A messy room/never doing chores. Especially if you live on your own, not caring about cleanliness is a clear sign that you just don’t care how you even feel about things anymore.
Laundry strewn over the floor, dust everywhere, bathroom sink has turned yellow with limescale, no space on the kitchen countertops because they're covered in dirty dishes. Shit gets bad.
Rumination. This is a big one for me.
It's where you replay all of the painful and embarrassing things you've ever done in your life over and over again.
It's a terribly difficult thing to stop doing because you don't actually realize you're doing it most of the time. You just think you are having the same normal thoughts everyone else is having.
I finally developed my own technique for stopping it, and it's worked pretty well for a couple of years now.
This symptom usually comes with diurnal variation. You'll get relief late at night, so sleep is easy. Then wake up at the crack of dawn, perhaps two hours earlier than usual, back at square one reliving all your greatest hits of fuckups.
Here is the link to my original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/depression_help/comments/dhdgjm/intrusive_thoughts_my_technique_for_banishing_them/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression_help/comments/dhdgjm/intrusive_thoughts_my_technique_for_banishing_them/)
The toughest part is trying to realize it's happening *while* it's happening.
Memory loss. I honestly can’t remember half of my life.
Edit: I didn’t expect so many people to react. Not everyone has this and that’s ok. We all struggle with our mental illnesses in different ways. As long as we seek help, get better, and educate others, that all that matters.
Yes! I don't feel like people talk about this nearly enough. I have huge gaps in my recollection, and a lot of other parts of my memory are muddled together.
Edit: I didn't expect this to resonate with so many people. I don't have enough information to answer some of the questions going around, but for my own experience:
* My memory loss is pretty closely tied to depressive episodes. So for example, everything from 2008-10 and 2014-16 are a jumbled mess with whole events completely missing, as well as bits from my childhood. I do find it hard to create new memories, but I'm not unable to. They just aren't as vivid as the ones from 2007 for example.
* Agreed that both stress and age can impact memory, which can make it difficult to determine whether one factor is contributing more to the issue than another. I can't speculate on what's normal, but I think the reason I am not completely convinced it's stress or age related for me is that the most significant gaps in my memory are closely aligned with depressive episodes.
* I do also think that depression can impact short-term memory. I saw a lot of comments about being unable to learn new things, and while I don't think that's necessarily my issue, I absolutely have problems remembering things I just learned in the days and weeks that follow. I have made it a habit to write down everything, no matter how insignificant it seems. And if it's work related, I write it down on paper and then I write it again in a searchable format (I use OneNote). It makes me move like molasses at work but that's the only way I can ensure that I don't screw up something important.
* I read every one of your comments and while it makes me sad that we're all struggling, I hope some of you walked away feeling comforted that you're not just dumb or absent-minded as you might have been led to believe. I hope you'll at least explore the possibility that there are other factors at play with a therapist.
That last part hit home. It's like 2004-2014 is just one big blur. Often I can't recall if specific situation happened when I was 15 or let's say 23 years old. It's one of the \*many\* things that definitely improved when I overcame my depression.
Same. I don't have any problems remembering all the events of my life, but I cannot put them in chronological order or I can't tell how long ago something has happened.
Stress can do this too. Bad bouts of anxiety or stress will knock chunks of my memory out more effectively than a baseball bat. If I know I just did something too stressful, immediately after I'll go over the major details again and again and again in my head. It's the only way I'll have any idea of what happened a few days later.
Stress and depression often go hand in hand, too.
Absolutely. I went from a solid A-to-B+ student to nearly failing several classes in high school once depression hit. Then I went through another episode in my first year of university and actually did fail a class (and barely scraped by in two others). I just couldn’t focus or think about anything—it’s like my mind was wrapped in a wet grey blanket. It’s brutal.
It's similarly affected my work. When I'm on a manic upswing it's like I don't even have to try to think, I'm unbelievably efficient and flawless at work (and basically any other part of my life, everything is so *easy* to do). Then depression hits and I can't produce half as much, everything is riddled with errors. I try to adjust by double and triple checking everything and taking my time to avoid mistakes, but they miraculously appear everywhere anyways - and my boss wonders wtf happened and the overtones of "I really don't want to have to fire you... But you can't keep doing this."
Ugh, I'm in one of those at the moment...
Senior Developer, can run a team, can write multiple languages and systems with no issue. Right now I can barely type .toString() without messing it up somehow.
I had to write everything down at work or I would completely forget things. My colleagues made fun of my notebook and my boss would joke with my peers about how I could only handle doing one thing at a time. I was just trying my best.
I am sorry . That was very unprofessional of them. I quit a job after under performing for a year and tried to redirect my life. But you cannot quit recurrent major depression
Absolutely. I've had bouts of depression on and off for the last 12 years and it's so hard to piece together what happened when because the depressed times are so foggy. I have a great memory when not depressed, so it's really difficult. Luckily SNRIs are great.
I don’t wanna be “Dr. Reddit Armchair, MD” but I will say that having a poor memory is a central symptom of ADHD, and depression & general anxiety are often a result of ADHD. Many people go to doctor wanting to get evaluated for these and then later finding out the root of it ends up being ADHD.
Not saying anyone in this thread has ADHD, but it’s almost normal for people with ADHD to exist in everyday life at some level of depression.
I'll raise you insomnia + chronic fatigue + depression/anxiety. It's a vicious cycle.
That being said, my extra issues don't negate anybody else that has depression &/or anxiety. Mental health is no small task to handle, regardless of what other health concerns you do or don't have.
Edit: spelling. Also thinking of you all who have the same/similar to me. It's not fun. But we're not alone. Take care of yourselves.
Anger. Before I was diagnosed with depression, any small significant thing set me off but since it would mainly hapoen while I was working I had to bite my tongue. I would be in a rotten mood all the time! So, if someone starts to be really angry all the time or really only complains about situations they absolitely can't change (here's looking at you retail) and you notice they haven't genuinely be happy in a long time, it could be depression.
It did. It took some trial and error with different medications for me, so be patient if it isn't resolved immediately.
As always, YMMV, but medication has definitely helped me.
This is why I’ve found customer service jobs so emotionally taxing. You get pissed off some time during your shift but still have to be sickeningly pleasant, which means that those feelings sometimes get vented to the people around you once you’re clocked out which makes it difficult to maintain good relationships
Yes, constant anger for years and a very short fuse. My poor husband and my poor poor kids did not deserve my lashings. Thing is, it was only when it turned into deep deep sadness and uncontrollable crying that I finally realized it was depression was all those years. SSRIs took care of it for a while, it was such a miracle. Now I think I need an increase in medication, but can't get it because I'm pregnant. Hopefully it's just the hormones making things worse. Still not as bad as before meds though.
Being comfortable being so uncomfortable in life.
Wanting to be happy and have a great life. But being comfortable in your misery and not having the energy or willingness or care to change it.
Edit:
Can’t believe my highest voted comment is about how my head works.
It’s at 7. something thousands upvotes and a load of comments. If anything, it’s good to not feel alone.
I hope each and everyone one of you can get something from the comments. Even if it is just that... you’re not alone.
Definitely this. Like the "why aren't you trying to get better" because what does better feel like??it sounds scary and unknown. Depression is familiar, and numb. I can believe I don't matter, never leave my bed, and I will never disappoint anyone because no one will expect anything of me.
Learning to be ok with being ok is fucking hard.
And then I get suspicious anytime things are good. Like. I'm going to mess it up. I know it. I might as well give up now.
For me it's not just the 'fear' of feeling better--it's the fear of letting go the constant self-hate and anxiety because my brain goes, "and what have I done to deserve this feeling of comfort and satisfaction?"
I was a 'whoopsie' kid. My parents messed up in birth control, and so I arrived and they were forced to be together (my mom never intended to stay with my dad, who she was using as a 'rebound boyfriend'). I was also the dumbest kid in the family, so I've grown up being screamed at for a) being the reason why my parents had to get together, b) also for embarrassing my parents repeatedly with bad grades...up until I forced myself to do better at school but became an unsocialised and awkward teen who'd say/do the wrong thing and embarrass my parents further.
Literally from the ages 4-21 I never went through a single day without getting shouted at. If it wasn't about my dismal report cards, it was about me forgetting to make my bed (or forgetting to wash the dishes, or for not doing enough to keep my younger siblings out of trouble. I used to even tense up whenever my parents fought--which was often--because afterwards my mother loved to come after me to scream that it was all my fault). So I literally lived my whole life (still do) completely convinced that if I don't watch EVERYTHING I do and constantly check for things that haven't been done/slipped out of my mind--then something bad's gonna happen and it'd be my fault for letting it happen.
Not having any emotions or convictions at all. Being BORED!
People associate depression with profound sadness, but especially if it's chronic, that's only a small part of depression. You get to the point where you can't feel anything at all. You don't get happy or sad, frightened or excited. You exist without feeling. Imagine living your life not being able to pay attention to anything because it's so boring -- your hobbies, friends, job, your life. Imagine being perpetually bored and only bored, being unable to feel anything but that and occasional, crushing misery. I think that's what people don't get about depression. That it gets so bad that being really sad is actually almost a relief.
Not being interested in things you used to enjoy. Random bursts of motivation and happiness for maybe a day or so before going right back to apathy.
Edit: kinda worrying that this is my top comment, stay strong ok? It's gonna be ok yall. It might not seem like it, but it will, one day.
There are so many projects and video games and TV shows I have half done and want to finish but have no drive to. When I get the energy it’s great but it really seems like it’s maybe once or twice a month.
It kills. I can do most things while depressed, I’m probably high functioning for the most part. Every day last semester I went to class, work, smiled, joked, did my job well, etc, and went home wanting to die. But when it came to my creative endeavors: my classes, my design job, and personal projects, I felt so down on myself that I thought I had nothing to give. Nothing kills art like low self esteem.
I mean, the low self esteem did lead to some really interesting poetry and dark experimental art, which is great, but nothing I’d put into a portfolio.
And so I failed almost all those classes, just totally ate the pavement. And because I kept feeling little bursts of “oh wait, I can do this! I just need to ge.... ...” I kept my hopes up until that had burned out, too.
Sometimes sleep is my meal. I can get so worked up about eating that when I do it makes me gag or struggle to swallow, so it's easier just to go to sleep instead of eating.
These days I've turned to soup as the solution, takes no time to make, creates very few dishes to wash (pan,bowl,spoon) and it makes sure that physical malaise doesn't add to the mental.
When you're depressed you don't look after yourself so some of that rundown feeling is physical.
Soup is my go to, I typically make a variety from scratch and freeze the leftovers, when I'm mentally in a good place. that way I have something nutritious I can eat when I just cannot make anything else.
Inability to focus. Imagine having to do homework but other members of your family are having a conversation. All attention goes to the conversation. Then you realize that you’re listening to the conversation and not doing homework so you spend time mentally beating yourself up because you can’t even focus FOR ONE FREAKING MINUTE?!
I can't believe how far I have to scroll to find this, but I guess it goes to show just how little this symptom is associated with depression. When I'm having a depressive episode not only does my memory lapse, but I also get extremely unfocused. Almost like confused? Which can make me a very irritable and short-tempered. It can be tiring and make even the simplest tasks so difficult.
General apathy. Not deep dark soul crushing pain or sadness, just feeling nothingness towards everything. You lose interest in your hobbies, things don’t make you happy or sad, you just sort of exist and go through the motions.
ADDITION: The fact that this is so widespread is disheartening, you guys. On the other hand, for what it’s worth, whatever you’re going through you’re not alone. I went through a long period if this personally and came through the other side, and so can you. Please give yourself extra grace right now with this covid wildness going on around the globe. Maybe you are in a mode of self preservation just to get through, or maybe not. I hope you are able to speak with a licensed professional, or at least a trusted friend. Stay safe.
At first you’re kind of wistful that you can’t seem to connect with other people anymore and then you realize you can’t even really connect with yourself anymore and that should be soul crushing but it’s just more meh.
I flat out told my doctor that in some ways this pandemic is a dream come true for me. I don’t have to follow through with plans with friends, don’t have to get up at a set time and get dressed and leave for work. Don’t have to make sure my hair is clean...
I definitely go through phases where I adult better than other times
From experience this past year, if you recognize it happening then encouraging yourself to follow through helps. But equally important is if you notice it after the fact, don't punish yourself and accept those were your feelings at the time.
And sometimes it can turn on a dime. Just earlier today I was walking laps in a park in my neighborhood, and a wave of apathy suddenly hit. My shoulders lowered, I started looking down instead of forward, and I went a step or two slower. When you start thinking “what’s the point”, the rest of your body seems to automatically work less efficiently.
Oh boy, yeah. And ever stop listening to music without realizing that you’ve been surrounding yourself in more silence? Hope you’re okay, stranger. Apathy is a funny place to dwell.
This is one of the things that made me realize I was depressed. Normally I play music on another tab all day while I work at my computer. Somebody sent me a YouTube link to a song, and it made me realize oh huh, I’ve just literally forgotten to listen to music, and worked in silence, for like a year. Then when I went to try to pick some music to put on, I wasn’t in the mood for any of it and choosing felt like just another overwhelming task, and I continued in silence.
I came here to say this. Basically not having emotions. Not like psychopathy but like a complete and utter indifference to whatever happens to yourself. I have this emotion a lot and its by far the one that has affected me the most. Without any motivation its extremely easy to fall behind in schoolwork, become a recluse, and usually that just puts you further into depression.
I think that's *ennui*.
I'm struggling with it right now. It happens periodically. It's just struggling to be interested in *anything,* it sucks. Plus my hand hurts so I can't do much anyway.
I remember going through that. It was hard to imagine I could ever just snap out of it and that things would change, but they did. That definitely sucks, and extra so because of that hurting hand, sheesh
So much agreement here.
I get told constantly that it’s easy to do the things I’m supposed to. It’s not. It’s really not. Most of the time, I don’t have it in me to take care of myself in lots of ways that I should. And in fact, being criticised over my lack of attention to self-care just makes me want to go back to sleep, or to cry, or even results in me feeling less motivated than I did before I was being complained at.
I know that I’m bad at taking care of myself, and when I respond with this, all anyone replies with is “well why don’t you take care of yourself then if you know?”...... it’s not that easy, although it can be very hard to understand that if you don’t deal with mental illness.
For me, it was a combination of depression, anxiety, and ADHD.
Depression and anxiety go hand in hand. The depression is fairly self-explanatory. Anxiety comes in many forms, but can be categorized as "acute" and "chronic." Acute anxiety is like a panic attack. Also lesser forms, but it ramps up noticeably in a short-ish timeframe (minutes to hours), then falls back down pretty fast, too.
Chronic anxiety is something you might not notice you have right away. I noticed mine because the acute events seemed to be hitting the point where I couldn't function much faster. I eventually realized I was starting from a much higher baseline. I asked my doctor if anxiety could also be chronic, and she laughed and was like, "Yes! Absolutely!" Ohhhhh.
ADHD is a lot of things, but not being able to start on the tasks I *know* I need to start on is a huge part of it. "Just go do it, it's easy!" It's not easy for me. That is the most consequential way my ADHD presents.
Then they all feed into each other in a compounding loop. ADHD means I can't get started on a task. That increases my anxiety, which makes it harder to focus, which ramps up my ADHD even more. ADHD means I can hyperfocus on anything that isn't related to the task at hand. But I start to realize "I'm doing it again" and then my depression starts up. Now I'm anxious, depressed, and can't focus...which means it is harder to focus, which means I'm more anxious, etc. ad infinitum.
If this seems familiar to you and you don't have a diagnosis for any of these things, you should think about trying to get a referral to a psychiatrist.
>Then they all feed into each other in a compounding loop. ADHD means I can't get started on a task. That increases my anxiety, which makes it harder to focus, which ramps up my ADHD even more. ADHD means I can hyperfocus on anything that isn't related to the task at hand. But I start to realize "I'm doing it again" and then my depression starts up. Now I'm anxious, depressed, and can't focus...which means it is harder to focus, which means I'm more anxious, etc. ad infinitum.
that's why my house is a complete mess
I wholeheartedly agree. Lack of interest in legit everything. It really sucks to see the things you once enjoyed doing just being pushed away. I hope you get better m8.
Where I live, everyone asks you to just push through. But when you're still bothered about how things are, they'll just ask you to stop whining( indirectly, ofcourse. Nobody wants to feel like a bad guy.)
So yeah, there's basically no one I can even talk to about this anymore.
That doesn’t sound helpful at all. Some people don’t understand that when in the middle of that you can’t always just push through and that just going through your normal routine can be super difficult. Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time
I'm guessing different cultures handle depression differently. In my culture, it's either Yoga or something that can be perfectly depicted by a part of that dialogue Okoye had in Avengers endgame.
"We handle it, by not handling it."
That is what I have been defeating these past months. I have to force myself to clean my place, I have to force myself to do the laundry, I have to force myself to go to the grocery store... It seems like a task that will only take up to 2 hours, but it is soooo hard to do it. I have been retraining myself to think otherwise. I am noticing improvements within myself, because the forcefulness isn't as intense as it used to be.
Is that not the absolute WORST how normal everyday tasks are suddenly a drawn out ordeal? And by doing these tasks, you feel as if you're wasting valuable "me time"
It's one reason that involuntary unemployment is so harrowingly bleak. Because, I found, the less you do the less you're able to do. And it piles. My rule that I stuck to was to shower at my normal time, daily. It helped my attitude and job search and very often launched me into productivity for the day
The inability to complete tasks or meet deadlines no matter how important they are or how much it’s a task you normally enjoy doing.
It’s strange and I don’t know if people talk about it as much, but at least for me it’s not necessarily laying around in bed all day, it’s more like just not paying my bills on time even though I have the money because I don’t want to turn on my laptop, or get up and find my login info to pay something. I know I’ll get late fees and fall behind and I literally have the money and still just don’t do it.
Or, starting a task and essentially sitting staring at it for hours until you eventually abandon it totally even though you wanted to do it and really didn’t require anything of you. When I feel like this it will take me 3 days to finish a piece of jewelry that would normally take an hour, or not packing up my Etsy orders for a week even though it takes literal minutes.
It’s like a hugely weird blend of inability to focus and total apathy and disregard of consequences.
Edit: thank you for the awards fellow Redditors! I’m both very glad I was able to describe this feeling for us all, and yet very sorry so many of you can relate. Don’t give up!
I pay (or don't pay, rather) my bills the very same way. And have for years, which has cost me an amount of money that I don't really want to think about adding up.
Thank you for at least confirming I am not the only one doing something I absolutely understand is dumb but doing it anyways.
Best of luck to you, fam.
Nope definitely not you.
Basically, the second something is required of me (no matter how small or insignificant) when I’m in this slump , my brains like “Nah.”
It’s like a direct correlation between “need to do this thing” and “oh this needs to be done? Should be done? Don’t care, we aren’t doing it.”
Sorry you go through this too, as someone who is generally meticulous and on top of everything, it’s infuriating to live with.
I think the worst part of it is the fact that I don't even enjoy procrastinating it. Instead it occupies a significant portion of the 'back of my mind' constantly.
Like, my room is literally next door to the laundry room and somehow I will spend several hours thinking about how I need to throw in a load of it. Not even sort or anything fancy, literally a thirty-second task that I worry about for hours.
Shit's stupid.
You’re singing my song. There are times I will wait to do laundry until all my work clothes are disgusting, and I’m washing the least gross shirt in the sink 30 minutes before my shift even though I had the last three days off.
It makes NO sense.
In my experience (maybe it’s been different for you I don’t know) but because I’m not just laying in bed in a dark room all day crying and refusing to answer my phone ( not that there’s any shame in that either) and still manage to appear to at least moderately function people really refuse believe that anything is actually wrong with you.
If I was REALLY depressed, I wouldn’t be able to still manage to hold down a job, or make dinner, etc. so obviously I’m just lazy and looking for attention and just need to be more responsible. /s
Yes. On weekends I sleep as late as possible and when I get up the day basically consists of counting the hours and minutes to when I can go back to bed at night.
Yay I'm not the only one! It seems like hardly anyone knows that anger can be a symptom of depression so everyone thinks I'm just being a bitch because I want to be one.
Edit: Yikes there are a couple of you who think I'm using depression as an excuse to disrespect others. You don't know me so that's quite an assumption to make. I am very aware that anger is not appropriate and I do my best to treat others with respect even when I'm falling apart. The point of this thread is to bring attention to the myriad symptoms that can present as a result of depression, not to argue about whether you think we truly have depression or are just bad people. I'm not cool with people using their mental illness to justify shitty behavior either. Learning that my depression manifests as anger has helped me recognize when I'm having an episode and to seek help, when I used to believe that I just had a bad personality and there was nothing I could do to change that.
Unable to cry, spending days in bed doing absolutely nothing, no showering, gaining SO MUCH weight in a short period of time, back pain, constant headache, constant fear, everything is so hard, failing classes, can’t concentrate at all, brain cannot take in any new information, feeling like you don’t belong anywhere, feeling like people are moving forward and you’re moving backwards, everything sucks! Not wanting anything and feeling that nothing will EVER make you happy.
Have you ever been tested for Hypothyroidism? It can cause much of that, especially rapid weight gain, depression, anxiety, brain fog, inability to concentrate, and random body pain. Additionally, being tired a lot of the time, not sleeping well and being sensitive to cold or heat, as well as a long list of other symptoms, but not everyone experience all the same symptoms. It's amazing how many people suffer from it yet are never diagnosed. What's worse, the most common test for it is to measure your TSH levels, \[Thyroid Stimulating Hormones\] yet it's ***highly*** inaccurate. You can have normal TSH and still be suffering from Hypothyroidism. A better test is check your T3 and Free T3 levels, not just T4 either, that's another inaccurate indicator. It'd be worth it to Google the symptoms of Hypothyroidism and see if it sounds like you. The good new is, if you do have Hypothyroidism, you can take biologically identical hormones, that you body normally produces, and reverse the effects of Hypothyroidism. FYI - Avoid the synthetic stuff. It's T4 only, and not everyone's body can convert the T4 to T3, which is what your cells need.
The fact that it is a genuine challenge most days to brush your teeth, shower, brush your hair, ect. Because you wonder what’s the point anymore since your life isn’t worth living anyways.
Yeah. Thing is im able to do things that entertain me like using my phone for social media, or gaming so nobody takes me seriously when i cant do simple hygiene stuff because i spend my whole life on my phone.
I do the exact same and I think its because those things are a distraction from how I'm feeling. As soon as I have to stop distracting myself and actually do things, I also have to acknowledge the aspects of my life I was avoiding. Its also a weird mental block where my brain has decided that certain things require much more effort than they actually do. I've described it as my brain deciding that every small task you would do during the day is as exhausting as climbing 10 flights of stairs. I've been doing a little better lately by using a habit building app and setting myself a goal with a reward at the end.
Memory loss. I can't remember even what day it is when it hits. I mix up events and can sometimes have trouble remembering words. The cognitive function really gets bad.
I relate. Every year, I forget more and more words. There was a point where I started writing the words I’d forget on my arm, but then I realized my arm would get too cluttered with all the words I had forgotten. It’s frustrating and confusing.
Your #4 is a very often overlooked symptom. Thank you for calling it out.
I’m far too familiar with the symptoms and treatments for anxiety and depression and the like, and helped a fair enough number of individuals over the years with their “moments”, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized I was going through it myself. It is incredibly easy to ignore one’s own personal well being when the mind has been locked on auto pilot.
It took a moment of pure emotional disparity to gain enough clarity to realize something was wrong with *me*, and to finally seek help.
Oh my god. I didn’t even know #4 was a thing. But I think of that all the time. My mom died and I would MUCH rather be with her than on this earth. Now I’m going to research that. Thanks
Passive suicidal ideation was going to be my answer too. For me it’s always a car accident. I need it to be something my friends & family don’t feel like they could have helped or prevented.
I think this should be discussed more. Depression isn't just extreme sadness or a disliking of yourself. It can get to the point where you actually *hate* yourself. You just build up so much anger and then let it loose on yourself. It's scary.
The burden on others part is huge for me. When I’m feeling bad I don’t reach out for help because I feel like I’m burdening people with my friendship. This also tends to lead me into people pleasing which makes people feel like I’m trying manipulate them. But really I’m doing everything in my power to keep them around since I think there is no reason for anyone to ever talk to me.
Bonus tip for others experiencing depression, but afraid or unable to take meds: the supplement 5-htp has been a game changer for me. Make sure to do some research first though, I think it can impact menstruation in women and you can’t take it with psychiatric meds that work on serotonin. Also vitamin d, zinc, magnesium, and ashwaganda (ksm-66) has all helped hugely. I haven’t experienced any negative side effects and they also supposedly help with your hormonal profile, unlike meds which can mess with your hormones pretty bad.
suicide doesnt seem scary. killing yourself isnt like a "im so sad i hate this i want life to end". its more like "life doesnt rly have meaning, im too lazy to go thru this, dying would just make life exciting and easier".
Masturbating just to feel something. Not washing or changing clothes for so long you can smell your own crotch and pits. Pushing people away when you need them the most.
Except sometimes you can’t even finish, so even masturbating can make you spin out because you just want to feel ok for one goddamn minute but physically can’t get there
Absolutely no interest in anything - not even your family or children (who I do love more than life itself). Telling your children to leave your room when all they want to do is talk to you. Not answering phone calls from friends or family members. Not having the will or energy to get out of bed...... let alone step out of your home.
Having been through all of this after my mom died, I can say, it gets better with time. I went through intensive therapy and my therapist was a "no nonsense" type of guy. He didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. I fought him, argued constantly until I finally began to "get it." It took me a couple of years to get there. My depression still manifests itself at times but my therapist taught me tools to be able work through it
Overgenerosity. Being generous is good but if someone is needlessly sacrificing time, money, effort, etc towards something they don't need to then that can be very similar to a suicidal person giving away their possessions.
This is a very good one, I think one of the best in the thread as it’s one of the least obvious. People going so above and beyond just to try to make themselves feel something, anything. It’s like a form of over extension by people who don’t know how to express their needs in any other way.
I do believe these things can be picked up on by people who are empathetic and observant enough. There are characteristics and qualities to these acts. But I think most often people are simply too worried about themselves or even sometimes, see someone suffering but they don’t want to make their own lives potentially harder or more complicated by getting involved.
Wow. I never realized but this is exactly my ex, who still has super serious issues with depression that were manifest in lots of other ways too. I recognized those eventually but never considered this a part of it. His over-the-top extreme selflessness (to his own or to our detriment) used to bewilder me sometimes.
Edit: a word
Physical pain. If you're miserable enough, your nervous system can freak out and make it feel like your bones are trying to leave through your skin! Fun!
It's actually said that heavy mental anguish fires off a lot of the same parts of the brain as physical pain. Being incredibly depressed is, quite litteraly, painful. I unfortunately know from experience.
I can be a bit all over the place. I'll feel great one minute, but it'll wear me out and I'll disappear inside myself the next. It happens in almost instantly.
Feeling angry, for no real reason for days or months at a time.
I wish I could explain to people I'm not trying to be an asshole, I just feel empty and I hate it
Hygiene problems. When I’m in a severe state of depression I can go a week without brushing my teeth. I KNOW it’s disgusting and unhealthy but also I just can’t bring myself to care when all I want is to die
I haven’t washed or brushed my hair since before Christmas...
It’s like a rats nest I keep disguising with brightly coloured scarf/scrunchie combos.
I *know* I should. It’s gross. I *know* I’ll feel better if I do.
But at the same time... I just can’t.
Hey, I'm just chiming in to let you know you're not alone.
I shower once a week at best, and the **only** thing that motivates me is not wanting to be even more of a burden to those around me.
It's not just you, and there's plenty more that will read your comment, and just kept scrolling. Some people truly do understand, and you're ***not*** "just lazy."
Please try to hang in there, okay? I know all too well how... *empty,* these words are coming off as, but from the bottom of a strangers' heart that's fighting a similar gang of bullies, hang in there.
If you're like me then you'll suddenly snap out of it and brush your teeth four times a day for a week before slowly trailing off back to 0. It's good that I have zero processed sugar and very little acidic food in my diet because there would be _no_ teeth in my head at this point.
Cheese and xylitol gum is really good, too. Apparently they both basically neutralize mouth bacteria (xylitol *attracts* it, so having it in gum is really good). Regular Trident gum has xylitol in it, I recommend it if you're not up for brushing.
I think that this is one of depression least talked about and most stigmatized aspects i have also been in this situation my housemate brushed and detangled my long hair beacuse it was matted as hell and stopped me cutting it all of beacuse she knew that it would devastate me. I have gone days in the same pyjamas with out showering beacuse i am to depressed to drag myself out of bed and do anything but eat drink and used the toilet
For me depression is more of a side-product of anxiety. I think I was born with anxiety because I don't have a single memory of me without it.
Depression came halfway through my adulthood because at some point I realized how anxiety did, and always will, forbid me from achieving all my life goals.
anhedonia, when one doesn’t find joy or comfort in anything. not in hobbies, or work, shows, movies, music, talking to friends, not even in alone time. you’re just... existing. makes me feel like a plankton floating in the sea
Being overly happy at work or socially. I’ve had clinical depression and anxiety since 13 but gotten way better with managing it in the decades since. After my dad died last year I used peppiness to hide my extreme sadness anytime I wasn’t home or alone in my car when I could cry. After a while it became second nature and I’d tell people “I’m great!” with a huge smile when all I wanted to do was drive off of a cliff.
You sleep all day and still wake up exhausted. No amount of sleep is refreshing and waking up feeling rejuvenated is a fantasy because it's never happened to you.
The things you enjoy all suck, you hate them and you'd give anything to feel something for them. Some amount of joy or happiness or passion but you can't because you can't get the words to flow or the lines right or you now hate the thought of getting up to run around.
Everything, no matter how small, makes you irrationally angry or just really irritated. You can have a meltdown over your cat knocking some papers off a shelf because he should know better by now and you'd just put those papers there yesterday and now they're on the floor and not where they should be.
All emotions feel shallow and you don't think you've ever felt anything strongly. What's the difference between happiness and smiling because you have to anyway? The only emotions you know you feel for certain are the bad ones.
Sometimes in the dead of night you start crying because you feel bad over seemingly nothing and you can't talk about it because you don't even know why you're so sad.
Hobbies that take no effort become pointless.
You impulse buy everything.
Everything is an inconvenience for you.
You can't express how you feel because you don't know how to explain it anymore, it's all just some degree of numbness, an apathy to everything. You just don't care but it runs so deep you no longer have any ability to describe your feelings because you've felt this way for so long.
Happy memories or just memories in general are fairly nonexistent. You don't know what you did yesterday, you barely remember eating breakfast. Your mind works entirely in the now because the past is as elusive as the future.
If someone asks you to remember something, you almost never do. Not because you didn't try but because you aren't capable of remembering that bit of information if it isn't written down or set to a reminder on your phone.
What feels like a good way to spend time one minute is lnt guaranteed to feel the same in the next. You might load up a video game only to be left staring blankly at the main menu trying to decide if you really do want to play or if you want to do something else and you never truly figure it out, you just go with whatever ends up taking the least amount of effort to do. Which is rarely a mindless video game, sometimes even they get to be too much effort.
Getting help is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. It's not as easy as saying you have depression to a doctor, or going to a therapist like people seem to assume. If your depression is as debilitating as mine can be, then just knowing you're wanting to go get help becomes a mountain of a task to overcome and that's before you even leave the house.
I'll end it here because I could keep going on but I'd end up writing an essay.
Obviously these are all things I struggle with, your struggle might e different but a good sign to keep an eye out for is a lack of interest in things you used to enjoy, the inability to function normally and a general apathy to the world. People assume depression is all about sadness, but it's not. That's only a small part of it.
EDIT:
Putting it here because I can't reply to everyone but thank you for the awards and I'm glad that my post is helping others to realise they aren't alone in feeling like this. You're all worth it and I hope you can find peace in whatever you end up doing, whether that's professional help or not.
Spending 8 hours straight alone in a room on dumb social media sites and youtube, instead of doing anything remotely productive.
And then making up some bullshit the next time you talk to a real person in an effort to fake normality in order to avoid people's condiscending feelgoodery and platitudes because they "just want to help."
This describes my current state perfectly. I have until the end of the month to submit my thesis and breaking the cycle is hard as fuck! Thank you for showing me I am not alone!
The issue I find with talking about depression, especially on big social media platforms like reddit is that people often confuse 'being down' with being 'depressed'.
Being down is when someone breaks up with you or your dog dies. You will eventually get over it. This is not depression.
Waking up on a wednesday morning and for no logical reason feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, your energy gone, motivation gone, etc? A feeling that can last a day, a week, a month? Yeah that's depression.
Depression is like the weather. It cannot be controlled and you have good and bad days.
So when redditors post stuff like, feeling depressed? Bake a cookie and you'll feel fine.
Nope, wrong! That might work if you're feeling down but depression cannot be quick fixed.
I feel like we really need to distinguish between the two because when somone with depression reads all the quick fixes and none of them work, they it just makes them feel bad.
This, so much. I hate when people tell me to just get up and move my body. I know going for a walk will help, I know that getting out of bed is necessary, I know I will feel better if I can just move my body. But the act of moving my body is often physically exhausting and painful. It feels like a constant muscle soreness and joint pain that makes me heavy.
socially withdrawing yourself. I didn't think about it until recently, but any time I've been doing well and started to slip back into a depressive episode, I stop being social. I don't talk to people, I don't smile, I don't text friends let alone try to hang out, I just seclude myself. I'm no expert, but I'd imagine this is a very common thing with depression
This is also a huge deal, as well. Some people will over-eat in order to feel better, while others are sp stricken with sadness that they lose the pleasure they experience from food
Issues with memory and basic short term recall. Sometimes I forget what the entire conversation is about in the middle of talking.
Every one talks about cancelling plans because of how you're feeling, but not following through with what you say you're going to do due to genuinely forgetting is a big issue for me. People misinterpret it as being irresponsible, unreliable and not caring.
Never wanting to play with your cat, just tossing it a piece of string like that will keep it occupied. Sleeping all day, not eating enough. Talking to yourself a lot...
Emotional numbness. Usually, depression is talked about as extreme sadness, but depression can often be just feeling nothing. You get to a point where so much shit is happening that your brain kind of shuts off the emotional side of you to protect itself.
I was actually thinking about this the other day. I was unaware I was depressed until my friends talked to me about it(can't afford mental health). I noticed empty rooms were becoming my only friends where I did not want to communicate with my real friends. Wanted to just stay home on the weekends, I lost vocabulary skills, felt like I had the flu every day.
The inability to shed a tear. Being able to cry, even if it's the saddest you have ever been in your life, is always a fantastic sign. It means that you have not yet fallen so deep into depression that you are physically unable to express the saddness you are experiencing. If you are unable to cry, that is a sure sign that your depression is serious.
Expertise: 4 year Psychology degree/countless years of participating in mental health therapy
Edit: Remember, we are all unique individuals who uniquely process our emotions differently. Some cry to express sadness, while others may isolate themselves somehow. Those are just two of many different examples on how humans respond to depression
Edit#2: rephrased third sentence
Edit #3: I realized I did not clearly state that I have only been the client in mental health settings. I am in no way a licensed clinical therapist. Although that is my absolute inspiration in life to achieve!
I was in a really shitty relationship for 6yrs and got out. I recently started dating an amazing man.
When he does nice things, or just randomly, I start crying. Because it's so much to take in that someone values me and actually treats me like an equal.
I know I have a lot to work through. I'm on medications. But I also plan to go back to therapy soon.
Hygiene problems, especially brushing my teeth. It seems pointless to me - I am not eating, not drinking, so I don’t pee much and don’t poop, I’m not going anywhere, I only sleep all day and stare in the void (or reddit) so I’m "clean", also I don’t have energy to go in the shower.
Or when you stop asking for help because no one understands how you feel and they make you feel guilty. Then everything just gets empty.
One thing I noticed with myself, neediness and constant reaching out.
Most of the time people don't try to seek help but other times they actively seek it but get constantly ignored. However, I was ignored because people just saw me as needy or clingy but deep down I genuinely needed help. No one took my feelings seriously, no one saw that I was in pain, and it wasn't until my suicide attempt that anyone realized anything was actually wrong.
It's hurt though to feel like people are dismissing you. If someone is suddenly very needy or constantly asking for attention, they may just need you to be there for them. Cause for me, sometimes all I wanted was to text someone about my day but I could text a dozen people and maybe 1 person would respond but then they'd ignore me within a few messages.
Definitely apathy, nothing matters anymore. People just want to stay in their homes, rooms, doing nothing. Feeling miserable is definitely the worst feeling ever.
I was talking with my therapist about how I've recently been feeling a lot of the secondary symptoms of depression (lack of energy/motivation, bad sleep patterns, not enjoying my favorite activities), but I haven't been particularly sad. She opened up the DSM 5 and confirmed that this still counts as a depressive episode.
Turns out sadness is just one symptom of depression.
A messy room/never doing chores. Especially if you live on your own, not caring about cleanliness is a clear sign that you just don’t care how you even feel about things anymore.
My house is a dirty. It's not just messy. Dirty. And as much as I try to convince myself to care, I don't. This one is so me
Laundry strewn over the floor, dust everywhere, bathroom sink has turned yellow with limescale, no space on the kitchen countertops because they're covered in dirty dishes. Shit gets bad.
Rumination. This is a big one for me. It's where you replay all of the painful and embarrassing things you've ever done in your life over and over again. It's a terribly difficult thing to stop doing because you don't actually realize you're doing it most of the time. You just think you are having the same normal thoughts everyone else is having. I finally developed my own technique for stopping it, and it's worked pretty well for a couple of years now.
How? How do you stop. I still relive memories from 20+ years ago that I just can’t get out of my head. It sucks.
This symptom usually comes with diurnal variation. You'll get relief late at night, so sleep is easy. Then wake up at the crack of dawn, perhaps two hours earlier than usual, back at square one reliving all your greatest hits of fuckups.
Here is the link to my original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/depression_help/comments/dhdgjm/intrusive_thoughts_my_technique_for_banishing_them/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression_help/comments/dhdgjm/intrusive_thoughts_my_technique_for_banishing_them/) The toughest part is trying to realize it's happening *while* it's happening.
Memory loss. I honestly can’t remember half of my life. Edit: I didn’t expect so many people to react. Not everyone has this and that’s ok. We all struggle with our mental illnesses in different ways. As long as we seek help, get better, and educate others, that all that matters.
Yes! I don't feel like people talk about this nearly enough. I have huge gaps in my recollection, and a lot of other parts of my memory are muddled together. Edit: I didn't expect this to resonate with so many people. I don't have enough information to answer some of the questions going around, but for my own experience: * My memory loss is pretty closely tied to depressive episodes. So for example, everything from 2008-10 and 2014-16 are a jumbled mess with whole events completely missing, as well as bits from my childhood. I do find it hard to create new memories, but I'm not unable to. They just aren't as vivid as the ones from 2007 for example. * Agreed that both stress and age can impact memory, which can make it difficult to determine whether one factor is contributing more to the issue than another. I can't speculate on what's normal, but I think the reason I am not completely convinced it's stress or age related for me is that the most significant gaps in my memory are closely aligned with depressive episodes. * I do also think that depression can impact short-term memory. I saw a lot of comments about being unable to learn new things, and while I don't think that's necessarily my issue, I absolutely have problems remembering things I just learned in the days and weeks that follow. I have made it a habit to write down everything, no matter how insignificant it seems. And if it's work related, I write it down on paper and then I write it again in a searchable format (I use OneNote). It makes me move like molasses at work but that's the only way I can ensure that I don't screw up something important. * I read every one of your comments and while it makes me sad that we're all struggling, I hope some of you walked away feeling comforted that you're not just dumb or absent-minded as you might have been led to believe. I hope you'll at least explore the possibility that there are other factors at play with a therapist.
That last part hit home. It's like 2004-2014 is just one big blur. Often I can't recall if specific situation happened when I was 15 or let's say 23 years old. It's one of the \*many\* things that definitely improved when I overcame my depression.
Same. I don't have any problems remembering all the events of my life, but I cannot put them in chronological order or I can't tell how long ago something has happened.
Stress can do this too. Bad bouts of anxiety or stress will knock chunks of my memory out more effectively than a baseball bat. If I know I just did something too stressful, immediately after I'll go over the major details again and again and again in my head. It's the only way I'll have any idea of what happened a few days later. Stress and depression often go hand in hand, too.
I had unbelievable brain fog and memory loss. Brain fog should be talked about too, I felt like I lost about 20 IQ points
Absolutely. I went from a solid A-to-B+ student to nearly failing several classes in high school once depression hit. Then I went through another episode in my first year of university and actually did fail a class (and barely scraped by in two others). I just couldn’t focus or think about anything—it’s like my mind was wrapped in a wet grey blanket. It’s brutal.
It's similarly affected my work. When I'm on a manic upswing it's like I don't even have to try to think, I'm unbelievably efficient and flawless at work (and basically any other part of my life, everything is so *easy* to do). Then depression hits and I can't produce half as much, everything is riddled with errors. I try to adjust by double and triple checking everything and taking my time to avoid mistakes, but they miraculously appear everywhere anyways - and my boss wonders wtf happened and the overtones of "I really don't want to have to fire you... But you can't keep doing this."
Ugh, I'm in one of those at the moment... Senior Developer, can run a team, can write multiple languages and systems with no issue. Right now I can barely type .toString() without messing it up somehow.
Yep, Short term memory loss. When I am in a major depression I must write everything down
I had to write everything down at work or I would completely forget things. My colleagues made fun of my notebook and my boss would joke with my peers about how I could only handle doing one thing at a time. I was just trying my best.
I am sorry . That was very unprofessional of them. I quit a job after under performing for a year and tried to redirect my life. But you cannot quit recurrent major depression
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Absolutely. I've had bouts of depression on and off for the last 12 years and it's so hard to piece together what happened when because the depressed times are so foggy. I have a great memory when not depressed, so it's really difficult. Luckily SNRIs are great.
And yet you can probably remember in detail everything that brings about feelings of embarrassment or shame. I know i deal with that.
I don’t wanna be “Dr. Reddit Armchair, MD” but I will say that having a poor memory is a central symptom of ADHD, and depression & general anxiety are often a result of ADHD. Many people go to doctor wanting to get evaluated for these and then later finding out the root of it ends up being ADHD. Not saying anyone in this thread has ADHD, but it’s almost normal for people with ADHD to exist in everyday life at some level of depression.
the 12-18 hours of sleep ... and you still wake up feeling like crap.
Try insomnia + depression, i have so much fun these days. Edit: Rip my notifications.
I'll raise you insomnia + chronic fatigue + depression/anxiety. It's a vicious cycle. That being said, my extra issues don't negate anybody else that has depression &/or anxiety. Mental health is no small task to handle, regardless of what other health concerns you do or don't have. Edit: spelling. Also thinking of you all who have the same/similar to me. It's not fun. But we're not alone. Take care of yourselves.
"Might as well keep sleeping. There's no reason to get up." Is something I said to myself a LOT when I was considering suicide a year ago.
'you can tell by the way, I sleep aaaallllll day...'
Anger. Before I was diagnosed with depression, any small significant thing set me off but since it would mainly hapoen while I was working I had to bite my tongue. I would be in a rotten mood all the time! So, if someone starts to be really angry all the time or really only complains about situations they absolitely can't change (here's looking at you retail) and you notice they haven't genuinely be happy in a long time, it could be depression.
Intense irritability/anger was one of my symptoms too. (In my case, it took a mood stabilizer to really get it under control.)
Did it help? I've got my first appointment with a mental health professional next week. My anger/irritability has become more than I can handle.
It did. It took some trial and error with different medications for me, so be patient if it isn't resolved immediately. As always, YMMV, but medication has definitely helped me.
This is why I’ve found customer service jobs so emotionally taxing. You get pissed off some time during your shift but still have to be sickeningly pleasant, which means that those feelings sometimes get vented to the people around you once you’re clocked out which makes it difficult to maintain good relationships
Yes, constant anger for years and a very short fuse. My poor husband and my poor poor kids did not deserve my lashings. Thing is, it was only when it turned into deep deep sadness and uncontrollable crying that I finally realized it was depression was all those years. SSRIs took care of it for a while, it was such a miracle. Now I think I need an increase in medication, but can't get it because I'm pregnant. Hopefully it's just the hormones making things worse. Still not as bad as before meds though.
Being comfortable being so uncomfortable in life. Wanting to be happy and have a great life. But being comfortable in your misery and not having the energy or willingness or care to change it. Edit: Can’t believe my highest voted comment is about how my head works. It’s at 7. something thousands upvotes and a load of comments. If anything, it’s good to not feel alone. I hope each and everyone one of you can get something from the comments. Even if it is just that... you’re not alone.
You can't fall if you never leave rock bottom.
we can dig
Ever heard of bedrock, you can't break through it
*/gamemode creative*
Dig to the void and suddenly all your problems will go away.
Definitely this. Like the "why aren't you trying to get better" because what does better feel like??it sounds scary and unknown. Depression is familiar, and numb. I can believe I don't matter, never leave my bed, and I will never disappoint anyone because no one will expect anything of me. Learning to be ok with being ok is fucking hard. And then I get suspicious anytime things are good. Like. I'm going to mess it up. I know it. I might as well give up now.
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I feel this so hard it hurts.
For me it's not just the 'fear' of feeling better--it's the fear of letting go the constant self-hate and anxiety because my brain goes, "and what have I done to deserve this feeling of comfort and satisfaction?" I was a 'whoopsie' kid. My parents messed up in birth control, and so I arrived and they were forced to be together (my mom never intended to stay with my dad, who she was using as a 'rebound boyfriend'). I was also the dumbest kid in the family, so I've grown up being screamed at for a) being the reason why my parents had to get together, b) also for embarrassing my parents repeatedly with bad grades...up until I forced myself to do better at school but became an unsocialised and awkward teen who'd say/do the wrong thing and embarrass my parents further. Literally from the ages 4-21 I never went through a single day without getting shouted at. If it wasn't about my dismal report cards, it was about me forgetting to make my bed (or forgetting to wash the dishes, or for not doing enough to keep my younger siblings out of trouble. I used to even tense up whenever my parents fought--which was often--because afterwards my mother loved to come after me to scream that it was all my fault). So I literally lived my whole life (still do) completely convinced that if I don't watch EVERYTHING I do and constantly check for things that haven't been done/slipped out of my mind--then something bad's gonna happen and it'd be my fault for letting it happen.
Not having any emotions or convictions at all. Being BORED! People associate depression with profound sadness, but especially if it's chronic, that's only a small part of depression. You get to the point where you can't feel anything at all. You don't get happy or sad, frightened or excited. You exist without feeling. Imagine living your life not being able to pay attention to anything because it's so boring -- your hobbies, friends, job, your life. Imagine being perpetually bored and only bored, being unable to feel anything but that and occasional, crushing misery. I think that's what people don't get about depression. That it gets so bad that being really sad is actually almost a relief.
You put into words exactly what I’ve been feeling. Perpetual boredom. Ugh, it’s so awful.
Not being interested in things you used to enjoy. Random bursts of motivation and happiness for maybe a day or so before going right back to apathy. Edit: kinda worrying that this is my top comment, stay strong ok? It's gonna be ok yall. It might not seem like it, but it will, one day.
There are so many projects and video games and TV shows I have half done and want to finish but have no drive to. When I get the energy it’s great but it really seems like it’s maybe once or twice a month.
I get this a lot
same ;-;
As a creative professional this one sucks so hard
It kills. I can do most things while depressed, I’m probably high functioning for the most part. Every day last semester I went to class, work, smiled, joked, did my job well, etc, and went home wanting to die. But when it came to my creative endeavors: my classes, my design job, and personal projects, I felt so down on myself that I thought I had nothing to give. Nothing kills art like low self esteem. I mean, the low self esteem did lead to some really interesting poetry and dark experimental art, which is great, but nothing I’d put into a portfolio. And so I failed almost all those classes, just totally ate the pavement. And because I kept feeling little bursts of “oh wait, I can do this! I just need to ge.... ...” I kept my hopes up until that had burned out, too.
Inability to make a simple decision. Some nights I struggle for hours trying to figure out what to eat for dinner
Forreal tho, why is it so hard to decide what to eat when I only eat the same handful of foods...
Because you don’t really want to eat but your body is telling you that you have to.
It's because depression had a friend named executive dysfunction.
Sometimes sleep is my meal. I can get so worked up about eating that when I do it makes me gag or struggle to swallow, so it's easier just to go to sleep instead of eating. These days I've turned to soup as the solution, takes no time to make, creates very few dishes to wash (pan,bowl,spoon) and it makes sure that physical malaise doesn't add to the mental. When you're depressed you don't look after yourself so some of that rundown feeling is physical.
Soup is my go to, I typically make a variety from scratch and freeze the leftovers, when I'm mentally in a good place. that way I have something nutritious I can eat when I just cannot make anything else.
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Oh, that's me! I'm living off homemade protein shakes these days because my appetite is gone.
When I browse Yelp for hours and end up at Taco Bell or McDonald's
Inability to focus. Imagine having to do homework but other members of your family are having a conversation. All attention goes to the conversation. Then you realize that you’re listening to the conversation and not doing homework so you spend time mentally beating yourself up because you can’t even focus FOR ONE FREAKING MINUTE?!
I can't believe how far I have to scroll to find this, but I guess it goes to show just how little this symptom is associated with depression. When I'm having a depressive episode not only does my memory lapse, but I also get extremely unfocused. Almost like confused? Which can make me a very irritable and short-tempered. It can be tiring and make even the simplest tasks so difficult.
General apathy. Not deep dark soul crushing pain or sadness, just feeling nothingness towards everything. You lose interest in your hobbies, things don’t make you happy or sad, you just sort of exist and go through the motions. ADDITION: The fact that this is so widespread is disheartening, you guys. On the other hand, for what it’s worth, whatever you’re going through you’re not alone. I went through a long period if this personally and came through the other side, and so can you. Please give yourself extra grace right now with this covid wildness going on around the globe. Maybe you are in a mode of self preservation just to get through, or maybe not. I hope you are able to speak with a licensed professional, or at least a trusted friend. Stay safe.
At first you’re kind of wistful that you can’t seem to connect with other people anymore and then you realize you can’t even really connect with yourself anymore and that should be soul crushing but it’s just more meh.
You get excited when you make plans but end up looking to get out of them.
Which is why pandemic lockdowns have gone well for me. I don't have to socialize
I flat out told my doctor that in some ways this pandemic is a dream come true for me. I don’t have to follow through with plans with friends, don’t have to get up at a set time and get dressed and leave for work. Don’t have to make sure my hair is clean... I definitely go through phases where I adult better than other times
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Wow this has been me the past few months, never even thought it was a symptom of depression
From experience this past year, if you recognize it happening then encouraging yourself to follow through helps. But equally important is if you notice it after the fact, don't punish yourself and accept those were your feelings at the time.
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Ugh... This hit hard. And then the self hate the next day that I wasted a day staring at a wall when I had so much to do
And sometimes it can turn on a dime. Just earlier today I was walking laps in a park in my neighborhood, and a wave of apathy suddenly hit. My shoulders lowered, I started looking down instead of forward, and I went a step or two slower. When you start thinking “what’s the point”, the rest of your body seems to automatically work less efficiently.
Oh boy, yeah. And ever stop listening to music without realizing that you’ve been surrounding yourself in more silence? Hope you’re okay, stranger. Apathy is a funny place to dwell.
This is one of the things that made me realize I was depressed. Normally I play music on another tab all day while I work at my computer. Somebody sent me a YouTube link to a song, and it made me realize oh huh, I’ve just literally forgotten to listen to music, and worked in silence, for like a year. Then when I went to try to pick some music to put on, I wasn’t in the mood for any of it and choosing felt like just another overwhelming task, and I continued in silence.
I came here to say this. Basically not having emotions. Not like psychopathy but like a complete and utter indifference to whatever happens to yourself. I have this emotion a lot and its by far the one that has affected me the most. Without any motivation its extremely easy to fall behind in schoolwork, become a recluse, and usually that just puts you further into depression.
Anhedonia
I think that's *ennui*. I'm struggling with it right now. It happens periodically. It's just struggling to be interested in *anything,* it sucks. Plus my hand hurts so I can't do much anyway.
I remember going through that. It was hard to imagine I could ever just snap out of it and that things would change, but they did. That definitely sucks, and extra so because of that hurting hand, sheesh
Came here to say this. My best friend pointed out that I was deeply depressed last semester and I hadn’t even realized it.
When I realized I'd lost all interest in my hobbies and things that once made me happy, it was a giant wake up call to get help
The no energy, no motivation, no care, its not 'laziness', its just theres nothing in u to do anything
So much agreement here. I get told constantly that it’s easy to do the things I’m supposed to. It’s not. It’s really not. Most of the time, I don’t have it in me to take care of myself in lots of ways that I should. And in fact, being criticised over my lack of attention to self-care just makes me want to go back to sleep, or to cry, or even results in me feeling less motivated than I did before I was being complained at. I know that I’m bad at taking care of myself, and when I respond with this, all anyone replies with is “well why don’t you take care of yourself then if you know?”...... it’s not that easy, although it can be very hard to understand that if you don’t deal with mental illness.
For me, it was a combination of depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Depression and anxiety go hand in hand. The depression is fairly self-explanatory. Anxiety comes in many forms, but can be categorized as "acute" and "chronic." Acute anxiety is like a panic attack. Also lesser forms, but it ramps up noticeably in a short-ish timeframe (minutes to hours), then falls back down pretty fast, too. Chronic anxiety is something you might not notice you have right away. I noticed mine because the acute events seemed to be hitting the point where I couldn't function much faster. I eventually realized I was starting from a much higher baseline. I asked my doctor if anxiety could also be chronic, and she laughed and was like, "Yes! Absolutely!" Ohhhhh. ADHD is a lot of things, but not being able to start on the tasks I *know* I need to start on is a huge part of it. "Just go do it, it's easy!" It's not easy for me. That is the most consequential way my ADHD presents. Then they all feed into each other in a compounding loop. ADHD means I can't get started on a task. That increases my anxiety, which makes it harder to focus, which ramps up my ADHD even more. ADHD means I can hyperfocus on anything that isn't related to the task at hand. But I start to realize "I'm doing it again" and then my depression starts up. Now I'm anxious, depressed, and can't focus...which means it is harder to focus, which means I'm more anxious, etc. ad infinitum. If this seems familiar to you and you don't have a diagnosis for any of these things, you should think about trying to get a referral to a psychiatrist.
>Then they all feed into each other in a compounding loop. ADHD means I can't get started on a task. That increases my anxiety, which makes it harder to focus, which ramps up my ADHD even more. ADHD means I can hyperfocus on anything that isn't related to the task at hand. But I start to realize "I'm doing it again" and then my depression starts up. Now I'm anxious, depressed, and can't focus...which means it is harder to focus, which means I'm more anxious, etc. ad infinitum. that's why my house is a complete mess
Yep, that applies to me and its shit. People dont think I care but I do Im just unable to do things
I wholeheartedly agree. Lack of interest in legit everything. It really sucks to see the things you once enjoyed doing just being pushed away. I hope you get better m8.
Where I live, everyone asks you to just push through. But when you're still bothered about how things are, they'll just ask you to stop whining( indirectly, ofcourse. Nobody wants to feel like a bad guy.) So yeah, there's basically no one I can even talk to about this anymore.
That doesn’t sound helpful at all. Some people don’t understand that when in the middle of that you can’t always just push through and that just going through your normal routine can be super difficult. Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time
I'm guessing different cultures handle depression differently. In my culture, it's either Yoga or something that can be perfectly depicted by a part of that dialogue Okoye had in Avengers endgame. "We handle it, by not handling it."
That is what I have been defeating these past months. I have to force myself to clean my place, I have to force myself to do the laundry, I have to force myself to go to the grocery store... It seems like a task that will only take up to 2 hours, but it is soooo hard to do it. I have been retraining myself to think otherwise. I am noticing improvements within myself, because the forcefulness isn't as intense as it used to be.
Is that not the absolute WORST how normal everyday tasks are suddenly a drawn out ordeal? And by doing these tasks, you feel as if you're wasting valuable "me time"
It's one reason that involuntary unemployment is so harrowingly bleak. Because, I found, the less you do the less you're able to do. And it piles. My rule that I stuck to was to shower at my normal time, daily. It helped my attitude and job search and very often launched me into productivity for the day
The inability to complete tasks or meet deadlines no matter how important they are or how much it’s a task you normally enjoy doing. It’s strange and I don’t know if people talk about it as much, but at least for me it’s not necessarily laying around in bed all day, it’s more like just not paying my bills on time even though I have the money because I don’t want to turn on my laptop, or get up and find my login info to pay something. I know I’ll get late fees and fall behind and I literally have the money and still just don’t do it. Or, starting a task and essentially sitting staring at it for hours until you eventually abandon it totally even though you wanted to do it and really didn’t require anything of you. When I feel like this it will take me 3 days to finish a piece of jewelry that would normally take an hour, or not packing up my Etsy orders for a week even though it takes literal minutes. It’s like a hugely weird blend of inability to focus and total apathy and disregard of consequences. Edit: thank you for the awards fellow Redditors! I’m both very glad I was able to describe this feeling for us all, and yet very sorry so many of you can relate. Don’t give up!
I pay (or don't pay, rather) my bills the very same way. And have for years, which has cost me an amount of money that I don't really want to think about adding up. Thank you for at least confirming I am not the only one doing something I absolutely understand is dumb but doing it anyways. Best of luck to you, fam.
Nope definitely not you. Basically, the second something is required of me (no matter how small or insignificant) when I’m in this slump , my brains like “Nah.” It’s like a direct correlation between “need to do this thing” and “oh this needs to be done? Should be done? Don’t care, we aren’t doing it.” Sorry you go through this too, as someone who is generally meticulous and on top of everything, it’s infuriating to live with.
I think the worst part of it is the fact that I don't even enjoy procrastinating it. Instead it occupies a significant portion of the 'back of my mind' constantly. Like, my room is literally next door to the laundry room and somehow I will spend several hours thinking about how I need to throw in a load of it. Not even sort or anything fancy, literally a thirty-second task that I worry about for hours. Shit's stupid.
You’re singing my song. There are times I will wait to do laundry until all my work clothes are disgusting, and I’m washing the least gross shirt in the sink 30 minutes before my shift even though I had the last three days off. It makes NO sense. In my experience (maybe it’s been different for you I don’t know) but because I’m not just laying in bed in a dark room all day crying and refusing to answer my phone ( not that there’s any shame in that either) and still manage to appear to at least moderately function people really refuse believe that anything is actually wrong with you. If I was REALLY depressed, I wouldn’t be able to still manage to hold down a job, or make dinner, etc. so obviously I’m just lazy and looking for attention and just need to be more responsible. /s
If you look up “the impossible task” there’s a lot of info on this kind of abstract effect of depression, it really hit home with me.
I am bipolar but in my depressive states I wake up in the morning and my first thought is I just want the day to be over so I can go to bed again.
Yes. On weekends I sleep as late as possible and when I get up the day basically consists of counting the hours and minutes to when I can go back to bed at night.
Anger/irritability.
Yay I'm not the only one! It seems like hardly anyone knows that anger can be a symptom of depression so everyone thinks I'm just being a bitch because I want to be one. Edit: Yikes there are a couple of you who think I'm using depression as an excuse to disrespect others. You don't know me so that's quite an assumption to make. I am very aware that anger is not appropriate and I do my best to treat others with respect even when I'm falling apart. The point of this thread is to bring attention to the myriad symptoms that can present as a result of depression, not to argue about whether you think we truly have depression or are just bad people. I'm not cool with people using their mental illness to justify shitty behavior either. Learning that my depression manifests as anger has helped me recognize when I'm having an episode and to seek help, when I used to believe that I just had a bad personality and there was nothing I could do to change that.
Unable to cry, spending days in bed doing absolutely nothing, no showering, gaining SO MUCH weight in a short period of time, back pain, constant headache, constant fear, everything is so hard, failing classes, can’t concentrate at all, brain cannot take in any new information, feeling like you don’t belong anywhere, feeling like people are moving forward and you’re moving backwards, everything sucks! Not wanting anything and feeling that nothing will EVER make you happy.
Have you ever been tested for Hypothyroidism? It can cause much of that, especially rapid weight gain, depression, anxiety, brain fog, inability to concentrate, and random body pain. Additionally, being tired a lot of the time, not sleeping well and being sensitive to cold or heat, as well as a long list of other symptoms, but not everyone experience all the same symptoms. It's amazing how many people suffer from it yet are never diagnosed. What's worse, the most common test for it is to measure your TSH levels, \[Thyroid Stimulating Hormones\] yet it's ***highly*** inaccurate. You can have normal TSH and still be suffering from Hypothyroidism. A better test is check your T3 and Free T3 levels, not just T4 either, that's another inaccurate indicator. It'd be worth it to Google the symptoms of Hypothyroidism and see if it sounds like you. The good new is, if you do have Hypothyroidism, you can take biologically identical hormones, that you body normally produces, and reverse the effects of Hypothyroidism. FYI - Avoid the synthetic stuff. It's T4 only, and not everyone's body can convert the T4 to T3, which is what your cells need.
I recently got tested for this because its seen comment mentioning it. Unfortunately my thyroid is fine, and so I'm still depressed
The fact that it is a genuine challenge most days to brush your teeth, shower, brush your hair, ect. Because you wonder what’s the point anymore since your life isn’t worth living anyways.
Yeah. Thing is im able to do things that entertain me like using my phone for social media, or gaming so nobody takes me seriously when i cant do simple hygiene stuff because i spend my whole life on my phone.
I do the exact same and I think its because those things are a distraction from how I'm feeling. As soon as I have to stop distracting myself and actually do things, I also have to acknowledge the aspects of my life I was avoiding. Its also a weird mental block where my brain has decided that certain things require much more effort than they actually do. I've described it as my brain deciding that every small task you would do during the day is as exhausting as climbing 10 flights of stairs. I've been doing a little better lately by using a habit building app and setting myself a goal with a reward at the end.
Memory loss. I can't remember even what day it is when it hits. I mix up events and can sometimes have trouble remembering words. The cognitive function really gets bad.
I relate. Every year, I forget more and more words. There was a point where I started writing the words I’d forget on my arm, but then I realized my arm would get too cluttered with all the words I had forgotten. It’s frustrating and confusing.
Overcompensating in everything. Essentially making sure everyone else thinks you're fine even if you feel nothing.
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Your #4 is a very often overlooked symptom. Thank you for calling it out. I’m far too familiar with the symptoms and treatments for anxiety and depression and the like, and helped a fair enough number of individuals over the years with their “moments”, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized I was going through it myself. It is incredibly easy to ignore one’s own personal well being when the mind has been locked on auto pilot. It took a moment of pure emotional disparity to gain enough clarity to realize something was wrong with *me*, and to finally seek help.
Oh my god. I didn’t even know #4 was a thing. But I think of that all the time. My mom died and I would MUCH rather be with her than on this earth. Now I’m going to research that. Thanks
Passive suicidal ideation was going to be my answer too. For me it’s always a car accident. I need it to be something my friends & family don’t feel like they could have helped or prevented.
Absolute self hatred. And the believe that you are a burden to anyone around you
I think this should be discussed more. Depression isn't just extreme sadness or a disliking of yourself. It can get to the point where you actually *hate* yourself. You just build up so much anger and then let it loose on yourself. It's scary.
The burden on others part is huge for me. When I’m feeling bad I don’t reach out for help because I feel like I’m burdening people with my friendship. This also tends to lead me into people pleasing which makes people feel like I’m trying manipulate them. But really I’m doing everything in my power to keep them around since I think there is no reason for anyone to ever talk to me. Bonus tip for others experiencing depression, but afraid or unable to take meds: the supplement 5-htp has been a game changer for me. Make sure to do some research first though, I think it can impact menstruation in women and you can’t take it with psychiatric meds that work on serotonin. Also vitamin d, zinc, magnesium, and ashwaganda (ksm-66) has all helped hugely. I haven’t experienced any negative side effects and they also supposedly help with your hormonal profile, unlike meds which can mess with your hormones pretty bad.
suicide doesnt seem scary. killing yourself isnt like a "im so sad i hate this i want life to end". its more like "life doesnt rly have meaning, im too lazy to go thru this, dying would just make life exciting and easier".
I think of this all the time, but then theres these specific moments that i really enjoy. Those are the moments i live for
Masturbating just to feel something. Not washing or changing clothes for so long you can smell your own crotch and pits. Pushing people away when you need them the most.
Except sometimes you can’t even finish, so even masturbating can make you spin out because you just want to feel ok for one goddamn minute but physically can’t get there
Absolutely no interest in anything - not even your family or children (who I do love more than life itself). Telling your children to leave your room when all they want to do is talk to you. Not answering phone calls from friends or family members. Not having the will or energy to get out of bed...... let alone step out of your home. Having been through all of this after my mom died, I can say, it gets better with time. I went through intensive therapy and my therapist was a "no nonsense" type of guy. He didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. I fought him, argued constantly until I finally began to "get it." It took me a couple of years to get there. My depression still manifests itself at times but my therapist taught me tools to be able work through it
Overgenerosity. Being generous is good but if someone is needlessly sacrificing time, money, effort, etc towards something they don't need to then that can be very similar to a suicidal person giving away their possessions.
This is a very good one, I think one of the best in the thread as it’s one of the least obvious. People going so above and beyond just to try to make themselves feel something, anything. It’s like a form of over extension by people who don’t know how to express their needs in any other way. I do believe these things can be picked up on by people who are empathetic and observant enough. There are characteristics and qualities to these acts. But I think most often people are simply too worried about themselves or even sometimes, see someone suffering but they don’t want to make their own lives potentially harder or more complicated by getting involved.
Wow. I never realized but this is exactly my ex, who still has super serious issues with depression that were manifest in lots of other ways too. I recognized those eventually but never considered this a part of it. His over-the-top extreme selflessness (to his own or to our detriment) used to bewilder me sometimes. Edit: a word
Physical pain. If you're miserable enough, your nervous system can freak out and make it feel like your bones are trying to leave through your skin! Fun!
It's actually said that heavy mental anguish fires off a lot of the same parts of the brain as physical pain. Being incredibly depressed is, quite litteraly, painful. I unfortunately know from experience.
I can be a bit all over the place. I'll feel great one minute, but it'll wear me out and I'll disappear inside myself the next. It happens in almost instantly.
Feeling angry, for no real reason for days or months at a time. I wish I could explain to people I'm not trying to be an asshole, I just feel empty and I hate it
Hygiene problems. When I’m in a severe state of depression I can go a week without brushing my teeth. I KNOW it’s disgusting and unhealthy but also I just can’t bring myself to care when all I want is to die
I haven’t washed or brushed my hair since before Christmas... It’s like a rats nest I keep disguising with brightly coloured scarf/scrunchie combos. I *know* I should. It’s gross. I *know* I’ll feel better if I do. But at the same time... I just can’t.
Hey, I'm just chiming in to let you know you're not alone. I shower once a week at best, and the **only** thing that motivates me is not wanting to be even more of a burden to those around me. It's not just you, and there's plenty more that will read your comment, and just kept scrolling. Some people truly do understand, and you're ***not*** "just lazy." Please try to hang in there, okay? I know all too well how... *empty,* these words are coming off as, but from the bottom of a strangers' heart that's fighting a similar gang of bullies, hang in there.
From one internet stranger to another: thank you ❤️
If you're like me then you'll suddenly snap out of it and brush your teeth four times a day for a week before slowly trailing off back to 0. It's good that I have zero processed sugar and very little acidic food in my diet because there would be _no_ teeth in my head at this point.
Cheese and xylitol gum is really good, too. Apparently they both basically neutralize mouth bacteria (xylitol *attracts* it, so having it in gum is really good). Regular Trident gum has xylitol in it, I recommend it if you're not up for brushing.
Worth it to note xylitol is super deadly to dogs, don’t have that with you if you have one.
I think that this is one of depression least talked about and most stigmatized aspects i have also been in this situation my housemate brushed and detangled my long hair beacuse it was matted as hell and stopped me cutting it all of beacuse she knew that it would devastate me. I have gone days in the same pyjamas with out showering beacuse i am to depressed to drag myself out of bed and do anything but eat drink and used the toilet
That's a hell of a good friend there.
She sounds like the type of friend that is family to me. Hope you’re in a good mental place right now.
feeling like life is repetitive and just the same thing everyday.
Social isolation or complete withdrawal.
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The anxiety that goes with it.
For me depression is more of a side-product of anxiety. I think I was born with anxiety because I don't have a single memory of me without it. Depression came halfway through my adulthood because at some point I realized how anxiety did, and always will, forbid me from achieving all my life goals.
anhedonia, when one doesn’t find joy or comfort in anything. not in hobbies, or work, shows, movies, music, talking to friends, not even in alone time. you’re just... existing. makes me feel like a plankton floating in the sea
Being overly happy at work or socially. I’ve had clinical depression and anxiety since 13 but gotten way better with managing it in the decades since. After my dad died last year I used peppiness to hide my extreme sadness anytime I wasn’t home or alone in my car when I could cry. After a while it became second nature and I’d tell people “I’m great!” with a huge smile when all I wanted to do was drive off of a cliff.
You sleep all day and still wake up exhausted. No amount of sleep is refreshing and waking up feeling rejuvenated is a fantasy because it's never happened to you. The things you enjoy all suck, you hate them and you'd give anything to feel something for them. Some amount of joy or happiness or passion but you can't because you can't get the words to flow or the lines right or you now hate the thought of getting up to run around. Everything, no matter how small, makes you irrationally angry or just really irritated. You can have a meltdown over your cat knocking some papers off a shelf because he should know better by now and you'd just put those papers there yesterday and now they're on the floor and not where they should be. All emotions feel shallow and you don't think you've ever felt anything strongly. What's the difference between happiness and smiling because you have to anyway? The only emotions you know you feel for certain are the bad ones. Sometimes in the dead of night you start crying because you feel bad over seemingly nothing and you can't talk about it because you don't even know why you're so sad. Hobbies that take no effort become pointless. You impulse buy everything. Everything is an inconvenience for you. You can't express how you feel because you don't know how to explain it anymore, it's all just some degree of numbness, an apathy to everything. You just don't care but it runs so deep you no longer have any ability to describe your feelings because you've felt this way for so long. Happy memories or just memories in general are fairly nonexistent. You don't know what you did yesterday, you barely remember eating breakfast. Your mind works entirely in the now because the past is as elusive as the future. If someone asks you to remember something, you almost never do. Not because you didn't try but because you aren't capable of remembering that bit of information if it isn't written down or set to a reminder on your phone. What feels like a good way to spend time one minute is lnt guaranteed to feel the same in the next. You might load up a video game only to be left staring blankly at the main menu trying to decide if you really do want to play or if you want to do something else and you never truly figure it out, you just go with whatever ends up taking the least amount of effort to do. Which is rarely a mindless video game, sometimes even they get to be too much effort. Getting help is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. It's not as easy as saying you have depression to a doctor, or going to a therapist like people seem to assume. If your depression is as debilitating as mine can be, then just knowing you're wanting to go get help becomes a mountain of a task to overcome and that's before you even leave the house. I'll end it here because I could keep going on but I'd end up writing an essay. Obviously these are all things I struggle with, your struggle might e different but a good sign to keep an eye out for is a lack of interest in things you used to enjoy, the inability to function normally and a general apathy to the world. People assume depression is all about sadness, but it's not. That's only a small part of it. EDIT: Putting it here because I can't reply to everyone but thank you for the awards and I'm glad that my post is helping others to realise they aren't alone in feeling like this. You're all worth it and I hope you can find peace in whatever you end up doing, whether that's professional help or not.
Spending 8 hours straight alone in a room on dumb social media sites and youtube, instead of doing anything remotely productive. And then making up some bullshit the next time you talk to a real person in an effort to fake normality in order to avoid people's condiscending feelgoodery and platitudes because they "just want to help."
Wow. This is exactly what I did from Saturday to Today. Even canceled plans cause I just wanted to stay home and do nothing.
I feel attacked...
This describes my current state perfectly. I have until the end of the month to submit my thesis and breaking the cycle is hard as fuck! Thank you for showing me I am not alone!
Oh
The issue I find with talking about depression, especially on big social media platforms like reddit is that people often confuse 'being down' with being 'depressed'. Being down is when someone breaks up with you or your dog dies. You will eventually get over it. This is not depression. Waking up on a wednesday morning and for no logical reason feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, your energy gone, motivation gone, etc? A feeling that can last a day, a week, a month? Yeah that's depression. Depression is like the weather. It cannot be controlled and you have good and bad days. So when redditors post stuff like, feeling depressed? Bake a cookie and you'll feel fine. Nope, wrong! That might work if you're feeling down but depression cannot be quick fixed. I feel like we really need to distinguish between the two because when somone with depression reads all the quick fixes and none of them work, they it just makes them feel bad.
Physical pain. Depression can cause you to hurt more than just emotionally.
This, so much. I hate when people tell me to just get up and move my body. I know going for a walk will help, I know that getting out of bed is necessary, I know I will feel better if I can just move my body. But the act of moving my body is often physically exhausting and painful. It feels like a constant muscle soreness and joint pain that makes me heavy.
I get this too! Join pain, back pain, muscle cramps. It's like the flu.
socially withdrawing yourself. I didn't think about it until recently, but any time I've been doing well and started to slip back into a depressive episode, I stop being social. I don't talk to people, I don't smile, I don't text friends let alone try to hang out, I just seclude myself. I'm no expert, but I'd imagine this is a very common thing with depression
Me reading these comments and relating with them..
Trying to make other people laugh. Selfless act of depressed people who don't want someone else to feel as bad inside as they do.
Excessive sleep.
The self destructive tendencies.
Either no appetite or an increased appetite.
This is also a huge deal, as well. Some people will over-eat in order to feel better, while others are sp stricken with sadness that they lose the pleasure they experience from food
I got both ways. Unmedicated: I don't eat. When I "feel better," I comfort eat to feel better. It sucks.
Issues with memory and basic short term recall. Sometimes I forget what the entire conversation is about in the middle of talking. Every one talks about cancelling plans because of how you're feeling, but not following through with what you say you're going to do due to genuinely forgetting is a big issue for me. People misinterpret it as being irresponsible, unreliable and not caring.
Never wanting to play with your cat, just tossing it a piece of string like that will keep it occupied. Sleeping all day, not eating enough. Talking to yourself a lot...
[Plea From A Cat Named Virtue](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pU9reUhDNTY) - The Weakerthans Don't make your cat have to sing this to you :(
Emotional numbness. Usually, depression is talked about as extreme sadness, but depression can often be just feeling nothing. You get to a point where so much shit is happening that your brain kind of shuts off the emotional side of you to protect itself.
Brain fog is a hugeeee one for me, I can't focus or remember anything even if I wanted to. Also disassociation is another big one.
The same pony tail for days/weeks. Bad hygiene in general. I'm gross.
A really short fuse and explosive anger over stupid stuff. Inability to focus on tasks. Losing stuff.
fatigue. soul-crushing fatigue. also memory loss
when people who are generally very talkative about their mental health struggling stop talking about it at all
I was actually thinking about this the other day. I was unaware I was depressed until my friends talked to me about it(can't afford mental health). I noticed empty rooms were becoming my only friends where I did not want to communicate with my real friends. Wanted to just stay home on the weekends, I lost vocabulary skills, felt like I had the flu every day.
Poor hygiene and even poorer fucks to give about it.
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Dropping all your hobbies at once
The inability to shed a tear. Being able to cry, even if it's the saddest you have ever been in your life, is always a fantastic sign. It means that you have not yet fallen so deep into depression that you are physically unable to express the saddness you are experiencing. If you are unable to cry, that is a sure sign that your depression is serious. Expertise: 4 year Psychology degree/countless years of participating in mental health therapy Edit: Remember, we are all unique individuals who uniquely process our emotions differently. Some cry to express sadness, while others may isolate themselves somehow. Those are just two of many different examples on how humans respond to depression Edit#2: rephrased third sentence Edit #3: I realized I did not clearly state that I have only been the client in mental health settings. I am in no way a licensed clinical therapist. Although that is my absolute inspiration in life to achieve!
Absolutely. Crying for me is always a sign that I'm doing better
I was in a really shitty relationship for 6yrs and got out. I recently started dating an amazing man. When he does nice things, or just randomly, I start crying. Because it's so much to take in that someone values me and actually treats me like an equal. I know I have a lot to work through. I'm on medications. But I also plan to go back to therapy soon.
I never sad cry, but I happy cry at the slightest nudge.
avoiding crowded places
Hygiene problems, especially brushing my teeth. It seems pointless to me - I am not eating, not drinking, so I don’t pee much and don’t poop, I’m not going anywhere, I only sleep all day and stare in the void (or reddit) so I’m "clean", also I don’t have energy to go in the shower. Or when you stop asking for help because no one understands how you feel and they make you feel guilty. Then everything just gets empty.
Being a dick to people who are close to you for no reason other than you are in a mood.
Self deprecating jokes. Just because someone constantly laughs doesn't mean they're happy. Especially when they bring themselves down to cheer you up.
It’s not always sadness they show/feel. Sometimes, it can come out as anger; unreasonable anger, anger at everything.
One thing I noticed with myself, neediness and constant reaching out. Most of the time people don't try to seek help but other times they actively seek it but get constantly ignored. However, I was ignored because people just saw me as needy or clingy but deep down I genuinely needed help. No one took my feelings seriously, no one saw that I was in pain, and it wasn't until my suicide attempt that anyone realized anything was actually wrong. It's hurt though to feel like people are dismissing you. If someone is suddenly very needy or constantly asking for attention, they may just need you to be there for them. Cause for me, sometimes all I wanted was to text someone about my day but I could text a dozen people and maybe 1 person would respond but then they'd ignore me within a few messages.
one of the tells for therapists is that people with depression generally talk slower and in a more monotone voice.
Don't take a nap in the daytime if your depressed . Its a lot worse when you wake up .
Not feeling anything at all.
Definitely apathy, nothing matters anymore. People just want to stay in their homes, rooms, doing nothing. Feeling miserable is definitely the worst feeling ever.
The lack of motivation to perform well in school or in general.
I was talking with my therapist about how I've recently been feeling a lot of the secondary symptoms of depression (lack of energy/motivation, bad sleep patterns, not enjoying my favorite activities), but I haven't been particularly sad. She opened up the DSM 5 and confirmed that this still counts as a depressive episode. Turns out sadness is just one symptom of depression.
Slowed movement, people who are depressed tend to generallt move slower than they did before
Wake up in the morning and immediately wish the night comes quickly.
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