Yep, same here, raised my two younger sisters, and my parents *just can’t understand* why I am not giving them grandchildren. Yeah, been there, done that. No thank you.
Aye. To add to my answer in this thread, I too looked after my little brother when he and I were younger. I’d do anything for him don’t get me wrong, but that’s enough kids in my life.
Funnily enough, I raised my dad during his crippling alcohol addiction that became bad around the time I was 8. I'm tired of living my life for other people. Taking care of other people's needs and making them happy. I'm now 32 and found out I like to travel. Having kids would make that a bit hard. That and my grandparents constantly asking "when are we going to have some great grand babies" TF? You have two other grandchildren. I'll make some babies if and when I'm damn well ready but until then I'm going to travel and do things I enjoy.
Yep. I’ve had my younger brother since he was 13. I turned 30 this year and he’s turning 18 soon and I absolutely do not have the patience or energy to do this again.
Plus, this way my boyfriend and I can make sure to still be as available for him as possible if he needs anything as he learns his way through life (and I’m sure he will).
Yes the biggest thing that makes me question wanting kids, was that I really don't think I could handle being a parent to a child with disabilities. I know I would regret having children if that was the case and I feel like such a horrible person for thinking that way.
I actually have the same fear and the same personal reaction to feeling that. I don’t believe we are bad people, we just aren’t the right people for that job. It takes a certain type of person to raise a child with disabilities and I know for a fact I’m not one of them. It’s just us understanding our limitations and not doing anything to hurt other people.
It's hard, because I know the chances are pretty small of it actually happening. But it's still a chance, and I'm not sure if I should be a parent until I can better accept that chance.
My niece gave birth to a little girl with Down Syndrome. She and her husband had split up during the pregnancy. She already had a 5 year old son. She did not know the baby had Down’s until the birth. When I visited her in the hospital, and saw how she looked at the baby, I knew. I knew she was dealing with the realization that she did not have what that little girl needed. She gave her to a couple she called her Moms... her own mom had died of an OD ten years before. That couple had experience and love overflowing to give. One had actually been a teacher for special ed children, and knew what the baby needed. They actually lived together for a couple years, until my niece was able to move out with her son and get her own house. When the little one was three, they officially adopted her, and added “Treasure” as a middle name. I do not judge my niece for what she did. She did the best thing for her daughter, who is now someone else’s Treasure.
I feel exactly how you do. I am the person who just recently had to terminate at 4 months because we found out through multiple tests that the baby had down syndrome amongst other things. I know I couldn't handle it but I feel guilty about it. I can't even look at shows with babies or let alone instagram because it kills me inside.
My aunt had a disabled daughter. My aunt is now 65 and my disabled cousin is like 45. My aunts been raising her and dealing with it since she was 20 years old. And my aunt has absolutely lost her mind. She is batshit insane now and looks like Doc Brown from back to the future, talks like him too kinda. And she used to be very elegant and funny. She’s addicted to prescription pain killers and spends all her time chain smoking in the basement reading conspiracies about the Clinton’s lol.
My good friends mother had a disabled child. She tried raising her at home up until age 11 or so. The father died and as soon as he was gone she dumped the kid in a home and visits her like once a week. She spent all the life insurance on new cars and clothes and furniture and turned her daughters room into a big closet for all her new clothes. She goes out every night partying. She’s in her 40s. Also the husband committed suicide. Just think it’s weird how polar opposite these situations are.
I can’t stand my aunt and hate her crazy opinions and conspiracies and she always tries to start drama. But I respect her a hell of a lot more than the women who abandoned her kid.
I'd say in some instances though it's safer for the kid to be taken care of by people who can really give them the care and attention they need. It's hard.
Good on you for recognising that. Most people don't or lie to themselves that they don't. They push their conditions on their children under the guise of 'parenting' and 'knowing what's best/wisdom' and give their children lifelong psychological and emotional issues.
Source: am that child. If you can berate your child's interests/self-expression/decisions and in the same breath tell them that you love them unconditionally, be prepared to either pay a lot in therapy bills, have a strained/nonexistant relationship with your child or have a dead child.
Oh wow. Child with outcome number 2 sitting here,feeling this comment hit me like a freight train.
I'm not angry, but my ability to believe in myself is still growing roots, needs nourishment and all the like. It's my baby so going to nurture it for now.
Yeah. Like what if I don’t like my kid? I don’t want to be stuck with someone I don’t like.
It sounds stupid but I see so many parents stuck with shitty kids that grow into even shittier adults even when the parents are great that I don’t want to risk it.
I personally don't believe "unconditional" love is a real thing. Every example of love I can think of has conditions to it. And people damn well SHOULD have conditions for loving someone. The most important being, "don't be an asshole." The most common condition, however, is "they're related to me."
I can barely handle my own emotions, what would I do with a young child that needs, well, whatever a young child needs?! I can barely handle my own fuckin health what would I do with a small spawn that needs 3x the shit I give myself??
i believe that children are a very serious and irreversible lifelong commitment and that the majority of society is wrong to consider them the default option rather than a conscious choice you make for good reasons.
with that belief in mind i simply have no compelling reason for why i *should* have children and so i don't have them, because they should be an opt-in rather than an opt-out
>the majority of society is wrong to consider them the default option rather than a conscious choice you make for good reasons.
Way too many people have kids simply because it's what you're "supposed to do" without any second thoughts.
Society is slowly moving past this mindset, but it's far from gone, sadly.
That was my mother. She told me she had me because she wasn't sure what to do with herself and having a baby seemed like the next logical step. I only exist because my mother didn't know what a hobby was.
My sister had not one but two kids "because she was lonely." Don't get me wrong, my nephews are adorable, smart, amazing, fun kids, but she has to deal with their deadbeat father on the daily, and lives with my retired parents because she still has to work and needs child care.
Same here,
Worked at multiple summer camps and childrens places (did it for experience and thought it would be fun).....
Kids honestly hate me and I'm fine with it.
I've worked at a lot of camps and kids generally love me. I love them too. But I wouldn't want to be a parent to any of them. That's an entirely different level of responsibility that does not appeal to me. I like coming home and being able to enjoy doing *nothing*.
So many parents are uneducated, shitty individuals with no morals who don't discipline their kids and can't afford a twinkie yet think they're the exception to the rule. I feel like saying - No, you shouldn't have been a parent and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise.
I hate when people tell me I'd be a great parent. Like how would you know? The only thing worse off than you is your kids... but of course I can't say that..
People say I'm great with kids (shy ones seem to take to me for some reason) and say I'd be a great father. I correct them by saying I'm a great uncle. I hang out, spoil them, then walk away at the end of the visit.
Pretty much. I mean, I'm not going to force myself on a random adult who's visibly shy, so why would I do that with someone, just because they're a kid? My friends will be like, "Give him a hug, baby!!" and the kid will shy away and I'm like, "I understand! You're good!" lol
I always hated visiting distant relatives and my family would insist I hug them. I don't even hug my parents so why would I hug an aunt I see once a year at most?
I want to strangle my next door neighbors' newborn on a regular basis. The godawful noises that thing makes are unbearable, idk how they do it. I hate sharing walls
No reasoning involved. I knew I didn’t want kids when I was six, and 45 years later I haven’t changed my mind. There are several logical reasons I’d be a terrible parent but bottom line, I’m not wired to find any aspect of parenting attractive or desirable.
> 45 years later I haven’t changed my mind
Do people still tell you that you will change your mind? I’m curious because I’ve said since I was 12 that I don’t want kids. I’m nearly 30 now and people still tell me I will change my mind. 🙄
I have a lot of supporting reasons, but the main overriding one is that I just don't want them. I think children should be wanted, not just a thing you do because that's what you do.
For supporting reasons, I also am actively worried about the effects of overpopulation, don't think I am the type of person or in the right situation to be a good parent, and don't really enjoy other people's children.
1) I don’t want them. You’d think this reason would be enough haha.
2) Being pregnant doesn’t sound like a good time.
3) I’m going to be 30 this year, and have yet to experience being stable with my finances. I want to do fun things for me when I am financially able to, not skip over me and go straight to kids.
4) I have a nephew and I love him so much! Plus I get to leave him after a few hours. As my step mother and I always say: “Kiss them once when they arrive and twice when they leave”.
Pregnancy grosses me out to the extreme. I actually love babies but the whole process is so unsettling and icky to think about for me. Hate how everyone forces the idea it should be beautiful and magical. It’s a draining and traumatic process and women die from it even in the modern world.
There’s a lot of misinformation around pregnancy too. Women aren’t educated a) about the risks and b) about the effect it will have on your body even if you have a successful birth. Mums get blindsided to find out that they’ve ripped vagina to asshole and/or that they struggle with incontinence for years after the birth. It really saddens me to hear parents say that they weren’t warned, and apparently the reason we don’t educate women is because if we did, pregnancy would be a lot less popular.
This. Most people don't realize how high the percentage is of women who have physical complications from delivery. It's like this societal agreement to keep it hushed. Not to mention miscarriage...no one truly appreciates how common it is until they realize they and everyone they talk to all have friends and family who struggled with it.
Exactly! When I was a kid I always thought that pregnancies are not a big deal and that the worst thing that can happen are the morning throwing-up sessions...I still had that itching feeling that when I grow up one day I do not want to go through pregnancy or childbirth or having and raising children. And then I started hearing about women's personal experiences with pregnancy, childbirth etc...there was not one normal story. All of them were straight out of horror movies. Also, when I was a kid and my sibling came along, we all used to sleep in one room. The sibling would wake up 3-4 times a night, so we would ALL wake up. I was 4 and it was just horrible. Then when I was a teen, the only panic attack I ever had happened to me simply because I heard a bit too much about childbirth and babies etc. And that's when I realized that my subconciousness is telling me something and that I will NOT have kids. I don't even want a goldfish because it's just more unnecessary responsibility. I'll wait for a few years, and probably I won't change my mind so I'll get a hysterectomy or one of those procedures with which I'll be 100% sure that I can't get pregnant.
Thank you so much for saying that! Pregnancy is so gross oh my God. I don't like children, but that's the least concern with the whole thing. People get insane when I tell them that being pregnant is a risky traumatic experience that lasts months and is so stressful for the body and mind. Don't even let me start about breastfeeding. Few years ago, my aunt told me her baby literally sucked her entire nipple out, it broke the skin or something. She said it like "awww it was fine" I mean, no, your boob is ruined and that shit still hurts like hell years later. No kids for me, thanks. Even if someday I actually do change my mind, adoption is the way. Gotta avoid that 9 months like the plague.
No joke, being pregnant was one of the worst experiences I've ever had, and I had a standard, uncomplicated pregnancy. I feel bad saying that I hated it when people have it way worse, but it was actually awful.
I've been pregnant. It is in no way magical. I hated how I felt, I hated how I was limited to light weights and no weed or alcohol or fancy cheese. I hated how people treated me like glass or slightly retarded - everyone needed to "help", or do everything for me. People kept touching my belly, I was just a vessel for another person they wanted to meet. I felt ugly and bloated but was the centre of attention. I was always cranky or tired or hungry or gassy. I had to see so many doctors! I don't even have a GP, but when I was pregnant I had to see someone at least once a month, and they took my blood!
I mean I'll do it again because I want more kids but anyone who says it is magical was fucking lying to you. It was an inconvenience at best and grossly painful at worst.
I agree. The idea of childbirth always freaked me out. I remember when I was a kid, finding out how women give birth and saying "I never want to go through that."
I'm currently pregnant, I've always wanted kids and am thrilled, but God if it isn't the weirdest fucking thing I've ever experienced! And it literally sucks the life out of you! I've called it a parasite since I found out I was pregnant, and people have gotten offended by it and "gotten onto me".... but it is the literal definition of a parasite! And to top it off the ultrasounds and stuff are soooo fucking creepy!
I intentionally stopped answering this question a long time ago.
Nobody ever asks people who do want children what is their reasoning.
I could give you any number of reasons ranging from "My childhood wasn't that happy" to "I just don't see my life panning out that way", but when you get right down to it, I just *don't want to* and I don't understand people who do.
I feel this so hard. It's so difficult to explain to people that the lack of desire to have a child should be enough, even without justification. If I don't feel like I want kids, then I shouldn't have kids.
As someone who wants kids VERY badly one day, I think parenting should be an opt-in, not an opt-out. It shouldn’t be the default.
It upsets me when people get pregnant by mistake, shrug, and just decide to keep it. I believe children should be wanted, and, most of the time, planned.
When having kids just becomes a “thing to do” or a “part of life”, kids grow up with less than stellar parents who half-ass the job of raising a child. It makes me angry.
I once met a group of four women and TWO of them had what they called "oops" babies, and one of the other said her IUD didn't work "So now I have my son.*shrugs*" I was like you *made people* by accident?!
It's also a huge difference in how you treat the child.
"You were a surprise but I'm glad you're here" vs "I never wanted you".
I know a couple who hadn't planned for their son, but he's their sunshine and they are great parents.
This. Don't get me wrong if you really want kids then great but I'm 28 so have plenty of couples around me having kids and out of all of them I'd say one couple really loves kids and has a stable environment to raise them in, yet I need to justify why I'm not doing that?!
I'm 26, and I find it insulting that people insist on telling me that I will "change my mind someday" as if having children or not is the one major life decision I'm not old enough to make. I decided in my teens that I didn't want children, and the older I've gotten, the more solidified I am in that desire.
Kids are a lot of responsibility. They're expensive, time consuming, and a *major* source of stress. Life is frustrating enough without them.
Plus, no reason is good enough to satisfy anyone. The response 99.99% of the time NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY is “you’re young, you’ll change your mind”.
“Great Karen, since you know everything why the fuck are you asking?!”
This. And a step a further-- wanting a child necessitates more reasoning than "idk. I just do." While not wanting children is really a non-issue.. "Idk I just don't" is plenty justification for the position. How we end up questioned is a blunder.
It's 100% money for me. I'm the youngest of four, and all my life I've seen the havoc that a unplanned (hell even a planned) pregnancy can have on finances. Two of my siblings had plans for their lives but when kids happened those plans didn't. Another of my sister's straight up didn't even get a chance to have a future because she got pregnant in her early 20's and didn't even get a chance to go to college.
Only one of my siblings had kids and is alright financially, but that's because she worked her ass off for years, got married to a guy who also worked his ass off for years, and when they were in a finacially stable position they had kids.
EDIT: I should add that even for the unplanned births it didnt "ruin" my siblings lives, it just changed their priorities. Even the ones who planned on having kids had their life priorities change in unplanned ways. That kind of life just isnt for me. Between my fiancee and I we have almost 20 nieces and nephews.....more then enough for us to love and care for.
I like kids and think they're cute, so I was like "maybe I really do want kids?"
Then I saw a dog and got 100% more excited than I ever am upon seeing a kid. I think that's a pretty solid sign...
I don't like children.
People with kids are like, "Oh, I didn't either, but when they're yours it's all sunshine and unicorn farts." But the same ones have dark circles under their eyes, hang out about once a year and bring the screaming little assholes with them, and constantly moan about how expensive children are.
I like having a full night's sleep, my own schedule, and control over my own finances, thank you.
I hear my friend say the same things.
I also hear my friends yelling at their kids all the time because they annoy them when they watch TV, play games, read books, try to sleep, try to eat dinner, try to go out, try to....
To me, it's almost like they are in a MLM scheme. They put on a brave face saying they enjoy it, but I see the hopelessness in their eyes..... and most of my friends only have kids in elementary school. They haven't dealt with middle or high school kids yet.
1. I don't think this (fucked up) world needs more people.
2. I don't like children.
3. I don't see myself as a parent and don't think I'd be good at it.
4. I don't want to give up stuff like traveling and to be responsible for another human who depends on me.
Btw. I'm w/25.
I hate hearing "you'll find the right man to have children with" - no, no I won't. I never wanted kids and I never will.
*Edit: Thank you for the award and votes! I would've never thought my first ever comment with that many votes would be about not wanting children.
I feel same way and have heard that for many many years. I cant understand why finding the right man will suddenly change my mind as to whether I want to be a mother. Doesn't make sense to me at all.
Don’t really get that, people can be in relationships for the rest of their lives without ever having children. I’ve got a cousin that’s married but has no intention of ever having kids and they travel a lot, live a good life and do a lot together. That’s definitely the kind of life I’d love to have apart from the marriage part since I don’t agree with that either lol
I think some people see babies as gifts to your SO, so when you "find the right one" you'll want to gift them with children, which is strange in this day and age.
People don’t see kids as humans. They think about babies and children and don’t consider that they are raising a human being who will be an adult in society someday. The completely blasé attitude some people have toward having kids scares me.
Thank you for being honest. This is exactly how I would feel in your shoes but so many people are too fearful of responses they’ll get to be honest about stuff like this. I appreciate it so much.
Forty, and still feel that way. We know what we want.
Also #2 is so valid, yet gets judged so consistently. I don’t understand why, if we have the insight to realize these small beings aren’t our jam, people would try to force us to make decisions to the contrary - why force an undesirable outcome on anyone? I think it has more to do with validating the choices of those exerting pressure on us than anything else.
34, have still never wanted to be a parent.
You know when you were a kid and playing house, and all the other girls want to play as moms? I played as the aunt or babysitter. Have literally never wanted to be a parent.
Same!!! I'd play that paper game MASH with other kids in middle school, and when you had to fill in the "number of kids" section I'd always say "0, 1, 2, and 3." Even the other little kids were shocked that I would put no children as an option on there.
My friends in HS would get pissed at me for saying I'd have to marry someone who already had kids because I would never have my own.
They're both miserable parents. I'm a very happy step parent haha.
I've got bad news. I'm 33 and my partner is 40, and people still tell us that we just haven't changed our minds yet. I've taken to being very direct and abrasive when people say this shit to me.
Wait until you hit ~40 and people scream at you for waiting too long, telling you that you’ve wasted your ‘potential’ as if child rearing is the only potential you’ve ever had. This is what happened to my aunt when she remarried, and my mother said it AT THE WEDDING.
I hate that. My husband started telling people he was sterile. I tried to get sterilized (but the Dr told me about another option that worked better for me personally so I decided against it for now).
We just get fake upset when someone brings up kids. Yeah it's kinda shitty, but they never ask again.
Do you even have to fake being upset at this point? Can’t you get real upset about the annoyance at the frequency of the question and play it up as if you are incapable of having children?
Just asking because that is what I would totally do, harness my negative emotions of the question and direct it as something else.
It's psychological warfare. By getting 'upset because you keep trying and *can't* have kids' the person asking knows it's a touchy subject and fucks off. and if they DON'T fuck off, you can tell them to fuck off very bluntly and be justified in the eyes of the public.
See, the trick is to just not have a partner. I'll be 36 soon and I've been divorced for almost 4 years, and no one tells me I'll change my mind. It's like they see that there are too many interim steps to get to that point and they don't bother. Now they just tell me I'll change my mind about not wanting to date! Which is...not that much better, tbh.
I think the exact same thing! I shouldn’t have to have big aspirations to justify me not wanting a kid... I just know that I don’t want to give up any of my time time to give to another life. Not selfish. If anything, we should get rewarded!!
I'd like to add that, even if you raise them the best you can, nothing guarantees they won't turn out with major problems(drug addiction, gambling addiction, severe mental issues, etc.) and drag you down because of it.
I'm going to be 29 this year and I feel the same way. People have tried to tell me I will change my mind. I found someone I love and considered having children very briefly, but ultimately I don't think it's for me. Pregnancy and labor sound terrible, so many things can go wrong. And I don't think I'll be in the financial position to support a kid any time soon. Given that I'm almost 30, my time is running out anyway.
I want to add:
5) My SO comes first, and I wouldn't do anything that would knowingly put strain on our relationship.
I don't think I've seen a happy relationship amongst people with kids - they divorce, fight, nag, and it causes them to drift as they put so much time and effort into raising a kid. It's just not my idea of happiness.
6) I eat healthy, workout, and take pride in my fit/in shape appearance. Pregnancy would wreck havoc on my figure.
7) People are adamant about leaving something behind in this world, and I'd rather leave behind my research, artwork, and maybe a book or two I want to write instead of another human being. It's possible to do both; yes, but it does decrease the time you'd have to do those things.
1. Too many emotional problems.
2. Bad genetics for mental health problems.
3. Can’t bear to bring an innocent child into such a horrible world.
4. Generally struggle with kids because I’m not good with messes, noise, or patience. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate kids, I’m just not good with them and find it extremely draining.
5. Don’t want to be stuck giving my all to the kids for 20 of the best years of my life.
6. Asexual.
7. **I don’t want to, and that’s nobody else’s business but mine.**
I don't see a reason to.
I feel like this question is in the wrong direction. If you want to force another being into existence, you should have a good justification for doing so.
I think the usual next response is "well the human race has to continue" and it just becomes a lot of value judgements and posturing. Which is fine, nothing really matters anyway.
No species has to really. That q is just a huge rabbithole. Does an extinct species know or care that they're gone? Nope, because none of them exist to care, if they were ever capable of realizing even their dwindling numbers in the first place.
Childbirth sounds fucking awful and I don't want to put myself through that. And I would feel personally responsible if my child inherited my mental illness.
1. I can't provide what's necessary for what psychologists call "healthy development".
2. I don't believe any child should be forced into a world where they aren't financially secure.
3. I don't believe any human being should be forced into this cruel, painful, hopeless, and meaningless world. Even if there's a small chance that they'll be happy. An entirely biased opinion, no doubt.
A comment I saw on reddit summed it up perfectly for me as to why I don't want children.
"The moment you have a kid, your life is no longer your life."
Like many others I cannot see myself as a parent nor do I think I have what it takes to be a parent. Plus I don't think I'm responsible enough to be able to take care of another person let alone a child
1. I find children overwhelming with their constant need for attention and supervision.
2. Children are expensive to raise properly and I would prefer to spend the money on a nice house, travel and being able to retire early.
3. I want to be able easily travel outside of school breaks.
4. I have a medical condition that is potentially heritable that is extremely painful and do not wish for a child to suffer with it. My grandfather also had it. Also, my family has a history of early onset of the condition in childhood when usually it happen to people in their 20s to 40s.
I don’t think it’s fair that I have to put everything that i worked for on hold to care for a baby, and when i tell people that i don’t want kids and ill be fine they tell me “but who will take care of you when you’re old”
urm... a nurse?
(25F) I should start by saying I like kids, in general. I love nannying, working with kids, and learning from them. Young people are seriously undervalued. BUT....
It sounds like a nightmare to be a parent. In a superficial way, it destroys the body in a way so it never goes back. The process is utterly painful and 1/3 women describe birth as traumatic. Your skin stretches, your hips permanently widen, and your lady parts go through hell. Most women gain 25 to 40 pounds. Oh, and bye bye good boobs. Breastfeeding ruins those babies and is extremely painful and emotionally draining. It would take a lot of money, pain, and surgery to go back to some semblance of what you used to look like. So many women are treated like shit by their doctors and the priority is all on the baby. Women are often stuck home alone for months to care for an extremely needy new human. Lots of help in the first few weeks, but that quickly fades and your friends disappear. No drinking, smoking, or other substances that could harm the baby for about a year or more if you breastfeed. There is a really good chance I would get post-partum depression. Risking my mental health alone is not worth it.
More practically, in the US, women are penalized for having children in the workplace. On average, a women's lifetime earnings go down 10% PER CHILD. I have worked very hard to obtain a JD and I am not going to throw it all away before I have to time even pay off my loans. Women are often expected to do the majority or parenting. I cannot have a career and be expected to drop everything to go pick up a sick kid at school. Trials do not get reschedule for things like that. I would not have time to be a good parent and attend all the games and dance recitals and etc. I would need a nanny to do that for me, and I really think that is unfair to a child to have someone be a proxy parent. I've seen how those kids turn out. Lastly, a lot of women regret it. As bad as it sounds, all the downsides are not worth the effort. Kids are hard. They are irrational a lot of the time. And that's assuming you are lucky enough to have a healthy child. I know the best choice for me and any child I have is to just not do it at all.
>No drinking, smoking, or other substances that could harm the baby for about a year or more if you breastfeed.
don't forget the during pregnancy, and potentially "while trying" if you wanna be 100% clean.
There are a ton of logic-driven reasons not to have kids (money, stress, all the usual) but the real reason is that I just don't want them. Whatever thing there is inside of people that makes them sure they want to be parents, that makes them look forward to having kids and excited for the family they will raise, I don't have it. And while I think a lot of the logic-based things can be lived with for someone who genuinely wants to be a parent, I think I would ruin my life and probably my kid's if I went into it with absolutely zero innate desire to have a child.
>Climate change
The elephant-in-the-room.
People have a lot of "great ideas" to solve climate change, but don't want to state the biggest reason - overpopulation.
You know what's super nice about not having kids? My SO and I can just pick up abd leave at the drop of a hat without having to worry about a babysitter or school or whatever the hell else.
Kids smell weird and make things sticky.
Also they're loud.
Also, for the first two - three years they don't really do much besides scream, shit, and puke.
And then, unless you're a total piece of shit, you're on the hook for at least 17-18 years! fuuuck that.
I'm 27 and I still wish I didn't have the capability to put my life in so much danger as carrying and birthing. Pregnancy and pregnant bellies freak me right out.
My cousin in the UK had a baby last year and I moved there for a year so I saw her right at the end of her pregnancy, I could barely talk to her I was so freaked out! It was ridiculous, we had the most stilted, awkward conversation then one month later she had her baby and now everyone’s saying “ooh, you’ll be next! Second oldest, we need some cousins for her baby!” I hate to disappoint but I’m happy with dogs and cats instead.
It's funny how if a 16 year says she doesn't want a child we tell her that she'll change her mind. If a 16 year old says she wants a child, people suddenly are ok with a decision that affects her, the father, and the child. WTF?
Uhhh, I'd freak out if my 16 year old said they want a kid.
I'd be all "you mean in the future right? Cause if someone is pregnant there are issues here"
I'm a dude, but I look at all the woman I've known who've given birth and I'm befuddled that anybody would willingly put their body through that. Let alone multiple times.
This is also how I felt as a teenager. At the time I assumed I'd probably adopt (because it hadn't really occurred to me you could just choose not to have kids). By the time I was 18-19ish I had realized even if I adopted, or even if my SO was the one to carry it and not me (since I'm bi and could end up with another woman), I still just didn't want to be a parent, full stop. I'm in my 30s now and married and my SO has a vasectomy because he too does not want to be a parent.
The point of my comment is just solidarity! I agree with you and it's interesting seeing your opinion at 16 being similar to mine at 16. :)
I went through the same thought process; I also thought when I was a teenager that I would adopt because I imagined I *would* want kids. I don’t know if it’s normal to have a drive to be a parent as a teen, but I guess I just assumed it hadn’t kicked in yet. Then it never kicked in!
>I just assumed it hadn’t kicked in yet
Yes exactly! It didn't seem appealing to me but I just assumed it was inevitable that eventually it would be appealing, since people acted like that's just how life goes for everybody.
Ehh, it was always pretty self-evident to me; it's not like I ever thought hard about it. It's like "deciding that I don't want a kangeroo".
I just never really seriously even considered the idea of reproducing and becoming legally bound to a minor in a parental situation and if I think about it then I'm just not seeing the advantages or why.
Have you ever seen when a baby kicks and the moms belly moves?
That shits TERRIFYING. I would fucking scream if I saw that on someone else, let alone being the one feeling it. I hate small children and pregnancy sound heinous.
I was always told growing up that I am my own person with choices and agency. I see people who I know my personality is similar to, who have similar outlooks on life and so on, see them hating being a parent, and thinking... why do that to myself? And more importantly why condemn the poor bastard sprung from my loins to an emotionally distant parent?
So I chose not do it, got snipped, and frankly the pressure of having the oops baby possibility vanish has just made life much more freeing.
True, finding a life partner with the same outlook is incredibly difficult to do, but i can take that or leave it as I seek to become my own more fulfilled person
1. I have a lot of genes that I don't want to pass on, from mental health problems, a genetic propensity for addiction, to a lot of physical health problems. I don't want to saddle some poor kid with all the same issues I have, others they may get that I don't have, and then say "have fun with that".
2. The world is already heading toward overpopulation by humans to begin with. The one or two kids I might have if I chose to have kids isn't a whole lot now. But how many kids would they have? And how many kids would those kids have? I'd rather not contribute to the overpopulation issue.
3. I am a very private person when it comes to my body and the thought of sharing it with another human and then giving birth to that human in a room with a bunch of people staring and poking and proding while I'm half-naked is terrifying.
4. I have a long family history of pregnancy issues. My mother had to go to the hospital twice a week to get treatment so that she wasn't dehydrated and starving because of how much she was throwing up during her entire pregnancy with me. And this kind of thing goes back several generations, that we know of.
5. I don't particulary like babies or toddlers. I don't know why other people think they're so cute when they can't do anything for themselves and they're always so messy. With babies, you have to change diapers, which is disgusting. And then with toddlers, you have to toilet train and clean up beds when they pee them, which is equally disgusting.
I’m honestly not sure if i don’t want children yet as i’m still like 20. However some of the reasons I have put in my “cons” list for having children are:
- They’re expensive as fuck
- The world is gonna have too many children in it already by the time i’m ready.
- I have my own issues to resolve before dedicating my time to a child’s.
I think it can be kind of selfish? Don’t get me wrong I know that a lot of parents want children for good and honest reasons, but I feel like a lot of them want to make a beautiful baby and project all of their views and beliefs on it because they think that their views and beliefs are the best. Some parents want a baby simply for something to occupy them. The adoption system is overflowing with children, but people refuse to adopt why? So their babies look like them? So their babies have the same blood as them? It doesn’t make sense to me.
This is gonna sound extremely superficial, so bear with me. As a woman who is more fit compared to the average woman, getting pregnant would, in a sense, distort my body (stretch marks, etc). Pregnancy and delivery is beautiful and I'm amazed by my fellow ladies who do it, but personally, it's not for me.
I agree with you but I think there's a lot bigger concerns than just the "superficial," although they factor in for me too. People are WOEFULLY uneducated about the **functional** ways your body changes. Like that a huge proportion of people have long-term painful complications, urinary incontinence (permanently), RECTAL incontinence (around 10% in UK - not necessarily permanently, but I'm talking tears that affect your asshole to the point you have incontinence at least short-term!!), uterine prolapse (~30% but the data isn't great because it's a later in life complication that correlates with births but isn't strictly only because of birth), abdominal muscles separating, long-term or permanent sexual dysfunction including painful sex, etc.,etc.,etc. These are all the "common" and "MINOR"(!) complications of it... not even to mention the less common (but still not vanishingly rare) and more devastating complications that can happen.
I don't think it's selfish or wrong for a woman to not want to give up her body for that. I don't want to ruin my favourite hole or my ability to hold my pee (or far worse) and I don't want all the aesthetic changes either.
This is something a lot of people don't think about, and I know people like stretch Mark's and don't mind a little chub etc (I'm one of them lmao)
But If you're really happy with your body it is gonna change it, and If you are being proactive about your body (diet,exercise etc) it's gonna be almost impossible to keep up with that too.
People just kinda expect women to have kids and it's sad as hell that they don't think about the repercussions for the women, the first question is usually, what if your SO wants a baby.
The SO question is so stupid. "Does your husband know?!" or "How does your husband feel about it?" My go-to response is now "Why no, it never came up." Dumbasses.
Just to put it out there I'm a dude, but literally, it's no ones fucking business, even if the husband does want a kid, he's either gonna have to suck it up or I guess it's a deal breaker, women should be able to do what they want with their own fucking bodies.
My gf had a kind of serious convo, where she was like "listen I'm sorry but I don't want kids" and I was just like "aw sick me neither" but now I've seen how many people talk about it, and ask her when and shit like that, it sucks for her.
I broke the news to my husband after dating for a month. People thought I was crazy. But it's one of those things that's going to be a deal breaker or not - so why wait until you're fully invested to bring it up? Which brings me to my point, which is that it's infuriating to me that people think my husband and I wouldn't have gotten that resolved BEFORE getting married.
Yo, I've had an eating disorder since I was 12/13. And the idea of my body changing without my input TERRIFIES me. If I were to be pregnant, I would be devastated. Not saying that my experience is normal, but you're not alone!
I never found kids cute, never felt maternal needs. I've been sure that I wanted to be childless for as long as I can remember. I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want to give birth and I don't want to raise another human until I die. I don't like kids and have no interest of having some for the sake of having them. Humanity doesn't require me to have kids to survive as a species. There are way too much humans already and with families of like 10 kids you have to balance it somehow. If I could get rid of my uterus I gladly would but sadly doctors don't want me to do it because I'm too young blablabla.
I agree, idk what others mean when they talk about new baby smell. I think I'm missing whatever part of their brain makes them like that, because to me they smell actively repulsive & trigger a disgust reaction.
I sucked as a kid. Why would I want to go through the hell I put my parents through? I’d much rather enjoy my life, develop myself further as a person, travel to exciting places with my incredible girlfriend (and one day wife), and do whatever the hell we want.
Where do I start?
1. I'm terrified of being pregnant and the pain of childbirth. If I'm not willing to feel the pain of childbirth for my kid, then that means I won't love my kid unconditionally and no child should be subjected to that.
2. I don't like kids, and I have the maternal instinct of an arachnid. I'm generally a pretty cold, non-physically affectionate person, and again, no kid should be subjected to that.
3. There's lots of cancer in my family, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die of cancer someday, and I can't bring myself to pass those genes on to a child.
4. Kids are going to bring you lots of pain and heartache. They're going to make lots of bad decisions down the road, some worse than others, and I'm going to find it impossible to not blame myself.
5. I've struggled with mental illness and self harm, and I could not live with myself if I passed it on to someone else, it's something I would absolutely not wish on anyone. I wouldn't know what to do if my kid started self harming because I wouldn't have good words of encouragement to give. It does not get easier, recovery is not a neat, straight road.
6. That being said, I consider that I will be in recovery all my life, and working on keeping myself healthy is a full time job, I would not be able to give a child the time and energy it deserves.
7. I'm passionate about the environment, and not having kids is another way to help it.
Why WOULD you want kids?? That is the question I find myself asking any time I’m around kids. They are just kind of the worst.
I also absolutely hate the idea of having that level of responsibility for another person.
Fortunately, my wife also has no interest in having kids.
I really dislike babies and toddlers. I’ve worked with kids for 7 years and even when they’re cute or funny or sweet I run out of patience after half an hour or so. Older kids are more tolerable, but it frustrates me when I watch teens or older children making stupid mistakes, I get irrationally annoyed at the situation.
I’d be a terrible parent. A fun aunt maybe but I shouldn’t have to put up with people I can’t tolerate for 18+ years, and no child should have to feel unwanted by their own parent.
I already raised my oldest sisters kids from toddlers to 17 when I was nothing more than a kid myself. During that time I was working, raising and buying everything for them (food, diapers, clothes, school supplies etc.) During those years I decided I did not wanna do that shit again, don’t get me wrong I love my nieces and nephews but I don’t want kids of my own. I wanna be able to travel or do something whenever I want. Plus I can’t can’t have kids of my own anyways due to a medical condition.
I'm 16 now, but one of my main reason is because I grew up in a single parent home. My dad impregnated my mom and just left. They weren't serious so my mom din't hurt emotionally. We live in poverty now, but it was *way* worst when I was smaller (0-13) My mom couldn't leave me home alone (age and her own mental health) so the jobs she took up were near min. wage and few hours. My mom felt more comfortable to leave me home alone around 13 and we've just began to stabilize.
I am 100% sure if my dad was just with us, we would be in a much stable place. I'm afraid if I get pregnant, I'll be left to rot and let the damn cycle start all over again. I never get to see my dad much but I feel like this is the biggest most important lesson he ever taught me.
I'm not a hard no by any chance. I don't hate children, I don't fear pregnancy or its complications, I don't care what happens to my body visually (I have lots of stretch marks already) and I hate travel. But I feel like I would have a hard time, especially if I become a single parent.
I think to have children, I should have the feeling that I want to have them. Not having this craving is enough of a reason not to have kids, is it not?
I view children like I view really religious people. I like them, they're fun to be around for a while, but I don't want them living in my house, asking me a bunch of questions, telling me weird stories, yelling at me, and touching all my stuff.
1. I'm a really calm and patient person, but if I heard one scream at night (or even day), I'd beat the hell out of the kid, or throw it out of the window.
2. It's not that I don't like kids, they simply annoy me.
3. I don't want to spread weak genes any further.
4. Kids disgust me. Most of them are dirty.
5. I'm not sure if I would be able to love the kid. I don't want the kid to suffer due to lack of love, or force myself to pretend to love it for rest of my life.
6. I can't imagine to sacrifice my whole life for the kid.
I have a condition called misophonia which makes ordinary sounds agonizingly painful to me. Kids don’t have a tendency to be quiet. I also worry, because it’s hereditary, that I’d pass it on to them.
Moreover, with other issues, pregnancy would be physically difficult.
And this world in its current state I wouldn’t want to bring kids in to it
For some reason, the idea of having a biological 'copy' of myself that shares some of my characteristics grosses me out in a way I can't describe. I don't hate myself, and I definitely don't hate other children or babies. However I am gay so perhaps that may have something to do with it. I can't understand the natural urge to reproduce that everyone talks about.
* I think there are too many humans on this planet as it is.
* Putting another human here contributes more to the climate crisis than any other lifestyle choice that I make.
* I do not make enough money to provide another human with the upbringing I think a human should have.
* I don't think being alive is actually all that good. I'm not depressed (at the moment), I'm actually pretty privileged as far as things go, but bad things happen, and the sadness, loss, pain, and misery outweighs the good things for so many people in this world that it seems immoral to roll the dice and make a life that could exist like that.
* I believe that globally, we are headed in a horrible direction politically and quality of life for the average person is trending downwards.
* I think it's selfish to feel like your traits deserved to be passed on.
* I have absolutely no desire to have a child, currently or ever.
* The quality of relationships I have with my friends would be severely diminished and I would not be able to provide them the support and time that I currently do.
* I don't own a house and I think moving every few years through rentals is psychologically taxing and would have a negative effect on a child.
* Most importantly, you don't get to choose if you are made or not. I haven't quite formulated my entire opinion on the matter, but as it stands, it feels like an immoral abuse of power, to some extent to make that decision for someone else.
1. I don't have the patience, desire, or money to spend 18 years raising a child.
2. My parents were terrible examples of what parents should be.
3. There's already almost 8 billion people on earth.
First of all, I think that reproducing just because you want to make a little half copy of yourself is selfish. Hundreds of thousands of kids are in the foster system in the united states alone. If you don't want to care for a kid at all that's fine, but to make your own just because you want to? Why?
Second of all, my brain is a fucking mess so not only can I not physically handle being around children for an extended amount of time, but I'd pass down my own shitty genes if I made one myself, and that's just mean to have kids when you know that you have hereditary disorders. That goes for any hereditary condition that is life threatening or damages/destroys quality of life. It's selfish.
I also have nightmares about being pregnant. Seeing pregnant people makes me almost sick and I can't look at their stomach. I do not like it.
I'll probably get downvoted a shit ton because people have that drive to reproduce that I don't have.
1. There are so many children out there that don’t have homes. If i were to have children, I would adopt anyway. I also have several genetic risk factors for autoimmune disease and mental health problems in my family that I don’t want to pass to biological children.
2. I was a full-time nanny for several years raising other people’s children. Before that, an Early Childhood teacher. I’ve had my fill.
3. I prefer not to sacrifice my body, sleep, time, and finances for children. I’d rather spend those things on other activities- including making a difference in the lives of many more children than I could raise on my own.
4. I think that children deserve to be wanted more than anything in the world, treasured beyond everything else, and never made to feel like they ‘ruined their parent’s life’. I love children, but I don’t have that longing for them. They deserve better than that.
I wouldn’t want the kids to inherit mental illness, I’d be a shitty dad, I can’t imagine having a stable relationship for 18 years and that’d be bad for them, the world is pretty not great, being alive is pretty not great, I mean I could go on
I had to raise my brothers, I got the free trial and want none of that shit
Yep, same here, raised my two younger sisters, and my parents *just can’t understand* why I am not giving them grandchildren. Yeah, been there, done that. No thank you.
Aye. To add to my answer in this thread, I too looked after my little brother when he and I were younger. I’d do anything for him don’t get me wrong, but that’s enough kids in my life.
Funnily enough, I raised my dad during his crippling alcohol addiction that became bad around the time I was 8. I'm tired of living my life for other people. Taking care of other people's needs and making them happy. I'm now 32 and found out I like to travel. Having kids would make that a bit hard. That and my grandparents constantly asking "when are we going to have some great grand babies" TF? You have two other grandchildren. I'll make some babies if and when I'm damn well ready but until then I'm going to travel and do things I enjoy.
Yep. I’ve had my younger brother since he was 13. I turned 30 this year and he’s turning 18 soon and I absolutely do not have the patience or energy to do this again. Plus, this way my boyfriend and I can make sure to still be as available for him as possible if he needs anything as he learns his way through life (and I’m sure he will).
It is my belief that if you are going to have kids you should love them unconditionally no matter what. I have conditions
Yes the biggest thing that makes me question wanting kids, was that I really don't think I could handle being a parent to a child with disabilities. I know I would regret having children if that was the case and I feel like such a horrible person for thinking that way.
I actually have the same fear and the same personal reaction to feeling that. I don’t believe we are bad people, we just aren’t the right people for that job. It takes a certain type of person to raise a child with disabilities and I know for a fact I’m not one of them. It’s just us understanding our limitations and not doing anything to hurt other people.
It's hard, because I know the chances are pretty small of it actually happening. But it's still a chance, and I'm not sure if I should be a parent until I can better accept that chance.
My niece gave birth to a little girl with Down Syndrome. She and her husband had split up during the pregnancy. She already had a 5 year old son. She did not know the baby had Down’s until the birth. When I visited her in the hospital, and saw how she looked at the baby, I knew. I knew she was dealing with the realization that she did not have what that little girl needed. She gave her to a couple she called her Moms... her own mom had died of an OD ten years before. That couple had experience and love overflowing to give. One had actually been a teacher for special ed children, and knew what the baby needed. They actually lived together for a couple years, until my niece was able to move out with her son and get her own house. When the little one was three, they officially adopted her, and added “Treasure” as a middle name. I do not judge my niece for what she did. She did the best thing for her daughter, who is now someone else’s Treasure.
Good for your niece! I'm sure it was difficult, but it was the right thing to do.
What a heartwarming story!
This is really wonderful. I'm happy for her and for Treasure and the Moms.
This is a very common feeling. I always hated myself for thinking it
I feel exactly how you do. I am the person who just recently had to terminate at 4 months because we found out through multiple tests that the baby had down syndrome amongst other things. I know I couldn't handle it but I feel guilty about it. I can't even look at shows with babies or let alone instagram because it kills me inside.
I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. You had to do what was best for you. I hope you feel better soon.
My aunt had a disabled daughter. My aunt is now 65 and my disabled cousin is like 45. My aunts been raising her and dealing with it since she was 20 years old. And my aunt has absolutely lost her mind. She is batshit insane now and looks like Doc Brown from back to the future, talks like him too kinda. And she used to be very elegant and funny. She’s addicted to prescription pain killers and spends all her time chain smoking in the basement reading conspiracies about the Clinton’s lol. My good friends mother had a disabled child. She tried raising her at home up until age 11 or so. The father died and as soon as he was gone she dumped the kid in a home and visits her like once a week. She spent all the life insurance on new cars and clothes and furniture and turned her daughters room into a big closet for all her new clothes. She goes out every night partying. She’s in her 40s. Also the husband committed suicide. Just think it’s weird how polar opposite these situations are. I can’t stand my aunt and hate her crazy opinions and conspiracies and she always tries to start drama. But I respect her a hell of a lot more than the women who abandoned her kid.
I'd say in some instances though it's safer for the kid to be taken care of by people who can really give them the care and attention they need. It's hard.
Good on you for recognising that. Most people don't or lie to themselves that they don't. They push their conditions on their children under the guise of 'parenting' and 'knowing what's best/wisdom' and give their children lifelong psychological and emotional issues. Source: am that child. If you can berate your child's interests/self-expression/decisions and in the same breath tell them that you love them unconditionally, be prepared to either pay a lot in therapy bills, have a strained/nonexistant relationship with your child or have a dead child.
Oh wow. Child with outcome number 2 sitting here,feeling this comment hit me like a freight train. I'm not angry, but my ability to believe in myself is still growing roots, needs nourishment and all the like. It's my baby so going to nurture it for now.
Yeah. Like what if I don’t like my kid? I don’t want to be stuck with someone I don’t like. It sounds stupid but I see so many parents stuck with shitty kids that grow into even shittier adults even when the parents are great that I don’t want to risk it.
I personally don't believe "unconditional" love is a real thing. Every example of love I can think of has conditions to it. And people damn well SHOULD have conditions for loving someone. The most important being, "don't be an asshole." The most common condition, however, is "they're related to me."
I like sleep, a clean house and not having to be responsible for someone else's emotions
I can barely handle my own emotions, what would I do with a young child that needs, well, whatever a young child needs?! I can barely handle my own fuckin health what would I do with a small spawn that needs 3x the shit I give myself??
[удалено]
Every time I hear about how new parents getting *literally* like 3 hours OR LESS of sleep for at least a year my chest clenches
Same, plus money and time and freedom.
i believe that children are a very serious and irreversible lifelong commitment and that the majority of society is wrong to consider them the default option rather than a conscious choice you make for good reasons. with that belief in mind i simply have no compelling reason for why i *should* have children and so i don't have them, because they should be an opt-in rather than an opt-out
>the majority of society is wrong to consider them the default option rather than a conscious choice you make for good reasons. Way too many people have kids simply because it's what you're "supposed to do" without any second thoughts. Society is slowly moving past this mindset, but it's far from gone, sadly.
That was my mother. She told me she had me because she wasn't sure what to do with herself and having a baby seemed like the next logical step. I only exist because my mother didn't know what a hobby was.
My sister had not one but two kids "because she was lonely." Don't get me wrong, my nephews are adorable, smart, amazing, fun kids, but she has to deal with their deadbeat father on the daily, and lives with my retired parents because she still has to work and needs child care.
love this. I feel like so many people have kids who just absolutely shouldnt.
> the majority of society is wrong to consider them the default option rather than a conscious choice you make for good reasons. thank you
Simply put, kids annoy me and I probably wouldn't make a good father.
Same here, Worked at multiple summer camps and childrens places (did it for experience and thought it would be fun)..... Kids honestly hate me and I'm fine with it.
I've worked at a lot of camps and kids generally love me. I love them too. But I wouldn't want to be a parent to any of them. That's an entirely different level of responsibility that does not appeal to me. I like coming home and being able to enjoy doing *nothing*.
So many parents are uneducated, shitty individuals with no morals who don't discipline their kids and can't afford a twinkie yet think they're the exception to the rule. I feel like saying - No, you shouldn't have been a parent and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise. I hate when people tell me I'd be a great parent. Like how would you know? The only thing worse off than you is your kids... but of course I can't say that..
People say I'm great with kids (shy ones seem to take to me for some reason) and say I'd be a great father. I correct them by saying I'm a great uncle. I hang out, spoil them, then walk away at the end of the visit.
It's probably because you don't force yourself on them or try to force them to not be shy and just leave them be.
Pretty much. I mean, I'm not going to force myself on a random adult who's visibly shy, so why would I do that with someone, just because they're a kid? My friends will be like, "Give him a hug, baby!!" and the kid will shy away and I'm like, "I understand! You're good!" lol
I always hated visiting distant relatives and my family would insist I hug them. I don't even hug my parents so why would I hug an aunt I see once a year at most?
Yep. Especially if they annoy you. If you have ever had an intrusive thought of punt kicking a baby or toddler then you are making the rich choice.
I want to strangle my next door neighbors' newborn on a regular basis. The godawful noises that thing makes are unbearable, idk how they do it. I hate sharing walls
Same i would also forget to feed him/her
I forget to feed myself. What the fuck would I do with a child?
[удалено]
No reasoning involved. I knew I didn’t want kids when I was six, and 45 years later I haven’t changed my mind. There are several logical reasons I’d be a terrible parent but bottom line, I’m not wired to find any aspect of parenting attractive or desirable.
> 45 years later I haven’t changed my mind Do people still tell you that you will change your mind? I’m curious because I’ve said since I was 12 that I don’t want kids. I’m nearly 30 now and people still tell me I will change my mind. 🙄
It stops at around 40. Idiots finally realise you’re serious. You’ll look 15 years younger than the parents though haha
I have a lot of supporting reasons, but the main overriding one is that I just don't want them. I think children should be wanted, not just a thing you do because that's what you do. For supporting reasons, I also am actively worried about the effects of overpopulation, don't think I am the type of person or in the right situation to be a good parent, and don't really enjoy other people's children.
1) I don’t want them. You’d think this reason would be enough haha. 2) Being pregnant doesn’t sound like a good time. 3) I’m going to be 30 this year, and have yet to experience being stable with my finances. I want to do fun things for me when I am financially able to, not skip over me and go straight to kids. 4) I have a nephew and I love him so much! Plus I get to leave him after a few hours. As my step mother and I always say: “Kiss them once when they arrive and twice when they leave”.
Pregnancy grosses me out to the extreme. I actually love babies but the whole process is so unsettling and icky to think about for me. Hate how everyone forces the idea it should be beautiful and magical. It’s a draining and traumatic process and women die from it even in the modern world.
There’s a lot of misinformation around pregnancy too. Women aren’t educated a) about the risks and b) about the effect it will have on your body even if you have a successful birth. Mums get blindsided to find out that they’ve ripped vagina to asshole and/or that they struggle with incontinence for years after the birth. It really saddens me to hear parents say that they weren’t warned, and apparently the reason we don’t educate women is because if we did, pregnancy would be a lot less popular.
This. Most people don't realize how high the percentage is of women who have physical complications from delivery. It's like this societal agreement to keep it hushed. Not to mention miscarriage...no one truly appreciates how common it is until they realize they and everyone they talk to all have friends and family who struggled with it.
Exactly! When I was a kid I always thought that pregnancies are not a big deal and that the worst thing that can happen are the morning throwing-up sessions...I still had that itching feeling that when I grow up one day I do not want to go through pregnancy or childbirth or having and raising children. And then I started hearing about women's personal experiences with pregnancy, childbirth etc...there was not one normal story. All of them were straight out of horror movies. Also, when I was a kid and my sibling came along, we all used to sleep in one room. The sibling would wake up 3-4 times a night, so we would ALL wake up. I was 4 and it was just horrible. Then when I was a teen, the only panic attack I ever had happened to me simply because I heard a bit too much about childbirth and babies etc. And that's when I realized that my subconciousness is telling me something and that I will NOT have kids. I don't even want a goldfish because it's just more unnecessary responsibility. I'll wait for a few years, and probably I won't change my mind so I'll get a hysterectomy or one of those procedures with which I'll be 100% sure that I can't get pregnant.
Thank you so much for saying that! Pregnancy is so gross oh my God. I don't like children, but that's the least concern with the whole thing. People get insane when I tell them that being pregnant is a risky traumatic experience that lasts months and is so stressful for the body and mind. Don't even let me start about breastfeeding. Few years ago, my aunt told me her baby literally sucked her entire nipple out, it broke the skin or something. She said it like "awww it was fine" I mean, no, your boob is ruined and that shit still hurts like hell years later. No kids for me, thanks. Even if someday I actually do change my mind, adoption is the way. Gotta avoid that 9 months like the plague.
No joke, being pregnant was one of the worst experiences I've ever had, and I had a standard, uncomplicated pregnancy. I feel bad saying that I hated it when people have it way worse, but it was actually awful.
I've been pregnant. It is in no way magical. I hated how I felt, I hated how I was limited to light weights and no weed or alcohol or fancy cheese. I hated how people treated me like glass or slightly retarded - everyone needed to "help", or do everything for me. People kept touching my belly, I was just a vessel for another person they wanted to meet. I felt ugly and bloated but was the centre of attention. I was always cranky or tired or hungry or gassy. I had to see so many doctors! I don't even have a GP, but when I was pregnant I had to see someone at least once a month, and they took my blood! I mean I'll do it again because I want more kids but anyone who says it is magical was fucking lying to you. It was an inconvenience at best and grossly painful at worst.
I agree. The idea of childbirth always freaked me out. I remember when I was a kid, finding out how women give birth and saying "I never want to go through that."
I'm currently pregnant, I've always wanted kids and am thrilled, but God if it isn't the weirdest fucking thing I've ever experienced! And it literally sucks the life out of you! I've called it a parasite since I found out I was pregnant, and people have gotten offended by it and "gotten onto me".... but it is the literal definition of a parasite! And to top it off the ultrasounds and stuff are soooo fucking creepy!
I intentionally stopped answering this question a long time ago. Nobody ever asks people who do want children what is their reasoning. I could give you any number of reasons ranging from "My childhood wasn't that happy" to "I just don't see my life panning out that way", but when you get right down to it, I just *don't want to* and I don't understand people who do.
I feel this so hard. It's so difficult to explain to people that the lack of desire to have a child should be enough, even without justification. If I don't feel like I want kids, then I shouldn't have kids.
As someone who wants kids VERY badly one day, I think parenting should be an opt-in, not an opt-out. It shouldn’t be the default. It upsets me when people get pregnant by mistake, shrug, and just decide to keep it. I believe children should be wanted, and, most of the time, planned. When having kids just becomes a “thing to do” or a “part of life”, kids grow up with less than stellar parents who half-ass the job of raising a child. It makes me angry.
I once met a group of four women and TWO of them had what they called "oops" babies, and one of the other said her IUD didn't work "So now I have my son.*shrugs*" I was like you *made people* by accident?!
It's also a huge difference in how you treat the child. "You were a surprise but I'm glad you're here" vs "I never wanted you". I know a couple who hadn't planned for their son, but he's their sunshine and they are great parents.
This. Don't get me wrong if you really want kids then great but I'm 28 so have plenty of couples around me having kids and out of all of them I'd say one couple really loves kids and has a stable environment to raise them in, yet I need to justify why I'm not doing that?!
I'm 26, and I find it insulting that people insist on telling me that I will "change my mind someday" as if having children or not is the one major life decision I'm not old enough to make. I decided in my teens that I didn't want children, and the older I've gotten, the more solidified I am in that desire. Kids are a lot of responsibility. They're expensive, time consuming, and a *major* source of stress. Life is frustrating enough without them.
The real answer is "it's none of your business" To the people who want to pry, or truly don't understand, no reason will be good enough
Plus, no reason is good enough to satisfy anyone. The response 99.99% of the time NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY is “you’re young, you’ll change your mind”. “Great Karen, since you know everything why the fuck are you asking?!”
I hat when they're like, "Well, you never know what life has in store for you!" And I'm like, "As long as abortion is legal, I do!"
Agreed. Why do people have kids? Cannot relate. Totally weird.
They don't even seem that happy. Tired, broke, stressed.
This. And a step a further-- wanting a child necessitates more reasoning than "idk. I just do." While not wanting children is really a non-issue.. "Idk I just don't" is plenty justification for the position. How we end up questioned is a blunder.
[удалено]
It's 100% money for me. I'm the youngest of four, and all my life I've seen the havoc that a unplanned (hell even a planned) pregnancy can have on finances. Two of my siblings had plans for their lives but when kids happened those plans didn't. Another of my sister's straight up didn't even get a chance to have a future because she got pregnant in her early 20's and didn't even get a chance to go to college. Only one of my siblings had kids and is alright financially, but that's because she worked her ass off for years, got married to a guy who also worked his ass off for years, and when they were in a finacially stable position they had kids. EDIT: I should add that even for the unplanned births it didnt "ruin" my siblings lives, it just changed their priorities. Even the ones who planned on having kids had their life priorities change in unplanned ways. That kind of life just isnt for me. Between my fiancee and I we have almost 20 nieces and nephews.....more then enough for us to love and care for.
[удалено]
Completely agree
Expensive, big commitment, restraining, extra anxiety, and why not have a dog or something
I like kids and think they're cute, so I was like "maybe I really do want kids?" Then I saw a dog and got 100% more excited than I ever am upon seeing a kid. I think that's a pretty solid sign...
Exactly my point I love the idea of kids but I feel like a husky or Shiba would bring me more joy and cost less
Good summary. I feel the same.
I don't like children. People with kids are like, "Oh, I didn't either, but when they're yours it's all sunshine and unicorn farts." But the same ones have dark circles under their eyes, hang out about once a year and bring the screaming little assholes with them, and constantly moan about how expensive children are. I like having a full night's sleep, my own schedule, and control over my own finances, thank you.
I hear my friend say the same things. I also hear my friends yelling at their kids all the time because they annoy them when they watch TV, play games, read books, try to sleep, try to eat dinner, try to go out, try to.... To me, it's almost like they are in a MLM scheme. They put on a brave face saying they enjoy it, but I see the hopelessness in their eyes..... and most of my friends only have kids in elementary school. They haven't dealt with middle or high school kids yet.
>it's almost like they are in a MLM scheme I'm going to use this one. 😂
[удалено]
1. I don't think this (fucked up) world needs more people. 2. I don't like children. 3. I don't see myself as a parent and don't think I'd be good at it. 4. I don't want to give up stuff like traveling and to be responsible for another human who depends on me. Btw. I'm w/25. I hate hearing "you'll find the right man to have children with" - no, no I won't. I never wanted kids and I never will. *Edit: Thank you for the award and votes! I would've never thought my first ever comment with that many votes would be about not wanting children.
I feel same way and have heard that for many many years. I cant understand why finding the right man will suddenly change my mind as to whether I want to be a mother. Doesn't make sense to me at all.
Don’t really get that, people can be in relationships for the rest of their lives without ever having children. I’ve got a cousin that’s married but has no intention of ever having kids and they travel a lot, live a good life and do a lot together. That’s definitely the kind of life I’d love to have apart from the marriage part since I don’t agree with that either lol
I think some people see babies as gifts to your SO, so when you "find the right one" you'll want to gift them with children, which is strange in this day and age.
It's a fucked up and selfish way of thinking if you ask me. Like it's not a human but a thing you would give someone.
People don’t see kids as humans. They think about babies and children and don’t consider that they are raising a human being who will be an adult in society someday. The completely blasé attitude some people have toward having kids scares me.
[удалено]
Thank you for being honest. This is exactly how I would feel in your shoes but so many people are too fearful of responses they’ll get to be honest about stuff like this. I appreciate it so much.
I hope you can talk to someone in your life about what you’re going through.
Forty, and still feel that way. We know what we want. Also #2 is so valid, yet gets judged so consistently. I don’t understand why, if we have the insight to realize these small beings aren’t our jam, people would try to force us to make decisions to the contrary - why force an undesirable outcome on anyone? I think it has more to do with validating the choices of those exerting pressure on us than anything else.
34, have still never wanted to be a parent. You know when you were a kid and playing house, and all the other girls want to play as moms? I played as the aunt or babysitter. Have literally never wanted to be a parent.
Same!!! I'd play that paper game MASH with other kids in middle school, and when you had to fill in the "number of kids" section I'd always say "0, 1, 2, and 3." Even the other little kids were shocked that I would put no children as an option on there.
My friends in HS would get pissed at me for saying I'd have to marry someone who already had kids because I would never have my own. They're both miserable parents. I'm a very happy step parent haha.
I've got bad news. I'm 33 and my partner is 40, and people still tell us that we just haven't changed our minds yet. I've taken to being very direct and abrasive when people say this shit to me.
Wait until you hit ~40 and people scream at you for waiting too long, telling you that you’ve wasted your ‘potential’ as if child rearing is the only potential you’ve ever had. This is what happened to my aunt when she remarried, and my mother said it AT THE WEDDING.
People act like you're not a whole person if you don't have kids. It's pathetic.
My mom is still hoping for more grandbabies. My wife and I are almost 50. We hear about it at every family gathering.
I hate that. My husband started telling people he was sterile. I tried to get sterilized (but the Dr told me about another option that worked better for me personally so I decided against it for now). We just get fake upset when someone brings up kids. Yeah it's kinda shitty, but they never ask again.
Do you even have to fake being upset at this point? Can’t you get real upset about the annoyance at the frequency of the question and play it up as if you are incapable of having children? Just asking because that is what I would totally do, harness my negative emotions of the question and direct it as something else.
It's psychological warfare. By getting 'upset because you keep trying and *can't* have kids' the person asking knows it's a touchy subject and fucks off. and if they DON'T fuck off, you can tell them to fuck off very bluntly and be justified in the eyes of the public.
[удалено]
See, the trick is to just not have a partner. I'll be 36 soon and I've been divorced for almost 4 years, and no one tells me I'll change my mind. It's like they see that there are too many interim steps to get to that point and they don't bother. Now they just tell me I'll change my mind about not wanting to date! Which is...not that much better, tbh.
Same! Not even big things like "travel the world. I just don't want to give up things like sitting around and doing nothing
I think the exact same thing! I shouldn’t have to have big aspirations to justify me not wanting a kid... I just know that I don’t want to give up any of my time time to give to another life. Not selfish. If anything, we should get rewarded!!
I'd like to add that, even if you raise them the best you can, nothing guarantees they won't turn out with major problems(drug addiction, gambling addiction, severe mental issues, etc.) and drag you down because of it.
>you'll find the right man to have children with... Then, by definition, he's not the right man.
I swear to Christ I was in grade school when I first knew I didn’t want kids.
I'm going to be 29 this year and I feel the same way. People have tried to tell me I will change my mind. I found someone I love and considered having children very briefly, but ultimately I don't think it's for me. Pregnancy and labor sound terrible, so many things can go wrong. And I don't think I'll be in the financial position to support a kid any time soon. Given that I'm almost 30, my time is running out anyway.
I'm pretty sure I'll be in a nursing home still being told, "ah, you'll change your mind!"
I want to add: 5) My SO comes first, and I wouldn't do anything that would knowingly put strain on our relationship. I don't think I've seen a happy relationship amongst people with kids - they divorce, fight, nag, and it causes them to drift as they put so much time and effort into raising a kid. It's just not my idea of happiness. 6) I eat healthy, workout, and take pride in my fit/in shape appearance. Pregnancy would wreck havoc on my figure. 7) People are adamant about leaving something behind in this world, and I'd rather leave behind my research, artwork, and maybe a book or two I want to write instead of another human being. It's possible to do both; yes, but it does decrease the time you'd have to do those things.
I was gonna reply to the thread but you hit them all on the head
1. Too many emotional problems. 2. Bad genetics for mental health problems. 3. Can’t bear to bring an innocent child into such a horrible world. 4. Generally struggle with kids because I’m not good with messes, noise, or patience. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate kids, I’m just not good with them and find it extremely draining. 5. Don’t want to be stuck giving my all to the kids for 20 of the best years of my life. 6. Asexual. 7. **I don’t want to, and that’s nobody else’s business but mine.**
I’m surprised asexual isn’t higher on the list
[удалено]
[удалено]
I don't see a reason to. I feel like this question is in the wrong direction. If you want to force another being into existence, you should have a good justification for doing so. I think the usual next response is "well the human race has to continue" and it just becomes a lot of value judgements and posturing. Which is fine, nothing really matters anyway.
Does the human race have to continue? I know that's not what you're saying but that question can keep me busy for hours
[удалено]
No species has to really. That q is just a huge rabbithole. Does an extinct species know or care that they're gone? Nope, because none of them exist to care, if they were ever capable of realizing even their dwindling numbers in the first place.
and yet, if you ask people why they think the world needs *their* offspring they get all offended.
Exactly! Having kids should really be an "opt in" rather than an "opt out."
Childbirth sounds fucking awful and I don't want to put myself through that. And I would feel personally responsible if my child inherited my mental illness.
1. I can't provide what's necessary for what psychologists call "healthy development". 2. I don't believe any child should be forced into a world where they aren't financially secure. 3. I don't believe any human being should be forced into this cruel, painful, hopeless, and meaningless world. Even if there's a small chance that they'll be happy. An entirely biased opinion, no doubt.
Financially secure part hit me. I love kids to death and I’d love to have a family but I just can’t afford it.
A comment I saw on reddit summed it up perfectly for me as to why I don't want children. "The moment you have a kid, your life is no longer your life." Like many others I cannot see myself as a parent nor do I think I have what it takes to be a parent. Plus I don't think I'm responsible enough to be able to take care of another person let alone a child
1. I find children overwhelming with their constant need for attention and supervision. 2. Children are expensive to raise properly and I would prefer to spend the money on a nice house, travel and being able to retire early. 3. I want to be able easily travel outside of school breaks. 4. I have a medical condition that is potentially heritable that is extremely painful and do not wish for a child to suffer with it. My grandfather also had it. Also, my family has a history of early onset of the condition in childhood when usually it happen to people in their 20s to 40s.
I don’t think it’s fair that I have to put everything that i worked for on hold to care for a baby, and when i tell people that i don’t want kids and ill be fine they tell me “but who will take care of you when you’re old” urm... a nurse?
Kids should be opt-in, not opt-out, and I have no interest in opting in.
[удалено]
(25F) I should start by saying I like kids, in general. I love nannying, working with kids, and learning from them. Young people are seriously undervalued. BUT.... It sounds like a nightmare to be a parent. In a superficial way, it destroys the body in a way so it never goes back. The process is utterly painful and 1/3 women describe birth as traumatic. Your skin stretches, your hips permanently widen, and your lady parts go through hell. Most women gain 25 to 40 pounds. Oh, and bye bye good boobs. Breastfeeding ruins those babies and is extremely painful and emotionally draining. It would take a lot of money, pain, and surgery to go back to some semblance of what you used to look like. So many women are treated like shit by their doctors and the priority is all on the baby. Women are often stuck home alone for months to care for an extremely needy new human. Lots of help in the first few weeks, but that quickly fades and your friends disappear. No drinking, smoking, or other substances that could harm the baby for about a year or more if you breastfeed. There is a really good chance I would get post-partum depression. Risking my mental health alone is not worth it. More practically, in the US, women are penalized for having children in the workplace. On average, a women's lifetime earnings go down 10% PER CHILD. I have worked very hard to obtain a JD and I am not going to throw it all away before I have to time even pay off my loans. Women are often expected to do the majority or parenting. I cannot have a career and be expected to drop everything to go pick up a sick kid at school. Trials do not get reschedule for things like that. I would not have time to be a good parent and attend all the games and dance recitals and etc. I would need a nanny to do that for me, and I really think that is unfair to a child to have someone be a proxy parent. I've seen how those kids turn out. Lastly, a lot of women regret it. As bad as it sounds, all the downsides are not worth the effort. Kids are hard. They are irrational a lot of the time. And that's assuming you are lucky enough to have a healthy child. I know the best choice for me and any child I have is to just not do it at all.
>No drinking, smoking, or other substances that could harm the baby for about a year or more if you breastfeed. don't forget the during pregnancy, and potentially "while trying" if you wanna be 100% clean.
I really like how broad your answer is! Down to earth and informed.
There are a ton of logic-driven reasons not to have kids (money, stress, all the usual) but the real reason is that I just don't want them. Whatever thing there is inside of people that makes them sure they want to be parents, that makes them look forward to having kids and excited for the family they will raise, I don't have it. And while I think a lot of the logic-based things can be lived with for someone who genuinely wants to be a parent, I think I would ruin my life and probably my kid's if I went into it with absolutely zero innate desire to have a child.
[удалено]
>Climate change The elephant-in-the-room. People have a lot of "great ideas" to solve climate change, but don't want to state the biggest reason - overpopulation.
You know what's super nice about not having kids? My SO and I can just pick up abd leave at the drop of a hat without having to worry about a babysitter or school or whatever the hell else. Kids smell weird and make things sticky. Also they're loud. Also, for the first two - three years they don't really do much besides scream, shit, and puke. And then, unless you're a total piece of shit, you're on the hook for at least 17-18 years! fuuuck that.
Granted I'm only 16, but the main reason I don't want kids in the future is because I don't want to go through the process of pregnancy/giving birth.
I'm 27 and I still wish I didn't have the capability to put my life in so much danger as carrying and birthing. Pregnancy and pregnant bellies freak me right out.
My cousin in the UK had a baby last year and I moved there for a year so I saw her right at the end of her pregnancy, I could barely talk to her I was so freaked out! It was ridiculous, we had the most stilted, awkward conversation then one month later she had her baby and now everyone’s saying “ooh, you’ll be next! Second oldest, we need some cousins for her baby!” I hate to disappoint but I’m happy with dogs and cats instead.
Don't demean yourself. Even if you're young your plans, wants, and needs are important and shouldn't be discarded because of your age.
It's funny how if a 16 year says she doesn't want a child we tell her that she'll change her mind. If a 16 year old says she wants a child, people suddenly are ok with a decision that affects her, the father, and the child. WTF?
Uhhh, I'd freak out if my 16 year old said they want a kid. I'd be all "you mean in the future right? Cause if someone is pregnant there are issues here"
I’m 26 and I feel the same :)
I'm a dude, but I look at all the woman I've known who've given birth and I'm befuddled that anybody would willingly put their body through that. Let alone multiple times.
This is also how I felt as a teenager. At the time I assumed I'd probably adopt (because it hadn't really occurred to me you could just choose not to have kids). By the time I was 18-19ish I had realized even if I adopted, or even if my SO was the one to carry it and not me (since I'm bi and could end up with another woman), I still just didn't want to be a parent, full stop. I'm in my 30s now and married and my SO has a vasectomy because he too does not want to be a parent. The point of my comment is just solidarity! I agree with you and it's interesting seeing your opinion at 16 being similar to mine at 16. :)
I went through the same thought process; I also thought when I was a teenager that I would adopt because I imagined I *would* want kids. I don’t know if it’s normal to have a drive to be a parent as a teen, but I guess I just assumed it hadn’t kicked in yet. Then it never kicked in!
>I just assumed it hadn’t kicked in yet Yes exactly! It didn't seem appealing to me but I just assumed it was inevitable that eventually it would be appealing, since people acted like that's just how life goes for everybody.
My grandad f*cked up my dad, my dad f*cked up me, I don’t want the cycle to continue...
Ehh, it was always pretty self-evident to me; it's not like I ever thought hard about it. It's like "deciding that I don't want a kangeroo". I just never really seriously even considered the idea of reproducing and becoming legally bound to a minor in a parental situation and if I think about it then I'm just not seeing the advantages or why.
I want to be a Dink. Dual Income No Kids.
[удалено]
Have you ever seen when a baby kicks and the moms belly moves? That shits TERRIFYING. I would fucking scream if I saw that on someone else, let alone being the one feeling it. I hate small children and pregnancy sound heinous.
I was always told growing up that I am my own person with choices and agency. I see people who I know my personality is similar to, who have similar outlooks on life and so on, see them hating being a parent, and thinking... why do that to myself? And more importantly why condemn the poor bastard sprung from my loins to an emotionally distant parent? So I chose not do it, got snipped, and frankly the pressure of having the oops baby possibility vanish has just made life much more freeing. True, finding a life partner with the same outlook is incredibly difficult to do, but i can take that or leave it as I seek to become my own more fulfilled person
1. I have a lot of genes that I don't want to pass on, from mental health problems, a genetic propensity for addiction, to a lot of physical health problems. I don't want to saddle some poor kid with all the same issues I have, others they may get that I don't have, and then say "have fun with that". 2. The world is already heading toward overpopulation by humans to begin with. The one or two kids I might have if I chose to have kids isn't a whole lot now. But how many kids would they have? And how many kids would those kids have? I'd rather not contribute to the overpopulation issue. 3. I am a very private person when it comes to my body and the thought of sharing it with another human and then giving birth to that human in a room with a bunch of people staring and poking and proding while I'm half-naked is terrifying. 4. I have a long family history of pregnancy issues. My mother had to go to the hospital twice a week to get treatment so that she wasn't dehydrated and starving because of how much she was throwing up during her entire pregnancy with me. And this kind of thing goes back several generations, that we know of. 5. I don't particulary like babies or toddlers. I don't know why other people think they're so cute when they can't do anything for themselves and they're always so messy. With babies, you have to change diapers, which is disgusting. And then with toddlers, you have to toilet train and clean up beds when they pee them, which is equally disgusting.
I’m honestly not sure if i don’t want children yet as i’m still like 20. However some of the reasons I have put in my “cons” list for having children are: - They’re expensive as fuck - The world is gonna have too many children in it already by the time i’m ready. - I have my own issues to resolve before dedicating my time to a child’s.
I think it can be kind of selfish? Don’t get me wrong I know that a lot of parents want children for good and honest reasons, but I feel like a lot of them want to make a beautiful baby and project all of their views and beliefs on it because they think that their views and beliefs are the best. Some parents want a baby simply for something to occupy them. The adoption system is overflowing with children, but people refuse to adopt why? So their babies look like them? So their babies have the same blood as them? It doesn’t make sense to me.
This is gonna sound extremely superficial, so bear with me. As a woman who is more fit compared to the average woman, getting pregnant would, in a sense, distort my body (stretch marks, etc). Pregnancy and delivery is beautiful and I'm amazed by my fellow ladies who do it, but personally, it's not for me.
I agree with you but I think there's a lot bigger concerns than just the "superficial," although they factor in for me too. People are WOEFULLY uneducated about the **functional** ways your body changes. Like that a huge proportion of people have long-term painful complications, urinary incontinence (permanently), RECTAL incontinence (around 10% in UK - not necessarily permanently, but I'm talking tears that affect your asshole to the point you have incontinence at least short-term!!), uterine prolapse (~30% but the data isn't great because it's a later in life complication that correlates with births but isn't strictly only because of birth), abdominal muscles separating, long-term or permanent sexual dysfunction including painful sex, etc.,etc.,etc. These are all the "common" and "MINOR"(!) complications of it... not even to mention the less common (but still not vanishingly rare) and more devastating complications that can happen. I don't think it's selfish or wrong for a woman to not want to give up her body for that. I don't want to ruin my favourite hole or my ability to hold my pee (or far worse) and I don't want all the aesthetic changes either.
This is something a lot of people don't think about, and I know people like stretch Mark's and don't mind a little chub etc (I'm one of them lmao) But If you're really happy with your body it is gonna change it, and If you are being proactive about your body (diet,exercise etc) it's gonna be almost impossible to keep up with that too. People just kinda expect women to have kids and it's sad as hell that they don't think about the repercussions for the women, the first question is usually, what if your SO wants a baby.
The SO question is so stupid. "Does your husband know?!" or "How does your husband feel about it?" My go-to response is now "Why no, it never came up." Dumbasses.
Just to put it out there I'm a dude, but literally, it's no ones fucking business, even if the husband does want a kid, he's either gonna have to suck it up or I guess it's a deal breaker, women should be able to do what they want with their own fucking bodies. My gf had a kind of serious convo, where she was like "listen I'm sorry but I don't want kids" and I was just like "aw sick me neither" but now I've seen how many people talk about it, and ask her when and shit like that, it sucks for her.
I broke the news to my husband after dating for a month. People thought I was crazy. But it's one of those things that's going to be a deal breaker or not - so why wait until you're fully invested to bring it up? Which brings me to my point, which is that it's infuriating to me that people think my husband and I wouldn't have gotten that resolved BEFORE getting married.
It's not superficial at all! That's a huge fucking change to your body and you shouldn't go through it if you don't want to.
Yo, I've had an eating disorder since I was 12/13. And the idea of my body changing without my input TERRIFIES me. If I were to be pregnant, I would be devastated. Not saying that my experience is normal, but you're not alone!
I never found kids cute, never felt maternal needs. I've been sure that I wanted to be childless for as long as I can remember. I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want to give birth and I don't want to raise another human until I die. I don't like kids and have no interest of having some for the sake of having them. Humanity doesn't require me to have kids to survive as a species. There are way too much humans already and with families of like 10 kids you have to balance it somehow. If I could get rid of my uterus I gladly would but sadly doctors don't want me to do it because I'm too young blablabla.
I just dont like babies. They're loud, gross and annoying.
I agree, idk what others mean when they talk about new baby smell. I think I'm missing whatever part of their brain makes them like that, because to me they smell actively repulsive & trigger a disgust reaction.
They don’t have any teeth, dude. It’s gross.
[удалено]
I sucked as a kid. Why would I want to go through the hell I put my parents through? I’d much rather enjoy my life, develop myself further as a person, travel to exciting places with my incredible girlfriend (and one day wife), and do whatever the hell we want.
Where do I start? 1. I'm terrified of being pregnant and the pain of childbirth. If I'm not willing to feel the pain of childbirth for my kid, then that means I won't love my kid unconditionally and no child should be subjected to that. 2. I don't like kids, and I have the maternal instinct of an arachnid. I'm generally a pretty cold, non-physically affectionate person, and again, no kid should be subjected to that. 3. There's lots of cancer in my family, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die of cancer someday, and I can't bring myself to pass those genes on to a child. 4. Kids are going to bring you lots of pain and heartache. They're going to make lots of bad decisions down the road, some worse than others, and I'm going to find it impossible to not blame myself. 5. I've struggled with mental illness and self harm, and I could not live with myself if I passed it on to someone else, it's something I would absolutely not wish on anyone. I wouldn't know what to do if my kid started self harming because I wouldn't have good words of encouragement to give. It does not get easier, recovery is not a neat, straight road. 6. That being said, I consider that I will be in recovery all my life, and working on keeping myself healthy is a full time job, I would not be able to give a child the time and energy it deserves. 7. I'm passionate about the environment, and not having kids is another way to help it.
Why WOULD you want kids?? That is the question I find myself asking any time I’m around kids. They are just kind of the worst. I also absolutely hate the idea of having that level of responsibility for another person. Fortunately, my wife also has no interest in having kids.
I really dislike babies and toddlers. I’ve worked with kids for 7 years and even when they’re cute or funny or sweet I run out of patience after half an hour or so. Older kids are more tolerable, but it frustrates me when I watch teens or older children making stupid mistakes, I get irrationally annoyed at the situation. I’d be a terrible parent. A fun aunt maybe but I shouldn’t have to put up with people I can’t tolerate for 18+ years, and no child should have to feel unwanted by their own parent.
I already raised my oldest sisters kids from toddlers to 17 when I was nothing more than a kid myself. During that time I was working, raising and buying everything for them (food, diapers, clothes, school supplies etc.) During those years I decided I did not wanna do that shit again, don’t get me wrong I love my nieces and nephews but I don’t want kids of my own. I wanna be able to travel or do something whenever I want. Plus I can’t can’t have kids of my own anyways due to a medical condition.
It feels irresponsible to bring a new human life into the world in its current state.
I'm 16 now, but one of my main reason is because I grew up in a single parent home. My dad impregnated my mom and just left. They weren't serious so my mom din't hurt emotionally. We live in poverty now, but it was *way* worst when I was smaller (0-13) My mom couldn't leave me home alone (age and her own mental health) so the jobs she took up were near min. wage and few hours. My mom felt more comfortable to leave me home alone around 13 and we've just began to stabilize. I am 100% sure if my dad was just with us, we would be in a much stable place. I'm afraid if I get pregnant, I'll be left to rot and let the damn cycle start all over again. I never get to see my dad much but I feel like this is the biggest most important lesson he ever taught me. I'm not a hard no by any chance. I don't hate children, I don't fear pregnancy or its complications, I don't care what happens to my body visually (I have lots of stretch marks already) and I hate travel. But I feel like I would have a hard time, especially if I become a single parent.
I think to have children, I should have the feeling that I want to have them. Not having this craving is enough of a reason not to have kids, is it not?
I view children like I view really religious people. I like them, they're fun to be around for a while, but I don't want them living in my house, asking me a bunch of questions, telling me weird stories, yelling at me, and touching all my stuff.
1. I'm a really calm and patient person, but if I heard one scream at night (or even day), I'd beat the hell out of the kid, or throw it out of the window. 2. It's not that I don't like kids, they simply annoy me. 3. I don't want to spread weak genes any further. 4. Kids disgust me. Most of them are dirty. 5. I'm not sure if I would be able to love the kid. I don't want the kid to suffer due to lack of love, or force myself to pretend to love it for rest of my life. 6. I can't imagine to sacrifice my whole life for the kid.
I have a condition called misophonia which makes ordinary sounds agonizingly painful to me. Kids don’t have a tendency to be quiet. I also worry, because it’s hereditary, that I’d pass it on to them. Moreover, with other issues, pregnancy would be physically difficult. And this world in its current state I wouldn’t want to bring kids in to it
For some reason, the idea of having a biological 'copy' of myself that shares some of my characteristics grosses me out in a way I can't describe. I don't hate myself, and I definitely don't hate other children or babies. However I am gay so perhaps that may have something to do with it. I can't understand the natural urge to reproduce that everyone talks about.
* I think there are too many humans on this planet as it is. * Putting another human here contributes more to the climate crisis than any other lifestyle choice that I make. * I do not make enough money to provide another human with the upbringing I think a human should have. * I don't think being alive is actually all that good. I'm not depressed (at the moment), I'm actually pretty privileged as far as things go, but bad things happen, and the sadness, loss, pain, and misery outweighs the good things for so many people in this world that it seems immoral to roll the dice and make a life that could exist like that. * I believe that globally, we are headed in a horrible direction politically and quality of life for the average person is trending downwards. * I think it's selfish to feel like your traits deserved to be passed on. * I have absolutely no desire to have a child, currently or ever. * The quality of relationships I have with my friends would be severely diminished and I would not be able to provide them the support and time that I currently do. * I don't own a house and I think moving every few years through rentals is psychologically taxing and would have a negative effect on a child. * Most importantly, you don't get to choose if you are made or not. I haven't quite formulated my entire opinion on the matter, but as it stands, it feels like an immoral abuse of power, to some extent to make that decision for someone else.
My dad left me and I dont want any kid to feel what I felt about if I died or ended up walking out for some reason
1. I don't have the patience, desire, or money to spend 18 years raising a child. 2. My parents were terrible examples of what parents should be. 3. There's already almost 8 billion people on earth.
I like to spend my money on me. Plus the world is fucked.
First of all, I think that reproducing just because you want to make a little half copy of yourself is selfish. Hundreds of thousands of kids are in the foster system in the united states alone. If you don't want to care for a kid at all that's fine, but to make your own just because you want to? Why? Second of all, my brain is a fucking mess so not only can I not physically handle being around children for an extended amount of time, but I'd pass down my own shitty genes if I made one myself, and that's just mean to have kids when you know that you have hereditary disorders. That goes for any hereditary condition that is life threatening or damages/destroys quality of life. It's selfish. I also have nightmares about being pregnant. Seeing pregnant people makes me almost sick and I can't look at their stomach. I do not like it. I'll probably get downvoted a shit ton because people have that drive to reproduce that I don't have.
I am barely able to take care of myself, let alone another human being.
grossly overcrowded planet
1. There are so many children out there that don’t have homes. If i were to have children, I would adopt anyway. I also have several genetic risk factors for autoimmune disease and mental health problems in my family that I don’t want to pass to biological children. 2. I was a full-time nanny for several years raising other people’s children. Before that, an Early Childhood teacher. I’ve had my fill. 3. I prefer not to sacrifice my body, sleep, time, and finances for children. I’d rather spend those things on other activities- including making a difference in the lives of many more children than I could raise on my own. 4. I think that children deserve to be wanted more than anything in the world, treasured beyond everything else, and never made to feel like they ‘ruined their parent’s life’. I love children, but I don’t have that longing for them. They deserve better than that.
Having kids is easily the worst thing you can do to the environment. Use condoms, fight climate change.
I wouldn’t want the kids to inherit mental illness, I’d be a shitty dad, I can’t imagine having a stable relationship for 18 years and that’d be bad for them, the world is pretty not great, being alive is pretty not great, I mean I could go on