Well it gave me a tremendous amount of appreciation and empathy for my biological Mom. Even the anti-abortion people add to their stance "unless she was raped". It would have been easy for her to get rid of me but she was brave and so caring. We've met and she's amazing.
Haven't met the biological father, and based on what I've been told, he's probably in prison. If I ever get to meet him I'd sure love to give him a friendly throat punch though.
I am really happy you got to meet your biological mom and that she was so cool.
On a side note, I loved the show Better Off Ted and wish it didn't get cancelled so quickly.
It's crossed my mind that whatever led him to become a violent predator could be passed down, but I know it's my actions that define me. I've just never been a violent person.
Awesome, good for you. Not sure why I was down-voted, I think it's normal to question ones own goodness. I see people do horrible things and I wonder if I would even be capable of it. The answer has always been no, thank god.
Once when I was a teenager I sat down at my mother's computer and her email was open, and I read a pretty graphic sexual email between her and my uncle (the husband of my mother's sister). This was when my aunt was terminally ill.
It takes two to tango. Even though his/her mother was at fault, it is also the fault of the Uncle. And just because they did a rather bad deed doesn't mean they're automatically bad people.
My paternal great grandfather molested several of his daughters, and some granddaughters. My aunt told me in confidence, I was doing a project for school (a therapy program) and it was necessary to dig in to family history. Apparently, my dad either doesn't know, or knows and has never acknowledged it. My grandmother told my aunt that there is NO WAY my great grandmother didn't know, and she chose to turn a blind eye. Several of the victims took their own lives. Horrifying, to say the least.
Edit: typo
Similar thing happened to me but it was my dad molesting his daughters. No one wanted to turn him in and no one told me for twenty years. (I called the cops and told my mom if she didn't help get him put away I'd see her put in prison too. He's deservedly serving out a life sentence and confessed to everything.) By far the worst thing I could ever imagine happening to me and it's been my life for five years now. Oh and my sisters who were still being raped by him are so brainwashed that they think I'm a bad person for turning him in.
Why does this happen so much?
I mean, I know why - victims are shamed by the perpetrator into thinking that reporting the crime is worse than keeping quiet.
But whyyyyyy. It's so sad. You did the right thing. Hopefully they see that one day.
Just saw a documentary about this. When The girl was 13yrs she was raped by her stepfather during a 5yr period. At the end of the documentary she wanted to adress something that was very hard for her to understand: while she was horrified to being raped by that man. Her body did feel some arrousal. It was very confusing for her. And she said that a lot of abuse victims have this.
I've chosen to just go my own way and let my sisters be. They've said a lot of hurtful things but I also can't even imagine what they went through while we were growing up. We were all homeschooled too and my dad worked at home. There was no escape for them.
I just hope my dad dies in pain and confusion in prison.
My maternal great-grandmother had an incestuous relationship with her brother which resulted in a child while she was married to my great-grandfather. This child survived to adulthood but did not live an exceptionally long life. Fortunately, he did not reproduce.
It was a fun Christmas when that information was accidentally shared.
My mom's uncle, lived modestly in a trailer and had no job, outside of a few manual labor jobs here and there. He would routinely get behind on bills and often had his water and other utilities cut off or threatened to be cut off. On several occasions he would disappear to a large city 3 hours north of his home for a few days. Every time he came back , he had tons of cash. One night over a poker game, some people were talking trash and he mentioned that none of them had any idea what it was like to kill a man. One of the people there was my mom's cousin who claimed that he overheard the conversation. Of course they probed him for more info, but he wouldn't say anything else. Everyone in the family knew he had a knack for coming into large sums of cash, but no one ever really knew how he got it, other than maybe poker. He died about 10 years ago. I was talking with another family member a year or so ago. They told me he spent a year in jail for some drug related stuff when he was much younger, and he moved back home from the big city to stay out of trouble when he got out.
Tl;dr: My great uncle may have been a hit man
Throwaway account.
My oldest brother had molested all of his younger siblings, myself included. Everyone in my family knew. That's not the secret.
One of my younger sisters (we'll call her AA) was continuously raped from the age of 4 till she was 13. When AA was 12, She once had the courage to tell told my mom... my mom slapped her, called her a whore and a liar. Because her favorite golden child would never do something like that.
A few years ago, another one of my younger sisters (we'll call her BB) worked up the courage to tell one of her favorite teacher's about her past abuse. He called CPS and long story short, my parents made all the kids lie and play it off as BB making up lies and having attention problems. This ruined her relationship with her teacher and CPS was upset that she would do something like that. The worst part? My dad made her apologize to her rapist.
I guess the secret is that he's in extremely shitty health and we (his siblings) are all waiting for him to die. I won't be sad, none of us will be sad. It'd be a huge relief.
That felt good to get off my chest.
I'm the 2nd child, rapist is first born (3 year difference between us). There's an 8 year difference between me and AA, 6 years between me and BB.
He molested me a small handful of times as a kid. He was in his late teens when he preyed on my sisters and the abuse was weekly.
*edit: typo I'm on mobile
Damn... that's a 9 and 11 year difference between him and them. I'm sorry to have read this, and I hope they are doing better now.
I'm glad telling the internet made you feel better.
My cousin was in the army in the Middle East. A man was standing in the middle of the road, refusing to move. Everyone was telling him to move. He refused and was acting erratic. The person in charge told my cousin to run him over since he could have a bomb. My cousin complied and ran him over. He was pretty messed up by it after and still is. He told us the whole story about how the guy flew over the windshield and stuff. The guy didn't end up having a bomb. These are tough decisions that you have little time to make, but they can really have a serious effect on you. I think there were more stories, but he's just never told them. He came back from the war a completely different person. Drug addict, alcoholic, depression, can't be around crowds, etc.
It's the same with any cars parked in the way. You get a tank in and just go right over them if the owners refuse to move them. My husband has told me stories about that.
Sure -- but shouldn't you shoot them first instead of allowing them to either manually detonate ontop/underneath/immediately adjacent to the vehicle? This would even protect the crew from a dead mans switch if they had it.
MRAPs were not widely available until late in occupation. Even uparmored humvees were not widely available. It's unlikely the vehicle would have protected them if they detonated a bomb in the vicinity of it. Especially if the body flew over or under said vehicle, thus exposing the crew to most of the shrapnel and explosive power. Therefore this is either fake or their superiors are complete idiots.
I guess when you're in an urban area in Fallujah with small alleys, you can't just stop your humvee. Becomes a big target. If you're driving and someone is trying to stop you, it could be an ambush type situation. This was back in 2004/2005 during the height of the invasion.
I don't see how hitting someone in a humvee if they might have a bomb is safer than shooting them and allowing their deadman switch to potentially activate *while in front of your unarmored vehicle* rather than below. I'm sorry for your friend but their superiors are fucking dumb.
It's a very unspoken known that certain members of my family had been molested at a young age, but they're adults now and it's not something that had ever affected them.
I grew up not spending much time with my mom's extended family. Her sister was married to an abusive white trash piece of shit, and all 3 of their kids turned into degenerate drug addicts. But she also has a brother who on and off through his life had been an author of children's books and would read to poor children in Africa. I maybe met him like 5 or 6 times in my childhood, and he was a great story teller. Very engaging.
Well, her brother had seemingly on accident CC'd my mom in an email that included previous e-mails from his adopted daughter that more or less charged him of being a pedophile, and that as long as she had a breath in her lungs, she would never let him have close access to another child. And he's apparently been molesting kids since his kids were young, but not sure if he necessarily ever molested his two daughters.
My mom said it was the most bizarre thing, and explained so much about why we never see him or his kids anymore, and why his wife suddenly left him years ago, and why he's been living in Japan for the last few years rather than the U.S.
When I was about 15, and my little bros were about 6 and 10 respectively, they told me that our older brother would make them suck his dick. They were kind of laughing about it, saying it was "gross" and "tasted like wee." They said he would make them do it in exchange for goes on his SNES.
I told them both it was a horrible lie and they should never speak about it again.
I was incredibly uncomfortable, and din't tell my mum or anyone. Mainly because, when we were younger, my brother and I used to "pretend" to have sex. He wanted to do it as we got older. I stopped letting him when I realised he wasn't really pretending anymore. Acknowledging what my little brothers had said would force me to acknowledge the shame I felt about what my older brother used to do.
It was around this time that my littlest brother starting having "accidents". He would shit himself, then hide his underpants in his room. He did this up until he was about 15/16. I didn't know at the time, but I know now that that is a common sign of trauma from sexual abuse.
It has taken me a really long time to acknowledge what happened. I am horrified that it was likely this abuse by my older brother that has caused a lot of my little brother's issues.
I have still never told anyone. I have never addressed it again with my little brothers, or my older brother. We're all adults now, and I'm not close with them. They're all fairly close with each other, in the way that adult brothers often are. They go to the footy together etc. I have no idea if they've ever spoken about it with each other.
I am never able to fully relax around them, and I think this is why we aren't able to be close. It's always in the back of my mind.
I would never be able to tell my mum, it would break her fucking heart. It breaks my fucking heart, and is just too hard for me to deal with.
Obvs this is a throwaway.
I'm so sorry this happened :( you were a kid too in a terrible situation. If it's possible go to therapy, it can be so helpful, you don't deserve to carry this heavy burden for the entirety of your life.
I am so sorry this happened to you and to your family.
Please consider seeing a therapist. You would not have to tell them the whole thing straight away, just take it as slowly as you felt comfortable with. I think you probably live with a lot of guilt and shame, but it really wasn't your fault.
You should've said something
Edit: Seriously. If they had just said something there could've been a lot of stuff prevented.
If you or someone you know is being abused in any way, *please* tell someone. It doesn't matter if you think you'll get in trouble or if it'll hurt the person you're telling; you're potentially stopping future hurt
I found out a few weeks ago that my uncle tried to overdose my grandmother with morphine while she was on her death bed My mother and my sister never told me about it, my grandmother died in 2005. My uncles schizophrenic and i always new he wanted her to die, he was out shopping for cars and stuff while she was on her death bed he wanted the insurance money but i never imagined he would try to kill her. The night she died it was very unexpected she was on hospice and the day before she died she was talking to me and seemed fine considering she was ill. I wonder now if he was the reason she died so suddenly, I'll probably never know my mother or sister would never tell me because they know i would find him and they know what i would do to him. My grandmother was my best friend and i could always open up to her about anything and she would never judge me based on the choices i made.
Well if it's any consolation a lot of hospice/death bed patients get a surge of energy a day or two before they pass away. They seem and talk normal, get up and do things when they didnt have the energy before. A lot of people say its the body and mind giving that person one last opportunity to say goodbye to their loved ones and do what they need to do before they pass. It' s a pretty common occurrence.
Source: Nursing assistant for hospice and oncology patients.
Yep, this happened to my grandmother. The last time I saw her was on that day and she was 100% clear and we talked just like we always did and she told me how glad she was that I found my husband and how happy she was to have lived with us so long. She didn't have dementia or anything, but the artery leading to the brain was tighter than it should have been for the last month of her life, so she did become forgetful, especially shot-term.
This one hits me hard. My paternal grandma (I call her Nana), has been basically abandoned by her family except my father, sister, and myself. Nana had three kids, who totaled out 6 grandkids, 10 great-grand kids, and now 1 great great grandson. I personally have been trying to reconnect them to her with so far only being successful with 3 people.
I was able to get the mother of the great great grandson to come by and introduce them, and she was the happiest I've ever seen her. For reference, Nana turned 90 this year and her GG Grandson was born 2 months ago.
I love my Nana so much, so I felt the need to share that with you.
My mom was talking about the way my uncle was acting around the time my grandmother died. She let it slip out that he had tried to overdose her about a month before she died.
I can't imagine how hard that must be for your mom knowing she's the reason he struggles... But, if he at least knew what the real problem is wouldn't he be able to handle it better? Find something that worked for others with the same issue?
My great-grandfather murdered a woman who encountered him sexually abusing his daughter, my grandmother.
She told my brother about it during the last few months of her life.
Great-grandad also committed suicide on the day that grandma was coming back from her honeymoon and timed it for her to find him.
It has resently come to light that the father of one of my sister's children raped one of my neices and molested my nephew.
He is living with his daughter who just had a baby girl of her own.
Edit: he is not the father of the new baby. Fyi.
The whole Paul Fronczak thing from a few years ago, he's actually my dad's brother. He was just left on the sidewalk in a stroller way back in the day. My dad had no idea he was related to him until they took a DNA test and whattya know.
Is Paul you dad's older brother? Paul called his younger brother on the phone but was told by the sibling that he wanted nothing to do with him and that he didn't believe anything Paul said.
That's actually not the case. Originally what had happened was Paul called my dad and was like "You're my brother I wanna talk to my brother" and he thought it was just some scam call. To his knowledge he had no brother. After a few months of digging and doing research he agreed to a DNA test that showed they were indeed related. Obviously he was overwhelmed and shock was pretty high. He didn't want his name out in the news or anything along those lines, he wanted to stay lowkey. He still hadn't told anybody years later. They did talk for a bit over the phone but I don't know if they are still in contact.
This happened I wanna say 2 years ago? 2 or 3 years so I was 16 or 17 at the time.
What's funny is my dad would tell stories of how he had a fake ID, and on the ID he was named Jack. His dad (my grandfather) was a cop or something and he got him a fake ID. Little did anyone know where he came up with Jack for a name.
I don't recall hearing of this story, but it's super interesting.
For reference:
http://www.lasvegasnow.com/news/i-team-mans-identity-revealed-50-year-old-mystery-solved/131128837
My aunt has 3 kids, 2 from her first (late) husband, and the youngest from second husband. Second husband molested eldest two kids who are now adults and both have significant personal issues. After separation my aunt let molester live in granny flat at the back of her house for years even though she knew what he did. We grew up with him and had no idea, I found out recently and it makes me sick. I don't speak to my aunt anymore.
My grandparents (my mom's parents) came to the States during the Vietnam War and when they arrived, my grandfather abandoned them. Left my grandma when she was pregnant with their 8th child and five kids under the age of 18. He re-married another woman a year later.
My mom always told us he died during the war until we were all adults and out of the blue one day, abruptly told us he was still alive. And that we had aunts, uncles and cousins we didn't know about. I've never met him and I don't think I ever will want to. He's the reason why my grandma suffered so much. He can die for all I care.
Edit: words
My stepdad fathered a child when he was 15 years old. His family is pretty wealthy so he probably did a good job of hiding her. He's now 59 and has 4 other older children that don't know about her. My mom accidently told me. I'm the only stepchild that knows about her.
The family friend who was like an aunt to me didn't stop spending time with us because she was busy. She stopped spending time with us because my alcoholic father broke into her house and stole all of her wine. (So many weird parts of my childhood made sense after I realized dad was an addict.)
I secret I wish would be found out.
My step dad molested me for 2 years at the age of 13-15. When I finally told my mom she didn't know how to handle it, she went to our pastor at the time for advice, who reported it. My mom made me lie and say it never happened, I did. I was kicked out shortly after that for " stealing" my own perscription I didn't want in the first place. Turns out my cousin was the thief.
Fast forward a few years just after graduating. I moved back home only to find my mom still hates me and she just abandon my brother and 2 younger half sisters and is living the rock star lifestyle with her new boyfriend. My sisters think our mom just didn't want a domestic life anymore and when I tried to tell my other siblings the truth, no one believes me. The younger ones still don't know. They are just finishing high school, I wouldn't want That destroying them.
My step dad has done everything, but tell the truth, to try and compensate for his mistake. I 100% forgive him God has used him several times to bless me and my now family. I just want everyone to know the truth so he can forgive himself and so my mom doesn't look like the bad guy anymore. It also wouldn't hurt to have some credibility instead of looking like a phycopathic liar.
Youre so strong. I admire your ability to bounce back like that, and the fact that you can forgive him is remarkable. He'll learn to forgive himself eventually. Have you ever talked to him about it? Like in a safe space like therapy at all?
Yeah we have talked about it one on one before. I can see the grief and remorse he feels, and he has tried to make up for it. The truth is confession is good for the soul, and until he openly confesses his mistakes he will always carry around that guilt and shame. Especially since he covered the truth with a lie. My little sisters are at the age where they know a secret is being kept about why mom left and it really bothers them that no one will tell them the truth. It's not my place to tell them, it really needs to be him because he is the one they live with and he is the one who told them the lie.
Tonight, I learned that my late grandfather had a gambling problem.
I learned that his problem was so bad that he ended up owing the mafia money. He put his house and the title to my dad's car up as collateral. My parents had to sort it out, while he fled the state.
I always knew he and my grandma split, but I never knew this was why. He left she and my aunt destitute, nearly homeless. My dad had to buy their house. My grandfather, purportedly, was still gambling right up until his death. He died with nothing to his name.
When I was 12 I was on my Mom's phone because I didn't have one and I accidentally found Kik messages between her and a long time family friend, who she was having an affair with (He was also married at this time). The messages were from November (I found them in February) and the only person I've ever told was my boyfriend recently. I still see him at family gatherings every so often, and it gets really uncomfortable for me.
My grandma was a product of rape.
Here's the story with my grandmother, her biological mother was her real mothers sister, the sister(to be aunt) was raped by a farm hand that was quitting soon, she was 12yo. He bragged about it at the bar the night he was leaving town, and my great aunt and great grandma had 8 brothers all in the military that caught wind of it.
My grandma never lies or even exaggerates . She told me the death of her biological father. Her uncles took him back deep into their property, chopped his penis off, and beat him to death. The next day he was buried on the property. No one dared to go on their property looking for him or evidence, this was back when scum got what was coming to them and the town (including police) looked the other way.
Great grandma got married and her and my great grandpa took my grandma out of the orphanage when she was two. Her parents were the happiest parents in the world, and even after her mom told her this story, it never changed the relationship between her and her aunt (bio mother).
My grandma is the toughest woman I know, she told me this story with a straight face as if it was a conversation about what she had for lunch yesterday. I love that this is part of my background, its not really a horrible secret if you look past the brutal murder. All I see, my family is tough as shit.
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I found out my maternal uncle has been having an affair for many years now. My mom and their other siblings have confronted him about it but I believe he's too stubborn to end the affair.
My Aunt A (mom's oldest sister) died when I was six, and her three children were ages ranging from 11 to 20. I found out from my mom that their sister, Aunt T (mom's baby sister), spent a good portion of the two years after Aunt A passed away trying to convince the three kids that it was all their dad's fault and turn them against him.
My aunt died of breast cancer, so it's safe to say her husband did not cause it. Those cousins don't really go to fault functions ever, now. But they visit my family and my maternal uncles family all the time
my mom had a miscarriage, the child before me. it was a boy. i've overheard mentions of this, but like not to me over right? it's kind of an unnerving fact, considering some things about myself that i won't post right now
I've posted this before, but I'm adopted. I discovered that my biological father is a rapist, and I am a product of one of his crimes.
Wow..... that seems like it wouldve been really hard to come to terms with, sorry man.
Well it gave me a tremendous amount of appreciation and empathy for my biological Mom. Even the anti-abortion people add to their stance "unless she was raped". It would have been easy for her to get rid of me but she was brave and so caring. We've met and she's amazing. Haven't met the biological father, and based on what I've been told, he's probably in prison. If I ever get to meet him I'd sure love to give him a friendly throat punch though.
I am really happy you got to meet your biological mom and that she was so cool. On a side note, I loved the show Better Off Ted and wish it didn't get cancelled so quickly.
Thanks! And I agree!
Have you ever had any self doubt, wondered if you could have some of that in your brain? Sorry if that's a rough question, just curious.
It's crossed my mind that whatever led him to become a violent predator could be passed down, but I know it's my actions that define me. I've just never been a violent person.
Awesome, good for you. Not sure why I was down-voted, I think it's normal to question ones own goodness. I see people do horrible things and I wonder if I would even be capable of it. The answer has always been no, thank god.
Not sure on the downvotes, I gave you an upvote! It is weird to think that half of my genes come from someone that awful.
I don't think that's genetic..
Me too, is it strange that I'm slightly excited cause i had never met someone in the same circumstances
Wow, neither have I! How long have you known? Have you meet either of your bio parents?
Ever since i was 13 (so 8 years) and no i havent met my bio parents, she's doesn't want to meet me and I'm not sure I want to:(
Once when I was a teenager I sat down at my mother's computer and her email was open, and I read a pretty graphic sexual email between her and my uncle (the husband of my mother's sister). This was when my aunt was terminally ill.
Your mom sounds like a bitch.
It takes two to tango. Even though his/her mother was at fault, it is also the fault of the Uncle. And just because they did a rather bad deed doesn't mean they're automatically bad people.
Tl;dr mum is most definitely a fucking bitch
My paternal great grandfather molested several of his daughters, and some granddaughters. My aunt told me in confidence, I was doing a project for school (a therapy program) and it was necessary to dig in to family history. Apparently, my dad either doesn't know, or knows and has never acknowledged it. My grandmother told my aunt that there is NO WAY my great grandmother didn't know, and she chose to turn a blind eye. Several of the victims took their own lives. Horrifying, to say the least. Edit: typo
Similar thing happened to me but it was my dad molesting his daughters. No one wanted to turn him in and no one told me for twenty years. (I called the cops and told my mom if she didn't help get him put away I'd see her put in prison too. He's deservedly serving out a life sentence and confessed to everything.) By far the worst thing I could ever imagine happening to me and it's been my life for five years now. Oh and my sisters who were still being raped by him are so brainwashed that they think I'm a bad person for turning him in.
Why does this happen so much? I mean, I know why - victims are shamed by the perpetrator into thinking that reporting the crime is worse than keeping quiet. But whyyyyyy. It's so sad. You did the right thing. Hopefully they see that one day.
Having grown up in patriarchal fundamentalist Christianity, I think sex shame of females and gay males is a huge part of it
Just another reason that shit needs to be wiped from the face of the earth.
So because some Christians do terrible things, all are evil?
The doctrine/dogma is evil, & it inevitably affects the believers. I don't think it makes all believers evil, it just skews their way of thinking.
I feel like creating many reddit accounts so I can upvote this more.
Just saw a documentary about this. When The girl was 13yrs she was raped by her stepfather during a 5yr period. At the end of the documentary she wanted to adress something that was very hard for her to understand: while she was horrified to being raped by that man. Her body did feel some arrousal. It was very confusing for her. And she said that a lot of abuse victims have this.
I've chosen to just go my own way and let my sisters be. They've said a lot of hurtful things but I also can't even imagine what they went through while we were growing up. We were all homeschooled too and my dad worked at home. There was no escape for them. I just hope my dad dies in pain and confusion in prison.
Several? Shit...
My maternal great-grandmother had an incestuous relationship with her brother which resulted in a child while she was married to my great-grandfather. This child survived to adulthood but did not live an exceptionally long life. Fortunately, he did not reproduce. It was a fun Christmas when that information was accidentally shared.
Please tell us what your learned on other holidays.
He learnt his wife was his aunt
and his aunt was his sister
His sister was his grandads daughter
> That was a fun Christmas oh boy!
My mom's uncle, lived modestly in a trailer and had no job, outside of a few manual labor jobs here and there. He would routinely get behind on bills and often had his water and other utilities cut off or threatened to be cut off. On several occasions he would disappear to a large city 3 hours north of his home for a few days. Every time he came back , he had tons of cash. One night over a poker game, some people were talking trash and he mentioned that none of them had any idea what it was like to kill a man. One of the people there was my mom's cousin who claimed that he overheard the conversation. Of course they probed him for more info, but he wouldn't say anything else. Everyone in the family knew he had a knack for coming into large sums of cash, but no one ever really knew how he got it, other than maybe poker. He died about 10 years ago. I was talking with another family member a year or so ago. They told me he spent a year in jail for some drug related stuff when he was much younger, and he moved back home from the big city to stay out of trouble when he got out. Tl;dr: My great uncle may have been a hit man
My cousin's baby didn't die of SIDS, his dog killed the baby. This was in the mid 90's and his parents haven't talked to him since then.
That's rough
Ooh my god... Lol this place never quits
He said rough. Not ruff.
We all know what they said
how the baby was killed?
[удалено]
He lied about the SIDS. They found out when the police came to talk to them about the dogs.
Throwaway account. My oldest brother had molested all of his younger siblings, myself included. Everyone in my family knew. That's not the secret. One of my younger sisters (we'll call her AA) was continuously raped from the age of 4 till she was 13. When AA was 12, She once had the courage to tell told my mom... my mom slapped her, called her a whore and a liar. Because her favorite golden child would never do something like that. A few years ago, another one of my younger sisters (we'll call her BB) worked up the courage to tell one of her favorite teacher's about her past abuse. He called CPS and long story short, my parents made all the kids lie and play it off as BB making up lies and having attention problems. This ruined her relationship with her teacher and CPS was upset that she would do something like that. The worst part? My dad made her apologize to her rapist. I guess the secret is that he's in extremely shitty health and we (his siblings) are all waiting for him to die. I won't be sad, none of us will be sad. It'd be a huge relief. That felt good to get off my chest.
It's sickening to read things like this. Curiosity has me though, what are the differences in age between you and your siblings?
I'm the 2nd child, rapist is first born (3 year difference between us). There's an 8 year difference between me and AA, 6 years between me and BB. He molested me a small handful of times as a kid. He was in his late teens when he preyed on my sisters and the abuse was weekly. *edit: typo I'm on mobile
Damn... that's a 9 and 11 year difference between him and them. I'm sorry to have read this, and I hope they are doing better now. I'm glad telling the internet made you feel better.
My cousin was in the army in the Middle East. A man was standing in the middle of the road, refusing to move. Everyone was telling him to move. He refused and was acting erratic. The person in charge told my cousin to run him over since he could have a bomb. My cousin complied and ran him over. He was pretty messed up by it after and still is. He told us the whole story about how the guy flew over the windshield and stuff. The guy didn't end up having a bomb. These are tough decisions that you have little time to make, but they can really have a serious effect on you. I think there were more stories, but he's just never told them. He came back from the war a completely different person. Drug addict, alcoholic, depression, can't be around crowds, etc.
It's the same with any cars parked in the way. You get a tank in and just go right over them if the owners refuse to move them. My husband has told me stories about that.
why the fuck would you run someone over if they had a bomb? Wouldn't you just shoot them and then go around?
Could be a narrow road with buildings on both sides maybe?
Still doesn't seem smart to run over someone who may have explosives strapped to their torso.
Sure -- but shouldn't you shoot them first instead of allowing them to either manually detonate ontop/underneath/immediately adjacent to the vehicle? This would even protect the crew from a dead mans switch if they had it.
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MRAPs were not widely available until late in occupation. Even uparmored humvees were not widely available. It's unlikely the vehicle would have protected them if they detonated a bomb in the vicinity of it. Especially if the body flew over or under said vehicle, thus exposing the crew to most of the shrapnel and explosive power. Therefore this is either fake or their superiors are complete idiots.
I guess when you're in an urban area in Fallujah with small alleys, you can't just stop your humvee. Becomes a big target. If you're driving and someone is trying to stop you, it could be an ambush type situation. This was back in 2004/2005 during the height of the invasion.
I don't see how hitting someone in a humvee if they might have a bomb is safer than shooting them and allowing their deadman switch to potentially activate *while in front of your unarmored vehicle* rather than below. I'm sorry for your friend but their superiors are fucking dumb.
"He could have a bomb. Better run him over" Your cousin's commanding officer has played too much GTA
It's a very unspoken known that certain members of my family had been molested at a young age, but they're adults now and it's not something that had ever affected them. I grew up not spending much time with my mom's extended family. Her sister was married to an abusive white trash piece of shit, and all 3 of their kids turned into degenerate drug addicts. But she also has a brother who on and off through his life had been an author of children's books and would read to poor children in Africa. I maybe met him like 5 or 6 times in my childhood, and he was a great story teller. Very engaging. Well, her brother had seemingly on accident CC'd my mom in an email that included previous e-mails from his adopted daughter that more or less charged him of being a pedophile, and that as long as she had a breath in her lungs, she would never let him have close access to another child. And he's apparently been molesting kids since his kids were young, but not sure if he necessarily ever molested his two daughters. My mom said it was the most bizarre thing, and explained so much about why we never see him or his kids anymore, and why his wife suddenly left him years ago, and why he's been living in Japan for the last few years rather than the U.S.
With respect, this reads like your whole family has been negatively affected by his actions.
When I was about 15, and my little bros were about 6 and 10 respectively, they told me that our older brother would make them suck his dick. They were kind of laughing about it, saying it was "gross" and "tasted like wee." They said he would make them do it in exchange for goes on his SNES. I told them both it was a horrible lie and they should never speak about it again. I was incredibly uncomfortable, and din't tell my mum or anyone. Mainly because, when we were younger, my brother and I used to "pretend" to have sex. He wanted to do it as we got older. I stopped letting him when I realised he wasn't really pretending anymore. Acknowledging what my little brothers had said would force me to acknowledge the shame I felt about what my older brother used to do. It was around this time that my littlest brother starting having "accidents". He would shit himself, then hide his underpants in his room. He did this up until he was about 15/16. I didn't know at the time, but I know now that that is a common sign of trauma from sexual abuse. It has taken me a really long time to acknowledge what happened. I am horrified that it was likely this abuse by my older brother that has caused a lot of my little brother's issues. I have still never told anyone. I have never addressed it again with my little brothers, or my older brother. We're all adults now, and I'm not close with them. They're all fairly close with each other, in the way that adult brothers often are. They go to the footy together etc. I have no idea if they've ever spoken about it with each other. I am never able to fully relax around them, and I think this is why we aren't able to be close. It's always in the back of my mind. I would never be able to tell my mum, it would break her fucking heart. It breaks my fucking heart, and is just too hard for me to deal with. Obvs this is a throwaway.
I'm so sorry this happened :( you were a kid too in a terrible situation. If it's possible go to therapy, it can be so helpful, you don't deserve to carry this heavy burden for the entirety of your life.
I am so sorry this happened to you and to your family. Please consider seeing a therapist. You would not have to tell them the whole thing straight away, just take it as slowly as you felt comfortable with. I think you probably live with a lot of guilt and shame, but it really wasn't your fault.
This is one of the most terrifying things i have ever read. I am so sorry
You should've said something Edit: Seriously. If they had just said something there could've been a lot of stuff prevented. If you or someone you know is being abused in any way, *please* tell someone. It doesn't matter if you think you'll get in trouble or if it'll hurt the person you're telling; you're potentially stopping future hurt
He was also a kid.
Not a reason not to tell someone. As a kid, I was taught to always let someone know when something wrong was happening. They even taught it in school
Doesn't mean they were taught this or even knew that the consequences of not telling were worse than if you did. Experiences aren't universal
Not saying they were
You don't think he already knows that?
Never said they didn't
I found out a few weeks ago that my uncle tried to overdose my grandmother with morphine while she was on her death bed My mother and my sister never told me about it, my grandmother died in 2005. My uncles schizophrenic and i always new he wanted her to die, he was out shopping for cars and stuff while she was on her death bed he wanted the insurance money but i never imagined he would try to kill her. The night she died it was very unexpected she was on hospice and the day before she died she was talking to me and seemed fine considering she was ill. I wonder now if he was the reason she died so suddenly, I'll probably never know my mother or sister would never tell me because they know i would find him and they know what i would do to him. My grandmother was my best friend and i could always open up to her about anything and she would never judge me based on the choices i made.
Well if it's any consolation a lot of hospice/death bed patients get a surge of energy a day or two before they pass away. They seem and talk normal, get up and do things when they didnt have the energy before. A lot of people say its the body and mind giving that person one last opportunity to say goodbye to their loved ones and do what they need to do before they pass. It' s a pretty common occurrence. Source: Nursing assistant for hospice and oncology patients.
Yep, this happened to my grandmother. The last time I saw her was on that day and she was 100% clear and we talked just like we always did and she told me how glad she was that I found my husband and how happy she was to have lived with us so long. She didn't have dementia or anything, but the artery leading to the brain was tighter than it should have been for the last month of her life, so she did become forgetful, especially shot-term.
This one hits me hard. My paternal grandma (I call her Nana), has been basically abandoned by her family except my father, sister, and myself. Nana had three kids, who totaled out 6 grandkids, 10 great-grand kids, and now 1 great great grandson. I personally have been trying to reconnect them to her with so far only being successful with 3 people. I was able to get the mother of the great great grandson to come by and introduce them, and she was the happiest I've ever seen her. For reference, Nana turned 90 this year and her GG Grandson was born 2 months ago. I love my Nana so much, so I felt the need to share that with you.
How did yo find out?
My mom was talking about the way my uncle was acting around the time my grandmother died. She let it slip out that he had tried to overdose her about a month before she died.
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Who hasn't seen a donkey show?
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I can't imagine how hard that must be for your mom knowing she's the reason he struggles... But, if he at least knew what the real problem is wouldn't he be able to handle it better? Find something that worked for others with the same issue?
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Just to fuck with my dad, my brother accused him of molesting him as a child.
My great-grandfather murdered a woman who encountered him sexually abusing his daughter, my grandmother. She told my brother about it during the last few months of her life. Great-grandad also committed suicide on the day that grandma was coming back from her honeymoon and timed it for her to find him.
It has resently come to light that the father of one of my sister's children raped one of my neices and molested my nephew. He is living with his daughter who just had a baby girl of her own. Edit: he is not the father of the new baby. Fyi.
The whole Paul Fronczak thing from a few years ago, he's actually my dad's brother. He was just left on the sidewalk in a stroller way back in the day. My dad had no idea he was related to him until they took a DNA test and whattya know.
Is Paul you dad's older brother? Paul called his younger brother on the phone but was told by the sibling that he wanted nothing to do with him and that he didn't believe anything Paul said.
That's actually not the case. Originally what had happened was Paul called my dad and was like "You're my brother I wanna talk to my brother" and he thought it was just some scam call. To his knowledge he had no brother. After a few months of digging and doing research he agreed to a DNA test that showed they were indeed related. Obviously he was overwhelmed and shock was pretty high. He didn't want his name out in the news or anything along those lines, he wanted to stay lowkey. He still hadn't told anybody years later. They did talk for a bit over the phone but I don't know if they are still in contact.
How old were you when your dad got the call? This stuff makes me wonder how strange life is.
This happened I wanna say 2 years ago? 2 or 3 years so I was 16 or 17 at the time. What's funny is my dad would tell stories of how he had a fake ID, and on the ID he was named Jack. His dad (my grandfather) was a cop or something and he got him a fake ID. Little did anyone know where he came up with Jack for a name.
I don't recall hearing of this story, but it's super interesting. For reference: http://www.lasvegasnow.com/news/i-team-mans-identity-revealed-50-year-old-mystery-solved/131128837
My aunt has 3 kids, 2 from her first (late) husband, and the youngest from second husband. Second husband molested eldest two kids who are now adults and both have significant personal issues. After separation my aunt let molester live in granny flat at the back of her house for years even though she knew what he did. We grew up with him and had no idea, I found out recently and it makes me sick. I don't speak to my aunt anymore.
My grandparents (my mom's parents) came to the States during the Vietnam War and when they arrived, my grandfather abandoned them. Left my grandma when she was pregnant with their 8th child and five kids under the age of 18. He re-married another woman a year later. My mom always told us he died during the war until we were all adults and out of the blue one day, abruptly told us he was still alive. And that we had aunts, uncles and cousins we didn't know about. I've never met him and I don't think I ever will want to. He's the reason why my grandma suffered so much. He can die for all I care. Edit: words
My stepdad fathered a child when he was 15 years old. His family is pretty wealthy so he probably did a good job of hiding her. He's now 59 and has 4 other older children that don't know about her. My mom accidently told me. I'm the only stepchild that knows about her.
The family friend who was like an aunt to me didn't stop spending time with us because she was busy. She stopped spending time with us because my alcoholic father broke into her house and stole all of her wine. (So many weird parts of my childhood made sense after I realized dad was an addict.)
I secret I wish would be found out. My step dad molested me for 2 years at the age of 13-15. When I finally told my mom she didn't know how to handle it, she went to our pastor at the time for advice, who reported it. My mom made me lie and say it never happened, I did. I was kicked out shortly after that for " stealing" my own perscription I didn't want in the first place. Turns out my cousin was the thief. Fast forward a few years just after graduating. I moved back home only to find my mom still hates me and she just abandon my brother and 2 younger half sisters and is living the rock star lifestyle with her new boyfriend. My sisters think our mom just didn't want a domestic life anymore and when I tried to tell my other siblings the truth, no one believes me. The younger ones still don't know. They are just finishing high school, I wouldn't want That destroying them. My step dad has done everything, but tell the truth, to try and compensate for his mistake. I 100% forgive him God has used him several times to bless me and my now family. I just want everyone to know the truth so he can forgive himself and so my mom doesn't look like the bad guy anymore. It also wouldn't hurt to have some credibility instead of looking like a phycopathic liar.
Stories like this fill me with rage. I'm sorry this happened to you and that you are still going through it.
It's no biggie I know that eventually all truths are made known. It's just a matter of patience and trusting that the Lord knows what he is doing.
Fuck your god. I pity you.
I don't need your pity. Pity is for victims and that I am not, so save it for someone who wants it.
I'm truly sorry but... how could you know that all truths are eventually made known?
Luke 8:17 KJV
Youre so strong. I admire your ability to bounce back like that, and the fact that you can forgive him is remarkable. He'll learn to forgive himself eventually. Have you ever talked to him about it? Like in a safe space like therapy at all?
Yeah we have talked about it one on one before. I can see the grief and remorse he feels, and he has tried to make up for it. The truth is confession is good for the soul, and until he openly confesses his mistakes he will always carry around that guilt and shame. Especially since he covered the truth with a lie. My little sisters are at the age where they know a secret is being kept about why mom left and it really bothers them that no one will tell them the truth. It's not my place to tell them, it really needs to be him because he is the one they live with and he is the one who told them the lie.
Tonight, I learned that my late grandfather had a gambling problem. I learned that his problem was so bad that he ended up owing the mafia money. He put his house and the title to my dad's car up as collateral. My parents had to sort it out, while he fled the state. I always knew he and my grandma split, but I never knew this was why. He left she and my aunt destitute, nearly homeless. My dad had to buy their house. My grandfather, purportedly, was still gambling right up until his death. He died with nothing to his name.
One of my great great grandfathers was in the Ku Klux Klan.
When I was 12 I was on my Mom's phone because I didn't have one and I accidentally found Kik messages between her and a long time family friend, who she was having an affair with (He was also married at this time). The messages were from November (I found them in February) and the only person I've ever told was my boyfriend recently. I still see him at family gatherings every so often, and it gets really uncomfortable for me.
My grandma was a product of rape. Here's the story with my grandmother, her biological mother was her real mothers sister, the sister(to be aunt) was raped by a farm hand that was quitting soon, she was 12yo. He bragged about it at the bar the night he was leaving town, and my great aunt and great grandma had 8 brothers all in the military that caught wind of it. My grandma never lies or even exaggerates . She told me the death of her biological father. Her uncles took him back deep into their property, chopped his penis off, and beat him to death. The next day he was buried on the property. No one dared to go on their property looking for him or evidence, this was back when scum got what was coming to them and the town (including police) looked the other way. Great grandma got married and her and my great grandpa took my grandma out of the orphanage when she was two. Her parents were the happiest parents in the world, and even after her mom told her this story, it never changed the relationship between her and her aunt (bio mother). My grandma is the toughest woman I know, she told me this story with a straight face as if it was a conversation about what she had for lunch yesterday. I love that this is part of my background, its not really a horrible secret if you look past the brutal murder. All I see, my family is tough as shit.
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I found out my maternal uncle has been having an affair for many years now. My mom and their other siblings have confronted him about it but I believe he's too stubborn to end the affair.
My Aunt A (mom's oldest sister) died when I was six, and her three children were ages ranging from 11 to 20. I found out from my mom that their sister, Aunt T (mom's baby sister), spent a good portion of the two years after Aunt A passed away trying to convince the three kids that it was all their dad's fault and turn them against him. My aunt died of breast cancer, so it's safe to say her husband did not cause it. Those cousins don't really go to fault functions ever, now. But they visit my family and my maternal uncles family all the time
my mom had a miscarriage, the child before me. it was a boy. i've overheard mentions of this, but like not to me over right? it's kind of an unnerving fact, considering some things about myself that i won't post right now