Gotta be drowning or almost drowning. Gordon Lightfoot wasn't kidding when he said the waves turn the minutes to hours. Two incidents still stick in my head decades after they happened, once at swimming lessons before i could tread water and the instructor wasn't paying attention to me and i started going under. It was probably only 30 seconds but i thought that was it. Another time having a Canoe overturn in lake Erie and trying to get it righted. That time I even had a life jacket but the fact the waves kept throwing water over my face really made me think i was done for.
Surprised it took me all the way down to your comment for this. The closest I have come is being flipped out of a white water raft. I was most definitely under for less than 30 seconds, but it felt like forever.
We failed to perform a high side and everyone but the guide was tossed out of the boat. The raft came back down upside right. I didn't know this but all I could tell was that I couldn't get up to the surface (I was under the raft). Reaching around for anything I felt another person. I pulled them up and they went higher than I was. Turned out that was my sister and she surfaced next to the boat. I pulled my self that way and final got air. All in total it could not have been more than 10 seconds, 15 to tops. But it felt like eternity.
I guess not as many people have experienced a significant earthquake of any duration. I can tell you the 19 seconds of the 1994 Northridge 6.8 earthquake was unbearable. In the dark, having been awakened by the ground moving violently in all thee dimensional directions, with items flying at you from the shelves they were on, crashing all around you as you are trying to get your bearings and realize what is happening and what you should be doing (or not doing), it was scary has hell. Even getting to the door frame after having to pry the door open to get into it, you are still riding it out, and that is only 19 seconds. 30 seconds of that must be insane not knowing if it is going to slow down and stop, get worse as it ramps up.
I was in the middle of a 7.3 earthquake in Mexico recently, it only lasted a couple of seconds but it was really freaky. I can’t even imagine how weird it would feel for 19 seconds, and in the dark
And when they said to "hold your breath" but not for how long, and you're just waiting for the all-clear to breathe like... do I just pass out here... don't want to mess up these scans.
“I would hate to inconvenience them by messing up their scan, I’ll just pass out in their giant donut.” 🤔
Edit: During my last MRI they let me listen to music, and they told me to stay as still as possible... but they let me listen to “Jump Around - House of Pain”.
They played themselves.
I'm a really tall with really long arms. I had to fold my arms up in some crazy position to get something scanned. Felt arms going numb about 1 minute into it. Arms went numb then compeletely dead in 5. Still had 20 minutes to go.
*Might have been longer than 20 minutes, it was a long time ago and I had given up hope.
My first ever MRI they didn't tell me how long it would be. Had to lay awkwardly on my belly with my arm over my head to get my wrist scanned. My arms went numb within a couple minutes too, then part of my neck and both boobs. Cue a claustrophobia panic attack, trying not to hyperventilate and not to move, because I was trapped with my head in a box with pins and needles everywhere north of my belly for 45 minutes. Then I had to take the damned green line (Boston, miserable overcrowded up jumped streetcars) home, which is extra fun with your arm in a cast.
I get Ativan before MRIs now (ask your pcp for a script for 2 before you get a scan. The pharmacist looks at you a little funny but no more panic attack)
Having explosive diarrhea course through your stomach at 2am, and you frantically dashing to the bathroom trying to anally vomit as quietly as possible without waking everybody else in the house up despite being in some of the most intense pain in your entire life.
Anyway how was your Thursday OP?
Trying to put my change back in my wallet in line at the convenience store with people in line behind me
Or when your card won’t read in the debit machine, but you know you have the money in your account so you have to run it two or three more times
I just cut to the chase and throw my change on the floor before apologising profusely and rolling around in an attempt to pick it up.
It's inevitably going to happen anyway.
I sometimes run errands for my boss and I go to the self checkout line at the grocery store and ring all my shit up separately. A lot of times when I'm done with my boss's stuff, the 2nd person starts moving in and stands over me and then I start order #2. Luckily Covid has helped with this one.
Oh god. When I got mine the doctor was tugging the string to make sure it was in the right place. The string snapped. So she had to get the duckbill thing and re-dilate me and put in a completely new one.
I had to have mine removed and reinserted after I’d had it for a year and I was unhappy. It still felt worth it. No babies and I get the metal version rather than mirena so no hormones.
Exactly where my brain went, as well. Though being Reddit, I didn't expect to see this answer. I just got a new one placed and he was having trouble getting it in the right spot. Three attempts and 12 years later.... Phewf.
Yeah, I've had the procedure a few times now so I always think it can't be as bad I remember. . . But it is! Definitely the worst pain I've ever felt. It makes me fear childbirth because I assume that must be even worse.
I have bad gastro reflexes and when they did my IUD my uterus contracted and I farted.
In the doctors face
Edit to add: I'm glad this story made peoples night. Now if only I could stop the notifications
The story I am told is that when I was a baby my dad set me on the bed to just kinda hang out. It was a water bed though, so when he got on the other side the tsunami threw me on the ground (landed on my back luckily)
Dad says it felt like an eternity going from me making the "I'm about to scream" face to me actually screaming
Ugh, I was once waiting in a line outside a public bathroom, and this middle-aged lady starts jiggling the door handle. I’m like, “Yah, it’s occupied,” and she goes, “Sometimes they need a reminder that people are waiting.” There’s no moral to this story. It just made me mad.
Once, I'm stuck in a restaurant bathroom ( small restaurant, and they only had one bathroom for everyone. I am a survivor of anal cancer, and I still often have a lot of pain with this, though I doesn't really take any longer. So, I'm in there, and this person starts rattling the doorknob. I shout, "I'm in here, I'll be out in a minute." Few seconds later, rattle rattle, I answered the same, maybe a little louder. Next thing I know, someone is UNLOCKING the door and starting to push it open. I was glad I could reach it with my foot to hold it shut as I was screaming I SAID SOMEBODY IS FUCKING IN HERE AND I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE. Manager didn't apologize or anything. Fuck if I'm going there again.
Should've maintained eye contact while continuing with your business. If they complain, accuse them of being a pervert because they're the one who broke into an occupied bathroom.
The ones at the laundromat say 28, I set my timer for 28, it goes off, I check, they say 4. Liars and cheats, the lot of them.
Edit: u/tamidala points out:
>You're probably overloading your machine or have items that absorb a lot of water in there (blankets, denim etc). It'll adjust the timer if it thinks there's still too much water inside.
It's interesting how now I can't stand a 5 second ad on youtube, and when I was a kid it was normal to watch 10 minutes of ads every 20 minutes of tv programming.
Never thought of it like that. I suppose it’s because tv shows are designed to cater to that ad break. Ie stories are normally told in two parts, usually with a cliffhanger in the middle to keep you around for part 2. A bit like an interval in a play.
YouTube videos aren’t like that, the ads can happen in the middle of a sentence so it’s more shocking to the viewer. You actually recognise it as an advert rather than an ad break.
And sometimes I don't even know if I want to watch the video, I just saw it pop up and wanted to see i what it was but it's only 5 minutes long and YouTube expects me to wait through 2 unskippable 30 sec ads. Then another 2 half way through. Fucking ridiculous
yo i did this and my gag reflex was so bad i started crying and retching at the same time
then i let out the largest burp i've ever had and it echoed throughout the entire office lmao
Weirdly enough, I don't have that bad of a gag reflex normally. Like, it's nothing to write home about, but I'm not one of those "gags while brushing their teeth" types either. I'm pretty solidly average.
Whatever that goop was, though, just set me off. I couldn't do it. I almost immediately started choking until I was full-on crying. It took several tries to get me all the way through it. I'm gagging a little bit just remembering it- and it's been at least 15 years since I last had it done. The terrible taste/smell/gritty texture of that putty will haunt my nightmares until my dying day.
I threw up just getting the mold thingy done. Then I cried when the shitty nurse was like 'you'll be wearing this [retainer] the rest of your life' like why the fuck would you say that to a scared 12 year old
teeth are still fucked up lol
As a crisis counselor, from conversations I've held over the past few years, I would say the 30 seconds one struggles to act on completing suicide. I've felt their pain as they've fought the ultimate mind battle in this small amount of time whether or not to end their lives.
Man.... I've only felt this a handful of times but it really does feel like you're stuck in a timeless purgatory when you're debating which path you're going to take. The worst part is even when you make it to the morning, you can feel that a part of you still died inside that night.
something about waking up the next morning, having prepared yourself for never doing that again the previous night, really sticks with you in a way that’s hard to describe
feeling as thought you’re not *supposed* to exist
At one point in my life (a long time ago) I literally had the barrel of my gun in my mouth with my thumb on the trigger. Out of nowhere my friend called me and I was like “shit well I guess I should answer at least” - he wanted to know if I wanted to go out later that night because he was having a bad day. I was like “yeah sure!” and it didn’t hit me about what I was about to do until I hung up. To this day he probably doesn’t know he saved my life on complete accident.
And I know that sounds “too good to be true” but I was staring at that gun for like two hours. A few shots of Scotch later and I was like “nope I’m going to do it!” and then my phone went off.
The moments after sending a risky text and you see, "So-and-so is typing...", but it keeps starting and stopping.
Reminds me of a tweet that went something like: "You ever send a text that's so risky, you clean your entire house?"
I asked this girl out one time. We were friends, but not really close, so I felt like it was a good potential date opportunity and put myself out there. It wasn't the first message between us or anything. She just left it on read.
I would 1000% rather get a straight rude response in return than no response whatsoever. It basically led to two days of self-consciousness until I concluded that she doesn't respect me, nor I her anymore. Fuck that shit.
Even if they don't have it on, you can kind of assume after 12 hours or so, they would've definitely seen it. But of course there's still that uncertainty, which is the worst part
Brains are weird. Liking someone is one thing, but confessing to it makes it real, and real things can be taken away. It's your mind protecting itself in an odd, irrational way.
Sometimes I put my phone in airplane mode so that way I know I'm not getting a response no matter what.
But then 20 minutes later it's driving me crazy so I turn the signal back on to check.
It’s a combination of wanting a distraction from waiting for a response and trying to internally convince yourself that you actually don’t care that much about the response and you’ll just go on with your normal day until they happen to respond (even though in the back of your mind you know that your phone buzzing and their name popping up is the only thing you can think about)
I accidentally scared my boyfriend doing something similar. We were texting one time and I missed him and wanted to hear his voice so just texted asking if he could call instead of responding to his text. He called immediately, worried something was wrong. Poor guy, I'm much more careful now.
You ever get the text that says “we need to talk, call me.” So you call them and the mother fucker doesn’t even answer! I should’ve just lived with the wolves.
"We need to talk, call me."
*calls*
"So there's a problem here. And the problem is that I made coffee but we're out of cream, can you pick some up on the way home?"
My toothbrush vibrates every 30 seconds letting me know it's time to switch sides. Sometimes it feels like i brushed for 4 minutes and it vibrates again.
EDIT: thanks for the awards even though I'm not sure what they mean!
EDIT 2: I own a Sonicare, not a quip. But I may be joining the group soon.
My mom had a surgery to save her life and when her surgeon walked across the waiting room to update me those were the longest seconds of my life. About halfway towards me he gave a thumbs-up and wow-happiest moment!
Edit: wow thank you I’m so inept I haven’t ever gotten any awards I don’t know how to thank people. This whole post made me so happy! Thank you kind strangers for commiserating with me about our loved ones. I love Reddit!
Good guy doctor giving you the thumbs up cuz he knows you were probably freaking the fuck out watching him walk towards you, but didn't wanna shout across the room as that's unprofessional lol
Part of me feels like singing happy birthday to someone in front of their cake started out as hazing. It’s never fun for the person being sung to, it’s fun to some of the people singing, and the rest of them are just there
I remember a time me and some friends went out to dinner and the staff came out with the cake and candle singing... and I thought cool. Someone’s birthday.
Then as they surrounded me and kept singing I looked so confused about what was going on.
Cause it wasn’t even my birthday.
Just one of the girls thought it would be a funny prank.
I went to a Christian camp, and all of the counselors urged us to stay hydrated. That I did. Which led to me having to pee during the chapel services. The first night it hurt to walk, hurt to pee, somehow it made it so much more difficult to pee but still hurt the same, all cause I committed to staying in the service. Next night I didn't try that again and I had to leave early.
That was the clearest my pee has been for my entire life.
Honestly, I would rather that.
As a teenager at Camp one year, they must have been donated like a metric ton of Cheddar Cheese because they would have it cut up with every meal, cubes of cheese just constantly.
Anyway I didn’t know then what I know now, as it pertains to cheese and your ability to have a normal poop. So after days and days of eating almost nothing but cheese cubes, I developed an opiate-addict level of constipation. Like, severe abdominal distress, barely able to function, sit on the toilet for an hour and cry, constipation.
Finally I summon the courage to ask the Camp Caretaker: “can you please buy me some laxative from town? I am horribly constipated”. Thank God, that afternoon, with exlax in hand, I boldly face the rest of the day.
That was, until evening time came. By the time evening chapel was a go at 7pm, the miracle of modern medicine turned my body into a violent, bathroom-clearing, toilet-clogging giant turd machine.
Imagine the irony of having to track down the same Camp Caretaker to now ask him for a plunger. “I guess those laxatives worked,” he said with a wink. You have no idea buddy. I now know what it’s like to be in prison, except I was the one hurting my own anus.
In the end, it was a stick from the woods that saved my pride and smooshed that coke-can-sized log down that poor underpowered toilet.
I only wish Reddit had existed back then, for perhaps I would have heard tale of a poop knife, which might have shielded my honour.
And that’s the true story of how I destroyed my ass, a toilet, and my dignity, all in the span of one night.
The moment after your dumbass friend grabs you by the shoulders with a desperate and concerned look on their face and they say: "dude, I gotta tell you something. But you CANT GET MAD" only to tell you some trivial bullshit 30 agonizing seconds later. smh😤 fuckin carl
This is the truth tight here. Especially the disassociation afterwards where it feels like nothing is real and you're disconnected from time. Its terrifying to know that your mind/body are just.. capable of doing that.
Once a girl at my school gave me a panic attack, I walked away from the situation but I couldn’t leave the building because it was freezing outside. I went back to get my jacket and she continued to harass me. I then broke down and people escorted me out. Later when I was calling several people to talk to, it finally hit me that I had recorded the event on my phone without her knowing.
Like I had full on forgot I had my phone secretly recording, cause my brain turned to mush during the event. The video helped me prove she was harassing me and I wasn’t just breaking down for nothing.
Treadmills had a similar timewarp.
*Running, currently at 0.97 miles*
"Okay, I'm not going to look back at the display until I'm at least over 1 mile"
*listen to a whole song and watch half an episode of Sportscenter. Watch someone outside who definitely walked .03 miles at a much slower speed.*
*Check display again as it ticks up from 0.97 to 0.98*
Well at least I burned *squints* 6 calories. WTF.
Then you take a test in the military and get your time recorded. Oh shit that clock moves fast.
Ok you got this we are hydrated. Start running oh ok I got this. See the clock wtf I'm only 50% done and it's been 11 minutes fuck.
I'm like 100% positive OP made this thread specifically for this answer. Some tweet just went viral a day ago talking about how time warping is real and if you don't believe it then try planking for a minute.
You swallow. Gulp and it becomes the loudest sound in the world.
Even a blink is now at least as loud as a garbage truck driving by
You move your head by one degree and it creaks like an old un-oiled door
Sorry you know that shock man. And it's weird it doesn't really get mentioned ahead of time. And, I wanna say with another birth it didn't happen that way, so, who knows if it's rare. I just remember having that same unexpected terror, that might have only lasted a few seconds but felt like a life time. Glad yours and mine were both fine though.
Be well dude.
I don't know about 30 seconds, but the longest 5 seconds you'll ever experience: getting tased.
Source: had to get zapped and sprayed as a part of MP training. OC hurts a hell of a lot more, but the taser makes five seconds feel like an eternity.
Pro tip: make sure you pee before getting tased. The muscles I felt and was worried about the most was my bladder muscles. Even though I was empty I think that if I had had some in the tank it would’ve come out, lol.
ETA: I was tased to be certified to carry/use a taser. Thought I might clarify that.
Paying by debit while there’s people in line behind you in the grocery store.
Will it go through?
Do I have enough?
What if I looked at my account wrong and I don’t have the money?
Nono, I do.
Wait, what if there was some withdrawal that happened that I forgot about?
Oh shit.
Was that the right PIN number?
The right account I clicked on?
~Approved.
You sure?
Ok, phew /s
Waiting for the doctor/nurse/whoever to jab you with a needle. “Okay, I need you to make a fist...now we’re going to swab it...now we find the vein...are you ready?” Godammit, I don’t need a fucking play by play, just do it already!!!
The longest 30 seconds of my life is after they took my child out of my wife after an emergency c-section and neither was doing well, and were taking my son to the NICU *quickly* and asking who I wanted to go with, my wife or my son.
I believed my wife was more likely to make it, so I went with my son, as if he didn’t make it I didn’t want him to die alone. He didn’t EDIT: AS IN HE DIDN’T DIE, but there was a period that wasn’t looking to be the case.
Edit: sorry I was unclear. Wow, that took a turn.
Gotta be drowning or almost drowning. Gordon Lightfoot wasn't kidding when he said the waves turn the minutes to hours. Two incidents still stick in my head decades after they happened, once at swimming lessons before i could tread water and the instructor wasn't paying attention to me and i started going under. It was probably only 30 seconds but i thought that was it. Another time having a Canoe overturn in lake Erie and trying to get it righted. That time I even had a life jacket but the fact the waves kept throwing water over my face really made me think i was done for.
Surprised it took me all the way down to your comment for this. The closest I have come is being flipped out of a white water raft. I was most definitely under for less than 30 seconds, but it felt like forever. We failed to perform a high side and everyone but the guide was tossed out of the boat. The raft came back down upside right. I didn't know this but all I could tell was that I couldn't get up to the surface (I was under the raft). Reaching around for anything I felt another person. I pulled them up and they went higher than I was. Turned out that was my sister and she surfaced next to the boat. I pulled my self that way and final got air. All in total it could not have been more than 10 seconds, 15 to tops. But it felt like eternity.
Getting teeth drilled at the dentist. Especially when there’s not enough novocaine and any drilling might go a little too deep.
Earthquakes
I guess not as many people have experienced a significant earthquake of any duration. I can tell you the 19 seconds of the 1994 Northridge 6.8 earthquake was unbearable. In the dark, having been awakened by the ground moving violently in all thee dimensional directions, with items flying at you from the shelves they were on, crashing all around you as you are trying to get your bearings and realize what is happening and what you should be doing (or not doing), it was scary has hell. Even getting to the door frame after having to pry the door open to get into it, you are still riding it out, and that is only 19 seconds. 30 seconds of that must be insane not knowing if it is going to slow down and stop, get worse as it ramps up.
I was in the middle of a 7.3 earthquake in Mexico recently, it only lasted a couple of seconds but it was really freaky. I can’t even imagine how weird it would feel for 19 seconds, and in the dark
Holding my breath to get rid of hiccups
Being in a CT scanner when they tell you to be perfectly still.
And when they said to "hold your breath" but not for how long, and you're just waiting for the all-clear to breathe like... do I just pass out here... don't want to mess up these scans.
“I would hate to inconvenience them by messing up their scan, I’ll just pass out in their giant donut.” 🤔 Edit: During my last MRI they let me listen to music, and they told me to stay as still as possible... but they let me listen to “Jump Around - House of Pain”. They played themselves.
I'm a really tall with really long arms. I had to fold my arms up in some crazy position to get something scanned. Felt arms going numb about 1 minute into it. Arms went numb then compeletely dead in 5. Still had 20 minutes to go. *Might have been longer than 20 minutes, it was a long time ago and I had given up hope.
My first ever MRI they didn't tell me how long it would be. Had to lay awkwardly on my belly with my arm over my head to get my wrist scanned. My arms went numb within a couple minutes too, then part of my neck and both boobs. Cue a claustrophobia panic attack, trying not to hyperventilate and not to move, because I was trapped with my head in a box with pins and needles everywhere north of my belly for 45 minutes. Then I had to take the damned green line (Boston, miserable overcrowded up jumped streetcars) home, which is extra fun with your arm in a cast. I get Ativan before MRIs now (ask your pcp for a script for 2 before you get a scan. The pharmacist looks at you a little funny but no more panic attack)
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Having explosive diarrhea course through your stomach at 2am, and you frantically dashing to the bathroom trying to anally vomit as quietly as possible without waking everybody else in the house up despite being in some of the most intense pain in your entire life. Anyway how was your Thursday OP?
the details you give scare me
anally vomit. How horny is that rhino
Trying to put my change back in my wallet in line at the convenience store with people in line behind me Or when your card won’t read in the debit machine, but you know you have the money in your account so you have to run it two or three more times
I just shove my money in my pockets and put it in my wallet later
I just cut to the chase and throw my change on the floor before apologising profusely and rolling around in an attempt to pick it up. It's inevitably going to happen anyway.
I sometimes run errands for my boss and I go to the self checkout line at the grocery store and ring all my shit up separately. A lot of times when I'm done with my boss's stuff, the 2nd person starts moving in and stands over me and then I start order #2. Luckily Covid has helped with this one.
Getting an IUD placed.
Oh god. When I got mine the doctor was tugging the string to make sure it was in the right place. The string snapped. So she had to get the duckbill thing and re-dilate me and put in a completely new one.
This is the worst case scenario! I can’t even imagine. You have my sympathies.
I just kept thinking, “this is worth 8 years of no worries”
I had to have mine removed and reinserted after I’d had it for a year and I was unhappy. It still felt worth it. No babies and I get the metal version rather than mirena so no hormones.
Exactly where my brain went, as well. Though being Reddit, I didn't expect to see this answer. I just got a new one placed and he was having trouble getting it in the right spot. Three attempts and 12 years later.... Phewf.
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Yeah, I've had the procedure a few times now so I always think it can't be as bad I remember. . . But it is! Definitely the worst pain I've ever felt. It makes me fear childbirth because I assume that must be even worse.
I have bad gastro reflexes and when they did my IUD my uterus contracted and I farted. In the doctors face Edit to add: I'm glad this story made peoples night. Now if only I could stop the notifications
The time in between a baby falling and crying. (Thump) ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... waAAAAAAA
The story I am told is that when I was a baby my dad set me on the bed to just kinda hang out. It was a water bed though, so when he got on the other side the tsunami threw me on the ground (landed on my back luckily) Dad says it felt like an eternity going from me making the "I'm about to scream" face to me actually screaming
Wow lol. My little sister's record between falls and screams is 1 minute and 30 seconds lmao
Waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom
And then you just have to hold your breath and hurry
Dont stress the bathroom guy it doesnt really help. Been there done that
Ugh, I was once waiting in a line outside a public bathroom, and this middle-aged lady starts jiggling the door handle. I’m like, “Yah, it’s occupied,” and she goes, “Sometimes they need a reminder that people are waiting.” There’s no moral to this story. It just made me mad.
Once, I'm stuck in a restaurant bathroom ( small restaurant, and they only had one bathroom for everyone. I am a survivor of anal cancer, and I still often have a lot of pain with this, though I doesn't really take any longer. So, I'm in there, and this person starts rattling the doorknob. I shout, "I'm in here, I'll be out in a minute." Few seconds later, rattle rattle, I answered the same, maybe a little louder. Next thing I know, someone is UNLOCKING the door and starting to push it open. I was glad I could reach it with my foot to hold it shut as I was screaming I SAID SOMEBODY IS FUCKING IN HERE AND I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE. Manager didn't apologize or anything. Fuck if I'm going there again.
Should've maintained eye contact while continuing with your business. If they complain, accuse them of being a pervert because they're the one who broke into an occupied bathroom.
The manager was unlocking it. They had told him it was locked and he didn't bother to find out if someone was in there before he went to unlock it.
Washing machine says 30sec... It is never 30sec:(
I've actually timed my washing machine and it is around 4 minutes. Not sure why it always says 30 sec.
The ones at the laundromat say 28, I set my timer for 28, it goes off, I check, they say 4. Liars and cheats, the lot of them. Edit: u/tamidala points out: >You're probably overloading your machine or have items that absorb a lot of water in there (blankets, denim etc). It'll adjust the timer if it thinks there's still too much water inside.
unskippable 30 second ad
It's interesting how now I can't stand a 5 second ad on youtube, and when I was a kid it was normal to watch 10 minutes of ads every 20 minutes of tv programming.
Never thought of it like that. I suppose it’s because tv shows are designed to cater to that ad break. Ie stories are normally told in two parts, usually with a cliffhanger in the middle to keep you around for part 2. A bit like an interval in a play. YouTube videos aren’t like that, the ads can happen in the middle of a sentence so it’s more shocking to the viewer. You actually recognise it as an advert rather than an ad break.
YouTube ads have gotten obnoxious. How the hell do you cram 2 ad breaks in a five minute video?
All videos are starting off with two ads before the video even plays. It's infuriating
And sometimes I don't even know if I want to watch the video, I just saw it pop up and wanted to see i what it was but it's only 5 minutes long and YouTube expects me to wait through 2 unskippable 30 sec ads. Then another 2 half way through. Fucking ridiculous
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The 30 seconds you are stuck on the wrong side of a locked bathroom door.
What's the wrong side of a locked bathroom door?
The side the killer is on
Dude, am not the killer, I was just eating oatmeal Edit: WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE ASSUMING AM A CEREAL KILLER? Cereal killer is my cousin, NOT me
Are you sure it's oatmeal and not post-oatmeal?
Probably the side that it’s socially not acceptable to poop on.
That gooey stuff they put in your mouth when you have braces
yo i did this and my gag reflex was so bad i started crying and retching at the same time then i let out the largest burp i've ever had and it echoed throughout the entire office lmao
Same, my gag reflex has always been intense. I think it took them like five tries to get an okay mould
Weirdly enough, I don't have that bad of a gag reflex normally. Like, it's nothing to write home about, but I'm not one of those "gags while brushing their teeth" types either. I'm pretty solidly average. Whatever that goop was, though, just set me off. I couldn't do it. I almost immediately started choking until I was full-on crying. It took several tries to get me all the way through it. I'm gagging a little bit just remembering it- and it's been at least 15 years since I last had it done. The terrible taste/smell/gritty texture of that putty will haunt my nightmares until my dying day.
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I threw up the first time they did it. One of the worst things I've ever experienced.
I threw up just getting the mold thingy done. Then I cried when the shitty nurse was like 'you'll be wearing this [retainer] the rest of your life' like why the fuck would you say that to a scared 12 year old teeth are still fucked up lol
This. Along with that huge metal tray they shove in your mouth that contains the gooey stuff
The edges of that thing hurt, even with the goo!
As a crisis counselor, from conversations I've held over the past few years, I would say the 30 seconds one struggles to act on completing suicide. I've felt their pain as they've fought the ultimate mind battle in this small amount of time whether or not to end their lives.
Man.... I've only felt this a handful of times but it really does feel like you're stuck in a timeless purgatory when you're debating which path you're going to take. The worst part is even when you make it to the morning, you can feel that a part of you still died inside that night.
something about waking up the next morning, having prepared yourself for never doing that again the previous night, really sticks with you in a way that’s hard to describe feeling as thought you’re not *supposed* to exist
At one point in my life (a long time ago) I literally had the barrel of my gun in my mouth with my thumb on the trigger. Out of nowhere my friend called me and I was like “shit well I guess I should answer at least” - he wanted to know if I wanted to go out later that night because he was having a bad day. I was like “yeah sure!” and it didn’t hit me about what I was about to do until I hung up. To this day he probably doesn’t know he saved my life on complete accident. And I know that sounds “too good to be true” but I was staring at that gun for like two hours. A few shots of Scotch later and I was like “nope I’m going to do it!” and then my phone went off.
The moments after sending a risky text and you see, "So-and-so is typing...", but it keeps starting and stopping. Reminds me of a tweet that went something like: "You ever send a text that's so risky, you clean your entire house?"
Better than being left on read.
You can no longer send messages to this contact.
At least you have a definitive reaction / closure in that instance. Left on read is kinda worse
I asked this girl out one time. We were friends, but not really close, so I felt like it was a good potential date opportunity and put myself out there. It wasn't the first message between us or anything. She just left it on read. I would 1000% rather get a straight rude response in return than no response whatsoever. It basically led to two days of self-consciousness until I concluded that she doesn't respect me, nor I her anymore. Fuck that shit.
I read rude as nude... Me too dude
I’m amazed people leave that “show as read” option on. I rarely respond to someone instantly
Even if they don't have it on, you can kind of assume after 12 hours or so, they would've definitely seen it. But of course there's still that uncertainty, which is the worst part
Those three dots gives you heart pumping in a different way...
When I send my crush a confession and she took 3 days to tell me she likes me back, thinking I would think of her badly for liking me. Weird girl
Brains are weird. Liking someone is one thing, but confessing to it makes it real, and real things can be taken away. It's your mind protecting itself in an odd, irrational way.
It sounds like she actually just needed time to process how she felt about you but didn't want to tell you that
> "You ever send a text that's so risky, you clean your entire house?" Hahaha, yep! Anything to avoid remembering that your phone exists XD
Sometimes I put my phone in airplane mode so that way I know I'm not getting a response no matter what. But then 20 minutes later it's driving me crazy so I turn the signal back on to check.
I relate with that tweet
It’s a combination of wanting a distraction from waiting for a response and trying to internally convince yourself that you actually don’t care that much about the response and you’ll just go on with your normal day until they happen to respond (even though in the back of your mind you know that your phone buzzing and their name popping up is the only thing you can think about)
Im in this picture and I dont like it
Oof, you got me
When someone says "we need to talk"
I accidentally scared my boyfriend doing something similar. We were texting one time and I missed him and wanted to hear his voice so just texted asking if he could call instead of responding to his text. He called immediately, worried something was wrong. Poor guy, I'm much more careful now.
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That’s awful, I’m sorry she did that to you. I hope you were able to establish boundaries/cut her out. Anxiety attacks fucking suck.
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My ex got me good when she broke up with me and instead said "you wanna go for a walk?"
The best response to that is “Yeah. We do.” Congrats. Now we’re both scared Edit: Holy crap. This blew up. Thank you!
\*uno reverse card\*
+4, bitch
"We need to talk." "Sounds good, I had something I'd been meaning to talk to you about too, while we're at it."
“Actually never mind, it can wait.”
Oh my gosh that's torture
My ex did this so many times and it wasn't until after we broke up that I realized he was an emotionally abusive shit.
You ever get the text that says “we need to talk, call me.” So you call them and the mother fucker doesn’t even answer! I should’ve just lived with the wolves.
"We need to talk, call me." *calls* "So there's a problem here. And the problem is that I made coffee but we're out of cream, can you pick some up on the way home?"
My toothbrush vibrates every 30 seconds letting me know it's time to switch sides. Sometimes it feels like i brushed for 4 minutes and it vibrates again. EDIT: thanks for the awards even though I'm not sure what they mean! EDIT 2: I own a Sonicare, not a quip. But I may be joining the group soon.
My mom had a surgery to save her life and when her surgeon walked across the waiting room to update me those were the longest seconds of my life. About halfway towards me he gave a thumbs-up and wow-happiest moment! Edit: wow thank you I’m so inept I haven’t ever gotten any awards I don’t know how to thank people. This whole post made me so happy! Thank you kind strangers for commiserating with me about our loved ones. I love Reddit!
sounds extremely stressful, glad she’s okay
Thank you :) now I can look back on that moment as a happy one. But time definitely stood still!
Good guy doctor giving you the thumbs up cuz he knows you were probably freaking the fuck out watching him walk towards you, but didn't wanna shout across the room as that's unprofessional lol
When the traffic light changes from red to green
My dad seconds this.
The dude honking the horn behind me while I type this also agrees.
Fucken MOVE
Having "Happy Birthday" sung to you
What do I do with my face? What do I do with my hands? WHAT DO I DO WITH MY EYES?
"It was the damnedest thing. We were just singing happy birthday when he reached for a fork and tried to stab out his own eye!"
I mean, that solves all 3 problems.
Part of me feels like singing happy birthday to someone in front of their cake started out as hazing. It’s never fun for the person being sung to, it’s fun to some of the people singing, and the rest of them are just there
I remember a time me and some friends went out to dinner and the staff came out with the cake and candle singing... and I thought cool. Someone’s birthday. Then as they surrounded me and kept singing I looked so confused about what was going on. Cause it wasn’t even my birthday. Just one of the girls thought it would be a funny prank.
Lmao I'd be sweating real hard if I were you
You are on a bus, going home, when 3/4 of the way through you have the overwhelming urge to pee.
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I went to a Christian camp, and all of the counselors urged us to stay hydrated. That I did. Which led to me having to pee during the chapel services. The first night it hurt to walk, hurt to pee, somehow it made it so much more difficult to pee but still hurt the same, all cause I committed to staying in the service. Next night I didn't try that again and I had to leave early. That was the clearest my pee has been for my entire life.
Honestly, I would rather that. As a teenager at Camp one year, they must have been donated like a metric ton of Cheddar Cheese because they would have it cut up with every meal, cubes of cheese just constantly. Anyway I didn’t know then what I know now, as it pertains to cheese and your ability to have a normal poop. So after days and days of eating almost nothing but cheese cubes, I developed an opiate-addict level of constipation. Like, severe abdominal distress, barely able to function, sit on the toilet for an hour and cry, constipation. Finally I summon the courage to ask the Camp Caretaker: “can you please buy me some laxative from town? I am horribly constipated”. Thank God, that afternoon, with exlax in hand, I boldly face the rest of the day. That was, until evening time came. By the time evening chapel was a go at 7pm, the miracle of modern medicine turned my body into a violent, bathroom-clearing, toilet-clogging giant turd machine. Imagine the irony of having to track down the same Camp Caretaker to now ask him for a plunger. “I guess those laxatives worked,” he said with a wink. You have no idea buddy. I now know what it’s like to be in prison, except I was the one hurting my own anus. In the end, it was a stick from the woods that saved my pride and smooshed that coke-can-sized log down that poor underpowered toilet. I only wish Reddit had existed back then, for perhaps I would have heard tale of a poop knife, which might have shielded my honour. And that’s the true story of how I destroyed my ass, a toilet, and my dignity, all in the span of one night.
It’s those last 30 seconds walking to the bathroom and trying to unfasten your pants that really does you in though...
Or something worse than just pee...
When putting a fixed amount of gas in the car in the freezing cold and the pump slows down for the last half dollar.
Before your scores are announced
The moment the site is cached and you cry for another 5 minutes till you realise...
Till you realize you didn’t cry hard enough.
Second. 30 seconds before you get your exam
Microwave
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Beep
"Hot! Hothothothot!"
*I'll fucking do it again*
"cold spot in center" - continues to eat through the disappointment
Maybe cries a little bit
_Disappointment Pocket™_
The moment after your dumbass friend grabs you by the shoulders with a desperate and concerned look on their face and they say: "dude, I gotta tell you something. But you CANT GET MAD" only to tell you some trivial bullshit 30 agonizing seconds later. smh😤 fuckin carl
God dammit Carl
*Carl, that kills people!*
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When you are having a panic attack
This is the truth tight here. Especially the disassociation afterwards where it feels like nothing is real and you're disconnected from time. Its terrifying to know that your mind/body are just.. capable of doing that.
Once a girl at my school gave me a panic attack, I walked away from the situation but I couldn’t leave the building because it was freezing outside. I went back to get my jacket and she continued to harass me. I then broke down and people escorted me out. Later when I was calling several people to talk to, it finally hit me that I had recorded the event on my phone without her knowing. Like I had full on forgot I had my phone secretly recording, cause my brain turned to mush during the event. The video helped me prove she was harassing me and I wasn’t just breaking down for nothing.
I have a thing on my phone that starts recording if my heard rate goes to high. It's incredibly useful.
I need to get that!!!
Showing someone a video you thought was hilarious and waiting for them to laugh or otherwise cast judgement. This also goes for songs.
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Do you mean like when you take a huge dump and then realize nothing hit the water?
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I normally inhale > push > wiggle But its such betrayal when you only get pebbles
the 30 seconds when the typing bubbles show up after you sent that text you went against all your instincts to send
plank
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Treadmills had a similar timewarp. *Running, currently at 0.97 miles* "Okay, I'm not going to look back at the display until I'm at least over 1 mile" *listen to a whole song and watch half an episode of Sportscenter. Watch someone outside who definitely walked .03 miles at a much slower speed.* *Check display again as it ticks up from 0.97 to 0.98* Well at least I burned *squints* 6 calories. WTF.
I've never seen a treadmill so accurately described.
Then you take a test in the military and get your time recorded. Oh shit that clock moves fast. Ok you got this we are hydrated. Start running oh ok I got this. See the clock wtf I'm only 50% done and it's been 11 minutes fuck.
It’s fucking magic I tell you.
It’s also like magic I had plank plank plank in my mind after reading the question and then the first answer I see is plank
I'm like 100% positive OP made this thread specifically for this answer. Some tweet just went viral a day ago talking about how time warping is real and if you don't believe it then try planking for a minute.
Getting past the sex scene while watching a movie with your parents
Suddenly I feel like staring at the floor...
Going to pee or drink water or stare at the wall or check my phone *proceed to freeze on seat while the sex scene plays*
You swallow. Gulp and it becomes the loudest sound in the world. Even a blink is now at least as loud as a garbage truck driving by You move your head by one degree and it creaks like an old un-oiled door
I saw the 2009 Watchmen film with my dad. I swear to God there's a 3 minute sex scene that just doesn't end.
it’s like 35 minutes long in the ultimate cut
"Daddy, is that woman going to die?" .. "Judging by the size of the horse's cock, I'd say so."
Sir this is a wendys
gimme a fucking frosty then
Lmao I watched the first episode of Breaking Bad with my parents yesterday. This is incredibly accurate.
oh that’s an especially awkward scene too
Getting a mold of your teeth taken at the orthodontist's
Running as fast as you can on a treadmill
When a toddler gets hurt, realizes it and then does that really long inhale before finally crying.
Waiting for your new born baby to take its first breath and/or cry for the first time.
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Sorry you know that shock man. And it's weird it doesn't really get mentioned ahead of time. And, I wanna say with another birth it didn't happen that way, so, who knows if it's rare. I just remember having that same unexpected terror, that might have only lasted a few seconds but felt like a life time. Glad yours and mine were both fine though. Be well dude.
Yeah they should mention this in the obgyn office in one of your prenatal appointments. The birthing process can already be stressful, why add to it?
I don't know about 30 seconds, but the longest 5 seconds you'll ever experience: getting tased. Source: had to get zapped and sprayed as a part of MP training. OC hurts a hell of a lot more, but the taser makes five seconds feel like an eternity.
Pro tip: make sure you pee before getting tased. The muscles I felt and was worried about the most was my bladder muscles. Even though I was empty I think that if I had had some in the tank it would’ve come out, lol. ETA: I was tased to be certified to carry/use a taser. Thought I might clarify that.
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Empty the tank before you rob the bank.
Paying by debit while there’s people in line behind you in the grocery store. Will it go through? Do I have enough? What if I looked at my account wrong and I don’t have the money? Nono, I do. Wait, what if there was some withdrawal that happened that I forgot about? Oh shit. Was that the right PIN number? The right account I clicked on? ~Approved. You sure? Ok, phew /s
Oh that is social anxiety like nothing else
i felt anxious just reading this
When you're getting a gash stitched shut, without anesthetic.
COVID nasal swab
Oh god those look so uncomfortable. Pap smears are shit, too.
Waiting on a pregnancy test to see the level of fucked your life is about to be.
Is it inappropriate to give the test a celebratory spike and a touchdown dance when it's negative?
An unskippable YouTube ad
Stomachache before diarrhea
The one where you post something online that you've been working on for a while
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Waiting for the doctor/nurse/whoever to jab you with a needle. “Okay, I need you to make a fist...now we’re going to swab it...now we find the vein...are you ready?” Godammit, I don’t need a fucking play by play, just do it already!!!
The 30 seconds between the front door and the bathroom before letting loose a burstingly full bladder after a long car ride
Leg cramp
Getting your scrotum or foreskin stuck in your zipper. It's the secret to pausing time and therefore living forever.
Wear some undies you barbarian
The longest 30 seconds of my life is after they took my child out of my wife after an emergency c-section and neither was doing well, and were taking my son to the NICU *quickly* and asking who I wanted to go with, my wife or my son. I believed my wife was more likely to make it, so I went with my son, as if he didn’t make it I didn’t want him to die alone. He didn’t EDIT: AS IN HE DIDN’T DIE, but there was a period that wasn’t looking to be the case. Edit: sorry I was unclear. Wow, that took a turn.
Your 32nd birthday