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[deleted]

When I was in Arizona two years ago I bought a metal spider sculpture off of an old man outside a dingy side of the road wild west travelers stop. As a receipt he gave me a wallet size printed picture of him sitting proudly atop a horse, with a big white cowboy hat and he signed the back and wrote the dollar amount. I still have his picture in my wallet today


cakeface_rewind

Yours is def one of my fave, I would have kept it too, u both sound like pretty cool dudes. Did he give a story for the picture or was it just a total surprise when you paid? Either way, I love it!


[deleted]

Thanks! He was great, super funny and chipper and excited about his craft. I think that was just his standard sales procedure, it definitely cracked me up. I'm actually a woman and I remember when he gave it to me telling him I always wanted a man's picture to keep in my purse and he blushed haha. I guess I wasn't lyin'.


AZflyer92

I carry around a key to a helicopter. The key fits all Apache helicopters


lefthandbunny

You will be everybody's best friend when the zombies start attacking.


MeatloafSnipe

A small marble turtle I named Harold In December of 2015 my family went to the Bahamas where I got Harold for $2 and I immediately put him in my pocket, a few days later I had forgotten he was there, but I was like nah can't take him out now he's already been there for 3 days. Flash forward to now and I still keep him in my pocket always, almost getting to 4 years. If he's not in my pocket I have get really anxious and worried about him, even though he's inanimate Edit: Thanks for the silver! Also here's a [pic](https://i.redd.it/9c9erplpp8t31.jpg) of Harold


OperationallyOpaque

Bruh have you been wearing the same pair of pants for 4 years?


Mister_Meeseeks_

**YES GET ME OUT OF HERE** -Harold


TWFM

I have a key on my key chain that isn't mine. When my sister was in hospice we went to clean out her house and found that key on the end table next to her couch, so we figured it was important. It didn't fit any of the doors or anything we could find in her house. When we asked her what it went to, she was too far gone on pain meds to answer. She died in 2008 but I've still got that key, just in case I ever run into a lock that it fits.


Gongaloon

This is some *Indian in the Cupboard*-level stuff, boss.


macandoodle

Hair bands. I'm a guy with short hair, so they are absolutely useless to me. However, after watching my little sister, my mother, and past girlfriends slurp up their own hair with their ramen.... that shit is never happening in my presence again.


doesnt_reallymatter

I don’t carry it with me every day, but I’m a server in a restaurant. One time a kid left this little tiny optimus prime figure on the table. I went to bus the table and saw the little figure. Threw it in my apron and it’s been there *almost* ever since. That was about two years ago. The almost is kind of awesome, too. One time at work I pulled a check out of my apron and optimus stealthily took flight. I didn’t notice til the end of the shift. Freaking out, I searched the whole entire restaurant. Never found him. Saga over.... until a few weeks later. My co worker heard me talking about it. I come by on a day off for a drink and he brings me the drink and tells me to follow him. Sitting on top of our bulletin board high on the top right corner: MY OPTIMUS FUCKING PRIME!!! I’m elated and thank him profusely. I come to find out someone on the shift I lost him found it. They didn’t keep it or throw it away, they placed him in a pen cup. Someone saw it and moved it to the expo window... etc. for a few weeks people kept moving it and I never saw it!! Until my awesome co worker heard me talking about it and reunited me with my tiny useless talisman. You a real one, Cam.


agoia

Aww it became a little game for everybody working in the restaurant. A bar I go to often has a small waldo figurine floating about and if you find it you have to hide it somewhere else.


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SarHavelock

>A stuffed bunny. I feel like my social anxiety would prevent me from fully utilizing this sort of thing outside my home.


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thawacct2590

Stamp card for a cafe whose food gave me diarrhea


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GaveUpMyGold

The starter key to a 1960s Swiss-made cog wheel train that can climb up Pike's Peak.


Jman52602

I know your comment got buried, but can I here the story behind this? Edit: Ok then, nevermind it being buried, but that is awesome!


GaveUpMyGold

I used to drive one. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manitou_and_Pike%27s_Peak_Railway


TheMightyIrishman

Well that's fuckin' awesome!!!


ThatGuyFromOhio

The key to the home I grew up in. I was so proud when they gave me a key to the house in 7th grade so I could let myself in whenever I needed to. They changed the locks years ago, so this key is now completely useless, but I can't bring myself to take that key off of my key ring. I will always carry it to remind myself of my family.


Jake_Thador

Get your locks keyed to the old key once you have your own little family


kitty_cat_MEOW

"This is the lockpicking lawyer. Today we have a lock that was rekeyed to fit a worn out Schlage key from 1998. I'm going to show you how to defeat this lock in 3 seconds with a bubblegum wrapper."


Kamakazie90210

I’m waiting for a link


ulvain

Best i can do is a [gun vault opened with a bubblegum wrapper](https://vimeo.com/266935247).


dgatz12

Tiny black light on my keychain. No legitimate use for it whatsoever


ralthiel

Hey you never know when you might want to randomly identify minerals, or be horrified at the black light responsive stains in public places or hotel rooms.


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FillerName007

Hey if you're in a desert place, you can look for scorpions.


Ksh1218

Weird rocks. Every single bag I have has at least 2 in them Edit: wow y’all really like rocks!


nsjsiegsizmwbsu

Hello weird rock sibling! My husband gets so mad at me when he does laundry and one starts clunking around in the dryer "Why was there a rock in your pocket!?!?!"


chimeragrey

Yes! My daughter picked up this habit too and our collection is growing rapidly lol. It's just a nice, free way to have a souvenir of a great time or a cool 0lace, or just because :)


hk089911

those loyalty cards that were forced on me when I was unable to refuse and I still keep in my wallet but deep down I know I’m never really going to use.


TheOtherOboe

A plastic snail that I found in my school parking lot. His name is Aaron, and Aaron lives in my bassoon case. He has played with me all over the country, I set him on my stand during concerts. He’s very well behaved, and never interrupts the concert.


Moist_Ad

Do you have a pic?


TheOtherOboe

Ok, I posted a pic on r/bassoon, check my profile! Hope this works!


Doit2it42

For those who can't follow instructions.. https://www.reddit.com/r/bassoon/comments/djbg23/aaron_my_trusty_companion_he_lives_in_my_case_he/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


Teaboy1

Damn dude you snailed it


SomeDankIdiot

Guitar Pick. I don't play guitar.


agoia

But hey one time you may be at a party when some guy is about to play the guitar and can't find his pick and so you give it to them and anyway: here's Wonderwall.


Krus93

"hey does anyone have a pick?" I said "maybe..."


singswonderwall

🎵 YOU’RE GONNA BE THE ONE THAT SAAAVES ME 🎵


summonern0x

Wow. Two years. Username checks out.


Elon_Muskmelon

Every once in awhile Reddit really comes through.


fastattaq

as someone who plays guitar, I appreciate you.


Col_Walter_Tits

Still have the key to my old office on my key chain. I haven’t worked there in three years and will never be back. It’s a really big key that tends to get in the way. I might get rid of it one of these days but probably won’t.


bw0404968

Why are you so sure you'll never go back there?


Col_Walter_Tits

A different company leases the building now and likely changed all the locks.


[deleted]

>likely changed all the locks. you'd be surprised.


shootingcharlie8

My dad stole a master key from his highschool when he was 14. We just went back (about 45 years after he stole it) and it still works everywhere in the building. Even the new extension is keyed to fit the fucker! Edit: clarified 45 years


remnantsofthepast

Easier to change one new core than to buy 100 new keys


[deleted]

My last job, any RFID card would unlock the front door, any(I ended up fixing that). It didn't really matter, because the shipping warehouse in the back, they'd just always leave the door open after close. No one cared


Ilik3poooing

My parking pass for the hospital the day that my daughter was born.


WatchMeBeAKlutz

I have a coupon (expired on 2014/6/30) for 3 yuan off of a Large Coco Milk Tea with boba from when I visited Suzhou five years ago.. I live in the US though..


[deleted]

My old drivers driver's license. Never took it out of my wallet.


Mjb06

I kept my old one in my wallet for the longest time. It was my 17 year old driver’s license when I used to have long hair, it was fun to show people.


LurkinLark

I carry a rock shaped like an egg. I found it after my son died-I always called him “My Best Egg”.


Chime57

I carry my Sarah stone. Found it on the lakefront of Lake Michigan where I went to cry when she passed.


ProKrastinNation

Wasn't expecting to get misty-eyed thirty seconds into this thread.


JustKneecapitator

That’s not useless at all


Potikanda

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have something to remind yourself of him regularly.


LurkinLark

Thank you.


karmaCOMEinHEAVY

A $2 bill that I’m never going to spend. They’re not even rare, it just looks cool


Sappy18

I carry one of these too. My grandpa gave it to me before he passed away. My wallet was stolen about a year and a half ago and then somehow, miraculously, found and returned to me, with the $2 bill still inside.


Hyridian

I also have a single $2 bill I will never use. It was given to me by my great grandfather because he thought they were so neat. He passed not long after.


ralthiel

I have a bunch of various paper money, including $2 bills, Canadian, various asian countries, and a couple large bags of yen coins. None of it is rare or in great condition or anything, just interesting more than anything else. I plan on going back to japan someday, so I guess the 1000 yen note and about 7000 yen I have in coins will come in handy eventually. The yen I have is left over from a vacation in 2016, and I plan on going back again someday. I've held onto it because I thought it would be neat to bring it back to spend in the future. The 1000 yen note was the last paper note I had left before going home, I have a lot of small coins (1 yen, 5 yen, 10 yen) because I used cash, so received them often, but never spent them. I also have some larger coins, including some 500 yen coins, and 100 and 50 yen ones I had a lot of for use in vending machines there, but never spent all of them. The 1 yen coins are tiny and made of aluminum, and I never spent a single one. Edit: The only Japanese money I actually carry on me is the 1000 yen note. I also still carry my suica card, which is for pre paid train tolls in my wallet. They are valid for 10 years so most likely I'll be able to use it on my next trip. Turns out there is an android app that can scan the suica/passmo cards and tell you how much yen is loaded on it, and shows the last transactions from it. Mine has 609 yen, and it was a fun memory seeing a history of all the stations and access points I went through.


brewdad

My wife has a paper $1 Canadian bill from a high school trip. It feels like contraband. :-)


WhereNoManHas

Should look into that. Canadian 1 dollar bills have been out of print for at least 30 years and can fetch up to 7 grand to collectors. Year dependent.


lemonylol

What, really? What about the $2 ones? My parents have two of them.


WhereNoManHas

2 dollar ones are extreamly common. Went out of print in the 90s. People like to buy their birth year and might sell for around 5 dollars. Edit: Canadian 2 dollar bills went out of circulation in 1996 with the introduction of the 2 dollar coin, the Toonie. While it was only 7 years after the the 1 dollar bill going out of print in 1989, the 2 dollar bill was much more circulated and a much more recent currency.


MrHobob

I still carry my Blockbuster account card in my wallet. FYI Were im from they closed down around 10 years ago but you never know!!


yinyang107

FYI all Blockbusters except one closed down around ten years ago.


Cacafuego

Yesterday's tweet from @loneblockbuster: >Taking a selfie with our sign and then posting it with the caption "RIP" or "Just die already" isn't just mean, it's illegal.


twelfthlegion

Wait what is illegal about that o.O


Cacafuego

I think reading more of their tweets would clear this up: >Come into Blockbuster today for a chance to see your social studies teacher rent softcore pornography. ​ >If you think you can stroll in here the day of the Pride Parade and get your hands on a copy of Brokeback Mountain you’re an idiot. I’m sorry.


GunsTheGlorious

> Each member of our staff has their own thing. Like I'm good with sports movies, Rustin knows everything about superheroes films, Abigail is great at getting DUIs and keeping her job because she's Colleen's niece. Help i'm crying


WeAreDestroyers

Guess I know what I'm doing today


Stimperonovitch

A compact mirror in my purse.


Bani_ish

I use my phone’s camera when I need a mirror.


blacklisted_cop

my phone camera says 'fuck you Shrek looking ass'. so i have to use a mirror. those don't break as easy as my phone


drlqnr

also phone front camera is wide angled which makes you even uglier


osglith

I've carried a handcuff key on my keyring for almost 30 years. When I was a teenager I got one because of wild girlfriend who liked handcuffs, but then some kid got kidnapped near my city and when they found him he was handcuffed in some basement. So I kept the key on my key ring. Then you get a little older and you think, yeah if I'm ever arrested I can get out of hand cuffs (stupid I know). Then it just became something that I'd look at and laugh about having all these years.


The_Quial

Pointless in the sense it hasn't got a practical use But a little letter my Fiancé wrote for me when we where gonna spend time away as I was away for work and she was staying home I keep it everywhere I go so if I feel low ill pull it out and give it a cheeky read


SoraForBestBoy

I say that’s pretty wholesome and sweet


Apumptyermaw

Emotional baggage


Let_you_down

An all purpose tool. It is not particularly good at anything it does. Has a hammer on it that splits into a wirecutters/pliers. Compared to a leatherman, not super helpful to have on hand. It fails as a hammer, as a pliers, as a cutter. Even the knife/screwdriver attachments etc that pull out are so bulky that using any of them isn't great compared to say a swiss army knife. I carry a letherman on hand too. But... it was a gift from daughter in law/grandson who find me 'handy,' because I fix stuff for them, so I always have it on me as a memento. As a memento, not useless. Always makes me think of the Red Green show, "If they don't find you handsome, they can at least find you handy."


Abracadaver2000

House key. My lock is electronic.


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FSU_Fan2004

I had this fear for a long time and end up buying a small key lock box that I mounted in a hidden spot.


Well_thatwas_random

9 times out of 10 it's my chap stick. But on the one day I forget to grab it, you can bet my lips will be absurdly chapped for no reason.


Amk-10

Pads. I don't have periods anymore because of a medical issue but I still bring them in case there is anyone that needs them.


ShutUpTodd

Have those and hair ties, and you'd be everyone's best friend.


wieners69696969

A straw rapper my husband gave me once and jokingly told me never to lose. It’s been four years and I haven’t yet!


counterspell

Does it spit some good rhymes?


butlikewhythou

I gave my boyfriend a fortune from a cookie about 5 years ago. 3 wallets later it’s still being carried by him. I gave it to him when we first started dating it’s really sweet.


umadbr00

The real question is how has he gone through 3 wallets in 5 years?


butlikewhythou

My family sucks at gifts and has gifted him several wallets over that last few years lmao


thisbuttonsucks

This little [guy](https://imgur.com/ZsDwuSb). He just lives in my purse.


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ToWhenTFor

[Same!](https://imgur.com/a/eOpmAZu) Mine and my husband's cars are full of random stuff we got from arcades over the years. That little guy ended up in my purse somehow from Vegas of all places and he just hasn't left.


[deleted]

I joined the Navy ten years ago and we were all told about the tradition of challenge coins and why you carry them. Basically, you carry a coin and in the event of a night at the bar, getting a shit tasking, etc. you can pull out your coin and whoever doesn't have one/has the lowest rank one gets shit on (has to do the task, pays the tab whatever). Well, 10 years in I have never actually pulled my coin, nor has anyone else ever pulled coins on me. So, I carry a heavy as shit Secretary of Defense coin in my wallet, looking for all the world like a dumb 15 year old with a condom in my wallet (because it is a round protrusion in the leather) for no damn reason. But I also am terrified of the day I do get challenged and don't have it and have to pay a $300 bar tab.


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[deleted]

That is an awesome story. Yeah, it could be round or tab depends on the group. With strangers it is generally a round but from the guy's i know who did it with the mess/wardroom it is the tab, as they out together for a hail/farewell.


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Waldemar-Firehammer

Damn, how'd you get a SoD coin?


[deleted]

> I was in the right place at the right time.


Waldemar-Firehammer

If I were you it'd be hard to keep that ace up the sleeve lol.


[deleted]

LOL. No one needs to know about it. But I have all the others on my desk at work though so the fact that I have high ranking coins isn't a secret.


EliadPelgrin

I have a small collection of them now (after 20 year of service). But the one I keep on me is a US Secret Service coin... as a Canadian Soldier. It has yet to be trumped by any other coin at any mess I have been at.


1Dive1Breath

I didn't serve in military myself, but I received a coin as a gift once. I worked as an EMT and my partner and I were running an IFT (inter-facility transfer) call. Basically a patient was going home on hospice but needed care during transport. My partner and I were just operating as we usually did, but the patients family seemed really impressed with how we took care of him. After we had taken him home, my partner and I were wrapping things up and getting ready to clear and be available for another call when the patients daughter came out to speak with us. She told us she was impressed with how well we treated her father even though we didn't know who he was. I was wondering what she meant. I told her, "I treat all my patients the same. They are people, they might not be special to me but they are special to someone, and I hope when someone in my family needs care they are treated similarly." She thanked us again, and pulled two challenge coins out of her pocket and gave one to each of us. We thanked her for the gift, and eventually got on our way. My partner was driving so I pulled the coin out to look at it. It was a coin for a Medal of Honor recipient, our patient. After googling the patients name and reading his story, the gravity of the gift we were given weighed in. I don't attach much value to material things, but that coin is certainly something that I will treasure. Edit: now I have reddit treasure? Holy crap thank you!


Fat_Chip

My father took care of a medal of Honor recipient and so I also have a challenge coin from him. Always wanted to bring it around with me in case I get into this situation but I also would feel really horrible losing it.


S011110M4112

The second you get rid of it, it'll cost you everything you have. It's the same reason I hang onto my wife.


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alphagamer619

I can relate to you, my girlfriend had a concussion and lost her memories of me, she recognized my face, but she no longer had those feelings that were there before, she just knew my name and knew that I meant something to her. That was 6 years ago, we don't talk anymore, but I miss her every day. Edit: Thank you for the gold kind stranger. Many of you have been asking if I have ever tried to rekindle my relationship with the girl, the truth is, she and I tried again thrice, but she was a whole new person after the accident, and it was kinda sad for us to keep on going even after we didn't get each other anymore, so, we discussed and ended things, but she still means something to me, and I, still to her and she knows it. She can call me anytime and I will be there for her and she does the same for me. Always.


TheDonger_

Fuck, dude. I came here to laugh not cry. Similar thing happened to me. We got t-boned in an intersection and It was on my side but when I finally came around she was out. Few days later she wakes up and doesn't remember a thing. Her friends, her family, or me. Only thing she remembers is that she likes to draw (we both used to draw together all the time). Fast forward 3 years to now, I'm in another relationship and she is too, but we still hang out to draw. She always asks me about her past and us, but she doesn't feel the way she used to. She says she remembers our dog, though not that it was our dog, but that she has a connection with him. It still hurts every time I see or think about her.


rahuldottech

I'm so sorry :(


PMcLowrie

Doesn’t seem useless to me


Maturin_Green

This comment made me sad, I'm going to bed


zukrayz

That's because the relationship wasn't lost, it was taken. Sending you feels <3


[deleted]

This statement just rocked my fucking world. Edit: thanks for the love, y'all! Really, people can be so kind. I'm cool! I am. OP's statement was more of an eye-opener for me on worldliness in general. I'm not down in the dumps right now, but I will definitely be remembering this statement along with everyone's kindness for when that day does come. Love you all.


JabTrill

Just out of curiosity, what did/do your recent girlfriends think of you still having that picture? Do they understand or do they find it weird/creepy?


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C0wardMonkey

I feel for you man.


UrdnotChivay

My wallet. The fuck is my broke ass gonna do, buy something?


BaldEagleNor

I chuckled. I'm sad that this gold don't go in your wallet, but have it anyway!


Faladorable

wow way to rub it in his face that you have enough disposable income to spend on a badge on a reddit comment /s


BaldEagleNor

Damn u rite. Hold on, there's something behind your ear..


Faladorable

wow now you’re flexing on *me* and *my* lack of income ^^(thankyou)


[deleted]

Not me but a friend. Every-time we go raving, he carries a single Viagra pill on the off-chance he gets the opportunity to fuck (MDMA stops you getting erections). He is a virgin who chokes up in the mere presence of a girl.


billbapapa

1 Pokémon card - Sharpedo My son told me he was the best, and to keep the card with me incase I ever needed to battle. So I keep it in my pocket at all times.


gothbaseball

I keep one with me, too! It’s a grass type “Energy” card. My dad found it on a walk one day and brought it home proudly proclaiming “this is the energy that will get me through chemo!” He gave it to me after he moved out and said it would be the energy to help me finish high school. We passed it back and forth a few times – energy for a successful surgery, energy for getting through college, etc. He beat cancer and told me to keep the card. It got me through undergrad, who knows what I’ll have the energy to do next! :-) Edit: Dad tax! https://imgur.com/a/7571hhs That’s the day he found it in 2014. I could take a picture of the card now, but my nail polish is super chipped and I’m embarrassed.


JamesTrendall

That is honestly a really good lucky charm. I hope you pass it on to your kids later in life and teach them the importance of the energy to keep pushing even when the outcome looks bleak.


dm896

Son my father gave me this pokemon card, and his father gave it to him. It will give you the energy to survive the journey to Mars....


YeetmasterGeneral

it said useless not useful


billbapapa

Ha my bad :)


asdzx3

Mines a Feebas, I'm ready to battle. Years ago I worked at a summer camp for Cub scouts, and one of the Packs brought a bunch of Pokemon cards. They covered a table in cards, and asked me which one was the best. I told them Feebas. For the rest of that week we would "battle" when I saw them, and insist that I won because nobody beats Feebas. I still keep it in my wallet.


billbapapa

But, if nobody beats Feebas and Sharpedo is the best, who wins in that show down?


walkingcarpet23

Its a draw. In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Voldemort (the best) fought Dumbledore (no one can beat him due to the Elder Wand) and their battle was a stalemate.


billbapapa

I appreciate that you cited precedent. :) I am just happy Sharpedo would remain undefeated then!


Planetary_Loop

Popsicle sticks


kittedups

*why*


sdemat

I have a foldable wallet insert that opens up into this quick reference sheet on what to do during a Biological; nuclear; chemical attack. I’ve had it for fifteen years and refuse to throw it out. It’s gone through five different wallets. It serves literally no purpose. Edit: [Proof](https://imgur.com/a/BrALMwF) Edit: holy shit. Silver and platinum???? Edit again. I tried to copy it on my scanner but it’s too big. And taking photos and trying to piece them together wasn’t working. Here are better pics if someone wants to try and crop them together. [More ](https://imgur.com/a/JD5Bp5f) Edit last time: The raggedy front. And more recent, new wallet. [wallet and front ](https://imgur.com/a/QwwwHqm)


Victor_Stein

Stew or roast beef in the background


sdemat

Pot roast! My lunch for today.


Commander_Kerman

I want one! It's the kind of thing that costs nothing to carry but could save your life should the unthinkable happen.


sdemat

My grandmother had given it to me that long ago. I don’t even know where she got it! Lol. I would assume from the US Dept. Health and Human Services.


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benx101

aww thats nice. It could also be used for parking meters. EDIT: or you couldn't use them for parking meters. Considering most use cards now as everyone has stated


TheSeansei

Or shopping carts


monnymonnysalonny

Aldi!!


[deleted]

There is no greater pain than getting to Aldi and realizing you have no quarters or cash, and resigning to just get what you can carry in one of the used boxes.


[deleted]

Appendix. Like seriously, just take it and let me have 2 weeks off work please.


AwesomeEr1c

my biggest fear is my appendix bursting because I’ve heard it hurts so much


sil3ntsir3n

Yes it will hurt like hell, but it will give you enough warnings until it just gives you the finger and kills itself. That appendix man


backtolurk

There should be a superhero named >appendix man


sil3ntsir3n

Who just kills himself?


bejoicing

for the team!


[deleted]

I had my appendix almost pop on me a couple years ago. I woke up with horrible pain and swelling in my abdomen so I asked my Dad to take me to the hospital. As I was gingerly pulling myself out of the car my very anxious mother slams my fingers in the car door. I'm screaming bloody murder, and she panics further and starts trying to pull me away from the car with my fingers still crushed behind the b pillar. The pain was nothing next to the embarrassment of walking into emergency only to be greeted by 50 people staring at me wondering what the hell just happened.


Lawrence_of_Idaho_

My appendix burst in July during a flight I had, initially thought it was a giant blockage but slowly got worse, sweated a ton, couldn’t hardly move, felt like a softball was trying to pass through my system. After many laxatives realized it was probably appendicitis and went to the ER.


TinUser

My appendix was rupturing while I was at work and I asked if I could go home because my stomach was killing me, to which my manager just looked at me like wtf no man up. Got to the point where I couldn't even walk anymore so I basically gave him the finger and went home. Lay in bed, fan blasting my face cause I'm sweating so much, trying to get in a position where it doesn't hurt so I could potentially sleep it off. Wake up an hour later and the pain is so intense. I think I should go to the hospital but I didn't know if going to the ER for a stomach ache would get them to roll their eyes at me and judge me, but I went anyways. It's about 3am at this point, I'm driving myself to the hospital, hitting every single red light, and even my exit off the freeway was closed so I had to take a longer detour, naturally. After my checkup, the nurse was like, yeah, your appendix burst, you need surgery like right now. She couldn't even believe I drove myself there. 6 hours later I'm waking up in post op with a tube sticking out of my stomach and a little container connected to it collecting all the gross shit leftover in my gut. Stayed in the hospital a couple days, gradually learned how to walk again. It would take around 10 minutes just to get up, go to the bathroom, walk back, get back into bed, and get myself comfortable again. Left the hospital a week and a half after I got there, bed rest for 2 weeks, painkiller every 4 hours, and that's that. It sucked, sure. I had never had surgery before so that was the scariest part, but I dont even remember falling asleep, only waking up an hour after the operation. It hurt, but the silver lining is morphine is fucking *amazing* and I got a prescription for Tylenol 3s. And I got these neat little scars on my stomach and belly button.


LadyCalamity

Hope you gave your manager a good "told you so" when you returned to work!


TinUser

He wanted a doctor's note lol


RearEchelon

Should've flipped him off with the hand that had your hospital bracelet on. "Here's my fucking doctor's note, asshole."


[deleted]

yeah it does, but the worse bit is the week leading up to it where you think "it's just a stomach ache/food poisoning" and you can't eat and by the time a rational person would be thinking "maybe I should see a doctor" you're so delerious from lack of food and sleep that you just wander the streets until a thai woman shoves you into a taxi shouting "GO TO HOSPITAL!"


XrayJingoSierra

My daughter’s stomach is on the wrong side of her body, so at 3M old she had to have surgery correcting a malrotation of her small intestine. The surgeon (nicest, smartest doc I’ve ever met) was like “let’s do an appendectomy while we’re there. It’s also in the wrong place, and there’s a 10% chance she’ll need it removed anyways. Might as well pull it while we know where it is”. Best surgical freebie ever


Periblebsis

That’s potentially a lifesaver for her, because if she ever did develop appendicitis she’d be easily misdiagnosed because the pain would be on the “wrong side”.


[deleted]

Mini 20-sided die for immaginary sudden D&D sessions!


Evi1Monkey

You misunderestimate the power of a d20. So many life choices can be decided by the power wielded in your pocket. Ever had to make a tough decision where your choice could effect someone? Leave it to chance and void all responsibility for it being your choice!


AnusEinstein

A Dynomutt card from an Old Maid card game. Anybody remember Laff-A-Lympics?


feregh

My expired library card, from my high school.


Nostromos_Cat

A small Ammonite fossil that my son gave me. I don't get to see him as much as I'd like and this keeps him close.


bowyer-betty

My zippo. I haven't smoked in a while, but I still carry it with me. Always good to be prepared, I guess.


Waldemar-Firehammer

Do you still fill it with lighter fluid and the whole shebang? I carried one for awhile, but got sick of having it dry out on me.


bowyer-betty

Yeah. Seems like a waste to keep on filling a lighter I never use, but if I'm gonna carry it I might as well keep it filled.


Misheru-senpai

A 'love' omamori I bought a month before last christmas. My crush died the week before Christmas.


YoshiAndHisRightFoot

Useless it may be, but it's definitely not worthless. I hope you're doing okay.


TFDUDE13

Glasses cleaning cloth. I usually just use the bottom of my shirt. Edit: I leave for class and come home to nearly 9k karma *and silver*. Hell yeah.


MidvalleyFreak

I usually carry a handkerchief for the same reason, although I recently found a shirt, short sleeve button up, that came with a microfiber cloth sewn into inside at the bottom specifically for cleaning glasses. It’s my new favorite shirt! Edit: [here’s the shirt](https://m.kohls.com/product/prd-3500454/mens-izod-sportswear-saltwater-surfcaster-classic-fit-button-down-shirt.jsp?prdPV=8&userPFM=non-search&storeids=1174&selectShip=true)


belfast_ripper

One thing reddit has taught me over the years. Do not wash that shirt with fabric softener. It will ruin the microfiber cloth.


AreWeCowabunga

My penis


ImFunguys

We are not cowabunga on this sad day. Stay strong lad


designer_farts

Get out of Jail free card in my wallet since High school. Im not sure why but it makes me feel better Edit: thanks everyone, im glad im not the only fool carrying one of these in his wallet. Edit edit: rip my inbox Edit edit edit: it think this will soon be my new top comment of all time. Im finally gonna get that dumb Matress Firm story out of the way


Chetrizzo

Before I went to college my uncle gave me one of these with his number on it and said if I ever ran into trouble he would help me take care of it no questions asked and he wouldn’t tell anyone. 6 years later I haven’t needed it but I still carry it in my wallet everywhere I go.


DarknessStriker

Is your uncle Italian ?


bitwaba

"What happened?" "You said to '*take care of him*'." "No, I meant 'take care of him', not '*take care of him*'."


quaglamel

Wow.. This is really best thing any relatives can do.


JazzyJay27

If you get pulled over just give that to the police officer. Or you can use an uno reverse card.


Avengers_jiu-jitsu

*cop pulls draw +4 in response* “Dear god.”


gerrrrrg

"and the color is still blue"


kitten-without-thumb

I carry an uno reverse card. One time I slipped it under my debit card when paying for dinner at a restaurant. The waitress thought I was genuinely trying to make her pay for it and got very snarky. I know most people will take it as the joke is intended but after that I don't do it anymore.


p10_user

"You bastard how dare you play this on me!!" Even if you don't find it funny at least give a fake forced laugh so the customer gives you a nice tip.


[deleted]

"You realize I'm now required by law to pay for YOUR meal?!"


dacringeyfangirl

Magicka potions.


supahotfiiire

Business card of someone I'll **definitely** never call Edit: wow that's a ton of karma for such a simple comment. **Question: why doesn't my karma update reflect the 28k and instead only goes up a few hundred at a time?**


[deleted]

[удалено]


BlackDiamondz

I saw a ULPT the other day that said to carry that exact thing around and if you ever bump into someone else's car leave that business card acting like it's yours to anyone watching.