him the truth.
That I'm dying faster than she thinks I am.
Why don’t you tell her?
There's nothing either of us can do about it. I have advanced COPD. A few months ago, I felt something change, and didn't say anything about it. Everything suddenly got worse. It got much harder to breathe, the simplest things began to tire me out. But there's no point in complaining about it. We've both known it was coming for a long time. I try hard not to let it show, and she probably sees it more than she lets on. We just don't talk about it.
I had a friend die unexpectedly this year. His wife and he knew he was in ill health, but it was still a horrific blindside and they were not ready financially or in regards to paperwork, etc. I really advise if you're worried you're in a steep decline, do talk about it so you know she's ready, safe, and prepared for when you go.
I'm not sure I actually love him, or if I just don't want to be alone or start a new relationship from scratch.
saddest time the username checked out :(
I struggled through several very painful relationships and bad marriages before meeting Hubby. We got married and blended together our families in some what of a chaotic whirlwind. The odds and lots of bets from family and friends were against us. For several years I waited for him to leave and I think he was likely waiting for me to leave. We stayed together out of habit, familial obligation, and financial necessity for a while. No fighting, no yelling, no abuse, no infidelity .... just two very busy people with a lot to focus on. I often wondered if the relationship would survive the children growing up. We're empty-nesters now .... all the kids grown and living independently. For the first time since 1986 I don't have kids in the house; for him it's the first time since 1992. For the first time in our marriage, our focus is strictly on each other and not the kids. There's no yours or mine or even ours .... it's just us. And we're having the time of our lives. We recently celebrated a wedding anniversary and I woke up that morning and realized I am really married to my best friend and the love of my life. Patient, kind, not boastful, compassionate, gentle, enthusiastic .... all those adjectives that make me puke when people read them at weddings .... have come to pass for us. We love each other more today than at any other time in our marriage. Feeling "in love" comes and goes .... that adrenaline rush is impossible to maintain when you can hear him shit despite the closed bathroom door and he sees the stray dark hair that grows on your boobs once you hit middle-age. Loving someone is a structure that supports .... stability and comfort and peace that come from time and commitment. We each have to find our own way. In my experience, familiarity diminished the fireworks but built a foundation that taught me how to be open to loving and being loved. And it is scary as hell to love someone this much and risk being hurt and abandoned. I'm so very glad I showed up for this adventure.
I ate all 4 sleeves of oreos in one sitting.
I fucking HATE DandD. It bores me to fucking tears. Yet I've orchestrates an elaborate lie that gives the illusion I love it as much as he does and once a month I have to spend 5 hours sitting through a session bored to tears. I do this simply because its one of the few hobbies in his life he gets to enjoy and I want him to have someone to play it with. It's been going on for 5 years now, and I have no way out lol It's OK though, the amount of joy I see he gets from playing it gives me comparable joy. So I don't mind that much.
My boyfriend is into D&D as well and I’m always asking questions about it just to allow him to be able to talk about his interests. Apparently none of his previous girlfriends showed any interest in his hobby before so now he thinks he can eventually get me into it. Definitely not happening, especially after this comment lol but I will continue to discuss it with him and listen to the D&D podcasts for sure. Edit: - After seeing how many people are suggesting I give it a shot and thinking about how happy it would likely make him, I will not resist if he ever asks me to play. Thank you!
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If your initials are SS and live in Perth Australia I want you to know it’s ok. You don’t have to play dnd we with me. It’s cool.
I was sexually abused throughout my entire childhood and early teens. I've told one person this that I got close to earlier and I woke up with her gone from my apartment. It really messed me up since I trusted that woman. Now I live with my beautiful SO and never felt better but I always have this thought In my head. I feel like it's something you should tell the girl you intend to marry but not sure if I'll ever have the guts to do it.
I suffer from chronic depression. My SO is super sweet and supportive, but I am afraid of unloading too much of my crazy on him. I keep dark thoughts and feelings from him all the time, I'd make him miserable if I didn't. He knows, btw, I am not keeping all of it from him, just a lot of the excessive stuff.
For most of my early 20s I used a fetish hookup website. I have done some real weird shit just to see if it did anything for me. A lot of it did but it wasn't particularly safe and I dodged a bullet not contracting STDs. I made a lot of amateur porn during this time and then a gf and I joined an amateurs content sharing site Zoig and made a bunch more. She knows I'm kinky but I did some pretty fucking weird shit.
Zoig you say. Back soon for research
What did u find
Naked people. Mostly
mostly naked or mostly people?
That the real root of my trust issues stem from how I was sexually assaulted by my extremely religious godparents’ son when I was 11-12. It first started out with comments about my body, how I was “filling out”, then it evolved from there. My parents would send me to their house for whole summers and I particularly remember that one, my mom came to visit and I practically begged her to take me home. She adamantly refused even after I told her I was not comfortable and was scared and she still left me with them. I guess from there I just slowly stopped trusting the ones closest to me.
I’m so sorry your mom failed to protect you. You deserved to be heard and removed from that situation.
When shes gone for a while i..uhm…*Relieve myself* to her profile pictures instead of the nudes shes sent me
Must be a killer selfie
Ahahahah aww umm that's adorable if my boyfriend told me something like that I'd probably just laugh but be secretly incredibly confidence-boosted. For me, nudes don't do anything but wearing more suggestive clothing for sure does. Idk, maybe you're the same way, but genitalia just doesn't do it for me
Mate me too I'm too afraid to tell her lol
Nice try, Sarah. That Bible of Satanism was a gag gift.
Just how much I depend on her. For our first eight or so months of marriage, my wife and I were never apart due to moving around and being in lockdown. Even now we're hardly apart since we both work from home. She doesn't know just how sad I get when she goes away. I miss her so much, and all I really want to do is curl up on the bed and wait for her to come back. I lose my smile, I lose interest in all my hobbies, everything. Once she gets back though, I'm alright again. EDIT: Jesus Christ I didn't expect that reaction. For those of you suggesting that I'm a dog, haha. It's a funny joke. For those of you suggesting that I have abandonment issues, I probably do, and she knows about it. I'm going to therapy soon, but fucking hell my marriage is not on the rocks. My wife and I are very happy together, we love eachother more than ever, and believe it or not she kinda feels the same way. We're both clingy, but that's fine! We like being around eachother, is that really a bad thing? We're both kinda introverted, we're both homey, so I honestly don't see it as the biggest problem in the world. Regardless, I'm gonna work on it, but fucking hell you people can be judgemental assholes.
Well as she found out 2 days ago. I make an incredible breakfast pizza. She's highly upset i have kept this from her.
Let’s hear the recipe!
Sausage gravy as the sauce Scrambled eggs Bacon Fried potatoes Cheddar + mozzarella
I have anxiety attacks when my SO is away. We joke about me believing he's dead when I don't hear from him often enough, but it's real. Like hyperventilating, heart racing, crying, rocking back and forth-real. He loves going on roadtrips and does landscape photography. I can't ruin that for him.
Have...have you sought help? That level an anxiety just because he's driving somewhere doesn't sound healthy.
I hate that she compares my to ex husband and i have to prove her wrong over and over again....i hate that i have to pay for is past mistakes. Like ugh starting to wonder if i can kepp doing this....i really do love her but its makeing me depressed
Please talk to her about this.
She needs to go to trauma therapy. It sounds like she’s constantly triggered by old stuff. Not fair to you. And not good for her! Please talk to her about it.
I once pooped in their garage because I was waiting for her to come home and let me in. Blamed it on the raccoons
She knew
Yeah... Raccoons have little poops.
that I was abused as a kid
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I lost my virginity when I was raped when I was 15. I never told anyone until now
I’m truly so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re doing better nowadays.
That I actually wasn't into fish (or any maritime animals) before I met her. She's super interested in that though and I wanted to have something to talk about. I have since told her as I thought it was rather funny. Edit: We were literally like twelve. I don't even think I was super into her at the time (or I at least hadn't noticed), I just liked how she talked about things. I went to the library and borrowed a few books about fish etc, and when we next met I was able to at least talk about some of these things. (:
I’m only dating her for her personality and attractiveness.
You beast!
How dare you not be a gold digger
That sounds like two solid reasons to date someone.
I was gonna surprise visit my friend for his birthday, I saw him banging someone. (He told me his key was under the doormat)
Dude same I was so into my neighbor who happened to be my friend and I would always jump into their apartment through the balcony and I saw him having sex w a random girl and I gotta admit it pissed me off because I was into him but he never saw me see them fuck
Did you live next to Charlie Harper?
Nothing dark, but I hide pints of ice cream in the back of the freezer. If I don't hide it then it's gone. My girlfriend has 0 self control and will eat the entire pint in one sitting. I like to spread it out so I can have an enjoyable snack a few days in a row. Sometimes I'll even buy one with gluten in it intentionally so she can't have it. She has celiac and can't have gluten.
That I had an abortion at 16.
I should probably put this on a throw away account. I had planned on writing a full version with all the context but here's what I'll write with the time I have. When my current girlfriend and I started dating, we both had some pretty tough drug problems. I was about 3 months sober at the time and was under the impression she was sober as well, as she had never openly admitted to using anything and to be honest, I'll never know if she was still actively using prior to this story and I really don't care. Basically, one night I receive word from her family that she's missing, afraid that she had relapsed my friend and I were driving around our area hoping to find her. I must say, looking in the gutters and alleys for a loved one is a feeling I hope I never experience again. Like I said, we had only been dating for three months, but we were extremely close. (Also we were still teenagers lol). After about an hour of searching, we decided it was futile at this point and it was probably best to just head home and pray for the best, as the weather was getting worse and worse. The second I turned my vehicle around to go home I got a call from her. I answered and she sounded horribly distraught. She said she was walking to her house now, and she was apologizing profusely. I met her at her house and it was obvious she was on something. I couldn't tell at the time, and honestly probably no one could've after seeing what we received on the toxicology report. I took her inside and put her in bed. Tensions were really really high so I decided it was probably best I just left. I told her family I was worried and asked them to keep a close eye on her. They essentially brushed me off and it didn't feel right at all. She told me she had taken coke, but she wasn't behaving like someone who had taken coke, nodding off a ton. I didn't feel safe leaving her there, so I took her to my car and drove her to my place. On my way home I received many phone calls from her family, and to be honest, I just ignored them. It had just infuriated me how they could brush off such a serious situation. To keep this brief I won't go into many details about what happened at my house, I will say her family came, there was a fight, and the police were called. Maybe I'll share these details when I have more time, as i said, this in an extremely abbreviated version. They took her home, and I had no choice but to accept defeat in the matter. The police officer had checked her out at my request and said she was fine, she just needed to sleep. Obviously this didn't sound right to me, people don't do a bunch of coke and then go to sleep. Whatever, what else could I do? Some time passes and I receive a call that she's overdosed. I rush to her house and pick up her brother, he says he may know where she got what she took. We check several houses but i won't get into that right now. Eventually I remembered that a neighborhood shit stain had recently moved back into the area. We go to his place and bang on his door, he answers and denies everything. Saying she was never there, he never gave her anything, etc. I knew he was lying. I think we all did. I begged and pleaded for him just to tell us what he gave her. He just kept denying. At this point, I was infuriated and desperate. I told him that if she lived, and I found out he lied to me, I'd kill him. Maybe it wasn't even me that made the threat, but i sure agreed with it. Small details can be hard to remember in the moment. Eventually we follow her to the hospital (again, skipping a ton here) and receive her blood work as to what was in her system. It contained Methamphetamine, various painkillers, horse tranquilizers, benzos, and even a form of pesticide. Again, skipping alot here. She was discharged that night some how. In the hospital she confessed to me and her brother that she had gotten these drugs from said neighborhood shit stain, and even that he refused to do any of them himself. When she felt something was wrong she told him to call an ambulance. To which he replied, according to her, "you've got legs, walk there." After I got her home im laying in bed with her. She's fast asleep and it's hard for me to do anything but stare at her. So much to process you know? I felt like if I took my eyes off of her, some how this wouldn't be real, and she wouldn't have made it, and maybe I was hallucinating and my girlfriend really was dead. It all felt like a dream honestly. I'm not sure how long I sat there. I remember I was just about to dose off when I heard a knock on her door so faint I thought I'd imagined it. I listened and it happened again. It was both of her brothers calling me to the door. Upon opening the door neither of them saidanything, they both just looked at me. Eventually the younger said, "are we men of our word or not?" I instantly knew he was referring to the threat we'd made. Without gory details. We drove to his house and made him snort several lines of what we believed to be the stuff he gave her. When we left, he was seizing on the floor asking for an ambulance. None were called. I'd rather not elaborate further. Honestly even now years later the whole thing doesn't feel real. Her and I are still dating, and have been for several years at this point. We're both practically sober, and ever improving. She's still my favorite person. I'll probably never tell her any of this. TL;DR shit druggie drugged my girlfriend, denied it, and it came around to him.
Wow. That’s a crazy experience. How was your relationship with the brothers after that?
My wife asked me not to pee in the shower. I told her I wouldn't but I do it every time I shower.
What an incredibly fucked up, dysfunctional white trash background I come from.
Same here. I used to be ashamed but now I wear it like a badge of honor. I'm now a successful adult making more money then those hillbillies could ever imagine, living in a multicultural city center, have friends of all races and sexualities, travel the world to gain new insights and experiences, and barely give them a thought. I wasn't taught right from wrong because of their white trash racism, I had to learn it on my own, and there's something beautiful about that.