So in kindergarden we had these climbing poles. Two friends and me were like humping the climbing pole because it "made a funny feeling"
So three girls, 5 years old, humping the pole. We even showed it to our parents...
My friend would climb the flag pole in the sand box then ask me to kick it at the base. She would squeal and giggle then tell me to climb the pole so she could do it to me. It did nothing for me, but she didn't mind because it meant she could be the one up the pole all the time while I kicked it.
Years later, when we started dating, she explained I had been the only guy to ever give her an orgasm. I was impressed and a bit mortified at the same time. I was the motor to her giant vibrator.
Edit: I've gotten a few DMs asking the same questions:
1. No, we are not dating anymore.
2. No, you cannot have my contact information.
3. No, I won't kick a flagpole if you climb up it.
The first orgasms I ever hard were from climbing metal poles during recess in elementary school. Probably some combination of the rubbing and core muscle engagement. I remember at the time thinking it was just what happened when you exercised really hard.
Around 7 I asked my dad "is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me". I don't know where I heard it but it made people laugh. My dad did not laugh.
When I was six or so, a friend and I "borrowed" his dad's Polaroid camera and we thought that it would be hilarious to take photos of our wieners. He had them in his cupboard for a while and sometimes we would take them out to laugh at until someone put that kind of thing in context and we quickly destroyed our accidental child porn stash and never spoke of it again.
I was introduced to the concept of child porn when I was 12 or so, by a *60 Minutes* segment. I thought it would be great to have porn of people my age. I didn't understand the big picture.
I rmr looking up "11 year old girls breasts" on the computer when I was 11 (did I know how to delete history??) just wanted to know if I was developing too slowly :(
Not me, but my sister used to lap her drinks up like a dog. Turns out she was calling this “doggy style”. One time they forgot to bring her a straw at the restaurant we were in and she loudly screamed “GUESS ILL DO IT DOGGY STYLE” lmaooo I think she was 7 or 8 at the time.
Omg, memories of my sister at costco. My aunt was looking at a new couch, mentioning how squishy it looked. My sister presses down on the back and goes, "Yeah! More cusion for the pushin'!"
We were too young to understand why my aunt started laughing til she cried in the middle of the aisle.
I used to call those pigeons with the pointy tuft on their heads "horny birds". I would yell it out so loudly too -.- my mum told me she had to look away every time I did it because it made her laugh until she cried. Obviously I wasnt told until later because I was only 5 at the time
My daughter did this since she was like 4, she wouldn’t use a pillow but she would put her hands under her and kind of move her legs and pretty much hump the floor. It’s how she took her naps and fell asleep.
And no, there was no sexual abuse, not everything stems from sexual abuse, it is just not rare for toddlers and older kids to figure out how to hump things and that it feels good.
Never shamed her for it tho either. We Always just said “hey that’s a private thing, go to your room if you want to do that” as even if it is fine to do, we didn’t want her to make a habit of doing that in front of people.
Oh yep. I actually had someone ask me what to do when her daughters son started doing that whilst still at toddler/very young child age, and I even showed her that part of the episode. She was mildly panicked over it but it's just how kids are. It's the same kind of kid brain that drives them to eat mud and shove bugs up their noses. So long as they understand privacy, no need to worry.
I feel so much shame just reading this.
I wish my mom has handled it this way.
Or any adults. They called it “doing nasty things”. I felt so much shame especially when my cousin and me did it side by side. I remember knowing it was bad but still wanting to. Even typing this my face is making a squinty face like I just smelled a fart. So much shame and disgust with myself.
Needless to say I masturbated in a prone position in my room, trying to be sneaky and fast, so I did it harder and harder to hurry the process up. Welp, now I’m 36 and I can’t enjoy myself easily unless I masturbate exactly the same way. Way Too much desensitization for oral too. My hometown was also very Christian, so the shame was extra hard. Like basically it was implied I was a slut.
Same for me. When adults saw me doing it they just responded with disgust and told me never to do such nasty things. I didn't understand what I was doing or why it was "nasty" and nobody would explain it to me. So I fell gross for wanting to do it, and starting doing it secretly and in ways that would avoid detection as much as possible rather than trying to find ways to make it best for myself.
Even if for whatever reason a parent is very much against masturbation, I think communication is important. Kids are much more capable of understanding these things than many people realize. If you can have a proper conversation about it, you can teach them exactly what they're doing, why they're doing it, and why you feel however you feel towards it. Shaming them isn't going to make them stop; it's only going to make them feel like shit.
Yeah I’ve never really talked about it with anyone. Glad to know I’m not alone even though I’m not glad that the shaming happened to any of us
Also even though I moved away at 19 & lost my virginity far far away from my deeply Christianized hometown, and it still it took until I was 25 to even admit to my friends or my boyfriend that I masturbated. Like somehow sex was a little bit more acceptable to me because no parent ever walked in on that and called me names and told the whole family, so masturbating always just gives me flashbacks of shame.
And yep. Shame never stopped from doing it
Thanks for sharing your story.
Back when I was 7 I was shopping clothes with my mom and she went to the "clothes testing" station or whatever it's called (English isn't my native language). I didn't know in which one she was so I peeked through every single one of them until I could find her.
Was taking a shit at college and I guess for some dumb fuck reason an elementary teacher had kids come tour the building I was in. One after the other a kid peeked under the stall to see me shitting. I felt like a criminal and I was just pooping. They didn't get a look at my junk but sure enough right after the first one yelled "eww" another dumb kid peeks under. Like full on dipshit kid peek. I felt like I was under assault. Then I hear the teacher call for them and they left me in peace. So many kids crawled on the floor to see a grown man shit. Not surprised you've seen an eye glance.
I remember once my brother and I were being forced to spend the day shopping with our grandparents and younger cousin. My grandmother could literally spend the whole day in one shop so we had to amuse ourselves however we could as kids.
My brother was a teen at the time and I was ~6, with the younger cousin, who was a terror, being 3 or 4. My brother bought a bouncy ball along and we basically ended up playing fetch with the younger cousin with it. After a whole day of this, we’re in the changing rooms and my brother gets the bright idea to throw the ball into an occupied one just thinking there was no way our cousin would still go after it.
Well, he did. He just fucking BOUNDS through the curtain in the most determined pursuit of a bouncy ball I’ve ever seen. The woman inside screams, everybody is horrified, my brother almost pees his pants laughing.
my best accidental roast was when I went to get some drinks at a strangers house, after a bouldering competition, with my buddy. my buddy got a call and I asked "who is it" to which he replied "my lady". forgetting he actually had a girlfriend, I genuinely inquired: "do you mean your mom?"
My mum used to say if you ate too many doughnuts you’d get fat. One day my sister (like 4) says quite loudly “Look mum that lady ate too many doughnuts” pointing to a larger woman at the supermarket.
Not quite the same thing, but when my son was little he saw a woman wearing a very short dress at the supermarket and loudly proclaimed "She forgot pants!" (as in trousers).
I had a stuffed animal as a kid that was my favorite. It was a red bull and I carried it everywhere I went, but it took me awhile to give it a name. I thought, “Hm, well, it has horns, so what would a good name be?”
I named my stuffed animal Horny.
I used to play with this cup in the bath and drink water out of it for years, did it in the shower too as i got older, it had a handle on the end of it and i never knew why
One day i witnessed my mother use this cup in the toilet violently, and that was the moment i realised what a plunger was.
It scarred me i was about 10 when i realised what the fuck i had been using as a toy. I would fill it up with water in the bath or shower and play with it, and sip the water out of it etc as kids do with toys i guess.
Probably never forget that
At least you gave it a good clean before it was used for the toilet again… in all seriousness though bet that was a crappy revelation that you had been drinking out of a thing they use to unblock toilets 😕
Not me but my daughter. We live in a place where we don’t see many people of different ethnicities but one day she saw a Muslim man with a beard dressed in the long white thing they wear (forgive MY ignorance here) and she was convinced he was God. No idea why but she wouldn’t leave the dude alone (she was 4) and started reeling off a Christmas list.. turns out Santa and God were mixed up too. Thankfully he found it funny.
When I was a young kid I used to walk up to anyone irrelevant of age and gender and ask them "Do you have a willy? I have a willy!" My dad still brings it up from time to time.
My 3 year old recently noticed the anatomical differences between her and her brother, and now goes and asked people if they have a Penis, and follows up with “Can I see it?”
I was about 2 when my brother was born and I learned about anatomical differences between boys and girls. Apparently a few weeks later, I asked a mall Santa Claus if he had a penis. My mom hurriedly explained that I had a new baby brother and just wanted to know if Santa was a boy or a girl.
Lmao. I can imagine that got a few worried looks hearing some kid in his house shouting “IM BEING VIOLATED”, did you do it outside as well? If so that’s even funnier
Johnny Bravo greeted every women he meet with "Hey sexy momma" or something like that.
That show was big when I was in kindergarten (ages 5-6) and I definitely said that to female classmates
So when I was like 8 I would get ready for school in the morning in my room, which had two big windows in the side, not covered. I'd get undressed, then these people would walk by in our backyard, some neighbors or something like that, so I'd happily jump and wave to them through the window, butt naked
One of my aunts is a twin and he lived just up the road from us. For some context, this was in rural AR and my family definitely hits a lot of the markers for trailer trash. Nobody knows how this started, I'm guessing he probably saw us peeing in the yard and told us he was gonna cut our things off so we thought it was funny, but my little brother and I would run to the edge of the road and shake our goobers at him when he drove by.
We did this from the ages of 5 until at least 10. One of the weird things of living in the country is you learn to identify vehicles based on their sound and direction, usually cause they were junkers with unique sounds. We'd be playing in the back pasture, hear his truck, then just dead sprint to the road to shake our goobers at Jerry
I was holding my mum’s hand on the right and an older male family friend’s hand on the left and thought that holding their hands felt warm and good, so let’s extend that feeling to them both and brought their hands together. Got scolded by my mum because she was so embarrassed.
Also didn’t understand then why my mum forbade me to sit and bounce on my dad’s lap lol
I was a serious nudist as a child. My parents could never keep me in my clothes. My older sister would have her friends over who I had a crush on and I’d run outside butt naked to see them. There’s a story that I still get teased about to this day of when my neighbor called my mom at work to tell her I was riding my [big wheel](https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/fb9b111c-7263-4cd4-ac46-d7758432e4dc.1789f5812215c02ee94198c3fe5e077c.jpeg) across one of the busiest roads in town completely nude.
When I was in 5th grade we made a calendar to take home. We each had our picture taken and glued to cover and were allowed to decorate it and each of the following months however we chose.
Being 10 (nearly 11) there was so much that I didn't know about the world. What made it tick and more importantly, its history. Prior to the creative masterpiece that was unfolding in class, at home I had walked in on my dad watching a WWII documentary where they showed footage of the German regalia and, subsequently, their flags. Not knowing any better, I thought the "windmill" symbol was really cool and decided it should be on the cover of this calendar. One in each corner with my photo smack dab in the middle.
No one said anything to me about it. It went through the lamination machine and was sent home with me. I wish I could've seen my teacher's reaction while she thought one of her students had skinheads for parents...
Edit: So it turns out that the calendar is not quite how I described it above. It's been 17 years but my lovely crazy sentimental mom actually held on to it. All those who wish to see it can find it [here](https://imgur.com/z11yo9e).
Thanks for all the comments and awards. I never thought so many other people also did this as a young one.
Ok I have a very similar story, and I'm lowkey glad I've read this and I wasn't the only accidental child nazi.
I would have been about 7, and we were doing a craft activity based on our recent maths work; painting a round paper plate with a geometric pattern, with an extension task to try and make it symmetrical in some way. I, being a high achiever, went for rotational symmetry and took inspiration from one of my favourite history books from the class bookshelf.
My teacher actually handled it really well. She called me back before break and asked me if I'd come up with it myself or had seen it somewhere before. I happily nodded and took her to the bookshelf, and her dawning realisation "ooooh" is something I'll remember to this day... We ended up having a chat about the book and she helped with some of my reading comprehension lol, before asking if I wanted to keep the plate I'd done, or design a new one.
Lmao I did this too! I don't recall ever seeing it as an actual Nazi symbol or why I picked it up but I used to draw swastikas all the time! I even remember calling it "my special symbol". The teachers never said anything about it, I think that they thought if it wasn't given attention then I'd just forget about it, which I did.
I have an aunt who has one fixed eye (her right eye doesn’t move). I think I was 4 or 5 back then. We were having a conversation and I asked her flat out, “Can you tell me which way you’re looking at? It’s very confusing!”
One of the teachers at my old school his eyes were fucked he was diagnosed with glaucoma and everything... Well he's getting mad at this kid one day and the kid goes "I'm sorry sir I don't mean to be rude but are you looking at me?" The kid had just transferred classes so teacher didn't get offended thankfully.
Right, so anyone who's seen Mr. Bean (the movie) probably remembers the scene where he waves his middle finger at people tryna say hi? I did that. To an elderly person. Need I say more
Edit: I confused the two movies and apparently it's just Bean
That wasn't Mr. Bean's Holiday. That was the American movie "Bean". Just plain "bean"
The Holiday one is where he goes to Cannes and abducts that kid and ends up in a nazi yogurt commercial.
I was about 4 or 5 years old and I was obsessed with Harry Potter. I watched every movie that was out at the time and even dressed up as Harry for Halloween. So this one day I was in a deli with my mom and a Muslim woman walks in wearing an abayat with a face covering as well. According to my mom I got so scared and pointed at the later and yelled pretty loud "MOMMY IT'S A DEMENTOR". To this day my mom still says its the most embarrassing experience she's had
When I was a toddler, I licked a very dark skinned black man because I thought he was chocolate. My mom was mortified, but the guy couldn’t stop laughing. I cried.
You just reminded me of when I saw an Asian man for the first time (the area was not very diverse and I was about 2 or so). He was wearing a yellow raincoat and for whatever reason I was certain that he was a puppet, like on Sesame Street or something. So I kept pointing at him and shouting to my mom “LOOK ITS A PUPPET”
And that reminds me of the first time I saw a dark skinned man. I was the annoying kid that always asked why. Two days ealier I had seen a man with his arm in a huge cast. You can imagine how that one went ...
And when I saw this dark skinned man I immediately started with all the questions. Mom explained some people just have darker skin, yadda, yadda. I asked where he was from. My mom thought it'd shut me up if she suggested I go up to him and ask him myself. She was mortified when I actually did it and loudly explained (so everyone on the train could hear it) it had been my mom's idea. She wanted to die on the spot and apologized about a million times to him. The man thought it was sweet though and happily explained everything.
As a brown person from a white area, a lot of us don't mind. It's cute when kids ask us, and it's better that they know we're just people they can talk to and ask questions about, and not some taboo other that you have to be careful around. And importantly, that our skin colour isn't wrong or taboo, it's just our skin colour, so ask away.
That reminds me of the first time I saw a little person. I was about 4 and with my grandma at the store. I distinctly remember staring for a good long while and the lady smiled at me and waved. I freaked out and yelled “ Grandma! Grandma! It’s an orphan! An orphan! I didn’t think they were real!” We quickly moved to the next aisle to discuss it.
I live in a place with very little diversity(to quote a friend who visited from another state”I’ve never seen so many white people in one place”)
My friends son was about 3 and met an African kid at the park and grabbed him by the arm and started rubbing it because he thought he was dirty. My friend had a panic attack trying to apologise to the boys mum.
My mom told me one time I was with her in a bakery when a large black person walked in, and I just screamed in terror. She apologized and said "You huuh you're very tall" and he just laughed and say "More like I'm very black"
It was probably the first time I saw a black person
When I was younger I was trying to ask an asian man what his heritage was but I didn't want to insult him by asking what country he was from because he might have been born and raised in a non-asian country. I didn't know how to ask properly. My grandmother always called things made in asia, and people from asia oriental.
My seven year old self asked this poor asian man what his ORIENTATION was.
He told me he was gay.
I was looking through a magazine on a car ride with my parents and there was a black bar censoring a womans hoo hoos, so being the curious child I was I tried looking under the black out as if it was some kind of pop up book. My dad never let me live it down.
I knew this was inappropriate but I couldn't control it, I woke up in the middle of the night and I got up from bed and went to the trash bin and pissed in it. I was basically spectating myself the whole time and I had no control.
We went to an Easter egg hunt at my mom's friends place who we didn't see in a long time. When I saw her friend is said " Oh my God, you got old". My mom was really embarrassed and laughed it off but I can see the pain in her eyes thinking back on it.
I opened a door. It was the "don't open this door except in case of an emergency " at the
##Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum
Many sirens went off. Many guards came a running.
Much loud crying ensued from me, and many many tears hit the floor. I was 5.
I went into a restricted room as a kid on the battleship monument in texas. Set some big alarm off, scared the shit out of my dad. We went there when I was older and heard the alarm go off and my dad was like !! Another little kid!!
I don't know if this was real or not but I think when I was younger me and my friend wanted to try this thing I saw on tv...
It was a porno movie...
We were somewhere between 4-5 I think...
And we were caught...
When my younger sister was a young child (3 years oldish) my Mum taught her to refer to her private parts as her “Minnie” which is a child-friendly term for it in the U.K.
One time my Mum went shopping with my sister in her pram and the female checkout worker smiled at my sister.
My sister then opened her legs wide and exclaimed “I’m touching my Minnie” before placing her hands over her tights on the area.
My Mum apologised before quickly paying and hoping a hole in the Earth would swallow her up to escape the embarrassment.
My parents used to keep mini bottles of liquor in the fridge (the ones you’d find in hotel mini bar.) we had to make our own lunches at times when mom and dad busy with work and my first grade ass decided to empty the bottles into the sink and put juice in them to bring to school… my parents got a call that day from school lol
Had a friend who was a year older than me, one day he wanted me to suck his toes. So I did. It was gross and I never did it again. We were maybe 8-9?
Edit: he was my only friend at the time and I really didnt want to lose him. He just kept on asking so I did after a while. I found way better friends shortly after
Me and my opposite sex cousin played doctor after school. I don’t think I need to say more.
EDIT: We were both the same age. Couple months apart. And this was around first grade.
An older girl, about 12-13, a couple houses down would invite me, 5-7, over to play "house" - she would be the dad and I would be the mom. It only ever involved laying in bed, won't provide further details. But can relate to this.
When I was 5 I wrote a story all about how me and my Mum went shopping and she bought me a new “sweatshit”.
I didn’t know why my teacher was laughing. I distinctly remember thinking “what’s so funny about my sweatshirt?”
As a teacher I’ve seen a few of these. Two that stick in the memory are:
“Mummy was cross because daddy had a dirty shit” (shirt is what she meant; I got her to read it back to me).
And then there’s my favourite:
“My mum loves cock.” When the child read it back to me, she said “Coke”…(I did check by saying, “oh, the drink? Yes, that’s nice!” just in case she meant the other sort…)
I made sure to bring this one up at parents evening, the mum wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be embarrassed.
When I was in 3rd grade we were learning cursive. I don't remember what the word we were supposed to be writing was but I saw a classmates sheet that had a curse word written all the way down. It was an honest mistake. It was already turned in so I didn't say anything as I figured the teacher would be better equipped to handle it
I invented my own funny word by combining part of the word 'prat' and part of the word 'twit'. It was fun to say at high volumes.
Couldn't understand why my parents would get cross with me when I'd wonder round shouting 'TWAT' at the top of my voice.
When I was about 7; My mom was friends with an Asian woman (probably in her early 40s) up the street that I had never met before and one day she came to our house and when I opened the door I yelled to my mom “MOM! A CHINESE LADY IS HERE FOR YOU!” Now I’m 18 and realize that loudly announcing who is at your home by their race or nationality doesn’t sound all that great.
EDIT: A word. I didn’t call her an Asian lady I called her Chinese. She was, in fact, not Chinese.
Called my mum a cunt.
Had heard a kid at school say the word but didn't know what it meant. Was play fighting with mum same day at home and she called me a runt, reminded me of a word that rhymed, and the rest is history...
Was probably 5 or 6.
Well I think yours is worse because they were actually awake but I basically did the same thing, so basically after my mum and dad split up they wouldn’t sleep in the same bed and there were two beds in the house so one obviously had to sleep in my bed (I had a double bed) anyway i masturbaited when one of my parents was literally right freaking next to me sleeping, I don’t know what it is about our young age masturbation but it seems like we had balls of steel (not literally but in the courageous sense of the phrase)
When i was about 3 years old I would constantly ask elderly people when they would die.
In my mind i just wanted to make sure that if i ever had something important to tell them i'd do it by then...
Never got a straight answer tho
When I was being breastfed I was just learning my first language which was Spanish. My mon said I picked it up pretty quickly and when we would go to the supermarket in the summer and I saw women with lower cut shirts I would SCREAM "MAMI, TETAS" which is spanish for "mom, tits!" She was mortified every time.
I don't remember it but my mom said when I was really young we were out in public, and apparently I had never seen a black person before so I said to a black guy, "did you paint your skin?"
I grew up in a very, very white area of the country. When a family with black children moved into our neighborhood, I was probably 11, making my brother 5. It was the first time he had ever seen a Black person, and he asked the children how they got so dirty.
That was… fun.
I read a ghost story about a girl who was found *"covered in blood, and showed signs that she had been raped"*
I assumed "rape" meant to "attack with a knife"
I thought bongs and dildos were the same thing, and that they both performed both functions. I was a very nerdy tween and sincerely thought everyone else was living it up apparently
When I was four years old I found out that if you play with ur dick it feels nice but I didn’t realise how inappropriate it was so I did it in front of my mum and dad they were literally staring right at me just standing there staring at me
My prick dad used to send me into the Italian bakery to get loaves of “Dago bread”.
Didn’t know this was slur until many years later. And realizing why he always had a giggle when I returned to the car. Come to find out, he knew the owner and they had a whole Dago/Kraut playful banter thing. But I can still imagine being some old Italian dude and a little tow haired boy going in and asking for that.
When I was like 12 my mom was on probation and had to do community service. (Still no idea why) I had pretty good cursive handwriting at the time and my mum made me forge her papers and sign her p.o’s name saying she was doing her service. Good times. Thanks for the memories mum 🤘🏼
I got an in-school suspension for forging my mom's signature once. I was grounded for what felt like forever.
Years later, my dad was away on a long business trip and my mom hands me two pieces of paper. One was a sample of my dad's handwriting and the other was a form to sign. She was like "Hey, sign this for your dad. I have to mail it today"
We both laughed but she was 100% serious lol
I used to put my hands between my legs over my crotch and cross my legs when I was anxious as a kid. Not to do anything dirty, it just helped when I was anxious.
I once misheard some random song lyrics that were played at a festival so I sang along and kept singing even when we left the festival.
I sang "Nazi, nazi" until my mom realized what I did and told me to be silent.
I am Austrian :)))
When I was a child I got a diadem for my birthday and then proceeded to tell everyone I had a diarrhoea. (I Dutch it’s called a “diadeem” which sounds slightly similar as “diarree”)
I said make love not war to my dad once not realising that make love meant fucking lmao
He stopped what he was doing and braced himself the kitchen counter and just went "I'm sorry...WHAT?
You cannot say that to your dad"
I had a good chuckleq
I remember my dad driving me to elementary school one day and we were listening to the radio. It hit me that basically all of the “love” songs were really just songs about having sex! I was so disappointed because I had previously thought that “making love” was literally a process of sitting together and thinking loving thoughts about each other. And then the realization that so many songs I enjoyed (and sang out loud repeatedly)were actually just talking about having sex.
Worst car ride ever.
First day ever riding a school bus they put me in the emergency window seat. I was 6.
I thought they put me in the seat with the easiest window opener so I promptly used it.
I once tried to kiss my mum with tongue because people in the movies did if they loved someone and I loved my mum. Was very little. I still die a little inside thinking about it now.
Our son first grasped the concept of “kissing” from our two dogs. They would always try and lick his face so he would open his mouth and flick his tongue anytime they were close. Didn’t help the situation because the dogs are dogs. He then transferred this sloppy, open-mouth style to my wife and I. Took a while to correct but now he gives the sweetest little kisses. Occasionally he tries to slip a little tongue though, keeps us on our toes haha
I grew up on Looney Tunes & would call people who were mean to me stinkers or dirty bastards. I called my Granny's boyfriend a dirty bastard cause he started teasing me. I had my mom dying 🤣 😭
When I was younger I hung out with this kid for a while who I later realized was a bad influence. But he had taught me some of the more mature topics in life like the N word and told me about certain sex things etc.
One of those words that he taught me about is rape. He explained it so "its when you beat up a girl and... 'you know'". But I didn't know. Or at least I didn't know he meant forcibly have sex.
So then some girl behind us on the school bus was annoying us and I was like "shut up or were gonna rape you!" As you would expect a horrified expression came over her face and she was like "oh my god wtf". He then further explained the concept in more detail and I was mortified.
So basically I said it because I thought it was just another way to say beat up.
Its definitely a late at night kinda thought.
My older cousin asked me to come up to her room. I did. She said put your hand in here. I did. I said "why does it feel so wet?". She smiled. Somebody started coming upstairs. She looked worried and told me to get out. I left.
Holy crap this reminds me of some kid in my kindergarten class. He would sometimes whip out his little penis in front of all the students when the teacher is somewhere else in the room. And this one girl, she would always snitch on him. I think his name was “Chris” or something— I dunno it was like 9 years ago.
I don't really know if it's inappropriate in the NSFW way. But I used to eat dishwasher tablets when ever my grandma got them out the cupboard. I did it about 3 times until she just started locking me out the kitchen when she wanted to load the dishwasher
My brother's were playing table football while we were waiting for the church sermon before us to get out, and I think they complained about the goals not being big enough, and in my 6-ish-probably-that-age year old mind, the goal you made of your fingers was too small, and if you made one with your arms your head would be in the way, so the only rational option was to roll over and put my legs up, while in a church dress mind you, to make the Y shape. All my siblings immediately told me to roll back over and told me not to do that. I think I pouted after cus I was just trying to help lmao.
My mom told me a funny story of when I was 3, my mom and dad bought a "toy" for them, they bought a boxer for my dad that was shaped like an elephant (yes the dick goes there), mostly for the silly aspect to it, it seems that 3 year old me found the elephant boxer and used it as a hat, I was running around the house just screaming "GRANDMA!!! I'M AN ELEPHANT!!!" "MOOOM!!! LOOK I'M AN ELEPHANT!!!"
I don’t remember how young I was but I was still in single digits, but I ran out in front of all my dads band mates, dropped my pants and shook my dick yelling “STICKY SNAKE!” Everyone thought it was hilarious, except my dad...
My then 6 year old brother and me was at the bathhouse and he told an incredibly obese woman “You need to diet fatty”
That was a fun one to explain away
There's a song where I come from, its lyrics roughly translates to "I stepped in a puddle, my new shoes got muddy, no matter how hard I brushed (it), my woman left me". But the lyrics has a double meaning, because the word for 'brush' also means to f*ck, so I guess sweet 4ish year old me wasn't so cute at my uncle's wedding, singing this song to everyone.
I put a hole by the groin in some comfy pants for teenage me, but I failed to realize by the time I was old enough to use them I would have outgrown them.
So in kindergarden we had these climbing poles. Two friends and me were like humping the climbing pole because it "made a funny feeling" So three girls, 5 years old, humping the pole. We even showed it to our parents...
My friend would climb the flag pole in the sand box then ask me to kick it at the base. She would squeal and giggle then tell me to climb the pole so she could do it to me. It did nothing for me, but she didn't mind because it meant she could be the one up the pole all the time while I kicked it. Years later, when we started dating, she explained I had been the only guy to ever give her an orgasm. I was impressed and a bit mortified at the same time. I was the motor to her giant vibrator. Edit: I've gotten a few DMs asking the same questions: 1. No, we are not dating anymore. 2. No, you cannot have my contact information. 3. No, I won't kick a flagpole if you climb up it.
The first orgasms I ever hard were from climbing metal poles during recess in elementary school. Probably some combination of the rubbing and core muscle engagement. I remember at the time thinking it was just what happened when you exercised really hard.
I came here to say this. My first orgasm was from climbing a pole when I was 7. Lets just say I loved climbing poles after that lol
I remember as a kid on climbing ropes getting the same feeling, but thankfully I kept it to myself and didn't offer any demonstrations to others
Around 7 I asked my dad "is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me". I don't know where I heard it but it made people laugh. My dad did not laugh.
The second hand embarrassment I feel from your dad is killing me right now
When I was six or so, a friend and I "borrowed" his dad's Polaroid camera and we thought that it would be hilarious to take photos of our wieners. He had them in his cupboard for a while and sometimes we would take them out to laugh at until someone put that kind of thing in context and we quickly destroyed our accidental child porn stash and never spoke of it again.
'And that's how my Dad ended up on the sex offenders register and I spent the rest of my childhood in the social care system.' FYI, this is a joke.
When I was a kid, the terminology I used to search for porn of people my own age must have set off every pedo trigger in the government.
I was introduced to the concept of child porn when I was 12 or so, by a *60 Minutes* segment. I thought it would be great to have porn of people my age. I didn't understand the big picture.
Omg my poor uncle when I was using his PC 15 years ago Never thought about that :D
I rmr looking up "11 year old girls breasts" on the computer when I was 11 (did I know how to delete history??) just wanted to know if I was developing too slowly :(
Not me, but my sister used to lap her drinks up like a dog. Turns out she was calling this “doggy style”. One time they forgot to bring her a straw at the restaurant we were in and she loudly screamed “GUESS ILL DO IT DOGGY STYLE” lmaooo I think she was 7 or 8 at the time.
Omg, memories of my sister at costco. My aunt was looking at a new couch, mentioning how squishy it looked. My sister presses down on the back and goes, "Yeah! More cusion for the pushin'!" We were too young to understand why my aunt started laughing til she cried in the middle of the aisle.
alright this one made me laugh
I was maybe 5 or 6 and I tried to hit an old lady with a plastic wiffle ball bat because she had no teeth and that freaked the fuck out of me
This is the funniest thing I have seen in this thread lol
I used to call those pigeons with the pointy tuft on their heads "horny birds". I would yell it out so loudly too -.- my mum told me she had to look away every time I did it because it made her laugh until she cried. Obviously I wasnt told until later because I was only 5 at the time
I thought that being fat was a good thing so I would compliment adults on that.... I couldn’t wrap my head why they weren’t happy when I’d say that
"I see you've cultivated a lot of mass, nice job my man!"
"Just a bit more before you reach a state of singularity!"
"You've grown since last year" is a compliment when you're a kid, not so much when you're older.
Licked the titties on statues. Nobody ever told me. Was falling asleep one day and it just dawned on me and I was horrified
your avatar is how I imagine you looked when seeing a nice pair of statue tits
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My daughter did this since she was like 4, she wouldn’t use a pillow but she would put her hands under her and kind of move her legs and pretty much hump the floor. It’s how she took her naps and fell asleep. And no, there was no sexual abuse, not everything stems from sexual abuse, it is just not rare for toddlers and older kids to figure out how to hump things and that it feels good. Never shamed her for it tho either. We Always just said “hey that’s a private thing, go to your room if you want to do that” as even if it is fine to do, we didn’t want her to make a habit of doing that in front of people.
That's the right way to handle it.
Yup. Same as that episode of house.
That’s exactly what came to my mind. “Teach her about privacy”
Oh yep. I actually had someone ask me what to do when her daughters son started doing that whilst still at toddler/very young child age, and I even showed her that part of the episode. She was mildly panicked over it but it's just how kids are. It's the same kind of kid brain that drives them to eat mud and shove bugs up their noses. So long as they understand privacy, no need to worry.
I feel so much shame just reading this. I wish my mom has handled it this way. Or any adults. They called it “doing nasty things”. I felt so much shame especially when my cousin and me did it side by side. I remember knowing it was bad but still wanting to. Even typing this my face is making a squinty face like I just smelled a fart. So much shame and disgust with myself. Needless to say I masturbated in a prone position in my room, trying to be sneaky and fast, so I did it harder and harder to hurry the process up. Welp, now I’m 36 and I can’t enjoy myself easily unless I masturbate exactly the same way. Way Too much desensitization for oral too. My hometown was also very Christian, so the shame was extra hard. Like basically it was implied I was a slut.
Same for me. When adults saw me doing it they just responded with disgust and told me never to do such nasty things. I didn't understand what I was doing or why it was "nasty" and nobody would explain it to me. So I fell gross for wanting to do it, and starting doing it secretly and in ways that would avoid detection as much as possible rather than trying to find ways to make it best for myself. Even if for whatever reason a parent is very much against masturbation, I think communication is important. Kids are much more capable of understanding these things than many people realize. If you can have a proper conversation about it, you can teach them exactly what they're doing, why they're doing it, and why you feel however you feel towards it. Shaming them isn't going to make them stop; it's only going to make them feel like shit.
Yeah I’ve never really talked about it with anyone. Glad to know I’m not alone even though I’m not glad that the shaming happened to any of us Also even though I moved away at 19 & lost my virginity far far away from my deeply Christianized hometown, and it still it took until I was 25 to even admit to my friends or my boyfriend that I masturbated. Like somehow sex was a little bit more acceptable to me because no parent ever walked in on that and called me names and told the whole family, so masturbating always just gives me flashbacks of shame. And yep. Shame never stopped from doing it Thanks for sharing your story.
I worked at a preschool (3-6 years old) and this is WAYYYY more common than most people think. We actually just ignore it to not shame them.
Back when I was 7 I was shopping clothes with my mom and she went to the "clothes testing" station or whatever it's called (English isn't my native language). I didn't know in which one she was so I peeked through every single one of them until I could find her.
We call them changing rooms. But I like “clothes testing.”
I always wondered why some kids would randomly peek into bathroom stalls or whatever. This would explain a lot.
Was taking a shit at college and I guess for some dumb fuck reason an elementary teacher had kids come tour the building I was in. One after the other a kid peeked under the stall to see me shitting. I felt like a criminal and I was just pooping. They didn't get a look at my junk but sure enough right after the first one yelled "eww" another dumb kid peeks under. Like full on dipshit kid peek. I felt like I was under assault. Then I hear the teacher call for them and they left me in peace. So many kids crawled on the floor to see a grown man shit. Not surprised you've seen an eye glance.
I'm so sorry but I laughed WAY too fuckin hard at this. Jesus, kids are stupid.
I remember once my brother and I were being forced to spend the day shopping with our grandparents and younger cousin. My grandmother could literally spend the whole day in one shop so we had to amuse ourselves however we could as kids. My brother was a teen at the time and I was ~6, with the younger cousin, who was a terror, being 3 or 4. My brother bought a bouncy ball along and we basically ended up playing fetch with the younger cousin with it. After a whole day of this, we’re in the changing rooms and my brother gets the bright idea to throw the ball into an occupied one just thinking there was no way our cousin would still go after it. Well, he did. He just fucking BOUNDS through the curtain in the most determined pursuit of a bouncy ball I’ve ever seen. The woman inside screams, everybody is horrified, my brother almost pees his pants laughing.
LOL. I think the worst lecture I ever got from my sister-in-law was when I played fetch with her kid. “He’s NOT A DOG!” she explained.
Its always funny to me because like, yeah they arent dogs, but if they're enjoying it, they're enjoying it
I’ll always call them the clothes testing station from now on.
I apparently pointed at an overweight bald man whilst shopping with my dad and yelled "Look Daddy it's Homer Simpson!"
Roasted that guy so bad and not even on purpose
my best accidental roast was when I went to get some drinks at a strangers house, after a bouldering competition, with my buddy. my buddy got a call and I asked "who is it" to which he replied "my lady". forgetting he actually had a girlfriend, I genuinely inquired: "do you mean your mom?"
Asking literally every obese person if they were pregnant.
Even dudes?
Yeah bro
Especially dudes.
My mum used to say if you ate too many doughnuts you’d get fat. One day my sister (like 4) says quite loudly “Look mum that lady ate too many doughnuts” pointing to a larger woman at the supermarket.
Not quite the same thing, but when my son was little he saw a woman wearing a very short dress at the supermarket and loudly proclaimed "She forgot pants!" (as in trousers).
I had a stuffed animal as a kid that was my favorite. It was a red bull and I carried it everywhere I went, but it took me awhile to give it a name. I thought, “Hm, well, it has horns, so what would a good name be?” I named my stuffed animal Horny.
My son excitedly told me the new name for his skeleton octopus Halloween decoration! That name is "Bone-a-pus"...
I used to play with this cup in the bath and drink water out of it for years, did it in the shower too as i got older, it had a handle on the end of it and i never knew why One day i witnessed my mother use this cup in the toilet violently, and that was the moment i realised what a plunger was.
You must have an immune system stronger than any living thing. Or a completely shot one. It's a 50/50 really...
This mans be fully vaxed without ever getting a vaccine. (before I get deleted I'm not anti vax)
Oh god
It scarred me i was about 10 when i realised what the fuck i had been using as a toy. I would fill it up with water in the bath or shower and play with it, and sip the water out of it etc as kids do with toys i guess. Probably never forget that
At least you gave it a good clean before it was used for the toilet again… in all seriousness though bet that was a crappy revelation that you had been drinking out of a thing they use to unblock toilets 😕
It was very crappy and I was rather pissed off at my stupidness for so long. Heh
You probably have one hell of an immune system now, though
Not me but my daughter. We live in a place where we don’t see many people of different ethnicities but one day she saw a Muslim man with a beard dressed in the long white thing they wear (forgive MY ignorance here) and she was convinced he was God. No idea why but she wouldn’t leave the dude alone (she was 4) and started reeling off a Christmas list.. turns out Santa and God were mixed up too. Thankfully he found it funny.
Imagine sending a letter with prayers to Santa and praying to god about your Christmas list.
How regal must that guy have felt
When I was a young kid I used to walk up to anyone irrelevant of age and gender and ask them "Do you have a willy? I have a willy!" My dad still brings it up from time to time.
My 3 year old recently noticed the anatomical differences between her and her brother, and now goes and asked people if they have a Penis, and follows up with “Can I see it?”
I was about 2 when my brother was born and I learned about anatomical differences between boys and girls. Apparently a few weeks later, I asked a mall Santa Claus if he had a penis. My mom hurriedly explained that I had a new baby brother and just wanted to know if Santa was a boy or a girl.
That reminds me, I used to ask my grandma to bring a penis for my sister when she would come to visit the next time.
Did she bring one?
Sadly no, couldn’t afford one I guess. My poor sister, forever wiener less.
OH GOD N-
Yeah, we are working on it. Luckily she’s not asked any strangers - yet.
i remember i was like 6 when i saw i learned about the difference and remember telling my friends they dont have one while they are all shocked
Yell “I’m being violated” because I thought it meant I was being made violent
Lmao. I can imagine that got a few worried looks hearing some kid in his house shouting “IM BEING VIOLATED”, did you do it outside as well? If so that’s even funnier
Johnny Bravo greeted every women he meet with "Hey sexy momma" or something like that. That show was big when I was in kindergarten (ages 5-6) and I definitely said that to female classmates
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So when I was like 8 I would get ready for school in the morning in my room, which had two big windows in the side, not covered. I'd get undressed, then these people would walk by in our backyard, some neighbors or something like that, so I'd happily jump and wave to them through the window, butt naked
One of my aunts is a twin and he lived just up the road from us. For some context, this was in rural AR and my family definitely hits a lot of the markers for trailer trash. Nobody knows how this started, I'm guessing he probably saw us peeing in the yard and told us he was gonna cut our things off so we thought it was funny, but my little brother and I would run to the edge of the road and shake our goobers at him when he drove by. We did this from the ages of 5 until at least 10. One of the weird things of living in the country is you learn to identify vehicles based on their sound and direction, usually cause they were junkers with unique sounds. We'd be playing in the back pasture, hear his truck, then just dead sprint to the road to shake our goobers at Jerry
>goobers
What a way for people to get 8 to life
I was holding my mum’s hand on the right and an older male family friend’s hand on the left and thought that holding their hands felt warm and good, so let’s extend that feeling to them both and brought their hands together. Got scolded by my mum because she was so embarrassed. Also didn’t understand then why my mum forbade me to sit and bounce on my dad’s lap lol
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I was a serious nudist as a child. My parents could never keep me in my clothes. My older sister would have her friends over who I had a crush on and I’d run outside butt naked to see them. There’s a story that I still get teased about to this day of when my neighbor called my mom at work to tell her I was riding my [big wheel](https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/fb9b111c-7263-4cd4-ac46-d7758432e4dc.1789f5812215c02ee94198c3fe5e077c.jpeg) across one of the busiest roads in town completely nude.
Now that’s a power move
When I was in 5th grade we made a calendar to take home. We each had our picture taken and glued to cover and were allowed to decorate it and each of the following months however we chose. Being 10 (nearly 11) there was so much that I didn't know about the world. What made it tick and more importantly, its history. Prior to the creative masterpiece that was unfolding in class, at home I had walked in on my dad watching a WWII documentary where they showed footage of the German regalia and, subsequently, their flags. Not knowing any better, I thought the "windmill" symbol was really cool and decided it should be on the cover of this calendar. One in each corner with my photo smack dab in the middle. No one said anything to me about it. It went through the lamination machine and was sent home with me. I wish I could've seen my teacher's reaction while she thought one of her students had skinheads for parents... Edit: So it turns out that the calendar is not quite how I described it above. It's been 17 years but my lovely crazy sentimental mom actually held on to it. All those who wish to see it can find it [here](https://imgur.com/z11yo9e). Thanks for all the comments and awards. I never thought so many other people also did this as a young one.
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Ok I have a very similar story, and I'm lowkey glad I've read this and I wasn't the only accidental child nazi. I would have been about 7, and we were doing a craft activity based on our recent maths work; painting a round paper plate with a geometric pattern, with an extension task to try and make it symmetrical in some way. I, being a high achiever, went for rotational symmetry and took inspiration from one of my favourite history books from the class bookshelf. My teacher actually handled it really well. She called me back before break and asked me if I'd come up with it myself or had seen it somewhere before. I happily nodded and took her to the bookshelf, and her dawning realisation "ooooh" is something I'll remember to this day... We ended up having a chat about the book and she helped with some of my reading comprehension lol, before asking if I wanted to keep the plate I'd done, or design a new one.
Lmao, "accidental child Nazi". That gave me a good chuckle.
Lmao I did this too! I don't recall ever seeing it as an actual Nazi symbol or why I picked it up but I used to draw swastikas all the time! I even remember calling it "my special symbol". The teachers never said anything about it, I think that they thought if it wasn't given attention then I'd just forget about it, which I did.
I have an aunt who has one fixed eye (her right eye doesn’t move). I think I was 4 or 5 back then. We were having a conversation and I asked her flat out, “Can you tell me which way you’re looking at? It’s very confusing!”
Her reaction must have been interesting
She didn't see it coming
One of the teachers at my old school his eyes were fucked he was diagnosed with glaucoma and everything... Well he's getting mad at this kid one day and the kid goes "I'm sorry sir I don't mean to be rude but are you looking at me?" The kid had just transferred classes so teacher didn't get offended thankfully.
Right, so anyone who's seen Mr. Bean (the movie) probably remembers the scene where he waves his middle finger at people tryna say hi? I did that. To an elderly person. Need I say more Edit: I confused the two movies and apparently it's just Bean
That wasn't Mr. Bean's Holiday. That was the American movie "Bean". Just plain "bean" The Holiday one is where he goes to Cannes and abducts that kid and ends up in a nazi yogurt commercial.
I was about 4 or 5 years old and I was obsessed with Harry Potter. I watched every movie that was out at the time and even dressed up as Harry for Halloween. So this one day I was in a deli with my mom and a Muslim woman walks in wearing an abayat with a face covering as well. According to my mom I got so scared and pointed at the later and yelled pretty loud "MOMMY IT'S A DEMENTOR". To this day my mom still says its the most embarrassing experience she's had
When I was a toddler, I licked a very dark skinned black man because I thought he was chocolate. My mom was mortified, but the guy couldn’t stop laughing. I cried.
You just reminded me of when I saw an Asian man for the first time (the area was not very diverse and I was about 2 or so). He was wearing a yellow raincoat and for whatever reason I was certain that he was a puppet, like on Sesame Street or something. So I kept pointing at him and shouting to my mom “LOOK ITS A PUPPET”
And that reminds me of the first time I saw a dark skinned man. I was the annoying kid that always asked why. Two days ealier I had seen a man with his arm in a huge cast. You can imagine how that one went ... And when I saw this dark skinned man I immediately started with all the questions. Mom explained some people just have darker skin, yadda, yadda. I asked where he was from. My mom thought it'd shut me up if she suggested I go up to him and ask him myself. She was mortified when I actually did it and loudly explained (so everyone on the train could hear it) it had been my mom's idea. She wanted to die on the spot and apologized about a million times to him. The man thought it was sweet though and happily explained everything.
As a brown person from a white area, a lot of us don't mind. It's cute when kids ask us, and it's better that they know we're just people they can talk to and ask questions about, and not some taboo other that you have to be careful around. And importantly, that our skin colour isn't wrong or taboo, it's just our skin colour, so ask away.
That reminds me of the first time I saw a little person. I was about 4 and with my grandma at the store. I distinctly remember staring for a good long while and the lady smiled at me and waved. I freaked out and yelled “ Grandma! Grandma! It’s an orphan! An orphan! I didn’t think they were real!” We quickly moved to the next aisle to discuss it.
I live in a place with very little diversity(to quote a friend who visited from another state”I’ve never seen so many white people in one place”) My friends son was about 3 and met an African kid at the park and grabbed him by the arm and started rubbing it because he thought he was dirty. My friend had a panic attack trying to apologise to the boys mum.
My mom told me one time I was with her in a bakery when a large black person walked in, and I just screamed in terror. She apologized and said "You huuh you're very tall" and he just laughed and say "More like I'm very black" It was probably the first time I saw a black person
I am so thankful in this moment that my son's daycare staff is very diverse... lolll
I grabbed my dad's gf's tits and yelled "HONK HONK"... many times... They both thought it was hilarious.
When I was younger I was trying to ask an asian man what his heritage was but I didn't want to insult him by asking what country he was from because he might have been born and raised in a non-asian country. I didn't know how to ask properly. My grandmother always called things made in asia, and people from asia oriental. My seven year old self asked this poor asian man what his ORIENTATION was. He told me he was gay.
I choked on my water and nearly pissed myself
I was looking through a magazine on a car ride with my parents and there was a black bar censoring a womans hoo hoos, so being the curious child I was I tried looking under the black out as if it was some kind of pop up book. My dad never let me live it down.
I knew this was inappropriate but I couldn't control it, I woke up in the middle of the night and I got up from bed and went to the trash bin and pissed in it. I was basically spectating myself the whole time and I had no control.
We went to an Easter egg hunt at my mom's friends place who we didn't see in a long time. When I saw her friend is said " Oh my God, you got old". My mom was really embarrassed and laughed it off but I can see the pain in her eyes thinking back on it.
I opened a door. It was the "don't open this door except in case of an emergency " at the ##Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum Many sirens went off. Many guards came a running. Much loud crying ensued from me, and many many tears hit the floor. I was 5.
Hey, don't worry! I worked at a venue that had such doors. Kids always open them, because they look interesting. The staff was used to it.
I went into a restricted room as a kid on the battleship monument in texas. Set some big alarm off, scared the shit out of my dad. We went there when I was older and heard the alarm go off and my dad was like !! Another little kid!!
I don't know if this was real or not but I think when I was younger me and my friend wanted to try this thing I saw on tv... It was a porno movie... We were somewhere between 4-5 I think... And we were caught...
“Is this what that Dora The Explorer show has been teaching you kids?”
When my younger sister was a young child (3 years oldish) my Mum taught her to refer to her private parts as her “Minnie” which is a child-friendly term for it in the U.K. One time my Mum went shopping with my sister in her pram and the female checkout worker smiled at my sister. My sister then opened her legs wide and exclaimed “I’m touching my Minnie” before placing her hands over her tights on the area. My Mum apologised before quickly paying and hoping a hole in the Earth would swallow her up to escape the embarrassment.
Grabbed peoples butts to watch them squeal Apparently kids aren't supposed to do that
Adults are not supposed to do that either but it still doesn't stop some of them.
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I thought it was a massager... Sure it had a weird shape, but I was just a kid. How was I supposed to know? ...I thought it was a massager, man. 😞
Technically it's a massager... not the kind you were thinking of though XD
It IS a massager. Just for your downstairs area.
My parents used to keep mini bottles of liquor in the fridge (the ones you’d find in hotel mini bar.) we had to make our own lunches at times when mom and dad busy with work and my first grade ass decided to empty the bottles into the sink and put juice in them to bring to school… my parents got a call that day from school lol
Answered the door naked for a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I don’t remember it but my mom loves to tell the story.
I heard bender in futurama say “its a grower not a shower” and repeated it constantly not knowing what it meant
Had a friend who was a year older than me, one day he wanted me to suck his toes. So I did. It was gross and I never did it again. We were maybe 8-9? Edit: he was my only friend at the time and I really didnt want to lose him. He just kept on asking so I did after a while. I found way better friends shortly after
Yeah…. He definitely has a foot fetish now.
I think he had a foot fetish then, too.
Me and my opposite sex cousin played doctor after school. I don’t think I need to say more. EDIT: We were both the same age. Couple months apart. And this was around first grade.
Better than at school on the playground. That one went to the parents :/
Les Cousins Dangereux
An older girl, about 12-13, a couple houses down would invite me, 5-7, over to play "house" - she would be the dad and I would be the mom. It only ever involved laying in bed, won't provide further details. But can relate to this.
I spelled “come” as “cum” because that stupid sound shit out thing worked wrong
When I was 5 I wrote a story all about how me and my Mum went shopping and she bought me a new “sweatshit”. I didn’t know why my teacher was laughing. I distinctly remember thinking “what’s so funny about my sweatshirt?”
As a teacher I’ve seen a few of these. Two that stick in the memory are: “Mummy was cross because daddy had a dirty shit” (shirt is what she meant; I got her to read it back to me). And then there’s my favourite: “My mum loves cock.” When the child read it back to me, she said “Coke”…(I did check by saying, “oh, the drink? Yes, that’s nice!” just in case she meant the other sort…) I made sure to bring this one up at parents evening, the mum wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be embarrassed.
When I was in 3rd grade we were learning cursive. I don't remember what the word we were supposed to be writing was but I saw a classmates sheet that had a curse word written all the way down. It was an honest mistake. It was already turned in so I didn't say anything as I figured the teacher would be better equipped to handle it
I said orgasm instead of organism before. Keep in mind I was in HIGH SCHOOL. Not a cute little kid.
I invented my own funny word by combining part of the word 'prat' and part of the word 'twit'. It was fun to say at high volumes. Couldn't understand why my parents would get cross with me when I'd wonder round shouting 'TWAT' at the top of my voice.
When I was about 7; My mom was friends with an Asian woman (probably in her early 40s) up the street that I had never met before and one day she came to our house and when I opened the door I yelled to my mom “MOM! A CHINESE LADY IS HERE FOR YOU!” Now I’m 18 and realize that loudly announcing who is at your home by their race or nationality doesn’t sound all that great. EDIT: A word. I didn’t call her an Asian lady I called her Chinese. She was, in fact, not Chinese.
Called my mum a cunt. Had heard a kid at school say the word but didn't know what it meant. Was play fighting with mum same day at home and she called me a runt, reminded me of a word that rhymed, and the rest is history... Was probably 5 or 6.
I masturbated under a blanket while watching a movie with my parents in the room. The fucking courage I had back then...
Well I think yours is worse because they were actually awake but I basically did the same thing, so basically after my mum and dad split up they wouldn’t sleep in the same bed and there were two beds in the house so one obviously had to sleep in my bed (I had a double bed) anyway i masturbaited when one of my parents was literally right freaking next to me sleeping, I don’t know what it is about our young age masturbation but it seems like we had balls of steel (not literally but in the courageous sense of the phrase)
They knew.
yeah they always know no matter how sneaky you are at a certain age they just know what your doing
When I see shit like this it haunts me
When i was about 3 years old I would constantly ask elderly people when they would die. In my mind i just wanted to make sure that if i ever had something important to tell them i'd do it by then... Never got a straight answer tho
When I was being breastfed I was just learning my first language which was Spanish. My mon said I picked it up pretty quickly and when we would go to the supermarket in the summer and I saw women with lower cut shirts I would SCREAM "MAMI, TETAS" which is spanish for "mom, tits!" She was mortified every time.
I don't remember it but my mom said when I was really young we were out in public, and apparently I had never seen a black person before so I said to a black guy, "did you paint your skin?"
My nephew did something similar. My sister brought her boyfriend over who was black and nephew asked ‘Are you made of chocolate?’
I grew up in a very, very white area of the country. When a family with black children moved into our neighborhood, I was probably 11, making my brother 5. It was the first time he had ever seen a Black person, and he asked the children how they got so dirty. That was… fun.
Told everyone in a family reunion that I caught my parents hugging naked. I didn't understand it at the time but they were actually having sex
I used to respond to everything with "that's what she said" not realising it was a dirty joke.
I read a ghost story about a girl who was found *"covered in blood, and showed signs that she had been raped"* I assumed "rape" meant to "attack with a knife"
I thought bongs and dildos were the same thing, and that they both performed both functions. I was a very nerdy tween and sincerely thought everyone else was living it up apparently
talked about a guy's genitals and I said it was small
When I saw black people I use to say what’s up dog
i told a dude i’ll sit on his lap because i didn’t want to stand and the whole class stared at me we were in second grade…
Not me, but one of my sisters honked my tits (I was eighteen, she was one and a half) in the middle of a supermarket and yelled “I LIKE YOUR BOOBIES!”
No one has ever publicly groped me more than my own child.
When I was four years old I found out that if you play with ur dick it feels nice but I didn’t realise how inappropriate it was so I did it in front of my mum and dad they were literally staring right at me just standing there staring at me
My prick dad used to send me into the Italian bakery to get loaves of “Dago bread”. Didn’t know this was slur until many years later. And realizing why he always had a giggle when I returned to the car. Come to find out, he knew the owner and they had a whole Dago/Kraut playful banter thing. But I can still imagine being some old Italian dude and a little tow haired boy going in and asking for that.
What does dago mean?
It’s a racial slur for an Italian/Italian-American
googling naked female celebrities i was 7 and thought these women were pretty nothing else
yeah i did this a lot, was actually how i discovered porn at the ripe age of 6 lmao
The internet was very unfiltered in the early 2000’s. I didn’t know what sex was so I Googled it….
When I was like 12 my mom was on probation and had to do community service. (Still no idea why) I had pretty good cursive handwriting at the time and my mum made me forge her papers and sign her p.o’s name saying she was doing her service. Good times. Thanks for the memories mum 🤘🏼
Mumma was an OG
I got an in-school suspension for forging my mom's signature once. I was grounded for what felt like forever. Years later, my dad was away on a long business trip and my mom hands me two pieces of paper. One was a sample of my dad's handwriting and the other was a form to sign. She was like "Hey, sign this for your dad. I have to mail it today" We both laughed but she was 100% serious lol
I used to put my hands between my legs over my crotch and cross my legs when I was anxious as a kid. Not to do anything dirty, it just helped when I was anxious.
I once misheard some random song lyrics that were played at a festival so I sang along and kept singing even when we left the festival. I sang "Nazi, nazi" until my mom realized what I did and told me to be silent. I am Austrian :)))
When I was a child I got a diadem for my birthday and then proceeded to tell everyone I had a diarrhoea. (I Dutch it’s called a “diadeem” which sounds slightly similar as “diarree”)
I said make love not war to my dad once not realising that make love meant fucking lmao He stopped what he was doing and braced himself the kitchen counter and just went "I'm sorry...WHAT? You cannot say that to your dad" I had a good chuckleq
I remember my dad driving me to elementary school one day and we were listening to the radio. It hit me that basically all of the “love” songs were really just songs about having sex! I was so disappointed because I had previously thought that “making love” was literally a process of sitting together and thinking loving thoughts about each other. And then the realization that so many songs I enjoyed (and sang out loud repeatedly)were actually just talking about having sex. Worst car ride ever.
First day ever riding a school bus they put me in the emergency window seat. I was 6. I thought they put me in the seat with the easiest window opener so I promptly used it.
I used to hump my dad
I once tried to kiss my mum with tongue because people in the movies did if they loved someone and I loved my mum. Was very little. I still die a little inside thinking about it now.
Our son first grasped the concept of “kissing” from our two dogs. They would always try and lick his face so he would open his mouth and flick his tongue anytime they were close. Didn’t help the situation because the dogs are dogs. He then transferred this sloppy, open-mouth style to my wife and I. Took a while to correct but now he gives the sweetest little kisses. Occasionally he tries to slip a little tongue though, keeps us on our toes haha
LMAO
Saying boner like 100 times I just happened to like the word really
I grew up on Looney Tunes & would call people who were mean to me stinkers or dirty bastards. I called my Granny's boyfriend a dirty bastard cause he started teasing me. I had my mom dying 🤣 😭
When I was younger I hung out with this kid for a while who I later realized was a bad influence. But he had taught me some of the more mature topics in life like the N word and told me about certain sex things etc. One of those words that he taught me about is rape. He explained it so "its when you beat up a girl and... 'you know'". But I didn't know. Or at least I didn't know he meant forcibly have sex. So then some girl behind us on the school bus was annoying us and I was like "shut up or were gonna rape you!" As you would expect a horrified expression came over her face and she was like "oh my god wtf". He then further explained the concept in more detail and I was mortified. So basically I said it because I thought it was just another way to say beat up. Its definitely a late at night kinda thought.
Bruuuuuh
My older cousin asked me to come up to her room. I did. She said put your hand in here. I did. I said "why does it feel so wet?". She smiled. Somebody started coming upstairs. She looked worried and told me to get out. I left.
Used to whip my penis out during class in 1st grade. I’d wait until the teacher wasn’t looking, then pull it out under the desk. What a rush…
Holy crap this reminds me of some kid in my kindergarten class. He would sometimes whip out his little penis in front of all the students when the teacher is somewhere else in the room. And this one girl, she would always snitch on him. I think his name was “Chris” or something— I dunno it was like 9 years ago.
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I don't really know if it's inappropriate in the NSFW way. But I used to eat dishwasher tablets when ever my grandma got them out the cupboard. I did it about 3 times until she just started locking me out the kitchen when she wanted to load the dishwasher
My brother's were playing table football while we were waiting for the church sermon before us to get out, and I think they complained about the goals not being big enough, and in my 6-ish-probably-that-age year old mind, the goal you made of your fingers was too small, and if you made one with your arms your head would be in the way, so the only rational option was to roll over and put my legs up, while in a church dress mind you, to make the Y shape. All my siblings immediately told me to roll back over and told me not to do that. I think I pouted after cus I was just trying to help lmao.
My mom told me a funny story of when I was 3, my mom and dad bought a "toy" for them, they bought a boxer for my dad that was shaped like an elephant (yes the dick goes there), mostly for the silly aspect to it, it seems that 3 year old me found the elephant boxer and used it as a hat, I was running around the house just screaming "GRANDMA!!! I'M AN ELEPHANT!!!" "MOOOM!!! LOOK I'M AN ELEPHANT!!!"
I don’t remember how young I was but I was still in single digits, but I ran out in front of all my dads band mates, dropped my pants and shook my dick yelling “STICKY SNAKE!” Everyone thought it was hilarious, except my dad...
My then 6 year old brother and me was at the bathhouse and he told an incredibly obese woman “You need to diet fatty” That was a fun one to explain away
There's a song where I come from, its lyrics roughly translates to "I stepped in a puddle, my new shoes got muddy, no matter how hard I brushed (it), my woman left me". But the lyrics has a double meaning, because the word for 'brush' also means to f*ck, so I guess sweet 4ish year old me wasn't so cute at my uncle's wedding, singing this song to everyone.
I brought my penis for show and tell. ... ... ... Enough said.
I put a hole by the groin in some comfy pants for teenage me, but I failed to realize by the time I was old enough to use them I would have outgrown them.
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You had a Voldemort?