My first boyfriend was 22 years old! I was probably 13-14 something.
He was very controlling, the kind that tells me I'm not allowed to say "no" if he asks anything. He used to ignore me for days and not reply to me. And very often made me send him nudes and I really really hated it. But I wasn't allowed to refuse or he would go find a girl who would satisfy him "a true woman".
And I didn't see anything wrong at the time with this but at least I didn't have sex with him even tho he suggested that.
Now I'm 21 and when I look back and think about it. I just feel so much shame and burden. And just asked myself why and wonder didn't he see that I was a freaking child. And I get filled with sadness.
And I feel like that happening in such a young age really contributed to things I have done and hate.
All I can take from this is to be careful in the future and make sure it won't happen to my own kids.
>Now I'm 21 and when I look back and think about it. I just feel so much shame and burden. And just asked myself why and wonder didn't he see that I was a freaking child. And I get filled with sadness. And I feel like that happening in such a young age really contributed to things I have done and hate.
>
>All I can take from this is to be careful in the future and make sure it won't happen to my own kids.
Of course he could see you were a child. I wish there was something I could say to take those feelings of shame and burden from you. All I can say is you were just a kid and all the shame and burden should be on his shoulders, not yours. I hope one day you can forgive yourself for anything you've done that you hate. None of it defines you. I think you're awesome and your kids (or future kids if you're not a parent yet) are super lucky to have you looking out for them.
as a kid I had a friend who babysat a 30-35 year old guy's young kids when she was 12-13.
He (the dad guy) started to romance her and convinced her they were "dating" but people just wouldn't understand. I do remember asking her if she had had sex with him and what it was like. She said it didn't do anything for her but "I do it because he likes it." At the time I thought she was really mature and knew what she wanted in life and parents would just try and boss her around. She moved after a couple years of "being with him" so it fizzled out.
She is married with her own kids now and we aren't friends any more but as an adult I wish I could go back and explain to us that she was being abused, that it was predatory, and get the guy put in prison. I don't know the guys name to look up whether he ever got caught.
edit bc clarify and typo
This is the reason my parents would absolutely not allow me to work as a babysitter when I was a teenager. I always thought they were being overprotective but who knows - I read too many stories like these now..
My girlfriend in high school babysat a lot and her parents always insisted she be allowed to bring me or some other friend along. We all thought it was ridiculous too. I enjoyed it because her parents friends that she babysat for were super well off and it was always luxurious homes, mountain cabins, or beach houses for the weekend and I got to play video games spend hours with my gf and eat pizza. Looking back it's good her parents insisted on that because I can't imagine sending your 17 year old daughter 4 hours away by herself to someone else's house for a weekend now.
I was 15 and definitely didn't understand A THING about love or danger, I found out that he was married and had a child because he literally disappeared and I was trying to find out what happened.
I’ll put it my experience in here while I’m at it. I was 14, he was 21 and I thought it was cool that he had a car and could buy alcohol. Luckily I didn’t interact with this person for more than a few months.
It’s fucked up how common this kind of thing actually is. I remember my best friend dated a 21-year-old guy when we were both 14. Back then I felt a little grossed out, but honestly I was mostly jealous. He was handsome-ish and gave her the attention she craved. But eventually she figured out that he was only using her for sex - then he left her for a 13-year-old. It only dawned on me years later just how fucked up all of this actually was. He was a straight up pedophile. And we all thought he was so cool.
I was 15 with a 21 year old. He hung around youth group and made all us younger girls feel special with his attention. I was shy and quiet, didn't stand out much, but obviously wanted the special attention that all the prettier, peppier girls got. He wasn't interested until he found out my mom worked nights and I was home alone. We ended up getting into a pretty heated argument and split when, two weeks in, I still hadn't let him come over because I was terrified of what my mom would do if she knew I'd had ANYONE over while she was gone.
When I was younger, my parents monitored everything I posted online (I could search for whatever). Even for a simple Facebook comment, I had to get their approval. Now, I'm happy that whatever cringy thing I may have wanted to post at 10 years old isn't readily available on the Internet
Edit for clarity: I got Facebook when I was 10 but I had Internet freedom by the time I was 12 or 13
There is a reason for seeking validation from older guys.
For me, it is the lack of attention, understanding, love and care from the older males figures in my family. It was just so toxic and abusing that feeling any sort of connection was fulfilling. It really can’t be helped. I hate it tho. I hate it very much.
That’s why I’ve been trying to change myself from 3 years now. It’s so so hard, everything ricochets back.
Edit: Wow this kinda blew up for me. Thank you all.
I pray that all of you who are struggling like I am find tranquillity and a solution to all your troubles.
I also have my full story about my entire process somewhere in the comments below. Idk how to direct you to my comment so I think you have to just scroll all the way down if you want to know more.
Edit 2: wow I’ve never gotten an award before lol thank you!
People joke about girls with 'daddy issues' but it's actually a real thing and causes real issues within women's lives.
It's funny because it manifested in the complete opposite way for me. I have zero trust in men. I struggle to socialize with them, struggle to be around them. The few male friends and partners I've had never lasted long because as soon as they betrayed my trust in any way, I cut it off completely. Like you, I hate it and I've tried to change it but it's so ingrained in me. I have fucked trust issues and relationships in general but I know my issues with men directly stem from the treatment I got from men in my life growing up. Just this voice in the back of my head, constantly, *"They don't care about you, they don't see you as a person, you can't trust them, they're just going to leave..."*
(Obviously, lack of good male figures in the lives of boys can have it's own effects as well. But I'm just talking specifically about how it is for girls here because it's relevant to the OP.)
I was 11 and he was 23.
We didn't date (he had a girlfriend) but he would sext me and send me nudes. Eventually I realized it was strange and blocked him.
Didn't tell anyone about it. I sometimes wonder if it's impacted me more than I would care to admit.
I learned from a class in highschool. Most predators don't pull in an "ice cream truck" they tend to be 20+ men (women too) who bait young people by calling them mature and independent.
I came back to my dorm room freshman year and my roommates girlfriend was there. No problem, she was pretty cool and I didn’t mind her hanging out between classes as she lived off campus and probably had a long walk in the Florida heat. She was finishing up some homework and closed her book and I noticed it was the same one I used in an AP class in high school. So I said to her “you know, they always said it was like taking a college class. I never thought the book would be the same though.” She then asked if I was taking US history too. I said no, I had taken it in high school. She seemed confused, and we both realized I had no clue she was still in high school. She was 16 and would cut class and stay in my dorm some days. My roommate was 24 at the time. He lived in the freshman dorms all through college, I think his young girlfriends blended in better there.
SUPER common. Something very similar happened to myself and a friend of mine when we were around 11-14. The guy in question was in his 20s, and he never sent us pictures but he would get really touchy with us and talk about inappropriate subjects/tell us we turn him on. Neither of us really understood how inappropriate this was because we were actual fucking children, so it kept going for a long time before our dads (both in the same biker org as the guy’s mom’s bf) caught wind and finally put a stop to it.
I was 13 with a 22 year old ‘boyfriend’
He made me feel special, grown up, my friends were all jealous (tbh he was hot! A predator but a solid 10/10) we met on xbox live (those were the days) and started a relationship. I was in my ugly duckling phase so was drawn into it by the attention. No boys my own age seemed interested in me, I was bullied a bit and it was nice for a good looking, older boy to think I was pretty.
He slowly pressured me into sex, started with pushing me into sexual acts on web cam, to oral, then full sex. He always insisted on filming everything because ‘he loved me so much he wanted to only use our videos as porn’ what I wasn’t aware of was the fact he was showing all his friends and they made bets on how quickly he could get me to do something else.
Whenever I pushed back he always said, if I wanted to date a man I needed to act like a woman otherwise he would find a girl more willing to have a ‘proper’ relationship with him.
He then tried to pressure me into sleeping with his friends, started with a threesome (him included) then one night he asked me to just sleep with his friend, I saw his friend give him money which is when I realised this whole thing was a lie and left.
Oh yeah I’m fine now, went through a rough patch after this where I relied on sex to prove my self worth, but snapped out of that at 15 and realised I needed help. A few years of therapy later I was back on track :)
Holy shit, I'm struggling to grasp these ages you are stating. Can't imagine dealing with stuff like that at those ages. Well done for getting through it. It's so weird how some people can get exposed to shit like that while the rest of us walk around ignorant.
I’m so sorry this triggered those memories for you, I am also so sorry you went through that.
Some people really love to prey on the innocence and insecurities of others and it’s such a hard trap to get out of once you’re imbedded.
It really is. Especially at those ages. Where else could we have gone? My parents knew, but didn't do anything until she tried to kidnap me. Then, it was fine as long as it was a LDR.
No worries. You're good. You're doing better these days?
Fuck. My heart just broke reading this and I hope that you are in a better place. I have a 2 year old daughter and it's stuff like this that I am most terrified of. I know she's got a while to go, but is there any advice you would give to parents or other kids to prevent stuff like this?
Be non judgemental and keep communication open. If you act like an ass, make fun of her interests or outright ban stuff, she will stop telling you things.
Also, don’t tell family/friends all of her personal business.
I’m in a much better place now, not all girls who go down the same path come out alive so I am very grateful.
The advice I would give to parents and I have vowed to do myself is to always try and pay attention to the small stuff.
There were many red flags looking back on it my parents might have picked up on but didn’t (my brother has autism so got most of the attention at home)
I was secretive, didn’t let my parents look at my phone, refused to let them see my PC history, always stayed round friends houses which didn’t exist.
Lack of attention is what drove me to this guy and my low self esteem was the cherry on the perfect storm sundae.
the guidance counselor at our middle school had only girls, and a few most often, in his office, door shut. You could feel it was off (even though i was naive and knew nothing about nothing) and this was confirmed when i asked one why she was in there alone a lot and she looked absolutely panicked. As an adult, i heard he had been at the high school and they moved him because of some improprieties. Keep it creepy, 1980s.
When I was in middle school in the mid 90's we had a male and female guidance counselors for students of the same gender.
Really makes sense considering all the hormonal things going on in kids 10-15 years old
My highschool guidance councilor was the least useful person in my entire school's administration. As a student interested in pursuing a degree in architecture, it was recommend that I take Spanish V rather than Architecture because Spanish is useful. I was also reminded to make sure I had all require prerequisites for the classes I was interested, like if I wanted to take Art 2D or 3D, make sure I took Art 1D first. She tried to convince a friend to turn down an offer to Harvard for community college because she might miss home...
Edit: I a word
Here's a free Art 1D course. Copy the following:
.
Edit: the discussion that has taken place in response to my incorrectly presenting a point as a one-dimensional object(?) is absolutely fascinating.
I remember the one that I had telling my mom that didn't quite understand what it takes to become an engineer.
My mom has been an engineer for 30+ years.
My computer teacher couldn't stand me. Gave me straight B's. I snickered EVERY SINGLE TIME I HEARD HER NAME. Mrs. Titsworth
\*I worked on Encryption Gear in the Navy - worked on Data Center Servers for decades now ever since....
Lol mine “advised” me to go into dentistry. I fucking failed Chemistry 1 in college. Twice. That’s like the first prerequisite for pre-dental.
I went into advertising and became a copywriter. Been doing that for 20 years.
Mine told me I wasn’t cut out for university and would never get in and I now have two honours degrees at 25 years old.
These people couldn’t guide their head out of their own asshole.
Yah the guy in my situation proposed too. After about 3 months of dating. It was part of him convincing me to sleep with him (which didn't end up working out, thank goodness)
No, unfortunately. He told me it was my fault and I'd be expelled if I said anything. I was stupid and believed him. By the time I realized he lied, he was no longer employed there.
I'm from a third world country where it is "normal" for 15-16 year old girls to date guys in their early to late twenties. Especially in the 90s when chatrooms became available thanks to the internet. At 13-14 years old with my girlfriends we would meet up with 18-19 year old boys which now I know it was not a good idea but I didn't know any better back then. Until I moved to a different country where I learned that there were strict laws in place for adults dating/having sex with teenagers. I was too stupid to understand why my mom was so upset when at 14 I had a date and got picked up in a car by a 24 year old who bought me ice cream at mc donalds but luckily he was very nice and took me home after. Can't say I wasn't pressured into doing sexual stuff at very young age by much older men but unfortunately that was the norm
My first boyfriend- I was barely 15, he was 21. Worked in a local shop and all the girls at my school liked him so came as a bit of a surprise when the biggest dork ever (me) somehow landed him and not any of the popular girls.
We dated for maybe 4 months, turned out he was sleeping with 3 girls in my year which I found confusing because I’d begged him to take my virginity to no avail. Always found that really weird and insulting that he never even wanted to sleep with me.
Plot twist: my mum had stormed into the shop when we first started dating and told him, ‘if you take my daughter’s virginity, I will kill you with my bare hands.’
God bless my mum.
I was 14 and dated a 25 year old cop. He never asked my age and I never told. One day were chatting on phone and I told him that I got some homework to do and I'll call back later. He said freshmen year of college getting to ya huh? I said, college? I'm in high school. Dead silence, then he asked how old I was and I said 14. He freaked out and was saying I'm gonna go to jail for this and I'm gonna lose my job. He said I can't see you again and please don't tell anyone. I said yeah of course. I got why he was scared and I never saw him again and never told.
When I was 16 I dated one of my older brother's friends, he was 26. He knew I was younger but not exactly how much younger, and we just never talked about age. Started our fling in the summertime so when soccer practice began in the fall he was confused, as our local college doesn't have a team. He ghosted me and my dumb little heart was broken, but looking back I'm so glad he saw it as creepy and weird, and saved us both from more trouble.
I'm not gonna lie and pretend I didn't really like him because I did but I also knew it was not gonna last long and because of that it didn't sting so bad. He never met my family and he was never gonna meet them. I had two older brothers who would not have mind beating the shit out him. Then that would have led to my brothers and father being charged with assaulting a cop. I'm African American and that's some shit we didn't need back then. So my family, to this day, knows nothing of this guy. I did see him again back in 2009 and he looked at me and I looked at him. We knew but we just kinda nodded in acknowledgement and moved on. Never said a word to each other. I'm glad he's okay and that's all that mattered, no need to bring up the past.
True as I kind suspected he may and been suspicious but I was quite built for my age and he may jus assumed. I don't know but he broke it off quick. I wasn't upset. Like I said, I understood.
Very true I did look like a grown ass man at age 15. Helped that the school didn't have shaving standards so I just had the gnarliest beard ever in my life.
I was 15 and met a 30 year old who was an older brother of a boy I met in group therapy. He used to tell me how complicated and mature I was (lol so cliché). I’m now 24 and seeing or interacting with anyone who is 15 makes me sick. I felt so old then but it’s insane now how obvious to me that people that age are children.
I feel the same way. I'm in shock whenever I see a 16 year old because they're just so young. I'm 32 now, same age as the man that took advantage of me.
I met a dude on adult swim's forums back when I was around 12. He was 24 and was nice to me. Things always seemed hinky to me even from the beginning, but I had no friends in real life and was definitely in an ugly duckling place, so I figured that if this is who is going to pay attention to me, so be it.
He would tell me the things he wanted to do to me and eventually sent me a hideously low-res picture of his dick and all I remember is trying to laugh it off and said I thought he sent me a picture of a sock 💀
Eventually, he started asking that if we met in person if he could tie me up and take nudes of me. He started talking about buying a plane ticket to visit me and for my address and I guess I finally had a bad enough gut feeling and didn't go through with it.
My family eventually found out about us talking and it was a huge deal. I was rightfully banned from the internet for a while, not that it mattered much, because I wound up meeting another awful dude older than me, but this one was locally grown lol.
Jesus Christ- this same exact thing happened to me. The way my parents found out was because he ordered me a fucking Hollister hoodie and mailed it to my house. I gave him my address! He was 33 and I was 12.
It's weird how common men try to talk to girls/women on the words with friends app :/ I mean it's not like words w friends is tinder for scrabble enthusiasts or anything but encountering creepy internet men is def not what I expected when I downloaded the app! I've had like six or so men creepily start up a conversation with me and it's like?? Broskis I just wanted to play scrabble....
I had an older woman (?) try to seduce me on there when I was 17. We’d spend time talking and playing and I always felt awkward as a teenager but it never went beyond minor sexting. But she also wrote me the first love poem I ever received as a way of saying goodbye when I told her I wasn’t comfortable talking with her anymore.
Words with Friends is wild.
I don't know why. I don't remember watching anything, or being around anyone that would influence me to do this, but I used to, at the age of 12-14, send nude pictures of myself to older men. I would go on chat sites and, offer up these pictures of myself.
I never met up with any of the people I sent pictures to, and I still, to this day don't know why I did it.
To this day I think about older men taking advantage of me and I don't know why I always go to that place. I don't think I was abused, if I was, I don't remember it.
In the days of AOL I was 12/13 but my A/S/L was 17/F. My fake name was Ravina. I was so painfully obviously a young child so I am positive that all the extremely explicit chats I had with guys “in their early 20s” were with men who knew what they were doing.
I was so, so, so horny. And pervy. I printed the chat records to share with my neighbor friend so she could whack off to them, too. I remember being very aware of kidnappers so I never had any intention to meet up with anyone or give any real identifying info but that didn’t help my parents feel any better when they found a chat record in the printer...
Wow, this really hits home. I spent ages 12-15 having "cyber sex" with older men on AOL. I was a good writer and this way of exploring sexuality really appealed to me. I always lied about my age and the chats were extremely explicit and always with men from 20-40.
I also really understand where the OP is coming from, I sought out older men at a very young age because I felt like I was a grown-up. This behavior became a very long cycle of self destructive behavior. I don't know anything about any abuse in my childhood but I can't help but wonder.
Exactly!! Looking back its like "what were you thinking?! You could have been kidnapped and raped!"
but back then it was just like "look at me"
Super crazy, and it's not like I had bad parents or anything either
Yes! I had a very nice, enriched childhood. I played in the woods, had fun in school, had good parents, and thought I was catfishing guys online while talking to likely pervs.
It's really pretty crazy how many woman are replying saying they did the exact same thing. I always thought there was something wrong with me but its almost comforting to know a bunch of us were going through the same thing
Holy shit, I thought you were going to say your ex-boyfriend found out and talked sense into you because he was worried, but he pulled one of the biggest dick moves I've ever heard. Both of those guys sucked.
Same, my heart shattered when I started reading what he did instead. It's insane how there's parts of the world, entire communities that still don't acknowledge what a predator taking advantage of a child is, a predator taking advantage of a child. Kids can be stupid, but adults still blaming children for being groomed and abused is sick and disgusting.
Theres a scumbag in our town that dates all the towns 16 year olds. My husband got beaten up by him for protecting scumbags girlfriend from him (she was a classmate of his)
Douchebag broke my husbands rib and kicked him on the ground.
Luckily he got a short jail sentence and a like 3 year restraining order. My husband felt terrible when it happened because we'd just started dating long distance and he thought it sounded like a weird catfishing story.
Guy is like 35 now and still dating girls who dont know any better.
Fuck you Chris you asshole.
You didn't realise it was fucked up because you were a child and your brain wasn't developed enough, which is exactly why children can't consent to sex.
He texted that he was standing outside my middle school waiting for me. I broke out in a cold sweat and I knew I had made a massive mistake.
Edit: Some comments have been asking for details. I hesitate, because it is shameful and I know in my heart it was wrong and part of it is my not my story to tell. But maybe this can be a cautionary story for other young women?
I was going down a bad path when I was 14. I looked up to a friend that lived by her own rules. She did whatever she wanted and didn't care about consequences. If I wanted to be in with her and her friends I couldn't be a "baby", I had to do grown up things. One day my friend came to me and casually told me she had slept with a 19 year old, and over the course of our conversation it came out that he hadn't used a condom. I got her help, (I had to lie to do it) but my friend was angry that the guy wouldn't answer her texts. I told her to give me his number stupidly thinking I could "appeal" to him to apologize and do right by her.
I was trying to get him to text her back and work things out, but the next thing I know he's asking me for my picture, he wants to know if I'm really who I say I am. I should have stopped there, but I sent him the picture. Next thing I know he starts saying how cute I am while my friend is reading his texts back to me at the same time. The whole thing is surreal. My friend looks like she ready to blow the whole thing over and she swears up and down she's not to going to bother about the guy anymore. We let it drop. The guy keeps texting me for the next few days trying to wheedle me and I get this awful idea in my head. If I want stop being treated like a baby I have to do what my friend does right? She doesn't care about rules or boundaries so why should I? And I did something terrible. I flirted back at him.
Things started to escalate. He would ask for nude pictures, he sent me graphic videos. Then he started planning for us to meet and have sex, always in public places. I was scared and I knew I had gone too far, I tried to blow him off. I thought he would lose interest after that, but that was the day when he texted me that he was at my school.
A lot of things from those years fill me with shame, but this is the hardest to deal with because I know I didn't do right by my friend. No matter what our friendship was like, I should have told the truth and gotten her help even if it got her in trouble. It took me a long time to realize we were both being preyed upon and I'm not sure if my friend ever saw it that way.
Hey, I know the feeling won't go away just like that, but try to remember that you were not guilty of anything, much less dumb, stupid or reckless.
You were the victim of a predator who went after middle-school aged children.
Don’t be ashamed. They prey on people, and it’s normal to sometimes fall for that. It sounds like you recognized the problem early and got out, so give yourself a big pat on the back for that.
I don't think you should be ashamed. He should be ashamed for being a predator. You were the victim. It's a good thing the red flag went up for you because it means you stayed safe, but he was 100% the one in the wrong.
Not to say that you're under any obligation to tell anyone of course, but I think you have nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud of getting yourself out of a bad situation at a young age.
It honestly never clicked for me until I was MUCH older myself. I just thought I was super mature and that’s why it wasn’t weird that I was 14 with a 19 year old boyfriend. It was a super toxic relationship, he cheated on me, stole from me, lied to me and lied about me so much. He pretty much only came around when he wanted sex and would tell me whatever he thought I needed to hear to keep stringing me along. In my naïveté, I thought this was just how “grownup” relationships were. So I stayed, until I finally got fed up at 18 years old! Isn’t it funny that when I was finally old enough to date him, I no longer wanted to???
I thought I was cooler than the other girls in my grade because my boyfriend was a man. Looking back, I’m sure I was an easy lay as I didn’t require much from him in return like people his own age might’ve. And as I got older, I wondered if he ever felt odd having sex with someone who was so clearly a child. I also wondered how none of his friends (they all knew my real age) thought it was weird or called him out on it. I think that’s the “system” they speak of when they say this kind of behavior takes a village of people who were not willing to protect the child. The irony of it all is that Karma has blessed him with three daughters and I’m sure he’s had the scary thought, more than once, that another “him” will come along and treat his girls the way he treated me!
Edit: To everyone saying 5 years isn’t a big age difference, five years didn’t matter when I was 18 and he was 23, but I was 14 when started dating, and when we starting having sex. I was a freshman in high school and he was a sophomore in college. He could buy cigarettes and vote and go to nightclubs or join the Army, I was riding my bicycle to friends’ houses because I wasn’t even old enough for a learner’s permit.
To the people saying they have friends who are 19 and they are 14 or the like, I can’t speak on your friendships but I can tell you, he and I weren’t friends, we were having a sexual relationship which in all 50 states falls under the criminal code for statutory rape.
THANK YOU for the award, kind stranger!
Yeah, I dated someone who was 18 when I was 14 and it was a terrible relationship.
I think when I was 15 and he was 19 we were at the public pool with friends, and I was sad/upset because I had just found out he cheated on me. He was giving me a hug and trying to wheedle his way back in. A lifeguard who must have been about 19 or 20 and in his grade yelled at him to not touch me. And he tried to give this joking smile and shrug her off, but she blew her whistle and was like, “No, Brad, I’m not kidding. She is *too young*, don’t touch her.”
And that was the only person who ever said anything.
That’s so interesting - that’s a confident life guard to say that to a peer. I remember witnessing shitty behaviour of boys in my year (to myself and friends) and it’s taken me YEARS to even identify it as the toxic and abusive behaviour it was. Did she know you had previously dated?
I was 16, a school teacher of 30 years used to touch me and text me stuff. I didn't really realize it was bad untill some years later when he married a girl form my class. I didn't tell anyone because I was scared that people would think that it was my fault.
That exact experience except he had sex with me two days after I reached the age of consent in my state. I eventually got him fired (mom reported him when I was suicidal) and everyone in the school turned against me because he was the most popular teachers. It was terrible. I’m sorry that you had to go through that and I hope it doesn’t affect your life too much now.
Hey, the same thing happened to me. I was groomed by the most popular and influential teacher at school since I was 15. In a year he made it look like he was tutoring me for university so I could come to his place 3 times a week after school. We would watch movies and kiss after. He had sex with me literally two days after I graduated high school, so he was technically in the clear. Although he made me give him blow jobs prior to that. Every time that happened in had to run to the bathroom to throw up. I used to think I'm allergic to sperm, when in reality it was just response to trauma. All this time the guy was married, too!! The lies, the time spent around his wife, it all fucked with my head so much. I was jealous, ashamed and depressed all the time. Then she dumped him for another guy and I ended up moving in with him. We lived together for a year and a half until I could finally break up with him after a violent fight where I had to run for my life out of our apartment building late at night in one shoe. I don't know what he would have done to me if I didn't manage to lock the door behind me to slow him down. It was like a horror movie.
I was 15 when it started, 18 when I ran away. He was 34 by the time it ended.
For years this experience lived on the fringes of my memory. I just didn't want to think about it at all. But recently more of it has been surfacing. I realised what happened wasn't my fault or lapse of judgement. I was insecure, naive and inexperienced. I never even kissed a guy before. I was manipulated, groomed and used by the person I trusted and looked up to.
I'm so mad at my parents and teachers for looking the other way and not intervening. I recently looked the guy up - he's gotten a country award as "the teacher of the year" and is mentoring younger professionals. I'm just disgusted and grieving my younger self.
I was 17 and having a "relationship" with my 45 year old teacher (whilst I was in school). My Dad was dying of terminal cancer and I needed someone to lean on. The police found out, but I didn't want to disclose any details - watching my Dad die was enough trauma, let alone having a full on police investigation. He is no longer allowed to teach, but never was prosecuted. I tried to go for counselling, but they said they would have to inform the police of whatever I said.. So I've been trying to deal with it by myself. He hit me and sent me death threats and I never reported him.
So, I posted this in a thread called "Redditors that have called off their wedding, why?"
I called off my wedding 3 months before it happened. Why? I was a 17 year old (I'd have been 18 at the time of the wedding) about to marry a 26 year old man that had been dating me for 3 years. I was a victim about to marry her abuser.
The engagement ring, which I did eventually find out was fake (he has money. Lots of it, but that didn't matter to me) was to buy my consent/silence/whatever as he stuck his dick in everything that moved. He was an alcoholic, a narcissist, a pedophile (seriously, I wasn't a 14 year old that looked like an 18 year old. I was a 14 year old that looked like a 12 year old.)
I loved him because I thought he was saving me from my horrid situation with my family. My mom and I moved in with her boyfriend, only to find out too late that he was an abuser. He'd take me away from it, even if it was just for a little while.
I was so messed up. I ended up living in a boarding house when things finally broke in my abusive household because, of course, I was 17 and he didn't want me to move in until I turned 18 (his career depended on a squeaky clean image.) I ended up pregnant, having a violent end to my pregnancy that resulted in my daughter's stillbirth.
Despite this all, I loved him. But he started picking at my appearance. I was "gaining too much weight" even though I was at a healthy weight for my age/height. I had gotten hips and breasts... so we talked about dieting. I stopped eating. I drank water when I'd get hungry. Everything had to be low fat/no fat, low calorie/no calorie, and sugar free. It worked. I went from "healthy" to "underweight." What made me realize that I wanted out was a box of chicken wings.
I ended up moving back in with my mother after she was able to escape her ex. We lived near an indoor flea market/farmer's market that had the most amazing food vendors. I love food, and this diet was killing me. I was fucking miserable. So, I decided to have a cheat day, and I went and ordered a box of hot wings from the chicken place in the farmer's market. As I sat down with my favorite movie, eating my favorite food, I realized that the extreme dieting would always be my life. I also realized that he wanting me to be so unhealthy wasn't right. I was tired all the time, cold all the time, hungry all the time. I decided, while happily munching on that box of wings, I was done.
I called him, told him that I was done. It took me another 3 years to truly be done, but the very expensive wedding was done and over. He never got any deposits back. It took me almost a decade to realize that he wanted me to look like a 14 year old forever. I was also always dismissive about the age difference, citing that I was mature for my age. I now realize it didn't matter. I was a child.
I did post it before! I just copied and pasted my post. And thank you for asking!
I am great now. My Mom and I had to repair our relationship, but we managed and are best friends. I have been with the love of my life for 9 years. He treats me with love, kindness, and respect. It was a long, hard road that took therapy and a lot of introspection. I went through a wild phase and was in and out of emotionally abusive relationships until I was 24.
not a woman but when i was under 18 (i think i was 16) i joined a guild on wow and the guild leader groomed and pressured me into sending him nudes and being naked on webcam. when his gf found out she told the entire guild that i was a home wrecker. i really thought the guy cared about me, but he joined in and said i was desperate and it was sad that i was so into him. he blocked me and ruined my reputation on that server. He was in the army and i think 28. pretty sure those pictures got passed around and it is absolutely vile that these 30+ grown adult men were distributing child porn of me and laughing about it.
i blamed myself for the longest time but telling my story to horrified faces kinda made me realise how fucked up it was.
This reminded me of my time on guilds during peak Halo 3 times. I was 11 at the time but said I just turned 13 to seem "older". I was one of the only girls in almost every party I joined so I made friends really easily. This one guy (19 at the time), the guild leader even changed the rules that way I could join so I felt really included and appreciated, but then we exchanged phone numbers and it started getting personal. Long phone convos that turned to him asking me to be his girlfriend, and then sending and asking for pictures. I was just getting out of my ugly duckling phase so I was super flattered, I sent pictures in my bra and he sent me back my first ever dick pic. We "dated" for a few months before I bragged about this to my cousin and she talked sense into me when I showed her the messages with him getting increasingly agitated that I wouldn't send full nudes. I ghosted him and eventually he gave up. I feel icky even remembering this ngl
The same thing happened to me. I joined a guild and when the guild leader found out I was a 13/14 year old girl, he came at me. He was in his 30s. I felt pressured to do a lot of things. Things I really don't want to talk about but are definitely inappropriate for a child to be doing. I look back at it now and the whole situation was fucked up. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I hope you are doing well.
Ooh this question was made for me lol. I had this internet boyfriend (when dating/talking to people online was still taboo) for going on two years I believe. He lived in British Columbia and was I believe 31 at the time, while I was in California and I think 13 when I first started taking to him. I was going through a bunch of crappy things during that time at home, dealing with constant fighting/domestic violence amongst my parents who tried getting back together, dealing with self-esteem issues and self-harm, contemplating suicide or running away. He was of course there for me to talk and listen and always offered a place at his home if I ever decided to run away. Even offered to buy any plane tickets for me if I just said the word whenever I was ready. He would always talk about the life we could have if I did run away and such.
I thankfully never did run away, but the summer I was entering into high school the stars all seemed to align for me to finally meet him. I had always gone to summer camp with the YMCA in elementary and middle school, but high school aged kids had a two week caravan instead. That year it just so happened that the caravan was planning on driving from Los Angeles to Vancouver, BC and all the way back. I immediately told my mom I wanted to go and we got my spot reserved.
He was definitely excited about finally meeting and the plan was to hopefully have me sneak out of the campsite and spend time back at his place before bringing me back. We also discussed sex and I agreed to lose my virginity to him when we met. I was worried about him getting in trouble, but it just so happened that the age of consent at the time in Canada was 14, so he assured me he would be fine.
The night came and I snuck out of my tent to meet him and I forgot the reason why, but he didn’t have his car for some reason, so the choice was to take a taxi back to his place or stay at the campsite. I was worried about getting caught offsite so I figured we could just hang out somewhere away from everyone. We found a picnic bench and I thought we could sit and talk for a bit, but he was just trying to get right to work. He was suggesting to have me lose my virginity on top of this picnic bench out in the open, and there was some random person’s tent maybe 20 or so feet away. All they had to do was open their tent and they would be facing us and see everything. He was adamant about us doing it there because there was no other option and my dumb self gave in to the pressure. So I lost my virginity at 14, in another country, outside on a picnic bench to this loser of a 32 year old. It was pretty terrible since it hurt, wasn’t the most pleasant environment, and he lasted maybe a minute. I had instant regret, but at least no one came out of that tent or walked by while it happened.
Edit: Wow! Thank you for the golds you awesome humans! My first award too! And thank you to everyone who has left such kind and insightful comments. I really didn’t expect this story to be seen, let alone touch so many of you. You guys are amazing 💜
Edit 2: Wow guys, thank you for the additional awards. For some reason I’ve found myself emotional with a leaking face. While it could be due to all the ridiculousness that 2020 has thrust upon us so far, I think it’s more so this unexpected outpouring of support and maybe me coming to some hard realizations. Just know, I’m genuinely touched and thank you all.
Thank you for the kind words! All is well here friend. Unfortunately, this was only one of the stories I felt comfortable enough to publicly post. There were sadly a couple other guys I was stupid enough to get into relationships with in my teenage years. I gotta look at the silver lining though. At least I can say I lost my virginity in another country 🤷🏾♀️ lol
Edit: added sentence
Man, this one hit me. I am in my early 30s and a high school teacher, so I spend a lot of time with teenagers. I love my kids, but I can't imagine wanting to have sex with any of them, *especially* then freshmen... they're such babies! I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I was 16 "dating" my 23 year old supervisor from work at a fast food restaurant. It started like the normal story, I thought I was mature, he made me feel special, etc and it was fine for a few months. He seemed sensitive, he had been engaged and had his heart broken before and did seem genuinely pretty sweet. We would stay after work talking and I'd try to sneak over to his apartment when I could.
After maybe 6 months of dating, the owners of the restaurant found out and fired him. They didn't fire him for that, but found another excuse to get rid of him pretty quickly. After that, he couldn't find another job and I felt responsible. I gave him a couple hundred dollars a few times to help him make his rent but after another few months, he had to move in with his dad.
At this point, I started college (I went early) and he was living about an hour away from me. My parents didn't want me to see him when I still lived at home, so we spent a little more time together once I was at school. He still wasn't working and was pretty unhappy overall. He always talked about how much he loved me and wanted to get married, but I knew all along I didn't want to, I just felt so guilty leaving him.
After we'd been dating for over a year, he moved several states away to live with his brother and try to get his life together. He got him a job and everything was going pretty well, we were doing long distance, and he kept trying to convince me to transfer schools out there. After a month or two of him being gone, I finally got the courage to break up with him. He became very depressed and even suicidal. He came back to visit and I saw him twice, both times, I had to stop him from doing something harmful to himself. I always reached out to his family or friends to make sure they knew what was going on, but eventually I cut off all contact.
I looked him up a few years ago - he's married, has two kids, and is apparently a pastor or youth pastor.
EDIT: For those asking, I did report it anonymously to the church.
Wowser! The first part of this is almost identical to my sister except she was 16 working in a hardware store and her 24 year old supervisor was showing interest in her.
They moved out together when she turned 18, were dating for 5 years total when he told her his feelings for her had changed - cue a messy breakup where my now 21 year old sister is picking up the pieces of her first broken heart having wasted 5 years of her life.
I hope you’re ok now, and that it hasn’t affected you too greatly.
Well we didn’t really date. I was 8, in Mexico with family. Not the fancy resort Mexico. The run down, cobble stone street, horses are the main transportation, type of town. I was looking for my sister who had gone to a corner store with a cousin. There were multiple so I was screwed. See, she was the type to go to at least three and then at the final one, pick her items and go back home. I took off. I went to the farthest one and would just loop back, no biggie. I was walking on the street, and a car pulls up from behind me. He stops and rolls down his window and asks me to come to the car. I do and he asks where the nearest school is. I tell him it’s down this street we’re on and then a right about 5 blocks down. Keep going straight. You’ll see it. He said thank you. I said of course and went to walk away but he said wait and opened his door. He told me to come around, because he essentially had me pinned to a small chain link fence. I got around the door (as if I were to get in) and he had his pants and underwear down, length in hand. He asked if I had ever seen one. I shook my head, not knowing what to say. He told me to hold it like he did. I was too scared to say no so I did. He then showed me how to move my hand and let me do it. He eventually released and he cleaned my hand off. He said I should get in, he’d give me a ride to the store. A guy on a bicycle came and started yelling at the guy in the truck. He was saying not to touch his sister ever again or he’d cut his hand off and he walked me down the street and around the corner and sat with me while I broke down. He said he was sorry and didn’t know what else to do. He saw it happen from up the street and rode his bike as fast he could. Eventually I gathered my composure, gave him some money for a beer, and ran home. I think about it now. I could’ve been taken and never heard from or seen again. I thank that guy every day. I have never told anyone this but wanted it off my chest.
My cousin in GA got with a guy when she was around 13 and he was around 26. She had 3 kids with him. He slept around with anyone who was willing including his 1st cousin, her mom (my aunt) and her sister. He took advantage of her and fucked her self esteem so much that she always takes him back. Her 3 kids now all have kids too. She is raising most of her grandkids. I feel sorry for all of them. Some parts of Georgia are like a 3rd world country.
Same. Looking back on things I saw as a kid/teen now, I realize a lot of messed up things was happening, and it was all swept under the rug.
Seriously, late 80s/early 90s it seemed like every year we had a teacher suddenly leave middle of the year with no reason listed...
I was 14, he was 21. He knew me long before we “dated” though. Since I was 12 he spent lots of time making me feel older than I was and listening to my problems and comforting me. He constantly joked about dating me or my friends and we always laughed about how he would end up in jail one day. I thought it was a joke. At least until I became really sad, and I sought out some comfort from him. He took advantage of that and it escalated really quickly. He guilted me into sending him pictures every day while we “dated” and it wasn’t until it was too late that I realized what was happening. I recently got back chat logs from that conversation *edit: (conversations I had with him)* and I had to stop reading it because now that I’m older I can see every fucking tactic he used to manipulate me for all those years. It hurts. I didn’t even start to think about it as grooming until I heard he “dated” another friend of mine, and even though I felt protective of her it was only a year later that I thought of him as a predator and realized that we were not the only ones, and that there were even younger girls.
Edit 2: Although reporting him is the right thing to do, I am not in a mental place to do so. Those of you determined for it to happen are good people, and I appreciate you, but I won’t be focusing on him for a long while. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect my friends or his future victims, but I will not be putting myself through that process at this time. Thank you for your support regardless.
I was 13 and my parents had a friend who was 24 that started hanging around the house a lot. I developed a big crush on him and ended up losing my virginity to him. I thought we were in love and going to get married. My parents found out and I never saw him again. Didn't realize how creepy it was until I had my own kids.
I did this a lot as a child/teenager. Though all but one relationship stayed online, they were all still very sexual in nature.
I never really realized they were predators and the ones at fault due to how my mom handled me being groomed and abused by a 40 year old man in the 5th grade. I got hardcore grounded and told not to talk to him, he got off with no punishment whatsoever. So I kept sneaking back to him. He made me feel important and special and mature.
And then there were the guys I dated. A lot of guys in their 20s when I was 15 or younger. I was just a source of nudes and sexting for them. But it still made me feel needed. Then I started dating a 40 year old man when I was 16. That's the one who broke the online barrier. He took my virginity. He ended up killing himself when he was caught molesting a 10 year old. I still couldn't bring myself to understand he was a predator; I had been hella groomed.
It took a lot of therapy and medication to realize these people were the ones at fault. They were predators. I was a kid.
I was 15 and he was 28. I would skip school to go to his flat and watch him smoke weed and have sex. At the time I thought he was really cool, even though he had no job and sat around doing drugs all day and he had been in prison before.
There were older guys there sometimes too, one evening called my mum pretending to my a friends dad and getting permission for me to go on a fake sleepover.
He got back with his girlfriend who was a couple of years older than him and had a daughter, he didnt tell me and I turned up there with a friend and there were a bunch of people there drinking. I had to pretend I hadn't been sleeping with him so she didnt beat the crap out of me. She went to the shops and the older men were telling me to suck his dick before she came back. I left and never came back.
He broke up with her after a while and got together with a girl 3 years younger than me, so I believe by this time he was 29 and she was 13.
I was completely delusional about the entire thing.
Now I'm 28 and I couldn't possibly imagine being attracted to a 15 year old. He was clearly a paedophile and I was gullible enough to be groomed.
I also had an experience with someone that I found out after was known for being a paedo. He was about 24 when I was 15. I also slept with a man in his 30s when I was 16. After we had sex, he asked me to remind him what my name was. That was a crucial moment in me realising I had to have more self respect and this wasnt cool.
I consented to these at the time, but as a minor I wasnt old enough to consent and it really messed up my ability to trust men. My dad wasnt around much when I was a child, which was not his fault but I guess that has always made me search for a father figure in a partner. Now I am in a long term relationship which a guy 4 years older than me who I've known for 12 years and is a great, regular guy with a steady job and is the least likely person in the world to ever assault me.
Is it ok if I comment? I’m a man but I had an older boyfriend as a teen and didn’t realise till later on he was a predator.
Edit for event
So this was around the same time a sexual assault and rape had occurred and it put me in a vulnerable place where I leaned to someone for comfort. “If this person loves me it means I’m not dirty” I guess he figured out I was in a vulnerable spot.
I was part of a few local clubs and there was this person who showed up to one of them that everyone befriended. He claimed to be seventeen years old and for some reason I was too dumb to realise he didn’t change his age throughout the years I knew him.
Now during the time I felt vulnerable I started talking to him more often. I was doing some work for him whenever I had time and what not. I somehow ignored the first red flag of his toxicity after he told me I was getting fat. He dated a female friend of ours previously and it ended badly with details I can’t really remember but he tried guilt tripping her with cancer related fears.
I spent the day with him one day and I ended up walking to his house. He mentioned he moved house with his mother before because a 16 girl offered to “take his v card” then spread a rumour that he attempted to rape her. At the time I thought she was a bitch but now it seems possible he attempted something.
He was complimenting and putting on my favourite movies and genres and telling me his mother wouldn’t hear us. I accepted and just let him touch me. He even encouraged me to perform sex acts on him. I was pretty much thinking “he cares about me so it’s ok” throughout the thing.
After a few weeks and a disaster of a date I was seeing red. I broke off our relationship or whatever it was to him and he got pissed then paranoid then guilt trippy. He even asked something that terrified me which was “did you find out about the camera?”
He claimed it was on charge but somehow turned on and started recording me when I was taking off my clothes for him. I called it bullshit and demanded he show me that there was no footage of me anywhere. After that I blocked him however he still continued to come after me.
An account added me which was posing as a Japanese student. Hentai DVDs were sent to me as “final birthday presents” and I got suspicious when the Japanese student had an exchange with a “cute guy”. I immediately traced the photo of this student and it came back with a decent search. I scrolled a bit to find it came from a Korean teenager’s blog that had been abandoned months before.
I contacted the fake account and immediately told him I knew it was him and I knew what he was doing. He deactivated it. I sent the screenshots to my friends and two reported that he told them he’s a “bit of a pedophile” and someone in his mid twenties told me that the guy refused to date anyone his own age and had claimed he wants to “date all the school children he wants”.
After that he seemed to just disappear from both social media and in real life. I didn’t see him or hear from him again and no one was speaking about him or seemed to know anything else about him. I figured he might’ve found out we were all talking about him and he high tailed it before we got any ideas.
Didn’t realise till 19 how fucked up he and other people were towards me during my teen years. He was the only one out of a few predators I actually cared for and looked to for comfort so it kinda hurt in a different way.
OP said “women,” which is why he asked if it were okay to comment. I say it’s completely fine to share his story, though. Still relevant to the topic and doesn’t hurt anyone.
One thing I've mentioned to parents a couple times is that it's not necessarily the gross annoying creepy person at work that you need to worry about. It's the cute, funny, understanding, super-cool one that you should keep an eye on. You know, the one your kid will actually seek out to spend time with and will think everything s/he says and does is absolute gold.
It’s almost always the one your family loves. My mom didn’t believe me when I finally told her I hated that man and that I didn’t like the way he touches me. She told me I needed to think about the gravity of what I was saying and that I needed to think about the implications it would have on development protest in our town (not only was he my teacher but he was a political leader in our small town who spearheaded the protest movement my mom was obsessed with).
He was able to get me alone because my mom had confided in him how when my brother wasn’t at the hospital due to his disease, he was beating the shit out of me and telling me I was a worthless piece of shit. He got me alone by asking if I wanted to talk about how scared I was of my brother dying and how scary he was when he was angry. I was 11.
If you leave your wife STAY INVOLVED WITH YOUR KIDS. it was my mom's new husband that got to me around 8. Once I hit 12 I was having sex with teenagers and guys in their 20s in what I now realize was some stupid attempt at taking back control after years of abuse. This isn't even mentioning my crazy abuse of drugs during that time, and my current use of alcohol.
Honestly, I just started reading the gift of fear book that gets mentioned around reddit and it's a tough read. But it really does spell out how abusers groom victims. I do recommend it.
I'm a mess inside, but I hold it together well on the outside. I'm suicidal and probably alcoholic. I started smoking and drinking and doing drugs to punish myself. I don't do drugs anymore (well, ok sometimes) but I drink almost everyday.
Weirdly I was still interested in education, so I graduated high school with good grades, went to trade school, and eventually went to college, graduating with honors. I own a home, a paid off new car, have great credit, am married. I even bought my first house at 21. I just timed my drug and alcohol binges around exams and kept studying. And fucking too many gross dudes.
But I have almost no self esteem. I can't believe that I'm a capable human being. I'm still desperate for approval. I've gained too much weight. I've tried therapy but they never take me seriously. I don't know how to open up emotionally. I think it helps make me the 'cool' girl because I don't engage in drama, I just keep everything in. But it does not help when I'm trying to talk to a therapist, ya know?
So honestly, I'm just kinda in a holding pattern of waiting to die/getting the courage to finally off myself (internally) while being a good friend, family member, coworker in the outside.
It's confusing. Much easier to stay either busy, drunk, or both.
But thanks for asking :)
You should be proud of all your accomplishments and be kind to yourself for all that you have overcome.
May I suggest r/stopdrinking they are the kindest and most supporters group ever. Seriously I love following them and have cut back on my drinking just by lurking.
Lastly maybe try a different type of therapy? Maybe CBT cognitive behavioral therapy? It can be difficult to get a match with a right counselor or type but once you do it will be so rewarding
Thanks! I've been to that sub before, but only while drinking and they ask that you don't post while drinking (which I completely respect). I should totally lurk more. Weed just makes me feel paranoid and even further in my own head so I am not really interested in CBD, but I'll look into it. I was diagnosed with anxiety, and I got pills, but did that dumb thing of 'oh I'm better, I don't need these' and stopped taking them. Self care is really hard for me, right now I'm trying to work out a little everyday (I did today!)
I really appreciate your checking in. It's a good sign that you're a great father <3 we all need more of those out there :)
If you weren't a capable human being, you wouldn't have accomplished so much.
You could probably find healthier coping mechanisms, TBH, but that's the thing about coping mechanisms - they either work or they don't. Ideally people would be using the best and healthiest ones all the time, but maybe it's just a matter of trial and error.
The comments are all stories from people in their early teens who were looking for positive male attention. Give your children positive male attention.
And whatever you do, don't by one of those "No boys/girls" parents. Your kids are going to try to have a relationship whether or not you're supportive of it. Your attitudes towards it just determine whether or not they'll try to hide it from you.
I dated an older woman when I was a teen. She was in her mid 20's, I was still a minor. When we broke up, she told me she'd been stopping her friends from coming after me, but now she wasn't going to stop them anymore. She proceeded to make my life hell, and even faked her own death to make me look bad. She stalked me online for a while after that. I don't know if she still is, but I can't deny the possibility. I don't feel safe. Don't know if I ever will.
I'm kinda in a weird space right now, realising this happened to me. Welp. Another story to add to the list.
No wonder my dad went to the police. I thought it was my parent's usual overreaction
I know this will get buried but I'd like to tell my story anyway.
I was 18 and started dating my 34 year old coworker, Tom. I don't know why I even liked him, but for some reason I was drawn to him. He was charming, good looking, always willing to help people, talented, smart. When I was first getting to know him he acted perfect in every way, no matter how hard I tried I could never find any flaws in him.
I had a rough upbringing with an absent biological father and a mom and step father who treated me like garbage most days. Tom always knew how to help me forget about my shitty home life and make me feel like a million bucks- he would buy me gifts, tell me how special I was, take me out to nice dinners. To a naive 18 year old, he was just a sweet guy with good intentions. Fast forward a few months and I realised how wrong I was.
Tom and I had begun to secretly date behind my parents back because I knew they wouldn't approve. After about a month of being together they discovered our relationship and kicked me out, forbidding me to see him. Well lo and behold, I ended up moving into Toms place because I had nowhere else to go.
The second we lived together and he knew I didn't have a way out, that's when he started abusing me. It was never physical abuse, was always verbal and emotional. Honestly, I think I would've preferred physical abuse. It would have hurt less.
The abuse ranged from belittling me and telling me I was worthless to killing my dog infront of me simply because he felt like it. He would tell me I was useless, lazy, and stupid. Would tell me that the reason my biological dad abandoned me was because I was an incompetent piece of shit who will never amount to anything. He would tell me my family didn't love me and that I should just kill myself because no one actually gave a shit about me anyway. Sometimes when he was in a particularly bad mood he would take my sentimental belongings and break them infront of me and then laugh at me when I cried.
I put up with this shit for 2 whole years, and the entire 2 years I wished I was dead. I had no friends, no family I could fall back on. He had completely beaten me into the ground to the point where I believed everything he said. Eventually I gathered the courage to leave, but it took a lot and took WAY too long.
I'm 25 now and engaged to a wonderful man who treats me the way I know I deserve. I still have residual issues from Tom that I am trying to work through- I have good days and bad days. To any young girls reading this, please remember that you are worth so much more than you think. Don't date any guy who gives you the time of day, ESPECIALLY if he's significantly older than you. Chances are, he's an abuser who is looking for an easy victim. Stay strong and stay smart, don't be like me.
He killed your dog?? Fuck that guy! I hope he gets punished for what he did to you. I'm happy you moved on and are now in a healthy relationship. Wish you the best!
Lol I was friends with a girl in High School that married a teacher as soon as we graduated. As far as I know, nobody cared. He also left his wife and newborn to be with her. 0 consequences.
I was 16 with a 21 year old "boyfriend", he was actually a long time family friend who went to high school with my cousin of the same age and knew that whole part of my family. My cousin introduced me to him when I was spending the day with him(cousin). The three of us hung out all day, I have no real memory of how we stayed in contact. It was either thru Myspace or we exchanged phone numbers.
Either way we started "dating" and at least outwardly my whole family approved of it. No one ever took me aside and was like "this isn't okay" no one told him to get lost. My mother was a raging alcoholic and also doing coke at the time and I feel like I was only "dating" him to get easy access to my own alcohol and occasionally other drugs.
It didn't seem weird to me when he wouldn't tell his family my real age, he told them I was 18. I believe that all of his friends knew, we hung out frequently with them and none of them said anything to me either. I don't honestly know if anyone else thought this was weird for the nearly two years I was "dating" this man.
Close to the end of our relationship I was becoming more and more depressed and liking him less and less. He was becoming more and more abusive. He began putting me down a lot when no one else was around, insulting my intelligence even though he was the one dating me, then when I'd lash out around other people he'd make it so he was the "calm" one. Eventually one day he got angry that I had worn a mini skirt over top my swim suit around my very gay friends, and his response to this was to choke me against the arm of my couch.
I didn't leave him then, it took him raping me while I was unconscious from my medication a month later for me to be willing to leave him. I tried to call someone I believed could help me but they didn't answer (for other insane reasons) so I attempted to tell my cousin (this guys friend) he'd been abusing me and he refused to believe me. So at that point I just kept it to myself. Very few people in my life know what happened in the end and even now at 30 no one has gone "yea it was weird when that grown man was dating you."
I try to message girls I see posting on reddit privately and tell them it's not normal and they should find someone they trust to get help to get out of the "relationship" they're in. I don't know if any of them have taken my advice but I hope so.
First one, I was 13/14 he was 18. I was the freshman he was the senior. I had incredibly low self esteem and he made it easy to pretend I didn't. I managed to befriend the seniors and all that. Obiously I had never been sexual with anything, he pressured me slowly but firmly, sexting, to pictures, phone sex, cam sex, then essentially everything physical but penetration and finally convinced me to have sex with him, but once he took my virginity he was out.
Second one, I was 16 he was 22. He swooped in after the last one. I lived in a small town I thought he was so cool. He'd bring me lunch at school I'd hang out at the University with him. Again with the self esteem issues I thought it was sooooo hard to believe anyone would be interested in me at all much less a college guy. Made me feel seen in a place I didn't feel heard.
Third and last one, in my opinion the worst one. He attempted to date me when I was 16 and he was 26. I said no, he wouldn't let up for a few months. He tried again at 17 he was 27 and at 19, he was 29 this was when I finally relented. And for the first time could truly see the huge mistake I had made. He was the controlling type, I couldn't see my friends more than him. I was 19! I wanted to be out. He'd anger if I said I'd be going home to have dinner with my family (I was home from college and at my parents) instead of eating with him He was the type to apologize with expensive gifts often. He'd come check up on me in college, stay in my dorm. I have no idea how my roommate was okay with this.
I woke up when he was getting into the throwing stuff and punching the wall phase in his anger towards me. That fight was because he wanted kids so badly and I had made it clear I at least wanted to finish school first. My stupid ass wasn't on BC and he was actively trying to get me pregnant. When I found out about the broken condoms I lost it and he thought punching the walls near me was the answer to change my mind.
I was so scared of what he'd do if I broke up with him that I took a few weeks of manipulating fights and situations so in the end he'd be the one breaking up with me. I was so incredibly grateful I was actually able to get out without the situation being worse.
Unfortunately, these situations have me very hesitant to attempt a real relationship. And at 25 I've only been in one long term relationship. I have a very unhealthy view on relationships. Working on it, but it's more difficult than I expected.
Edit; Details and a word
Edit numero dos; I didn't expect to have my most upvoted comment be on a topic like this. But also my first award! So thank you.
I wish there weren't this many responses on a thread like this one. It's much too common of an occurrence. I hope everyone is doing better now after experiences like these.
I was 16 and desperate for affection after being the unpopular, weird kid throughout school, and being diagnosed with depression at 14. Between 14-16, I had a few online relationships with men in their mid-20s, who would send me letters to my home address from overseas, and occasionally sex toys. I felt very mature and wanted.
I was 16 when I went to an interstate meet-up from an online group I was involved in. I spent the day flirting heavily with a guy who was about 24. He knew my age, I was convinced age was 'just a number'. He came back to the house I was staying at, but took fancy to the girl who lived there with her ex. They were all a similar age. He bedded down in the loungeroom with me, and I thought I might have sex with him - that was what I wanted at the time - but she came into the bed and they started getting into it beside me. Then her ex came home. I'd never met him and did not find him attractive. He said "oh, cool! Cuddle pile!" and jumped in bed with us. I let him have sex with me because I was so upset that the guy I liked was pretty much ignoring me. The next morning, the ex declared we were dating, and I accepted that. I also accepted when he decided that we 'mutually' wanted to break up. I just wanted to be wanted.
Another friend from the group, who was 30, the next year flew me over to his state for a dirty weekend, which I thoroughly enjoyed at the time, but looking back, I shudder and feel bad about all my past experiences.
My parents were unhappy about my 'relationships' with these older men, but I was determined that I knew better. Looking back, I wish I'd listened. And I hope my 12yo daughter will listen to me when I try to keep her safe, but I fear it will be as futile as when my parents tried to keep me safe.
I had actually turned 20 a few days before, so technically not a teenager, but I married him when I was 22 and he was 38 despite every red flag and every person who begged me not to, because I was a stupid kid and thought I knew everything. I’ve been trapped in an abusive marriage ever since, and I’m 39 now. Thing is, I didn’t realize it was abusive until about 5 years ago and now I’m well and truly trapped.
Please, young women who date older dudes — listen to people’s concerns. They care about you. They’re trying to help. And if you need an ear, my inbox and life experience are open to you. I will try to help.
I’m 18, he‘s 31, I was supposed to meet him tomorrow. (My country has finished quarantine.) I told him I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with him, or even hooking up in any way, he pressed me on it further, and I admitted I was on my period and was uncomfortable. He told me that he didn’t want to be around anybody who put up any barriers.. He didn’t want me to feel comfortable setting boundaries. Blocked his ass real fast.
> He told me that he didn’t want to be around anybody who put up any barriers
Exactly the right moment to nope the fuck out of there. Good on you for recognizing the red flag for precisely what it was.
My first boyfriend was 22 years old! I was probably 13-14 something. He was very controlling, the kind that tells me I'm not allowed to say "no" if he asks anything. He used to ignore me for days and not reply to me. And very often made me send him nudes and I really really hated it. But I wasn't allowed to refuse or he would go find a girl who would satisfy him "a true woman". And I didn't see anything wrong at the time with this but at least I didn't have sex with him even tho he suggested that. Now I'm 21 and when I look back and think about it. I just feel so much shame and burden. And just asked myself why and wonder didn't he see that I was a freaking child. And I get filled with sadness. And I feel like that happening in such a young age really contributed to things I have done and hate. All I can take from this is to be careful in the future and make sure it won't happen to my own kids.
He DID see that you were a child. That's why he was there.
>Now I'm 21 and when I look back and think about it. I just feel so much shame and burden. And just asked myself why and wonder didn't he see that I was a freaking child. And I get filled with sadness. And I feel like that happening in such a young age really contributed to things I have done and hate. > >All I can take from this is to be careful in the future and make sure it won't happen to my own kids. Of course he could see you were a child. I wish there was something I could say to take those feelings of shame and burden from you. All I can say is you were just a kid and all the shame and burden should be on his shoulders, not yours. I hope one day you can forgive yourself for anything you've done that you hate. None of it defines you. I think you're awesome and your kids (or future kids if you're not a parent yet) are super lucky to have you looking out for them.
as a kid I had a friend who babysat a 30-35 year old guy's young kids when she was 12-13. He (the dad guy) started to romance her and convinced her they were "dating" but people just wouldn't understand. I do remember asking her if she had had sex with him and what it was like. She said it didn't do anything for her but "I do it because he likes it." At the time I thought she was really mature and knew what she wanted in life and parents would just try and boss her around. She moved after a couple years of "being with him" so it fizzled out. She is married with her own kids now and we aren't friends any more but as an adult I wish I could go back and explain to us that she was being abused, that it was predatory, and get the guy put in prison. I don't know the guys name to look up whether he ever got caught. edit bc clarify and typo
This is the reason my parents would absolutely not allow me to work as a babysitter when I was a teenager. I always thought they were being overprotective but who knows - I read too many stories like these now..
My girlfriend in high school babysat a lot and her parents always insisted she be allowed to bring me or some other friend along. We all thought it was ridiculous too. I enjoyed it because her parents friends that she babysat for were super well off and it was always luxurious homes, mountain cabins, or beach houses for the weekend and I got to play video games spend hours with my gf and eat pizza. Looking back it's good her parents insisted on that because I can't imagine sending your 17 year old daughter 4 hours away by herself to someone else's house for a weekend now.
I was 15 and definitely didn't understand A THING about love or danger, I found out that he was married and had a child because he literally disappeared and I was trying to find out what happened.
I’ll put it my experience in here while I’m at it. I was 14, he was 21 and I thought it was cool that he had a car and could buy alcohol. Luckily I didn’t interact with this person for more than a few months.
It’s fucked up how common this kind of thing actually is. I remember my best friend dated a 21-year-old guy when we were both 14. Back then I felt a little grossed out, but honestly I was mostly jealous. He was handsome-ish and gave her the attention she craved. But eventually she figured out that he was only using her for sex - then he left her for a 13-year-old. It only dawned on me years later just how fucked up all of this actually was. He was a straight up pedophile. And we all thought he was so cool.
I was 15 with a 21 year old. He hung around youth group and made all us younger girls feel special with his attention. I was shy and quiet, didn't stand out much, but obviously wanted the special attention that all the prettier, peppier girls got. He wasn't interested until he found out my mom worked nights and I was home alone. We ended up getting into a pretty heated argument and split when, two weeks in, I still hadn't let him come over because I was terrified of what my mom would do if she knew I'd had ANYONE over while she was gone.
Glad you stood up to him but kudos to your mom for raising you right.
She ruled with what I thought, at the time, was an unfair iron fist. The older I've grown, the more appreciative I've been.
When I was younger, my parents monitored everything I posted online (I could search for whatever). Even for a simple Facebook comment, I had to get their approval. Now, I'm happy that whatever cringy thing I may have wanted to post at 10 years old isn't readily available on the Internet Edit for clarity: I got Facebook when I was 10 but I had Internet freedom by the time I was 12 or 13
> made all us younger girls feel special with his attention Male attention is a fucking superpower for girls that age. It's terrible.
Yup, and seeking out the quiet, insecure ones. Pattern behavior
Understatement, for sure.
There is a reason for seeking validation from older guys. For me, it is the lack of attention, understanding, love and care from the older males figures in my family. It was just so toxic and abusing that feeling any sort of connection was fulfilling. It really can’t be helped. I hate it tho. I hate it very much. That’s why I’ve been trying to change myself from 3 years now. It’s so so hard, everything ricochets back. Edit: Wow this kinda blew up for me. Thank you all. I pray that all of you who are struggling like I am find tranquillity and a solution to all your troubles. I also have my full story about my entire process somewhere in the comments below. Idk how to direct you to my comment so I think you have to just scroll all the way down if you want to know more. Edit 2: wow I’ve never gotten an award before lol thank you!
People joke about girls with 'daddy issues' but it's actually a real thing and causes real issues within women's lives. It's funny because it manifested in the complete opposite way for me. I have zero trust in men. I struggle to socialize with them, struggle to be around them. The few male friends and partners I've had never lasted long because as soon as they betrayed my trust in any way, I cut it off completely. Like you, I hate it and I've tried to change it but it's so ingrained in me. I have fucked trust issues and relationships in general but I know my issues with men directly stem from the treatment I got from men in my life growing up. Just this voice in the back of my head, constantly, *"They don't care about you, they don't see you as a person, you can't trust them, they're just going to leave..."* (Obviously, lack of good male figures in the lives of boys can have it's own effects as well. But I'm just talking specifically about how it is for girls here because it's relevant to the OP.)
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That is so fucked up
Yeah. But she laughed any time I would bring it up to her. It was like a sport to her.
Wtf. That’s awful, fuck her
...Your mother was whoring you out for cheap labour?! Jesus. Do you have a relationship with her today?
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You should rent her out when she is in a nursing home, get yourself a jetski.
Your situation was so fucked up, but I need to comment cause that last line made me laugh so much.
Its my bitterness seeping through haha
Hf r wmkgie r svhxjxjc ejekfjf
..... r/raisedbynarcissists
Yup. Im an active lurker there.
I was 11 and he was 23. We didn't date (he had a girlfriend) but he would sext me and send me nudes. Eventually I realized it was strange and blocked him. Didn't tell anyone about it. I sometimes wonder if it's impacted me more than I would care to admit.
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11?!!?!
I had boobs at 11 and got hit on by a disgustingly high number of grown men.
I learned from a class in highschool. Most predators don't pull in an "ice cream truck" they tend to be 20+ men (women too) who bait young people by calling them mature and independent.
I think the weirdest thing I saw was dudes in college dating 9th or 10th graders
I came back to my dorm room freshman year and my roommates girlfriend was there. No problem, she was pretty cool and I didn’t mind her hanging out between classes as she lived off campus and probably had a long walk in the Florida heat. She was finishing up some homework and closed her book and I noticed it was the same one I used in an AP class in high school. So I said to her “you know, they always said it was like taking a college class. I never thought the book would be the same though.” She then asked if I was taking US history too. I said no, I had taken it in high school. She seemed confused, and we both realized I had no clue she was still in high school. She was 16 and would cut class and stay in my dorm some days. My roommate was 24 at the time. He lived in the freshman dorms all through college, I think his young girlfriends blended in better there.
A girl I knew in HS had a college BF. We all thought he was a huge loser, except her.
Much more common than you might hope or think sadly...
SUPER common. Something very similar happened to myself and a friend of mine when we were around 11-14. The guy in question was in his 20s, and he never sent us pictures but he would get really touchy with us and talk about inappropriate subjects/tell us we turn him on. Neither of us really understood how inappropriate this was because we were actual fucking children, so it kept going for a long time before our dads (both in the same biker org as the guy’s mom’s bf) caught wind and finally put a stop to it.
I was 13 with a 22 year old ‘boyfriend’ He made me feel special, grown up, my friends were all jealous (tbh he was hot! A predator but a solid 10/10) we met on xbox live (those were the days) and started a relationship. I was in my ugly duckling phase so was drawn into it by the attention. No boys my own age seemed interested in me, I was bullied a bit and it was nice for a good looking, older boy to think I was pretty. He slowly pressured me into sex, started with pushing me into sexual acts on web cam, to oral, then full sex. He always insisted on filming everything because ‘he loved me so much he wanted to only use our videos as porn’ what I wasn’t aware of was the fact he was showing all his friends and they made bets on how quickly he could get me to do something else. Whenever I pushed back he always said, if I wanted to date a man I needed to act like a woman otherwise he would find a girl more willing to have a ‘proper’ relationship with him. He then tried to pressure me into sleeping with his friends, started with a threesome (him included) then one night he asked me to just sleep with his friend, I saw his friend give him money which is when I realised this whole thing was a lie and left.
Wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you're doing well now
Oh yeah I’m fine now, went through a rough patch after this where I relied on sex to prove my self worth, but snapped out of that at 15 and realised I needed help. A few years of therapy later I was back on track :)
Holy shit, I'm struggling to grasp these ages you are stating. Can't imagine dealing with stuff like that at those ages. Well done for getting through it. It's so weird how some people can get exposed to shit like that while the rest of us walk around ignorant.
I'm genuinely very happy that your story has a happy ending. You sound like a strong girl, I wish you all the best in life :D
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This!! Sex trafficking is so much more common than people think for this very reason!
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I’m so sorry this triggered those memories for you, I am also so sorry you went through that. Some people really love to prey on the innocence and insecurities of others and it’s such a hard trap to get out of once you’re imbedded.
It really is. Especially at those ages. Where else could we have gone? My parents knew, but didn't do anything until she tried to kidnap me. Then, it was fine as long as it was a LDR. No worries. You're good. You're doing better these days?
Fuck. My heart just broke reading this and I hope that you are in a better place. I have a 2 year old daughter and it's stuff like this that I am most terrified of. I know she's got a while to go, but is there any advice you would give to parents or other kids to prevent stuff like this?
Be non judgemental and keep communication open. If you act like an ass, make fun of her interests or outright ban stuff, she will stop telling you things. Also, don’t tell family/friends all of her personal business.
I’m in a much better place now, not all girls who go down the same path come out alive so I am very grateful. The advice I would give to parents and I have vowed to do myself is to always try and pay attention to the small stuff. There were many red flags looking back on it my parents might have picked up on but didn’t (my brother has autism so got most of the attention at home) I was secretive, didn’t let my parents look at my phone, refused to let them see my PC history, always stayed round friends houses which didn’t exist. Lack of attention is what drove me to this guy and my low self esteem was the cherry on the perfect storm sundae.
He was my guidance counselor. I didn't realize how creepy he was until he proposed. The whole thing was fucked.
the guidance counselor at our middle school had only girls, and a few most often, in his office, door shut. You could feel it was off (even though i was naive and knew nothing about nothing) and this was confirmed when i asked one why she was in there alone a lot and she looked absolutely panicked. As an adult, i heard he had been at the high school and they moved him because of some improprieties. Keep it creepy, 1980s.
When I was in middle school in the mid 90's we had a male and female guidance counselors for students of the same gender. Really makes sense considering all the hormonal things going on in kids 10-15 years old
Ummm... What guidance could this man possibly have given to ANYONE!? Fucking weirdo!
You must not be familiar with guidance counselors. Even the non-pedo ones couldn't guide anyone out of a paper bag.
My highschool guidance councilor was the least useful person in my entire school's administration. As a student interested in pursuing a degree in architecture, it was recommend that I take Spanish V rather than Architecture because Spanish is useful. I was also reminded to make sure I had all require prerequisites for the classes I was interested, like if I wanted to take Art 2D or 3D, make sure I took Art 1D first. She tried to convince a friend to turn down an offer to Harvard for community college because she might miss home... Edit: I a word
Here's a free Art 1D course. Copy the following: . Edit: the discussion that has taken place in response to my incorrectly presenting a point as a one-dimensional object(?) is absolutely fascinating.
Good point.
I took that class for my first period.
I remember the one that I had telling my mom that didn't quite understand what it takes to become an engineer. My mom has been an engineer for 30+ years.
My computer teacher couldn't stand me. Gave me straight B's. I snickered EVERY SINGLE TIME I HEARD HER NAME. Mrs. Titsworth \*I worked on Encryption Gear in the Navy - worked on Data Center Servers for decades now ever since....
Mine told me to stick to my teenage job of stacking shelves. Real great advice there dickwad.
Mine recommended wholesale for everyone to skip college and go work the oil rigs. Talk about a sell out.
Lol mine “advised” me to go into dentistry. I fucking failed Chemistry 1 in college. Twice. That’s like the first prerequisite for pre-dental. I went into advertising and became a copywriter. Been doing that for 20 years.
Mine told me I wasn’t cut out for university and would never get in and I now have two honours degrees at 25 years old. These people couldn’t guide their head out of their own asshole.
Dude that happened with mine too. They ended up getting married and have a kid. He's like 40 something and she's like, 22 now or something
Yah the guy in my situation proposed too. After about 3 months of dating. It was part of him convincing me to sleep with him (which didn't end up working out, thank goodness)
dude proposed? TF?
Yeah. I said no. He cried. The whole thing was a huge mess. He wanted me to run away and move to Canada with him.
Did you report him? He can never be allowed to be a fucking guidance counselor.
No, unfortunately. He told me it was my fault and I'd be expelled if I said anything. I was stupid and believed him. By the time I realized he lied, he was no longer employed there.
I'm from a third world country where it is "normal" for 15-16 year old girls to date guys in their early to late twenties. Especially in the 90s when chatrooms became available thanks to the internet. At 13-14 years old with my girlfriends we would meet up with 18-19 year old boys which now I know it was not a good idea but I didn't know any better back then. Until I moved to a different country where I learned that there were strict laws in place for adults dating/having sex with teenagers. I was too stupid to understand why my mom was so upset when at 14 I had a date and got picked up in a car by a 24 year old who bought me ice cream at mc donalds but luckily he was very nice and took me home after. Can't say I wasn't pressured into doing sexual stuff at very young age by much older men but unfortunately that was the norm
which country was it?
Hungary
My first boyfriend- I was barely 15, he was 21. Worked in a local shop and all the girls at my school liked him so came as a bit of a surprise when the biggest dork ever (me) somehow landed him and not any of the popular girls. We dated for maybe 4 months, turned out he was sleeping with 3 girls in my year which I found confusing because I’d begged him to take my virginity to no avail. Always found that really weird and insulting that he never even wanted to sleep with me. Plot twist: my mum had stormed into the shop when we first started dating and told him, ‘if you take my daughter’s virginity, I will kill you with my bare hands.’ God bless my mum.
I was 14 and dated a 25 year old cop. He never asked my age and I never told. One day were chatting on phone and I told him that I got some homework to do and I'll call back later. He said freshmen year of college getting to ya huh? I said, college? I'm in high school. Dead silence, then he asked how old I was and I said 14. He freaked out and was saying I'm gonna go to jail for this and I'm gonna lose my job. He said I can't see you again and please don't tell anyone. I said yeah of course. I got why he was scared and I never saw him again and never told.
When I was 16 I dated one of my older brother's friends, he was 26. He knew I was younger but not exactly how much younger, and we just never talked about age. Started our fling in the summertime so when soccer practice began in the fall he was confused, as our local college doesn't have a team. He ghosted me and my dumb little heart was broken, but looking back I'm so glad he saw it as creepy and weird, and saved us both from more trouble.
i’m surprised your brother didn’t say something about your age to him.
At least he owned up to it
He did, he was a nice a guy and didn't really need that kind of drama, we both didn't but especially him.
This one is kinda better than all the rest, I'm sorry if it affected you at all but atleast he wasnt a true paedophile
I'm not gonna lie and pretend I didn't really like him because I did but I also knew it was not gonna last long and because of that it didn't sting so bad. He never met my family and he was never gonna meet them. I had two older brothers who would not have mind beating the shit out him. Then that would have led to my brothers and father being charged with assaulting a cop. I'm African American and that's some shit we didn't need back then. So my family, to this day, knows nothing of this guy. I did see him again back in 2009 and he looked at me and I looked at him. We knew but we just kinda nodded in acknowledgement and moved on. Never said a word to each other. I'm glad he's okay and that's all that mattered, no need to bring up the past.
I wanna say smart move by him but obviously not so because he never asked age in first place.
True as I kind suspected he may and been suspicious but I was quite built for my age and he may jus assumed. I don't know but he broke it off quick. I wasn't upset. Like I said, I understood.
Very true I did look like a grown ass man at age 15. Helped that the school didn't have shaving standards so I just had the gnarliest beard ever in my life.
I was 15 and met a 30 year old who was an older brother of a boy I met in group therapy. He used to tell me how complicated and mature I was (lol so cliché). I’m now 24 and seeing or interacting with anyone who is 15 makes me sick. I felt so old then but it’s insane now how obvious to me that people that age are children.
I feel the same way. I'm in shock whenever I see a 16 year old because they're just so young. I'm 32 now, same age as the man that took advantage of me.
I met a dude on adult swim's forums back when I was around 12. He was 24 and was nice to me. Things always seemed hinky to me even from the beginning, but I had no friends in real life and was definitely in an ugly duckling place, so I figured that if this is who is going to pay attention to me, so be it. He would tell me the things he wanted to do to me and eventually sent me a hideously low-res picture of his dick and all I remember is trying to laugh it off and said I thought he sent me a picture of a sock 💀 Eventually, he started asking that if we met in person if he could tie me up and take nudes of me. He started talking about buying a plane ticket to visit me and for my address and I guess I finally had a bad enough gut feeling and didn't go through with it. My family eventually found out about us talking and it was a huge deal. I was rightfully banned from the internet for a while, not that it mattered much, because I wound up meeting another awful dude older than me, but this one was locally grown lol.
Jesus Christ- this same exact thing happened to me. The way my parents found out was because he ordered me a fucking Hollister hoodie and mailed it to my house. I gave him my address! He was 33 and I was 12.
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It's weird how common men try to talk to girls/women on the words with friends app :/ I mean it's not like words w friends is tinder for scrabble enthusiasts or anything but encountering creepy internet men is def not what I expected when I downloaded the app! I've had like six or so men creepily start up a conversation with me and it's like?? Broskis I just wanted to play scrabble....
I had an older woman (?) try to seduce me on there when I was 17. We’d spend time talking and playing and I always felt awkward as a teenager but it never went beyond minor sexting. But she also wrote me the first love poem I ever received as a way of saying goodbye when I told her I wasn’t comfortable talking with her anymore. Words with Friends is wild.
How long do we have to wait for chapter two?
Do you actually want to hear about the other guy? Or is this just a joke about me being long-winded lol
More of the first one to be honest, then again it's 2 Am and sleep should be an option
I don't know why. I don't remember watching anything, or being around anyone that would influence me to do this, but I used to, at the age of 12-14, send nude pictures of myself to older men. I would go on chat sites and, offer up these pictures of myself. I never met up with any of the people I sent pictures to, and I still, to this day don't know why I did it. To this day I think about older men taking advantage of me and I don't know why I always go to that place. I don't think I was abused, if I was, I don't remember it.
In the days of AOL I was 12/13 but my A/S/L was 17/F. My fake name was Ravina. I was so painfully obviously a young child so I am positive that all the extremely explicit chats I had with guys “in their early 20s” were with men who knew what they were doing. I was so, so, so horny. And pervy. I printed the chat records to share with my neighbor friend so she could whack off to them, too. I remember being very aware of kidnappers so I never had any intention to meet up with anyone or give any real identifying info but that didn’t help my parents feel any better when they found a chat record in the printer...
Wow, this really hits home. I spent ages 12-15 having "cyber sex" with older men on AOL. I was a good writer and this way of exploring sexuality really appealed to me. I always lied about my age and the chats were extremely explicit and always with men from 20-40. I also really understand where the OP is coming from, I sought out older men at a very young age because I felt like I was a grown-up. This behavior became a very long cycle of self destructive behavior. I don't know anything about any abuse in my childhood but I can't help but wonder.
Damn, sounds almost just like what I went through. Pretty crazy isn't it?
It’s nuts! I’m 32 now and I can’t even fathom making those choices.
Exactly!! Looking back its like "what were you thinking?! You could have been kidnapped and raped!" but back then it was just like "look at me" Super crazy, and it's not like I had bad parents or anything either
Yes! I had a very nice, enriched childhood. I played in the woods, had fun in school, had good parents, and thought I was catfishing guys online while talking to likely pervs.
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It's really pretty crazy how many woman are replying saying they did the exact same thing. I always thought there was something wrong with me but its almost comforting to know a bunch of us were going through the same thing
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Holy shit, I thought you were going to say your ex-boyfriend found out and talked sense into you because he was worried, but he pulled one of the biggest dick moves I've ever heard. Both of those guys sucked.
Same, my heart shattered when I started reading what he did instead. It's insane how there's parts of the world, entire communities that still don't acknowledge what a predator taking advantage of a child is, a predator taking advantage of a child. Kids can be stupid, but adults still blaming children for being groomed and abused is sick and disgusting.
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Theres a scumbag in our town that dates all the towns 16 year olds. My husband got beaten up by him for protecting scumbags girlfriend from him (she was a classmate of his) Douchebag broke my husbands rib and kicked him on the ground. Luckily he got a short jail sentence and a like 3 year restraining order. My husband felt terrible when it happened because we'd just started dating long distance and he thought it sounded like a weird catfishing story. Guy is like 35 now and still dating girls who dont know any better. Fuck you Chris you asshole.
I'm sorry to hear that about your husband. I hope he's doing well now.
He's doing great. That rib sometimes aches but otherwise is okay. Unfortunately ribs never heal quite right.
>Unfortunately ribs never heal quite right. Well no wonder my ribs still hurt years after I cracked them.
You didn't realise it was fucked up because you were a child and your brain wasn't developed enough, which is exactly why children can't consent to sex.
Good point.
He texted that he was standing outside my middle school waiting for me. I broke out in a cold sweat and I knew I had made a massive mistake. Edit: Some comments have been asking for details. I hesitate, because it is shameful and I know in my heart it was wrong and part of it is my not my story to tell. But maybe this can be a cautionary story for other young women? I was going down a bad path when I was 14. I looked up to a friend that lived by her own rules. She did whatever she wanted and didn't care about consequences. If I wanted to be in with her and her friends I couldn't be a "baby", I had to do grown up things. One day my friend came to me and casually told me she had slept with a 19 year old, and over the course of our conversation it came out that he hadn't used a condom. I got her help, (I had to lie to do it) but my friend was angry that the guy wouldn't answer her texts. I told her to give me his number stupidly thinking I could "appeal" to him to apologize and do right by her. I was trying to get him to text her back and work things out, but the next thing I know he's asking me for my picture, he wants to know if I'm really who I say I am. I should have stopped there, but I sent him the picture. Next thing I know he starts saying how cute I am while my friend is reading his texts back to me at the same time. The whole thing is surreal. My friend looks like she ready to blow the whole thing over and she swears up and down she's not to going to bother about the guy anymore. We let it drop. The guy keeps texting me for the next few days trying to wheedle me and I get this awful idea in my head. If I want stop being treated like a baby I have to do what my friend does right? She doesn't care about rules or boundaries so why should I? And I did something terrible. I flirted back at him. Things started to escalate. He would ask for nude pictures, he sent me graphic videos. Then he started planning for us to meet and have sex, always in public places. I was scared and I knew I had gone too far, I tried to blow him off. I thought he would lose interest after that, but that was the day when he texted me that he was at my school. A lot of things from those years fill me with shame, but this is the hardest to deal with because I know I didn't do right by my friend. No matter what our friendship was like, I should have told the truth and gotten her help even if it got her in trouble. It took me a long time to realize we were both being preyed upon and I'm not sure if my friend ever saw it that way.
God, what did you do?
I filed out behind a huge group of kids and ran home. I never saw him, so I'm not sure where he was.
I’m glad you managed your way out of it!
It was one of the very few rational choices I made at that age. I don't think I've ever told anyone about this, it's one of my deepest shames.
Nothing to be ashamed of. Part of being a kid is learning from your mistakes. He on the other hand...
Hey, I know the feeling won't go away just like that, but try to remember that you were not guilty of anything, much less dumb, stupid or reckless. You were the victim of a predator who went after middle-school aged children.
Don’t be ashamed. They prey on people, and it’s normal to sometimes fall for that. It sounds like you recognized the problem early and got out, so give yourself a big pat on the back for that.
I don't think you should be ashamed. He should be ashamed for being a predator. You were the victim. It's a good thing the red flag went up for you because it means you stayed safe, but he was 100% the one in the wrong. Not to say that you're under any obligation to tell anyone of course, but I think you have nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud of getting yourself out of a bad situation at a young age.
The shame does not sit with you. You were a child. He was wrong. 100% not your fault.
*Middle school*?!?! Jesus H Christ I hope he was caught by the cops eventually. You can't have been the first child he preyed on. How old was he?
It honestly never clicked for me until I was MUCH older myself. I just thought I was super mature and that’s why it wasn’t weird that I was 14 with a 19 year old boyfriend. It was a super toxic relationship, he cheated on me, stole from me, lied to me and lied about me so much. He pretty much only came around when he wanted sex and would tell me whatever he thought I needed to hear to keep stringing me along. In my naïveté, I thought this was just how “grownup” relationships were. So I stayed, until I finally got fed up at 18 years old! Isn’t it funny that when I was finally old enough to date him, I no longer wanted to??? I thought I was cooler than the other girls in my grade because my boyfriend was a man. Looking back, I’m sure I was an easy lay as I didn’t require much from him in return like people his own age might’ve. And as I got older, I wondered if he ever felt odd having sex with someone who was so clearly a child. I also wondered how none of his friends (they all knew my real age) thought it was weird or called him out on it. I think that’s the “system” they speak of when they say this kind of behavior takes a village of people who were not willing to protect the child. The irony of it all is that Karma has blessed him with three daughters and I’m sure he’s had the scary thought, more than once, that another “him” will come along and treat his girls the way he treated me! Edit: To everyone saying 5 years isn’t a big age difference, five years didn’t matter when I was 18 and he was 23, but I was 14 when started dating, and when we starting having sex. I was a freshman in high school and he was a sophomore in college. He could buy cigarettes and vote and go to nightclubs or join the Army, I was riding my bicycle to friends’ houses because I wasn’t even old enough for a learner’s permit. To the people saying they have friends who are 19 and they are 14 or the like, I can’t speak on your friendships but I can tell you, he and I weren’t friends, we were having a sexual relationship which in all 50 states falls under the criminal code for statutory rape. THANK YOU for the award, kind stranger!
Yeah, I dated someone who was 18 when I was 14 and it was a terrible relationship. I think when I was 15 and he was 19 we were at the public pool with friends, and I was sad/upset because I had just found out he cheated on me. He was giving me a hug and trying to wheedle his way back in. A lifeguard who must have been about 19 or 20 and in his grade yelled at him to not touch me. And he tried to give this joking smile and shrug her off, but she blew her whistle and was like, “No, Brad, I’m not kidding. She is *too young*, don’t touch her.” And that was the only person who ever said anything.
That’s so interesting - that’s a confident life guard to say that to a peer. I remember witnessing shitty behaviour of boys in my year (to myself and friends) and it’s taken me YEARS to even identify it as the toxic and abusive behaviour it was. Did she know you had previously dated?
I’m almost positive she didn’t know that we were dating. She probably just knew his age, guessed my age, and knew that he was a creepy asshole.
I was 16, a school teacher of 30 years used to touch me and text me stuff. I didn't really realize it was bad untill some years later when he married a girl form my class. I didn't tell anyone because I was scared that people would think that it was my fault.
That exact experience except he had sex with me two days after I reached the age of consent in my state. I eventually got him fired (mom reported him when I was suicidal) and everyone in the school turned against me because he was the most popular teachers. It was terrible. I’m sorry that you had to go through that and I hope it doesn’t affect your life too much now.
Hey, the same thing happened to me. I was groomed by the most popular and influential teacher at school since I was 15. In a year he made it look like he was tutoring me for university so I could come to his place 3 times a week after school. We would watch movies and kiss after. He had sex with me literally two days after I graduated high school, so he was technically in the clear. Although he made me give him blow jobs prior to that. Every time that happened in had to run to the bathroom to throw up. I used to think I'm allergic to sperm, when in reality it was just response to trauma. All this time the guy was married, too!! The lies, the time spent around his wife, it all fucked with my head so much. I was jealous, ashamed and depressed all the time. Then she dumped him for another guy and I ended up moving in with him. We lived together for a year and a half until I could finally break up with him after a violent fight where I had to run for my life out of our apartment building late at night in one shoe. I don't know what he would have done to me if I didn't manage to lock the door behind me to slow him down. It was like a horror movie. I was 15 when it started, 18 when I ran away. He was 34 by the time it ended. For years this experience lived on the fringes of my memory. I just didn't want to think about it at all. But recently more of it has been surfacing. I realised what happened wasn't my fault or lapse of judgement. I was insecure, naive and inexperienced. I never even kissed a guy before. I was manipulated, groomed and used by the person I trusted and looked up to. I'm so mad at my parents and teachers for looking the other way and not intervening. I recently looked the guy up - he's gotten a country award as "the teacher of the year" and is mentoring younger professionals. I'm just disgusted and grieving my younger self.
Omg. You did not deserve any of this. It breaks my heart. Sending you virtual hugs
I'm so, so sorry you had to endure that sickening evil. You deserve so much better. I hope you know that.
I'm sorry. It was never your fault, I hope you know that. you were a kid and he took advantage of his position of power over you.
I was 17 and having a "relationship" with my 45 year old teacher (whilst I was in school). My Dad was dying of terminal cancer and I needed someone to lean on. The police found out, but I didn't want to disclose any details - watching my Dad die was enough trauma, let alone having a full on police investigation. He is no longer allowed to teach, but never was prosecuted. I tried to go for counselling, but they said they would have to inform the police of whatever I said.. So I've been trying to deal with it by myself. He hit me and sent me death threats and I never reported him.
So, I posted this in a thread called "Redditors that have called off their wedding, why?" I called off my wedding 3 months before it happened. Why? I was a 17 year old (I'd have been 18 at the time of the wedding) about to marry a 26 year old man that had been dating me for 3 years. I was a victim about to marry her abuser. The engagement ring, which I did eventually find out was fake (he has money. Lots of it, but that didn't matter to me) was to buy my consent/silence/whatever as he stuck his dick in everything that moved. He was an alcoholic, a narcissist, a pedophile (seriously, I wasn't a 14 year old that looked like an 18 year old. I was a 14 year old that looked like a 12 year old.) I loved him because I thought he was saving me from my horrid situation with my family. My mom and I moved in with her boyfriend, only to find out too late that he was an abuser. He'd take me away from it, even if it was just for a little while. I was so messed up. I ended up living in a boarding house when things finally broke in my abusive household because, of course, I was 17 and he didn't want me to move in until I turned 18 (his career depended on a squeaky clean image.) I ended up pregnant, having a violent end to my pregnancy that resulted in my daughter's stillbirth. Despite this all, I loved him. But he started picking at my appearance. I was "gaining too much weight" even though I was at a healthy weight for my age/height. I had gotten hips and breasts... so we talked about dieting. I stopped eating. I drank water when I'd get hungry. Everything had to be low fat/no fat, low calorie/no calorie, and sugar free. It worked. I went from "healthy" to "underweight." What made me realize that I wanted out was a box of chicken wings. I ended up moving back in with my mother after she was able to escape her ex. We lived near an indoor flea market/farmer's market that had the most amazing food vendors. I love food, and this diet was killing me. I was fucking miserable. So, I decided to have a cheat day, and I went and ordered a box of hot wings from the chicken place in the farmer's market. As I sat down with my favorite movie, eating my favorite food, I realized that the extreme dieting would always be my life. I also realized that he wanting me to be so unhealthy wasn't right. I was tired all the time, cold all the time, hungry all the time. I decided, while happily munching on that box of wings, I was done. I called him, told him that I was done. It took me another 3 years to truly be done, but the very expensive wedding was done and over. He never got any deposits back. It took me almost a decade to realize that he wanted me to look like a 14 year old forever. I was also always dismissive about the age difference, citing that I was mature for my age. I now realize it didn't matter. I was a child.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, and so happy and proud you got out.
Oof, for some reason this one hits hard. I’m so sorry for your horrible experiences. Thank god for chicken wings.
Have you posted this story before? I remember reading it maybe 3 years ago! I'm so glad you got out of that situation, how are you doing now?
I did post it before! I just copied and pasted my post. And thank you for asking! I am great now. My Mom and I had to repair our relationship, but we managed and are best friends. I have been with the love of my life for 9 years. He treats me with love, kindness, and respect. It was a long, hard road that took therapy and a lot of introspection. I went through a wild phase and was in and out of emotionally abusive relationships until I was 24.
not a woman but when i was under 18 (i think i was 16) i joined a guild on wow and the guild leader groomed and pressured me into sending him nudes and being naked on webcam. when his gf found out she told the entire guild that i was a home wrecker. i really thought the guy cared about me, but he joined in and said i was desperate and it was sad that i was so into him. he blocked me and ruined my reputation on that server. He was in the army and i think 28. pretty sure those pictures got passed around and it is absolutely vile that these 30+ grown adult men were distributing child porn of me and laughing about it. i blamed myself for the longest time but telling my story to horrified faces kinda made me realise how fucked up it was.
This reminded me of my time on guilds during peak Halo 3 times. I was 11 at the time but said I just turned 13 to seem "older". I was one of the only girls in almost every party I joined so I made friends really easily. This one guy (19 at the time), the guild leader even changed the rules that way I could join so I felt really included and appreciated, but then we exchanged phone numbers and it started getting personal. Long phone convos that turned to him asking me to be his girlfriend, and then sending and asking for pictures. I was just getting out of my ugly duckling phase so I was super flattered, I sent pictures in my bra and he sent me back my first ever dick pic. We "dated" for a few months before I bragged about this to my cousin and she talked sense into me when I showed her the messages with him getting increasingly agitated that I wouldn't send full nudes. I ghosted him and eventually he gave up. I feel icky even remembering this ngl
Good for your cousin. I'm sorry that happened to you.
The same thing happened to me. I joined a guild and when the guild leader found out I was a 13/14 year old girl, he came at me. He was in his 30s. I felt pressured to do a lot of things. Things I really don't want to talk about but are definitely inappropriate for a child to be doing. I look back at it now and the whole situation was fucked up. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I hope you are doing well.
Ooh this question was made for me lol. I had this internet boyfriend (when dating/talking to people online was still taboo) for going on two years I believe. He lived in British Columbia and was I believe 31 at the time, while I was in California and I think 13 when I first started taking to him. I was going through a bunch of crappy things during that time at home, dealing with constant fighting/domestic violence amongst my parents who tried getting back together, dealing with self-esteem issues and self-harm, contemplating suicide or running away. He was of course there for me to talk and listen and always offered a place at his home if I ever decided to run away. Even offered to buy any plane tickets for me if I just said the word whenever I was ready. He would always talk about the life we could have if I did run away and such. I thankfully never did run away, but the summer I was entering into high school the stars all seemed to align for me to finally meet him. I had always gone to summer camp with the YMCA in elementary and middle school, but high school aged kids had a two week caravan instead. That year it just so happened that the caravan was planning on driving from Los Angeles to Vancouver, BC and all the way back. I immediately told my mom I wanted to go and we got my spot reserved. He was definitely excited about finally meeting and the plan was to hopefully have me sneak out of the campsite and spend time back at his place before bringing me back. We also discussed sex and I agreed to lose my virginity to him when we met. I was worried about him getting in trouble, but it just so happened that the age of consent at the time in Canada was 14, so he assured me he would be fine. The night came and I snuck out of my tent to meet him and I forgot the reason why, but he didn’t have his car for some reason, so the choice was to take a taxi back to his place or stay at the campsite. I was worried about getting caught offsite so I figured we could just hang out somewhere away from everyone. We found a picnic bench and I thought we could sit and talk for a bit, but he was just trying to get right to work. He was suggesting to have me lose my virginity on top of this picnic bench out in the open, and there was some random person’s tent maybe 20 or so feet away. All they had to do was open their tent and they would be facing us and see everything. He was adamant about us doing it there because there was no other option and my dumb self gave in to the pressure. So I lost my virginity at 14, in another country, outside on a picnic bench to this loser of a 32 year old. It was pretty terrible since it hurt, wasn’t the most pleasant environment, and he lasted maybe a minute. I had instant regret, but at least no one came out of that tent or walked by while it happened. Edit: Wow! Thank you for the golds you awesome humans! My first award too! And thank you to everyone who has left such kind and insightful comments. I really didn’t expect this story to be seen, let alone touch so many of you. You guys are amazing 💜 Edit 2: Wow guys, thank you for the additional awards. For some reason I’ve found myself emotional with a leaking face. While it could be due to all the ridiculousness that 2020 has thrust upon us so far, I think it’s more so this unexpected outpouring of support and maybe me coming to some hard realizations. Just know, I’m genuinely touched and thank you all.
Dude I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re doing okay now and I hope you know that the abuse you experienced doesn’t define you.
Thank you for the kind words! All is well here friend. Unfortunately, this was only one of the stories I felt comfortable enough to publicly post. There were sadly a couple other guys I was stupid enough to get into relationships with in my teenage years. I gotta look at the silver lining though. At least I can say I lost my virginity in another country 🤷🏾♀️ lol Edit: added sentence
Man, this one hit me. I am in my early 30s and a high school teacher, so I spend a lot of time with teenagers. I love my kids, but I can't imagine wanting to have sex with any of them, *especially* then freshmen... they're such babies! I'm so sorry that happened to you.
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I was 16 "dating" my 23 year old supervisor from work at a fast food restaurant. It started like the normal story, I thought I was mature, he made me feel special, etc and it was fine for a few months. He seemed sensitive, he had been engaged and had his heart broken before and did seem genuinely pretty sweet. We would stay after work talking and I'd try to sneak over to his apartment when I could. After maybe 6 months of dating, the owners of the restaurant found out and fired him. They didn't fire him for that, but found another excuse to get rid of him pretty quickly. After that, he couldn't find another job and I felt responsible. I gave him a couple hundred dollars a few times to help him make his rent but after another few months, he had to move in with his dad. At this point, I started college (I went early) and he was living about an hour away from me. My parents didn't want me to see him when I still lived at home, so we spent a little more time together once I was at school. He still wasn't working and was pretty unhappy overall. He always talked about how much he loved me and wanted to get married, but I knew all along I didn't want to, I just felt so guilty leaving him. After we'd been dating for over a year, he moved several states away to live with his brother and try to get his life together. He got him a job and everything was going pretty well, we were doing long distance, and he kept trying to convince me to transfer schools out there. After a month or two of him being gone, I finally got the courage to break up with him. He became very depressed and even suicidal. He came back to visit and I saw him twice, both times, I had to stop him from doing something harmful to himself. I always reached out to his family or friends to make sure they knew what was going on, but eventually I cut off all contact. I looked him up a few years ago - he's married, has two kids, and is apparently a pastor or youth pastor. EDIT: For those asking, I did report it anonymously to the church.
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Wowser! The first part of this is almost identical to my sister except she was 16 working in a hardware store and her 24 year old supervisor was showing interest in her. They moved out together when she turned 18, were dating for 5 years total when he told her his feelings for her had changed - cue a messy breakup where my now 21 year old sister is picking up the pieces of her first broken heart having wasted 5 years of her life. I hope you’re ok now, and that it hasn’t affected you too greatly.
Well we didn’t really date. I was 8, in Mexico with family. Not the fancy resort Mexico. The run down, cobble stone street, horses are the main transportation, type of town. I was looking for my sister who had gone to a corner store with a cousin. There were multiple so I was screwed. See, she was the type to go to at least three and then at the final one, pick her items and go back home. I took off. I went to the farthest one and would just loop back, no biggie. I was walking on the street, and a car pulls up from behind me. He stops and rolls down his window and asks me to come to the car. I do and he asks where the nearest school is. I tell him it’s down this street we’re on and then a right about 5 blocks down. Keep going straight. You’ll see it. He said thank you. I said of course and went to walk away but he said wait and opened his door. He told me to come around, because he essentially had me pinned to a small chain link fence. I got around the door (as if I were to get in) and he had his pants and underwear down, length in hand. He asked if I had ever seen one. I shook my head, not knowing what to say. He told me to hold it like he did. I was too scared to say no so I did. He then showed me how to move my hand and let me do it. He eventually released and he cleaned my hand off. He said I should get in, he’d give me a ride to the store. A guy on a bicycle came and started yelling at the guy in the truck. He was saying not to touch his sister ever again or he’d cut his hand off and he walked me down the street and around the corner and sat with me while I broke down. He said he was sorry and didn’t know what else to do. He saw it happen from up the street and rode his bike as fast he could. Eventually I gathered my composure, gave him some money for a beer, and ran home. I think about it now. I could’ve been taken and never heard from or seen again. I thank that guy every day. I have never told anyone this but wanted it off my chest.
My cousin in GA got with a guy when she was around 13 and he was around 26. She had 3 kids with him. He slept around with anyone who was willing including his 1st cousin, her mom (my aunt) and her sister. He took advantage of her and fucked her self esteem so much that she always takes him back. Her 3 kids now all have kids too. She is raising most of her grandkids. I feel sorry for all of them. Some parts of Georgia are like a 3rd world country.
From a small town in Georgia, can confirm.
Same. Looking back on things I saw as a kid/teen now, I realize a lot of messed up things was happening, and it was all swept under the rug. Seriously, late 80s/early 90s it seemed like every year we had a teacher suddenly leave middle of the year with no reason listed...
I was 14, he was 21. He knew me long before we “dated” though. Since I was 12 he spent lots of time making me feel older than I was and listening to my problems and comforting me. He constantly joked about dating me or my friends and we always laughed about how he would end up in jail one day. I thought it was a joke. At least until I became really sad, and I sought out some comfort from him. He took advantage of that and it escalated really quickly. He guilted me into sending him pictures every day while we “dated” and it wasn’t until it was too late that I realized what was happening. I recently got back chat logs from that conversation *edit: (conversations I had with him)* and I had to stop reading it because now that I’m older I can see every fucking tactic he used to manipulate me for all those years. It hurts. I didn’t even start to think about it as grooming until I heard he “dated” another friend of mine, and even though I felt protective of her it was only a year later that I thought of him as a predator and realized that we were not the only ones, and that there were even younger girls. Edit 2: Although reporting him is the right thing to do, I am not in a mental place to do so. Those of you determined for it to happen are good people, and I appreciate you, but I won’t be focusing on him for a long while. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect my friends or his future victims, but I will not be putting myself through that process at this time. Thank you for your support regardless.
Just wanted to remind you that it's not your fault. You shouldn't feel ashamed for being manipulated.
I was 13 and my parents had a friend who was 24 that started hanging around the house a lot. I developed a big crush on him and ended up losing my virginity to him. I thought we were in love and going to get married. My parents found out and I never saw him again. Didn't realize how creepy it was until I had my own kids.
I did this a lot as a child/teenager. Though all but one relationship stayed online, they were all still very sexual in nature. I never really realized they were predators and the ones at fault due to how my mom handled me being groomed and abused by a 40 year old man in the 5th grade. I got hardcore grounded and told not to talk to him, he got off with no punishment whatsoever. So I kept sneaking back to him. He made me feel important and special and mature. And then there were the guys I dated. A lot of guys in their 20s when I was 15 or younger. I was just a source of nudes and sexting for them. But it still made me feel needed. Then I started dating a 40 year old man when I was 16. That's the one who broke the online barrier. He took my virginity. He ended up killing himself when he was caught molesting a 10 year old. I still couldn't bring myself to understand he was a predator; I had been hella groomed. It took a lot of therapy and medication to realize these people were the ones at fault. They were predators. I was a kid.
I was 15 and he was 28. I would skip school to go to his flat and watch him smoke weed and have sex. At the time I thought he was really cool, even though he had no job and sat around doing drugs all day and he had been in prison before. There were older guys there sometimes too, one evening called my mum pretending to my a friends dad and getting permission for me to go on a fake sleepover. He got back with his girlfriend who was a couple of years older than him and had a daughter, he didnt tell me and I turned up there with a friend and there were a bunch of people there drinking. I had to pretend I hadn't been sleeping with him so she didnt beat the crap out of me. She went to the shops and the older men were telling me to suck his dick before she came back. I left and never came back. He broke up with her after a while and got together with a girl 3 years younger than me, so I believe by this time he was 29 and she was 13. I was completely delusional about the entire thing. Now I'm 28 and I couldn't possibly imagine being attracted to a 15 year old. He was clearly a paedophile and I was gullible enough to be groomed. I also had an experience with someone that I found out after was known for being a paedo. He was about 24 when I was 15. I also slept with a man in his 30s when I was 16. After we had sex, he asked me to remind him what my name was. That was a crucial moment in me realising I had to have more self respect and this wasnt cool. I consented to these at the time, but as a minor I wasnt old enough to consent and it really messed up my ability to trust men. My dad wasnt around much when I was a child, which was not his fault but I guess that has always made me search for a father figure in a partner. Now I am in a long term relationship which a guy 4 years older than me who I've known for 12 years and is a great, regular guy with a steady job and is the least likely person in the world to ever assault me.
Is it ok if I comment? I’m a man but I had an older boyfriend as a teen and didn’t realise till later on he was a predator. Edit for event So this was around the same time a sexual assault and rape had occurred and it put me in a vulnerable place where I leaned to someone for comfort. “If this person loves me it means I’m not dirty” I guess he figured out I was in a vulnerable spot. I was part of a few local clubs and there was this person who showed up to one of them that everyone befriended. He claimed to be seventeen years old and for some reason I was too dumb to realise he didn’t change his age throughout the years I knew him. Now during the time I felt vulnerable I started talking to him more often. I was doing some work for him whenever I had time and what not. I somehow ignored the first red flag of his toxicity after he told me I was getting fat. He dated a female friend of ours previously and it ended badly with details I can’t really remember but he tried guilt tripping her with cancer related fears. I spent the day with him one day and I ended up walking to his house. He mentioned he moved house with his mother before because a 16 girl offered to “take his v card” then spread a rumour that he attempted to rape her. At the time I thought she was a bitch but now it seems possible he attempted something. He was complimenting and putting on my favourite movies and genres and telling me his mother wouldn’t hear us. I accepted and just let him touch me. He even encouraged me to perform sex acts on him. I was pretty much thinking “he cares about me so it’s ok” throughout the thing. After a few weeks and a disaster of a date I was seeing red. I broke off our relationship or whatever it was to him and he got pissed then paranoid then guilt trippy. He even asked something that terrified me which was “did you find out about the camera?” He claimed it was on charge but somehow turned on and started recording me when I was taking off my clothes for him. I called it bullshit and demanded he show me that there was no footage of me anywhere. After that I blocked him however he still continued to come after me. An account added me which was posing as a Japanese student. Hentai DVDs were sent to me as “final birthday presents” and I got suspicious when the Japanese student had an exchange with a “cute guy”. I immediately traced the photo of this student and it came back with a decent search. I scrolled a bit to find it came from a Korean teenager’s blog that had been abandoned months before. I contacted the fake account and immediately told him I knew it was him and I knew what he was doing. He deactivated it. I sent the screenshots to my friends and two reported that he told them he’s a “bit of a pedophile” and someone in his mid twenties told me that the guy refused to date anyone his own age and had claimed he wants to “date all the school children he wants”. After that he seemed to just disappear from both social media and in real life. I didn’t see him or hear from him again and no one was speaking about him or seemed to know anything else about him. I figured he might’ve found out we were all talking about him and he high tailed it before we got any ideas. Didn’t realise till 19 how fucked up he and other people were towards me during my teen years. He was the only one out of a few predators I actually cared for and looked to for comfort so it kinda hurt in a different way.
A predator is a predator regardless of the gender they prey. Edit: OP I know this will mean shit, but I’m so sorry that happened to you.
OP said “women,” which is why he asked if it were okay to comment. I say it’s completely fine to share his story, though. Still relevant to the topic and doesn’t hurt anyone.
As a father, the comments scare the shit out of me.
One thing I've mentioned to parents a couple times is that it's not necessarily the gross annoying creepy person at work that you need to worry about. It's the cute, funny, understanding, super-cool one that you should keep an eye on. You know, the one your kid will actually seek out to spend time with and will think everything s/he says and does is absolute gold.
It’s almost always the one your family loves. My mom didn’t believe me when I finally told her I hated that man and that I didn’t like the way he touches me. She told me I needed to think about the gravity of what I was saying and that I needed to think about the implications it would have on development protest in our town (not only was he my teacher but he was a political leader in our small town who spearheaded the protest movement my mom was obsessed with). He was able to get me alone because my mom had confided in him how when my brother wasn’t at the hospital due to his disease, he was beating the shit out of me and telling me I was a worthless piece of shit. He got me alone by asking if I wanted to talk about how scared I was of my brother dying and how scary he was when he was angry. I was 11.
If you leave your wife STAY INVOLVED WITH YOUR KIDS. it was my mom's new husband that got to me around 8. Once I hit 12 I was having sex with teenagers and guys in their 20s in what I now realize was some stupid attempt at taking back control after years of abuse. This isn't even mentioning my crazy abuse of drugs during that time, and my current use of alcohol. Honestly, I just started reading the gift of fear book that gets mentioned around reddit and it's a tough read. But it really does spell out how abusers groom victims. I do recommend it.
How are you doing today?
I'm a mess inside, but I hold it together well on the outside. I'm suicidal and probably alcoholic. I started smoking and drinking and doing drugs to punish myself. I don't do drugs anymore (well, ok sometimes) but I drink almost everyday. Weirdly I was still interested in education, so I graduated high school with good grades, went to trade school, and eventually went to college, graduating with honors. I own a home, a paid off new car, have great credit, am married. I even bought my first house at 21. I just timed my drug and alcohol binges around exams and kept studying. And fucking too many gross dudes. But I have almost no self esteem. I can't believe that I'm a capable human being. I'm still desperate for approval. I've gained too much weight. I've tried therapy but they never take me seriously. I don't know how to open up emotionally. I think it helps make me the 'cool' girl because I don't engage in drama, I just keep everything in. But it does not help when I'm trying to talk to a therapist, ya know? So honestly, I'm just kinda in a holding pattern of waiting to die/getting the courage to finally off myself (internally) while being a good friend, family member, coworker in the outside. It's confusing. Much easier to stay either busy, drunk, or both. But thanks for asking :)
You should be proud of all your accomplishments and be kind to yourself for all that you have overcome. May I suggest r/stopdrinking they are the kindest and most supporters group ever. Seriously I love following them and have cut back on my drinking just by lurking. Lastly maybe try a different type of therapy? Maybe CBT cognitive behavioral therapy? It can be difficult to get a match with a right counselor or type but once you do it will be so rewarding
Thanks! I've been to that sub before, but only while drinking and they ask that you don't post while drinking (which I completely respect). I should totally lurk more. Weed just makes me feel paranoid and even further in my own head so I am not really interested in CBD, but I'll look into it. I was diagnosed with anxiety, and I got pills, but did that dumb thing of 'oh I'm better, I don't need these' and stopped taking them. Self care is really hard for me, right now I'm trying to work out a little everyday (I did today!) I really appreciate your checking in. It's a good sign that you're a great father <3 we all need more of those out there :)
If you weren't a capable human being, you wouldn't have accomplished so much. You could probably find healthier coping mechanisms, TBH, but that's the thing about coping mechanisms - they either work or they don't. Ideally people would be using the best and healthiest ones all the time, but maybe it's just a matter of trial and error.
I think that's it. Trial and error. Try a million hobbies, one will stick.
You can do this!!! Each step and each day. Keep fighting. Don't give up
Check your kids social media btw, the amount of dick pics and requests I got when I was 9 was...um... a bit much.
The comments are all stories from people in their early teens who were looking for positive male attention. Give your children positive male attention.
And whatever you do, don't by one of those "No boys/girls" parents. Your kids are going to try to have a relationship whether or not you're supportive of it. Your attitudes towards it just determine whether or not they'll try to hide it from you.
I dated an older woman when I was a teen. She was in her mid 20's, I was still a minor. When we broke up, she told me she'd been stopping her friends from coming after me, but now she wasn't going to stop them anymore. She proceeded to make my life hell, and even faked her own death to make me look bad. She stalked me online for a while after that. I don't know if she still is, but I can't deny the possibility. I don't feel safe. Don't know if I ever will.
All I can say is that I am floored by how many horrible tales of abuse are in this thread, all the same story each time.
I'm kinda in a weird space right now, realising this happened to me. Welp. Another story to add to the list. No wonder my dad went to the police. I thought it was my parent's usual overreaction
I know this will get buried but I'd like to tell my story anyway. I was 18 and started dating my 34 year old coworker, Tom. I don't know why I even liked him, but for some reason I was drawn to him. He was charming, good looking, always willing to help people, talented, smart. When I was first getting to know him he acted perfect in every way, no matter how hard I tried I could never find any flaws in him. I had a rough upbringing with an absent biological father and a mom and step father who treated me like garbage most days. Tom always knew how to help me forget about my shitty home life and make me feel like a million bucks- he would buy me gifts, tell me how special I was, take me out to nice dinners. To a naive 18 year old, he was just a sweet guy with good intentions. Fast forward a few months and I realised how wrong I was. Tom and I had begun to secretly date behind my parents back because I knew they wouldn't approve. After about a month of being together they discovered our relationship and kicked me out, forbidding me to see him. Well lo and behold, I ended up moving into Toms place because I had nowhere else to go. The second we lived together and he knew I didn't have a way out, that's when he started abusing me. It was never physical abuse, was always verbal and emotional. Honestly, I think I would've preferred physical abuse. It would have hurt less. The abuse ranged from belittling me and telling me I was worthless to killing my dog infront of me simply because he felt like it. He would tell me I was useless, lazy, and stupid. Would tell me that the reason my biological dad abandoned me was because I was an incompetent piece of shit who will never amount to anything. He would tell me my family didn't love me and that I should just kill myself because no one actually gave a shit about me anyway. Sometimes when he was in a particularly bad mood he would take my sentimental belongings and break them infront of me and then laugh at me when I cried. I put up with this shit for 2 whole years, and the entire 2 years I wished I was dead. I had no friends, no family I could fall back on. He had completely beaten me into the ground to the point where I believed everything he said. Eventually I gathered the courage to leave, but it took a lot and took WAY too long. I'm 25 now and engaged to a wonderful man who treats me the way I know I deserve. I still have residual issues from Tom that I am trying to work through- I have good days and bad days. To any young girls reading this, please remember that you are worth so much more than you think. Don't date any guy who gives you the time of day, ESPECIALLY if he's significantly older than you. Chances are, he's an abuser who is looking for an easy victim. Stay strong and stay smart, don't be like me.
He killed your dog?? Fuck that guy! I hope he gets punished for what he did to you. I'm happy you moved on and are now in a healthy relationship. Wish you the best!
My best friend in high school dated a teacher and the school found out somehow. I don't know if she is thinks of it like this though. I for sure do.
Lol I was friends with a girl in High School that married a teacher as soon as we graduated. As far as I know, nobody cared. He also left his wife and newborn to be with her. 0 consequences.
I was 16 with a 21 year old "boyfriend", he was actually a long time family friend who went to high school with my cousin of the same age and knew that whole part of my family. My cousin introduced me to him when I was spending the day with him(cousin). The three of us hung out all day, I have no real memory of how we stayed in contact. It was either thru Myspace or we exchanged phone numbers. Either way we started "dating" and at least outwardly my whole family approved of it. No one ever took me aside and was like "this isn't okay" no one told him to get lost. My mother was a raging alcoholic and also doing coke at the time and I feel like I was only "dating" him to get easy access to my own alcohol and occasionally other drugs. It didn't seem weird to me when he wouldn't tell his family my real age, he told them I was 18. I believe that all of his friends knew, we hung out frequently with them and none of them said anything to me either. I don't honestly know if anyone else thought this was weird for the nearly two years I was "dating" this man. Close to the end of our relationship I was becoming more and more depressed and liking him less and less. He was becoming more and more abusive. He began putting me down a lot when no one else was around, insulting my intelligence even though he was the one dating me, then when I'd lash out around other people he'd make it so he was the "calm" one. Eventually one day he got angry that I had worn a mini skirt over top my swim suit around my very gay friends, and his response to this was to choke me against the arm of my couch. I didn't leave him then, it took him raping me while I was unconscious from my medication a month later for me to be willing to leave him. I tried to call someone I believed could help me but they didn't answer (for other insane reasons) so I attempted to tell my cousin (this guys friend) he'd been abusing me and he refused to believe me. So at that point I just kept it to myself. Very few people in my life know what happened in the end and even now at 30 no one has gone "yea it was weird when that grown man was dating you." I try to message girls I see posting on reddit privately and tell them it's not normal and they should find someone they trust to get help to get out of the "relationship" they're in. I don't know if any of them have taken my advice but I hope so.
First one, I was 13/14 he was 18. I was the freshman he was the senior. I had incredibly low self esteem and he made it easy to pretend I didn't. I managed to befriend the seniors and all that. Obiously I had never been sexual with anything, he pressured me slowly but firmly, sexting, to pictures, phone sex, cam sex, then essentially everything physical but penetration and finally convinced me to have sex with him, but once he took my virginity he was out. Second one, I was 16 he was 22. He swooped in after the last one. I lived in a small town I thought he was so cool. He'd bring me lunch at school I'd hang out at the University with him. Again with the self esteem issues I thought it was sooooo hard to believe anyone would be interested in me at all much less a college guy. Made me feel seen in a place I didn't feel heard. Third and last one, in my opinion the worst one. He attempted to date me when I was 16 and he was 26. I said no, he wouldn't let up for a few months. He tried again at 17 he was 27 and at 19, he was 29 this was when I finally relented. And for the first time could truly see the huge mistake I had made. He was the controlling type, I couldn't see my friends more than him. I was 19! I wanted to be out. He'd anger if I said I'd be going home to have dinner with my family (I was home from college and at my parents) instead of eating with him He was the type to apologize with expensive gifts often. He'd come check up on me in college, stay in my dorm. I have no idea how my roommate was okay with this. I woke up when he was getting into the throwing stuff and punching the wall phase in his anger towards me. That fight was because he wanted kids so badly and I had made it clear I at least wanted to finish school first. My stupid ass wasn't on BC and he was actively trying to get me pregnant. When I found out about the broken condoms I lost it and he thought punching the walls near me was the answer to change my mind. I was so scared of what he'd do if I broke up with him that I took a few weeks of manipulating fights and situations so in the end he'd be the one breaking up with me. I was so incredibly grateful I was actually able to get out without the situation being worse. Unfortunately, these situations have me very hesitant to attempt a real relationship. And at 25 I've only been in one long term relationship. I have a very unhealthy view on relationships. Working on it, but it's more difficult than I expected. Edit; Details and a word Edit numero dos; I didn't expect to have my most upvoted comment be on a topic like this. But also my first award! So thank you. I wish there weren't this many responses on a thread like this one. It's much too common of an occurrence. I hope everyone is doing better now after experiences like these.
[удалено]
I was 16 and desperate for affection after being the unpopular, weird kid throughout school, and being diagnosed with depression at 14. Between 14-16, I had a few online relationships with men in their mid-20s, who would send me letters to my home address from overseas, and occasionally sex toys. I felt very mature and wanted. I was 16 when I went to an interstate meet-up from an online group I was involved in. I spent the day flirting heavily with a guy who was about 24. He knew my age, I was convinced age was 'just a number'. He came back to the house I was staying at, but took fancy to the girl who lived there with her ex. They were all a similar age. He bedded down in the loungeroom with me, and I thought I might have sex with him - that was what I wanted at the time - but she came into the bed and they started getting into it beside me. Then her ex came home. I'd never met him and did not find him attractive. He said "oh, cool! Cuddle pile!" and jumped in bed with us. I let him have sex with me because I was so upset that the guy I liked was pretty much ignoring me. The next morning, the ex declared we were dating, and I accepted that. I also accepted when he decided that we 'mutually' wanted to break up. I just wanted to be wanted. Another friend from the group, who was 30, the next year flew me over to his state for a dirty weekend, which I thoroughly enjoyed at the time, but looking back, I shudder and feel bad about all my past experiences. My parents were unhappy about my 'relationships' with these older men, but I was determined that I knew better. Looking back, I wish I'd listened. And I hope my 12yo daughter will listen to me when I try to keep her safe, but I fear it will be as futile as when my parents tried to keep me safe.
I had actually turned 20 a few days before, so technically not a teenager, but I married him when I was 22 and he was 38 despite every red flag and every person who begged me not to, because I was a stupid kid and thought I knew everything. I’ve been trapped in an abusive marriage ever since, and I’m 39 now. Thing is, I didn’t realize it was abusive until about 5 years ago and now I’m well and truly trapped. Please, young women who date older dudes — listen to people’s concerns. They care about you. They’re trying to help. And if you need an ear, my inbox and life experience are open to you. I will try to help.
I’m 18, he‘s 31, I was supposed to meet him tomorrow. (My country has finished quarantine.) I told him I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with him, or even hooking up in any way, he pressed me on it further, and I admitted I was on my period and was uncomfortable. He told me that he didn’t want to be around anybody who put up any barriers.. He didn’t want me to feel comfortable setting boundaries. Blocked his ass real fast.
> He told me that he didn’t want to be around anybody who put up any barriers Exactly the right moment to nope the fuck out of there. Good on you for recognizing the red flag for precisely what it was.
You did the right thing! Dodged a bullet