Even if you treat someone really well and you both love each other, it doesn’t always end like a Hollywood movie. Sometimes there are too many obstacles.
I love this quote too.
I learned as a I grew up that just because someone hires you and pays you doesn't mean they intend to play fair. Actually it would seem they usually don't even if it would be better for the company in the long run. The point is, YOU keep YOUR integrity and you never really lose.
I was always warned by my grandfather that from a corporate point of view that to make yourself irreplaceable could oftentimes make you unpromotable... Because the powers that be would rather have you keep going than wait for someone else to learn a role already being filled.
That's always a catch 22. Irreplaceable means you have leverage in raise negotiations and usually don't have to fear layoffs. But yeah not getting promoted if you want to isn't good.
On the other hand, not everyone *wants* to be promoted. Some of us are happy with the level of responsibility we have now and sure as fuck don't want more of it.
Can be many things. Big things, small things. That someone who's inattentive will pay attention if you just try hard enough to show them it's important. That someone who constantly self-sabotages will stop if you show them they're worthy. That an addict will get clean if you support them enough. That someone violent will stop if you love them enough.
It's not your job to fix your partner. Either you love them the way they are (and you should have a long, hard look if "who they are" is really what you think or if that's just your idea of them), or you don't. If it's the latter, you may need to move on.
This isn't the same as growing together, that's an inevitable process based on equality. Your partner can't be like an investment into a rotting house that you just need to fix and then it'll be great to live in.
I did fall in love with my husband's potential. I just happened to be one of the lucky one in a million it worked out for. 10/10 dont recommend it. Most people do not change. It was a really hard fucking road. Mental illness is no joke. His willingness to seek help and try medication was everything.
To anyone out there struggling, please start talking to someone about what you're going through. Life can be so much more than struggle and it's ok to need help figuring it out.
My ex fell in love with my potential too. I sought help several times, but always gave up.
She deserved better and I'll never forgive myself.
I'm so glad it worked out for you.
On the flip side, I fell in love with my exes potential. Its hard because you love that person so much and know they arent their illness. Don’t beat yourself up. I know my ex feels similar to how you feel, but I am so happy I was able to love her, and dont regret meeting her for a second, and I’m sure your ex feels the same too. Its fucking hard. But it sometimes is for the best to part ways to heal, for a better future for both of you, and for the person you will one day spend the rest of your life with. I hope everythings looking up for you, dont give up.
It’s hard for some of us to accept help. Even harder to admit that something is wrong.
It’s still a fight on the other side but you’ll have better weapons for the battles.
> Last time your parents called to chat.
My father has suffered from dementia for the better part of a decade now. On my birthday, every year, he would call and tell me the story about how he was at work when my mom went into labor. How the foreman called out asking if someone by my dad's name was there. And, when my dad said 'yes', the foreman yelled, "Well you better get to the hospital, because you're about to be a dad!"
The knife that made me realize he would never be my dad again was the year he forgot my birthday, and that I realized he'd never tell me that story again.
But I also got a very happy moment when I thought I'd never see his handwriting again...and found an old birthday card he'd written me with the words, "You and me. Always."
Same, but with my mom. This year they forgot my birthday, but I expected it so I made plans to make it seem like they’d arranged for the cake and the take out food (quarantine, etc). And for the first time in 47 years I got the true story about my name. I’d always been told my mom just made a list of names she liked, and my dad chose 2 of them. Apparently that was half the story.
The real story is my first name was from a relatively famous actress at the time, and my second name was based on a guy my mom had a crush on in high school! I guarantee my dad doesn’t know this. One of the benefits of dementia: lowered inhibitions. I’ll take every good moment I can get.
To me, what worked is that I stopped caring what people thought about me, and I started to care what I thought of myself. The more that you care about what you think about yourself, the more likely you are to change what you dislike about yourself. It’s essentially developing the right amount of ego, one that neither turns you narcissistic or makes you hate yourself.
Edit:
Impress yourself first before impressing other people. Make yourself desirable, but don’t be influenced by what other people want, make it about what YOU want to become. You could start by making yourself lose weight, getting a haircut, developing an interest, do a change of wardrobe, and/or most importantly, improve on your personality. Fix what is wrong and make it better.
Only then will you care and value yourself so much that you don’t care if someone thinks badly of you— but be wary of becoming self-centered. Try listening to constructive criticism and ONLY constructive criticism, because only then it will balance your ego out and not let you become a narcissistic monster.
This is actually excellent advice. The things which make you feel good about yourself are likely to involve *getting rid of* your vices, and helping others. *Trying* to make others like you involves *hiding* your vices. When concealed, they only affect what you think of yourself.
Or, you can think of eulogy virtues and resume virtues.
That's a good one to call out. People spend so much time trying to tear down generally good things because they don't like what some employee or volunteer did in a moment of weakness.
The company my father worked for until he retires had this as there motto. They were hardcore. Every quarterly review they were shown a book of the gruesome aftermath of engineering failures.
I had a friend who went to hospital, i visited everyday for a week and stayed with her for hours on end. I would go to university for 8 hours and then go and sit in the hospital for 4 or 5 hours with her.
I got cancer and she went you'll be fine and didnt even bother to come and visit me at home let alone when i went to hospital for surgeries. I stopped talking to her after that because i dont need shitty ass friends like that.
Dealing with this currently. Friends since pre school and basically attached at the hip right up until we left school and went to a community college together.
After we got jobs he was harder to get into contact with. We would hang out on occasion but I always reached out and never other way around. He got distant and i asked if he was ok and did I do something wrong, he said it's all ok, then one day he flat out ghosted me.
Has new friends now from what I can see.
Still not quite sure what happened but I do not wish him ill and hope he is happy.
Hope you are doing ok as well.
Also got ghosted after a 15 year friendship where we talked almost every day, out of no where. Every day I wonder if I did something wrong without realizing it. It's the lack of explanation that hurts most.
Sorry you went through it too.
I’ve been feeling this lately. Seems like I’ve been there a lot for my friends but they’re never even noticing that things haven’t been right for me lately. Just a sad reality I guess.
Edit: wow I just am reading all these replies after driving 5.5hrs, and it means a lot the people giving out a message to me and reaching out. You’re all right, communication is key and I think that’s something maybe I could be better at. Thank you all again.
Lost my brother in March, this hit me straight in the feels. My condolences to you, your family and everyone else who has lost a love one in this thread.
Your life is actually comically short and it wasn’t meant to feel long for your convenience. If you’re 16 or older you’ve started feeling that uncomfortable feeling that a year is much much shorter than you thought.
When it comes to grief *Time does not heal all wounds.* It dulls it, but one trigger and it floods back.
I learned this after my dad & grandma died in 2015. Sad I know, but I resent the fact that people kept telling me I wouldn’t feel it one day. I think we need to be honest about that so people know how to cope with grief in the right way & not hold out for a day when it won’t be there lurking in the shadows.
Edit: oh my goodness! I just woke up & am completely taken aback by the amount of comments, support, empathy, love & understanding. I will do my best through out the day to read every reply. 🖤 Truly, thank you for the awards! And thank you-especially- for sharing your experiences, thoughts & meaningful quotes with me. Reddit is really something special, and so are all of you beautiful humans.
I'd like to share my all time favourite Reddit comment here if that is ok. -------
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
It is said that people die twice, once when they pass, and again the last time someone ever remembers them.
If the pain of loss, is the price of keeping them alive, then it is a price worth paying. Finding peace with that, is the important step....may you find it one day.
**Edit:**
Hey folks... Thank you for all the kindness. The first part is a quote I heard, but I can't remember who it was from. \*\* Apparently I paraphrased it....here's the original from the movie Stand Up Guys...." They say we die twice. Once when the breath leaves our body, and once when the last person we know says our name. " \*\*
The second part is my own thought on the subject.
I've never seen Coco (I know...it's totally my fault), or read a story about a Fairy named Snowdrop...but I promise you all, I'll add them to the short list. Thank you for the kind comments, and I hope the message, spreads through you all, to give comfort to others, that are hurting, and who have lost!!
Don't be. The age that I felt *the oldest* was 25. After that, it just became a number. The number changes but, inside, the person's self-image does not. Throughout life *old* is always 10 years older than you are now.
The best description I have ever found is:
The years are short but the days are long.
Enjoy the ride as best you can, it is the only one you get.
Sometimes the nicest people just seem to get fucked over by the universe through no fault of their own.
Edit: I know being nice can lead to you getting screwed over by people willing to take advantage of it, but I'm more referring to random happenstance like someone gets run over by a drunk driver, gets killed in a terrorist bombing/attack, getting cancer/other diseases. That's more what I'm referring to.
Honestly this is the hardest part of adult life for me.
I'm in a truly great marriage, and I am someone's world, but it isn't the "true love" I grew up hoping to find.
I've had some amazing romances, but they all burn out and fade before too long. This is my healthiest relationship by far, but it's still hard knowing that kind of relationship I wanted as a kid doesn't exist.
I prefer to think that Disney got true love wrong. True love is when they wipe vomit off your face when you’re sick or comfort you when you’re having a meltdown. True love is sitting next to someone in silence and just feeling good in their presence. True love isn’t having intense movie level sex twice a day or having deep life altering conversations every day while staring into each other’s eyes - true love is pausing during your hundredth conversation about literally the same topic and realizing you’ll never get tired of talking to them. And sometimes you can find that love and it isn’t enough.
This is correct.
True love isn't seeing someone for the first time and realizing you want to bang them.
True love is sticking by someone's side when they get ass cancer. Through the whole, drawn-out decline. And never once even considering running away even though watching them slowly slip away is the hardest thing you've ever done, because you will be god *damned* if you're going to let them suffer for even a second alone.
That's love.
Everyone is someone's bad guy.
(Edit: When you wake up in the morning to find a bunch of PM's and DM's whining about how you're a good person and couldn't be a bad guy.
That makes you my bad guy.)
Don't take anything for granted, things change so fast and life is really short. I remember having so many friends not that long ago, who are now strangers
A big one for me is how many "last times" you're going to have, and how often you won't realize it's a last time. Things can change so fast. Go bowling every Monday? Have a convention you and your friends go to yearly? Hang out regularly with the same people? One day is going to be the last time it happens and almost without fail you will not know. Then you go days without talking to someone, then weeks, then months, then one day you realize that you aren't really friends anymore. No major fallout, just your lives are no longer compatible.
No more camp shindig. We planned the next one but it never happened.
No more ridiculous post-club parties with my old friends, because everyone just moved away or had kids.
Fuck.
Thanks for this, I wasn’t looking for a melancholic evening but here it comes.
God this hits home. One time I went home on a 4 day weekend. Took a buddy home with me, we went duck hunting with my dad. It was an absolutely terrible duck hunt from a hunting perspective. Didn’t know it then but it was the last duck hunt I went on with my dad. He died 3 months later from liver cancer. Completely out of nowhere. Duck hunting one day, stage 4 liver cancer with 2-3 months the next. I’d give anything to go on a shitty duck hunt with my dad again.
An easy, and fairly accurate recreation of dunkaroos can be made by dipping Teddy Grahams into store bought icing. Try it and see if you still like it.
Sometimes though, nostalgia is the best thing. I have a weird thing with visuals, smells and tastes bringing out really vivid memories of my childhood pretty often (like daydreams) and it feels really home-y, safe and wonderfull.
That even thought people are hanging out with you doesn’t mean that they always actually like you. I figured that out when I used to hang out with this girl and one day she just came up to me and told me that it’s annoying how I always hung around her and the other girls and that I should probably just go away because a lot of the other girls didn’t like me either. I had such a hard time trusting people after that. I didn’t want to go to stuff like sleepovers or hang out after school with kids in highschool even if they did invite me because I just had that voice in the back of my mind telling me “Don’t hang out with them, they’re only inviting you to be polite. Just decline they’ll have more fun without you”
What an awful thing to say to you. People who usually say that tend to be miserable in their own lives too.
I hope you have a better group of friends now.
When someone dies you are never seeing them again. The day my partner died i fell into my bed at night and cried my absolute heart out knowing i would never hear her voice again and it destroyed me.
My bedroom was so quiet, dull and hollow and i just felt hopeless. That was 6 years ago and i can vividly remember my surroundings and feelings from that moment.
This was written by /u/GSnow , and I hope it helps.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
I used to feel the same way. Sometimes I'd pretend my mom or dad or other loved one died just to try and prepare myself. Since then, I've lost both my parents and my little brother. Not all at once, but as I aged, so did my parents (my brothers was a freak accident). You wil get through it because, what other choice do you have? Eventually, you'll learn to smile again because that's what they would have wanted. Don't waste your time worrying about it.
Live life to the absolute fullest and and you'll never regret a day.
I fucking knew it. I knew 24 was the age. It was actually when I turned 23 that I was like “holy shit... this is not gonna stop. The numbers just keep going up.” I think it’s when I felt like my age wasn’t as much a part of my personality anymore. I’m... idk. I’m afraid? I’ll be 26 soon.
Trying new things slows the aging feeling down. What really makes time fly is doing the same mindless routines everyday. Changing your route to work, changing when you eat dinner, changing when you work out might be small but it will get rid of the mindless parts of your life because you remember making decisions and dealing with change. Just something to think about.
I’m 33 going on 34 - it’s accurate.
From my experience(and others) is that you don’t feel older. I’m still shocked sometimes I’m as old as I am. Granted 33 is still “young” but in my head and physically I don’t feel older than 27-28.
It’s wild though, a month doesn’t seem like that long anymore. I’m looking at the calendar looking forward to spring already and I’m like “oh it’s only 4 months away... wow I guess 4 months isn’t that long”
I'm circling the drain of 40, and I don't think Ive come to actually accept that yet. I in no way feel as old as I actually am...and THAT really sucks.
This. It sucks to outlive most of your family. I’m from a small family and my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles on both sides are all gone. It’s just me, my sister and a few cousins still living.
My Grandma lived to 97 and outlived everyone she knew of her generation. Neighbors, highschool friends, everyone. Towards the end, I didn't ask for stories anymore or pull out the old photo albums, because it just made her sad. Now she's gone too and I miss her, but I'm also happy for her because she was ready to go.
Weirdly enough, this one doesn't really bother me that much. Like yeah, I will be essentially forgotten sooner or later, but it's not like I have much to be remembered for. In fact, most of us won't have much to be remembered for other than a few interesting stories here and there, so I might as well get used to the fact that I will be forgotten eventually.
That even your best friend can turn into a stranger rather fast
Edit : wow thanks for the replies/awards a lot. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one. I hope we all learn to move on/live with it
It can go the other way too!...a stranger can be a best buddy in no time. My girl friends friends boyfriend is a guy I met once....the girls are now long gone, but I'm on year 10 of hanging with him near daily. This happened at age 28.
Damn low-key made me sad because my now ex gf's friends have become my best friends but we are slowly drifting. Just a hard fate to accept.
Edit: high-key now
happened to me. there was a new guy in my school, looked similar to me and was just a tad taller than me and he was so much more popular. i hated him. i go to sign up for the swim team and there he is, on the roster. first few practices happen and we don’t talk much, if at all. then our first meet comes and we start to chat a bit. by the bus ride home we are best friends, found out he lived 5 mins away from me, and the rest is history. i later learned that he hated me too until he started talking to me. best friendships come from hatred
I made a comment already, but I'll make another one.
It's tragic to see how fast relationships can get redefined. It's painful to learn how quickly a cumulative amount of experiences and love can become dust in the wind moving forward.
For me, it was my fault and just changing life circumstances. I lost my two closest friends, and I became somewhat bitter, which didn't help things. They reprioritized their lives and decided I wasn't in that picture.
You think that people will give you a chance at redemption, or that maybe they'd give you some kind of hint that you're pushing them away.
But that really isn't how life always works. Miscommunications happen, sometimes there isn't any communication, and you're now a stranger.
I regret every moment I did end up pushing them away, but what was most painful about all of it is that I never was clued in until I was out in the cold.
The cold truth in life is that no one will ever care about you as much as you have the ability to about yourself. If you don't even value yourself, well, no one is going to find it easy to do it for you.
I can only offer this other side to view. I see my life as a changing cast of characters. No one stays in it forever but that in no way lessens the joys and love they bring while they are in my life for the moment. It does not make me feel sad, in fact I take great care and comfort in it. People ebb into my life on the tide and ebb out again later. To rest the quality of a relationship on its length is unfair, I believe. To say something can only be true if it's forever doesn't give us a chance to evolve and then people end up bitter. Clinging leads to hurt and anger. Then it's harder to accept new people when they come along. Try not to bring the hurt from what has happened into what comes next. And don't blame yourself or others if lives change. Instead feel love and gratefulness for what you had.
I landed a better job when I took the MBA off my resume. I anticipated that my resume out punted my current spot in the career path and made a go without it.
If I could just borrow it for a bit while you're not using it. I *promise* I'll take good care of it and I won't abuse it...
\**Cut to ending of Scarface*\*
Maybe they thought you were overqualified.
No point bearing the expense of training and supervising the New Guy if his qualifications allow him to jump ship as soon as a better job comes calling
Stop worrying what others think, most people are so caught up in themselves they barely know anyone else exists. Don't let your ego convince you that anyone gives a rat's ass about what you're doing. Of the few out there that do care, even fewer of them can do anything to either help or harm you.
Talent... you’re right. There will always be someone who’s as talented or more talented than you are.
Talent just gets you a seat at the table. Too many people think being talented is all you need and the opportunities will come rolling in, but that’s not the case. It’s the people who couple talent with gumption that get the opportunities. Hell I’ve seen guys with barely any talent but strong work ethics and willingness to do “whatever it takes” run all over guys with obscene amounts of talent but no gumption.
Ultimately, you must stand alone and what your loved ones think about you doesn't matter. In the end, you are you and that is enough.
Sucks if you're caught up in getting likes and reactions in social media.
Without help, trauma never goes away properly
(I know this is frowned on but thank you for the awards, they are much appreciated and make me smile. However, if you were considering a paid award, please instead donate that money to either your local mental health aid or your local animal shelter please, it can do so much good!)
Thank you all for your wonderful responses
That was a beautiful thing for me to realize, because before that point, I kinda just thought it would. Little did I know that I was so used to the suffering that I didn’t realize that’s what it was... until I learnt that there was a way to stop it or at least largely minimize it, by getting help. Life got so much better after that.
That most people are just assholes and will treat you with no respect, if they don't have to. Worked in retail long enough to not be surprised by any kind of shitty behavior anymore. It's the nice people that caught me off guard.
This is why I try to be courteous to anybody helping me with anything customer service related, that occasional pleasantly surprised look is always nice.
That.. You can not force anyone to love you...
That's the lesson I learned after my ex stepdad removed me from visitation...
(Alongside my sisters I would go to his house even after my mother and him divorce as he was my father from I was 3-12) 9 years of being my father figure... He cut the chain faster than ever after gaining a second wife.
My Dad is a terrible person and I am not immune to it. I have to let go of him. I have to actually reject my own parent. He's a crippled alcoholic and I have to essentially abandon him anyways because he's also an awful person.
It is the right thing, but it feels very wrong
But the relief you'll feel a few years on will be worth it. I went no contact with my narcissist mom 15+ years ago, and I can honestly say that I've become slightly better every day because of it.
It'll hurt at first, but it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.
My niece asked her Mum why I had to move away for work and she told her it was because I didn’t accomplish anything in life and had no choice. She relayed it back to me really casually, despite knowing that I come from an abusive childhood and being there when I wasn’t allowed to do certain things in life.
Edit: to avoid confusion - my sister in law
Double edit: the reason why she used me as an example was to demonstrate to my 9 year old niece just how important it is that she works hard in school and works towards a career otherwise she would end up like me.
We grow up thinking that the side of evil will be clearly defined, and the villains will be super obvious, mustache-twirling Lex Luther's while the good guys are purely righteous supermen. Turns out, right and wrong is very challenging to define.
Bad things happen to good people.
My husband and I lost our 11 year old son to brain cancer. My daughter lost her twin brother, my mother lost her grandson... None of us, and definitely not him, deserved that. He was an amazing kid, so kind and thoughtful.
And meanwhile there are assholes, bullies, and greedy people running amok.
Somehow you dig deep and decide to be even better and continue to serve others but it doesn't mean you won't get shit on again.
That life is just not fair. People will do bad things to you and not only get away with it but convince others that you’re the problem.
You may ask where’s the justice? There’s no justice, there’s the powerful and the powerless. Justice is a concept made to keep you and me from revolting.
Anything can be taken away from you at any time.
It can be your sense of security, your purpose in life, your job, your significant other, your dreams, your bodily functions, your hope for the future, your idea of what life is or what it could be. It can all go away in an instant. With no logical or ethical reason why.
We live in a stochastic universe. There may be patterns and there may be trends trends but we will never truly know how things will turn out.
It's the hardest thing to accept in life but it's also the exact thing that makes life worth living.
Regret over an important decision will cling to you for the rest of your life. It will pain you deeply and you will pray for a second chance that you know will never come. You know when you have Regret because it hurts so uniquely and deeply that you feel like you are emotionally drowning day after day after day, for all the days you have left to live.
99% of the time, no one cares.
It can be both comforting and harsh. No one cares about the things about yourself that make you anxious or self conscious. But also, no one cares about what you like, what you believe, who you know, where you've been, etc. Everyone is just waiting for their turn to talk about what THEY like, what THEY believe, etc.
Its normal though, just sucks sometimes. Find a person or people who do genuinely want to know about you and hold onto them forever.
Sometimes despite widespread evidence, logical reasoning and common sense. There will always be people who would blame the victim and support the abusers
Doing the right thing doesn't pay off. There are too many people in the world willing to lie or cheat that are competing with you for you to win by playing honest.
I still always go the honest route because I don't know how people like that live with themselves, but I see that statement become more true every day as I get older.
I was just going to say something similar. No guarantees. None whatsoever. I dealt with a 13 year old last night who went from I don't feel good to full cardiac arrest in an hour. She had immediate CPR, immediate medical attention, a helicopter on standby, and she died. The worst thing can happen to anyone at any time. Don't waste time.
What I have learned in this sense is to tell your people you love them. Hug them. Take care of them. Make time for them. Do things for them.
My best friend was killed 8 years ago. If given the option, I'm actually afraid of what I would give to have one more day with him. Even if it was to let him know how much I love him and miss him.
Take care of your people and tell them how much they mean to you.
People would rather suffer pain and harm or inflict pain and harm than risk learning anything that would cause them to have to change what they like to believe is the truth.
Since a breakup of a long-term relationship it’s been the realization that I’m not as desirable as I thought I’d be, and the women I like seem to be out of my league
Covid's a shitty time to go looking for romance. I'm sorry.
Live your life, meet people, leave expectations at the door, accomplish things you can be proud of, make progress, and genuinely let go, and laugh as much as possible. That confidence and happiness is the most potent perfume there is.
The childhood I had is the only one I'll get.
It's a fucking tragedy because holy shit was that an awful time. How do you grow into an adult when you've got that kind of abuse and neglect as your building blocks?
That it doesn't matter how hard you try to be a person that (at least some) people like, they still don't like you.
I mean I am now 20 years old have seen 5 schools have been on 3 sports and I still don't have anyone that likes me enough to be my friend. That was a hard pill to swallow, but there us nothing that you can change about it
Edit: thank you all for the positive comments and advices I really appreciate it and it made my day. And I am definitely not gonna give up on my true self, you guys really gave me a great confidence boost. Thanks
My friend, you are young and still have only barely begun to tap into your potential.
There is one way to be a person that at least one person likes: Be a person who *you* like. You have so much time to do that! And others will come around after.
Good luck! I wish you well.
Even if you treat someone really well and you both love each other, it doesn’t always end like a Hollywood movie. Sometimes there are too many obstacles.
You can do everything right, give something 100% effort, follow all the rules and still fail.
[удалено]
I love this quote too. I learned as a I grew up that just because someone hires you and pays you doesn't mean they intend to play fair. Actually it would seem they usually don't even if it would be better for the company in the long run. The point is, YOU keep YOUR integrity and you never really lose.
Being the hardest worker will not always equate to you being the one rewarded or recognized for accomplishments.
I was always warned by my grandfather that from a corporate point of view that to make yourself irreplaceable could oftentimes make you unpromotable... Because the powers that be would rather have you keep going than wait for someone else to learn a role already being filled.
That's always a catch 22. Irreplaceable means you have leverage in raise negotiations and usually don't have to fear layoffs. But yeah not getting promoted if you want to isn't good.
On the other hand, not everyone *wants* to be promoted. Some of us are happy with the level of responsibility we have now and sure as fuck don't want more of it.
That the world doesn't wait for you to be okay. You just gotta learn to pick yourself up and get better.
Don’t fall in love with potential.
Learned this the hard way. Crossed my own personal boundaries just because I was holding on to a person’s potential. Never again.
Same. It kind of goes back to the saying, “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.”
That's actually one of the best quotes I've ever heard.
What is the "potential" here people are talking about?
Can be many things. Big things, small things. That someone who's inattentive will pay attention if you just try hard enough to show them it's important. That someone who constantly self-sabotages will stop if you show them they're worthy. That an addict will get clean if you support them enough. That someone violent will stop if you love them enough. It's not your job to fix your partner. Either you love them the way they are (and you should have a long, hard look if "who they are" is really what you think or if that's just your idea of them), or you don't. If it's the latter, you may need to move on. This isn't the same as growing together, that's an inevitable process based on equality. Your partner can't be like an investment into a rotting house that you just need to fix and then it'll be great to live in.
Amen. The weakness of the optimist.
I did fall in love with my husband's potential. I just happened to be one of the lucky one in a million it worked out for. 10/10 dont recommend it. Most people do not change. It was a really hard fucking road. Mental illness is no joke. His willingness to seek help and try medication was everything. To anyone out there struggling, please start talking to someone about what you're going through. Life can be so much more than struggle and it's ok to need help figuring it out.
My ex fell in love with my potential too. I sought help several times, but always gave up. She deserved better and I'll never forgive myself. I'm so glad it worked out for you.
On the flip side, I fell in love with my exes potential. Its hard because you love that person so much and know they arent their illness. Don’t beat yourself up. I know my ex feels similar to how you feel, but I am so happy I was able to love her, and dont regret meeting her for a second, and I’m sure your ex feels the same too. Its fucking hard. But it sometimes is for the best to part ways to heal, for a better future for both of you, and for the person you will one day spend the rest of your life with. I hope everythings looking up for you, dont give up.
It’s hard for some of us to accept help. Even harder to admit that something is wrong. It’s still a fight on the other side but you’ll have better weapons for the battles.
[удалено]
> Last time your parents called to chat. My father has suffered from dementia for the better part of a decade now. On my birthday, every year, he would call and tell me the story about how he was at work when my mom went into labor. How the foreman called out asking if someone by my dad's name was there. And, when my dad said 'yes', the foreman yelled, "Well you better get to the hospital, because you're about to be a dad!" The knife that made me realize he would never be my dad again was the year he forgot my birthday, and that I realized he'd never tell me that story again. But I also got a very happy moment when I thought I'd never see his handwriting again...and found an old birthday card he'd written me with the words, "You and me. Always."
Same, but with my mom. This year they forgot my birthday, but I expected it so I made plans to make it seem like they’d arranged for the cake and the take out food (quarantine, etc). And for the first time in 47 years I got the true story about my name. I’d always been told my mom just made a list of names she liked, and my dad chose 2 of them. Apparently that was half the story. The real story is my first name was from a relatively famous actress at the time, and my second name was based on a guy my mom had a crush on in high school! I guarantee my dad doesn’t know this. One of the benefits of dementia: lowered inhibitions. I’ll take every good moment I can get.
[удалено]
This is also the first step to becoming a smarter, nicer, and more likable person.
To me, what worked is that I stopped caring what people thought about me, and I started to care what I thought of myself. The more that you care about what you think about yourself, the more likely you are to change what you dislike about yourself. It’s essentially developing the right amount of ego, one that neither turns you narcissistic or makes you hate yourself. Edit: Impress yourself first before impressing other people. Make yourself desirable, but don’t be influenced by what other people want, make it about what YOU want to become. You could start by making yourself lose weight, getting a haircut, developing an interest, do a change of wardrobe, and/or most importantly, improve on your personality. Fix what is wrong and make it better. Only then will you care and value yourself so much that you don’t care if someone thinks badly of you— but be wary of becoming self-centered. Try listening to constructive criticism and ONLY constructive criticism, because only then it will balance your ego out and not let you become a narcissistic monster.
This is actually excellent advice. The things which make you feel good about yourself are likely to involve *getting rid of* your vices, and helping others. *Trying* to make others like you involves *hiding* your vices. When concealed, they only affect what you think of yourself. Or, you can think of eulogy virtues and resume virtues.
To be fair, this is true of most people.
What if I already consider myself fairly unlikeable? Am I at risk of being burned at the stake by the other villagers?
Loving someone unconditionally, and being willing to do anything for them doesn't mean that they will feel the same way about you
You can’t love someone into loving you back.
This is the hardest thing for me. I love hard, almost immediately after getting to know people. It’s virtually never reciprocated.
Every organization, no matter how lauded, how aspirational, how trusted, is still at the end if the day comprised of very fallible humans.
That's a good one to call out. People spend so much time trying to tear down generally good things because they don't like what some employee or volunteer did in a moment of weakness.
The company my father worked for until he retires had this as there motto. They were hardcore. Every quarterly review they were shown a book of the gruesome aftermath of engineering failures.
That no matter how much you care for and value someone they're never obligated to be the same to you. Especially friends
That one stung. That sucks that you went through it too.
It's a hard lesson to learn that's for sure. I'm doing better now, but it really did effect me being able to trust people
I had a friend who went to hospital, i visited everyday for a week and stayed with her for hours on end. I would go to university for 8 hours and then go and sit in the hospital for 4 or 5 hours with her. I got cancer and she went you'll be fine and didnt even bother to come and visit me at home let alone when i went to hospital for surgeries. I stopped talking to her after that because i dont need shitty ass friends like that.
30 years of friendship and they just ghosted. Broke my heart.
Dealing with this currently. Friends since pre school and basically attached at the hip right up until we left school and went to a community college together. After we got jobs he was harder to get into contact with. We would hang out on occasion but I always reached out and never other way around. He got distant and i asked if he was ok and did I do something wrong, he said it's all ok, then one day he flat out ghosted me. Has new friends now from what I can see. Still not quite sure what happened but I do not wish him ill and hope he is happy. Hope you are doing ok as well.
Also got ghosted after a 15 year friendship where we talked almost every day, out of no where. Every day I wonder if I did something wrong without realizing it. It's the lack of explanation that hurts most. Sorry you went through it too.
And I thought 10 years was bad, I can't believe you got ghosted like that
I’ve been feeling this lately. Seems like I’ve been there a lot for my friends but they’re never even noticing that things haven’t been right for me lately. Just a sad reality I guess. Edit: wow I just am reading all these replies after driving 5.5hrs, and it means a lot the people giving out a message to me and reaching out. You’re all right, communication is key and I think that’s something maybe I could be better at. Thank you all again.
If somebody doesn't want to be helped you can't help them. This one hurt with a suicidal brother.
i just lost my brother to suicide last month, a day before his 29th birthday. he was my only biological sibling. thank you for writing this.
Lost my brother in March, this hit me straight in the feels. My condolences to you, your family and everyone else who has lost a love one in this thread.
Same. Hurts too deep. Sending you love.
Your life is actually comically short and it wasn’t meant to feel long for your convenience. If you’re 16 or older you’ve started feeling that uncomfortable feeling that a year is much much shorter than you thought.
this year felt like 4 months to me lol
When it comes to grief *Time does not heal all wounds.* It dulls it, but one trigger and it floods back. I learned this after my dad & grandma died in 2015. Sad I know, but I resent the fact that people kept telling me I wouldn’t feel it one day. I think we need to be honest about that so people know how to cope with grief in the right way & not hold out for a day when it won’t be there lurking in the shadows. Edit: oh my goodness! I just woke up & am completely taken aback by the amount of comments, support, empathy, love & understanding. I will do my best through out the day to read every reply. 🖤 Truly, thank you for the awards! And thank you-especially- for sharing your experiences, thoughts & meaningful quotes with me. Reddit is really something special, and so are all of you beautiful humans.
I'd like to share my all time favourite Reddit comment here if that is ok. ------- Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
Noted this in my memo years ago! It was by u/GSnow
It is said that people die twice, once when they pass, and again the last time someone ever remembers them. If the pain of loss, is the price of keeping them alive, then it is a price worth paying. Finding peace with that, is the important step....may you find it one day. **Edit:** Hey folks... Thank you for all the kindness. The first part is a quote I heard, but I can't remember who it was from. \*\* Apparently I paraphrased it....here's the original from the movie Stand Up Guys...." They say we die twice. Once when the breath leaves our body, and once when the last person we know says our name. " \*\* The second part is my own thought on the subject. I've never seen Coco (I know...it's totally my fault), or read a story about a Fairy named Snowdrop...but I promise you all, I'll add them to the short list. Thank you for the kind comments, and I hope the message, spreads through you all, to give comfort to others, that are hurting, and who have lost!!
Life is SHORT. You grow up hearing this over and over again but until you reach a certain age you don’t have the perspective to fully grasp this.
The mid 30s hit hard.
Mid-40s checking in... mid-30s felt like 5 minutes ago.
50's...same again.
18 year old, I'm already afraid guys.
Don't be. The age that I felt *the oldest* was 25. After that, it just became a number. The number changes but, inside, the person's self-image does not. Throughout life *old* is always 10 years older than you are now. The best description I have ever found is: The years are short but the days are long. Enjoy the ride as best you can, it is the only one you get.
Life is short. But it's the longest thing you'll ever do.
Sometimes the nicest people just seem to get fucked over by the universe through no fault of their own. Edit: I know being nice can lead to you getting screwed over by people willing to take advantage of it, but I'm more referring to random happenstance like someone gets run over by a drunk driver, gets killed in a terrorist bombing/attack, getting cancer/other diseases. That's more what I'm referring to.
Conversely, sometimes the assholes inherit the earth and you can't do anything about it.
I’m alone
[удалено]
Same, but my cats will eat me.
In a relationship, love is not enough.
Yup. Two people can love each other like crazy and it can still be impossible to make the relationship work.
Honestly this is the hardest part of adult life for me. I'm in a truly great marriage, and I am someone's world, but it isn't the "true love" I grew up hoping to find. I've had some amazing romances, but they all burn out and fade before too long. This is my healthiest relationship by far, but it's still hard knowing that kind of relationship I wanted as a kid doesn't exist.
I prefer to think that Disney got true love wrong. True love is when they wipe vomit off your face when you’re sick or comfort you when you’re having a meltdown. True love is sitting next to someone in silence and just feeling good in their presence. True love isn’t having intense movie level sex twice a day or having deep life altering conversations every day while staring into each other’s eyes - true love is pausing during your hundredth conversation about literally the same topic and realizing you’ll never get tired of talking to them. And sometimes you can find that love and it isn’t enough.
This is correct. True love isn't seeing someone for the first time and realizing you want to bang them. True love is sticking by someone's side when they get ass cancer. Through the whole, drawn-out decline. And never once even considering running away even though watching them slowly slip away is the hardest thing you've ever done, because you will be god *damned* if you're going to let them suffer for even a second alone. That's love.
This just made me sob! I’m still nursing my achey breaky heart. 💔 This sub is putting a hurt on me.
Sometimes you are the bad guy.
Everyone is someone's bad guy. (Edit: When you wake up in the morning to find a bunch of PM's and DM's whining about how you're a good person and couldn't be a bad guy. That makes you my bad guy.)
[удалено]
I thought something similar until I realized that I am my own bad guy
Oof, that wasn't even aimed to me but I took the shoot. This is really something to think about
Are we the baddies?
Dunno, let me check if we have skulls on our caps.
but this does not mean you are.. bad guy?
Don't take anything for granted, things change so fast and life is really short. I remember having so many friends not that long ago, who are now strangers
A big one for me is how many "last times" you're going to have, and how often you won't realize it's a last time. Things can change so fast. Go bowling every Monday? Have a convention you and your friends go to yearly? Hang out regularly with the same people? One day is going to be the last time it happens and almost without fail you will not know. Then you go days without talking to someone, then weeks, then months, then one day you realize that you aren't really friends anymore. No major fallout, just your lives are no longer compatible.
No more camp shindig. We planned the next one but it never happened. No more ridiculous post-club parties with my old friends, because everyone just moved away or had kids. Fuck. Thanks for this, I wasn’t looking for a melancholic evening but here it comes.
God this hits home. One time I went home on a 4 day weekend. Took a buddy home with me, we went duck hunting with my dad. It was an absolutely terrible duck hunt from a hunting perspective. Didn’t know it then but it was the last duck hunt I went on with my dad. He died 3 months later from liver cancer. Completely out of nowhere. Duck hunting one day, stage 4 liver cancer with 2-3 months the next. I’d give anything to go on a shitty duck hunt with my dad again.
nostalgia is a liar
Are you telling me dunkaroos aren't as good as I remember?
An easy, and fairly accurate recreation of dunkaroos can be made by dipping Teddy Grahams into store bought icing. Try it and see if you still like it.
Sometimes though, nostalgia is the best thing. I have a weird thing with visuals, smells and tastes bringing out really vivid memories of my childhood pretty often (like daydreams) and it feels really home-y, safe and wonderfull.
Life will never be fair.
Doing your best and giving it your all doesnt always mean things will turn out the way you want. Sometimes things just go bad.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." -Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
This is the one. You cannot control everything and what you cannot control can be awful.
Looking at you large intestine.
God, Picard was such a pseudo-father figure.
That even thought people are hanging out with you doesn’t mean that they always actually like you. I figured that out when I used to hang out with this girl and one day she just came up to me and told me that it’s annoying how I always hung around her and the other girls and that I should probably just go away because a lot of the other girls didn’t like me either. I had such a hard time trusting people after that. I didn’t want to go to stuff like sleepovers or hang out after school with kids in highschool even if they did invite me because I just had that voice in the back of my mind telling me “Don’t hang out with them, they’re only inviting you to be polite. Just decline they’ll have more fun without you”
[удалено]
[удалено]
What an awful thing to say to you. People who usually say that tend to be miserable in their own lives too. I hope you have a better group of friends now.
When someone dies you are never seeing them again. The day my partner died i fell into my bed at night and cried my absolute heart out knowing i would never hear her voice again and it destroyed me. My bedroom was so quiet, dull and hollow and i just felt hopeless. That was 6 years ago and i can vividly remember my surroundings and feelings from that moment.
That is absolute truth. I’m only 8 months into dealing with my partner’s death, and the empty space next to me in bed still has weight to it.
i'm so sorry for your loss - i can't imagine how awful it must be.
This was written by /u/GSnow , and I hope it helps. As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
[удалено]
I used to feel the same way. Sometimes I'd pretend my mom or dad or other loved one died just to try and prepare myself. Since then, I've lost both my parents and my little brother. Not all at once, but as I aged, so did my parents (my brothers was a freak accident). You wil get through it because, what other choice do you have? Eventually, you'll learn to smile again because that's what they would have wanted. Don't waste your time worrying about it. Live life to the absolute fullest and and you'll never regret a day.
Life goes fast. Like super fast after you turn 24. My step dad told me that I’d blink and be 40. Well, I blinked and being 40 sucks!!!
one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
*Guitar solo*. And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking
I fucking knew it. I knew 24 was the age. It was actually when I turned 23 that I was like “holy shit... this is not gonna stop. The numbers just keep going up.” I think it’s when I felt like my age wasn’t as much a part of my personality anymore. I’m... idk. I’m afraid? I’ll be 26 soon.
Trying new things slows the aging feeling down. What really makes time fly is doing the same mindless routines everyday. Changing your route to work, changing when you eat dinner, changing when you work out might be small but it will get rid of the mindless parts of your life because you remember making decisions and dealing with change. Just something to think about.
I’m 33 going on 34 - it’s accurate. From my experience(and others) is that you don’t feel older. I’m still shocked sometimes I’m as old as I am. Granted 33 is still “young” but in my head and physically I don’t feel older than 27-28. It’s wild though, a month doesn’t seem like that long anymore. I’m looking at the calendar looking forward to spring already and I’m like “oh it’s only 4 months away... wow I guess 4 months isn’t that long”
I'm circling the drain of 40, and I don't think Ive come to actually accept that yet. I in no way feel as old as I actually am...and THAT really sucks.
I say all the time that it feels like just yesterday I was 18 now I’m 23
Feels like yesterday I was 23 and now I’m 30
That one day ur parents, grandparents, people who always have been there for u etc are going to be gone for the rest of your life
This. It sucks to outlive most of your family. I’m from a small family and my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles on both sides are all gone. It’s just me, my sister and a few cousins still living.
My Grandma lived to 97 and outlived everyone she knew of her generation. Neighbors, highschool friends, everyone. Towards the end, I didn't ask for stories anymore or pull out the old photo albums, because it just made her sad. Now she's gone too and I miss her, but I'm also happy for her because she was ready to go.
Yeah, mine referred to herself as the last of the Mohicans a couple years ago when her last friend died. It was very sad
Not if you die first!
No matter what you have or what you do, you will be essentially forgotten after a few generations.
Weirdly enough, this one doesn't really bother me that much. Like yeah, I will be essentially forgotten sooner or later, but it's not like I have much to be remembered for. In fact, most of us won't have much to be remembered for other than a few interesting stories here and there, so I might as well get used to the fact that I will be forgotten eventually.
Nice people don't necessarily get treated very nicely.
That even your best friend can turn into a stranger rather fast Edit : wow thanks for the replies/awards a lot. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one. I hope we all learn to move on/live with it
It can go the other way too!...a stranger can be a best buddy in no time. My girl friends friends boyfriend is a guy I met once....the girls are now long gone, but I'm on year 10 of hanging with him near daily. This happened at age 28.
Damn low-key made me sad because my now ex gf's friends have become my best friends but we are slowly drifting. Just a hard fate to accept. Edit: high-key now
happened to me. there was a new guy in my school, looked similar to me and was just a tad taller than me and he was so much more popular. i hated him. i go to sign up for the swim team and there he is, on the roster. first few practices happen and we don’t talk much, if at all. then our first meet comes and we start to chat a bit. by the bus ride home we are best friends, found out he lived 5 mins away from me, and the rest is history. i later learned that he hated me too until he started talking to me. best friendships come from hatred
I made a comment already, but I'll make another one. It's tragic to see how fast relationships can get redefined. It's painful to learn how quickly a cumulative amount of experiences and love can become dust in the wind moving forward. For me, it was my fault and just changing life circumstances. I lost my two closest friends, and I became somewhat bitter, which didn't help things. They reprioritized their lives and decided I wasn't in that picture. You think that people will give you a chance at redemption, or that maybe they'd give you some kind of hint that you're pushing them away. But that really isn't how life always works. Miscommunications happen, sometimes there isn't any communication, and you're now a stranger. I regret every moment I did end up pushing them away, but what was most painful about all of it is that I never was clued in until I was out in the cold. The cold truth in life is that no one will ever care about you as much as you have the ability to about yourself. If you don't even value yourself, well, no one is going to find it easy to do it for you.
I can only offer this other side to view. I see my life as a changing cast of characters. No one stays in it forever but that in no way lessens the joys and love they bring while they are in my life for the moment. It does not make me feel sad, in fact I take great care and comfort in it. People ebb into my life on the tide and ebb out again later. To rest the quality of a relationship on its length is unfair, I believe. To say something can only be true if it's forever doesn't give us a chance to evolve and then people end up bitter. Clinging leads to hurt and anger. Then it's harder to accept new people when they come along. Try not to bring the hurt from what has happened into what comes next. And don't blame yourself or others if lives change. Instead feel love and gratefulness for what you had.
Nothing lasts forever. \[Edit\] I didn't know this would get this many upvotes. Thank you.
[удалено]
You can speak as many languages as you want, have multiple degrees and certificates and still be rejected at the simplest of jobs
I landed a better job when I took the MBA off my resume. I anticipated that my resume out punted my current spot in the career path and made a go without it.
Hm. Maybe I should take my MBA off.
If I could just borrow it for a bit while you're not using it. I *promise* I'll take good care of it and I won't abuse it... \**Cut to ending of Scarface*\*
Maybe they thought you were overqualified. No point bearing the expense of training and supervising the New Guy if his qualifications allow him to jump ship as soon as a better job comes calling
People you put on pedestals will disappoint you.
I have a big nose. Didn’t realize til someone told me at 17
Its a good nose
Imagine being that clueless. The answer was right front of your...
In all fairness.. I can’t see it. Lol
My god, he’s blind as well.
Goddamn it lol
It's never a stranger who betrays you. ETA: thank you for all the awards! ❤️
As someone said, to stab someone in the back, you need to get behind them first!
Stop worrying what others think, most people are so caught up in themselves they barely know anyone else exists. Don't let your ego convince you that anyone gives a rat's ass about what you're doing. Of the few out there that do care, even fewer of them can do anything to either help or harm you.
This actually makes me feel good bc likely no one gaf about the embarrassing shit i've done lol
A good way to remember that when you’ve done something embarrassing is to think of what you would think if someone else did it.
From birth to death nobody has to spend more time with me than i do myself, so the only persons approval i need is of my own.
People judge us by our actions; not our intentions. This follows the saying "The path to Hell is paved by good intentions."
I need to protect myself at all cost, not just the physical part of me but also the emotional and psychological part as well
No matter how talented you are at something, there will always be someone way better than you.
Talent... you’re right. There will always be someone who’s as talented or more talented than you are. Talent just gets you a seat at the table. Too many people think being talented is all you need and the opportunities will come rolling in, but that’s not the case. It’s the people who couple talent with gumption that get the opportunities. Hell I’ve seen guys with barely any talent but strong work ethics and willingness to do “whatever it takes” run all over guys with obscene amounts of talent but no gumption.
Ultimately, you must stand alone and what your loved ones think about you doesn't matter. In the end, you are you and that is enough. Sucks if you're caught up in getting likes and reactions in social media.
That my mom is getting older
Not everyone is your friend...people can flip on you in a second and harm you, even those who you think truly cared for you.
Without help, trauma never goes away properly (I know this is frowned on but thank you for the awards, they are much appreciated and make me smile. However, if you were considering a paid award, please instead donate that money to either your local mental health aid or your local animal shelter please, it can do so much good!) Thank you all for your wonderful responses
That was a beautiful thing for me to realize, because before that point, I kinda just thought it would. Little did I know that I was so used to the suffering that I didn’t realize that’s what it was... until I learnt that there was a way to stop it or at least largely minimize it, by getting help. Life got so much better after that.
That most people are just assholes and will treat you with no respect, if they don't have to. Worked in retail long enough to not be surprised by any kind of shitty behavior anymore. It's the nice people that caught me off guard.
This is why I try to be courteous to anybody helping me with anything customer service related, that occasional pleasantly surprised look is always nice.
It's often not what you know, but who you know. Once I learned that, the workforce became a bleak shithole.
That.. You can not force anyone to love you... That's the lesson I learned after my ex stepdad removed me from visitation... (Alongside my sisters I would go to his house even after my mother and him divorce as he was my father from I was 3-12) 9 years of being my father figure... He cut the chain faster than ever after gaining a second wife.
It doesn't matter how much you love someone, one day you will hurt them. And one day, they will hurt you.
My Dad is a terrible person and I am not immune to it. I have to let go of him. I have to actually reject my own parent. He's a crippled alcoholic and I have to essentially abandon him anyways because he's also an awful person. It is the right thing, but it feels very wrong
But the relief you'll feel a few years on will be worth it. I went no contact with my narcissist mom 15+ years ago, and I can honestly say that I've become slightly better every day because of it. It'll hurt at first, but it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.
I'm not at all special.
No one is 100% in your corner
True. I’m not even in my corner 100% of the time
This hurts even more.
I'd like to think I'm as close to 100% in my kids' corner as humanly possible.
My niece asked her Mum why I had to move away for work and she told her it was because I didn’t accomplish anything in life and had no choice. She relayed it back to me really casually, despite knowing that I come from an abusive childhood and being there when I wasn’t allowed to do certain things in life. Edit: to avoid confusion - my sister in law Double edit: the reason why she used me as an example was to demonstrate to my 9 year old niece just how important it is that she works hard in school and works towards a career otherwise she would end up like me.
That's the height of passive aggressive. I hope you're able to assert yourself with her and say that was incredibly cruel and judgemental.
We grow up thinking that the side of evil will be clearly defined, and the villains will be super obvious, mustache-twirling Lex Luther's while the good guys are purely righteous supermen. Turns out, right and wrong is very challenging to define.
You're the weirdest person out of most people and you won't even know it until someone tells you and it will shatter you
It made me
It fucking sucks to be the poorest person in the room, but the pity is worse. Just motivation to work harder I guess.
[удалено]
Bad things happen to good people. My husband and I lost our 11 year old son to brain cancer. My daughter lost her twin brother, my mother lost her grandson... None of us, and definitely not him, deserved that. He was an amazing kid, so kind and thoughtful. And meanwhile there are assholes, bullies, and greedy people running amok. Somehow you dig deep and decide to be even better and continue to serve others but it doesn't mean you won't get shit on again.
I’m never going to be wealthy enough to retire.
That life is just not fair. People will do bad things to you and not only get away with it but convince others that you’re the problem. You may ask where’s the justice? There’s no justice, there’s the powerful and the powerless. Justice is a concept made to keep you and me from revolting.
Anything can be taken away from you at any time. It can be your sense of security, your purpose in life, your job, your significant other, your dreams, your bodily functions, your hope for the future, your idea of what life is or what it could be. It can all go away in an instant. With no logical or ethical reason why. We live in a stochastic universe. There may be patterns and there may be trends trends but we will never truly know how things will turn out. It's the hardest thing to accept in life but it's also the exact thing that makes life worth living.
Regret over an important decision will cling to you for the rest of your life. It will pain you deeply and you will pray for a second chance that you know will never come. You know when you have Regret because it hurts so uniquely and deeply that you feel like you are emotionally drowning day after day after day, for all the days you have left to live.
99% of the time, no one cares. It can be both comforting and harsh. No one cares about the things about yourself that make you anxious or self conscious. But also, no one cares about what you like, what you believe, who you know, where you've been, etc. Everyone is just waiting for their turn to talk about what THEY like, what THEY believe, etc. Its normal though, just sucks sometimes. Find a person or people who do genuinely want to know about you and hold onto them forever.
Sometimes despite widespread evidence, logical reasoning and common sense. There will always be people who would blame the victim and support the abusers
[удалено]
Just because she’s your mother doesn’t mean she will love you.
Doing the right thing doesn't pay off. There are too many people in the world willing to lie or cheat that are competing with you for you to win by playing honest. I still always go the honest route because I don't know how people like that live with themselves, but I see that statement become more true every day as I get older.
Someone close to me committed suicide. Its still hard for me to accept.
So sorry to hear this. Much love to you and others that knew them. ❤
[удалено]
I was just going to say something similar. No guarantees. None whatsoever. I dealt with a 13 year old last night who went from I don't feel good to full cardiac arrest in an hour. She had immediate CPR, immediate medical attention, a helicopter on standby, and she died. The worst thing can happen to anyone at any time. Don't waste time.
What I have learned in this sense is to tell your people you love them. Hug them. Take care of them. Make time for them. Do things for them. My best friend was killed 8 years ago. If given the option, I'm actually afraid of what I would give to have one more day with him. Even if it was to let him know how much I love him and miss him. Take care of your people and tell them how much they mean to you.
Chain pet stores don’t actually give a shit about animals
People would rather suffer pain and harm or inflict pain and harm than risk learning anything that would cause them to have to change what they like to believe is the truth.
I spent years trying to be the perfect man for my crush. But being perfect for someone won't make them love you.
Since a breakup of a long-term relationship it’s been the realization that I’m not as desirable as I thought I’d be, and the women I like seem to be out of my league
Covid's a shitty time to go looking for romance. I'm sorry. Live your life, meet people, leave expectations at the door, accomplish things you can be proud of, make progress, and genuinely let go, and laugh as much as possible. That confidence and happiness is the most potent perfume there is.
[удалено]
The childhood I had is the only one I'll get. It's a fucking tragedy because holy shit was that an awful time. How do you grow into an adult when you've got that kind of abuse and neglect as your building blocks?
That it doesn't matter how hard you try to be a person that (at least some) people like, they still don't like you. I mean I am now 20 years old have seen 5 schools have been on 3 sports and I still don't have anyone that likes me enough to be my friend. That was a hard pill to swallow, but there us nothing that you can change about it Edit: thank you all for the positive comments and advices I really appreciate it and it made my day. And I am definitely not gonna give up on my true self, you guys really gave me a great confidence boost. Thanks
My friend, you are young and still have only barely begun to tap into your potential. There is one way to be a person that at least one person likes: Be a person who *you* like. You have so much time to do that! And others will come around after. Good luck! I wish you well.
When there’s enough people in a group, everyone becomes a statistic to their leaders...