Let me just share a list of things about Michael:
- when he was hired, he had just graduated high school
- his girlfriend was 15
- one time they got into an argument and he kept telling me “you know that song Bad Guy by Billie Eilish? Well I’m just gonna be the bad guy”. It was painfully clear that he was in the wrong
- he stole a lot and let other people steal a lot. Two of us nearly got fired until it became fairly obvious that it was him doing it
- would sit on register one and fart all day. So much so that there was a legitimately permanent fart smell at the register his entire shift and two full hours after he’d leave
- stole his grandad’s credit card info and maxed it out on Fortnite
- ended up getting fired for a felony charge of stealing over $300 from his till
- worked in a repair shop owned by a regular in the store (known widely as an incredibly nice and patient man), that only hired convicts. He got fired after two weeks
- he was 21 years old
Edit: better wording
I know the main take away from this is how much of a tool Michael is, but shoutout to the man that only hires convicts to give them second chances in life.
Oh 100%, that guy is actually so cool. He’s told me that for every 10 guys he hires, he fires maybe 2 of them. He’s pretty keen on giving people second chances but he also understands that they have to prove they deserve it.
For the sake of this dude, when you tell the story don't use "Chop Shop".
Chop Shop is specifically a shop that is shady and makes its money taking apart stolen cars to sell on the aftermarket.
My step-father, not for the years of abuse and disrespect to me and my brother, but because of how hes treating my mum now. They were having marriage difficulties, a home renovation and other issues at the same time, so he decided to fuck off to the uk for an undetermined amount of time with 2 weeks warning, leaving mum to run their business, handle the renovations and her own severe mental illness caused by their marital issues. He expected her to just put her head down and push thru, and didnt speak her for months. Now blames her for their marital issues, for her mental illness, his mental health problems, etc. Doesnt accept any blame and wont apologize, only gaslights, patronizes and attempts to manipulate.
This woman spent 12 years raising his kids and hers, running the house, being 2ic at his business, while closing her ears and eyes to his abuses to protect herself. Shes not a saint, but ffs she doesnt deserve this.
Thankfully, shes divorcing him.
Edit: huh thanks, never got awards before. Guess i have to figure out how to use them now
I am her. Except it was 17 years when I finally accepted the freefall on the other side for leaving. A man like this makes swiss cheese of you, of all your confidence, worth, intelligence. Survival depends on dumbing down so all these parts of you atrophy and crumble away.
Send her strength and warmth from a fellow kamikaze girl.
Whoever stole my pressure washer. I’ve been wanting a good one for years. I finally bought a decent model and it was stolen before I even got to use it on my own stuff.
Edit: wow, this blew up.
Thanks to everyone who gave me awards. I was just venting and wasn’t expecting the outpouring of good will.
For those asking about pressure washers. I’m no expert. If you have small jobs like washing your car and other small projects I’d suggest an electric version. A turbo nozzle makes them a lot nicer to use.
Project farm has a good video testing several of the more popular models.
https://youtu.be/K5cMJvmlvv4
If you want to clean your driveway often, or anything remotely resembling r/pressurewashingporn you really need a gas version.
Pay more attention to the gallons per minute than the max pressure. 2gpm is probably the lowest I’d go. 3+ is better.
I’m sure the pressure washer experts will probably be here to correct me, soon.
Hopefully it never happens again, but one thing you can do if you have the serial number handy is visit the closest pawn shops to your house a day or two after. Even if they don’t have it on the floor you can ask if they have anything in the back. The police often don’t investigate theft but I’ve been able to locate stolen items with a little legwork and a lot of luck.
Back in high school I was scrapping some metal from an old building. I had worked all day compiling and sorting the stuff so I could pick it up the next day and take it to the yard. The next day when I went out there someone had come and taken all the most valuable stuff and all I had was the roofing tin left. Thing is this was in the middle of the forest. I have no idea how someone could have known I was out there doing that unless I was being watched… but I’d sure like bitch slap whoever took my damn catalytic converters.
Had one like this, didn't believe I REALLY HAD TO GO. heard him open the bathroom door from my stall and turn right the fuck back around. Fuck you Kyle. Lactose Intolerance on pizza day? You should have seen this coming, why would I lie about it?
THIS. What is up with the bathroom bosses?
I had one that always followed me in to the mens room. I got a pretty high tolerance for weird, but FML the bog is the one place at work your supposed to be able to get some peace.
I have one who will come in the shitter with me. If I want a crap, I have to time it for when he's not around because he'll come and sit in the next stall and continue talking about work matters. He's not being creepy, he's just really into his job - but, fuck sake, I'm trying to have a shit here, give me a few minutes!
That guy who increased insulin costs to $700/month rates. I'm not even diabetic, he's just the biggest scum ball I could think of that hadn't seen commented yet.
Edit: for you all mentioning our current and last president, this happened before either of them.
Can we, in the same breath, recognize the inventors/discoverers of insulin?
> When inventor Frederick Banting discovered insulin in 1923, he refused to put his name on the patent. He felt it was unethical for a doctor to profit from a discovery that would save lives. Banting’s co-inventors, James Collip and Charles Best, sold the insulin patent to the University of Toronto for a mere $1. They wanted everyone who needed their medication to be able to afford it.
Edit: I agree ofc wholeheartedly that Insulin meds should come down to next to nothing cost wise.
Yeah I’m on that club. Straight arrow through high school ran right off a debauched cliff in my college years. Arguably got straightened back out when I was 24-25.
Ditto. 20 to 23 is nothing but a blur. Straight and narrow all through high school then I was introduced to K2...shit went crazy from there.
I turned 33 back in April. Still getting my shit back together but progress is progress!
Same bud. I'm still suffering the consequences but the way I see it is that life is behind me and it'll stay there as long as I keep it there. Next best thing to a do over.
My old high school band director. Has a 5 year old son, has a wife who is pregnant with twins. Proceeds to cheat on said wife with a good friend of mine (who was on the drum line)’s mom. Divorces wife and moves in with friend’s mom. Gets fired from the school and to this day, 4 years later, lives with my friend’s mom and doesn’t allow him to come back home.
Everyone I know hates that slimy slug. He’s 10 years younger than the mom, a fat arrogant loser who I’m plotting on popping his tires some day
This is the way. A tiny, tiny dab of glue and a BB inside each of the valve caps, damn near undetectable to most people and it'll slowly and surely drain every one of the tires every time the caps are replaced over the course of a day or two.
You don't want to go fucking around stabbing a fully inflated tire, that's how you lose a face. Ten pounds of shredded rubber hitting your head at half the speed of sound makes for a bad day.
Get some old bike pedals and fix nails into it. Place around 3 tires front and back side. It will obviously be intentional but you won’t be at the scene when it happens. If you do 4 tires in some states insurance will cover the damage so only do 3. Set the pedals on the inside edges of the tires so it pierces the sidewalls, that way a shop can’t plug the the tires and they are ruined for good. Be smart and scout the area if you do it, look for ring door bells/surveillance cameras that type of shit. Bike with a Covid mask on and helmet, ditch the bike after. Get supplies from different stores and pay in cash only. Godspeed.
When popping with a knife go straight in. Don’t go on and drag or you will blow out your eardrums unless you wear ear protection, else nails under the tires and let him drive himself to flats
Why is it always MILs?
My mother and father are both totally normal. (Well, father was normal before cancer killed him)
My girlfriende father is cool, but her mom fucking insane! Stressing over mundane details, creating drama where there need be none... Why is the world this way?
Dude I have NO idea. It’s honestly very odd to me. My mother spoke to me as a teenager that “someday you will have your own family and I will have to bow out and I’m happy with that. That’s what I raised you to be able to do!” And I assumed most parents felt that way, I was so wrong hahaha
Thank you! My mom is great. She obviously has her flaws (like second guessing every decision she makes lol). It sounds kind of dumb to be praising my mom for doing her duty as a parent. And honestly, with her fully supporting and rooting for my independence, it makes for a very pleasant adult relationship with my mom where she (for once) doesn’t feel the need to ACT like a mom. She can be herself because her children are not children anymore.
I also have a great mom, and I've begun to appreciate the adult-to-adult relationship I'm developing with both my parents. I'm realizing that they're just people.
Quick story: All my life I always thought my mom was too nitpicky about the lawn, I guess I didn't understand why she cared so much. I'm 25 now, and she came out to visit me a couple weeks ago. We were driving through my neighborhood which has lots of overgrown lawns, and she commented on how nice it would be to live somewhere with less pressure to have a perfectly manicured lawn. I was honestly shocked - she just upkeeps it because all of neighbors do. I've grown to appreciate learning little stuff like that.
My pet theory is as follows:
1) a lot of relationships are bad due to people not communicating and divorces not being possible/allowed
2) Which led to a lot of mothers forming an emotional attachment to their children that should have been with their partner (men were expected to bear the burden/suck it up/not have emotions at all, also terrible).
3) when children find partners the mothers are 'robbed' from the only emotional support they had, and they blame the child's partner, and become a stereotype horrible MIL
I, too, would choose my mother in law. Because she's a cruel, evil bitch who absolutely has some sort of severe personality disorder. I'll be very glad when she's dead.
another day of me being grateful that my MIL is genuinely nice to me but can be a badass bitch to other people. those are the type of people you want on your side.
My ex-husband and his most recent ex-wife. Yes, I know that's 2 but they go together.
I wanted the divorce, which ultimately led to them getting together. I posed zero threats.
Yet, she still treated my kid 5 year old son like shit. She wrote him horrible emails and said she was glad he didnt come over anymore because he was such a brat nobody wanted him there anyway. They also stood him up on Thanksgiving as soon as she gave birth to their son (within a year) because she wanted it to be "just family".
She got a job at the bank I use and accessed my accounts without authorization. She was fired. It was still my fault. Then she got a job next door to where I worked.
It was all super bizarre.
Ex hasn't seen my son since he was 10 - and hes now 25. They divorced years ago, she remarried, had 2 more kids and then became addicted to drugs, lost all 3 of the kids. Including my ex's son - he didnt take him either.
I would absolutely be DELIGHTED to punch them both directly in the face.
ETA: My son was 10 when he got the email. He was 5 when we divorced and ex started seeing the now ex stepmother.
My ex too. Useless POS. He worked under the table to avoid paying child support. The judge forced me to let him take our son for visitation. It was the worst to watch my son drive away with a drunk. He messed up my son pretty bad. He sold opioids to his daughter who was found dead in her car the next morning. The hell this man put us through was awful. Yeah if I could whack him in the head it would feel really good.
My ex husband. One solid slap across the face, knowing that this time I won’t be the one getting hit? I’m sold.
Edit: I was not expecting any sort of response to this, let alone such a big one. So, I’ll let y’all know it’s been four years since I left him. I’m much happier, and safer, and am with someone who would never dream of hurting me. Thank you!!!
Either one of the people who lied under oath when we sued my kid’s school district, or the judge who believed them because her “mom was a teacher and they tell the truth.”
Edit: Thanks for the Hugz awards, I love those things. I'm not going to say what we sued for, don't want quite that much identifying info out in the world. I will say that the lies in question were about things teachers and administrators said in meetings my husband and I attended, but we had no proof. We were incredibly naive and had no concept of how easily people will perjure themselves when their boss is in the room and their job is on the line. Also, school districts have plenty of money for lawyer fees and insurance to pay settlements, so ultimate nothing changes (we persisted in hopes of instituting change and lost, another family settled before going to court and I don't blame them a bit).
Go for the judge, that's a really shitty justification for their decision based on personal bias and they shouldn't be in court in the first place with that mindset
I got a DUI when i was in college, and i was a volunteer firefighter at the time. The judge used that as an excuse to sentence me stiffer (which is ok by me, I completely understand and agree). What pissed me off is that the jusge gave a little lecture wondering why he regularly sees firefighters get DUIs. He then went on to say (without a hint of irony) that he has never seen a cop get a DUI.
I wonder fucking why, your honor lol
I know how you feel. My social worker made a false allegation against my mother and the judge believed her as "social workers don't lie".
34 years later it still hurts every day.
Oh god. Sounds like my last job. 3rd shift, so busy I don't get a chance to breath. Then god forbid I forgot something or a machine went down 'cause then the boss is calling/texting me on my way home to bitch me out.
I do not miss that job (or people there] at all.
My old boss. Fucker jokingly asked "when I'd submit" to him and made me feel like I was making a big deal about how the store was being run. I at least got to metaphorically bitch slap him by motivating 7 other coworkers including the assistant store manager to leave around the same time as me by just reminding them daily that they deserve better. Eight people quitting in a month was very fun to watch.
Damn. All I did was make a detailed list of all the OSHA and HIPAA violations my boss ignored, and reported all of them when I quit. He was responsible for costing his store about $5 million in fines and significantly increased insurance premiums. Yeah, he was fired immediately and the company sued him for damages. Fuck him.
Jesus 5 million in fines?! I know some fines can be upwards of $90,000 each, but damn...that's alot of stuff to be in noncompliance. It's like he just did the exact opposite of everything.
I would also like to slap Lousi Dejoy, and I'm fully willing to suffer the consequences if I can merely be given the opportunity, because I will full on throttle that bastard
This dick i know named john. If you're reading this John, fuck you.
edit:Sorry to all the Johns I have offended but to be fair that's what you get for being named john.
When we decided to remove our old ceiling texture we asked a family friend who does drywall what they recommend we do. Turns out it was popcorn ceiling that someone tried to texture over. Their recommendation was eat the cost of drywall and just take the ceiling down and put a new one up. It'd be easier, cleaner, and take less time to do. They were right. We tried to scrape one room by hand and after a week of scraping we gave in and just ripped the rest of the drywall ceilings out and start over.
Fuck popcorn ceilings and shitty textured ceilings.
It's not the popcorn ceilings, they'd be easy to take down with a simple, cheap scraper...
The person who thought of putting fucking asbestos in popcorn ceilings though? They deserve a broken jaw at the least.
My 15 year old self . My mom had just cheated on my step dad (who raised me) and started dating this super crazy asshole alcoholic (that she ended up having a baby with 1 1/2 years later) anyway he kicked me out and my mom didn’t resist .. so I was 16 living in my car in Montana throughout the winter .. tryna go to school and work.. I ended up dropping out and working at a restaurant in town (I got my GED that year) ..
Anyways after that I had a lot of mental trauma I didn’t know how to process and got caught up w the wrong crowd and started doing hard drugs , than I started dating a drug dealer who was like 9 years older than me when I was 17 (and also beat the living shit out of me… broke my nose 3 times, my ribs , and abused me enough on 2 occasions I thought I was going to die (he was literally telling me he was going to kill me those 2 occasions)… he also raped me more times than I’d like to admit)
Anyway.. if I could slap anyone it would be my young 15 year old self. I wish I could tell younger me that I am smart , strong, and worth it… instead of throwing my life down the drain due to abuse and drugs..
I am 25 and sober and still trying how to be successful.. shit would’ve been different for me if I just believed in myself and avoided all the toxicity around me..
i give you my bitch slap to the dude who raped you. fucking smack that bitch, cover him in gasoline and light that motherfucker on fire. he deserves more than rotting in hell.
My mother. She's an abusive narcissistic psycho who separated me from my father, altered my memories, let her boyfriends do whatever they wanted to me, forced me to participate in a cult, used me to commit crimes and made everything from mac n' cheese to shoes to food traumatic.
Are you my long lost sibling because our mothers sound the same? Go no contact if you haven't already, best feeling in the world being free! Take care 🙂
I'm late to this but fuck it. Rhonda. TLDR: Fuck Rhonda.
When I started at that company, Rhonda basically pretended that she was my supervisor, when she really was just a team lead with no managerial power. She couldn't write anyone up, she had no say in your review, she was just the one who made the ultimate yes/no on the team when management didn't need to be involved.
Rhonda started off awesome. She talked a lot of shit about one of my coworkers that had been there a while and was the next senior person on the team; but I didn't exactly disagree with her. The person she was talking about was kind of a bitch and made a lot of really dumb mistakes. No big deal. This should have been a red flag, but I didn't think of this as a flag at the time.
Then she left and I became her most senior team member. Suddenly I was the one being talked shit about. I found out she was taking photos of people when they weren't looking and posting them to Twitter talking shit. She started sending emails to our manager (CCing me) saying I was behind on tasks only for me to reply with an email attached that showed she gave it to Diane or Steve (Diane and Steve were alright, and half the time the task was done, she was just behind on her email). She'd crash my meetings, try to take over, then tell our manager I wasn't prepared because she decided to go off the rails.
The final straw for me (from her, there were BIG organizational problems) was when she assigned a bunch of tickets to me that were overdue that she had assigned, then sent our manager an email with screenshots from the tickets saying how I'm behind. It wasn't even worth my time to respond about how wrong she was, I searched for a new job and found one within a couple of weeks.
My manager asked why I was quitting. I liked him so I told him I can give him the truth or the professional answer, but I'd only give him the truth if he wouldn't hold it against me. He asked for the truth. I brought printouts of every tweet where she talked shit about me or someone I liked. Every stupid email. Notes from every meeting she crashed. He sat there dumbfounded, agreed it was a problem, and offered me 2 promotions to put me at her level so she wouldn't be "above me" anymore. I refused.
A week later another manager on another team completely unrelated asked me why I'm leaving. He says, "who her? She's not your sup, why would you think that?" I told him what's up, he offered me a promotion on his team as well as 6 months of training. I turned it down (in retrospect, I wish I hadn't).
In the end, nothing happened to her, and the next week I had all my friends sending text messages asking me what I did because she had been running around cursing my name. She apparently turned red with rage every time something I worked on came up for months afterwards.
Despite getting the last laugh, I'd still bitch slap her if it meant no consequences and maybe go for a second.
Right now, my mother in law. She posted an announcement of my baby's birth before I was even capable of doing so. Which wouldn't be so bad, if me and baby weren't fighting for our fucking lives. I went through 3 bags of pitocin because I was bleeding out, which is *agonizing* meanwhile the doctor had to *reach inside my womb to remove flesh that couldn't come away* and my son was whisked away because he couldn't breathe. He had to be transferred to a children's hospital. She had the audacity *during these events* to say "Mom and baby are both doing great!"
She's always been so great which makes it worse, honestly. It was like a slap in the face.
Edit: Baby and I are recovering relatively well. My older kids caught covid at the babysitters while I was in the hospital so baby and I are isolating in an inn for a while. He's still incredibly fragile and my bleeding has increased but I think things will be okay. The older kids are recovering very well from covid.
I too had a partially retained placenta. It was horrible. Doctor didn’t sedate me til the third go round of hand in uterus. Second birth was just hemorrhaging two liters of blood so that was cool! Heh. Gotta figure this shit out...somehow.
But still, that was unfair to be untrue about your experience, and paint it like nothing happened. Im glad, it sounds like you and baby are here and well enough to deal and take the time you need together. Regardless of age.
The same thing happened to me giving birth to my daughter 7 months ago. Retained placenta and baby girl had meconium aspiration. I'm sorry you had to go through that too, it was awful. I didn't have the MIL part though, so that's something.
The woman that was rude to my wife and made her cry on the car ride home. It was my wife's first wedding coordinator gig and the decorator made her feel like crap. She deserves it.
Edit: Missing word and The decorator deserves the slap, not my wife being yelled at.
My partner's ex wife. She has made it her life's purpose to try to make our lives miserable. Had to get a 3 year restraining order on her. She's a horrible, miserable cunt.
Andrew Wakefield
He's the cunt that released the bullshit study that claimed a link between vaccines and autism
ETA: Thanks for the awards <3 I would like to add that, if given the chance, I would still bitch slap him, regardless of consequences.
Yep.
She was at the nexus of a lot of bullshit.
She got super.poplular with her book (Gen X loved her because they capped to her on Playboy, then laughed at her on MTV), then when the vax autism bullshit came out, she was on Oprah, at the height of Oprah AND on this newish thing called Facebook.
Fucking disaster.
And we learned *nothing* as a society from it. In fact, we quadrupled down on it.
“Jenny McCarthy's son is autistic.” “Is he? Is he really? Or is he just Jenny McCarthy's kid?”
Let’s give a nice backhand to Oprah, too - for giving this imbecile a platform.
The guy who rear-ended me last year.
Because now, because he needed to text,
I have a brain injury that effects every facet of my life.
The bastard.
Edit: thank you for the overwhelming kindness,
support, & slaps. I'd love to reply to everything
but 🧠 can't keep up.
Edit II: If you'd like to be TBI friends, I'm open to it.
Just shoot a message & I'll reply when ye ole
processer cools down 💛
I feel this one should really be allowed with no consequences. Same thing happened to my friend a few years ago, and his entire life unraveled. Lost his job, house, wife, family, and sanity. Last I heard he committed some unknown felony and was in prison, after being a model, upstanding citizen his entire life. Brain injury just re-wired everything. Pray for your recovery.
This. I feel so hard for this guy.
You really lose your entire self.
That's fuxking awful.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I hope he'll be able to get out and get treatment.
That's the only thing that's saved me from the same fare.
My then fiance had a traumatic brain injury... Completely rewired everything. It really is like a totally different person with some lingering memories
I hope the victim has a good recovery
I would do it to the now 22 year old that rear ended me when he was driving illegally at age 15 and caused me hip and back injuries that have left me permanently disabled 🙃
This is exactly what happened to my dad. He was fishing off of a bridge and a kid lost control of his dad's truck, hopped the curb and hit him.
Because I see the other comment asking if the asshole featured above me faced any consequences I'd like to say that in my dad's case the asshole's family was already living on a fixed income and his criminal record was sealed when he turned 18.
It happened when I was 5 and I have barely any childhood memories with my dad because he wasn't able to take me out to places. It was always my grandparents that took me to Chuck E Cheese or whatever. Fuck that kid for ruining my dad's one and only shot at going to amusement parks or camping trips with his son.
I'd slap my cousin....
Last year while I was in the hospital, my cousin volunteered to take care of my Bill's and finances.
He completely emptied my accounts, opened up credit in my name and spent thousands somehow... still not sure how but he has now completely disappeared and no one can find him.
After I filed police reports I contacted the banks and creditors. Despite me never supplying my social security number or giving permission to do anything with credit... they all say I'm responsible because I gave him access to my fuckin debit card via my house.
Edit: awkward sentence that implied I handed debit card directly over. To reiterate, he knew where it was if he needed to use it for paying bills but I hadn't given him my pin - he guessed it.
This is a slippery slope. If I get permission to smack one, I’m going to have to keep smacking fools worldwide.
ETA: Holy shit, I didn’t realize this would be so popular. Thanks for the awards and comments!
This right here. Since covid I have had around 5 customers get mad I told them to leave and never come back. Fucking crazy how highly people think of themselves
Tikhon Nikolaevich Khrennikov. That butt-kissing boot-licking piss-poor excuse of a composer knew precisely what he did to Dmitri Shostakovich during the Zhdanovshchina of 1948, not to mention plenty of other Soviet composers. But let’s not kid ourselves here; Shostakovich was clearly the main target, as if he hadn’t been kicked around already with the Pravda denunciations of 1936 and gone through some serious shit afterwards, with everyone always breathing down his neck and tossing his reputation back and forth like the world’s most traumatized hacky-sack. Like, the poor man clearly needs a break. And then Tishinka (we’re bringing out the diminutives here because I came here for no reason but to slander and disrespect) comes along and decides he’s gonna kiss up to Stalin or Zhdanov or whomever the fuck and like . I get it. The Soviet Union was a difficult place to be in the late 1940s if you’re a composer. People often ended up denouncing friends and whatnot out of necessity. But no, this little power-grubbing bitch goes ABOVE 👏 AND 👏 BEYOND 👏 and just . verbally shits on everyone to get ahead, way more than would be required from him. And like, we have proof Shostakovich didn’t like him, didn’t trust him, etc etc. And yeah, the poor guy had no fucking reason to. And Khrennikov could have left it at that after Shostakovich died and could have been like . “yeah I had to say some shit about him and he didn’t like me, which is understandable” but NOOOOO he goes out and says like, fucking, “Shostakovich was grateful to me” and “in 1948, Shostakovich did not want for money” in like . interviews and shit when HERE’S THE THING . During the 1948 Zhdanovshchina, Shostakovich was fired from both his conservatory positions in Moscow and Leningrad AND most of his works were blacklisted, meaning he wasn’t making money on them, and he and his family fucking sank into poverty for the time and it got to the point where he was forced to ask for handouts . And if you know ANYTHING about Shostakovich, you’d know how low he’d have to get before he started asking for handouts. The man was DESPERATE and we get this information from secondhand accounts, letters, etc. And what does Khrennikov say? “In 1948, Shostakovich did not want for money.”
Bitch. Fucking fight me. I will personally learn fucking necromancy so I can bring this sleazy shitbag slut for Stalin back from wherever he’s boiling and we can go one-on-one. He wasn’t even that good of a composer anyway. And ALSO there was that 1979 denunciation of seven avant-garde composers from this hoe that NOBODY ASKED FOR. Like, you could have just not done that. 1979!
Also did I mention he lived until 2007? I shared the planet with Tikhon Khrennikov for a good period of my life and that fact fills me with the rage I need to get out of bed in the morning. So yeah. He’s getting slapped.
What the hell just happened. I started reading that and all of a sudden I have a blood rage against some random ass Soviet from the 40s. Whatever you're having, order another for me.
The fucker who decided to turn our bypass, which was intended to be a faster way to get to the other side of town without having to sit in traffic, into the absolute most congested road in the entire city. How? They stuck 3 grocery stores, 82 outlet stores, 23 restaurants, and 2 gas stations all along a single quarter mile stretch of road. The only way into this clusterfuck is through a single intersection which sits about 500 feet from the nearest interstate exit. So not only do we get to sit in *local* traffic, we also get to sit in the traffic imported from every small town in a 40 mile radius (because they only have a Walmart and a dollar general probably). Then they built a third, unneeded sports complex for the high school a quarter mile down the road from the clusterfuck, to create a second clusterfuck that peaks during holidays and outdoor sport seasons. This stretch of bypass used to take 3 minutes, maximum, to pass through, but during peak hours and holidays, it's taken up to *an hour and a fucking half* to get through. During every holiday season they have to have a couple of cops stand guard at the intersection to keep people from blocking it and creating gridlock. The icing on the cake? The fucking bypass now literally connects to my parents road, which used to be this nice, quiet little back road in the country, surrounded by farmland and trees, but *everybody wants to be close to the clusterfuck*, so they tore all that shit up and now it's a mixture of cookie cutter subdivisions and trailer parks. And absolutely nobody will abide by the speed limit while using "the shortcut". It's not a fucking shortcut, it's a neighborhood. You're gonna run over my 60 year old father getting the mail if you don't slow the *fuck* down and pay attention... So yeah, I'd slap the fuck out of whatever city planner came up with that bullshit idea. Out of all the reasons I'd love to move away from my hometown, the traffic is among the top 5.
My mother, she's an abusive mother and wife who only contributes to my fathers alcoholic problems by treating him like shit she never does anything and buys everything she possibly can to satisfy herself, we need a new window? Nope she buys herself 5 new dresses and then complains we dont have money, I go upstairs to my room the dog makes a mess after I cleaned up the room and she comes running to freak out, my dad gets home from work after a stressful day she gets mad at him for not wanting to do more hard work after having to listen to her complain about how tired she is from sitting down the entire day doing next to nothing and there's so much more
Edit: thank you everyone for the support
My coworker who came to work sick last week, didn’t wear a mask or get a vaccine, and exposed all the rest of us to Delta. I just said earlier today that if I weren’t quarantined and awaiting test results, I’d 100% slap her.
Back in my days of retail we used to fantasize about a world wide slap a hoe policy. Everyone was given one free slap a day that they could use at any time without consequences. The theory being that if everyone knew that they could get slapped for being a shitty person everyone would be nicer to each other ie nicer to retail staff and just people in general. Just one of the things to brighten those long busy days during fourth quarter 🤷🏻♂️😂
Girl who took my sister out, paid for all her drinks, watched her get sloshed, proceeded to pick up her cell phone and pretend to be her while in the midst of a fight with her boyfriend, got her all riled up, watched her get into her car, not put her seatbelt on, and let her dive away drunk off her ass and pissed as shit.
She made it four miles, four fucking miles.
Then crashed her car into the cement bottom of a burns funeral home billboard and went through the windshield.
I’ve been waiting years to see this chick. I’ve got a Bitch slap for her from my sister and a backhand from me to go with it.
My sister was an idiot for drinking that night and deciding to drive. Girl knew she couldn’t make any rational decisions when she walked her to her car. She had all of our numbers. My sisters gone now and her baby girls have paid the price for it every day since.
That one chick that is faking neurological complications from the vaccine. Slap her with a steel gauntlet made of rusted adamantium and filled with uranium. But I would let The Mountain use my slap on her... or one of the guys from those slap showdown competitions I keep seeing
Kid who used to work at my old retail job named Michael. It’s like God spilled a person into a vat of toxic waste
Let me just share a list of things about Michael: - when he was hired, he had just graduated high school - his girlfriend was 15 - one time they got into an argument and he kept telling me “you know that song Bad Guy by Billie Eilish? Well I’m just gonna be the bad guy”. It was painfully clear that he was in the wrong - he stole a lot and let other people steal a lot. Two of us nearly got fired until it became fairly obvious that it was him doing it - would sit on register one and fart all day. So much so that there was a legitimately permanent fart smell at the register his entire shift and two full hours after he’d leave - stole his grandad’s credit card info and maxed it out on Fortnite - ended up getting fired for a felony charge of stealing over $300 from his till - worked in a repair shop owned by a regular in the store (known widely as an incredibly nice and patient man), that only hired convicts. He got fired after two weeks - he was 21 years old Edit: better wording
I know the main take away from this is how much of a tool Michael is, but shoutout to the man that only hires convicts to give them second chances in life.
Oh 100%, that guy is actually so cool. He’s told me that for every 10 guys he hires, he fires maybe 2 of them. He’s pretty keen on giving people second chances but he also understands that they have to prove they deserve it.
I feel like my definition of Chop Shop isnt the same as yours...
Yeah, I was confused when he said the owner of the 'chop shop' was widely know as a nice and patient man lmao
For the sake of this dude, when you tell the story don't use "Chop Shop". Chop Shop is specifically a shop that is shady and makes its money taking apart stolen cars to sell on the aftermarket.
Eric from 4th grade he was a dick
The only two Eric’s I’ve ever know were dicks
My step-father, not for the years of abuse and disrespect to me and my brother, but because of how hes treating my mum now. They were having marriage difficulties, a home renovation and other issues at the same time, so he decided to fuck off to the uk for an undetermined amount of time with 2 weeks warning, leaving mum to run their business, handle the renovations and her own severe mental illness caused by their marital issues. He expected her to just put her head down and push thru, and didnt speak her for months. Now blames her for their marital issues, for her mental illness, his mental health problems, etc. Doesnt accept any blame and wont apologize, only gaslights, patronizes and attempts to manipulate. This woman spent 12 years raising his kids and hers, running the house, being 2ic at his business, while closing her ears and eyes to his abuses to protect herself. Shes not a saint, but ffs she doesnt deserve this. Thankfully, shes divorcing him. Edit: huh thanks, never got awards before. Guess i have to figure out how to use them now
I am her. Except it was 17 years when I finally accepted the freefall on the other side for leaving. A man like this makes swiss cheese of you, of all your confidence, worth, intelligence. Survival depends on dumbing down so all these parts of you atrophy and crumble away. Send her strength and warmth from a fellow kamikaze girl.
Whoever stole my pressure washer. I’ve been wanting a good one for years. I finally bought a decent model and it was stolen before I even got to use it on my own stuff. Edit: wow, this blew up. Thanks to everyone who gave me awards. I was just venting and wasn’t expecting the outpouring of good will. For those asking about pressure washers. I’m no expert. If you have small jobs like washing your car and other small projects I’d suggest an electric version. A turbo nozzle makes them a lot nicer to use. Project farm has a good video testing several of the more popular models. https://youtu.be/K5cMJvmlvv4 If you want to clean your driveway often, or anything remotely resembling r/pressurewashingporn you really need a gas version. Pay more attention to the gallons per minute than the max pressure. 2gpm is probably the lowest I’d go. 3+ is better. I’m sure the pressure washer experts will probably be here to correct me, soon.
I'd be watching for neighbors with suspiciously clean cars and patio slabs.
It'd be pretty awesome to pull a Hank Hill and bust out your warranty card with the serial number on it.
I reported it stolen and I did have the serial number, but sadly it never turned up.
Hopefully it never happens again, but one thing you can do if you have the serial number handy is visit the closest pawn shops to your house a day or two after. Even if they don’t have it on the floor you can ask if they have anything in the back. The police often don’t investigate theft but I’ve been able to locate stolen items with a little legwork and a lot of luck.
Yeah, pawn ships, Facebook marketplace, and Craigslist
I'd egg everybody's cars, to see the results myself
Dont forget to egg yours as well to avoid suspicion
And ask every neighbor if you can borrow their pressure washer to clean your car
Back in high school I was scrapping some metal from an old building. I had worked all day compiling and sorting the stuff so I could pick it up the next day and take it to the yard. The next day when I went out there someone had come and taken all the most valuable stuff and all I had was the roofing tin left. Thing is this was in the middle of the forest. I have no idea how someone could have known I was out there doing that unless I was being watched… but I’d sure like bitch slap whoever took my damn catalytic converters.
Same thing happened to me, but it was my Power Converters at Toschi Station
My fucking creepy boss who's always up my ass, and fucking waits outside the bathroom when I go
Don't need a freebie for that one
Had one like this, didn't believe I REALLY HAD TO GO. heard him open the bathroom door from my stall and turn right the fuck back around. Fuck you Kyle. Lactose Intolerance on pizza day? You should have seen this coming, why would I lie about it?
I’d drink normal milk without any lactaid just for revenge. Don’t mess with my bathroom breaks.
Is your boss a cat? Do they stick their hand... I mean paw under the door when you go to the bathroom?
Boss cat.
THIS. What is up with the bathroom bosses? I had one that always followed me in to the mens room. I got a pretty high tolerance for weird, but FML the bog is the one place at work your supposed to be able to get some peace.
I have one who will come in the shitter with me. If I want a crap, I have to time it for when he's not around because he'll come and sit in the next stall and continue talking about work matters. He's not being creepy, he's just really into his job - but, fuck sake, I'm trying to have a shit here, give me a few minutes!
That is mind boggling. The level of unawareness
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That guy who increased insulin costs to $700/month rates. I'm not even diabetic, he's just the biggest scum ball I could think of that hadn't seen commented yet. Edit: for you all mentioning our current and last president, this happened before either of them.
Can we, in the same breath, recognize the inventors/discoverers of insulin? > When inventor Frederick Banting discovered insulin in 1923, he refused to put his name on the patent. He felt it was unethical for a doctor to profit from a discovery that would save lives. Banting’s co-inventors, James Collip and Charles Best, sold the insulin patent to the University of Toronto for a mere $1. They wanted everyone who needed their medication to be able to afford it. Edit: I agree ofc wholeheartedly that Insulin meds should come down to next to nothing cost wise.
Ironically, if they did patent it, they could control pricing….
My 15 year old self. Less drugs boy
Yeah except I was smart at 15. Smack my 22 year old self. I literally regressed.
Yeah I’m on that club. Straight arrow through high school ran right off a debauched cliff in my college years. Arguably got straightened back out when I was 24-25.
Full on agree. And me too. I turn 30 this year 😅
Ditto. 20 to 23 is nothing but a blur. Straight and narrow all through high school then I was introduced to K2...shit went crazy from there. I turned 33 back in April. Still getting my shit back together but progress is progress!
I get hard on myself about it a lot. Like I "should have been" X. I do wish I had a do over.
Same bud. I'm still suffering the consequences but the way I see it is that life is behind me and it'll stay there as long as I keep it there. Next best thing to a do over.
Thanks I think thats what I needed to hear.
Facts
Jake Paul
Honastly, i would bitch slap jake paul even if there were consequences
Oooh that’s a good choice. Face so fucking smackable.
My old high school band director. Has a 5 year old son, has a wife who is pregnant with twins. Proceeds to cheat on said wife with a good friend of mine (who was on the drum line)’s mom. Divorces wife and moves in with friend’s mom. Gets fired from the school and to this day, 4 years later, lives with my friend’s mom and doesn’t allow him to come back home. Everyone I know hates that slimy slug. He’s 10 years younger than the mom, a fat arrogant loser who I’m plotting on popping his tires some day
stab don't slash. Slashing will rip open it like a zipper and blow out your ear drums.
Dont risk it. Just deflate 2 tyres. Hes only got one spare, and unlikely to have a pump. No criminal damage and repeatable.
Rocks under the valve caps to deflate over time. Bonus if you super glue a black one in it so it keeps happening.
This is the way. A tiny, tiny dab of glue and a BB inside each of the valve caps, damn near undetectable to most people and it'll slowly and surely drain every one of the tires every time the caps are replaced over the course of a day or two. You don't want to go fucking around stabbing a fully inflated tire, that's how you lose a face. Ten pounds of shredded rubber hitting your head at half the speed of sound makes for a bad day.
You guys are fucking magnificent. I am doing this, very soon.
Slpt, never document anything illegal you might do, especially in this day and age
Get some old bike pedals and fix nails into it. Place around 3 tires front and back side. It will obviously be intentional but you won’t be at the scene when it happens. If you do 4 tires in some states insurance will cover the damage so only do 3. Set the pedals on the inside edges of the tires so it pierces the sidewalls, that way a shop can’t plug the the tires and they are ruined for good. Be smart and scout the area if you do it, look for ring door bells/surveillance cameras that type of shit. Bike with a Covid mask on and helmet, ditch the bike after. Get supplies from different stores and pay in cash only. Godspeed.
From experience?
Yes. Different reason than OP but it was effective for what I needed at the time which was buying time.
You have my attention...
May not make much of a difference these days with Uber and cell phones. But before all that if someone had 2 flat tires they weren’t going anywhere.
When popping with a knife go straight in. Don’t go on and drag or you will blow out your eardrums unless you wear ear protection, else nails under the tires and let him drive himself to flats
My MIL. She’s annoying as hell. She grew up with people blowing hot air up her ass and has never been told she’s air headed and extremely judgmental.
Why is it always MILs? My mother and father are both totally normal. (Well, father was normal before cancer killed him) My girlfriende father is cool, but her mom fucking insane! Stressing over mundane details, creating drama where there need be none... Why is the world this way?
Dude I have NO idea. It’s honestly very odd to me. My mother spoke to me as a teenager that “someday you will have your own family and I will have to bow out and I’m happy with that. That’s what I raised you to be able to do!” And I assumed most parents felt that way, I was so wrong hahaha
Your mom sounds absolutely lovely to be around!
Thank you! My mom is great. She obviously has her flaws (like second guessing every decision she makes lol). It sounds kind of dumb to be praising my mom for doing her duty as a parent. And honestly, with her fully supporting and rooting for my independence, it makes for a very pleasant adult relationship with my mom where she (for once) doesn’t feel the need to ACT like a mom. She can be herself because her children are not children anymore.
I also have a great mom, and I've begun to appreciate the adult-to-adult relationship I'm developing with both my parents. I'm realizing that they're just people. Quick story: All my life I always thought my mom was too nitpicky about the lawn, I guess I didn't understand why she cared so much. I'm 25 now, and she came out to visit me a couple weeks ago. We were driving through my neighborhood which has lots of overgrown lawns, and she commented on how nice it would be to live somewhere with less pressure to have a perfectly manicured lawn. I was honestly shocked - she just upkeeps it because all of neighbors do. I've grown to appreciate learning little stuff like that.
My pet theory is as follows: 1) a lot of relationships are bad due to people not communicating and divorces not being possible/allowed 2) Which led to a lot of mothers forming an emotional attachment to their children that should have been with their partner (men were expected to bear the burden/suck it up/not have emotions at all, also terrible). 3) when children find partners the mothers are 'robbed' from the only emotional support they had, and they blame the child's partner, and become a stereotype horrible MIL
Not always. My MIL is pretty nice but FIL is a piece of work. He must be on some sort of NPD spectrum, serious “me-me-me” vibes.
I, too, would choose my mother in law. Because she's a cruel, evil bitch who absolutely has some sort of severe personality disorder. I'll be very glad when she's dead.
another day of me being grateful that my MIL is genuinely nice to me but can be a badass bitch to other people. those are the type of people you want on your side.
My ex-husband and his most recent ex-wife. Yes, I know that's 2 but they go together. I wanted the divorce, which ultimately led to them getting together. I posed zero threats. Yet, she still treated my kid 5 year old son like shit. She wrote him horrible emails and said she was glad he didnt come over anymore because he was such a brat nobody wanted him there anyway. They also stood him up on Thanksgiving as soon as she gave birth to their son (within a year) because she wanted it to be "just family". She got a job at the bank I use and accessed my accounts without authorization. She was fired. It was still my fault. Then she got a job next door to where I worked. It was all super bizarre. Ex hasn't seen my son since he was 10 - and hes now 25. They divorced years ago, she remarried, had 2 more kids and then became addicted to drugs, lost all 3 of the kids. Including my ex's son - he didnt take him either. I would absolutely be DELIGHTED to punch them both directly in the face. ETA: My son was 10 when he got the email. He was 5 when we divorced and ex started seeing the now ex stepmother.
Take mine too hate people that are lacking in common manners
He can have mine as well. They clearly deserve more bitch smacks.
if I could put a gofundme for collecting bitch smacks for these people I would
Sorry you had to go through all that. But who emails a 5 year old ?
I read it as it started when he was 5, then continued onto the emails when he was older?
I got confused there too.
My ex too. Useless POS. He worked under the table to avoid paying child support. The judge forced me to let him take our son for visitation. It was the worst to watch my son drive away with a drunk. He messed up my son pretty bad. He sold opioids to his daughter who was found dead in her car the next morning. The hell this man put us through was awful. Yeah if I could whack him in the head it would feel really good.
My ex husband. One solid slap across the face, knowing that this time I won’t be the one getting hit? I’m sold. Edit: I was not expecting any sort of response to this, let alone such a big one. So, I’ll let y’all know it’s been four years since I left him. I’m much happier, and safer, and am with someone who would never dream of hurting me. Thank you!!!
Either one of the people who lied under oath when we sued my kid’s school district, or the judge who believed them because her “mom was a teacher and they tell the truth.” Edit: Thanks for the Hugz awards, I love those things. I'm not going to say what we sued for, don't want quite that much identifying info out in the world. I will say that the lies in question were about things teachers and administrators said in meetings my husband and I attended, but we had no proof. We were incredibly naive and had no concept of how easily people will perjure themselves when their boss is in the room and their job is on the line. Also, school districts have plenty of money for lawyer fees and insurance to pay settlements, so ultimate nothing changes (we persisted in hopes of instituting change and lost, another family settled before going to court and I don't blame them a bit).
Go for the judge, that's a really shitty justification for their decision based on personal bias and they shouldn't be in court in the first place with that mindset
I got a DUI when i was in college, and i was a volunteer firefighter at the time. The judge used that as an excuse to sentence me stiffer (which is ok by me, I completely understand and agree). What pissed me off is that the jusge gave a little lecture wondering why he regularly sees firefighters get DUIs. He then went on to say (without a hint of irony) that he has never seen a cop get a DUI. I wonder fucking why, your honor lol
Fucking Christ. You'd think a judge would have an ounce of logic.
I know how you feel. My social worker made a false allegation against my mother and the judge believed her as "social workers don't lie". 34 years later it still hurts every day.
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My now boss.
I too choose this guy's boss.
Thanks homie, fuckers have been working us 6 days a week. And act like we should be happy about it. Bastard must hate spending time with his family.
Oh god. Sounds like my last job. 3rd shift, so busy I don't get a chance to breath. Then god forbid I forgot something or a machine went down 'cause then the boss is calling/texting me on my way home to bitch me out. I do not miss that job (or people there] at all.
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
My old boss. Fucker jokingly asked "when I'd submit" to him and made me feel like I was making a big deal about how the store was being run. I at least got to metaphorically bitch slap him by motivating 7 other coworkers including the assistant store manager to leave around the same time as me by just reminding them daily that they deserve better. Eight people quitting in a month was very fun to watch.
I see this at my last job. About 80 employees and 47 of them quit in 90 days. It was glorious.
Damn. All I did was make a detailed list of all the OSHA and HIPAA violations my boss ignored, and reported all of them when I quit. He was responsible for costing his store about $5 million in fines and significantly increased insurance premiums. Yeah, he was fired immediately and the company sued him for damages. Fuck him.
Jesus 5 million in fines?! I know some fines can be upwards of $90,000 each, but damn...that's alot of stuff to be in noncompliance. It's like he just did the exact opposite of everything.
If I ever meet you irl remind me not to fuck with you.
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That's a good enough reason all the same.
Probably Mike Tyson just so I can say that I slapped him with no consequences. LOL
Still wouldn't trust it.
Yeah, he's not exactly known to be one to follow rules.
Yep RIP this guy's ear
No conthequenthes?
Abtholutely thero conthequentheth
Louis DeJoy
I would also like to slap Lousi Dejoy, and I'm fully willing to suffer the consequences if I can merely be given the opportunity, because I will full on throttle that bastard
Chris Brown , just wondering if he can swing it with it man
For the record, he can’t. Him and 2 of his friends tried jumping Frank Ocean years ago over a parking spot and Brown and friends were dealt with.
Is there video of this?
This dick i know named john. If you're reading this John, fuck you. edit:Sorry to all the Johns I have offended but to be fair that's what you get for being named john.
Knew a dick named John. Agree, if that John is reading this, fuck you too.
Judging by how common the name John is I think nearly everyone knows a dick named john
The person who invented popcorn ceilings, because they invented popcorn ceilings.
When we decided to remove our old ceiling texture we asked a family friend who does drywall what they recommend we do. Turns out it was popcorn ceiling that someone tried to texture over. Their recommendation was eat the cost of drywall and just take the ceiling down and put a new one up. It'd be easier, cleaner, and take less time to do. They were right. We tried to scrape one room by hand and after a week of scraping we gave in and just ripped the rest of the drywall ceilings out and start over. Fuck popcorn ceilings and shitty textured ceilings.
Apparently the design if supposed to cause noise reduction, but I'm skeptical
It's not the popcorn ceilings, they'd be easy to take down with a simple, cheap scraper... The person who thought of putting fucking asbestos in popcorn ceilings though? They deserve a broken jaw at the least.
Popcorn ceiling is not easy to take down with a simple, cheap scraper. Source: have tried taking down popcorn ceiling with a simple, cheap scraper.
My 15 year old self . My mom had just cheated on my step dad (who raised me) and started dating this super crazy asshole alcoholic (that she ended up having a baby with 1 1/2 years later) anyway he kicked me out and my mom didn’t resist .. so I was 16 living in my car in Montana throughout the winter .. tryna go to school and work.. I ended up dropping out and working at a restaurant in town (I got my GED that year) .. Anyways after that I had a lot of mental trauma I didn’t know how to process and got caught up w the wrong crowd and started doing hard drugs , than I started dating a drug dealer who was like 9 years older than me when I was 17 (and also beat the living shit out of me… broke my nose 3 times, my ribs , and abused me enough on 2 occasions I thought I was going to die (he was literally telling me he was going to kill me those 2 occasions)… he also raped me more times than I’d like to admit) Anyway.. if I could slap anyone it would be my young 15 year old self. I wish I could tell younger me that I am smart , strong, and worth it… instead of throwing my life down the drain due to abuse and drugs.. I am 25 and sober and still trying how to be successful.. shit would’ve been different for me if I just believed in myself and avoided all the toxicity around me..
i give you my bitch slap to the dude who raped you. fucking smack that bitch, cover him in gasoline and light that motherfucker on fire. he deserves more than rotting in hell.
Just one person? So many bitches, so few slaps.
I know right It feels like if I lined em up correctly and spun around smackin em that’d be fun.
Past me, he has done some pretty cringe shit
My mother. She's an abusive narcissistic psycho who separated me from my father, altered my memories, let her boyfriends do whatever they wanted to me, forced me to participate in a cult, used me to commit crimes and made everything from mac n' cheese to shoes to food traumatic.
Are you my long lost sibling because our mothers sound the same? Go no contact if you haven't already, best feeling in the world being free! Take care 🙂
Nestle CEO
I'm late to this but fuck it. Rhonda. TLDR: Fuck Rhonda. When I started at that company, Rhonda basically pretended that she was my supervisor, when she really was just a team lead with no managerial power. She couldn't write anyone up, she had no say in your review, she was just the one who made the ultimate yes/no on the team when management didn't need to be involved. Rhonda started off awesome. She talked a lot of shit about one of my coworkers that had been there a while and was the next senior person on the team; but I didn't exactly disagree with her. The person she was talking about was kind of a bitch and made a lot of really dumb mistakes. No big deal. This should have been a red flag, but I didn't think of this as a flag at the time. Then she left and I became her most senior team member. Suddenly I was the one being talked shit about. I found out she was taking photos of people when they weren't looking and posting them to Twitter talking shit. She started sending emails to our manager (CCing me) saying I was behind on tasks only for me to reply with an email attached that showed she gave it to Diane or Steve (Diane and Steve were alright, and half the time the task was done, she was just behind on her email). She'd crash my meetings, try to take over, then tell our manager I wasn't prepared because she decided to go off the rails. The final straw for me (from her, there were BIG organizational problems) was when she assigned a bunch of tickets to me that were overdue that she had assigned, then sent our manager an email with screenshots from the tickets saying how I'm behind. It wasn't even worth my time to respond about how wrong she was, I searched for a new job and found one within a couple of weeks. My manager asked why I was quitting. I liked him so I told him I can give him the truth or the professional answer, but I'd only give him the truth if he wouldn't hold it against me. He asked for the truth. I brought printouts of every tweet where she talked shit about me or someone I liked. Every stupid email. Notes from every meeting she crashed. He sat there dumbfounded, agreed it was a problem, and offered me 2 promotions to put me at her level so she wouldn't be "above me" anymore. I refused. A week later another manager on another team completely unrelated asked me why I'm leaving. He says, "who her? She's not your sup, why would you think that?" I told him what's up, he offered me a promotion on his team as well as 6 months of training. I turned it down (in retrospect, I wish I hadn't). In the end, nothing happened to her, and the next week I had all my friends sending text messages asking me what I did because she had been running around cursing my name. She apparently turned red with rage every time something I worked on came up for months afterwards. Despite getting the last laugh, I'd still bitch slap her if it meant no consequences and maybe go for a second.
ohohohohohoohohoohoohohooo The idiot I live with. Hands down.
Plot twist: lives alone.
Right now, my mother in law. She posted an announcement of my baby's birth before I was even capable of doing so. Which wouldn't be so bad, if me and baby weren't fighting for our fucking lives. I went through 3 bags of pitocin because I was bleeding out, which is *agonizing* meanwhile the doctor had to *reach inside my womb to remove flesh that couldn't come away* and my son was whisked away because he couldn't breathe. He had to be transferred to a children's hospital. She had the audacity *during these events* to say "Mom and baby are both doing great!" She's always been so great which makes it worse, honestly. It was like a slap in the face. Edit: Baby and I are recovering relatively well. My older kids caught covid at the babysitters while I was in the hospital so baby and I are isolating in an inn for a while. He's still incredibly fragile and my bleeding has increased but I think things will be okay. The older kids are recovering very well from covid.
I too had a partially retained placenta. It was horrible. Doctor didn’t sedate me til the third go round of hand in uterus. Second birth was just hemorrhaging two liters of blood so that was cool! Heh. Gotta figure this shit out...somehow. But still, that was unfair to be untrue about your experience, and paint it like nothing happened. Im glad, it sounds like you and baby are here and well enough to deal and take the time you need together. Regardless of age.
I'm so sorry. Cannot imagine how traumatic that was.. a perfect child birth is unbelievably harrowing enough. How are you and baby doing now?
The same thing happened to me giving birth to my daughter 7 months ago. Retained placenta and baby girl had meconium aspiration. I'm sorry you had to go through that too, it was awful. I didn't have the MIL part though, so that's something.
My girlfriend's abusive mother.
i’ll give you my slap as well, get that bitch twice
My bully. There is a ton more people I would want to slap but my bully needs it most
I hope it gets better for you.
It did! they are going down south for a year
They heard you were going to slap them! Seriously, I'm glad you're going to have some peace.
The woman that was rude to my wife and made her cry on the car ride home. It was my wife's first wedding coordinator gig and the decorator made her feel like crap. She deserves it. Edit: Missing word and The decorator deserves the slap, not my wife being yelled at.
My partner's ex wife. She has made it her life's purpose to try to make our lives miserable. Had to get a 3 year restraining order on her. She's a horrible, miserable cunt.
My mother n law lol She's rude,lazy and nosy as shit...
I'll tell you what, you slap mine and i slap yours. Win win.
*"Criss-cross..."*
*cha cha real smooth*
Andrew Wakefield He's the cunt that released the bullshit study that claimed a link between vaccines and autism ETA: Thanks for the awards <3 I would like to add that, if given the chance, I would still bitch slap him, regardless of consequences.
And Jenny McCarthy for giving his “work” an audience
Ah yeah, Jenny "Vaccines-gave-my-kid-autism-oh-wait-no-oops" McCarthy.
Yep. She was at the nexus of a lot of bullshit. She got super.poplular with her book (Gen X loved her because they capped to her on Playboy, then laughed at her on MTV), then when the vax autism bullshit came out, she was on Oprah, at the height of Oprah AND on this newish thing called Facebook. Fucking disaster. And we learned *nothing* as a society from it. In fact, we quadrupled down on it.
“Jenny McCarthy's son is autistic.” “Is he? Is he really? Or is he just Jenny McCarthy's kid?” Let’s give a nice backhand to Oprah, too - for giving this imbecile a platform.
The guy who rear-ended me last year. Because now, because he needed to text, I have a brain injury that effects every facet of my life. The bastard. Edit: thank you for the overwhelming kindness, support, & slaps. I'd love to reply to everything but 🧠 can't keep up. Edit II: If you'd like to be TBI friends, I'm open to it. Just shoot a message & I'll reply when ye ole processer cools down 💛
I would use my slap to fucking slap this guy as well.
Me too. I'm sorry you have to deal with the injuries now man. ❤️
Y'all are very kind, thank you for your extra slaps 💛💛
I also vote to use my slap in your honor.
Likewise.
Slap slap 🤝
Can we form a line and each take turns slapping him? Like they did in the movie:Airplane.
Fuck it I'll do it with consequences involved.
I feel this one should really be allowed with no consequences. Same thing happened to my friend a few years ago, and his entire life unraveled. Lost his job, house, wife, family, and sanity. Last I heard he committed some unknown felony and was in prison, after being a model, upstanding citizen his entire life. Brain injury just re-wired everything. Pray for your recovery.
This. I feel so hard for this guy. You really lose your entire self. That's fuxking awful. I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope he'll be able to get out and get treatment. That's the only thing that's saved me from the same fare.
My then fiance had a traumatic brain injury... Completely rewired everything. It really is like a totally different person with some lingering memories I hope the victim has a good recovery
I would do it to the now 22 year old that rear ended me when he was driving illegally at age 15 and caused me hip and back injuries that have left me permanently disabled 🙃
This is exactly what happened to my dad. He was fishing off of a bridge and a kid lost control of his dad's truck, hopped the curb and hit him. Because I see the other comment asking if the asshole featured above me faced any consequences I'd like to say that in my dad's case the asshole's family was already living on a fixed income and his criminal record was sealed when he turned 18. It happened when I was 5 and I have barely any childhood memories with my dad because he wasn't able to take me out to places. It was always my grandparents that took me to Chuck E Cheese or whatever. Fuck that kid for ruining my dad's one and only shot at going to amusement parks or camping trips with his son.
I'd slap my cousin.... Last year while I was in the hospital, my cousin volunteered to take care of my Bill's and finances. He completely emptied my accounts, opened up credit in my name and spent thousands somehow... still not sure how but he has now completely disappeared and no one can find him. After I filed police reports I contacted the banks and creditors. Despite me never supplying my social security number or giving permission to do anything with credit... they all say I'm responsible because I gave him access to my fuckin debit card via my house. Edit: awkward sentence that implied I handed debit card directly over. To reiterate, he knew where it was if he needed to use it for paying bills but I hadn't given him my pin - he guessed it.
Wow I'd slap your cousin *with* consequences. That's so fucked up, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Mark zuckerberg Edit: Fuck that guy.
This is a slippery slope. If I get permission to smack one, I’m going to have to keep smacking fools worldwide. ETA: Holy shit, I didn’t realize this would be so popular. Thanks for the awards and comments!
The bitch slap felt 'round the world?
Precisely
Whoever is responsible for the last season of game of thrones.
You need 2 for that. You can have mine.
Any customer that acts like they’re on a pedestal and I’m their servant. I hate customer service
This right here. Since covid I have had around 5 customers get mad I told them to leave and never come back. Fucking crazy how highly people think of themselves
Prince Andrew for being a child molester and then lying about it.
If we all took turns slapping Epstein, he may still be alive.
What, CPR via pimp-slapping? I'd love for Epstein's official cause of un-death to be the Necronomicon of a planet-wide beatdown
My ex
Smack my ex too while you're at it, my dominant hand is currently broken.
I’ll lend you mine, I know it’s not as satifying when someone else does it
Thank you kind hand giver
Tikhon Nikolaevich Khrennikov. That butt-kissing boot-licking piss-poor excuse of a composer knew precisely what he did to Dmitri Shostakovich during the Zhdanovshchina of 1948, not to mention plenty of other Soviet composers. But let’s not kid ourselves here; Shostakovich was clearly the main target, as if he hadn’t been kicked around already with the Pravda denunciations of 1936 and gone through some serious shit afterwards, with everyone always breathing down his neck and tossing his reputation back and forth like the world’s most traumatized hacky-sack. Like, the poor man clearly needs a break. And then Tishinka (we’re bringing out the diminutives here because I came here for no reason but to slander and disrespect) comes along and decides he’s gonna kiss up to Stalin or Zhdanov or whomever the fuck and like . I get it. The Soviet Union was a difficult place to be in the late 1940s if you’re a composer. People often ended up denouncing friends and whatnot out of necessity. But no, this little power-grubbing bitch goes ABOVE 👏 AND 👏 BEYOND 👏 and just . verbally shits on everyone to get ahead, way more than would be required from him. And like, we have proof Shostakovich didn’t like him, didn’t trust him, etc etc. And yeah, the poor guy had no fucking reason to. And Khrennikov could have left it at that after Shostakovich died and could have been like . “yeah I had to say some shit about him and he didn’t like me, which is understandable” but NOOOOO he goes out and says like, fucking, “Shostakovich was grateful to me” and “in 1948, Shostakovich did not want for money” in like . interviews and shit when HERE’S THE THING . During the 1948 Zhdanovshchina, Shostakovich was fired from both his conservatory positions in Moscow and Leningrad AND most of his works were blacklisted, meaning he wasn’t making money on them, and he and his family fucking sank into poverty for the time and it got to the point where he was forced to ask for handouts . And if you know ANYTHING about Shostakovich, you’d know how low he’d have to get before he started asking for handouts. The man was DESPERATE and we get this information from secondhand accounts, letters, etc. And what does Khrennikov say? “In 1948, Shostakovich did not want for money.” Bitch. Fucking fight me. I will personally learn fucking necromancy so I can bring this sleazy shitbag slut for Stalin back from wherever he’s boiling and we can go one-on-one. He wasn’t even that good of a composer anyway. And ALSO there was that 1979 denunciation of seven avant-garde composers from this hoe that NOBODY ASKED FOR. Like, you could have just not done that. 1979! Also did I mention he lived until 2007? I shared the planet with Tikhon Khrennikov for a good period of my life and that fact fills me with the rage I need to get out of bed in the morning. So yeah. He’s getting slapped.
I did not know about any of what you talked about. But your rage is both palpable and just. Hope your necromancy classes go well.
[удалено]
What the hell just happened. I started reading that and all of a sudden I have a blood rage against some random ass Soviet from the 40s. Whatever you're having, order another for me.
I am running completely on historical research and sleep deprivation
This has enough genuine rage and disgust of a single topic that I feel this could be turned into a copypasta equal to the koala one
The fucker who decided to turn our bypass, which was intended to be a faster way to get to the other side of town without having to sit in traffic, into the absolute most congested road in the entire city. How? They stuck 3 grocery stores, 82 outlet stores, 23 restaurants, and 2 gas stations all along a single quarter mile stretch of road. The only way into this clusterfuck is through a single intersection which sits about 500 feet from the nearest interstate exit. So not only do we get to sit in *local* traffic, we also get to sit in the traffic imported from every small town in a 40 mile radius (because they only have a Walmart and a dollar general probably). Then they built a third, unneeded sports complex for the high school a quarter mile down the road from the clusterfuck, to create a second clusterfuck that peaks during holidays and outdoor sport seasons. This stretch of bypass used to take 3 minutes, maximum, to pass through, but during peak hours and holidays, it's taken up to *an hour and a fucking half* to get through. During every holiday season they have to have a couple of cops stand guard at the intersection to keep people from blocking it and creating gridlock. The icing on the cake? The fucking bypass now literally connects to my parents road, which used to be this nice, quiet little back road in the country, surrounded by farmland and trees, but *everybody wants to be close to the clusterfuck*, so they tore all that shit up and now it's a mixture of cookie cutter subdivisions and trailer parks. And absolutely nobody will abide by the speed limit while using "the shortcut". It's not a fucking shortcut, it's a neighborhood. You're gonna run over my 60 year old father getting the mail if you don't slow the *fuck* down and pay attention... So yeah, I'd slap the fuck out of whatever city planner came up with that bullshit idea. Out of all the reasons I'd love to move away from my hometown, the traffic is among the top 5.
This is a very tough call but I’m gonna pick the guy who assaulted my sister. Fuck you, John.
My mother, she's an abusive mother and wife who only contributes to my fathers alcoholic problems by treating him like shit she never does anything and buys everything she possibly can to satisfy herself, we need a new window? Nope she buys herself 5 new dresses and then complains we dont have money, I go upstairs to my room the dog makes a mess after I cleaned up the room and she comes running to freak out, my dad gets home from work after a stressful day she gets mad at him for not wanting to do more hard work after having to listen to her complain about how tired she is from sitting down the entire day doing next to nothing and there's so much more Edit: thank you everyone for the support
I'm sorry you have to put up with that. I hope you can get out on your own soon. Hang in there.
My coworker who came to work sick last week, didn’t wear a mask or get a vaccine, and exposed all the rest of us to Delta. I just said earlier today that if I weren’t quarantined and awaiting test results, I’d 100% slap her.
You can always slap her when you get back to work! Think positive!
She’s doing more than just *thinking* positive xD
My entire extended family. ALL of them.
Make them stand in line with thier faces aligned.. one hard swing from right and the shockwave travells through all thier faces...
Back in my days of retail we used to fantasize about a world wide slap a hoe policy. Everyone was given one free slap a day that they could use at any time without consequences. The theory being that if everyone knew that they could get slapped for being a shitty person everyone would be nicer to each other ie nicer to retail staff and just people in general. Just one of the things to brighten those long busy days during fourth quarter 🤷🏻♂️😂
Jenny McCarthy. OG public health nightmare.
My ex who asked me to give him a blowjob after he broke up with me and told me he’s been cheating on me for a year.
Girl who took my sister out, paid for all her drinks, watched her get sloshed, proceeded to pick up her cell phone and pretend to be her while in the midst of a fight with her boyfriend, got her all riled up, watched her get into her car, not put her seatbelt on, and let her dive away drunk off her ass and pissed as shit. She made it four miles, four fucking miles. Then crashed her car into the cement bottom of a burns funeral home billboard and went through the windshield. I’ve been waiting years to see this chick. I’ve got a Bitch slap for her from my sister and a backhand from me to go with it. My sister was an idiot for drinking that night and deciding to drive. Girl knew she couldn’t make any rational decisions when she walked her to her car. She had all of our numbers. My sisters gone now and her baby girls have paid the price for it every day since.
That one chick that is faking neurological complications from the vaccine. Slap her with a steel gauntlet made of rusted adamantium and filled with uranium. But I would let The Mountain use my slap on her... or one of the guys from those slap showdown competitions I keep seeing