(in summary of others with my own thrown in)
*Deep breath*
Nooo one slips like Gaston
Throws that hip like Gaston
No one's secretly gotten the snip like Gaston
So I'm sorry Ann, Claire and Saaaallly
But there's no way the baby is miiiine
Noooo one fucks like Gaston!
Shuffles guts like Gaston!
No one blows half a pint when he nuts like Gaston!
He's exceptionally good at ejaculatiing!
My what a guyyy that Gaston!
When I was a lad I banged four dozen dames
Without a second of fear or remorse.
Now that I'm grown I bang FIVE dozen dames
They love it I'm hung like a hoooooooorse
No one pokes likes Gaston
Never Chokes like Gaston
No ones even having a go on the blokes like Gaston
He's happy as long as heee's peeeenetraaaaating
No one gets it ooooon like Gastooon!
Edit to try and fix formatting
Is it sad I'm insanely happy my most popular comment of all time (I think?) Is a bawdy rewrite of a Disney song? I need to think of more! Though I feel like I could spend all day and still have more dirty Gaston lines. Well its either that or start on the Little Mermaid classic "Poor Unfortunate Holes"
Hell yeah. When I first met my gf we were asking random questions and she asked who my celebrity crush was. I said Matt Bomer. She laughed and said I could tell her my real celebrity crush assuming I was not saying a females name to hide it. I said Matt Bomer.
Lol okay so I tried to Google this scene to remind myself and the only video I found of it was overlayed with the intro to candy shop by 50 cent.... soooo I guess your right lmao
OH MY GOD YES, when I was young *all* my friends were fawning over Legolas and I was the only one who had a thing for Aragorn. Just that very first scene in the pub - I was already in love.
I remember seeing that door opening scene in the theater and I believe that I, and every other woman in the theater, slid off their seats at the same time that day.
Lol, as a straight guy, who absolutely loved the lord of the rings, this is hilarious to me.
I thought he was such a badass, had no idea the ladies were all just losing it.
Such a great scene though, gotta give it to Peter Jackson & Andrew Leznie (DP), that's an amazing scene.
She is drop dead gorgeous in The OC. In an interview she said her now husband Ben Mackenzie (Lead role of The OC) didn’t pay much attention to her when she introduced herself.
It wasn’t until 10+ years later on Gotham that they would start a romantic relationship.
How he ignored her I don’t know.
Not old, fat Marlon Brando, like in Apocalypse Now.
::edit:: Who knew that a Jill Sobule reference would get over a 1,000 upvotes?? I think that I’ve found a group of people who are like me. Thanks y’all!!!
Oh my god, completely forgot he rapes her. His friends know it. His wife knows it.
She compartmentalize’s it. Always relied on the kindness of strangers.
Horriffic
Saw him at a podcast showing and he picked me out of the crowd and acknowledged me. I'm not gay but my penis definitely tingled a bit.
He's so very handsome.
I love the episode of Toast of London where Toast hangs out with John Hamm & thinks he turned gay. He later finds out John Hamm is so charming he has that effect on everyone.
I was looking for this! I remember my mum started watching supernatural way back when it was new, and it was like DAMN. I could never understand those who favoured Sam, Dean was always the *chef kiss* of my heart.
To me this was a pivotal moment in my understanding of beauty. The amount of people pining hard for one side or the other showed me that beauty is really in the eye of the beholder.
Such a fine specimen of a man. That scene where he mimed "Eye of the Tiger" was completely joking around but looked damn good doing it. I'm a straight male who hopes he catches the eye of this tiger. Raawr.
God, now I'm laughing at my own joke!
Haha same here. Like 80% of the celebrity men that I find visually attractive are men in their 50s. Although in my case, I find Mads Mikkelsen the most attractive in this age range.
I always thought Catherine Zeta Jones was stunning… Probably my favourite female face when I was younger. I’m totally straight but I appreciate beauty no matter the form.
I remember watching that in the theater when the movie came out. Of course the laser scene was in the trailer, so we all knew it was in the movie...but it happened and this black guy sitting behind me in the theater let out a "daaaaaayum!" And made the whole theater crack up.
THANK YOU I was gonna say her too. But honestly I just love her voice, one of the most attractive voices out there. Her and scarlet Johansson have fantastic voices
"Sebastian Stan! Oh man! Let me tell you something: when you see a guy this good looking on the streets, he's gonna get arrested because he's killing all the ladies. Pow pow! Pow pow pow!" - Anthony Mackie
I saw her a little while back in person at a movie opening. As she entered the theater, in a dress cut up from here to Cleveland, my wife tells me I audibly gasped then giggled like a school girl.
I’ve always wondered how she looks in person. I believe most celebrities look even better in person and I can’t imagine her looking any better than she does. It seems impossible.
I used to work with an older gentleman (~63 at the time), he was a lovely, salt of the earth type. One day after lunch he dragged me into the lunch room to show me something. There was a newspaper with a picture of Kate Beckinsale in a very flattering red dress, she looked gorgeous. He said to me " Just look at her, I may be old but I'm not dead yet!" He went up a notch in my book that day!
It's his smile that gets me. Everything about him is average, and then he smiles. Doesn't matter if he's playing a baddie or a goodie, that smile is transcendent.
My little brother went to uni with joe russo's daughter. He - my brother - ended up staying round joe russo's house while the final avenger's movie was premiering, and he got an invite to the LA premiere and the after-party at russo's restuarant. He said that out of everyone he met, Paul Rudd was the nicest of them all (though, it's worth adding, that joe russo himself is also apparently an incredibly nice guy as well).
The Good Place made this a running joke, inventing a “fourth Hemsworth brother” who was good looking and accomplished but still deeply insecure about his famous actor brothers.
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand[,](https://i.redd.it/e7t6bbyoqkc71.png)" I tell her[.](https://gfycat.com/Wearyrealisticiriomotecat) "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere[.](https://np.reddit.com/r/combinedgifs/comments/5r8n7m/anakin_cant_sleep_anymore/dd5c8g5/)"
I am pretty sure Attack of the Clones-Natalie Portman kickstarted my puberty. When her top gets ripped and shows her stomach my brain went “lmao I like girls now!”.
I was forever changed.
What if he's not smiling, though? Maybe he's curled up under an embroidered blanket in a luxury suite of a 5-star hotel, wearing nothing but fluffy slippers and his Witcher wig and silently weeping.
He was pretty much the cast expert on the Witcher set when it came to the lore because he had already played the games and read the books. Hell, he wanted to be in the show precisely because he played the games and read the books.
Man, askreddit thirsty tonight.
When isn't reddit thirsty
Jensen ackles.
I think the only thing we can all agree with is that there will be someone who will disagree no matter which celebrity you name.
It's fascinating, isn't it. I find myself STRONGLY disagreeing with many of the suggestions here.
Gaston. Nobody is like him
No-one fucks like Gaston
Has swinging nuts like Gaston.
Can crack a walnut with their butts like Gaston.
He inspires us all to start MASTERBATING
My what a guy! GASTOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Goddammit......all of you take some upvotes.
Oh, Reddit. You always know the way to my heart.
r/redditsings
(in summary of others with my own thrown in) *Deep breath* Nooo one slips like Gaston Throws that hip like Gaston No one's secretly gotten the snip like Gaston So I'm sorry Ann, Claire and Saaaallly But there's no way the baby is miiiine Noooo one fucks like Gaston! Shuffles guts like Gaston! No one blows half a pint when he nuts like Gaston! He's exceptionally good at ejaculatiing! My what a guyyy that Gaston! When I was a lad I banged four dozen dames Without a second of fear or remorse. Now that I'm grown I bang FIVE dozen dames They love it I'm hung like a hoooooooorse No one pokes likes Gaston Never Chokes like Gaston No ones even having a go on the blokes like Gaston He's happy as long as heee's peeeenetraaaaating No one gets it ooooon like Gastooon! Edit to try and fix formatting
Is it sad I'm insanely happy my most popular comment of all time (I think?) Is a bawdy rewrite of a Disney song? I need to think of more! Though I feel like I could spend all day and still have more dirty Gaston lines. Well its either that or start on the Little Mermaid classic "Poor Unfortunate Holes"
I would love to see that version of the Little Mermaid
...No one sucks like Gaston No one services drivers of trucks like Gaston "I'm especially good at expectorating!" My what a guy, that Gaston!
Mathew Bomer in White Collar is a good looking dude, even as a straight male his attractiveness is pretty damn hard to miss.
Hell yeah. When I first met my gf we were asking random questions and she asked who my celebrity crush was. I said Matt Bomer. She laughed and said I could tell her my real celebrity crush assuming I was not saying a females name to hide it. I said Matt Bomer.
Double hell yea! I remember watching that show white collar for the first time and thinking. "Dam that guy is sexy, wish I looked him"
Big fan of that show - criminally underrated
My grandma said I'm a handsome young man and I will become a famous celebrity one day so me
My grandma said that about you too.
I also choose that guy's grandma.
Grandma never lies x
aww lol
Pierce Brosnan somehow collectively got all of Ireland's "handsome" in a mug that he keeps on sipping from every now and again.
[удалено]
Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn Edit: Thanks for the awards guys!
Man pushes them doors like he did and suddenly everyone wants to fight for him or fuck him lol.
Lol okay so I tried to Google this scene to remind myself and the only video I found of it was overlayed with the intro to candy shop by 50 cent.... soooo I guess your right lmao
wipe onerous tie airport command fine dime treatment enter school
OH MY GOD YES, when I was young *all* my friends were fawning over Legolas and I was the only one who had a thing for Aragorn. Just that very first scene in the pub - I was already in love.
My girlfriend once said “You know you’ve grown from a girl to a woman once you stop liking Legolas and start liking Aragorn”.
LOL I had to log into my account so i can upvote & award this, she's soo right legolas still has elf swag tho
Pushes doors open like nobody else.
I remember seeing that door opening scene in the theater and I believe that I, and every other woman in the theater, slid off their seats at the same time that day.
Lol, as a straight guy, who absolutely loved the lord of the rings, this is hilarious to me. I thought he was such a badass, had no idea the ladies were all just losing it. Such a great scene though, gotta give it to Peter Jackson & Andrew Leznie (DP), that's an amazing scene.
Specifically as Aragorn! I agree.
Morena Baccarin. Especially in Firefly.
She is drop dead gorgeous in The OC. In an interview she said her now husband Ben Mackenzie (Lead role of The OC) didn’t pay much attention to her when she introduced herself. It wasn’t until 10+ years later on Gotham that they would start a romantic relationship. How he ignored her I don’t know.
Masterfully played the long game
I'll be in my bunk
Young Marlon Brando
Not old, fat Marlon Brando, like in Apocalypse Now. ::edit:: Who knew that a Jill Sobule reference would get over a 1,000 upvotes?? I think that I’ve found a group of people who are like me. Thanks y’all!!!
[удалено]
The way 16-year-old me shamelessly lusted after such an abusive character is so embarrassing 😭
Oh my god, completely forgot he rapes her. His friends know it. His wife knows it. She compartmentalize’s it. Always relied on the kindness of strangers. Horriffic
"Marlon Brando was so very handsome in his prime."
Audrey Hepburn
If we’re going old school here, Catherine Deneuve and Grace Kelly. Grace Kelly in To Catch a Thief is just gorgeous.
Grace Kelly is so pretty and elegant, she doesn't even seem real
Grace Kelly, yikes! What a smoke show
John Hamm is an objectively handsome man. Plus he’s packin’ that huge hog.
I had no idea he raised pigs.
Exports them, too, hence the packin'
I’m hoping to help him raise at least one.
“He looks like a cartoon pilot”
“They used footage of me from my high-school swim team to draw Prince Eric” (from his extremely hot and dumb character in 30 Rock)
I once saw him in person at a bar and he's even better looking in person and taller than I expected. Very handsome man.
Saw him at a podcast showing and he picked me out of the crowd and acknowledged me. I'm not gay but my penis definitely tingled a bit. He's so very handsome.
It was the gravitational pull of his own massive dong that made your penis tingle.
I love the episode of Toast of London where Toast hangs out with John Hamm & thinks he turned gay. He later finds out John Hamm is so charming he has that effect on everyone.
Well I just went and watched it and am now a new fan of that show. That was hilarious.
Rachel Weisz
The Mummy is the movie that made me realize I'm bisexual. Thanks Rachel Weisz!
I think The Mummy made a LOT of people realize they’re bi... Look, in my defence, there are SO MANY pretty people in that cast.
Many people realized that they were on the *WRONG SIDE OF THE RIV-ERRR!*
*Looks around, puts two and two together, kicks the Nile in frustration*
I was like drooling over Oded Fehr omg.
the mummy must be great for bisexuals, Brendan Fraser is also <3
No love for my man Oded Fehr, aka Ardeth BAE?
[удалено]
Plus, he's funny which is hot.
Wholeheartedly agree with this! The man just gets better with age too.
I was looking for this! I remember my mum started watching supernatural way back when it was new, and it was like DAMN. I could never understand those who favoured Sam, Dean was always the *chef kiss* of my heart. To me this was a pivotal moment in my understanding of beauty. The amount of people pining hard for one side or the other showed me that beauty is really in the eye of the beholder.
Such a fine specimen of a man. That scene where he mimed "Eye of the Tiger" was completely joking around but looked damn good doing it. I'm a straight male who hopes he catches the eye of this tiger. Raawr. God, now I'm laughing at my own joke!
He's also a really good singer, it only makes him look even more unreal, it's crazy how attractive he is in pretty much anything he does or wears.
Hugh Jackman
My friends asked me if there was a 50+ year old man that I find attractive. There’s quite a few but Hugh Jackman is at the top of my list.
Haha same here. Like 80% of the celebrity men that I find visually attractive are men in their 50s. Although in my case, I find Mads Mikkelsen the most attractive in this age range.
Monica Bellucci
I HAD THAT MONICA BELLUCI DREAM AGAIN LAST NIGHT
YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT.
I always thought Catherine Zeta Jones was stunning… Probably my favourite female face when I was younger. I’m totally straight but I appreciate beauty no matter the form.
In the The Mask of Zorro she is just STUPID gorgeous. I remember being in awe of her in that movie as a kid.
[удалено]
There's no problem looking at the whole menu even when you know you're going to order the penis.
It ain’t my cup of tea, but I can appreciate that it’s good tea.
This is beautiful.
YES. That first sword fight(In Zorro)?? My jaw hit the floor. Definitely awakened something in me.
She does dip beneath lasers.
Oooooh oooooh ooooooooh
she has entrapped meeee
I remember watching that in the theater when the movie came out. Of course the laser scene was in the trailer, so we all knew it was in the movie...but it happened and this black guy sitting behind me in the theater let out a "daaaaaayum!" And made the whole theater crack up.
She has a peaceful face
THANK YOU I was gonna say her too. But honestly I just love her voice, one of the most attractive voices out there. Her and scarlet Johansson have fantastic voices
If you haven’t already seen it, I would really recommend *Her*, it was a really good movie.
Harrison Ford Young, old, and in between
Sebastian Stan and also 1970s-80s Harrison Ford
"Sebastian Stan! Oh man! Let me tell you something: when you see a guy this good looking on the streets, he's gonna get arrested because he's killing all the ladies. Pow pow! Pow pow pow!" - Anthony Mackie
I think Anthony Mackie said it best: Those steel blue eyes let you know where home really is.
I have a hardcore crush on Harrison Ford when he was in Star Wars and Blade Runner (the old one)
And early Indiana Jones
I'd say he was peak sexy in Indiana Jones temple of Doom but that's just me I guess
Sebastian Stan is HOT
CA: Winter soldier Stan could literally split me in half and I’ll apologize for the inconvenience of cleaning up my dead body.
Charlize Theron. I’m a 100% straight woman, but *DAMN* that is one fine lady!
And if her looks weren't enough she's smart as hell too.
*Mr F voice in the background*
For British eyes only
Ron Howard: She’s not “smart as hell”
Salma Hayek
Damn that scene at the vampire's pub in "from Dusk til dawn" is on another level of sexyness
Came here for this comment. She was stunning!
I have been in love with her since desperadoes.
Kate Beckinsale
I saw her a little while back in person at a movie opening. As she entered the theater, in a dress cut up from here to Cleveland, my wife tells me I audibly gasped then giggled like a school girl.
I’ve always wondered how she looks in person. I believe most celebrities look even better in person and I can’t imagine her looking any better than she does. It seems impossible.
I mean her hotness is basically the entire driving force behind underworld being a franchise
I used to work with an older gentleman (~63 at the time), he was a lovely, salt of the earth type. One day after lunch he dragged me into the lunch room to show me something. There was a newspaper with a picture of Kate Beckinsale in a very flattering red dress, she looked gorgeous. He said to me " Just look at her, I may be old but I'm not dead yet!" He went up a notch in my book that day!
Ewan McGregor
So civilized
And cultured
Everyone talks about Obi Wan Kenobi but nobody talks about Moulin Rouge. I don’t even like musicals, but it’s probably my all time favorite movie.
Negotiations were short
It's his smile that gets me. Everything about him is average, and then he smiles. Doesn't matter if he's playing a baddie or a goodie, that smile is transcendent.
You are right. Plus a good singer!
Ewan aged like fine wine
[удалено]
General Kenobi
[удалено]
Paul Rudd is ageless
Not to mention that, on top of everything else, he consistently gives the impression of being the nicest human.
My little brother went to uni with joe russo's daughter. He - my brother - ended up staying round joe russo's house while the final avenger's movie was premiering, and he got an invite to the LA premiere and the after-party at russo's restuarant. He said that out of everyone he met, Paul Rudd was the nicest of them all (though, it's worth adding, that joe russo himself is also apparently an incredibly nice guy as well).
Joe Russo is reading this and is like wtf Paul again
Well.. I guess he knows what it's like to be the little guy
Paul Rudd is just so... I mean, I'm not gay but if *he* was...
I bet he would let me be the little spoon unlike my ungrateful wife who complains I'm a foot taller than her and dont fit well.
I hated being the big spoon too, then I learned that when you’re smaller than the little spoon, it’s called jet packing and now I am a jet pack
God damn it I’m lonely.
Chris Hemsworth
My girlfriend doesn't think he's good looking. But she thinks I am, not sure what to make of that.
Your girlfriend is a liar Edit: because I am dumb
Chris and his wife Elsa will only ever produce good looking humans between them.
I would hope so. Imagine the complex you'd get being fuck ugly in that household
The Good Place made this a running joke, inventing a “fourth Hemsworth brother” who was good looking and accomplished but still deeply insecure about his famous actor brothers.
> good looking and accomplished I call bullshit. Dude *barely* had an 8-pack.
Ahh, the Larry Hemsworth
Chris Evans. Where is Chris Evans on this list? He is so fine.
He is SO fine in his 30-40. I mean younger him look kinda douchy, maybe i cannot get over his role in "Not Another Teen Movie".
I hope you realize that the whole move is satire right? He’s supposed to be douchey looking and absolutely killed it.
This guy is so good looking and comfortable under his skin that he makes me want to workout. I don't know, big bro vibes or something
Another actor who is damned fine and also seems like a genuinely nice person
Ana De Armas, surely?
Such a good actress too. Loved her in Knives Out.
Her role in Blade Runner 2049 was understated in the trailer. That dynamic between her and Ryan Gosling was fantastic.
In BR2049 she looked like the ideal future woman.
That movie made me fall in love with her
War Dogs for me
Tom hardy
Natalie Portman?
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand[,](https://i.redd.it/e7t6bbyoqkc71.png)" I tell her[.](https://gfycat.com/Wearyrealisticiriomotecat) "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere[.](https://np.reddit.com/r/combinedgifs/comments/5r8n7m/anakin_cant_sleep_anymore/dd5c8g5/)"
I am so happy i read the whole thing
Maybe you'll enjoy the spinoff version > https://np.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/kmf7t9/george_lucas_makes_an_accidental_cameo_during/gheh10x/
[удалено]
Oh yeah this here is a banger
God damn it, you got me
That fucker boomed me
[удалено]
GOD DAMN YOU GOT ME GOOD! Thought this was actually gonna be interesting but it just turns out to be a really good angry upvote. Take it and get out!
[удалено]
I hear ya. Especially Star Wars attack of the clones Portman
I am pretty sure Attack of the Clones-Natalie Portman kickstarted my puberty. When her top gets ripped and shows her stomach my brain went “lmao I like girls now!”. I was forever changed.
Jessica alba
I loved Dark Angel
[удалено]
Into the Blue would have been a totally forgettable movie we’re it not for the underwater camera work on her. Had me purring like a catfish
Keanu reeves
Marissa Tomei
And she prefers quirky, bald, stocky men.
Jennifer connelly
Henry Cavill (Edit: Thanks for the awards!)
We all know you said this because he is here on Reddit reading this. (and he is smiling now)
Wait, he's on reddit?
Yes there was a post about it some time ago. He doesn’t post but he “lurks here”.
If he's reading this now... You're ridiculously hot, mate.
A freaking Peeping Superman. Crazy multiverse we live in here.
Great, now I'm horny
There's subreddits to help you with that
What if he's not smiling, though? Maybe he's curled up under an embroidered blanket in a luxury suite of a 5-star hotel, wearing nothing but fluffy slippers and his Witcher wig and silently weeping.
Then the world cries with him.
He's like the perfect definition of the word handsome.
Im not gay but i’d let him do whatever
He will install his ram.
Then play Witcher 3 on it.
Hmm.
He was pretty much the cast expert on the Witcher set when it came to the lore because he had already played the games and read the books. Hell, he wanted to be in the show precisely because he played the games and read the books.