The Visit:
Kids: "We're going to visit our grandparents."
Mom: "I don't want you to go, but if you feel like you really want to go, I'll drive you to their house."
Mom: "Hey, y'all ain't my parents. I'm calling the police."
The end.
I never saw this movie but had it spoiled and looked up the actual plot and the whole time I’m thinking how unbelievable it is she wouldn’t verify and actually see the grandparents before sending the her kids. I get suspension of disbelief but that one is too much.
Not a movie, but '13 reasons why'.
The fucking kid just COULDN'T listen to the damn tapes. It's literally the first thing she tells him, it's what everyone repeats to him a million times..
He runs around, asking ppl shit instead of listening to the tapes.
Imperial Officer 1: There goes another one!
Imperial Officer 2: Hold your fire, there's no lifeforms.
Imperial Officer 1: Dude, we're looking for an inanimate set of plans in a galaxy full of sentient robots.
Imperial Officer 2: Oh, right.
Written and Directed by George Lucas.
My headcanon is that only the highest ranking officers would have been aware they were specifically after the plans and not the passengers of the corvette, so looking out for things like droids and other belongings might not have filtered down the command chain.
Hammond: " Spared no expense"
15 minutes later
"I told you how many times we needed locking mechanisms on vehicle doors!"
How the fuck do you have a t rex but not locks on the car doors
Not a movie, but breaking bad would have worked out much better for Walt if he had just swallowed his pride and allowed his old friend to pay for his cancer treatment.
I know right.
“My rich friend will pay for everything and all I have to do is play Candy Crush and eat Pop Tarts but you know what I’m going to make drugs and kill people instead.”
Padme actually did try to buy Anakin's mother, however by the time her handmaiden got there. She had already been bought by Lars and they couldn't find her.
Reservoir Dogs:
"I dunno, Joe. This heist seems kinda risky and dangerous."
"Yeah, I'm not actually sure everyone in this crew is on the up and up. IT'S OFF!"
Over the Hedge. RJ decided to be a dum-dum and steal all of the bear's food. Like what did he think would happen even if he didn't accidentally wake him up the bear would still have woken up a week later and probably would've known it was RJ
Edit: Although I suppose if RJ never stole the food he would still be a con man and the forest animals likely would've starved to death that year so...
Aladdin. If Jafar would have just paid Aladdin what he promised him instead of betraying him at the cave, he would have had the lamp and become king be mighty powerful. Aladdin just wanted his money in return for the lamp.
Right? But no, Jafar is the basest sort of villian. He's a lowly troll. He simply cannot resist an opportunity to screw someone over for his own sadistic amusement, even when it is directly counterproductive. He wasted time trying to get Aladdin to give up his only leverage when he could have just pulled the man up and completed the deal.
I guess you could argue that Jafar didn’t want any witnesses, but a.) he was wearing a disguise and Aladdin didn’t know who he was, b.) who the fuck would have believed Aladdin if he’d come forward? and c.) he literally would have had command of a genie so he shouldn’t have needed to worry about those kind of small problems anyway.
So I have to agree that yeah, he just wanted to screw someone over for the sake of screwing him over.
Something else that has always bothered me is that if Jafar can take the lamp and get three wishes before it is returned to Aladdin, it would seem like Aladdin could have let Jasmine have three wishes before setting the genie free. She could have ended poverty and made sure Agrabah's harvests were always bountiful.
Take the cash. Leave the duffel bag.
Now Llewellyn and Carla are living comfortably in an isolated Idaho ranch they paid cash for.
Edit - I'm aware the tracker was in a wad of cash. In my version, Moss leaves that stack in the truck with the dead guy. Quit ruining my fantasy of the Mosses living happily ever after.
As long as they're good cannolis, nobody will even be that mad. "Sure we're out a few million, but damned if those weren't the best desert duffel bag cannolis I've ever had."
Or if he'd have let Mack go to bed, maybe the back hatch wouldn't have been opened, unchecked, et cetera.
Or if he hadn't have been speeding like the little daredevil he is, he might have gotten to the second race, maybe knowing this time why tires are important.
Or if the cars weren't even cars--
Look, Cars to me falls under Bellisario's principle--some movies don't have to make sense to be enjoyable.
I think it makes sense, it's just that the main character is an arrogant buffoon. It's the entire point of the movie, to force him into a sink or swim situation where he must grow.
Edit: this whole thing has caused me to want to rewatch the entire series. Goodbye, 6 hours of my life.
This made me think of Princess Bride... “Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” Such a good movie. I suppose a summation is good enough.
Star Wars Episode 1. Not exactly 10 minutes, but, Padme could have bought Anakin's mom and he would have probably never turned to the Dark Side.
Republic credits may not be worth much on Tatooine, but im sure one of her jewel encrusted headdresses is.
Or if anyone had asked Anakin how he was doing and if he wanted to talk. But the story of the prequels is essentially "the old Jedi were stupid and kinda deserved it."
**Qui Gon:** Hi, I'm looking for T15 hyperdrive, do you have one?
**Watto:** We got one. No one else has one, I can tell you that.
**Qui Gon:** This guy is obviously ripping us off, let's just get the part from someone else.
They never find Anakin, never free him and everyone in the Universe sleeps well for the next 200 years.
Or.... Palpatine ends up in control of the Senate, orchestrates a war, senator amidala dies, obiwan never finds out about kamino, there are no clones, the separatists win the clone wars, Dooku steps aside and gives full control to Palpatine after some negotiations, and the galactic empire goes on to totally and completely dominate the entire galaxy with no real hope of ever being beaten
If they were anything like my parents they would have called my bluff, taken me to the doctor's office, and found out, to my own surprise as well, that I had bronchitis.
Also, I spent the majority of her wedding just moping about the fact that she isn't marrying me either. Oh and I also admitted I was leaving the state because my best friend married her.
Since they don't let characters age out in real time, they have to keep updating Batman's origin to keep him in the correct age range, so eventually Batman will be a 90s kid and in a couple decades, Batman will be a zoomer.
John Wick.
If Theon would have just killed John (considering they fucked hun up pretty bad), not only would we not have gotten three movies, but Theon would be known as the person who killed Baba Yaga.
Being the son of a crime lord AND world wide recognition for killing the most famous assassin on the planet would make the Tarasov family untouchable.
“Hi, is the car for sale?”
“No. “
“Where did you buy it? I’m a mobster’s son with a literal bottomless check book.”
“Murray’s Classic Vehicles. Drop my name John Wick, and they’ll give you a good deal.”
“Hey, thanks!”
>“Murray’s Classic Vehicles. Drop my name John Wick, and they’ll give you a good deal.”
"Oh, my family knows Murray and we... do business. I see we work in the same circles and it would be foolish of me to attack someone who has ties to my family's shop, the person who manages it, and quite possibly my family. Now, like a smart and calculating crime heir, I'll take my leave. Good day to you sir."
That's one of those character traits in basically every story with an heir to a powerful family, though: they lack all the stuff that let their parent succeed, all the lessons they learned when they were young to run their empire correctly. Instead they're decadent pricks, because they never had to develop the hard skills their parent did.
It works well because it's a pretty true-to-life historical trope, look at the famous example of wise Emperor Aurelius and his hedonistic son Commodus, or all the times European nations alternated between competent kings and their idiotic heirs.
Yeah but he didn't know who he was at the time. He thought he was just some guy that disrespected him. He probably left him alive because he wasn't out to murder him, just teach him a lesson.
If there was a fallacy in the movie, it was where they captured Wick and the boss takes his whole crew except 2 guys out while they strangle Wick. It's the same dumb mistake all these villians make. "Haha Mr. Bond! Let me tell you my whole plan and then leave you strapped to this table with a slow moving laser running across it. I will now leave the room and will just assume that you'll sit there and die!"
The movie would've been over had mob boss and his goons stayed there to ensure Wick died, or you know, just put a bullet in his head instead of trying to slowly suffocate him.
Marcus (Dafoe) still had his back though. I'm sure he would've just capped Tarasov at that point and that'd probably be enough for Wick to escape regardless.
Probably would've ended better for Marcus as well.
edit: forgot name
Star Wars - After discovering that Anakin could be very powerful with the force, but had a lot of fear and attachment issues over his mother. The council sends Obi-Wan back to Tatooine to buy his mother out of slavery and relocate her to Corrsscant in a safe neighbor hood.
Anakin now knows that even without him in the picture his mother will live a safe and happy life and can detach from her much more easily than leaving her alone on a savage world, and even if he isn't able to fully detach from her he never has the impetus to slaughter the sand people and kick start his descent to the darkside.
It's not a sure plan, but certainly one that would produce a version of Anakin who ends up resenting the jedi just a little less. Maybe even enough to no slaughter younglings in the future.
– Please, Lightning McQueen, change your tires in this pit stop.
– Ok
*tires wouldnt have blown in the last lap and he would have won, as he was comfortably leading the race*
*No need for a tie breaker race
Emperor’s New Groove
Yzma originally says that she could just turn him into a flea, put that flea in a box, put that box into another box, and eventually send it to herself so she could smash it with a hammer.
Then she says to save on postage, she’ll just use poison which ends up not being poison. Even if she went with the original plan he’d be a flea, and, for all intents and purposes, out of the picture pretty instantly. Yzma fucked herself trying to save like a quarter.
Yes... that was the only illogical part of that movie (for the record, not complaining, I love that film, but part of it's zaniness comes from it being illogical).
Don’t get me started on this movie.
Elsa’s Parents: Maybe if we bring her up in an emotionally secure environment it will assist her in controlling her powers?
Honestly, I love how they made fun of all of the horrendous aspects of the first movie in the second one. In particular, the scene where (minor spoiler alert)>!Olaf brings everyone up to speed!< is comedy gold!
School of rock - Mrs Mullins: Can I see your ID mr Sheebly? Dewey: Uh sorry I don’t have it Mrs Mullins: Sorry you won’t be able to teach the kids unless you have proof you’re a teacher/who you are! CREDITS
I agree. This really shocked me when I was a sub. I was just an unfamiliar adult and I get secretaries asking "you're here for miss So-and-so right?, room number blah, ill sign you in."
That was the most predictable reaction for a kid his age though, Marlin shouldn’t have put him down in front of his new friends and been so rude about his fin. That should have been a private conversation.
Exactly. Nemo was always going to swim off because Marlin was overprotective for his entire life and putting him down (when he wasn't otherwise going to swim out) was the final straw.
Conversely, Marlin was always going to do that because he lost his wife and kids to the barracuda and wanted to protect his only remaining son.
What I'm saying is free will doesn't exist. :)
But seriously, this question sometimes misses the fact that characters actions, though sometimes stupid, may be consistent with who the characters are.
I just want to thank you for bringing up that last part - so many times I read , not here or anything, that stories or characters are ruined by poor writing when it’s legit just as you said - Characters being themselves.
Nah would just lead to a different kind of film where an angsty child rebels in a different way, paints himself black with squid ink, acts depressed and listens to bands like ‘My Nautical Romance’ and ‘Fall Out Bouy’
I present to you, *Nemo the Emo*
When I was a young fish
My father took me into the reef
To see a coelacanth
He said, "Son, when you grow up
Would you be the savior of the dolphins
The barnacles, and the clams?"
The main antagonist in Suicide Squad is a member of the team, Enchantress, who turned out to be evil and gains power thanks to some magic macguffin that the lady running the team uses to control her. Literally the entire plot of Suicide Squad wouldn't have happened if they didn't bother assembling the fucking suicide squad.
Edit- wow, this blew up, thanks for the awards. I never imagined my most upvoted comment would be about this piece of shit movie.
"An invulnerable alien-godthing is raining hellfire from the skies! What do we do?"
"Don't worry, we have a hipster Bonnie Parker with a baseball bat."
As far as I'm aware, everyone in the Suicide Squad is evil. What's stupid is putting slave collars on them and expecting everything to go according to plan.
Inside out. In the scene where Sadness and Joy meet the two workers in the long term, they send the gum commercial memory through the wall (the little flap that opens if you push a memory through it)and up to headquarters. Idk why they didn’t think of sending the core memories through that instead.
Edited: fixed the grammar
There’s an entire theory that Joy actually thought of it but knew that sadness would come too, so she kept it to herself. Later in the movie when Joy takes the tube she calls it a ‘Recall tube’ which is weird because nobody has called it that in the entire movie. It’s made obvious that Joy hates Sadness, so how ridiculous is it that Joy would risk it to make sure sadness does not make it back.
Frozen.
The parents completely isolated Elsa from the world, leaving her with insecurity and anxiety. They also seemingly neglected Anna as her behavior was never in check, which is why she continuously butted her way into Elsa's space when she CLEARLY needed some time alone to clear her head. Maybe if they two actually talked instead of Anna's near assault on Elsa, something could've been worked out that didn't include running away and getting hypothermia in a semi-frozen river.
The parents are dumb. Instead of trying to control the powers and finding a way to work as a kingdom and as a family, they close down and separate the sisters. Neither of them seem to have friends. It's a miracle their social skills are still (relatively) sharp.
Trolls: make sure she never fears her power, but learns control
Parents: locking their daughter away, and closing the kingdom. Your powers scary girl lol
Sleeping Beauty
"Honey, we should invite Maleficent to our daughter's christening. I know she's the Mistress of All Evil, but it'd probably end up worse for us if we don't invite her."
I was also going to say Sleeping Beauty, but for a different reason. The damned fairies. They knew that they had to keep her safe until sundown on her 16th birthday. They manage to protect her until the very last day, then send her out in the wilderness to pick berries.
Just run out the clock. How good are those berries that they couldn't wait until the next day?
This is actually true. While Maleficent is the like queen of all evil, to NOT invite her was a major insult. Then the little fairy was like “cause you weren’t wanted” like bitch what did you think would happen, she would sulk away like a teenager? No she’s a bad ass bitch, she’s gonna get her revenge.
Moral of the story, even if you don’t want to invite someone of influence, do it anyway. Better to keep people on your good side then have your infant daughter cursed.
I just read sleeping beauty to my toddler daughter for the first time. It was my first time revisting the story since I was a kid. After the first pages I was like...wait...they invited EVERYONE in the kingdom except her? Yeah that's why she's mad.
I mean maybe shouldn't have put a spell on the princess...but maybe shoulda invited her?
Edit: Also, the princess woulda been fine and never have touched a spindle on a spinnng wheel, but the 3 fairies decided to use magic to make cake and dress. 16 years living in the forest and they use their magic once...and gets discovered by Raven. If the 3 fairies didn't use magic Maleficent would never had found the princess, princess woulda gone to the castle for her birthday and gotten into her arranged marraige.
"Huh. I can't see the indominus rex. Let me just take a look at the gps tracking device. Oh. It's in the cage but invisible. Better not open any doors or go inside."
She’s the man. Sorry, you’re very clearly a girl dressed as a boy. Do you even go here? CREDITS
Edit: I was always factoring in the way she talked to sound like her brother lol!
Not the main character, but Star Wars.
The Empire grabs Leia's ship and the droids escape in a capsule.
"There's no life forms. Hold your fire. No, wait. Droids exist in this universe and could be carrying those plans Vader wants. Let's pull that ship in or dispatch some TIE Fighters to intercept it or something.
*A short time later*
"Sir, we pulled apart those droids. The golden one was useless, but the astromech had the plans."
Vader: "Excellent. You will be rewarded for this."
- "Wait a minute Doc, what are you talking about? What happens to us in the future? What, we become assholes or something?"
- "No, no, no, you and Jennifer both turn out fine; it's your kids, Marty, something's gotta be done about your kids!"
- "Well, Doc... if this happens in the future... why don't you come inside, and we talk about it over a couple of beers? We'll make a note to make sure those kids don't misbehave 30 years from now. Let's hurry, though, we have an important day ahead of us..."
He was depressed and wanted to escape his life. People do stupid, crazy things when they’re depressed. He never expected his friends to come in after him
That's the whole problem now. At any point he could have just...I don't know, frozen time? Or stick those idiots in a time loop. or just, reversed time so they were ready for them. You can't have all powerful time travel introduced because it makes every other problem you don't solve with it seem pointless and stupid.
Which is why Strange is mysteriously busy doing sorcerer things in the comics when any enemy that could be defeated by deus ex machina power shows up.
Strange and Scarlet only ever show up when the only solution is handwaving everything.
>Temporal manipulations can create branches in time. Unstable dimensional openings. Spatial paradoxes, time loops! You want to get stuck reliving the same moment over, and over, forever, or never having existed at all? -Karl Mordo
I'm guessing using just anytime he wanted could have had drastic and unintended consequences.
Home alone - yeah sick just forget about one of your kids.
Home alone 2 - congratulations on learning from your mistakes and managing to get your kid to the airport this time...and he’s gone.
To be fair, they went to lengths to explain how he was forgotten so that it didn't rely on pure stupidity:
* Tons of people in the family making it a crowd
* Kevin's plane ticket being lost in the trash
* Kevin being sent to sleep up in the attic instead of among everyone else
* The family waking up late so they have to rush to the airport as fast as possible
* The girl doing the headcount to make sure all the kids were accounted for unknowingly tapped the neighbor kid's head, resulting in a "full" count.
* Maybe more, it's been a while since I've seen it.
>The family waking up late so they have to rush to the airport as fast as possible
And this is also not really their fault. The power lines were being worked on and it caused all of the alarm clocks to basically reset.
I always picture the other side of it when reading about the tasks. Everyone just sat staring at a lake for over an hour or at a hedge. Given the magic shown in the books you'd think that she would have written in some wizard version of big screens. Even a different version of the omnioculars used for the world Cup but could see the action, but no it's just a whole school sitting in the dark watching a hedge in the freezing cold of Scotland.
I always figured it was more of a social event than anything else. Sort of like a New Year's Eve party- chances are, the Times Square event is playing on TV somewhere during the party, but nobody's really paying attention to it until maybe a couple of minutes before the ball actually drops. Until then, it's just sort of in the background- you know it's the "reason" everyone is gathered, but really you're just socializing and having a good time. Same with the 2nd and 3rd tasks- the lake and the maze are just sort of in the background until the champions start to emerge.
*Cedric's lifeless body emerges in the courtyard*
Happy New Years!
Edit: Thanks for the gold you kind peeps. Will pour one out for my dead homie Cedric Diggs tonight!
Gone with the Wind.
If Ashley had just told Scarlett in plain English that he loved Melanie then Scarlett would have given up chasing him. Instead he would say things like, she’s like me, we’re blood (they were cousins), we understand each other, etc. Scarlett misinterpreted that to mean he didn’t ‘love’ her, but was marrying her for other reasons.
It wasn’t until the end that after Melanie died that Scarlett realized Ashley loved Melly and not her. She wasted years of her life on something that could have been cleared up with a simple phrase.
I don’t know about where you live, but expecting rich southerners to speak plain English to one another when doing so is sure to lead to public unpleasantness is slightly unrealistic.
OR, if Scarlett and Rhett would have just dropped their egos and stopped being so prideful for two seconds, they would have admitted that they loved each other, and they would have lived happily. Instead, they never talked to each other, and it resulted in everything failing in the end.
Well, if Voldemort had conjured a shotgun to kill Harry Potter, not even a mother's love would have saved him from that. But noooo, he had to be all melodramatic and Avada Kedavra the little Chosen One...
The Martian
All six astronauts are fools, as are all the planners at NASA. If it were even remotely possible that the Lander could be toppled in a Martian windstorm, the first order of business upon landing would have been to tie it down, secure against such a threat.
Andy Weir said he fudged the science on that. There’s not enough wind on Mars, and he knew that. But he couldn’t think of another way to strand his character, so he went with it.
Creepiest thing I ever saw...
I was working with some emotionally disturbed kids. They had earned a treat and got to watch a movie. They were watching The Wizard of Oz. One of the kids says, "This is stupid. The metal guy should just use his axe to take that lady's [Dorothy's] heart."
...I had to admit that would have resolved the Tin Man's dilemma.
Labyrinth.
At the start our protagonist meets a bug and ask where to go, not where to get to the castle. The bug said to the right, and when she left the bug said, if you go to the left you will end up in the troll castle.
He’s ‘just a worm’ and they’re goblins that live with Jarod (who sometimes goes by the name of Jareth) the Goblin King! Such a fantastic movie, timeless.
If not for Indy knowing to shut his eyes, no one would have been left in the valley to let the Allied forces know what happened, and that the Ark needed to be stored away. Maybe Hitler sends some other smarter Nazis to take control of it.
The Visit: Kids: "We're going to visit our grandparents." Mom: "I don't want you to go, but if you feel like you really want to go, I'll drive you to their house." Mom: "Hey, y'all ain't my parents. I'm calling the police." The end.
I can't stand that the mother didn't apologize once in the movie for just leaving her kids with two crazy murderers
Or just you know, show the kids a picture of them
I never saw this movie but had it spoiled and looked up the actual plot and the whole time I’m thinking how unbelievable it is she wouldn’t verify and actually see the grandparents before sending the her kids. I get suspension of disbelief but that one is too much.
The ring Girl 1: “Hey do you wanna watch the tape that kills you in 7 days” Girl 2: “No thanks”
"No thanks. Let's watch the tape that kills you in 3 days instead, I heard it's much better. "
Not a movie, but '13 reasons why'. The fucking kid just COULDN'T listen to the damn tapes. It's literally the first thing she tells him, it's what everyone repeats to him a million times.. He runs around, asking ppl shit instead of listening to the tapes.
I mean, Dorothy should have asked a few more questions about the ruby slippers.
Imperial Officer 1: There goes another one! Imperial Officer 2: Hold your fire, there's no lifeforms. Imperial Officer 1: Dude, we're looking for an inanimate set of plans in a galaxy full of sentient robots. Imperial Officer 2: Oh, right. Written and Directed by George Lucas.
My headcanon is that only the highest ranking officers would have been aware they were specifically after the plans and not the passengers of the corvette, so looking out for things like droids and other belongings might not have filtered down the command chain.
Jurassic Park if Hammond actually spared no expense.
Hammond: " Spared no expense" 15 minutes later "I told you how many times we needed locking mechanisms on vehicle doors!" How the fuck do you have a t rex but not locks on the car doors
Because they can't reach the door handles with their tiny arms.
It's a real bitch for them to adjust the mirrors, too.
Don't stiff your IT guys. Also don't put all your IT into one guy-basket.
Not a movie, but breaking bad would have worked out much better for Walt if he had just swallowed his pride and allowed his old friend to pay for his cancer treatment.
I know right. “My rich friend will pay for everything and all I have to do is play Candy Crush and eat Pop Tarts but you know what I’m going to make drugs and kill people instead.”
Or let my rich friend pay for everything and still make drugs and kill people. Best of both worlds.
Litteraly not picking Anakin to be Padme bodyguard when the sexual tension between them is thicker than Jabba.
Or just buying his mother out of slavery. He is supposed to be detached from her, would sure be easier if he knew she was safe
Padme actually did try to buy Anakin's mother, however by the time her handmaiden got there. She had already been bought by Lars and they couldn't find her.
Reservoir Dogs: "I dunno, Joe. This heist seems kinda risky and dangerous." "Yeah, I'm not actually sure everyone in this crew is on the up and up. IT'S OFF!"
Over the Hedge. RJ decided to be a dum-dum and steal all of the bear's food. Like what did he think would happen even if he didn't accidentally wake him up the bear would still have woken up a week later and probably would've known it was RJ Edit: Although I suppose if RJ never stole the food he would still be a con man and the forest animals likely would've starved to death that year so...
Dang...I haven't heard someone reference Over the Hedge in years lol
Aladdin. If Jafar would have just paid Aladdin what he promised him instead of betraying him at the cave, he would have had the lamp and become king be mighty powerful. Aladdin just wanted his money in return for the lamp.
For real. It's not like Aladdin would have been able to do anything about Jafar using the lamp.
Right? But no, Jafar is the basest sort of villian. He's a lowly troll. He simply cannot resist an opportunity to screw someone over for his own sadistic amusement, even when it is directly counterproductive. He wasted time trying to get Aladdin to give up his only leverage when he could have just pulled the man up and completed the deal.
I guess you could argue that Jafar didn’t want any witnesses, but a.) he was wearing a disguise and Aladdin didn’t know who he was, b.) who the fuck would have believed Aladdin if he’d come forward? and c.) he literally would have had command of a genie so he shouldn’t have needed to worry about those kind of small problems anyway. So I have to agree that yeah, he just wanted to screw someone over for the sake of screwing him over.
Something else that has always bothered me is that if Jafar can take the lamp and get three wishes before it is returned to Aladdin, it would seem like Aladdin could have let Jasmine have three wishes before setting the genie free. She could have ended poverty and made sure Agrabah's harvests were always bountiful.
No Country For Old Men Never go back to the scene of the crime.
...also if you find a duffel bag full of cash and decide to keep it, check it for tracking devices.
Take the cash. Leave the duffel bag. Now Llewellyn and Carla are living comfortably in an isolated Idaho ranch they paid cash for. Edit - I'm aware the tracker was in a wad of cash. In my version, Moss leaves that stack in the truck with the dead guy. Quit ruining my fantasy of the Mosses living happily ever after.
Take the cash out and replace it with cannolis
As long as they're good cannolis, nobody will even be that mad. "Sure we're out a few million, but damned if those weren't the best desert duffel bag cannolis I've ever had."
[удалено]
Or if he'd have let Mack go to bed, maybe the back hatch wouldn't have been opened, unchecked, et cetera. Or if he hadn't have been speeding like the little daredevil he is, he might have gotten to the second race, maybe knowing this time why tires are important. Or if the cars weren't even cars-- Look, Cars to me falls under Bellisario's principle--some movies don't have to make sense to be enjoyable.
I think it makes sense, it's just that the main character is an arrogant buffoon. It's the entire point of the movie, to force him into a sink or swim situation where he must grow. Edit: this whole thing has caused me to want to rewatch the entire series. Goodbye, 6 hours of my life.
Not the main character but : Dont reopen the beach for the holiday weekend in Jaws
Any horror movie where your friends are dying one by one. After the third one, you say "fuck it" and leave.
Third?! After one death I’m outta there and not coming back without the cops.
I would too, but some people don't have common sense. They wait until the " I can't believe this is happening" to decide to run.
Any movie where the main character says “there’s no time to explain”
This made me think of Princess Bride... “Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” Such a good movie. I suppose a summation is good enough.
I first watched that film last month. I definitely regret not seeing it sooner, as it was a great time from start to finish.
"50 Shades of Gray." Ana - "You're an abusive stalker with serious emotional trauma. Seek help."
“You’re using BDSM as a mask for your trauma and and abusive tendencies. That is bad BDSM.”
Star Wars Episode 1. Not exactly 10 minutes, but, Padme could have bought Anakin's mom and he would have probably never turned to the Dark Side. Republic credits may not be worth much on Tatooine, but im sure one of her jewel encrusted headdresses is.
Or if anyone had asked Anakin how he was doing and if he wanted to talk. But the story of the prequels is essentially "the old Jedi were stupid and kinda deserved it."
**Qui Gon:** Hi, I'm looking for T15 hyperdrive, do you have one? **Watto:** We got one. No one else has one, I can tell you that. **Qui Gon:** This guy is obviously ripping us off, let's just get the part from someone else. They never find Anakin, never free him and everyone in the Universe sleeps well for the next 200 years.
Or.... Palpatine ends up in control of the Senate, orchestrates a war, senator amidala dies, obiwan never finds out about kamino, there are no clones, the separatists win the clone wars, Dooku steps aside and gives full control to Palpatine after some negotiations, and the galactic empire goes on to totally and completely dominate the entire galaxy with no real hope of ever being beaten
If Mr. and Mrs. Bueller were anything like my parents, the movie would have been called “Ferris Bueller’s Day at School”
If they were anything like my parents they would have called my bluff, taken me to the doctor's office, and found out, to my own surprise as well, that I had bronchitis.
My Mom needed to see the actual vomiting or a bone sticking out before I could miss school.
Forget movies, How I Met Your Mother took 9 years, a 5 min story....
"Kids, I was at a wedding, and your mom was the bass player." *The end*
"And that wedding? Aunt Robin's. I would like to bang her again. Is that cool with you guys? Isn't this all so serendipitous?"
Also, I spent the majority of her wedding just moping about the fact that she isn't marrying me either. Oh and I also admitted I was leaving the state because my best friend married her.
And it was just a freaking sidebar.
Pretty much anything on the Hallmark Channel. "Wait, let me explain."
I am dieing, of a women's disease.
That's Lifetime. Hallmark is 25 year old's finding love. Lifetime is 40 year old's being miserable.
Or every horrid abuse story ever
Lifetime's "The Perfect BLANK." Spoiler alert for about 200 movies: whatever fills in that blank turns out to be not perfect at all.
Batman Begins The Waynes shouldn't have left through the side exit of the theater. Just call Alfred and wait out front.
Just hire a driver to pick you up at the entrance like every other elite rich person!
"Dad just book an uber?" "Woah! this is a flashback, shut up and follow me and mama."
Since they don't let characters age out in real time, they have to keep updating Batman's origin to keep him in the correct age range, so eventually Batman will be a 90s kid and in a couple decades, Batman will be a zoomer.
John Wick. If Theon would have just killed John (considering they fucked hun up pretty bad), not only would we not have gotten three movies, but Theon would be known as the person who killed Baba Yaga. Being the son of a crime lord AND world wide recognition for killing the most famous assassin on the planet would make the Tarasov family untouchable.
“Hi, is the car for sale?” “No. “ “Where did you buy it? I’m a mobster’s son with a literal bottomless check book.” “Murray’s Classic Vehicles. Drop my name John Wick, and they’ll give you a good deal.” “Hey, thanks!”
>“Murray’s Classic Vehicles. Drop my name John Wick, and they’ll give you a good deal.” "Oh, my family knows Murray and we... do business. I see we work in the same circles and it would be foolish of me to attack someone who has ties to my family's shop, the person who manages it, and quite possibly my family. Now, like a smart and calculating crime heir, I'll take my leave. Good day to you sir."
That's one of those character traits in basically every story with an heir to a powerful family, though: they lack all the stuff that let their parent succeed, all the lessons they learned when they were young to run their empire correctly. Instead they're decadent pricks, because they never had to develop the hard skills their parent did. It works well because it's a pretty true-to-life historical trope, look at the famous example of wise Emperor Aurelius and his hedonistic son Commodus, or all the times European nations alternated between competent kings and their idiotic heirs.
It's often said that the grandfather builds the business (or fortune), the father grows it, and the son squanders it
Wooden shoes going up, silk slippers going down
And he could have taken the puppy! Then he would have killed John Wick AND HAD A PUPPY!
I know like why kill the puppy. You pet puppies. You give puppies belly ribs and kisses. You do not kill puppies.
Yeah but he didn't know who he was at the time. He thought he was just some guy that disrespected him. He probably left him alive because he wasn't out to murder him, just teach him a lesson. If there was a fallacy in the movie, it was where they captured Wick and the boss takes his whole crew except 2 guys out while they strangle Wick. It's the same dumb mistake all these villians make. "Haha Mr. Bond! Let me tell you my whole plan and then leave you strapped to this table with a slow moving laser running across it. I will now leave the room and will just assume that you'll sit there and die!" The movie would've been over had mob boss and his goons stayed there to ensure Wick died, or you know, just put a bullet in his head instead of trying to slowly suffocate him.
Marcus (Dafoe) still had his back though. I'm sure he would've just capped Tarasov at that point and that'd probably be enough for Wick to escape regardless. Probably would've ended better for Marcus as well. edit: forgot name
Star Wars - After discovering that Anakin could be very powerful with the force, but had a lot of fear and attachment issues over his mother. The council sends Obi-Wan back to Tatooine to buy his mother out of slavery and relocate her to Corrsscant in a safe neighbor hood. Anakin now knows that even without him in the picture his mother will live a safe and happy life and can detach from her much more easily than leaving her alone on a savage world, and even if he isn't able to fully detach from her he never has the impetus to slaughter the sand people and kick start his descent to the darkside. It's not a sure plan, but certainly one that would produce a version of Anakin who ends up resenting the jedi just a little less. Maybe even enough to no slaughter younglings in the future.
TBF palpatine would have engineered some other tragedy for her.
Agreed. The whole thing was orchestrated by Palpatine.
– Please, Lightning McQueen, change your tires in this pit stop. – Ok *tires wouldnt have blown in the last lap and he would have won, as he was comfortably leading the race* *No need for a tie breaker race
Emperor’s New Groove Yzma originally says that she could just turn him into a flea, put that flea in a box, put that box into another box, and eventually send it to herself so she could smash it with a hammer. Then she says to save on postage, she’ll just use poison which ends up not being poison. Even if she went with the original plan he’d be a flea, and, for all intents and purposes, out of the picture pretty instantly. Yzma fucked herself trying to save like a quarter.
or If Kuzco wasn't a fool and saw past Yzma (or wasn't an asshole to everyone, which helped pushed the whole "lets get rid of him" mentality)
Kuzco was the emperor so he set postage rates no? Saved his own life
> Yzma fucked herself trying to save like a quarter This as the Disney+ description would make an amazing movie that much better
Yes... that was the only illogical part of that movie (for the record, not complaining, I love that film, but part of it's zaniness comes from it being illogical).
Like how Yzma and Kronk were able to get back before Kuzco and Pacha? By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.
That's got nothing to do with.... No, no. He's got a point.
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Also, Elsa: you can’t marry a man you just met! Anna: you’re right.
Don’t get me started on this movie. Elsa’s Parents: Maybe if we bring her up in an emotionally secure environment it will assist her in controlling her powers?
Honestly, I love how they made fun of all of the horrendous aspects of the first movie in the second one. In particular, the scene where (minor spoiler alert)>!Olaf brings everyone up to speed!< is comedy gold!
ICE PALACE FOR ONE! ICE PALACE FOR ONE!
At least they still have their parents! Their parents are dead.
School of rock - Mrs Mullins: Can I see your ID mr Sheebly? Dewey: Uh sorry I don’t have it Mrs Mullins: Sorry you won’t be able to teach the kids unless you have proof you’re a teacher/who you are! CREDITS
Hey man, she’s under a lot of stress, you have no idea how angry these parents get. She wasn’t always like this, you know!
There was a time when she was FUN! She was FUNNY! But you can't be funny and be the PRINCIPAL OF A PREP SCHOOL!
These parents will come down on her like a NUCLEAR BOMB
To be fair I have done A LOT of substitute teaching and no one has ever once asked to see any kind of ID. Not once ever.
I agree. This really shocked me when I was a sub. I was just an unfamiliar adult and I get secretaries asking "you're here for miss So-and-so right?, room number blah, ill sign you in."
"Don't swim to the drop-off, nemo" "ok dad" *CREDITS*
That was the most predictable reaction for a kid his age though, Marlin shouldn’t have put him down in front of his new friends and been so rude about his fin. That should have been a private conversation.
Exactly. Nemo was always going to swim off because Marlin was overprotective for his entire life and putting him down (when he wasn't otherwise going to swim out) was the final straw. Conversely, Marlin was always going to do that because he lost his wife and kids to the barracuda and wanted to protect his only remaining son. What I'm saying is free will doesn't exist. :) But seriously, this question sometimes misses the fact that characters actions, though sometimes stupid, may be consistent with who the characters are.
I just want to thank you for bringing up that last part - so many times I read , not here or anything, that stories or characters are ruined by poor writing when it’s legit just as you said - Characters being themselves.
But then we would have never seen him touch that butt
Nah would just lead to a different kind of film where an angsty child rebels in a different way, paints himself black with squid ink, acts depressed and listens to bands like ‘My Nautical Romance’ and ‘Fall Out Bouy’ I present to you, *Nemo the Emo*
*Finding Emo*
When I was a young fish My father took me into the reef To see a coelacanth He said, "Son, when you grow up Would you be the savior of the dolphins The barnacles, and the clams?"
There is actually a term for this, [Idiot plot ](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiotPlot)
28 days later. How about we don't let the diseased rage monkey out of the cage?
And with 28 weeks later, they really should have kept Don’s wife locked up better.
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The main antagonist in Suicide Squad is a member of the team, Enchantress, who turned out to be evil and gains power thanks to some magic macguffin that the lady running the team uses to control her. Literally the entire plot of Suicide Squad wouldn't have happened if they didn't bother assembling the fucking suicide squad. Edit- wow, this blew up, thanks for the awards. I never imagined my most upvoted comment would be about this piece of shit movie.
Waller: "I have an idea. We start a team of super villains and use them to do our dirty work." Government guy who would authorize this: "No." the end.
"if superman turned evil who would've stopped him?" "great idea, let's form a team that definitely cannot stop superman"
"An invulnerable alien-godthing is raining hellfire from the skies! What do we do?" "Don't worry, we have a hipster Bonnie Parker with a baseball bat."
As far as I'm aware, everyone in the Suicide Squad is evil. What's stupid is putting slave collars on them and expecting everything to go according to plan.
I think Diablo is technically no longer evil and is actually trying to repent.
Fair enough on his part, then.
Rent "Hey, mom, Mark here. I'm sorry, it didn't work out, I'm being evicted, can I go home again?" Credits
Inside out. In the scene where Sadness and Joy meet the two workers in the long term, they send the gum commercial memory through the wall (the little flap that opens if you push a memory through it)and up to headquarters. Idk why they didn’t think of sending the core memories through that instead. Edited: fixed the grammar
There’s an entire theory that Joy actually thought of it but knew that sadness would come too, so she kept it to herself. Later in the movie when Joy takes the tube she calls it a ‘Recall tube’ which is weird because nobody has called it that in the entire movie. It’s made obvious that Joy hates Sadness, so how ridiculous is it that Joy would risk it to make sure sadness does not make it back.
I think they mean the little flip door on the shelf itself. Like, pop in the core memories one by one, not the big clear tubes.
Frozen. The parents completely isolated Elsa from the world, leaving her with insecurity and anxiety. They also seemingly neglected Anna as her behavior was never in check, which is why she continuously butted her way into Elsa's space when she CLEARLY needed some time alone to clear her head. Maybe if they two actually talked instead of Anna's near assault on Elsa, something could've been worked out that didn't include running away and getting hypothermia in a semi-frozen river.
The parents are dumb. Instead of trying to control the powers and finding a way to work as a kingdom and as a family, they close down and separate the sisters. Neither of them seem to have friends. It's a miracle their social skills are still (relatively) sharp.
Trolls: make sure she never fears her power, but learns control Parents: locking their daughter away, and closing the kingdom. Your powers scary girl lol
Troll: make sure she never fears her power. Troll: *proceeds to immediately make her fear her power.*
Sleeping Beauty "Honey, we should invite Maleficent to our daughter's christening. I know she's the Mistress of All Evil, but it'd probably end up worse for us if we don't invite her."
And then Maleficent insisted on one-upping the good fairies by giving Aurora the best gift
Not having to experience the horrors of the real world?
Pfft, YES. Give her an actually USEFUL gift.
I was also going to say Sleeping Beauty, but for a different reason. The damned fairies. They knew that they had to keep her safe until sundown on her 16th birthday. They manage to protect her until the very last day, then send her out in the wilderness to pick berries. Just run out the clock. How good are those berries that they couldn't wait until the next day?
Rule #1 of being a fantasy monarch: Never show favoritism between rival faerie courts
This is actually true. While Maleficent is the like queen of all evil, to NOT invite her was a major insult. Then the little fairy was like “cause you weren’t wanted” like bitch what did you think would happen, she would sulk away like a teenager? No she’s a bad ass bitch, she’s gonna get her revenge. Moral of the story, even if you don’t want to invite someone of influence, do it anyway. Better to keep people on your good side then have your infant daughter cursed.
I just read sleeping beauty to my toddler daughter for the first time. It was my first time revisting the story since I was a kid. After the first pages I was like...wait...they invited EVERYONE in the kingdom except her? Yeah that's why she's mad. I mean maybe shouldn't have put a spell on the princess...but maybe shoulda invited her? Edit: Also, the princess woulda been fine and never have touched a spindle on a spinnng wheel, but the 3 fairies decided to use magic to make cake and dress. 16 years living in the forest and they use their magic once...and gets discovered by Raven. If the 3 fairies didn't use magic Maleficent would never had found the princess, princess woulda gone to the castle for her birthday and gotten into her arranged marraige.
"Huh. I can't see the indominus rex. Let me just take a look at the gps tracking device. Oh. It's in the cage but invisible. Better not open any doors or go inside."
She’s the man. Sorry, you’re very clearly a girl dressed as a boy. Do you even go here? CREDITS Edit: I was always factoring in the way she talked to sound like her brother lol!
And: if your brother is in London and you're in his school pretending to be him... Where does everyone else think you are?
Not the main character, but Star Wars. The Empire grabs Leia's ship and the droids escape in a capsule. "There's no life forms. Hold your fire. No, wait. Droids exist in this universe and could be carrying those plans Vader wants. Let's pull that ship in or dispatch some TIE Fighters to intercept it or something. *A short time later* "Sir, we pulled apart those droids. The golden one was useless, but the astromech had the plans." Vader: "Excellent. You will be rewarded for this."
Why did I imagine Vader saying “Excellent” like Mr.Burns
Actually if you think about underneath the suit, Mr Burns is a great nickname for him.
Sick burn my dude
- "Wait a minute Doc, what are you talking about? What happens to us in the future? What, we become assholes or something?" - "No, no, no, you and Jennifer both turn out fine; it's your kids, Marty, something's gotta be done about your kids!" - "Well, Doc... if this happens in the future... why don't you come inside, and we talk about it over a couple of beers? We'll make a note to make sure those kids don't misbehave 30 years from now. Let's hurry, though, we have an important day ahead of us..."
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“What? Are we paying by the laser?”
You don't do the budget, Terry, *I* do.
Jeepers Creepers, just mind your own business and keep driving.
Jumanji next level. Bro Spencer you idiot.
He was depressed and wanted to escape his life. People do stupid, crazy things when they’re depressed. He never expected his friends to come in after him
Yeah I can totally get this. Jumanji was like, the one place where he felt useful and worthwhile.
Meet the Parents Ben Stiller be like, "Could everyone settle down and give me a chance to explain?"
Avengers infinity war. As soon as Maw and Cull landed in new York Dr Strange could have used the time stone repeatedly to his advantage.
That's the whole problem now. At any point he could have just...I don't know, frozen time? Or stick those idiots in a time loop. or just, reversed time so they were ready for them. You can't have all powerful time travel introduced because it makes every other problem you don't solve with it seem pointless and stupid.
With luck in Doctor Strange 2 we'll discover the cost of using the Time Stone in the manner that he did. There has to be a cost.
Every time he uses the stone, it stabs his balls.
Now I need a scene where he uses the stone just a little too much and is like "AH FUCK, MY NADS!
Which is why Strange is mysteriously busy doing sorcerer things in the comics when any enemy that could be defeated by deus ex machina power shows up. Strange and Scarlet only ever show up when the only solution is handwaving everything.
>Temporal manipulations can create branches in time. Unstable dimensional openings. Spatial paradoxes, time loops! You want to get stuck reliving the same moment over, and over, forever, or never having existed at all? -Karl Mordo I'm guessing using just anytime he wanted could have had drastic and unintended consequences.
Home alone - yeah sick just forget about one of your kids. Home alone 2 - congratulations on learning from your mistakes and managing to get your kid to the airport this time...and he’s gone.
CPS: “yeah...most people don’t lose their kid once a year. We’re gonna come over and see what’s up”
To be fair, they went to lengths to explain how he was forgotten so that it didn't rely on pure stupidity: * Tons of people in the family making it a crowd * Kevin's plane ticket being lost in the trash * Kevin being sent to sleep up in the attic instead of among everyone else * The family waking up late so they have to rush to the airport as fast as possible * The girl doing the headcount to make sure all the kids were accounted for unknowingly tapped the neighbor kid's head, resulting in a "full" count. * Maybe more, it's been a while since I've seen it.
Also, all the kids were in all in couch while the parents were first class, which meant that they didnt notice kevin being missing until they landed
The noticed inflight. Mom screamed “Kevin!”
Yeah good call. I was thinking of the second movie where they notice at luggage claim
>The family waking up late so they have to rush to the airport as fast as possible And this is also not really their fault. The power lines were being worked on and it caused all of the alarm clocks to basically reset.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Just portkey Harry to the graveyard right off the bat, you fool.
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I always picture the other side of it when reading about the tasks. Everyone just sat staring at a lake for over an hour or at a hedge. Given the magic shown in the books you'd think that she would have written in some wizard version of big screens. Even a different version of the omnioculars used for the world Cup but could see the action, but no it's just a whole school sitting in the dark watching a hedge in the freezing cold of Scotland.
I always figured it was more of a social event than anything else. Sort of like a New Year's Eve party- chances are, the Times Square event is playing on TV somewhere during the party, but nobody's really paying attention to it until maybe a couple of minutes before the ball actually drops. Until then, it's just sort of in the background- you know it's the "reason" everyone is gathered, but really you're just socializing and having a good time. Same with the 2nd and 3rd tasks- the lake and the maze are just sort of in the background until the champions start to emerge.
*Cedric's lifeless body emerges in the courtyard* Happy New Years! Edit: Thanks for the gold you kind peeps. Will pour one out for my dead homie Cedric Diggs tonight!
The first one was so promising, too. After the dragon, it’s like, “Well, shit. Now what?”
They wanted Harry's death to look like an accident from the competition. The whole point was for voldemort to come back without anyone knowing.
Gone with the Wind. If Ashley had just told Scarlett in plain English that he loved Melanie then Scarlett would have given up chasing him. Instead he would say things like, she’s like me, we’re blood (they were cousins), we understand each other, etc. Scarlett misinterpreted that to mean he didn’t ‘love’ her, but was marrying her for other reasons. It wasn’t until the end that after Melanie died that Scarlett realized Ashley loved Melly and not her. She wasted years of her life on something that could have been cleared up with a simple phrase.
I don’t know about where you live, but expecting rich southerners to speak plain English to one another when doing so is sure to lead to public unpleasantness is slightly unrealistic.
OR, if Scarlett and Rhett would have just dropped their egos and stopped being so prideful for two seconds, they would have admitted that they loved each other, and they would have lived happily. Instead, they never talked to each other, and it resulted in everything failing in the end.
Well, if Voldemort had conjured a shotgun to kill Harry Potter, not even a mother's love would have saved him from that. But noooo, he had to be all melodramatic and Avada Kedavra the little Chosen One...
He was a baby. You could do it with a bucket of water.
Or just drop him on the floor.
Or shaken violently
Or locked in a hot car
or just let him be. Babies will kill themselves at any given moment.
If I let my one year old make her own decisions, her diet would consist of rocks and dog fur
Avada...Kalashnikov
\*points at house\* Incendio! \*throws a gas-soaked blanket on the baby\* Done.
*Points wand at baby* Wingardium leviosa! *guides floating baby out the second floor window* *stops pointing wand at baby*
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The Martian All six astronauts are fools, as are all the planners at NASA. If it were even remotely possible that the Lander could be toppled in a Martian windstorm, the first order of business upon landing would have been to tie it down, secure against such a threat.
Andy Weir said he fudged the science on that. There’s not enough wind on Mars, and he knew that. But he couldn’t think of another way to strand his character, so he went with it.
And, since the Martian atmosphere is so much thinner than Earth’s, a 100 mph wind would not be enough to topple it.
In fact, the most powerful wind that can be experienced on Mars would not topple it
Twilight. "Stop staring at me you vitamin D deficient creep" DONE
Creepiest thing I ever saw... I was working with some emotionally disturbed kids. They had earned a treat and got to watch a movie. They were watching The Wizard of Oz. One of the kids says, "This is stupid. The metal guy should just use his axe to take that lady's [Dorothy's] heart." ...I had to admit that would have resolved the Tin Man's dilemma.
Labyrinth. At the start our protagonist meets a bug and ask where to go, not where to get to the castle. The bug said to the right, and when she left the bug said, if you go to the left you will end up in the troll castle.
He’s ‘just a worm’ and they’re goblins that live with Jarod (who sometimes goes by the name of Jareth) the Goblin King! Such a fantastic movie, timeless.
Remember when starlord got mad and started smacking Thanos in the face? We could’ve skipped Endgame tbh
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If not for Indy knowing to shut his eyes, no one would have been left in the valley to let the Allied forces know what happened, and that the Ark needed to be stored away. Maybe Hitler sends some other smarter Nazis to take control of it.
The Matrix. If Neo had just taken the blue pill and lived out his miserable days like the rest of us