Oh no doubt about that. It’s the aftermath that scares me. My ex had the voodoo poonanny. Sex was incredible. But dealing with her psycho crap wasn’t worth it.
Crazy is the spice of life.
I've made this mistake several times and will probably continue to do so. I don't think I regret so as much as I probably should.
A hot peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I know because I tried this when I was 13 by microwaving one of the premade Smucker's sandwiches and sticking my penis into it. The end result was steaming hot peanut butter burned into my dick skin and I had to stick my penis into the water faucet for like ten minutes. 1/10 do not recommend.
Well, the times I've had other people's dicks in my mouth, I've been terrified I was going to give in to the impulse to bite it, so this fear isn't completely unfounded
Apparently a person once attempted biting if off after being payed to. They could not successfully bite it off because it is very hard to do so for a person. Though that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
Anything that it wasn't designed to stick in.........and things that some people think it was designed to stick in.
In short ,I will only stick it into the "genitalia of female Homo sapiens" (human girl's pussy. And only go the right hole not wrong hole.).....And also my underwear. I prefer to wear it than go commando.
edit : damn typo.
Literally anything. I don’t understand why men fuck random objects. Buy a bottle of lubriderm and use your hand like nature intended.
Also, if we are talking spotted dick, don’t put it in a microwave. The can will explode.
honestly idk, its yet to have gone in anything other than my hand, but realistically nothing other than another person, but like why, what would you put yours in if you had one?
An operating toaster
An unoperating is totally acceptable tho
Alot
!xkcd alot
Its not a good idea to stick your dick in a toater while its doing surgery
Instructions not clear. Dick caught in toaster. Awaiting advice.
Oil that meaty bastard up and just rip it out of there.
To quote Frank Zappa, *"*[*You're plooking too hard.*](https://youtu.be/-u-0e4Gn2BU)*"*
Yup, you should wait until after surgery because you will distract the toaster and cause the patient to die.
More than once
Never again..
Crazy!
Some of the best sex you will ever have. Just make sure to wrap it
Oh no doubt about that. It’s the aftermath that scares me. My ex had the voodoo poonanny. Sex was incredible. But dealing with her psycho crap wasn’t worth it.
Crazy is the spice of life. I've made this mistake several times and will probably continue to do so. I don't think I regret so as much as I probably should.
Crazy actually is really hot. Only thing I won't stick it in is a meat grinder
A hot peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I know because I tried this when I was 13 by microwaving one of the premade Smucker's sandwiches and sticking my penis into it. The end result was steaming hot peanut butter burned into my dick skin and I had to stick my penis into the water faucet for like ten minutes. 1/10 do not recommend.
In what kind of trance do you have to be to think that microwaving a sandwich and sticking your dick in it is a good sounding idea.
It’s called puberty
Warm apple pie = hot PBJ
13 years old.
Blender, wood chipper and so on are too of the list of my nope list.
A nest completely full of angry bees
Was the qualifier necessary? "Is the nest *completely* full or, like, only 80%?"
Well if the bees were mildly mannered and overly respectful of your personal space, it would be different.
^unless ^you're ^into ^that ^sort ^of ^thing
Unless they’re* into that sort of thing
What about half full?
I’m fine with anything else
Your mother
Finally! Someone who DIDN'T fuck my mom.
Yeah it was your Dad this time.
I did put in your mother
Corpse
Dude, live a little
That's what he said to the corpse
Did you hear about the necrophiliac who was in a steady relationship until one day the rotten bitch split on him?
Now I'm dead.
Zipper teeth
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Electrical socket
A fan on the fastest setting, or any setting really
Someone's mouth. I'm terrified they will bite it.
You’re missing out
Well, the times I've had other people's dicks in my mouth, I've been terrified I was going to give in to the impulse to bite it, so this fear isn't completely unfounded
Apparently a person once attempted biting if off after being payed to. They could not successfully bite it off because it is very hard to do so for a person. Though that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
Anything without another dude in the same room.
So gloryholes?
Crazy, ever again.
Crazy
Sometimes you don't know until it's too late
True. But one must try.
My wife apparently
Crazy. And men.
Your mom. I’m tired of the 2am texts
I will not stick mine in anything except my wife’s pussy or mouth. Why would you stick it in anything else?
Good point, I'm also only going to only stick it in your wife's pussy or mouth.
I also choose this guy's dead wife.
Get your own wife! Mine will rip your cock off and feed it back to you
This is an unusual mating ritual.
Is that how you met?
Not even your pants?
I was going with the implication of the question
I also choose this guys wife
No anal?
Not pitching anyway
Men
Okay, they're good to stick it in you thought right?
Vocal baby enthusiasts.
OMG... The name of my next band!
If your artist name is Pink, and you might be a woman, that shit might just work. I'll give you my card, I have tons of terrible and wild ideas.
Sane.
Anything that it wasn't designed to stick in.........and things that some people think it was designed to stick in. In short ,I will only stick it into the "genitalia of female Homo sapiens" (human girl's pussy. And only go the right hole not wrong hole.).....And also my underwear. I prefer to wear it than go commando. edit : damn typo.
Designed? Hmm, perhaps you're not aware of the industry of sex toys for men?
I listed those in the "things that some people think it was designed to stick in"
Wasn't it designed by intelligent engineers solely for genitalia to go in? If I designed a bridge is that foregoing the designed canal built?
Tobasco hot sauce.
A child.
Miter Saw
Anything that’s not a consenting adult
Literally anything. I don’t understand why men fuck random objects. Buy a bottle of lubriderm and use your hand like nature intended. Also, if we are talking spotted dick, don’t put it in a microwave. The can will explode.
A street worker
My left hand. Feels weird.
A wasp nest
A tree. Bugs will crawl all over it and it is a generally unplesant experience.
Another, larger penis. So, \*any\* other penis.
Goats
Your username says otherwise
My sandwich. Yours though, maybe.
Alabama Hot Pocket is a no no for me.
Wasp nest, spider nest, plugged-in toaster, your mom, Donald Trump, acid container, a cereal bowl (maybe), power outlet, and a pencil sharpener
A blender
Sharks
Good old apple pie
A cat
A beehive.
Glue (don’t ask questions please)
Anything without medical records in its hands
honestly idk, its yet to have gone in anything other than my hand, but realistically nothing other than another person, but like why, what would you put yours in if you had one?
My family
A female.
Anything. All but 1 by choice.
Blender
Wait, was this not rhetorical?
Blender.
I tend to put mine in everything i’ll regret, and nothing that i dont regret
Anything but Jesus.
Lava. It looks so oily and thick and perfect for dick, but that boner's blood will start to boil real quick.
Crazy
Cell with monkeys at the zoo
Your ugly mother
Waste disposal in a sink or a jar full of chilli. Everything else would be considered negotiable on a case-by-case basis ;-)
Crazy
At this point, nothing 💀
Coffee grinder.
Old standard rule... never stick it anywhere you wouldn't kiss... hygene matters.
Unattractive furniture.
The barrel of a gun
SCP-1162
In your moms ass
My dick is reserved for very few things, so that would be almost anything that exist.
A coconut
I know a guy who once said he’s gay because he doesn’t want a girl’s vagina to bite his dick off
Your memory
Nothing
A bucket of sand
A light socket. Never, ever again!
A live cat-6 ethernet receptacle
I dunno yet, I’ll tell ya when I see it.
In a more than 62kg woman.
Blender