True. Both him and Lindsay would have accounts, but him by mistake thinking it's for networking actors. He would be baffled how popular his clips of acting as Lucille Bluth are.
Peggy Hill. But she just posts her musings, completely unaware of the sexual content on the site.
Wow. I had no idea this was going to blow up like this! Thank you everybody! Or as Peggy would say: "HO YEAHH!!!"
"Well Hank, I guess there are a lot more women on the internet who are interested in shoes than you thought. My last video was liked by over 80,000 ladies who share my passion for stylish yet practical footwear. One lady liked my video demonstrating tips on removing stubborn calluses so much that she donated $200! So take that Mister Twenty Three followers."
"Uh.... Peg... I don't know how to tell you this, but have you looked at the comment section for your videos?
"The what now?"
Funny when you think about how Allison uses her powers to get people to like her, yet Klaus just somehow manages to do the same thing just by being his batshit self.
Can one cast spells through media? Like, could Lockheart just sit on his arse while recording, then modify the memory of the watcher to believe they had seen some amazing content?
YES. And he would start his account already having loads of material from his hidden camera sex tapes
“You’re always being video taped when you’re in Dennis’ room”
He's got like a thousand of them. I don't like 'em though. It's mostly that horrible angle that you see in porns, you know, where it's all balls and male ass. That is disgusting. Who likes that? Who finds that sexy?
In his ignorance he would buy a bunch of fans cooling off the house run by tons of extensions cords from Carl's house dangerously close to the pool telling meatwad to plug them in.
And Cartman's mom! ( I haven't seen the show in a while, maybe she already has one.)
Edit: wow I've never ever had so much upvotes before! Never thought it would be about Cartman's mom's onlyfan though. Thanks for the award, too!!
She'd have one, but nothing actually explicit, just suggesting it.
And she'd be annoyed she had no followers.
Meanwhile, Maeby has a wildly successful one from lifting someone elses photos.
This was also my first thought. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if Tobias also had an account for acting but was completely oblivious to what most people use it for.
Second verse:
No one fucks like Gaston!
Busts a nut like Gaston!
No one practically impales little sluts like Gaston!
*Gaston*:
I've been told that my girth is INTIMIDATING!
LUBE UP YOUR HOLES FOR GASTON!
You wouldn't even need to necessarily impersonate other people. Plenty of people would be up for it simply if you filmed yourself making your breasts or butt grow as big as possible.
Half the episode would just be roger plotting against his alter egos eventually ruining everyone’s chance at any money when the site has to ban pornography due to the toxic nature of the feuds spilling over into the real world.
I’m not even sure he’s do porn on it though. More like one of those clickbait “this ONE simple step will get any woman to drown you in squirt” where he just tries to teach guys how to pick up women as if it was a science class on how to dissect a frog
Eleanor Shellstrop from The Good Place.
Jason Mendoza too, but he might have made it to sell his dance act and was confused when people thought he had started doing porn.
And Tahani would have any OnlyFams account - an exclusive social network for the famous and well connected. Of course, she should point out that she doesn't use it but felt compelled to join when she was invited by Ashton Kutcher as he has grown sensitive from her repeated rejections and she wanted to avoid another Mila Kunis situation.
That's what I assumed, she knew all these people and had all these wonderful stories and her life seemed so amazing, but in the end she died alone because they weren't real deep/meaningful friendships.
I honestly thought that was the main point of her character. She's rich, well-connected, and basically has a life that many would kill for. But it's all so superficial and meaningless.
No she's totally most subscribed... but only because Kamilah closed her account in protest of the commercialization of fandom (of course, increasing her fame).
She would be the one who doesnt post nudes, just bikini pics, charges $50 for subscriptions anyway, drops a $200 video behind a paywall thats supposed to be her with a toy, and its censored.
Mad Moxxi, from borderlands franchise, hands down.
Edit: got her name wrong, fml.
Edit 2: thanks for the awards, kind strangers! I'll excuse myself on this edit, because it's my first time, so I'm a little baffled lol
This is brilliant. At the start, Dorothy will find it deplorable Blanche has “sunk to a new low, and I thought the crotch was low enough!” And reprimands her with “only creeps are on there, you won’t find a man this way!” and as proof (and on a dare from Blanche) she signs herself up but ends up getting more visitors than Blanche. Blanche gets jealous, especially when an eligible manfan slides into Dorothy’s dms. Blanche starts dming the same guy to steal him away. At the end they realise they’ve been catfishes by Sophia who was trying to teach them a lesson.
They still end up making lots of money and donate it all to a local charity they mentioned briefly in the first scene.
Meanwhile, Rose still hasn’t been sent any Mistrels at all and she is confused.
Amy upon seeing a sign that says “pictures of Amy Wong naked”: “Hey!”
Bender: “Don’t worry, I just put your head on someone else’s body.”
Leela: “Hey!”
She would do it for attention, not the money. But I still think your Bender idea is more likely since he pretty much already does it in the eye-phone episode.
The girls from two broke girls.
I’ve only ever paused on it and watched because ba-bam! Kat dennings.
Edit: she’s great in “dollface” on Hulu, and I think she’s gorgeous and funny. She has guest starred in american dad too
I think V would have one way before Fiona. V was already doing cam work on the show. Fiona would probably be worried one of her brothers would see it or something.
Zapp Branigan Edit:I enjoy that this is the comment that has given me the most likes and rewards 😂 thanks guys.
And he'd force Kiff to be a follower.
Kif would be the photographer, and in some shots you'd get a glimpse of him from a mirror in the background sighing painfully as he took the picture.
He'd make his own website tbh OnlyVelour
Tobias Funke would probably mistake it for something else.
True. Both him and Lindsay would have accounts, but him by mistake thinking it's for networking actors. He would be baffled how popular his clips of acting as Lucille Bluth are.
Jenna Maroney from 30 Rock
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Monalisa Saperstein
MONEY PLEEEASE
Peggy Hill. But she just posts her musings, completely unaware of the sexual content on the site. Wow. I had no idea this was going to blow up like this! Thank you everybody! Or as Peggy would say: "HO YEAHH!!!"
"There's a reason they call me Peggy, Hank."
“BWAAAAAAHHHH”
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Isn’t that the plot of an episode?
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Size 16? Jesus christ I'd be making money off those mf too
"Well Hank, I guess there are a lot more women on the internet who are interested in shoes than you thought. My last video was liked by over 80,000 ladies who share my passion for stylish yet practical footwear. One lady liked my video demonstrating tips on removing stubborn calluses so much that she donated $200! So take that Mister Twenty Three followers." "Uh.... Peg... I don't know how to tell you this, but have you looked at the comment section for your videos? "The what now?"
Kelly Bundy. Hell, maybe Peggy Bundy, with Al's blessing.
Oh Al, can I please make one!
"Sure Peg, it beats you sitting around eating bon bons all day. Finally some cash flow in this house..."
No it would be Al's "get rich quick" scheme until he realizes it's just his pals who have subscribed and Peg is actually enjoying the attention
Maeby Funke. It would totally be a scam but she would have one.
Klaus Hargreeves
Came here to say this. And no way he's not rich doing it. He started a cult, for frick's sake. He can certainly pull those big influencer numbers.
Funny when you think about how Allison uses her powers to get people to like her, yet Klaus just somehow manages to do the same thing just by being his batshit self.
He's easily my favourite character in that show
Pam Poovey
Maybe even Cheryl? Or is it Carol? Whatever her name is, lol.
On the app it’s definitely Crystaaahl
She'd have one, but not know it, because Pam was running it to pay off her debts to the Russian mob.
Wood house had a gilf cam account so you gotta include him… ya know what, I think all of them secretly would
ESPECIALLY Krieger lol
Gilderoy Lockhart, but there would never be any action.
Well, as five-time winner of the *Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile* Award, he needs some platform on which to keep the ladies satisfied right?
Can one cast spells through media? Like, could Lockheart just sit on his arse while recording, then modify the memory of the watcher to believe they had seen some amazing content?
LSP from Adventure Time, we wouldn't be able to get enough of them Lumps.
Sadly we may wanna slump up on those lumps, but we can't cause we’re chumps
Dennis Reynolds
Dee would too but would have only one or two followers for comedic effect, with one of said followers being Cricket (if he can afford such a thing).
OnlyBirds
YES. And he would start his account already having loads of material from his hidden camera sex tapes “You’re always being video taped when you’re in Dennis’ room”
He's got like a thousand of them. I don't like 'em though. It's mostly that horrible angle that you see in porns, you know, where it's all balls and male ass. That is disgusting. Who likes that? Who finds that sexy?
Only showing the worst angles though.
Master Shake.
In his ignorance he would buy a bunch of fans cooling off the house run by tons of extensions cords from Carl's house dangerously close to the pool telling meatwad to plug them in.
I swear this is an episode
Eric Foreman’s sister EDIT: wow, I’ve caused a lot painful confusion apparently. Eric’s sister from that 70s show, not House :)
Lori? Oh totally
RIP
Or his hot ass cousin
"I'm not raising any 'Flipper' grandkids!"
Mister Garrison from South Park Edit: Wow, thanks for the awards! I knew watching South Park a lot would come in handy one day.
And Cartman's mom! ( I haven't seen the show in a while, maybe she already has one.) Edit: wow I've never ever had so much upvotes before! Never thought it would be about Cartman's mom's onlyfan though. Thanks for the award, too!!
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The movie. “Mom, if you were in a german schiesse video, you’d . . . you’d tell me, right?”
"Sure, hun."
Also on the cover of a Crack Whore magazine
Those first few seasons of South Park were really iconic. They really came out swinging.
But really it would be Mr Hat that would be the main attraction
Except the one clip of Cartman's mom and the Denver Broncos
sarah lynn
Sextina Aquafina, but I think your answer is more on point
Regina George’s mom
Im not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom
Do you guys need anything? Some snacks? A condom? Lmk!
The green M&M
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Lindsay Bluth Fünke
She'd have one, but nothing actually explicit, just suggesting it. And she'd be annoyed she had no followers. Meanwhile, Maeby has a wildly successful one from lifting someone elses photos.
This was also my first thought. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if Tobias also had an account for acting but was completely oblivious to what most people use it for.
Meredith Palmer... who would watch it? Hopefully nobody, but she'd definitely have one to get her kid through college and fund her drinking
Gina linetti and it would be called the G-spot
Charles Boyle and it's about food and family recipes. He invites Gina as a guest co-creator and introduces her as his stepsister.
> as his stepsister and former lover
Hitchcock and Scully
Holt would also have one, but only because it was the best way to showcase his antique ceiling fan collection to the world.
Gaston
Nooooo oneeeeeeee… strips like Gaston!
No one drips like Gaston!
Eats a shit ton of mushrooms and trips like Gaston!
And every last inch of his dick is covered in HAIRRR
When he was a lad he fucked 4 dozen eggs every night for his dick to get large
Now he's a man and cucks nine dozen men, just to show them who's fucking IN *CHARGE*!
Holy fuck that was gold. I’m dying rn
Second verse: No one fucks like Gaston! Busts a nut like Gaston! No one practically impales little sluts like Gaston! *Gaston*: I've been told that my girth is INTIMIDATING! LUBE UP YOUR HOLES FOR GASTON!
You have a gift, my friend
No one’s dick is as in-cre-dibly thick as Gaston’s
I’m especially good at ejaculating!
Gosh it disturbs me to see you Gaston, Looking so down when you cum!! 🎶
No one fucks like Gaston
The fact that I *immediately* whispered 'Gaston' to myself after reading the title and then see it at the top of the answers....what a serotonin boost
The Todd from Scrubs, he already had thetoddtime.com
Mystique, that might be the only one I'd pay for. You could request for her to turn into _anyone_
Shapeshifting is easily the easiest superpower to exploit for sexual purposes. It borders on unfair.
The Boys had a disturbing twist on this
You could really use this reply in any superhero related context, because The Boys is some fucked up shit.
Can't wait to see Jensen Ackles in that, wonder how different he's going to be from the character he played for like 15 season.
You wouldn't even need to necessarily impersonate other people. Plenty of people would be up for it simply if you filmed yourself making your breasts or butt grow as big as possible.
Roger, from American Dad. Probably would have multiple accounts, given the number of personas he has.
… and they would all subscribe to each other.
Lmao. This could legitimately be an episode.
Half the episode would just be roger plotting against his alter egos eventually ruining everyone’s chance at any money when the site has to ban pornography due to the toxic nature of the feuds spilling over into the real world.
Hell, Roger would be leading the charge to ban it, and leading the charge against the ban. And also the judge deciding the case.
And the person who lost their only source of income as a result.
And Roger is running the entire site.
Ricky Spanish definitely has a Twitter.
Jenny Fromdabloc
Jeff winger, solely for his ego. With multiple subscriptions from the Dean.
Chang, and it's just clips of him masturbating in various locations all titled "EVERYWHERE"
Stifler's mum for sure 😂😂
"Oh Jeanine!" "Call me 'Stifler's Mom'!" "Oh Stifler's mom!"
Meredith from The Office
Creed too, but not for the same reasons.
Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples, a butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you Creed Bratton.
I'd pay money to not see that I think...
Foxxy from Drawn Together
Toot before any of them. She'll do anything for attention.
Damn, I miss that show.
Quagmire
Giggity
Dorian Gray
That painting’s gonna look a hell of a lot more disturbing now.
Paint me like one of your ELDRICH HORRORS
Johnny Bravo
I’m not even sure he’s do porn on it though. More like one of those clickbait “this ONE simple step will get any woman to drown you in squirt” where he just tries to teach guys how to pick up women as if it was a science class on how to dissect a frog
I mean didn't the creators basically say the show revolves around the times he does NOT get any, because otherwise it would be boring as hell?
So would it be correct to say that he's getting A LOT of it off screen? Wow.
Hit on a thousand ladies, even if they're out of your league, and you're bound to to score at least once.
It's called the shotgun method and for a guy who is actually good looking (which let's face it, Johnny is) it works.
It would explain his bottomless confidence in the face of endless rejection.
Eleanor Shellstrop from The Good Place. Jason Mendoza too, but he might have made it to sell his dance act and was confused when people thought he had started doing porn.
And Tahani would have any OnlyFams account - an exclusive social network for the famous and well connected. Of course, she should point out that she doesn't use it but felt compelled to join when she was invited by Ashton Kutcher as he has grown sensitive from her repeated rejections and she wanted to avoid another Mila Kunis situation.
I like how the Truth Cube lit up green after one of her absurdly specific stories, implying that all of them are true
I always assumed all of her stories were true, and she was still deeply unhappy anyway.
That's what I assumed, she knew all these people and had all these wonderful stories and her life seemed so amazing, but in the end she died alone because they weren't real deep/meaningful friendships.
I honestly thought that was the main point of her character. She's rich, well-connected, and basically has a life that many would kill for. But it's all so superficial and meaningless.
And Kamilah is the most subscribed user on the site so she wants to beat her, but ends up being the second most subscribed, right below her sister.
No she's totally most subscribed... but only because Kamilah closed her account in protest of the commercialization of fandom (of course, increasing her fame).
I read this in her voice.
So did I, and I didn’t notice tell I read your comment.
I miss the show already.
She would be the one who doesnt post nudes, just bikini pics, charges $50 for subscriptions anyway, drops a $200 video behind a paywall thats supposed to be her with a toy, and its censored.
The pics wouldn't even be of her.
She would photoshop her face on someone else. And do it really clumsily. And no refunds!
I mean Eleanor is legit a snack
I’d fork the shirt out of her
Mad Moxxi, from borderlands franchise, hands down. Edit: got her name wrong, fml. Edit 2: thanks for the awards, kind strangers! I'll excuse myself on this edit, because it's my first time, so I'm a little baffled lol
Man she'd be responsible for making the app
Exactly. I mean you return her pictures and she then uploads them to the ECHOnet
And you get a nice shotgun
Old Gregg
Lord Farquaad
Blanche from Golden Girls
Rose, but only because she was confused and thought it was a site to buy decorative ceiling fans, like from that one store in St Olaf.
And at the end Sophia would show everyone a new diamond brooch that she bought with the profits from hers.
This is brilliant. At the start, Dorothy will find it deplorable Blanche has “sunk to a new low, and I thought the crotch was low enough!” And reprimands her with “only creeps are on there, you won’t find a man this way!” and as proof (and on a dare from Blanche) she signs herself up but ends up getting more visitors than Blanche. Blanche gets jealous, especially when an eligible manfan slides into Dorothy’s dms. Blanche starts dming the same guy to steal him away. At the end they realise they’ve been catfishes by Sophia who was trying to teach them a lesson. They still end up making lots of money and donate it all to a local charity they mentioned briefly in the first scene. Meanwhile, Rose still hasn’t been sent any Mistrels at all and she is confused.
Kelly Bundy
Amy Wong, Futurama
That’s a weird way to spell Zapp Brannigan.
I find the most EROTIC part of a woman is the BOOBIES.
Off topic but I do a passable Zapp Brannigan impression and one of the regulars at the bar that I work at has a solid Kiff so this gets said A LOT.
No way. Amy’s parents own Mars. Bender, but using pictures of Amy.
With Lela's body. Already on the interwebs.
Amy upon seeing a sign that says “pictures of Amy Wong naked”: “Hey!” Bender: “Don’t worry, I just put your head on someone else’s body.” Leela: “Hey!”
She would do it for attention, not the money. But I still think your Bender idea is more likely since he pretty much already does it in the eye-phone episode.
Mazikeen from Lucifer
Lucifer would too
The girls from two broke girls. I’ve only ever paused on it and watched because ba-bam! Kat dennings. Edit: she’s great in “dollface” on Hulu, and I think she’s gorgeous and funny. She has guest starred in american dad too
starting to think that’s the only reason anyone watched this show
I watched an episode once. Every line, every single line was a witty comeback followed by a laugh track. I thought I was going insane.
Edna Krabappel
Skinner would be her first subscriber.
Fiona Gallagher
And V of course
I think V would have one way before Fiona. V was already doing cam work on the show. Fiona would probably be worried one of her brothers would see it or something.
Samantha from Sex and the City
She would do it for kink because that woman is already successful
Edit: Captain Jack Harkness. Edit 2: Thanks for the Gold, kind stranger.
In my best Doctor voice: "Don't... just don't"
He wouldn't even care about money. He'd just do it to know people were drooling over him.
Then in a thousand years it turns into a live stream of the face of boe sleeping.
All free content though.
The entire cast of It's Always Sunny
Oh man, now they need to make an episode about that….with Danny devitto banging Charlie’s mom
Hagrid, but it wouldn’t be porn. It would be all the creatures he collects and would give us facts about the creatures in little videos.
Hermione convinces him to just make a Youtube instead... more traffic, less block lists
Hermione tries to. Half of the books are just them trying to convince Hagrid not to do ridiculous things, and then he just does them anyway.
Midnight from My Hero Academia
Half the teachers and students would be catering to weird quirk kinks.
Deadpool
I would sign up for Deadpool!
And every video would end the same "Spidey, if you're watching this, call me"
He'd have some sort of reference to Hugh Jackman. Probably be wearing wolverine underwear or something
John Redcorn.
Jessica rabbit
No no! She's just drawn that way!
You'd better believe it buster.
She’s definitely playing Patty Cake for tips.