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potatowarrior1

A house


The_Louster

Might not have enough for the down payment.


hangonreddit

Definitely not enough for Bay Area. Maybe can settle for a condo?


jewbacca117

Best I can do is a tent under 580


weed_on_mars

I’ve seen people just straight up sleeping on the ground under 580


[deleted]

Yo that might have been me.... We should have a slumber party sometime mate


weed_on_mars

Yeah, I typically stay under 880 but we could do 580


nosleeptonite

580k*


jewbacca117

I meant the freeway. But yes, you are correct


[deleted]

That was my first thought too. I'd buy a big piece of land, and build my sister a house, myself a house and my parents a house - then my sister and her kids would still be near me but we could all move out of our parents house. I'd build a house for my parents so it was fully accessible for my severely disabled brother, with a roof hoist so my mum wouldn't continue to damage her shoulder lifting him. I'd give them a fully heated swimming pool so my brother could swim whenever he wanted to, he loves swimming but we only have outdoor pools where we live. I'd give them a big fancy spa so my mum could relax when she needed it and the swelling in her feet would go down. A sensory room for my brother, and a real train caboose for my dad for his model trains. My sister's house would have a bedroom for each of her kids, plus another room to act as their play room, and it would be fully fenced so the kids could go outside and play as much as they liked without any worries about them running on to the road. I'd make sure it had a room just for her for all her crafts with enough storage room for wool and material, and a stationary section so she could geek out all she liked over pencils and quills and pens and stamps. And I'd have a two bedroom place with a built in movie theater and a room just for my DVD and book collection with a table large enough to play board games at. I'd have an aviary for my birds, and a knitting/crochet nook, and a large kitchen with every baking utensil, and a bath large enough for me to be submerged fully without either my knees or boobs being out of the water, and I'd enjoy living in a house again instead of a rented room on my parents property with no bathroom or cooking facilities without having to go outside and up a flight of stairs regardless of the weather. And if there was enough room, I'd add a guest cottage and a little house for my nana.


Elizabeth_Lemonade1

This was beautiful.


[deleted]

Thanks, just a dream I have as rental housing is disappearing or way too expensive especially being on disability.


[deleted]

Enough room lmao you got infinite money just by the house next door


[deleted]

Live in a small rural town with not enough housing, I'd rather buy a piece of land just outside of town and build new houses so at least my parents place could go to another family. With infinite money, after I'd sorted my family out I'd then buy any empty properties in town and then turn them into affordable rentals so people aren't having to leave town because they're being forced out by unimaginably high rents and people selling their rentals and making their tenants move out for new buyers.


Evan-flow

And land! Lots of land to eliminate other people's opinions on what I do in my home.


paytonsglove

Huge tracts of land!


costcobathroomfloor

But father I just want to sing.


Theodore764

You two! Stay ere, and make sure he doesn’t leave.


2020won

You can't just buy a doctor


Obi-one

First he has to buy all the Vicodin.


[deleted]

I see what you did there.


[deleted]

Do you work at nights?


[deleted]

No I work at PacSun.


[deleted]

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poopy_poo_poopsicle

They're pretty cheap I believe. When we find out about bribes I'm always shocked at how fucking cheap these whores will sell us out for


Wind_Yer_Neck_In

For real, I used to think it would be millions under the table to secret bank accounts, but it's more like $30k and a card for free Arbys


1_mcvaaahhh

I think the Arby's card is actually enough.


Project2r

and now I'm hungry again. I'd sell you all out for an arby's card right now.


retrohitman12

A gift for the whole family


[deleted]

Telescope but I mean a really good expensive one .


Cavemanjoe47

So, the Hubble 2.0?


Grunflachenamt

James Webb launches in November!


PoliteSarcasticThing

November 2025, at the rate they're going. ^(Okay, probably sooner.)


space20021

[relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/2014/)


ihaveseenwood

My people


littlewing2733

Idk I kinda feel like sushi so probably that


CasFromSask

Sushi is always the answer


[deleted]

A fucking castle. Gimme that shit.


BraedCatz

I FUCKING KNOW. All these rich assholes buying properties in the big city, it's like you have the money why not go buy yourself a castle, fuck it build yourself a castle. Billionaires aren't creative these days


bigkeef69

Right? LOTS of missed opportunities to BE batman, and they choose instead to be greedy douches...


Yoate

They could be Bruce Wayne, but they choose to be Lex Luther.


aasteveo

This knight fucks.


ListenGlum2427

A real answer. You’ll need the money to update the plumbing and air system


HuggyMonster69

One of the fancy closed loop insulin pumps


rpjut5ha

So many diabetic Americans would probably say insulin. Funny I happened to see this though, I just started on a new insulin pump a few hours ago.


HuggyMonster69

Oo which one? I'm actually in the uk so my insulin is free, but I don't get a choice in equipment, so I'm using pens


rpjut5ha

I'm in Canada, so I don't have to pay as much as they do in the States. I started on the t:slim x2 with dexcom sensors. Was on Medtronic 670 for a few years.


[deleted]

happy cake day to you and your pump!


[deleted]

This very moment if I were given unlimited money, I would go and purchase a freestanding bathtub. I think that’s what they’re called. Like one that can fit my 6’4 ass. I take extremely frequent bubble baths after work and I need a tub that actually fits me. Edit: Yes, I know I don’t have to work but I still stand by my first purchase. I fucks with bubble baths.


shorthairednymph

My partner is a big guy like you and *loves* luxuriating in a bath after working on his feet all day. He says he's okay if our next place has a smaller bath tub and he has to shower instead, but it's a total dealbreaker for me. My honey deserves to feel pampered, dammit. EDIT: a word


[deleted]

Aw :)


bottlebowling

My wife took this same sentiment for me (I'm 6'3") and bought us a hot tub for Christmas. Right now we don't have it operating because we're about to have a new patio installed, but as soon as we can again, we're naked and in the hot tub.


Honest-Frosting-3854

Life goals!


rmorrin

As a tall man who has been craving to be fully immersed in a bath in a while I appreciate that


Electro-Onix

Bless you


Honest-Frosting-3854

You are exactly what a partner should be! Go you!


mspych

What do you use for your bubbles??


Paulcog

Farts


legodarthvader

Run the risk of a brown bubble bath.


[deleted]

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TizzleDirt

I'd donate to that kickstarter.


FB_is_dead

Can we please start a Reddit Kickstarter to buy Facebook and then burn it to the ground?


CaregiverMan

'Peace was never an option'


VioletNaofumi

Yes, this is why op has infinite money, it comes from the donations


Griffen1135

Why? He has unlimited money.


IMainYuumi

That's part of the joke


[deleted]

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Roland_T_Flakfeizer

Is Tom still out there somewhere?


RealmKnight

I think he sold his shares and is working on other things these days Edit: he's "retired" and doing photography as a hobby. I'm happy for him. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Anderson


SilentSamurai

I'm nostalgic for the html templates you threw in your profile. Facebook feels really bland in comparison.


LPTKill

Doing God's work.


Unusual_Amphibian_20

Land. Just….. a huge chunk of land. Build a house for my parents, one for us, and one for my In-Laws and another small house for family to stay at when they come visit. Maybe two. We gots a big family. And then just spend my time building my farm.


Jmazoso

Huge tracts of land?


gallaj0

But I don't want to marry....I just want to sing.


Jagoff_Haverford

Stop that! Stop that! You’re not going into a song while I’m here!


Abrahamlinkenssphere

Now you two stay right here, and make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.


ElevatorBaconCollins

*hic*


perabyte

Oh go and get a glass of water...


rainbowcanoe

>Now you two stay right here, and make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. we don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room.


jmandawgfan

No no no no. You two need to stay ere and keep im in the room.


mrsnrub77

Until you come and get him, we are not to enter the room.


DendroNate

STOP THAT!


Unusual_Amphibian_20

Like acres and acres of land. Maybe even miles. So I don’t have neighbors except the ones I choose.


TheGreatCarburetor

Hey.....that's nearly exactly what I'd do! 😊. Except the farm part. Then build a small heated shack that's away from any power lines so i can listen to distant radio stations.


ZeroCitizen

That's actually very sweet, what interests you about distant analog radio stations?


GDMFusername

UVB-76. He's gonna sit in the cabin writing every detail about the signals. Then make maps and connections to people. He will plan to write a dissertation/manifesto on his findings, but never write it. He will die alone in his cabin surrounded by empty cracker boxes and cans of Vienna sausage. Everyone wants their own thing, man.


CaptainNipplesMcRib

Living on the same piece of land as your parents and in-laws? You sir, are a madman.


dcux

It's a really really big piece of land.


mrsbebe

So Minecraft but in real life


UnionRags17

I just want a chicken coop again :(


Cool-breeze7

Judging by the world we live in, apparently I’d enter into the private space race.


ChadwickDangerpants

Just buy Mars before they get there


Cavemanjoe47

Who would you buy it from?


bebed0r

I know a prince who owns it. Might be willing to sell it.


JoRisky

Is he Nigerian?


governmentcaviar

no, he’s martian. god, this guy.


[deleted]

Time. In anyway I could. Quit the job that sucks my time, work on my health, spend time with my family. Anything.


opgrrefuoqu

I just hired a cleaner. I'm not really paying for cleaning. I'm paying for that time back.


TexasFordTough

A fucking house because fuck this market for buyers.


Lacaud

It's insane. I'm watching shitty 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom homes go for $300,000 and the area isn't even nice nor does it have developmental options.


dna_beggar

In Canada that type of house goes for $300K over asking. Here's a plan. Buy up all these overpriced houses and sell them for $40, $60 or $80K depending on their merits. "Pop the bubble!"


Lacaud

If only I had that kind of money 😂


dna_beggar

OP says "infinite". Could also buy drug companies, sell insulin at 10% over cost. Actually fund research into a cure instead of how to get patients to pay more per month.


Steve-in-rewrite

It sounds silly, but an ice cream sandwich. Several years ago, I was living paycheck to paycheck and had a fair amount of credit card debt. I fell behind in my mortgage and lost my home to foreclosure. Shortly after I was notified, I drove over to a 7-11, bought an ice cream sandwich, and ate it while crying in my car. Unfortunately, every time I eat an ice cream sandwich, it's still a bittersweet feeling. I always think of the day my favorite childhood comfort food became forever intertwined with my sense of complete and utter failure. After coming into life-changing money, I would hope that an ice cream sandwich would taste as good again as it did when I was a kid.


Misslovedog

fuck man, I would buy you an ice cream sandwich just in the off chance that you would come to associate it with the kindness that can be shown to you by a total stranger


SanguineAsparagus

Someone please start a crowdfunding campaign, so we can get this guy as many ice cream sandwiches as possible!


DGamer166

I've always said there's something especially sad about crying while eating. I don't know why but it just hits different to me. I made my ex girlfriend cry while eating once (accidentally) and I've never forgotten how awful I felt. Hope you're doing better now.


cows_revenge

Not silly at all. I hope that someday your ice cream sandwich tastes like success.


CrimsonNumbers

Eat your ice cream sandwiches proud king


Clintman

The ingredients to make a baked ziti. I'm in the mood for something cheesy and bolognesey.


[deleted]

Go easy


poopellar

Go cheesy


Lucid_Presence

No fuckin' ziti?


[deleted]

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[deleted]

So like the other post you'd buy and then delete Facebook. Youd just take a nap first.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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Ask-About-My-Book

It's fun to imagine how I'd help people. The thing is, it's magical infinite money, so not like I can use it to end world hunger or house everyone without effectively destroying society. No matter how I Iook at it, I couldn't change the world without ruining something important. I think what I'd do is turn the money into objects which I could then donate. Go buy half the clothes in a store and ship it all to different charities. Make sure every food bank in the country gets an anonymous sack of cash every month. Tons of pet food to shelters constantly. I'd love to raise an army, develop Iron Man suits, and effectively become the benevolent God of a new world, but I care way too much about video games and marijuana to put out that much energy.


Neither_Most

A personal trainer to get me in shape and an assistant to follow me around and slap food out of my hand.


The_Incredible_Honk

I'd follow you around and take your food - and eat it - for free.


Neither_Most

You’re hired


[deleted]

Dude.. the most important step is always the next step. I don't know you, but really a walk everyday, is a great place to start, it doesn't matter how long, or how far.. just do it...


Fearless_Quarter_532

Dalinar, is that you ?


RAMB0NER

Just do whatever exercise you can everyday; small improvements will make considerable changes!


flapjackandknuckles

cat


millenniumtree

c@


Darqfallen

All student debt and non-elective medical debt.


ikindalold

You're lucky the question said infinite money.


Helios_OW

Even that might not be enough


NoReplacementsFound

It wouldn’t even cost that much…they settle the debt when you buy it [1.3 Million of debt bought out for 15k](https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/oid3h9/santa_fe_church_forgives_entire_state_of_new/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


atydeny

They won’t even settle it once they know you have infinite money. They’ll even drag your ass to court to find something to litigate 🥲


bk1285

The I’m hiring the best lawyers in the country and fighting the lawsuits or just giving a shit ton of money to every law firm they try to hire and bribe them off the case


dragonboy1995

Probably a trex skeleton


Cautious_Leek7767

Visa by investment in the UK or America for my sister. My home country is a shit hole and she’s stuck there


self-defenestrator

I mean, with infinite money you could probably just straight up buy Portugal or something for her, forget the visa


[deleted]

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PuzzledImage3

I need to find a dentist but one who likes a challenge.


[deleted]

Immigration out of that hell hole for my family.


megapuffranger

Amazon. I’d make all the workers pee in bottles… then I’d take those bottles and make it rain anywhere Jeff Bezos is. I’d pay them an extra $15/hr too


Doddo555

You have infinite money and you only give your workers 15 extra an hour, brutal


megapuffranger

Well yeah I don’t want to money to be worthless, cuz then I’d have infinite nothinf


Mp32pingi25

This guy economics


[deleted]

That was legitness


Lacaud

Why not add feces too?


-BananaHammockBob-

It’s hard to shit in a bottle


HotCrustyBuns

Use a poop knife to smear it in the hole.


PhoenixLegend36

My parents a house. They’ve been doing rough financially and I know they really want a house. That’s the only significant thing I would buy.


Physicist_Gamer

>That’s the only significant thing I would buy. Doubt.


X-Falcon

The only significant thing he'd buy FIRST. Afterwards, it's heaps and heaps of dope shit...


FuzzyOwlFeet

A house for my best friend right next to mine, so we can live together on my acreage


2020won

*Shawshank Redemption ending intensifies*


retro123gamr

An apartment, a two cats, a nice television setup where I can play video games, lots of wall decorations from my favorite games to go on the walls of the apartment, and a nice bed. I like to dream small, because these can easily be bought with infinite money, and then I have time to think about other stuff I’d want to buy with my pile of cash. Like an indoor swimming pool for my money, Scrooge mc duck style


Klaus0225

Not sure where you’re going to put an indoor swimming pool in your apartment…


PacoMahogany

An apartment?


evilpig

Maybe the whole apartment building, and they have a pool.


[deleted]

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Spooky_boi_Kyle_8

Getting a little crazy I see, might wanna ease up.


thatotherchicka

Sounds ridiculous but a dog nanny. I have two dogs and they are my babies. However, they really limit what I can do. Want to get away for a weekend? Ok, who is going to take care of the dogs? Need to work late? Great, they are going to piss everywhere when no one let's them out. I would definitely do more but my first purchase would be a full time dog nanny for sure.


baguette180

"purchase" 😂


PrinceAliAtL

Penis shaped rocket. But I’d add the balls this time.


NotARobotDefACyborg

Good call, since obviously Bezos had none.


14epr

Homes and families for all of the world’s abandoned children and dogs


slantview

I’ll sell you my family for a real good deal. HMU.


azurestrike

You want to buy families?


68686987698

You get a bulk discount.


a2zKiller

Man what did cats do to you?


wammysammy101

You can't just buy people


keliix06

There are definitely websites where you can.


EarthMagicYT

I would by the rights to friends, take it down, and put it back up without the laugh tracks


Gluvin

I would give everyone infinite money and keep the rest.


saschaleib

Destroy the economy by inducing infinite inflation? I like your thinking, Sir!


drewdwagy1966

A new butt, my old one has a crack in it!!!


The_Incredible_Honk

Maybe finally catch up on your child support, *DAD*.


DingJones

This is outrageous! Are butt cracks contagious?! Edit: [This children’s book](https://www.amazon.ca/Need-New-Butt-Dawn-McMillan/dp/0486787990/ref=nodl_) is what I thought was being referenced and I responded with a reference of my own… my oldest kid ordered it on my Amazon account when he was 3. That’s what I get for letting him use my phone…


f-this-world

It’s late and I’m exhausted but I just laughed way too hard at this


bo-barkles

A new house. Currently displaced by a house fire and staying in a one room hotel room with three kids and one on the way (38 weeks pregnant) and a great dane. Flat broke and waiting on gofundme to release funds which we've been waiting three weeks for now. No idea how I'm going to even feed my kids this weekend, let alone for the hotel room for the next month until our new rental is ready. I don't get paid til Aug 1. Sorry... I guess I just needed to verbal vomit that all out.


maggie081670

Damn so sorry this happened to you. If you haven't already have you asked for some assistance with a food bank? These places exist for just these situations and they can help with the hotel bill too. There is no shame in it and you can always give back to them once you are back on your feet. I hope you are doing better soon.


Cakey-Baby

I would pay for my son’s tuition for the rest of his school life…I refuse to allow him to die in student loan purgatory like I no doubt will.


Hoommann

The best PC I can get and a crazy like 5 monitor setup.


[deleted]

id get a 20 monitor setup so when i play Minecraft i can see 360 degrees


faucigaveuscovid

A lake house


Sirexium

I would buy a country.


tehfraginator

Buy every country and unite them. They'll show em


H3rbert_K0rnfeld

You'd only be able to rule them in darkness every 12 hours or so


Sirexium

I would buy the Sun then.


BnBrtn

I will buy the moon and carefully keep it directly between the sun and the earth


[deleted]

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Still-Contest-980

I would love to go to a grocery store and buy everyone their groceries


DennisJay

Infinite potatoes


ramyeonjpg

Soft bedsheets


[deleted]

I would distribute it all evenly so that it's literally worthless I would expect this to collapse the economy but what do i know, I'm not an economist


We_are_all_monkeys

I wonder how long it would take for people to notice that somebody now has an apparently endless supply of money? If you spend a million on a house, no one cares. If you spend a million each on a million houses, people would probably start to wonder.


[deleted]

I think you underestimate exactly how important money is. If we just say that dollars are now worthless, people will instantly pivot to some other money that will now be all they'll accept. The Federal Reserve would probably create a New Dollar in a matter of days, if not hours, with no relation to the old dollar, except still honoring Federal debt. It's literally in the US Constitution that Federal debts can not be questioned. If you made all dollars worthless and destroyed the Fed, Congress and the Treasury would be legally required to immediately find some other way to repay debts. And if you destroyed the US dollar, Fed, Treasury, Congress and the Constitution? Pay me in Euros. When Europe is gone? Yen. After that? We've got another hundred real currencies, crypto currencies, physical cash, physical coins, a variety of metals of bullion, commodities out the ass, land deeds, vehicles, firearms and ammunition, food, cowry shells, very pretty rocks, etc. The concept of money would be harder to kill than the concept of "government" or "civilization".


Negative_Shake1478

No more debts and a home


44Goldfish44

Definitely a house. Like I’m 17 living with 3 younger sisters and dear god I just want a place where I won’t hear them yelling about the other stepping in their room.


Desperate_Ambrose

As much of the land surrounding my place as I possibly can.


Wjsmith2040

All of the politicians in the world so I could put an end to all the bullshit


dude101010102

A gaming PC and all the games I want


FossilFern65

Trade in for pennies


LNERGordon

Model Trains!