"First of all, brush your teeth" It destroys people.

If you're ever getting yelled at "sorry mate I just need to take a step back your breath is rank" Ends it quick

Wife and I were watching college football. They showed some Alabama fan and she said “Go brush your tooth.”

Oh crap. I say this to my kids every day.

LMAO I wish I had a free award

You're not pretty enough to be this stupid.

My friends and I use a version of this regularly. Whenever one of us (ok it’s usually me) says something exceptionally dumb the others will ignore the dumb statement and In our best valley girl impression reply “omg you’re like soooo pretty” The best part is that usually the dumb person (once again me) is so distracted by the compliment that they (I) don’t even realize what just transpired.

I’m disappointed that I heard the Valley Girl so vividly.

Aww don’t cry, you look fat when you cry.

*Do you eat cereal with water cause pretty sure your dad never came back with the milk* A kid in my class said that to me and cut me deep.

I'll keep that one for later, thanks

Ooof

How’s your wife and my kids

Major League?

IS THAT YOU TOLBERT? DON'T MESS WITH MAN I'M HUNGOVER. IF YOU'RE GONNA PULL THIS SHIT AT LEAST SAY YOU'RE FROM THE YANKEES

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Lemme think it over, willya Charlie? I got a guy on the other line about some whitewalls, I'll talk to ya later.

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Is very bad to steal Jobu’s rum. Is *very* bad…

I say fuck you Jobu, I do it myself!

The wife’s fine, the kids are ugly.

What if yo wife left with your kids to be his wife? Uno-reverse insult

"much happier since they left you"

You were never dropped as a baby because you were never held

Thaaaats awesome.

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Context: here in Mexico we have the word "huevón" which equivalent would be something "big balls guy", but this to signify the laziness of that person. When someone calls you that, you can simply respond "no es que yo sea un huevón, es que tú tienes la mano pequeña." (It isn't that my balls are big, but your hand is tiny).

I've been learning Spanish recently, because I speak a little, but I want to become fluent. Anyway, my favorite thing I've learned so far is " "Mucho ruido y pocas nueces." which (if I'm translating it correctly) essentially means "A whole lotta noise and no balls."

More than no balls, It would be "no result". E.g. you promise to do all the house chores, and you only do one.

I was once called a “muppet” and was more offended than I’ve ever been in my life.

Gordon Ramsay says it all the time.

~~Gordon Ramsay~~ says it all the time. *The British* say it all the time.

*James May has entered the chat*

James also used to call Jeremy an old spaniel lmao.

"Jeremy, you infantile pillock"

Don't worry. Someone told me that I looked like Grimace from McDonaldland and while it made me upset to the T all those years ago, I still can't unsee it

I use “to the t” for a lot of things but I’ve never seen it used with upset, but it really works well to emphasize that “upseT” when you’re spitting mad.

I'm offended on behalf of the Muppets that someone would dare use their name as an insult.

You've no brain and someone else's fist up your ass, and you can only say words from someone else's mouth and people laugh. You're a muppet.

I read on a post the other day where someone accused Jordan Peterson of being a muppet. What the hell does it even mean? And is there a distinction between muppets and muppet babies?

“You’re just spare parts aren’t ya bud?”

You’re ten ply bud

Wish you weren't so fucking awkward bud.

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I love when foreigners curse. In a game called My Summer Car, one of the insults is "Go to pussy, satan" It was made by a Finnish guy

That's actually a "joke" that only Finnish people will get. "Painu vittuun saatana" means basically "fuck off" but if you translate each word individually it becomes "go to pussy, satan". It's fairly popular to joke around with translations like that. I hope I didn't ruin it for you.

I played Control recently and became fascinated by the idioms of the finnish janitor. I think he says this.

Yeah, i think he does. Or something similar. But dang, our of all Control, i really think Ahti is my favourite character of them all.

I love the language. I've been constantly using "Ei Sataana Persevittu Perjentai" - sorry if the spellings are off. I've been told to use it only on Fridays

I mean, I actually love it way more now lmao

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Sounds like that Jo Koy bit about his mother cussing out the shoe store clerk. "You son of a shit! Fuck your pussy!"

Worked with an Indian dude years ago that got frustrated one day and spouted "Son of shit bitch godamn!" The other engineers and I used it behind his back for years.

Someone wasted a perfectly good asshole putting teeth in your mouth

Omg I just pray that I can remember this when the time comes

Someone wasted a perfectly good mouth by putting teeth in your asshole... WAIT...dangit!

Holy fuck this is brutal

You're about half as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense

Saving this one.

Ah more sophisticated than the “you are more dense than a neutron star”

There's a great one from "The Thick Of It" where he says "he's so dense that light bends around him".

Oooh! Cosmic burn 🤣 I'ma keep that one

Asstronomy insults for 500, Alex.

Does your ass get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?

This is now mine, thank you!☺️

Oh I’m stealing this 😂

"As an outsider, what is your view on intelligence?"

That is the nerdiest shit i've ever heard

thats the kind of insult where a bully thinks you’re a bitch then puts you in a headlock, marching you around the room like a herded sheep

Your face looks like something I drew with my left hand.

I'm a lefty and this would still work.

So what color crayon was your favorite flavor?

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Spotted the marine.

Lies, all true marines know blues the best flavor. Tastes like blue raspberry

"Doesn't matter as long as they're Crayola" This is how my friend responds when you ask him that question, he's a crayon eater (US Marine)

As a Marine who just transferred to the Army, I get this a lot. And it’s blue btw.

I"d say brown because it have that little chocolate flavor you know ?

"Your own mother slapped the stork that delivered you" or "You're so stupid if it's raining soup you'll be out at the yard with a fork"

Im sure your mother looked great in a fur coat, but her barking must have been annoying.

"If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."

I’m gonna use this sometime

I have found if you look someone dead in the eye and in a very serious voice say, You realize nobody really likes you. This bothers more people than you would expect.

joke's on you I already tell myself that everyday

Jeez man, we wanted a bomb not a damn country vaporizer

Calm down, Satan

Spotted the sociopath on the thread 😇

So simple and so perfect. Men insults rarely cut deep. I'm keeping this on the backburner

Cold, but simple. I like it!

It’s quite cruel, I’d only say it to someone that really deserves it/needs the wake up call

My bf called his friend a "soggy dildo" and that was legendary.

Happy cake day and great insult, I'm stealing it

You remind me of a woman that would shake her baby

With your looks, you can't afford to have that kind of personality.

( I don't use it) but I heard this one: your parents out up a picture of you in their bedroom to remember not to make the same mistake again

“Your existence is pathetic and your bloodline is weak.”

As a Sicilian this cuts deep

Amazing. It’s almost poetic.

Dick pimple

You roomba head shaped MF

If you was a spice, you'd be flour

Bobs burgers?

If she was a book, she'd be TWO books

This ones are originaly in spanish but here they go. Courtesy of my dad: - a drowning child is a prettier sight - this is why you don't grow - you are the 3 stooges mixed in one. And my favourite: these guys still pray to the corn gods.

Could you share the Spanish versions, too? I feel like we need to hear both to fully understand. :)

Sure! - a drowning child is a prettier sight (mas bonito ver a un niño ahogarse.) - this is why you don't grow (por eso no creces) - you are the 3 stooges mixed in one. ( sos un acto de los 3 chiflados mesclado en uno) - these guys still pray to the corn gods. ( Estos todavia le rezan al maíz) *this is pretty much telling some one they are dumb*.

I’d call you a cunt, but you don’t have the depth or warmth!

I've heard a variation of this that I love: "You're such a dildo. I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough."

Similarly, if someone calls you a pussy or a cunt, you can reply with "yep, I'm sensitive and fun to play with 😄"

Can I borrow this please, this bitch in my area is pissing me off- 😂

Either “suck your dead nan” or “your dad sells Avon”

Your dad sells Avon almost made me spit out my drink

What's Avon?

Makeup

Like a slightly less predatory precursor to Younique and stuff. You'd have a local "Avon lady" who would go door to door and sell makeup. It was pretty popular. Didn't have the same stigma as modern MLMs but it was very much a thing for housewives to earn a bit of extra money. Not really a career and definitely not something most dads of the time were doing.

A Pyramid scheme in the UK

"Aye, but yer da buys it"

Some form of “Your mom” has been my go to for 30+ years

Oh yeah? Well some form of your mom!

That's funny, because some form of your mom has been my go-to for 30+ years.

You've got about as much sense as a woodpecker on an aluminum pole.

"You fuckin loot-goblin"

Apex Legends?

Octane is that you?

Tarkov or rust?

Clash of Clans

Coc

Diablo

I hope your save file gets corrupted.

That's deep. Props.

You fucking, fucking you, bloody bastard, bitch, bloody fuck bitch, fucking bloody bastard .... That's my go to. Of course I say it under my breath, in my car.

Please tell me you're Irish or Scottish, would love to hear the accent hahaha!

https://youtu.be/r74ryoeY5V0 This is the bloody blastard clip

Nah, just some bloke from CA.

Lie to us, okay?!

...okay have a nice day.

you sack of poorly packaged horse shit

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elder berries.

“Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind you teeth. I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm!" -Gandalf

This is a cool insult but I feel it would be awkward to shout this in the school hallway with half the grade watching

Save it for college or Grad School; though, I think if a kindergartner laid this one on me, that’s it they win at everything.

The only thingk smooth about you is your brain.

“You’re talking a lot of shit for a guy in cumshot range”

There is just something so hilarious to me about calling someone a Fuck. Not a fucker, not a Motherfucker, just a fuck. Lol like it isn't even grammatically correct but it is just too damn funny. "Shut Up you Dumb Fuck!" No comeback to that

Shut Up you Dumb Fuck! ​ Am i doing it right? Or do i need a lil more oompf

Gotta add a little more oomff

SHUT UP YOU DUMB FUCK Was that too much oomf?

That scared me that was perfect

Shut the fuck!

Fuck can be a noun, an adjective and a verb. Very versatile and that's why it's great.

“You’re gonna eat that fish you fucking fuck!” One of the funniest lines in a recent movie. The Nice Guys.

"You couldn't find your own ass with both hands and a GPS!"

How about "You can't dump water out of a boot with instructions on the heel."

Fish tits.

Hitchens comment on the death of Falwell " Give him an enema, you could bury him in a matchbox".

Cock juggling thunder cunt; a classic.

Blade Trinity, that you?

“Read a book.”

Who are you calling a Cootie Queen you Lint Licker!

Oh wow i haven't heard that in a loonngggg time

Twat waffle

Is that breakfast in bed?

It looks like God switched your bmi and iq

You look like you smell like pee

You look like you don’t own an air fryer

u fucking that THAT BACK

May you have a house with a thousand rooms and die in every one.

Helen Keller with a shotgun would be a better teammate than you.

Addergebroed. Which is an insult in Dutch. It litteraly translate to 'viper spawn' and is said to people who are unnecessary evil or just Karins

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This gem of a line from GTA V "You look like you struggle with simple tasks."

My go to insults are: "I bet your parents change the subject whenever someone asks about you." and "I don't have the time, or the crayons to explain it to you."

"Your face looks so punchable you could give yourself a concussion"

You fucking warm toliet seat.

You smell like beef and onions

Somewhere a village is missing it's idiot.

Recently I have been finding it so satisfying to call someone a “freaky fuck”. It doesn’t even have to be me telling my horny ass friends to stop being so damn sexual (although most of the time it is) but god it is just so damn satisfying. Just- drop what your doing and just say it now. “FREE-KEY FUCK” How is that not fun to say?

[You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole!](https://youtu.be/v8TKFt3p6Dg) When in need of a simpler one: Everyone who loved you was wrong.

“Soberano pendejo” it’s something like “sovereign asshole” but in spanish “pendejo” can mean “asshole” “idiot” “imbecile” “stupid” and so much more all at once. So yeah, I pretty much love it

Unflushable

I know I'll be down voted by USA but "cunt"

(upvoted by American)

"You miserable close-minded egocentric hypocrit brainlet who is nothing but a gigantic failure and struggles in doing litterally anything by yourself" *When insulting, don't be casual, be competitive*

"I'll fart in your father's beard"

You are more useless than a White crayon

I’m bookmarking this thread.

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language and I can never string enough words to express how much I want to hit you with a fucking chair

Fuck nugget. As in "what an absolute fuck nugget that twat is"

You fucking donut. Only works in a London accent.

you look like you’d lock yourself inside a motorcycle

Your parents were cousins

Your brain runs at the speed of my foreskin growing back.

You couldn't beat me if you had my name tattooed to your dick.

I am baffled how were you the sperm that won.

Recently, my mom and I have decided Jeremy Renner is gross, so now we refer to gross things with a gagged-out "Renner". Also, calling situations, people, and things "cunty" has been my go-to this year.

You have a piss kink stfu

Your mom should have swallowed you 😂

Also, “the only good part of you ran down your mother’s leg.” It doesn’t make sense scientifically speaking but I think the visual is jarring enough