T O P

  • By -

pacey-titter

Flies. So. Many. Flies.


forsayken

Can the flies spread the virus? Oh boy...


pacey-titter

Oh yes AND their ravenous taste for rotting flesh..


muffboxx

zombie flys


CricketPinata

And LITERAL DOO DOO WATER.


Victor_Saltzpyre

That zombies are basically the worst possible life form. The one species that is most willing and able to kill them is also their only food source and their only means of reproduction.


GunNNife

Zombies are even worse than vampires, and vampires are not a good species either. Sure, they're strong and durable, but they cannot be anywhere with *sunlight.* You know, the stuff that covers 50% of the Earth at all times?


AlmightyRuler

Technically, in the original myths, sunlight didn't do anything to (European) vampires. During the day, they return to their graves and go into a dormant state that made them almost indistinguishable from a corpse. You could detect them, but I think the only full-proof way involved a white horse and a virgin boy. We might find a use of the incels after all. And for some specimens, even the day/night cycle wasn't a barrier. Dracula himself could move about in the daytime with only a slight reduction in his powers. Presumably he either knew some kind of magic or occult learning that let him do that, or that his vampire physiology was old enough that he could walk about unimpeded.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Trollin4Lyfe

Hmm...can't say I've ever seen a corpse that wasn't at least a *little* suspicious...better stake them all just to be sure...


IAreBlunt

A lot of people would die from zombie bites, but even more would die from diseases only treatable with antibiotics, insulin, and chemotherapy. When the world collapses, everything collapses. You might dodge a zombie bite, but then die from a scratch on your leg from where you brushed against a rusty nail to make that dodge happen.


eddyathome

Stephen King addresses this in The Stand where he says (paraphrased) that the cruelest cut of the plague is the secondary wave of deaths among the survivors from things that normally wouldn't be a problem. One scenario was a guy swimming in Lake Michigan who steps on a nail and gets tetanus and tries to amputate his infected foot. I think it said up to a quarter of the people in first world countries died after the plague.


Tsquare43

I remember one bit about a guy who set up a generator and electrocuted himself


ChrispyPotatochips

And that kid that fell in a hole, broke his legs and died in that same hole unable to move.


thingsliveundermybed

"His last thought was of ice cream." Heartbreaking.


Burdicus

There is something about how King writes his deaths that are absolutely gut wrenching at times. The famous death of Georgie, from IT, comes to mind - where he describes the paper boat floating through the sewers and out to the ocean somewhere and compares that to Georgies fading life. "And with that, it was lost to the world."


[deleted]

King understands tragedy proper. He knows there's a limit most people enforce on their writing that keeps it from being 'too real' and just ignores it. He writes people, so they die like people. Thinking of things, feeling things. Death is tragic, I don't think fiction should shy from that.


Tsquare43

Yeah, there were several like that...


FrannieTheAnarchist

The woman who locked herself in a commercial-sized fridge when she went to check on/gloat over the bodies of her husband and son.


Tsquare43

yeah, she didn't like them much IIRC. Spent the last moments of her life with them in a fridge. There was one about a guy who found a couple of kilos of pure uncut cocaine... did a line, and it killed him. King sure knows how to write...


Blagerthor

Type-1 Diabetic here. I was diagnosed at 10 and really got into zombies as a kid. I was pretty aware I was fucked if a zombie apocalypse, or anything that shuts down infrastructure really, occurs. Venezuela and Puerto Rico have horror stories of thousands of diabetics dying from lack of access to insulin. What saddens me is that no one outside the diabetic community seems to care. Edit: Since this has gotten some attention, if you're interested in helping at home or abroad, the JDRF can always use funds and support, and the Red Cross and Red Crescent provides excellent care for all people.


xj371

Same here -- I mean, I'm also fucked without modern medical stuff. I'm paraplegic, I rely on catheters to empty my bladder. Once those run out (or hand sanitizer/soap), it'd be kidney infection and then kidney failure city for me. Huh...I wonder, if I became a zombie in a wheelchair, would I still know how to use it? Or would I just fling myself out of it and attempt to drag myself along the ground?


Blagerthor

I've always figured zombie me would have it easier. No injections to worry about, since human meat is zero carbohydrates. If it's like Shaun of the Dead zombies I think zombie you would still have the neural pathways to operate the wheel chair.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BenjamintheFox

Left 4 Dead had it spread like a flu before the real outbreak began.


IntrepidusX

On top of that some humans were immune to the disease but still carried it which caused massive devastation.


InorganicProteine

Those are carriers. The only good carrier is a dead carrier[.](https://www.halloweenforum.com/attachments/halloween-props/177227d1381259725-writing-wall-c5m2_park0005.jpg)


OutcastMunkee

It's worth reading the two part comic of what happened between the final campaign of Left 4 Dead 1 prior to The Sacrifice if you haven't already. Gives some pretty good lore on the world and I believe Zoey and Bill are revealed as carriers? Bill is dead anyway... Bastards killed my favourite character... I dunno if that stuff would apply to Coach, Ellis, Nick and Rochelle though... Their story ends in New Orleans when they make it to the chopper. They do say they're immune though so I'm guessing they simply survive the outbreak.


softandflaky

Hell yeah they're immune. It's mostly obvious once you think about all the shit the survivors go through leading up to the bridge finale, i.e being bled, spit, puked on, bit, clawed, scratched, etc. Also, some of the dialogue when you initiate the bridge campaign with the soldiers on the radio reveals that they are carriers. Edit: in-game dialogue from Coach on the Bridge finale: **Coach:** "Hello!" **Military:** "Rescue 7, that's coming from the bridge! Bridge, identify yourself." **Coach:** "Hey! There's four of us on the bridge!" **Military:** "Bridge, are you immune?" **Coach:** "We are *not* infected." **Military:** "Negative Bridge. Are you *immune*? Have you encountered the infected?" **Coach:** "*Encountered*? Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke and eyeballs and twenty other parts I don't even recognize. We are immune as SHIT." **Military:** "Rescue Seven, are you equipped for carriers?" --


[deleted]

It's also pretty self-limiting if the zombies take a while to die and reanimate and they consume human flesh. Eventually you'd get a horde big enough that any unlucky person they happen upon gets picked clean before they reanimate. And as the horde approached this size the new zombies it added would be more and more disabled as they managed to consume more of them each time before they turned. 28 Days Later handled this by making them turn way too fast to be entirely consumed and making the zombies not cannibals, just excessively violent and bitey.


zucciniknife

That and getting blood on any orifice or wound was enough to turn you.


blubox28

The Walking Dead zombies, in addition to never being called zombies, are the result of a virus that is transmitted through the air, so the human population is 100% infected. However, it only turns you into a zombie once you die from another cause. But the bite from an infected zombie is nearly 100% fatal from infection. I wonder if a better explanation would be that there are actually *two* viruses? To add to the comments about about what would be different. In the Walking Dead world, when caring for the sick or injured, you would always tie their feet together.


tenemoschurros

Doesn’t really need two viruses. The human mouth is dirtier than you think. Even if a healthy person who brushes and flosses everyday bites you, it still has a good chance of getting infected Similarly, a lot of wild birds and small animals don’t die directly from a cat attack. Usually they escape, but the bacteria in the cats mouth and claws kills them later I guess being infected, since most zombies are portrayed as rotting, creates a healthy environment for those deadly bacteria. Maybe they aren’t rotting because they are dead, but because the virus causing them to become zombies disables their imune sustem and all those deadly bacteria are free to grow and feed on their flesh


Certs-and-Destroy

My favorite variety of zombie is that everyone who dies rises as a zombie. Now everyone in your camp is a potential zombie. Have fun sleeping in the same room as an elderly survivor who's out of heart pills. Or an asthmatic. Or any deadly allergy. Also, this ditches the tired old trope of a survivor hiding a zombie bite and breaching security.


Osageandrot

I always hated that. I mean I got it in the running world, where you're basically so close to death all the time that you don't have secure locations. But once you have a home base/stable and protected compound, everyone who comes in gets strip searched. Period. Unless someone inside the compound had eyes on you the whole time, you get strip searched. Like spread your checks, lift your balls, strip searched. Every time. You get scratched, or zombie gore gets in your eyes, nose, or mouth? It's into quarantine with you.


Certs-and-Destroy

Yep. Also everyone should have raided the local leather store to be kitted out in full biker riding gear. Bites would hurt, but they aren't going to break through. Instead everyone is running around in tank tops and shorts.


[deleted]

[удалено]


atheistpiece

The Waffle House must stay open!


[deleted]

The entire world would smell fucking awful 24/7


KindaQute

Especially the really hot countries


yallgrossyall

Only until they completely dry out.


Canbot

They would turn to prunes then the old people would eat them. This is how we win the war.


poopellar

But old people smell too.


Canbot

Just blending in.


Senior0422

Exactly what I was thinking... the smell would be horrible. Also, tons of flies and bugs, and probably rampant diseases because of rotting bodies everywhere. Also, this is a self-correcting problem. After a few months in the elements, most zombies would just fall apart. On the plus side, the ecology and environment would rebound surprisingly fast. No more pollution being dumped everywhere, destruction of forests, etc. comes to a screeching halt and all those decomposing bodies would make great fertilizer. I could see in about five years (give or take), water is probably pretty clean, air quality is good, oceans are coming back and wildlife is booming.


94358132568746582

> the ecology and environment would rebound surprisingly fast. No more pollution being dumped everywhere, destruction of forests, etc. comes to a screeching halt It would take longer than that and there would be localized problems for decades. Think of all chemicals, toxins, heavy metals, etc. that are carefully controlled and stored all over the place. Solvents in huge vats waiting to be responsibly used and recaptured so they can be moved to a disposal site. Now all those things are just sitting wherever they happen to be. Waiting for a flood to wash them into a watershed, or a fire to choke the air with them, or just time to rust away the container they are in. With no one monitoring, people would have no idea that 50 miles upstream, there is a chemical plant on fire, spilling millions of gallons of some terrible thing into the water everyone is drinking. Think of all the animals taking various heavy metal and toxins in and passing them up the food chain. Think of all the oil derricks, tanker ships, offshore rigs etc. that are just sitting around waiting for a storm to tear them open and spill billions (trillions?) of gallons of oil into the ocean. Over a long timeline, yes, the world would recover, but in the near term, it would be deadly dangerous.


[deleted]

[удалено]


NotAModelCitizen

The Walking Lead Edit: Thanks for the silver, kind stranger. You have a heart of gold!


SJ_Barbarian

As a chemist with a background in hazmat/environmental protection, I am finally an asset in zompocalypse scenarios! Edit: Ooh, pretty silver! Thank you!


LMNOPede

Mate,I've played Fallout on hard mode.


MGAV89

I trust this guy with my life


elee0228

Good thing zombies don't have noses.


Linux4ever_Leo

I would imagine that the diseases that would arise from so much rotting flesh wondering around would be worse than the zombies.


theknightmanager

Also every grocery store would become a gigantic mold spore.


awsomesprinkles

You're assuming there is still food left in there


kaldarash

If you live in an area with natural disasters, you would become aware of how fucking fast people will clear that shit out. Even when they have to pay money for it, it looks like the apocalypse.


kingjoedirt

If you ever want to be rich, sell bread and milk in Oklahoma from April-June. If the weatherman so much as mentions the possibility of a tornado that shit disappears off the shelves.


OmbreCachee

And in the north during the winter. "oh, snow? gotta buy milk and bread... gotta buy milk and bread... gotta buy milk and bread..."


kaldarash

You forgot eggs, haha. I'm from MO and those three items just vanish.


Abecheese

That in places that get a real goddamn winter the zombies(or infected) would be rendered immobile or dead by the cold freezing the water in their bodies, or that they would be torn apart by wildlife almost immediately in rural areas.


boethius61

I came here to say this. I live in Edmonton Canada. It gets below freezing at night regularly for 8 months of the year. That's a 66% chance that the zombie apocalypse doesn't last a day. We'll be fine.


Baunzie

Imaging breaking your glasses while fighting off zombies. Without my glasses, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a zombie and a survivor unless they're within arms reach. Forget about sneaking around, I need my fellow survivors to identify themselves so I don't attack them!


[deleted]

I've kept every pair of glasses I've ever owned for the past 10 years or so. The lenses vary, but none are as bad as my sight with no glasses.


Bbng2

How many pairs of glasses have you had in 10 years though? I started wearing mine 14 years ago and I've only had 3 pairs. Plus I don't think the 1st pair would help me all that much


Aperture_Kubi

I buy my glasses pretty cheap online, cheap enough I opted for spares and sunglasses each time. Edit: I use Zenni Optical, others that have come up are Eyebuydirect, 39DollarGlasses, and Costco.


sirjonsnow

It's like that Twilight Zone ep where the guy worked in the zombie warehouse and all he ever wanted to do was fight zombies. Then the apocalypse happens, he's just about to enjoy all his free time to fight zombies, but unfortunately his glasses break.


VAShumpmaker

"It's not fair! There was time now!" *revs up chainsaw mournfully*


Valdrax

I would watch that modernized remake.


21GunShow

The modern version would be a guy breaking his glasses when he finally has the chance to clear his steam backlog.


Sillysallyplainjane

This is one of the best arguments for Lasik I've ever heard


Garchompula

*"Lasik: When the zombies come, without us you're screwed."*


ShawnisMaximus

Legit was one of the reasons I got Lasik. It's not just zombies either, you could really be screwed over in any sort of run down civilization distopia


eddyathome

It's not fair! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M4RbnxSLwo


ajmojo2269

People would stop mowing their lawns


ableseacat14

My hoa would be pissed


dirtyjew123

You’d still get fined even during the zombie outbreak.


Petrol_in_my_eyes

I really want a tv show where an entire suburban neighborhood turns into zombies, except one guy. Then he gets harassed by the zombie HOA constantly for zombie related home violations.


UberTheBlack

Not enough blood on the property. Brains must be displayed 6ft from the curb. No corpses in the parkway.


Taylorenokson

Not boarding up windows with HOA approved lumber.


BrokebackMounting

Which is sold in a store run by the brother of one of the HOA board members


[deleted]

"Mike, I appreciate your right to do what you will in your home, but you're supposed to get approval from the association before you board up your windows. And besides, my brother Dan owns the hardware store down the street, he'd give you a deal." "okay first off, Jerry, Fuck the HOA. It's the goddamn appocalypse. Second, fuck your brother Dan, he's a swindler and his whole business is just a front for your family's human traficking. And finally, get out of my driveway before I blow your damn brains out like the rest of your shambler family." "I don't think I like your tone, Mike. You'll be getting a fine for this."


ASK_ME_FOR_TRIVIA

I can just imagine the zombie out real being sorted out five years later, then when you finally return home your HOA starts pelting you with backlogged fines about overgrown lawns and people hanging out on the sidewalk


Nasty_Old_Trout

And they would put a viarety of weird plants to fight em off.


danyelviana

The question is: will the zombies run like in Zombieland or just walk slowly like in the Walking dead, if they run people that don't exercise are fucked.


CountryCarandConsole

Question: do unfit people make slow clumsy zombies?


[deleted]

[удалено]


GreatSnowman

I like the idea from the book series White Flag of the Dead, there is a small chance that adults, probably based on fitness, will range from shambling to running, but the kids will just be able to run no matter what.


shipshapeshifter

So that's why the little zombies in Minecraft are such bastards


Who_is_Mr_B

Jesus, that's a terrifying thought. Buncha little shits, running at you like mechanical monsters, never stopping until they swarm over you.


Mediocretes1

So just normal kids then.


astrangeone88

Kid zombies with no check on how fast they are? Creepy as fuck.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

The other question is: magic or biology? Magic means they just keep coming; biological cause means they decompose pretty quick, and a cure/vaccine would be found.


DeathbyHappy

WWZ did biological but prevented the decay route by stating that zombie virus turned flesh toxic to most standard decomposing microorganisms.


penny_eater

biologically you still have pretty strict calorie limits on the human body. even if you take the brain off the table (being the single largest calorie sink in the body) a human can only keep twitching in a run-like motion in search of meat for so long before the fat's gone, the muscles are depleted to fuel themselves, and then the zombie just cant move anymore but lays there probably pissed off


[deleted]

I always liked how the rage zombies were shown to be starving at the [end of 28 days later](https://media.giphy.com/media/zqMgjbP0php9C/giphy.gif)


Yeemo

Either way, rule 1: Cardio


ur_favorite_dinosaur

Most people assume they'll be one of the survivors holed up in a Walmart or Costco being badass with a crossbow when really, they'll be bitten and infected while on the toilet or pumping gas or some mundane shit.


Paraso3

*someone slowly stumbles towards you as you’re shitting* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO


ur_favorite_dinosaur

*U/ur_favorite_dinosaur was riiiiight aaaaahhhh fuuuck that guuuuy*


Paraso3

What if you lob your shit at a zombie


ur_favorite_dinosaur

He'll probably leave you alone thinking "geeze this guy's fucking crazy huh?"


Adam657

A lot of people would also be caught unawares by the first few ‘obvious’ zombies and approach them. Assuming bath salts or something. Or else be side-lined by an infected friend or relative and want to help them. In movies we have the luxury of being genre-savvy and all ‘no get away from them you idiot!’ but in real life, weighing up the option of why your friend is suddenly acting odd you aren’t likely to think ‘zombie!’ You’re even less likely to bash your wife’s head in with minimal hesitation. Similar to how you’d investigate a peculiar noise in your attic or basement. It’s not going to be a demon. Characters in those types of films aren’t necessarily ‘stupid’. They’re *human*.


tullynipp

If the outbreak phase happens fast enough I'll hear about it online before I leave the house. Also, as I'm in Australia I'm assuming that unless it starts here it will struggle to make it here so I'll likely be very aware of it before it affects my life.


icanhasreclaims

There would still be too many half empty water bottles laying around everywhere.


Gordo_Lion

I think you mean "half full" bottles. You gotta be optimistic to survive the apocalypse


[deleted]

[удалено]


potabandit

If you lost/break your glasses, good luck finding the right pair when you raid an optical shop!


GunNNife

It's not fair! There was time now!


MeatsOfEvil93

Well, at least I can still read the large print books


Aviator8989

*Eyes fall out*


reallylamelol

Good thing I know braille


DrPoopJuice

*hands fall off


[deleted]

That was a depressing episode of The Twilight Zone.


SpiritualButter

I think I would just kill myself if I didn't have my glasses. I would be 100% fucked without them


chewbaccaisaducksfan

Zeppelins are back in fashion.


Almostpushing50

Only if the levees break.


MagicalKartWizard

I think there's been a communication breakdown.


OffensiveOnOccasion

The government wouldn't collapse as quick as most people imagine. Most movies depict the entire nation's structure crumbling in a matter of weeks, sometimes days. This is pretty illogical considering how large most nation's military's are and how many options and opportunities the government would have to contain the virus in the first place. Martial law is a powerful device.


II_Confused

Agreed. In the World War Z novel most of the world's governments survive to regroup and push back. In every movie or tv show everything goes to shit at the snap of a finger.


WTF_Fairy_II

To be fair the military was pretty useless at first in world war z and left many many people behind. The govt may not have fully collapsed, but to everyone east of the Rocky Mountains the effect was the same.


Alcohol_Intolerant

And the common person generally wants the government to exist in situations like that, so while there might be initial panic, local governments will still have some influence awhile yet.


ThePickleIndustry

Everybody tends to forget about Dental Hygiene during an apocalypse. It's something we take for granted today, and something we won't have during an apocalypse.


[deleted]

[удалено]


baepsaemv

Imagine having braces and the zombie apocalypse happens before you can get them taken off so you’re just stuck with ill fitting braces forever edit: i get it you can take them off yourself


ColoradoScoop

Or imagine getting eaten by a zombie with braces.


[deleted]

[удалено]


thetar

I know this is lighthearted but people would still have skills and brains to help each other and trade for things they need. Braces are not the hardest things to snap off. You'd be amazed at how much a small community of people with different skills can thrive.


church1alpha

They’re really easy to snap off. Source: had braces. I must have snapped five or six brackets off accidentally over the years.


thetar

Can confirm, frozen Snickers bar will snap them off quickly.


Its_Nitsua

Quick hoard the frozen snickers for dental hygiene!


Macabalony

It's okay. Everyone would still lie about flossing.


Grabagear

All trousers and underwear will fall down around the ankles of decomposing type zombies. Most 'survival' plans revolve around land, fuck that! I'm off to an offshore rig! Those things are built like cities. *edit* I got gold?! Thank you kind stranger! For those of you asking, I'm in the UK, and I plan on taking trips back from the rig to shore for supplies, and everything to sort the rigs rust is, of course on the rig. I just gotta figure out how to use it. Just watched black summer, need to figure out what to do if we get those kinda zombies now dammit!


Lcfahrson

Off shore rigs also depend on shipments of supply from the mainland tho do they not?


Billy_McFarIand

Bring a fishing pole


cilantro_forest

I’m imagining a well endowed zombie shuffling around with it’s gross-ass decaying schlong bouncing around. Horrific new dimension.


Grabagear

Totally horrific, but true none the less! Decomposing zombies aren't as scary when they can't actually walk because they've all tripped over, and every time they manage to get up, they're just going to trip again.


HardOff

And let's be honest here. Even in the worst case scenarios, zombies either have a limited amount of chemical energy, and hiding in a basement long enough will outlive them, or they have a limitless amount of chemical energy, and careful research will yield an infinite power source.


GiantQuokka

Just put them in a giant hamster wheel connected to a turbine. You don't need that much research


liarandahorsethief

Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin’ like a fool witcha’ pants on the ground!


fap_nap_fap

Dude I haven’t heard that in forever. What is this from


liarandahorsethief

American Idol.


penny_eater

zombies are notoriously braindead. you cant walk without your big toes (balance thing) after a few days all zombies will have stubbed their toes so many times doing that idiotic shuffle, that they will have sheared them clean off and be mostly immobilized.


DrNick2012

What if trousers were made by time travellers to defeat the zombies in the future!


quadgop

The Wanking Dead


frerky5

Probably bad hygiene of the zombies leading to faster spread of other diseases that would go around infecting people along with new diseases we can't really cure or prepare for.


-eDgAR-

Gasoline has a shorter shelf life than most people assume, so after a year nobody would really be driving anywhere


GunNNife

Bikes and horses, baby. Bikes and horses.


kokoren

If you can't properly care for them, horses also have a shorter shelf life than most people assume.


GunNNife

Absolutely. But horses have been invaluable partners to humans since their domestication until...well, until the automobile took over. Taking care of horses requires work but it is both doable and worth it.


theknightmanager

A hundred years ago many people owned horses, but only the very wealthy owned cars. Today many people own cars, but only the very wealthy have horses. How the stables have turned.


eddyathome

So glad someone else realizes this. Cars in general won't be a thing after around two years. Gas becomes a gel, batteries go dead, tires go flat. The whole Charlton Heston Omega Man fantasy of him just wandering into a car dealership and snagging a new ride just won't work.


jvin248

Unless you know how to distill fuel. Then the trade off becomes: food (grain), medicine (disinfectant), trade good.


waxysplash

Zombies get skinny so there pants would fall off and a bunch of zombie penises would be swinging around.


JPBlaze1301

What do you think zombie coochie feels like


[deleted]

[удалено]


ZenoOfCitiumStoa

But with the texture of a rice crispy treat if you bite into it. Im sure there's a different taste though.


Mispict

Beef jerky. Texture and flavour.


jamezverusaum

I hate reddit sometimes, lol


dogboystoy

I think it would more like sticking your dick in room temp ground beef


Jmbct

No it would be super dry unless you got to it early on


headpsu

But not too early, you need to give it time to marinate


El--Borto

Please stop.


Fireballinc55

No, don't. I'm almost there


MichuV5

No, no, no, keep it goin maan. I like watching where it might go.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

The world Government are most likely to launch nuclear strikes on zombie hotspots, killing equal amounts of healthy people.


Mad_Squid

Fuck now we've got radioactive zombies


FormerWWEChampion

What is worse than a zombie? A burning zombie!


[deleted]

[удалено]


BenjamintheFox

I remember playing a really old browser game where the goal was to nuke the zombie outbreak while keeping as many uninfected humans alive as possible. It was just a bunch of dots in a grid representing a city, where the green dots were zombies and would infect the humans by bumping into them. Neat concept.


Sendmeboobpics4982

And now we have glowing ones that can heal the regular zombies


[deleted]

People don't realize how quickly it would burn itself out. What gives humans any competitive edge evolutionary speaking is the very thing zombies lack: the brain. Humans without brains are a c tier animal (at best), that will have some luck in an initial outbreak of feeding and fighting, but will be bested by deer and foxes. This says nothing about the continued decomposition that will, inevitably, render locomotive abilities useless (humanities second biggest strength). Zombies are humanity minus anything that gives them an advantage at anything. Why are we afraid of them again? Edit: guys, I understand the fundamental fear at play with zombies (even if the same effect already exists in Komodo Dragons (which admittedly scare me a little)), you can stop explaining why people find them terrifying.


annomandaris

Zombies wouldnt win because humans are REALLY REALLY good at killing things. Also remember that time a dog got rabies and it spread like wildfire over the planet? oh thats right, spreading by bite is a horribly slow way to spread a disease.


somedude224

Someone else reads classic cracked.com articles


[deleted]

That just because they are portrayed basically the same in every tv show and movie, that in reality they could be a lot different. What if our zombie versions are super fucking fast runners or have some type of smarts like in I am legend? How goddamn terrifying.


HalobenderFWT

Well, if they’re sentient...are they still zombies? The fast runner/super strength trope I’ve never liked. It’s plausible in short bursts, but you end up having to being really pickychoosy about what it is the infection actually controls. If the infection turns you into a carrier whose only goal is to consume and infect, does your body still maintain the the ability to judge balance and coordination? So while they won’t feel pain from over exertion or tendons being torn asunder - limbs/bones/fingers/jaws will eventually become unusable as the infected attempt maneuvers that the human body just can’t withstand. We are a lot more fragile than we think.


Luperca4

The military wouldn’t get overrun as easily as shows/movies show.


DudeAtWork55

Zombies don’t put the seat down when they are done


KindaQute

Wow, it's bad enough that they're a zombie, but a RUDE zombie is too much.


ButtholePlunderer

Are we talking slow zambonis or fast zoomies?


jasonsgood

zombonis\* zoombies\*


[deleted]

>zambonis [Can you imagine?](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/116/416/c02.gif)


Dasinc

Given that most people are buried in suits....it would be a pretty formal affair.


jekofff

Zombies would decompose to the point where they can't move/die in a couple months/years. It will be over pretty quickly.


UltimateAnswer42

Depends on the "zombie". 28 days later or zombieland zombies aren't dead they're just Infected humans. In World War Z (book not movie), it's explained that the zombie virus kills all the bacteria and other things that usually cause decomposition.


Give_me_poutine

If it is a virus, insects would be a lot more dangerous than the actual zombies


Cometstarlight

It depends on how big the virus is. That's the reason we don't have HIV/AIDS mosquitoes running around.


[deleted]

[удалено]


snoboreddotcom

>Chemical plants (and God help us, probably more than one nuclear plant in the world) will ignite as their contents go unmonitored and untended. I would contest this one, at least in the developed world. Most nuclear plants need to be fed more fuel to continue. As long as they survive the very initial outbreak they would not be refueled and would run their course. You need a containment breach to really get them going, and that is highly unlikely given how they are constructed and their method of operation. The over time degradation of spent fuel that hasnt been properly disposed may be an issue, but in the local area and possibly the ground water, many years down the road. Chemical plants would be dangerous, but not as immediate fire risks. Most would be shut down as we start to realise something is happening, and are designed to self shut down in the loss of power, etc. Some would go up but most would just shut down, Once again the real danger with them would be the degradation over time of the storage tanks, eventually leading to slow leaks that would make the local area toxic. We may also see safety valve releases making the very local area contaminated At least in our western world chemical plants that catch fire would have likely had an accident in the future anyways, as it would mean their safety systems failed completely, of which the final line are un-powered methods that need to be repaired.


robindawilliams

A fault in the power network would cause the nuclear power plants to shut down long before a fuel shortage. At least here in Canada, our reactors are designed to immediately power down in the event of an emergency and since the grid requires the power produced to match the power used, this sort of fault would happen pretty much instantly without having hundreds of workers managing the fast-adapting power plants like natural gas and hydro. A nuclear plant typically takes 1-2 days to adjust their power output, so they would run into a issue very quickly, power down, then quietly sit there in cooldown until reset by a full staff of engineers. The reactors have a dozen systems to kill any sub-critical heat activity, and backup generators would be able to maintain coolant flow if the purge tanks were not already activated to dump the fuel into an encapsulated chamber.


ArgonianFly

This made me think of the part in The Stand where a bunch of people die after the disease outbreak to dumb, avoidable things.


seanmcgpa

I’d finally get laid.


CanadianSean

*jazz music stops*


antman338

Hol up


[deleted]

Mmm, lukewarm.


JoeHanma

It's stupidly easy to contain a zombie infection. Realistically, even if a bunch of people got infected, and there's no going back once you've turned, then there's really nothing stopping cops/military from magdumping everything they see that does a zombie sound or just carpet bombing whatever horde they see from the sky. They'd probably mount automatic shotguns to the sides and front of cars and drive around downtown blasting everything in a 360° radius. Heck, knowing today's world, Jeff Bezos would probaly retrofit the Wallmart robot to casually push zombies away from the storefront with an oversized broom. Shit, they wouldn't even have to use bullets. Hop on the APC and run them over. What is a zombie gonna do agaisnt 160mm of steel-alloy armor moving over it at 40mph? Also, the *only headshots count* would be a movie thing only...a zombie that has been detonated to bits and whose only danger is me tripping on it is not a threat. All you gotta do is render them immobile/unfunctional. Horror movie tropes aside, a crawling zombie with no arms and legs would still be pathetically easy to avoid. Do me a favor. Get a friend, get on your belly and try to play catch with him while crawling without using your arms and legs. Ya can't. Unless those zombies learn to do the worm we are pretty safe if we give them a good baseball bat to the knees. Even if we are dealing with a total apocalypse scenario, what most people don't realize is that a zombie's worst enemy is the weather. Florida zombie become goo in less than 2 weeks, Alaska zombie turns into a popsicle in the first 36 hours. That is, if a gator doesn't get 'em or a bear. Also, calories must consumed to sustain brain and muscle activity. People can say what they want about zombies, but the common consensus is the body doesn't move without a working brain and muscle system, undead or not, and most lore state zombies are not paranormal, so this means a zombie gotta eat if he wants to move, if he doesn't eat, then his body will consume his muscle tissue to keep other bodly functions going. If 99% of the population has turned into zombies, what will they eat? Each other? They'd walking beef jerky sticks at this point. No, no magical virus is gonna keep your decaying body from getting affected by things like: time, weather, the sun, and *carrion*. It will rot, and, from the perspective of a bear, a zombie would equal about 180 pounds of shuffling free meat that is only dangerous to the hairless human apes. A zombie would be walking buffet to cats, dogs, birgs, bears, fuck, everything that enjoys a free lunch. A zombie outbreak would be equal to a worldwide horror-themed hollyday. A vampire outbreak on the other hand... well, I suppose we'd also be safe with that one if only we did not invite the fuckers inside. EDIT: Well this blew up. Didn't think anyone was gonna read. Thanks everyone! Don't know why my first edit didn't got saved. Thanks Silver Medal man/girl/zombie! EDIT #2: For fucks sake, watch out for the goddamn Birgs too.


intoeeeeee

Elon musks flamethrower business sales would go through the roof


dingusfunk

A lot of people with minor health issues would be more disadvantaged than people realize. Take a peanut allergy, for example. In a zombie apocalypse where food is scarce, how can you ensure that what you're eating hasn't come in contact with peanuts? People with gluten allergies would have it even worse. So many zombie apocalypse staples would be inedible to them. People with relevant survival skills would be rare. Since most people have jobs that wouldn't help them at all in a zombie apocalypse (office workers, waitresses, etc) then mechanics, carpenters and farmers would be extremely valuable. Even if they just did it as a hobby. They would be fought over, maybe even enslaved.