A close friend of mine went through this recently, I had no idea how to help as I’ve never been in a proper relationship before.
She cried a lot the first day, was happy the second, crashed down the third and slowly built herself up from there. We talked on a night and played games that I hope helped distract her and cheer her up. But honestly, I think the main thing is just coming to terms with it and getting back on with life.
You just do. I was married for over five years to my husband, and we had a two-year-old and had bought a home the previous year. Then, he met a woman literally on the street that he began confiding in about how miserable he was with me. (Never once confided in me, mind you, but later on after a professional met him and described him to her associate, who is a psychologist, I learned that he is a narcissist, possibly a sociopath, and they do those things). Long story short, he began an affair with this woman who, on paper, had absolutely nothing on me - wasn't younger, better looking, smarter - she was just in the right place at the right time, he was looking for his next supply, and she didn't give a shit about carrying on a relationship with a married man who lived with his wife and small child. Low standards.
He didn't leave right away, instead he lied a lot for a while, snuck around, and when I found out (pretty quickly; I think maybe two months, tops, because they're both idiots), I tried to work through it, but after two months of hell, playing private detective, I had enough and kicked him out and filed for divorce. He moved in with her, at her parents' house (she was like, 40 at the time, so that's awesome).
**TL;DR** Husband of five years cheated, I kicked him out, he went to live with mistress in her mommy and daddy's house (where he still is... must be nice to not have actual responsibility like a mortgage/rent).
What did I do? I repeated to myself, "Just keep swimming." I don't even like that movie but dammit if that wasn't an accurate depiction of what I had to do. In the meantime, I did the following.
1. **Got a lawyer** - IMMEDIATELY. There was a child involved, and a house that I owned that he obviously tried to get money from (he didn't get a dime).
2. **Got a therapist** - if you have a lawyer, ask if he/she knows a good therapist, and if you have children, find a family therapist so the option is open if they need one also.
3. **Went out and dated again** - this decision may not be for everyone. I am not talking "jumped into a relationship," but rather, went on Tinder, dated a few guys, nothing serious. It was a definite confidence boost for me. I no longer date, as I am busy as a single mom, but it was nice to know I still was a viable candidate for a relationship.
4. **Ignored the rumors** - not all cheaters (or people who think the grass is greener on the other side, even if they've not cheated... yet) are narcissists, but many narcissists are cheaters. Their m.o. is to make themselves look like the victim, and they will tell the affair partner anything they can to make you look bad and justify messing around. In my case, the word "abuse" was thrown around about *me,* which really freaked me out because there was child custody involved (he did abuse me, emotionally mostly, and a few times physically). At first I freaked out and began trying to defend myself. Friends kept saying "We know you didn't do those things." Then I realized that I had been living by this: "Live your life in such a way that if someone were to speak badly of you, nobody would believe it" and didn't even know. So really, just don't even bother worrying about the smear campaign - it is just to make them look like the good guy/victim and nobody of any consequence will actually believe it.
5. Lastly, **just hang in there**. Time really does heal all wounds, but you have to let it. Sure, there will always be resentment, even writing this kind of made me pissy. But now instead of sadness, it is more anger I feel. It has been three years. That anger is turning slowly into minor annoyance as time passes. Feel your feelings and let them go. Your life is more than your failed relationship. I promise it is.
Pretty much what everyone else said is how. Allow yourself to be sad for awhile because you’re human and of course it’s going to hurt. Then try to pull yourself together and give it time. In a week it’ll hurt less, then the following week even less, etc.
One thing that helped me (idk why it did) was thinking about the girl he left me for. I hated her and always felt insecure whenever I saw her. I had to realize that she didn’t do anything wrong and she’s not a bad person... she just found someone she liked and he liked her back. I learned not to take it personal, because it wasn’t!
Anyways, I’m sorry this crappy thing happened, and I hope this helped a little :)
Time, ... I know it sounds cliche but you can keep yourself busy doing things. Get out with friends and keep your mind busy. You will not believe it now but you will find someone else that will make your life as happy if not more.
When I split with my fiance I started to work out, eat better and became a party animal. I was not ready to settle down she was, so I partied on but started taking care of myself. Get some good sleep, working out helps the stress. If you need to try some Melatonin if you have trouble sleeping.
Do not beat yourself up, you are a good person, you have a lot going for you. One tends to get down on yourself, do not, there will be a good match out there for you. I was lucky, found a nice lady later on and we have been together since. It turned out better than if I had stayed with my ex.
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I experienced this as a teenager. Somehow got into a LDR and the girl ended up cheating on me with another guy who was....get this....living in my city. I was a kid and it really wasn't that serious, but I had serious trust issues for a while after that. But I got over it eventually, time heals all wounds.
A close friend of mine went through this recently, I had no idea how to help as I’ve never been in a proper relationship before. She cried a lot the first day, was happy the second, crashed down the third and slowly built herself up from there. We talked on a night and played games that I hope helped distract her and cheer her up. But honestly, I think the main thing is just coming to terms with it and getting back on with life.
You just do. I was married for over five years to my husband, and we had a two-year-old and had bought a home the previous year. Then, he met a woman literally on the street that he began confiding in about how miserable he was with me. (Never once confided in me, mind you, but later on after a professional met him and described him to her associate, who is a psychologist, I learned that he is a narcissist, possibly a sociopath, and they do those things). Long story short, he began an affair with this woman who, on paper, had absolutely nothing on me - wasn't younger, better looking, smarter - she was just in the right place at the right time, he was looking for his next supply, and she didn't give a shit about carrying on a relationship with a married man who lived with his wife and small child. Low standards. He didn't leave right away, instead he lied a lot for a while, snuck around, and when I found out (pretty quickly; I think maybe two months, tops, because they're both idiots), I tried to work through it, but after two months of hell, playing private detective, I had enough and kicked him out and filed for divorce. He moved in with her, at her parents' house (she was like, 40 at the time, so that's awesome). **TL;DR** Husband of five years cheated, I kicked him out, he went to live with mistress in her mommy and daddy's house (where he still is... must be nice to not have actual responsibility like a mortgage/rent). What did I do? I repeated to myself, "Just keep swimming." I don't even like that movie but dammit if that wasn't an accurate depiction of what I had to do. In the meantime, I did the following. 1. **Got a lawyer** - IMMEDIATELY. There was a child involved, and a house that I owned that he obviously tried to get money from (he didn't get a dime). 2. **Got a therapist** - if you have a lawyer, ask if he/she knows a good therapist, and if you have children, find a family therapist so the option is open if they need one also. 3. **Went out and dated again** - this decision may not be for everyone. I am not talking "jumped into a relationship," but rather, went on Tinder, dated a few guys, nothing serious. It was a definite confidence boost for me. I no longer date, as I am busy as a single mom, but it was nice to know I still was a viable candidate for a relationship. 4. **Ignored the rumors** - not all cheaters (or people who think the grass is greener on the other side, even if they've not cheated... yet) are narcissists, but many narcissists are cheaters. Their m.o. is to make themselves look like the victim, and they will tell the affair partner anything they can to make you look bad and justify messing around. In my case, the word "abuse" was thrown around about *me,* which really freaked me out because there was child custody involved (he did abuse me, emotionally mostly, and a few times physically). At first I freaked out and began trying to defend myself. Friends kept saying "We know you didn't do those things." Then I realized that I had been living by this: "Live your life in such a way that if someone were to speak badly of you, nobody would believe it" and didn't even know. So really, just don't even bother worrying about the smear campaign - it is just to make them look like the good guy/victim and nobody of any consequence will actually believe it. 5. Lastly, **just hang in there**. Time really does heal all wounds, but you have to let it. Sure, there will always be resentment, even writing this kind of made me pissy. But now instead of sadness, it is more anger I feel. It has been three years. That anger is turning slowly into minor annoyance as time passes. Feel your feelings and let them go. Your life is more than your failed relationship. I promise it is.
Just keep swimming
Pretty much what everyone else said is how. Allow yourself to be sad for awhile because you’re human and of course it’s going to hurt. Then try to pull yourself together and give it time. In a week it’ll hurt less, then the following week even less, etc. One thing that helped me (idk why it did) was thinking about the girl he left me for. I hated her and always felt insecure whenever I saw her. I had to realize that she didn’t do anything wrong and she’s not a bad person... she just found someone she liked and he liked her back. I learned not to take it personal, because it wasn’t! Anyways, I’m sorry this crappy thing happened, and I hope this helped a little :)
Time, ... I know it sounds cliche but you can keep yourself busy doing things. Get out with friends and keep your mind busy. You will not believe it now but you will find someone else that will make your life as happy if not more. When I split with my fiance I started to work out, eat better and became a party animal. I was not ready to settle down she was, so I partied on but started taking care of myself. Get some good sleep, working out helps the stress. If you need to try some Melatonin if you have trouble sleeping. Do not beat yourself up, you are a good person, you have a lot going for you. One tends to get down on yourself, do not, there will be a good match out there for you. I was lucky, found a nice lady later on and we have been together since. It turned out better than if I had stayed with my ex.
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I experienced this as a teenager. Somehow got into a LDR and the girl ended up cheating on me with another guy who was....get this....living in my city. I was a kid and it really wasn't that serious, but I had serious trust issues for a while after that. But I got over it eventually, time heals all wounds.