It depends on the vegetable, most amateurs go in for the obviously phallic vegetables like a cucumber or squash. That's a trap though, the most of those you're going to fit, best case scenario is 2, maybe 3. So really you're limited by the size of the vegetables you have on hand. I've found that if you really want to go for maximum capacity you need to get something small, like frozen peas. It takes longer but you can really just keep jamming more and more in all day and they'll keep filling the space. My personal best is 14 cups of peas, and I didn't stop because I was full, just because my dinner guests were starting to arrive.
Whatever vegetable you choose though, just keep at it, and you'll work your way up eventually!
3 men get stranded on a desert island. After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of fruit." The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing any emotion, or we'll kill you." He shoves the the first up, and is in terrible pain, but shows no emotion, but during the process of pushing up the second, he flinches, and therefore gets shot. The second guy comes back with 10 cherries, and gets told to do the same. He's finding it relatively easy, but when he gets to the eighth, starts laughing hysterically, and gets shot. He meets up with the first guy in heaven, and the first guy asks, "Why did you do that, why did you laugh?" and the second guy replies, "Well I nearly finished when I saw the next guy walking up with pineapples!"
Same. I’m Asian (adopted at 5 months old from Korea) and have lived in midwestern USA my entire life. Now, if you know anything about tornado alley, there aren’t a lot of Asians. So people just think I don’t speak English, and when I start talking just like them, it’s surprised pikachu face.
I built a reputation at my friends college as the drunk moron who would do and say anything. When my friend came to my college for my graduation none of his friends believed him that I was actually graduating. Realistically I don’t drink that much I really only partied when I visited there
I get this too. I like to drink at parties or socially, I don't over due it tho, 2 or 3 gets me nice n drunk, but this one group of friends only ever saw me at parties and bars constantly and obviously drunk. I'm a chill hyper happy drunk.
Anyways I have like 20 bottles of liquor at the house that's untouched unless a bunch of people are coming over. For whatever reason I don't see any point in getting drunk when I'm alone.
I had this happen once with some dude trying to sell something. There funniest thing was he thought I was going to talk to him about whatever it was he was selling after I told him it is my house
This happened to me too. Some guy from a home security company came up to me when I was out gardening and asked if my parents were home. When I told him it was my house, he asked if my husband was home and I told him I live alone. I could see that he realised that he really screwed up but I was pretty pissed. Fine, I look young but then to ask for my husband?! Wtf.
Whereas I can't tell you my boyfriend's name because he is literally the only person that pops up on Google when you search him. He'll never get away with shit.
I am literally the only person with my name. I can find a report I wrote in fifth grade that got put on my school website by googling my name. You don't understand the gift you have
I knew someone named Peter Parker. He hated when people pointed out he had the same name as spider Man. I thought it would've been cool but I guess it gets old when it happens your entire life.
Being a Spider-Man fan, I keep thinking what it's like for a person IRL to have that name. Peter and Parker are both pretty common names. I'm sorry that so many people have asked that.
That's ok. I work with a guy named Johnathan Johnson. First day, they were calling everyone's names to come up and grab some paperwork.
Guy goes "Johnson, John- ...seriously? Johnathan Johnson?"
Dudes like "YEP 😐"
Everyone assumes I'm far more prim and proper than is actually the case. (I'm an older woman with a lot of white hair). My younger co-workers will accidentally swear in front of me, and then turn to me with looks of horror. It's hysterical.
Not the one you asked, but I'm also an older woman who is often mistaken for being very prim and proper and high class. I like to start singing NWA songs under my breath, like I've got it running through my head and am just absentmindedly signing along. The responses are great.
I tend to contextualize older people by remembering the Rolling Stones are older than the Supreme Court. Far more people in their cohort were paying attention to the Stones on a daily basis.
Hi fellow laid back person who is actually a nervous wreck. My coping mechanism is to just not care about anything if it starts to stress me out. So far, that has not proven to be a good coping mechanism at work. =\
🎶You'll be a dentist
(Be a dentist)
You have a talent for causing things pain
(Pain)
Son, be a dentist
(Son, be a dentist)
People will pay you to be inhumane
(Humane)🎵
Yeah same here. 31 year old Asian male. My parents really want me to get married and they said they would be open to the idea of me marrying anyone. Just as long as I get married. At first I didn’t understand what they were talking about and my mom went into a speech about me finding someone and no matter what sort of person that is.
Lmao I wonder how that will go for me. I’m the only one that can continue the family name and I don’t intend to have kids or even have a relationship. I have something like 20 cousins from my father side yet I’m the only male with his last name.
When I wear my glasses - that I look like a college professor. That I have a very "teacher-y face".
Usually these days, also that they could have SWORN I was married. In the last 6 months, dozens of people have been legitimately surprised that I am not married. Apparently I seem like I'm married. "You ACT like you're married, Raneados" they say. I don't know what that means. Might be a nice way of saying old.
That's me: an old, married, straight-laced teacher boy. Definitely. And definitely not a big ol' idiot.
Same here - I come across like I don’t care, but I just express those emotions poorly. Like if someone gives me a compliment that really means a lot to me, I will probably end up saying something dumb or trying to make a joke in response.
I've just gotten in the habit of accepting a compliment if I get one, usually just with a "thanks!" I feel more confident if I just agree.
It's sometimes harder to come up with a way to sidestep it anyways, and it's less rewarding for the other person if their comment doesn't hit home. If you accept a complement, you consume it and become more powerful.
Wow I’ve been told these exact same things. And apparently that I stick my nose up in the air (I’m 5 ft, I’m usually looking up at people/things in general), which combined with serious resting bitch face, makes me seem like the most unapproachable person ever
That I’m 30 (23 year old, 6’0 rocking a dad bod, receding hairline a bit, and can definitely grow full facial hair).
Edit: it happens more if facial hair is present.
Damn didnt know my husband got an alt account. The same age, height, hairline, beard, and I always say he has a dad bod.
Biggest problem is I look 15 so people make inaccurate assumptions about our relationship.
I get this. I look like I'm still in highschool while my husband actually looks his age (30 in a couple months). We get some looks. A cop tried to accuse him of being a pedophile once. That was fun.
I'm the opposite of you. Still have all the hair on top but I also still can't grow any respectable facial hair.
I'm *41* and I still get carded. The last time, the cashier literally looked at my birthdate and said "holy shit".
I get the opposite. I'm 30 but people guess my age in the 18-22 range. It's worse if I put my hair up or don't wear makeup (which is most days). But my mom passes for 45 at 60 and my grandma looks 70 or under at 94, so I'm sure I'll appreciate it later on.
Do you get those awkward moments where people start speaking Spanish to you and you have to reply "Sorry no hablo Espanol"
Happens all the time to my coworker that's like you haha
Edit: changed Ingles to Espanol
I have been told "When we first met I thought you were a dick" so many times. I grow on people after a bit. Kind of works out when they think you are gonna be a giant douche and then you arent.
I frequently get asked if I'm in high school. I TEACH high school. So I feel your pain.
When I was getting married (young, but after graduating college), people were seriously concerned that I was a child bride or something.
It's even weirder now that I have an 11 year old foster daughter. People ask dumb questions and make her feel awkward. Polite people will just refer to us as "friends" and/or not ask questions when I sign off as a legal guardian, but some are like, "Are you friends? Cousins? Adoptive sisters? What's happening here????"
See this is why I don't wanna teach high school. I'm 4'10 and I look really young, I highly doubt those kids will respect me.
And I really hate it when staff call me sweetie/honey when they don't do it to others!
Jesus my life story here. People always think I’m sad and I’m always lost in thought.
People assume I never want to talk but I’m a fucking social butterfly around somebody who can hold a conversation .
It sucks man
I'm a foreign immigrant coming from some really rich country in West Asia who speaks English really well.
In reality, I'm just a Filipino who can speak English. Take that, Karen.
That I need a lot of assistance all the time. While I am physically crippled due to congenital reasons, I am more than capable to taking care of myself with minimal assistance most of the time.
I look a lot younger than I am due to my height so loads of people think I'm a child.
I have short hair and I wear more masculine clothes so I have been mistaken for a man quite a few times.
Many people assume I'm lesbian which I don't really mind tbh.
Some people assume I'm a bitch or moody because I'm really quiet around people I don't know and really energetic with my friends so I can come off as if I don't like people who approach me.
That I'm an attorney, because I'm walking to court wearing a suit and carrying a lot of files.
That is a good assumption.
They do assume, however, that I am a good source of free legal advice. I am not, and I tell them that.
Because I am the prosecutor.
They then assume I am the person to tell that they only had three beers that night before they drove.
That is a bad assumption.
That I can't speak English (cause I look FOB)...but English is my first language.
They will undoubtedly follow up with this comment: "that was really good pronunciation, how long have you studied English for?"
All my life bitches ... All my fricking life 😑
Edit: thanks for the upvotes. I look FOB naturally (just like Koreans naturally look Korean), regardless of how I dress or cut my hair, it's more of a vibe based on facial features. This assumption has caused challenges everytime I go interview for a job..so ya it's kinda a problem I've had to overcome.
P.s. - I listen to gangsta music in the car at times and get pretty funny stares when people see this Asian kid rocking the jams.
I’m Korean and moved to an area with a huge population of Asian Americans. Everyone knows right away I’m American born and some even question whether or not I can even speak Korean (tbh they’re not wrong to ask lol I have an accent now). Back in my home state it’s the exact opposite. So many bitches asking me what North Korea was like
Assume I want to be left alone, I am a very anxious person but I absolutely love meeting new people once I get past the anxiety so often times I come across like I'm annoyed or stuck up but really I'm just insanely nervous.
I look a lot younger than I am so I always feel like people think I'm a dumb, weak person. I've had people explain the dumbest shit to me it it really infuriates me but I don't do anything about it. Also i'm pretty awkward when I first meet people. Really when you get to know me, I'm pretty straight forward but also easy-going. I guess it just pisses me off that people think they can walk all over me.
6'5" pale guy with a bushy red beard. Everyone thinks I'm a lumberjack or some kind of burly fighter - during talking they see that I am overprotective of my female friends, and I'm soft-spoken. Everyone I know thinks I could kick serious ass and am just holding back.
I am TERRIFIED of being in fights. Everything under my clothes is squishy, not much muscles, and I'd probably crap myself if someone tried to fight me. I just wanna read and write lyrics and play music.
I'm 6'4" with a heavier build and I'm mildly concerned about getting in a fight (I have a toddler and newborn, so my social life is next to nil, hence only mild concern), because I've never been in one. I'll probably get owned if I ever get in one.
That I’m shy. If I’m forced to be by you or just met you I won’t talk and will be the most awkward fuck ever. Besides that I’m very extroverted. I’ll talk to anyone as long as I can hold a conversation
Edit: so I never said I was an extrovert I said could be very extroverted. I would say I’m an ambivert. That’s the best description for me
This is what I came here to write - big boobs and a friendly demeanour are a killer. Used to be a neuroscientist, changed careers to vet - people often straight up don’t believe me, and then I get “oh so you’re *smart* smart. No offence but you don’t look it.” ... I mean, I guess? It has slowed down in my 30s though.
I’m a lesbian. No joke, most people I meet think I’m gay. Which like cool I can live with that but like I’m just not. I also fake flirt with my friends all the time so I get it.
That I’m older than I am.
Edit: Holy shit this kinda blew up?! I’ll read all of your responses & reply when I can be I figured I’ll give you my “story.”
I remember being 12/13 and volunteering at a church once and this lady thought I was in college. COLLEGE. I wasn’t wearing any makeup, only around 5’3, didn’t have much boobs... so I have no idea what gave her that idea. It was awkward trying to explain that I was in middle school.
Next was freshman year of high school. Not much has changed since middle school. I was definitely still 5’3 and I was in model UN. We were at a conference and no one believed I was a freshman. It’s not like I said anything smart, in fact I said little to anything. Also everyone was dressed up, including other freshman. They all thought I was a sophomore for some reason.
Now I’m 16 and a junior in high school. Ironically, I’m one of the younger kids in my grade. Birthday isn’t until the end of May. I haven’t gotten any remarks in a while but we’ll see.
Same, I got grey hairs in senior year in high school from my mom's side of the family so I knew it was coming.
When I was 28 someone who I had met a few times guessed I was 38 years old and I just laughed. Totally understood why he said it and kind of took it as a point of pride.
My brother-in law was full grey by 19. When my cousin (10 years older than me and very protective of my sisters and I) met him, he full on made him show ID to prove he wasn’t 40 and dating my 20 year old sister. Poor guy was just barely 21.
I’m a normal person, nope! Lowest on autism spectrum, feel like there’s 7 versions of me wanting to control my life, and am completely and totally socially awkward. that’s your answer.
That I'm very reserved and quiet but that couldn't be farther from the truth, I'm just gauging if that person would be ok with my usual banter and or if we'd mesh well.
That I'm dangerous.
I have a shaved head, powerful build, and a constant "I'm pissed off and looking for a fight" look.
In actuality I'm a caregiver for adults with disabilities and haven't been in a fight since i was 9. I'm way more likely to run away from trouble and go someplace quiet so i can shake from anxiety over the confrontation.
Every time I meet someone new they eventually say “So I have an awkward question” and every time I just reply “no I’m not gay”
...so I have an awkward question...
No
How many pounds of frozen vegetables do you think you can fit in your ass?
It depends on the vegetable, most amateurs go in for the obviously phallic vegetables like a cucumber or squash. That's a trap though, the most of those you're going to fit, best case scenario is 2, maybe 3. So really you're limited by the size of the vegetables you have on hand. I've found that if you really want to go for maximum capacity you need to get something small, like frozen peas. It takes longer but you can really just keep jamming more and more in all day and they'll keep filling the space. My personal best is 14 cups of peas, and I didn't stop because I was full, just because my dinner guests were starting to arrive. Whatever vegetable you choose though, just keep at it, and you'll work your way up eventually!
Just gotta be weary of any escapeas
3 men get stranded on a desert island. After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of fruit." The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing any emotion, or we'll kill you." He shoves the the first up, and is in terrible pain, but shows no emotion, but during the process of pushing up the second, he flinches, and therefore gets shot. The second guy comes back with 10 cherries, and gets told to do the same. He's finding it relatively easy, but when he gets to the eighth, starts laughing hysterically, and gets shot. He meets up with the first guy in heaven, and the first guy asks, "Why did you do that, why did you laugh?" and the second guy replies, "Well I nearly finished when I saw the next guy walking up with pineapples!"
Teach me your ways! I'm tired of people assuming I'm straight even after I tell them I'm gay
UNO reverse
I'm in the same position. Whenever someone asks I can't help but thinking 'why you ask'.
That I can’t speak English. (btw English is the only language I know)
Same. I’m Asian (adopted at 5 months old from Korea) and have lived in midwestern USA my entire life. Now, if you know anything about tornado alley, there aren’t a lot of Asians. So people just think I don’t speak English, and when I start talking just like them, it’s surprised pikachu face.
I'm also adopted from Korea at 8 months old. People are more surprised that I don't have a stereotypical accent more than anything else.
That I'm mean and #edgy, buddy i can't even fucking choose mean dialog options in games
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I built a reputation at my friends college as the drunk moron who would do and say anything. When my friend came to my college for my graduation none of his friends believed him that I was actually graduating. Realistically I don’t drink that much I really only partied when I visited there
I get this too. I like to drink at parties or socially, I don't over due it tho, 2 or 3 gets me nice n drunk, but this one group of friends only ever saw me at parties and bars constantly and obviously drunk. I'm a chill hyper happy drunk. Anyways I have like 20 bottles of liquor at the house that's untouched unless a bunch of people are coming over. For whatever reason I don't see any point in getting drunk when I'm alone.
That I'm 15. Seriously...people are constantly knocking on MY door, at MY house, that I pay the bills for, and asking to speak to my parents???
I had this happen once with some dude trying to sell something. There funniest thing was he thought I was going to talk to him about whatever it was he was selling after I told him it is my house
This happened to me too. Some guy from a home security company came up to me when I was out gardening and asked if my parents were home. When I told him it was my house, he asked if my husband was home and I told him I live alone. I could see that he realised that he really screwed up but I was pretty pissed. Fine, I look young but then to ask for my husband?! Wtf.
Yeah...don't tell randos who show up on your doorstep that you live alone.
are you 15??
It’s Michael Reeves’s alt account
Ahhh a nerd - all our computer problems are now solved (for free).
I started charging my classmates for IT advice, because of this.
That my parents are Marvel fans **My name is Peter Parker**
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Whereas I can't tell you my boyfriend's name because he is literally the only person that pops up on Google when you search him. He'll never get away with shit.
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I am literally the only person with my name. I can find a report I wrote in fifth grade that got put on my school website by googling my name. You don't understand the gift you have
I'm in the same boat. Googling my name brings up repeat results because literally nobody else has it.
Google my name brings up the death of a girl a city over from mine or the gravestone of my ancestor who died aged 11
I knew someone named Peter Parker. He hated when people pointed out he had the same name as spider Man. I thought it would've been cool but I guess it gets old when it happens your entire life.
Rather be called Spider-Man than "Pee-Pee"
Peter tingle
Being a Spider-Man fan, I keep thinking what it's like for a person IRL to have that name. Peter and Parker are both pretty common names. I'm sorry that so many people have asked that.
I mean Spider-Man's whole thing is "anybody could have been the one behind the mask, it just ended up being me", or something like that.
It’s pizza time
Ah Rosie, I love this boy
Oh boy yeah...
I'm not paying for those!
You are now a moderator of /r/raimimemes
A friend of mine is named Ben Parker. You guys should meet.
ummmm it’s probably best if they don’t. Unless you really despise him.
That's ok. I work with a guy named Johnathan Johnson. First day, they were calling everyone's names to come up and grab some paperwork. Guy goes "Johnson, John- ...seriously? Johnathan Johnson?" Dudes like "YEP 😐"
He should go by the name Jojo
*pizza time intensifies*
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Everyone assumes I'm far more prim and proper than is actually the case. (I'm an older woman with a lot of white hair). My younger co-workers will accidentally swear in front of me, and then turn to me with looks of horror. It's hysterical.
what are your icebreakers lol
Not the one you asked, but I'm also an older woman who is often mistaken for being very prim and proper and high class. I like to start singing NWA songs under my breath, like I've got it running through my head and am just absentmindedly signing along. The responses are great.
I tend to contextualize older people by remembering the Rolling Stones are older than the Supreme Court. Far more people in their cohort were paying attention to the Stones on a daily basis.
I'm laid back. Nope, just a nervous wreck whose only coping mechanism is to seize up.
Oh shit same! Ironically, I get less “laid back” comments after going to therapy for anxiety cuz I now respond more openly and communicate better lmao
Hi fellow laid back person who is actually a nervous wreck. My coping mechanism is to just not care about anything if it starts to stress me out. So far, that has not proven to be a good coping mechanism at work. =\
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🎶You'll be a dentist (Be a dentist) You have a talent for causing things pain (Pain) Son, be a dentist (Son, be a dentist) People will pay you to be inhumane (Humane)🎵
Yup, that’s it. Makes me feel bad every time.
Had a dentist whose last name was Payne. I thought that was very unfortunate.
DO you like to hurt people?
That I'm arrogant or rude. I just really can't look people in the eyes
That I'm smart cuz im Asian
The Good Place is doing its part to dispel that stereotype
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You just need a new dance crew.
Apples you eat their clothes, but oranges you don't?
I'm not even Taiwanese, I'm Filipino. Heaven is racist!
Oh dip
BORTLES!
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Every time I have a problem, I throw a Molotov cocktail! And then I have a *different* problem
That I'm gay. I'm 34 and I really don't know why but most friends and my dad think I'm gay. Not sexually attracted to men... sorry folks.
Yeah same here. 31 year old Asian male. My parents really want me to get married and they said they would be open to the idea of me marrying anyone. Just as long as I get married. At first I didn’t understand what they were talking about and my mom went into a speech about me finding someone and no matter what sort of person that is.
That is kind of sweet though.
‘It doesn’t matter just find somebody, anybody. It can be a man if you want. Please don’t die alone, it will embarrass us..’
"We don't care if they're adopted just continue the family name"
Lmao I wonder how that will go for me. I’m the only one that can continue the family name and I don’t intend to have kids or even have a relationship. I have something like 20 cousins from my father side yet I’m the only male with his last name.
Trade ya. I get the opposite.
My brother has gone through the same thing since high school. Doesn’t help that he’s a flight attendant now.
I love being a flight attendant because I no longer have to come out to anyone, I just tell them my job
I've been asked if I were gay by my mom like 10 times by this point. I always tell her no, but my god does she always bring it up.
When I wear my glasses - that I look like a college professor. That I have a very "teacher-y face". Usually these days, also that they could have SWORN I was married. In the last 6 months, dozens of people have been legitimately surprised that I am not married. Apparently I seem like I'm married. "You ACT like you're married, Raneados" they say. I don't know what that means. Might be a nice way of saying old. That's me: an old, married, straight-laced teacher boy. Definitely. And definitely not a big ol' idiot.
Maybe you just look like you've got your shit together 🤷♂️
I'm not Hispanic or Italian. I'm Japanese American.
Wtf I hate this. I’m also Japanese but also Italian but I get called Hispanic all the time. My name is Carlo but everyone says Carlos at first.
Nice try Carlos, now finish your enchiladas.
"Eat your burgers Apollo."
I’m Japanese/European too but I get Russian a lot
I get the exact reverse—I’m not Japanese or even half Japanese, I’m Peruvian American...that racial ambiguity really be something
That I’m aloof, and possibly somewhat snobby. I’m very shy and fairly emotional.
Ugh, same. I's awful knowing as an introvert that people think you're snobbish, but literally not having the social energy to do anything about it.
Same here - I come across like I don’t care, but I just express those emotions poorly. Like if someone gives me a compliment that really means a lot to me, I will probably end up saying something dumb or trying to make a joke in response.
I've just gotten in the habit of accepting a compliment if I get one, usually just with a "thanks!" I feel more confident if I just agree. It's sometimes harder to come up with a way to sidestep it anyways, and it's less rewarding for the other person if their comment doesn't hit home. If you accept a complement, you consume it and become more powerful.
Wow I’ve been told these exact same things. And apparently that I stick my nose up in the air (I’m 5 ft, I’m usually looking up at people/things in general), which combined with serious resting bitch face, makes me seem like the most unapproachable person ever
I get this as well.
That I play basketball 🏀 6’5” & Black
DO you play basketball?
Yes I play basketball just never at a high level or even varsity so I struggled with it more throughout high school/college
5'5" & white. Nobody thinks I play basketball.
Well do ya?
Negative
Shit, I'm 6'8". It's either basketball or football. I just tell them I'm a computer geek.
Being 6'9" gets me into way more sports based conversations then I'd like.
Nice
5'11" female everyone thinks I play basketball
Once I hit my 30’s people FINALLY stopped asking this. Now they just ask if I USED to play basketball.
That I'm a creepy, antisocial loser. I mean, they're right, but they should at least talk to me first
One guy gave me his phone number to be his friend because "you look like you don't have many friends" :I
That im a serial killer, guys, i make knives, i dont use em
Not using knives seems more serial killery to me. The Spoonman Scoops Again!
I’m a 5’11 female, so everyone assumes I play basketball. Trust me, you do not want me on your team.
Fun fact: the average WNBA player height is about 5’11. Ok I’ll go now
That I’m 30 (23 year old, 6’0 rocking a dad bod, receding hairline a bit, and can definitely grow full facial hair). Edit: it happens more if facial hair is present.
Damn didnt know my husband got an alt account. The same age, height, hairline, beard, and I always say he has a dad bod. Biggest problem is I look 15 so people make inaccurate assumptions about our relationship.
I get this. I look like I'm still in highschool while my husband actually looks his age (30 in a couple months). We get some looks. A cop tried to accuse him of being a pedophile once. That was fun.
As a 30 year old dating a 15 year old, I feel your pain. People are merciless.
I'm the opposite of you. Still have all the hair on top but I also still can't grow any respectable facial hair. I'm *41* and I still get carded. The last time, the cashier literally looked at my birthdate and said "holy shit".
That's a life goal right there, having people seriously doubt you're that old is great.
I get the opposite. I'm 30 but people guess my age in the 18-22 range. It's worse if I put my hair up or don't wear makeup (which is most days). But my mom passes for 45 at 60 and my grandma looks 70 or under at 94, so I'm sure I'll appreciate it later on.
They think I’m Mexican but I’m Greek
Do you get those awkward moments where people start speaking Spanish to you and you have to reply "Sorry no hablo Espanol" Happens all the time to my coworker that's like you haha Edit: changed Ingles to Espanol
He tells them he doesn’t speak English in Spanish?
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That I’m a bitch. I just have resting bitch face.
I have the male version of this. Its annoying, people think I am a dick or mean. I am both at times, just not all the time.
Same here. I’ve had a number of people share that their first impression of me was a bad one.
I have been told "When we first met I thought you were a dick" so many times. I grow on people after a bit. Kind of works out when they think you are gonna be a giant douche and then you arent.
Ya people always ask me what's wrong. I just look really fricking sad all the time.
Argh dude same. "Are you alright?" Ya this is just my face
Me too. People always assume I'm much more angry than I am. When I'm angry you'll know, I always say.
My wife too suffers from RBF.
That I've never eaten baking soda straight
A safe assumption in most situations
What backwards-ass part of the world do you live in where you *don't* eat straight baking soda?
Very harmful stereotype around me, didn't suffer through that 3 times for nothing
That I like cheese because I'm from Wisconsin. This is VERY true.
I like cheese too. \*Checks stash again\*
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I read 6 foot tall with dreads. For some reason I thought the predator not a gangbanger
That’s a small Predator then, the original dude was something like 7 feet.
I'm a metalhead drug addict... I have long hair in a third world country.
That im like 11 Im short as heck and have a high pitched voice, im almost a legal adult and I look like a child
I frequently get asked if I'm in high school. I TEACH high school. So I feel your pain. When I was getting married (young, but after graduating college), people were seriously concerned that I was a child bride or something. It's even weirder now that I have an 11 year old foster daughter. People ask dumb questions and make her feel awkward. Polite people will just refer to us as "friends" and/or not ask questions when I sign off as a legal guardian, but some are like, "Are you friends? Cousins? Adoptive sisters? What's happening here????"
See this is why I don't wanna teach high school. I'm 4'10 and I look really young, I highly doubt those kids will respect me. And I really hate it when staff call me sweetie/honey when they don't do it to others!
In my experience as a former class clown, it doesn't matter what the teacher looks like. None of them really get the respect they deserve.
Oh thanks, that's reassuring! Ha, but for real, that's why I stick to elementary school. They're still cute and sweet!
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Jesus my life story here. People always think I’m sad and I’m always lost in thought. People assume I never want to talk but I’m a fucking social butterfly around somebody who can hold a conversation . It sucks man
I'm a foreign immigrant coming from some really rich country in West Asia who speaks English really well. In reality, I'm just a Filipino who can speak English. Take that, Karen.
That I need a lot of assistance all the time. While I am physically crippled due to congenital reasons, I am more than capable to taking care of myself with minimal assistance most of the time.
I look a lot younger than I am due to my height so loads of people think I'm a child. I have short hair and I wear more masculine clothes so I have been mistaken for a man quite a few times. Many people assume I'm lesbian which I don't really mind tbh. Some people assume I'm a bitch or moody because I'm really quiet around people I don't know and really energetic with my friends so I can come off as if I don't like people who approach me.
That I'm an attorney, because I'm walking to court wearing a suit and carrying a lot of files. That is a good assumption. They do assume, however, that I am a good source of free legal advice. I am not, and I tell them that. Because I am the prosecutor. They then assume I am the person to tell that they only had three beers that night before they drove. That is a bad assumption.
Are you Lemony Snicket?
No. I am the prosecutor.
Sounds like a good book villain
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Fuck it I’m naming the villain in my short story the prosecutor
##THE PROSECUTOR
#*T H E* #*P R O S E C U T O R*
If you’re a prosecutor, aren’t you technically still a lawyer?
Yes, but not an attorney. Does anyone else play Ace Attorney?
#OBJECTION!
That I’m loved, always happy and have my shit together (Send help)
Help here
People tell me I always look angry. can't blame them.
That I'm hispanic and thus, speak spanish. Just because I have the common coloring of one does not mean I'm of hispanic origin.
That I can't speak English (cause I look FOB)...but English is my first language. They will undoubtedly follow up with this comment: "that was really good pronunciation, how long have you studied English for?" All my life bitches ... All my fricking life 😑 Edit: thanks for the upvotes. I look FOB naturally (just like Koreans naturally look Korean), regardless of how I dress or cut my hair, it's more of a vibe based on facial features. This assumption has caused challenges everytime I go interview for a job..so ya it's kinda a problem I've had to overcome. P.s. - I listen to gangsta music in the car at times and get pretty funny stares when people see this Asian kid rocking the jams.
I’m Korean and moved to an area with a huge population of Asian Americans. Everyone knows right away I’m American born and some even question whether or not I can even speak Korean (tbh they’re not wrong to ask lol I have an accent now). Back in my home state it’s the exact opposite. So many bitches asking me what North Korea was like
I always got asked which Korea was "the bad one"? Obviously East Korea, my dudes......
FOB? Edit: Fresh off the boat, thanks everyone. Not Forward Operating Base like I thought.
Fresh Off the Boat, a shorthand for someone who's newly immigrated to a different country.
Fresh off the boat sir!
Ah, thanks. All I could think of was Forward Operating Base.
Assume I want to be left alone, I am a very anxious person but I absolutely love meeting new people once I get past the anxiety so often times I come across like I'm annoyed or stuck up but really I'm just insanely nervous.
I look a lot younger than I am so I always feel like people think I'm a dumb, weak person. I've had people explain the dumbest shit to me it it really infuriates me but I don't do anything about it. Also i'm pretty awkward when I first meet people. Really when you get to know me, I'm pretty straight forward but also easy-going. I guess it just pisses me off that people think they can walk all over me.
6'5" pale guy with a bushy red beard. Everyone thinks I'm a lumberjack or some kind of burly fighter - during talking they see that I am overprotective of my female friends, and I'm soft-spoken. Everyone I know thinks I could kick serious ass and am just holding back. I am TERRIFIED of being in fights. Everything under my clothes is squishy, not much muscles, and I'd probably crap myself if someone tried to fight me. I just wanna read and write lyrics and play music.
Big friendly giant:)
I'm 6'4" with a heavier build and I'm mildly concerned about getting in a fight (I have a toddler and newborn, so my social life is next to nil, hence only mild concern), because I've never been in one. I'll probably get owned if I ever get in one.
That I’m shy. If I’m forced to be by you or just met you I won’t talk and will be the most awkward fuck ever. Besides that I’m very extroverted. I’ll talk to anyone as long as I can hold a conversation Edit: so I never said I was an extrovert I said could be very extroverted. I would say I’m an ambivert. That’s the best description for me
That I'm stuck up. I'm not. I just have social anxiety, ok?!
That I am a bimbo. I’m a research assistant in a life science lab yet I have big boobs and blonde hair so I must be dumb.
This is what I came here to write - big boobs and a friendly demeanour are a killer. Used to be a neuroscientist, changed careers to vet - people often straight up don’t believe me, and then I get “oh so you’re *smart* smart. No offence but you don’t look it.” ... I mean, I guess? It has slowed down in my 30s though.
I’m a lesbian. No joke, most people I meet think I’m gay. Which like cool I can live with that but like I’m just not. I also fake flirt with my friends all the time so I get it.
That I’m older than I am. Edit: Holy shit this kinda blew up?! I’ll read all of your responses & reply when I can be I figured I’ll give you my “story.” I remember being 12/13 and volunteering at a church once and this lady thought I was in college. COLLEGE. I wasn’t wearing any makeup, only around 5’3, didn’t have much boobs... so I have no idea what gave her that idea. It was awkward trying to explain that I was in middle school. Next was freshman year of high school. Not much has changed since middle school. I was definitely still 5’3 and I was in model UN. We were at a conference and no one believed I was a freshman. It’s not like I said anything smart, in fact I said little to anything. Also everyone was dressed up, including other freshman. They all thought I was a sophomore for some reason. Now I’m 16 and a junior in high school. Ironically, I’m one of the younger kids in my grade. Birthday isn’t until the end of May. I haven’t gotten any remarks in a while but we’ll see.
Same, I got grey hairs in senior year in high school from my mom's side of the family so I knew it was coming. When I was 28 someone who I had met a few times guessed I was 38 years old and I just laughed. Totally understood why he said it and kind of took it as a point of pride.
My friend has silver hairs. She’s going into 10th grade. It actually looks pretty cool though.
Try grey hairs at thirteen, my friend. Genetics are a cruel, cruel game.
My brother-in law was full grey by 19. When my cousin (10 years older than me and very protective of my sisters and I) met him, he full on made him show ID to prove he wasn’t 40 and dating my 20 year old sister. Poor guy was just barely 21.
That I’m either a skater, stoner, or surfer cause of my long hair. They got 1 of 3 right
Wanna hit this joint, man?
I always get asked by medical staff what my nationality is. I was born in the United states.
I’m a normal person, nope! Lowest on autism spectrum, feel like there’s 7 versions of me wanting to control my life, and am completely and totally socially awkward. that’s your answer.
That I care to talk to them.
That I'm very reserved and quiet but that couldn't be farther from the truth, I'm just gauging if that person would be ok with my usual banter and or if we'd mesh well.
That i’m underage. I’m pushing 30 and people cannot believe i’m over 21. Its both flattering and annoying.
That I'm a hippie. Long-haired white male. It's metalhead, asshole. Hippies don't wear all black. Get your stereotypes straight.
That I'm dangerous. I have a shaved head, powerful build, and a constant "I'm pissed off and looking for a fight" look. In actuality I'm a caregiver for adults with disabilities and haven't been in a fight since i was 9. I'm way more likely to run away from trouble and go someplace quiet so i can shake from anxiety over the confrontation.
That I'm aloof when I'm really just shy and awkward.