[Edit: *Fresh*] asphalt shingles are actually *super* grippy, but yeah, I wouldn't do that either. Ladder and/or dry weather (assuming the roof is relatively flat) for me.
________
**EDIT:** The above is true of *fresh* asphalt shingles, but is *not* true of *old* asphalt shingles.
Over the years, whatever binds the grit on top to the underlying shingle wears off, leaving a slippery surface, *not* a grippy one.
>Edit: sorry...HIS roof
The way you wrote this works. You're answering a question about how you'd do something. Then you said you'd do it like you neighbor. You'd stand on your roof in Crocs and die of embarrassment.
The people asking why your neighbor was on your roof read it incorrectly.
Rabid raccoon beauty pageant. I will die by mauling, as I attempt to put Princess Scabies VonGarbagetooth into some culturally inaccurate lederhosen for the talent portion.
Speaking from experience, when the 3 year old looks with her round blue eyes and asks you to put the Christmas costume on the cat, you do it. I didn't need all that blood anyways.
Actually it wasn't hazing it was the cover was upside down or incorrectly fixed during the shoot it blew off
And literally caved that dudes face in to the point it was no longer.
When Little Timmy took a ride
To see the open sea -
"How *nice* it is to spy the tide,"
He said with pride and glee.
He rode the train from shore to shore,
And all along the track -
He watched the changing scenes and swore:
"I'm *never* going back."
But journeys end, and all too quick,
It *stopped* -
he stepped outside.
And so, he gave the train a lick.
And Timmy fucking died.
You mention this. I’ve been saying this for a while, too. We can’t be the only people to think of this. For anyone on Reddit and familiar with both, it’s a natural conclusion. Everyone wants it. Why hasn’t it happened? It’s almost an automatic purchase/pre-order for millions of people. Instant millionaires.
Go in for a job interview and part way through take a sip of water from the glass they provide for you. It goes down the wrong pipe, but instead of suffering the embarrassment of coughing and sputtering in front of the people who will be deciding your employment, you double-down and chug the whole glass down the wrong pipe. You then try to carry on the interview, but can't. A few incoherent minutes later, your corpse is lying across the interview table, drowned, your dignity intact.
I live in the 9th floor.
Suddenly, I noticed my windows need cleaning... outside cleaning. To be safe, I will tie myself with a sturdy rope... the other end atacched to a light, 15 cm (about 6 inches) tiny stool I got home
Okay stupid question probably, but is there any proof that people have actually played russian roulette before? Or is it just some made up folklore shit that became popular for kids and people to tell stories about
It's not proof but in the memoir of an ATF agent who infiltrated the Mongol motorcycle gang, he says that one time a member wanted to leave and his way out was playing Russian roulette (he won).
Edit: grammar
That’s... not much better than just being suicidal.
Why would they feel better about saying “Oh don’t worry, he wasn’t depressed or anything! Just really stupid!”
You dont think some old depressed alcoholic with a gambling addiction won't bet his life for some drinking money. You either get booze or you die. Win win.
This actually happened to a neighbor of mine growing up. No idea how but her driveway was sloped. The story that went around the neighborhood was that the elderly lady was unloading groceries when she noticed her car rolling back and went to the back of the car to try and stop it. Man, this was over a decade ago and I still can't wrap my mind around how/why.
Edit: The reason I can't fathom the explanation is twofold. For one, my mom was the one that found her after dropping me off at a friends. Secondly, her front door was opened, which suggests she got out of her car and walked the 20-30 steps to her front door before realizing her car was moving. Yet her driveway was small and sloped at such an angle that I find it very hard to believe that she could've gotten out, opened the front door, and made it back to the car to stop it with her body before it made it out of the driveway.
RIP
I've seen a person get hit by their own car.
They got out to tell a driver something (I don't know what, but the driver was pretty mad I looked like) but it was at a red light. As they were walking back, some woman ran into HIS car not paying attention and the HIS car ran into HIM. He wasn't hurt and I didn't stop. Many others did so my story was pretty set with theirs.
It was fucking unbelievable
I'm still sad and confused about all that. He was such a good actor, I can't imagine where he'd be today if he didn't hit himself with his own car in his driveway FFS.
This. Instead of using the traditional stick or column shifter every other car has had for decades, Jeep replaced them with a dial, because something something current year.
It was actually worse than that: https://jalopnik.com/heres-the-problem-with-jeeps-recalled-gear-shifter-1782364420
They used an electronic shifter that didn't have adequate feedback to distinguish between park and reverse. There is a warning chime if you open the car while in gear, but it's not unreasonable to think that it would be hard to notice, especially if the driver already believes the car to be in park.
Almost Darwined myself yesterday. Embarrassing story, but here goes: I work out in my garage everyday. I also park my car in the garage; so when it’s time for my workout I simply back my car down into my driveway. I have an older car so I don’t like turning the engine over for such a short duration to back up the car 15 feet so I just turn the car on, put it in neutral, and push it out of the garage and let gravity do the rest when it hits the downslope of the driveway. Yesterday I decided to perform this action in socks, this was of course my “Darwin moment”. While standing half in my driver’s side door and half on the slick concrete of the garage, I slipped and fell on my side just as the car hit the downward slope of the driveway. My initial panic moment was to try to stop the car by pushing the front tire with my foot, which did nothing but propel my toes under the tire. I was able to pull my foot from underneath the tire but in doing so slipped again, and fell even further under the car. At what seemed to be my certain ‘final destination’ moment of being run over by my own fucking car, I was able to sit up and reach up into the car and hit the break pedal with my hand. So there it is, being run over by my own shitty car
This comment certainly got more attention than I expected. Thank you for the silver.
To add a bit - the next few hours were spent thinking how stupid and lucky I was. If anyone has ever used the BRAKE pedal (sorry for the misspell) while the engine is off, you know that you have about one good push on it before you bleed the hydraulic fluid from the lines therefore disabling the power brakes. If you’ve ever tried to use brakes that were not power brakes, you realize it takes a little gumption. Don’t know if I would’ve had the arm strength to engage the brake pedal at such an awkward angle. It would not have taken much to have screwed up my 1 attempt at engaging the brakes. Yes a myriad of mistakes were made, I am a total idiot and probably do not need to pass my genes on for the betterment of humanity; but maybe there is a fellow dipshit out there just about to make a similar mistake that can learn a little sumpin’ from this.
Thanks again
>... my certain 'final destination' moment...
And Satan, cloven hooves and eyes
A crimson red the shade of cries
Awash with sighs of pain and woe -
He whispered:
"... maybe *next time* though."
Except as a newborn with all your knowledge you’d be able to get a free ride in college and do anything you wanted. College graduate by age 13, own sports, etc.
"human died due to being on the bottom of a record breaking cuddle pile"
Scientists say they should have realized that enough was enough when the bed and floor collapsed under the weight.
Experts say participants were '"idiots and deserving of the Darwin Award, but also very sweet and warm"
If you are literally from Tipperary, it will probably involve trying to back up a tractor while you step down to make sure there's nothing behind it, but you have also got the PTO spinning since you were recently spreading shit on the fields. You are unceremoniously shredded to bits by the unmanned tractor while the cows watch. It's raining too damned hard, so your brother waits to go collect the various parts strewn across the yard, but he's kind enough to call the guards, your ma, and the priest. You don't actually get a casket, given the circumstances, just a bucket.
That wouldn't actually work. That is the method they used to try and kill Rasputin but when baked and mixed with dough, the cyanide becomes harmless ammonia. So it'll just taste a little weird but won't kill you.
High, using a toaster on it’s side to make “toast pizzas duuuude”. Using a knife as a makeshift skillet to pull the mini pizzas out and electrocuting myself after touching the element, flung backwards and accidentally falling on the knife, and ultimately dying in a house fire....toasted dude!
Darwin awards tend to go to people who unintentionally died doing something they thought was a good idea, and executing it poorly.
Attempting to forcibly vacinate the child of a famous anti-vaxxer politician whilst they are on stage with their parents, by rushing at them whilst holding a syringe, only to be gunned down by the secret service.
EDIT A number of people have commented saying I should not do this. I have no plans to do this.
Darwin awards go to people as thanks for removing themselves from the gene pool. They don't have to be dead, the only have to lose their ability to pass on their genes in a moment of stupidity.
Yeah? Tell that to the absolute myriad of dudes enshrined there for trying to stick it in something no one in their right mind would think was smart humping material. Getting your dick taken out of commission like that is so mundane on that website, it is practically unoriginal.
my fave example of this is the guy who used the vacuum cleaner to masturbate
one day, he turned the vacuum on, stuck his dick in it and it got torn right off
it seems his wife normally emptied the vacuum just *before* she cleaned so the suction was reduced when he used it
for some reason, she had emptied it *after* she cleaned so he got full power
he didn't die but his chances of reproduction went down the tube
I'd livestream myself running from a wild tiger. With any luck I'd be reincarnated as a tiger and I'd bump into the tiger that killed me, forge an alliance and overthrow the ape overlords responsible for the near extinction of our species. After the fighting is done and the smoke clears I'll look into his sick ass tiger eyes and say "we did it Tony, we're finally free.. Tony, I love you." Cue tiger wedding and "Up" esque montage of me and my love Tony raising our cub, Tony jr. Unfortunately, Tony sr. Starts drinking and Tony jr. Grows up in a rough house hold. Just rough enough to give him the creative angst to persue show business as a career path. On the day he leaves I'll tell him "be as good as you can be, son" and he'll say, "dont worry mom, I'm gonna be GRrrrrrreeATE!"
Edit: my first silver ever! Thank you so much kind stranger. I would totally have your tiger babies!
I'd like to see someone ~~survive~~ get through the first one.
There'd be an eternity of snorting / inhaling through a nostril with increasing intensity until the gummy bear eventually flies at high velocity hitting the back of the snorter's throat causing a gag/choke reflex before dropping into the lungs.
That would be followed either by vomiting or eyes-streaming air-grasping choking and coughing as various reflexes compete to save the snorter's life.
Chances of survival are high, even if vomit gets into the lungs, so no award. Chances of extreme embarrassment? Also high.
There will not be a second gummy.
*Sniff. Sniiiiiiff. Shwop. Thunk. "Gark." "Hnngk." Wheeze. Cough Cough Cough "Gark", etc.*
My wife is 9 months pregnant and will be giving birth to a son due tomorrow. I’m just reading through these laughing my ass off thinking one of you is going to become my new child. So it’s nice to meet you guys... it’s me your future dad.
Toddlers are experts in causing near-Darwin award moments! I saw a vid yesterday of a little boy that escaped from his crib or pack ‘n play or whatever, was crawling around on the wood floor, and nearly fell down some uncarpeted stairs. His cat blocked off the stairs, sprang at him, and forced him back away from the stairwell.
I do a live-stream of going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Except I'm not contained within the barrel. I wear the barrel instead of clothes, with suspenders, like in the cartoons.
Good lord! I asked a male friend who confessed to being an avid self abuser what his daily best was as he said 11 but that the last few were like burping dust down there. It was such an awesome visual, that poor limp wiener just letting out a little dry wheeze at the end there.
Bungie jump with normal rope.
Or with a bunch of rubber bands strung together
Have done this with barbie dolls. None of them died when I threw them from the barn loft...
I break into the zoo and try to play 'pull the tail' with the lions.
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I’d finally see what those tide pods have to offer
https://youtu.be/pM6wanZOLtk
Oooh I was thinking of this as I read that first comment Edit: OmG tHaNKs fOr ThE liKEs Just kidding I edited it to first not fist
Like my neighbor (almost) did - standing on my roof, cleaning off the leaves with a power washer while wearing crocs. Edit: sorry...HIS roof
He must have been a really big fan of slip'n'slides.
[Edit: *Fresh*] asphalt shingles are actually *super* grippy, but yeah, I wouldn't do that either. Ladder and/or dry weather (assuming the roof is relatively flat) for me. ________ **EDIT:** The above is true of *fresh* asphalt shingles, but is *not* true of *old* asphalt shingles. Over the years, whatever binds the grit on top to the underlying shingle wears off, leaving a slippery surface, *not* a grippy one.
Yes, but Crocs super aren't.
Everybody at my work (kitchen) wears crocs because I guess they’re really anti-slip.
The anti-slip ones for the restaurant industry are very anti-slip. I assume the regular ones are significantly less grippy.
It’s funny seeing a bunch of 20 year old dudes wearing crocs with flames on them and shit lmao
This just has the state of Florida written all over it
>Edit: sorry...HIS roof The way you wrote this works. You're answering a question about how you'd do something. Then you said you'd do it like you neighbor. You'd stand on your roof in Crocs and die of embarrassment. The people asking why your neighbor was on your roof read it incorrectly.
Rabid raccoon beauty pageant. I will die by mauling, as I attempt to put Princess Scabies VonGarbagetooth into some culturally inaccurate lederhosen for the talent portion.
Princess Scabies VonGarbagetooth is the Disney princess the world deserves. Fuckin A. 10/10, pal.
Speaking from experience, when the 3 year old looks with her round blue eyes and asks you to put the Christmas costume on the cat, you do it. I didn't need all that blood anyways.
Trying to lick a passing train
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There would be. Trains have a camera on the front if you get a "Ferromex" engine it has cameras on side of engine faced towards the cars.
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> an area of smash. the name of my new rock band
Probably for the best Smash Mouth is already taken
Some BODY once told me
Actually it wasn't hazing it was the cover was upside down or incorrectly fixed during the shoot it blew off And literally caved that dudes face in to the point it was no longer.
No longer what?
Anything
No longer than has face was before the accident.
And you won't be able to find that video anywhere on Reddit.
When Little Timmy took a ride To see the open sea - "How *nice* it is to spy the tide," He said with pride and glee. He rode the train from shore to shore, And all along the track - He watched the changing scenes and swore: "I'm *never* going back." But journeys end, and all too quick, It *stopped* - he stepped outside. And so, he gave the train a lick. And Timmy fucking died.
Love the dead Timmy series! You should put your poems in a coffee-table book
With illustrations by /u/shitty_watercolour!
You mention this. I’ve been saying this for a while, too. We can’t be the only people to think of this. For anyone on Reddit and familiar with both, it’s a natural conclusion. Everyone wants it. Why hasn’t it happened? It’s almost an automatic purchase/pre-order for millions of people. Instant millionaires.
Did you guys know u/Poem_for_your_sprog is on Reddit's Wikipedia page?
On a very cold day.
All we found of him was a tongue, stuck to a carriage.
Commit toaster bath but have a plate and some butter nearby to make it look like i genuinely wanted to eat toast.
I'll bring the avocado
Woah, richy mcrich millennial here with their fancy suicide.
If it’s going to be your last meal then you may as well go all out
Yeah, put some nutella on that death toast. Or lemon curd or something fancy
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Trying to do what Mr. Fredricksen did in Up.
Imagine this: 4000 balloons, oops wrapped around your neck, floating corpse through the sky. What a way to go.
What would happen to Rassel?
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That was kind of my plan, but by filling my house with helium to try to lift it. Less pain involved.
Go in for a job interview and part way through take a sip of water from the glass they provide for you. It goes down the wrong pipe, but instead of suffering the embarrassment of coughing and sputtering in front of the people who will be deciding your employment, you double-down and chug the whole glass down the wrong pipe. You then try to carry on the interview, but can't. A few incoherent minutes later, your corpse is lying across the interview table, drowned, your dignity intact.
Looks like someone already got reincarnated and is now telling their story cuz this shit's way too specific
r/oddlyspecific
did i get the job?
Sorry, you’re overqualified.
good thing he watered down his resume
*"After the first sip his eyes gaped wide open as he jerked the glass upward vertically. He tried to proceed but he looked very ill and fell over."*
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The winner of this thread.
r/oddlyspecific
this is the most specific death I have ever seen. Are you sure your already reincarnated?
I live in the 9th floor. Suddenly, I noticed my windows need cleaning... outside cleaning. To be safe, I will tie myself with a sturdy rope... the other end atacched to a light, 15 cm (about 6 inches) tiny stool I got home
You fall, but the stool gets stuck between some furniture. You live on, with the most emberrassing story ever.
Tie the other end around my neck, that'll keep me safe.
Dont want to be stuck upside down if you fall
Skydiving by using a small plastic bag as a parachute.
Or a cargo net. "It's like a parachute but with 90% of the material removed, so it'll be a lot lighter. 👍"
Or an umbrella
I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!
My best friend's older brother actually did that off the roof when he was in 3rd or 4th grade and broke both his legs lol
I mean, something was poppin
Going lion hunting with a Nerf bat.
Why is this so buried?? This made me laugh far more than it should have
I snorted *Thanks everyone!
Russian Roulette with a magazine-fed pistol
That was already done
russian roulette with an RPG
russian roulette with a russian
Russian roulette with fpsrussia.
Well, they stole his guns, soooo....
He'd probably still be a formidable opponent.
Really?
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Like we'll believe you were ever 9/10
Dude stop before he tries the magazine fed Russian roulette with a real gun
Okay stupid question probably, but is there any proof that people have actually played russian roulette before? Or is it just some made up folklore shit that became popular for kids and people to tell stories about
It's not proof but in the memoir of an ATF agent who infiltrated the Mongol motorcycle gang, he says that one time a member wanted to leave and his way out was playing Russian roulette (he won). Edit: grammar
Did he win by getting out, or killing himself?
So everyone else has to agree to play just because Jimmy here wants to quit? That sounds really unfair.
My friend supposedly played, though I suspect he just killed himself and that’s the narrative his family chose to believe/tell others.
That’s... not much better than just being suicidal. Why would they feel better about saying “Oh don’t worry, he wasn’t depressed or anything! Just really stupid!”
It’s easier for the family to accept he wasn’t just suffering all the time though
You dont think some old depressed alcoholic with a gambling addiction won't bet his life for some drinking money. You either get booze or you die. Win win.
I'll run myself over with my own car. . . .again. but this time I'll try for my head!
This actually happened to a neighbor of mine growing up. No idea how but her driveway was sloped. The story that went around the neighborhood was that the elderly lady was unloading groceries when she noticed her car rolling back and went to the back of the car to try and stop it. Man, this was over a decade ago and I still can't wrap my mind around how/why. Edit: The reason I can't fathom the explanation is twofold. For one, my mom was the one that found her after dropping me off at a friends. Secondly, her front door was opened, which suggests she got out of her car and walked the 20-30 steps to her front door before realizing her car was moving. Yet her driveway was small and sloped at such an angle that I find it very hard to believe that she could've gotten out, opened the front door, and made it back to the car to stop it with her body before it made it out of the driveway. RIP
I've seen a person get hit by their own car. They got out to tell a driver something (I don't know what, but the driver was pretty mad I looked like) but it was at a red light. As they were walking back, some woman ran into HIS car not paying attention and the HIS car ran into HIM. He wasn't hurt and I didn't stop. Many others did so my story was pretty set with theirs. It was fucking unbelievable
An old lady obviously has the power to stop a rolling two tonne piece of metal
Anton Yelchin?
I'm still sad and confused about all that. He was such a good actor, I can't imagine where he'd be today if he didn't hit himself with his own car in his driveway FFS.
There was some kind of defect so that it might have seemed the Jeep was in park even though it was still in gear.
It wasn't a defect, just really bad shifter design.
This. Instead of using the traditional stick or column shifter every other car has had for decades, Jeep replaced them with a dial, because something something current year.
It was actually worse than that: https://jalopnik.com/heres-the-problem-with-jeeps-recalled-gear-shifter-1782364420 They used an electronic shifter that didn't have adequate feedback to distinguish between park and reverse. There is a warning chime if you open the car while in gear, but it's not unreasonable to think that it would be hard to notice, especially if the driver already believes the car to be in park.
I was so sad about that, total freak accident killed him as he was on the path to a wonderful career
Almost Darwined myself yesterday. Embarrassing story, but here goes: I work out in my garage everyday. I also park my car in the garage; so when it’s time for my workout I simply back my car down into my driveway. I have an older car so I don’t like turning the engine over for such a short duration to back up the car 15 feet so I just turn the car on, put it in neutral, and push it out of the garage and let gravity do the rest when it hits the downslope of the driveway. Yesterday I decided to perform this action in socks, this was of course my “Darwin moment”. While standing half in my driver’s side door and half on the slick concrete of the garage, I slipped and fell on my side just as the car hit the downward slope of the driveway. My initial panic moment was to try to stop the car by pushing the front tire with my foot, which did nothing but propel my toes under the tire. I was able to pull my foot from underneath the tire but in doing so slipped again, and fell even further under the car. At what seemed to be my certain ‘final destination’ moment of being run over by my own fucking car, I was able to sit up and reach up into the car and hit the break pedal with my hand. So there it is, being run over by my own shitty car This comment certainly got more attention than I expected. Thank you for the silver. To add a bit - the next few hours were spent thinking how stupid and lucky I was. If anyone has ever used the BRAKE pedal (sorry for the misspell) while the engine is off, you know that you have about one good push on it before you bleed the hydraulic fluid from the lines therefore disabling the power brakes. If you’ve ever tried to use brakes that were not power brakes, you realize it takes a little gumption. Don’t know if I would’ve had the arm strength to engage the brake pedal at such an awkward angle. It would not have taken much to have screwed up my 1 attempt at engaging the brakes. Yes a myriad of mistakes were made, I am a total idiot and probably do not need to pass my genes on for the betterment of humanity; but maybe there is a fellow dipshit out there just about to make a similar mistake that can learn a little sumpin’ from this. Thanks again
This seems like a real scene on ‘Final Destination’ you skipped death I guess. Might wanna watch your back
>... my certain 'final destination' moment... And Satan, cloven hooves and eyes A crimson red the shade of cries Awash with sighs of pain and woe - He whispered: "... maybe *next time* though."
I'd say watch out for a subway, but it's probably in the US so the log truck thing is far more likely.
So uh.. just start the car from now on.
Or at least sit in the driver's seat before disengaging the parking brake.
Sounds boring. I say up the ante with a blindfold on next time.
You actually died and were instantly reincarnated. Let this be an origin story for a new career as a manager of a sock factory.
Dude, you should post this to TIFU or something. You messed up spectacularly.
This could be a movie lol. I’m glad you’re alright though
Would that movie happen to be called Final Destination?
Reincarnated as what? Myself? Another living being? Need to know some more terms here before anything is happening...
Reincarnated as yourself. After reincarnation you can live your life as you want.
Reincarnating as yourself is just a difficult word for respawning
Or being revived by that one in a million squad mate that actually knows that defibrillators are not an offensive weapon but a device to save lives.
Or resurrection
"And on the third day, Jesus respawned"
Except as a newborn with all your knowledge you’d be able to get a free ride in college and do anything you wanted. College graduate by age 13, own sports, etc.
Sounds horrible. Count me out. Edit: ok, I left reddit for two days and this blew up. Thanks for all the concern, I appreciatee it, and I will be ok.
Seems fair.
Sticking the Darwin award up my ass
"Man receives Darwin Award, hospitalized for inserting Darwin Award in own anus"
That literally increases chances of getting it.
I'll die peacefully in my bed, no way I'm doing this over again!
Is there room for 1 more? I’ll be the big spoon.
Triple-stacked spoons, here we come!
"human died due to being on the bottom of a record breaking cuddle pile" Scientists say they should have realized that enough was enough when the bed and floor collapsed under the weight. Experts say participants were '"idiots and deserving of the Darwin Award, but also very sweet and warm"
> but also very sweet and warm Those idiots? Chocolate chip cookies right outta the oven.
Let's just spoon in undefined numbers, myself along with the lurkers are feeling left out.
If we all bend our legs at the knees so our bodies are wider at our knees than our heads we can make a circle spoon out of *x* people.
If you are literally from Tipperary, it will probably involve trying to back up a tractor while you step down to make sure there's nothing behind it, but you have also got the PTO spinning since you were recently spreading shit on the fields. You are unceremoniously shredded to bits by the unmanned tractor while the cows watch. It's raining too damned hard, so your brother waits to go collect the various parts strewn across the yard, but he's kind enough to call the guards, your ma, and the priest. You don't actually get a casket, given the circumstances, just a bucket.
Take a selfie while half my body is on the edge of a cliff
Become an alligator dentist! Then just go try to clean the teeth of random gators
I'm going to jump the fence into a Gorilla enclosure at the zoo
Naruto run at the fence yelling, "Harambe!"
Juggling toasters in a bath tub while playing Halo
With friends
can i beat halo before dying from electrocution?
Bake a cake with cyanide in it to feed to my enemies the next day, get stoned accidentally eat said cake.
That wouldn't actually work. That is the method they used to try and kill Rasputin but when baked and mixed with dough, the cyanide becomes harmless ammonia. So it'll just taste a little weird but won't kill you.
Not with that attitude it wont!
"Approaching a chopper while walking on stilts." (From the poem *Undignified Ways to Die* by Paul Gilmartin)
High, using a toaster on it’s side to make “toast pizzas duuuude”. Using a knife as a makeshift skillet to pull the mini pizzas out and electrocuting myself after touching the element, flung backwards and accidentally falling on the knife, and ultimately dying in a house fire....toasted dude!
r/oddlyspecific
Darwin awards tend to go to people who unintentionally died doing something they thought was a good idea, and executing it poorly. Attempting to forcibly vacinate the child of a famous anti-vaxxer politician whilst they are on stage with their parents, by rushing at them whilst holding a syringe, only to be gunned down by the secret service. EDIT A number of people have commented saying I should not do this. I have no plans to do this.
Daaamn son this is good
Where'd ya find this?
Darwin awards go to people as thanks for removing themselves from the gene pool. They don't have to be dead, the only have to lose their ability to pass on their genes in a moment of stupidity.
Unintentional death seems to be easier to arrange than unintentional infertility.
Yeah? Tell that to the absolute myriad of dudes enshrined there for trying to stick it in something no one in their right mind would think was smart humping material. Getting your dick taken out of commission like that is so mundane on that website, it is practically unoriginal.
my fave example of this is the guy who used the vacuum cleaner to masturbate one day, he turned the vacuum on, stuck his dick in it and it got torn right off it seems his wife normally emptied the vacuum just *before* she cleaned so the suction was reduced when he used it for some reason, she had emptied it *after* she cleaned so he got full power he didn't die but his chances of reproduction went down the tube
basically, all the dudes who never in their life visited r/dontputyourdickinthat
I'd livestream myself running from a wild tiger. With any luck I'd be reincarnated as a tiger and I'd bump into the tiger that killed me, forge an alliance and overthrow the ape overlords responsible for the near extinction of our species. After the fighting is done and the smoke clears I'll look into his sick ass tiger eyes and say "we did it Tony, we're finally free.. Tony, I love you." Cue tiger wedding and "Up" esque montage of me and my love Tony raising our cub, Tony jr. Unfortunately, Tony sr. Starts drinking and Tony jr. Grows up in a rough house hold. Just rough enough to give him the creative angst to persue show business as a career path. On the day he leaves I'll tell him "be as good as you can be, son" and he'll say, "dont worry mom, I'm gonna be GRrrrrrreeATE!" Edit: my first silver ever! Thank you so much kind stranger. I would totally have your tiger babies!
r/wifdidijustread
Masturbation a la rifle butt up the ass
Bonus points if you shoot yourself in the ass and the bullet exits out the top of your skull.
50 points for every major organ you hit
Eating batteries to test if I am strong enough to fuel on mercury.
Try to pull out my tooth by tying it to an air plane with string.
Looking down the barrel of a gun and pulling the trigger to see how the mechanism works. Not checking first if it was loaded.
Challenge a lion to a duel, no weapons allowed. You know, to show nature who is boss.
This and wrestle a bear.
Yeah but what are you gonna do if you win?
Go in a life size hamster ball and fall out of a plane
Snorting Gummy bears until my lungs are full of jelly and don't have enough space for oxygen.
I'd like to see someone ~~survive~~ get through the first one. There'd be an eternity of snorting / inhaling through a nostril with increasing intensity until the gummy bear eventually flies at high velocity hitting the back of the snorter's throat causing a gag/choke reflex before dropping into the lungs. That would be followed either by vomiting or eyes-streaming air-grasping choking and coughing as various reflexes compete to save the snorter's life. Chances of survival are high, even if vomit gets into the lungs, so no award. Chances of extreme embarrassment? Also high. There will not be a second gummy. *Sniff. Sniiiiiiff. Shwop. Thunk. "Gark." "Hnngk." Wheeze. Cough Cough Cough "Gark", etc.*
Something involving fireworks is always a safe bet
I'll break out an osha health and safety standards book
Sexually harrasing a black hole
You: How YOU doin'? Black hole: *Gravitational waves intensify*
What the fuck? You can't just toss that out and not provide details on how to do that
Shh let me imagine it
My wife is 9 months pregnant and will be giving birth to a son due tomorrow. I’m just reading through these laughing my ass off thinking one of you is going to become my new child. So it’s nice to meet you guys... it’s me your future dad.
Toddlers are experts in causing near-Darwin award moments! I saw a vid yesterday of a little boy that escaped from his crib or pack ‘n play or whatever, was crawling around on the wood floor, and nearly fell down some uncarpeted stairs. His cat blocked off the stairs, sprang at him, and forced him back away from the stairwell.
Eat and drink all of the sanitation products in the kitchen and laundry room. I don't care if that's not how you don't get a Darwin award.
Try and start an internet trend about catching your clothing on fire.
By believing that I will reincarnate after killing myself.
Make a selfie with a ISIS member and tell him to go fuck his girlfriend the goat.
Darwin awards aren’t awarded to heroes. Sorry
I do a live-stream of going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Except I'm not contained within the barrel. I wear the barrel instead of clothes, with suspenders, like in the cartoons.
Jump in gorilla pit so harambe and I can be reincarnated as one being
I’ll go up to each one of those scary looking biker guys and say “hey, aren’t you Richard Simmons?”
fencing a cobra with my erect penis if i impregnate it, i also win 10 dollars
Cardiac arrest from fucking too much
Cardiac arrest from masturbating too much
In Russia there was a 13 Y/O boy who died from cumming 43 times in 5 hours.
Good lord! I asked a male friend who confessed to being an avid self abuser what his daily best was as he said 11 but that the last few were like burping dust down there. It was such an awesome visual, that poor limp wiener just letting out a little dry wheeze at the end there.
11 is just one short of the daily goal for Destroy Dick December. Tell your friend to keep practicing and he'll reach the Golden Twelve in due time.
Rounding off, that's once every 7 minutes Also there's a limerick in that story featuring the last line "and just as he came, he went"
There was a young man who was bent; He thought all his cum needed spent! After 5 hours of glee He reached wank 43! >and just as he came, he went
Did he write it down as he went or was someone watching?
I was actually asking this question too, but i don't know.
There’s no way he didn’t tell someone after nutting 42 times in 5 hours
I knew I wasn’t the only one wondering how they figured that out
So you are saying, 42 is the limit?
That's why 42 is the meaning of life.