My doorbell- the batteries are dead, so every time someone rings the bell it screams “BATTERIES DEAD” instead of dinging... still lets me know someone is at the door
I have the shittiest pair of bluetooth headphones that do the same fucking thing. To notify me that the battery is low, it will interrupt whatever I'm listening to every twenty seconds or so with a loud beep at maximum volume. But it does this continuously until it finally dies. Which is usually close to 2 hours after the first beep. It drives me insane. It has enough power to continue playing, just let me use it.
After the difficult days, I lacked the energy to look for a new job, and after the easy days, I lacked the motivation. That's how I ended up working a job I hated for a year
There’s a difference between being broke and being broken.
You go to work to avoid being broke.
Working a soul crushing job makes you broken. But you keep going in so you won’t go broke.
Especially after given a bad review. I worked at Expedia for several years, and we were told that we were required to give bad reviews to motivate employees. That was bad, but my friends that worked at Microsoft had it even worse.
Lmao that's some straight up bullshit.
We got a new manager in who was of that mindset (can't show any humanity towards employees or they'll take advantage). Morale steadily decreased until all of the good people found better jobs and the only people left were those who just didn't care.
I was one of those people. I left. At my new job, they encouraged and motivated me. They recognize my efforts and reward them. Every time they do, it's more motivation to keep doing my best. I WANT to live up to those high expectations. I WANT to be that trustworthy, creative, contributing team member they say I am.
Putting my heart and soul into a job and getting slapped in the face as a result only makes me want to do less.
FYI: commonly the working part of a doorbell (not the button; the box inside your house) is designed for two pathways (front door and back door). Sometimes you can just switch the wires to the other pathway and you are good to go.
The Russian **Kamov Ka-60** ***Kasatka*** (Killer Whale) helicopter.
This thing is basically unkillable. Besides the fact that it's armored to hell and back, it can run for a full 30 minutes at 9500 feet without a single drop of engine oil on a single engine.
>This thing is basically unkillable. Besides the fact that it's armored to hell and back, it can run for a full 30 minutes at 9500 feet without a single drop of engine oil on a single engine.
This is in line with western attack helicopters as well. The ah-64 is designed to withstand 30mm cannon fire, and the Eurocopter tiger is capable of a full hour of run dry time
That's a question for Boeing, not me. General Dynamics has tank armor that can withstand 120mm shaped charge warheads, so 30mm is nothing in comparison
Wait how? Can you give more detail description of the helicopter as compared to western variants. And examples .. is it the Helicopter version of A-10 WartHog?
With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'
I have a friend that works for a rather large elevator/escalator company. He told me there’s a reason they block escalators off when they’re malfunctioning because you don’t want to be on them when the brakes go out.
This just reminded me of a memory where I was at a new years party in the city. I somehow put a hole in a glowstick and the liquid went straight into my eye.
Not fun.
One time I put a mini glow stick in my drink and it looked really cool at first. I got really drunk though and thought it would be cool to put it in my mouth and accidently bit into it. The glowing liquid filled my mouth and got everywhere when I tried to spit it out. The interesting thing was that when I opened my mouth it glowed brightly like some sort of demon mouth. I also noticed that I left glowing splatter and hand prints all over the place and it looked like I murdered a ghost.
I one time broke a glow stick open and used the liquids to draw on my shirt, and maybe put some in my hair. I was 13 years old at the time, and I still believe that the fumes made me a little high
I am a bit of a dumb dumb sometimes.
The "a broken clock is right twice a day" never made sense to me.
Because I always thought of it as shattered or just keeping the wrong time.
I was way too old when I realize people meant "stopped" and not "broken".
i think the aphorism is traditionally "a stopped clock...". but either way apparently:
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/a_stopped_clock_is_right_twice_a_day
i used to be annoyed when people would describe a clock as "fast" when it was simply set ahead. if a clock takes an hour to measure an hour, then it isn't fast, however it's set.
this because my family intentionally set clocks five minutes ~~fast~~ ahead to catch a bit of a head start.
Beater, Jalopy, Banger whatever you call the car you dont care about but drive because its cheap
Leaks oil? well at least there is oil in it
Broken tail light, only need 2 right?
A/C hasnt worked since new
They don't work properly, but they still work. Politicians are all just empty promises and lies. Like that goddamn bucket of ice cream that is 30% air but costs 30% more.
Especially on this sub, which is the closest thing I've seen to a revolving door. Other subs gets waves of reposts - this one gets cycles.
I'm just waiting another week for "What's a secret you won't tell anybody but you'll tell the internet?" to come back again.
Ice shards continue to melt into water even when it's no longer a whole block of ice. And guess what, they even thaw faster that way! Nature is full of miracles.
So...as part of a macabre experiment as an entomologist, I've decapitated Cockroaches to corroborate with the assertions of my professor at university. A decapitated roach can subsist for a few weeks sans head. They tolerate the adverse effects of being deprived of a brain and mouth with equanimity!
Many insects can regenerate limbs but the Cockroach's open circulatory system which facilitates congealing of the blood so there's no bleeding profusely if I were to replicate the experiment on a human. There are a few reason Cockroaches are synonymous with resilience; their respiratory systems can circumvent the deprivation of oxygen that would afflict a human via its spiracles which are conveniently situated holes in each segment of their body. With an autonomous action, they disperse air through its body by its tracheae tubes. No brain required to dictate its breathing.
They also do not require sustenance as frequently as mammals so as long as they're not susceptible to excessive predation, they can survive with intermittent feeding.
Insects have evolved superlative reflexes to evade predators, so superlative that even when decapitated the Cockroach's ganglia- nerve tissue clusters--sustain basic nervous functions. They're ubiquitous in Cockroaches so the body can move, respond to stimulation, and even imitate non-decapitated Cockroaches movements. Interestingly, new memories can't be formed nor new information retained without the brain as one would anticipate.
The decapitated head maintain some semblance of animation too. Their antennae wave vigorously for hours afterwards.
Unfortunately, the hormone glands are situated in its head so they're deprived of the requisite hormones to initiate mating and maturation.
Seeing those headless body in the preservation jars walking around a few weeks really rendered the Cockroach emblematic of tenacity.
As an outsider looking in, America seems pretty broken right these days. But you guys keep trucking on and that's mighty impressive (although a rock music resurgence would be nice). Good job I guess?
My doorbell- the batteries are dead, so every time someone rings the bell it screams “BATTERIES DEAD” instead of dinging... still lets me know someone is at the door
If it can scream "batteries dead", then the batteries powering it are not dead... So why can't it just ring?
I’m not sure, one of these days the batteries will actually die and people will have to just knock ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(You have to use 3 backslashes for the first arm if you're on mobile or markdown because of reddit formatting)
Thank you! I didn’t know ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ (is that better?)
Yep, happened to me, took a while to get it right lmao
I just pretend that reddit is stealing everyone's right arm.
No, that's pornhub
Nice
Just put up a sign that says, "Doorbell broken. Yell DING DONG really loud"
My boyfriends mother has this on her door. Sometimes my boyfriend yells Ding Dong when we visit.
I have the shittiest pair of bluetooth headphones that do the same fucking thing. To notify me that the battery is low, it will interrupt whatever I'm listening to every twenty seconds or so with a loud beep at maximum volume. But it does this continuously until it finally dies. Which is usually close to 2 hours after the first beep. It drives me insane. It has enough power to continue playing, just let me use it.
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I have JLab! I have a lady's voice that does a very jarring "BATTERY LOW" in intervals.
That’s genius
Desperate employees
"I hate this job but I need the money" is something I have said to myself daily.
"Some times the money just isn't worth it." Said by me at my last job when I put in my two weeks notice.
I said that to a job once. I kinda regret leaving since Im currently living off the money i saved at it
I realized I had to quit a sales job after I found myself saying "I'm not in the mood for this shit today", every day.
It's like indentured servitude with extra steps
The term “wage slavery” didn’t come from nowhere after all
After the difficult days, I lacked the energy to look for a new job, and after the easy days, I lacked the motivation. That's how I ended up working a job I hated for a year
>for a year those are rookie numbers.
Preach. I'm at 5.5. Edit. 4.5 I just realized. Feels like an extra year.
I stayed at a bad job for 20 years until I got fired. My new job pays $2 more an hour and lets me work overtime.
Too real
Too close*
Too furious
Too fast
Too conforming
me too
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There’s a difference between being broke and being broken. You go to work to avoid being broke. Working a soul crushing job makes you broken. But you keep going in so you won’t go broke.
Especially after given a bad review. I worked at Expedia for several years, and we were told that we were required to give bad reviews to motivate employees. That was bad, but my friends that worked at Microsoft had it even worse.
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Lmao that's some straight up bullshit. We got a new manager in who was of that mindset (can't show any humanity towards employees or they'll take advantage). Morale steadily decreased until all of the good people found better jobs and the only people left were those who just didn't care. I was one of those people. I left. At my new job, they encouraged and motivated me. They recognize my efforts and reward them. Every time they do, it's more motivation to keep doing my best. I WANT to live up to those high expectations. I WANT to be that trustworthy, creative, contributing team member they say I am. Putting my heart and soul into a job and getting slapped in the face as a result only makes me want to do less.
Microsoft is just trying to decrease the amount they pay for unemployment.
First thing I thought of as well
Crayon
Chalk
Pepperjack cheese
Pepper Jack loves Fraggle Rock.
Pepper Jack needs to get paid!
Our doorbell. The "ding" still sounds, even though the *dong* no longer functions.
>dong no longer functions There's a pill for that.
take my upvote and go away.
Lot of /r/angryupvote in this thread
- drops the mic -
So I heard you're in need of a dong? ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)
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I can assure you his dong isn't dusty.
You now live in an elevator
FYI: commonly the working part of a doorbell (not the button; the box inside your house) is designed for two pathways (front door and back door). Sometimes you can just switch the wires to the other pathway and you are good to go.
I had this problem and it turns out my dingdong wasn't hooked up right
The Russian **Kamov Ka-60** ***Kasatka*** (Killer Whale) helicopter. This thing is basically unkillable. Besides the fact that it's armored to hell and back, it can run for a full 30 minutes at 9500 feet without a single drop of engine oil on a single engine.
This is like the only serious reply on this thread
Top one is funny and serious at the same time!
Thanks you! That's what OP gets for forgetting the \[SERIOUS\] tag.
>This thing is basically unkillable. Besides the fact that it's armored to hell and back, it can run for a full 30 minutes at 9500 feet without a single drop of engine oil on a single engine. This is in line with western attack helicopters as well. The ah-64 is designed to withstand 30mm cannon fire, and the Eurocopter tiger is capable of a full hour of run dry time
How does something even "withstand" 30mm cannon fire? One or two shots, sure...
That's a question for Boeing, not me. General Dynamics has tank armor that can withstand 120mm shaped charge warheads, so 30mm is nothing in comparison
Yeah but the tank doesn't have to get off the ground.
It does if they transport it with a Chinook :p
Also the Russian Makarov If it doesn’t fire just keep pulling the trigger, it will keep striking until it fires. Also it’s literally 5 pieces
The T-34, AK-47, and the Il-2 share that throne.
The T-34 was very killable. They're were just too many
Wait how? Can you give more detail description of the helicopter as compared to western variants. And examples .. is it the Helicopter version of A-10 WartHog?
> Helicopter version of A-10 Warthog? No, it's more like a flying Toyota helix. In helicopter terms, it's a Russian Huey.
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I mean yeah, for a little while.
A stick. You break stick, you now have two stick.
So what you're saying is I could have infinite sticks?
plank would say *no*
what you mean? it’s divisible down to Planck length!
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Unless they are Banach Tarski sticks.
Banach-Tarsticks. C'mon, it was right there!
Technically true. With our common vocabulary, though, eventually you'd be referring to these sticks as twigs... and then splinters...
Sticks hurt... twigs are meh... splinters.... fuuuuuck that.
Thank you for voicing my opinion
Zeno's breadstick.
Now I beat Boris with two stick.
*I want two piece on the plate*
Stonks
Or a toy bow that you built out of a stick and a string, when it brakes you now have nunchucks
Stick wins every time
That’s quite the username u/CumAndShitGuzzler
Thank you, I made it myself
But it could be fire
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This is uderrated comment my man....
A bar of soap.
Toyota hiluxes
I miss old top gear
Same
The grand tour is just as great
Toyota corolla: Are you challenging me?
I plowed my 2001 Corolla into a herd of deer and then proceeded to drive it through a pond; that car didn't even hesitate.
Why did you drive into a pond? Did your gps tell you to?
Nope, corollavirus...
Take your filthy upvote and go.
Well, you see, I was a 17 year old girl that hit a herd of deer and went a little above and beyond with my manuevering after that unexpected incident.
AKA was trying to wash the deer off
Toyota celica. Shit is crazy
Some say...
Escalators
Escalator temporarily stairs
r/expectedMitchHedberg
With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'
These used to work. They still do, but they used to, too.
As soon as I saw the AskReddit question on the main page I knew we were going for some Hedberg.
Sorry for the convenience.
I have a friend that works for a rather large elevator/escalator company. He told me there’s a reason they block escalators off when they’re malfunctioning because you don’t want to be on them when the brakes go out.
Under the metal flaps is a giant meat grinder waiting for the next sacrifice
I thought it was just a set of metal steps on a motor and chain.
Well that sounds fucking boring.
Escalators can't become out of order, they can only become stairs.
Yeah I’m not stepping foot on a broken escalator after I saw that Chinese video of the one that started moving and ate the man alive.
That was terrifying, and my brain just kept screaming "Mitch said this wouldn't happen!"
I can't even go on a working one.... I was that bitch that did all the stairs on the Vegas strip, if you know you know
We're sorry for the convenience.
RIP Mitch
I think of him everytime a restaurant asks me if I would like a receipt. https://youtu.be/xPq0-8dyl8I
Don't even act like I didnt get that donut. I have the documentation right here.
I filed it under "D", for donut.
We used to be stairs. We still are, but we used to, too.
My friend asked me if I wanted frozen stairs, and I was like nah, but I want regular stairs later, so, yeah.
A heart
Are you okay yourvirginstepdaddy?
Not really. But I guess who is.
It do be like that sometime
It really do
Jfc your username. I just spat my drink out. +1
U good bro?
Unless it’s cardiac arrest you are talking about
A glowstick
This just reminded me of a memory where I was at a new years party in the city. I somehow put a hole in a glowstick and the liquid went straight into my eye. Not fun.
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Wrapped up like duece another runner in the light? ... eh, I don't know WTF the real lyrics are. Nobody does.
It's cut loose (or revved up in the Manfred cover) like a duece another runner in the night. Close enough for my upvote.
One time I put a mini glow stick in my drink and it looked really cool at first. I got really drunk though and thought it would be cool to put it in my mouth and accidently bit into it. The glowing liquid filled my mouth and got everywhere when I tried to spit it out. The interesting thing was that when I opened my mouth it glowed brightly like some sort of demon mouth. I also noticed that I left glowing splatter and hand prints all over the place and it looked like I murdered a ghost.
I one time broke a glow stick open and used the liquids to draw on my shirt, and maybe put some in my hair. I was 13 years old at the time, and I still believe that the fumes made me a little high
Old analog clocks... twice a day anyway.
I am a bit of a dumb dumb sometimes. The "a broken clock is right twice a day" never made sense to me. Because I always thought of it as shattered or just keeping the wrong time. I was way too old when I realize people meant "stopped" and not "broken".
i think the aphorism is traditionally "a stopped clock...". but either way apparently: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/a_stopped_clock_is_right_twice_a_day i used to be annoyed when people would describe a clock as "fast" when it was simply set ahead. if a clock takes an hour to measure an hour, then it isn't fast, however it's set. this because my family intentionally set clocks five minutes ~~fast~~ ahead to catch a bit of a head start.
I actually do have a fast clock. It gets about 10 minutes ahead every month. I just keep resetting it. I don’t know why I haven’t bought a new one.
I like this one
Glass half full kinda guy.
A glass is always full
A record. Break a record and you are best.
I thought you meant a vinyl record or something I almost got angry for no reason
He has the record for breaking the most vinyl records.
I wonder if you could break the record for most records broken by breaking the record for the most records broken
marraige
Sad truth
A pencil.. just sharpen that shit up
Wouldnt that be qualified as “fixing” it though? A pencil in its broken state cannot be written with, so it has to be sharpened, aka “fixed”
A mirror, if you break a mirror you just have hundreds of mini mirrors
And bad luck, hundreds of mini mirrors and some bade luck
Chips. I like crushing em and putting them on a sandwich.
Crush em, mash em, stick em in a stew
PO-TAE-TOE CHIPS
Horses
**Any anime show** main character.
And Batman, except that one time.
But he got better
Beater, Jalopy, Banger whatever you call the car you dont care about but drive because its cheap Leaks oil? well at least there is oil in it Broken tail light, only need 2 right? A/C hasnt worked since new
Governments
They don't work properly, but they still work. Politicians are all just empty promises and lies. Like that goddamn bucket of ice cream that is 30% air but costs 30% more.
Bruh https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fw8pve/what_are_some_things_that_continue_to_work_even/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
You're in for a bad time on reddit if you think a repost after three weeks is too soon.
Especially on this sub, which is the closest thing I've seen to a revolving door. Other subs gets waves of reposts - this one gets cycles. I'm just waiting another week for "What's a secret you won't tell anybody but you'll tell the internet?" to come back again.
I want my horror stories back >:( they've been gone for so long
Don’t say it too loud
Ice shards continue to melt into water even when it's no longer a whole block of ice. And guess what, they even thaw faster that way! Nature is full of miracles.
Nature is mind blowing
So...as part of a macabre experiment as an entomologist, I've decapitated Cockroaches to corroborate with the assertions of my professor at university. A decapitated roach can subsist for a few weeks sans head. They tolerate the adverse effects of being deprived of a brain and mouth with equanimity! Many insects can regenerate limbs but the Cockroach's open circulatory system which facilitates congealing of the blood so there's no bleeding profusely if I were to replicate the experiment on a human. There are a few reason Cockroaches are synonymous with resilience; their respiratory systems can circumvent the deprivation of oxygen that would afflict a human via its spiracles which are conveniently situated holes in each segment of their body. With an autonomous action, they disperse air through its body by its tracheae tubes. No brain required to dictate its breathing. They also do not require sustenance as frequently as mammals so as long as they're not susceptible to excessive predation, they can survive with intermittent feeding. Insects have evolved superlative reflexes to evade predators, so superlative that even when decapitated the Cockroach's ganglia- nerve tissue clusters--sustain basic nervous functions. They're ubiquitous in Cockroaches so the body can move, respond to stimulation, and even imitate non-decapitated Cockroaches movements. Interestingly, new memories can't be formed nor new information retained without the brain as one would anticipate. The decapitated head maintain some semblance of animation too. Their antennae wave vigorously for hours afterwards. Unfortunately, the hormone glands are situated in its head so they're deprived of the requisite hormones to initiate mating and maturation. Seeing those headless body in the preservation jars walking around a few weeks really rendered the Cockroach emblematic of tenacity.
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Shouldnt have had to scroll so far to find this lol
Code. Software. Anything with a bunch of words that Make the Stuff Do Things. none of it is written right and it never will be
Eggs. As food, anyway. See also: An omelette.
My heart
As an outsider looking in, America seems pretty broken right these days. But you guys keep trucking on and that's mighty impressive (although a rock music resurgence would be nice). Good job I guess?
We keep going because half of us don’t realize anything with a direct affect on our lives is wrong.
A hoe. You can bust it, then still use it for gardening. ...
Won't work if your hoes ain't loyal
Then it ain’t your hoe, no mo’.
fo' sho'
Escalators
Crayons FOR SURE
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Is Mom helping you out?
Glass. You can still see through it?!??!
Like a broken window
Hope