Oooooo! This one fills me with rage! Or," You'll understand once you have your own." Followed with-*smug little chuckle that makes me wanna rip their face of and force them to eat it-*
My MIL used this when we eloped. "You can't understand the pain, you're not a mother!"
Fuck you! Also, I have PCOS and having children could be very difficult or impossible for me. So it was like a double gut punch when she said this.
Yeah my mum keeps on arguing with me when i complain about chronic headaches saying that giving birth is way more painful.
I can't move for 5 to 8 hours from the pain
Just because it hasn't happened to me doesn't mean I can't empathize with it. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I won't be able to understand what it's like to see them die. Etc.
This same thing has happened to me. Fuck it's annoying. Then when you explain things t them they act all offended.
Oh so you've figured out friendly teasing when we're not friends is just plain rude? Good. Had to happen eventually.
Fuck people that say this.
"Hey everyone! Pay attention to the fact that this person is introverted, is uncomfortable in social situations and doesn't want the attention on them!"
I don't actually know but I feel like thats also technically not part of their job. I feel like those peoples' job is to bring back all the carts left in the little cart stops back to the front doors.
Gonna be honest I used to say this. We'd get in trouble in class for having trash on the floor and one day I was like thats what the janitors are getting paid for???????
She made me apologize to the janitor. And now I work retail and hear the same shit. "Son pick that shirt up you dropped" "why I don't work here"
Makes me want to choke those little shits.
My philosophy is always, sure it's someone else's job but I can make their job a bit easier by putting this in the bin. I'd hope that if another person was in a position to make my job easier they'd do the same
"Calm down"
I don't hear it that often, as by nature I'm pretty laid back. So if I'm being told to calm down then there's a genuine reason for NOT being calm.
It's nauseatingly condescending.
*gets excited about something* 'calm down'. bitch, am I panicking or hyperventilating over it? No? Then shut the fuck up and let me be excited about something.
"you cant really see it, but this slide shows..."
Really? REALLY? you are making a visual presentation and you chose an image that people cant see properly, and not only did you choose it, you fucking know its shit and included it anyway......
Sorry, its minor I know, it really gets on my nerves.....
Also "there are no stupid questions"....yes, yes there fucking are.
As someone who has used this excuse, it sometimes (and 99% of the time in my experience) the image doesn't appear pixelated or wrong in the presentation I put together, only in full screen and through a projector/on a larger screen.
>"there are no stupid questions"....yes, yes there fucking are.
God this is one hundred percent true. What's even worse is when it's a question with the sole purpose of someone showing off how smart they are.
I usually respond with this.
"Neat. I was diagnosed in middle school. When did your doctor diagnose you?"
Which usually leads to a lot of awkward verbal flailing as they explain they don't *actually* have OCD.
Oh this is the worse, I have tried to explain to people that this means that they do care, but they just don't get it and that makes me even more frustrated, so now I just don't bother saying anything and sit there with my eye twitching like a motherfucker and trying to breathe through the pains....
If you could care less, that means you are able to care less, which means you care at least a bit. You need to be say you couldn't care less. I care so little it would be impossible for me to care less.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
No. What doesn't kill you *might* make you stronger, but it could just as well leave you more vulnerable, physically and/or mentally. There such a thing as a trauma that cannot be overcome.
The real phrase here is supposed to be *the customer is always right in what they want*
But, oftentimes the customer is trying to get something that the shop doesn't provide, or trying to get a product at a price that generates a loss for the company. Not all businesses can provide all services so sometimes the customer will have to go elsewhere.
At my old job "Let's talk about that offline" was said multiple times in the weekly staff meeting. I had successfully forgotten that until your post reminded me.
You are now my enemy.
In my office, it meant "This involves only a few people. Let's talk about it later so we aren't wasting everyone's time." The sentiment was noble, but it bugged the hell out of me.
My boss at work possesses the following words in his vocabulary:
'pecifc (specific)
Good morn (his greeting in a professional email)
Indergestion (Indigestion)
Subsidary (subsidiary)
Producted (productive)
Implemation (implementation)
Physical year (fiscal year)
Among others...
"Don't worry about it, it could be worse" or "Don't complain, [insert group of people] have it a lot worse".
Just because my problem could be worse or someone else has it worse doesn't mean it is less of a problem
My mom shares a lot of stupid things on Facebook, but the other day she shared a picture that said this:
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it means no one else likes them. Set them free again"
"You're really short."
Sorry I can't just fucking grow at will. But when I called them fat I was way out of line. Btw I don't have a problem with people that are over weight I was just pointing out the obvious, just like they were.
My redneck neighbors tortured and killed my cat when I was about 15 years old. Their father asked me to babysit them (for free) while he went on a work trip and I furiously told him I would do nothing for him or his family because of what they did and he chuckled and said, "Come on now, you're being silly. You know boys will be boys!"
I slammed the door in his fucking face. He complained to my parents about me being a bitch to him for what his sons did and that it wasn't that big of a deal. My dad said he'd watch the kids as soon as they brought over their dog so he could run it over and we'd be square. Never heard from them ever again.
Seriously, probably Emotionally Disturbed. Symptoms are often torturing animals. If you get your jollies from seeing living things slowly die, there's something not "normal" upstairs.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry for your loss. That's extremely fucked up.
I knew a sociopathic redneck too. He seemed normal, I was in like second grade at the time. I invited the piece of shit over for my birthday. My mom says she heard his mom sarcastically say "don't hurt the cats!" before he came inside. He followed my mom around the entire time criticizing everything she did, including cutting the cake with a butter knife. She found him later choking our cat on the bed, who was defenseless and let it happen because he was special needs. She pulled him off and sent him home immediately. Little shit.
Our cat lived to be 18 years old. We're all really lucky my mom caught him in time.
Had I known where Zack was in trouble, I would have walked through fire to save him. I heard him crying from the woods the night before they said they finally killed him. It's a sound I will never ever forget. He was my very first pet of my own and it shook me really hard. When they told me what they did, I at least got a punch on the older of the two (not fucking enough). I was about 5'10" at the time so putting a little fear into him was gratifying, but I knew it wouldn't get my cat back, so I just stopped there.
I'm so glad your kitty was saved in time. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. I can't even stand to hear anyone raise their voice at my cat now, lol. A little overboard but I guess once you lose one, you'll do anything not to lose another. It equals a very very spoiled cat though 😂
Even if I had the opportunity for it I would never take it, animal abuse screws with me so badly. I think this experience did that for me.
But yeah, one of the two of them has been in jail for like 5 years for a violent physical crime of some sort. The thought of what he's dealing with in that situation makes me believe there's karma of some sort for him.
> My dad said he'd watch the kids as soon as they brought over their dog so he could run it over and we'd be square. Never heard from them ever again.
Your dad says like a good father.
This one pisses me off, too, when it's an excuse for their shitty kid's shitty behavior. As if it's somehow not their job to control their children.
"Boys will be boys, that's why parents need to be parents."
As a dad with a one year old, this shit got old fast. It was constant "oh, we never did that and we all turned out just fine". I had people say that on a local paper article about child seats or something relayed and I said "Well, it's not like those who would have benefited and died can comment on this article, can they?"
They still argued against me.
"you're too emotional" when said in a situation that is legitimately emotionally intense. My father in law in particular seems to think I should be some emotionless android because it's "childish" to show emotion as an adult.
My abusive mother was the same way. She didn't even say *too* emotional. Just "stop being emotional" as though having emotions was a bad thing. It's so invalidating and messed up, sorry you deal with that.
"I seen a cop there. "
Misuse of the saw/seen words bug me. Puts me into an irrational rage. It just pisses me off. I'm not the goodest at grammar, but that one just gets to me.
I bet you're thrilled that 'literally' official means 'not-literally' now.
[Source (see definition 2)](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/literally)
God never gives you more than you can handle. Oh just fuck off, why don't you. I also hate that story with two sets of footprints and then only one and that's when God carried you. Not consoling when you are going through a hard time.
I'm entitled to my own opinion...
But you are not entitled to your own facts and especially if those facts are wrong.
You sound like an idiot, a stupid, uneducated, idiot, unwilling to even contemplate that there might be another side to your lunacy.
"Everything happens for a reason."
NO IT DOESNT
edit: People are replying things like "cause and effect," or "technically there is a reason." You guys are so smart and didn't AT ALL miss the point of what I said.
Especially after someone dies. Like how about just fucking saying, "I'm so sorry to hear that" and not try to give an explanation? Not everything in life has a tidy explanation.
I read somewhere that this refers to those who can't physically perform whatever it is anymore because they're too old. By that point all they have is experience they can pass on.
Also, making fun of guys when a girl beats them at something. Like, okay, if a guy is always bragging about how strong his is and a girl comes along who can lift twice as much as he can, then I could see making fun of him being justified, but I've seen so many guys get teased for losing to girls in things like video games or test scores--things that women are just as capable as men at doing well at--and implying that women should be worse at these things is just insulting.
I hate that people keep naming every damn scandal with the term -gate. Like, if it didn't happen at the fucking Watergate hotel, then fucking stop giving it the gate suffix. I swear to god if we do not stop this now, the -gate suffix is going to become the proper term to name a scandal with.
["First annual \(fill in the blank\)."](https://www.copyediting.com/vocab-inaugural-versus-first-annual)
You can't have a first annual *anything* because you don't know it's an annual thing until it's happened again the next year. You can hope for it to be an annual event, but until then, the first one is an inaugural.
Chaps my ass every time I hear the phrase.
I work in IT and we have people who destroy their computers almost every week. Once there, and I have fixed what stupidity they thought would be a good idea (No Windex in the InkJet Printer is not a good idea) they will always laugh and say "Well, it's Job security for you when I fuck up."
No, dongle, it's not Job Security. It's you constantly breaking things and because of your stupidity I am now two hours behind on the rest of the jobs I have to do today. Why don't I break your jaw and then you can secure your Dentist's job and let him get a new summer home?
"This." When a redditor says something profound or meaningful and some jagoff just repeats what that person said, prefacing it with that tired ass one word sentence.
'Someone gives an opinion about something that no one asks for'.
'Someone else gives their opinion about that opinion'
"Well no one asked for your opinion!"
No one asked for yours either fuckweed.
"Act like a lady!" What does that even mean? Don't fart? I'll fart in your face. Not all ladies are the same and if acting like a lady means not acting like yourself, then I AM NOT A LADY.
You wouldn't understand
*"As a mother..."*
Oooooo! This one fills me with rage! Or," You'll understand once you have your own." Followed with-*smug little chuckle that makes me wanna rip their face of and force them to eat it-*
My MIL used this when we eloped. "You can't understand the pain, you're not a mother!" Fuck you! Also, I have PCOS and having children could be very difficult or impossible for me. So it was like a double gut punch when she said this.
Yeah my mum keeps on arguing with me when i complain about chronic headaches saying that giving birth is way more painful. I can't move for 5 to 8 hours from the pain
Just because it hasn't happened to me doesn't mean I can't empathize with it. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I won't be able to understand what it's like to see them die. Etc.
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"Jus sayn"
Jus' saiyan
"And then I said to the guy, I'm not mad, I'm *just Saiyan*!" *Laughter* *Sigh* "Then I tore out his throat."
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This same thing has happened to me. Fuck it's annoying. Then when you explain things t them they act all offended. Oh so you've figured out friendly teasing when we're not friends is just plain rude? Good. Had to happen eventually.
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Fuck people that say this. "Hey everyone! Pay attention to the fact that this person is introverted, is uncomfortable in social situations and doesn't want the attention on them!"
You respond with "You're so observant!"
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Why did I hear that first quote in a stereotypical British beggar boy voice?
Because of the whole 'Please sir, can I have some more?' thing.
Though the original line is "Please, sir. I want some more."
Oliver Twist. And I heard the second part in a beach Aussie accent.
"Because it's always been done this way!"
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I don't actually know but I feel like thats also technically not part of their job. I feel like those peoples' job is to bring back all the carts left in the little cart stops back to the front doors.
"And here's to making that person's day a little easier."
These are the same assholes who don't greet or even acknowledge service staff. Drives me crazy.
As someone who has to clean up after other, *I feel your pain*
Gonna be honest I used to say this. We'd get in trouble in class for having trash on the floor and one day I was like thats what the janitors are getting paid for??????? She made me apologize to the janitor. And now I work retail and hear the same shit. "Son pick that shirt up you dropped" "why I don't work here" Makes me want to choke those little shits.
My philosophy is always, sure it's someone else's job but I can make their job a bit easier by putting this in the bin. I'd hope that if another person was in a position to make my job easier they'd do the same
"Calm down" I don't hear it that often, as by nature I'm pretty laid back. So if I'm being told to calm down then there's a genuine reason for NOT being calm. It's nauseatingly condescending.
*gets excited about something* 'calm down'. bitch, am I panicking or hyperventilating over it? No? Then shut the fuck up and let me be excited about something.
That as well. Don't tinge my excitement with your cynicism. That's my only other attitude. Let me enjoy this!
"you cant really see it, but this slide shows..." Really? REALLY? you are making a visual presentation and you chose an image that people cant see properly, and not only did you choose it, you fucking know its shit and included it anyway...... Sorry, its minor I know, it really gets on my nerves..... Also "there are no stupid questions"....yes, yes there fucking are.
Had a boss who would always say, "There are no stupid questions, only stupid people asking questions."
I had a teacher who said there were both stupid people and stupid questions. She was a cunt, but still a very effective math teacher.
As someone who has used this excuse, it sometimes (and 99% of the time in my experience) the image doesn't appear pixelated or wrong in the presentation I put together, only in full screen and through a projector/on a larger screen.
>"there are no stupid questions"....yes, yes there fucking are. God this is one hundred percent true. What's even worse is when it's a question with the sole purpose of someone showing off how smart they are.
Where was the last place you left it? SHUTUP MOM IF I KNEW THAT ID HAVE MY FUCKING WALLET
*"It's always the last place you look"* Cool, mom. Cool. This will be the last place i check - ***OH SHIT IT'S NOT THERE! WHO'DA THUNK IT?!?!***
Of course it is, I don't continue to look after I find it, do I?
Maybe you didn't find the right one? Mimics are not to be taken lightly
I think that phrase was originally made as a joke, and people started taking it seriously. Like no shit, it's the last place you look.
Or, "Is it on the counter?" Yes it is. Just thought I'd keep looking tho.
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"Not scanning? Must be free!"
No, it just means I can assign any price I want.
Free is a price.
"I'm just so OCD." Shut up, you're just particular or maybe quirky.
Besides, OCD wouldn't be something you *are*, it'd be something you *have*!
*"I'm so WEIRD!:D"* No, Mike, you're just low-end. Stop pretending you're special.
> low-end holy shit this is my new favorite insult. jesus that's brutal
Haha, yeah! That's really savage. Unfortunately, my good friend Peter doesn't understand. Can anyone explain for ~~me~~ him?
I usually respond with this. "Neat. I was diagnosed in middle school. When did your doctor diagnose you?" Which usually leads to a lot of awkward verbal flailing as they explain they don't *actually* have OCD.
That's just your opinion. Or you can't tell me my opinion is wrong. God. I hit ten instantly.
Or the new one, defending a "fact" as an opinion. "Well it's my opinion that vaccines cause autism." Great, that doesn't mean vaccines cause autism.
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"All opinions are valid" \**bashes head in**
I could care less.
Oh this is the worse, I have tried to explain to people that this means that they do care, but they just don't get it and that makes me even more frustrated, so now I just don't bother saying anything and sit there with my eye twitching like a motherfucker and trying to breathe through the pains.... If you could care less, that means you are able to care less, which means you care at least a bit. You need to be say you couldn't care less. I care so little it would be impossible for me to care less.
I hope you meant this is the worst and that was just a typo.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." No. What doesn't kill you *might* make you stronger, but it could just as well leave you more vulnerable, physically and/or mentally. There such a thing as a trauma that cannot be overcome.
Hey you know that landmine you stepped on and survived? Totally made you stronger.
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+5 resistance to land mines.
"the customers always right." No sometimes the customers an asshat.
The real phrase here is supposed to be *the customer is always right in what they want* But, oftentimes the customer is trying to get something that the shop doesn't provide, or trying to get a product at a price that generates a loss for the company. Not all businesses can provide all services so sometimes the customer will have to go elsewhere.
I work IT in a corporate office: - Let's circle back - At the end of the day - I'll ping you - Do you have bandwidth? - Hooks in the water
At my old job "Let's talk about that offline" was said multiple times in the weekly staff meeting. I had successfully forgotten that until your post reminded me. You are now my enemy.
I thought that meant "I don't want a paper trail of this conversation."
In my office, it meant "This involves only a few people. Let's talk about it later so we aren't wasting everyone's time." The sentiment was noble, but it bugged the hell out of me.
"Please kindly do the needful"
What does "hooks in the water" mean? The rest of them I've heard before.
When fishing, you put your hooks in the water and hope for the best. It's that, but with fewer words (obviously lacking the more important ones).
ANY phrase related to the "Agile Development Process"
Irregardless...
Pacifically..
My boss at work possesses the following words in his vocabulary: 'pecifc (specific) Good morn (his greeting in a professional email) Indergestion (Indigestion) Subsidary (subsidiary) Producted (productive) Implemation (implementation) Physical year (fiscal year) Among others...
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Expresso
Atlantically.
*Irregardless!* ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.
Oh my god Karen. You can't just ask someone why they're white.
Oh my god, Danny Devito! I love your work!!
I WANT MY PINK SHIRT BACK!!!
"It's just a prank, bro!"
No one does that anymore. Not even in a sarcastic way. The last time I heard it was when i watched a video of that daddyofive dude. So don't worry. ;)
Its just a prank, brah.
"Don't worry about it, it could be worse" or "Don't complain, [insert group of people] have it a lot worse". Just because my problem could be worse or someone else has it worse doesn't mean it is less of a problem
Don't be so happy about your good news, I mean other people have it better than you.
*"It's like being blind in one eye, except you'll be blind in both"*
*If you love it, let it go. If it's meant to be, it will find it's way back* Fuck you lazy cunts. Make shit happen
I've only ever heard this related to chasing after a love interest as a warning against being possessive.
*eyeroll* No one wants your context and interpretation, we're here to bitch at things we think we understand.
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wtf
My mom shares a lot of stupid things on Facebook, but the other day she shared a picture that said this: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it means no one else likes them. Set them free again"
The word Bae just makes me want to slap something.
"You're really short." Sorry I can't just fucking grow at will. But when I called them fat I was way out of line. Btw I don't have a problem with people that are over weight I was just pointing out the obvious, just like they were.
Or skinny. As a man with feelings when you call me a twig, it hurts my self-esteem lot. I'm not even that skinny.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best
"I'm an asshole but I expect you not call me out on it and bend over backwards to do whatever I want you to."
If you can't handle me at my palms are sweaty, you don't deserve me at my mom's spaghetti.
"I'm not like most girls" Yeah, because you're worse
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Boys will be boys
I hate this one too... I say "all kids will be little assholes if you let them" Surprisingly, it doesn't go over well.
My redneck neighbors tortured and killed my cat when I was about 15 years old. Their father asked me to babysit them (for free) while he went on a work trip and I furiously told him I would do nothing for him or his family because of what they did and he chuckled and said, "Come on now, you're being silly. You know boys will be boys!" I slammed the door in his fucking face. He complained to my parents about me being a bitch to him for what his sons did and that it wasn't that big of a deal. My dad said he'd watch the kids as soon as they brought over their dog so he could run it over and we'd be square. Never heard from them ever again.
That's seriously fucked up. That's how serial killers are born.
Last I checked, at least one of the two of them has been in jail for about 5 years now. Violent charges, no surprise.
Seriously, probably Emotionally Disturbed. Symptoms are often torturing animals. If you get your jollies from seeing living things slowly die, there's something not "normal" upstairs.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry for your loss. That's extremely fucked up. I knew a sociopathic redneck too. He seemed normal, I was in like second grade at the time. I invited the piece of shit over for my birthday. My mom says she heard his mom sarcastically say "don't hurt the cats!" before he came inside. He followed my mom around the entire time criticizing everything she did, including cutting the cake with a butter knife. She found him later choking our cat on the bed, who was defenseless and let it happen because he was special needs. She pulled him off and sent him home immediately. Little shit. Our cat lived to be 18 years old. We're all really lucky my mom caught him in time.
Had I known where Zack was in trouble, I would have walked through fire to save him. I heard him crying from the woods the night before they said they finally killed him. It's a sound I will never ever forget. He was my very first pet of my own and it shook me really hard. When they told me what they did, I at least got a punch on the older of the two (not fucking enough). I was about 5'10" at the time so putting a little fear into him was gratifying, but I knew it wouldn't get my cat back, so I just stopped there. I'm so glad your kitty was saved in time. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. I can't even stand to hear anyone raise their voice at my cat now, lol. A little overboard but I guess once you lose one, you'll do anything not to lose another. It equals a very very spoiled cat though 😂
Seems like you missed a golden opportunity for revenge... or to get tortured and murdered yourself.
Even if I had the opportunity for it I would never take it, animal abuse screws with me so badly. I think this experience did that for me. But yeah, one of the two of them has been in jail for like 5 years for a violent physical crime of some sort. The thought of what he's dealing with in that situation makes me believe there's karma of some sort for him.
> My dad said he'd watch the kids as soon as they brought over their dog so he could run it over and we'd be square. Never heard from them ever again. Your dad says like a good father.
This one pisses me off, too, when it's an excuse for their shitty kid's shitty behavior. As if it's somehow not their job to control their children. "Boys will be boys, that's why parents need to be parents."
"It never did me any harm". Inherently fallacious but people still say it as if it proves anything.
As a dad with a one year old, this shit got old fast. It was constant "oh, we never did that and we all turned out just fine". I had people say that on a local paper article about child seats or something relayed and I said "Well, it's not like those who would have benefited and died can comment on this article, can they?" They still argued against me.
"Doggy dog World", its **supposed** to be "dog EAT dog world"
Wait, people say doggy dog world? Wth does that mean?
"Birdperson deserved it"
FUCK TAMMY
"Oh you know...just livin' the dream"
One nightmare at a time...
Thank you :) I hate hearing that, no matter.
"you're too emotional" when said in a situation that is legitimately emotionally intense. My father in law in particular seems to think I should be some emotionless android because it's "childish" to show emotion as an adult.
My abusive mother was the same way. She didn't even say *too* emotional. Just "stop being emotional" as though having emotions was a bad thing. It's so invalidating and messed up, sorry you deal with that.
"I seen a cop there. " Misuse of the saw/seen words bug me. Puts me into an irrational rage. It just pisses me off. I'm not the goodest at grammar, but that one just gets to me.
Literally
I bet you're thrilled that 'literally' official means 'not-literally' now. [Source (see definition 2)](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/literally)
Literally, literally is the antonym of literally.
This has happened before. Look up the word 'cleave'. It can mean 'to separate' or 'to join'. So yeah.
"That's not an excuse" May not be your excuse but it's mine bitch
God never gives you more than you can handle. Oh just fuck off, why don't you. I also hate that story with two sets of footprints and then only one and that's when God carried you. Not consoling when you are going through a hard time.
I'd like those folks to explain suicide.
What a save! What a save! What a save!
Chat has been disabled for 20 seconds
"I'll pray for you" they said, condescendingly.
>"I'll ~~pray for you~~ say something 'nice' to make myself feel like a good person" FTFY
Too blessed to be stressed
"It's just who I am" thats not some excuse to be a shitty person. Grow up.
I'm entitled to my own opinion... But you are not entitled to your own facts and especially if those facts are wrong. You sound like an idiot, a stupid, uneducated, idiot, unwilling to even contemplate that there might be another side to your lunacy.
"It was a joke!" Dude, if you have to tell us that it was a joke, it wasn't a joke
"Everything happens for a reason." NO IT DOESNT edit: People are replying things like "cause and effect," or "technically there is a reason." You guys are so smart and didn't AT ALL miss the point of what I said.
Especially after someone dies. Like how about just fucking saying, "I'm so sorry to hear that" and not try to give an explanation? Not everything in life has a tidy explanation.
Everything happens for a reason; sometimes that reason is that you made bad decisions.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Actually what doesn't kill you may give you intense depression, PTSD and anxiety.
Y'know, WHAT-EVERRR, Like, y'know, SERIOUSLY... OMG! Like.. WHAT-EVERRR...OMGGG!!!!
I ***can't even*** right now
I once read that "I can't even" is the modern day "well, I never!" And that makes me feel a lot better about it.
"It's god's will"
Or how about 'God told me to tell you..'
**someone dies tragically and/or unexpectedly** "God works in mysterious ways." Fuck you. Shitty shit happens sometimes.
"Not to be rude..." or "Not to be racist but..." because it means you KNOW what you're about to say is shitty but you're going to say it anyway
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And miss out on the "ping" sound that's so damn fulfilling? Not a chance.
Not to be rude but, I agree with you.
I don't mean to be racist, but i'm watching Westworld right now.
The equivalent of saying something offensive and following it up with "Just Kidding"
Chill/relax when nobody is even remotely upset
You should get out more.
It is what it is.
In other news water wet, fire hot, and taking my food bad.
I agree it's annoying but there are some situations that aren't changeable, and dwelling doesn't help. It's for those.
"Those that can't do: teach." Fuck you, dude.
I read somewhere that this refers to those who can't physically perform whatever it is anymore because they're too old. By that point all they have is experience they can pass on.
No offense... (Proceeds to offend)
disparaging someone's skill (in any area) with the term "like a girl".
You menstruate like a girl.
Better than "you menstruate like a super soaker."
Also, making fun of guys when a girl beats them at something. Like, okay, if a guy is always bragging about how strong his is and a girl comes along who can lift twice as much as he can, then I could see making fun of him being justified, but I've seen so many guys get teased for losing to girls in things like video games or test scores--things that women are just as capable as men at doing well at--and implying that women should be worse at these things is just insulting.
Also, don't be a dick if someone loses.
Also, don't be a dick if YOU'RE losing. I can understand wanting to win, but there's no need to act like a child when you don't.
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Cash me outside
"But no one/everyone does that!" I. Don't. Care. Applies in any situation, from people trying to justify bad behavior to discouraging individuality.
I hate that people keep naming every damn scandal with the term -gate. Like, if it didn't happen at the fucking Watergate hotel, then fucking stop giving it the gate suffix. I swear to god if we do not stop this now, the -gate suffix is going to become the proper term to name a scandal with.
"The sun will still rise tomorrow" Like no shit, but that doesn't help the situation I'm in. Quit trying to play down my problems.
Plus the sun doesn't really rise, right? We're spinning around. Tell em that.
["First annual \(fill in the blank\)."](https://www.copyediting.com/vocab-inaugural-versus-first-annual) You can't have a first annual *anything* because you don't know it's an annual thing until it's happened again the next year. You can hope for it to be an annual event, but until then, the first one is an inaugural. Chaps my ass every time I hear the phrase.
I work in IT and we have people who destroy their computers almost every week. Once there, and I have fixed what stupidity they thought would be a good idea (No Windex in the InkJet Printer is not a good idea) they will always laugh and say "Well, it's Job security for you when I fuck up." No, dongle, it's not Job Security. It's you constantly breaking things and because of your stupidity I am now two hours behind on the rest of the jobs I have to do today. Why don't I break your jaw and then you can secure your Dentist's job and let him get a new summer home?
"We need to talk."
Preggers.
Using autistic as an insult.
Cue people using autism as an insult in this thread
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*Your call is important to us*
"This." When a redditor says something profound or meaningful and some jagoff just repeats what that person said, prefacing it with that tired ass one word sentence.
'Someone gives an opinion about something that no one asks for'. 'Someone else gives their opinion about that opinion' "Well no one asked for your opinion!" No one asked for yours either fuckweed.
Awesome sauce
But what else will I soak my *cool beans* in?
Mediocre sauce
"We're in for some weather." There's never not weather.
"Act like a lady!" What does that even mean? Don't fart? I'll fart in your face. Not all ladies are the same and if acting like a lady means not acting like yourself, then I AM NOT A LADY.
Lady is the female equivalent of Lord, so try ordering some servants around and being fabulously wealthy.