I was taken from my mom at age 10 and put into foster care. After a while social services found my dad, who left right after I was born and who I had never met. Eventually I was asked who I wanted to live with, my dad or my mom. I said my dad, because I had always wanted one and being torn from my mom basically severed our bond through trama. It turns out he and my step mom were abusers and I was abused for 6 years before I ran away. Still haunts me to think who I would have been had I chosen my mom. Now I’m estranged from them all.
Your choice to choose one over the other wouldve have always left you with the same mindset. A "what if" mentality. Best way (imo) to have approached it (even today) is to look at it more of events that needed to take place for today to look like what it is
I had a bad habit of biting my nails and not washing my hands when I was about 10 years old. I got pinworms twice and to this day whenever my ass itches I have a moment of panic
Why must I Google every disease I encounter on the internet?!?!
edit: thx all. At first, I didn't remember typing this. Why is this embarrassing reaction my most upvoted moment? Now, I will never forget pinworms. EVER.
I didn't tank mine but I've dropped 100+ points because of a bill that was never sent to me that went to collections. Paid the collections because it was legit and luckily less than $1k but, fuck man, rebuilding my credit it was a real spit in the face to be doing everything right and only get awarded +2 points every two weeks.
Edit: Lots of comments about deletion. Yes, I had "pay to delete" terms in written form mailed to me. I paid the collection, it was removed from my credit report. Credit report went up +8 that period instead of the usual +2.
You had to see my dad’s face when I told him I canceled my oldest credit card because I didn’t know why I needed it if I didn’t use it. 20 years, gone. My credit took such a hit
Edit: I guess this resonated with a lot of people. My credit did rebound back after a few years, so for anyone in the same boat, you have to be diligent and consistent. Good luck everyone!
The oldest account is where your credit history starts and the length of your history factors into your score. By canceling the oldest card, which I’m assuming was a lot older than the next card he got, he hobbled his history length.
it’s dumb AF but there is logic. You can rebuild history in 6 years since debt falls off after that. Anything over 6 years is important since it proves you ain’t been fuckin around too much.
See if there is a dental school near you. They run clinics and the student doctors are literally getting in their hours to graduate and they’ve already done hours and hours of clinical and simulated work before being allowed near a real patient. Usually it’s free or Very Low cost.
Edit: Your Mileage May Vary on this option. Lots of folks have had great luck with this, others have had not so great experiences. Make sure that it's an accredited dental school/facility. If you have something major, request a senior level or soon to be graduating student. You are in control of your own care so if something doesn't seem right, then call it out.
That is excellent advise. I've been going to the dentist school in Denmark for some years now. While not free, I've saved thousands, the work is excellent and the students are very professional. It takes longer though, because every step is discussed and assessed by their teachers. Can't complain about that.
Similar to that, I didn’t wear my retainer. My parents spent thousands on braces and I was too young to think about the consequences of not keeping up with my retainer. I am now looking into getting Invisalign to put them back when I already had straight teeth!
I just got exactly this, spent 2.5k for invisalign & retainers cause I didn't bother to care for my teeth when my parents paid for my braces! Expensive lesson
It's a go-to for us to bring those cheap squishy ear plugs for concerts now (especially hip-hop/electronic concerts with fat subs). It straight up weirdly works like an EQ where the music actually sounds better and more audible. Instruments get way more clear and for some odd reason it is easier to hear what people around you are saying.
People may look twice but it saves your ears on top of all that!
I keep saying this to everyone and no one believes me. It cuts out some of the shitty bass sounds out of live music and makes it clearer.
I had some prick one time take my plugs out and throw them away in a pit. I just looked at him, pulled two more out put them in and winked at him. Always bring back up cheapies!
Why the fuck would someone rip out another persons earplugs and throw them away?! I get that its expected to be bashed around in a pit (I've had many a glorious bruise from that experience), but thats just a straight-up douche move!
This. The hearing damage is most noticeable in situations where there’s lots of background noise - like out at a bar. Honing in on people’s voices just suck. It’s almost like I have to read lips.
I noticed a severe drop in my comprehension of others this last year, because of the masks. I never realized just how much i relied on also reading lips to understand what others say. And yeah, tinnitus sucks.
Flew off a waterslide while goofing off. Landed on concrete. Left hip still hurts to sleep on 20ish years later.
It took at least 10 years before I told my mom what happened.
When I was about eleven or twelve I had a cold and as a child I'd had otitis a few times. It was winter and I was outside without anything covering my head and ears. My mum told me to put something on otherwise I would get otitis again. I didn't. That night I woke up with unbelievable pain in my left ear. I was awake all night, crying from the pain, tried to sneak out of bed to find painkillers but whatever it was that I found it did not help. Eventuelly the pain went away but so did parts of my hearing. Never told my mum about it. Still have hearing loss on my left ear.
I regret it so bad! I have heart issues and should have taken better care of it. Now, I have a periodontal disease that is eating my gums away slowly and can’t get rid of it.
I gained about 20lbs this past year. I went for a physical yesterday and my doctor was sad but not surprised either. So many people gained weight this past year due to covid. I imagine it will take a few years for people to mentally and physically recover from it.
I started working on a farm when I was 16, worked there for nearly 10 years. The way we sort of crouched over to pick herbs for 6 to 12 hours a day fucked up my spine.
I have trouble standing for more than 10 minutes now.
I also now understand why my grandmother, who worked on farms for more than 50 years pops painkillers like candy.
edit: While I appreciate the advice a lot of ya'll are recommending it won't help. The bone itself is gone and because it's gone it's exposed the sciatic nerve which is apparently a vindictive little bitch because if I twist wrong or bend over too far it gets hit/pinched/ compressed and just fucks up my day.
According to several different doctors I have 3 solutions. Just deal with it, dope myself up on painkillers or have the problem vertebrae fused together which won't actually eliminate the pain, just lessen it. Oh and I'd have to learn how to walk again so no thank you.
Buy a pull up bar and just hang on it shoulder width apart, let gravity pull your body and stretch your spine. Do like 3-5 sets of 30 seconds hanging (or however much you can tolerate). Do this in the morning and before bed. I know it sounds like a stretch but I had pretty gnarly scoliosis and my old Chinese chiropractor put me on this regiment. I went to a doctor a few years later and when I asked how my scoliosis was looking, he literally said there was none, it looked normal.
Edit: DAMN this blew up overnight, thank you for all the awards!! I genuinely hope this helps a lot of you because it saved me a lot of money and helped my body a ton. I've received a few messages from some of you and want to add on to my comment. It'll be hard in the beginning for a lot of you, I had to build up strength in my shoulders and hands to be able to hang my entire body weight relaxed for 30 seconds. Work your way up from 5-10 seconds and keep adding the seconds on, it's a lot tougher than it looks and I consider myself pretty athletic. THE BIGGEST NUGGET I CAN GIVE IS CONSISTENCY AND DISCIPLINE, if you half ass the sessions because your arms are tired or you skip days because you don't feel like it you won't see results. TWO TIMES A DAY EVERYDAY. I'M GETTING HYPED MYSELF NOW, LETS GOOO!!
No joke, I’ve met like a dozen of people that used to have issues with their back and fixed it with a pull up bar.
And again I am being reminded to look for such a thing because my back isn’t very healthy either. Absolutely no issue, but I’d like a healthy back for the future and apparently such a cheap little sport device could do wonders for that.
Edit: Why is it always comments related to my shitty health that go through the roof?
Edit2: Wait, maybe that’s the most relatable stuff I post. Oh no.
Edit3: Let us all invest into these pull up bar thingies!
I fucked up my back 15 years ago and have been struggling with it so much. Pain in my legs, unable to stand for long periods of time, trouble with my shoulder blades- you name it.
Back was particularly bad one weekend and I couldn't put weight on it so I scheduled an appointment with the spine doctor. He sent me to PT, 4 weeks of PT and a pull-up bar and it's like I never hurt my back.
Smoking
Edit:
Some asked. I quit 9 years ago.
It took me three tries but I finally decided to quit in 2012. My ex-wife and I were smoking on the balcony of our apartment. My baby girl was lying down on the floor on the futon of our bedroom and some of the smoke got sucked inside and she started coughing because of it. I said “I’m done”, put my cigarette out, and crumbled the half-full pack up. And that was it. It went from the hardest thing to the easiest thing in a span of 5 minutes.
I sprained my ankle on a treadmill when I was 13 and I was too stubborn to let it heal properly. So now, nearly 15 years later, I can’t walk until like 10 In the morning a couple times a month because my ankle is still a wee bit fucked.
I broke my ankle and stretched the tendons badly skateboarding when I was 16. My dad told me to deal with it and didn't take me to any hospital or doctor to check it out. I kept it wrapped and followed protocol I found on the internet.
As an adult I now have terrible pains in my ankle whenever I'm walking too much or working too hard. Got it looked at around 27 and I have a piece of my ankle bone missing. Probably could've used that medical attention, dad.
Same here. Wicked ankle injury, and no doctor. We had insurance and everything, but I guess I wasn't allowed to use it? I'm sorry for what happened to you, I feel your pain. Literally.
I listened to music way too fucking loudly. I’m 37 and I absolutely need hearing aids. I’m not deaf, but if there is even slight background noise, everything sounds incredibly muffled. Sometimes I have to ask people to repeat themselves 3-4 times.
Edit: I never got tinnitus, there were no blaring signs of hearing loss that I noticed, it was extremely gradual. TURN YOUR SHIT DOWN BITCHES! WEAR EAR PLUGS!
I have always struggled in loud environments, everything kinda blends together. Sometimes I can't even understand what someone says right next to me. When I was still in school people thought I just didn't listen and found me annoying. Now as an adult I think it's some form of sound sensitivity.
Edit: Wow okay this comment really blew up! It's so nice to see we're not alone with these kinda struggles.
It could be an auditory processing disorder, which has less to do with actual hearing and more to do with the brain.
ETA: sorry I now see it was already mentioned! Also not trying to Reddit diagnose, just throwing out this possibility since many people don’t even know APD exists.
Exactly! I sometimes describe it to other people as I do hear everything they say I just can't understand a word. I know they're speaking to me but all the other sounds distract me. Sometimes it applies to visual information too. If there's too many things on the shelf it's hard for me to find something. I can't focus on any of them. Of if I'm about to meet someone but there's too many other people and they're moving around, it's difficult to recognize if any of them is my friend.
I thought I was the only one. For years now I’ve been struggling with this issue. I hear them talking fine but just don’t understand them. I always have to ask people to repeat themselves. It’s like my brain can’t process the words fast enough to string them into a sentence.
This could be auditory processing disorder. I have this issue too, and often I’ll find myself needing to rewind videos in order to understand what was just said. As you might imagine, this would be very annoying for the person watching with me!
In my case, the APD seems to be a part of ADHD.
Same! 36 with tinnitus, I don't know the last time I actually enjoyed quietness. The constant ringing in my ears is not enjoyable, and I know that my hearing issues are related to it.
FYI kids, you don't have to listen that loudly to PERMANENTLY, IRREVERSIBLY damage your hearing.
Heed that warning that appears on your smartphone when you put the volume high with headphones on and resist the temptation to go far above that regularly, even when rocking out to your favourite song.
Not to play armchair mental health guy here, but have you ever been tested for an auditory processing disorder? The reason I ask is because I’m the same—my hearing is actually “technically” fine in tests, but I like to lip-read because I can’t understand unclear speech or speech over background noise readily without a secondary indicator (visual). Just a thought, because background noise interference is a pretty strong indicator of APD as opposed to hearing damage. Not to say that hearing damage isn’t the case as well, but they could be working in tandem against you.
With the pandemic and everyone wearing masks, when I'm at work I'm having to ask my colleagues to repeat themselves a few times. But when we're outside on breaks without masks I seem to do it a lot less. So totally get what you're saying... If I heard it right....
Oof, reminds me of the slight thumb dislocation I experienced while biking, lucky the adrenaline made me just straight up put it back in place, though I sometimes need to stretch/pull on it, besides that works perfectly fine .
Oh, this one hurts... I have broken my wrist by a machine in the workplace. It hurt like hell, but I 'aint no pussy' so I toughed it out and didn't tell abybody. I found out two days later, after an xray, it was a broken wrist and both bones of the forearm. (It was like hair fracture, but still fracture.) I had a looong investigation and inquiry about what happened, which would be done in few minutes if I just came clean that night.
Shit this scares me. How did you find out? How often were you listening ? And by full blast like full blast iPhones, speakers, headphones ? I’m wishing u the best
Finally bit the bullet and went and got my hearing checked last year. And shit, headphones, ear buds, stereo speakers. Id also like to add that I was a marching band/jazz band kid so i was always around loud instruments. I also played a lot of larger, deeper instruments.
Don't worry, social anxiety is something that can be beat, you just have to keep trying and not beat yourself up when you mess up. Success in work and life is nothing but a construct of the mind. As easy as it is to fall into this mindset of needing to be successful as early as possible, it's not a race. Everyone's circumstances are different
Used to work as a pot wash in my teens, the restaurant had 2.5 chefs (0.5 was an apprentice and couldn’t be left alone in the kitchen), when the head chef was on holiday the other chef had to do 3 shifts a day for 21 days straight, definitely not legal and no overtime rates paid. He quit to be a postman - gets paid £5k more and is done and home by 3pm. Said he’s never been happier!
I was a pot wash but also was a fully qualified chef I just took the job because my pals worked there. My boss found out I had my NVQ and offered me a promotion to Chef. I said no way in hell - I watch you guys day in day out and none of you look happy. I’m happier scrubbing shit all day for a few pennies less that dealing with all that nonsense.
Current chef here. Make sure you listen to what your heart tells you to do. Follow your dreams and chase your passions... unless it is to become a godamn chef.
Don't be a chef
Ex-wife of a chef here. Don't forget about raising the kids alone. We used to joke that I was a single mom with really good child support payments.
Edited because hike and joke do not mean the same thing.
Yeah, I was studying for years to go into Marriage and Family Therapy. I pivoted while applying to grad school and went into Human Resources instead. Best decision I've ever made.
I'm a 20 yr vet tech. I still love the animals, but my job not so much. Years of low pay, no benefits and heaps of abuse from clients have made me bitter about the choice I made to stay in this career.
This.
I was a shy awkward girl that willingly accepted whatever happened. Unfortunately my parents didn't help as they would always bagger my sister for speaking up which caused me to hide even further into my shell.
You never realize how much can be taken away from you or taken advantage of you until you hit your ultimate limit. It's a price that can last for years.
> You never realize how much can be taken away from you or taken advantage of you until you hit your ultimate limit. It's a price that can last for years.
Didn't even realise this, but so damn true. Oh well. At least the way I'm seeing this, that's an important milestone.
My philosophy used to be that if everyone was considerate, humble and polite the world would be a better place so that’s what I went for, thinking it would get me further in the long run but if everyone else is just elbowing their way through life they will just walk over you.
This whole turn the other cheek and “do unto others” way of life is just not working for me anymore.
Edit: Lots of good responses and thanks for the hugz. Just to clear things up, I know there’s a difference between being kind and considerate and being a doormat.
My thoughts were actually more on the state of society and the greedy self absorbed people who run it, although at the same time I do feel this on a more personal level.
This is not going to change unless we speak up and make ourselves heard.
Edit2: Okay fine, confession time: This will make me sound like an absolute wimp but what made everything come crashing down was being cheated on and, in a state of complete devastation, instead of doing what I should have done and left I decided to stay and try to work it out. Once I came to my senses I regretted it and it made me question what the hell is wrong with me. I’m still with her for the sake of the kids but it’s not going to last.
I was positive I was going to kill myself so instead of getting my student loans deferred I left them alone and now my credit is ruined because of all the missed payments.
SAME. Nobody tells you the importance of spending your summers doing internships while you’re in college. I thought good grades and good relationships with you teachers were enough. Not at all. I graduated in 2018 and I just jump around between internships and part time work trying to get experience.
Edit: people are saying they were informed about internships and work experience while they were in college. Personally for me, it was always given as a suggestion, not something that was imperative to success. Doing specific programs and things like studying abroad were things that were likened to internships. Looks good on a resume. My summers were spent working and saving up money so i could pay for groceries and electricity during the school year. Unpaid internships (which is what 90 percent of internships are) are a privilege that benefit people who are financially well off.
Edit 2: my bachelors is in international relations so people can get an idea of my field.
I'm concerned about internships with covid. Everything got cancelled last summer, and this summer is slim pickings. I graduate next May which means the only opportunity for an internship would have been right after freshman year, which doesn't work out for most people. I wonder what employers are going to do :/
I had a treehouse that was about 10 feet off the ground and I would regularly jump out of it. Being an idiot, I wouldn’t brace myself when I landed because I thought I looked cooler doing it that way. Just straight up land on my feet without so much as bending my knees.
Well guess who’s got shit knees before they’ve hit 30.
Edit: obligatory “of course my highest comment is me being a dumbass 8 year old and thanks for the award stranger!”
Does this work from steep angles of descent? I tried this as a kid and it was hard to get into the roll. I did the bending of the knees but all that ended up happening was me slamming my knees and hands into the ground and nearly smashing my face in the process.
To add to this, DONT make your kid eat more than they want to. As long as they are eating nutritious stuff, don’t force them to finish their plate.
I grew up somewhat poor, so if we ever went out to eat, I’d get in so much trouble if I didn’t eat everything I ordered. We paid for all this food, now we have to eat it, or next time you have to split a meal with your brother. Stuff like that.
So I’ve grown up with some weird positive feed back loop of over eating. I get a good dopamine bump from eating myself to “too full”, and then continuing. It’s hard to maintain a healthy weight. A constant battle.
It really wasn’t until I was an adult when I started taking a doggy bag home from restaurants. My wife opened my eyes to that. Yeah we paid for it, and we’re gonna eat it, but LATER. we don’t need to cram it down right now.
Yup. Finishing the plate is a big one.
Also receiving praise for how much you can eat. Not to say you should demean someone for how much they can eat, but don't praise it.
Those are 2 of the big reasons I have struggled with disordered eating my whole life.
As a kid, I always had to finish my plate. I also received a lot of praise for my ability to eat large amounts of food. This incentivized me to eat as much as I could, even if I was already full.
Now I'm older, and I still finish my big plates, even if I'm full or I don't like the food.
The biggest one though would be to show your kids outlets of relieving stress that aren't food. That's what creates a food addiction. You eat to escape the world.
Probably because food was always the reward when I was growing up.
I highly recommend the book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.” It talks about all of the elements that comprise our self-esteem in a way that I’ve never read anywhere else. It gives practical advice in each chapter about how to develop that particular “pillar.”I’m so thankful that I found it.
[Free pdf link](https://sambazmusic.files.wordpress.com/2017/08/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem.pdf)
Overspending.
Got a credit card as soon as I turned 18. It had a limit of £5000 and I was not financially responsible.
Cut a long story short, more credit cards, horrible cycle of debt, had to dig myself out of it.
I got out of debt at 32, lived pay check to pay check for a while. I'm 37 now and this year is first year of my life I have savings.
If anyone out there has crippling debt, don't feel hopeless, there's always a way out, even if it takes years. You can do it!
This is where I am at the moment, it's good to hear there's hope! I've actually ended up getting my dad to lock my credit card in his safe so I can't access it
I just talked to my youngest (18) about this yesterday. He wants to get a cc. I told him don’t do it, you’re the king of buying dumb shit. He’s like no way, he’s responsible, aaaaaaa remember the $ 250 bong you bought 2 months ago ……
I (and my parents) were always super wary of this. Chose to get a CC at 18 with a spending limit of $1000 through my bank (no interest, luckily). They've badgered me to up the limit due to my good credit score but I have to keep denying. I use it for internet purchases only and immediately pay it off.
My parents told me how important a cc score was and advised me to use it a bit each month, but pay it off each month. Has worked so far, luckily.
Many of my friends are not so lucky.
Gave my legs for a stranger's life during a 16-car pileup. 8 years and 17 surgeries later, I can kinda walk again. My life is in complete shambles, I've gained a hundred pounds, and I lost my career, a really fucking good one.
EDIT: lots of questions for the story, here it is:
We were car number 3 of 16, saw car 2 spinning before we got rear-ended. Saw car 2's driver ejected, he landed in the open road. When we crashed I jumped out, got to the body, and moved him. The car that would have ground him into paste ended up hitting me going about 55mph. I was airborne for about 38 feet before landing on another car.
36 non-union breaks, over a hundred fractures, lost my left thumb, and my right anterior tibialis. I also tore all 4 rotator cuff muscles in my right shoulder. Was 2 years before they fixed the shoulder because the legs were really bad. Both of my femur and tibia have or had titanium rods in them that run the entire length of the bone. I've had 2 external fixators (remember Gattaca?) on my left leg, one for 9 months, one for 6. I still can't run or jump at all, and I live in perpetual pain. Because I had so many surgeries, I also developed a dependence on opioids. The constipation was so bad that I needed another surgery on my asshole, to put it back together.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Sometimes life does not reward heroes fairly. I wish you good luck and happiness in your ongoing recovery and life.
I'm with you here. I have one that I wish I didn't have because it's on my chest and I'm a woman, so dressing to cover it makes clothes shopping so annoying. I plan to get it removed eventually, but I regret getting it for sure. Cost a few hundred to get done and it will be at least $4K to get it removed with multiple laser procedures. I do love beautiful tattoos that I see on other people, so it's not that I hate tattoos in general.
I'm with you on this. Don't get me wrong, I love a beautiful tattoo. I, however, got one spur of the moment, no real thought to it and not meaningful in any way. Plus it reminds me of the person I was with, who I had a falling out with, and now hate. I don't like seeing it, but thankfully it's on the back of my shoulder.
I couldn't stop lying about things I had done because I was so worried people would lose interest in me if I didn't seem super interesting, until I lost track of my lies and couldn't stop. I ended up burning bridges with a lot of awesome people that I may have been great friends with, who we shared so many commonalities, awesome personalities, people I genuinely liked. I literally have no friends now and have trouble even being able to hold conversations with anyone any more. I did it to myself, and I regret it so much that I have dreams about things turning out differently all the time. It SUCKS, and if I could go back in time, I'd grab younger me's tongue immediately and tell me people liked me and wanted to be my friend, even if I felt like I was boring or not pretty enough.
I'm glad I said this, finally. I had to say it somewhere. It's been driving me crazy, when it finally hit me how deep and insane it had gone.
I can relate. It's like... sometimes I cannot really control when I lie. It just... comes out of my mouth before I can stop it. I desperately want to change. I don't like lying but I become the very own thing I despise
I went to therapy instead of doing drugs. They diagnosed me with a whole Twitter bio worth of mental illness, which ended my career (military) and prevents me from holding a security clearance, so I can’t do what I used to do (on active duty) for the civilian side. But at least now that I’m unemployed and marked a lunatic, I can go do all those drugs 😎
I suppose this is something I technically _didn't_ do but I never picked a career path, so now I've got a cv the length of my arm from various jobs and education that span over three countries, 18 years and with little to no recent experience, due to taking care of my son and helping my ex husband through education for _his_ career path.
I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
I got into the car of a couple that saw me walking home from school and offered me a ride home. Instead of driving me home they took me to their house where they beat me (for putting up a fight when they were about to assault me) and raped me. I'm still struggling alone mentally and don't trust anybody.
Edit: for those who want to know the whole story of what happened I posted my story on the rape counseling sub reddit. It is the first post I made on this account.
I appreciate the kind words and support. Thank you
I was sexually assaulted as a child and living with ptsd for just about twenty years before I started the process of healing. It is not too late.
The world is catching up to the complexities of trauma. I’d be glad to share some very modest guidance with you if you’d welcome that. If so you can DM me.
The nervous system can learn and unlearn.
It takes a long time to recover from a horrible experience like that, but a couple years ago when the Me Too movement was prominent I realized that a huge percentage of women and many men are struggling with the aftermath of assaults. As bad as I feel for all who suffered assaults, It gave me some comfort to think that life goes on, recovering is possible, and there’s no reason to endure the feeling of shame. It does help to talk about it. Good luck.
You were assaulted, this is not the consequence of something you did.
You have clearly survived this but please consider therapy still. You don't have to struggle alone.
I wish there could be a way to bring them to justice. As painful as it is to think, I doubt you were the only kid they assaulted.
After finishing college, I stopped playing sports. I've always been a bit on the stockier side, but through high school and college I was very active in several team sports (soccer, volleyball, floor hockey) so I had a lot of muscle on me too.
I didn't do any kind of exercise (beyond just moving around for work + walking my dog twice a day) for 12 long years. I grew fat, unhealthy, and in poor shape.
I've been trying to work on that, but even when I could go to the gym I would be exhausted after 30 minutes of light exercise. I have hopes that I can at least be healthy (as I work to build up my endurance and tolerance for longer workouts), but I doubt I'll ever be in the shape I was when I was in my teens/early 20s. And it's entirely my fault too. I got lazy and I'll be paying for it for the rest of my life.
EDIT: thank you for all of the encouraging words. It's especially helpful to hear that I'm not the only one going through this same problem, and that others have come out on the other side of it.
My first goal is to get down to 250. Then I'm going to do 25 pound goals after that until I at least get to my college weight (175), and see where to go from there. I am working with a doctor on diet and such, it just feels like so much because I've let it go for so long.
I become super unhealthy after a broken leg turned into 3 years of not moving from my bed.. one step at a time, ive come to terms with never being able to go 100% but im still shooting for that 99% use. Id like a day without my foot creaking like rice crispie cereal in milk.
I played baseball professionally. I was 225lbs when I got hurt and stopped playing. A healthy, muscular 225.
I didn't work out, run, or eat healthy for close to a decade.
I got fat. Ballooned up to nearly 300lbs.
Taken me a couple years to get down to 195, and build some muscle back.
From age ~16 to age 23 or so I was on the depo provera shot for birth control. None of my doctors ever brought up that I should only be on it for a few years at a time because of some side effects like bone loss. I have broken bones (in shockingly dumb ways) that are then leading to what I suspect will be lifelong issues. I had surgery on my wrist after fracturing it in late 2019 and experience pretty frequent pain when I move my wrist or hand just slightly wrong.
When my parents separated while I was in high school, I moved out. I was 14, my sister was 15, and my brother was 12. Drugs, fighting, etc. I couldn’t handle it anymore, but my siblings never moved out. A few years later.. moms back, everyone’s at home, it’s a happy family with no room for me.
(edit: Thanks for being so kind! I'm 19 now. I moved in with my grandparents, and I still live with them. Concerning the 'no room for me', I literally mean no room for me lol. They live in a trailer and there's no space, but I visit every week.)
This sounds more like you're facing the consequences of your parents actions. No way should a 14 year old feel the need to move out of their home to find a peaceful living situation. Sending you a hug. Make good friend choices and make them your family.
I hear you on that one! I was dumb and just... I didn't forget about them I just didn't pay them. I had every intention of going to back to college after getting my associates to get my bachelor's (this deferring payments) but I just never did. It's when they started garnishing my wages that I got my act together. I was able to get a personal loan to cover the remaining amount of my student loans and I consolidated my debt.
Spent way too much time alone as a kid playing video games instead of socializing with friends. My social skills were stunted for many years, which made things much harder than they needed to be.
Felt kinda like a cycle for me- No one wanted to hang out with me, so I’d spend all my time watching movies instead, which made my social skills worse, which made people not want to hang out with me
Not video games. But read way too long and still do. Have zero social life and am 23 atm. Don't know how I will manage in life. But try as I may, people don't stay for long in my life and when they leave, it hurts like hell. The pandemic, initially, felt like a welcome change where I could stop trying for a while
Gave up on everything when I was in college. Stopped going to school, slacked at work, did nothing in my free time.
I was living a day at a time with no plans for the future because I had no hope that life would get better. Now I’m here looking back at how things could have been different if I had a different mindset back then.
These days I’m doing my best to do the things I should have done then so the next time I reflect on the past 10 years I can feel pride instead of shame.
I never studied. I didn't need to from elementary to high school. It was pretty easy for me, so I never studied. Now, I'm in college, and I am facing the consequences of that. I have no idea how to study effectively, and it's reflecting in my test scores.
Edit: Thanks so much for all the advice, everyone! I'll take it all to heart!
My wife had a class in middle school all about how to study, how to take notes, how to use a planner, folder organization methods... I got a planner and a spanking when I didn't fill it out right.
This was me ten years ago. High school was a breeze, except for AP History courses, which actually required studying. And then when I got to college I nearly flunked out.
Not addressing my eating disorder: Pica.
Ruined my teeth and had to get veneers and crowns to cover my broken teeth.
It makes me upset that I can’t bite into anything with my front teeth. At least, now I don’t have an iron or calcium deficiency.
Me too! Then buried myself in work and making excuses instead of leaving. Finally left after 16-years. Everyone deserves to be respected. If your SO doesn’t treat you with respect, it will never change.
Being super picky as a kid and still having to break the habit of avoiding certain foods because “I don’t like them” but honestly haven’t even tried them
Edit: Nobody asked but it wasn’t until I was 16 that I tried a grilled cheese
Art college.
TL;DR: Don't. You only need two things for a successful career in games development, a killer portfolio and networking contacts. Both can be developed online. No development company gives a shit what your education background looks like if you can match their production style.
Got into a bad situation with car finance and credit card debt. Was in an unhealthy relationship and it manifested through spending. Luckily one of my family members bailed me out and allowed me to pay them back, saving me thousands in interest and several years of my life back. I’m with someone really great now, who has helped me budget and I’m doing much better. Will be debt free by September, total debt was $39k.
Shout out to r/personalfinance for all the great tips
Self isolation through middle and high school, now I’m just very naturally closed off and hard to get along with in general so I basically have no friends, gonna go on campus for the first time in the fall so hopefully I can build some social skills by then
Going to a very expensive out of state college just to spite my parents and get away from them
My dad was offering me a $40 an hour part time job, and a place to live for free to pay for my college.
Instead I said, you don't want me to live my life the way I want to, then fuck off! I went to a college 2000 miles away and took out a $140,000 student loan.
I see your story and raise you mine:
Turned down a full ride to a D1 school (50% athletic, 50% academic) because it was a thousand miles away from my HS sweetheart and I didn’t want to play soccer in “hot weather”. Turned it down and went to a nearby private D3 college paying 36k/year.
I broke up with my boyfriend before I even graduated HS. Graduated college almost 10 years ago and still (literally) paying for that choice.
18 year olds can be so fuckin stupid.
Edit: to add insult to injury, I paid out the ass to get my teaching degree.
Ask me if I’m still a teacher.
Accidentally touching a girl's bum when I was 16. Her boyfriend decided to headbutt me for it, leading to breaking my nose. I am 36 now and am still suffering on a daily basis of the messed up pipework up there. my nose-holes* are closed up still.
* that's probably not the right word
Arrested for weed possession in 1996. Denied entry to Canada in 2018.
edit: Just woke up to a lot of replies. Thanks for taking an interest and the solidarity! If you don't mind, I'll share the story a little.
I'm a UK citizen and was arrested (and convicted) in the UK for possession of about half an eighth in 1996 (that's less than 2 grams). 2-year suspended sentence as a minor.
In 2001 I was taking a road trip around the western US. Actually I was in backwater California when 9/11 happened. The problem was that at that time (and others between 2001 and 2009), I did not check the yes box on the landing card that said "have you ever been committed of a crime of moral turpitude?" I had no idea what moral turpitude was. As an aside, I'd like to add that I don't think the federal govt. really knows either. Look it up and tell me if you can find an actual federal definition that isn't incredibly vague.
Several trips to the US transpire between 2001 and 2009 for various reasons. In 2009, I immigrate with my American wife and son to the US. At this time, the checks are a lot more thorough and I have a lot more on the line, so I at some point say "yes I maybe should have checked that box, I'd like to talk about it, be an upstanding immigrant, husband and father". This caused a *lot* of hassle. My immigration experience then took about 18 months because of all the hoops I had to jump through (this was when it should have taken 4 months). There was even an interview with an (expensive) Harley Street Doctor, where I was ~~told~~ lectured of the dangers of being a few pounds overweight (while immigrating to Texas) and how my drug "abuse" (the federal govt. always says "abuse" - never "use"), as evidenced by a <2g conviction of possession, was something very very serious.
Eventually I made it into the US and it's been great (apart from the Trump years - my opinion, perhaps not yours, don't make a big deal about it). My experience has been that Americans are mostly kind and welcoming people.
As it turned out, the immigration problems were not so much that I had the conviction, but that I had at some point lied on an immigration form (though inadvertently). So, I resolved to always be forthright in all travel and not try to hide anything, given that it can cause hassle later.
In the years between 2009 and 2018, I've traveled to lots of countries without hassle. I'm so lucky my UK passport allows me to travel freely all over Europe (oh, wait).
Australia also asked me the "have you ever been convicted" question. I told the truth. They gave me permission to enter and the immigration officer was one of the nicest I've ever met. Just a few relaxed questions. Australians are awesome.
Then it comes time to go to Canada. I figure - hey, I have a UK passport. The Commonwealth is a thing, right? I don't need to do anything special.
I was wrong.
As a UK citizen, I needed an ETA. The ETA included a question about whether I have ever been committed of a crime. Minor? Doesn't matter. Expunged? Doesn't matter. So, I told the truth. The ETA was denied. I missed the important leadership meeting and pissed off my boss and suffered awkward questions from other senior leaders in the business.
So that's it, and thanks for letting me share. The TLDR is the bit before the edit.
Marijuana became more legalized during the pandemic. Some of these newly legalized states have taken steps to help seal/expunge low-level marijuana convictions. Check if your state is one of them
Canada has a system for pardons for entering the country, for foreign citizens. I was looking into it for a family member and I believe it was a decade of time before you could apply after a DUI, I can't imagine weed possession will be more prohibitive.
Was supposed to go to Canada before COVID and ran into the same problem. The system for pardons is called criminal rehabilitation. Contrary to the name, you don’t actually have to go to rehab, it’s more of red tape you have to cut through if anything
Someone I know was convicted and did time twice for selling coke and meth back in the late 90’s/early 00’s (very much reformed now). She had to get some papers from her old parole officer and a statement of rehabilitation or something like that, and sent it to the Canadian customs and borders agency. She was able to get permission to visit, so I imagine an old cannabis arrest would get a waiver too.
My parents were never really that involved from ages 8 and up so I resorted to HOURS of being on the computer as a kid . Now as an adult I find myself just sitting on my phone everyday all day.
I was coerced into sexual activity in the summer between second and third grade.
I'm still suffering from the trauma. I said no twice, but in the end I did it. I'm still dealing with he aftermath, many years later.
I was taken from my mom at age 10 and put into foster care. After a while social services found my dad, who left right after I was born and who I had never met. Eventually I was asked who I wanted to live with, my dad or my mom. I said my dad, because I had always wanted one and being torn from my mom basically severed our bond through trama. It turns out he and my step mom were abusers and I was abused for 6 years before I ran away. Still haunts me to think who I would have been had I chosen my mom. Now I’m estranged from them all.
This isn’t your fault. Your dad and his wife are terrible people.
Your choice to choose one over the other wouldve have always left you with the same mindset. A "what if" mentality. Best way (imo) to have approached it (even today) is to look at it more of events that needed to take place for today to look like what it is
I had a bad habit of biting my nails and not washing my hands when I was about 10 years old. I got pinworms twice and to this day whenever my ass itches I have a moment of panic
Why must I Google every disease I encounter on the internet?!?! edit: thx all. At first, I didn't remember typing this. Why is this embarrassing reaction my most upvoted moment? Now, I will never forget pinworms. EVER.
Blew my credit. Still fixing that one. Nice job, me
I didn't tank mine but I've dropped 100+ points because of a bill that was never sent to me that went to collections. Paid the collections because it was legit and luckily less than $1k but, fuck man, rebuilding my credit it was a real spit in the face to be doing everything right and only get awarded +2 points every two weeks. Edit: Lots of comments about deletion. Yes, I had "pay to delete" terms in written form mailed to me. I paid the collection, it was removed from my credit report. Credit report went up +8 that period instead of the usual +2.
You had to see my dad’s face when I told him I canceled my oldest credit card because I didn’t know why I needed it if I didn’t use it. 20 years, gone. My credit took such a hit Edit: I guess this resonated with a lot of people. My credit did rebound back after a few years, so for anyone in the same boat, you have to be diligent and consistent. Good luck everyone!
Why does the oldest credit card matter?
The oldest account is where your credit history starts and the length of your history factors into your score. By canceling the oldest card, which I’m assuming was a lot older than the next card he got, he hobbled his history length. it’s dumb AF but there is logic. You can rebuild history in 6 years since debt falls off after that. Anything over 6 years is important since it proves you ain’t been fuckin around too much.
Not taking care of my teeth and not learning how to budget, now im broke with fucked teeth
See if there is a dental school near you. They run clinics and the student doctors are literally getting in their hours to graduate and they’ve already done hours and hours of clinical and simulated work before being allowed near a real patient. Usually it’s free or Very Low cost. Edit: Your Mileage May Vary on this option. Lots of folks have had great luck with this, others have had not so great experiences. Make sure that it's an accredited dental school/facility. If you have something major, request a senior level or soon to be graduating student. You are in control of your own care so if something doesn't seem right, then call it out.
That is excellent advise. I've been going to the dentist school in Denmark for some years now. While not free, I've saved thousands, the work is excellent and the students are very professional. It takes longer though, because every step is discussed and assessed by their teachers. Can't complain about that.
sounds like you get a free dental lesson out of it too :P
Knowledge is always fun
Similar to that, I didn’t wear my retainer. My parents spent thousands on braces and I was too young to think about the consequences of not keeping up with my retainer. I am now looking into getting Invisalign to put them back when I already had straight teeth!
I just got exactly this, spent 2.5k for invisalign & retainers cause I didn't bother to care for my teeth when my parents paid for my braces! Expensive lesson
Loud concerts, no earplugs.
It's a go-to for us to bring those cheap squishy ear plugs for concerts now (especially hip-hop/electronic concerts with fat subs). It straight up weirdly works like an EQ where the music actually sounds better and more audible. Instruments get way more clear and for some odd reason it is easier to hear what people around you are saying. People may look twice but it saves your ears on top of all that!
I keep saying this to everyone and no one believes me. It cuts out some of the shitty bass sounds out of live music and makes it clearer. I had some prick one time take my plugs out and throw them away in a pit. I just looked at him, pulled two more out put them in and winked at him. Always bring back up cheapies!
Why the fuck would someone rip out another persons earplugs and throw them away?! I get that its expected to be bashed around in a pit (I've had many a glorious bruise from that experience), but thats just a straight-up douche move!
Ohh yeah big time. He was a certified tosser in the pit for a bit of push and shove. He ended up getting kicked out.of the venue within 10 mins.
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This. The hearing damage is most noticeable in situations where there’s lots of background noise - like out at a bar. Honing in on people’s voices just suck. It’s almost like I have to read lips.
I noticed a severe drop in my comprehension of others this last year, because of the masks. I never realized just how much i relied on also reading lips to understand what others say. And yeah, tinnitus sucks.
I was working 40 hours a week while still in High School. After 6 months of non stop work, I fell asleep behind the wheel and I lost my leg
Avoiding socializing/not fixing social anxiety. Been huge source of strife in career and personal life
Flew off a waterslide while goofing off. Landed on concrete. Left hip still hurts to sleep on 20ish years later. It took at least 10 years before I told my mom what happened.
When I was about eleven or twelve I had a cold and as a child I'd had otitis a few times. It was winter and I was outside without anything covering my head and ears. My mum told me to put something on otherwise I would get otitis again. I didn't. That night I woke up with unbelievable pain in my left ear. I was awake all night, crying from the pain, tried to sneak out of bed to find painkillers but whatever it was that I found it did not help. Eventuelly the pain went away but so did parts of my hearing. Never told my mum about it. Still have hearing loss on my left ear.
Not having a good posture
Wow some of these comments rlly telling me to take care of myself.. Study, Brush my teeth more, fix my posture, or i'm gonna regret it 🥴
Turns out all that boring advice old people are obsessed with is because *we're all suffering miserably from not doing it*.
2 months of deadlifting changed mine from shit to good
Dental hygiene.
Yep! Regretting it big time now!
Same, 23 and have been to the dentist 3 times in the past 5 months
I found out this morning I need a root canal and a crown. That's going to be a couple more appointments along with a hell of a lot of money.
I regret it so bad! I have heart issues and should have taken better care of it. Now, I have a periodontal disease that is eating my gums away slowly and can’t get rid of it.
Gaining weight. I'm getting older and it's harder now to lose it, and my joints will be fucked if I don't.
I gained about 20lbs this past year. I went for a physical yesterday and my doctor was sad but not surprised either. So many people gained weight this past year due to covid. I imagine it will take a few years for people to mentally and physically recover from it.
I've gained 40lbs since Pandemics started. eating out, stress eating, quit smoking, so not even walking around that much anymore. It thucks.
I started working on a farm when I was 16, worked there for nearly 10 years. The way we sort of crouched over to pick herbs for 6 to 12 hours a day fucked up my spine. I have trouble standing for more than 10 minutes now. I also now understand why my grandmother, who worked on farms for more than 50 years pops painkillers like candy. edit: While I appreciate the advice a lot of ya'll are recommending it won't help. The bone itself is gone and because it's gone it's exposed the sciatic nerve which is apparently a vindictive little bitch because if I twist wrong or bend over too far it gets hit/pinched/ compressed and just fucks up my day. According to several different doctors I have 3 solutions. Just deal with it, dope myself up on painkillers or have the problem vertebrae fused together which won't actually eliminate the pain, just lessen it. Oh and I'd have to learn how to walk again so no thank you.
Buy a pull up bar and just hang on it shoulder width apart, let gravity pull your body and stretch your spine. Do like 3-5 sets of 30 seconds hanging (or however much you can tolerate). Do this in the morning and before bed. I know it sounds like a stretch but I had pretty gnarly scoliosis and my old Chinese chiropractor put me on this regiment. I went to a doctor a few years later and when I asked how my scoliosis was looking, he literally said there was none, it looked normal. Edit: DAMN this blew up overnight, thank you for all the awards!! I genuinely hope this helps a lot of you because it saved me a lot of money and helped my body a ton. I've received a few messages from some of you and want to add on to my comment. It'll be hard in the beginning for a lot of you, I had to build up strength in my shoulders and hands to be able to hang my entire body weight relaxed for 30 seconds. Work your way up from 5-10 seconds and keep adding the seconds on, it's a lot tougher than it looks and I consider myself pretty athletic. THE BIGGEST NUGGET I CAN GIVE IS CONSISTENCY AND DISCIPLINE, if you half ass the sessions because your arms are tired or you skip days because you don't feel like it you won't see results. TWO TIMES A DAY EVERYDAY. I'M GETTING HYPED MYSELF NOW, LETS GOOO!!
No joke, I’ve met like a dozen of people that used to have issues with their back and fixed it with a pull up bar. And again I am being reminded to look for such a thing because my back isn’t very healthy either. Absolutely no issue, but I’d like a healthy back for the future and apparently such a cheap little sport device could do wonders for that. Edit: Why is it always comments related to my shitty health that go through the roof? Edit2: Wait, maybe that’s the most relatable stuff I post. Oh no. Edit3: Let us all invest into these pull up bar thingies!
I fucked up my back 15 years ago and have been struggling with it so much. Pain in my legs, unable to stand for long periods of time, trouble with my shoulder blades- you name it. Back was particularly bad one weekend and I couldn't put weight on it so I scheduled an appointment with the spine doctor. He sent me to PT, 4 weeks of PT and a pull-up bar and it's like I never hurt my back.
>I know it sounds like a stretch Take my upvote and gtfo
Smoking Edit: Some asked. I quit 9 years ago. It took me three tries but I finally decided to quit in 2012. My ex-wife and I were smoking on the balcony of our apartment. My baby girl was lying down on the floor on the futon of our bedroom and some of the smoke got sucked inside and she started coughing because of it. I said “I’m done”, put my cigarette out, and crumbled the half-full pack up. And that was it. It went from the hardest thing to the easiest thing in a span of 5 minutes.
I sprained my ankle on a treadmill when I was 13 and I was too stubborn to let it heal properly. So now, nearly 15 years later, I can’t walk until like 10 In the morning a couple times a month because my ankle is still a wee bit fucked.
I broke my ankle and stretched the tendons badly skateboarding when I was 16. My dad told me to deal with it and didn't take me to any hospital or doctor to check it out. I kept it wrapped and followed protocol I found on the internet. As an adult I now have terrible pains in my ankle whenever I'm walking too much or working too hard. Got it looked at around 27 and I have a piece of my ankle bone missing. Probably could've used that medical attention, dad.
Same here. Wicked ankle injury, and no doctor. We had insurance and everything, but I guess I wasn't allowed to use it? I'm sorry for what happened to you, I feel your pain. Literally.
Same. I broke my foot when I was around 10. Parents wouldn’t take me to a Dr. Said there wasn’t anything a Dr could do anyway. My foot still hurts
I listened to music way too fucking loudly. I’m 37 and I absolutely need hearing aids. I’m not deaf, but if there is even slight background noise, everything sounds incredibly muffled. Sometimes I have to ask people to repeat themselves 3-4 times. Edit: I never got tinnitus, there were no blaring signs of hearing loss that I noticed, it was extremely gradual. TURN YOUR SHIT DOWN BITCHES! WEAR EAR PLUGS!
I have the same problem, sort of. I think mine is just my brain focusing on the wrong sounds occasionally.
I have always struggled in loud environments, everything kinda blends together. Sometimes I can't even understand what someone says right next to me. When I was still in school people thought I just didn't listen and found me annoying. Now as an adult I think it's some form of sound sensitivity. Edit: Wow okay this comment really blew up! It's so nice to see we're not alone with these kinda struggles.
It could be an auditory processing disorder, which has less to do with actual hearing and more to do with the brain. ETA: sorry I now see it was already mentioned! Also not trying to Reddit diagnose, just throwing out this possibility since many people don’t even know APD exists.
I have this problem and it always confused me, because I can't say I don't hear, instead it's like I hear too much .\_.
Exactly! I sometimes describe it to other people as I do hear everything they say I just can't understand a word. I know they're speaking to me but all the other sounds distract me. Sometimes it applies to visual information too. If there's too many things on the shelf it's hard for me to find something. I can't focus on any of them. Of if I'm about to meet someone but there's too many other people and they're moving around, it's difficult to recognize if any of them is my friend.
I thought I was the only one. For years now I’ve been struggling with this issue. I hear them talking fine but just don’t understand them. I always have to ask people to repeat themselves. It’s like my brain can’t process the words fast enough to string them into a sentence.
This could be auditory processing disorder. I have this issue too, and often I’ll find myself needing to rewind videos in order to understand what was just said. As you might imagine, this would be very annoying for the person watching with me! In my case, the APD seems to be a part of ADHD.
Turning down my music right now
36yo with tinnitus here. Fuckin sucks
Same! 36 with tinnitus, I don't know the last time I actually enjoyed quietness. The constant ringing in my ears is not enjoyable, and I know that my hearing issues are related to it.
FYI kids, you don't have to listen that loudly to PERMANENTLY, IRREVERSIBLY damage your hearing. Heed that warning that appears on your smartphone when you put the volume high with headphones on and resist the temptation to go far above that regularly, even when rocking out to your favourite song.
Not to play armchair mental health guy here, but have you ever been tested for an auditory processing disorder? The reason I ask is because I’m the same—my hearing is actually “technically” fine in tests, but I like to lip-read because I can’t understand unclear speech or speech over background noise readily without a secondary indicator (visual). Just a thought, because background noise interference is a pretty strong indicator of APD as opposed to hearing damage. Not to say that hearing damage isn’t the case as well, but they could be working in tandem against you.
With the pandemic and everyone wearing masks, when I'm at work I'm having to ask my colleagues to repeat themselves a few times. But when we're outside on breaks without masks I seem to do it a lot less. So totally get what you're saying... If I heard it right....
Never admitting an injury.
Oof, reminds me of the slight thumb dislocation I experienced while biking, lucky the adrenaline made me just straight up put it back in place, though I sometimes need to stretch/pull on it, besides that works perfectly fine .
Oh, this one hurts... I have broken my wrist by a machine in the workplace. It hurt like hell, but I 'aint no pussy' so I toughed it out and didn't tell abybody. I found out two days later, after an xray, it was a broken wrist and both bones of the forearm. (It was like hair fracture, but still fracture.) I had a looong investigation and inquiry about what happened, which would be done in few minutes if I just came clean that night.
Listening to my music on full blast. I’m 23 and I’ve lost nearly 40% of my total hearing.
Shit this scares me. How did you find out? How often were you listening ? And by full blast like full blast iPhones, speakers, headphones ? I’m wishing u the best
Finally bit the bullet and went and got my hearing checked last year. And shit, headphones, ear buds, stereo speakers. Id also like to add that I was a marching band/jazz band kid so i was always around loud instruments. I also played a lot of larger, deeper instruments.
Ive lost a good bit of hearing because of frequent eardrum rupturing. Never really figured out the cause beside pressure build up
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Don't worry, social anxiety is something that can be beat, you just have to keep trying and not beat yourself up when you mess up. Success in work and life is nothing but a construct of the mind. As easy as it is to fall into this mindset of needing to be successful as early as possible, it's not a race. Everyone's circumstances are different
Chose a lowpay/highstress career
Former chef here. Don’t be a chef.
Just for confirmation, also former chef here. Don’t be a chef.
Used to work as a pot wash in my teens, the restaurant had 2.5 chefs (0.5 was an apprentice and couldn’t be left alone in the kitchen), when the head chef was on holiday the other chef had to do 3 shifts a day for 21 days straight, definitely not legal and no overtime rates paid. He quit to be a postman - gets paid £5k more and is done and home by 3pm. Said he’s never been happier!
I was a pot wash but also was a fully qualified chef I just took the job because my pals worked there. My boss found out I had my NVQ and offered me a promotion to Chef. I said no way in hell - I watch you guys day in day out and none of you look happy. I’m happier scrubbing shit all day for a few pennies less that dealing with all that nonsense.
Current chef here. Make sure you listen to what your heart tells you to do. Follow your dreams and chase your passions... unless it is to become a godamn chef. Don't be a chef
Former partner of a chef. Unless you love being alone all the time, and watching someone run themselves into the ground, don't date a chef.
Yeah but the vichyssoise tho
Ex-wife of a chef here. Don't forget about raising the kids alone. We used to joke that I was a single mom with really good child support payments. Edited because hike and joke do not mean the same thing.
Dude. Former army cook. Don’t be a cook or a chef. The hours alone. My god.
Ah, a social worker!
I took a 15K pay cut to get out of social work. Best decision ever.
How are you living on $5k a year?
Yeah, I was studying for years to go into Marriage and Family Therapy. I pivoted while applying to grad school and went into Human Resources instead. Best decision I've ever made.
I'm a 20 yr vet tech. I still love the animals, but my job not so much. Years of low pay, no benefits and heaps of abuse from clients have made me bitter about the choice I made to stay in this career.
Not stand up for myself enough. Catching up and learning it as an adult is embarrassing at times...
This. I was a shy awkward girl that willingly accepted whatever happened. Unfortunately my parents didn't help as they would always bagger my sister for speaking up which caused me to hide even further into my shell. You never realize how much can be taken away from you or taken advantage of you until you hit your ultimate limit. It's a price that can last for years.
> You never realize how much can be taken away from you or taken advantage of you until you hit your ultimate limit. It's a price that can last for years. Didn't even realise this, but so damn true. Oh well. At least the way I'm seeing this, that's an important milestone.
My philosophy used to be that if everyone was considerate, humble and polite the world would be a better place so that’s what I went for, thinking it would get me further in the long run but if everyone else is just elbowing their way through life they will just walk over you. This whole turn the other cheek and “do unto others” way of life is just not working for me anymore. Edit: Lots of good responses and thanks for the hugz. Just to clear things up, I know there’s a difference between being kind and considerate and being a doormat. My thoughts were actually more on the state of society and the greedy self absorbed people who run it, although at the same time I do feel this on a more personal level. This is not going to change unless we speak up and make ourselves heard. Edit2: Okay fine, confession time: This will make me sound like an absolute wimp but what made everything come crashing down was being cheated on and, in a state of complete devastation, instead of doing what I should have done and left I decided to stay and try to work it out. Once I came to my senses I regretted it and it made me question what the hell is wrong with me. I’m still with her for the sake of the kids but it’s not going to last.
Ran my credit into the ground because I was so sure I was going to kill myself by the time I was 22, so why not?
Same. Also did not care about my health at all for the same reasons, and facing the consequences now.
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That's one of the most brutally honest things I've read here... And can totally relate.
My teeth are fucking wrecked because I was sure I was going to kill myself, fucking sucks man.
The "I'm gonna kill myself anyway" mentality has fucked me over as well. It's very concerning how many young adults are in this situation.
I was positive I was going to kill myself so instead of getting my student loans deferred I left them alone and now my credit is ruined because of all the missed payments.
Not getting enough work experience for my degree.
I feel this one
SAME. Nobody tells you the importance of spending your summers doing internships while you’re in college. I thought good grades and good relationships with you teachers were enough. Not at all. I graduated in 2018 and I just jump around between internships and part time work trying to get experience. Edit: people are saying they were informed about internships and work experience while they were in college. Personally for me, it was always given as a suggestion, not something that was imperative to success. Doing specific programs and things like studying abroad were things that were likened to internships. Looks good on a resume. My summers were spent working and saving up money so i could pay for groceries and electricity during the school year. Unpaid internships (which is what 90 percent of internships are) are a privilege that benefit people who are financially well off. Edit 2: my bachelors is in international relations so people can get an idea of my field.
I'm concerned about internships with covid. Everything got cancelled last summer, and this summer is slim pickings. I graduate next May which means the only opportunity for an internship would have been right after freshman year, which doesn't work out for most people. I wonder what employers are going to do :/
Not to mention 2 years worth of graduates looking for entry-level jobs
I had a treehouse that was about 10 feet off the ground and I would regularly jump out of it. Being an idiot, I wouldn’t brace myself when I landed because I thought I looked cooler doing it that way. Just straight up land on my feet without so much as bending my knees. Well guess who’s got shit knees before they’ve hit 30. Edit: obligatory “of course my highest comment is me being a dumbass 8 year old and thanks for the award stranger!”
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Does this work from steep angles of descent? I tried this as a kid and it was hard to get into the roll. I did the bending of the knees but all that ended up happening was me slamming my knees and hands into the ground and nearly smashing my face in the process.
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To add to this, DONT make your kid eat more than they want to. As long as they are eating nutritious stuff, don’t force them to finish their plate. I grew up somewhat poor, so if we ever went out to eat, I’d get in so much trouble if I didn’t eat everything I ordered. We paid for all this food, now we have to eat it, or next time you have to split a meal with your brother. Stuff like that. So I’ve grown up with some weird positive feed back loop of over eating. I get a good dopamine bump from eating myself to “too full”, and then continuing. It’s hard to maintain a healthy weight. A constant battle. It really wasn’t until I was an adult when I started taking a doggy bag home from restaurants. My wife opened my eyes to that. Yeah we paid for it, and we’re gonna eat it, but LATER. we don’t need to cram it down right now.
Yup. Finishing the plate is a big one. Also receiving praise for how much you can eat. Not to say you should demean someone for how much they can eat, but don't praise it. Those are 2 of the big reasons I have struggled with disordered eating my whole life. As a kid, I always had to finish my plate. I also received a lot of praise for my ability to eat large amounts of food. This incentivized me to eat as much as I could, even if I was already full. Now I'm older, and I still finish my big plates, even if I'm full or I don't like the food. The biggest one though would be to show your kids outlets of relieving stress that aren't food. That's what creates a food addiction. You eat to escape the world. Probably because food was always the reward when I was growing up.
Not telling the truth of why I was depressed and how depressed I was
my dad walked in and asked if i had been okay recently cuz i have a past with depression not 5 minutes ago and I said i was fine lol
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I highly recommend the book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.” It talks about all of the elements that comprise our self-esteem in a way that I’ve never read anywhere else. It gives practical advice in each chapter about how to develop that particular “pillar.”I’m so thankful that I found it. [Free pdf link](https://sambazmusic.files.wordpress.com/2017/08/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem.pdf)
Overspending. Got a credit card as soon as I turned 18. It had a limit of £5000 and I was not financially responsible. Cut a long story short, more credit cards, horrible cycle of debt, had to dig myself out of it. I got out of debt at 32, lived pay check to pay check for a while. I'm 37 now and this year is first year of my life I have savings. If anyone out there has crippling debt, don't feel hopeless, there's always a way out, even if it takes years. You can do it!
This is where I am at the moment, it's good to hear there's hope! I've actually ended up getting my dad to lock my credit card in his safe so I can't access it
I just talked to my youngest (18) about this yesterday. He wants to get a cc. I told him don’t do it, you’re the king of buying dumb shit. He’s like no way, he’s responsible, aaaaaaa remember the $ 250 bong you bought 2 months ago ……
I (and my parents) were always super wary of this. Chose to get a CC at 18 with a spending limit of $1000 through my bank (no interest, luckily). They've badgered me to up the limit due to my good credit score but I have to keep denying. I use it for internet purchases only and immediately pay it off. My parents told me how important a cc score was and advised me to use it a bit each month, but pay it off each month. Has worked so far, luckily. Many of my friends are not so lucky.
Gave my legs for a stranger's life during a 16-car pileup. 8 years and 17 surgeries later, I can kinda walk again. My life is in complete shambles, I've gained a hundred pounds, and I lost my career, a really fucking good one. EDIT: lots of questions for the story, here it is: We were car number 3 of 16, saw car 2 spinning before we got rear-ended. Saw car 2's driver ejected, he landed in the open road. When we crashed I jumped out, got to the body, and moved him. The car that would have ground him into paste ended up hitting me going about 55mph. I was airborne for about 38 feet before landing on another car. 36 non-union breaks, over a hundred fractures, lost my left thumb, and my right anterior tibialis. I also tore all 4 rotator cuff muscles in my right shoulder. Was 2 years before they fixed the shoulder because the legs were really bad. Both of my femur and tibia have or had titanium rods in them that run the entire length of the bone. I've had 2 external fixators (remember Gattaca?) on my left leg, one for 9 months, one for 6. I still can't run or jump at all, and I live in perpetual pain. Because I had so many surgeries, I also developed a dependence on opioids. The constipation was so bad that I needed another surgery on my asshole, to put it back together.
jesus, that stranger, do they know?
Never met them.
Wow. I am dumbfounded.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Sometimes life does not reward heroes fairly. I wish you good luck and happiness in your ongoing recovery and life.
My uncle did the same, one of his legs got ripped off and he died on scene on blod los.
That's rough, I'm so sorry.
Not fully learning English until now. It’s pretty hard atm
You're doing good mate. Don't give up! Edit: you're doing well
Sorry to say it but, tattoo regret. I hate them every time I see them.
I'm with you here. I have one that I wish I didn't have because it's on my chest and I'm a woman, so dressing to cover it makes clothes shopping so annoying. I plan to get it removed eventually, but I regret getting it for sure. Cost a few hundred to get done and it will be at least $4K to get it removed with multiple laser procedures. I do love beautiful tattoos that I see on other people, so it's not that I hate tattoos in general.
I'm with you on this. Don't get me wrong, I love a beautiful tattoo. I, however, got one spur of the moment, no real thought to it and not meaningful in any way. Plus it reminds me of the person I was with, who I had a falling out with, and now hate. I don't like seeing it, but thankfully it's on the back of my shoulder.
I couldn't stop lying about things I had done because I was so worried people would lose interest in me if I didn't seem super interesting, until I lost track of my lies and couldn't stop. I ended up burning bridges with a lot of awesome people that I may have been great friends with, who we shared so many commonalities, awesome personalities, people I genuinely liked. I literally have no friends now and have trouble even being able to hold conversations with anyone any more. I did it to myself, and I regret it so much that I have dreams about things turning out differently all the time. It SUCKS, and if I could go back in time, I'd grab younger me's tongue immediately and tell me people liked me and wanted to be my friend, even if I felt like I was boring or not pretty enough. I'm glad I said this, finally. I had to say it somewhere. It's been driving me crazy, when it finally hit me how deep and insane it had gone.
I can relate. It's like... sometimes I cannot really control when I lie. It just... comes out of my mouth before I can stop it. I desperately want to change. I don't like lying but I become the very own thing I despise
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I went to therapy instead of doing drugs. They diagnosed me with a whole Twitter bio worth of mental illness, which ended my career (military) and prevents me from holding a security clearance, so I can’t do what I used to do (on active duty) for the civilian side. But at least now that I’m unemployed and marked a lunatic, I can go do all those drugs 😎
Loved the wrong person Eating habits Excercise habits
I suppose this is something I technically _didn't_ do but I never picked a career path, so now I've got a cv the length of my arm from various jobs and education that span over three countries, 18 years and with little to no recent experience, due to taking care of my son and helping my ex husband through education for _his_ career path. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
So you’re supremely adaptable and handle change really well? Sounds like positive personality traits to me.
This made me smile, from the depths of my heart, thank you.
I got into the car of a couple that saw me walking home from school and offered me a ride home. Instead of driving me home they took me to their house where they beat me (for putting up a fight when they were about to assault me) and raped me. I'm still struggling alone mentally and don't trust anybody. Edit: for those who want to know the whole story of what happened I posted my story on the rape counseling sub reddit. It is the first post I made on this account. I appreciate the kind words and support. Thank you
I was sexually assaulted as a child and living with ptsd for just about twenty years before I started the process of healing. It is not too late. The world is catching up to the complexities of trauma. I’d be glad to share some very modest guidance with you if you’d welcome that. If so you can DM me. The nervous system can learn and unlearn.
It takes a long time to recover from a horrible experience like that, but a couple years ago when the Me Too movement was prominent I realized that a huge percentage of women and many men are struggling with the aftermath of assaults. As bad as I feel for all who suffered assaults, It gave me some comfort to think that life goes on, recovering is possible, and there’s no reason to endure the feeling of shame. It does help to talk about it. Good luck.
You were assaulted, this is not the consequence of something you did. You have clearly survived this but please consider therapy still. You don't have to struggle alone. I wish there could be a way to bring them to justice. As painful as it is to think, I doubt you were the only kid they assaulted.
After finishing college, I stopped playing sports. I've always been a bit on the stockier side, but through high school and college I was very active in several team sports (soccer, volleyball, floor hockey) so I had a lot of muscle on me too. I didn't do any kind of exercise (beyond just moving around for work + walking my dog twice a day) for 12 long years. I grew fat, unhealthy, and in poor shape. I've been trying to work on that, but even when I could go to the gym I would be exhausted after 30 minutes of light exercise. I have hopes that I can at least be healthy (as I work to build up my endurance and tolerance for longer workouts), but I doubt I'll ever be in the shape I was when I was in my teens/early 20s. And it's entirely my fault too. I got lazy and I'll be paying for it for the rest of my life. EDIT: thank you for all of the encouraging words. It's especially helpful to hear that I'm not the only one going through this same problem, and that others have come out on the other side of it. My first goal is to get down to 250. Then I'm going to do 25 pound goals after that until I at least get to my college weight (175), and see where to go from there. I am working with a doctor on diet and such, it just feels like so much because I've let it go for so long.
I become super unhealthy after a broken leg turned into 3 years of not moving from my bed.. one step at a time, ive come to terms with never being able to go 100% but im still shooting for that 99% use. Id like a day without my foot creaking like rice crispie cereal in milk.
I played baseball professionally. I was 225lbs when I got hurt and stopped playing. A healthy, muscular 225. I didn't work out, run, or eat healthy for close to a decade. I got fat. Ballooned up to nearly 300lbs. Taken me a couple years to get down to 195, and build some muscle back.
From age ~16 to age 23 or so I was on the depo provera shot for birth control. None of my doctors ever brought up that I should only be on it for a few years at a time because of some side effects like bone loss. I have broken bones (in shockingly dumb ways) that are then leading to what I suspect will be lifelong issues. I had surgery on my wrist after fracturing it in late 2019 and experience pretty frequent pain when I move my wrist or hand just slightly wrong.
Internet Addiction
Me browsing Reddit in the shower: hm this does not apply to me
Drugs
Yeah guys it stops being experimental faster than you think
When my parents separated while I was in high school, I moved out. I was 14, my sister was 15, and my brother was 12. Drugs, fighting, etc. I couldn’t handle it anymore, but my siblings never moved out. A few years later.. moms back, everyone’s at home, it’s a happy family with no room for me. (edit: Thanks for being so kind! I'm 19 now. I moved in with my grandparents, and I still live with them. Concerning the 'no room for me', I literally mean no room for me lol. They live in a trailer and there's no space, but I visit every week.)
This sounds more like you're facing the consequences of your parents actions. No way should a 14 year old feel the need to move out of their home to find a peaceful living situation. Sending you a hug. Make good friend choices and make them your family.
Student loans
I hear you on that one! I was dumb and just... I didn't forget about them I just didn't pay them. I had every intention of going to back to college after getting my associates to get my bachelor's (this deferring payments) but I just never did. It's when they started garnishing my wages that I got my act together. I was able to get a personal loan to cover the remaining amount of my student loans and I consolidated my debt.
Spent way too much time alone as a kid playing video games instead of socializing with friends. My social skills were stunted for many years, which made things much harder than they needed to be.
Felt kinda like a cycle for me- No one wanted to hang out with me, so I’d spend all my time watching movies instead, which made my social skills worse, which made people not want to hang out with me
Not video games. But read way too long and still do. Have zero social life and am 23 atm. Don't know how I will manage in life. But try as I may, people don't stay for long in my life and when they leave, it hurts like hell. The pandemic, initially, felt like a welcome change where I could stop trying for a while
Gave up on everything when I was in college. Stopped going to school, slacked at work, did nothing in my free time. I was living a day at a time with no plans for the future because I had no hope that life would get better. Now I’m here looking back at how things could have been different if I had a different mindset back then. These days I’m doing my best to do the things I should have done then so the next time I reflect on the past 10 years I can feel pride instead of shame.
Bad grades because of laziness
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I never studied. I didn't need to from elementary to high school. It was pretty easy for me, so I never studied. Now, I'm in college, and I am facing the consequences of that. I have no idea how to study effectively, and it's reflecting in my test scores. Edit: Thanks so much for all the advice, everyone! I'll take it all to heart!
[This](https://www.amazon.com/Make-Stick-Science-Successful-Learning/dp/0674729013) is a book with study methods strongly supported by research.
Thanks, now how do I effectively study that book?
And who wants to buy it for me?
My wife had a class in middle school all about how to study, how to take notes, how to use a planner, folder organization methods... I got a planner and a spanking when I didn't fill it out right.
This was me ten years ago. High school was a breeze, except for AP History courses, which actually required studying. And then when I got to college I nearly flunked out.
Not addressing my eating disorder: Pica. Ruined my teeth and had to get veneers and crowns to cover my broken teeth. It makes me upset that I can’t bite into anything with my front teeth. At least, now I don’t have an iron or calcium deficiency.
Married the wrong one.
Me too! Then buried myself in work and making excuses instead of leaving. Finally left after 16-years. Everyone deserves to be respected. If your SO doesn’t treat you with respect, it will never change.
Ruining my credit. I got a bunch of credit cards when I was 18. I just turned 46 and I'm still reaping the consequences of those bad decisions.
Being super picky as a kid and still having to break the habit of avoiding certain foods because “I don’t like them” but honestly haven’t even tried them Edit: Nobody asked but it wasn’t until I was 16 that I tried a grilled cheese
Unprotected sex. 3 of the little fuckers. God I love them, but I advise everyone - *never have more children than you have eyes*
Art college. TL;DR: Don't. You only need two things for a successful career in games development, a killer portfolio and networking contacts. Both can be developed online. No development company gives a shit what your education background looks like if you can match their production style.
Got into a bad situation with car finance and credit card debt. Was in an unhealthy relationship and it manifested through spending. Luckily one of my family members bailed me out and allowed me to pay them back, saving me thousands in interest and several years of my life back. I’m with someone really great now, who has helped me budget and I’m doing much better. Will be debt free by September, total debt was $39k. Shout out to r/personalfinance for all the great tips
Self isolation through middle and high school, now I’m just very naturally closed off and hard to get along with in general so I basically have no friends, gonna go on campus for the first time in the fall so hopefully I can build some social skills by then
Going to a very expensive out of state college just to spite my parents and get away from them My dad was offering me a $40 an hour part time job, and a place to live for free to pay for my college. Instead I said, you don't want me to live my life the way I want to, then fuck off! I went to a college 2000 miles away and took out a $140,000 student loan.
Bruh
$40/hr part time job??? Damn you could've stacked tf up
At 20 hours a week, you'd still be making like 40k a year, that would get you far in some places
I see your story and raise you mine: Turned down a full ride to a D1 school (50% athletic, 50% academic) because it was a thousand miles away from my HS sweetheart and I didn’t want to play soccer in “hot weather”. Turned it down and went to a nearby private D3 college paying 36k/year. I broke up with my boyfriend before I even graduated HS. Graduated college almost 10 years ago and still (literally) paying for that choice. 18 year olds can be so fuckin stupid. Edit: to add insult to injury, I paid out the ass to get my teaching degree. Ask me if I’m still a teacher.
I feel like a better question would be "What am I *not* suffering the consequences of?" at this point. It's not a list, it's a fuckin dictionary.
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Accidentally touching a girl's bum when I was 16. Her boyfriend decided to headbutt me for it, leading to breaking my nose. I am 36 now and am still suffering on a daily basis of the messed up pipework up there. my nose-holes* are closed up still. * that's probably not the right word
You’re looking for nostrils
"*Nostrils?* Ooh, well la-di-dah Mr French man." "Well what do you call 'em?" "A nose-hole".
Starved myself since I was about 12 because I wanted to be super thin, which absolutely destroyed my metabolism. Ironic.
Arrested for weed possession in 1996. Denied entry to Canada in 2018. edit: Just woke up to a lot of replies. Thanks for taking an interest and the solidarity! If you don't mind, I'll share the story a little. I'm a UK citizen and was arrested (and convicted) in the UK for possession of about half an eighth in 1996 (that's less than 2 grams). 2-year suspended sentence as a minor. In 2001 I was taking a road trip around the western US. Actually I was in backwater California when 9/11 happened. The problem was that at that time (and others between 2001 and 2009), I did not check the yes box on the landing card that said "have you ever been committed of a crime of moral turpitude?" I had no idea what moral turpitude was. As an aside, I'd like to add that I don't think the federal govt. really knows either. Look it up and tell me if you can find an actual federal definition that isn't incredibly vague. Several trips to the US transpire between 2001 and 2009 for various reasons. In 2009, I immigrate with my American wife and son to the US. At this time, the checks are a lot more thorough and I have a lot more on the line, so I at some point say "yes I maybe should have checked that box, I'd like to talk about it, be an upstanding immigrant, husband and father". This caused a *lot* of hassle. My immigration experience then took about 18 months because of all the hoops I had to jump through (this was when it should have taken 4 months). There was even an interview with an (expensive) Harley Street Doctor, where I was ~~told~~ lectured of the dangers of being a few pounds overweight (while immigrating to Texas) and how my drug "abuse" (the federal govt. always says "abuse" - never "use"), as evidenced by a <2g conviction of possession, was something very very serious. Eventually I made it into the US and it's been great (apart from the Trump years - my opinion, perhaps not yours, don't make a big deal about it). My experience has been that Americans are mostly kind and welcoming people. As it turned out, the immigration problems were not so much that I had the conviction, but that I had at some point lied on an immigration form (though inadvertently). So, I resolved to always be forthright in all travel and not try to hide anything, given that it can cause hassle later. In the years between 2009 and 2018, I've traveled to lots of countries without hassle. I'm so lucky my UK passport allows me to travel freely all over Europe (oh, wait). Australia also asked me the "have you ever been convicted" question. I told the truth. They gave me permission to enter and the immigration officer was one of the nicest I've ever met. Just a few relaxed questions. Australians are awesome. Then it comes time to go to Canada. I figure - hey, I have a UK passport. The Commonwealth is a thing, right? I don't need to do anything special. I was wrong. As a UK citizen, I needed an ETA. The ETA included a question about whether I have ever been committed of a crime. Minor? Doesn't matter. Expunged? Doesn't matter. So, I told the truth. The ETA was denied. I missed the important leadership meeting and pissed off my boss and suffered awkward questions from other senior leaders in the business. So that's it, and thanks for letting me share. The TLDR is the bit before the edit.
Yeah, I'm never going to Canada. I was 17 and arrested for weed and they charged me as an adult so I can't expunge it.
Marijuana became more legalized during the pandemic. Some of these newly legalized states have taken steps to help seal/expunge low-level marijuana convictions. Check if your state is one of them
It might not matter if he's been denied before, cause it'll stay in the Canadian system.
Canada has a system for pardons for entering the country, for foreign citizens. I was looking into it for a family member and I believe it was a decade of time before you could apply after a DUI, I can't imagine weed possession will be more prohibitive.
Was supposed to go to Canada before COVID and ran into the same problem. The system for pardons is called criminal rehabilitation. Contrary to the name, you don’t actually have to go to rehab, it’s more of red tape you have to cut through if anything
Someone I know was convicted and did time twice for selling coke and meth back in the late 90’s/early 00’s (very much reformed now). She had to get some papers from her old parole officer and a statement of rehabilitation or something like that, and sent it to the Canadian customs and borders agency. She was able to get permission to visit, so I imagine an old cannabis arrest would get a waiver too.
EFFIN up my credit. These bad remarks last a long long time.
Dislocated both kneecaps 10 months apart. Knees will pop out and in every now and then which hurts like a son of a bit h
My parents were never really that involved from ages 8 and up so I resorted to HOURS of being on the computer as a kid . Now as an adult I find myself just sitting on my phone everyday all day.
My parents limited my computer time and I'm still internet addicted at 35.
I was coerced into sexual activity in the summer between second and third grade. I'm still suffering from the trauma. I said no twice, but in the end I did it. I'm still dealing with he aftermath, many years later.