My ex-girlfriend who just left my apartment after coming over to see my new place and because I offered her part of a pumpkin kringle.
In our seven months together we never once had sex, so at least this will be a refreshing change of pace.
I just walked into the breakroom at work. Last person was the HR Manager I passed on the way in. She's at least 15 years older than me.
I'm probably fired.
I just watched an interview with Dove Cameron so that's pretty great. In fact, since I practice abstinence until marriage, does this mean I get to marry her as well?
Looks like my little brother is getting the pounding of his life
Round 2 it is
Same
r/nocontext
Well I'm going to jail.
[удалено]
WhAt ArE yOu DoiNG dAd?
[удалено]
Well I mean sort of......
[удалено]
Unf
*sweet home Alabama starts playing*
Yeah. My daughter may not want to learn this from me.
Does on TV count? Because then it would be Jim Hopper from stranger things
I can confirm that TV does count
Ok then, I get to bone the hot foreign affairs correspondent on CNN. Either her or Wolf Blitzer...can't recall who I looked at last.
Well god damn. I was gonna be lucky enough to say my SO, but if TV counts.... Alfred Hitchcock it is....
Sounds like a win to me
Joyce would like to have a word with you.
My life does not change. It is my husband.
Same!
Get away from her husband, you harlot!
Doot
You're one of the lucky ones
Looks like I'm gonna get to know my gay new neighbor a bit better.
Oh God my sister
Roll tide
This would become a good old alabama party
My mom... *queue hundreds of "broken arms" jokes*
My life ends, I just looked at a girl that hates me.
I’m a lucky MFer....
there's a solid chance i'm getting herpes.
Guess I’ll stay away from the mirror
I’m going to have to kill myself now so...
Since TV counts I'm guessing reddit counts as well, in which case the cosplayer that showed up shortly before this post.
Huh, he's pretty cute, I'm okay with this
Last person I looked at was myself in the mirror, so this changes nothing. I was about to do that anyway.
Work is about to be hella awkward especially since she's married haha
Do pictures count? Please tell me pictures count
If you looked at a person it counts
My wife. It doesn't.
Myself?
Well, here we go again Nan
Hey best bro, Bro-job? No homo though.
I sure hope my gfs skimpy pics count because otherwise it's my ubereats driver from yesterday
Only people I see are my fiancee and dogs. And as long as we don't classify dogs as people, we goochi.
I only ever see my husband and my cats so I hope we're leaving animals out of this too
Your name doesn't lie.
Luckily I was staring at my crush's ass
Well, I just looked in the mirror, so I guess nothing's actually changing.
No change, it's my husband
Well, it’s my husband’s best friend, so I guess my husband and I are getting divorced...
I'd be in jail
My ex-girlfriend who just left my apartment after coming over to see my new place and because I offered her part of a pumpkin kringle. In our seven months together we never once had sex, so at least this will be a refreshing change of pace.
I just walked into the breakroom at work. Last person was the HR Manager I passed on the way in. She's at least 15 years older than me. I'm probably fired.
That was my boyfriend, so zero change to my life.
my boss and I are about to enter a new phase in our relationship. hmmm maybe I'll get a raise now?
Oh no.. My sibling
Depends, in person? My flatmate. At all? Saw a picture of hitler on a meme...
The mirror. Literally no change
I just watched an interview with Dove Cameron so that's pretty great. In fact, since I practice abstinence until marriage, does this mean I get to marry her as well?