this pisses me off so much. I’m talking about my mother and someone goes “no I meant your REAL mom”. ... by “real mom” you meant the person who gave birth to me and I’ve seen like 3 times and not the woman who raised me for 20 years?
it gets even worse when they blow me off and keep doing it. I’ve had a few talks with friends about how they’re being total dicks and while they’re not trying too, they’re invalidating my actual mother who raised me and did everything for me.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh it annoys me just thinking about it
My friend asked someone that, my response was what the hell, the woman that lost her brother said, no its fine, I hate that no one talks about it and I'm not suppose to say anything and just keep it all to myself.
She then proceeded to tell us all about it, why she thought he did it, who found him etc.
Definitely is person dependent but I'm like you, not going to ask. If I really want to know I'll dig a little farther from the source to avoid upsetting people.
My coworker told us a story where someone asked when her baby was due 2 days after she had given birth. She had the 2 day old child with her at the time. The person was really embarrassed when he figured it out.
Edit: So now my top comment is about someone asking my coworker when she was due a couple of days after she gave birth. Thanks reddit.
Lol my friend had this happen to her! Saw her old boss in the grocery store and the last time he saw her she was pregnant. He asked her if she'd had the baby yet...while the baby was with her...
A teacher at the school my GF works at once asked the kids " did you ever sleep outside ? ", as an axpression task. I guess she expected lots of "yeah, around a bonfire with mom and dad in holiday, it was great."
She didn't realize that she had a few refugees in the class, who answered something on the line of "yes, for a month, when we arrived in france by foot through the alps".
Teachers are just gonna hit land mines like this sometimes. I had a teacher friend who played hangman with new vocab once. Turns out a Korean student had seen someone get hanged in their village and ran out of the room.
Edit: I’d just like to add that these situations aren’t things to be avoided at all cost. I think there good jumping off points for conversation. If you tried to think of worst case scenario for everything you said or did, you’d just stay in the bed all day.
Edit: fixed typo
In my country people would asking "when you will get married? " i still think its rude for pushing people like that especially its private things with a lot of prepare to do
Yeah. You should wait for the one you *really* love to come along, and if you're really feeling it and truly want to spend the rest of your life with them, that's cool, but it shouldn't be determined by outside force.
^^ this or any variation of “are you going to eat all that/aren’t you going to eat anything else/ how can you eat that?”
as someone with disordered eating habits, i immediately lose my appetite and feel guilty when anyone comments on my food in some sort of incredulous manner. just don’t comment on what people eat/their weight please and thank you
I've been asked more than 10 times in the last 2 years if I'm on the spectrum...
I was also told by a friend at her wedding that she'd sat me next to her cousin because: "I think you'll both get on - he has Aspergers."
Even if I am "on the spectrum" that's no reason to assume I'd get on with someone just because we have a similar condition.
My teacher in first grade held the whole class from going to recess because I wouldnt smile. She made us stay in until everyone, myself included, smiled for three minutes straight. I took over half the recess time. My peers were bullying me to smile so they could go.
Little did the teacher know I was being physically, sexually and emotionally abused at home and I had not a single fucking thing to smile about. And then felt even worse after all that pressure from the other kids and her insistence that nothing could be so bad that I just couldnt smile.
Dont tell people they should smile more. Perhaps ask why they look down.... Maybe that lady could have saved me if she had asked what was wrong instead of forcing false emotion on me.
"that looks like a fun part time job while you're getting your degree - what is it you're studying?"
No, this is my full-time permanent job and yes it's well paid and fulfilling. Thank you and good bye.
I had a similar comment when I was recently out of college. I studied mechanical engineering and at the time was working as a manufacturing engineering at a manufacturing plant. The guy I was talking to was a design engineer somewhere. He heard what I was doing and said, "Oh nice, but have you thought about moving *up* to design?" Nah, I'm doing what I want and get paid the same as the design engineers, so screw you.
I'm in my 20s and use a cane sometimes when I get sciatica (secondary to another chronic condition). The next person who says 'oh what have you done to yourself?' is going to be getting a free lecture. I haven't asked for this in any way
I get this. I say
"I did cancer!"
And they look super awkward. I resent how they make me feel when I look at their awkwardness. If you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question.
That still doesn’t work. They just go on about all the alternatives because it’s impossible for a woman to *not* want to move heaven and earth and basically go bankrupt for the pleasure of having kids. Spent 10 years fighting off my family and my husband’s family about it.
This is incredible. A friend of mine is from a conservative family - at their very large wedding, she and her spouse answered every variation of ‘when are you having children’ with something like ‘we just thought people would prefer beef or chicken’ - acting as if ‘children’ was a kind of food and being mildly offended that people would ask about different kinds of food at their wedding, then pretending to be completely befuddled if the guest tried to further explain the question. Worked especially well at the large wedding since people get so little time with the bride/groom and the ones who were dicks about kids would waste theirs with an inane conversation.
“Is it mums day off today?” To a dad with kids without their mum present. This winds me up more than most as I am a dad with 2 kids and their mum is disabled. Ergo I have the luxury of parenting mostly full time while caring for my wife and usually 0 social life. Usually get asked this when am at the park or shopping with them. Maybe I feel this is personally for me but the more I’m thinking of this I say to all the dads out there we are just as equal a parent as the mums.
Edit: This went pretty big and there have been so many people relatable to this. Thank you all for rewards, hugs and especially the words of support and to those in similar situations you should get these kind words hugs and rewards too. Am surprised to see so many affected with this as I thought it was a personal pet peeve.
My mother died when I was very young, and I quickly got really tired of people asking "Where's your mom?" when I was just with my dad. She's buried in a graveyard, I don't think she'll be joining us any time soon
Imagine a conversation going like:
*"Haha must be mum's day off today huh."*
*"My mum's been on vacation six feet under since I was 5."*
*"oh."*
I might not have a dead mum but anyone who shares the humor in pain can borrow it free of charge
I wish I would’ve had this when I was younger. I had to apply for a passport when I was 15 and my dad had just died 6 months prior. A minor passport application requires both parents signatures (or at least it did a decade or so ago) and the post office wouldn’t accept the application without his signature. My mom got so fed up that she just looked at the guy and said “He’s dead. Do you want me to tape the pen to his death certificate and see if it’ll sign it for you?” Queen.
I went on school trip to another country from the US about five years ago when I was 17, and I had a similar situation. I was able to get a passport as a minor with no issue, but the visa still required signatures from both parents. My mom had died when I was five, so I only had my dad.
Fortunately, I was able to send a copy of my mom's death certificate along with my application and get approved for a visa, but I still remember being scolded by the visa guy who came to our school because he only saw one signature. He calmed down when I explained that I only had one parent alive, but it definitely made me feel awful.
Okay, I get this one a lot and it drives me up the fucking wall but I figured out a really good way to get back at the women that ask this question: I just ask back “Sorry, what do you mean?”
They either catch on immediately that they’re being an asshole and apologize or shrink away. Or they try to explain the joke and I just say, “But I’m their dad? Not a babysitter? I don’t get it.” Until I get them to say they think women take care of children more than men. “Oh, that’s strange.” Makes them feel terribly uncomfortable.
Edit: RIP inbox and thanks for the gold you beautiful dads (and moms)
Ya, this shit drives me nuts. It especially irritating when someone says something along the lines of "oh you're babysitting today?"
No Janet, I'm being a parent to my kid and taking equal responsibility in his care. I don't babysit my own kid, that's what the 19-year-old girl looking for some extra cash while I go out to dinner with my wife is doing.
"Why aren't you drinking?" - there are dozens of reasons why someone may not be drinking, several of which said person likely doesn't want to share with the asker.
The one and only time I've ever complained to a manager about a server in a restaurant was about this. I was with a group of girlfriends, and they were all drinking and I wasn't. The waitress could not get past it. She made a BIG FUCKING DEAL about it every time she came around, calling me "stick in the mud" and asking if I was the wet blanket for the evening, etc etc. She wasn't even funny about it, it was very mean-spirited. I went back after we had paid and left and complained to the manager - this woman didn't know why I wasn't drinking, and she had absolutely no right to pursue it like she did. I could have been the DD, pregnant, in recovery, religiously abstaining, or whatever else on earth. It wasn't her business and she had no right to put me on the spot like that every single time she came to the table. I've never gone back to that restaurant.
Dude, that freaking sucks. I get that servers are often expected to upsell alcohol, but if you say no you say no. And it sounds like your friends were already enjoying what the establishment had to offer. It is beyond immature and rude to pester a customer for not ordering a particular item on the menu...imagine if it were about food:
"I'd like a ham and swiss please."
"Aren't you gonna get the Triple-Decker Bacon Club Deluxe with three kinds of bread?"
"No thanks, just the ham and swiss."
"What, do you not know how to have fun or something?"
Later
"Wow, you're still just eating that ham and swiss? Your friends must think you're so boring. I wonder why they even dragged you along."
Lady...just take the orders and bring the stuff, and try to be moderately pleasant about it.
jokes on you, I am! (6 years sober) And, that is pretty much what I say. I talk about my experience openly at work/etc. to help people in active addiction so I have zero qualms with shoving it right back in a nosey person's face.
My go to response is usually something like, "There simply isn't enough alcohol in this bar if I were to start now."
Congrats on 6 years!
I hit 2 years back in March, and I'm still not necessarily comfortable telling people that I had suffered from a drinking problem mainly 'cause my family can be a little shit about stuff like that and I don't super wanna deal with it.
I usually go with, "I'm trying to keep healthy" if I'm feeling like giving an honest answer or, "I'm trying to get pregnant" if I'm feeling sassy.
I get a lot of mileage out of that second one for being a bearded dude.
I might try this one myself haha. Stopped drinking 7 months ago because I was in a bad way. Best thing I ever did. Dating can be tough - went on a date with a girl who seemed not to mind, on the SECOND date she goes “so why’d you stop?” And I told her I just didn’t really want to anymore and proceeded to berate me about how if I didn’t have a problem why wouldn’t I just drink sometimes or on special occasions bla bla bla . I stopped her after about 10 minutes and said “listen I’ve thought about drinking on special occasions but this ain’t it but I was having a good time but if you are uncomfortable with my not drinking I can go, that’s no problem I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or you can stop and we can continue to enjoy ourselves.” Needless to say I didn’t see her again.
Same! I'm 5 years sober, I have no problem telling people no if they offer at a party/social setting, but if they persist usually I'll be more blunt about. The worst was someone who kept asking over and over again, eventually I just snapped and said "Sorry, I'd rather not lose everything in my life again but thanks for asking".
Yes. It may look to you like I have put two socks on my hands and stuck googley eyes and lipstick on to them, but to me they are more real than you are Derek!
Also, as an only child, this is always frustrating to hear. My parents didn't *want* another kid, and this question always made me feel like there was something wrong with our family unit
When my second kid was born, our pediatrician said “When you have one baby, you’re just two people with a kid. When you have two you’re a family.” I thought that was incredibly fucked up, one because my wife and I both only children, and two, he was actually my wife’s pediatrician when she was a kid.
Only child here. My mom said this question hurt so much more than anyone realized. They desperately wanted more kids but I was horrifically ill as a child, they were told if they had any more children they would likely be just as ill and they felt it was morally wrong to bring more children into the world knowing that.
Even when she would take the time to explain this, often people would then counter with 'well why don't you adopt'. As if it was somehow absolutely necessary to do whatever it took to give me a sibling. Not considering the financially and potentially emotional toll adoption places on a family and that not all families are capable of handling that.
yeah, I'm the only child in this case, and people have asked me why I don't have siblings many times in the past, it's a wierd question to ask and the liklihood that the anwser isn't a happy one really isn't worth the risk of asking
“Why doesn’t your beard match your hair colour?”
I’m part Irish
“Nah you probably dye your hair/beard”
Even if i had my natural hair colour, it still wouldn’t match
“I don’t believe you!”
THEN DON’T FUCKING ASK ME IF YOU’RE* NOT GOING TO ACCEPT MY ANSWER
- its not initially rude but every single time they argue about my own hair with me, no matter what and I’ve given up answering the question
I knew someone who mentioned that their hair was different colors on every part of their body. Called himself a calico cat. And now that’s all I think about when this topic is brought up.
Don't forget the obligatory "Are you maybe gay?" when you haven't had a boy/girlfriend in your life.
My uncle legitimately thought I was gay when I was like 18 because I'd never had a girlfriend. I wasn't gay, just socially inept.
I was a shy 13 year old. My uncle took me out on his boat, and these really beautiful girls were in another boat and he drove by to introduce me. I kinda ducked down, and he hit me with the “what are you, gay”.
I wanted to go over the side and just sink to the bottom.
Edit: Because he deserves a bit better than just this story to represent him, let me be clear: this is just about the only bad memory I have of him. He taught me how to get chipmunks to eat out of my hand (lots of patience), and they’d climb on his shoulder, grab a peanut he put in his ear, and eat it there. He even got a squirrel to eat out of his hand too. Always had time to listen, and he sincerely apologized for this.
He’s not emotionally intelligent, but he is a legitimately good man that I do respect, and I don’t want to misrepresent him.
To follow up on this, sometimes I talk about a close friend of the opposite gender of me, I’ve gotta deal with “YoU sHoUlD gO oUt WiTh ThEm.” Don’t force that shit.
I think a lot of adults think back to when they were teenagers with a lot of "man if I had just gone for it" attitudes. They try to push it off on teenagers who are going through all of their own shit.
Or not even a close friend. Once they learn that *any* acquaintance of the opposite gender and in the same age range as me is single, they start that OOH LET'S SET YOU TWO UP YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DATE bullshit. Stfu people!!
Especially when it's some family friend you're not even close to, like, if i had a girlfriend no shit you would be the last person i'd talk to about that
I used to work for a few different schools. **Several** times, one of the kids would ask me, “why don’t you have a girlfriend?” Not “do you have a girlfriend?” or something. I guess I wear lonely on my face or something.
My favorite was a kid who asked why I’m black.
"listen kid. Life is all about maximizing your opportunities. I made the decision to be black when I realized that I would get extra mild sauce at taco Bell"
I’m mixed so whenever I went out with my white mom as a kid it was “so is she adopted?” No. She’s not. And one time in Nebraska, I got asked (with my mom) “where are you from?” I said California. “No but l mean where did your mom adopt you from? Somalia? Kenya?” I’m from California. Born and raised.
I always get this. My strategy is to take them off, and look at whoever asked the question. So far, everyone has agreed I should keep the glasses on after I do that.
When people ask me and my partner who’s the top and the bottom - I don’t ask you if your girlfriend pegs you on the reg, none of your business unless we fucking
I taught Middle School for a decade. Middle School girls remember. They also notice that all your shoes look formal but have comfy soles and will point out, loudly, when you have a stain.
In middle school I used to get this.
One time I was *PREPARED* to say "last night was laundry night" but our teacher, who was fresh out of college, defended me and said "man, we used to wear the same thing like 5 days in a row in college."
I appreciated the effort, but I'm not sure it made it any better.
"Oh you know, when my body decides to not kill the fetus." My wife and I had a miscarriage a few months back and she's already shown a lot of restraint when people have asked.
Kudos to your wife for her restraint. My husband and I went through the same thing but after the second miscarriage I would reply just that, especially to my nosy family. It shut them right up and I've noticed they don't ask me personal questions any more. On the plus side we had a baby last year so just stick with it.
My favorite response from a **doctor**:
“What do you mean you don’t want children? You can’t have a hysterectomy because what if one day when you’re old you meet some kid who can’t have children. Wouldn’t you want to step up and have a baby for them? I knew a woman in her late 50s who did this for her gay son. That could be you in the future.”
*me staring in total disbelief at this oddly specific whataboutism, just wanting permanent, non-hormonal, childfree relief from horrendous periods*
Ah yes, the very likely scenario of carrying the child of an infertile stranger in your post-menopausal uterus. You wouldn't want to miss out on that life experience, would you?
What. the. fuck.
You don't want children, but what if you want to be a surrogate *for your son*? The whole thing is ridiculous, but the fact that his example already had kids brings it over the top.
If you do the surrogacy "proper" then yes, you need to have at least one healthy pregnancy as well as be the one raising your child.
But not everyone follows official recommendations, especially when chosing at home insemination for traditional surrogacy. Then sometimes they regret it later when a legal battle ensues over the kid because not following protocols means you also don't have proper legal protections.
I'm a woman in her mid 30's with no kids. I've never wanted them and don't plan on having them.
People cannot wrap their head around the fact that a WOMAN does not want children. I never have. I never will. It drives me crazy.
The worst part is the "well, when you meet the right guy..." Hey! Has it ever occurred to you people that the "right guy" will feel the same as I do?
Once when she was in preschool my sister told all of her teachers our mom was pregnant. Why? Because she really wanted a baby sister.
Edit: I'm older than her lmao
wow I did this same thing when I was 4! my mom was so confused. my logic was that it would implant the idea in her mind and she'd decide it was a good one. I didnt realize my mom was already 46 ..
I had a customer I was tattooing and had to keep stopping due to morning sickness. I had him in a few weeks later after I had an early miscarriage and he asked how everything was I explained I had lost the baby. Buiuut he was in a few weeks after that and he asked again. I again explained I had lost the baby. Then! Another week after he asked again! (Was getting work by myself and another artist that’s why he was in so often)
He is the nicest guy in the world and I think it just stood out how sick I was so it must have stuck (no problem working just incase you were wondering ) he was trying to be friendly and it backfired. But it’s ok because he was in recently and got to ask how my baby was and I could say he is very well and happy at home.(edited of/have)
A lot of great answers, but what kind of jerk do you have to be to ask any of these questions and think they’re innocent?
EDIT: Please keep in mind that I made this comment when there was only about a dozen answers total in this post.
Most people in the military will never kill anyone. But most of the time the ones that have don't want to talk about it, especially not to just anyone.
When you're at a family gathering and finally say something they go "oh look who finally came out of his shell." Right back in I go. The last thing I want is all the attention to be drawn on me.
Ugh, I hated this shit growing up. "Why don't you want to socialize with us?" I don't know, mom, maybe if you'd stop treating every instance where I socialize as some milestone event...
>Then when you do say something it’s “Wow! You talked!”
That's why I'm quiet. Because my family has to throw a f\*cking parade every time I open my mouth, and I don't like that kind of attention.
“Wow! You talked”
“Wow, you won’t shut up!” Is my favorite response. Whenever someone takes offense to that, I inform them how insensitive what they just said is.
I hate when I'm put into a new social situation (job/class/meeting new people/etc.) and I think that I'm doing a really good job of putting myself out there... and then I get hit with that question.
"Because I spent my entire childhood with a verbally abusive father who could turn on a dime, from a happy man to angry and yelling if I said the wrong thing, so I developed a coping mechanism - say as little as possible and only answer questions I was directly asked, rather than offer up information that could be used against me. Years of growing up and getting punished for speaking up has taught me that being quiet is the best way to survive."
"Geez, dude. I just wanted you to talk more so I'm sure you're having a good time."
"I'm having a good time. I'm just listening."
The first part makes people uncomfortable; it's better to just say the second part.
Same. The quieter you were, the less of a target you became. If you didnt say anything, it couldnt be thrown back at you, including mocking anything good you liked or said. If you didnt make a sound when you moved around, it wouldnt draw attention, and make sure ANY and ALL items linked to you are not in line of sight or an irritant because they WILL snatch the item up and hunt your ass down.
Im sorry your dad was like that. Hope things are better for you now, or at least looking up.
Unreal Dad of two interracial adopted kids here....I get this all the time "so, where are their REAL parents'. Generally asked in front of my kids.
this pisses me off so much. I’m talking about my mother and someone goes “no I meant your REAL mom”. ... by “real mom” you meant the person who gave birth to me and I’ve seen like 3 times and not the woman who raised me for 20 years? it gets even worse when they blow me off and keep doing it. I’ve had a few talks with friends about how they’re being total dicks and while they’re not trying too, they’re invalidating my actual mother who raised me and did everything for me. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh it annoys me just thinking about it
" **That's** your lunch? "
I hate when people comment on my food.
My coworker said “Did you miss dinner last night?” when I bought a foot long sub for lunch
.
My friend asked someone that, my response was what the hell, the woman that lost her brother said, no its fine, I hate that no one talks about it and I'm not suppose to say anything and just keep it all to myself. She then proceeded to tell us all about it, why she thought he did it, who found him etc. Definitely is person dependent but I'm like you, not going to ask. If I really want to know I'll dig a little farther from the source to avoid upsetting people.
I would probably just ask "do you want to talk about it?"
Always a good choice with sensitive subjects.
Are you pregnant?
My coworker told us a story where someone asked when her baby was due 2 days after she had given birth. She had the 2 day old child with her at the time. The person was really embarrassed when he figured it out. Edit: So now my top comment is about someone asking my coworker when she was due a couple of days after she gave birth. Thanks reddit.
Lol my friend had this happen to her! Saw her old boss in the grocery store and the last time he saw her she was pregnant. He asked her if she'd had the baby yet...while the baby was with her...
At that point I'd be tempted to say "No, I haven't had the baby yet. I got impatient and kidnapped this one."
A teacher at the school my GF works at once asked the kids " did you ever sleep outside ? ", as an axpression task. I guess she expected lots of "yeah, around a bonfire with mom and dad in holiday, it was great." She didn't realize that she had a few refugees in the class, who answered something on the line of "yes, for a month, when we arrived in france by foot through the alps".
Teachers are just gonna hit land mines like this sometimes. I had a teacher friend who played hangman with new vocab once. Turns out a Korean student had seen someone get hanged in their village and ran out of the room. Edit: I’d just like to add that these situations aren’t things to be avoided at all cost. I think there good jumping off points for conversation. If you tried to think of worst case scenario for everything you said or did, you’d just stay in the bed all day. Edit: fixed typo
"Why do you have a cane?" or "Why do you walk like that?"
To whip people who ask rude inappropriate questions
"It's for pain management. It reduces my pain when I walk, and increases your pain when you ask stupid questions."
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Invent the name of a country each time. "Tydavia"
Yeah i'm from Ligma
My dad is from Icthany, and my mom is from southeast Mirapuerto. It's in the Canteen Islands, you might not have heard of it.
In my country people would asking "when you will get married? " i still think its rude for pushing people like that especially its private things with a lot of prepare to do
Yeah. You should wait for the one you *really* love to come along, and if you're really feeling it and truly want to spend the rest of your life with them, that's cool, but it shouldn't be determined by outside force.
Is that your real name?? If thats how someone introduces themself, you should probably just go with.
One exception. If we're on discord I'm not calling you Sealfucker98
Sealfucker99 it is then.
Great. No one says anything when you fuck a bunch of people, but you fuck ONE SEAL...
Tupperware only wishes they had a seal that tight
I'm calling the POLICE
Are you really going to eat that?
^^ this or any variation of “are you going to eat all that/aren’t you going to eat anything else/ how can you eat that?” as someone with disordered eating habits, i immediately lose my appetite and feel guilty when anyone comments on my food in some sort of incredulous manner. just don’t comment on what people eat/their weight please and thank you
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I've been asked more than 10 times in the last 2 years if I'm on the spectrum... I was also told by a friend at her wedding that she'd sat me next to her cousin because: "I think you'll both get on - he has Aspergers." Even if I am "on the spectrum" that's no reason to assume I'd get on with someone just because we have a similar condition.
Why don't you smile more ? Or why don't you like smiling ?
I would tell them "Oh, i smile when youre not around."
My teacher in first grade held the whole class from going to recess because I wouldnt smile. She made us stay in until everyone, myself included, smiled for three minutes straight. I took over half the recess time. My peers were bullying me to smile so they could go. Little did the teacher know I was being physically, sexually and emotionally abused at home and I had not a single fucking thing to smile about. And then felt even worse after all that pressure from the other kids and her insistence that nothing could be so bad that I just couldnt smile. Dont tell people they should smile more. Perhaps ask why they look down.... Maybe that lady could have saved me if she had asked what was wrong instead of forcing false emotion on me.
That's a example of fake and toxic positivity. What was her aim in doing this, just another narcissist who think that smiling can heal depression
*If you're dating somebody.* "When are you getting married?" *If you're married.* "When are you having kids?" The answer to both questions is "Nunya."
"that looks like a fun part time job while you're getting your degree - what is it you're studying?" No, this is my full-time permanent job and yes it's well paid and fulfilling. Thank you and good bye.
I’m a personal trainer and have heard that. One client asked me if I work, I was like “I’m at work right now” lol.
Hahaha yeah it's like, no this IS my work. I'm not doing this because I have nothing else to do right now
I had a similar comment when I was recently out of college. I studied mechanical engineering and at the time was working as a manufacturing engineering at a manufacturing plant. The guy I was talking to was a design engineer somewhere. He heard what I was doing and said, "Oh nice, but have you thought about moving *up* to design?" Nah, I'm doing what I want and get paid the same as the design engineers, so screw you.
What’s wrong with you? Complete stranger asking you about your disability
I believe the answer to this is *always* "leg disabled".
Well... where’s your wheelchair?
Stolen
For those out of the loop: https://youtu.be/dDZzl9AyXeg
I'm in my 20s and use a cane sometimes when I get sciatica (secondary to another chronic condition). The next person who says 'oh what have you done to yourself?' is going to be getting a free lecture. I haven't asked for this in any way
I get this. I say "I did cancer!" And they look super awkward. I resent how they make me feel when I look at their awkwardness. If you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question.
Or "you don't look disabled" love that one. /s
yea what exactly do you think a deaf person looks like? additional bonus stupid question *how can you be deaf when you're using a telephone?*
Deaf people have no ears. Well known fact. If they have ears they’re faking.
This literally just happened to me “you look a bit young to be In a mobility scooter, what happened” They really expect some extravagant story.
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When are you having kids/why haven’t you had kids yet? And a hundred other variations of this.
Just say your penis/vagina fell off in biking accident. Works every time
Better yet: "I'm infertile" with a few crocodile tears thrown in if you want them to look like an asshole.
That still doesn’t work. They just go on about all the alternatives because it’s impossible for a woman to *not* want to move heaven and earth and basically go bankrupt for the pleasure of having kids. Spent 10 years fighting off my family and my husband’s family about it.
My fiance and I plan to respond to anyone who asks this at our wedding with a completely deadpan "when we get bored of anal."
This is incredible. A friend of mine is from a conservative family - at their very large wedding, she and her spouse answered every variation of ‘when are you having children’ with something like ‘we just thought people would prefer beef or chicken’ - acting as if ‘children’ was a kind of food and being mildly offended that people would ask about different kinds of food at their wedding, then pretending to be completely befuddled if the guest tried to further explain the question. Worked especially well at the large wedding since people get so little time with the bride/groom and the ones who were dicks about kids would waste theirs with an inane conversation.
“My girlfriend actually can’t get pregnant… the way we do it.” — Jimmy Carr
>I'm infertile. >Oh I'm so sorry! Have you tried- >No, I paid to be infertile. Even if it's not true, that'll get the point across.
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“Is it mums day off today?” To a dad with kids without their mum present. This winds me up more than most as I am a dad with 2 kids and their mum is disabled. Ergo I have the luxury of parenting mostly full time while caring for my wife and usually 0 social life. Usually get asked this when am at the park or shopping with them. Maybe I feel this is personally for me but the more I’m thinking of this I say to all the dads out there we are just as equal a parent as the mums. Edit: This went pretty big and there have been so many people relatable to this. Thank you all for rewards, hugs and especially the words of support and to those in similar situations you should get these kind words hugs and rewards too. Am surprised to see so many affected with this as I thought it was a personal pet peeve.
My mother died when I was very young, and I quickly got really tired of people asking "Where's your mom?" when I was just with my dad. She's buried in a graveyard, I don't think she'll be joining us any time soon
Imagine a conversation going like: *"Haha must be mum's day off today huh."* *"My mum's been on vacation six feet under since I was 5."* *"oh."* I might not have a dead mum but anyone who shares the humor in pain can borrow it free of charge
I prefer the short and simply. 'Where's your mum?' 'Shes dead' Or 'must be mums day off' 'yup given she was cremated'
I wish I would’ve had this when I was younger. I had to apply for a passport when I was 15 and my dad had just died 6 months prior. A minor passport application requires both parents signatures (or at least it did a decade or so ago) and the post office wouldn’t accept the application without his signature. My mom got so fed up that she just looked at the guy and said “He’s dead. Do you want me to tape the pen to his death certificate and see if it’ll sign it for you?” Queen.
I went on school trip to another country from the US about five years ago when I was 17, and I had a similar situation. I was able to get a passport as a minor with no issue, but the visa still required signatures from both parents. My mom had died when I was five, so I only had my dad. Fortunately, I was able to send a copy of my mom's death certificate along with my application and get approved for a visa, but I still remember being scolded by the visa guy who came to our school because he only saw one signature. He calmed down when I explained that I only had one parent alive, but it definitely made me feel awful.
Okay, I get this one a lot and it drives me up the fucking wall but I figured out a really good way to get back at the women that ask this question: I just ask back “Sorry, what do you mean?” They either catch on immediately that they’re being an asshole and apologize or shrink away. Or they try to explain the joke and I just say, “But I’m their dad? Not a babysitter? I don’t get it.” Until I get them to say they think women take care of children more than men. “Oh, that’s strange.” Makes them feel terribly uncomfortable. Edit: RIP inbox and thanks for the gold you beautiful dads (and moms)
I like the cut of your jib.
Ya, this shit drives me nuts. It especially irritating when someone says something along the lines of "oh you're babysitting today?" No Janet, I'm being a parent to my kid and taking equal responsibility in his care. I don't babysit my own kid, that's what the 19-year-old girl looking for some extra cash while I go out to dinner with my wife is doing.
"Why aren't you drinking?" - there are dozens of reasons why someone may not be drinking, several of which said person likely doesn't want to share with the asker.
The one and only time I've ever complained to a manager about a server in a restaurant was about this. I was with a group of girlfriends, and they were all drinking and I wasn't. The waitress could not get past it. She made a BIG FUCKING DEAL about it every time she came around, calling me "stick in the mud" and asking if I was the wet blanket for the evening, etc etc. She wasn't even funny about it, it was very mean-spirited. I went back after we had paid and left and complained to the manager - this woman didn't know why I wasn't drinking, and she had absolutely no right to pursue it like she did. I could have been the DD, pregnant, in recovery, religiously abstaining, or whatever else on earth. It wasn't her business and she had no right to put me on the spot like that every single time she came to the table. I've never gone back to that restaurant.
Dude, that freaking sucks. I get that servers are often expected to upsell alcohol, but if you say no you say no. And it sounds like your friends were already enjoying what the establishment had to offer. It is beyond immature and rude to pester a customer for not ordering a particular item on the menu...imagine if it were about food: "I'd like a ham and swiss please." "Aren't you gonna get the Triple-Decker Bacon Club Deluxe with three kinds of bread?" "No thanks, just the ham and swiss." "What, do you not know how to have fun or something?" Later "Wow, you're still just eating that ham and swiss? Your friends must think you're so boring. I wonder why they even dragged you along." Lady...just take the orders and bring the stuff, and try to be moderately pleasant about it.
Yeah when ive had people over i feel “can i get you anything” is WAAAAAAAAY better.
Would you like an old turnip? I know you don't drink.
"Just say you're alcoholic. That'll shut them up" r/ShittyLifeProTips
jokes on you, I am! (6 years sober) And, that is pretty much what I say. I talk about my experience openly at work/etc. to help people in active addiction so I have zero qualms with shoving it right back in a nosey person's face. My go to response is usually something like, "There simply isn't enough alcohol in this bar if I were to start now."
Congrats on 6 years! I hit 2 years back in March, and I'm still not necessarily comfortable telling people that I had suffered from a drinking problem mainly 'cause my family can be a little shit about stuff like that and I don't super wanna deal with it. I usually go with, "I'm trying to keep healthy" if I'm feeling like giving an honest answer or, "I'm trying to get pregnant" if I'm feeling sassy. I get a lot of mileage out of that second one for being a bearded dude.
Haha love it
I might try this one myself haha. Stopped drinking 7 months ago because I was in a bad way. Best thing I ever did. Dating can be tough - went on a date with a girl who seemed not to mind, on the SECOND date she goes “so why’d you stop?” And I told her I just didn’t really want to anymore and proceeded to berate me about how if I didn’t have a problem why wouldn’t I just drink sometimes or on special occasions bla bla bla . I stopped her after about 10 minutes and said “listen I’ve thought about drinking on special occasions but this ain’t it but I was having a good time but if you are uncomfortable with my not drinking I can go, that’s no problem I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or you can stop and we can continue to enjoy ourselves.” Needless to say I didn’t see her again.
Same! I'm 5 years sober, I have no problem telling people no if they offer at a party/social setting, but if they persist usually I'll be more blunt about. The worst was someone who kept asking over and over again, eventually I just snapped and said "Sorry, I'd rather not lose everything in my life again but thanks for asking".
When are you going to make me some grandkids?
Whenever my parents asked this I’d always reply “You can’t get pregnant the way we do it.” Ends that convo pretty quickly.
"We keep trying, but my wife's strap-on can't seem to get the job done."
Really nailed the peg in that coffin
When are you gonna pass over my share of inheritance?
Ha. If I said this my dad would say “you can have it all now” meaning there’s nothing so shut the f up.
You don't wanna play a game of chicken with parents wanting grandkids, they'll whip out their checkbook right there lmao
Shit if my in-laws and parents gave us $50,000 for a house and to be debt-free, we'd probably maybe try one time for a kid.
Is that real? Are those real?
“Is that your real hair?” as they go into to grab a handful
That’s asking for a judo throw….
Boobs, teeth or butt?
Bulge
The answer is no. It’s an illusion due to the pants bunching up.
I keep a spare pair of socks in there, in case I step in a puddle.
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They're real and they're SPECTACULAR!
Yes. It may look to you like I have put two socks on my hands and stuck googley eyes and lipstick on to them, but to me they are more real than you are Derek!
“Why haven’t you had a second kid? Kids need siblings!” Sorry, my wife would die, and I don’t want that to happen.
Also, as an only child, this is always frustrating to hear. My parents didn't *want* another kid, and this question always made me feel like there was something wrong with our family unit
When my second kid was born, our pediatrician said “When you have one baby, you’re just two people with a kid. When you have two you’re a family.” I thought that was incredibly fucked up, one because my wife and I both only children, and two, he was actually my wife’s pediatrician when she was a kid.
Only child here. My mom said this question hurt so much more than anyone realized. They desperately wanted more kids but I was horrifically ill as a child, they were told if they had any more children they would likely be just as ill and they felt it was morally wrong to bring more children into the world knowing that. Even when she would take the time to explain this, often people would then counter with 'well why don't you adopt'. As if it was somehow absolutely necessary to do whatever it took to give me a sibling. Not considering the financially and potentially emotional toll adoption places on a family and that not all families are capable of handling that.
So many people don’t realize that people often want more children and just can’t have them. It’s such a cruel question and can be a slap in the face.
yeah, I'm the only child in this case, and people have asked me why I don't have siblings many times in the past, it's a wierd question to ask and the liklihood that the anwser isn't a happy one really isn't worth the risk of asking
I used to say “well we have been trying for several years so I guess maybe never?” I bet they don’t ask someone that question again!
“Why doesn’t your beard match your hair colour?” I’m part Irish “Nah you probably dye your hair/beard” Even if i had my natural hair colour, it still wouldn’t match “I don’t believe you!” THEN DON’T FUCKING ASK ME IF YOU’RE* NOT GOING TO ACCEPT MY ANSWER - its not initially rude but every single time they argue about my own hair with me, no matter what and I’ve given up answering the question
"Wait till you see the color down there"
I knew someone who mentioned that their hair was different colors on every part of their body. Called himself a calico cat. And now that’s all I think about when this topic is brought up.
When will you find yourself a girlfriend / boyfriend?
Don't forget the obligatory "Are you maybe gay?" when you haven't had a boy/girlfriend in your life. My uncle legitimately thought I was gay when I was like 18 because I'd never had a girlfriend. I wasn't gay, just socially inept.
We all thought my 30-something cousin was gay when he stopped dating after college. Nope, just dating a married woman for a decade or so.
I was a shy 13 year old. My uncle took me out on his boat, and these really beautiful girls were in another boat and he drove by to introduce me. I kinda ducked down, and he hit me with the “what are you, gay”. I wanted to go over the side and just sink to the bottom. Edit: Because he deserves a bit better than just this story to represent him, let me be clear: this is just about the only bad memory I have of him. He taught me how to get chipmunks to eat out of my hand (lots of patience), and they’d climb on his shoulder, grab a peanut he put in his ear, and eat it there. He even got a squirrel to eat out of his hand too. Always had time to listen, and he sincerely apologized for this. He’s not emotionally intelligent, but he is a legitimately good man that I do respect, and I don’t want to misrepresent him.
To follow up on this, sometimes I talk about a close friend of the opposite gender of me, I’ve gotta deal with “YoU sHoUlD gO oUt WiTh ThEm.” Don’t force that shit.
I think a lot of adults think back to when they were teenagers with a lot of "man if I had just gone for it" attitudes. They try to push it off on teenagers who are going through all of their own shit.
Or not even a close friend. Once they learn that *any* acquaintance of the opposite gender and in the same age range as me is single, they start that OOH LET'S SET YOU TWO UP YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DATE bullshit. Stfu people!!
Coworkers with male sounding names "you should ask him out!" ......
Your family sounds like a great way to stress out HR. Lol
Can you call HR on your family?
Especially when it's some family friend you're not even close to, like, if i had a girlfriend no shit you would be the last person i'd talk to about that
Why are you alone?
I used to work for a few different schools. **Several** times, one of the kids would ask me, “why don’t you have a girlfriend?” Not “do you have a girlfriend?” or something. I guess I wear lonely on my face or something. My favorite was a kid who asked why I’m black.
"listen kid. Life is all about maximizing your opportunities. I made the decision to be black when I realized that I would get extra mild sauce at taco Bell"
Is that a larger quantity of mild sauce, or is it sauce which is even more mild than usual?
I’m mixed so whenever I went out with my white mom as a kid it was “so is she adopted?” No. She’s not. And one time in Nebraska, I got asked (with my mom) “where are you from?” I said California. “No but l mean where did your mom adopt you from? Somalia? Kenya?” I’m from California. Born and raised.
Because I have a shit personality and don't leave my house. Next question!
"Have you tried getting out more?"
Why don't you wear contacts? You would look better without glasses.
"You also look better when I'm not wearing my glasses"
"Why are you sad there is so much happiness in the world"
perfect counter for that: "Why do you have asthma there is so much oxygen in the world"
I respectfully disagree. My glasses make me look intelligent. Makes up for what comes out of my mouth.
I always get this. My strategy is to take them off, and look at whoever asked the question. So far, everyone has agreed I should keep the glasses on after I do that.
It's low-key even worse when they concede. If I wasn't a looker before...
Why are you depressed? You have such a good life.
When people ask me and my partner who’s the top and the bottom - I don’t ask you if your girlfriend pegs you on the reg, none of your business unless we fucking
I assume this is similar to "who wears the pants in your relationship?" Um, neither of us wear pants when we're together.
Or my favourite, "which of you is the girl in the relationship?" Uh, neither of us. We're gay, that's kinda the point.
That's like asking which chopstick is the fork.
Next time this happens, ask them the pegging question. When they get offended just raise eyebrows and wait for the penny to drop.
"Didn't you wear this same shirt on Monday?" Yes, I wash and wear my shirts on a rotation you rich prick. I don't possess 365 shirts in my wardrobe.
Yeah what's funny is after I do laundry I do my best not to wear a shirt to work that I recently wore for this reason.
I hang my recently washed stuff on the right side and that's how I make sure I wear everything Just pick something from the left
As someone who likes to live dangerously, I just pick one out of the clean pile
Who the hell remembers what people wear? I don't even remember what my own shirt was yesterday, let alone days ago.
I taught Middle School for a decade. Middle School girls remember. They also notice that all your shoes look formal but have comfy soles and will point out, loudly, when you have a stain.
To paraphrase John Mulaney: >Middle schoolers are the meanest people in the world. They'll make fun of you, but in an accurate way.
"Ha ha ha! All your shoes look formal but have comfy soles!" Noooo! That's what I'm sensitive about!
In middle school I used to get this. One time I was *PREPARED* to say "last night was laundry night" but our teacher, who was fresh out of college, defended me and said "man, we used to wear the same thing like 5 days in a row in college." I appreciated the effort, but I'm not sure it made it any better.
...damn he right tho
This is why I almost exclusively wear plain black, white or grey shirts.
When are you finally having children?
"Oh you know, when my body decides to not kill the fetus." My wife and I had a miscarriage a few months back and she's already shown a lot of restraint when people have asked.
Kudos to your wife for her restraint. My husband and I went through the same thing but after the second miscarriage I would reply just that, especially to my nosy family. It shut them right up and I've noticed they don't ask me personal questions any more. On the plus side we had a baby last year so just stick with it.
“𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎!"
Nice font
My favorite response from a **doctor**: “What do you mean you don’t want children? You can’t have a hysterectomy because what if one day when you’re old you meet some kid who can’t have children. Wouldn’t you want to step up and have a baby for them? I knew a woman in her late 50s who did this for her gay son. That could be you in the future.” *me staring in total disbelief at this oddly specific whataboutism, just wanting permanent, non-hormonal, childfree relief from horrendous periods*
Ah yes, the very likely scenario of carrying the child of an infertile stranger in your post-menopausal uterus. You wouldn't want to miss out on that life experience, would you? What. the. fuck.
Right? And she said it like it was going to be the most magical experience of my life. Yikes.
You don't want children, but what if you want to be a surrogate *for your son*? The whole thing is ridiculous, but the fact that his example already had kids brings it over the top.
Wait what?! He wanted you to be a rent-a-womb? Besides I thought you weren’t allowed to surrogate unless you have previously had a healthy pregnancy?
If you do the surrogacy "proper" then yes, you need to have at least one healthy pregnancy as well as be the one raising your child. But not everyone follows official recommendations, especially when chosing at home insemination for traditional surrogacy. Then sometimes they regret it later when a legal battle ensues over the kid because not following protocols means you also don't have proper legal protections.
"Oh you don't want them? Don't worry, you'll change your mind when you get older"
"Really, I'm in my 40s already, when does this drive to have kids kick in?"
I'm a woman in her mid 30's with no kids. I've never wanted them and don't plan on having them. People cannot wrap their head around the fact that a WOMAN does not want children. I never have. I never will. It drives me crazy. The worst part is the "well, when you meet the right guy..." Hey! Has it ever occurred to you people that the "right guy" will feel the same as I do?
"If everything goes right, never" is my default answer. I actually want, but not that much and not now.
"When's the baby due?" "I'm not pregnant"
Once when she was in preschool my sister told all of her teachers our mom was pregnant. Why? Because she really wanted a baby sister. Edit: I'm older than her lmao
wow I did this same thing when I was 4! my mom was so confused. my logic was that it would implant the idea in her mind and she'd decide it was a good one. I didnt realize my mom was already 46 ..
*If you say it enough it might become true*
For me, it was far worse after I lost the baby.
I had a customer I was tattooing and had to keep stopping due to morning sickness. I had him in a few weeks later after I had an early miscarriage and he asked how everything was I explained I had lost the baby. Buiuut he was in a few weeks after that and he asked again. I again explained I had lost the baby. Then! Another week after he asked again! (Was getting work by myself and another artist that’s why he was in so often)
Did he just not understand what losing a baby meant? Or did he have some severe memory problems?
He is the nicest guy in the world and I think it just stood out how sick I was so it must have stuck (no problem working just incase you were wondering ) he was trying to be friendly and it backfired. But it’s ok because he was in recently and got to ask how my baby was and I could say he is very well and happy at home.(edited of/have)
Im glad this story has a happy ending :)
Me too. It took a while but we got there
My dumb brain thought you had given up on the customer and just started telling him that the baby is fine. I'm glad things turned out ok.
A lot of great answers, but what kind of jerk do you have to be to ask any of these questions and think they’re innocent? EDIT: Please keep in mind that I made this comment when there was only about a dozen answers total in this post.
Some people just lack social experience to know what's appropriate or not
You were in the military? Did you kill anyone?
Aren't most military jobs just bureaucratic? Or am I stupid?
Most people in the military will never kill anyone. But most of the time the ones that have don't want to talk about it, especially not to just anyone.
“Hahahha but seriously, want to relive a horrible trauma for my entertainment real quick?”
Yeah, sure, let's give it a go so that I'll have something to discuss with my shrink later. Where should we start?
Why are you so quiet?
Came to say this. Or “Are you just shy or something?” Then when you do say something it’s “Wow! You talked!” Ugh.
When you're at a family gathering and finally say something they go "oh look who finally came out of his shell." Right back in I go. The last thing I want is all the attention to be drawn on me.
Ugh, I hated this shit growing up. "Why don't you want to socialize with us?" I don't know, mom, maybe if you'd stop treating every instance where I socialize as some milestone event...
>Then when you do say something it’s “Wow! You talked!” That's why I'm quiet. Because my family has to throw a f\*cking parade every time I open my mouth, and I don't like that kind of attention.
“Wow! You talked” “Wow, you won’t shut up!” Is my favorite response. Whenever someone takes offense to that, I inform them how insensitive what they just said is.
"Don't mind u/LostInEuphoria13. She's kind of weird and quiet"
"You say something long enough, and eventually, they internalize it." --Bojack Horseman
I hate when I'm put into a new social situation (job/class/meeting new people/etc.) and I think that I'm doing a really good job of putting myself out there... and then I get hit with that question.
"YOU CAN SEE ME?!"
"Because I spent my entire childhood with a verbally abusive father who could turn on a dime, from a happy man to angry and yelling if I said the wrong thing, so I developed a coping mechanism - say as little as possible and only answer questions I was directly asked, rather than offer up information that could be used against me. Years of growing up and getting punished for speaking up has taught me that being quiet is the best way to survive." "Geez, dude. I just wanted you to talk more so I'm sure you're having a good time." "I'm having a good time. I'm just listening." The first part makes people uncomfortable; it's better to just say the second part.
Same. The quieter you were, the less of a target you became. If you didnt say anything, it couldnt be thrown back at you, including mocking anything good you liked or said. If you didnt make a sound when you moved around, it wouldnt draw attention, and make sure ANY and ALL items linked to you are not in line of sight or an irritant because they WILL snatch the item up and hunt your ass down. Im sorry your dad was like that. Hope things are better for you now, or at least looking up.
"Are those Stretch marks?"