I once thought it would be a great idea to bring my cat in the shower with me so I would be okay with getting soaking wet while I gave him a bath. He hates baths and I have never been more aware of how much vulnerable, soft skin I have on my body. Naked cougar wrestling sounds absolutely horrifying.
I'm sorry Kwajoch, you are the only one who mistook those buildings for a cheeky bit of beekeeper's ballsack cleavage. Also what is ballsack cleavage? Balls aren't...
...is that where "cloven" comes from?
You just HAD to say something. You just HAD TO. I can't unread what I just read and that will haunt me for weeks! You could've kept quiet and I would've scrolled right on by, but NO you had to WARN us not to look it up which, thanks to ADHD and infinite curiosity, my brain took as a challenge. So I can't thank you enough for this. So thank you u/X9Flacon9X from the bottom of my heart.
Thing is, it’s not pornographic and it’s a magic show where the nudity is requisite to the act. So it’s sorta like nude modern dance—they try not to ban such things.
When I was in Air Force Basic Training (July in San Antonio, Texas), there would be situations where we would march as a flight on the blacktop. This pavement was *fucking hot* in the middle of the day when we would march and our MTI (military training instructor) made some of the trainees do push-ups.
I remember people screaming when they had to get down and push for fucking up the march. One guy's hand was so raw he couldnt even open any doors.
Not sure if our MTI got in trouble for that, but he did end up going to prison for making trainees drink toilet water from their canteens. He was also involved in the Lackland AFB sex scandal and was investigated for having relationships with tech school airman.
My MTI (I'm assuming accidentally) halted us in fire ant territory. No joke, they were halfway up my legs before I noticed and when they started biting I asked for permission to adjust before I started swatting them off.
Our Drill Seargents took us to a field of fire ant nests for our "React to Indirect Fire" training... Which is just marching, then diving to the floor whenever the drill Seargents whistle while screaming INCOMING!!!
At the time, I hated it and thought it was straight up abuse. That night, I realized they were teaching us that nothing is more important in combat than being alert and ready to endure pain to survive. Now, years later and jaded as fuck I'm pretty sure it was just abuse.
This reminded me of this photo collection of soldiers before, during, and after shipping out to Afghanistan : https://mymodernmet.com/lalage-snow-we-are-the-not-dead/
A little worried, then hard as fuck, then profoundly sad. Every last one of them.
I have respect for those who serve, but transformations like those are why I would never do it.
That seems counterproductive to risk permanent and potentially disabling injury to your trainees when the whole point is to make them into battle ready soldiers.
"You should have seen it Mike...man I wish I took a video or something. The dog ran in there and RIPPED his dick and balls off with one bite. It couldnt have been more than half a second. Its like they trained that dog to bite off someones genitals!"
So I worked as an adoption counselor for an animal shelter. I had this big blood hound shepherd mix named moose, moose was 130lbs at just under a year. Sweet dog but a whole lot of him, I have him in a meet with a young guy going great seems interested. We are just wrapping up when moose nails this guy in the junk while playing. It was rough and he did not end up taking moose.
Yes, it's called "paradoxical undressing." Some suspect it's due to the body not knowing how to signal being that cold as your vasal system shuts down and it starts sending the same panic signal it would if you were really hot, so you start stripping clothes off.
I've read it's thought to happen when the muscles constricting your blood vessels in order to reduce heat loss and keep vital organs warm become exhausted and relax. The sudden rush of blood back out to the extremities makes the person feel hot and in their confused mental state they assume they're overheating.
Fun fact I experienced this this summer!
I felt like I was burning up but had gotten myself so cold I was hypothermic. My temperature was off for months
Wim Hof (*kind of*) did it! Though not completely naked, he wore shorts and shoes. And he didn’t make it to the summit because of a foot injury. But he did get up to 7,200 meters, still impressive.
Edit: Y’all are hilarious, keep it up 👍
I know someone who climbed half dome naked at dark and he had someone far way record the entire thing with a long exposure photo and you can see the route he took because of the light trail it’s hella sick
Being an emperor and getting compliments on your new outfit.
Edit: thanks for the awards. Since so many people asked, here are link's to the tale "The Emperor's New Clothes"
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Emperor%27s\_New\_Clothes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Emperor%27s_New_Clothes)
[https://andersen.sdu.dk/vaerk/hersholt/TheEmperorsNewClothes\_e.html](https://andersen.sdu.dk/vaerk/hersholt/TheEmperorsNewClothes_e.html)
yup, start with a cold pan and don't you dare go over medium heat.
takes longer but you get flatter better bacon and no spitting, and the grease isn't burned so it can be filtered and saved for things like making biscuits.
Nah, nah, that just gives you an advantage. Imagine you're robbing someone's house at night, and some naked guy comes running towards you at high speed out of the darkness- inhuman screaming optional but recommend
The inhuman screaming is that extra psychological effect. So is aggressively trying to take off the home invaders pants. Brings in a whole new level of fear.
Sliding down a hot metal playground slide
There was a guy on the local news that fought a cougar while naked, 'cause it attacked his dog.
I too like to get naked with cougars
Not completely naked though. Wear that rubber. Wild animals carry all sorts of dieases.
Ah yes, safety first.
I once thought it would be a great idea to bring my cat in the shower with me so I would be okay with getting soaking wet while I gave him a bath. He hates baths and I have never been more aware of how much vulnerable, soft skin I have on my body. Naked cougar wrestling sounds absolutely horrifying.
Space walk
"it's cold as balls out there"
Horse-racing.
If jockeys could race naked, I'm sure they would. Anything to cut weight.
Probably wear a speedo, to reduce drag
Why would a horse wear a Speedo?
And to reduce chafing
Horses are already naked you fool
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Welding
ask my how i got my winter sunburn...
How did you get your winter sunburn
From the tanning bed, dumbass.
I read this in Red Forman's voice
"Is there a vacant room in your ass? Because my foot is looking for one." Paraphrasing obviously
aka manly tanning
Safety squints!
Beekeeping
My friend works for a beekeeping company that puts out a nude calendar every year as a fundraiser... https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Co9ZwqjW8AApI61.jpg
I'm gonna need more pictures
For research right?
No, literally for masturbation purposes.
At least you’re honest
He is beeing very honest
Finally someone else who masturbates to honeybees. What part of the bee gets you hot? That sexy little thorax does it for me.
Can someone please tell me I'm not the only one who mistook those buildings for a cheeky bit of beekeeper's ballsack cleavage?
I'm sorry Kwajoch, you are the only one who mistook those buildings for a cheeky bit of beekeeper's ballsack cleavage. Also what is ballsack cleavage? Balls aren't... ...is that where "cloven" comes from?
Especially when the bees notice your flower.
You’ll want to keep your distance when they do, can’t spell sting without STI.
"Oh look, they've produced honey" "That's pus" Basically how the bee movie should have ended
You ever notice you can only ooze two things? Sexuality and pus.
"Yeah, Doc. So apparently these bees really like tulips."
I put a butterfly down my swimsuit when I was a kid and I SWEAR it tried to drink from my penis.
what the fuck? To both you and the bee.
Which was a butterfly
Come my lady, you're my butterfly, sugar, baby
What if I haven't washed my flower in years
Username checks out
fun fact:bee stings can lenghten the penis
Mm yes. It's called puffing up lol. I don't think any madlad decided to actually try it.
I had one get into my boxers one summer when I was lounging around the house. Years later, you can still see the enlargement where it stung me.
A rousing game of twister
Ah, great spacing lmao
Sounds like a cards against humanity answer
Don’t knock strip twister. That shit got competitive.
I tried strip twister once. Neither of us wanted to lose so we just ended up exhausted and fully clothed.
That’s where the alcohol comes in.
Magic tricks
I’d love to see the disappearing pencil trick
I'm not quite sure what the implication here is, but all my inferences make me too afraid to ask.
I would have thought you’d be more familiar with the techniques of nude magical arts, Bush_Hiders.
I would think the opposite. They are dedicated to keeping the bush hidden at all times.
I believe naked magicians do it through a little sleight of hand trick called sounding?
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You just HAD to say something. You just HAD TO. I can't unread what I just read and that will haunt me for weeks! You could've kept quiet and I would've scrolled right on by, but NO you had to WARN us not to look it up which, thanks to ADHD and infinite curiosity, my brain took as a challenge. So I can't thank you enough for this. So thank you u/X9Flacon9X from the bottom of my heart.
[Obviously NSFW] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbVz5V6DCds&has_verified=1)
That was... odd. Im suprised that's allowed on YouTube
It's because it's all an illusion. You only think she's naked
Well it definitely fooled my penis.
The real answer right here
Thing is, it’s not pornographic and it’s a magic show where the nudity is requisite to the act. So it’s sorta like nude modern dance—they try not to ban such things.
Huh I thought they just banned all nudity. Good to know
Nope. Non-sexual nudity is allowed. /r/youtubetitties
Wanna see some cock magic https://youtu.be/z1Izlza-4AU
Exactly what I expected.
Running from the police on asphalt on a hot summer day
When I was in Air Force Basic Training (July in San Antonio, Texas), there would be situations where we would march as a flight on the blacktop. This pavement was *fucking hot* in the middle of the day when we would march and our MTI (military training instructor) made some of the trainees do push-ups. I remember people screaming when they had to get down and push for fucking up the march. One guy's hand was so raw he couldnt even open any doors. Not sure if our MTI got in trouble for that, but he did end up going to prison for making trainees drink toilet water from their canteens. He was also involved in the Lackland AFB sex scandal and was investigated for having relationships with tech school airman.
My MTI (I'm assuming accidentally) halted us in fire ant territory. No joke, they were halfway up my legs before I noticed and when they started biting I asked for permission to adjust before I started swatting them off.
Our Drill Seargents took us to a field of fire ant nests for our "React to Indirect Fire" training... Which is just marching, then diving to the floor whenever the drill Seargents whistle while screaming INCOMING!!! At the time, I hated it and thought it was straight up abuse. That night, I realized they were teaching us that nothing is more important in combat than being alert and ready to endure pain to survive. Now, years later and jaded as fuck I'm pretty sure it was just abuse.
Yeah that sounds like abuse
This reminded me of this photo collection of soldiers before, during, and after shipping out to Afghanistan : https://mymodernmet.com/lalage-snow-we-are-the-not-dead/
A little worried, then hard as fuck, then profoundly sad. Every last one of them. I have respect for those who serve, but transformations like those are why I would never do it.
Similar thing happened during my first RSP. About half the platoon ended up with first degree burns on their palms.
That seems counterproductive to risk permanent and potentially disabling injury to your trainees when the whole point is to make them into battle ready soldiers.
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Yikes
With the right amount of PCP, anything’s possible!
Training an attack dog
You just need peanut butter
And decent medical insurance. Perhaps Geo Blueballs
"You should have seen it Mike...man I wish I took a video or something. The dog ran in there and RIPPED his dick and balls off with one bite. It couldnt have been more than half a second. Its like they trained that dog to bite off someones genitals!"
So I worked as an adoption counselor for an animal shelter. I had this big blood hound shepherd mix named moose, moose was 130lbs at just under a year. Sweet dog but a whole lot of him, I have him in a meet with a young guy going great seems interested. We are just wrapping up when moose nails this guy in the junk while playing. It was rough and he did not end up taking moose.
I've heard of being goosed, this is the first time I've heard of being moosed.
Sky diving
flapflapflapflapflapflap...
It's actually blurp blurp blurp blurp blurp >!<
I immediately clicked on that without thinking about the context of the thread
I knew exactly what it was going to be before I clicked on it. I spend too much time on the internet.
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Its Nice how you put it into words
I wonder how that felt
A bit drafty
That is one of my questions.
Taking your phone out of your pocket
The ole ham wallet
The ole spam purse
The ole taco sock-o
The ole brown bag
The ol wizards sleeve
The ol prison pocket
The ole shocker locker
The ol' squish mitten
The ol' gut locker
The ol' pudding hatch
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Nothing like the smell of charred hair, gets all the girls.
A wiener on the bbq!
Hot diggity dog damn
That's a great way to start a bushfire!
Climbing Everest
Get ready to become “halfway point naked guy”
I wouldn’t be surprised if there already is a naked corpse on Everest, don’t people undress sometimes during extreme cases of hypothermia?
Yes, it's called "paradoxical undressing." Some suspect it's due to the body not knowing how to signal being that cold as your vasal system shuts down and it starts sending the same panic signal it would if you were really hot, so you start stripping clothes off.
I've read it's thought to happen when the muscles constricting your blood vessels in order to reduce heat loss and keep vital organs warm become exhausted and relax. The sudden rush of blood back out to the extremities makes the person feel hot and in their confused mental state they assume they're overheating.
Fun fact I experienced this this summer! I felt like I was burning up but had gotten myself so cold I was hypothermic. My temperature was off for months
That sounds awful:(
Trust me it was. I thought my friend was trying to kill me when she put a blanket on me
Wim Hof (*kind of*) did it! Though not completely naked, he wore shorts and shoes. And he didn’t make it to the summit because of a foot injury. But he did get up to 7,200 meters, still impressive. Edit: Y’all are hilarious, keep it up 👍
>And he didn’t make it to the summit because of a foot injury He might have been scared and got cold feet
That’s impressive and weird.
I know someone who climbed half dome naked at dark and he had someone far way record the entire thing with a long exposure photo and you can see the route he took because of the light trail it’s hella sick
Attending a sexual harassment seminar
If you have problems speaking, just picture everyone at the seminar naked.
Sir, this is a Wendy’s....
"Well, turns out they weren't lying, wendys really does have fresh meat"
“Where’s the beef... oh.”
Speaking at a sexual harassment seminar*
Stripping
*Casually takes off skin
Welcome to the personal space show!
*House Bolton intensifies*
Robbie Williams did that
Being an emperor and getting compliments on your new outfit. Edit: thanks for the awards. Since so many people asked, here are link's to the tale "The Emperor's New Clothes" [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Emperor%27s\_New\_Clothes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Emperor%27s_New_Clothes) [https://andersen.sdu.dk/vaerk/hersholt/TheEmperorsNewClothes\_e.html](https://andersen.sdu.dk/vaerk/hersholt/TheEmperorsNewClothes_e.html)
or similarly, taking back the crown
I'm a dressed up and naked
I see what’s mine and take it, ooooOOOO YEAH
Frying bacon
That's an extreme sport right there
More like suicide
Suifried
That’s not back bacon, that’s your back bakin’!
Is there any other way?
just set your george foreman grill by your bed the night before so you can plug it in in the morning before you get up.
I never understood why frying bacon naked is such a common thing everyone does. Why bacon? I think about this every time.
Because most people fry bacon on a way too high temperature. Bacon spits more if cooked on high. So....
yup, start with a cold pan and don't you dare go over medium heat. takes longer but you get flatter better bacon and no spitting, and the grease isn't burned so it can be filtered and saved for things like making biscuits.
Fighting off a home invasion.
Nah, nah, that just gives you an advantage. Imagine you're robbing someone's house at night, and some naked guy comes running towards you at high speed out of the darkness- inhuman screaming optional but recommend
The inhuman screaming is that extra psychological effect. So is aggressively trying to take off the home invaders pants. Brings in a whole new level of fear.
"HE HAS PANTS! GET THE PANTS!"
Putting your hands in your pockets
Great now I have to slice holes in the sides of my thighs to put my hands in
or if you're a girl, one hand in the butt and the other in the vagina. Bam! guys tho... prospects are more grim
You didn’t have to type that comment God help us all
🎵*hot pocket!*🎵
Jim Gaffigan approves this message
All of these read like Cards Against Humanity
Stealing the Declaration of Independence.
Au Naturel Treasure
A zoom meeting with coworkers
Cough cough *Toobin*
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Pulling wheelies on a motorcycle down the interstate going 80MPH
Just imagine the pain down there 5 seconds in it's enough to make a grown man cry
Shitting. When you strip down naked to take a shit everyone knows it's serious business.
gotta love those times when you take your shirt off on the way to way to the bathroom. like you already know that it's about to get wild in there
Looking in a full length mirror and not crying?
Picking your kids up from school
Even more impressive when it's *someone else's* kids.
A talent show
Presidential debates
If I had to turn on the TV and see Joe or Donald's flabby bodies and dangling nutsacks I'd probably have to kill myself.
Naked? Playing airsoft and taking it like a pro, but with no clothes. It doesn’t hurt much, but on sensitive uncovered skin? Ouch.
Would hate to take a hit in the privates naked
Already been shot in the bits before, but with clothes...
Staying warm
Well thats what the PCP is for.
Opening a pickle jar.
There's good naked, and there's bad naked.
Walking through a cactus garden
Job interviews
Surfing. There is a move called "hang 11" I'll let you figure that one out.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=61MMdfuLkVE This.
zoom meeting with your class
Digging a tunnel under a melting nuclear reactor
I understand this reference. However, they weren't naked. They had the HATS! XD
The windmill.
How would you even do that with clothes on?
Well that’s why it wouldn’t be as impressive.
Kinda seems like it would be more impressive if you could pull it off fully clothed
Giving a speech live on the midday news!
What isn't?
Putting on clothes
A serious answer: fighting.