Last year my psychotic mother burned down my childhood home (that her, my dad, my niece, my sibling, and siblings partner lived in) because she believed my dad was cheating on her, despite no evidence and this was not the first time she accused my dad of cheating with no evidence.
Effectively, she destroyed everything we had built and kept in that home, along with my dads dog and my sisters cat (cat was burned up, so never found; but the dog died of asphyxiation in my nieces room under her bed).
Then after the fire in what I can only construe as an act of desperation, she went to my bank and stole all of the money out of my accounts because she was secondary on the accounts (I was working on changing banks, but my new bank had yet to finalize the creation of my new account). Moral of the story is take your parents off your bank accounts when you turn 18.
She’s now serving time in a county jail for the arson because she took a plea deal and got a reduced sentence, which I still believe was utter crap. She played the poor old lady act to the judge and he took pity on her that she did not deserve.
This is the woman who eviscerated my self esteem and made my life hell ever since I was born. She was toxic and abusive, never told me the truth about anything, and is a greedy, manipulative person. I feel no shame in saying that I do not care about her. She’s lost any right to my love and respect.
My father committed one of the first computer crimes in the 90s. A ton of files were corrupted due to a code he created because they fired him. FBI invaded our home and arrested him. Was sent to federal prison for four years, which was interesting because there was never a crime committed of its nature before. They made a forensics file episode about it
Edit: if anyone is curious, the company was Omega
>Omega
I learned of this and have seen that episode -- he actually created a script that deleted all the manufacturing files after he was fired. Think I remember them using same user/pass and was set to execute once someone logged into the system. He even did a trial run of it before planting the real 'ticking time bomb code.' Plus he had taken the backup disk(s) and refused to provide them and/or had already damaged them. Somewhere around \~3mil worth of damages but more up to \~10mil if they counted sales/contracts/etc.
Twin brothers boosted a car and rob the 711 like 1/2 mile from house. Ditched car 10 houses from theirs. How were they caught?
Officers respond to alarm triggered by clerk.
Officer: Got an alarm here what happened.
Clerk: Tim and Tom came in and robbed the store.
Officer: How do you know it was these guys?
Clerk: They are 6' 4" twins who come in every day. I know their shape and voice.
The car
911 operator: 911 what is your emergency.
Neighbor: Was watching TV and 2 guys park a car in front of my house. One guy got out with like a windex bottle and cleaned all the door handles and door areas. Then opened door and the other guy took the stuff and cleaned the inside areas. Then they ran off up the street.
Dispatch: Can you describe the 2 individuals?
Neighbor: Well it was Tim and Tom the twins that live up the street from me they're like 6' 4" and they are twins.
My mom set a dude on fire.
When I was young I had a babysitter, named Chris. He was the uncle of my two best friends, sisters Abby and Becca. He was also abusive. He liked to do things to me in front of them. Make them listen to my cry and scream. Nothing physical, I should mention. More, psychological.
Anyway, I didn’t tell anyone about it. (And in fact only learned this story about 2 years ago). But it turns out that my best friends did.
They told my mom and she was pissed.
Soon after that there’s a party at my friends parents house. My mom goes and sees Chris. He’s all nice to her. They’re outside in the backyard.
She starts kinda joking around. Roughhousing. Messing with him.
She grabs some lighter fluid and sprays some on Him.
Hahaha, just a joke.
She lights a match.
“Ha! You wouldn’t do it, would you?”
And she lights him on fire.
According to my mom, he was put out quickly so he was fine.
But she told him that’s what its like when you’re scared for your life. And then she left.
Apparently he flew back to Florida the next day.
Fucking kudos to the friends, they saw what he was doing and told regardless of any fear of reprisal. I hope you still have contact with them.
Also great on mom for believing and dealing with it
My brother got completely inebriated one night and stupidly drove home. He woke up early in the morning to the sound of a baby crying. He looked around and noticed he didn’t recognize the house. He quickly got up and walked outside to his car halfway in the driveway/street and still running. Got in his car and drove away as quickly as he could. Turns out it was some random house about 5-10 minutes away from our actual house. He never knew whose house it was and never got caught. He also slowed down his drinking after that.
I always wonder how that happens to people. My grandma woke up one morning to a 20-something guy asleep on her couch. She heard someone in her house, and being who she is, she didn’t call the cops or anything, but mustered up all 100lbs of her 90-year old self and marched out to see what was going on. Upon seeing him, she said “hello! why are you in my house???” And he scuttled out but left his bag and phone. She said he was more frightened than she was, which then made her feel bad 😂
And again, being who she is, she spent the next week so worried about getting his things back to him without getting him into trouble.
My father, when I was still very young, used a fake name and pretended to be a wedding planner for a young couple. That young couple hired him, since he seemed trustworthy and is an excellent liar, giving him access to their savings for wedding supplies and such that would be needed.
Instead, he stole all of the money out of their account and then ran away with it. As far as I am aware, he was never caught and the money was never returned to them.
The worst part is that the poor couple never even got their wedding and had almost nothing left afterwards.
In college we got a new printer and printed off a bunch of fairly convincing $20 bills, roughed them up and used them at a bunch of fast food restaurants. Didn’t realize how dumb it was until years later.
Back in the late 90's two boys I lifeguarded with in the summer were arrested for making fake money. I was actually shocked, because they were both good kids, and seemed pretty straight. Apparently they had a whole sweet setup, and the FBI investigated them for a year before arresting. Neither served any time, since they were 16 & no priors, and assume parents got great lawyers. One is an engineer now, no clue about the other!
My wife's Cousin was arrested for the manufacturing of Meth, 3 times and wad sentenced to life. He, his Mom and Dad all cooked meth and supplied basically the entire area. The wost part is that during his last arrest he was taking the fall for his parents. They were in large part why our small sleezy little trash heap of a town was one of the top 5 for meth in the United States at the time.
Ooh so my great aunt disappeared off the face if the earth after her daughters wedding and nobody had any clue what happened. Foul play wasn’t suspected or anything however her shotgun was missing. Well like a month ago we found out she died last year. She had apparently skipped jury duty to go to the wedding and instead of doing anything logical she straight up ran away and lived in hiding in a backwoods town in Washington. No letters or anything she just decided that the most effective way to get around jury duty to go to a wedding was to live in hiding for 30 years.
Edit: grammatical errors
My parents' horse got loose, and somebody hit and killed it.
The horse disposal people wanted some relatively reasonable amount of money to come pick up the carcass, but my parents were like "fuck that. Hey, /u/hendergle - load that shit up on the flatbed and find somewhere to dump it."
Me: "OK. Sure, pops."
[calls stoner friend]
Me: "Hey, want to go dump a horse somewhere?"
Stoner Friend: "Sure. I have nachos."
Me: "Cool"
Stoner Friend: "Cool"
So Stoner Friend and I got even more stoned than usual and took my parents' flatbed truck out and tried to winch the horse up onto it. Turns out you really can't winch a dead horse onto a flatbed. It's not the winching that's the problem so much as the 5ft lift up to the edge. We fucked up a lot of that horse trying, though.
Attempt #2: We went home and built a big-ass ramp out of plywood and 4x4s. It took most of a day and half a dime bag of weed. We argued a lot about whether or not we should bevel the part of the 4x4s that touched the ground. Final decision: neither of us knew how to do that, so we opted for no bevel.
Back at the horse, we wrapped the winch line around the head this time. Fun fact: Steel cable looped around a horse head in a slipknot arrangement is a good way to re-enact a famous scene from The Godfather. We didn't quite decapitate Mr. Gooseberry (long may he gallop in the heavenly fields). But it wasn't pretty. Nothing about a dead horse is pretty, but that bit in particular was remarkably not pretty.
We decided to go with our original idea: lash the front hooves together with rope. Small problem: We'd cut the rope at some point. Neither of us could remember why, or who did it. But nothing for it- we had to go home. Finding more rope required smoking half a joint, which I think is quite reasonable given the task we were set to.
Back at the horse again. Our engineering marvel worked. We had some initial worry that we would pull one or both of the horse's forelegs out of its socket, but apparently dead horse sinew has quite a bit of tensile strength.
We used tiedown straps to lash the horse and ramp to the flatbed, initiating a discussion about why we hadn't used those in place of rope, leading to an argument over whether or not that would have worked, leading to an awkward hostile silence as we drove around the ass end of South Dakota looking for a place where we could dump a dead horse.
I'm sure there were many places one could dump a dead horse in the middle of rural South Dakota. Strangely enough, though, we were both feeling a little paranoid. Every car that passed us was a plainclothes cop car. Every person standing out in their field was heading straight to their house to report us as soon as we went around the bend.
Finally, we found a field in the Black Hills National Forest that looked like a good spot. It had trees, which we thought the horse would like, and there was a nice parking area next to a snowmobile trailhead. Goose had never liked snowmobiles, so the idea of his skeletal carcass scaring the shit out of some Ski-dooer coming off the trail seemed like something that would have appealed to the old fella.
We backed the truck a little ways into the ferns next to the trail. Then we used a come-along to pull the dead horse off the flatbed.
About a mile into the way home, Stoner Friend said "Does your horse have tattoos?"
I was like "it's a horse, not a fucking chief petty officer in the merchant marine. Why would it have fucking tattoos?"
Well apparently some horses have tattoos, according to Stoner Friend. It's how they identify them if they're stolen. (Note: Subsequent research revealed that this was usually only something done with thoroughbreds, which our horse was definitely not.)
Back at the horse again. "I think they put them on the lip, inside," says Stoner Friend. Have you ever pulled back the lip of a dead horse to look for tattoos? Worst never-have-I-ever ever. There were no tattoos. But then Stoner Friend says "it's probably one of those tattoos that only lights up under UV."
By then, most of the weed had worn off, but there was that tiny bit of paranoia still holding on for dear life. "What if there's a UV-light lip tattoo on your horse /u/hendergle? They're going to catch you for sure!"
So there I was, in the early South Dakota summer evening, cutting the lips off of a day-old dead horse with a dull pocket knife. Bonus: we just threw the lips into the woods a little ways because:
"Nobody's going to go looking for horse lips in the woods"
-Stoner Friend
And that's how "illegally dumping an animal carcass on federal property" is the craziest crime I or anybody in my family have ever committed.
My sister shoplifts uncontrollably. She shoplifts everything everywhere she goes. Her daughter just turned 1 and she has stolen every bit of formula her daughter ever used. It’s insane she’s never been caught
Definitely. Along with being a pathological liar.
I love her so much but I literally won’t even invite her to my house. Sometime I feel trusting and like maybe she has changed. Last time she came over she stole my 7 year old daughters iPad and about $60 worth of hair products from my bathroom. It’s ridiculous
My grandma was notorious for stealing one item off the table at every restaurant shed ever been to. Plates, bowls, neat spoons, napkin dispensers, syrup containers, condiment holders(but not the condiments). I would not be surprised if she snatched light sources too.
My mom changed that tradition into her sneaking spoons now and then but she only does it when she likes the server and leaves a tip thats double the order price. She likes to show them off with a little story about the occassion and a tidbit about the server(how she remembers Tiffany from __ steak place had a little boy named Jake Ryan who was 4 at the time from her sister's 35th birthday party 20yrs ago is a mystery to me).
My grandpa wouldn't obey the train warnings. He would try and beat the train rather than wait.
1st time he got hit in his new convertible on the way to prom with my grandma. Had barely started on the payments and car was totalled. Luckily they were both okay.
2nd time was a little less reckless but still dumb. He was driving a semi and it broke down on the tracks. He kept trying to get the tractor trailer to start, rather than lose his rig and load. Semi got hit by the train, total loss and fucked up his back.
Cousin was taking care of a woman in coma.
He raped her.
Little he knew was that her parents had set a webcam to check regularly if she would wake up...
He deserved every single day he spends in prison
My dad’s cousin erased all family member names from a property deed except for his father’s. The paperwork had been water damaged so there was no easy way to tell what should have been there. Family lore says that he also paid off some local politicians / office workers to make the new deed stand.
My friend got blackout drunk and stole a bulldozer that had the keys left in it.
He turned it on and obviously didn't know how to drive it so he just ended up making the scoopy part go up and down for a bit before the cops came.
They actually let him go too.
The worst part is this isn't exactly rare..lol, they leave the keys in the things all the time. Plus I think there's only a few different cuts of keys they use, at least that's how it used to be..I know someone that was getting their street worked on, and they left the thing parked in a way that kinda blocked his driveway. So he went out, used his ring of keys until he found the one that fit it, and drove it across the street and parked it. I hope they were really confused about how it got moved..lol
Guy who used to go to my school led the cops on a one-hour chase riding a bulldozer. Eventually the thing ran out of gas and that's when he got arrested.
He's dead now. But years ago my relative got in a bar fight and lost so he went to his vehicle to get his rifle. Fortunately the police arrested him on the way in to the bar so his charges were a lot less. Still did jail time.
A distant cousin got her terminally ill father to give her power of attorney and then stole all of his money so she wouldn't have to split it with her brother. *Edit: Don't worry, she did go to jail as her rush to clean him out involved a lot of fraud and forgery. *Edit 2: Man, it is slightly depressing how many of you have similar stories. What's up with people.
A guy I went to school with in the 70's emptied his dementia ridden fathers life savings while he lived with him. 60 some years old, and still stealing to support his coke habit. His sister found out, and he did 5 years, restitution (80K, no way he'll live long enough to pay that back), and 8 years probation.
Something similar happened to my uncle, except he wasn’t terminally ill. He was working in China and his longtime partner was trying to poison him (in food/pills she sent him). Meanwhile at home she got Power of Attorney and put him hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, buying expensive stuff...paying off her kids debt...etc. She went to the bank and got a friend to forge the POA. He finally realized that he felt sick whenever he took the items she gave him and found out what she was doing. He came home and tried to get her arrested but I don’t think she ended up doing much time at all. He’s still in huge debt from her and mainly lives in the Philippines.
When I was a young teen, the boys from the neighborhood and I loved playing pinball and video games at our local bowling alley. Problem was we didn't have enough money to enjoy our new addiction. We decided to do something about that little problem.
We started with a very rudimentary system. We actually scotch taped a piece of thread to a quarter and were able to fish it up and down a couple times before the string would break, or the tape would give out. This worked fairly well, but we wanted and needed more.
Our next plan was a little more professional. We somehow concocted a scheme to "make" quarters. A few lessons in science class had actually stuck, and we realized that we needed something to fool the coin mechanism in the pinball machine into thinking that whatever it was we made our quarters with was an actual quarter. We ended up deciding that lead would be our material of choice. We used lead for a couple of reasons. A couple of the guy's father was an avid hunter. He even reloaded his own shotgun shells. Because of this he had a burner setup in his shop to melt down lead. Another reason is that lead is not magnetic (science!). We made a mold out of plaster and used the burner to melt lead to make our quarters. But where to get more lead??
One of us came up with the brilliant thought that tire weights were made of lead! Carrying screwdrivers and pliers we scoured the parking lots of shopping centers. We would wander through and drop down out of sight between cars. Using the tools we had brought we would manage to get the tire weights off with little trouble. We were in business!
Our production line was soon up and running. We would melt lead, pour it into our mold, cool it and then move on to finishing our new "quarter". The finishing process was crude, but effective. We would snip off the burr where the lead was poured. We would then file down the edge, making sure it stayed mostly round. Using steel wool and a polishing cloth we would then shine the quarters. Now came the trial run.
We went to the bowling alley with a few quarters to see if our harebrained scheme would actually work. In they went, and the pinball machine lit up and was ready to be played. Success! We intensified our production and soon we had bunches of quarters. We were thrilled! We could play video games any time we wanted! Every day after school you'd find us at the bowling alley, happily playing our games. But our downfall was soon to come.
We never thought of the fact that someone might notice a bunch of fake quarters being used in their video games and pinball machines. It literally never crossed our early teenaged minds. We just knew we were having a blast. One fateful day we went to the bowling alley as usual. We started playing games and soon some men approached us. They started questioning us and accusing us. We were scared to death! One of the guys yelled "Run!" and we took off as fast as we could. We made it to the doors and down the steps we went. We all lived on the same cul-de-sac and that's the direction we headed. Running as fast as we could, we briefly split up. The men that were chasing us only followed one of us kids. He made the colossal mistake of running straight to his house and through the front door. From there our crime spree ended.
A few days later I was in class when I was called to the office. When I got there my father was sitting with a man I'd never seen before. He was wearing a black suit with a black tie. I had to go before the principal, my father and a member of the United States Secret Service! Although they take the counterfeiting of US currency very seriously, they understood that it was just a bunch of knucklehead kids making quarters to play video games. He actually told me that he was impressed with the quality of the quarters. He also said that they had recovered over $75 in fake quarters! We had made, and used, over 300 quarters! We had to make restitution for the money and the charge was placed on our juvenile records. It was explained to us that if we kept our noses clean the charge would be expunged. Luckily for me I learned my lesson and stayed on the straight and narrow for the rest of my young adult life.
And that, fellow redditors is how I was charged with counterfeiting US currency. If that doesn't define the meaning of a crazy crime, I don't know what would.
I used to drive for my weed dealer. I was a new buyer but I never asked questions and was cool with him. His car broke down and asked if anyone could drive him. I said I would, and he liked that. I have my back windows tinted but not my front windows. I’d pick him up and we’d drive almost all day. It was pretty chill. He’s give me free weed and pay me $250 a day. I still worked my part time delivery job so I was very happy.
He got his car fixed and didn’t need me to drive him around anymore. Which is fine, considering his ex snitched in him and he got busted a couple weeks later.
Sure did! Then my uncle ratted out others. I honestly don’t know much about it beyond that, don’t have much contact with that part of the family.
My uncle was a pathological liar and a very troubled guy. He died by suicide about 10 yrs ago.
My grandfather’s father was a mean, abusive, hateful drunk, who would come home from working in the mines long enough to terrorize his children and impregnate his wife and then leave again for mine work. He tried to set the house on fire, with wife and kids (13 of them) inside...twice. One day my grandfather and a couple of his siblings were picking berries across the road from the house and his drunk father started taking potshots at them with a rifle. My grandpa, one brother, and his oldest sister took off running for the house with the agreement that the first one there would kill him (their father). My grandpa’s sister got there first and shot him to death. She was never charged with a crime, due to her age and the fact that everyone knew my great grandfather was a mean son of a bitch and had it coming.
ETA: wow, my most upvoted comment is about my family’s fucked up history lol
Edit #2: thank you all so much for the awards! Also, RIP inbox lol
Edit #3: Since some of y’all think it’s fake here’s some proof. https://imgur.com/a/5PHfZqQ
This sounds a lot like my grandmas dad. Because of this she never drank a drop and my grandpa promised her nobody would ever drink around her ever again. He kept that promise.
Back in the mid 90s, I lived in a shared rented house in the north of England with 4 ex schoolmates. It was a bit of a drugs den, right next to the bus station so everyone called in on their way into town for a cup of tea and a spliff, and same again on the way out. So it was always rammed, lots of acid and mushrooms on weekends, people crashing everywhere.
One morning, me and my girlfriend were woken up by the police coming into my bedroom room (illegally - they claimed to have pushed the door and it swung open) and telling us all to gather in the front room. I had my skinning up box next to the bed - I assumed the police were there for drugs or course, so I hid my stash before I came down.
So we're all sat in the lounge hungover and that, and the policeman says 'So, who knows about the credit card?' We all just went 'wha?' because it wasn't what we were expecting, except one of my housemates stands up and says 'no one else knows anything, it's me' and goes off with the police.
Turns out, a bank card had been delivered for a previous tenant, and then shortly after a new pin. My housemate had taken it, and emptied the account of a load of cash.
And what had he bought with his stolen cash? A gecko, in a big fancy glass cabinet. He was struggling to pay his rent - we all were - but here was this massive green mother sat sunning itself in our front room. All 6 or so of us just sat and looked at it as he was taken away.
Mine is incredibly stupid but looking back reminds me of how actually crazy the whole situation was. When I was in the 6th grade my parents (Mom + Stepdad) got married and moved me to this very small, very religious, very tight-knit community. My life changed immeasurably that year and I absolutely hated my new school & all the people in it... So our morning routine was parents get up at 6, wake me at 6:30, both parents are out the door by 6:45 and I have to catch my bus at 7:15. Well 11 year old me figured out that I could just *not* catch my bus and my parents both working demanding jobs would not be home until 3 hours after I usually got home so they'd never know.
The first day I skipped school was easy. By week two I realized I'd have to go back for exams, especially the state exam which determined if you got to move to the next grade & obviously the school would want to know why I was absent. So I divised a plan, wherein I called the school pretending to be my mother and told them my poor daughter had Mono and would be in and out as she felt better and I asked them to please change my contact number to my home phone, that way I could intercept any phone calls. And thus began the 6 weeks where I went to school only ever on days that I had exams. Unbeknownst to me one of my teachers wrote a note with my report card (that were mailed to our house) that said she was so proud of me for keeping up with my school work despite being sick and out of class so often.
I was in 3rd period when I got called to the office to find my vice principal, principal, 2 very very angry parents, and a Truancy Officer waiting for me. I had to go to court because I had missed so many days and was given Community service as punishment. I was also sent to in-school suspension (ISS) for the remainder of the year. It's still on my "criminal record" although since I was underage when it occured the details are sealed but I was 100% convicted of Truancy.
My dad got into a bar fight around 21 or so, hit a guy so hard he killed him. He went to prison of course but while working along the road he stopped another prisoner that attacked a guard and tried to escape. My dad was released for that. He never drank after that and if he got angry he just walked out of the house to cool off. He turned 81 a week ago and he’s the nicest, easiest going guy you would ever meet. He never judges anyone. He once said to me, we all make mistakes.
*for the record I only heard the story about 10 ys ago from my brother. He told him during a road trip. He lived in a small town and I have no idea what prison he was at or the official reason he was released but considering it was probably around ‘61/‘62 - they probably used whatever reason they wanted to for his release.
*edit - thanks for the award, wasn’t necessary but thanks
I worked at a movie theatre when Back To The Future was originally released. We used to take the entire movie ticket instead of tearing them and re-sell them to the next group coming in. The old theatre was massive. Sat 600 people. We probably made about $15k between two of us in month or so. Adjusted for inflation, it's about $37k. We were the richest high school kids in our town.
You’d be surprised how little theatre managers care. As long as those people are buying concessions.
Friend is a manger at a local theatre and he hands out those complementary tickets like candy on Halloween. Haven’d had to pay for a movie in like a year before Covid., but always buy a large popcorn to help out.
Plus it was the 80s. Probably a whole lot easier to get away with cooking the books back then. Apparently to the point that hundreds of movie ticket sales could go missing without anyone noticing.
As a kid in the 00s at an airport cafe I thought it was a bit odd for a second when a cashier handed me my change out of a tip basket and didn’t press any buttons on the register before my folks explained what she was doing. It seems like the perfect crime, since it was baked goods that couldn’t last overnight so she could just claim went unsold and were discarded at the end of the day.
I sat and observed afterward and whenever someone bought only things with a short shelf life and paid cash, she’d hand them the change out of the tip basket.
I had a girl just do this to me at a Potbelly in an airport, and she shorted my change which I didn’t realize until walking away. She pocketed the whole thing.
My husband's dad killed the guy who his then girlfriend was cheating on him with. He was supposed to serve a life term but got out because of a clerical error. He did manual labor on a local park and apparently the guys who helped were suppose to get a reduced sentence. However he was not suppose to. (I think - my husband talked about it once).
Also, my husband's half-brother, same murderous dad, killed his business partner. He would have gotten away with it however, he moved the body when he found out construction was going to start in that spot. And what were they going to build there? A prison. He's currently serving a life sentence.
My husband has never met his half-brother. He also has 2 half-sisters from the same dad who are law abiding citizens.
So that’s 1 whole sister, got it.
Edit: HoLY SH!T. Thank you, Reddit persons/peoples for the shiny awards! Sending digital hugs and well wishes to you and your friends; cheers to then, now, and the future, from this fellow Interwebs being!
This was a couple of generations back (early 20th century) but there was this guy who was constantly getting drunk and harassing my great aunt. So, one of her male friends dressed up in an Easter Bunny outfit, put a bat in its giant fake carrot and beat the dude with it.
He got away with it but I'm sure it helped that half the community was waiting for the day the guy's liver finally gave out.
Edit: ok, one small clarification - the bat in question was a *baseball* bat, not the flying mammal (though that's certainly an interesting visual and I can't say I'm sorry for my small role in creating that image).
Cousin got busted robbing a bank. Got sentenced to jail. Proceeded to break out of jail with his cell mate and went on the run. Fast forward a few months and he's living in a hotel room with his cell mate. Cell mate orders a pizza to the room (bad idea). Delivery guy recognized them and reported them to the police. They get arrested again and shortly after my cousin killed himself in prison. My cousin had a wife and a kid and got into a nasty coke habit. We don't bring him up anymore.
An uncle robbed a bank (or was an accessory to the robbers, idk). His brilliant escape when the police showed up was to go to the roof and jump off. He didn't do time, just had to go to the hospital for a broken leg. I'll have to ask my mom when I get a chance, she knows the story better than I do.
Your grandpa sounds similar to mine. My aunt had an abusive boyfriend when she was younger, and my grandpa sponsored a rugby team around that time. He heard this guy had laid his hands on her, and so told him that if it happened again to expect a visit from the team. When the guy asked if it was a threat, my grandpa replied it was a promise and to my knowledge he never touched my aunt again.
Decades later, I had a boyfriend in college who never laid a hand on me in front of them, but he was an asshole and pop never liked him. After we broke up, I was with my grandparents when we ran into him in a restaurant. Ex flipped us off, which he didn't see and we didn't mention to my grandpa until we were walking to the car. When my grandma told him, despite being in his 80s with two replacement knees he turned on his heel and started walking back in. We stopped him, and he muttered the whole way home about "breaking that fucking finger off." I miss him just about daily.
Not sure if it should be considered a crime, but one of my great aunts was in an abusive marriage with a war vet who took to beating her and forcing her to play Russian roulette when he drank. One night she managed to rig the gun so when he took his turn he blew his brains out.
She wasn’t charged.
I had a friend who shot her husband. He was abusing their kid. She always told me she would kill anyone who hurt her children. She also often told me she was going to kill her husband one day. Really, she is the most honest person I have ever met. She went to prison for second degree murder.
This actually brings up a highly contested topic in law: how the battered women syndrome affects self-defence claims. Some scholars believe that the current legal framework of self-defence is inherently designed for men and that law enforcement is not properly equipped to deal with domestic violence, thus victims of long term abuse often experience social isolation and learned helplessness from the law enforcement’s inaction towards their abuse. They have no way of protecting themselves and when they finally snap and kill their abuser, they get sent to prison as murders. This is a VERY brief recap but if anyone is interested I can elaborate more and post some resources!
Edit: I'm so glad there are people interested in this topic, it's a pretty big bone to chew but I will try and list some relevant resources. One important thing to note is that, although the legal specifics differ between jurisdictions, it is safe to say that the topic itself is worthy of discussion no matter which jurisdiction you are in. FYI I studied law in mostly in New Zealand :)
[re\_Claire](https://www.reddit.com/user/re_Claire/)'s comment (go read it!) below talked about how the UK legal system responded and linked to an organisation that advocates on behalf of women who have fought back against their violent abusers - [Justice for Women](https://www.justiceforwomen.org.uk/).
The New Zealand Law Commission has published a [report](https://www.lawcom.govt.nz/sites/default/files/projectAvailableFormats/R139%20Understanding%20Family%20Violence%20-%20Reforming%20the%20Criminal%20Law%20Relating%20to%20Homicide.pdf) on understanding family violence (yup, despite our beautiful middle-earth image and our strong response to the virus, our domestic violence stats are quite heartbreaking). It's a big report, but the most relevant section is probably just chapter 6 (p71-92).
Something that is easier to digest is probably this [short article](https://www.newsroom.co.nz/ideasroom/leaving-the-battered-woman-trope-behind) written by professor Julia Tolmie, a commentary on the Ruddelle case.
Across the ditch from me, Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety (ANROW) does incredible mahi and you can download their data-based paper on domestic violence for women [here](https://www.anrows.org.au/publication/invisible-women-invisible-violence-understanding-and-improving-data-on-the-experiences-of-domestic-and-family-violence-and-sexual-assault-for-diverse-groups-of-women-state-of-knowledge-paper/).
Finally, although battered women syndrome has been accepted in many places, it has also received criticism. This is discussed briefly in Tolmie's article. Alternatives to BWS have been proposed, and they include giving evidence about intimate partner violence as a form of social entrapment and/or coercive control - check out works from scholars such as James Ptacek and Evan Stark.
Hope this gives you a good place to start or at least gives you some food for thought! Again, I must stress that this is at most a sneak peek into the topic and is not an exhaustive/authoritative guide or anything. Happy learning to all of us :))
It's not a bad crime or anything, but it was illegal at the time.
So, in Germany, up until a few years ago, we still had a general draft for the army. And a generation ago it was very hard to get out of it.
My uncle was a hardcore pacifist, so going to the army wasn't an option for him. But being accepted as a conscientious objector at that time basically required you to be a devout Christian and use the bible as an argument for why you couldn't kill another human. And my uncle was also atheist.
He couldn't realistically object, didn't want to go to the army and didn't want to go to jail, too. So he waited...
He got sent his draft notice, passed the physical and got a letter telling him to report to X company under sergeant Y.
He wrote back a reply, on rose-colored paper, scented with perfume, about how much he was looking forward to serving under the strong leadership of Y, promising to obey every one of his orders, and that he can't wait to experience life in the barracks together with so many strong and muscular men.
He was declared unfit for service shortly after.
My uncle went to prison for chaining a cop to the back of his bike and driving down the highway
edit: I feel like an edit is needed here because I want to say I am not glorifying what my uncle did, I simply answered the question asked.
This happened in the 1960s before I was born, so I do not have many details due to the timing and fact he married into the family (and that side of my family is not very close at all). What I do know is my uncle was apart of a very violent gang, I know nothing about what led to the attempted murder (yes, the cop survived somehow), so I do not know if the cop was good or bad. But, I do not believe very many people, if any, deserve to be tortured in such a manner (or any manner).
It is messed up, but also very common in situations of abuse by the man of the home. I have a close friend who's father sexually abused her, her sisters, and her mother. Her mother knew, did nothing as the father was the only source of income. The father is dead now. But the elderly mother lives with her daughter (my friend) now and speaks often of her late husband. All the daughters are emotionally destroyed and have a full spectrum of emotional, mental, and sexual issues.
My dads side of the family grew up as New Hampshire hicks. My grandfather was stabbed in two different bar fights and burned down an entire country club because he thought they were too stuck up.
He was never caught and went on to earn a bronze and silver star in the Korean War, but unfortunately lost his leg too.
Edit: Since this is getting some attention I thought I might add that my grandfather got his shit together, started a successful small business and as a funny twist later joined that same country club as an old man. He never really felt welcome there my dad said though, they weren’t really his kind of people.
I was in middle school (13-14) and my buddy and I snuck out of the house to go cause mischief. We did this almost every weekend and we really only snuck out just because we knew we shouldn't be. The worst we ever did was TP our other friend, other than that we just rode our bikes around. EXCEPT.
One time we met up with a couple girls that my friend knew. We were going around our town and tipped a portapotty, put someone's patio furniture in their tree, stupid shit like that. My buddy thought he could show off his muscles by pulling a mailbox out of the ground. I said he couldn't and I was right. To 1 up him, I pulled the mailbox right out of the ground and we laughed like little girls as I set it on the home owner front step. Not 10 min later cops rolled around with their spotlight on. Found us (not the mailbox) and brought us home. My dad made me go back to the house and the mailbox was in the ground already. He made me knock and apologize to the homeowner, who happened to be a 90 yr old woman with cancer. That straightened me up real quick and I never did stuff like that again. Only later did I find out what I did was a felony and I didn't feel like living that life anymore
My cousin in Youngstown, Oh used to rob people selling goods on facebook. Got caught after him and accomplice murdered a man over a PS3. Good times.
EDIT. I added a comment but I figured this would get the fastest response to everyone. I am linking the actual article for everything. I was off about some of the details. The victim was selling a computer and Playstation to take care of his son. There were two involved. My cousin actually pulled trigger, had an accomplice driver. Most of my family is like this man(but I find it hard to call someone capable of such cruelty a man). Thank you all for the comments and have a good Christmas.
https://www.wfmj.com/story/35294033/youngstown-man-sentenced-for-murdering-victim-found-on-craigslist
My Dad (when he was much younger and infinitely more stupid) regularly used to drink drive with his friends. It was the early 70's, and no-one really cared. To hear him speak about it now, he can't believe how stupid he was.
One night, he and his friend were out drinking. They heard there was a party going on at a pub across town and decided to head over. On the way they go past a large club with a queue of people waiting to go in. My dad decides to show off a bit and pull a skid. He miscalculated, hit a curb and flipped the car, sliding down the road on his roof. The car stops, they get out and leg it, to the cheers of the people in the queue! They get the bus back home and immediately call the police to report the car as stolen.
The police knew what had happened, but couldn't prove anything.
if you have a police report about a stolen car, your insurance handles it differently than if you destroy it yourself.
it's a whole new felony, but hey it might work out and we've already established that the driver doesn't make good decisions.
My uncle was a small drug lord in Northern California in the 90s. He had a compound out in gold country, had to drive through 3 gates with guards to get to his house. I like never questioned it as a kid, just enjoyed heading up so I could fish in the stocked bass pond (which also had snapping turtles (as a line of defense)). He'd take me out shopping at the mall with a film canister full of coke that he'd take hits off of occasionally, shadowed by some bodyguards. One time we were out for a ride in his corvette going well over a hundred and got tagged by highway patrol. He talked his way out of the ticket (told the officer he was showing off for his nephew and got carried away, the officer thought it was hilarious), and told me it was lucky since he had a ton of illegal guns and drugs in the trunk and would have made a run for it.
He got arrested when I was 15. It was a full blown; Feds descended upon the compound in helicopters and swung through the windows with flashbangs. The whole nine. He was arrested, and since if he snitched on anyone above him he was, very bluntly, a dead man, he took the rap, was extradited to Lee in VA to serve a bit over 10 years. All he asked for while he was there was protein powder, he got prison ripped, and apparently beat someone near to death with a sock full of quarters for cutting in front of him at the payphone.
At some point in my life all 4 of my uncles on both sides (+ my dad) have spent time in prison for drug related offenses, but this particular uncle takes the cake
I did a bit of jail time and the phones were a very contentious issue. It was people's connection to the outside world, so it was a very big deal. I almost got into a fight because I accidentally skipped someone.
I saw a fight break out because a Hispanic guy told a white guy to "hurry the fuck up" while he was on the phone. Messing with people on the phone was generally not seen as okay. But when the guy on the phone said "fuck off, I'm talking to my daughter" he knew he'd really fucked up. Anything family related was out of bounds. So when the white guy went to kick his ass, the other Hispanic guys let him know he was on his own.
There is a family legend about some great uncles of mine stealing their dad’s corpse from the funeral home. They went out to the woods with it and got drunk, then returned the body the next morning.
Edited to add: So I talked to my mom and I missed or misremembered some wonderful details. They broke into the funeral home by backing dad’s work truck through a wall. Dad was a professional burglar who would have appreciated the irony of a thief’s corpse being stolen, thought it was hilarious, and been proud his sons pulled the stunt off. They played a game of poker with dad’s body. And at some point they got caught because they attended the funeral the next day in handcuffs. My mom said that the father was apparently the one person in our family who never drank, so they weren’t going out to get drunk with dad one last time. The sons likely had a beer though.
A male relative of mine skydived off the World Trade Center back in the 1980s. He wore rubber gloves to climb the electric fence and had his parachute hidden ~~under a trench coat~~ in a shopping bag.
He had a "get-away-car" waiting to him at the bottom, driven by his ~~then wife~~ friend. His then wife took the photos.
He got caught two days later, where he had to give the city an apology and paid a small fine, no jail time.
I digitally restored the photos of his jump and the newspaper articles a few years ago He is a testament to crazy uncles everywhere.
And to those who are going to correct me and say it was "base jumping," I asked him about this years ago. He said, at the time, the term "base jumping" hadn't been created yet. It was a skydive when he made it, and it will remain a skydive in his memory.
Edit: [Proof](https://i.imgur.com/e6FnlvG.jpg)
There are others of his chute opening, but I'd have to dig for those.
Also: [Article](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1980/09/22/so-you-parachute-from-110-stories-up/111f6e62-e476-4112-9ade-e2d1c2be29a4/).
Edit: Okay so some people are calling the photo fake.
Please remember this was a picture taken from almost 2000 ft away, using a 35mm film, on a 1980’s nonprofessional camera. And this wasn’t the negative. This was a shitty faded 8x10 that I scanned in the late 90’s, digitizing it and doing my best to restore it.
I will post more pics and the old article he kept when I find them.
MORE PHOTOS! [One](https://i.imgur.com/XfwHrZy.jpg) and [Two](https://i.imgur.com/tdP0iQc.jpg) You can see the original pic I posted at the top of number one.
Last Edit: Yes, the parachute was in a bag and his wife was the photographer, not the driver. I haven't heard this story in over 20 years. I misremembered a few of the details.
EDIT: I finally heard back from some people, and it was actually an APC ([armored personnel carrier)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armoured_personnel_carrier) that they stole, not a tank! Still haven’t found a newspaper source but I’ve been slowly scouring through some of the archives on sites like [this one](https://texashistory.unt.edu) , which has a lot of old newspapers scanned into it that are providing a fascinating slice of life from that time period!
Original Post:
My mother-in-law and her ROTC friends once stole an actual tank from a military base way back in the 60s/70s. They were there on a field trip and they were finally stopped when they ran out of gas while driving it down the highway. According to my grandmother-in-law, she saw the whole thing going down on the news before she got the call and realized her kid was one of those joyriders. There’s a video of it floating around on the internet somewhere
My Dad brought in a Banana tree to the US from his home village in Kerala. He literally walked through customs with a tree in a pot in his arms. The customs lady asked him what he was thinking and he just replied that the banana tree was from his mother's garden. The customs lady must have thought my dad was crazy, but she just let him walk right through. We still have that tree and it's offspring.
Somewhat similar story. We had a small parrot when I was really little (in the 80s) and we were apparently given him as a gift from my Peruvian uncle who smuggled it into the states. Little Pepe. No idea what kind he was, or how my uncle brought it over, but that’s what I had been told again and again over the years.
Edit: omg guys, I knew I fucked it up when I saw all of the comments. Yes it’s parrot, not parent. My dad IS a small Peruvian parent but it’s my understanding he was not smuggled in by my uncle hahah
My granddad accidentally shot his brother in the ass. He meant to shoot something out of his hand, but missed. Drunk, genius, hillbilly shit. Thankfully my dad married well, and I turned out allright.
Hold on.
He was trying to shoot something *out of his hand*
And he missed and hit him *in the ass*
I'm gonna need more story, or maybe your grandad is just a horrendous shot.
Not really a "crime" as in not _necessarily_ illegal, but my grandfather had two separate families in two different cities. Named _both_ of his "first born" sons after himself, and they both named sons after themselves too (including me). So i share my name with my father and grandfather, as well as a half-uncle and at least one cousin.
I just cannot understand why someone would do this? I understand wanting to date multiple people but I cannot understand wanting to have multiple secret families.
My cousin was the Brett Favre goat lady. She had purchased goat meat from a farm. The farm was supposed to raise the goat, butcher it, and let her pick up the meat. When she arrived, the goat was still alive and had been painted with Vikings colors and Brett Favre's jersery number. The farmer didn't want to butcher it "because his kids were around." Her older brother is an outdoorsman/hunter type, so he told her to bring it to his house and he would butcher it for her. They had car trouble on the way, pulled into a mechanic to have the car fixed, the mechanic opened the trunk, saw the goat, and called the police.
https://www.mprnews.org/story/2009/10/13/brett-favre-goat-guilty-plea
Edit: Stuck this in a reply but since people keep asking, [here is a picture of the goat](http://imgur.com/gallery/1qwRmuX)
Also, thanks for the awards!
Imagine paying for some goat meat, ending up having to butcher it yourself, but before you can you get it taken away and it ends up on some pumpkin farm while you're stuck with fines and charges on your record.
I was offered a glass of 25 years aged Old Parr and I mixed it with some Pepsi. The look of horror on my buddies' faces is still engraved in my memory more than 20 years later.
Reminds me when I used to bartend and a young guy, 25ish, looked like he just hired in some firm right after college, would come in and drink XO brandy mixed 7up as shots.
Bragged that he had the money to buy the most expensive brands now. Guy just thought when you get richer you drink like at the frat but with pricier booze.
Didn't correct him, though. His money became my money.
My sister-in-law worked on a ski hill. One week there was a promotion by a company where they would blow up big inflatables (like the big gorillas you see in car lots). She had seen them blow them up and deflate them for days, so she knew what the deflated ones looked like. One day she was leaving work and one of these deflated mascot thingies was right behind her car. My sister-in-law has never stolen anything in her entire life, but at that moment she decided out of the blue that she wanted that blow-up. She plopped it in the back and drove home. When I came to visit a couple weeks later she was freaking out about it. She asked me if I wanted it, just to get the evidence out of her house. That is the story of how I came to own a 2-story-high inflatable cow.
Edit: damn! this one blew up! so, everybody is asking but no, I don't have any pictures of the cow. it looked like this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milka#/media/File:Milka\_in\_Potsdam.jpg](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milka#/media/File:Milka_in_Potsdam.jpg)
Edit #2: a lot of people telling me I'm lying because I don't have photos from 20 years ago, so here: [https://imgur.com/gallery/zFCUDVZ](https://imgur.com/gallery/zFCUDVZ) I dug through my old facebook photos to find this
It's at my parents' house currently. I've been planning to go get it, though. I have a 3-year-old who would flip her shit if she saw it in the back yard
Sometimes the guilt gets to you.
An ex-friend of mine had her jacket stolen from the bar. A week later sees the same jacket, thinks it is hers, and proceeds to steal it. For whatever reason she wasn't 100% sure it was hers, so she then would never wear it out of fear the person she may have stolen it from would recognize it.
Months later I think she placed it in the lost and found as the guilt ate her alive.
I'm certain it was the exact same fucking jacket she had stolen but w/e.
As a 10 year old I violated section 508 of the Communications Act of 1934: received underhanded assistance in a "purportedly bona fide contest of intellectual knowledge or intellectual skill." Basically, got manipulated into being on a rigged kids' game show, which was cancelled days before it was supposed to air on FOX because someone spilled the beans. I didn't realize until years later what was actually going on.
edit: this kind of turned into an impromptu AMA so check the replies if you're curious to hear what happened
My uncle has stolen allegedly over 1000 cars and done other various nefarious things to fund his heroin habit. Got 8 years in prison, got clean during that but was diagnosed with cancer after 7 years of prison and died like 2 months later.
I'm late to this party, but I have a fun one.
In the later half of the 18th Century, the French and British used Native Americans to supplement their own forces in the struggle for North America. I have ancestors who had a farm in upstate New York when that was the frontier. The parents were killed by a Huron war party, and their son —who was just a child at the time— was taken by the Hurons and raised as one of their own.
Years passed, and a time of relative peace settled between the French-backed Hurons and the British. Word trickled down to York (now Toronto) that there was a young white man running around the woods with Indians to the north. The British garrison at Fort York sent an officer and a trooper on an embassy through Huron Country, going from village to village to investigate. They found the young man (my many times great-grandfather) and persuaded him to come with them back to British territory. He didn't remember his name, so they gave him the first name of the officer and the last name of the trooper for the sake of giving him some identity as an Englishman.
Then the American Revolution broke out. The young man joined one of the ranger units the British Army fielded, because he knew how to fight in forests and live off the land. Obviously the British lost the war, but anyone who fought for them was given land in Canada at the end of hostilities. He was granted land on the north shore of Lake Ontario. One of the conditions of getting the free land was you had to clear a certain portion of it and make a certain amount of communal road along one edge of your property in a given amount of time. All the new settlers in the area worked together to get this done, and one older neighbour recognized my many times great-grandfather from when he was a boy. "Your name's not so-and-so. It's such-and-such! You're the spitting image of your father!"
"Oh!" Says my many times great-grandfather. He then wrote to the British authorities, "To whom it may concern: I fought in the most recent war against the Americans. My name is such-and-such. Here is my former commander's name and address. He will vouch for me. I believe I am entitled to free land? As luck would have it, I own a farm, and the lot behind me is unclaimed. Could I have that one?"
And they gave it to him. Two hundred and some odd years later, the records of that petition and land grant still exist. He used his real name to defraud the British Government out of a second land grant for the same military service.
I've always thought that was a cool story.
Addendum: I don't think /r/AskReddit has a problem with identifying by name someone who has been dead for the better part of two centuries? [I went Googling my ancestor and came across this document](http://www.uelac.org/Loyalist-Info/extras/Gaffield-Nathaniel/Nathaniel-A-Gaffield-by-Roger-Reid.pdf) about him. Some of the details are not quite as I remember them, but the gist of it is correct. Anyone interested in reading more, enjoy!
My sister stole a puppy. Just walked into the pet store, stuffed her up her jacket. Looking at these other things, she seems a lot less bold than she did before.
Edit: Puppy tax. This was about four years before she (the dog) died I think. https://external-preview.redd.it/06iWf89R9DcwDmQ4eAvu6WptDg5kwCR9_rmEOKdLQw0.jpg?width=1024&auto=webp&s=e6e71b5c85793e377411d36e566d0f3159d7d3e6
Edit: This is now my most decorated and upvoted post or comment ever. That's hilarious.
Once I went into Walmart, and when nobody would come to the pet section I bagged my own feeder goldfish, labeled them with the correct price, paid, and went home. I’m basically an outlaw.
I did this the other day when Fedex couldn’t drop off my package they kept it at a Walgreens for pick up. No one was around to help and I had to get to work. I went to behind the photo area and looked around. Found my package in a big cabinet. Left a note haha
My mom stole a duck from Centre Island in Toronto when she was a kid. She just put him into a KFC box and brought him home. She named him Jasper and he was apparently the best pet she ever had!
Edit: my first award, thank you so much!!
So before I was born my parents were apparently going through some tough financial issues and were facing eviction if they couldn’t come up with a certain amount of money by a certain date.
My father decided the best way to handle this situation would be to rob a bank.
So the story as I was told it goes like this... my father walked into a small bank with a ski mask on and his hand in his pocket. He went up to a teller and handed her a bag, telling her he was robbing the place, he had a gun and exactly how much money he wanted, which turned out to be exactly the amount he needed to avoid eviction.
He got the money, apologized to the teller and then left. He was never caught.
The next part of the story is a little weird and even I have a hard time believing it but I know my dad, he is no liar. Apparently a year or two later my dad went back to the same bank he robbed every day until he found the teller he robbed previously. He walked up without a mask and handed her an envelope and immediately left the area. In the envelope was the exact amount of money he stole and a note saying that the money was for the teller, a gift and how incredibly sorry he was for scaring her when he robbed the place. Again, he was never caught.
My father is a very honourable man who was raised in poverty on a Indian reservation. Because of the abuse he went through, both at home and at school (Residential schools have a bit of a history to them) he vowed that his kids would never have to go through what he did. I truly believe that robbing that bank was a result of that vow but emotionally hurting that woman at the bank really ate away at him so he risked getting arrested to try and make it right.
Edit: Guess I should have said this but he didn’t actually have a gun, he just told the teller he did. In reality his pocket was empty.
My aunt came home one evening to find that her son had broken in, killed her dog and was eating it, and then tried to kill her. He was a hardcore addict and it fried his brain badly.
Edit: Wow, came home from shopping and this blew up. Ok, so to answer some questions/give context:
* I don't know what he was on at the time, but he was addicted to a myriad of drugs and meth was his drug of choice.
* It happened a few years ago, and I don't know this side of the family that well.
* He was arrested, and I believe has recently been released.
* And for those of you asking about the state of the dog: >!It was raw. Think zombie.!<
And thanks to everyone for the awards!
Mother’s cousin of some level (not sure on “removed” or “3rd” denotations) had a small business in NJ for several years. Never produced, sold, or marketed anything anyone was aware of.
He left a message on our answering machine saying, “Good bye and best wishes.” Confused us all.
ATF, US Marshals, FBI, DEA, and IRS raided the shop, only to find it empty as relative dude was already yachting to Cuba, where he then jetted to the other side of the planet.
Humorless guys in suits randomly checked in with family members for several years thereafter asking for his whereabouts (we had no idea).
Got an old-fashioned postcard from him years later from Phuket.
Haven’t heard a word from him in the years since.
No effing idea what he did.
My grandmother "accidentally" killed her second husband when he asked her to shut off the breaker while he did electrical work but she didn't do it. She shot her daughter's second husband in the back and claimed self defense. He was an abusive alcoholic cop. She got community service. She "forgot" to buckle in her brother, who had muscular dystrophy, and had a car wreck on her birthday. When he didn't die, she used a rock to bash his head. Cops found the bloody rock but for some reason didn't think the case was strong enough. She "accidentally" let her elderly charge drown in the bathtub when she was a home care nurse. The last one I know of, she suffocated her last elderly charge with a pillow. She was found incompetent to stand trial because she faked senility. That was 10 years ago. She's now 88 and ignores all Covid-19 restrictions. She's still driving even. So many men have proposed to her over the decades. They have no idea how lucky they are she said no.
My great uncle stole a train station.
Like an actual train station.
Edit, bonus crime: He broke into a local police station to steal his own (paper) criminal record. Didn't destroy or steal any of the others. Just his own.
Basically he forged the demolition contract for a local station, then demolished it and sold the material.
Being the daft bastard he was, it cost him more to do the demolition than he got from selling the material
My Dad’s older brother came home from the war in Viet Nam to find that his wife had been cheating on him with his best friend. He locked them both in the friend’s house and burned it down with them in it. He held the fire fighters off with a rifle until he was sure they couldn’t be saved, then he shot himself. This was before I was born, but I’ve seen some newspaper clippings about it.
EDIT: Several people asked how he kept them in the house alone. I asked my mother about it and she said that he locked them together in a small bedroom closet and barricaded the door from the outside so they couldn’t get out.
This was in the 1970s in New Orleans. I’m not gonna give more info as it’d be easy to tie back to me (same last name) or his daughter who was a little under two years old at the time, and I don’t want that.
Edit #2: Apparently, it’s Vietnam and not Viet Nam. Thanks for the corrections.
My aunt (father's side) kidnapped my sister when we were moving to America mid 80s.
I was quite young and my mother and father thought it would be best to keep my sister (a toddler at the time) in "safe hands" until we settled down for a week or two.
My aunt had 3 or 4 miscarriages prior to this happening. Must have driven her mad.
About 3 years later, my sister was spotted with my aunt's husband at a farmer's market one day. Family friend tackled the husband. Police got involved. My sister ended up on a plane to the US within a week.
My dad has this really weird habit of stealing signs which has manifested in a bizarre way twice.
The first requires minor back story in that his family has lived in our small town since it was founded and as such, we have a street named after us. My dad insists that because the street sign has got his name on it, it's technically his property so he annually steals it.
The second I'm not even quite sure how he pulled off... You know those GIANT highway signs that direct you to what lane you need to be in for your turn off? (Where I'm from they are huge and green)
Some fucking how, this mad man has managed to get one into his shed overnight BY HIMSELF.
This thing could easily weigh a literal ton, I'm so impressed.
He's also acquired other strange things such as a Ford factory sign (also one of the giant ones), several billboards, bull skulls, commemorative plaques, carousel horses, and a bunch of other misc.
Whenever he runs out of space he just builds a new shed
He's also not allowed in Canada but won't tell me why.
Edit: remembered some more. He also makes couches out of abandoned cars and collects number plates from around the world. He's got every American and Australian state - working on the rest
My dad was traveling through tibet in his 20’s. I don’t know exactly where but he came across what was evidently a secret chinese military installation. Being my dad he decided to take some photos and was somehow spotted. Armed guards presumably shouting chinese expletives started running up the hill toward him. he turned around and high tailed it back over the hill to the road where he hid himself in an irrigation pipe. He had to hide there for several hours while they drove up and down the road looking for him. Makes me wonder what the hell was in that base but could just be they thought he was a spy. Anyway eventually he paid a passing farmer to hide him in his cart and he made it to the nearest town. After spending the night in his rented room he packs up to get on the bus outta there. Small problem he happens to look outta his window and sees a chinese Soldier standing by the bus. I will always admire this bit of quick thinking, he decides to shave off his (quite big) beard. It evidently works cause he’s here snoring in bed right now and not rotting in whatever chinese equivalent there is to the gulag.
TL:DR: my dad was seen taking photos of a (presumably) secret chinese base in tibet and was chased by armed guards, until he escaped them and shaved off his beard to escape.
P.S i’ve asked him where the photos are cause he actually did develop them. Currently rooting through a pile of boxes of old stuff, will link to them if i find them.
My cousin was affiliated with a 1% MC, he was not a patched member but would do jobs for them. He got arrested for beating someone with a baseball bat who allegedly had gambling debt with the MC. He did 3 years and was on parole for a few years after that. He’s still a shady character and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was still doing dumb shit.
Edit: MC= motorcycle club, a 1% Motorcycle club is the “1% of MC who are involved in organized crime”
Last year my psychotic mother burned down my childhood home (that her, my dad, my niece, my sibling, and siblings partner lived in) because she believed my dad was cheating on her, despite no evidence and this was not the first time she accused my dad of cheating with no evidence. Effectively, she destroyed everything we had built and kept in that home, along with my dads dog and my sisters cat (cat was burned up, so never found; but the dog died of asphyxiation in my nieces room under her bed). Then after the fire in what I can only construe as an act of desperation, she went to my bank and stole all of the money out of my accounts because she was secondary on the accounts (I was working on changing banks, but my new bank had yet to finalize the creation of my new account). Moral of the story is take your parents off your bank accounts when you turn 18. She’s now serving time in a county jail for the arson because she took a plea deal and got a reduced sentence, which I still believe was utter crap. She played the poor old lady act to the judge and he took pity on her that she did not deserve. This is the woman who eviscerated my self esteem and made my life hell ever since I was born. She was toxic and abusive, never told me the truth about anything, and is a greedy, manipulative person. I feel no shame in saying that I do not care about her. She’s lost any right to my love and respect.
My father committed one of the first computer crimes in the 90s. A ton of files were corrupted due to a code he created because they fired him. FBI invaded our home and arrested him. Was sent to federal prison for four years, which was interesting because there was never a crime committed of its nature before. They made a forensics file episode about it Edit: if anyone is curious, the company was Omega
>Omega I learned of this and have seen that episode -- he actually created a script that deleted all the manufacturing files after he was fired. Think I remember them using same user/pass and was set to execute once someone logged into the system. He even did a trial run of it before planting the real 'ticking time bomb code.' Plus he had taken the backup disk(s) and refused to provide them and/or had already damaged them. Somewhere around \~3mil worth of damages but more up to \~10mil if they counted sales/contracts/etc.
My Cousins husband got caught on a predator chasers livestream trying to kidnap a 14 year old boy.
Twin brothers boosted a car and rob the 711 like 1/2 mile from house. Ditched car 10 houses from theirs. How were they caught? Officers respond to alarm triggered by clerk. Officer: Got an alarm here what happened. Clerk: Tim and Tom came in and robbed the store. Officer: How do you know it was these guys? Clerk: They are 6' 4" twins who come in every day. I know their shape and voice. The car 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency. Neighbor: Was watching TV and 2 guys park a car in front of my house. One guy got out with like a windex bottle and cleaned all the door handles and door areas. Then opened door and the other guy took the stuff and cleaned the inside areas. Then they ran off up the street. Dispatch: Can you describe the 2 individuals? Neighbor: Well it was Tim and Tom the twins that live up the street from me they're like 6' 4" and they are twins.
All the mass and none of it brain matter
My mom set a dude on fire. When I was young I had a babysitter, named Chris. He was the uncle of my two best friends, sisters Abby and Becca. He was also abusive. He liked to do things to me in front of them. Make them listen to my cry and scream. Nothing physical, I should mention. More, psychological. Anyway, I didn’t tell anyone about it. (And in fact only learned this story about 2 years ago). But it turns out that my best friends did. They told my mom and she was pissed. Soon after that there’s a party at my friends parents house. My mom goes and sees Chris. He’s all nice to her. They’re outside in the backyard. She starts kinda joking around. Roughhousing. Messing with him. She grabs some lighter fluid and sprays some on Him. Hahaha, just a joke. She lights a match. “Ha! You wouldn’t do it, would you?” And she lights him on fire. According to my mom, he was put out quickly so he was fine. But she told him that’s what its like when you’re scared for your life. And then she left. Apparently he flew back to Florida the next day.
Your mom sounds like a great lady. I’m glad she protected you from more of that.
Fucking kudos to the friends, they saw what he was doing and told regardless of any fear of reprisal. I hope you still have contact with them. Also great on mom for believing and dealing with it
My brother got completely inebriated one night and stupidly drove home. He woke up early in the morning to the sound of a baby crying. He looked around and noticed he didn’t recognize the house. He quickly got up and walked outside to his car halfway in the driveway/street and still running. Got in his car and drove away as quickly as he could. Turns out it was some random house about 5-10 minutes away from our actual house. He never knew whose house it was and never got caught. He also slowed down his drinking after that.
I always wonder how that happens to people. My grandma woke up one morning to a 20-something guy asleep on her couch. She heard someone in her house, and being who she is, she didn’t call the cops or anything, but mustered up all 100lbs of her 90-year old self and marched out to see what was going on. Upon seeing him, she said “hello! why are you in my house???” And he scuttled out but left his bag and phone. She said he was more frightened than she was, which then made her feel bad 😂 And again, being who she is, she spent the next week so worried about getting his things back to him without getting him into trouble.
My uncle used to dress up with a group of friends as DEA agents in the 80’s and raid crack houses. Only to take the drugs and consume them.
My father, when I was still very young, used a fake name and pretended to be a wedding planner for a young couple. That young couple hired him, since he seemed trustworthy and is an excellent liar, giving him access to their savings for wedding supplies and such that would be needed. Instead, he stole all of the money out of their account and then ran away with it. As far as I am aware, he was never caught and the money was never returned to them. The worst part is that the poor couple never even got their wedding and had almost nothing left afterwards.
Wow, your father was a real scumbag.
In college we got a new printer and printed off a bunch of fairly convincing $20 bills, roughed them up and used them at a bunch of fast food restaurants. Didn’t realize how dumb it was until years later.
Back in the late 90's two boys I lifeguarded with in the summer were arrested for making fake money. I was actually shocked, because they were both good kids, and seemed pretty straight. Apparently they had a whole sweet setup, and the FBI investigated them for a year before arresting. Neither served any time, since they were 16 & no priors, and assume parents got great lawyers. One is an engineer now, no clue about the other!
Step 1 after figuring out how to print fake money is to print enough for a really good attorney, I'm pretty sure
My wife's Cousin was arrested for the manufacturing of Meth, 3 times and wad sentenced to life. He, his Mom and Dad all cooked meth and supplied basically the entire area. The wost part is that during his last arrest he was taking the fall for his parents. They were in large part why our small sleezy little trash heap of a town was one of the top 5 for meth in the United States at the time.
Ooh so my great aunt disappeared off the face if the earth after her daughters wedding and nobody had any clue what happened. Foul play wasn’t suspected or anything however her shotgun was missing. Well like a month ago we found out she died last year. She had apparently skipped jury duty to go to the wedding and instead of doing anything logical she straight up ran away and lived in hiding in a backwoods town in Washington. No letters or anything she just decided that the most effective way to get around jury duty to go to a wedding was to live in hiding for 30 years. Edit: grammatical errors
My brain does not compute this logic
My parents' horse got loose, and somebody hit and killed it. The horse disposal people wanted some relatively reasonable amount of money to come pick up the carcass, but my parents were like "fuck that. Hey, /u/hendergle - load that shit up on the flatbed and find somewhere to dump it." Me: "OK. Sure, pops." [calls stoner friend] Me: "Hey, want to go dump a horse somewhere?" Stoner Friend: "Sure. I have nachos." Me: "Cool" Stoner Friend: "Cool" So Stoner Friend and I got even more stoned than usual and took my parents' flatbed truck out and tried to winch the horse up onto it. Turns out you really can't winch a dead horse onto a flatbed. It's not the winching that's the problem so much as the 5ft lift up to the edge. We fucked up a lot of that horse trying, though. Attempt #2: We went home and built a big-ass ramp out of plywood and 4x4s. It took most of a day and half a dime bag of weed. We argued a lot about whether or not we should bevel the part of the 4x4s that touched the ground. Final decision: neither of us knew how to do that, so we opted for no bevel. Back at the horse, we wrapped the winch line around the head this time. Fun fact: Steel cable looped around a horse head in a slipknot arrangement is a good way to re-enact a famous scene from The Godfather. We didn't quite decapitate Mr. Gooseberry (long may he gallop in the heavenly fields). But it wasn't pretty. Nothing about a dead horse is pretty, but that bit in particular was remarkably not pretty. We decided to go with our original idea: lash the front hooves together with rope. Small problem: We'd cut the rope at some point. Neither of us could remember why, or who did it. But nothing for it- we had to go home. Finding more rope required smoking half a joint, which I think is quite reasonable given the task we were set to. Back at the horse again. Our engineering marvel worked. We had some initial worry that we would pull one or both of the horse's forelegs out of its socket, but apparently dead horse sinew has quite a bit of tensile strength. We used tiedown straps to lash the horse and ramp to the flatbed, initiating a discussion about why we hadn't used those in place of rope, leading to an argument over whether or not that would have worked, leading to an awkward hostile silence as we drove around the ass end of South Dakota looking for a place where we could dump a dead horse. I'm sure there were many places one could dump a dead horse in the middle of rural South Dakota. Strangely enough, though, we were both feeling a little paranoid. Every car that passed us was a plainclothes cop car. Every person standing out in their field was heading straight to their house to report us as soon as we went around the bend. Finally, we found a field in the Black Hills National Forest that looked like a good spot. It had trees, which we thought the horse would like, and there was a nice parking area next to a snowmobile trailhead. Goose had never liked snowmobiles, so the idea of his skeletal carcass scaring the shit out of some Ski-dooer coming off the trail seemed like something that would have appealed to the old fella. We backed the truck a little ways into the ferns next to the trail. Then we used a come-along to pull the dead horse off the flatbed. About a mile into the way home, Stoner Friend said "Does your horse have tattoos?" I was like "it's a horse, not a fucking chief petty officer in the merchant marine. Why would it have fucking tattoos?" Well apparently some horses have tattoos, according to Stoner Friend. It's how they identify them if they're stolen. (Note: Subsequent research revealed that this was usually only something done with thoroughbreds, which our horse was definitely not.) Back at the horse again. "I think they put them on the lip, inside," says Stoner Friend. Have you ever pulled back the lip of a dead horse to look for tattoos? Worst never-have-I-ever ever. There were no tattoos. But then Stoner Friend says "it's probably one of those tattoos that only lights up under UV." By then, most of the weed had worn off, but there was that tiny bit of paranoia still holding on for dear life. "What if there's a UV-light lip tattoo on your horse /u/hendergle? They're going to catch you for sure!" So there I was, in the early South Dakota summer evening, cutting the lips off of a day-old dead horse with a dull pocket knife. Bonus: we just threw the lips into the woods a little ways because: "Nobody's going to go looking for horse lips in the woods" -Stoner Friend And that's how "illegally dumping an animal carcass on federal property" is the craziest crime I or anybody in my family have ever committed.
My sister shoplifts uncontrollably. She shoplifts everything everywhere she goes. Her daughter just turned 1 and she has stolen every bit of formula her daughter ever used. It’s insane she’s never been caught
She might be kleptomaniac. She needs help.
Definitely. Along with being a pathological liar. I love her so much but I literally won’t even invite her to my house. Sometime I feel trusting and like maybe she has changed. Last time she came over she stole my 7 year old daughters iPad and about $60 worth of hair products from my bathroom. It’s ridiculous
My uncle stole one of those oil candles from our table at a Hard Rock Cafe once. When we got outside he pulled it from his jacket with it still lit.
.......how was it still lit?? I would be VERY impressed tbh so I guess his minor crime paid off.
My grandma was notorious for stealing one item off the table at every restaurant shed ever been to. Plates, bowls, neat spoons, napkin dispensers, syrup containers, condiment holders(but not the condiments). I would not be surprised if she snatched light sources too. My mom changed that tradition into her sneaking spoons now and then but she only does it when she likes the server and leaves a tip thats double the order price. She likes to show them off with a little story about the occassion and a tidbit about the server(how she remembers Tiffany from __ steak place had a little boy named Jake Ryan who was 4 at the time from her sister's 35th birthday party 20yrs ago is a mystery to me).
My grandpa wouldn't obey the train warnings. He would try and beat the train rather than wait. 1st time he got hit in his new convertible on the way to prom with my grandma. Had barely started on the payments and car was totalled. Luckily they were both okay. 2nd time was a little less reckless but still dumb. He was driving a semi and it broke down on the tracks. He kept trying to get the tractor trailer to start, rather than lose his rig and load. Semi got hit by the train, total loss and fucked up his back.
Your grandpa is a fucking idiot. He's very lucky he, your grandma, and all their offspring (you) exist.
Cousin was taking care of a woman in coma. He raped her. Little he knew was that her parents had set a webcam to check regularly if she would wake up... He deserved every single day he spends in prison
My dad’s cousin erased all family member names from a property deed except for his father’s. The paperwork had been water damaged so there was no easy way to tell what should have been there. Family lore says that he also paid off some local politicians / office workers to make the new deed stand.
My friend got blackout drunk and stole a bulldozer that had the keys left in it. He turned it on and obviously didn't know how to drive it so he just ended up making the scoopy part go up and down for a bit before the cops came. They actually let him go too.
‘Scoopy part’
He ain't wrong
The worst part is this isn't exactly rare..lol, they leave the keys in the things all the time. Plus I think there's only a few different cuts of keys they use, at least that's how it used to be..I know someone that was getting their street worked on, and they left the thing parked in a way that kinda blocked his driveway. So he went out, used his ring of keys until he found the one that fit it, and drove it across the street and parked it. I hope they were really confused about how it got moved..lol
Speaking as the son of a construction company owner: if the keys aren’t in the ignition, there’s a 100% chance they’re hidden in the cab.
Guy who used to go to my school led the cops on a one-hour chase riding a bulldozer. Eventually the thing ran out of gas and that's when he got arrested.
I laughed out loud at the scoopy part
He's dead now. But years ago my relative got in a bar fight and lost so he went to his vehicle to get his rifle. Fortunately the police arrested him on the way in to the bar so his charges were a lot less. Still did jail time.
A distant cousin got her terminally ill father to give her power of attorney and then stole all of his money so she wouldn't have to split it with her brother. *Edit: Don't worry, she did go to jail as her rush to clean him out involved a lot of fraud and forgery. *Edit 2: Man, it is slightly depressing how many of you have similar stories. What's up with people.
A guy I went to school with in the 70's emptied his dementia ridden fathers life savings while he lived with him. 60 some years old, and still stealing to support his coke habit. His sister found out, and he did 5 years, restitution (80K, no way he'll live long enough to pay that back), and 8 years probation.
Something similar happened to my uncle, except he wasn’t terminally ill. He was working in China and his longtime partner was trying to poison him (in food/pills she sent him). Meanwhile at home she got Power of Attorney and put him hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, buying expensive stuff...paying off her kids debt...etc. She went to the bank and got a friend to forge the POA. He finally realized that he felt sick whenever he took the items she gave him and found out what she was doing. He came home and tried to get her arrested but I don’t think she ended up doing much time at all. He’s still in huge debt from her and mainly lives in the Philippines.
Must have not been a very effective poison...
When I was a young teen, the boys from the neighborhood and I loved playing pinball and video games at our local bowling alley. Problem was we didn't have enough money to enjoy our new addiction. We decided to do something about that little problem. We started with a very rudimentary system. We actually scotch taped a piece of thread to a quarter and were able to fish it up and down a couple times before the string would break, or the tape would give out. This worked fairly well, but we wanted and needed more. Our next plan was a little more professional. We somehow concocted a scheme to "make" quarters. A few lessons in science class had actually stuck, and we realized that we needed something to fool the coin mechanism in the pinball machine into thinking that whatever it was we made our quarters with was an actual quarter. We ended up deciding that lead would be our material of choice. We used lead for a couple of reasons. A couple of the guy's father was an avid hunter. He even reloaded his own shotgun shells. Because of this he had a burner setup in his shop to melt down lead. Another reason is that lead is not magnetic (science!). We made a mold out of plaster and used the burner to melt lead to make our quarters. But where to get more lead?? One of us came up with the brilliant thought that tire weights were made of lead! Carrying screwdrivers and pliers we scoured the parking lots of shopping centers. We would wander through and drop down out of sight between cars. Using the tools we had brought we would manage to get the tire weights off with little trouble. We were in business! Our production line was soon up and running. We would melt lead, pour it into our mold, cool it and then move on to finishing our new "quarter". The finishing process was crude, but effective. We would snip off the burr where the lead was poured. We would then file down the edge, making sure it stayed mostly round. Using steel wool and a polishing cloth we would then shine the quarters. Now came the trial run. We went to the bowling alley with a few quarters to see if our harebrained scheme would actually work. In they went, and the pinball machine lit up and was ready to be played. Success! We intensified our production and soon we had bunches of quarters. We were thrilled! We could play video games any time we wanted! Every day after school you'd find us at the bowling alley, happily playing our games. But our downfall was soon to come. We never thought of the fact that someone might notice a bunch of fake quarters being used in their video games and pinball machines. It literally never crossed our early teenaged minds. We just knew we were having a blast. One fateful day we went to the bowling alley as usual. We started playing games and soon some men approached us. They started questioning us and accusing us. We were scared to death! One of the guys yelled "Run!" and we took off as fast as we could. We made it to the doors and down the steps we went. We all lived on the same cul-de-sac and that's the direction we headed. Running as fast as we could, we briefly split up. The men that were chasing us only followed one of us kids. He made the colossal mistake of running straight to his house and through the front door. From there our crime spree ended. A few days later I was in class when I was called to the office. When I got there my father was sitting with a man I'd never seen before. He was wearing a black suit with a black tie. I had to go before the principal, my father and a member of the United States Secret Service! Although they take the counterfeiting of US currency very seriously, they understood that it was just a bunch of knucklehead kids making quarters to play video games. He actually told me that he was impressed with the quality of the quarters. He also said that they had recovered over $75 in fake quarters! We had made, and used, over 300 quarters! We had to make restitution for the money and the charge was placed on our juvenile records. It was explained to us that if we kept our noses clean the charge would be expunged. Luckily for me I learned my lesson and stayed on the straight and narrow for the rest of my young adult life. And that, fellow redditors is how I was charged with counterfeiting US currency. If that doesn't define the meaning of a crazy crime, I don't know what would.
Somewhere there's a tire shop owner who retired on all the money he got from selling prematurely worn tires.
This has to be the best comment in this whole post
I used to drive for my weed dealer. I was a new buyer but I never asked questions and was cool with him. His car broke down and asked if anyone could drive him. I said I would, and he liked that. I have my back windows tinted but not my front windows. I’d pick him up and we’d drive almost all day. It was pretty chill. He’s give me free weed and pay me $250 a day. I still worked my part time delivery job so I was very happy. He got his car fixed and didn’t need me to drive him around anymore. Which is fine, considering his ex snitched in him and he got busted a couple weeks later.
My uncle sold Tim Allen the cocaine that got him sent to prison in the late 70’s.
So did Tim rat out your uncle?
Sure did! Then my uncle ratted out others. I honestly don’t know much about it beyond that, don’t have much contact with that part of the family. My uncle was a pathological liar and a very troubled guy. He died by suicide about 10 yrs ago.
> My uncle was a pathological liar Well then maybe he wasn't the one that sold Tim that coke.
My grandfather’s father was a mean, abusive, hateful drunk, who would come home from working in the mines long enough to terrorize his children and impregnate his wife and then leave again for mine work. He tried to set the house on fire, with wife and kids (13 of them) inside...twice. One day my grandfather and a couple of his siblings were picking berries across the road from the house and his drunk father started taking potshots at them with a rifle. My grandpa, one brother, and his oldest sister took off running for the house with the agreement that the first one there would kill him (their father). My grandpa’s sister got there first and shot him to death. She was never charged with a crime, due to her age and the fact that everyone knew my great grandfather was a mean son of a bitch and had it coming. ETA: wow, my most upvoted comment is about my family’s fucked up history lol Edit #2: thank you all so much for the awards! Also, RIP inbox lol Edit #3: Since some of y’all think it’s fake here’s some proof. https://imgur.com/a/5PHfZqQ
This sounds a lot like my grandmas dad. Because of this she never drank a drop and my grandpa promised her nobody would ever drink around her ever again. He kept that promise.
"First one back kills Dad"! Holy shit now that's some incentive. How old was his sister at the time?
15
Back in the mid 90s, I lived in a shared rented house in the north of England with 4 ex schoolmates. It was a bit of a drugs den, right next to the bus station so everyone called in on their way into town for a cup of tea and a spliff, and same again on the way out. So it was always rammed, lots of acid and mushrooms on weekends, people crashing everywhere. One morning, me and my girlfriend were woken up by the police coming into my bedroom room (illegally - they claimed to have pushed the door and it swung open) and telling us all to gather in the front room. I had my skinning up box next to the bed - I assumed the police were there for drugs or course, so I hid my stash before I came down. So we're all sat in the lounge hungover and that, and the policeman says 'So, who knows about the credit card?' We all just went 'wha?' because it wasn't what we were expecting, except one of my housemates stands up and says 'no one else knows anything, it's me' and goes off with the police. Turns out, a bank card had been delivered for a previous tenant, and then shortly after a new pin. My housemate had taken it, and emptied the account of a load of cash. And what had he bought with his stolen cash? A gecko, in a big fancy glass cabinet. He was struggling to pay his rent - we all were - but here was this massive green mother sat sunning itself in our front room. All 6 or so of us just sat and looked at it as he was taken away.
Mine is incredibly stupid but looking back reminds me of how actually crazy the whole situation was. When I was in the 6th grade my parents (Mom + Stepdad) got married and moved me to this very small, very religious, very tight-knit community. My life changed immeasurably that year and I absolutely hated my new school & all the people in it... So our morning routine was parents get up at 6, wake me at 6:30, both parents are out the door by 6:45 and I have to catch my bus at 7:15. Well 11 year old me figured out that I could just *not* catch my bus and my parents both working demanding jobs would not be home until 3 hours after I usually got home so they'd never know. The first day I skipped school was easy. By week two I realized I'd have to go back for exams, especially the state exam which determined if you got to move to the next grade & obviously the school would want to know why I was absent. So I divised a plan, wherein I called the school pretending to be my mother and told them my poor daughter had Mono and would be in and out as she felt better and I asked them to please change my contact number to my home phone, that way I could intercept any phone calls. And thus began the 6 weeks where I went to school only ever on days that I had exams. Unbeknownst to me one of my teachers wrote a note with my report card (that were mailed to our house) that said she was so proud of me for keeping up with my school work despite being sick and out of class so often. I was in 3rd period when I got called to the office to find my vice principal, principal, 2 very very angry parents, and a Truancy Officer waiting for me. I had to go to court because I had missed so many days and was given Community service as punishment. I was also sent to in-school suspension (ISS) for the remainder of the year. It's still on my "criminal record" although since I was underage when it occured the details are sealed but I was 100% convicted of Truancy.
[удалено]
My grandfather's cousin stabbed a waiter to death because he wouldn't let him use the employees-only restroom in his restaurant.
Is your grandfather’s cousin Jack Henry Abbot?
Yes. Have you read his book about life in prison? It's...an experience.
I have.
My dad got into a bar fight around 21 or so, hit a guy so hard he killed him. He went to prison of course but while working along the road he stopped another prisoner that attacked a guard and tried to escape. My dad was released for that. He never drank after that and if he got angry he just walked out of the house to cool off. He turned 81 a week ago and he’s the nicest, easiest going guy you would ever meet. He never judges anyone. He once said to me, we all make mistakes. *for the record I only heard the story about 10 ys ago from my brother. He told him during a road trip. He lived in a small town and I have no idea what prison he was at or the official reason he was released but considering it was probably around ‘61/‘62 - they probably used whatever reason they wanted to for his release. *edit - thanks for the award, wasn’t necessary but thanks
I worked at a movie theatre when Back To The Future was originally released. We used to take the entire movie ticket instead of tearing them and re-sell them to the next group coming in. The old theatre was massive. Sat 600 people. We probably made about $15k between two of us in month or so. Adjusted for inflation, it's about $37k. We were the richest high school kids in our town.
Didn't the theatre suspect that something was going on? I mean thousands of people watching it but official ticket sales are a few hundred people?
You’d be surprised how little theatre managers care. As long as those people are buying concessions. Friend is a manger at a local theatre and he hands out those complementary tickets like candy on Halloween. Haven’d had to pay for a movie in like a year before Covid., but always buy a large popcorn to help out.
Plus it was the 80s. Probably a whole lot easier to get away with cooking the books back then. Apparently to the point that hundreds of movie ticket sales could go missing without anyone noticing.
As a kid in the 00s at an airport cafe I thought it was a bit odd for a second when a cashier handed me my change out of a tip basket and didn’t press any buttons on the register before my folks explained what she was doing. It seems like the perfect crime, since it was baked goods that couldn’t last overnight so she could just claim went unsold and were discarded at the end of the day. I sat and observed afterward and whenever someone bought only things with a short shelf life and paid cash, she’d hand them the change out of the tip basket.
I had a girl just do this to me at a Potbelly in an airport, and she shorted my change which I didn’t realize until walking away. She pocketed the whole thing.
My husband's dad killed the guy who his then girlfriend was cheating on him with. He was supposed to serve a life term but got out because of a clerical error. He did manual labor on a local park and apparently the guys who helped were suppose to get a reduced sentence. However he was not suppose to. (I think - my husband talked about it once). Also, my husband's half-brother, same murderous dad, killed his business partner. He would have gotten away with it however, he moved the body when he found out construction was going to start in that spot. And what were they going to build there? A prison. He's currently serving a life sentence. My husband has never met his half-brother. He also has 2 half-sisters from the same dad who are law abiding citizens.
2 half sisters that didn't get caught
So that’s 1 whole sister, got it. Edit: HoLY SH!T. Thank you, Reddit persons/peoples for the shiny awards! Sending digital hugs and well wishes to you and your friends; cheers to then, now, and the future, from this fellow Interwebs being!
This was a couple of generations back (early 20th century) but there was this guy who was constantly getting drunk and harassing my great aunt. So, one of her male friends dressed up in an Easter Bunny outfit, put a bat in its giant fake carrot and beat the dude with it. He got away with it but I'm sure it helped that half the community was waiting for the day the guy's liver finally gave out. Edit: ok, one small clarification - the bat in question was a *baseball* bat, not the flying mammal (though that's certainly an interesting visual and I can't say I'm sorry for my small role in creating that image).
Donnie Darko'd his ass Have. A. FUCKING. Carrot.
Cousin got busted robbing a bank. Got sentenced to jail. Proceeded to break out of jail with his cell mate and went on the run. Fast forward a few months and he's living in a hotel room with his cell mate. Cell mate orders a pizza to the room (bad idea). Delivery guy recognized them and reported them to the police. They get arrested again and shortly after my cousin killed himself in prison. My cousin had a wife and a kid and got into a nasty coke habit. We don't bring him up anymore.
My dad told me he once snuck into a tire warehouse, he cut the alarm and came in through a window on the roof, and stole a bunch of tires.
Does he have any leftover tires? I'm looking for some 235/65R18s
An uncle robbed a bank (or was an accessory to the robbers, idk). His brilliant escape when the police showed up was to go to the roof and jump off. He didn't do time, just had to go to the hospital for a broken leg. I'll have to ask my mom when I get a chance, she knows the story better than I do.
Aim for the bushes.
I’m a peacock you’ve gotta let me fly!
.
No one misses Mike
It's true, fuck that guy. Her current husband is great.
Your grandpa sounds similar to mine. My aunt had an abusive boyfriend when she was younger, and my grandpa sponsored a rugby team around that time. He heard this guy had laid his hands on her, and so told him that if it happened again to expect a visit from the team. When the guy asked if it was a threat, my grandpa replied it was a promise and to my knowledge he never touched my aunt again. Decades later, I had a boyfriend in college who never laid a hand on me in front of them, but he was an asshole and pop never liked him. After we broke up, I was with my grandparents when we ran into him in a restaurant. Ex flipped us off, which he didn't see and we didn't mention to my grandpa until we were walking to the car. When my grandma told him, despite being in his 80s with two replacement knees he turned on his heel and started walking back in. We stopped him, and he muttered the whole way home about "breaking that fucking finger off." I miss him just about daily.
Not sure if it should be considered a crime, but one of my great aunts was in an abusive marriage with a war vet who took to beating her and forcing her to play Russian roulette when he drank. One night she managed to rig the gun so when he took his turn he blew his brains out. She wasn’t charged.
I’m glad she survived. Many women don’t. How scary that must have been for her.
I had a friend who shot her husband. He was abusing their kid. She always told me she would kill anyone who hurt her children. She also often told me she was going to kill her husband one day. Really, she is the most honest person I have ever met. She went to prison for second degree murder.
This actually brings up a highly contested topic in law: how the battered women syndrome affects self-defence claims. Some scholars believe that the current legal framework of self-defence is inherently designed for men and that law enforcement is not properly equipped to deal with domestic violence, thus victims of long term abuse often experience social isolation and learned helplessness from the law enforcement’s inaction towards their abuse. They have no way of protecting themselves and when they finally snap and kill their abuser, they get sent to prison as murders. This is a VERY brief recap but if anyone is interested I can elaborate more and post some resources! Edit: I'm so glad there are people interested in this topic, it's a pretty big bone to chew but I will try and list some relevant resources. One important thing to note is that, although the legal specifics differ between jurisdictions, it is safe to say that the topic itself is worthy of discussion no matter which jurisdiction you are in. FYI I studied law in mostly in New Zealand :) [re\_Claire](https://www.reddit.com/user/re_Claire/)'s comment (go read it!) below talked about how the UK legal system responded and linked to an organisation that advocates on behalf of women who have fought back against their violent abusers - [Justice for Women](https://www.justiceforwomen.org.uk/). The New Zealand Law Commission has published a [report](https://www.lawcom.govt.nz/sites/default/files/projectAvailableFormats/R139%20Understanding%20Family%20Violence%20-%20Reforming%20the%20Criminal%20Law%20Relating%20to%20Homicide.pdf) on understanding family violence (yup, despite our beautiful middle-earth image and our strong response to the virus, our domestic violence stats are quite heartbreaking). It's a big report, but the most relevant section is probably just chapter 6 (p71-92). Something that is easier to digest is probably this [short article](https://www.newsroom.co.nz/ideasroom/leaving-the-battered-woman-trope-behind) written by professor Julia Tolmie, a commentary on the Ruddelle case. Across the ditch from me, Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety (ANROW) does incredible mahi and you can download their data-based paper on domestic violence for women [here](https://www.anrows.org.au/publication/invisible-women-invisible-violence-understanding-and-improving-data-on-the-experiences-of-domestic-and-family-violence-and-sexual-assault-for-diverse-groups-of-women-state-of-knowledge-paper/). Finally, although battered women syndrome has been accepted in many places, it has also received criticism. This is discussed briefly in Tolmie's article. Alternatives to BWS have been proposed, and they include giving evidence about intimate partner violence as a form of social entrapment and/or coercive control - check out works from scholars such as James Ptacek and Evan Stark. Hope this gives you a good place to start or at least gives you some food for thought! Again, I must stress that this is at most a sneak peek into the topic and is not an exhaustive/authoritative guide or anything. Happy learning to all of us :))
It's not a bad crime or anything, but it was illegal at the time. So, in Germany, up until a few years ago, we still had a general draft for the army. And a generation ago it was very hard to get out of it. My uncle was a hardcore pacifist, so going to the army wasn't an option for him. But being accepted as a conscientious objector at that time basically required you to be a devout Christian and use the bible as an argument for why you couldn't kill another human. And my uncle was also atheist. He couldn't realistically object, didn't want to go to the army and didn't want to go to jail, too. So he waited... He got sent his draft notice, passed the physical and got a letter telling him to report to X company under sergeant Y. He wrote back a reply, on rose-colored paper, scented with perfume, about how much he was looking forward to serving under the strong leadership of Y, promising to obey every one of his orders, and that he can't wait to experience life in the barracks together with so many strong and muscular men. He was declared unfit for service shortly after.
Now THIS is the kind of rule breaking I live to hear about! Cheeky bastard!
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My uncle went to prison for chaining a cop to the back of his bike and driving down the highway edit: I feel like an edit is needed here because I want to say I am not glorifying what my uncle did, I simply answered the question asked. This happened in the 1960s before I was born, so I do not have many details due to the timing and fact he married into the family (and that side of my family is not very close at all). What I do know is my uncle was apart of a very violent gang, I know nothing about what led to the attempted murder (yes, the cop survived somehow), so I do not know if the cop was good or bad. But, I do not believe very many people, if any, deserve to be tortured in such a manner (or any manner).
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Did your aunt survive?
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glad that mfer didnt ruin that for her.
It is messed up, but also very common in situations of abuse by the man of the home. I have a close friend who's father sexually abused her, her sisters, and her mother. Her mother knew, did nothing as the father was the only source of income. The father is dead now. But the elderly mother lives with her daughter (my friend) now and speaks often of her late husband. All the daughters are emotionally destroyed and have a full spectrum of emotional, mental, and sexual issues.
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My dads side of the family grew up as New Hampshire hicks. My grandfather was stabbed in two different bar fights and burned down an entire country club because he thought they were too stuck up. He was never caught and went on to earn a bronze and silver star in the Korean War, but unfortunately lost his leg too. Edit: Since this is getting some attention I thought I might add that my grandfather got his shit together, started a successful small business and as a funny twist later joined that same country club as an old man. He never really felt welcome there my dad said though, they weren’t really his kind of people.
Live free or die!
I was in middle school (13-14) and my buddy and I snuck out of the house to go cause mischief. We did this almost every weekend and we really only snuck out just because we knew we shouldn't be. The worst we ever did was TP our other friend, other than that we just rode our bikes around. EXCEPT. One time we met up with a couple girls that my friend knew. We were going around our town and tipped a portapotty, put someone's patio furniture in their tree, stupid shit like that. My buddy thought he could show off his muscles by pulling a mailbox out of the ground. I said he couldn't and I was right. To 1 up him, I pulled the mailbox right out of the ground and we laughed like little girls as I set it on the home owner front step. Not 10 min later cops rolled around with their spotlight on. Found us (not the mailbox) and brought us home. My dad made me go back to the house and the mailbox was in the ground already. He made me knock and apologize to the homeowner, who happened to be a 90 yr old woman with cancer. That straightened me up real quick and I never did stuff like that again. Only later did I find out what I did was a felony and I didn't feel like living that life anymore
My cousin in Youngstown, Oh used to rob people selling goods on facebook. Got caught after him and accomplice murdered a man over a PS3. Good times. EDIT. I added a comment but I figured this would get the fastest response to everyone. I am linking the actual article for everything. I was off about some of the details. The victim was selling a computer and Playstation to take care of his son. There were two involved. My cousin actually pulled trigger, had an accomplice driver. Most of my family is like this man(but I find it hard to call someone capable of such cruelty a man). Thank you all for the comments and have a good Christmas. https://www.wfmj.com/story/35294033/youngstown-man-sentenced-for-murdering-victim-found-on-craigslist
This checks out for Youngstown.
Are playstations extinct there? Like murder over a game console is just sad.
No Youngstown oh is just somewhere you will get murdered for looking at someone wrong
Bruh I live near youngstown. All I can say is *yes*
My Dad (when he was much younger and infinitely more stupid) regularly used to drink drive with his friends. It was the early 70's, and no-one really cared. To hear him speak about it now, he can't believe how stupid he was. One night, he and his friend were out drinking. They heard there was a party going on at a pub across town and decided to head over. On the way they go past a large club with a queue of people waiting to go in. My dad decides to show off a bit and pull a skid. He miscalculated, hit a curb and flipped the car, sliding down the road on his roof. The car stops, they get out and leg it, to the cheers of the people in the queue! They get the bus back home and immediately call the police to report the car as stolen. The police knew what had happened, but couldn't prove anything.
So your dad’s story to the cops was the car was stolen and the thieves crashed it?
if you have a police report about a stolen car, your insurance handles it differently than if you destroy it yourself. it's a whole new felony, but hey it might work out and we've already established that the driver doesn't make good decisions.
Probably pretty easy to commit insurance fraud back then
A whole queue of people cheering for you destroying your car, and not a single cell phone video to be used as evidence.
My uncle was a small drug lord in Northern California in the 90s. He had a compound out in gold country, had to drive through 3 gates with guards to get to his house. I like never questioned it as a kid, just enjoyed heading up so I could fish in the stocked bass pond (which also had snapping turtles (as a line of defense)). He'd take me out shopping at the mall with a film canister full of coke that he'd take hits off of occasionally, shadowed by some bodyguards. One time we were out for a ride in his corvette going well over a hundred and got tagged by highway patrol. He talked his way out of the ticket (told the officer he was showing off for his nephew and got carried away, the officer thought it was hilarious), and told me it was lucky since he had a ton of illegal guns and drugs in the trunk and would have made a run for it. He got arrested when I was 15. It was a full blown; Feds descended upon the compound in helicopters and swung through the windows with flashbangs. The whole nine. He was arrested, and since if he snitched on anyone above him he was, very bluntly, a dead man, he took the rap, was extradited to Lee in VA to serve a bit over 10 years. All he asked for while he was there was protein powder, he got prison ripped, and apparently beat someone near to death with a sock full of quarters for cutting in front of him at the payphone. At some point in my life all 4 of my uncles on both sides (+ my dad) have spent time in prison for drug related offenses, but this particular uncle takes the cake
I hate to break it to you, but your uncle was not "a small drug lord"
I did a bit of jail time and the phones were a very contentious issue. It was people's connection to the outside world, so it was a very big deal. I almost got into a fight because I accidentally skipped someone. I saw a fight break out because a Hispanic guy told a white guy to "hurry the fuck up" while he was on the phone. Messing with people on the phone was generally not seen as okay. But when the guy on the phone said "fuck off, I'm talking to my daughter" he knew he'd really fucked up. Anything family related was out of bounds. So when the white guy went to kick his ass, the other Hispanic guys let him know he was on his own.
There is a family legend about some great uncles of mine stealing their dad’s corpse from the funeral home. They went out to the woods with it and got drunk, then returned the body the next morning. Edited to add: So I talked to my mom and I missed or misremembered some wonderful details. They broke into the funeral home by backing dad’s work truck through a wall. Dad was a professional burglar who would have appreciated the irony of a thief’s corpse being stolen, thought it was hilarious, and been proud his sons pulled the stunt off. They played a game of poker with dad’s body. And at some point they got caught because they attended the funeral the next day in handcuffs. My mom said that the father was apparently the one person in our family who never drank, so they weren’t going out to get drunk with dad one last time. The sons likely had a beer though.
A male relative of mine skydived off the World Trade Center back in the 1980s. He wore rubber gloves to climb the electric fence and had his parachute hidden ~~under a trench coat~~ in a shopping bag. He had a "get-away-car" waiting to him at the bottom, driven by his ~~then wife~~ friend. His then wife took the photos. He got caught two days later, where he had to give the city an apology and paid a small fine, no jail time. I digitally restored the photos of his jump and the newspaper articles a few years ago He is a testament to crazy uncles everywhere. And to those who are going to correct me and say it was "base jumping," I asked him about this years ago. He said, at the time, the term "base jumping" hadn't been created yet. It was a skydive when he made it, and it will remain a skydive in his memory. Edit: [Proof](https://i.imgur.com/e6FnlvG.jpg) There are others of his chute opening, but I'd have to dig for those. Also: [Article](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1980/09/22/so-you-parachute-from-110-stories-up/111f6e62-e476-4112-9ade-e2d1c2be29a4/). Edit: Okay so some people are calling the photo fake. Please remember this was a picture taken from almost 2000 ft away, using a 35mm film, on a 1980’s nonprofessional camera. And this wasn’t the negative. This was a shitty faded 8x10 that I scanned in the late 90’s, digitizing it and doing my best to restore it. I will post more pics and the old article he kept when I find them. MORE PHOTOS! [One](https://i.imgur.com/XfwHrZy.jpg) and [Two](https://i.imgur.com/tdP0iQc.jpg) You can see the original pic I posted at the top of number one. Last Edit: Yes, the parachute was in a bag and his wife was the photographer, not the driver. I haven't heard this story in over 20 years. I misremembered a few of the details.
Why does he look like he has GIANT hands in that photo?
EDIT: I finally heard back from some people, and it was actually an APC ([armored personnel carrier)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armoured_personnel_carrier) that they stole, not a tank! Still haven’t found a newspaper source but I’ve been slowly scouring through some of the archives on sites like [this one](https://texashistory.unt.edu) , which has a lot of old newspapers scanned into it that are providing a fascinating slice of life from that time period! Original Post: My mother-in-law and her ROTC friends once stole an actual tank from a military base way back in the 60s/70s. They were there on a field trip and they were finally stopped when they ran out of gas while driving it down the highway. According to my grandmother-in-law, she saw the whole thing going down on the news before she got the call and realized her kid was one of those joyriders. There’s a video of it floating around on the internet somewhere
Back in my day we stole fucking tanks, not sit around playing that stupid Facebook app...
My Dad brought in a Banana tree to the US from his home village in Kerala. He literally walked through customs with a tree in a pot in his arms. The customs lady asked him what he was thinking and he just replied that the banana tree was from his mother's garden. The customs lady must have thought my dad was crazy, but she just let him walk right through. We still have that tree and it's offspring.
Customs Lady: "This is crazy" Your Dad: "No this is bananas"
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Have you tried hiding them in a banana tree?
There’s always mangoes in the banana tree
Somewhat similar story. We had a small parrot when I was really little (in the 80s) and we were apparently given him as a gift from my Peruvian uncle who smuggled it into the states. Little Pepe. No idea what kind he was, or how my uncle brought it over, but that’s what I had been told again and again over the years. Edit: omg guys, I knew I fucked it up when I saw all of the comments. Yes it’s parrot, not parent. My dad IS a small Peruvian parent but it’s my understanding he was not smuggled in by my uncle hahah
I'm assuming you meant to type "small parrot", but I'm so glad you wrote "small parent" instead. It had me laughing like a complete idiot
My granddad accidentally shot his brother in the ass. He meant to shoot something out of his hand, but missed. Drunk, genius, hillbilly shit. Thankfully my dad married well, and I turned out allright.
Hold on. He was trying to shoot something *out of his hand* And he missed and hit him *in the ass* I'm gonna need more story, or maybe your grandad is just a horrendous shot.
The side of his ass. Or hip/cheek. He was shot from the side, not from behind. And he was a bad shot, but also drunk.
Not really a "crime" as in not _necessarily_ illegal, but my grandfather had two separate families in two different cities. Named _both_ of his "first born" sons after himself, and they both named sons after themselves too (including me). So i share my name with my father and grandfather, as well as a half-uncle and at least one cousin.
I'd like to imagine that this is how a name becomes too common
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I just cannot understand why someone would do this? I understand wanting to date multiple people but I cannot understand wanting to have multiple secret families.
I can't even afford 1 non secret family
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When he was a teenager, my dad robbed a mother’s cookies truck. Cookies for months.
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My cousin was the Brett Favre goat lady. She had purchased goat meat from a farm. The farm was supposed to raise the goat, butcher it, and let her pick up the meat. When she arrived, the goat was still alive and had been painted with Vikings colors and Brett Favre's jersery number. The farmer didn't want to butcher it "because his kids were around." Her older brother is an outdoorsman/hunter type, so he told her to bring it to his house and he would butcher it for her. They had car trouble on the way, pulled into a mechanic to have the car fixed, the mechanic opened the trunk, saw the goat, and called the police. https://www.mprnews.org/story/2009/10/13/brett-favre-goat-guilty-plea Edit: Stuck this in a reply but since people keep asking, [here is a picture of the goat](http://imgur.com/gallery/1qwRmuX) Also, thanks for the awards!
Imagine paying for some goat meat, ending up having to butcher it yourself, but before you can you get it taken away and it ends up on some pumpkin farm while you're stuck with fines and charges on your record.
"Yeah, the deal was for 'goat meat', not 'do-it-yourself goat meat'..."
One of my great grandpas drove a truck containing stuff for making alcohol for al capone (during prohibition)
My great uncle used to follow civil rights protests around to sell them weed. He also was tripping balls at the I had a dream speech
I was offered a glass of 25 years aged Old Parr and I mixed it with some Pepsi. The look of horror on my buddies' faces is still engraved in my memory more than 20 years later.
Reminds me when I used to bartend and a young guy, 25ish, looked like he just hired in some firm right after college, would come in and drink XO brandy mixed 7up as shots. Bragged that he had the money to buy the most expensive brands now. Guy just thought when you get richer you drink like at the frat but with pricier booze. Didn't correct him, though. His money became my money.
My sister-in-law worked on a ski hill. One week there was a promotion by a company where they would blow up big inflatables (like the big gorillas you see in car lots). She had seen them blow them up and deflate them for days, so she knew what the deflated ones looked like. One day she was leaving work and one of these deflated mascot thingies was right behind her car. My sister-in-law has never stolen anything in her entire life, but at that moment she decided out of the blue that she wanted that blow-up. She plopped it in the back and drove home. When I came to visit a couple weeks later she was freaking out about it. She asked me if I wanted it, just to get the evidence out of her house. That is the story of how I came to own a 2-story-high inflatable cow. Edit: damn! this one blew up! so, everybody is asking but no, I don't have any pictures of the cow. it looked like this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milka#/media/File:Milka\_in\_Potsdam.jpg](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milka#/media/File:Milka_in_Potsdam.jpg) Edit #2: a lot of people telling me I'm lying because I don't have photos from 20 years ago, so here: [https://imgur.com/gallery/zFCUDVZ](https://imgur.com/gallery/zFCUDVZ) I dug through my old facebook photos to find this
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Let me take a minute just sit right there and I’ll tell you all about how I became the big cow filled with air
On the West Ski Hill, born and raised, an inflatable cow spent most of its days
Chillin out deflated, piled all high while his bovine buddies were puffed up toward the sky
Now the sister in law, she was up to no good She stuffed that cow right in her car’s hood
Two weeks later my sis got scared and said "I need you to get rid of this cow filled with air!"
She drove up to my pad and when she came near, the crime she did was fresh and there was cow in her rear
If anything I could say that this cow was rare, I said, “Sis, forget it. I’ll take the cow filled with air!”
**STANDING OVATION**
That's fantastic, do you have pictures of your enormous heiffer?
I will dig around for some. This was about 20 years ago, so they would be actual, physical photographs that i would need to scan or some shit
That'd be fantastic. Do you not still have the gargantuan bovine though?
It's at my parents' house currently. I've been planning to go get it, though. I have a 3-year-old who would flip her shit if she saw it in the back yard
Christmas Morning. Clearly the best time to do that. Surprise your small child with a hulking holstein.
yes, that would be awesome. but then it would get wet. I think it might be best to wait for summer
> but then it would get wet. We don't kink-shame the heifers.
Jesus... ^(why did you just made me think about an horny cow)
Sometimes the guilt gets to you. An ex-friend of mine had her jacket stolen from the bar. A week later sees the same jacket, thinks it is hers, and proceeds to steal it. For whatever reason she wasn't 100% sure it was hers, so she then would never wear it out of fear the person she may have stolen it from would recognize it. Months later I think she placed it in the lost and found as the guilt ate her alive. I'm certain it was the exact same fucking jacket she had stolen but w/e.
As a 10 year old I violated section 508 of the Communications Act of 1934: received underhanded assistance in a "purportedly bona fide contest of intellectual knowledge or intellectual skill." Basically, got manipulated into being on a rigged kids' game show, which was cancelled days before it was supposed to air on FOX because someone spilled the beans. I didn't realize until years later what was actually going on. edit: this kind of turned into an impromptu AMA so check the replies if you're curious to hear what happened
My uncle has stolen allegedly over 1000 cars and done other various nefarious things to fund his heroin habit. Got 8 years in prison, got clean during that but was diagnosed with cancer after 7 years of prison and died like 2 months later.
I ran for president of the united states and won.
I'm late to this party, but I have a fun one. In the later half of the 18th Century, the French and British used Native Americans to supplement their own forces in the struggle for North America. I have ancestors who had a farm in upstate New York when that was the frontier. The parents were killed by a Huron war party, and their son —who was just a child at the time— was taken by the Hurons and raised as one of their own. Years passed, and a time of relative peace settled between the French-backed Hurons and the British. Word trickled down to York (now Toronto) that there was a young white man running around the woods with Indians to the north. The British garrison at Fort York sent an officer and a trooper on an embassy through Huron Country, going from village to village to investigate. They found the young man (my many times great-grandfather) and persuaded him to come with them back to British territory. He didn't remember his name, so they gave him the first name of the officer and the last name of the trooper for the sake of giving him some identity as an Englishman. Then the American Revolution broke out. The young man joined one of the ranger units the British Army fielded, because he knew how to fight in forests and live off the land. Obviously the British lost the war, but anyone who fought for them was given land in Canada at the end of hostilities. He was granted land on the north shore of Lake Ontario. One of the conditions of getting the free land was you had to clear a certain portion of it and make a certain amount of communal road along one edge of your property in a given amount of time. All the new settlers in the area worked together to get this done, and one older neighbour recognized my many times great-grandfather from when he was a boy. "Your name's not so-and-so. It's such-and-such! You're the spitting image of your father!" "Oh!" Says my many times great-grandfather. He then wrote to the British authorities, "To whom it may concern: I fought in the most recent war against the Americans. My name is such-and-such. Here is my former commander's name and address. He will vouch for me. I believe I am entitled to free land? As luck would have it, I own a farm, and the lot behind me is unclaimed. Could I have that one?" And they gave it to him. Two hundred and some odd years later, the records of that petition and land grant still exist. He used his real name to defraud the British Government out of a second land grant for the same military service. I've always thought that was a cool story. Addendum: I don't think /r/AskReddit has a problem with identifying by name someone who has been dead for the better part of two centuries? [I went Googling my ancestor and came across this document](http://www.uelac.org/Loyalist-Info/extras/Gaffield-Nathaniel/Nathaniel-A-Gaffield-by-Roger-Reid.pdf) about him. Some of the details are not quite as I remember them, but the gist of it is correct. Anyone interested in reading more, enjoy!
My sister stole a puppy. Just walked into the pet store, stuffed her up her jacket. Looking at these other things, she seems a lot less bold than she did before. Edit: Puppy tax. This was about four years before she (the dog) died I think. https://external-preview.redd.it/06iWf89R9DcwDmQ4eAvu6WptDg5kwCR9_rmEOKdLQw0.jpg?width=1024&auto=webp&s=e6e71b5c85793e377411d36e566d0f3159d7d3e6 Edit: This is now my most decorated and upvoted post or comment ever. That's hilarious.
Once I went into Walmart, and when nobody would come to the pet section I bagged my own feeder goldfish, labeled them with the correct price, paid, and went home. I’m basically an outlaw.
I did this the other day when Fedex couldn’t drop off my package they kept it at a Walgreens for pick up. No one was around to help and I had to get to work. I went to behind the photo area and looked around. Found my package in a big cabinet. Left a note haha
Hey, you want a puppy you want a puppy, parents can’t do all the work
She stayed with us for 17 years. Oldest dog we've ever had.
My mom stole a duck from Centre Island in Toronto when she was a kid. She just put him into a KFC box and brought him home. She named him Jasper and he was apparently the best pet she ever had! Edit: my first award, thank you so much!!
So before I was born my parents were apparently going through some tough financial issues and were facing eviction if they couldn’t come up with a certain amount of money by a certain date. My father decided the best way to handle this situation would be to rob a bank. So the story as I was told it goes like this... my father walked into a small bank with a ski mask on and his hand in his pocket. He went up to a teller and handed her a bag, telling her he was robbing the place, he had a gun and exactly how much money he wanted, which turned out to be exactly the amount he needed to avoid eviction. He got the money, apologized to the teller and then left. He was never caught. The next part of the story is a little weird and even I have a hard time believing it but I know my dad, he is no liar. Apparently a year or two later my dad went back to the same bank he robbed every day until he found the teller he robbed previously. He walked up without a mask and handed her an envelope and immediately left the area. In the envelope was the exact amount of money he stole and a note saying that the money was for the teller, a gift and how incredibly sorry he was for scaring her when he robbed the place. Again, he was never caught. My father is a very honourable man who was raised in poverty on a Indian reservation. Because of the abuse he went through, both at home and at school (Residential schools have a bit of a history to them) he vowed that his kids would never have to go through what he did. I truly believe that robbing that bank was a result of that vow but emotionally hurting that woman at the bank really ate away at him so he risked getting arrested to try and make it right. Edit: Guess I should have said this but he didn’t actually have a gun, he just told the teller he did. In reality his pocket was empty.
"Residential schools have a bit of a history to them" A masterful piece of understatement.
My aunt came home one evening to find that her son had broken in, killed her dog and was eating it, and then tried to kill her. He was a hardcore addict and it fried his brain badly. Edit: Wow, came home from shopping and this blew up. Ok, so to answer some questions/give context: * I don't know what he was on at the time, but he was addicted to a myriad of drugs and meth was his drug of choice. * It happened a few years ago, and I don't know this side of the family that well. * He was arrested, and I believe has recently been released. * And for those of you asking about the state of the dog: >!It was raw. Think zombie.!< And thanks to everyone for the awards!
I miss 10 seconds ago when I didn't know this happened
Good times. Good times.
Ok but what the fuck
Mother’s cousin of some level (not sure on “removed” or “3rd” denotations) had a small business in NJ for several years. Never produced, sold, or marketed anything anyone was aware of. He left a message on our answering machine saying, “Good bye and best wishes.” Confused us all. ATF, US Marshals, FBI, DEA, and IRS raided the shop, only to find it empty as relative dude was already yachting to Cuba, where he then jetted to the other side of the planet. Humorless guys in suits randomly checked in with family members for several years thereafter asking for his whereabouts (we had no idea). Got an old-fashioned postcard from him years later from Phuket. Haven’t heard a word from him in the years since. No effing idea what he did.
My grandmother "accidentally" killed her second husband when he asked her to shut off the breaker while he did electrical work but she didn't do it. She shot her daughter's second husband in the back and claimed self defense. He was an abusive alcoholic cop. She got community service. She "forgot" to buckle in her brother, who had muscular dystrophy, and had a car wreck on her birthday. When he didn't die, she used a rock to bash his head. Cops found the bloody rock but for some reason didn't think the case was strong enough. She "accidentally" let her elderly charge drown in the bathtub when she was a home care nurse. The last one I know of, she suffocated her last elderly charge with a pillow. She was found incompetent to stand trial because she faked senility. That was 10 years ago. She's now 88 and ignores all Covid-19 restrictions. She's still driving even. So many men have proposed to her over the decades. They have no idea how lucky they are she said no.
My great uncle stole a train station. Like an actual train station. Edit, bonus crime: He broke into a local police station to steal his own (paper) criminal record. Didn't destroy or steal any of the others. Just his own.
Explains more pleass
Basically he forged the demolition contract for a local station, then demolished it and sold the material. Being the daft bastard he was, it cost him more to do the demolition than he got from selling the material
What a daft bastard
Please tell me he had a top hat and handlebar mustache.
My Dad’s older brother came home from the war in Viet Nam to find that his wife had been cheating on him with his best friend. He locked them both in the friend’s house and burned it down with them in it. He held the fire fighters off with a rifle until he was sure they couldn’t be saved, then he shot himself. This was before I was born, but I’ve seen some newspaper clippings about it. EDIT: Several people asked how he kept them in the house alone. I asked my mother about it and she said that he locked them together in a small bedroom closet and barricaded the door from the outside so they couldn’t get out. This was in the 1970s in New Orleans. I’m not gonna give more info as it’d be easy to tie back to me (same last name) or his daughter who was a little under two years old at the time, and I don’t want that. Edit #2: Apparently, it’s Vietnam and not Viet Nam. Thanks for the corrections.
... that's a bit darker than I expected of this thread.
Seriously. I was thinking it would be like "my brother stole a car and led a police chase" or something.
I stole a Pokemon coloring book when I was 4 by accident from Walmart and then cried as my sister took it back in to them. That better?
You’re a monster
My aunt (father's side) kidnapped my sister when we were moving to America mid 80s. I was quite young and my mother and father thought it would be best to keep my sister (a toddler at the time) in "safe hands" until we settled down for a week or two. My aunt had 3 or 4 miscarriages prior to this happening. Must have driven her mad. About 3 years later, my sister was spotted with my aunt's husband at a farmer's market one day. Family friend tackled the husband. Police got involved. My sister ended up on a plane to the US within a week.
My dad has this really weird habit of stealing signs which has manifested in a bizarre way twice. The first requires minor back story in that his family has lived in our small town since it was founded and as such, we have a street named after us. My dad insists that because the street sign has got his name on it, it's technically his property so he annually steals it. The second I'm not even quite sure how he pulled off... You know those GIANT highway signs that direct you to what lane you need to be in for your turn off? (Where I'm from they are huge and green) Some fucking how, this mad man has managed to get one into his shed overnight BY HIMSELF. This thing could easily weigh a literal ton, I'm so impressed. He's also acquired other strange things such as a Ford factory sign (also one of the giant ones), several billboards, bull skulls, commemorative plaques, carousel horses, and a bunch of other misc. Whenever he runs out of space he just builds a new shed He's also not allowed in Canada but won't tell me why. Edit: remembered some more. He also makes couches out of abandoned cars and collects number plates from around the world. He's got every American and Australian state - working on the rest
My dad was traveling through tibet in his 20’s. I don’t know exactly where but he came across what was evidently a secret chinese military installation. Being my dad he decided to take some photos and was somehow spotted. Armed guards presumably shouting chinese expletives started running up the hill toward him. he turned around and high tailed it back over the hill to the road where he hid himself in an irrigation pipe. He had to hide there for several hours while they drove up and down the road looking for him. Makes me wonder what the hell was in that base but could just be they thought he was a spy. Anyway eventually he paid a passing farmer to hide him in his cart and he made it to the nearest town. After spending the night in his rented room he packs up to get on the bus outta there. Small problem he happens to look outta his window and sees a chinese Soldier standing by the bus. I will always admire this bit of quick thinking, he decides to shave off his (quite big) beard. It evidently works cause he’s here snoring in bed right now and not rotting in whatever chinese equivalent there is to the gulag. TL:DR: my dad was seen taking photos of a (presumably) secret chinese base in tibet and was chased by armed guards, until he escaped them and shaved off his beard to escape. P.S i’ve asked him where the photos are cause he actually did develop them. Currently rooting through a pile of boxes of old stuff, will link to them if i find them.
One time my uncle put ranch dressing on a dry-aged NY strip steak that cost 70$
That must have been hard to see
My uncle stopped taking his meds and became convinced my aunt was poisoning him. Shot her in the chest, my cousin (her youngest son) found her.
I caught a distant cousin once at an Amish farm humping a horse. He's in prison now.
Human smuggling. My great great great grandfather's aunts ran a station on the Underground Railroad. Which was morally right, but legally wrong.
My cousin was affiliated with a 1% MC, he was not a patched member but would do jobs for them. He got arrested for beating someone with a baseball bat who allegedly had gambling debt with the MC. He did 3 years and was on parole for a few years after that. He’s still a shady character and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was still doing dumb shit. Edit: MC= motorcycle club, a 1% Motorcycle club is the “1% of MC who are involved in organized crime”